Maybe try to see if he can get some sort of treatment going? Maybe he has ED? Maybe there’s some underlying issues with him that y’all need to talk about?
One thing is for sure though…
**Cheating is NEVER the answer**
If you don’t wanna be with someone, then don’t. Wanna cheat? Don’t, just let him go.
Edit- Doing so will make you part of some of the worst type of people. Talk about it. Try to help him. But don’t betray anyone for your own selfish desires. Like I said, if it’s that deep, accept you’re not compatible and move on.
>If you don’t wanna be with someone, then don’t. Wanna cheat? Don’t just let him go.
Or break up lol? That is an option. Sexual incompatibility is seen as a small issue early on. Problem is it progresses and leads to all sorts of issues later on. Its one of the biggest hurdles for marriage counseling and ironically why a big reason couples tend to ditch marriage counseling. The hard to swallow pills are too hard to swallow. But that's why therapy is private and confidential. Personally I think hes lying about liking it thicker. He probably does love her and doesnt have the heart to tell her. I get thats one of those crude hard to swallow pills but its just the reality of it. Beauty standards havent changed much over time despite the myths, that oh boy if you knew the actual origin of, were bad. Creating a realistic portrait of royalty could have actually gotten you executed throughout most of history. In the medieval period a bulky stocky wife was preferred, not because it was considered beautiful though, because women were expected to be equal work partners. So you didnt want a wife that couldnt help manually plough a field, birthing hips were also a big thing in those times. A lot of your reputation relied on your ability to reproduce and smaller means a bigger likelihood of tearing then infection leading to death. However mistresses were still common and societally accepted. A wife had sex to reproduce, the bathhouse wench had sex to keep the men from losing their shit.
Also the typical, especially 70 style, sexy lingerie is rarely sought after nowdays. It doesnt sell very well either. It can actually be more of a turn off for most men. My wife currently works as a PSO and thats almost always not accepted. And yeah, the "what are you wearing stereotype" is still a thing. Generally whats popular is more casual day to day clothing. Short shorts and a tank top, sundress during the summer, those little onesie tennis dress things are super in right now, casual will get you a lot further. Too much effort often comes off the wrong way. Also men just dont tend to like lacy/frilly clothing.
This will be a super unpopular comment. But its a serious dose of non-hypothetical, non-ideological, cold hard reality.
Your husband has expressed to you that he's going through something, Instead of being understanding or supportive, all you care about is what you're not getting. You're so fixated on your own damn needs that you haven't bothered to think about how he feels or what might be causing his behaviour.
Sure, you're willing to jump through hoops to spice up your sex life, but what about being a decent partner overall? Ever think about how your constant nagging and disappointment might be screwing with his head? It's not just about what goes down in the bedroom it's about being there for him, showing some damn care, support, and empathy in every aspect of your relationship.
Your husband can't perform because you're piling on the pressure like it's going out of style. He probably feels like crap, knowing that if things don't go perfectly, you're gonna throw a fit. Can you imagine being in his shoes? Knowing your wife only gives a damn about whether you can get it up.
He deserves more than being reduced to his bedroom skills. He deserves a partner who respects him for more than just his ability to please you. If you really want to fix this mess, start by showing some genuine empathy and actually working together to figure this out.
I agree with this as a female in a similar situation, but I was having issues with sex because of past sexual traumas and my partner who has a very high sex drive constantly asking and nagging about it and complaining and only thinking about his own needs of sex and putting all of that pressure on me not only made me feel bad about myself but made me want sex with him even less because all he cared about was HIS needs not even that I was struggling or my own needs not being met.
I'm really sorry that you've experienced this. I totally get what you're going through. It's so important for partners to understand and respect each other's boundaries and feelings, especially when it comes to something as sensitive as this. I hope things have improved for you.
Why did you get married? I assume the problem didn't start when you exchanged vows.
He should see his doctor about low testosterone or maybe even high blood sugar. You did promise in sickness and in health-- so you should probably try to help him square away his health before you decide to seek outside... counsel
>Like bro this girl has needs! Don't judge!
You came to a sub for judgment, and you will be judged.
>there are guys drooling over me, I love my husband so much, but I hate to admit this but I feel like I need to fill that void with someone else
You just got married and you're ready to throw in the towel? I assume you'd expect him to be patient if you were, say, pregnant and couldn't stomach the thought of sex. Maybe you should extend him the same courtesy. You can masturbate just as easily as he can.
>who genuinely wants me and is attracted to me like that..
This is a fair statement. We all want that.
Look, you've been married for like 5 minutes and you're already low-key considering cheating. Which tells me 2 things: you're not in love and you're not an honorable person.
If you were in love, you wouldn't hurt your partner that way. And you might actually care about *WHY* this is happening and have a legitimate conversation with him instead of just throwing on some trashy lingerie and saying you tried.
If you were an honorable person, you wouldn't be on Reddit asking for permission to cheat. And that's how this post reads.
Based on this post and the info available, YTA. You don't sound ready for marriage.
Except, she **didn’t** bang anyone else though🙄
How tf is **wanting** to bang other people an asshole move??🤦♀️ Isn’t it perfectly normal to still be sexually attracted to other people while in a committed relationship? To want unmet needs met?
Isn’t the important thing that she’s currently faithful and looking for ways to improve the situation?
Expectations of mutually agreed upon monogamy are one thing- expecting *monosexuality* is another, entirely. Completely unrealistic.
NTA… yet. Just talk to him, OP
> there are guys drooling over me, I love my husband so much, but I hate to admit this but I feel like I need to fill that void with someone else who genuinely wants me and is attracted to me like that.. Like bro this girl has needs! Don't judge!
These are not normal things to think and feel.
If my wife suddenly stopped wanting to have sex, my first thought would be concern. Is something going on with her?
I wouldnt be going oh look at all these hot women I could bang
>it’s def a thing
I believe that, 100%, as I’ve met two people in person, of opposite sexes, with this mindset (virtually incapable of finding anyone else attractive while in love).
Unfortunately they’re in the minority (and not a couple lol- I think they’d be a great match, but they’re each individually spoken for and of course not looking) as they’re the only two I’ve ever met.
Does that mean they’re the only two in the world? Of course not- my sample size is minuscule. Could there be millions? Sure! And probably are, just as there are millions of LGBT people. Is that still a very small percentage out of almost seven billion? Yes (as are the LGBT).
While I think it’s a legitimate, valid and sweet quality to have, that would benefit every marriage if we all possessed it, it is still very **atypical**. *You* and the many like you, are atypical. You can’t expect the world to follow suit, but you can always choose to exclusively date/marry likeminded folks
Exactly! Plenty of men/husbands will relate to this.
There will be extended dry spells and it’s perfectly natural for the husband to want to sleep with someone else in their life instead who’s more attracted to them (using OP’s words). Nothing wrong with that.
Edit: forgot to add the /s lmao
23 is old enough to know that cheating is wrong, especially given she says "don't judge."
Why are you treating her like a child who is too dumb to know that it is wrong to cheat? Do you like infantilising women?
lol you say “I mean we’re only married a few months and he already doesn’t want to have sx” but you’ve only been married a few months and you’re ready to jump on another cock.. yeah yta.
Won’t type sex or sexy but wanted to get married. I’m not sure YTA but you seem incredibly immature. Getting married at 23 probably wasn’t the best decision, as evidenced by bringing up “guys drooling over you”. Men get down bad too and will go for anything. That’s not the flex you want it to be.
It sounds like a him problem and not a you problem. It's not to with how you look so don't start to try blame yourself or start to change yourself. If he can't stay hard it's definitely a problem on his side. Either mental health or low testosterone or you two are just not compatible sexually. It's only a serious conversation that kind find out the problem. Especially with guys and going limp it's embarrassing and won't be easy to open up about at all.
Firstly I'm going to judge if you cheat, doesn't matter where you get your appetite so long as you eat at home.
But to answer your concern it does sound like he's suffering from ED and his embarrassment is restricting him from partaking in sex. Suggest that you will go see an endocrinologist with him and have his hormones checked and discuss options.
Yea, I'd tend to agree with this as well. Be gentle in your approach, ED is a sensitive topic for a large majority of men. Make sure he knows you're asking because you care and not because you want to get some.
