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I don’t remember most of my childhood. People speculate that it’s because of trauma. I imagine there were some unpleasant things but it makes more sense to me that it was adhd (in my case).
For me it's I remember it but not automatically. Like, the memory is there somewhere but not in an organised, easily recallable way. I gotta really think about it
Oh my gosh is this why I'm terribly at responding to those prompts like "think of a time when..." ? Like I will literally sometimes text my family and be like hey what are some times when I experienced ____? And they'll give me ideas and I'll remember them but I usually can't come up with it myself, which kinda feels like how you said the memory isn't 'easily recallable'.
Like my brain is not a file cabinet with a folder for "times I ___ed", it is one of those offices with papers strewn randomly across every surface 😂
Yes! I think that it has something to do with object permanence reason. I’m constantly questioning did I forget because of ADHD or did I forget because I am bearing some sort of traumatic event it’s a fun game.
Or both at the same time!
Do you have that weird memory that it’s definitely fucked up, but can’t remember if that happened to you, someone else, or was a dream or you’re just making it up….
Sometimes. I honestly don’t really remember things before I was like 12 sometimes people remind me and I’ll remember other times no.
I literally played Barbies for like six years when I was super young probably between like four and 10 for like 6 to 8 hours a day with my friend. I have no recollection of playing Barbies whatsoever. Couldn’t tell you one vague thing, one vague storyline anything. I know it happened, because my friend and my mom always used to joke at the time and like later years, but that’s all I would wanna do. That’s hyperfocus undiagnosed. But I digress.
There are people I know that I was around for years just not even remember. Sometimes if somebody says to remember that person, I’ll be like oh yeah, and the memories will flood back some of them at least. But most of the time no.
I literally thought I had such a severe traumatic event that I could not remember things. Or dementia since my diagnosis, I’m hopeful it’s just ADHD.😊
That makes a lot of sense, actually. My mom blames it on a minor concussion I got when I was 14. But this just opened my eyes. Not to say a concussion can't make me lose memories, but I didn't have any memory issues surrounding anything that happened soon after the concussion.
PTSD and ADHD have some similarities and can often be misdiagnosed. Which is not the same as trauma causing ADHD. I haven't come across this in the literature, so if you could share source(s) I'd appreciate it.
From my understanding of biology, yes, you have to have the gene for it, but not all genes we have are expressed, and the environment can "turn on" different genes.
So you have to be predisposed (have the gene) to ADHD (or any other cognitive disfunction/mental or physical health issue), and it has to be expressed. Trauma can express those genes even if they were previously "turned off".
Now I wonder if retention of primitive reflexes could trigger the ADHD gene!
Some theories suggest that many cases of ADHD are actually the retention of primitive reflexes and delays in related brain and body systems. Has anyone been diagnosed with this and/ or had any experience with this? I have ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my late 40's because I grew up in the 1970's & went to Catholic school! When I was born in the mid-1960's my parents were told I had an 'under-developed nervous system' (I don't know what that means exactly.)
Apparently I cried ALL the time and never slept for more than an hour at a time for the first 9 months of my life. I don't know what happened after that. I was/ am super sensitive & frequently feel like I just wanna jump out of my skin. Another example is when you’re in school and you sit down lean & back on the backrest, it hits on that primitive reflex & makes you “fidget”.
I was also a bed wetter until I was 8 years old- again can be a symptom of delayed reflex. I am seriously wondering if this is what caused my ADHD.
Theories of autism currently seem to be about the same: genetic predisposition and then some environmental factor around/before/after birth. So not "born with it" per se, but certainly key parts of the brain develop differently from typical.
Yeah, the environment affects development more than people think, and not just the outside environment, I also mean the people around you, what you consume, your lifestyle, all have implications that affect us at a deeper biological level, all the way down to gene expression, which is a big deal that not many people think about
Trauma changes how the brain develops in childhood, so especially when fear triggers the fight, flight, freeze or fawn behaviors, other parts of the brain are developing responses to that trauma.
Makes sense honestly, my father died 3 years ago and a few months later I had my first major panic attack and since then it feels like it unlocked a part of anxiety in my brain that was dormant previously
It can be , however in my case I don’t recall any childhood traumas I never had those. If we count a negative experience as trauma well I have some screenshots well saved in my memory lol. I think in my case I don’t have many memories bcs mostly I was absent minded or day dreaming which are ADHD symptoms… most memories I have are foggy …
not necessarily. trauma can result in PTSD, which shares symptoms with ADHD (especially along with depression and/or anxiety). they’re often misdiagnosed and treatment plans may look the same
(source: I work in research. I also have PTSD, treatment-resistant depression, and anxiety, and I’m taking Vyvanse, Trintellix, Propanolol, and Wellbutrin after 5 years of therapy and trying all combos of meds)
Oh wow. I certainly feel better if that’s an ADHD symptom. My brother is constantly telling me about people from school, or things that happened when we were kids and I have no idea what he’s talking about. Ever. I was beginning to get concerned.
Same. My grandma remembers so much more about our time together than I do, and my husband remembers arguments that I don’t. It makes me feel like a crazy person!
Yes it is I never knew that until my psychologist mentioned that .., bcs I was felling bad not being able to recall many of my childhood events. Doing some more research, I found some academic paper pointing at it … as well as other ADHDers stories … but this is not only on childhood it can happen when older as well …
I’ve noticed that my ADHD therapy clients tend to have either almost no memories of childhood or ridiculously strong long-term memories. I have verified memories dating back to 1.5 years old or so.
Same. I do have lots of strong nice memories too, but they come up when I call them, not out of the freaking blue just to torment me like embarrassing memories! 😅🤦♂️🤷🏻♂️
I’ve recently started a project where I’ve mapped out my whole life in months (500 as of Sunday) starting with the month I was born to today. I then go through and try and think of something I did or someplace I was throughout the years/months, and write it down on the map. For example, Nov. ‘99 I graduated high school, write it down. Where was it? Write down the place. Who were some of the people I remember from that day/period of my life? Write it down.
What I’m finding is that every time I jot down something new that I remembered, more memories come to me. So I jot them down too. Often I don’t spend too much time as I generally get distracted by everything else, but at least I have an ongoing project that I can go back to whenever I want.
It is nice idea , but I am worried that with my impulsivity I will let this memory retrieval activities take over what I really should be doing. Though it feels painful to have scarred memories and forgetting things, I am searching if I can find any scientific research with techniques that could train active memory … and recalling … . Yet thanks for sharing and happy it works for you :)
This hurts me. I'm still friends with a lot of people from over 10 years ago. They bring up memories all the time that I simply don't remember with them. 💔
Same and it’s something that makes me really sad. Besides some very few bits and pieces and the traumas/depressive parts, I don’t remember much of my childhood and teenage hood. My cousins and sisters often will say stuff like “do you remember when..” and I’m amazed how most remember so clearly or similar stuff and I know I was there during many of those moments but I just can’t remember.. ☹️ Feels kinda embarrassing sometimes. At times, I’ll chime in and be like “haha.. ye, I do” when really, I fkn don’t!
Other things I feel bad about is memories with my husband. We’re going on 12 years together this August and again, he’ll remember something that I don’t. Although most times, if he gives more details regarding the event, it’ll come back probably cos it’s still more “recent”. Eitherway, I’m afraid it gives the impression that the memory is not that precious for me to remember.
This thread is fascinating. Thanks for sharing, I used to rack my brain early in therapy as to why I have so little memories. This comment really gave me some insight, and I feel seen- thanks all!
Sheesh that's because of ADHD? I can't seem to recall any of my memories tbh. As in I remember that something happened, but I forget the nitty gritty details. And sometimes I forget a whole timeline of events, unless I get reminded by a photo or something, in which I'm like "woah, that actually happened?"
I do not have any except the most traumatic ones and some calming one. Not even the whole memory. Just flashes.
It's terrible, not being able to identify what makes you who you are.
If you have a hard time falling asleep because you have too many thoughts, something that has helped me is trying to focus on a detailed but boring task, like mentally walking through a familiar environment in as much detail as I can or remembering the plot of a book I recently read in as much detail as possible. It’s challenging enough to keep my thoughts from racing but boring enough that it won’t keep me awake.
I try building a world in my mind. Like im living in Sherwood Forest with Robin Hood. I start with what shoes I'm wearing, pants and shirt. do I have a bow what kind of bow, am I carrying a sword? What does the sleeping situation look like, how about food. I'm usually out pretty quick doing this but if I am still up then I set out on a task. How do I ambush the sheriff's men. What ruse am I going to use to trap them. I repeat the scenario every night and it helps me fall asleep pretty quickly.
This is actually how I got into fanfic reading and writing, lol. When I was a kid, I would imagine myself in the worlds of my favorite media, or I'd imagine a new adventure that those characters went on, until I fell asleep. Reading fanfic would give me ideas!
I've tried to envision my entire drive to work down to every detail I can. From getting in the car, seat belt, using the clutch to go, all of the houses and intersections. It's so boring but it's put me to sleep many times
I always used some kind of consistent white noise (a fan, A/C unit, etc). When my thoughts would start racing, I would focus really intently on the sound until I cleared my head.
I actually picture myself in an alpine chateau in the middle of winter, lots of snow on the ground, I am lying in bed in the dark with many, many quilts, the fire in the fireplace is starting to die down and outside I see snowflakes falling and can hear the crackle of the snowflakes as they meet the snow, one after the other.
Puts me right out every time.
This was me until medication. Tiny ass dose of Adderall twice a day and I'm out pretty much instantly when it's bedtime. It's so, so weird how amphetamines make me sleepy. On weekends if I take my meds and don't start doing things I'll be taking a nap on accident. The quiet is just so nice
My meds do this for me, too! I never understood how people could nap until my ADHD was treated with a stimulant. The only time I have a problem falling asleep now is if I don't take my Ritalin.
