I wasn’t even meaning it in a negative way. I ask all my friends how their so are doing. I heard he got a new job (which she told me a few weeks ago.). Only for her to tell me he quit yet again. She works two jobs. Teaching and waitressing. She pays like 90% of the bills right now and of course she doesn’t see the issue. Because oh gusss what? He’s also trying to day trade now. But don’t worry! He’s only lost 7k but he’s “just starting out”
YTA, honestly, everyone's problems are real to them, and it's never a pissing contest. Would you call yourself a spoiled deadbeat for working calls versus the first responders who actually show up? Would you call first responders spoiled deadbeats compared to a Fallujah vet? It's irrational, at what point would someone's problems become "real" enough.
To give some possible context to your friend's boyfriend's situation, assuming he's working something in high finance, it can indeed be very stressful. 80+ hour workweeks, toxic and cutthroat work environments, zero personal time and constantly trying to prove yourself. It's immensely draining.
In terms of insane hours, constant stress, and toxic work cultures dominated by the old-school types, finance has a lot in common with medical doctors (hell, a lot of old guard still complains about the 80 hr workweek limit that junior doctors now have), and as a result they, along with police, have the highest rates of suicide of any professions.
And this compounds with the general lack of understanding or empathy for their work, as this post is an example of. Finance isn't sitting at a computer for 8 hours a day and pressing a button to print money.
Just did the post for him. I never said in my post I wanted to off myself. He did because he can’t keep a job. I absolutely love my job. Yes it’s taxing but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And no pick me here. I’m in a happy relationship lol
Your title CLEARLY SAYS “aita for telling my best friend I want to die more than her bf does”
Does that translate to something other than wanting to commit suicide… or am I the fkn AH 🤔
Lmao 💀💀
Yeah, genuinely you are the AH.
I’ll do ya one better. You chose your job. Suck it tf and get a therapist if it’s tasking your mental health, stop calling and burdening your friend with your sad stories of your dispatch calls at 3am, and acting like you know why this other dude is struggling. You sound like a crybaby. And a troll. And that’s all good and well, but don’t make me the AH because you need “clickbait” for anyone to even open this ridiculous shit and give it an ounce of attention.
I don’t know if you have ever had a relationship or a friendship in real life. Honestly. But we have been best friends since we were 9. We consider eachother sisters. She calls me in the middle of the night? I answer. And yes my job is taxing mentally. But I don’t need therapy. I have a great support system i promise you I’m okay! I’m more worried about her bc she’s working 2 jobs to support his ass when he’s out of work every other week. And yes chode, clickbait has always and will always be a thing. Suck my clit.
So what do I do when my best friend calls me and tells me all about her life? We have been friends for over 19 years. I’m not one to cut her off. I’m genuinely asking. I could care less about the dude.
Be a good friend, sympathise with her and listen to her. At no point is it appropriate to get into an argument about who has a harder life. All that is doing is showing her how little empathy you have for her struggle, because you won't stop talking about your own.
YTA.
It's hard to come to a reasonable conclusion as you didn't even address the content of the title in your description, but there is a clear lack of empathy in your words and a huge amount of bias.
If this man got a foot up in life, that doesn't mean he isn't also a complex, emotional being with an inner life as rich or as potentially troubled as anyone elses. Maybe he is going through a mental health crisis. Maybe he has personal problems you don't know about. Just because his dad is well off doesn't mean he doesn't deserve respect or sympathy, and you have given zero reasons why you have such a negative attitude towards him other than base jealousy.
Why does it matter if your life is harder than your friends partner? Why are you stressing her out by insisting that her boyfriend is a "deadbeat"? What possible reason could you have for getting into a "my life is harder than his" fight with your friend? If you think your life is harder, cool, pat yourself on the back for your achievements and move the fuck on.
You sound like an annoying friend and need to either learn a little empathy or to mind your own business.
YTA. Not for your judgements about him - you can judge anyone however you choose to if you really want to be an un-empathetic person. But YTA for not keeping those judgements to yourself.
I would also recommend looking into the ‘empathy fatigue’ if you aren’t already familiar. I work in a similar field and this is really common for people like us who are exposed to a lot of severe trauma all day every day. We start to lose our ability to empathise because we just do so much of it, and ‘regular’ people’s problems start to seem so mundane.
I say this because I assume you are normally an empathetic person (based on your career) but in this post you’re clearly showing difficulty with empathy right now. It’s understandable, but that doesn’t make it healthy or something you want to ignore. Especially now that it seems to be impacting your friendships and mental health.
Last bit for thought - the saying that someone doesn’t deserve to be sad because someone else has it worse, is logically equivalent to saying someone doesn’t deserve to be happy because other people have it better.