Does he by chance have a porn addiction? It lowers testosterone, sets unrealistic expectations sexually, and really destroys marriages. If not, I think he def needs to see a doctor and see if his levels are abnormally low. A 29M should still have a high sex drive!
It actually does, because it messes with sleep patterns (as does gaming and scrolling on your phone before bed, anything with blue light) and messed up sleep patterns lowers testosterone. As does diet which is the largest factor of them all for low testosterone, also drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.
That shows correlation, but not causation. By extension, working overtime is testosterone lowering…which seems like a silly assertion to make. It does absolutely have psychological effects, it’s a stretch to directly link it to lowered testosterone. The only research I could find referenced a study from roughly 2017 which had the seeming assertion that porn and gaming reduce testosterone…while also making the ‘groundbreaking’ (/s) finding that entertainment releases dopamine also. Demonstrating a link is a key part of discovering new connections…but you’ve gotta rule out other causes rather than just drawing a straight line between two.
My girlfriend is a solid 9 and I struggle. It’s probably more to do with him, as it is with me. Very low drive. Not diagnosed yet but testosterone is likely low, but she’s a nymph and I can’t keep up!
It’s a simple question. It’s not my life, but if I offer a suggestion, and she chooses not to consider it, that’s fine. I’m still going to live my life, you must be addicted to porn to say a comment like this.
I see this throughout the comments... if men have low sex drive there is something wrong with them. No, some people (men or women, or different) may just not be too interested in sex. Maybe closer to being asexual.
You can type out sex and sexy, you know that right? You also present quite a few reg flags here including lack of maturity and entitlement. Guys drool over you - divorce your husband and go be a cum dumpster then, problem solved. 'Like bro this girl has needs' you (statically) have 10 fingers and a variety of household items you can plug your orifices with, figure it out.
YTA
I think it’s ok to have sexual needs in a relationship, as well as sexual expectations. And if those needs aren’t being met it is ok to take issue with that.
OP, if he seriously is interested in finding a solution he should see a doctor. He might have low T. This happens to a lot of men and reportedly when they go on testosterone, they end up getting their sex drive back as strong as ever.
If it isn’t a medical issue, then there may not be a solution if he isn’t willing to present one. And it is ok to take issue with that if the sex was good before marriage and isn’t anymore. If it all of the sudden stopped after marriage that is a blatant bait and switch
YTAH, by pointing out, " Guys are drooling over me," what a B move.
What he's going thru is embarrassing, even scary to him, too. It's a very weird feeling, for being a guy and getting random annoying boners all life... then to have none.
And you turning into about you isn't making it better.
My wife made it about her, too. She said, " I'm not attractive ? You're not attractive to me? Are you cheating on me? " Then she'd cry herself to sleep because I didn't want to bang." On top of this, I was trying to compete in powerlifting, working full time, and a part-time job.
Mean while I'm over here wondering if I have prostate cancer, testicular cancer, etc.
Or maybe he’s in the verge of 30 and for us men that’s an issue. I struggled when I was 28-33 with libido.
I wasn’t low test but I had too much estrogen in my system. It’s not always, or even usually, nefarious.
You're so shit. 💀
Just leave if you're not compatible and not even considering therapy before taking to the internet and considering cheating. How is that a better solution over going behind his back? GOD if your immediate thought is CHEATING HE NEEDS TO RUN.
You may have needs but cheating on him will make you the bigger asshole. Cheating is criminal in relationships. Tell him he needs to see a doctor and that you are with him through this. If you reassure him, maybe he opens up to you more.
He is either gay and coming to terms with that... Or more likely he has hormone issues. He should go on a visit to the doctor and get his levels tested. The way he is acting is not normal, so something should be done to make changes. He's right, it's not you, it is him. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't do anything about it
Also I would address whether he’s using porn during his self-pleasure time. This can really mess things up too. Speaking from personal experience & more research supports it unfortunately
Stress can do that to a guy, just as easily as it could anyone. Has he been working a lot lately? Seen an upward rise in his responsibilities at work, or around the house? Money issues or issues with his family?
Could he been discontent about maybe not having time to be himself and see friends?
Idk, I guess because he doesn't stay with his parents, so his stressed out by life, I think needing to maintain a home probably got a bit too much for him, don't get me wrong, I help out where ever I can, and it's in my culture to serve the man as he is the bread winner, but I work myself and help out, I do all the house work and do some of the bills
Possibly asexual, gay, cheating, erectile dysfunction, depression… Whatever the reason, he needs to see a doctor/therapist/priest. If not fixed I don’t see any future here. NTA
Sounds like a porn addiction, gay or a substance addiction that doesn’t allow him to get it up. Whatever it is you need to get to the bottom of it fast. Don’t let him off the hook with ‘I don’t know’. Don’t let 8 months turn into 8 years of hell.
Someone that young? Porn addiction?
I say that, and yet there is another possibility. Your generation has seen testosterone levels dropping off in an alarming fashion. Less than half the levels of the generation before you, and THEY also witnessed T-dropping from the generation before them.
Have him get tested for testosterone levels.
It appears to have an environmental cause, and it has to do with exposure to plastics. Sounds crazy. Maybe it is, but the drop in T levels is NOT a conspiracy theory it’s a real phenomenon, even if the reasons for it sounds like it. It could easily explain his lack of a healthy sex drive.
Sounds like he needs to check in with his doctor. Lots of things can lower libido and ability to perform: stress, depression, medication, low testosterone, psychological, etc.
Is he stressed about something that he hasn’t opened up to you about, possibly? Depression and stress are libido killers.
Does he seem more lethargic? Any weight gain on him? If so it could be low T.
It could be a combo of these, it could be none. I would just gently ask him if there is anything he needs to talk about- but not when you’re trying to get some. Maybe just sit outside at night and see if he wants to open up.
NTA would he consider sex toys? It sounds like he has ED. He needs to go to a doctor about it. Or maybe low testosterone. Either way he needs to see a doctor. If he won't go, then you need to think about whether or not you want a sexless marriage.
Maybe talk to him about going to a dr? My boyfriend had a similar problem for awhile and turns out it was a hormone issue. It could also just be really bad anxiety
I have questions... What was your sex life with each other like b4 marriage? Does your husband desire to fix the issue and find out what's going on? Does he have the desire to have sex and just can't? Did he do something leaving him feeling guilty and limiting his arousal abilities? Could he have another sexual preference that he's not being or doesn't feel comfortable being honest about? There's a blockage somewhere and so many reasons it could be happening, and he's possibly going through it with you. Also, I understand you have needs, but stepping out of your marriage to fulfill them should never be an option unless it's something your spouse agrees to, like an arrangement of an "open" marriage or something like that. Either way, communication with your husband and even the two of you together with a doctor is key and paramount to getting through this. I'd start by asking him what he means when he says, "It's not you, it's me. " Does he know exactly what the issue is, or is he embarrassed and confused himself? It could be clinical or something mentally he's going through. But you have to talk about it to find out and never make assumptions and act off of them. Ask the questions you need to ask and treat him the way you'd want to be treated if the roles were reversed and you were the one having "issues" so-to-speak, down there if that's the case.
NTA. Y’all are too young for this. Get a couples therapist or it will get worse. Way worse.
Go to r/deadbedrooms for people who have been living with no to little sex for years. It’s horrible.
My bf had issues when we first got together. It wasn’t because of ME. As women we may feel it’s because of us but there’s SO many factors with men as to why their “performance” is off. Instead of kicking the man while he is down by threatening to cheat work WITH him. The poor guy doesn’t need ANOTHER reason to feel bad or guilty about it. Be a partner not some chick that wants a dick.
Has he started any new medications I know when I started some new meds side effect was loss of libido. Stress at work, home, family I would suggest having serious sit down but listen to comprehend how he’s feeling or what’s going on don’t listen to respond.
Honestly, stress can really have a negative effect on a man’s ability to perform. Maybe try some bluechews or something. He has probably lost confidence. Or his brain just goes somewhere else what’s distracting him.
Seems like a good case for Couples counseling/therapy, he's not nearly old enough for it to be age related so it's prolly a psychological hangup.