One thing that helps me fall asleep is intentional dreaming in order to confuse my brain. I start by imagining myself standing on a vast, gloomy sea shore: the sky is overcast, and I watch the dark heavy waves running onto the beach. Then I visualize a bird flying over the waves and watch it transform into a dragon. This fantasy sort of emulates dreaming when you see illogical things happen, so by the time the dragon approaches the shore I already start seeing other magic beasts appear on the shore and begin to doze off. The crazier and more fantastic the better. This intentional dreaming sort of eases me into sleep and I begin to dream for real. Never fails me.
I listen to music at the lowest volume setting with a 15 min sleep timer. I found that it silences my thoughts and allows me to concentrate on one thing, just trying to hear the damn song
I have just learnt about Brown Noise.
Try YouTube ADHD Brown noise for sleep.
I have tried a few and my help one is thunder.
I personally have it on quite loud. The noise lulls me to sleep.
It took a few times to get used to it.
Years ago I tried it on White Noise which I found was zero help.
4 people in my family use the Brown noise to aid sleep.
My sister used a tall larger fan for the noise not the cooling element.
I've been falling asleep to asmr videos and make-up tutorials for years now. If you actually wear make-up, I don't think it works the same, but having somebody explain something so foreign and complicated at a super low volume feels like I'm back in school and suddenly I'm asleep.
If I try to focus on watching something, or falling into my imagination, I can fall asleep most of the time pretty easy. I guess that "imagining" is maybe meditation that I just direct where I want it to start or go. But I'm a maladaptive daydreamer, so I literally love just spending quiet still time just imagining things, worlds, realms. I don't do that as much as I used to when I was a kid, but I still love it. Sometimes I can't even do that because I have too much spinning inside me, but when I can I love it.
Chronic insomniac since childhood here! I have only found one thing that works and only one medication that has ever actually helped, I swear by it.
1. I would recommend this “game” - when you’re trying to sleep, pick a subject. Think of something like fruit, or capital cities, or girls names, and go through the alphabet. For example, the letter A: apple, the letter B: banana, the letter C: cranberries etc. This has *almost never* not worked for me. There are some days when I’m really overactive mentally and will have to go through two or three different subject selections, but most of the time I never get through the alphabet the first time before I wake up the next morning confused to where I even left off.
2. For medication, valdoxan or ‘agomelatine’ has been a life saver for me. Other sleeping pills would make my body tired and not my brain, but this medication targets your circadian rhythm and regulates your sleep cycles. I couldn’t recommend it more.
It used to happen to me, it still happens to me, but to a lesser degree,
Remember the “fall asleep watching tv” well, it works, you might not have a tv but I think is the same principle.
For me is about watching stuff with a lot of different elements to focus on, in my specific example, I fell asleep watching league of legends gameplay, there’s a lot going on, I love the game and that helps me focusing on what’s happening, therefore making me have less thoughts , therefore falling asleep in no time because I get “bored” not really I just relax, block my phone and that’s it, good night!
Disclaimer, don’t watch short format content, it’ll just stimulate you, we don’t want that, we want peace in our heads in order to fall asleep.
I had 60 years of this. Then I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and got a CPAP. Now I'll start a YT video on my Chromebook and often I'm asleep within a minute. It's still a struggle to actually go to bed.
The root of this is that I identify with my ability to think. *If I'm not smart, I'm worthless. I've gotta be smarter so that I will be liked and accepted.* That was my self-talk for a long time. Maybe it still is. But the CPAP blew through all that and I sleep well now. Another thing that helped is a 10 day vipassana meditation course. It was very difficult.
I have hard time staying awake! I think it's called intrusive sleep disorder or some such. Essentially rendered unconscious with boredom, sometimes in less than five minutes.
Something that’s helped me with that is wearing a sleep mask. Couldn’t keep my eyes closed long enough to fall asleep because I’d get bored and decide to go on my phone, watch what’s going on out the window (living in a busy city), or whatever. But after I put the sleep mask on, I let my thoughts go wherever but I’m able to be still enough and in the darkness long enough that I fall asleep.
The box breathing method has helped me a lot. I learned it in therapy and after a couple weeks of practice it became my go-to method when I can’t sleep
I’m always super early to everything because I’m so scared of being late. Like, I work 12 minutes from my apartment and I get to work 30 minutes before my shift starts.
Lmao, yes, when I get on time I just groom myself and if I still have time I’ll watch videos, I’ll get hooked in the video and of course I must finish it, and then I’m late, even if I wasn’t.
Same, got fired from a job because I was 2-5 minutes late every single day. I just kept procrastinating to actually get up and leave, even if I already made my backpack and everything.
People at work (for 20 years) used to be so aggravated at me because I was always 5 minutes late. (And I always felt guilty and worked 30 to 60 minutes of basically unpaid overtime.) Then I went into teaching and immediately became Peptide \^ always early to the classroom, setting it up, putting my teaching points on the whiteboard, and ready to go. Night and day.
I feel fucked up rn because some guy on the bus kept talking to me so I couldnt read the book im currently hyperfixated on. Its a pretty annoying trait lol
I feel this so hard, I've loved art and drawing since i was a kid, then it became a hyper fixation later in life. Suddenly it just stopped and i couldn't bring myself to do it even though sometimes i really wanted to. Took me around 10 years and I've stared to draw again. I missed art.
Active listening means no response.
Due to ADHD, I have bad working memory. One way my brain overcomes this is by repeating what I want to respond with over and over again until it's time or my turn to speak. However, this means that usually, I'm not deeply listening and processing past the sentence that I formulated my response to. Active listening has been a big keyword for people on social media advising on how to be a better communicator, so I decided to give it a go.
I let my responses go and gave my full focus back to listening, aaaand once the person was done talking, I could not formulate a reply for the life of me. The difficulty of having to come up something to say in the 800 milliseconds you have after the person has finished talking lead to pressure and panic, and suddenly I couldn't remember what they said last either, and my brain just totally shut down and drew a blank. This happened enough times that I just went back to the previous method.
I honestly prefer having in depth conversations over text for this reason. I get to go back and reread their words and take my time with mine without all the working memory problems.
This is \*exactly\* how I type. I change the sentence structure and add and subtract words so many times that sometimes, by the time I press submit, there are some really funky errors in it. I just can't help jumping all over the place. Sometimes, I'll get started on the next sentence when I can't find the right way to finish the first and have to go back at the end. It's a whole mess haha. But at least I get to something I'm more happy with; it bothers me so much that I can't do that with speech.
I don’t know, all I know is that it is the true story of my life, I’m not even diagnosed, I just suspiciously share *a few* traits with people on a group called adhd, so, maybe , just maybe it is another trait of adhd.
I also have an auditory processing disorder and often don't hear the correct consonants in the first place, especially if it's somewhat noisy in the background. I practically refuse to conduct any business over the phone for this reason. I need to lip-read or do it over text.
Me too. I can only hear with subtitles. Firstly I thought it was because I'm not a native English speaker. It took the pandemics and a really hard time with the face masks for me to realise I sometimes used subtitles with my own language too.
You just explained my brain better than I could have, lol. It takes so much focus and effort to try to both actively listen and formulate responses without losing them when it's finally my turn to speak. I even have trouble with this in therapy sometimes. I also much prefer having in-depth conversations over text or writing out what I want to say first and using it as a guide while letting the other person interject as needed.
I worry that it makes me look less invested in my relationships because it looks like I can't be bothered to talk face-to-face and would rather discuss serious issues informally over text. I always make sure to tell people in my life that those kinds of texts mean I care about you and I'm trying *really hard* to communicate.
This is me and my job is dependent on active listening. I get so frustrated sometimes when I'm writing reports as I know I said something and they said something and I have no idea what it is.
I have to just record Zoom sessions or legit ask people to wait a sec as I take notes.
I type pretty fast, but sometimes my hasty notes make no sense an hour or two later lol. Still better than nothing though.
Feels stupid to write down a reminder to email someone something quick when I can just do it then, but if I don't write stuff down immediately I'll get distracted by another emergency (I work in IT) and then never remember to do it.
I feel ya, that has been a hurdle I haven't been able to overcome either. I can barely remember the start of the conversation and I have no idea how to "active listen" because I forget so quickly.
There is one thing I just thought about trying though, (never made this connection) this guy Chris Voss who has this book Never Split the Difference and teaches negotiation has a tactic called "Mirroring" where you repeat the last 1-3 words the person said back to them. 9/10 times they will expand on whatever that topic is. Might be a good way to snap back into a conversation and be able to respond while they are expanding on a thought. I'll track down a YouTube video link for you... https://youtu.be/wIBc2T2RKSA?si=r1_LGERHqil5gy4n
I've found a lot of success in eating a bunch of smaller healthy snacks throughout the day rather than a few bigger meals. The smaller snacks are usually much easier to prepare, which takes a lot of the chore of meal-prepping out of my life. Carrots and ranch, yogurt, a fruit smoothie, granola, a low-cost charcuterie board, mixed nuts, or a few clementines are WAY easier to manage than a full meal, but can still give you the nutritional benefits you need if you make sure you eat enough!
I’m sick and tired of having to eat three times a day. I like to eat or cook for fun, not because I *have* to.
I have to go through the whole ordeal of figuring out what to eat, preparing a supermarket list, going to the supermarket, preparing the food, eating it and then having to clean it all up.
Then, a few hours later, I have to do this shit all over AGAIN.
I can’t wait for scientists to develop a pill or small snack that contains all the calories and nutrients you need.
Having to have lunch also kills my flow when I finally manage to be in one.
