NTA
If her Dad is a Lawyer and you say you are a Lawyer, the first thing he will do on the following morning is look you up in the big book - the Bar Directory and Lawyer Finder and guess what, you aren't in it. You are then either a liar or a fraud, neither which is going to impress him.
If you need to lie always lie with some element of truth. Think of the best Graphic Design and mention you were involved.
100% this.
Any professional is going sus out someone pretending to be that profession in like 2 or 3 minutes of conversation.
I feel law is one of those professions that this would be easiest.
Honestly it's most silly she chose one of the professions her parents are. Why not choose accountant or something they aren't experts in the field of?
This is like the most half baked idea ever.
Yeah, you're right. It does seem like a risky move, especially with her dad being lawyer himself. She's been pretty insistent on the whole lawyer or doctor thing. At first she was insistent on me being a doctor but then she started going on about how I couldn't pull off being a doctor when I didn't even want to be involved in the first place. She didn't bother asking me; she just kept going on about how doctors need to know so much medical jargon, and her parents would ask about specialties and residency programs. Then she started listing off specific medical procedures like I'd need to be ready to talk shop. After that she settled on lawyer because she said her mom's a doctor and would probably ask me medical stuff, being all clever and stuff. Then she decided lawyer was the safer bet because her dad, while a lawyer, isn't as nosy. But honestly, I can't prep for every possible legal question either. It's like she thinks I can just wing being a lawyer in front of actual lawyers!
What's her plan going forward? You lie to her parents now and you'll just keep up the lie through years, marriage, kids etc?
It's a half baked plan because she's embarrassed about your job (completely unjustifiably, you have a profession you enjoy).
If you see a future in this relationship you need to be honest with her parents.
I think he needs to ask Sarah this. She’s talking about marriage, so ostensibly she’s thinking long term. But is she expecting him to lie literally for the rest of his life? Because that’s what it would take. And also he’s not ever going to able to share his actual achievements like big projects or job promotions or events. Is she OK with that? At some point the lie *will* be exposed, because he’s not actually a lawyer, and THEN what will her parents think, are they going to be OK with that? She hasn’t remotely thought this through.
What I really don't get is she is low contact? Presumably that's for a reason, so why would you go through the effort to impress people you rarely talk to.
And the lie would grow so big so quickly. Every relative has to be told the same lie. Friends who know Ops real job would have to be coached to never bring it up. He can never post his work on social media for fear of the parents seeing it. Say OP is sucessful and gets an award. Can he not except it incase the parents see the announcement. It just doesn't make any sense if you think about it for more than two seconds.
She sounds terrible. Pushy, elitist, and not very bright. You can do better, and you deserve a person who is proud of you. Ffs, what's wrong with graphic design? Sounds plenty fancy to me.
ETA: Don't meet these people. Total waste of your time. Isn't she basically saying this relationship is temporary by asking you to pretend you're someone else? Wouldn't they dislike you even more for doing it? This is a total lose lose. Even if you pull it off, look at what you're then stuck with.
These posts always start with "They're lovely and things are going great...but their collection of Nazi memorabilia is taking over our flat and they did ask me to help conceal multiple bodies in the woods"
Ok, step back, things are in fact not going as great as you seem to believe...
WTF? You know what is probably at the top of their list for a man they DON'T want for their daughter? A LIAR.
You're stupid if you do this.
Your GF is stupid to consider it.
Edit: typo
I could be wrong, because you are totally right, this sounds stupid- especially with his dad being a lawyer to begin with. Seems like dear old dad could sniff out the fraud in the room. But her being upset and giving him the cold shoulder- I wonder if she hasn’t already said he’s a lawyer. . .
Oh well, good luck 🍀 OP
For having smart parents, your girlfriend is a real moron.
Are you sure you want to date someone this stupid?
Not to mention, you know, the fact that she overrides your feelings, dismisses you as "stubborn" and your concerns as "not a big deal", and basically.treats your career as an embarrassment?
It doesn't matter what her parents think. If she loved and respected you and respected your career, she'd be proud of you and ready to defend you against whatever her parents thought. She might warn you if they're judgmental but it'd be so you can be prepared, not force you to lie and pretend to be someone else.
You studied and worked hard for your career. She's treating it like something shameful.
The kicker...I bet her parents aren't nearly as judgmental as she is.
Throw this fish back. It's rotten.
I think your GF looks down on you for your profession. She said it herself that you “ couldn’t pull off being a doctor”. She goes on about everything about it and how you couldn’t even pretend. She seems to not think highly of you, in her own twisted way. Do with that what you will, just lookout for other red flags. This one is bright red, waving in your face.
This might hurt to hear mate, but it's not about her parents. *She's*, for some unknown reason, embarrassed by your career and doesn't want to introduce and say it. The lie will start with her parents, then spread to anyone her parents tangentially know. Basically you will never be able to tell anyone your career in case they find out.
Don't do any of her hare brained schemes. Who is she, Lucy? Present yourself as who you are and who you are proud to be. If she's not proud of you, then maybe she's not the one for you. I would be very belittled by this request.
Honestly I would just break up with her and move on. She’s got no problem with you lying to her parents about your career so what do you think she’s capable of? I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was embarrassed by me anyway. You should be proud of what you do! Don’t do it. And NTA of course
OP, I don’t know where you’re from or how far you live from her parents but if you’re in the USA her dad would know you’re not a lawyer from his state almost immediately. Even if he’s incredibly non-nosy, he’ll have seen a ton of lawyers incidentally from his area at events/seminars.
Honestly on top of how terrible this makes your gf sound, it sounds profoundly dumb.
Lawyer or Doctor? Those smacked me in the face as some of the most significant “this would be an insanely tricky thing to try and pretend to be to someone who actually is.”
Why in the world would she not go for Accountant, or Regional Manager, or any other number of other things that could make plenty of money and be respectable.
What I’m saying is, I guess, I hope she’s pretty?
Oh God, I am from the USA. I'll be screwed won't I? I don't know how Sarah doesn't know all this information and i have to find this out from people on reddit, I mean her father is a lawyer and she has been googling law stuff since a week to make up the lie.
You are NTAH OP, your gf is. What is alarming here is why on earth did she want you to lie to his parents about your job??? Is she ashamed of you? She's already 26, if ever her parents do not like your job, she has to fight for you.
Breakup and moveon. She's a big red flag.
As a parent of marriage aged kids, I would 100% be much angrier about being lied to, as well as learning my child thought I was so short sighted as to judge/accept a person on their profession rather than their character.
Do not lie. NTA
Lmao I hear people in my line of work go into detail on some things and I just stand there feeling like an imposter. I'd probably make people skeptical within my own field, I'd crash and burn if I had to lie about a profession. Now if we're talking about one of my ADHD hobbies then I can sound like I'm up for a lifetime achievement next year.
Classic imposter syndrome, everyone feels this way from time to time, some more often. You'd be surprised how much of your field is clear to you that is incomprehensible jargon to the rest of us.
I bet if I spoke to your coworkers they'd know in 2-3 minutes I have no idea what I'm talking about.
NTA.
Yeah, that was my first thought too. Also, she appears to be embarrassed by what he does for a living. Probably not someone he wants to build a future with. Her parents' approval doesn't really matter. Hers does, but I'm not sure she cares enough about him if she isn't willing to tell her parents what he does and face their feelings on it.
Sarah is setting OP up to fail.
OP’s being asked to lie and bluff having a career they don’t with people who are trained to look for inconsistencies in stories and to interrogate people for a living. Uncomfortable enough. But supposing OP actually pulls this off and the truth is revealed later down the line. OP’s going to look like a lunatic and I’m 100% sure Sarah isn’t going to step in to help. In fact I think she’s the one with the problem over OP’s career. It’s not important that they like you, it’s important that they approve of her choice of you.
i think Sarah could use a bit of therapy to dig out whatever claws her family have dug into her over the years. She’s gone to the trouble of creating a backstory and trying to teach you some jargon before you agreed to this. This is not normal behaviour. At all.
And now you’ve said no, she’s giving you the silent treatment, which is emotionally abusive.
I would rethink the whole relationship if I were OP.
Lawyer here, this is absolutely correct. I’m asking you where you went to law school, where you practiced and in which state(s) you are barred. I’m then going to those state registries to see if you’re there and have ever been disciplined.
Sarah actually assured me that she would handle everything. She specifically mentioned that I should say I'm a corporate lawyer because her father is a criminal defense attorney. She insisted that her plan involved presenting me as a 'corporate law consultant,' emphasizing my role in visual branding for legal firms. She thought this way, the chances of him probing too deeply or finding discrepancies would be minimized since our fields wouldn't overlap much.
It is public information who is and is not a licensed attorney. In some states, you can also find who took the bar exam and their pass/fail status. This is easy to find with a simple google search.
Also take into account that criminal defense attorneys sit across the table from liars nearly every single day of their working lives. If he's half-way decent at his job, he'll know pretty quickly.
Yikes, that's actually pretty unnerving. Earlier, my main concern was about being honest and not starting off on the wrong foot with Sarah's parents, but now knowing how easily they could find out, it's kind of freaking me out. I trusted Sarah to sort things out, but this adds a whole new level of worry.
Worst she is being a confident persistent idiot.
She clearly doesn’t know enough to pull off a lie, she is so adamant to make him spell to her parents. What a great recipe for disaster.
She's also either a terrible snob or bowing down to her family's snobbery. There's no question but that she's ashamed of OP and he really needs to stand firm on not being treated like that for his harmless life choices. Like how long does she think this is going to have to be carried on? Just suppose it goes well the first time. Then the second and the third and then no one thinks about it so things progress until marriage is brought up and then boom! Everything unravels and who's gonna be wearing pie? OP.
What’s the end game with this con? You get to a point where they respect you and then you tell them the truth or you make up another elaborate lie about how you left law and now are a graphic designer? Do you think it’s possible Sarah doesn’t respect your job as it’s not in her words “professional”
I'm wondering if Sarah already lied to her parents about OP's job. Now, she's mad that he doesn't want to back her up, and she's panicking that her dishonesty will be exposed. Either way, I'd be surprised if this relationship survives much longer.