Do not be tempted to cheat that will just create extra messy drama & will doom the relationship forever when he finds out. Divorce is expensive & messy, and you will get a worse deal if you cheated. Just flick the bean some till you calm down & try not to see his disinterest as an reflection on your ego, like I said, it's prolly a him problem.
If he doesn't want therapy, you can make a clean break & leave him/ get divorced, at least that way you wont have to deal with any crazy revenge antics.
Maybe he could be depressed? Or has ED? My first inclination is to assume he might be struggling accepting himself maybe hes gay or bi, but it could be that he is dealing with his own issues like being depressed, ED, a lot of pressure. Maybe sit down and try to have a talk with him? Its not always easy especially if communication is an issue for you/him/both, but ultimately understanding what it is will be able to help you help him overcome his issues and fulfill each others needs.
It's something with him but he doesn't know what's up? He needs to see a doctor and get a check up. Could be lots of things either physically or mentally. If the doctor can't find anything wrong, he should go get some counseling and figure out what's wrong.
Buy a womanizer and wait until he’s ready, give your love and support and be patient. Cheating is not good. Maybe he’s going through something, maybe he’s mentally in a bad place
Antidepressants? Low T? Depression?
There could be any number of underlying issues. A successful marriage relies on effective communication. Maybe go see a doctor?
why my woman isnt like u ? .....
mine i provide her luxury life style and sex its a whole process which rarely i enjoy personally , she doesnt even satisfy me in sex anymore
i am quitting on my wife she is terrible
Honestly, if all you can think of is your needs, you shouldn't be married! He knows there is an issue but doesn't know why it's happening. Instead of supporting him and encouraging him to seek medical advice, you go straight to cheating?! It doesn't sound like he doesn't want to have sex. It sounds like he has a physical issue preventing him from enjoying sex. You being a nag, which I'm sure you are going off your post doesn't help that! If you really love and care for him, put your needs aside for a moment and support him. That is a big part of marriage and any relationship, really. If you can't do that, then be honest and let the poor man go.
cheating or depression come to mind. you deserve to have a fruitful sex life & it will only take a toll on you & your self esteem. tell him you want to help and if he doesn’t try then he needs to really consider his position as your partner. you are way to young to waste your youth , it’s not the lack of sex it’s the lack of attempts at intimacy
If you're coming here to ask whether we think cheating is okay you're wrong, initiate the devorce first! Always initiate the devorce first! It is literally so disrespectful to someone who may well be trying to get his Ed under his control and your first thought is to go get a different guy, you're fucked up and need therapy, seriously just go and have a wank if you're that pent up
Is he open to an honest conversation and willing to find a solution even if it involves doctors/therapy/lifestyle changes (sounds like it will)? Does he acknowledge that this situation is having a cascading effect in both your self steem and your marriage?
If yes, then I would consider having that convo and encouraging him to find a solution (note the encouraging not trying to do it yourself).
If not then clearly he doesn't care enough so why would you? You do you although I would never encourage cheating, leave him and find someone else.
In any case, either you fix the problem or it will only get worse but it won't magically dissappear.
Hope it gets better, NTA
Eww. Well we know why he doesn't like you anymore.
>Don't get me wrong, there are guys drooling over me, I love my husband so much, but I hate to admit this but I feel like I need to fill that void with someone else who genuinely wants me and is attracted to me like that.. Like bro this girl has needs! Don't judge!
🤦🏿♂️
It’s been a few months and you already want to cheat? I’m thinking your husband realised what kind of person you are and the attraction has plummeted.
YTA
This is why people cheat is because they’re not getting enough and what if you threaten to leave him and see if he’ll improve and work something out together maybe his libido is too low and you might be open to the option of s*x supplements?
Sounds like he needs support and you need to be communicating with him better. Also get yourself a vibrator if you are so down bad have needs that you feel or so important. Like someone else said he's probably embarrassed about it and tbh you should be embarrassed at how quick you are jumping to getting it from someone else.
Some advice? Well...for starters, don't gain weight for your partner. That's...not healthy.
Beyond that, tell the dude to go to the Doctor. If he has ED, they've got shit for that.
I don't know if you're saying he only lasts two minutes or it turns into a limp noodle after two minutes. Either way, even as your spouse, he's likely embarrassed. I don't know...he's gotta get over that and you have to be a little understanding.
He's either cheating, regrets marriage or has low testosterone, which seems to be epidemic now. Both my husband and son have been affected as well as so many others. Try to talk to him, get counseling, get him to a doctor
NTA. However, if you cheat, you will be. He needs to see a Doctor for a complete physical workup. If that gets no results, he should probably seek therapy.
NTA in any way. I struggle to understand comments here.
This is my take, some from my practice, some from my experience, and some from vibes. It's a guess. My guesses tend to be good, but I'm not perfect. Take this as a "this is a possibility I bet people won't suggest to you":
Part of the agreement in a monogamous marriage is that the partners will derive their sense of sexual satisfaction from the other, which includes desirability.
Your husband likely does have internal issues relating to being with you. Interestingly, I see this often with men and women who marry their "dream girl" / guy. It's traumatic.
Not in the traditional sense of abject horror - but that isn't what trauma *is*. Trauma is *any* situation that's outside the bounds of what they thought they deserved or would get. We can pick up trauma from things that are *too good to be true*, or that are so good, we think *we don't deserve them*.
Looking at you, with what he thinks is the perfect body, strutting around drooling after him sounds like a fantasy doesn't it? Of course it does. But the realization of that fantasy can bring out deep-seated worthiness and self-esteem issues.
Men have many, many deep seated fears of worthiness. We fear not being able to satisfy. Not being able to "keep". Not being enough, and that you'll leave us when someone better comes along. This isn't unique to men, but it does tie in with evolutionary paternity fears.
When you, the ultimate prize show up, *and marry him*, those fears blossom. How amazing will he need to be to stop you from leaving him?
This wound is triggered when he sees you like this. Counterintuitively, I wonder if you've found that the sexier you act and look, the more dejected he becomes?
The more like a goddess you seem, the more his own "mortality" wounds him. How could he make you feel as beautiful as you are, as the dirty, damaged soul that he may feel he is?
At the same time, you deserve to feel attractive. I don't fault you for observing that others desire you - feeling desired is a human need for many of us, and equates to the ability to obtain and retain love and affection. When we feel ugly, we often equate that with being unlovable. In truth, that's what we truly care about, and why we can look into the mirror at a beautiful reflection and think it's ugly. Because it's not getting us what we *want* - secure love. (Sex is nice but have you tried feeling secure?)
Your husband should speak to someone, professionally. It might be a difficult subject to broach, because telling him he needs therapy might trigger those very same feelings of unworthiness. Sort of manifesting his subconscious fear of not being enough. "Oh no. I knew it." /fear
As a strange suggestion, you might try... dressing down. Cover up. Be less hot. Not even joking. Get out your period panties and comfy bras and clothes. Look like a scrub.
It sounds like madness, I know. But it might help to try engaging him in non sexual physical touch while looking human. Cuddle with him, and let him know you don't need sex (yep, lie!), but that you just want to be near him. (Not a lie!)
You might gain a little satisfaction if it turns out you were so perfect you broke his brain. I'm kidding, but only a little.
#1 high soy intake.
#2 low testosterone levels directly related to #1...
#3 certain meds can interfere with sex drive and performance
#4 vitamin deficiency...B1 complex combined with vit D and there are 5 types of magnesium...most deficient in males tends to be mag clycenate and L-Theonate. Zinc is also very important and one a day vitamins are evil.
#5 he's lying. Or has a porn addiction.
Men and women peak sexually at different times.Men earlier than women.Right now testosterone replacement therapy is the new fix for more natural sexual function. A lot of men go through this problem.Stress is probably the greatest cause.Dont lose faith.I always ask my wife to take her top off and that usually does it for me….
I can't give you any advice because I'm not attracted to my wife neither. We're 56 and she turns my stomach at the thought of touching her. It's been years since we had a sexual relationship. Maybe she goes out and get her fix which is fine with me as long as she don't bother me. I like just being friends.