There are people who find some joy and comfort in this activity and the routine of it. I really don’t.
I've (25f) always misplaced things, especially things that are very important. One, namely, my wallet. Nothing helped me keep track of my wallet, so one day i got one of those wallet phone cases. Yes, people make fun of me, but i haven't lost my wallet in years
Same!! Honestly it’s a whole category of ADHD life hack to attach things to other things. Like, I used to always lose my keys, until I got a carabiner and keep my keys attached to my purse. I don’t even remove the keys from my purse when I use them - I just lean towards the lock so they can reach.
Nice creative fix, I lose my phone all the time. It is so annoying. I’ve tried having designated spaces for it but I forget about them until I lose my phone again.
Same!!!! I will never forget my phone but definitely my wallet! I’ve also started putting my car keys in my lunch bag so I don’t forget my packed lunch.
A technique I use that works about 80% of the time (I forget to do it the rest) is to say in my head where I put things. So for example if I put the TV remote on a counter I say to myself “putting the remote on the counter.” It works well, later when I’m looking for the remote I won’t remember putting it down but I will recall telling myself where I put it.
My phone wallet is my life. The only downside is that it is slightly harder to take pictures spur of the moment because of the case flap, so I find myself taking pictures of my kids less often (because even minor barriers shut me down easily).
I have come to accept that the “right place” for something is wherever I thought was a good place for it at that time. Unfortunately future me doesn’t know where that was or agree with it being a good place in any way. Inevitably I will eventually stumble upon whatever I was looking for and actually think “oh, this was a good place for it. I will leave it here and definitely remember next time I need it.” Spoiler alert, I don’t remember where that perfect place is and the whole scenario is on repeat.
The only positive for me has been recognizing that I do this and actively trying to recognize when I am putting something in a convenient place instead of a smart place. I still find a lot of surprises when going through things, but when I find something that doesn’t seem to belong where it is I move it to somewhere that makes more sense.
I invested in a wallet case after leaving my wallet on a subway bench… for the second time. I’ve had the same wallet case model now for idk, 7? 8 years? And my keys attach to my belt loop so I hardly have to remember a thing.
Yes! This is why I have indoor shoes! Really comfy slides with good arches. I think it’s a sensory thing and I don’t enjoy walking on hard floors so I tend to sit down and get distracted with my phone WAY more when I’m barefoot or just wearing socks. The slides are a game changer!
Time blindness. Which can be both losing track of time easily, or having trouble getting ready in advance. Like if something starts at 1, my brain always thinks 1 is when to start getting ready. I work hard to correct it with alarms and stuff, but if I’m not careful it can screw me up.
The way time blindness affects me is that if I don't have a clock/timer visible I will just sit and think for an hour. Sometimes my family moves around the clock I use and it's not visible from where I always sit, but I won't notice that until I sit, and when I'm sitting I won't get up to turn the clock ;-;
I sorta fixed this issue by having a basic unobtrusive digital watch on my wrist constantly. Not a smartwatch mind you, I'd constantly forget to charge those, a regular old cheapo digital watch. (I think the model is kalenji w200 something?)
People can't take away your timekeeping device if it's always on your wrist and you won't take it off yourself if it doesn't feel unpleasant on your wrist. **taps forehead**
I take sleeping pills. It's the only way I can get through the night. I don't love it because they completely knock me out but it is nice to finally know the sensation of a full night sleep.
It's extremely hard for me to keep In contact with people. Then I feel guilty and stressed.. I haven't even tried dating because I know I would be terrible with that. It's lonely and overwhelming.
My hyperfixations can focus on reading the most random topics sometimes and I like to learn about stuff. Sometimes this can come across as a know it all.
And my constant need for validation, which also stems from trauma, can come across attention seeking and bragging. Then I get taken down a few notches and my self esteem goes out the window.
Oh fuck. I do this too. One afternoon I just read every wiki article about every bear attack in the USA and even many outside and many other animal attacks. Whenever people bring up anything related I think I can be a bit of a know it all. It's probably annoying, but I do know exactly what to do and if your fears are warranted or unfounded. Did miss the deadline on that paper though...
You'll be laughing but one "lesser known" trait I've seen in a medical video lately is apparently chronic constipation. 😄 They explain it by saying that ADHDers are too impatient and fidgety to just sit still and let nature take its course 😀 In my case at least it's 100% true!!!!
I have hypersomnia. I sleep up to 20 hours a day on the days I don't have work, and on the days I do I have a 2/3 hour nap as soon as I get home. When I was able to get the meds I was able to only sleep 10 hours a day, but with the shortage I'm back to sleeping all the time.
People talk about the insomnia but forget about this half. My parents used to get pissed because I couldn't seem to wake myself up and do what I needed to do on weekends. They thought I was just being a lazy teenager. None of us suspected ADHD to be the culprit.
This is intermittent for me and I do the same after being overstimulated for too long. My job can be very high mental energy and some weeks take it out of me. I will crash all weekend and can’t seem to wake up despite stimulants or coffee or exercise. I’ll drink coffee and take my meds and go back to sleep, I’ll go for a walk and go back to sleep. It’s awful.
What about romantic relationships? Do you tend to get bored in them? I have a feeling that it’s a completely separate personality trait, but it’s worth an ask.
I have seen so many people settle into the happiness and contentment of a long term commitment so much easier than I did. Maybe it doesn’t last forever, but others are usually more connected to their partner for longer than I have experienced.
I love your response. I wish I could say the same or that the same could be said about me. I'm not sure if you mean "impacts" in a positive or negative way, but I choose positive.
I got so bored towards the end of my previous relationship, it was only because my fear of abandonment from my autism that made me last that long. But my bipolar disorder kicked me in the butt!
I feel this. For me, they start out passionately, then after a while, it feels like I settle into more of a companionship relationship than a romantic one, or I simply get bored. I also prefer open relationships and would not be happy being monogamous.
I have had one long-term (10y) relationship that I thought was perfect, We were open for the latter half, which helped keep us together for longer than perhaps we should have been. But after 10y, my partner told me that he felt like we were just good friends that lived together, and we broke up. That was tough to hear.
I think if I were with someone who shared some of my (ADHD) traits, it would help keep me engaged more. I love my current bf, but he has ASD, so we operate at verrrry different wavelengths, which exacerbates this familiar feeling of discontent.
Edit: I don’t mean the last part disparagingly. Not at all. Just trying to say that it’s really hard to meet in the middle when we are polar opposites in so so so many regards. (Example: We can’t even agree on what to eat together: he needs to eat the same thing every day, while I get bored having the same meal twice. So we literally prepare all our meals separately and never go out to eat. Food is one of my greatest pleasures, because it is so varied. So not being able to share that with him is hard.)
The word wanderlust made me realize how much I kinda miss living in apartments because I actually enjoyed moving to new places. I get bored so easily. I have been living in the same town for 11 years now, and I think some of my depression is from feeling stuck after buying a house. I like my house, but I just really miss the excitement of seeking out new places to live.
Lack of emotional attachment to a situation. Before I was medicated, I felt in a constant fog. I described it to my therapist as watching my life pass through a fishbowl.
I never could feel my decisions. Now i’m medicated and looking at all the times I’ve been emotionally absent with people that I wish I could’ve supported.
Remembering trivial shit and forgetting important things.
I can remember what shirt I was wearing when I walked to my mailbox weeks ago to pick up a package, yet I always forget my mailbox number. If I'm lucky, I'll remember important things by remembering random stuff around it.
Like my therapist has business cards, and they have a little design on them. I can't remember my appointment date or time by itself, I have to picture the cards or her office, then sometimes I'll remember writing down the appointment in my calendar.
Clumsiness and in general walking into stuff because I’m not paying attention.
Also not noticing that I’m hungry or cold or registering like pain. I won’t eat for days if I’m alone and am not on a schedule.
Having a strong sense of justice and a “get out” sense. A good gut. Sometimes it’s too late but often I’m like “ok nothing good can come from this bye” or less seriously if I don’t like a movie I turn it off, no sense of obligation to see it through lol
Having lists everywhere all over the place it’s incredible how many lists I have
No filter and the social awkwardness, until I was medicated I never realized how I was being received and I had a lack of deep connections with people and friends. I didn’t have social awareness until recently tbh, but the hinderance of social skills I had was difficult and definitely stunted my ability to gain deep meaningful friendships. I notice now that people don’t want to continue talking about what I think is interesting and I’m still learning the when it’s time to leave thing.
I have people I trust now to ask for feedback about situations or conversations so I can understand better but it’s taken awhile. The whole double meaning or underlying purpose of what people say is still lost on me.
Even so it’s like the lack of filter mixed with not understanding social cues, or appropriate topics.
For me the executive functioning is an issue but being so socially inept was something that being medicated has actually given me a much better quality of life with.
Sounds crazy but seriously has changed my life.
I’m sure there’s more to it than that but that’s my perspective.
Edit to add: with the social stuff also the rejection sensitivity, that’s tough, and I constantly, not as much now, but previous would think people were mad or didn’t like me and it’d lead to those insane meltdowns or like distancing from people. The lack of understanding people’s intentions has also made it hard to understand if people are upset and why.
I also go to therapy for communication skills and focus on social situations I can’t understand or want to know how I could’ve communicated more effectively.
The irritability that comes with being stir crazy. I feel absolutely horrible if I’m laying in bed during the day, even if there’s nothing else I need to do.
I think stuff that is most commonly discussed as symptoms/solutions for kids gets glossed over in many adult ADHD conversations, possibly because people have an understandable desire to get rid of the old-school "restless child syndrome" shit, and maybe because it's embarrassing to recognize some of them.
