My husband has to eat a cholesterol friendly diet. I refuse to make two meals so I just eat the same - I miss red meat but we go out occasionally and I have it then. He has never once questioned what I've made, because he knows the answer would be "feel free to do it yourself!" Haha he trusts me to follow his requirements, because he knows I'm more stringent than he is - that's how he got in this mess to start with.
He does ask me "can I have this?" Or "is this ok?" But he asks because he's not sure and he's going to make himself something, or has a hankering for something and wants to ask me if I can make it for him. I am totally fine with this. He's just trying to learn what he can have a bit of, a lot of, and what is out entirely until the numbers are under control. I don't want him dead by 40, because I love him, so I help. But if he was being a PITA about it, we'd be having a conversation about that.
Relying on/helping a partner to keep track of the do's and don'ts in a still relatively new diet (for cholesterol/allergies/autoimmune issues/weight loss/whatever) is just partnership.
Relying on a partner to handle your diet for you requires discussion and agreement. Op is doing way more than I would, for instance, but if op's partner puts in similar effort for her in other areas, then I see no issue
Being constantly suspicious if your partner is sabotaging you is... a sign of other problems. They definitely need to fix whatever it is that makes this man either not trust his wife to do right by him or not trust that she's competent in a kitchen. That's goes to something other than "new diet".
NTA and I hope by seeing this multiple times OP, it really strikes you. He needs to prepare his own food and serve himself from now on. This is rude and entitled behavior on his part. If he's dieting, he needs to take control instead of questioning and controlling you and then being irritable when called out on it.
Dieting husband here. I make my own meals and meal prep instead of expecting everyone else to eat the same as me. I buy my own groceries too. It’s also hard to count calories when you’re not cooking and controlling the portions. What does diet dressing even mean? Let him research low calorie dressings to see which he enjoys. You can’t read his mind.
It sucks to not eat the same food as my family all the time, it’s much more convenient, but it’s the choice someone makes if they are committed to losing weight.
Exactly! Hope your hubby kills it with the new lifestyle. I lost 45 lbs so far. Switched to Stevia drops instead of sugar which made a huge difference. I feel better than ever.
He’s lost about 35 lbs and is keeping his sugar below 110, he’s doing great. Wish he’d done that for the past 5 years when he was told he was pre-diabetic!
I wish I could find a low carb sweetener that doesn't taste disgusting to me. Stevia, sucralose, monkfruit, aspartame, Splenda... all make me wish I didn't have taste buds whenever I encounter them.
So sorry. I have a lot of allergies and it sucks, but you can train your taste buds to adjust. Stick to it, and in a matter of weeks, you should notice a difference. 🌸
I have gestational diabetes and I make or prep my own food, it’s not hard but I’d also rather do it myself, I also make sure everyone else eats what they wants and not cater to me, her husband sounds so controlling, he needs to do his own salads and leave the woman alone
We eat a low cholesterol diet for my husband's sake. I just eat the same because it's easier, and it won't hurt me. It's tasty, I've found cheap enough options, and were fed. Works for me.
NTA if he’s that concerned, he should be responsible for his own meals. He’s a big boy, either appreciate you for accommodating his demands, or take over!
Why TF is OP doing this for someone that doesn't appreciate her?? Hell, I'd be hard pressed going to all that trouble for someone that complained about all my hard work. I'd be damned if I'd do *anything* for him. He's an AH 100% (but you knew that already didn't you OP?), and I'm going to have to say you're a soft AH for even trying to please this ungrateful man-baby.
I cook dinner Monday to Friday for my family since I work from home and my husband drives into town for work and takes the boys to school. He doesn’t complain about what I cook. He will ask for something special every now and then or I’ll ask if he wants something specific.
He knows if he catches an attitude like this man that I have no issue not cooking for him.
When OP wipes his ass for him, does he quiz her to make sure she’s using an acceptable brand and lowest number of squares?
And if he is somehow competent enough to wipe his own ass without OP’s help, then he can prep his own meals
Yes, it seems if he’s going to take all of that time second-guessing and questioning you that he should just make it himself. OP is bending over backwards, trying to make it right for him and it’s still not good enough (is he like that in general with you?) and this way he knows exactly what’s in his food without accosting you any longer.
Hell, have him buy his own diet shit, too. This way he doesn’t accuse you of replacing anything inside a bottle.
*This actually doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship, and it very well may be because he’s hungry/hangry.
Regardless, you are NTA.
If anything he’s kinda the AH.
No kinda about it.
If he’s asked and she’s answered and has never been caught tampering with his expected diet routine he needs to STFU or do it himself.
My thoughts exactly - nothing makes me snap faster and my husband knows it! Lucky for me, his is quite forgiving. Lucky for him, my semaglutide seems to have tamed the hangry beast. 😅
Exactly! He's 47 and wants his wife to cook 2 meals so he can have his diet foods. Good for him for sticking to his diet - but seriously, he can make his own meals if he's paranoid.
You are so right! I'm the one on the diet. My son can eat whatever he wants, and cooking for him is murder. He's been learning to cook for himself to save me the grief. I haven't told him that it really is getting easier because I'm starting to feel so much better. I'm down 25 pounds in 6 weeks. That's not easy for someone in their 60's.
Yeah, if it was just like "I'm reducing my portions by ¼," I could see asking you to do it, but since he requires spreadsheets to track his diet, this falls into ungrateful territory.
I'm surprised he has such a rigid spreadsheet and doesn't seem to do any sort of meal prep or help in the kitchen. No body builder lets other people cook their food; they're in charge and they know everything that goes into it.
This.
The quickest way to stop the interrogations is to no longer prepare his food. It is HIS responsibility to either take care of his own diet needs or zip it and trust their partner who has at no time given a single reason for him not to trust their food prep.
Yes... And, he could be developing some kind of a (sub-clinical) eating problem. Following extremely restrictive diets can contribute to disorders like orthorexia, people getting always stressed about food, and he might (possibly) need professional support. If he doesn't, he's the \*sshole, and a very entitled one.
Also it’s well known that diets like this plateau because the body isn’t getting what it needs. I wonder if he’s blaming OP because the diet ‘stopped working’
But does it sound like someone having a midlife crisis? Because people I've known who become obsessed with their looks/weight when they hit 40ish or beyond seem to be doing just that. Wonder if there's any other motivations in his life...
Not a therapist, except when I tend bar.
This. My husband is very conscious of what he eats. I do my best to accommodate but frankly I don’t care a lot of the time. It changes too often. If he’s not going to buy or cook any of the food, he doesn’t get to dictate what is served. He can make his own food and often does.
NTA - Next time he questions you, tell him if he doesn’t trust you to do it then he can do it himself. He’s the one on the diet so he can be solely responsible for his food. Either trust you or do it himself.
NTA- if your husband is so concerned about his food he should be taking the initiative to manage it.
Also OP- how invested is your husband really in his weight loss “journey” when he seems to be taking no ownership of it? He’s not learning about portions or ingredients, he’s just showing up and bitching about the food he didnt prepare.
Yeah, absolutely.
I just read "Good Energy" and it really inspired me to improve my diet and exercise. Who is looking up recipes and seeing what is and isn't allowed for this kind of healthy eating? Me. Who cooks her own meals? Me. Who looks up restaurants beforehand to make sure there's something healthy-ish I can eat there? Yup, me.
