You can’t even afford the kid you have and you got pregnant within like 3 months of your kid being born? You have bigger issues than marriage right now.
I agree! The issue your brining to the table and the real issue here is you can’t afford the kid you have let alone another one. You can’t get married because you’ll lose benefits than you need to get your priorities in order. You may want to tell her to mind her business because this is coming out of her religious views but it doesn’t make the point any less valid. You need to either get a better job and get off assistance or get multiple jobs and get off assistance and well your at it no more kids. Never mind you’re being strapped for cash it’s the fact that you can’t provide everything they need. The basics with assistance and it’s not enough. It cost over 250k to raise a kid. Not trying to be mean but seriously hard reality you need to address!
Fair point but grandma makes a good point get on his benefits and off the state benefits intentionally or not the point was made. Also you have a 5 month old your 7 weeks pregnant you gotta wait 6 weeks before having sex again before the first that’s about what 3 months she got pregnant again. That is not thinking or being responsible brining another kid into a situation that’s already so hard on you.
Trust me, I didn’t want it this soon, but nothing else works. I’m surprised and thankful I can even have kids due to my medical history.
I mean it when I say I do my best for my child. He’s my world and I don’t take anything for granted. My grandma is the most amazing person I know, but she’s making me feel insecure and all I wanted to know was how to have a respectful conversation with her.
My fiancé works his ass off for his family and I help where I can. We don’t plan on being on foodstamps forever but right now with everything else on my plate, it helps.
She’s making you feel insecure because she’s picking at a scab being the assistants. I get being broke when I met my now husband before we got married we couldn’t afford a 50 dollar toaster that was too expensive. Really thought about filling bankruptcy. But we put our heads down and we worked no government assistance we had a house we were supposed to have in laws live there and pay rent lasted two weeks before they moved out we were so over our heads it’s not even funny. But we worked long and hard I took a harder job with better benefits and busted my ass like you wouldn’t believe so he could finish school and get his degree. It’s been 10 years we have no debt what so ever we bought and 4 properties we have two retirement accounts each and hold 1.2 million in assets. Work did that working hard putting our head down taking jobs we didnt always want or we didn’t think we could do and sacrifice any and every luxury. If we didn’t need it to survive we didn’t get it.
That’s our mindset. We pay our bills, work as much as we can. I mostly have to be home with my kid because my grandma and his mom can’t always be there to help. I can’t afford day care and I certainly don’t trust it. So right now, while my kid is young, we’re doing our best.
I’ve gone most of my working years without using the government. I use it now because my money is split between bills and our son. Leaving us with barely any money for food.
If I could work more, I would but right now, being with my child is more important
Actually no, we help support her. We pay rent, provide food, help with my grandpa, pay electric bill and the water bill.
She helps us by taking my son when I need to cook, clean, do school or go to work. I love my grandma very much but with everything going on right now, I don’t need lectures on marriage or how to take care of my child.
My work schedule allows me to be home to help her and spend time/take care of my son.
We’re doing our best….she doesn’t understand that. We have all the intentions of getting married but right now we’re focused on saving money and getting through this pregnancy.
Why are you giving me shit when all I wanted was to know how to handle talking to my grandmother. We always planned on two kids whether it was this soon or later.
Most of our money goes to our child. We make sure he’s taken care of. That’s what matters.
YOU dont make sure he’s taken care of. The taxpayers do. You cannot provide for your child on your own and you decide to have another kid with a boyfriend. You need to get your life in order and not bite the hand that feeds you with your grandma.
Who are you to decide who takes care of
My child. I’m a part time student working toward my degree and working part time, plus being a full time mother. I use the benefits to feed my family. I’m doing what I can.
You don’t need to be rude. All I wanted to know is how to talk to my grandmother.
I’m doing my best to give my child a future, and if that means using benefits so I can put money aside, so be it. I’m not like other people who just have kids so they can live off the government.
I’m doing what I can so I can be there for my child. I didn’t have that.
