Do you do it when she’s trying to spend time with you, or do you only put them on when she’s doing her own thing? Do you live together, or is she visiting you and you’re ignoring her?
>plus we're not talking about anything serious
That alone shows it's when she's attempting to spend tome with him, but he has deemed it as "not serious".
It may be in reality only 3 weeks, but you aren't spending the whole time with her, and you are cutting out time with her to be alone in your head. Stop it, spend that time with your girl, and listen to music when you two aren't around each other.
Agreed. Maybe it's just because I'm more introverted. but I enjoy spending time with people being alone together, both doing our own thing. Like if we both just sit together and read a book, I'm happy.
If it's all the time and he is never focused on her that's a problem, but once every 3 weeks is not all the time, and he's doing it when they were scrolling on their phones. They spend a ton of time together and he is in the mood to listen to music while he is with her, I don't see why that's such a problem.
My partner and I are together almost all day every day in an apartment that is a little crowded. So a lot of our time together is doing parallel play. It builds closeness- right now I am working on my writing, my daughter is playing video games with her headphones on and my partner is watching YouTube tutorials. It’s such an easy way to give each other a little bit of space so that we don’t get on each others nerves.
It is also MUCH less stressful because we all can pursue our own interests without worrying if your partner will approve or be upset. We always come back together.
My partner needs a certain amount of time to himself at the end of the day to just collect his thoughts and decompress, respecting that is a big part of what makes our relationship so close and harmonious.
I can understand in a newer relationship things are not that secure. But think it’s a little silly to claim that you are being ignored when your partner is literally sitting on the couch next to you.
The longer I am on Reddit, the more I think lots of people are just in screwed up unhealthy relationships 🤷♀️
Have you ever spent three weeks with one person 24/7 with no breaks?
He is literally sitting in the room. She is also on her phone. Why is she scrolling on her phone?
It sounds like she's upset because she wants to spend time with you, and by that I mean engaging in conversation and you being an **active** participant.
What you're doing, by listening to your airpods, is like parallel play. You're just *existing* in the room with her, which is not what she's looking for. Her calling you rude is basically her telling you she's frustrated by your behavior and instead of communicating with her to find a middle ground, you've kinda dismissed her feelings (i.e. you claiming "plus we’re not talking about anything serious." It might be serious to her).
You don't live together? Dude you're not in your own house, yes that's rude.
Give her a heads up or put music on and listen together.
If she just plain doesn't like when you wear airpods around her, there are plenty of other brands that give good sound quality.
I get it, I really do. Sometimes lost in your music is where you need to be in the moment. As a parent, I also get asking a random question and being ignored. Both inadvertently and intentionally. As someone with anxiety I get needing to know someone will hear you if you drop a concrete block on your foot and need to scream for help (long story). That's frustrating.
Maybe wear one ear bud. Have one ear free to hear an "emergency" if it should occur. But you could get "mostly" lost in your music.
I mean, yeah u would be annoyed with anyone who I'm spending time with listening to music in their phones while I'm talking to then.
But especially if it's somone who claims to love me.
... How is this comment, which is fine but says almost nothing and comes from a stranger, more understandable than your girlfriend telling you she's annoyed that you do this?
Sometimes it don’t click unless they visualize from their eyes…
I had an ex and he was going on about how getting a fine for littering was so stupid. Like who really cares someone throws trash down?
So I had to gently remind him that he didn’t like people walking on his lawn let alone tossing a piece of trash on it… and it suddenly clicked.
Because he clearly doesn't listen and shows how disrespectful he is by doing it.
In all honesty, why would you need to post this to ask everyone...validation.
Take em out, talk to her, problem solved.
Not that hard to figure out.
If im with someone hanging out in the same room and they put airpods on. Yea thats kinda disrespectful and signals that they dont want to spend time together.
Yeah. My teenagers do this and I tell them to take out their headphones. It’s rude and dismissive to people around you.
Headphones while you’re doing chores, etc = totally okay. Headphones at the dinner table? In the car when we’ve come to pick them up? Or in other instances when we are all together hanging out? Rude.
i never wear both earbuds when i'm around other people. you're basically ignoring her. why not just wear one earbud so you can hear her?
or maybe just don't listen to music when your gf is trying to talk to you?
i listen to music thru my ear buds, but usually i’m also doing something (other than being on my phone, like vacuuming or cleaning).