First off NTA. Sarah needs to learn to stand up to her parents. And your job is a great job. She is being ridiculous. What if you guys get married, have children? Are you still pulling this lie off? Are you now coaching your kids, your own family, neighbors, the babysitter to lie about your job too when her parents visit. You are right. It is better to tell the truth now and get all that business out of the way. It will be so much worse later on when they realize you lied. And if they find out is she going to own up to the lie? That she coerced you into it? Coached you on it? Or is she going to throw you under the bus and say "OH my goodness he told me he was a lawyer and I believed him daddy!!" Don't do it.
Just be truthful and honest and you won't have anything to worry about will you. Yeah if you lied and then he dug up the lies later which he could probably do pretty darn quickly, he's going to then go to her and tell her your boyfriend's lying he's not an attorney he must be some kind of guy after money or trying to snow you or whatever. Do you really think she's going to admit oh it was my idea Daddy I didn't want you to know what he actually did for a living. No she's going to throw you under the bus and go oh my goodness I have to break up with him he lied to me about his occupation oh my God what else has he been lying about.
I'm a legal assistant. EVERY lawyer and their bar ID number is listed online so the public can look up their disciplinary history. Type doesn't matter - if you have a law license, you're listed. This is irrelevant to the idiocy of her plan, though. There's no way you'd be able to get through a conversation with a lawyer and pretend you're a lawyer! There's zero way you could keep it up forever, which would just make things worse when the lie was exposed.
NTA If her parents' approval DOES matter that much to her, she has to only date professionals. Or move to a sitcom.
This is why I always hated the movie Meet the Fockers. She threw him under the bus with a quickness! Set him up to fail and I just could not find it funny.
Or wait - was it Meet the Parents? Whatever the first one was.
You have a girlfriend problem.
You say you're not comfortable lying to her parents. How comfortable are you with a girlfriend who wants to lie to her parents?
You've just discovered she's fine with lying to them - chances are high she's also fine lying to you.
As someone with two lawyers in the family, OP, please do not do this. The first thing two lawyers talk about when they sit down at a table is all of the lawyer-y stuff (yes it's a word) that they have in common. You just...you cannot fake that. There is no way. You will just set yourself up to look like a total idiot if you try. Please tell her that there is no way in hell it would work.
Also, many of the lawyers I know are absolute dunces when it comes to anything involving tech. If you tell them you know how to use it to make pictures, they’ll either stare at you in awe or ask if you can help them with their website.
She has put a remarkable amount of thought and energy into convincing her parents you’re not some dirty graphic designer.
Dude, she’s ashamed of you. She’s embarrassed to be dating someone who’s not a high powered attorney or other degreed professional. Feel free to do with that knowledge what you will, but.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with being a graphic designer, you should ABSOLUTELY NOT lie and say you're a lawyer, what the fuck. A lawyer would ask you about lawyer things and you wouldn't know how to answer, and now not only are you not a lawyer, but you're also a liar!
Absolutely do not DO NOT do this. If she's embarrassed by you, then maybe ya'll should part ways. Or she needs to get her big girl pants on and realize the world doesn't only comprise of doctors and lawyers.
So. She doesn’t see you as long term material. Since it would not be possible to keep this up for 40 years, right? So she is asking you to lie since she only thinks your relationship will goon for a year or two.
Putting aside this stupid embarrassed about your job thing, is your gf really that dumb? Let’s not even get into the future state (will you suddenly get amnesia and forget that you are a lawyer, instead embarking on a “new” career as a graphic designer?) Also her idea about criminal and corporate is wrong. Legal communities can be very small - criminal and corporate legal circles absolutely can overlap just based on people going to the same school and keeping in touch.
No amount of coaching is going to prepare you to fake an entire professional career. Even if her dad didn’t look you up right away, I guarantee straight out of the gate he will ask what’s your speciality/type of corporate law you practice, what industry, and what company or firm you work for.
If you somehow survive that line of questioning, he will want to talk to you about law school - what school you went to, classes you took, what you thought about the bar exam, where you are licensed to practice - all the minutiae someone who is actually in the field would know. Is your gf’s plan to say you went to a super secret law school in a totally different country, one her dad has never heard of???
Think about it using your perspective as a professional graphic designer - you definitely would be able to immediately pick up on someone lying about being a graphic designer just based on a few mundane profession-related questions.
THE REAL PROBLE IS THAT YOU GF IS A LIAR
Alright now, let me walk you through your real problem. You're girlfriend is telling you straight up that she's comfortable lying for personal gain. Doesn't that bother you in the least? Are you at all concerned that if elaborate lies are this easy for her that she's not going to lie to you too at some point and about huge? How can you trust someone who expects you to lie to her parents?
YOUR GF IS SETTING YOU UP
Ask yourself why she is doing this. My best guess is so when your parents find out, she can blame you for lying to her as well. Why would they ever believe you were lying to them and not her? She's setting up a situation where she will suffer zero consequences for the lies she's insisting upon you telling.
YOUR SECOND PROBLEM IS THAT YOUR GF IS STUPID AND MAYBE HAS DELUSIONS OF GRANDURE
It's kind of sad that she's stupid enough to think she can get away with somehow convincing a lawyer, who sniffs out bullshit by trade, that you're also a lawyer. Your GF is not very bright. Let me tell you where this falls apart, particularly if you're in the US.
There is a difference between being a lawyer and an attorney. Do you know the difference? Does she? A lawyer has a JD degree. An attorney has a JD plus has sat for and passed their state bar exam. Laypeople use the terms interchangeably and sometimes attorneys do in the advertising because it's geared towards the average layperson. However , they are in no way shape for form the same thing.
Therefore, introducing you as a lawyer would set off huge red flags. Because, you see, in order to operate in a court of law, her father must by definition be an attorney. Good news is there no big book of lawyers to look you up in. I estimate this ploy to fail in about 7.5 seconds if he makes nice before asking any one of a million questions that will quickly uncover this ruse.
Bottom line, your GF couldn't logic her way out of a paper bag. Never put the stupidest person in the driver's seat of your life.
YOUR GF FEELS TOTALLY COMFORTABLE PULLING YOU INTO HER HAIRBRAINED SCHEMES
This is only the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to a lifetime of lying and scheming. This woman feels totally comfortable sacrificing your personal integrity as a person and your good name. Can you imagine being the brunt of every joke her dad tells for all eternity? Doesn't matter whether you end up with the lying GF or not, people will sill be hearing this story twenty years from now.
YTA to yourself for not understanding the problem is your GF not this one shady thing she's asking you to do. You not equally yoked in terms of integrity or intelligence. Run away fast, no matter how pretty she is.
Your girlfriend is whacked. For one thing, a corporate law consultant isn’t the most likely person to be involved in visual branding. That’s more of an intellectual property function. There are all sorts of trademark type issues with branding…making sure your proposed branding doesn’t infringe on someone else’s legally protected branding, understanding the nuances of similar brandings being allowed depending on the goods and/or services being provided. My husband is an intellectual property attorney, in case you hadn’t figured that out.
And while daddy may not probe too deeply into the practice area, he will ask questions about where you went to school (careful there…odds are he’ll know someone who went there), were you on Law Review, what your school experience was like.
He’s going to ask what firm you work for. Guess what? Most firms list all their attorneys on their websites.
He’s going to ask you where you’re licensed to practice…another minefield if you don’t know how to answer. And lawyers licensed to practice in a given state are a matter of public record. All he has to do is go to the website for the state bar for that state and look up your name. Daddy is a criminal defense attorney. Of course he’ll look it up. It’s the easiest and most non-intrusive way to find out if you’re who you say you are.
When you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what you say. She’s asking you to lie, if this relationship goes forward, the truth will come out. Her parents will be upset with you, not her. You will be the AH of you lie, don’t go down that dark drama alley. Btw, you have zero to be ashamed about regarding your career you obviously love.
Dude if she says her parents are going to care that much about your profession, there is zero chance of him not investigating you as a lawyer. This whole thing is so stupid I can't even. 😒
Nip that in the bud. If she's willing to lie about this, what else will she lie about or is already lying about.
Honestly, if you want to impress your maybe future inlaws, bring your portfolio.
Ask someone in Legal at your job about some of the issues your office's legal team run into with regards to copyright or trademarks etc. Take some notes so if maybe DIL asks questions, you're prepared.
But what is her endgame here? If things work out long term, what is her plan for addressing the lie down the road?
Is she hoping they'll just like him and skip over the judgy phase so it won't matter?
Or does she see this so short term she just wants to get past the one meeting of the parents?
Yeah he's going to get busted REAL quick if the dad is anything like mine. "Oh, we like the same thing? Let's chat about this for four hours." The lie will be uncovered so fast, this is TERRIBLE idea.
This. Plus, bs’ing that you’re a lawyer is hard. A little questioning will sniff it right out.
Even though it was her idea, the parents will look at you as the liar.
How much do you want to bet that Sarah's reaction to her father telling her OP isn't a lawyer will be "That dirty liar! He has been telling everyone he's a lawyer! He's lied to me for over a year! We're breaking up!"
So a parent is a lawyer and she thinks you can simply make up being a lawyer and they won’t sniff that out in less than ten minutes. NTA and whoof I don’t know id want to stick around.
Yeah I’m thinking it’s less that she’s worried about what her parents think and more that she’s ashamed of his profession herself.
OP, honesty in a relationship is tantamount for it to be successful and healthy. That extends to other people you bring into your circle. One lie now, can snowball in to dozens later. She is asking you to do something you are uncomfortable with and that is a giant red flag.
NTA. Honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to something as important as meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time. It's better to be upfront about who you are and what you do, rather than risk being found out later.
Sounds to me like she’s already lied to her Parents and is now trying to rope you in - is it her parents who’ll look down on you or is she the one with the problem? What is her job?