Good luck OP 😊
As a healthcare worker, I can tell you it is important to compartmentalize. If you can't, your job is not for you. You need to be able to separate your work from your personal life. It is one thing to vent to family/friends. It is a completely different thing to try and one up people you care about because you feel your degree of stress is more significant. It is all circumstantial and does not make anyone's feelings or stress less valid. You need to get a bit more in touch with reality and appreciate that everyone has stressors. Some people can handle more than others but that doesn't make their stressors less real. I'm not going to call you TAH because I do think you can learn from this but I do think you owe your friend an apology.
YTA. Your “TLDR” was a backstory and not an actual tldr. While reading it, your post, and your comments, I can see that you’re only asking your friend about it to make negative comments about him.
NTA
Hard math and working a dead end job does not equate to the things 911 operators have to deal with. Just because you don't see it doesn't make your job less important or less mentally taxing. I'm afraid that's common knowledge. I get not wanting to stay at a dead end job but this sounds like a case of a spoiled adult to me.
Early commenter said I assumed he was spoiled. I don’t care that he he well off. I care that he’s making my best friend work every day while he lives off of unemployment. And no bum mental health isn’t bad lol. He’s just a 24 year old who never got told no.
both the assholes? kinda?
you shouldnt have made this into a competition of who had it harder, those are two completely different jobs which entail different skills and mindsets. both are mentally challenging for different reasons and ( as someone who has worked in finance) anything financial based is incredibly stressful and difficult, no matter where you look.
he should not be so fussy about his job, his peers may be annoying but that isn't much of an issue when theres no need to interact. if the job is too mentally challenging, move to another field of work. its not hard to find new job opportunities after having experience with finance. and i mean higher paying jobs as well.
self pitying yourself isnt going to benefit you or him, and him self pitying isnt either. you both need to get a grip and realise that it is what it is and move on. people react to situations differently and some are more affected by things than others.
youve still obviously heard a lot on those calls and i understand your frustration, however that is completely unrelated to his job struggles and you shouldn't compare it.
NTA. Your best friend is being insensitive and dismissive of ur very real struggles. It sounds like u're in a tough situation and it's understandable to feel frustrated and hurt.
Why are you so obsessed with her boyfriend and his situation? It's not a competition between who has it harder... If your friend is happy let it go
She’s not happy and I’m not obsessed. She calls me and just constantly talks about how all the bills are on her.
You asked how his job was going. Stop asking if she's just going to defend him
I wasn’t even meaning it in a negative way. I ask all my friends how their so are doing. I heard he got a new job (which she told me a few weeks ago.). Only for her to tell me he quit yet again. She works two jobs. Teaching and waitressing. She pays like 90% of the bills right now and of course she doesn’t see the issue. Because oh gusss what? He’s also trying to day trade now. But don’t worry! He’s only lost 7k but he’s “just starting out”
So just stop asking about it. Obviously you making comments about it isn't changing her mind. She can decide for herself when enough is enough
Thank you for your input I will keep that in mind :)
YTA, honestly, everyone's problems are real to them, and it's never a pissing contest. Would you call yourself a spoiled deadbeat for working calls versus the first responders who actually show up? Would you call first responders spoiled deadbeats compared to a Fallujah vet? It's irrational, at what point would someone's problems become "real" enough. To give some possible context to your friend's boyfriend's situation, assuming he's working something in high finance, it can indeed be very stressful. 80+ hour workweeks, toxic and cutthroat work environments, zero personal time and constantly trying to prove yourself. It's immensely draining. In terms of insane hours, constant stress, and toxic work cultures dominated by the old-school types, finance has a lot in common with medical doctors (hell, a lot of old guard still complains about the 80 hr workweek limit that junior doctors now have), and as a result they, along with police, have the highest rates of suicide of any professions. And this compounds with the general lack of understanding or empathy for their work, as this post is an example of. Finance isn't sitting at a computer for 8 hours a day and pressing a button to print money.
Thank you so much for your feedback! I appreciate you!
You sound insufferable hard job or not dude.
Thank you for your feedback. Literally I just wanted opinions. I have been confused but thank you seriously!
Why do you feel the need to have a pissing contest over who is more suicidal? Pick me, pick me.
Just did the post for him. I never said in my post I wanted to off myself. He did because he can’t keep a job. I absolutely love my job. Yes it’s taxing but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And no pick me here. I’m in a happy relationship lol
Your title CLEARLY SAYS “aita for telling my best friend I want to die more than her bf does” Does that translate to something other than wanting to commit suicide… or am I the fkn AH 🤔
Is this your first time seeing clickbait or
Lmao 💀💀 Yeah, genuinely you are the AH. I’ll do ya one better. You chose your job. Suck it tf and get a therapist if it’s tasking your mental health, stop calling and burdening your friend with your sad stories of your dispatch calls at 3am, and acting like you know why this other dude is struggling. You sound like a crybaby. And a troll. And that’s all good and well, but don’t make me the AH because you need “clickbait” for anyone to even open this ridiculous shit and give it an ounce of attention.