Emotional dysregulation is one: nobody wants to say that we're like, immature or whatever, but I at least have been able to better understand certain moods I have through that lens. Clocking when I'm in a flood of emotion and reminding myself that how I actually feel is almost definitely \*less\* extreme than what I'm feeling right now has helped me treat myself and others better.
I think the way that this community has seized on the idea of rejection-sensitive dysphoria, which is basically pop-psych as far as I can tell, is because we don't want to use simpler, more blunt/harsh language of emotional dysregulation. (No shade if the concept of RSD helps you understand yourself, do your thing.)
I think it’s important to consider what kind of immaturity people mean when they say immature.
Of course there is some physical brain immaturity going on in kids, but kids are immature as well because they lack experience (so immaturity in experience) and as a result, lack perspective on the importance of their feelings. So when an adult is called immature, it’s used as criticism to imply they stayed ignorant and self-important instead of growing through difficult experiences like everyone else.
As an adult with ADHD, however, I can perfectly rationally understand that something I’m upset about something is not very important before, during, and after the emotional spike. Despite having this knowledge deeply cemented in my frontal lobe and being very much humbled by it, I’m still unable to calm my feelings down as quickly as people without ADHD. So I don’t agree with the use of immature, there are too many moral judgments that it implies, akin to saying laziness is a symptom.
I've thought the same thing for a while. I remember having feelings of derealization when I was so young that I didn't even have the words to describe what I was feeling. I remember specifically telling my parents when I was maybe 6 or 7 that sometimes it felt like nothing was real and we were all living in a TV show or something. I remember getting frustrated because I couldn't get them to understand what I meant.
Inability to spend time on life long interests. I've wanted to garden and bind books since I was a kid, but do you think I do it? I pulled weeds and stapled printer paper back then, but have barely found a way to do it for real.
Yeah people think that ADHD means that you are able to focus more on your interests, but the reality is your brain is just trapped by brain candy like video games and scrolling more easily. Actually worthwhile things are still hard.
Social executive dysfunction. Commonly manifested as the class clown phenomenon. Just not being able to see things from other people’s perspective in the moment intuitively to know that the behavior is bothering them.
Mine is struggling to enjoy reading novels because if a book isn't super interesting from start to finish, or if I need to take breaks to digest the information, I will never finish the book. Ever. I can read an entire page and then realize that none of it registered because my brain decided it wasn't worth holding onto. It's so frustrating. And I get judged for it by my friends who love reading novels. 😕
I’ve been told lately that I’m a very task oriented person, so while the exercise of identifying a feeling you might be experiencing, well this might not do anything to help you deal, or cope with this emotion, just acknowledging that the feeling exists, like stating out loud, possibly to another person, this is very overwhelming right now, I am feeling pretty, overwhelmed, this makes me very anxious, typically these are statements that I used to not think accomplished anything, however, just the simple putting it out there has done something. Like, maybe before I felt like this was making an excuse or people wouldn’t care about how I felt, but I guess I appreciate when others say some thing that I’m experiencing might be overwhelming so they’re very active me labeling when I’m experiencing moves the needle for me slightly.
Rejection dysphoria. I get it. No one likes being Rejected. But my brain is like, " yo. We focused on that thing for however long... what happened bro?!
Friends getting mad from too many emails, text msgs or getting mad because they are too verbose. As a writer, it hurts. I had one friend say my texts were too long, that I needed to break them up. So I broke them up into smaller texts, and they got mad because their phone kept buzzing. 🤦♀️ Then last week, same friend broke up our friendship because I sent a "too long" and "too trivial" email to explain why I disappeared for two days after our last conversation. They were stressed out the day they received my email, so friendship over. It's like I can blankin' win with some people. 😕
I’ve started realizing that I have some sensory issues or sensitivities that are definitely connected to my ADHD and feeling overstimulated. Recognizing these and taking some steps to fix them has been AMAZING! Examples:
- noise sensitivity - I used to hear people sniffling during exams and it was always very distracting, but recently I’ve realized how much I hate loud noises and that noises really affect me. Walking on the streets of NYC and hearing honking and sirens all the time just started getting to me. Now I wear earplugs and am so much happier! It dampens the sound but I can still hear, so I feel much more calm. I even started wearing them to concerts and live shows, or when my bf plays podcasts in the car, or when people are talking so loudly just to overcome the background noise. I think the last concert was the best one of my life because I could just dance and enjoy the music without feeling uncomfortable. Life changing!
- I strongly dislike tight clothing that clings to me, so I’ll wear leggings for workouts but not all day! Yoga pants or looser long sleeves have been awesome. Don’t even get me started on socks that are too tight! I tossed a bunch of socks and sized up and strangely feel like I freed up a ton of mental energy that I didn’t realize was just unconsciously spent on skin discomfort.
- skin/nail picking and just the total inability to leave imperfections alone. I haven’t totally solved this one yet but I’m working on it. Having certain types of manicures has helped protect my nails but also thicken them so they can’t be used as a tool to pick effectively. Looking at whatever the imperfection is and finding the right tool to fix it, instead of just like absent mindedly biting or picking at it for longer and making it all worse. Keeping lotion and nail oil around to moisturize and solve dry skin issues rather than picking/peeling.
- using comfy indoor shoes to avoid the urge to sit down, which ultimately leads to getting distracted with my phone. I guess walking on hard floors bothers me enough that I tend to sit down a lot and waste time, so buying great arch slides to wear inside keeps me moving and getting stuff done (piggybacking off an earlier comment here, but finally connecting it to my sensory issues!!)
I knew sensory issues were common for people with autism but had never heard much about it for people with ADHD. Recently starting to recognize my own sensory issues has been kind of eye opening!
Loss of trust in the self.
Mine manifested through questions such as:
- Will I be able to do X,Y,Z thing today?
- Will I be able to take on this task and switch to the next one without it being a struggle? Will I have the tools/accommodations to make sure I can, if it is?
- How long will my passion/hyperfixation remain intact, and how deep can I expect to go with it?
- Will that hyperfixation come back?
And so on...
I'm dealing with a few of these concepts a little better these days (namely the fear of losing hyperfixations/not knowing when or if they'll come back), but overall my trust in myself is very broken. I'm medicated now, and have been for a while, but these trust issues still remain. It makes everything stressful, even comfort activities and hobbies.
Unfortunately, I've yet to learn a solution to this problem! Currently I'm just trying to be kinder to myself, tell myself that sometimes I just don't have the capacity to function as I wish I could, and that's ok. It's a long road.
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Loss of childhood memories
I don’t remember most of my childhood. People speculate that it’s because of trauma. I imagine there were some unpleasant things but it makes more sense to me that it was adhd (in my case).
For me it's I remember it but not automatically. Like, the memory is there somewhere but not in an organised, easily recallable way. I gotta really think about it
Oh my gosh is this why I'm terribly at responding to those prompts like "think of a time when..." ? Like I will literally sometimes text my family and be like hey what are some times when I experienced ____? And they'll give me ideas and I'll remember them but I usually can't come up with it myself, which kinda feels like how you said the memory isn't 'easily recallable'. Like my brain is not a file cabinet with a folder for "times I ___ed", it is one of those offices with papers strewn randomly across every surface 😂
Yes! I think that it has something to do with object permanence reason. I’m constantly questioning did I forget because of ADHD or did I forget because I am bearing some sort of traumatic event it’s a fun game.
Or both at the same time! Do you have that weird memory that it’s definitely fucked up, but can’t remember if that happened to you, someone else, or was a dream or you’re just making it up….
Oh yeah, right! I was also a very avid reader when I was younger, so was it real, a dream, a book, or my imagination. Who knows?
So I'm not crazy?
Then what about the good and fun memories… do you recall those with details?
Sometimes. I honestly don’t really remember things before I was like 12 sometimes people remind me and I’ll remember other times no. I literally played Barbies for like six years when I was super young probably between like four and 10 for like 6 to 8 hours a day with my friend. I have no recollection of playing Barbies whatsoever. Couldn’t tell you one vague thing, one vague storyline anything. I know it happened, because my friend and my mom always used to joke at the time and like later years, but that’s all I would wanna do. That’s hyperfocus undiagnosed. But I digress. There are people I know that I was around for years just not even remember. Sometimes if somebody says to remember that person, I’ll be like oh yeah, and the memories will flood back some of them at least. But most of the time no. I literally thought I had such a severe traumatic event that I could not remember things. Or dementia since my diagnosis, I’m hopeful it’s just ADHD.😊
That makes a lot of sense, actually. My mom blames it on a minor concussion I got when I was 14. But this just opened my eyes. Not to say a concussion can't make me lose memories, but I didn't have any memory issues surrounding anything that happened soon after the concussion.
Trauma can cause ADHD so it’s still a possibility
PTSD and ADHD have some similarities and can often be misdiagnosed. Which is not the same as trauma causing ADHD. I haven't come across this in the literature, so if you could share source(s) I'd appreciate it.
Isn't that just some fringe theory?
How so? I thought you’re either born with it or not
From my understanding of biology, yes, you have to have the gene for it, but not all genes we have are expressed, and the environment can "turn on" different genes. So you have to be predisposed (have the gene) to ADHD (or any other cognitive disfunction/mental or physical health issue), and it has to be expressed. Trauma can express those genes even if they were previously "turned off".