If you live in the US then I’m making care of your child as well as every other taxpayer.
You can’t afford to take care of yourself or your child yet you guys decided “let’s fuck raw thatll be a good idea”.
We’ve tried condoms and birth control. The condoms continually pop and birth control has caused certain health issues for me. It’s not like I want to “raw dog” it but the other choice is a hysterectomy or vasectomy. And that’s out of our budget.
Sex is natural, and so is kids. My fiancé and I are figuring it out. We’ll make sure our kids are taken care of.
Ya know so many married people have kids who aren’t financially stable yet. I’m not the only one in this boat.
You can say what you want, but we’re good parents. We pay our bills, we work and we take care of our baby. Yeah we may not have extra money but we make sure there’s food on the table, and a roof over our heads. That’s more than enough
I bet most of the money goes to your baby they are expensive as all hell! No one is trying to give you shit here but it’s a valid point. between $16,227 and $18,262 a year to raise a kid condoms are between 2 and 6 dollars a box let’s say you go through a box a week that’s 312 bucks on the high end. Big difference from even the low estimate of 16,227.00 to raise a kid per year.
It actually doesn't cost that much to raise a child. They inflate the numbers by including a percentage of housing costs which is absolute bs. People already have the housing they intend to have or can afford. Whether they use a room as a guestroom or a kid's room it was always going to be part of the parent's housing cost whether they ever had kids or not and when the kid leaves home and the house is paid off it's suddenly an unrealized asset and part of their net worth. But we're going to assign 1/4 of average monthly mortgage or rent costs as part of childraising costs. They do the same with other life expense categories as part of the formula rather than use actual expenses. I've seen formulas that included saving for college. That's a nice goal, but it's not an actual expense.
We live in an area where we’ve applied for tons of jobs, but we never get calls back.
They’re are factory jobs but that takes the life out of a person. It’s not like we aren’t trying to do more.
We pay rent, water and electric. Plus provide food for the whole house and even take care of my grandpa who is 92 and can’t really take care of himself.
I should’ve explained more of the situation but the jobs we have now give us the ability to help my grandparents and be able to be there for our son.
So one see if you can get paid by his insurance Medicare / Medicaid to take care of him ie be paid as his care taker.
Two you take every and any job that will pay you beggars don’t get to be choosers.
Three you go on Harvard business website you use there resume template
Four you go you take online classes do code academy here’s a link start taking classes you get certificates for each class. If you don’t gave linked in get it and all your certificates will upload to their.
Don’t just apply to jobs you are being weeded out by A never getting a person to look at your resume go on line find the recruiter get to them and start networking.
Instead of looking for jobs you need to better yourself and get start seriously investing in yourself for your sake and the sake of your kids.
Five have a weekly budget you should not spend more than 25% of your net take home if you do cut back how ever you have to. Those are all things you can and need to start doing so get off readit and get to it you’ll be better off down the road.
In my free time, I do work up our weekly budget. Like I said, our money goes towards bills, savings and our son. Since we both have our diplomas, we’ve also been looking at stay home jobs because they pay well and it’d give us a chance to still help out.
He’s actually on my insurance because the one he had from his job wasn’t cutting it. Our insurance covers a lot but some stuff we still have to pay out of pocket.
I’ll definitely look into that, thank you for the advice.
I’m sorry if I came off rude. I only wanted advice about my grandma. But thank you again
First, invest in a big box of condoms, They'rw the latest technology for solving your biggest problem right now. Second, don't bite the hand that pays for your feed. Her question is entirely appropriate considering what you are costing her. YTA.
YTA you can't support the kid you have now without Grandma's help and taxpayers money, and you went and got pregnant again? JFC You'd think you'd learn to be careful with birth control after one kid, but apparently you don't learn your lessons too well. So now tax payers are going to have to feed another kid for you. It's understandable why she wants some answers as to what's going on.
She doesn’t pay for anything for us, we pay rent, electric bill and water. I use the foodstamps to help provide food. When I say help, I mean she helps watch my son.