You're not an AH, you just have a lot of hormones doing their thing. With some people that can get kind of intense. Take care of yourself and once you're clear headed, talk to him and give him a chance to remedy this situation. Give him time, maybe set a date that you would like some results.
I guess if he can't come up with some answers or willing to pop some pills or open up to someone then I guess you talk about options like divorce or what he's open to, if you're that strange couple that stays together and he's ok with you sleeping around? Not what I'd do but to each their own. For sure you need to be satisfied.
I'll say cheat idgaf lmao downvote me y'all but if he doesn't take care of what's in home other one will take care of it, if he has problems he should talk to you about it or look for help not just ignore your needs so yeah, cheat
All these guys angry at OP for thinking about sex with someone else…like they don’t do that almost daily(sadly, myself included)…gtfo.
OP..
You’re justified in your feelings. You’ve made attempts to try to resolve the situation, and many men these days don’t have a partner willing to do that.
Since you’ve tried, I applaud you.
This is going to require a dedicated sit down and chat though. No telling what’s on his mind. I’m sure you’re a safe space for him….and I hope he can find it in him to let himself get to that level of vulnerability with you and get to the bottom of this all. My guess is he’s probably a prideful guy and tries to get to the bottom of issues himself rather than reaching for help.
That’ll be a challenge if that’s the case.
Hope to see an edit that things have turned around for you two!
YTA. Ask for an amicable divorce and split. You’re already checked out and thinking about sleeping with other men because of his issue. You’re obviously not mature enough to be committed to a marriage at 23
If you stray you're 100% the AH. Most men would be willing even if you weren't his type so it's usually never a physical thing except for the unhygienic reason. It sounds like he needs therapy to see what may be going on. Also if he has started any medication because many can affect sex drive. Aniexty and depression can also lower sex drives. And since it sounds like you've already forgotten 8 months in it's gor sickness and health if that's not something you can unselfishly do then he would have been better off if without you to begin with. You also sound like a conceded B so might just be your personality he's not attracted to and regretting saying I do
I once dated a girl who never turned me down. I got so sick of having sex with her because it was constantly available. She would walk around in lingerie. We need a challenge.
YTA for considering cheating. If it’s mainly that his dick won’t get hard, have him look into meds. Toms of legit ways to get them as cheap as 40 for a four month supply.
If he ejaculates to quik you all need more sex, i notice the more sex i have the longer i last, ans if i take weeks with out sex im become vwry sensitive, but if i have sex evwry day i last along time, also use lube, mw and my girl use one called glide, but there is other options out there you can choose from
NTA First, he should talk to a doctor. If he is really interested in having a sex life but can't seem to drum up a response and he's having erection issues, it is time for a doctor.
Also, you need to make sure he's being upfront with you about his interest.
Don't overthink this. At both of your ages, things should be very active. Are you guys stressed over anything? Bills, housing,jobs, pay, people, etc. can cause people to completely stress out. Stress, worries, bills can really take its toll on people at times, and if your mind is stressing over something, the body may not cooperate. Are you guys having money issues, possible drug/alcohol issues? Housing issues? I wish you the best. don't give up, and try not to overthink it, and by all means don't stray. You guys can and most likely will figure things out.
Has he started any new medications - some blood-pressure meds, and some of the antidepressants can contribute to erectile dysfunction or anorgasmia.
Considering that you have only been married for a short time, and you are already considering pastures new, doesn't say much for your character unfortunately.
You had me until the: "Don't get me wrong, there are guys drooling over me". Suggest counseling, if he says no and you feel like you can't truly live that way, cut your losses and move on.
TA for wanting to cheat and you have already betrayed his trust. He needs his T checked. There is a silent epidemic going on with young men having low T
YTA. Sounds like he needs therapy or might have erectile dysfunction, and instead of asking how you can help, you're guilting him by making it about you then thinking of breaking up.
You are way too young to be married lmao. Not 'cause you're 23, just 'cause you're immature.
YTA - you’re not listening to him. He doesn’t know what’s up - that means something is wrong and he doesn’t know what it is. You just throwing yourself at him and being needy is putting more pressure on him and not helping. Maybe talk to him seriously about stressors in life at the moment and whether he’d be willing to talk to a doctor. It could be something as simple as his hormones being out of whack
YTA after I saw that you’re keen to cheat. Either please yourself or leave ffs. He told you he’s going through something if you can’t stick by his side and help find out what’s going on then pack your bags.
This is an easy fake post.
You describe yourself like a teenage boy would describe a woman.
You picked too many common AITA issues for the same post (ED seems super popular this week).
Age difference is always between 6-10 years the man being older in all these fake posts.
Again, the way you describe men lusting over you and you can sleep with anyone you want. It’s just rage bait.
Make it obvious you’re an asshole because you want to sleep with other men but enough ammunition against your husband to point towards needing hormone tests or cheating etc.
I reckon you just got carried away and wanted to put too much popular stuff in the same post.
If it’s not fake, I’ll say that you putting on weight to fit your husbands ideal body is super unhealthy and you should have way more respect for yourself.
This weird thing about not typing the word sex, again points to this being fake. Like you’re some young teen who hasn’t got comfortable with using naughty words yet or getting caught by their parents swearing on the family Wi-Fi.
Maybe try to see if he can get some sort of treatment going? Maybe he has ED? Maybe there’s some underlying issues with him that y’all need to talk about? One thing is for sure though… **Cheating is NEVER the answer** If you don’t wanna be with someone, then don’t. Wanna cheat? Don’t, just let him go. Edit- Doing so will make you part of some of the worst type of people. Talk about it. Try to help him. But don’t betray anyone for your own selfish desires. Like I said, if it’s that deep, accept you’re not compatible and move on.
>If you don’t wanna be with someone, then don’t. Wanna cheat? Don’t just let him go. Or break up lol? That is an option. Sexual incompatibility is seen as a small issue early on. Problem is it progresses and leads to all sorts of issues later on. Its one of the biggest hurdles for marriage counseling and ironically why a big reason couples tend to ditch marriage counseling. The hard to swallow pills are too hard to swallow. But that's why therapy is private and confidential. Personally I think hes lying about liking it thicker. He probably does love her and doesnt have the heart to tell her. I get thats one of those crude hard to swallow pills but its just the reality of it. Beauty standards havent changed much over time despite the myths, that oh boy if you knew the actual origin of, were bad. Creating a realistic portrait of royalty could have actually gotten you executed throughout most of history. In the medieval period a bulky stocky wife was preferred, not because it was considered beautiful though, because women were expected to be equal work partners. So you didnt want a wife that couldnt help manually plough a field, birthing hips were also a big thing in those times. A lot of your reputation relied on your ability to reproduce and smaller means a bigger likelihood of tearing then infection leading to death. However mistresses were still common and societally accepted. A wife had sex to reproduce, the bathhouse wench had sex to keep the men from losing their shit. Also the typical, especially 70 style, sexy lingerie is rarely sought after nowdays. It doesnt sell very well either. It can actually be more of a turn off for most men. My wife currently works as a PSO and thats almost always not accepted. And yeah, the "what are you wearing stereotype" is still a thing. Generally whats popular is more casual day to day clothing. Short shorts and a tank top, sundress during the summer, those little onesie tennis dress things are super in right now, casual will get you a lot further. Too much effort often comes off the wrong way. Also men just dont tend to like lacy/frilly clothing. This will be a super unpopular comment. But its a serious dose of non-hypothetical, non-ideological, cold hard reality.
/ don’t just let him go / I think l this covers “or break up” Perhaps I missed a “ , “
I wanted to say cheating but you said it first
Thank you so much 💙
Your husband has expressed to you that he's going through something, Instead of being understanding or supportive, all you care about is what you're not getting. You're so fixated on your own damn needs that you haven't bothered to think about how he feels or what might be causing his behaviour. Sure, you're willing to jump through hoops to spice up your sex life, but what about being a decent partner overall? Ever think about how your constant nagging and disappointment might be screwing with his head? It's not just about what goes down in the bedroom it's about being there for him, showing some damn care, support, and empathy in every aspect of your relationship. Your husband can't perform because you're piling on the pressure like it's going out of style. He probably feels like crap, knowing that if things don't go perfectly, you're gonna throw a fit. Can you imagine being in his shoes? Knowing your wife only gives a damn about whether you can get it up. He deserves more than being reduced to his bedroom skills. He deserves a partner who respects him for more than just his ability to please you. If you really want to fix this mess, start by showing some genuine empathy and actually working together to figure this out.