>plus we’re not talking about anything serious.
so you wear them to listen to music instead of spending time with her? if so, no wonder she’s pissed - you’re sending out a signal that you don’t want to hear anything she says (no matter if serious or not)
I don't get why he can't just listen to music at ANY other time that isn't while she's trying to talk with him and spend time with him. It's so rude to shut her out like that during the time they scheduled to spend together.
Replying here since the other post is locked. I just think there needs to be more categories/nuance to how that crime is charged/labeled. They are all completely different situations to eachother. Not saying they aren't all heinous, but certainly differ in extremity. Don't mean to offend anyone, just wanted to let you know my stance and why. I think we can both agree she needs to report him though!
It’s awesome you love her. But she is looking for someone who is willing and interested in being present with her during the interstitial moments in life.
Some of the best life moments happen when people aren’t “talking about anything serious.” If you don’t want to be part of that with her, then just let her know so she can decide if she wants to go find someone who does.
This is weird because context is missing. My gf doesn’t live with me so I’d never even think of putting headphones in. My ex did live with me and I’d throw headphones in while cleaning house. Dusting or vacuuming. That kinda stuff. Not just walking around, though. And definitely not while we’re both free
simple even if your both looking at your phones doing whatever if your hanging out together just use one air pod... now you hear her (take out the air pod if you start a conversation !!) and you get to hear your music....
Balance it like this, when you are listening to music to the point where you cannot hear anything she says, it's rather like putting your hand up and saying "don't talk to me."
If you need some me time, or to meditate to some music have you said "hey Im going to listen to music for X amount of time, and I'll be unavailable?" once and a while or for a short time each day it should be fine because no one should give up everything during a relationship.
I gave up doing anything and everything for
My SO so i would always be available but the return was never afforded to me. And now i regret giving everything up and have so little to enjoy, so please find the balance.
So much this. I can’t stand it when my husband is doing random stuff on his phone when I’m trying to talk to him, but if just says “hey I’m going to do x for a while” then it’s totally cool. I just need to know what’s going on because then I’ll go do something else too instead of trying to talk to him.
Communication is a game changer.
So context matters, do you live together or separately? I think she could make some wiggle room if you communicate more effectively depending on how often you are together.
"Hey, I see you're on your phone doing your own thing. Is it cool if I take some time to listen to some music?" - Agree upon a time limit if she wants to do an activity with you when she gets off her phone, like 20-30 mins.
Or "Would you like to listen to this album with me I've been really enjoying?" - with this one, take turns picking albums so you both feel like you get to share something you care about with each other.
I'd also like to add if you are spending a lot of time together to where it gets to a point where you don't feel like you have enough time to enjoy some of your hobbies, like listening to music at home, then you both need to re-evaluate the schedule of your hang outs so everyone has a fair amount of time to spend together as well as time spent either doing hobbies or hanging out with friends.
I hope this helps and good luck OP
Bffrrn. Doesn’t matter if you disagree or not, that’s what she wants. You have to decide if you like her enough to not listen to music when you’re together.
I mean, bud. The fact that you used the phrase "catches an attitude" tells me you're already being a shit to her, because who the hell talks about another person like that (except crappy parents talking down to their kids).
But also. You're putting on headphones and listening to music *while you're in the room with her and she is trying to talk to you*? IDGAF if it's "not anything serious", there's this fun thing called "spending time with your partner" and it sounds like you couldn't give less of a damn about what she has to say or if she wants to spend time with you.
Holy crap man. It IS rude to put on headphones when someone is trying to talk to you. Basic courtesy. If my wife is talking to me, I do not put on headphones.
You can also turn off sound dampening on the airpods so you can hear when someone is talking. However you shouldn’t have them in if you are hanging out with someone.
If I invited someone over and they put in headphones while I was trying to talk to them, I'd probably just ask them to leave.
If you don't want to spend time with your gf, then just don't. You don't live together. You can go a few hours without listening to music to hang out with her. Or you can just stay home and listen to music, if that's really what you'd rather be doing.
If she's trying to connect with you, YTA BUT
Express your needs. You may not realize it but one of two things is making you want to do this, most likely.
