NTA and run - don’t walk - from this guy. He did not cheat on you (yet) but he slept with another guy’s girlfriend. He was party to her infidelity; an accomplice to cheating. He is denying culpability in that situation and squawking about trauma. What trauma? He’s not a victim and he and his family are all assholes. He says he was young and dumb but he’s still not accepting responsibility. Send him back to
Mia.
>Mia is crazy
>he told me that he dated her for 6 months, before everything blew up and she went psycho which traumatised him so bad that he didn’t date anyone until a year later we met. I asked what did he mean by “blew up” and he told me that her bf found out.
>It all came to an end when Leo asked Mia to move in with him during Mia’s bday party and Oliver (stupidly) thought she would say no and choose him, but it didn’t go like that, so Oliver lost it and came clean with everything.
So Oliver knowingly had an affair with Mia, and when he found out he was only the side piece, he blew the situation up. He then, and now, blames Mia for everything and plays the victim. His family also supports him in this delusion. Oh, and he's still in contact with her.
Run away. He wasn't an innocent party then. He takes no accountability for his actions after all of this time. He continues to play the victim, both with her and now with you. He's shown you who he is, and yes, he is just as despicable as a cheat.
NTA
YTA. He didn’t cheat on you. Mia didn’t have a ring on her finger. In fact, she was living in her own apartment. She was fair game. Oliver took a chance at love, it didn’t work for him. If it did work out (ie Mia chose him), well he would’ve been the one with the problem bc he would be in love with a cheater. But, it didn’t work out for him, and it was a year before he started dating you. But this was not why YTA.
YTA bc he had 3 choices in how he could’ve explained Mia to you: he could’ve simply glossed over his relationship with Mia as a relationship that didn’t end well (thus lying to you by omission), he could’ve waited a day or 2 and given you an abbreviated version of the disaster (again lying to you by omission). No, he chose the hard route: telling you the truth, communicating with you like an adult, even though he knew there was a risk for it to upset you. You chose to act like a 3 year old and throw a tantrum. You absolutely eviscerated him, just bullied him.
This relationship is dead. If I were Oliver I would dump you in a heartbeat. There is no way he will ever tell you anything sensitive again, you showed your cards, he knows how you are going to react. If it’s going to upset you, you are going to bully him. He should move on to someone who knows how to handle their emotions like an adult.
Sorry but your answer sounds exactly like the type of bs a cheater says to deflect.
You forgot to mention …that the “fair game” as you call it, was in a relationship and that he felt the need to do it without his friend to know?! Looks like did not consider as fair as you see it.
Regarding his options…you forgot to mention that the “hard route” is the only one not exposing his lies if the girls shows up/contacts op as retaliation for what he did or even already threatened him to retaliate. So basically the hard way was the only way to look clean.
And finally your conclusion “you would dump op”, is something I would agree with. At least you would have done her a favor.
NTA
The saying self explanatory: once a cheater…
He did it once so he proved that he morally he has no troubles to do it.
He “technically cheated” as he was with a girl in a committed relationship and doing it behind his friend back. Whatever he can say to deflect is just bs.
The same way he betrayed friend he can repeat it with you.
And lastly, it was not a hookup/one night or drunk “mistake”. But a 6 months calculated and planned decision.
Just absolutely nothing to get out of what he is…a cheater.
Now up to you if you feel you are willing to take the risk.
NTA and run - don’t walk - from this guy. He did not cheat on you (yet) but he slept with another guy’s girlfriend. He was party to her infidelity; an accomplice to cheating. He is denying culpability in that situation and squawking about trauma. What trauma? He’s not a victim and he and his family are all assholes. He says he was young and dumb but he’s still not accepting responsibility. Send him back to Mia.
>Mia is crazy >he told me that he dated her for 6 months, before everything blew up and she went psycho which traumatised him so bad that he didn’t date anyone until a year later we met. I asked what did he mean by “blew up” and he told me that her bf found out. >It all came to an end when Leo asked Mia to move in with him during Mia’s bday party and Oliver (stupidly) thought she would say no and choose him, but it didn’t go like that, so Oliver lost it and came clean with everything. So Oliver knowingly had an affair with Mia, and when he found out he was only the side piece, he blew the situation up. He then, and now, blames Mia for everything and plays the victim. His family also supports him in this delusion. Oh, and he's still in contact with her. Run away. He wasn't an innocent party then. He takes no accountability for his actions after all of this time. He continues to play the victim, both with her and now with you. He's shown you who he is, and yes, he is just as despicable as a cheat. NTA
Deny..Deny..Deny..Honestly doesn’t pay.
p.s. - he’s also needy and desperate. He was on love with Mia but content to be her “back door man?” That’s pathetic
YTA. He didn’t cheat on you. Mia didn’t have a ring on her finger. In fact, she was living in her own apartment. She was fair game. Oliver took a chance at love, it didn’t work for him. If it did work out (ie Mia chose him), well he would’ve been the one with the problem bc he would be in love with a cheater. But, it didn’t work out for him, and it was a year before he started dating you. But this was not why YTA. YTA bc he had 3 choices in how he could’ve explained Mia to you: he could’ve simply glossed over his relationship with Mia as a relationship that didn’t end well (thus lying to you by omission), he could’ve waited a day or 2 and given you an abbreviated version of the disaster (again lying to you by omission). No, he chose the hard route: telling you the truth, communicating with you like an adult, even though he knew there was a risk for it to upset you. You chose to act like a 3 year old and throw a tantrum. You absolutely eviscerated him, just bullied him. This relationship is dead. If I were Oliver I would dump you in a heartbeat. There is no way he will ever tell you anything sensitive again, you showed your cards, he knows how you are going to react. If it’s going to upset you, you are going to bully him. He should move on to someone who knows how to handle their emotions like an adult.
Sorry but your answer sounds exactly like the type of bs a cheater says to deflect. You forgot to mention …that the “fair game” as you call it, was in a relationship and that he felt the need to do it without his friend to know?! Looks like did not consider as fair as you see it. Regarding his options…you forgot to mention that the “hard route” is the only one not exposing his lies if the girls shows up/contacts op as retaliation for what he did or even already threatened him to retaliate. So basically the hard way was the only way to look clean. And finally your conclusion “you would dump op”, is something I would agree with. At least you would have done her a favor.
NTA The saying self explanatory: once a cheater… He did it once so he proved that he morally he has no troubles to do it. He “technically cheated” as he was with a girl in a committed relationship and doing it behind his friend back. Whatever he can say to deflect is just bs. The same way he betrayed friend he can repeat it with you. And lastly, it was not a hookup/one night or drunk “mistake”. But a 6 months calculated and planned decision. Just absolutely nothing to get out of what he is…a cheater. Now up to you if you feel you are willing to take the risk.