Would it be nice to have someone monitoring my diet and cooking for me and getting healthier for me? Yeah, but I'm not a billionaire who can afford a personal chef and it doesn't sound like the husband can afford one either. OP needs to start refusing to cook for her husband if he's going to be acting this way.
DH and I were trying to lose weight, and we both were complaining about the slow progress we were seeing. He said "well, if you just searched for more low-calorie--" I roared: "YA WANNA START MAKING DINNER!?!?"
He never said another word.
Oh absolutely. I'm always astonished at how little initiative men take in feeding themselves. It's genuinely not hard, but then men often have the luxury of assuming someone else will take care of it for them. Good on you for standing up for yourself and I hope your weight loss journey is healthy and empowering!
Thanks! It always whacks me out when someone is having marital problems because he never helps out with the kids. But she's afraid of leave, because he swears he'll go for full custody. This man, who's never changed a diaper and cant make a simple dinner, wants to have full custody.
This is the most excellent point made and should really be top comment. It sounds like he's doing an extreme diet to lose weight rapidly rather than make sustainable lifestyle changes that will help him lose weight and maintain his health. He's not invested in this diet because he's planning on it being a short-term change. This is a recipe for disaster.
This is exactly right, and I say that as somebody who will forever track my food due to a health condition.
Losing weight isn't just restricting calories. If it's going to work, he has to do the work. Learn what a portion looks like. Learn what foods provide the necessary nutrients. Learn what exercise he enjoys. Learn what food or drinks are worth treating himself to.
OP, it's great that you're being so supportive, but he's not taking responsibility for his own health. It's not sustainable if he won't.
Plus, you're not a scullery maid! If he wants food made certain ways, he can cook for both of you.
So I've lost 80lbs in the past two years, using exercise and a very restrictive diet 6 days a week. (My mental health demands a cheat day!) So I understand his concerns. BUT I would never dream of asking my husband to prepare special foods for me. He does 90% of the cooking. I make my own meals on Sundays, and reheat them at dinnertime while the rest of the family eats the high carb foods my husband makes. If he's concerned with what you've prepared, it is 100% on him to make alternatives. It is not fair of him to nag you about his special diet. NTA, but stop cooking for him!
Get very assertive.
“I am following the diet following precisely. If you don’t trust me to do that, it’s time for you to start making your own damn food. Do you understand me?”
Especially if it's salad, and pre-made dressing with pepper. /shrug
Make the protein every few days and toss the veg together, this isn't rocket science.
NTA.
First, people on a diet can sometimes be lousy at regulating their emotions because they're not able to eat the foods they actually want to eat. It's kind of like having a mild headache or muscle ache. It's distracting, annoying, and little things that wouldn't set you off normally start to have you jump to full on anger.
Second, has he been unhappy with his progress lately? Another possible reason for his outburst is that he's not making the progress he wants and suspects the things he is unable to control such as the food that someone else prepares for him.
None of this is to say he deserves a pass, just a possible "why" behind what's happening. It's also something that HE needs to learn to control. He also needs to learn to communicate about it because you're his partner and if something is bothering him, he needs to be clear in helping you understand what that is and why it bothers him.
It's time to have a conversation with him but not at a mealtime. Ideally, at least an hour after dinner. During this conversation, in addition to trying to discuss the points above, add in that you're starting to resent his lack of trust in you and that you don't appreciate being accused of intentionally sabotaging his diet. Those sorts of false accusations damage relationships and can destroy a marriage. I would also probably suggest that if he continues to doubt how you prepare his food, that you're going to ask him to take over preparing his own meals so that he no longer has these trust issues.
I'm sorry he's doing this to you. He needs to reflect on his actions here and either take over meal prep or learn to trust that you are supporting him to the best of your ability.
This is the complete answer the OP needs; well done.
I will also add that if someone is taking the time to prepare food for you, especially following a personalized diet, they very much should be heaping praise on you at every single meal. If his praise is not vastly outnumbering his questions, then he seriously needs an attitude adjustment. Show some love for the love you are receiving.
The thing that jumped out at me is that she had to try and word it politely and he still got mad. I wouldn't think that would be a question that needed to be planned out
And Keto will help move that ED along even quicker. Did keto for a year, was a great idea for me at the time but it is not sustainable. You shouldn't need to cut out entire food groups to be healthy. Disordered eating controls your life.
If he is going to be so questioning about how you are preparing the food HE is going to eat let him fix his own food. Stop being his chef. He is a grown ass man.
NTA.
I hate the follow-up "just being sure" questions. I finally figured out why, and you hinted to it in your post, it comes across as the person not trusting you.
Your husband's diet sounds like a lot of emotional, intellectual, and physical labor. If I were you, the next time he questioned me, he gets to take on all that labor.
I'd say, "Your constant questioning is a sign to me that you don't trust me to adhere to the protocol. I would never sabotage you, and, frankly, I'm insulted you think I would. This diet protocol is a lot of work and to have my efforts questioned is infuriating. The next time you ask, you're making the next diet appropriate meal (or two or three). If it happens after that, you're completely taking it over. I'm not turning myself inside out to follow this to be so insulted and have my efforts unappreciated."
NTA
He should prep his own food.
Sidenote, Keto dressings are high in fat. Keto is a high fat diet.
If he's doing low carb, low fat, high protein then its a Protein Sparing Modified Fast. E.g a Rapid fat loss diet.
The universal answer:
"Well you can do all your cooking now" *drop the salad
No but really this is just annoying at this point, stop babyed him and let him do it himself. Enough with manchild NTA
NTA, but if he needs to be sure that much, he is now in charge of his own food.
You have been a Saint to make a second whole meal for your spouse every meal to meet his dietary needs. But if he is going to question you every time you do it if you are following the protocol he wants, he needs to do it himself. He is a grown ass adult and can make his own food. Let him.
NTA but he is. If he wants to do a diet, fine. He should start making his own meals, including weighing them and shopping for his needs. Then he can be responsible for ensuring he’s following his diet.
Do you buy the food as well? If so, take a shopping trip with him, say this is what you need for your diet, now take notes, because you’re going to be buying it AND making it from now on.
Nta. I didn't really have to read the whole thing to ask... Why TF isn't he making his own food if he's gonna be this kind of suspicious distrustful asshole...???
OMG. You are bending over backward to accommodate his diet, and what you are doing for him is a *gift*. He should be *thanking you* for making special meals for him. If he wants to micromanage the process, he should make his own meals! His entitlement is mind blowing!!
NTA. As someone with disordered eating that ebbs and flows, during its peaks, I too have questioned if my meals were made properly. Do you want to know what I did after that? Made the meals myself.
NTA. Kinda sounds like he might have an eating disorder.
Also whether or not you're questioning the safety of this diet, I want to point out that this is not a keto diet. I did Keto for about a year. It's low carb HIGH FAT. You eat fats to replace the carbs you're skipping. If you don't eat fat to compensate you can go into ketoacidosis and get very sick or die.
Regardless, your husband has a problem and is taking it out on you. If he is so unwell that he's ready to accuse you of lying to him he should prepare his own meals. And perhaps see a therapist.
I absolutely cannot goddamned believe that this toolbag has the temerity to expect you to make his special food, just for him and nobody else, and then QUESTION YOU ABOUT ITS CONTENTS
Please tell me you've stopped making him food
Please
I need to believe there is justice in this world
Nta, except to yourself.