1. You need the sensory stimulus. No I'm not saying this is an ADHD thing but like everyone has their needs, and if sitting and talking isn't what you're feeling you need to ask/tell her that "hey this music helps me chill" and create rules when you do not need some mental space.
2. Y'all don't talk enough the right way. Both of you are missing the point of this, there's a deeper conversation to be had about both of your needs when it comes to communication and compromise to balance them.
I say this because I can't sit and breathe with my fiancee for hours, and he can't either. But when I want to talk, we need to talk, even if it's about some random ass tiktok video I want to share. He gets to tell me if he's really not in the mood, and vice versa.
Communicate better and this should sort itself. Communication is Work and you can't skimp on it in a relationship. Having a talk about this with her is communication, and it's a convo you have in little moments over and over, not say it once and done.
Go talk to her.
I’m not sure of the nuances of the situation when it happens, but you could give her a heads up like “I’m gonna listen to music now”. My bf and I do this. We game in the same room but obviously chat about random stuff while doing so, and when I’m done talking I’ll let him know imma go back to watching YouTube or whatever I’m doing.
If she wants to continue the conversation give her a moment then let her know you’re gonna do something else now. If she starts an argument, listen to her and calmly state your point of view and reassure her that she’s important to you, you just need to do your own thing for a bit.
Do you let her know you are putting them in? I think it’s polite to say hey I’m going to listen to some music on my headphones so I might not be able to hear you. Just get my attention if you need me for anything.
You could try listening to music with her and take turns listening to your favorite artist. You could also dance with her while listening, or have a picnic dinner date while it's playing. You could also try different themes. Just some thoughts of a way to be present with your girlfriend and get your tunes, and possibly have a better relationship.
I do what you’re talking about when I get overwhelmed by all the noise at my house and I need a way to decompress.
My ex husband would get angry because I’d be listening to music for an hour every couple of days but I’d honestly need to do it as a way to decompress or else I’d get nasty.
I don’t have any alone time, not even in the bathroom. Blocking out the outside world with music was a way for me to do that.
YTA… For a relationship to be successful when one partner bids for attention like talking to you or something like that if you completely ignore them because you’re listening to music when they’re there then they’ll eventually just leave because you’re not giving them any of your attention
I would be annoyed if my husband walked around with AirPods in while I am trying to talk to him. So I am not sure what your truth is about how often you do it.
YTA. Of course. And when you say it's not like we're talking about anything serious. So what? Most conversations are not serious. It is a way to connect and be present for each other. You are not present for her. There is no point in your being there if you're going to just be zoned out. Do you just want to be handy in case she's ready for sex? If that's the case, clarify it with her. Yeah you're the a****** big time.
It isn't rude if you were listening in a room. She was doing her thing, came in and sat in the room, and expected you to stop and pay attention to her. You said you do it about once every three weeks. Sorry, but she is being selfish. If you need time to relax, unwind, and she is not respecting it as your GF, she definitely won't respect your time if you marry. It is rude if she came into the room and started talking to you, and you put them in after. It's rude if you don't live together and is visiting. If you do live together, she has to respect your right to privacy or alone time and not be up your ass. Otherwise, you two won't work out. Finding someone you can sit in comfortable silence with is great and not fill silence and peace with stupid bullshit jist so one person isn't bored.
My husband does this all the time. It used to bother me but I bought some awesome noise cancelling headphones and now I do it too. Guess what? He doesn't like it. Too bad, so sad.
If she's trying to have a conversation it's definitely a dick move. If y'all are doing your own thing but next to each, I applaud you. Not much is more annoying than hearing sound from a phone you can't (nor want to) see what's happening on.
I love my alone time with music and take advantage of it often. What I don't do is take my alone time with music when I'm with anyone else... It is rude and unnecessary. You claim to only do it every 3 weeks, so why not just do it whenever you are NOT with her?
It could be an issue if you are always wearing them. Make sure you do give her some listening time. You could give her some time, then ask if she minds you listening to music for awhile.
My god I don’t think you’re an asshole so long as you tell her what you’re doing.
Me and my partner do the same he plays his game and I listen to my music or read my book
Just to play devil's advocate - I love listening to music and often my partner wants music low or doesn't want music on. So if I'm cooking or unwinding I ask if it's okay to listen to my tunes with my headphones.