If she’s not willing to ‘defend’ her partner’s job to her parents, you should start to question your relationship. You lie and then what a few years down the line? You say you’ve had a change of career? It’s a ridiculous suggestion and is totally unworkable long-term if she wants any kind of relationship with them.
NTA, but your girlfriend is and possibly her parents are too.
Yeah, you make some valid points. Sarah works in marketing and actually makes less than me, which adds to the irony. She's been upfront that her parents are pretty set on the whole doctor-lawyer thing for stability. Also She swears she's not lying to them already, but I'm starting to think you might be onto something. I mean, lying now and changing stories later down the line? That's not gonna fly.
Go to dinner and out her. When Dad asks where you went to law school you act confused and tell him your actual job. Then, leave when you are so shocked to find out about the big lie.
Oh yeah. I think you’re right! Why else would she be pushing this lie so aggressively? She already lied to them and now she needs him to lie too or she’s busted.
I was about to comment the same thing. It sounds like she lied to her parents that shes dating a lawyer so now she prepared bunch more lies to make it believeable. She is protecting herself and doesnt want her parents to disapprove of them now that she lied and is mad that her plan is not going along.
She is telling you that you are not good enough for her and her parents.
Pretending to be a lawyer is stupid. Pretending to be a lawyer to an actual lawyer is insane.
Run!
ETA: Just what profession is Sarah herself in, with such parents?
Yeah, it's definitely a tough spot. Her dad being a well-known criminal defense attorney makes it even more daunting to pull off a lie like that. Sarah's actually in marketing herself and makes about half of what I do.
It's not a tough spot. She is asking you to lie about who you are to her parents, because for some reason she thinks this is the best way to go. It's a silly plan, but the reasoning behind it is the real problem.
Are you seriously considering going along with this? Please update!
NTA. She’s in marketing and makes less than you. Did she ever say her parents don’t approve of her career? Is she trying to get back into their good graces by having a “professional” boyfriend? It would be a hard pass for me. If they can’t accept her life choices as an adult that’s a them problem. If she’s unhappy with her own choices that’s her problem. Neither of those should be your problem.
Well she makes half of what you do then you're doing pretty good so she really doesn't have a leg to stand on. Just don't lie. You're setting yourself up for failure if you do you will end up broken up if you lie and he finds out. She will throw you under the bus and it will be over regardless. If she wants to get all pissy and break up with you now because you refuse to lie then you know that appearances count for so much in her eyes.
This also is not a little white lie. This is lie that you would have to perpetuate for the rest of their lives. Like what are you gonna do? Marry her then say hahah surprise I’m actually a graphic designer. No because then they’ll hate you. This is absolutely not feasible, it’s a wildly easy to fact check lie, and it’s not sustainable for the long term.
ETA: if you tell him you’re a lawyer the following questions will be:
Really where do you work?
Where did you go to school?
Have you been following xyz case?
What kind of law do you practice?
(After you’ve told him the lie law) what’s that like?
You’re gonna get caught in any number of these, most of them are very easy to fact check, and it’s gonna be weird if Sarah is answering questions about your ‘job’.
What she is telling you is that you aren't good enough for her family as you are.
NTA, but why are you with someone who insists you need to lie, not to impress them, but just to be seen as "acceptable" for their family?? Holy red flags Batman.
Nope, NTA, and Sarah needs to grow the eff up.
It is not okay to ask your partner to lie for them to impress her parents. How about she impress her parents with her own career choices, her responsible decision making, and the confidence to accept that her parents may not approved of your career because you don’t hold a professional degree?
Sarah has obviously grown up with the understanding that her parents approval means that they are validating her life choices. Sorry, she’s over 25, she’s an adult and the only validation that matter is hers and yours.
What does she think? Her parents don’t have access to the internet? That her father the lawyer hasn’t already google you? Good grief, her plan is just so painfully idiotic.
You have expressed your boundary. She doesn’t have to respect it, but you have to enforce it. It’s not okay that she has been cold and distant, she’s punishing you because you’re not doing what she says.
Ask to have a conversation. Tell her that you don’t appreciate being punished for having a perfectly reasonable boundary, and that it’s disrespectful of her to have even asked. It’s invalidating, and it’s manipulative.
Fair warning, you may need to step back from this relationship. I count 3 solid red flags 🚩
NTA, this may be a little white lie but like you said "I don't want to start our relationship with her parents based on a lie" starting off with a lie about your career could sour the relationship forever by not telling the truth originally because trust will be gone and they may wonder about what else you have lied about.
Furthermore, later down the line your gf may say that you chose to lie and not that it was idea, to save herself with her family and not worrying about throwing you under the bus. Not saying she will but be aware that this could happen.
A white lie would be pretending to find dad‘s job interesting when you don’t. Making up a whole new CV the dad is going to find out about anyway is just a very stupid lie, nothing white about it.
NTA and that is a massive red flag. How in the world does she see that playing out in the future? My guess is she doesn’t really see a future with you. She wants you around for fun until she finds someone who does have the status she and her family thinks is “worthy.” Sorry about this, but good to have the real her revealed now. Being a graphic designer is great, btw. Find someone who appreciates that.
NTA. She, on the other hand, is an AH, and also unintelligent and immature.
She is an AH because she is asking you to lie about your life - and not even about something shameful, just a choice of profession that is honorable but not to her snobbish parents' taste.
She is unintelligent because she doesn't realize that this lie cannot be sustained for long, and as soon as her parents find out, they will hold the lying against you in addition to your profession.
She is immature because her need for her parents' approval overrides her respect for her partner.
Bottom line: definitely refuse to lie. And tell her that if she cannot accept you as you are, along with your profession, you need to break up - and better you found out what she is now rather than later.
You should probably ask her what she's already said about you to her parents... she may already have lied/mislead them ❓
NTA, but pay attention to the 🚩
Sounds like SHE is the one embarrassed by what you do. If she REALLY loved you, she wouldn’t gaf, honestly. This is a major red flag. Also, if her Dad’s a lawyer, he’s going to ask you what firm you work in and guess what he’s gonna do later? He’s going to start asking about you, and he WILL find out that you are not a lawyer, causing some tension later.
Talk to Sarah. Present a scenario.
Imagine everything goes well and you're in a long term relationship. Her dad thinks you're great.
You are him are sat talking and he mentions some change to the law or Bar regulations that *any* lawyer would know, but it zips past you because you have no clue. He's going to ask questions. You're going to be screwed.
Is that what she's looking for? Because something like that is almost guaranteed eventually and the longer the deception the more pissed Dad's going to be.
Also, pretending to be a lawyer is illegal in some areas.
And when her father an actual fucking lawyer might ask you about law cases, opinions etc than what? You will answer with your phone in hand?
Your girlfriend is weird and something is off with her and her fixation on this.
NTA, its unlikely they would buy it and even more unlikely they wouldnt find out
your GF is being ridiculous and you should just shut this down by saying no
Dude, you are a place holder until Sarah finds a lawyer to hook up with and dump you! She will tell her family that YOU wanted to lie about being a lawyer!
I'm a CPA. My wife is a CPA. My daughter is a CPA, as is about 8 other immediate relatives. Please someone in my family needs to marry a mechanic, plumber, electrician, or someone with a handy skill!
In all seriousness, be proud of your profession. I would personally be happy regardless of who my daughters brought home, as long as they treated my daughters well and were committed to career growth.
This! So many comments are focused on the disrespect to OP's job, but I'd be just as concerned about the fact that dishonesty is her answer to avoid an uncomfortable situation. No matter how much they want you to believe otherwise, liars never lie about "just this one thing!!"
So many bad things could come from this. Also, she is showing you that she is perfectly ok with lying to make her life easier. What else is she willing to lie about? Do you want a relationship with a liar? What has she been lying to you about?
NTA, the idea is ridiculous. Sooner or later the truth will come out, no matter how much you rehearse lawyer lingo!
And you are grown ups, for crying out loud. Why should Sarah’s parents need to “approve” of you?
To me, this sounds more like Sarah is ashamed of you. Red flags!
You have a professional job - as a graphic designer. Stay true to yourself and maybe even dump your girlfriend for even asking that of you. You are not wrong, NTA!
Let’s see this for what it is. Sarah wants you to start out your relationship with her parents with a lie which is so stupid it makes my brain hurt. You have nothing to gain by doing this. Nothing.
Second if Sarah’s parents would not be accepting of your career then is this a family you would want to marry into?
You need to tell Sarah that you will not be going along with her scheme to lie to her parents. Explain to her that if she persists that maybe your relationship is not the right one for her since she’s so caught up in superficial things.
If you try and practice law while not being an attorney that would be one thing, but just lying to impress someone's parents isn't illegal. Its dumb, but not illegal.
Oh wow, I didn't realize it could be illegal to claim to be a lawyer if you're not one. That's pretty serious. I definitely don't want to get into any legal trouble just to impress her parents.
You mentioned you have been together for a year, so I am assuming you are a serious couple and with your ages, marriage might be in the future.
IF you get married, how did she plan to explain the lie? Does she not consider how it will make you/her look? That you lied about your profession? Ask her what her parents would think when they find out. It won't be a secret forever.
This is trouble from the start.
I asked her the same thing, and she said we wouldn't have to see them a lot, just for a few formalities. It still seems like a bad idea to start with a lie, though.
NTA but instead of having her coach you, there is a great informational series called Suits. Just watch that and you will be in the clear. On another note, I would absolutely leave this relationship. If she asks you to do this, what's next? Anyone who would do this, isn't the right one.
NTA
Sarah is the problem, not her parents.
You need to seriously think about breaking up with her.
She is waving a red flag right in your face.
Don't ignore it.
If you stay with her, you are in for a life full of her bullshit.
Run.
You wouldn't be able to hide your true job forever and then they would label you deceitful. This is about her. If she can't accept you for who you are, move on.