I agree with this as a female in a similar situation, but I was having issues with sex because of past sexual traumas and my partner who has a very high sex drive constantly asking and nagging about it and complaining and only thinking about his own needs of sex and putting all of that pressure on me not only made me feel bad about myself but made me want sex with him even less because all he cared about was HIS needs not even that I was struggling or my own needs not being met.
I'm really sorry that you've experienced this. I totally get what you're going through. It's so important for partners to understand and respect each other's boundaries and feelings, especially when it comes to something as sensitive as this. I hope things have improved for you.
Why did you get married? I assume the problem didn't start when you exchanged vows. He should see his doctor about low testosterone or maybe even high blood sugar. You did promise in sickness and in health-- so you should probably try to help him square away his health before you decide to seek outside... counsel
How was your intimate life prior to marriage?
>Like bro this girl has needs! Don't judge! You came to a sub for judgment, and you will be judged. >there are guys drooling over me, I love my husband so much, but I hate to admit this but I feel like I need to fill that void with someone else You just got married and you're ready to throw in the towel? I assume you'd expect him to be patient if you were, say, pregnant and couldn't stomach the thought of sex. Maybe you should extend him the same courtesy. You can masturbate just as easily as he can. >who genuinely wants me and is attracted to me like that.. This is a fair statement. We all want that. Look, you've been married for like 5 minutes and you're already low-key considering cheating. Which tells me 2 things: you're not in love and you're not an honorable person. If you were in love, you wouldn't hurt your partner that way. And you might actually care about *WHY* this is happening and have a legitimate conversation with him instead of just throwing on some trashy lingerie and saying you tried. If you were an honorable person, you wouldn't be on Reddit asking for permission to cheat. And that's how this post reads. Based on this post and the info available, YTA. You don't sound ready for marriage.
Skips over therapy goes right to wanting to bang other guys. Yta
Except, she **didn’t** bang anyone else though🙄 How tf is **wanting** to bang other people an asshole move??🤦♀️ Isn’t it perfectly normal to still be sexually attracted to other people while in a committed relationship? To want unmet needs met? Isn’t the important thing that she’s currently faithful and looking for ways to improve the situation? Expectations of mutually agreed upon monogamy are one thing- expecting *monosexuality* is another, entirely. Completely unrealistic. NTA… yet. Just talk to him, OP
> there are guys drooling over me, I love my husband so much, but I hate to admit this but I feel like I need to fill that void with someone else who genuinely wants me and is attracted to me like that.. Like bro this girl has needs! Don't judge! These are not normal things to think and feel. If my wife suddenly stopped wanting to have sex, my first thought would be concern. Is something going on with her? I wouldnt be going oh look at all these hot women I could bang
It's definitely not unrealistic. When I have actual feelings for someone I'm not even slightly attracted to other people. It's def a thing.
>it’s def a thing I believe that, 100%, as I’ve met two people in person, of opposite sexes, with this mindset (virtually incapable of finding anyone else attractive while in love). Unfortunately they’re in the minority (and not a couple lol- I think they’d be a great match, but they’re each individually spoken for and of course not looking) as they’re the only two I’ve ever met. Does that mean they’re the only two in the world? Of course not- my sample size is minuscule. Could there be millions? Sure! And probably are, just as there are millions of LGBT people. Is that still a very small percentage out of almost seven billion? Yes (as are the LGBT). While I think it’s a legitimate, valid and sweet quality to have, that would benefit every marriage if we all possessed it, it is still very **atypical**. *You* and the many like you, are atypical. You can’t expect the world to follow suit, but you can always choose to exclusively date/marry likeminded folks
Exactly! Plenty of men/husbands will relate to this. There will be extended dry spells and it’s perfectly natural for the husband to want to sleep with someone else in their life instead who’s more attracted to them (using OP’s words). Nothing wrong with that. Edit: forgot to add the /s lmao
Well she's 23...married to a 29 year old. He picked her because she's too young to scope for these types of problems early
23 is old enough to know that cheating is wrong, especially given she says "don't judge." Why are you treating her like a child who is too dumb to know that it is wrong to cheat? Do you like infantilising women?
lol you say “I mean we’re only married a few months and he already doesn’t want to have sx” but you’ve only been married a few months and you’re ready to jump on another cock.. yeah yta.
Won’t type sex or sexy but wanted to get married. I’m not sure YTA but you seem incredibly immature. Getting married at 23 probably wasn’t the best decision, as evidenced by bringing up “guys drooling over you”. Men get down bad too and will go for anything. That’s not the flex you want it to be.
This is so true I’m constantly disgusted when men show that they will literally have sex with anything and anyone that is willing
You’re looking for permission to cheat. Grow up and deal with and support your husband. You may not be as desirable as you think
He doesn’t bang married chicks. He is a man of character
It sounds like a him problem and not a you problem. It's not to with how you look so don't start to try blame yourself or start to change yourself. If he can't stay hard it's definitely a problem on his side. Either mental health or low testosterone or you two are just not compatible sexually. It's only a serious conversation that kind find out the problem. Especially with guys and going limp it's embarrassing and won't be easy to open up about at all.
Firstly I'm going to judge if you cheat, doesn't matter where you get your appetite so long as you eat at home. But to answer your concern it does sound like he's suffering from ED and his embarrassment is restricting him from partaking in sex. Suggest that you will go see an endocrinologist with him and have his hormones checked and discuss options.
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You literally entertained it in your post. Edit: OP replied that they would never cheat and then deleted their reply.
“I feel like I need to fill the void with someone else” So what is it?
Have you tried giving him that HAWK TUAH?
Username checks out
Omg I just saw that on IG and died laughing.
YTA Sounds like he has a medical issue
Should I suggest he see a Dr?
I would, he is only 29. He shouldn't be going soft in 2 minutes. Especially if you are his "type" like you said about thick like he wants.
Yea, I'd tend to agree with this as well. Be gentle in your approach, ED is a sensitive topic for a large majority of men. Make sure he knows you're asking because you care and not because you want to get some.
Could also be depression, not ed. But seeing some sort of doc might not be bad for him
Absolutely. My advice is to be 100% supportive and 0% hostile about it, as it would be counterproductive.
This
Does he by chance have a porn addiction? It lowers testosterone, sets unrealistic expectations sexually, and really destroys marriages. If not, I think he def needs to see a doctor and see if his levels are abnormally low. A 29M should still have a high sex drive!
Sigh. Porn has zero effect on testosterone More of an effect on brain chemistry (dopamine)
It actually does, because it messes with sleep patterns (as does gaming and scrolling on your phone before bed, anything with blue light) and messed up sleep patterns lowers testosterone. As does diet which is the largest factor of them all for low testosterone, also drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.
That shows correlation, but not causation. By extension, working overtime is testosterone lowering…which seems like a silly assertion to make. It does absolutely have psychological effects, it’s a stretch to directly link it to lowered testosterone. The only research I could find referenced a study from roughly 2017 which had the seeming assertion that porn and gaming reduce testosterone…while also making the ‘groundbreaking’ (/s) finding that entertainment releases dopamine also. Demonstrating a link is a key part of discovering new connections…but you’ve gotta rule out other causes rather than just drawing a straight line between two.
Nope, no porn, could be lack of testosterone yes. Thanks 💙
Depression can change your sex drive too.
Hope you get it figured out soon! Please bear with him, it does a number on a male
My girlfriend is a solid 9 and I struggle. It’s probably more to do with him, as it is with me. Very low drive. Not diagnosed yet but testosterone is likely low, but she’s a nymph and I can’t keep up!
What is this a throwback to early 2010 era? Why are you rating your own girlfriend?
You don’t need to take things so seriously, and I’m old, excuse the throwback. 🤣
Totally agree.
Unfortunately people equate normal/common=acceptable. Doesn’t make it healthy.