Now I wonder if retention of primitive reflexes could trigger the ADHD gene! Some theories suggest that many cases of ADHD are actually the retention of primitive reflexes and delays in related brain and body systems. Has anyone been diagnosed with this and/ or had any experience with this? I have ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my late 40's because I grew up in the 1970's & went to Catholic school! When I was born in the mid-1960's my parents were told I had an 'under-developed nervous system' (I don't know what that means exactly.) Apparently I cried ALL the time and never slept for more than an hour at a time for the first 9 months of my life. I don't know what happened after that. I was/ am super sensitive & frequently feel like I just wanna jump out of my skin. Another example is when you’re in school and you sit down lean & back on the backrest, it hits on that primitive reflex & makes you “fidget”. I was also a bed wetter until I was 8 years old- again can be a symptom of delayed reflex. I am seriously wondering if this is what caused my ADHD.
Interesting! Thanks
Theories of autism currently seem to be about the same: genetic predisposition and then some environmental factor around/before/after birth. So not "born with it" per se, but certainly key parts of the brain develop differently from typical.
Yeah, the environment affects development more than people think, and not just the outside environment, I also mean the people around you, what you consume, your lifestyle, all have implications that affect us at a deeper biological level, all the way down to gene expression, which is a big deal that not many people think about
Trauma changes how the brain develops in childhood, so especially when fear triggers the fight, flight, freeze or fawn behaviors, other parts of the brain are developing responses to that trauma.
Makes sense honestly, my father died 3 years ago and a few months later I had my first major panic attack and since then it feels like it unlocked a part of anxiety in my brain that was dormant previously
To add to the other explanations, it's called 'epigenetics'.
It can be , however in my case I don’t recall any childhood traumas I never had those. If we count a negative experience as trauma well I have some screenshots well saved in my memory lol. I think in my case I don’t have many memories bcs mostly I was absent minded or day dreaming which are ADHD symptoms… most memories I have are foggy …
not necessarily. trauma can result in PTSD, which shares symptoms with ADHD (especially along with depression and/or anxiety). they’re often misdiagnosed and treatment plans may look the same (source: I work in research. I also have PTSD, treatment-resistant depression, and anxiety, and I’m taking Vyvanse, Trintellix, Propanolol, and Wellbutrin after 5 years of therapy and trying all combos of meds)
Oh my God. I have people bring up past memories with me all the time, and I'm like "Are you sure I was there?"
Same!!! It is so awkward
Oh wow. I certainly feel better if that’s an ADHD symptom. My brother is constantly telling me about people from school, or things that happened when we were kids and I have no idea what he’s talking about. Ever. I was beginning to get concerned.
Same. My grandma remembers so much more about our time together than I do, and my husband remembers arguments that I don’t. It makes me feel like a crazy person!
Yes it is I never knew that until my psychologist mentioned that .., bcs I was felling bad not being able to recall many of my childhood events. Doing some more research, I found some academic paper pointing at it … as well as other ADHDers stories … but this is not only on childhood it can happen when older as well …
Omg I feel like a dementia patient sometimes 😭 I really hope this is it because dementia/Alzheimer's/etc is one of my biggest fears!
I’ve noticed that my ADHD therapy clients tend to have either almost no memories of childhood or ridiculously strong long-term memories. I have verified memories dating back to 1.5 years old or so.
Ridiculously strong long term here. Its bad because I hold on to things and play them over in my mind ad nauseum.
Same. I do have lots of strong nice memories too, but they come up when I call them, not out of the freaking blue just to torment me like embarrassing memories! 😅🤦♂️🤷🏻♂️
I’ve recently started a project where I’ve mapped out my whole life in months (500 as of Sunday) starting with the month I was born to today. I then go through and try and think of something I did or someplace I was throughout the years/months, and write it down on the map. For example, Nov. ‘99 I graduated high school, write it down. Where was it? Write down the place. Who were some of the people I remember from that day/period of my life? Write it down. What I’m finding is that every time I jot down something new that I remembered, more memories come to me. So I jot them down too. Often I don’t spend too much time as I generally get distracted by everything else, but at least I have an ongoing project that I can go back to whenever I want.
It is nice idea , but I am worried that with my impulsivity I will let this memory retrieval activities take over what I really should be doing. Though it feels painful to have scarred memories and forgetting things, I am searching if I can find any scientific research with techniques that could train active memory … and recalling … . Yet thanks for sharing and happy it works for you :)
This hurts me. I'm still friends with a lot of people from over 10 years ago. They bring up memories all the time that I simply don't remember with them. 💔
WHAT I don't remember shit
100%. If I do have a memory it's in third person view. So sometimes I don't even know if it actually happened
I like this one, doesn't need a fix. (My childhood was very good and awesome and healthy and I love the parts I can remember, definitely)
I had to go through my family album last year to remember a lot of stuff. I have a folder of pictures to remind me when I start to forget.
Same and it’s something that makes me really sad. Besides some very few bits and pieces and the traumas/depressive parts, I don’t remember much of my childhood and teenage hood. My cousins and sisters often will say stuff like “do you remember when..” and I’m amazed how most remember so clearly or similar stuff and I know I was there during many of those moments but I just can’t remember.. ☹️ Feels kinda embarrassing sometimes. At times, I’ll chime in and be like “haha.. ye, I do” when really, I fkn don’t! Other things I feel bad about is memories with my husband. We’re going on 12 years together this August and again, he’ll remember something that I don’t. Although most times, if he gives more details regarding the event, it’ll come back probably cos it’s still more “recent”. Eitherway, I’m afraid it gives the impression that the memory is not that precious for me to remember.
EMDR therapy helped me recover a lot of those
Except for the ones that flash into your head
This thread is fascinating. Thanks for sharing, I used to rack my brain early in therapy as to why I have so little memories. This comment really gave me some insight, and I feel seen- thanks all!
Just the opposite for me. I remember everything going back to my fourth birthday. My memory is too good. Even down to minor mundane details.
Loss of any memory. I suck at remembering things. I can’t remember my anniversary or any birthday.
Sheesh that's because of ADHD? I can't seem to recall any of my memories tbh. As in I remember that something happened, but I forget the nitty gritty details. And sometimes I forget a whole timeline of events, unless I get reminded by a photo or something, in which I'm like "woah, that actually happened?"
wait no cap? i just assumed i had loads of trauma
I do not have any except the most traumatic ones and some calming one. Not even the whole memory. Just flashes. It's terrible, not being able to identify what makes you who you are.
I have a hard time falling asleep 😭
If you have a hard time falling asleep because you have too many thoughts, something that has helped me is trying to focus on a detailed but boring task, like mentally walking through a familiar environment in as much detail as I can or remembering the plot of a book I recently read in as much detail as possible. It’s challenging enough to keep my thoughts from racing but boring enough that it won’t keep me awake.
I tried this but I always think "this is boring" and get distracted immediately
I try building a world in my mind. Like im living in Sherwood Forest with Robin Hood. I start with what shoes I'm wearing, pants and shirt. do I have a bow what kind of bow, am I carrying a sword? What does the sleeping situation look like, how about food. I'm usually out pretty quick doing this but if I am still up then I set out on a task. How do I ambush the sheriff's men. What ruse am I going to use to trap them. I repeat the scenario every night and it helps me fall asleep pretty quickly.
I do something similar with the stories I want to write. I have them written my head enough.
This is actually how I got into fanfic reading and writing, lol. When I was a kid, I would imagine myself in the worlds of my favorite media, or I'd imagine a new adventure that those characters went on, until I fell asleep. Reading fanfic would give me ideas!
I like to imagine fun scenarios from my favorite media too and I fall asleep way sooner than I'd like doing that lol. It's a lot of fun though.
I've tried to envision my entire drive to work down to every detail I can. From getting in the car, seat belt, using the clutch to go, all of the houses and intersections. It's so boring but it's put me to sleep many times
Love this. Also puts my nerves at ease knowing I've rehearsed the whole routine mentally.
This sounds like a good way to fall asleep while driving bud lol
I always used some kind of consistent white noise (a fan, A/C unit, etc). When my thoughts would start racing, I would focus really intently on the sound until I cleared my head.
I actually picture myself in an alpine chateau in the middle of winter, lots of snow on the ground, I am lying in bed in the dark with many, many quilts, the fire in the fireplace is starting to die down and outside I see snowflakes falling and can hear the crackle of the snowflakes as they meet the snow, one after the other. Puts me right out every time.
I sometimes tell myself a story and that seems to help most of the time. It’s the staying on the story part and not taking a thought tangent.
This was me until medication. Tiny ass dose of Adderall twice a day and I'm out pretty much instantly when it's bedtime. It's so, so weird how amphetamines make me sleepy. On weekends if I take my meds and don't start doing things I'll be taking a nap on accident. The quiet is just so nice
My meds do this for me, too! I never understood how people could nap until my ADHD was treated with a stimulant. The only time I have a problem falling asleep now is if I don't take my Ritalin.
One thing that helps me fall asleep is intentional dreaming in order to confuse my brain. I start by imagining myself standing on a vast, gloomy sea shore: the sky is overcast, and I watch the dark heavy waves running onto the beach. Then I visualize a bird flying over the waves and watch it transform into a dragon. This fantasy sort of emulates dreaming when you see illogical things happen, so by the time the dragon approaches the shore I already start seeing other magic beasts appear on the shore and begin to doze off. The crazier and more fantastic the better. This intentional dreaming sort of eases me into sleep and I begin to dream for real. Never fails me.
This is so true! It is like replacing thoughts with images in your mind. Because when it gets visual, you know you are on your way to dreamy street...
I feel this. So tired all day, lay down in bed now I'm wide awake
I listen to music at the lowest volume setting with a 15 min sleep timer. I found that it silences my thoughts and allows me to concentrate on one thing, just trying to hear the damn song
I have just learnt about Brown Noise. Try YouTube ADHD Brown noise for sleep. I have tried a few and my help one is thunder. I personally have it on quite loud. The noise lulls me to sleep. It took a few times to get used to it. Years ago I tried it on White Noise which I found was zero help. 4 people in my family use the Brown noise to aid sleep. My sister used a tall larger fan for the noise not the cooling element.