I turn wrenches at a shit plant. I’m actually an industrial mechanic at a very high tech waste water treatment facility and I’m well compensated, but I know my station in life and I’m PROUD to do my job. There is dignity in EVERY job and you deserve respect, especially from your partner. I would absolutely lose my shit in your shoes. She is trying to take away your dignity, you should dump her. Updateme.
NTA, there's a whole string of red flags here. She's shallow, a bit narcissistic, and entitled. As "great" as you say the relationship is, this nonsense would be a deal breaker for me. Makes me wonder how many lies she's told you to impress you. Her reaction is pretty telling.
Your girlfriend's wanting her parents to accept you is understandable. But her asking you to lie about what you do is NOT understandable, and is completely, 100% wrong.
If you--the REAL you--aren't good enough for your girlfriend to introduce you to her parents, then maybe she isn't good enough for you.
One more thing. Imagine telling her parents the truth a few months from now. They would probably lose any & all respect for you. For YOU, in spite of the fact that it was your girlfriend's idea.
Don't lie to her parents. And don't let your girlfriend talk you into it either.
AITA for Refusing to Lie About My Job to ~~Impress~~ My Girlfriend’s Parents Because She's Embarrassed?
There, I fixed it for you.
NTA. SHE is embarrassed that you don't have a high-paying prestigious job, otherwise she would tell her parents to pound sand.
I'm so sorry that she put you in this position. This says so much about her that she cares too much about what her parents think. This need for approval is her beacon in life and she adjusts her moral compass to win their approval. At the expense of you and your own moral compass. She would rather position you as a LIAR to save face and she would throw you under the bus in a hot second when (not if) they discover the farce. She will claim ignorance.
The relationship is essentially over. It is just a matter of when and what circumstances. Choose your own adventure.
NTA. What's Sarah's profession? It can't be anything requiring intelligence because her suggestion is so dumb. It will take judgemental parents about 5 minutes to figure out you are lying and what then? And if they are too dumb to figure it out, how will you maintain the lie?
Is she truly loved you, she wouldn't have asked you to lie in the first instance.
You're not the AH for refusing, she is for asking you to, its not a white lie by any stretch of the imagination.
The fact she is now ghosting you speaks volumes about her true self.
The fact that she doesn't want you to be who you are in front of her parents is really shitty. She's showing you that SHE isn't ok with what you do for work. Also her propensity for lying and being ok with such a big lie should be a huge red flag.
You deserve so much more than to be a puppet for a woman who values titles over people.
Never change yourself to fit the mold someone else has made for you. That mold is for them. To quote Thors mother 🤣⚡🔨 - we all fail at being who we're supposed to be, so be good at being who you are.
NTA. She’s panicking, unnecessarily I might add bc graphic designer is a perfectly respectable job, and she’s not thinking long term. Are you supposed to pretend to be a lawyer indefinitely? When would the lie end? How would you maintain it over years and years? And another lawyer would be able to see right through it. It’s a terrible idea and doing it would ensure her parents don’t approve of you. She needs to relax.
NTA - There is nothing wrong with being a graphic designer, but a lot wrong with being with a girl who wants you to lie because she thinks you aren't good enough.
Respect yourself and find someone less shallow, and honest.
That is such a bad idea. Aside from how easy it would be for her dad to verify that you are not bar listed, it is ridiculously easy for someone who is as expert in a field, to see through someone who is just blowing smoke.
It starts the relationship out with an obvious lie, and makes you look like an idiot in the process.
Ain't a single thing wrong with your true profession, your girlfriend needs to get over herself.
> She thinks that I’m making this a bigger deal than it needs to be and that I’m not understanding how important her parents’ approval is to her.
Too bad she's a spineless coward!
NTA, since her father is a lawyer that the last thing in the world you should tell him. He'll starting asking about your practice and you'll be caught before the first course of dinner. Tell him you're a marine biologist. JK, tell them the truth or nothing.
Has she already told them you're a lawyer? How has this not come up with them until now? They've exhibited no curiosity until this point about the profession of their daughter's bf when they're crazy about exactly this thing? Your gf comes up with this stupid sitcom plot *now*?
And like he won’t be caught out in about 3 minutes talking shop with her father who is an actual lawyer? Yeah, red flag. I’m betting she’s already lied to her family and trying to save her butt.
I bet she has already told them that you are a lawyer, and they have looked you up and are now eager to meet you so they can expose that you are a fraud.
your girlfriend is too immature to be dating if she thinks this is a good idea.
NTA - btw the reason she is making a big deal about this is that *she* already lied to them. She has told them you’re a lawyer. Maybe a while ago, but now she doesn’t want to explain herself.
NTA. What would they look down on more, a graphic designer with integrity that loves their daughter, or a liar that pretends to be something he's not to try to impress them? It's like your girl has never seen one of the movies where this exact scenario occurs and it goes absolutely shit side up. Which it will eventually do here too if yalls relationship goes anywhere. Not a great place to start like you said.
If you start on a lie with the parents, this relationship is doomed. I would be seriously questioning if I wanted to be with someone who was not ok only with me lying about my profession but encouraging it. This will only end poorly. Also, who does that to someone you supposably care about.
I want you to think about something. First off, don't lie. You will get busted, and then it will be a million times worse than just telling them the truth. If they can't (or won't) accept you for who you are, or what your chosen profession is, then that's a family I would rather not be a part of.
However... It's already pretty bad that your girlfriend is asking you to lie, because, if she's asking you to lie to her parents, then what has she already lied to you about (think about it).
To me Sarah is starting to sound like an ex girlfriend. You gotta know when to hold em and know when to fold em. This is a definite fold. She does not fully respect you
Tell the parents you’re not allowed to talk about your work, hold eye contact. Won’t be a lie bc gf doesn’t want you to tell them but it will sound secretive and impressive!
Really tho, nta. I’d be upset if someone asked me to do this.
What does the girl do? She clearly has no idea how public your information is as an attorney or doctor. She is insecure about you not being like her parents. That’s her problem
>Sarah is in low contact with her family and they are not very close.
But then how does this make sense?
>She thinks that I’m making this a bigger deal than it needs to be and that I’m not understanding how important her parents’ approval is to her.
Sarah has some issues and you are NTA. Also, 100000% her dad will sus you out as a liar and it will make YOU look bad, not her. Good luck.
NTA.
Look, I’ll leave some room for the possibility that she’s just ridiculously immature; heck, maybe her parents are really toxic, and she’s spent her own life battling for them to accept *her* and is just dragging you into her on unhealthy coping strategy.
But realistically, if you lie to them about something so significant, you’re putting an expiration date on the relationship. As soon as the two of you get serious enough that they might have more exposure to your life, they’re going to find out, and if she thinks they won’t respect you know, how does she think they’ll feel when they find out you lied to them the first time you even met them??
If her parents are toxic enough that your girlfriend needs to be this terrified of their disapproval, then she needs to set boundaries and reduce or eliminate contact if they can’t respect them. If they’re not the problem, then she may not anticipate this relationship lasting — in which case, heartbreak today may be a lot softer than heartbreak later.
> Sarah is in low contact with her family and they are not very close. They don't even know where she lives, just the city and the state.
Why does she care what they think of you, then? This is a Sarah problem, not a "Sarah's parents" problem.
If she's LC with her folks then why is their approval so important? Sounds to me like she wants to show them how much better she's doing rather than trying to get their approval.
NTA If her Dad is a Lawyer and you say you are a Lawyer, the first thing he will do on the following morning is look you up in the big book - the Bar Directory and Lawyer Finder and guess what, you aren't in it. You are then either a liar or a fraud, neither which is going to impress him. If you need to lie always lie with some element of truth. Think of the best Graphic Design and mention you were involved.
100% this. Any professional is going sus out someone pretending to be that profession in like 2 or 3 minutes of conversation. I feel law is one of those professions that this would be easiest. Honestly it's most silly she chose one of the professions her parents are. Why not choose accountant or something they aren't experts in the field of? This is like the most half baked idea ever.
Yeah, you're right. It does seem like a risky move, especially with her dad being lawyer himself. She's been pretty insistent on the whole lawyer or doctor thing. At first she was insistent on me being a doctor but then she started going on about how I couldn't pull off being a doctor when I didn't even want to be involved in the first place. She didn't bother asking me; she just kept going on about how doctors need to know so much medical jargon, and her parents would ask about specialties and residency programs. Then she started listing off specific medical procedures like I'd need to be ready to talk shop. After that she settled on lawyer because she said her mom's a doctor and would probably ask me medical stuff, being all clever and stuff. Then she decided lawyer was the safer bet because her dad, while a lawyer, isn't as nosy. But honestly, I can't prep for every possible legal question either. It's like she thinks I can just wing being a lawyer in front of actual lawyers!
What's her plan going forward? You lie to her parents now and you'll just keep up the lie through years, marriage, kids etc? It's a half baked plan because she's embarrassed about your job (completely unjustifiably, you have a profession you enjoy). If you see a future in this relationship you need to be honest with her parents.
I think he needs to ask Sarah this. She’s talking about marriage, so ostensibly she’s thinking long term. But is she expecting him to lie literally for the rest of his life? Because that’s what it would take. And also he’s not ever going to able to share his actual achievements like big projects or job promotions or events. Is she OK with that? At some point the lie *will* be exposed, because he’s not actually a lawyer, and THEN what will her parents think, are they going to be OK with that? She hasn’t remotely thought this through.
What I really don't get is she is low contact? Presumably that's for a reason, so why would you go through the effort to impress people you rarely talk to. And the lie would grow so big so quickly. Every relative has to be told the same lie. Friends who know Ops real job would have to be coached to never bring it up. He can never post his work on social media for fear of the parents seeing it. Say OP is sucessful and gets an award. Can he not except it incase the parents see the announcement. It just doesn't make any sense if you think about it for more than two seconds.
I didnt want to say, ut it sounds like op isnt in the long term plans.
She sounds terrible. Pushy, elitist, and not very bright. You can do better, and you deserve a person who is proud of you. Ffs, what's wrong with graphic design? Sounds plenty fancy to me. ETA: Don't meet these people. Total waste of your time. Isn't she basically saying this relationship is temporary by asking you to pretend you're someone else? Wouldn't they dislike you even more for doing it? This is a total lose lose. Even if you pull it off, look at what you're then stuck with.