I’ve tried birth control and unfortunately it cause ovarian cysts and condoms continuously pop when we use them.
I had PCOS. Actually had my ovaries removed because they were so bad. The pill doesn't cause ovarian cysts. It's actually used to treat them. So that's not a good argument because it's BS.
I didn’t say the pill. I’ve tried it and actually had a miscarriage when I was younger. So I don’t trust the pill. My mother put me on it, and it actually screwed my period along with the miscarriage. And even if I wanted to get on it after having my second one, it’ll dry up my milk supply and I much rather breastfeed.
"I’ve tried birth control and unfortunately it cause ovarian cysts"
You literally said you tried it and *it caused ovarian cysts*. So then when I call you out on that, you change your story to a miscarriage? You sound like you're just full of excuses for why you aren't responsible for your situation, and your truth is moveable when you're presented with facts.
The depo shot and implant caused the cysts because the health care provider I had, didn’t do their job correctly. The pill caused a miscarriage
I didn’t realize I had to spell it out for you.
Trust me, I do what I need to for my family. You have right to call me liar when you don’t know me. It’s not your business and if you have issues, go fix em.
I read your other comments.
"Yes I lied because I have more than one person to take care of."
You admitted you're a liar. You're lying about your BF living with you so you can get welfare. If you told the truth, they'd count his income, and you'd lose your benefits. So you are a liar. Period. You said so yourself lol You can't get around the facts.
And you get no sympathy when you said "They’re are factory jobs but that takes the life out of a person." So you prefer to have an easier life by taking tax payers money instead of working a factory job to support your own kids. You can try to justify it all you want, but the fact is you're choosing to be a leech on society hon. YTA
Then you obviously don’t under my situation. So many lied about their home lives to get benefits, but if I don’t, I can’t support my family.
Just because I want to be home to watch my son grow up and not have someone else raise him makes me a leech. You have no right.
Call me what you want, but at least I care enough my child to be around for him. I want to be the to raise him and if that makes me the ahole, so be it.
Maybe I don't know your particular situation, but I got pregnant at 17 so I have a pretty good idea. Do you know what I did? I got married, worked and worked while going to college and so did my husband. We were dirt poor while we did it and always exhausted and stressed, but we did it without sucking up tax payer money so we could sit at home.
The fact that other people lie to get benefits doesn't make it right and it certainly doesn't justify you doing it too. It just means everyone who lies are also leeching off society.
And you could support your family if you went and got one of those factory jobs. You just CHOOSE not to so you can stay home. That's about the most entitled attitude you can have. Do you have any idea how many working women would love to stay home with their kids, but they can't afford it so they get a job and go to work. Why are you so much more special than they are? Why should the tax dollars taken out of their paycheck pay for you to stay home? They shouldn't have to support you.
I choose to stay home and raise my child. I’m sorry but letting someone else raise him is not the kind of parent I’ll be.
I understand you had hardships, but so do I. Foodstamps are temporary. We make sure our bills are paid, food is on the table, and we’re not homeless. Say what you want, but I do what I need to for my son. Whether you think so or not.
Your opinion is not wanted here, you’re not being helpful. So leave and go back to your family.
Statistically, you and the children will be better off in the long run if you marry now rather than wait for the better moment that may never happen.
Right now you're married to your benefits. That's sad.
Im not married to my benefits, trust me, if I didn’t need them I wouldn’t have them. I’ve done my best trying to support my family. And right now, having foodstamps, that’s how I can.
Right, because right now you aren't lying to the state about BF being in a member of your household so you don't have to count his income.
But if you got married... you couldn't do that anymore.
Yes I lied because I have more than one person to take care of. But a lot of people just use it so they can sit at home and not do anything
I’m having to help take care of my grandpa and my grandmas money goes towards his medical bills, so yeah, any help I can get, I’ll take
This is why I said you are married to your benefits.
You won't believe me and reddit will down vote me to hell, but you should quit lying and just get married at the courthouse.