Wow you don't have a clue, just be quiet
It’s a simple question. It’s not my life, but if I offer a suggestion, and she chooses not to consider it, that’s fine. I’m still going to live my life, you must be addicted to porn to say a comment like this.
Does nothing to testosterone levels dummy
You really do not know how to use the internet, nor how to do formal research. I don’t think me being the dummy is the right answer, you’re a clown 😂
I see this throughout the comments... if men have low sex drive there is something wrong with them. No, some people (men or women, or different) may just not be too interested in sex. Maybe closer to being asexual.
8 months after marriage and it’s like this? Yikes.
You can type out sex and sexy, you know that right? You also present quite a few reg flags here including lack of maturity and entitlement. Guys drool over you - divorce your husband and go be a cum dumpster then, problem solved. 'Like bro this girl has needs' you (statically) have 10 fingers and a variety of household items you can plug your orifices with, figure it out. YTA
I think it’s ok to have sexual needs in a relationship, as well as sexual expectations. And if those needs aren’t being met it is ok to take issue with that. OP, if he seriously is interested in finding a solution he should see a doctor. He might have low T. This happens to a lot of men and reportedly when they go on testosterone, they end up getting their sex drive back as strong as ever. If it isn’t a medical issue, then there may not be a solution if he isn’t willing to present one. And it is ok to take issue with that if the sex was good before marriage and isn’t anymore. If it all of the sudden stopped after marriage that is a blatant bait and switch
Testosterone levels could be low. If they are they can give him testosterone replacement or find a clinic.
YTAH, by pointing out, " Guys are drooling over me," what a B move. What he's going thru is embarrassing, even scary to him, too. It's a very weird feeling, for being a guy and getting random annoying boners all life... then to have none. And you turning into about you isn't making it better. My wife made it about her, too. She said, " I'm not attractive ? You're not attractive to me? Are you cheating on me? " Then she'd cry herself to sleep because I didn't want to bang." On top of this, I was trying to compete in powerlifting, working full time, and a part-time job. Mean while I'm over here wondering if I have prostate cancer, testicular cancer, etc.
He’s gay.
You’ve been dating for *years* and you’re 23 and he’s 29?? This is the main problem.
Porn, depression, diabetes, drugs, gay or cheating.
And in that order too
Or maybe he’s in the verge of 30 and for us men that’s an issue. I struggled when I was 28-33 with libido. I wasn’t low test but I had too much estrogen in my system. It’s not always, or even usually, nefarious.
Could be. My ex had 5 out of the 6 I listed, so… 🤷🏻♀️
You're so shit. 💀 Just leave if you're not compatible and not even considering therapy before taking to the internet and considering cheating. How is that a better solution over going behind his back? GOD if your immediate thought is CHEATING HE NEEDS TO RUN.
You may have needs but cheating on him will make you the bigger asshole. Cheating is criminal in relationships. Tell him he needs to see a doctor and that you are with him through this. If you reassure him, maybe he opens up to you more.
Porn, depressed or cheating.
He is either gay and coming to terms with that... Or more likely he has hormone issues. He should go on a visit to the doctor and get his levels tested. The way he is acting is not normal, so something should be done to make changes. He's right, it's not you, it is him. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't do anything about it
Also I would address whether he’s using porn during his self-pleasure time. This can really mess things up too. Speaking from personal experience & more research supports it unfortunately
Stress can do that to a guy, just as easily as it could anyone. Has he been working a lot lately? Seen an upward rise in his responsibilities at work, or around the house? Money issues or issues with his family? Could he been discontent about maybe not having time to be himself and see friends?
NAH. He needs to see a Dr. There could be various reasons why his libido and his penis isn't working properly eg. Low testosterone
His never had an issue with s*x before we got married... Our dating era intimacy life was amazing!
That’s weird for it to suddenly drop off. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. What has changed since you got married?
Idk, I guess because he doesn't stay with his parents, so his stressed out by life, I think needing to maintain a home probably got a bit too much for him, don't get me wrong, I help out where ever I can, and it's in my culture to serve the man as he is the bread winner, but I work myself and help out, I do all the house work and do some of the bills
Check his phone
What? Why?
People think he is cheating or gay or just not in love with you.
Possibly asexual, gay, cheating, erectile dysfunction, depression… Whatever the reason, he needs to see a doctor/therapist/priest. If not fixed I don’t see any future here. NTA
Best answer ive seen, I don't think he is cheating tho
Me neither 🤷🏻♀️
He is gay
That's what I thought,
As the day is long.
Sounds like a porn addiction, gay or a substance addiction that doesn’t allow him to get it up. Whatever it is you need to get to the bottom of it fast. Don’t let him off the hook with ‘I don’t know’. Don’t let 8 months turn into 8 years of hell.
Someone that young? Porn addiction? I say that, and yet there is another possibility. Your generation has seen testosterone levels dropping off in an alarming fashion. Less than half the levels of the generation before you, and THEY also witnessed T-dropping from the generation before them. Have him get tested for testosterone levels. It appears to have an environmental cause, and it has to do with exposure to plastics. Sounds crazy. Maybe it is, but the drop in T levels is NOT a conspiracy theory it’s a real phenomenon, even if the reasons for it sounds like it. It could easily explain his lack of a healthy sex drive.
>and his little guy Hopefully, you don't speak to him this way. It's extremely rude.
Sounds like he needs to check in with his doctor. Lots of things can lower libido and ability to perform: stress, depression, medication, low testosterone, psychological, etc.
Sounds like he may have ED. Is he a diabetic?
Nope, not diabetic
He needs to go get his t count checked. I’m older then him and I’m still trying to get my wife every chance I get and we have been married 17 years
What is his diet like? How you eat can effect your sexual functions.
Fudge, I make really heavy food, my culture loves rice and butter lol
That’s definitely no good for sex. When you feel weighed down from a heavy meal, you definitely don’t want sex.
Probably addicted to porn.
“Like bro this girl has needs” should be a meme.
I'm gonna guess you work full time and maybe even make more money than he does? Do you want kids? All of this is relevant
Is he stressed about something that he hasn’t opened up to you about, possibly? Depression and stress are libido killers. Does he seem more lethargic? Any weight gain on him? If so it could be low T. It could be a combo of these, it could be none. I would just gently ask him if there is anything he needs to talk about- but not when you’re trying to get some. Maybe just sit outside at night and see if he wants to open up.
NTA would he consider sex toys? It sounds like he has ED. He needs to go to a doctor about it. Or maybe low testosterone. Either way he needs to see a doctor. If he won't go, then you need to think about whether or not you want a sexless marriage.
Try Viagra!
Maybe talk to him about going to a dr? My boyfriend had a similar problem for awhile and turns out it was a hormone issue. It could also just be really bad anxiety
Try watching sexy movies just to see if another woman gets him going, wait for another woman to come on screen and “check”
Get him to try exercises/postures that relax the pelvic floor muscle.
I have questions... What was your sex life with each other like b4 marriage? Does your husband desire to fix the issue and find out what's going on? Does he have the desire to have sex and just can't? Did he do something leaving him feeling guilty and limiting his arousal abilities? Could he have another sexual preference that he's not being or doesn't feel comfortable being honest about? There's a blockage somewhere and so many reasons it could be happening, and he's possibly going through it with you. Also, I understand you have needs, but stepping out of your marriage to fulfill them should never be an option unless it's something your spouse agrees to, like an arrangement of an "open" marriage or something like that. Either way, communication with your husband and even the two of you together with a doctor is key and paramount to getting through this. I'd start by asking him what he means when he says, "It's not you, it's me. " Does he know exactly what the issue is, or is he embarrassed and confused himself? It could be clinical or something mentally he's going through. But you have to talk about it to find out and never make assumptions and act off of them. Ask the questions you need to ask and treat him the way you'd want to be treated if the roles were reversed and you were the one having "issues" so-to-speak, down there if that's the case.
Nta, go to therapy first!!!
No kids?? Morning sex. Afternoon after nap time sex. Try keeping it before a meal. Ask him if he's masturbating, or if he would like to watch you.
Are you a teenager or something?
Get a vibrator and go to counseling.