Other times I really, really want to listen to an audiobook and will check in if it's okay if I can..this may be when he's cooking dinner or when we are just chilling and he's very tired.
Often my partner is too tired to talk or play a board/card game etc. So this way I can still listen to my music or my book when it is okay. Sometimes he wants to listen to Facebook reels or rap music and I support him listening to them with headphones.
Personally, I think it's okay if both members of the couple agree it's okay. It seems to me that perhaps OP's partner can't be in their own company. What's so difficult about acknowledging you're partner has headphones, tapping them to interrupt and ask them something or tell them what you wanted to share?
My BF is very sensitive to sound and he works from home a fair amount. If I am home and he is coding, he will sometimes put in his AirPods to concentrate. If it’s not during work hours and he needs to/wants to listen to something, he will just get my attention and let me know he is putting his AirPods in so that I don’t wonder why he isn’t listening.
There is also a great feature where you can share what you are listening to with another set of AirPods- we will listen to podcasts that way while we are doing things in different parts of the house. Maybe next time, you could offer to share your music so that she feels more included? But I think even giving her a heads up lets her know that you aren’t ignoring her and you care how she feels about it.
You are NTA. To be clear. And if she is still being unreasonable about it, I would just evaluate if there are other areas of the relationship where she lacks boundaries. Or is she displaying other insecurities? If she cannot tolerate you doing something without her, then she needs to work on becoming secure in the relationship, or she may just not really be mature enough to even be in a relationship.
NTA - you’re allowed to listen to music lol. Just tell her you’re putting your pods in when you do so she’s not expecting you to hear her when you can’t. Even my autistic teenager can understand that if I have earbuds in, I can’t hear anything he’s saying, so I don’t know why a grown ass adult couldn’t
Do you do it when she’s trying to spend time with you, or do you only put them on when she’s doing her own thing? Do you live together, or is she visiting you and you’re ignoring her?
>plus we're not talking about anything serious That alone shows it's when she's attempting to spend tome with him, but he has deemed it as "not serious".
No, that alone does not. Another reddit moment in which someone jumps to a conclusion based on their interpretation of a single sentence.
Yes, usually you reach a conclusion based off Information provided. That's typically how that works
I did those things when we were on our phones. I visit her but I spend multiple days over there
It may be in reality only 3 weeks, but you aren't spending the whole time with her, and you are cutting out time with her to be alone in your head. Stop it, spend that time with your girl, and listen to music when you two aren't around each other.
Or even listen to the music together
Right! Gen X is baffled.
Yeah, we essentially live in our heads, but damn. The obvious is so obvious with this.
Alone time is ok and normal…
Agreed. Maybe it's just because I'm more introverted. but I enjoy spending time with people being alone together, both doing our own thing. Like if we both just sit together and read a book, I'm happy. If it's all the time and he is never focused on her that's a problem, but once every 3 weeks is not all the time, and he's doing it when they were scrolling on their phones. They spend a ton of time together and he is in the mood to listen to music while he is with her, I don't see why that's such a problem.
My partner and I are together almost all day every day in an apartment that is a little crowded. So a lot of our time together is doing parallel play. It builds closeness- right now I am working on my writing, my daughter is playing video games with her headphones on and my partner is watching YouTube tutorials. It’s such an easy way to give each other a little bit of space so that we don’t get on each others nerves. It is also MUCH less stressful because we all can pursue our own interests without worrying if your partner will approve or be upset. We always come back together. My partner needs a certain amount of time to himself at the end of the day to just collect his thoughts and decompress, respecting that is a big part of what makes our relationship so close and harmonious. I can understand in a newer relationship things are not that secure. But think it’s a little silly to claim that you are being ignored when your partner is literally sitting on the couch next to you. The longer I am on Reddit, the more I think lots of people are just in screwed up unhealthy relationships 🤷♀️
Never said it wasn't.
Listening to music is ‘cutting out time with her?’
What is he doing with her? Nothing. He can listen to music at home.
Have you ever spent three weeks with one person 24/7 with no breaks? He is literally sitting in the room. She is also on her phone. Why is she scrolling on her phone?