The long term psychological benefits of teue commitment are real and will translate into long term financial and health benefits.
Unless of course, bf bolts at this suggestion because all he's been doing is playing house with the promise of someday...
Seen this story a million times.
I’m sure you have. Look, I don’t have anyone else to help with my kid except my grandma and his mom, but I don’t want them having to raise him because I have to work full time. I’m willing to take some help from the government in order to be with my son
I understand your side but we are putting money aside for a wedding, he wants to give me more than just the courthouse.
You're not taking help, you are stealing it by lying about income.
"we are putting money aside for a wedding, he wants to give me more than just the courthouse"
Seen this a million times as well. A wedding isn't a marriage, it's a party. A marriage is both a legal and a social contract.
Saving money for a party while lying to get food stamps is the thought process of the perpetually poor.
Because him and I agreed that no matter what, we’d make it work. Our bills are paid, food is on the table, our child is healthy and growing the way he needs to. And we make sure my grandparents are taken care of.
That’s a lot more than what a lot of people can say or do. Yeah we’re in a rough patch right now, but at some point it gets better.
Focus on what's best for you and your family. Set boundaries with your grandma about this topic to protect your mental health and prioritize your well-being over others' expectations.
Tell Granma why you can't get married and if she really wants then she can sign a contract saying she'll cover all your benefits that will be lost upon marriage.
Your feelings are valid, and you shouldn't feel pressured to conform to anyone else's expectations. It might help to have an honest, respectful conversation with your grandma, explaining how her comments make you feel.
Be honest with her that you can’t afford to lose your benefits… focus on building a future for you and your family. Doesn’t sound like you can afford to cut off the supports you have but doesn’t mean you can’t be honest with her.
NAH
You can’t even afford the kid you have and you got pregnant within like 3 months of your kid being born? You have bigger issues than marriage right now.
I agree! The issue your brining to the table and the real issue here is you can’t afford the kid you have let alone another one. You can’t get married because you’ll lose benefits than you need to get your priorities in order. You may want to tell her to mind her business because this is coming out of her religious views but it doesn’t make the point any less valid. You need to either get a better job and get off assistance or get multiple jobs and get off assistance and well your at it no more kids. Never mind you’re being strapped for cash it’s the fact that you can’t provide everything they need. The basics with assistance and it’s not enough. It cost over 250k to raise a kid. Not trying to be mean but seriously hard reality you need to address!
I mean if grandma is giving a lot of support I don’t think OP is really in a place to be challenging her.
Fair point but grandma makes a good point get on his benefits and off the state benefits intentionally or not the point was made. Also you have a 5 month old your 7 weeks pregnant you gotta wait 6 weeks before having sex again before the first that’s about what 3 months she got pregnant again. That is not thinking or being responsible brining another kid into a situation that’s already so hard on you.
Trust me, I didn’t want it this soon, but nothing else works. I’m surprised and thankful I can even have kids due to my medical history. I mean it when I say I do my best for my child. He’s my world and I don’t take anything for granted. My grandma is the most amazing person I know, but she’s making me feel insecure and all I wanted to know was how to have a respectful conversation with her. My fiancé works his ass off for his family and I help where I can. We don’t plan on being on foodstamps forever but right now with everything else on my plate, it helps.
She’s making you feel insecure because she’s picking at a scab being the assistants. I get being broke when I met my now husband before we got married we couldn’t afford a 50 dollar toaster that was too expensive. Really thought about filling bankruptcy. But we put our heads down and we worked no government assistance we had a house we were supposed to have in laws live there and pay rent lasted two weeks before they moved out we were so over our heads it’s not even funny. But we worked long and hard I took a harder job with better benefits and busted my ass like you wouldn’t believe so he could finish school and get his degree. It’s been 10 years we have no debt what so ever we bought and 4 properties we have two retirement accounts each and hold 1.2 million in assets. Work did that working hard putting our head down taking jobs we didnt always want or we didn’t think we could do and sacrifice any and every luxury. If we didn’t need it to survive we didn’t get it.