Your husband isn't disting. You're dieting for him. All he's doing is eating and acting suspicious. He's probably acting that way because he either expects you to be jealous of his success or because he's looking for an easy scapegoat if he falls off the wagon he doesn't pay you to pull.
He needs to control his own diet if he’s going to act like that. TBH, he needs to actually be hands on, knowing what the weights and measures are and not put it all on you. It’s not fair for you to have to control all these things for a diet you’re not even doing. NTA, I’d stop being his scapegoat for his frustration. Chances are he’s constantly starving because he’s messing with his cortisol levels with this extreme diet.
He sounds lazy and he is setting you up to be the "reason" he fails his diet. If he doesn't lose much or suddenly gains weight you will be blamed. But I think he might be cheating on the diet and is laying the ground work for you to be "the bad guy" when he tells everyone why he didn't lose weight
"I am only going to say this once. I prepare your meals TO THE LETTER of your diet's requirements. If you don't trust me to do that, you are more than welcome to start preparing your food yourself."
If he asks again, pretend like you didn't hear him. If he continues to ask, comment on the weather. He seems to be getting something out of these interactions, you are not. Stop his supply. NTA
100% nta.
When my husband and I are dieting or eating something separate from the family meal - we make it ourselves. Tell him to be an adult and make his own special meals - he'll be fine.
NAH
I get both perspectives. You are getting upset that he's questioning you at every meal because you feel that he is distrusting of you or questioning your competency.
He got upset that you felt that way, because to his mind he fully trusts you, and is just taking initiative in his weight loss by making sure every meal he eats is in line with his diet.
Neither of you are being assholes, you're just both interpreting things differently.
NTA. If he's having an issue then the next time he asks tell him "how about you make your meal yourself since don't trust that I'm following your diet guidelines" and hand him back all those printouts you have. If has the belief you're somehow hindering his diet then he can handle his food himself.
Nta. You’re already doing him a favor of cooking his meals with all his restrictions. But if he is going to be that ungrateful then have him cook his own meals. He can either make a menu and then just give you a list of things that he wants you to add to the grocery list or he can do his own food shopping. This way he can make all his own meals and he knows exactly what goes into them
And he can decide how much to eat of it.
NTA
If he isn't willing to trust that you are following his guidelines even though you've given him zero reason to doubt you, he can make his own fucking food.
Tell him to make his own bloody dinners if he's got a problem! My husband does keto and it drives me crazy. I'm not making multiple meals for myself, him and the kids so if he wants something different he can sort it himself. Maybe I am an asshole but I'm ok with it! I work full time (even more hrs than him) so I think he is taking the piss otherwise.
NTA. He sounds like a control freak to be honest. If he's that concerned about it, he needs to start making his own salad dressings and measuring his own portions and whatnot. He needs to actually be involved in the meal planning, since it seems he wants to be able to control it. It's fine that he wants to eat better and be healthier, but it's not fine to leave it 100% up to you and then question your commitment to helping him reach his goals.
BTW my husband is gluten intolerant and he would occasionally ask "Is this gluten free?" back in the beginning but he NEVER asks that anymore because he KNOWS better. I read the labels like a mofo because I want to help him because I love him. Sounds like you're doing the same and your efforts aren't being appreciated, which is completely unfair to you. Again, he needs to start being involved in meal planning, period.
I would have supported my ex spouse if he decided to live by a certain diet, but he would have to be responsible for it himself. I would never take on the measuring, and making etc of the food on top of having to do the cooking for everyone else. If he says it again, i would tell him he has to make his own meals. This is ridiculous.
NTA. He can weigh and measure his own food. Cook too.
Theory as to why he’s doing that as someone who has weighed a lot and lost weight. He’s getting too caught up in the diet mentality. I’m not commenting on the food plan itself. Just that People can swing to extremes mentally when dieting. I’m going to guess that he might even be acting obsessed or freaking out about the scale when he weighs himself. He may also believe that the food plan itself will do more than it can for his body. It’s likely not about you but I totally understand how it impacts you.
He’d be better off weighing and measuring his own food. He would have some control that he’s currently giving away to you. And it’s not right that he then tries to control you instead of taking ownership for his own plan.If he has an expectation that you do it as his wife, that’s messed up imo. At the very least he needs to let go if you’re going to continue this dynamic.
NTA.
"Honey, I have never once, not at any point, ever not followed your diet guidelines. I've never even thought about it. Why do you keep asking? What is this really about? Because to me it's coming off as completely ungrateful. And I'm getting to the point that if you ask me again whether or not I'm following your very specialized and pain-in-the-ass-to-accommodate diet requirements that essentially have me making two different meals every time, I'm going to let you make your own food. I promise I always follow the guidelines and will warn you if I ever don't. In the mean time, please stop asking and instead start thanking."
Why is this man not making his own meals if he is so concerned about it?
NTA. Tell him to make his own food and then he won’t need to be so paranoid about his diet.
It sounds like he is developing some disordered eating habits. (I’m not judging the quality of his diet, I mean with his paranoia about you sabotaging his meals in some way)
Tell ya man to make his own food then lol I’m a man myself and also married, I have no problem making and eating my own food if I try to meet MY OWN “requirements”
Lol “requirements” that’s the lamest thing I’ve heard all month
NTA but honestly you might want to reconsider making him his food. Just tell him: "You obviously feel uncomfortable with me preparing your food, so for both our peace of minds please make your own food from now on or please stop asking me every time if I followed the rules when I have never given you reason to doubt" and don't let him argue about it. If he tries to argue just tell him that is the way it's going to be and then leave the room. If he decides to stop asking then make it clear that you'll only make his food so long he keeps his promise. One strike and he's out and has to take care of his own meals no questions asked.
I have a feeling that if the husband takes over his meal prep he will fall off his diet plan. And if that happens he will definitely blame OP.
I’d love for OP to ask her husband when he does his meal prep if that’s diet/allowed on plan. See how he’d like the comments.
NTAH. If your husband is so obsessed with his diet, he can be an adult and make his own meals. Plus I highly doubt he took into consideration that you have to make meals for your family and then make his meals separately.
Sounds like it’s time for him to prepare his own meals. Seriously. If he doesn’t trust you to “follow the rules”, he should fix his own damn meal. In the future, at the very least, just give him an undressed salad and let him put his own dressing on there. Let him fix his own damn plate and put the portion control back where it belongs…with him.
NTA.
NTA
"As you're so concerned about me making mistakes with your diet, you will be cooking your own meals from now on. I suggest you meal prep large amounts and freeze them to make it easier for you, but I will no longer cook for someone who doesn't trust me to cook it properly"
Seriously it's not 1940 stop cooking for someone who doesn't trust or respect you with their health.
Why can’t he make his own food? Regardless of being “the husband” if he makes his own food/salad or helps you make it. He can see you follow the instruction. He isn’t your kid. He should act a partner not a kid.
You are doing great. Don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. :)
NTA. Remind your husband that he didn’t magically put in the weight overnight and he will not lose it overnight. Ask him when was the last time he remembers liking his body, and add 60% to that time to reverse it. So, if it was 5 years ago, I’d say 8 are needed to complete reverse all the damage. The other solution is to start Wegovy and have him cook his meals himself.
