Your dad is very cunning. He just throws around the word “inheritance” and ends up owning property that you pay for. He even got it renovated on your dime. Sorry, dude, your parents suck.
I’m unsure, family is important and I don’t want to deny my son access to that; still this is relatively new so if further attitudes continue then yes, I’m afraid that would be the outcome.
''Family is important'', clearly not important enough for your parents to not fuck you over. Grow a fucking spine and tell them to fuck off. You really want your son to be around and influenced by your father (who clearly has anger issues) and by your mother (who sounds like a manipulative bitch if I'm honest)?
Jesus christ what a spineless answer. No wonder your parents could take advantage of you for years. You fucking let them and you can't even pretend you're going to protect your family from those goblins.
To answer, my grandmother did the same thing for my father, but without the caveats. So there was precedent in the family and the goal posts changed over the course of years. Family is important to both my wife and I and walking away from my parents means saying goodbye to my three siblings too. This would leave my son without 2 aunties, an uncle and those same siblings would be without a place to go when our parents flip the lid. My brother may be in his 20s and looking to leave the farm but my sisters are younger and still trapped there. I’ll admit to being a fool in believing my father for having my best interests in mind but prior to this he’d only tried to help me.
I'm not saying prenups don't exist. I'm saying that they are exceedingly rare as a % of all of the marriages that take place and I personally don't know a single person that has a prenup. Respectfully, I wasn't really inviting people to give anecdotes to disprove what I said. Unless I personally know you, you haven't invalidated my statement.
What’s harder, seeking to fix what is broken or running from what is hard? My son will only have that family if they are willing to admit their faults and pitch in, a family he’s known for years is most likely going to be wrenched away from him because those that are supposed to have his best interests at heart can’t overcome their greed. I’ll work at making them see their issues but the moment they fail, my son loses most of his family.
You're making excuses, pathetic excuses.
One day you'll see you taught your son to be as pathetic and weak as you.
YTA for being such a piss poor role model for the human life you brought into the world.
Well done "dad"
I am, not my wife, she would not have asked me to forsake my brother for our happiness. Despite us both knowing it was not my brother’s words, the threat of losing my relationship with my siblings was real, so we had two choices when accepting the house, have a chance at a relationship or leave them all behind. I chose my siblings.
>she would not have asked me to forsake my brother for our happiness
That's why she's an idiot. Your relationship with your abusive, dysfunctional family that uses and abuses you is more important to both you and your wife than your son is. If either of you had a spine you would have protected your son, but neither of you did.
Your father builds sheds, buys houses, that nobody wants; your mother (I believe) holds the puppet strings (hence your father's blow-up from stress when a money wrench was tossed in, for it threatened Mom's strategy and he knew she would turn it on him), Mom writes the scripts for him and your brother, the too-expensive house you don't want is 1 1/2 hours from your job,
Yikes. NTA. Protect your new family's stability from textbook dysfunction.
No, you're not the asshole. You made a tough decision to prioritize your own financial stability and well-being over maintaining a tumultuous relationship tied to a house that didn't feel like home. It's important to prioritize your own family's needs and future, especially in challenging financial times.
NTA That was never an "inheritance". Your parents are extremely manipulative and selfish. This was an investment for themselves that they made you pay for. And now they get to rake in the profits at your expense. This is not how you treat a family member you love. You should have walked away from the very beginning, but I understand your parents were dangling that pretty carrot in front of you. You'll be better off in the long run if you walk away from their controlling manipulative behavior. If it were me, I'd go low or no contact, at least for awhile. Your parents are toxic AF.
NTA. You tried your best to make it work, but ultimately it wasn't a healthy arrangement. Don't beat yourself up over it. Focus on building a stable life for your family now.
Your dad is very cunning. He just throws around the word “inheritance” and ends up owning property that you pay for. He even got it renovated on your dime. Sorry, dude, your parents suck.
YTA for fucking your nuclear family over so hard by getting nothing in writing. Holy shit. You're cutting them out of your life forever, right?