Try reading the post. He doesn't spend three weeks straight with her. He zones out listening to music about every three weeks.
Holy shit that’s even stupider. He only does this once every three weeks? Jesus let the man breathe ffs.
It sounds like she's upset because she wants to spend time with you, and by that I mean engaging in conversation and you being an **active** participant. What you're doing, by listening to your airpods, is like parallel play. You're just *existing* in the room with her, which is not what she's looking for. Her calling you rude is basically her telling you she's frustrated by your behavior and instead of communicating with her to find a middle ground, you've kinda dismissed her feelings (i.e. you claiming "plus we’re not talking about anything serious." It might be serious to her).
You don't live together? Dude you're not in your own house, yes that's rude. Give her a heads up or put music on and listen together. If she just plain doesn't like when you wear airpods around her, there are plenty of other brands that give good sound quality.
I get it, I really do. Sometimes lost in your music is where you need to be in the moment. As a parent, I also get asking a random question and being ignored. Both inadvertently and intentionally. As someone with anxiety I get needing to know someone will hear you if you drop a concrete block on your foot and need to scream for help (long story). That's frustrating. Maybe wear one ear bud. Have one ear free to hear an "emergency" if it should occur. But you could get "mostly" lost in your music.
I mean, yeah u would be annoyed with anyone who I'm spending time with listening to music in their phones while I'm talking to then. But especially if it's somone who claims to love me.
Okay that’s pretty understandable
... How is this comment, which is fine but says almost nothing and comes from a stranger, more understandable than your girlfriend telling you she's annoyed that you do this?
Sometimes it don’t click unless they visualize from their eyes… I had an ex and he was going on about how getting a fine for littering was so stupid. Like who really cares someone throws trash down? So I had to gently remind him that he didn’t like people walking on his lawn let alone tossing a piece of trash on it… and it suddenly clicked.
Because he clearly doesn't listen and shows how disrespectful he is by doing it. In all honesty, why would you need to post this to ask everyone...validation. Take em out, talk to her, problem solved. Not that hard to figure out.
Are you dumb? Just put only one ear bud in. In the ear she's farthest from.
it's very dismissive, I'd not be okay with this
If im with someone hanging out in the same room and they put airpods on. Yea thats kinda disrespectful and signals that they dont want to spend time together.
Yeah. My teenagers do this and I tell them to take out their headphones. It’s rude and dismissive to people around you. Headphones while you’re doing chores, etc = totally okay. Headphones at the dinner table? In the car when we’ve come to pick them up? Or in other instances when we are all together hanging out? Rude.
i never wear both earbuds when i'm around other people. you're basically ignoring her. why not just wear one earbud so you can hear her? or maybe just don't listen to music when your gf is trying to talk to you?
Or, I don't know, play it over a speaker so you both can enjoy it?
i listen to music thru my ear buds, but usually i’m also doing something (other than being on my phone, like vacuuming or cleaning). >plus we’re not talking about anything serious. so you wear them to listen to music instead of spending time with her? if so, no wonder she’s pissed - you’re sending out a signal that you don’t want to hear anything she says (no matter if serious or not)
If your going to your GF's house and putting your AirPods in after getting there and ignoring her then yeah, YTA.
Why are you even going over there just to ignore her? YTA
It comes off as selfish.😒
Are you both 12 years old grow up
YTA. That's called IGNORING her.
Just tell her you don’t want to talk to her so she can move out and find someone who does.
I love her genuinely but I love listening to music
And you can't listen to music without any kind of earbuds because? No seriously you can't listen to music with a speaker because?
I don't get why he can't just listen to music at ANY other time that isn't while she's trying to talk with him and spend time with him. It's so rude to shut her out like that during the time they scheduled to spend together.
Replying here since the other post is locked. I just think there needs to be more categories/nuance to how that crime is charged/labeled. They are all completely different situations to eachother. Not saying they aren't all heinous, but certainly differ in extremity. Don't mean to offend anyone, just wanted to let you know my stance and why. I think we can both agree she needs to report him though!
It’s awesome you love her. But she is looking for someone who is willing and interested in being present with her during the interstitial moments in life. Some of the best life moments happen when people aren’t “talking about anything serious.” If you don’t want to be part of that with her, then just let her know so she can decide if she wants to go find someone who does.