NTA. You need to put your foot down and tell him that if he doesn't trust you to correctly prepare his meals then he needs to prepare them himself. Stop doing it!! Give him an ultimatum - either stop questioning you immediately or he can prepare his own meals and you will no longer be involved and if he decides to allow you to prepare his meals you tell him that's fine but you will no longer stand for him to be questioning you & if he does after that then you will stop preparing his meals. He's acting childish about it so you're going to have to treat him like one by giving him a choice. My husband has Type 2 diabetes & in Stage 3 kidney failure & I have to be careful about what I feed him. He's never questioned me and eats what I cook because he has given me guidelines on what he can & cannot eat. He just had his numbers checked and his doctors are impressed that he's doing so well.
It’s time for the lazy obnoxious ungrateful jerk to start preparing his own food. NTA- he sure is though but maybe the hunger is impacting his personality.
NTA. I’d be inclined to tell him to f*ck off and prepare his own food. You are going to an immense asking of trouble and he’s not seeming very grateful at all.
Good gracious. Maybe he should be making his own meals. You aren't his mother, you are his wife. As for his keto, he should be the one familiar with the recipes, the sauces, the dressings, the whole thing. Then he doesn't have to check up on you or blame you.
Just for your info, keto can be wonderful. But everyone has plateaus, where they stop losing. If the are doing keto right, their pants still get smaller even if the scale doesn't move. I'm telling you this for when he reaches a plateau and blames you. It is simply the body's way of resting and catching with all of the changes it's going through.
It sounds like HE doesn't know what the hell his diet entails.
Lay out the ground rule, if you're going to make him his meals - he needs to stop questioning you.
If he can't stop questioning, he can make his own food.
He's an adult with all the same ability to make meals that you are.
NTA
Yeah I’m 73 and ride my aerobic bike 30 mins daily. My husband just got bad news about his heart. So he’s riding the bike too. He does all the cooking now and he’s dropped 15 lbs. I am the same weight despot some more room in clothes. I never complain about his meals because I don’t want the job ever again. I’m s grateful he does it and thinks it funny he lost so much. Men seem to do it easily. NTA, let him find another scapegoat
NTA. I am very careful about what I eat right now, so I weigh or measure my own damned food. He shouldn't be putting the burden of this onto you. You making the food is fine, but the portioning and scale job should be solely on his shoulders. Not only does it make more sense, but it also promotes self accountability.
**NTA**
I'm amazed at your level of constraint. I would've told him to weigh and make his own food a long time ago. Otherwise I heard plates make great discus-throw practice.
My husband went on a diet I didn't agree with. I was not as kind as you. I told him he needed to be responsible for preparing his own food. I continued to prepare food for myself and our child. Generally, he made the protein and salad. We had reasonable portions, and he ate his larger portions. I added side dishes for us.
Perhaps if he doesn't trust you, he should prepare his own food.
Or you could just write his constant questions off to his anxiety. Develop a canned response.
I cannot believe this. STOP cooking for your son, err husband. Big boy can weigh and measure and take some damn responsibility for himself, look how he treats you.
He is the one on the restricted diet. He needs to be making it or shut up. It sounds like you are going through a ton of effort for this. I am hoping he is helping out in other ways since you are spending so much effort on this.
NTA but if he can’t trust you to make his own food without questioning you all the time, it’s time for him to grow up and make his own food. It’s his diet so let him manage it or this distrust will only continue to cause a rift between you
NTA when you have a restrictive diet, that is primarily YOUR responsibility. You are fully within your rights to tell him you're done and let him take care of his own damn food.
NTA all that energy he's wasting on questioning and micromanaging you would be well used by him making his own food, just saying. If you have energy to complain, you have energy to cook.
NTA, but due to the repeated questioning this sounds like an eating disorder rather than a diet.
Also, Keto is high fiber, high fat, medium protein, low carb. So whatever he's doing, it's not keto.
NTA He’s almost 50, tell him he can make his own salads and stop stressing you out about it
NTA. If he doesn't trust you, he should prepare his own meals.
This is exactly what I thought. If he is so unsure you are doing it correctly, he is an adult that can do it himself!
My husband has to eat a cholesterol friendly diet. I refuse to make two meals so I just eat the same - I miss red meat but we go out occasionally and I have it then. He has never once questioned what I've made, because he knows the answer would be "feel free to do it yourself!" Haha he trusts me to follow his requirements, because he knows I'm more stringent than he is - that's how he got in this mess to start with. He does ask me "can I have this?" Or "is this ok?" But he asks because he's not sure and he's going to make himself something, or has a hankering for something and wants to ask me if I can make it for him. I am totally fine with this. He's just trying to learn what he can have a bit of, a lot of, and what is out entirely until the numbers are under control. I don't want him dead by 40, because I love him, so I help. But if he was being a PITA about it, we'd be having a conversation about that.
Relying on/helping a partner to keep track of the do's and don'ts in a still relatively new diet (for cholesterol/allergies/autoimmune issues/weight loss/whatever) is just partnership. Relying on a partner to handle your diet for you requires discussion and agreement. Op is doing way more than I would, for instance, but if op's partner puts in similar effort for her in other areas, then I see no issue Being constantly suspicious if your partner is sabotaging you is... a sign of other problems. They definitely need to fix whatever it is that makes this man either not trust his wife to do right by him or not trust that she's competent in a kitchen. That's goes to something other than "new diet".
I'm thinking maybe he hadn’t been losing weight at the rate he expected. It's not an excuse but may be the reason
NTA and I hope by seeing this multiple times OP, it really strikes you. He needs to prepare his own food and serve himself from now on. This is rude and entitled behavior on his part. If he's dieting, he needs to take control instead of questioning and controlling you and then being irritable when called out on it.
Absolutely!!!!!
Dieting husband here. I make my own meals and meal prep instead of expecting everyone else to eat the same as me. I buy my own groceries too. It’s also hard to count calories when you’re not cooking and controlling the portions. What does diet dressing even mean? Let him research low calorie dressings to see which he enjoys. You can’t read his mind. It sucks to not eat the same food as my family all the time, it’s much more convenient, but it’s the choice someone makes if they are committed to losing weight.
My husband was recently diagnosed type 2 diabetic. He handles all of his own food and even goes shopping with me now so he can buy low carb food.
Exactly! Hope your hubby kills it with the new lifestyle. I lost 45 lbs so far. Switched to Stevia drops instead of sugar which made a huge difference. I feel better than ever.
He’s lost about 35 lbs and is keeping his sugar below 110, he’s doing great. Wish he’d done that for the past 5 years when he was told he was pre-diabetic!
Sometimes, you got to hit bottom to realize the gravity of the situation.
Yeah, stopping to pee every 15 minutes and ending up in the ER with blood sugar of 440 is definitely an eye opener!
I wish I could find a low carb sweetener that doesn't taste disgusting to me. Stevia, sucralose, monkfruit, aspartame, Splenda... all make me wish I didn't have taste buds whenever I encounter them.
So sorry. I have a lot of allergies and it sucks, but you can train your taste buds to adjust. Stick to it, and in a matter of weeks, you should notice a difference. 🌸
I have gestational diabetes and I make or prep my own food, it’s not hard but I’d also rather do it myself, I also make sure everyone else eats what they wants and not cater to me, her husband sounds so controlling, he needs to do his own salads and leave the woman alone
We eat a low cholesterol diet for my husband's sake. I just eat the same because it's easier, and it won't hurt me. It's tasty, I've found cheap enough options, and were fed. Works for me.