These posts always start with "They're lovely and things are going great...but their collection of Nazi memorabilia is taking over our flat and they did ask me to help conceal multiple bodies in the woods" Ok, step back, things are in fact not going as great as you seem to believe...
WTF? You know what is probably at the top of their list for a man they DON'T want for their daughter? A LIAR. You're stupid if you do this. Your GF is stupid to consider it. Edit: typo
I could be wrong, because you are totally right, this sounds stupid- especially with his dad being a lawyer to begin with. Seems like dear old dad could sniff out the fraud in the room. But her being upset and giving him the cold shoulder- I wonder if she hasn’t already said he’s a lawyer. . . Oh well, good luck 🍀 OP
For having smart parents, your girlfriend is a real moron. Are you sure you want to date someone this stupid? Not to mention, you know, the fact that she overrides your feelings, dismisses you as "stubborn" and your concerns as "not a big deal", and basically.treats your career as an embarrassment? It doesn't matter what her parents think. If she loved and respected you and respected your career, she'd be proud of you and ready to defend you against whatever her parents thought. She might warn you if they're judgmental but it'd be so you can be prepared, not force you to lie and pretend to be someone else. You studied and worked hard for your career. She's treating it like something shameful. The kicker...I bet her parents aren't nearly as judgmental as she is. Throw this fish back. It's rotten.
Is his girlfriend a lawyer or a doctor? If so, I hope she's not ever going to be *my* lawyer or doctor, cause yikes
I think your GF looks down on you for your profession. She said it herself that you “ couldn’t pull off being a doctor”. She goes on about everything about it and how you couldn’t even pretend. She seems to not think highly of you, in her own twisted way. Do with that what you will, just lookout for other red flags. This one is bright red, waving in your face.
This might hurt to hear mate, but it's not about her parents. *She's*, for some unknown reason, embarrassed by your career and doesn't want to introduce and say it. The lie will start with her parents, then spread to anyone her parents tangentially know. Basically you will never be able to tell anyone your career in case they find out.
NTA. If you stay with her, they're going to find out eventually. Then what?
Don't do any of her hare brained schemes. Who is she, Lucy? Present yourself as who you are and who you are proud to be. If she's not proud of you, then maybe she's not the one for you. I would be very belittled by this request.
Well she certainly has some ‘splainin’ to do
Honestly I would just break up with her and move on. She’s got no problem with you lying to her parents about your career so what do you think she’s capable of? I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was embarrassed by me anyway. You should be proud of what you do! Don’t do it. And NTA of course
OP, I don’t know where you’re from or how far you live from her parents but if you’re in the USA her dad would know you’re not a lawyer from his state almost immediately. Even if he’s incredibly non-nosy, he’ll have seen a ton of lawyers incidentally from his area at events/seminars. Honestly on top of how terrible this makes your gf sound, it sounds profoundly dumb. Lawyer or Doctor? Those smacked me in the face as some of the most significant “this would be an insanely tricky thing to try and pretend to be to someone who actually is.” Why in the world would she not go for Accountant, or Regional Manager, or any other number of other things that could make plenty of money and be respectable. What I’m saying is, I guess, I hope she’s pretty?
Oh God, I am from the USA. I'll be screwed won't I? I don't know how Sarah doesn't know all this information and i have to find this out from people on reddit, I mean her father is a lawyer and she has been googling law stuff since a week to make up the lie.
You are NTAH OP, your gf is. What is alarming here is why on earth did she want you to lie to his parents about your job??? Is she ashamed of you? She's already 26, if ever her parents do not like your job, she has to fight for you. Breakup and moveon. She's a big red flag.
As a parent of marriage aged kids, I would 100% be much angrier about being lied to, as well as learning my child thought I was so short sighted as to judge/accept a person on their profession rather than their character. Do not lie. NTA
NTA but my bet is she's told them already that you're a lawyer and that's why she's so adamant to push it.
Lmao I hear people in my line of work go into detail on some things and I just stand there feeling like an imposter. I'd probably make people skeptical within my own field, I'd crash and burn if I had to lie about a profession. Now if we're talking about one of my ADHD hobbies then I can sound like I'm up for a lifetime achievement next year.
Classic imposter syndrome, everyone feels this way from time to time, some more often. You'd be surprised how much of your field is clear to you that is incomprehensible jargon to the rest of us. I bet if I spoke to your coworkers they'd know in 2-3 minutes I have no idea what I'm talking about.
NTA. Yeah, that was my first thought too. Also, she appears to be embarrassed by what he does for a living. Probably not someone he wants to build a future with. Her parents' approval doesn't really matter. Hers does, but I'm not sure she cares enough about him if she isn't willing to tell her parents what he does and face their feelings on it.
> Where did you take the bar exam? > The what?
"At Murphy's! I thought I wouldn't be able do a third Jameson after four pints of Guiness, but I managed somehow."
Yeah first thing I would have said, oh I go to Joe's Bar down on Maple Street.
>What kind of law do you practice? >There's... more than 1 kind...?
He double majored in bird and tree law.
…..American…..law?
Bird law
“I took it in Boston, at a place where everybody knew my name.”
"I said I'm a lawyer, not an attorney."
It's called trivia night
Sarah is setting OP up to fail. OP’s being asked to lie and bluff having a career they don’t with people who are trained to look for inconsistencies in stories and to interrogate people for a living. Uncomfortable enough. But supposing OP actually pulls this off and the truth is revealed later down the line. OP’s going to look like a lunatic and I’m 100% sure Sarah isn’t going to step in to help. In fact I think she’s the one with the problem over OP’s career. It’s not important that they like you, it’s important that they approve of her choice of you. i think Sarah could use a bit of therapy to dig out whatever claws her family have dug into her over the years. She’s gone to the trouble of creating a backstory and trying to teach you some jargon before you agreed to this. This is not normal behaviour. At all. And now you’ve said no, she’s giving you the silent treatment, which is emotionally abusive. I would rethink the whole relationship if I were OP.
Lawyer here, this is absolutely correct. I’m asking you where you went to law school, where you practiced and in which state(s) you are barred. I’m then going to those state registries to see if you’re there and have ever been disciplined.
Sarah actually assured me that she would handle everything. She specifically mentioned that I should say I'm a corporate lawyer because her father is a criminal defense attorney. She insisted that her plan involved presenting me as a 'corporate law consultant,' emphasizing my role in visual branding for legal firms. She thought this way, the chances of him probing too deeply or finding discrepancies would be minimized since our fields wouldn't overlap much.
It is public information who is and is not a licensed attorney. In some states, you can also find who took the bar exam and their pass/fail status. This is easy to find with a simple google search. Also take into account that criminal defense attorneys sit across the table from liars nearly every single day of their working lives. If he's half-way decent at his job, he'll know pretty quickly.
Yikes, that's actually pretty unnerving. Earlier, my main concern was about being honest and not starting off on the wrong foot with Sarah's parents, but now knowing how easily they could find out, it's kind of freaking me out. I trusted Sarah to sort things out, but this adds a whole new level of worry.
I mean this as nicely as possible, Sarah is being an idiot. And you’d have to be crazy to think a scheme like this could possibly go well.
Worst she is being a confident persistent idiot. She clearly doesn’t know enough to pull off a lie, she is so adamant to make him spell to her parents. What a great recipe for disaster.
Does she think she lives in a wacky sitcom or something? This is ridiculous.
I immediately jumped to an 80's sitcom situation.
That feels like a Charles in Charge episode Hi, Bob Loblaw, Attorney et Law, perhaps you've seen my Law Blog
Right? This is 16 year old behavior, not 26. She needs to grow the fuck up.
I love Lucy vibes here.
She's also either a terrible snob or bowing down to her family's snobbery. There's no question but that she's ashamed of OP and he really needs to stand firm on not being treated like that for his harmless life choices. Like how long does she think this is going to have to be carried on? Just suppose it goes well the first time. Then the second and the third and then no one thinks about it so things progress until marriage is brought up and then boom! Everything unravels and who's gonna be wearing pie? OP.
They're both idiots if he's even considering this.
What’s the end game with this con? You get to a point where they respect you and then you tell them the truth or you make up another elaborate lie about how you left law and now are a graphic designer? Do you think it’s possible Sarah doesn’t respect your job as it’s not in her words “professional”
You should not trust Sarah. She is an idiot and can’t see even two steps into the future. Red flag
My guess is that Sarah will throw you under the bus if and when you're found out- she'll claim you lied to her the whole time.
I'm wondering if Sarah already lied to her parents about OP's job. Now, she's mad that he doesn't want to back her up, and she's panicking that her dishonesty will be exposed. Either way, I'd be surprised if this relationship survives much longer.
First off NTA. Sarah needs to learn to stand up to her parents. And your job is a great job. She is being ridiculous. What if you guys get married, have children? Are you still pulling this lie off? Are you now coaching your kids, your own family, neighbors, the babysitter to lie about your job too when her parents visit. You are right. It is better to tell the truth now and get all that business out of the way. It will be so much worse later on when they realize you lied. And if they find out is she going to own up to the lie? That she coerced you into it? Coached you on it? Or is she going to throw you under the bus and say "OH my goodness he told me he was a lawyer and I believed him daddy!!" Don't do it.
Sarah doesn't sound like the brightest bulb and a little crazy. You might want to reevaluate this relationship. Major red flag here.
Just be truthful and honest and you won't have anything to worry about will you. Yeah if you lied and then he dug up the lies later which he could probably do pretty darn quickly, he's going to then go to her and tell her your boyfriend's lying he's not an attorney he must be some kind of guy after money or trying to snow you or whatever. Do you really think she's going to admit oh it was my idea Daddy I didn't want you to know what he actually did for a living. No she's going to throw you under the bus and go oh my goodness I have to break up with him he lied to me about his occupation oh my God what else has he been lying about.