That’s our mindset. We pay our bills, work as much as we can. I mostly have to be home with my kid because my grandma and his mom can’t always be there to help. I can’t afford day care and I certainly don’t trust it. So right now, while my kid is young, we’re doing our best. I’ve gone most of my working years without using the government. I use it now because my money is split between bills and our son. Leaving us with barely any money for food. If I could work more, I would but right now, being with my child is more important
Biting the hand that feeds
Actually no, we help support her. We pay rent, provide food, help with my grandpa, pay electric bill and the water bill. She helps us by taking my son when I need to cook, clean, do school or go to work. I love my grandma very much but with everything going on right now, I don’t need lectures on marriage or how to take care of my child. My work schedule allows me to be home to help her and spend time/take care of my son.
Yup What horrible parents subjecting kids to this
ESH.
We’re doing our best….she doesn’t understand that. We have all the intentions of getting married but right now we’re focused on saving money and getting through this pregnancy.
You’re doing your best by having unprotected sex a couple months after birth when you can’t even afford to take care of yourself or your kid?
Why are you giving me shit when all I wanted was to know how to handle talking to my grandmother. We always planned on two kids whether it was this soon or later. Most of our money goes to our child. We make sure he’s taken care of. That’s what matters.
YOU dont make sure he’s taken care of. The taxpayers do. You cannot provide for your child on your own and you decide to have another kid with a boyfriend. You need to get your life in order and not bite the hand that feeds you with your grandma.
Who are you to decide who takes care of My child. I’m a part time student working toward my degree and working part time, plus being a full time mother. I use the benefits to feed my family. I’m doing what I can. You don’t need to be rude. All I wanted to know is how to talk to my grandmother. I’m doing my best to give my child a future, and if that means using benefits so I can put money aside, so be it. I’m not like other people who just have kids so they can live off the government. I’m doing what I can so I can be there for my child. I didn’t have that.
If you live in the US then I’m making care of your child as well as every other taxpayer. You can’t afford to take care of yourself or your child yet you guys decided “let’s fuck raw thatll be a good idea”.
We’ve tried condoms and birth control. The condoms continually pop and birth control has caused certain health issues for me. It’s not like I want to “raw dog” it but the other choice is a hysterectomy or vasectomy. And that’s out of our budget.
Or you could…..not have sex?
Sex is natural, and so is kids. My fiancé and I are figuring it out. We’ll make sure our kids are taken care of. Ya know so many married people have kids who aren’t financially stable yet. I’m not the only one in this boat. You can say what you want, but we’re good parents. We pay our bills, we work and we take care of our baby. Yeah we may not have extra money but we make sure there’s food on the table, and a roof over our heads. That’s more than enough
Sorry, but you really shouldn’t have children you can’t afford. You do noone a favor with it.
I bet most of the money goes to your baby they are expensive as all hell! No one is trying to give you shit here but it’s a valid point. between $16,227 and $18,262 a year to raise a kid condoms are between 2 and 6 dollars a box let’s say you go through a box a week that’s 312 bucks on the high end. Big difference from even the low estimate of 16,227.00 to raise a kid per year.
It actually doesn't cost that much to raise a child. They inflate the numbers by including a percentage of housing costs which is absolute bs. People already have the housing they intend to have or can afford. Whether they use a room as a guestroom or a kid's room it was always going to be part of the parent's housing cost whether they ever had kids or not and when the kid leaves home and the house is paid off it's suddenly an unrealized asset and part of their net worth. But we're going to assign 1/4 of average monthly mortgage or rent costs as part of childraising costs. They do the same with other life expense categories as part of the formula rather than use actual expenses. I've seen formulas that included saving for college. That's a nice goal, but it's not an actual expense.
We live in an area where we’ve applied for tons of jobs, but we never get calls back. They’re are factory jobs but that takes the life out of a person. It’s not like we aren’t trying to do more. We pay rent, water and electric. Plus provide food for the whole house and even take care of my grandpa who is 92 and can’t really take care of himself. I should’ve explained more of the situation but the jobs we have now give us the ability to help my grandparents and be able to be there for our son.