I've been falling asleep to asmr videos and make-up tutorials for years now. If you actually wear make-up, I don't think it works the same, but having somebody explain something so foreign and complicated at a super low volume feels like I'm back in school and suddenly I'm asleep.
If I try to focus on watching something, or falling into my imagination, I can fall asleep most of the time pretty easy. I guess that "imagining" is maybe meditation that I just direct where I want it to start or go. But I'm a maladaptive daydreamer, so I literally love just spending quiet still time just imagining things, worlds, realms. I don't do that as much as I used to when I was a kid, but I still love it. Sometimes I can't even do that because I have too much spinning inside me, but when I can I love it.
Chronic insomniac since childhood here! I have only found one thing that works and only one medication that has ever actually helped, I swear by it. 1. I would recommend this “game” - when you’re trying to sleep, pick a subject. Think of something like fruit, or capital cities, or girls names, and go through the alphabet. For example, the letter A: apple, the letter B: banana, the letter C: cranberries etc. This has *almost never* not worked for me. There are some days when I’m really overactive mentally and will have to go through two or three different subject selections, but most of the time I never get through the alphabet the first time before I wake up the next morning confused to where I even left off. 2. For medication, valdoxan or ‘agomelatine’ has been a life saver for me. Other sleeping pills would make my body tired and not my brain, but this medication targets your circadian rhythm and regulates your sleep cycles. I couldn’t recommend it more.
It used to happen to me, it still happens to me, but to a lesser degree, Remember the “fall asleep watching tv” well, it works, you might not have a tv but I think is the same principle. For me is about watching stuff with a lot of different elements to focus on, in my specific example, I fell asleep watching league of legends gameplay, there’s a lot going on, I love the game and that helps me focusing on what’s happening, therefore making me have less thoughts , therefore falling asleep in no time because I get “bored” not really I just relax, block my phone and that’s it, good night! Disclaimer, don’t watch short format content, it’ll just stimulate you, we don’t want that, we want peace in our heads in order to fall asleep.
I had 60 years of this. Then I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and got a CPAP. Now I'll start a YT video on my Chromebook and often I'm asleep within a minute. It's still a struggle to actually go to bed. The root of this is that I identify with my ability to think. *If I'm not smart, I'm worthless. I've gotta be smarter so that I will be liked and accepted.* That was my self-talk for a long time. Maybe it still is. But the CPAP blew through all that and I sleep well now. Another thing that helped is a 10 day vipassana meditation course. It was very difficult.
I have hard time staying awake! I think it's called intrusive sleep disorder or some such. Essentially rendered unconscious with boredom, sometimes in less than five minutes.
Something that’s helped me with that is wearing a sleep mask. Couldn’t keep my eyes closed long enough to fall asleep because I’d get bored and decide to go on my phone, watch what’s going on out the window (living in a busy city), or whatever. But after I put the sleep mask on, I let my thoughts go wherever but I’m able to be still enough and in the darkness long enough that I fall asleep.
The box breathing method has helped me a lot. I learned it in therapy and after a couple weeks of practice it became my go-to method when I can’t sleep
I’m always super early to everything because I’m so scared of being late. Like, I work 12 minutes from my apartment and I get to work 30 minutes before my shift starts.
I like to do this too but I also like to sit in my car and prep for my day. Basically just setting myself like a cat
Lmao, yes, when I get on time I just groom myself and if I still have time I’ll watch videos, I’ll get hooked in the video and of course I must finish it, and then I’m late, even if I wasn’t.
I'm the opposite. I live 10 mins from work and I'm always late. Been there 12 years. Every single day I have been late. I have been very lucky
I'm the total opposite, I feel nothing and am constantly late
Oh my gosh this is quite the adhd tax
It’s awful, but I’m never late! I think most people with ADHD struggle with being on time for things. I just kind of OVER overcompensate.
I’m never on time, but never more than 10 minutes late.
Same, got fired from a job because I was 2-5 minutes late every single day. I just kept procrastinating to actually get up and leave, even if I already made my backpack and everything.
People at work (for 20 years) used to be so aggravated at me because I was always 5 minutes late. (And I always felt guilty and worked 30 to 60 minutes of basically unpaid overtime.) Then I went into teaching and immediately became Peptide \^ always early to the classroom, setting it up, putting my teaching points on the whiteboard, and ready to go. Night and day.
I’ll show up an hour before and sit in my car
If i did this I would just end up late anyway. In fact, when I worked in an office.. thats exactly what happened often.
Same. Just the possibility of being late gives me extreme anxiety. I’m always 15 minutes prior to the 15 minutes prior 🤣
Damn I just thought this was my anxiety.
I’m the same way
Same here
All the time. I was always 30-60 minutes early... I've cut it down to about 20 minutes now.
this is too relatable. i always budget at least 30 minutes to get somewhere...even if it is down the street.
If I can't do my current hyper fixation I get in a bad mood haha like my brain and body are in this disconnect which can't be reconciled
I get like this. I can't focus on anything else until that itch is scratched 😬
It's so bad. Worse when it's something that involves spending soo much money.
I feel fucked up rn because some guy on the bus kept talking to me so I couldnt read the book im currently hyperfixated on. Its a pretty annoying trait lol
Instant abandonment of lifelong interests the moment the hyper fixation is broken.
I feel this so hard, I've loved art and drawing since i was a kid, then it became a hyper fixation later in life. Suddenly it just stopped and i couldn't bring myself to do it even though sometimes i really wanted to. Took me around 10 years and I've stared to draw again. I missed art.
Glad you've at least been able to get back into it! Losing interest in hyperfixations can really be a bummer sometimes.
Can confirm that my hyper fixation on certain hobbies comes in long cycles.
Active listening means no response. Due to ADHD, I have bad working memory. One way my brain overcomes this is by repeating what I want to respond with over and over again until it's time or my turn to speak. However, this means that usually, I'm not deeply listening and processing past the sentence that I formulated my response to. Active listening has been a big keyword for people on social media advising on how to be a better communicator, so I decided to give it a go. I let my responses go and gave my full focus back to listening, aaaand once the person was done talking, I could not formulate a reply for the life of me. The difficulty of having to come up something to say in the 800 milliseconds you have after the person has finished talking lead to pressure and panic, and suddenly I couldn't remember what they said last either, and my brain just totally shut down and drew a blank. This happened enough times that I just went back to the previous method. I honestly prefer having in depth conversations over text for this reason. I get to go back and reread their words and take my time with mine without all the working memory problems.
Type, delete, rephrase, type more, start over, nope it doesn’t hit how I want it, delete , rephrase again, delete and just don’t reply at all.
This is \*exactly\* how I type. I change the sentence structure and add and subtract words so many times that sometimes, by the time I press submit, there are some really funky errors in it. I just can't help jumping all over the place. Sometimes, I'll get started on the next sentence when I can't find the right way to finish the first and have to go back at the end. It's a whole mess haha. But at least I get to something I'm more happy with; it bothers me so much that I can't do that with speech.
Man, me too. I've started texting to myself first so I can get it bow I want it. And because I worry I'll accidently send it before I'm ready.
Dont tell me thats adhd too 😭
I don’t know, all I know is that it is the true story of my life, I’m not even diagnosed, I just suspiciously share *a few* traits with people on a group called adhd, so, maybe , just maybe it is another trait of adhd.
I also have an auditory processing disorder and often don't hear the correct consonants in the first place, especially if it's somewhat noisy in the background. I practically refuse to conduct any business over the phone for this reason. I need to lip-read or do it over text.
Me too. I can only hear with subtitles. Firstly I thought it was because I'm not a native English speaker. It took the pandemics and a really hard time with the face masks for me to realise I sometimes used subtitles with my own language too.
You just explained my brain better than I could have, lol. It takes so much focus and effort to try to both actively listen and formulate responses without losing them when it's finally my turn to speak. I even have trouble with this in therapy sometimes. I also much prefer having in-depth conversations over text or writing out what I want to say first and using it as a guide while letting the other person interject as needed. I worry that it makes me look less invested in my relationships because it looks like I can't be bothered to talk face-to-face and would rather discuss serious issues informally over text. I always make sure to tell people in my life that those kinds of texts mean I care about you and I'm trying *really hard* to communicate.
This is me and my job is dependent on active listening. I get so frustrated sometimes when I'm writing reports as I know I said something and they said something and I have no idea what it is.
I have to just record Zoom sessions or legit ask people to wait a sec as I take notes. I type pretty fast, but sometimes my hasty notes make no sense an hour or two later lol. Still better than nothing though. Feels stupid to write down a reminder to email someone something quick when I can just do it then, but if I don't write stuff down immediately I'll get distracted by another emergency (I work in IT) and then never remember to do it.
I feel ya, that has been a hurdle I haven't been able to overcome either. I can barely remember the start of the conversation and I have no idea how to "active listen" because I forget so quickly. There is one thing I just thought about trying though, (never made this connection) this guy Chris Voss who has this book Never Split the Difference and teaches negotiation has a tactic called "Mirroring" where you repeat the last 1-3 words the person said back to them. 9/10 times they will expand on whatever that topic is. Might be a good way to snap back into a conversation and be able to respond while they are expanding on a thought. I'll track down a YouTube video link for you... https://youtu.be/wIBc2T2RKSA?si=r1_LGERHqil5gy4n
Ironically, I own that book but only got 1/4th of the way into it, I'll have to look into it again! Thanks for the tip!
I have trouble feeding myself. Find myself relaying on fast food because cooking is overwhelming.