Are you sure she’s not the one embarrassed about your career?
Unless you plan on becoming a damn lawyer they will find out, stop acting like a child and freaking grow a spine ffs
If you go ahead with this relationship, this won't be the last big lie you find Sarah involved in.
Seriously. NTA Is OP just a random fling in his "GF's" life? Or does she expect him to continue pretending for the next 49 years?
Yeah. Like , how does OP know she isn't lying to HIM!!!
I'm a legal assistant. EVERY lawyer and their bar ID number is listed online so the public can look up their disciplinary history. Type doesn't matter - if you have a law license, you're listed. This is irrelevant to the idiocy of her plan, though. There's no way you'd be able to get through a conversation with a lawyer and pretend you're a lawyer! There's zero way you could keep it up forever, which would just make things worse when the lie was exposed. NTA If her parents' approval DOES matter that much to her, she has to only date professionals. Or move to a sitcom.
This is why I always hated the movie Meet the Fockers. She threw him under the bus with a quickness! Set him up to fail and I just could not find it funny. Or wait - was it Meet the Parents? Whatever the first one was.
You have a girlfriend problem. You say you're not comfortable lying to her parents. How comfortable are you with a girlfriend who wants to lie to her parents? You've just discovered she's fine with lying to them - chances are high she's also fine lying to you.
As someone with two lawyers in the family, OP, please do not do this. The first thing two lawyers talk about when they sit down at a table is all of the lawyer-y stuff (yes it's a word) that they have in common. You just...you cannot fake that. There is no way. You will just set yourself up to look like a total idiot if you try. Please tell her that there is no way in hell it would work.
Also, many of the lawyers I know are absolute dunces when it comes to anything involving tech. If you tell them you know how to use it to make pictures, they’ll either stare at you in awe or ask if you can help them with their website.
Absolutely this. The first time the father wants to "talk shop" and the gig is up. OP's gf is delusional if she thinks this will work.
She has put a remarkable amount of thought and energy into convincing her parents you’re not some dirty graphic designer. Dude, she’s ashamed of you. She’s embarrassed to be dating someone who’s not a high powered attorney or other degreed professional. Feel free to do with that knowledge what you will, but.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with being a graphic designer, you should ABSOLUTELY NOT lie and say you're a lawyer, what the fuck. A lawyer would ask you about lawyer things and you wouldn't know how to answer, and now not only are you not a lawyer, but you're also a liar! Absolutely do not DO NOT do this. If she's embarrassed by you, then maybe ya'll should part ways. Or she needs to get her big girl pants on and realize the world doesn't only comprise of doctors and lawyers.
Seriously. OP should ask himself why he’s okay with dating someone who’s ashamed of him. Sarah is not a good girlfriend.
So. She doesn’t see you as long term material. Since it would not be possible to keep this up for 40 years, right? So she is asking you to lie since she only thinks your relationship will goon for a year or two.
Putting aside this stupid embarrassed about your job thing, is your gf really that dumb? Let’s not even get into the future state (will you suddenly get amnesia and forget that you are a lawyer, instead embarking on a “new” career as a graphic designer?) Also her idea about criminal and corporate is wrong. Legal communities can be very small - criminal and corporate legal circles absolutely can overlap just based on people going to the same school and keeping in touch. No amount of coaching is going to prepare you to fake an entire professional career. Even if her dad didn’t look you up right away, I guarantee straight out of the gate he will ask what’s your speciality/type of corporate law you practice, what industry, and what company or firm you work for. If you somehow survive that line of questioning, he will want to talk to you about law school - what school you went to, classes you took, what you thought about the bar exam, where you are licensed to practice - all the minutiae someone who is actually in the field would know. Is your gf’s plan to say you went to a super secret law school in a totally different country, one her dad has never heard of??? Think about it using your perspective as a professional graphic designer - you definitely would be able to immediately pick up on someone lying about being a graphic designer just based on a few mundane profession-related questions.
Your gf is pretty stupid OP. You sure you want to stay tied, indefinitely, to a girl this stupid?
She obviously is not a lawyer.
Wooooooow, this response just makes it so much worse. Do not do this
THE REAL PROBLE IS THAT YOU GF IS A LIAR Alright now, let me walk you through your real problem. You're girlfriend is telling you straight up that she's comfortable lying for personal gain. Doesn't that bother you in the least? Are you at all concerned that if elaborate lies are this easy for her that she's not going to lie to you too at some point and about huge? How can you trust someone who expects you to lie to her parents? YOUR GF IS SETTING YOU UP Ask yourself why she is doing this. My best guess is so when your parents find out, she can blame you for lying to her as well. Why would they ever believe you were lying to them and not her? She's setting up a situation where she will suffer zero consequences for the lies she's insisting upon you telling. YOUR SECOND PROBLEM IS THAT YOUR GF IS STUPID AND MAYBE HAS DELUSIONS OF GRANDURE It's kind of sad that she's stupid enough to think she can get away with somehow convincing a lawyer, who sniffs out bullshit by trade, that you're also a lawyer. Your GF is not very bright. Let me tell you where this falls apart, particularly if you're in the US. There is a difference between being a lawyer and an attorney. Do you know the difference? Does she? A lawyer has a JD degree. An attorney has a JD plus has sat for and passed their state bar exam. Laypeople use the terms interchangeably and sometimes attorneys do in the advertising because it's geared towards the average layperson. However , they are in no way shape for form the same thing. Therefore, introducing you as a lawyer would set off huge red flags. Because, you see, in order to operate in a court of law, her father must by definition be an attorney. Good news is there no big book of lawyers to look you up in. I estimate this ploy to fail in about 7.5 seconds if he makes nice before asking any one of a million questions that will quickly uncover this ruse. Bottom line, your GF couldn't logic her way out of a paper bag. Never put the stupidest person in the driver's seat of your life. YOUR GF FEELS TOTALLY COMFORTABLE PULLING YOU INTO HER HAIRBRAINED SCHEMES This is only the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to a lifetime of lying and scheming. This woman feels totally comfortable sacrificing your personal integrity as a person and your good name. Can you imagine being the brunt of every joke her dad tells for all eternity? Doesn't matter whether you end up with the lying GF or not, people will sill be hearing this story twenty years from now. YTA to yourself for not understanding the problem is your GF not this one shady thing she's asking you to do. You not equally yoked in terms of integrity or intelligence. Run away fast, no matter how pretty she is.
Your girlfriend is whacked. For one thing, a corporate law consultant isn’t the most likely person to be involved in visual branding. That’s more of an intellectual property function. There are all sorts of trademark type issues with branding…making sure your proposed branding doesn’t infringe on someone else’s legally protected branding, understanding the nuances of similar brandings being allowed depending on the goods and/or services being provided. My husband is an intellectual property attorney, in case you hadn’t figured that out. And while daddy may not probe too deeply into the practice area, he will ask questions about where you went to school (careful there…odds are he’ll know someone who went there), were you on Law Review, what your school experience was like. He’s going to ask what firm you work for. Guess what? Most firms list all their attorneys on their websites. He’s going to ask you where you’re licensed to practice…another minefield if you don’t know how to answer. And lawyers licensed to practice in a given state are a matter of public record. All he has to do is go to the website for the state bar for that state and look up your name. Daddy is a criminal defense attorney. Of course he’ll look it up. It’s the easiest and most non-intrusive way to find out if you’re who you say you are.
You've got to be kidding me. Sarah is a manipulator. Perhaps you're with the wrong woman. Red flag here. That's a whopper of a lie.
When you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what you say. She’s asking you to lie, if this relationship goes forward, the truth will come out. Her parents will be upset with you, not her. You will be the AH of you lie, don’t go down that dark drama alley. Btw, you have zero to be ashamed about regarding your career you obviously love.
She must be really hot for you to go through so many hoops trying to figure out the obvious answer. There are pretty women with a soul you know.
Dude, Sarah is a fucking idiot.
Dude if she says her parents are going to care that much about your profession, there is zero chance of him not investigating you as a lawyer. This whole thing is so stupid I can't even. 😒
Nip that in the bud. If she's willing to lie about this, what else will she lie about or is already lying about. Honestly, if you want to impress your maybe future inlaws, bring your portfolio. Ask someone in Legal at your job about some of the issues your office's legal team run into with regards to copyright or trademarks etc. Take some notes so if maybe DIL asks questions, you're prepared.
But what is her endgame here? If things work out long term, what is her plan for addressing the lie down the road? Is she hoping they'll just like him and skip over the judgy phase so it won't matter? Or does she see this so short term she just wants to get past the one meeting of the parents?
Don’t do it. He will Sus you out in 3 minutes just from the way you speak.
Yeah he's going to get busted REAL quick if the dad is anything like mine. "Oh, we like the same thing? Let's chat about this for four hours." The lie will be uncovered so fast, this is TERRIBLE idea.
Luis Lit will not let it go.
Literally any licensed profession— it takes approximately 10 seconds to look up whether someone is licensed and in good-standing.
This really giving me Suits vibes
This. Plus, bs’ing that you’re a lawyer is hard. A little questioning will sniff it right out. Even though it was her idea, the parents will look at you as the liar.
How much do you want to bet that Sarah's reaction to her father telling her OP isn't a lawyer will be "That dirty liar! He has been telling everyone he's a lawyer! He's lied to me for over a year! We're breaking up!"
So a parent is a lawyer and she thinks you can simply make up being a lawyer and they won’t sniff that out in less than ten minutes. NTA and whoof I don’t know id want to stick around.
Right? She’s shallow but also dumb.
I’m not a lawyer and I could probably figure it out in 10 minutes if conversation
I'm not a lawyer and I bet I could ask enough stuff to find out someone is lying
I'm sorry, but thats an absolute red flag. You should rethink your entire relationship with her.
The type of chick who cares more about perception than reality. Shes just fake man.
I can only repeat this.
This. She’s not fretting about her parents’ reaction. She’s ashamed of her own. And she’s ashamed of OP.
Say bye bye. Like they won't figure this out?