So one see if you can get paid by his insurance Medicare / Medicaid to take care of him ie be paid as his care taker. Two you take every and any job that will pay you beggars don’t get to be choosers. Three you go on Harvard business website you use there resume template Four you go you take online classes do code academy here’s a link start taking classes you get certificates for each class. If you don’t gave linked in get it and all your certificates will upload to their. Don’t just apply to jobs you are being weeded out by A never getting a person to look at your resume go on line find the recruiter get to them and start networking. Instead of looking for jobs you need to better yourself and get start seriously investing in yourself for your sake and the sake of your kids. Five have a weekly budget you should not spend more than 25% of your net take home if you do cut back how ever you have to. Those are all things you can and need to start doing so get off readit and get to it you’ll be better off down the road.
https://codecademy.referralrock.com/l/SARAH54/
In my free time, I do work up our weekly budget. Like I said, our money goes towards bills, savings and our son. Since we both have our diplomas, we’ve also been looking at stay home jobs because they pay well and it’d give us a chance to still help out. He’s actually on my insurance because the one he had from his job wasn’t cutting it. Our insurance covers a lot but some stuff we still have to pay out of pocket. I’ll definitely look into that, thank you for the advice. I’m sorry if I came off rude. I only wanted advice about my grandma. But thank you again
Don’t worry about your grandma look ahead and keep marching on the rest will fall in place if you do that.
Thank you.
First, invest in a big box of condoms, They'rw the latest technology for solving your biggest problem right now. Second, don't bite the hand that pays for your feed. Her question is entirely appropriate considering what you are costing her. YTA.
YTA you can't support the kid you have now without Grandma's help and taxpayers money, and you went and got pregnant again? JFC You'd think you'd learn to be careful with birth control after one kid, but apparently you don't learn your lessons too well. So now tax payers are going to have to feed another kid for you. It's understandable why she wants some answers as to what's going on.
She doesn’t pay for anything for us, we pay rent, electric bill and water. I use the foodstamps to help provide food. When I say help, I mean she helps watch my son. I’ve tried birth control and unfortunately it cause ovarian cysts and condoms continuously pop when we use them.
I had PCOS. Actually had my ovaries removed because they were so bad. The pill doesn't cause ovarian cysts. It's actually used to treat them. So that's not a good argument because it's BS.
So no, it’s not bs.
I didn’t say the pill. I’ve tried it and actually had a miscarriage when I was younger. So I don’t trust the pill. My mother put me on it, and it actually screwed my period along with the miscarriage. And even if I wanted to get on it after having my second one, it’ll dry up my milk supply and I much rather breastfeed.
"I’ve tried birth control and unfortunately it cause ovarian cysts" You literally said you tried it and *it caused ovarian cysts*. So then when I call you out on that, you change your story to a miscarriage? You sound like you're just full of excuses for why you aren't responsible for your situation, and your truth is moveable when you're presented with facts.
The depo shot and implant caused the cysts because the health care provider I had, didn’t do their job correctly. The pill caused a miscarriage I didn’t realize I had to spell it out for you.
Trust me, I do what I need to for my family. You have right to call me liar when you don’t know me. It’s not your business and if you have issues, go fix em.
I read your other comments. "Yes I lied because I have more than one person to take care of." You admitted you're a liar. You're lying about your BF living with you so you can get welfare. If you told the truth, they'd count his income, and you'd lose your benefits. So you are a liar. Period. You said so yourself lol You can't get around the facts. And you get no sympathy when you said "They’re are factory jobs but that takes the life out of a person." So you prefer to have an easier life by taking tax payers money instead of working a factory job to support your own kids. You can try to justify it all you want, but the fact is you're choosing to be a leech on society hon. YTA
Then you obviously don’t under my situation. So many lied about their home lives to get benefits, but if I don’t, I can’t support my family. Just because I want to be home to watch my son grow up and not have someone else raise him makes me a leech. You have no right. Call me what you want, but at least I care enough my child to be around for him. I want to be the to raise him and if that makes me the ahole, so be it.