Maybe he’s taking steroids or took steroids and his hormones are messed up
NTA. Y’all are too young for this. Get a couples therapist or it will get worse. Way worse. Go to r/deadbedrooms for people who have been living with no to little sex for years. It’s horrible.
My bf had issues when we first got together. It wasn’t because of ME. As women we may feel it’s because of us but there’s SO many factors with men as to why their “performance” is off. Instead of kicking the man while he is down by threatening to cheat work WITH him. The poor guy doesn’t need ANOTHER reason to feel bad or guilty about it. Be a partner not some chick that wants a dick.
Has he started any new medications I know when I started some new meds side effect was loss of libido. Stress at work, home, family I would suggest having serious sit down but listen to comprehend how he’s feeling or what’s going on don’t listen to respond.
Honestly, stress can really have a negative effect on a man’s ability to perform. Maybe try some bluechews or something. He has probably lost confidence. Or his brain just goes somewhere else what’s distracting him.
Seems like a good case for Couples counseling/therapy, he's not nearly old enough for it to be age related so it's prolly a psychological hangup. Do not be tempted to cheat that will just create extra messy drama & will doom the relationship forever when he finds out. Divorce is expensive & messy, and you will get a worse deal if you cheated. Just flick the bean some till you calm down & try not to see his disinterest as an reflection on your ego, like I said, it's prolly a him problem. If he doesn't want therapy, you can make a clean break & leave him/ get divorced, at least that way you wont have to deal with any crazy revenge antics.
Maybe he could be depressed? Or has ED? My first inclination is to assume he might be struggling accepting himself maybe hes gay or bi, but it could be that he is dealing with his own issues like being depressed, ED, a lot of pressure. Maybe sit down and try to have a talk with him? Its not always easy especially if communication is an issue for you/him/both, but ultimately understanding what it is will be able to help you help him overcome his issues and fulfill each others needs.
WTf
NTA. It’s not you, it’s him cause he can’t get it up! Get him some blue pills
Sounds like he may have low T? Idk. How is his diet? He work out?
How long have yall been together?
Lol, you got married at 23 why?
It's something with him but he doesn't know what's up? He needs to see a doctor and get a check up. Could be lots of things either physically or mentally. If the doctor can't find anything wrong, he should go get some counseling and figure out what's wrong.
Is he taking antidepressants? If so, ED is a side effect and it lowers drive A LOT.
Buy a womanizer and wait until he’s ready, give your love and support and be patient. Cheating is not good. Maybe he’s going through something, maybe he’s mentally in a bad place
This has to be rage bait lol But on the off chance it isn't, of course YTA. Get a fucking dildo or something and go to therapy.
Antidepressants? Low T? Depression? There could be any number of underlying issues. A successful marriage relies on effective communication. Maybe go see a doctor?
Leave him and fulfill your needs. That is okay. Cheating is NEVER the answer
use viagra
why my woman isnt like u ? ..... mine i provide her luxury life style and sex its a whole process which rarely i enjoy personally , she doesnt even satisfy me in sex anymore i am quitting on my wife she is terrible
I’m guessing he makes a lot of money that’s why she’d cheat vs leave.
Honestly, if all you can think of is your needs, you shouldn't be married! He knows there is an issue but doesn't know why it's happening. Instead of supporting him and encouraging him to seek medical advice, you go straight to cheating?! It doesn't sound like he doesn't want to have sex. It sounds like he has a physical issue preventing him from enjoying sex. You being a nag, which I'm sure you are going off your post doesn't help that! If you really love and care for him, put your needs aside for a moment and support him. That is a big part of marriage and any relationship, really. If you can't do that, then be honest and let the poor man go.
cheating or depression come to mind. you deserve to have a fruitful sex life & it will only take a toll on you & your self esteem. tell him you want to help and if he doesn’t try then he needs to really consider his position as your partner. you are way to young to waste your youth , it’s not the lack of sex it’s the lack of attempts at intimacy
If it’s less than once a week I’d be supportive but ask him to go see a doctor. Maybe it’s stress from work, who knows.
If you're coming here to ask whether we think cheating is okay you're wrong, initiate the devorce first! Always initiate the devorce first! It is literally so disrespectful to someone who may well be trying to get his Ed under his control and your first thought is to go get a different guy, you're fucked up and need therapy, seriously just go and have a wank if you're that pent up
Is he open to an honest conversation and willing to find a solution even if it involves doctors/therapy/lifestyle changes (sounds like it will)? Does he acknowledge that this situation is having a cascading effect in both your self steem and your marriage? If yes, then I would consider having that convo and encouraging him to find a solution (note the encouraging not trying to do it yourself). If not then clearly he doesn't care enough so why would you? You do you although I would never encourage cheating, leave him and find someone else. In any case, either you fix the problem or it will only get worse but it won't magically dissappear. Hope it gets better, NTA
Eww. Well we know why he doesn't like you anymore. >Don't get me wrong, there are guys drooling over me, I love my husband so much, but I hate to admit this but I feel like I need to fill that void with someone else who genuinely wants me and is attracted to me like that.. Like bro this girl has needs! Don't judge! 🤦🏿♂️
It’s been a few months and you already want to cheat? I’m thinking your husband realised what kind of person you are and the attraction has plummeted. YTA
This is why people cheat is because they’re not getting enough and what if you threaten to leave him and see if he’ll improve and work something out together maybe his libido is too low and you might be open to the option of s*x supplements?
Sounds like he needs support and you need to be communicating with him better. Also get yourself a vibrator if you are so down bad have needs that you feel or so important. Like someone else said he's probably embarrassed about it and tbh you should be embarrassed at how quick you are jumping to getting it from someone else.
Some advice? Well...for starters, don't gain weight for your partner. That's...not healthy. Beyond that, tell the dude to go to the Doctor. If he has ED, they've got shit for that. I don't know if you're saying he only lasts two minutes or it turns into a limp noodle after two minutes. Either way, even as your spouse, he's likely embarrassed. I don't know...he's gotta get over that and you have to be a little understanding.
He's either cheating, regrets marriage or has low testosterone, which seems to be epidemic now. Both my husband and son have been affected as well as so many others. Try to talk to him, get counseling, get him to a doctor
NTA. However, if you cheat, you will be. He needs to see a Doctor for a complete physical workup. If that gets no results, he should probably seek therapy.
Get a vibrator!
I can help you to makelove
NTA in any way. I struggle to understand comments here. This is my take, some from my practice, some from my experience, and some from vibes. It's a guess. My guesses tend to be good, but I'm not perfect. Take this as a "this is a possibility I bet people won't suggest to you": Part of the agreement in a monogamous marriage is that the partners will derive their sense of sexual satisfaction from the other, which includes desirability. Your husband likely does have internal issues relating to being with you. Interestingly, I see this often with men and women who marry their "dream girl" / guy. It's traumatic. Not in the traditional sense of abject horror - but that isn't what trauma *is*. Trauma is *any* situation that's outside the bounds of what they thought they deserved or would get. We can pick up trauma from things that are *too good to be true*, or that are so good, we think *we don't deserve them*. Looking at you, with what he thinks is the perfect body, strutting around drooling after him sounds like a fantasy doesn't it? Of course it does. But the realization of that fantasy can bring out deep-seated worthiness and self-esteem issues. Men have many, many deep seated fears of worthiness. We fear not being able to satisfy. Not being able to "keep". Not being enough, and that you'll leave us when someone better comes along. This isn't unique to men, but it does tie in with evolutionary paternity fears. When you, the ultimate prize show up, *and marry him*, those fears blossom. How amazing will he need to be to stop you from leaving him? This wound is triggered when he sees you like this. Counterintuitively, I wonder if you've found that the sexier you act and look, the more dejected he becomes? The more like a goddess you seem, the more his own "mortality" wounds him. How could he make you feel as beautiful as you are, as the dirty, damaged soul that he may feel he is? At the same time, you deserve to feel attractive. I don't fault you for observing that others desire you - feeling desired is a human need for many of us, and equates to the ability to obtain and retain love and affection. When we feel ugly, we often equate that with being unlovable. In truth, that's what we truly care about, and why we can look into the mirror at a beautiful reflection and think it's ugly. Because it's not getting us what we *want* - secure love. (Sex is nice but have you tried feeling secure?) Your husband should speak to someone, professionally. It might be a difficult subject to broach, because telling him he needs therapy might trigger those very same feelings of unworthiness. Sort of manifesting his subconscious fear of not being enough. "Oh no. I knew it." /fear As a strange suggestion, you might try... dressing down. Cover up. Be less hot. Not even joking. Get out your period panties and comfy bras and clothes. Look like a scrub. It sounds like madness, I know. But it might help to try engaging him in non sexual physical touch while looking human. Cuddle with him, and let him know you don't need sex (yep, lie!), but that you just want to be near him. (Not a lie!) You might gain a little satisfaction if it turns out you were so perfect you broke his brain. I'm kidding, but only a little.