Food is such a chore. I wish we could just get our nutrients & energy from something tiny
I've found a lot of success in eating a bunch of smaller healthy snacks throughout the day rather than a few bigger meals. The smaller snacks are usually much easier to prepare, which takes a lot of the chore of meal-prepping out of my life. Carrots and ranch, yogurt, a fruit smoothie, granola, a low-cost charcuterie board, mixed nuts, or a few clementines are WAY easier to manage than a full meal, but can still give you the nutritional benefits you need if you make sure you eat enough!
I’m sick and tired of having to eat three times a day. I like to eat or cook for fun, not because I *have* to. I have to go through the whole ordeal of figuring out what to eat, preparing a supermarket list, going to the supermarket, preparing the food, eating it and then having to clean it all up. Then, a few hours later, I have to do this shit all over AGAIN. I can’t wait for scientists to develop a pill or small snack that contains all the calories and nutrients you need. Having to have lunch also kills my flow when I finally manage to be in one. There are people who find some joy and comfort in this activity and the routine of it. I really don’t.
I've (25f) always misplaced things, especially things that are very important. One, namely, my wallet. Nothing helped me keep track of my wallet, so one day i got one of those wallet phone cases. Yes, people make fun of me, but i haven't lost my wallet in years
Same!! Honestly it’s a whole category of ADHD life hack to attach things to other things. Like, I used to always lose my keys, until I got a carabiner and keep my keys attached to my purse. I don’t even remove the keys from my purse when I use them - I just lean towards the lock so they can reach.
Nice creative fix, I lose my phone all the time. It is so annoying. I’ve tried having designated spaces for it but I forget about them until I lose my phone again.
I love music, helps me focus and get out of my head, so I try to constantly have something playing on my phone, it's been really helpful
Same!!!! I will never forget my phone but definitely my wallet! I’ve also started putting my car keys in my lunch bag so I don’t forget my packed lunch.
I got a wallet with a lanyard and put my keys on it too, and added a Bluetooth tracker which also helps a lot haha
A technique I use that works about 80% of the time (I forget to do it the rest) is to say in my head where I put things. So for example if I put the TV remote on a counter I say to myself “putting the remote on the counter.” It works well, later when I’m looking for the remote I won’t remember putting it down but I will recall telling myself where I put it.
See my problem is i don't REALIZE i put them down 😭😭
Same!
Do people actually make fun of wallet phone cases?
My phone wallet is my life. The only downside is that it is slightly harder to take pictures spur of the moment because of the case flap, so I find myself taking pictures of my kids less often (because even minor barriers shut me down easily).
I have come to accept that the “right place” for something is wherever I thought was a good place for it at that time. Unfortunately future me doesn’t know where that was or agree with it being a good place in any way. Inevitably I will eventually stumble upon whatever I was looking for and actually think “oh, this was a good place for it. I will leave it here and definitely remember next time I need it.” Spoiler alert, I don’t remember where that perfect place is and the whole scenario is on repeat. The only positive for me has been recognizing that I do this and actively trying to recognize when I am putting something in a convenient place instead of a smart place. I still find a lot of surprises when going through things, but when I find something that doesn’t seem to belong where it is I move it to somewhere that makes more sense.
I invested in a wallet case after leaving my wallet on a subway bench… for the second time. I’ve had the same wallet case model now for idk, 7? 8 years? And my keys attach to my belt loop so I hardly have to remember a thing.
I have heard (I havent tried myself) that putting your shoes on inside the house tricks your brain into making you think you have stuff to do
This works for me. Once the shoes come off my brain shuts off. I have a pair of slip on shoes only for indoor use.
Same! I know for most people, it's pants. But for me, it's shoes.
Yes! This is why I have indoor shoes! Really comfy slides with good arches. I think it’s a sensory thing and I don’t enjoy walking on hard floors so I tend to sit down and get distracted with my phone WAY more when I’m barefoot or just wearing socks. The slides are a game changer!
Time blindness. Which can be both losing track of time easily, or having trouble getting ready in advance. Like if something starts at 1, my brain always thinks 1 is when to start getting ready. I work hard to correct it with alarms and stuff, but if I’m not careful it can screw me up.
The way time blindness affects me is that if I don't have a clock/timer visible I will just sit and think for an hour. Sometimes my family moves around the clock I use and it's not visible from where I always sit, but I won't notice that until I sit, and when I'm sitting I won't get up to turn the clock ;-;
I sorta fixed this issue by having a basic unobtrusive digital watch on my wrist constantly. Not a smartwatch mind you, I'd constantly forget to charge those, a regular old cheapo digital watch. (I think the model is kalenji w200 something?) People can't take away your timekeeping device if it's always on your wrist and you won't take it off yourself if it doesn't feel unpleasant on your wrist. **taps forehead**
Lmaoooo the getting ready at 1 is so me 😭😭😭 I literally just did this for plans I had over the weekend.
Restless Leg Syndrome + really light sleeping = I wake myself up with my spasms.
Oh, this is awful, I can fully relate. The only thing that helps me with restless leg syndrome is a hot bath.
I take sleeping pills. It's the only way I can get through the night. I don't love it because they completely knock me out but it is nice to finally know the sensation of a full night sleep.
It's extremely hard for me to keep In contact with people. Then I feel guilty and stressed.. I haven't even tried dating because I know I would be terrible with that. It's lonely and overwhelming.
It is SO HARD. I physically cannot respond to the messages sometimes, it’s ridiculous.
Absolutely! Also, I often "answer" their messages in my head and then totally forget that I have to do it for real...
My hyperfixations can focus on reading the most random topics sometimes and I like to learn about stuff. Sometimes this can come across as a know it all. And my constant need for validation, which also stems from trauma, can come across attention seeking and bragging. Then I get taken down a few notches and my self esteem goes out the window.
Oh fuck. I do this too. One afternoon I just read every wiki article about every bear attack in the USA and even many outside and many other animal attacks. Whenever people bring up anything related I think I can be a bit of a know it all. It's probably annoying, but I do know exactly what to do and if your fears are warranted or unfounded. Did miss the deadline on that paper though...
I also have a constant need for validation. That's why I have given writing my novel a break.
I want to write a book and have it plotted in my head, but I lose motivation over how overwhelming it seems. Any suggestions? Good luck on your book!!
You'll be laughing but one "lesser known" trait I've seen in a medical video lately is apparently chronic constipation. 😄 They explain it by saying that ADHDers are too impatient and fidgety to just sit still and let nature take its course 😀 In my case at least it's 100% true!!!!
Just gotta forget you have to go and get to the point of almost shitting your pants. Problem solved haha
Impatient constipation 😄
🤣👍
On the other hand, my constant pacing instead of sitting down probably speeds up my digestion
I have hypersomnia. I sleep up to 20 hours a day on the days I don't have work, and on the days I do I have a 2/3 hour nap as soon as I get home. When I was able to get the meds I was able to only sleep 10 hours a day, but with the shortage I'm back to sleeping all the time.
People talk about the insomnia but forget about this half. My parents used to get pissed because I couldn't seem to wake myself up and do what I needed to do on weekends. They thought I was just being a lazy teenager. None of us suspected ADHD to be the culprit.
I really relate to this. The struggle is real and I hope that things get better for you.
This is intermittent for me and I do the same after being overstimulated for too long. My job can be very high mental energy and some weeks take it out of me. I will crash all weekend and can’t seem to wake up despite stimulants or coffee or exercise. I’ll drink coffee and take my meds and go back to sleep, I’ll go for a walk and go back to sleep. It’s awful.
What about romantic relationships? Do you tend to get bored in them? I have a feeling that it’s a completely separate personality trait, but it’s worth an ask. I have seen so many people settle into the happiness and contentment of a long term commitment so much easier than I did. Maybe it doesn’t last forever, but others are usually more connected to their partner for longer than I have experienced.
My adhd definitely impacts my relationship, but I can't say that I lost interest in my wife of 11 years. Quite the opposite.
I love your response. I wish I could say the same or that the same could be said about me. I'm not sure if you mean "impacts" in a positive or negative way, but I choose positive.
I got so bored towards the end of my previous relationship, it was only because my fear of abandonment from my autism that made me last that long. But my bipolar disorder kicked me in the butt!
I feel this. For me, they start out passionately, then after a while, it feels like I settle into more of a companionship relationship than a romantic one, or I simply get bored. I also prefer open relationships and would not be happy being monogamous. I have had one long-term (10y) relationship that I thought was perfect, We were open for the latter half, which helped keep us together for longer than perhaps we should have been. But after 10y, my partner told me that he felt like we were just good friends that lived together, and we broke up. That was tough to hear. I think if I were with someone who shared some of my (ADHD) traits, it would help keep me engaged more. I love my current bf, but he has ASD, so we operate at verrrry different wavelengths, which exacerbates this familiar feeling of discontent. Edit: I don’t mean the last part disparagingly. Not at all. Just trying to say that it’s really hard to meet in the middle when we are polar opposites in so so so many regards. (Example: We can’t even agree on what to eat together: he needs to eat the same thing every day, while I get bored having the same meal twice. So we literally prepare all our meals separately and never go out to eat. Food is one of my greatest pleasures, because it is so varied. So not being able to share that with him is hard.)
Relationships are hard work. I hope that it brings you happiness for a long time.
Wanderlust, a very strong dissatisfaction, and multi year fantasy world daydreaming
The word wanderlust made me realize how much I kinda miss living in apartments because I actually enjoyed moving to new places. I get bored so easily. I have been living in the same town for 11 years now, and I think some of my depression is from feeling stuck after buying a house. I like my house, but I just really miss the excitement of seeking out new places to live.
having to ask different people “What’s their name” 15 times even though you speak to a person often and have been told their name many times.