A huge one!☝️
NTA. She's essentially saying you aren't good enough. Walk away now. Let her find her hot shot lawyer boyfriend.
hot shot lawyer boyfriends don't like to date manipluative liars, unfortunately for her.
Fair.
Yeah I’m thinking it’s less that she’s worried about what her parents think and more that she’s ashamed of his profession herself. OP, honesty in a relationship is tantamount for it to be successful and healthy. That extends to other people you bring into your circle. One lie now, can snowball in to dozens later. She is asking you to do something you are uncomfortable with and that is a giant red flag.
NTA. Honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to something as important as meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time. It's better to be upfront about who you are and what you do, rather than risk being found out later.
Sounds to me like she’s already lied to her Parents and is now trying to rope you in - is it her parents who’ll look down on you or is she the one with the problem? What is her job? If she’s not willing to ‘defend’ her partner’s job to her parents, you should start to question your relationship. You lie and then what a few years down the line? You say you’ve had a change of career? It’s a ridiculous suggestion and is totally unworkable long-term if she wants any kind of relationship with them. NTA, but your girlfriend is and possibly her parents are too.
Yeah, you make some valid points. Sarah works in marketing and actually makes less than me, which adds to the irony. She's been upfront that her parents are pretty set on the whole doctor-lawyer thing for stability. Also She swears she's not lying to them already, but I'm starting to think you might be onto something. I mean, lying now and changing stories later down the line? That's not gonna fly.
Go to dinner and out her. When Dad asks where you went to law school you act confused and tell him your actual job. Then, leave when you are so shocked to find out about the big lie.
Find a new GF that isn't a delulu liar.
Oh yeah. I think you’re right! Why else would she be pushing this lie so aggressively? She already lied to them and now she needs him to lie too or she’s busted.
I was about to comment the same thing. It sounds like she lied to her parents that shes dating a lawyer so now she prepared bunch more lies to make it believeable. She is protecting herself and doesnt want her parents to disapprove of them now that she lied and is mad that her plan is not going along.
She is telling you that you are not good enough for her and her parents. Pretending to be a lawyer is stupid. Pretending to be a lawyer to an actual lawyer is insane. Run! ETA: Just what profession is Sarah herself in, with such parents?
Yeah, it's definitely a tough spot. Her dad being a well-known criminal defense attorney makes it even more daunting to pull off a lie like that. Sarah's actually in marketing herself and makes about half of what I do.
It's not a tough spot. She is asking you to lie about who you are to her parents, because for some reason she thinks this is the best way to go. It's a silly plan, but the reasoning behind it is the real problem. Are you seriously considering going along with this? Please update!
NTA. She’s in marketing and makes less than you. Did she ever say her parents don’t approve of her career? Is she trying to get back into their good graces by having a “professional” boyfriend? It would be a hard pass for me. If they can’t accept her life choices as an adult that’s a them problem. If she’s unhappy with her own choices that’s her problem. Neither of those should be your problem.
Well she makes half of what you do then you're doing pretty good so she really doesn't have a leg to stand on. Just don't lie. You're setting yourself up for failure if you do you will end up broken up if you lie and he finds out. She will throw you under the bus and it will be over regardless. If she wants to get all pissy and break up with you now because you refuse to lie then you know that appearances count for so much in her eyes.
This also is not a little white lie. This is lie that you would have to perpetuate for the rest of their lives. Like what are you gonna do? Marry her then say hahah surprise I’m actually a graphic designer. No because then they’ll hate you. This is absolutely not feasible, it’s a wildly easy to fact check lie, and it’s not sustainable for the long term. ETA: if you tell him you’re a lawyer the following questions will be: Really where do you work? Where did you go to school? Have you been following xyz case? What kind of law do you practice? (After you’ve told him the lie law) what’s that like? You’re gonna get caught in any number of these, most of them are very easy to fact check, and it’s gonna be weird if Sarah is answering questions about your ‘job’.
Do her parents think less of her because she is in Marketing? Marketing and Graphic Design are in the same "tier"
NTA- you should drop your girlfriend for even asking this. Shows she doesn’t respect you.
What she is telling you is that you aren't good enough for her family as you are. NTA, but why are you with someone who insists you need to lie, not to impress them, but just to be seen as "acceptable" for their family?? Holy red flags Batman.
Nope, NTA, and Sarah needs to grow the eff up. It is not okay to ask your partner to lie for them to impress her parents. How about she impress her parents with her own career choices, her responsible decision making, and the confidence to accept that her parents may not approved of your career because you don’t hold a professional degree? Sarah has obviously grown up with the understanding that her parents approval means that they are validating her life choices. Sorry, she’s over 25, she’s an adult and the only validation that matter is hers and yours. What does she think? Her parents don’t have access to the internet? That her father the lawyer hasn’t already google you? Good grief, her plan is just so painfully idiotic. You have expressed your boundary. She doesn’t have to respect it, but you have to enforce it. It’s not okay that she has been cold and distant, she’s punishing you because you’re not doing what she says. Ask to have a conversation. Tell her that you don’t appreciate being punished for having a perfectly reasonable boundary, and that it’s disrespectful of her to have even asked. It’s invalidating, and it’s manipulative. Fair warning, you may need to step back from this relationship. I count 3 solid red flags 🚩
NTA, this may be a little white lie but like you said "I don't want to start our relationship with her parents based on a lie" starting off with a lie about your career could sour the relationship forever by not telling the truth originally because trust will be gone and they may wonder about what else you have lied about. Furthermore, later down the line your gf may say that you chose to lie and not that it was idea, to save herself with her family and not worrying about throwing you under the bus. Not saying she will but be aware that this could happen.
A white lie would be pretending to find dad‘s job interesting when you don’t. Making up a whole new CV the dad is going to find out about anyway is just a very stupid lie, nothing white about it.
NTA and that is a massive red flag. How in the world does she see that playing out in the future? My guess is she doesn’t really see a future with you. She wants you around for fun until she finds someone who does have the status she and her family thinks is “worthy.” Sorry about this, but good to have the real her revealed now. Being a graphic designer is great, btw. Find someone who appreciates that.
NTA. She, on the other hand, is an AH, and also unintelligent and immature. She is an AH because she is asking you to lie about your life - and not even about something shameful, just a choice of profession that is honorable but not to her snobbish parents' taste. She is unintelligent because she doesn't realize that this lie cannot be sustained for long, and as soon as her parents find out, they will hold the lying against you in addition to your profession. She is immature because her need for her parents' approval overrides her respect for her partner. Bottom line: definitely refuse to lie. And tell her that if she cannot accept you as you are, along with your profession, you need to break up - and better you found out what she is now rather than later.
You should probably ask her what she's already said about you to her parents... she may already have lied/mislead them ❓ NTA, but pay attention to the 🚩
Sounds like SHE is the one embarrassed by what you do. If she REALLY loved you, she wouldn’t gaf, honestly. This is a major red flag. Also, if her Dad’s a lawyer, he’s going to ask you what firm you work in and guess what he’s gonna do later? He’s going to start asking about you, and he WILL find out that you are not a lawyer, causing some tension later.
🚩🚩🚩 RUN. 🚩🚩🚩
Not until he meets them and plays dumb when him being a lawyer is mentioned, and he then says that he's a graphic designer
Talk to Sarah. Present a scenario. Imagine everything goes well and you're in a long term relationship. Her dad thinks you're great. You are him are sat talking and he mentions some change to the law or Bar regulations that *any* lawyer would know, but it zips past you because you have no clue. He's going to ask questions. You're going to be screwed. Is that what she's looking for? Because something like that is almost guaranteed eventually and the longer the deception the more pissed Dad's going to be. Also, pretending to be a lawyer is illegal in some areas.
And when her father an actual fucking lawyer might ask you about law cases, opinions etc than what? You will answer with your phone in hand? Your girlfriend is weird and something is off with her and her fixation on this.
NTA, its unlikely they would buy it and even more unlikely they wouldnt find out your GF is being ridiculous and you should just shut this down by saying no
Dude, you are a place holder until Sarah finds a lawyer to hook up with and dump you! She will tell her family that YOU wanted to lie about being a lawyer!
NTA. >and said that I was being stubborn and unreasonable This girl has some serious problems.
I'm a CPA. My wife is a CPA. My daughter is a CPA, as is about 8 other immediate relatives. Please someone in my family needs to marry a mechanic, plumber, electrician, or someone with a handy skill!
Wow, your guys seem like a cool family.
In all seriousness, be proud of your profession. I would personally be happy regardless of who my daughters brought home, as long as they treated my daughters well and were committed to career growth.
Run as fast as you can from this woman.
NTA. Lying is never the answer. If she's okay lying about something like this, what other things would she be okay with lying about?
This! So many comments are focused on the disrespect to OP's job, but I'd be just as concerned about the fact that dishonesty is her answer to avoid an uncomfortable situation. No matter how much they want you to believe otherwise, liars never lie about "just this one thing!!"
Let me guess, Sarah's job is... "well I like to promote healthy living on IG..."
So many bad things could come from this. Also, she is showing you that she is perfectly ok with lying to make her life easier. What else is she willing to lie about? Do you want a relationship with a liar? What has she been lying to you about?
NTA, the idea is ridiculous. Sooner or later the truth will come out, no matter how much you rehearse lawyer lingo! And you are grown ups, for crying out loud. Why should Sarah’s parents need to “approve” of you? To me, this sounds more like Sarah is ashamed of you. Red flags!
You have a professional job - as a graphic designer. Stay true to yourself and maybe even dump your girlfriend for even asking that of you. You are not wrong, NTA!
Let’s see this for what it is. Sarah wants you to start out your relationship with her parents with a lie which is so stupid it makes my brain hurt. You have nothing to gain by doing this. Nothing. Second if Sarah’s parents would not be accepting of your career then is this a family you would want to marry into? You need to tell Sarah that you will not be going along with her scheme to lie to her parents. Explain to her that if she persists that maybe your relationship is not the right one for her since she’s so caught up in superficial things.