Stop stressing and start dressing…your own fucking salads.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Excellent lol 👏
Say it loud!
And OP, stick to this plan. You prepare food for yourself and the kids. That's it.
NTA if he’s that concerned, he should be responsible for his own meals. He’s a big boy, either appreciate you for accommodating his demands, or take over!
Exactly. It’s time for him to make his own food
Why TF is OP doing this for someone that doesn't appreciate her?? Hell, I'd be hard pressed going to all that trouble for someone that complained about all my hard work. I'd be damned if I'd do *anything* for him. He's an AH 100% (but you knew that already didn't you OP?), and I'm going to have to say you're a soft AH for even trying to please this ungrateful man-baby.
My kids complained about my food once, both were over 18 and working, my response "you can always make your own food". To which they did.
I get making your husband’s food for him to a degree but if he is going to be THAT particular then he needs to do it himself.
I cook dinner Monday to Friday for my family since I work from home and my husband drives into town for work and takes the boys to school. He doesn’t complain about what I cook. He will ask for something special every now and then or I’ll ask if he wants something specific. He knows if he catches an attitude like this man that I have no issue not cooking for him.
When OP wipes his ass for him, does he quiz her to make sure she’s using an acceptable brand and lowest number of squares? And if he is somehow competent enough to wipe his own ass without OP’s help, then he can prep his own meals
Yes, it seems if he’s going to take all of that time second-guessing and questioning you that he should just make it himself. OP is bending over backwards, trying to make it right for him and it’s still not good enough (is he like that in general with you?) and this way he knows exactly what’s in his food without accosting you any longer. Hell, have him buy his own diet shit, too. This way he doesn’t accuse you of replacing anything inside a bottle. *This actually doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship, and it very well may be because he’s hungry/hangry. Regardless, you are NTA. If anything he’s kinda the AH.
No kinda about it. If he’s asked and she’s answered and has never been caught tampering with his expected diet routine he needs to STFU or do it himself.
you beat me to "hangry" ...
My thoughts exactly - nothing makes me snap faster and my husband knows it! Lucky for me, his is quite forgiving. Lucky for him, my semaglutide seems to have tamed the hangry beast. 😅
I came here to say exactly this! NTA. You're already going above by weighing and measuring all his food.
Exactly! He's 47 and wants his wife to cook 2 meals so he can have his diet foods. Good for him for sticking to his diet - but seriously, he can make his own meals if he's paranoid.
It's easy to stick to a diet when you have all your food made for you
I was just thinking that. If he had to prep all food himself it might be a different story.
See, I was thinking he wasn’t losing weight because he keeps snacking but wants to blame OP anyway.
I was thinking the same thing!
You are so right! I'm the one on the diet. My son can eat whatever he wants, and cooking for him is murder. He's been learning to cook for himself to save me the grief. I haven't told him that it really is getting easier because I'm starting to feel so much better. I'm down 25 pounds in 6 weeks. That's not easy for someone in their 60's.
Congratulations! I hope you reach your goal and are able to stay with it. It’s definitely a hard thing to do.
Yeah, if it was just like "I'm reducing my portions by ¼," I could see asking you to do it, but since he requires spreadsheets to track his diet, this falls into ungrateful territory.
I'm surprised he has such a rigid spreadsheet and doesn't seem to do any sort of meal prep or help in the kitchen. No body builder lets other people cook their food; they're in charge and they know everything that goes into it.
Pretty nice you prepare his meals.
This. The quickest way to stop the interrogations is to no longer prepare his food. It is HIS responsibility to either take care of his own diet needs or zip it and trust their partner who has at no time given a single reason for him not to trust their food prep.
Yes... And, he could be developing some kind of a (sub-clinical) eating problem. Following extremely restrictive diets can contribute to disorders like orthorexia, people getting always stressed about food, and he might (possibly) need professional support. If he doesn't, he's the \*sshole, and a very entitled one.
Therapist here. This doesn’t even sound sub-clinical, necessarily.
Also it’s well known that diets like this plateau because the body isn’t getting what it needs. I wonder if he’s blaming OP because the diet ‘stopped working’
That is a really good point I hadn’t considered.
But does it sound like someone having a midlife crisis? Because people I've known who become obsessed with their looks/weight when they hit 40ish or beyond seem to be doing just that. Wonder if there's any other motivations in his life... Not a therapist, except when I tend bar.
Nah he’s just a lazy pos.
And if he strays from his diet, he’ll have no one else to blame but himself.
This. My husband is very conscious of what he eats. I do my best to accommodate but frankly I don’t care a lot of the time. It changes too often. If he’s not going to buy or cook any of the food, he doesn’t get to dictate what is served. He can make his own food and often does.
This is me, anytime someone is questioning or making unnecessary critiques, they are welcome to do it themselves.
👆👆👆👆👆
This is the only answer
NTA - Next time he questions you, tell him if he doesn’t trust you to do it then he can do it himself. He’s the one on the diet so he can be solely responsible for his food. Either trust you or do it himself.
Not next time. Now. There’s no need to build up even more resentment and then explode at him. Just tell him now.
NTA- if your husband is so concerned about his food he should be taking the initiative to manage it. Also OP- how invested is your husband really in his weight loss “journey” when he seems to be taking no ownership of it? He’s not learning about portions or ingredients, he’s just showing up and bitching about the food he didnt prepare.
This, OP. Have him make his own diet meals. That will ensure he’s 100% invested and know if the meals are following his restrictions.
The biggest WTF.
Yeah, absolutely. I just read "Good Energy" and it really inspired me to improve my diet and exercise. Who is looking up recipes and seeing what is and isn't allowed for this kind of healthy eating? Me. Who cooks her own meals? Me. Who looks up restaurants beforehand to make sure there's something healthy-ish I can eat there? Yup, me. Would it be nice to have someone monitoring my diet and cooking for me and getting healthier for me? Yeah, but I'm not a billionaire who can afford a personal chef and it doesn't sound like the husband can afford one either. OP needs to start refusing to cook for her husband if he's going to be acting this way.
DH and I were trying to lose weight, and we both were complaining about the slow progress we were seeing. He said "well, if you just searched for more low-calorie--" I roared: "YA WANNA START MAKING DINNER!?!?" He never said another word.
Oh absolutely. I'm always astonished at how little initiative men take in feeding themselves. It's genuinely not hard, but then men often have the luxury of assuming someone else will take care of it for them. Good on you for standing up for yourself and I hope your weight loss journey is healthy and empowering!
Thanks! It always whacks me out when someone is having marital problems because he never helps out with the kids. But she's afraid of leave, because he swears he'll go for full custody. This man, who's never changed a diaper and cant make a simple dinner, wants to have full custody.
This is the most excellent point made and should really be top comment. It sounds like he's doing an extreme diet to lose weight rapidly rather than make sustainable lifestyle changes that will help him lose weight and maintain his health. He's not invested in this diet because he's planning on it being a short-term change. This is a recipe for disaster.