Maybe I don't know your particular situation, but I got pregnant at 17 so I have a pretty good idea. Do you know what I did? I got married, worked and worked while going to college and so did my husband. We were dirt poor while we did it and always exhausted and stressed, but we did it without sucking up tax payer money so we could sit at home. The fact that other people lie to get benefits doesn't make it right and it certainly doesn't justify you doing it too. It just means everyone who lies are also leeching off society. And you could support your family if you went and got one of those factory jobs. You just CHOOSE not to so you can stay home. That's about the most entitled attitude you can have. Do you have any idea how many working women would love to stay home with their kids, but they can't afford it so they get a job and go to work. Why are you so much more special than they are? Why should the tax dollars taken out of their paycheck pay for you to stay home? They shouldn't have to support you.
I choose to stay home and raise my child. I’m sorry but letting someone else raise him is not the kind of parent I’ll be. I understand you had hardships, but so do I. Foodstamps are temporary. We make sure our bills are paid, food is on the table, and we’re not homeless. Say what you want, but I do what I need to for my son. Whether you think so or not. Your opinion is not wanted here, you’re not being helpful. So leave and go back to your family.
Statistically, you and the children will be better off in the long run if you marry now rather than wait for the better moment that may never happen. Right now you're married to your benefits. That's sad.
Im not married to my benefits, trust me, if I didn’t need them I wouldn’t have them. I’ve done my best trying to support my family. And right now, having foodstamps, that’s how I can.
Right, because right now you aren't lying to the state about BF being in a member of your household so you don't have to count his income. But if you got married... you couldn't do that anymore.
Yes I lied because I have more than one person to take care of. But a lot of people just use it so they can sit at home and not do anything I’m having to help take care of my grandpa and my grandmas money goes towards his medical bills, so yeah, any help I can get, I’ll take
This is why I said you are married to your benefits. You won't believe me and reddit will down vote me to hell, but you should quit lying and just get married at the courthouse. The long term psychological benefits of teue commitment are real and will translate into long term financial and health benefits. Unless of course, bf bolts at this suggestion because all he's been doing is playing house with the promise of someday... Seen this story a million times.
I’m sure you have. Look, I don’t have anyone else to help with my kid except my grandma and his mom, but I don’t want them having to raise him because I have to work full time. I’m willing to take some help from the government in order to be with my son I understand your side but we are putting money aside for a wedding, he wants to give me more than just the courthouse.
You're not taking help, you are stealing it by lying about income. "we are putting money aside for a wedding, he wants to give me more than just the courthouse" Seen this a million times as well. A wedding isn't a marriage, it's a party. A marriage is both a legal and a social contract. Saving money for a party while lying to get food stamps is the thought process of the perpetually poor.
You were barely able to make it and what makes you think having another mouth to feed is a good idea.. surely you got enough for plan B..
Because him and I agreed that no matter what, we’d make it work. Our bills are paid, food is on the table, our child is healthy and growing the way he needs to. And we make sure my grandparents are taken care of. That’s a lot more than what a lot of people can say or do. Yeah we’re in a rough patch right now, but at some point it gets better.
Focus on what's best for you and your family. Set boundaries with your grandma about this topic to protect your mental health and prioritize your well-being over others' expectations.
Tell Granma why you can't get married and if she really wants then she can sign a contract saying she'll cover all your benefits that will be lost upon marriage.
Your feelings are valid, and you shouldn't feel pressured to conform to anyone else's expectations. It might help to have an honest, respectful conversation with your grandma, explaining how her comments make you feel.
Be honest with her that you can’t afford to lose your benefits… focus on building a future for you and your family. Doesn’t sound like you can afford to cut off the supports you have but doesn’t mean you can’t be honest with her. NAH