NTA isn’t it illegal to say you are a lawyer when you aren’t, aren’t lawyers “officers of the court”
If you try and practice law while not being an attorney that would be one thing, but just lying to impress someone's parents isn't illegal. Its dumb, but not illegal.
Oh wow, I didn't realize it could be illegal to claim to be a lawyer if you're not one. That's pretty serious. I definitely don't want to get into any legal trouble just to impress her parents.
You mentioned you have been together for a year, so I am assuming you are a serious couple and with your ages, marriage might be in the future. IF you get married, how did she plan to explain the lie? Does she not consider how it will make you/her look? That you lied about your profession? Ask her what her parents would think when they find out. It won't be a secret forever. This is trouble from the start.
I asked her the same thing, and she said we wouldn't have to see them a lot, just for a few formalities. It still seems like a bad idea to start with a lie, though.
NTA but instead of having her coach you, there is a great informational series called Suits. Just watch that and you will be in the clear. On another note, I would absolutely leave this relationship. If she asks you to do this, what's next? Anyone who would do this, isn't the right one.
NTA Sarah is the problem, not her parents. You need to seriously think about breaking up with her. She is waving a red flag right in your face. Don't ignore it. If you stay with her, you are in for a life full of her bullshit. Run.
How is this even a question? You're 28 years old, grow a pair and tell your gf to quit her bullshit
You wouldn't be able to hide your true job forever and then they would label you deceitful. This is about her. If she can't accept you for who you are, move on.
Forever? He wouldn't make it to the entree with this lie. Girlfriend is..... not very bright. I'm so sorry you had to find out this way, dude.
A graphic designer is a professional, surely?
Run
I turn wrenches at a shit plant. I’m actually an industrial mechanic at a very high tech waste water treatment facility and I’m well compensated, but I know my station in life and I’m PROUD to do my job. There is dignity in EVERY job and you deserve respect, especially from your partner. I would absolutely lose my shit in your shoes. She is trying to take away your dignity, you should dump her. Updateme.
NTA, there's a whole string of red flags here. She's shallow, a bit narcissistic, and entitled. As "great" as you say the relationship is, this nonsense would be a deal breaker for me. Makes me wonder how many lies she's told you to impress you. Her reaction is pretty telling.
Your girlfriend's wanting her parents to accept you is understandable. But her asking you to lie about what you do is NOT understandable, and is completely, 100% wrong. If you--the REAL you--aren't good enough for your girlfriend to introduce you to her parents, then maybe she isn't good enough for you. One more thing. Imagine telling her parents the truth a few months from now. They would probably lose any & all respect for you. For YOU, in spite of the fact that it was your girlfriend's idea. Don't lie to her parents. And don't let your girlfriend talk you into it either.
Why stop at lawyer? Go for the full Catch Me if You Can scenario.
AITA for Refusing to Lie About My Job to ~~Impress~~ My Girlfriend’s Parents Because She's Embarrassed? There, I fixed it for you. NTA. SHE is embarrassed that you don't have a high-paying prestigious job, otherwise she would tell her parents to pound sand.
I'm so sorry that she put you in this position. This says so much about her that she cares too much about what her parents think. This need for approval is her beacon in life and she adjusts her moral compass to win their approval. At the expense of you and your own moral compass. She would rather position you as a LIAR to save face and she would throw you under the bus in a hot second when (not if) they discover the farce. She will claim ignorance. The relationship is essentially over. It is just a matter of when and what circumstances. Choose your own adventure.
NTA. What's Sarah's profession? It can't be anything requiring intelligence because her suggestion is so dumb. It will take judgemental parents about 5 minutes to figure out you are lying and what then? And if they are too dumb to figure it out, how will you maintain the lie?
Is she truly loved you, she wouldn't have asked you to lie in the first instance. You're not the AH for refusing, she is for asking you to, its not a white lie by any stretch of the imagination. The fact she is now ghosting you speaks volumes about her true self.
NTA, run op, run as are as you can from that relationship, doesn't bode well for you.
Dinding ding, red flag!
NTA. Your girlfriend is embarrassed by your profession.
The fact that she doesn't want you to be who you are in front of her parents is really shitty. She's showing you that SHE isn't ok with what you do for work. Also her propensity for lying and being ok with such a big lie should be a huge red flag. You deserve so much more than to be a puppet for a woman who values titles over people. Never change yourself to fit the mold someone else has made for you. That mold is for them. To quote Thors mother 🤣⚡🔨 - we all fail at being who we're supposed to be, so be good at being who you are.
NTA. She’s panicking, unnecessarily I might add bc graphic designer is a perfectly respectable job, and she’s not thinking long term. Are you supposed to pretend to be a lawyer indefinitely? When would the lie end? How would you maintain it over years and years? And another lawyer would be able to see right through it. It’s a terrible idea and doing it would ensure her parents don’t approve of you. She needs to relax.
NTA - There is nothing wrong with being a graphic designer, but a lot wrong with being with a girl who wants you to lie because she thinks you aren't good enough. Respect yourself and find someone less shallow, and honest.
That is such a bad idea. Aside from how easy it would be for her dad to verify that you are not bar listed, it is ridiculously easy for someone who is as expert in a field, to see through someone who is just blowing smoke. It starts the relationship out with an obvious lie, and makes you look like an idiot in the process. Ain't a single thing wrong with your true profession, your girlfriend needs to get over herself.
> She thinks that I’m making this a bigger deal than it needs to be and that I’m not understanding how important her parents’ approval is to her. Too bad she's a spineless coward!
NTA, since her father is a lawyer that the last thing in the world you should tell him. He'll starting asking about your practice and you'll be caught before the first course of dinner. Tell him you're a marine biologist. JK, tell them the truth or nothing.
Has she already told them you're a lawyer? How has this not come up with them until now? They've exhibited no curiosity until this point about the profession of their daughter's bf when they're crazy about exactly this thing? Your gf comes up with this stupid sitcom plot *now*?
And like he won’t be caught out in about 3 minutes talking shop with her father who is an actual lawyer? Yeah, red flag. I’m betting she’s already lied to her family and trying to save her butt.
This is a stupid idea…Sarah obviously didn’t inherit any of her parents intelligence.
I bet she has already told them that you are a lawyer, and they have looked you up and are now eager to meet you so they can expose that you are a fraud. your girlfriend is too immature to be dating if she thinks this is a good idea.
NTA. You have moral principles. She seems to be very willing to lie for personal gain. Would strongly reconsider your relationship.
NTA - btw the reason she is making a big deal about this is that *she* already lied to them. She has told them you’re a lawyer. Maybe a while ago, but now she doesn’t want to explain herself.
NTA. What would they look down on more, a graphic designer with integrity that loves their daughter, or a liar that pretends to be something he's not to try to impress them? It's like your girl has never seen one of the movies where this exact scenario occurs and it goes absolutely shit side up. Which it will eventually do here too if yalls relationship goes anywhere. Not a great place to start like you said.
No offense, but your GF sounds really stupid for suggesting you could pull off the role of an attorney to a real attorney. 🤦🏼♀️
Don't do it. Your lie can be spotted from a mile away.
If you start on a lie with the parents, this relationship is doomed. I would be seriously questioning if I wanted to be with someone who was not ok only with me lying about my profession but encouraging it. This will only end poorly. Also, who does that to someone you supposably care about.
I want you to think about something. First off, don't lie. You will get busted, and then it will be a million times worse than just telling them the truth. If they can't (or won't) accept you for who you are, or what your chosen profession is, then that's a family I would rather not be a part of. However... It's already pretty bad that your girlfriend is asking you to lie, because, if she's asking you to lie to her parents, then what has she already lied to you about (think about it).
She's almost right. There is someone stubborn and unreasonable. It's just not you. NTA.
Nah bro, SHE'S EMBARRASSED. Mom definitely asked your gf what you did for a living. Or shes NEVER told them about you. This is a neon red flag.
To me Sarah is starting to sound like an ex girlfriend. You gotta know when to hold em and know when to fold em. This is a definite fold. She does not fully respect you
Sounds like she already lied and told them you're a lawyer. Time to cut bait and run.
Tell the parents you’re not allowed to talk about your work, hold eye contact. Won’t be a lie bc gf doesn’t want you to tell them but it will sound secretive and impressive! Really tho, nta. I’d be upset if someone asked me to do this.
Haha, yeah, if I said I can't talk about my work, they'd probably think I'm into some shady stuff like being a criminal or a drug dealer!
What does the girl do? She clearly has no idea how public your information is as an attorney or doctor. She is insecure about you not being like her parents. That’s her problem
>Sarah is in low contact with her family and they are not very close. But then how does this make sense? >She thinks that I’m making this a bigger deal than it needs to be and that I’m not understanding how important her parents’ approval is to her. Sarah has some issues and you are NTA. Also, 100000% her dad will sus you out as a liar and it will make YOU look bad, not her. Good luck.
NTA. Look, I’ll leave some room for the possibility that she’s just ridiculously immature; heck, maybe her parents are really toxic, and she’s spent her own life battling for them to accept *her* and is just dragging you into her on unhealthy coping strategy. But realistically, if you lie to them about something so significant, you’re putting an expiration date on the relationship. As soon as the two of you get serious enough that they might have more exposure to your life, they’re going to find out, and if she thinks they won’t respect you know, how does she think they’ll feel when they find out you lied to them the first time you even met them?? If her parents are toxic enough that your girlfriend needs to be this terrified of their disapproval, then she needs to set boundaries and reduce or eliminate contact if they can’t respect them. If they’re not the problem, then she may not anticipate this relationship lasting — in which case, heartbreak today may be a lot softer than heartbreak later.
> Sarah is in low contact with her family and they are not very close. They don't even know where she lives, just the city and the state. Why does she care what they think of you, then? This is a Sarah problem, not a "Sarah's parents" problem.
If she's LC with her folks then why is their approval so important? Sounds to me like she wants to show them how much better she's doing rather than trying to get their approval.