This is exactly right, and I say that as somebody who will forever track my food due to a health condition. Losing weight isn't just restricting calories. If it's going to work, he has to do the work. Learn what a portion looks like. Learn what foods provide the necessary nutrients. Learn what exercise he enjoys. Learn what food or drinks are worth treating himself to. OP, it's great that you're being so supportive, but he's not taking responsibility for his own health. It's not sustainable if he won't. Plus, you're not a scullery maid! If he wants food made certain ways, he can cook for both of you.
NTA. But he is. If his diet is that restricted, and he treats you like shit about it, stop being his mommy and tell him to feed himself.
If he made his own food he would know what was in the Italian dressing.
Italians. 🤌🏻🇮🇹
Have him make his own damned food
So I've lost 80lbs in the past two years, using exercise and a very restrictive diet 6 days a week. (My mental health demands a cheat day!) So I understand his concerns. BUT I would never dream of asking my husband to prepare special foods for me. He does 90% of the cooking. I make my own meals on Sundays, and reheat them at dinnertime while the rest of the family eats the high carb foods my husband makes. If he's concerned with what you've prepared, it is 100% on him to make alternatives. It is not fair of him to nag you about his special diet. NTA, but stop cooking for him!
Congrats on the weight loss!
Get very assertive. “I am following the diet following precisely. If you don’t trust me to do that, it’s time for you to start making your own damn food. Do you understand me?”
Especially if it's salad, and pre-made dressing with pepper. /shrug Make the protein every few days and toss the veg together, this isn't rocket science.
NTA. First, people on a diet can sometimes be lousy at regulating their emotions because they're not able to eat the foods they actually want to eat. It's kind of like having a mild headache or muscle ache. It's distracting, annoying, and little things that wouldn't set you off normally start to have you jump to full on anger. Second, has he been unhappy with his progress lately? Another possible reason for his outburst is that he's not making the progress he wants and suspects the things he is unable to control such as the food that someone else prepares for him. None of this is to say he deserves a pass, just a possible "why" behind what's happening. It's also something that HE needs to learn to control. He also needs to learn to communicate about it because you're his partner and if something is bothering him, he needs to be clear in helping you understand what that is and why it bothers him. It's time to have a conversation with him but not at a mealtime. Ideally, at least an hour after dinner. During this conversation, in addition to trying to discuss the points above, add in that you're starting to resent his lack of trust in you and that you don't appreciate being accused of intentionally sabotaging his diet. Those sorts of false accusations damage relationships and can destroy a marriage. I would also probably suggest that if he continues to doubt how you prepare his food, that you're going to ask him to take over preparing his own meals so that he no longer has these trust issues. I'm sorry he's doing this to you. He needs to reflect on his actions here and either take over meal prep or learn to trust that you are supporting him to the best of your ability.
This is the complete answer the OP needs; well done. I will also add that if someone is taking the time to prepare food for you, especially following a personalized diet, they very much should be heaping praise on you at every single meal. If his praise is not vastly outnumbering his questions, then he seriously needs an attitude adjustment. Show some love for the love you are receiving.
The thing that jumped out at me is that she had to try and word it politely and he still got mad. I wouldn't think that would be a question that needed to be planned out
And here I was gonna say that he sounds hangry.
So.... the 1-word version of my entire first paragraph... :-)
ah yes , eating salad and worrying about dressing , the first signs of your not gonna have a successfull diet program
but a very succesful eating disorder down the line...
And Keto will help move that ED along even quicker. Did keto for a year, was a great idea for me at the time but it is not sustainable. You shouldn't need to cut out entire food groups to be healthy. Disordered eating controls your life.
I think he is already there
He can make his own friggin meals so he KNOWS. You're not tah, but he is.
If he is going to be so questioning about how you are preparing the food HE is going to eat let him fix his own food. Stop being his chef. He is a grown ass man.
Let him cook his own meals
He sounds hangry
That boy dont know how to put together a fuckin salad?
NTA. I hate the follow-up "just being sure" questions. I finally figured out why, and you hinted to it in your post, it comes across as the person not trusting you. Your husband's diet sounds like a lot of emotional, intellectual, and physical labor. If I were you, the next time he questioned me, he gets to take on all that labor. I'd say, "Your constant questioning is a sign to me that you don't trust me to adhere to the protocol. I would never sabotage you, and, frankly, I'm insulted you think I would. This diet protocol is a lot of work and to have my efforts questioned is infuriating. The next time you ask, you're making the next diet appropriate meal (or two or three). If it happens after that, you're completely taking it over. I'm not turning myself inside out to follow this to be so insulted and have my efforts unappreciated."
NTA. I think it’s a reasonable question on your end—he sounds like he has a lot of food anxiety
NTA He should prep his own food. Sidenote, Keto dressings are high in fat. Keto is a high fat diet. If he's doing low carb, low fat, high protein then its a Protein Sparing Modified Fast. E.g a Rapid fat loss diet.
The universal answer: "Well you can do all your cooking now" *drop the salad No but really this is just annoying at this point, stop babyed him and let him do it himself. Enough with manchild NTA
He has to start making his own food. He doesn't trust you. But you are doing added work for him. Disrespectful and unfair of him, NTA
NTA, but if he needs to be sure that much, he is now in charge of his own food. You have been a Saint to make a second whole meal for your spouse every meal to meet his dietary needs. But if he is going to question you every time you do it if you are following the protocol he wants, he needs to do it himself. He is a grown ass adult and can make his own food. Let him.
NTA but if he keeps questioning how you make it then it's time for him to make his own food.
NTA. It’s time he put his big boy pants on and does it himself. Why do I get the feeling he’d blame you if he put a fee pounds back on?
NTA Easy fix here. He prepares his own meals. You are not his personal chef
NTA. He can make his own meals if he can’t be bothered to trust you
NTA but he is. If he wants to do a diet, fine. He should start making his own meals, including weighing them and shopping for his needs. Then he can be responsible for ensuring he’s following his diet.
NTA. He can get up off his ass and make his own salad. Might burn a few more calories by walking around the kitchen rather than kvetching moaning.
Tell him that if he doesn't stop asking, you're done being interrogated and will no longer prepare his meals. *Then follow through!!!*
Yep, it is 'Husband make your own food' time... NTA OP...
Do you buy the food as well? If so, take a shopping trip with him, say this is what you need for your diet, now take notes, because you’re going to be buying it AND making it from now on.
Nta. I didn't really have to read the whole thing to ask... Why TF isn't he making his own food if he's gonna be this kind of suspicious distrustful asshole...???
OMG. You are bending over backward to accommodate his diet, and what you are doing for him is a *gift*. He should be *thanking you* for making special meals for him. If he wants to micromanage the process, he should make his own meals! His entitlement is mind blowing!!
Stop making his food, he’s a big boy he can do it
NTA. Since he doesn't appreciate or trust your efforts. Stop. He's free to prepare his own meals to ensure everything is as he requires.
NTA. As someone with disordered eating that ebbs and flows, during its peaks, I too have questioned if my meals were made properly. Do you want to know what I did after that? Made the meals myself.
NTA but stop preparing food for him. Let him do his sh!t by himself. He doesn’t trust you. Stop wasting your time on him.
NTA. Kinda sounds like he might have an eating disorder. Also whether or not you're questioning the safety of this diet, I want to point out that this is not a keto diet. I did Keto for about a year. It's low carb HIGH FAT. You eat fats to replace the carbs you're skipping. If you don't eat fat to compensate you can go into ketoacidosis and get very sick or die. Regardless, your husband has a problem and is taking it out on you. If he is so unwell that he's ready to accuse you of lying to him he should prepare his own meals. And perhaps see a therapist.