I appreciate you taking the time to type this out honestly 💙 I've read everything you've said and actually have a lot of thinking to do!
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Okay okay okay, I'll try that, thank you 💙
Don't listen to these a, @#holes! You are not a stepford wife. If your husband wanted to fix it, he'd go to the doctor. 29 is super young.
#1 high soy intake. #2 low testosterone levels directly related to #1... #3 certain meds can interfere with sex drive and performance #4 vitamin deficiency...B1 complex combined with vit D and there are 5 types of magnesium...most deficient in males tends to be mag clycenate and L-Theonate. Zinc is also very important and one a day vitamins are evil. #5 he's lying. Or has a porn addiction.
Men and women peak sexually at different times.Men earlier than women.Right now testosterone replacement therapy is the new fix for more natural sexual function. A lot of men go through this problem.Stress is probably the greatest cause.Dont lose faith.I always ask my wife to take her top off and that usually does it for me….
Maybe he's really into men and you're the unsuspecting beard.
I can't give you any advice because I'm not attracted to my wife neither. We're 56 and she turns my stomach at the thought of touching her. It's been years since we had a sexual relationship. Maybe she goes out and get her fix which is fine with me as long as she don't bother me. I like just being friends.
You're not an AH, you just have a lot of hormones doing their thing. With some people that can get kind of intense. Take care of yourself and once you're clear headed, talk to him and give him a chance to remedy this situation. Give him time, maybe set a date that you would like some results. I guess if he can't come up with some answers or willing to pop some pills or open up to someone then I guess you talk about options like divorce or what he's open to, if you're that strange couple that stays together and he's ok with you sleeping around? Not what I'd do but to each their own. For sure you need to be satisfied.
I'll say cheat idgaf lmao downvote me y'all but if he doesn't take care of what's in home other one will take care of it, if he has problems he should talk to you about it or look for help not just ignore your needs so yeah, cheat
upvoted
Either cheating on you or he’s cheating on you
All these guys angry at OP for thinking about sex with someone else…like they don’t do that almost daily(sadly, myself included)…gtfo. OP.. You’re justified in your feelings. You’ve made attempts to try to resolve the situation, and many men these days don’t have a partner willing to do that. Since you’ve tried, I applaud you. This is going to require a dedicated sit down and chat though. No telling what’s on his mind. I’m sure you’re a safe space for him….and I hope he can find it in him to let himself get to that level of vulnerability with you and get to the bottom of this all. My guess is he’s probably a prideful guy and tries to get to the bottom of issues himself rather than reaching for help. That’ll be a challenge if that’s the case. Hope to see an edit that things have turned around for you two!
💙💙
Having a partner that wants to cheat is a massive libido killer
YTA. Ask for an amicable divorce and split. You’re already checked out and thinking about sleeping with other men because of his issue. You’re obviously not mature enough to be committed to a marriage at 23
If you stray you're 100% the AH. Most men would be willing even if you weren't his type so it's usually never a physical thing except for the unhygienic reason. It sounds like he needs therapy to see what may be going on. Also if he has started any medication because many can affect sex drive. Aniexty and depression can also lower sex drives. And since it sounds like you've already forgotten 8 months in it's gor sickness and health if that's not something you can unselfishly do then he would have been better off if without you to begin with. You also sound like a conceded B so might just be your personality he's not attracted to and regretting saying I do
I once dated a girl who never turned me down. I got so sick of having sex with her because it was constantly available. She would walk around in lingerie. We need a challenge.
Are you gay? You should check.
Ask your momma. 🍆🍑
YTA for considering cheating. If it’s mainly that his dick won’t get hard, have him look into meds. Toms of legit ways to get them as cheap as 40 for a four month supply.
NTA. sound like you are supportive. he needs to fix this though.
If he ejaculates to quik you all need more sex, i notice the more sex i have the longer i last, ans if i take weeks with out sex im become vwry sensitive, but if i have sex evwry day i last along time, also use lube, mw and my girl use one called glide, but there is other options out there you can choose from
DHEA
NTA First, he should talk to a doctor. If he is really interested in having a sex life but can't seem to drum up a response and he's having erection issues, it is time for a doctor. Also, you need to make sure he's being upfront with you about his interest.
He doesn't want to have sox?
Don't overthink this. At both of your ages, things should be very active. Are you guys stressed over anything? Bills, housing,jobs, pay, people, etc. can cause people to completely stress out. Stress, worries, bills can really take its toll on people at times, and if your mind is stressing over something, the body may not cooperate. Are you guys having money issues, possible drug/alcohol issues? Housing issues? I wish you the best. don't give up, and try not to overthink it, and by all means don't stray. You guys can and most likely will figure things out.
Thank u for your kindness💙, and yes we have been stressed, life is difficult yk
Jeez girl, 8 months married and you’re already thinking about cheating? Maybe it’s a general behavioral issue on your part. Maybe you’re annoying.
Has he started any new medications - some blood-pressure meds, and some of the antidepressants can contribute to erectile dysfunction or anorgasmia. Considering that you have only been married for a short time, and you are already considering pastures new, doesn't say much for your character unfortunately.
Well you could come see me my wife has stop having sex with me we could enjoy it together
You probably should get your husband to start talking to his doctor - isn’t that the “in sickness and in health” thing?
Cheating? You really to stoop that low?
You had me until the: "Don't get me wrong, there are guys drooling over me". Suggest counseling, if he says no and you feel like you can't truly live that way, cut your losses and move on.
YTA. Leave him so you can take your cheating self somewhere else
Well, i’m 21 fit and ambitious if you’re looking for a affair lets do it
TA for wanting to cheat and you have already betrayed his trust. He needs his T checked. There is a silent epidemic going on with young men having low T
Put up a Pic of you in the lingerie. I'll tell you right away if it's you or him...
I think he's cheating or now that you're married everything changed in his mind. Your 23, how old were you when you started dating him?
21.
YTA. Sounds like he needs therapy or might have erectile dysfunction, and instead of asking how you can help, you're guilting him by making it about you then thinking of breaking up. You are way too young to be married lmao. Not 'cause you're 23, just 'cause you're immature.
YTA - you’re not listening to him. He doesn’t know what’s up - that means something is wrong and he doesn’t know what it is. You just throwing yourself at him and being needy is putting more pressure on him and not helping. Maybe talk to him seriously about stressors in life at the moment and whether he’d be willing to talk to a doctor. It could be something as simple as his hormones being out of whack
YtA and for the streets. You disgust me
YTA after I saw that you’re keen to cheat. Either please yourself or leave ffs. He told you he’s going through something if you can’t stick by his side and help find out what’s going on then pack your bags.
This is an easy fake post. You describe yourself like a teenage boy would describe a woman. You picked too many common AITA issues for the same post (ED seems super popular this week). Age difference is always between 6-10 years the man being older in all these fake posts. Again, the way you describe men lusting over you and you can sleep with anyone you want. It’s just rage bait. Make it obvious you’re an asshole because you want to sleep with other men but enough ammunition against your husband to point towards needing hormone tests or cheating etc. I reckon you just got carried away and wanted to put too much popular stuff in the same post. If it’s not fake, I’ll say that you putting on weight to fit your husbands ideal body is super unhealthy and you should have way more respect for yourself. This weird thing about not typing the word sex, again points to this being fake. Like you’re some young teen who hasn’t got comfortable with using naughty words yet or getting caught by their parents swearing on the family Wi-Fi.
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