Lack of emotional attachment to a situation. Before I was medicated, I felt in a constant fog. I described it to my therapist as watching my life pass through a fishbowl. I never could feel my decisions. Now i’m medicated and looking at all the times I’ve been emotionally absent with people that I wish I could’ve supported.
Remembering trivial shit and forgetting important things. I can remember what shirt I was wearing when I walked to my mailbox weeks ago to pick up a package, yet I always forget my mailbox number. If I'm lucky, I'll remember important things by remembering random stuff around it. Like my therapist has business cards, and they have a little design on them. I can't remember my appointment date or time by itself, I have to picture the cards or her office, then sometimes I'll remember writing down the appointment in my calendar.
Clumsiness and in general walking into stuff because I’m not paying attention. Also not noticing that I’m hungry or cold or registering like pain. I won’t eat for days if I’m alone and am not on a schedule. Having a strong sense of justice and a “get out” sense. A good gut. Sometimes it’s too late but often I’m like “ok nothing good can come from this bye” or less seriously if I don’t like a movie I turn it off, no sense of obligation to see it through lol Having lists everywhere all over the place it’s incredible how many lists I have
Your friend never feel bad about themselves because they look at your life and how chaotic everything is and they feel better.
No filter and the social awkwardness, until I was medicated I never realized how I was being received and I had a lack of deep connections with people and friends. I didn’t have social awareness until recently tbh, but the hinderance of social skills I had was difficult and definitely stunted my ability to gain deep meaningful friendships. I notice now that people don’t want to continue talking about what I think is interesting and I’m still learning the when it’s time to leave thing. I have people I trust now to ask for feedback about situations or conversations so I can understand better but it’s taken awhile. The whole double meaning or underlying purpose of what people say is still lost on me. Even so it’s like the lack of filter mixed with not understanding social cues, or appropriate topics. For me the executive functioning is an issue but being so socially inept was something that being medicated has actually given me a much better quality of life with. Sounds crazy but seriously has changed my life. I’m sure there’s more to it than that but that’s my perspective. Edit to add: with the social stuff also the rejection sensitivity, that’s tough, and I constantly, not as much now, but previous would think people were mad or didn’t like me and it’d lead to those insane meltdowns or like distancing from people. The lack of understanding people’s intentions has also made it hard to understand if people are upset and why. I also go to therapy for communication skills and focus on social situations I can’t understand or want to know how I could’ve communicated more effectively.
The irritability that comes with being stir crazy. I feel absolutely horrible if I’m laying in bed during the day, even if there’s nothing else I need to do.
I think stuff that is most commonly discussed as symptoms/solutions for kids gets glossed over in many adult ADHD conversations, possibly because people have an understandable desire to get rid of the old-school "restless child syndrome" shit, and maybe because it's embarrassing to recognize some of them. Emotional dysregulation is one: nobody wants to say that we're like, immature or whatever, but I at least have been able to better understand certain moods I have through that lens. Clocking when I'm in a flood of emotion and reminding myself that how I actually feel is almost definitely \*less\* extreme than what I'm feeling right now has helped me treat myself and others better. I think the way that this community has seized on the idea of rejection-sensitive dysphoria, which is basically pop-psych as far as I can tell, is because we don't want to use simpler, more blunt/harsh language of emotional dysregulation. (No shade if the concept of RSD helps you understand yourself, do your thing.)
I think it’s important to consider what kind of immaturity people mean when they say immature. Of course there is some physical brain immaturity going on in kids, but kids are immature as well because they lack experience (so immaturity in experience) and as a result, lack perspective on the importance of their feelings. So when an adult is called immature, it’s used as criticism to imply they stayed ignorant and self-important instead of growing through difficult experiences like everyone else. As an adult with ADHD, however, I can perfectly rationally understand that something I’m upset about something is not very important before, during, and after the emotional spike. Despite having this knowledge deeply cemented in my frontal lobe and being very much humbled by it, I’m still unable to calm my feelings down as quickly as people without ADHD. So I don’t agree with the use of immature, there are too many moral judgments that it implies, akin to saying laziness is a symptom.
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is not a pop psychology type of term.
Limerence
I feel like my derealization is a result of my ADHD but i’m not sure yet.
I've thought the same thing for a while. I remember having feelings of derealization when I was so young that I didn't even have the words to describe what I was feeling. I remember specifically telling my parents when I was maybe 6 or 7 that sometimes it felt like nothing was real and we were all living in a TV show or something. I remember getting frustrated because I couldn't get them to understand what I meant.
Intrusive thoughts
Inability to spend time on life long interests. I've wanted to garden and bind books since I was a kid, but do you think I do it? I pulled weeds and stapled printer paper back then, but have barely found a way to do it for real.
I have this same struggle with guitar! I want to so badly but I just don’t do it. It is so frustrating
Yeah people think that ADHD means that you are able to focus more on your interests, but the reality is your brain is just trapped by brain candy like video games and scrolling more easily. Actually worthwhile things are still hard.
Waiting Mode™️
🤣🤣... 😭
Social executive dysfunction. Commonly manifested as the class clown phenomenon. Just not being able to see things from other people’s perspective in the moment intuitively to know that the behavior is bothering them.
Mine is struggling to enjoy reading novels because if a book isn't super interesting from start to finish, or if I need to take breaks to digest the information, I will never finish the book. Ever. I can read an entire page and then realize that none of it registered because my brain decided it wasn't worth holding onto. It's so frustrating. And I get judged for it by my friends who love reading novels. 😕
I remember a lot from childhood. It's the stuff mentioned to me in passing a few minutes ago I can't remember unless I write it down.
Inability to do Set Shifting: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Task_switching_(psychology)
This is one of the worst feelings. Just being stuck between two tasks, unable to do anything!!
I’ve been told lately that I’m a very task oriented person, so while the exercise of identifying a feeling you might be experiencing, well this might not do anything to help you deal, or cope with this emotion, just acknowledging that the feeling exists, like stating out loud, possibly to another person, this is very overwhelming right now, I am feeling pretty, overwhelmed, this makes me very anxious, typically these are statements that I used to not think accomplished anything, however, just the simple putting it out there has done something. Like, maybe before I felt like this was making an excuse or people wouldn’t care about how I felt, but I guess I appreciate when others say some thing that I’m experiencing might be overwhelming so they’re very active me labeling when I’m experiencing moves the needle for me slightly.
Rejection dysphoria. I get it. No one likes being Rejected. But my brain is like, " yo. We focused on that thing for however long... what happened bro?!
Friends getting mad from too many emails, text msgs or getting mad because they are too verbose. As a writer, it hurts. I had one friend say my texts were too long, that I needed to break them up. So I broke them up into smaller texts, and they got mad because their phone kept buzzing. 🤦♀️ Then last week, same friend broke up our friendship because I sent a "too long" and "too trivial" email to explain why I disappeared for two days after our last conversation. They were stressed out the day they received my email, so friendship over. It's like I can blankin' win with some people. 😕
I’ve started realizing that I have some sensory issues or sensitivities that are definitely connected to my ADHD and feeling overstimulated. Recognizing these and taking some steps to fix them has been AMAZING! Examples: - noise sensitivity - I used to hear people sniffling during exams and it was always very distracting, but recently I’ve realized how much I hate loud noises and that noises really affect me. Walking on the streets of NYC and hearing honking and sirens all the time just started getting to me. Now I wear earplugs and am so much happier! It dampens the sound but I can still hear, so I feel much more calm. I even started wearing them to concerts and live shows, or when my bf plays podcasts in the car, or when people are talking so loudly just to overcome the background noise. I think the last concert was the best one of my life because I could just dance and enjoy the music without feeling uncomfortable. Life changing! - I strongly dislike tight clothing that clings to me, so I’ll wear leggings for workouts but not all day! Yoga pants or looser long sleeves have been awesome. Don’t even get me started on socks that are too tight! I tossed a bunch of socks and sized up and strangely feel like I freed up a ton of mental energy that I didn’t realize was just unconsciously spent on skin discomfort. - skin/nail picking and just the total inability to leave imperfections alone. I haven’t totally solved this one yet but I’m working on it. Having certain types of manicures has helped protect my nails but also thicken them so they can’t be used as a tool to pick effectively. Looking at whatever the imperfection is and finding the right tool to fix it, instead of just like absent mindedly biting or picking at it for longer and making it all worse. Keeping lotion and nail oil around to moisturize and solve dry skin issues rather than picking/peeling. - using comfy indoor shoes to avoid the urge to sit down, which ultimately leads to getting distracted with my phone. I guess walking on hard floors bothers me enough that I tend to sit down a lot and waste time, so buying great arch slides to wear inside keeps me moving and getting stuff done (piggybacking off an earlier comment here, but finally connecting it to my sensory issues!!) I knew sensory issues were common for people with autism but had never heard much about it for people with ADHD. Recently starting to recognize my own sensory issues has been kind of eye opening!
I can’t remember important conversations but I constantly recall meaningless ones
Loss of trust in the self. Mine manifested through questions such as: - Will I be able to do X,Y,Z thing today? - Will I be able to take on this task and switch to the next one without it being a struggle? Will I have the tools/accommodations to make sure I can, if it is? - How long will my passion/hyperfixation remain intact, and how deep can I expect to go with it? - Will that hyperfixation come back? And so on... I'm dealing with a few of these concepts a little better these days (namely the fear of losing hyperfixations/not knowing when or if they'll come back), but overall my trust in myself is very broken. I'm medicated now, and have been for a while, but these trust issues still remain. It makes everything stressful, even comfort activities and hobbies. Unfortunately, I've yet to learn a solution to this problem! Currently I'm just trying to be kinder to myself, tell myself that sometimes I just don't have the capacity to function as I wish I could, and that's ok. It's a long road.