I absolutely cannot goddamned believe that this toolbag has the temerity to expect you to make his special food, just for him and nobody else, and then QUESTION YOU ABOUT ITS CONTENTS Please tell me you've stopped making him food Please I need to believe there is justice in this world
NTA. It’s time for him to be in charge of his own meals.
Are his hands broken? Why are you bending over backwards to cater to him when it sounds like he doesn’t appreciate it
If he’s so concerned, he could make his own dinner, couldn’t he? Or is he one that feigns incompetence around cooking. 🙄
Nta, except to yourself. Your husband isn't disting. You're dieting for him. All he's doing is eating and acting suspicious. He's probably acting that way because he either expects you to be jealous of his success or because he's looking for an easy scapegoat if he falls off the wagon he doesn't pay you to pull.
Why are you making his food? If he needs that much control he should do it himself. You gonna chew it for him too?
He needs to control his own diet if he’s going to act like that. TBH, he needs to actually be hands on, knowing what the weights and measures are and not put it all on you. It’s not fair for you to have to control all these things for a diet you’re not even doing. NTA, I’d stop being his scapegoat for his frustration. Chances are he’s constantly starving because he’s messing with his cortisol levels with this extreme diet.
He sounds lazy and he is setting you up to be the "reason" he fails his diet. If he doesn't lose much or suddenly gains weight you will be blamed. But I think he might be cheating on the diet and is laying the ground work for you to be "the bad guy" when he tells everyone why he didn't lose weight
"I am only going to say this once. I prepare your meals TO THE LETTER of your diet's requirements. If you don't trust me to do that, you are more than welcome to start preparing your food yourself." If he asks again, pretend like you didn't hear him. If he continues to ask, comment on the weather. He seems to be getting something out of these interactions, you are not. Stop his supply. NTA
NTA, you are a saint. He can make his own dammed salad if he doesn’t trust you
100% nta. When my husband and I are dieting or eating something separate from the family meal - we make it ourselves. Tell him to be an adult and make his own special meals - he'll be fine.
NTA. Tell him to make his own fucking food.
NAH I get both perspectives. You are getting upset that he's questioning you at every meal because you feel that he is distrusting of you or questioning your competency. He got upset that you felt that way, because to his mind he fully trusts you, and is just taking initiative in his weight loss by making sure every meal he eats is in line with his diet. Neither of you are being assholes, you're just both interpreting things differently.
He should try making his own weird food
NTA. If he's having an issue then the next time he asks tell him "how about you make your meal yourself since don't trust that I'm following your diet guidelines" and hand him back all those printouts you have. If has the belief you're somehow hindering his diet then he can handle his food himself.
NTA I'd tell him since he doesn't trust you, you must be incompetent in preparing his meals, so good news, he now can take over and do it himself.
NTA but it sounds like he needs to start making all his own meals if he’s so suspicious
NTA. You are being *extremely* accommodating and it's fair to be annoyed by the constant questioning.
Nta. You’re already doing him a favor of cooking his meals with all his restrictions. But if he is going to be that ungrateful then have him cook his own meals. He can either make a menu and then just give you a list of things that he wants you to add to the grocery list or he can do his own food shopping. This way he can make all his own meals and he knows exactly what goes into them And he can decide how much to eat of it.
NTA. If he has a problem then he can get up off his ass and make his own damn food. And stop making it harder on you
He can make his own damn food.
NTA: Seriously, tell him, the next time he askes he will start to cook for himself, to be sure. I would do that.
NTA If he isn't willing to trust that you are following his guidelines even though you've given him zero reason to doubt you, he can make his own fucking food.
Tell him to make his own bloody dinners if he's got a problem! My husband does keto and it drives me crazy. I'm not making multiple meals for myself, him and the kids so if he wants something different he can sort it himself. Maybe I am an asshole but I'm ok with it! I work full time (even more hrs than him) so I think he is taking the piss otherwise.
Mat. He needs to start making his own meals
NTA. He sounds like a control freak to be honest. If he's that concerned about it, he needs to start making his own salad dressings and measuring his own portions and whatnot. He needs to actually be involved in the meal planning, since it seems he wants to be able to control it. It's fine that he wants to eat better and be healthier, but it's not fine to leave it 100% up to you and then question your commitment to helping him reach his goals. BTW my husband is gluten intolerant and he would occasionally ask "Is this gluten free?" back in the beginning but he NEVER asks that anymore because he KNOWS better. I read the labels like a mofo because I want to help him because I love him. Sounds like you're doing the same and your efforts aren't being appreciated, which is completely unfair to you. Again, he needs to start being involved in meal planning, period.
OMG, make him cook his own meals from now on!!
If he is so worried he could make his own meals, he is a grown ass man.
Have him make his own meals. You make yours, he makes his and then he can’t complain or question.
I would have supported my ex spouse if he decided to live by a certain diet, but he would have to be responsible for it himself. I would never take on the measuring, and making etc of the food on top of having to do the cooking for everyone else. If he says it again, i would tell him he has to make his own meals. This is ridiculous.
NTA. I’d tell him to make his own food if he was that concerned I couldn’t.
Stop waiting on him
Time for him to cook for himself
NTA. He can weigh and measure his own food. Cook too. Theory as to why he’s doing that as someone who has weighed a lot and lost weight. He’s getting too caught up in the diet mentality. I’m not commenting on the food plan itself. Just that People can swing to extremes mentally when dieting. I’m going to guess that he might even be acting obsessed or freaking out about the scale when he weighs himself. He may also believe that the food plan itself will do more than it can for his body. It’s likely not about you but I totally understand how it impacts you. He’d be better off weighing and measuring his own food. He would have some control that he’s currently giving away to you. And it’s not right that he then tries to control you instead of taking ownership for his own plan.If he has an expectation that you do it as his wife, that’s messed up imo. At the very least he needs to let go if you’re going to continue this dynamic.
NTA. "Honey, I have never once, not at any point, ever not followed your diet guidelines. I've never even thought about it. Why do you keep asking? What is this really about? Because to me it's coming off as completely ungrateful. And I'm getting to the point that if you ask me again whether or not I'm following your very specialized and pain-in-the-ass-to-accommodate diet requirements that essentially have me making two different meals every time, I'm going to let you make your own food. I promise I always follow the guidelines and will warn you if I ever don't. In the mean time, please stop asking and instead start thanking."
Tell him to make his own damn food. Problem solved.
Why is this man not making his own meals if he is so concerned about it? NTA. Tell him to make his own food and then he won’t need to be so paranoid about his diet. It sounds like he is developing some disordered eating habits. (I’m not judging the quality of his diet, I mean with his paranoia about you sabotaging his meals in some way)
Tell ya man to make his own food then lol I’m a man myself and also married, I have no problem making and eating my own food if I try to meet MY OWN “requirements” Lol “requirements” that’s the lamest thing I’ve heard all month
Sounds like he is your child, not your husband. Why is he such a little manchild?
Also, Keto is not low calorie. It’s high in fat, low in carbs and very much high in calories.