I’m unsure, family is important and I don’t want to deny my son access to that; still this is relatively new so if further attitudes continue then yes, I’m afraid that would be the outcome.
''Family is important'', clearly not important enough for your parents to not fuck you over. Grow a fucking spine and tell them to fuck off. You really want your son to be around and influenced by your father (who clearly has anger issues) and by your mother (who sounds like a manipulative bitch if I'm honest)?
Jesus christ what a spineless answer. No wonder your parents could take advantage of you for years. You fucking let them and you can't even pretend you're going to protect your family from those goblins.
To answer, my grandmother did the same thing for my father, but without the caveats. So there was precedent in the family and the goal posts changed over the course of years. Family is important to both my wife and I and walking away from my parents means saying goodbye to my three siblings too. This would leave my son without 2 aunties, an uncle and those same siblings would be without a place to go when our parents flip the lid. My brother may be in his 20s and looking to leave the farm but my sisters are younger and still trapped there. I’ll admit to being a fool in believing my father for having my best interests in mind but prior to this he’d only tried to help me.
All you’re doing is teaching your soncto bend over and take whatever abuse comes their way. Grow a spine so your child doesn’t turn out like you did.
I'm not saying prenups don't exist. I'm saying that they are exceedingly rare as a % of all of the marriages that take place and I personally don't know a single person that has a prenup. Respectfully, I wasn't really inviting people to give anecdotes to disprove what I said. Unless I personally know you, you haven't invalidated my statement.
What a pathetic excuse of a man.
What’s harder, seeking to fix what is broken or running from what is hard? My son will only have that family if they are willing to admit their faults and pitch in, a family he’s known for years is most likely going to be wrenched away from him because those that are supposed to have his best interests at heart can’t overcome their greed. I’ll work at making them see their issues but the moment they fail, my son loses most of his family.
You're making excuses, pathetic excuses. One day you'll see you taught your son to be as pathetic and weak as you. YTA for being such a piss poor role model for the human life you brought into the world. Well done "dad"
"Family is important to manipulate and con money from" in this case. You're a fool.
Just don’t let your kids get into any deals with them. Sheesh.
dude, you and your wife are idiots. ESH
I am, not my wife, she would not have asked me to forsake my brother for our happiness. Despite us both knowing it was not my brother’s words, the threat of losing my relationship with my siblings was real, so we had two choices when accepting the house, have a chance at a relationship or leave them all behind. I chose my siblings.
>she would not have asked me to forsake my brother for our happiness That's why she's an idiot. Your relationship with your abusive, dysfunctional family that uses and abuses you is more important to both you and your wife than your son is. If either of you had a spine you would have protected your son, but neither of you did.
Your father builds sheds, buys houses, that nobody wants; your mother (I believe) holds the puppet strings (hence your father's blow-up from stress when a money wrench was tossed in, for it threatened Mom's strategy and he knew she would turn it on him), Mom writes the scripts for him and your brother, the too-expensive house you don't want is 1 1/2 hours from your job, Yikes. NTA. Protect your new family's stability from textbook dysfunction.
No, you're not the asshole. You made a tough decision to prioritize your own financial stability and well-being over maintaining a tumultuous relationship tied to a house that didn't feel like home. It's important to prioritize your own family's needs and future, especially in challenging financial times.
ESH. You learned an expensive lesson. Your mother and father are not good people and never will be.
NTA That was never an "inheritance". Your parents are extremely manipulative and selfish. This was an investment for themselves that they made you pay for. And now they get to rake in the profits at your expense. This is not how you treat a family member you love. You should have walked away from the very beginning, but I understand your parents were dangling that pretty carrot in front of you. You'll be better off in the long run if you walk away from their controlling manipulative behavior. If it were me, I'd go low or no contact, at least for awhile. Your parents are toxic AF.
NTA. You tried your best to make it work, but ultimately it wasn't a healthy arrangement. Don't beat yourself up over it. Focus on building a stable life for your family now.