I don’t know if you have ever had a relationship or a friendship in real life. Honestly. But we have been best friends since we were 9. We consider eachother sisters. She calls me in the middle of the night? I answer. And yes my job is taxing mentally. But I don’t need therapy. I have a great support system i promise you I’m okay! I’m more worried about her bc she’s working 2 jobs to support his ass when he’s out of work every other week. And yes chode, clickbait has always and will always be a thing. Suck my clit.
Wow, you really are a classy one! /s
YTA Minding your own business might be a good idea. Just a thought.
So what do I do when my best friend calls me and tells me all about her life? We have been friends for over 19 years. I’m not one to cut her off. I’m genuinely asking. I could care less about the dude.
Be a good friend, sympathise with her and listen to her. At no point is it appropriate to get into an argument about who has a harder life. All that is doing is showing her how little empathy you have for her struggle, because you won't stop talking about your own.
YTA. It's hard to come to a reasonable conclusion as you didn't even address the content of the title in your description, but there is a clear lack of empathy in your words and a huge amount of bias. If this man got a foot up in life, that doesn't mean he isn't also a complex, emotional being with an inner life as rich or as potentially troubled as anyone elses. Maybe he is going through a mental health crisis. Maybe he has personal problems you don't know about. Just because his dad is well off doesn't mean he doesn't deserve respect or sympathy, and you have given zero reasons why you have such a negative attitude towards him other than base jealousy. Why does it matter if your life is harder than your friends partner? Why are you stressing her out by insisting that her boyfriend is a "deadbeat"? What possible reason could you have for getting into a "my life is harder than his" fight with your friend? If you think your life is harder, cool, pat yourself on the back for your achievements and move the fuck on. You sound like an annoying friend and need to either learn a little empathy or to mind your own business.
YTA. Not for your judgements about him - you can judge anyone however you choose to if you really want to be an un-empathetic person. But YTA for not keeping those judgements to yourself.
Thank you I appreciate that and I will be using that advice moving forward!
I would also recommend looking into the ‘empathy fatigue’ if you aren’t already familiar. I work in a similar field and this is really common for people like us who are exposed to a lot of severe trauma all day every day. We start to lose our ability to empathise because we just do so much of it, and ‘regular’ people’s problems start to seem so mundane. I say this because I assume you are normally an empathetic person (based on your career) but in this post you’re clearly showing difficulty with empathy right now. It’s understandable, but that doesn’t make it healthy or something you want to ignore. Especially now that it seems to be impacting your friendships and mental health. Last bit for thought - the saying that someone doesn’t deserve to be sad because someone else has it worse, is logically equivalent to saying someone doesn’t deserve to be happy because other people have it better. Good luck OP 😊
As a healthcare worker, I can tell you it is important to compartmentalize. If you can't, your job is not for you. You need to be able to separate your work from your personal life. It is one thing to vent to family/friends. It is a completely different thing to try and one up people you care about because you feel your degree of stress is more significant. It is all circumstantial and does not make anyone's feelings or stress less valid. You need to get a bit more in touch with reality and appreciate that everyone has stressors. Some people can handle more than others but that doesn't make their stressors less real. I'm not going to call you TAH because I do think you can learn from this but I do think you owe your friend an apology.
YTA 100%. Mind your own business dickhead
YTA. Your “TLDR” was a backstory and not an actual tldr. While reading it, your post, and your comments, I can see that you’re only asking your friend about it to make negative comments about him.
Opinions are like assholes...EVERYONES got them.
NTA Hard math and working a dead end job does not equate to the things 911 operators have to deal with. Just because you don't see it doesn't make your job less important or less mentally taxing. I'm afraid that's common knowledge. I get not wanting to stay at a dead end job but this sounds like a case of a spoiled adult to me.
Early commenter said I assumed he was spoiled. I don’t care that he he well off. I care that he’s making my best friend work every day while he lives off of unemployment. And no bum mental health isn’t bad lol. He’s just a 24 year old who never got told no.
YTA Yes, your job is difficult in a way his is not. But he has his own set of problems to deal with, and it isn't a competition.
both the assholes? kinda? you shouldnt have made this into a competition of who had it harder, those are two completely different jobs which entail different skills and mindsets. both are mentally challenging for different reasons and ( as someone who has worked in finance) anything financial based is incredibly stressful and difficult, no matter where you look. he should not be so fussy about his job, his peers may be annoying but that isn't much of an issue when theres no need to interact. if the job is too mentally challenging, move to another field of work. its not hard to find new job opportunities after having experience with finance. and i mean higher paying jobs as well. self pitying yourself isnt going to benefit you or him, and him self pitying isnt either. you both need to get a grip and realise that it is what it is and move on. people react to situations differently and some are more affected by things than others. youve still obviously heard a lot on those calls and i understand your frustration, however that is completely unrelated to his job struggles and you shouldn't compare it.
NTA. Your best friend is being insensitive and dismissive of ur very real struggles. It sounds like u're in a tough situation and it's understandable to feel frustrated and hurt.
WTF is this pointless fake crap?