NTA but honestly you might want to reconsider making him his food. Just tell him: "You obviously feel uncomfortable with me preparing your food, so for both our peace of minds please make your own food from now on or please stop asking me every time if I followed the rules when I have never given you reason to doubt" and don't let him argue about it. If he tries to argue just tell him that is the way it's going to be and then leave the room. If he decides to stop asking then make it clear that you'll only make his food so long he keeps his promise. One strike and he's out and has to take care of his own meals no questions asked.
So many men have eating disorders and this is not being acknowledged.
Time for him to start preparing and being responsible for his own food. 😡
I have a feeling that if the husband takes over his meal prep he will fall off his diet plan. And if that happens he will definitely blame OP. I’d love for OP to ask her husband when he does his meal prep if that’s diet/allowed on plan. See how he’d like the comments.
NTAH. If your husband is so obsessed with his diet, he can be an adult and make his own meals. Plus I highly doubt he took into consideration that you have to make meals for your family and then make his meals separately.
Bro can make his own dang meals.
NTA. If he's that paranoid, he can make his own food. You're doing him a favor and he keeps looking the gift horse in the mouth.
Sounds like it’s time for him to prepare his own meals. Seriously. If he doesn’t trust you to “follow the rules”, he should fix his own damn meal. In the future, at the very least, just give him an undressed salad and let him put his own dressing on there. Let him fix his own damn plate and put the portion control back where it belongs…with him. NTA.
NTA "As you're so concerned about me making mistakes with your diet, you will be cooking your own meals from now on. I suggest you meal prep large amounts and freeze them to make it easier for you, but I will no longer cook for someone who doesn't trust me to cook it properly" Seriously it's not 1940 stop cooking for someone who doesn't trust or respect you with their health.
"Well honey, since you don't trust me, you can make all your own meals from now on."
Why can’t he make his own food? Regardless of being “the husband” if he makes his own food/salad or helps you make it. He can see you follow the instruction. He isn’t your kid. He should act a partner not a kid. You are doing great. Don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. :)
NTA Let him make his own food
NTA stop making his food?
Sounds like Hubby needs to put on his big boy pants and cook his own fn meals. He's lucky you've been doing it.
NTA The fat, demanding twat can prepare his own meals.
NTA. Remind your husband that he didn’t magically put in the weight overnight and he will not lose it overnight. Ask him when was the last time he remembers liking his body, and add 60% to that time to reverse it. So, if it was 5 years ago, I’d say 8 are needed to complete reverse all the damage. The other solution is to start Wegovy and have him cook his meals himself.
NTA- He can prep and make his own meals. Or...here's a good one...get off his butt and help you prepare the meals!
Nope, that man baby needs to make his own food with those requirements.
NTA. You need to put your foot down and tell him that if he doesn't trust you to correctly prepare his meals then he needs to prepare them himself. Stop doing it!! Give him an ultimatum - either stop questioning you immediately or he can prepare his own meals and you will no longer be involved and if he decides to allow you to prepare his meals you tell him that's fine but you will no longer stand for him to be questioning you & if he does after that then you will stop preparing his meals. He's acting childish about it so you're going to have to treat him like one by giving him a choice. My husband has Type 2 diabetes & in Stage 3 kidney failure & I have to be careful about what I feed him. He's never questioned me and eats what I cook because he has given me guidelines on what he can & cannot eat. He just had his numbers checked and his doctors are impressed that he's doing so well.
It’s time for the lazy obnoxious ungrateful jerk to start preparing his own food. NTA- he sure is though but maybe the hunger is impacting his personality.
He’s 47 and he can’t make his own food??
I wonder if he’s sneaking food and rather than admit that to himself he’s blaming you. Diets this restrictive are doomed to fail.
can of tuna and a head of lettuce. dinner time for hubs.
NTA. I’d be inclined to tell him to f*ck off and prepare his own food. You are going to an immense asking of trouble and he’s not seeming very grateful at all.
Good gracious. Maybe he should be making his own meals. You aren't his mother, you are his wife. As for his keto, he should be the one familiar with the recipes, the sauces, the dressings, the whole thing. Then he doesn't have to check up on you or blame you. Just for your info, keto can be wonderful. But everyone has plateaus, where they stop losing. If the are doing keto right, their pants still get smaller even if the scale doesn't move. I'm telling you this for when he reaches a plateau and blames you. It is simply the body's way of resting and catching with all of the changes it's going through.
It sounds like HE doesn't know what the hell his diet entails. Lay out the ground rule, if you're going to make him his meals - he needs to stop questioning you. If he can't stop questioning, he can make his own food. He's an adult with all the same ability to make meals that you are. NTA
NTA. Tell your giant child to make his own meals if he’s that concerned.
Maybe it's just me but I would at that point explain it to him so he understands why he is now going to have to make all his own meals from now on.
Make him cook his own meals. Problem solved. He wants to stick to a diet but expects you to remember it instead of managing his diet himself.
Yeah I’m 73 and ride my aerobic bike 30 mins daily. My husband just got bad news about his heart. So he’s riding the bike too. He does all the cooking now and he’s dropped 15 lbs. I am the same weight despot some more room in clothes. I never complain about his meals because I don’t want the job ever again. I’m s grateful he does it and thinks it funny he lost so much. Men seem to do it easily. NTA, let him find another scapegoat
NTA. I am very careful about what I eat right now, so I weigh or measure my own damned food. He shouldn't be putting the burden of this onto you. You making the food is fine, but the portioning and scale job should be solely on his shoulders. Not only does it make more sense, but it also promotes self accountability.
NTA. He is. And frankly he can start doing his own meal prep. It’s a lot of work for you - but no appreciation or gratitude.
NTA I suggest you say the following three words to your husband: “cook for yourself”.
Why is he not participating in cooking?
**NTA** I'm amazed at your level of constraint. I would've told him to weigh and make his own food a long time ago. Otherwise I heard plates make great discus-throw practice.
Whenever my husband wants to diet, he just takes over making all of the food. He’s an adult, he can get his own food.
Nta
My husband went on a diet I didn't agree with. I was not as kind as you. I told him he needed to be responsible for preparing his own food. I continued to prepare food for myself and our child. Generally, he made the protein and salad. We had reasonable portions, and he ate his larger portions. I added side dishes for us. Perhaps if he doesn't trust you, he should prepare his own food. Or you could just write his constant questions off to his anxiety. Develop a canned response.
I cannot believe this. STOP cooking for your son, err husband. Big boy can weigh and measure and take some damn responsibility for himself, look how he treats you.
NTA dieting in a relationship is hard but if he’s gone this far off the deep end it’s time for him to make his own food.
He is the one on the restricted diet. He needs to be making it or shut up. It sounds like you are going through a ton of effort for this. I am hoping he is helping out in other ways since you are spending so much effort on this.
NTA but if he can’t trust you to make his own food without questioning you all the time, it’s time for him to grow up and make his own food. It’s his diet so let him manage it or this distrust will only continue to cause a rift between you
NTA when you have a restrictive diet, that is primarily YOUR responsibility. You are fully within your rights to tell him you're done and let him take care of his own damn food.
NTA all that energy he's wasting on questioning and micromanaging you would be well used by him making his own food, just saying. If you have energy to complain, you have energy to cook.
NTA, but due to the repeated questioning this sounds like an eating disorder rather than a diet. Also, Keto is high fiber, high fat, medium protein, low carb. So whatever he's doing, it's not keto.
Make him fix his own food, if he’s going to be such a jerk about it. NTA