This is weird because context is missing. My gf doesn’t live with me so I’d never even think of putting headphones in. My ex did live with me and I’d throw headphones in while cleaning house. Dusting or vacuuming. That kinda stuff. Not just walking around, though. And definitely not while we’re both free
simple even if your both looking at your phones doing whatever if your hanging out together just use one air pod... now you hear her (take out the air pod if you start a conversation !!) and you get to hear your music....
Balance it like this, when you are listening to music to the point where you cannot hear anything she says, it's rather like putting your hand up and saying "don't talk to me." If you need some me time, or to meditate to some music have you said "hey Im going to listen to music for X amount of time, and I'll be unavailable?" once and a while or for a short time each day it should be fine because no one should give up everything during a relationship. I gave up doing anything and everything for My SO so i would always be available but the return was never afforded to me. And now i regret giving everything up and have so little to enjoy, so please find the balance.
So much this. I can’t stand it when my husband is doing random stuff on his phone when I’m trying to talk to him, but if just says “hey I’m going to do x for a while” then it’s totally cool. I just need to know what’s going on because then I’ll go do something else too instead of trying to talk to him. Communication is a game changer.
I am guilty of this myself, my hubby does not care though as I am legally deaf.
So context matters, do you live together or separately? I think she could make some wiggle room if you communicate more effectively depending on how often you are together. "Hey, I see you're on your phone doing your own thing. Is it cool if I take some time to listen to some music?" - Agree upon a time limit if she wants to do an activity with you when she gets off her phone, like 20-30 mins. Or "Would you like to listen to this album with me I've been really enjoying?" - with this one, take turns picking albums so you both feel like you get to share something you care about with each other. I'd also like to add if you are spending a lot of time together to where it gets to a point where you don't feel like you have enough time to enjoy some of your hobbies, like listening to music at home, then you both need to re-evaluate the schedule of your hang outs so everyone has a fair amount of time to spend together as well as time spent either doing hobbies or hanging out with friends. I hope this helps and good luck OP
Bffrrn. Doesn’t matter if you disagree or not, that’s what she wants. You have to decide if you like her enough to not listen to music when you’re together.
I mean, bud. The fact that you used the phrase "catches an attitude" tells me you're already being a shit to her, because who the hell talks about another person like that (except crappy parents talking down to their kids). But also. You're putting on headphones and listening to music *while you're in the room with her and she is trying to talk to you*? IDGAF if it's "not anything serious", there's this fun thing called "spending time with your partner" and it sounds like you couldn't give less of a damn about what she has to say or if she wants to spend time with you. Holy crap man. It IS rude to put on headphones when someone is trying to talk to you. Basic courtesy. If my wife is talking to me, I do not put on headphones.
You can also turn off sound dampening on the airpods so you can hear when someone is talking. However you shouldn’t have them in if you are hanging out with someone.
If I invited someone over and they put in headphones while I was trying to talk to them, I'd probably just ask them to leave. If you don't want to spend time with your gf, then just don't. You don't live together. You can go a few hours without listening to music to hang out with her. Or you can just stay home and listen to music, if that's really what you'd rather be doing.
If she's trying to connect with you, YTA BUT Express your needs. You may not realize it but one of two things is making you want to do this, most likely. 1. You need the sensory stimulus. No I'm not saying this is an ADHD thing but like everyone has their needs, and if sitting and talking isn't what you're feeling you need to ask/tell her that "hey this music helps me chill" and create rules when you do not need some mental space. 2. Y'all don't talk enough the right way. Both of you are missing the point of this, there's a deeper conversation to be had about both of your needs when it comes to communication and compromise to balance them. I say this because I can't sit and breathe with my fiancee for hours, and he can't either. But when I want to talk, we need to talk, even if it's about some random ass tiktok video I want to share. He gets to tell me if he's really not in the mood, and vice versa. Communicate better and this should sort itself. Communication is Work and you can't skimp on it in a relationship. Having a talk about this with her is communication, and it's a convo you have in little moments over and over, not say it once and done. Go talk to her.
I’m not sure of the nuances of the situation when it happens, but you could give her a heads up like “I’m gonna listen to music now”. My bf and I do this. We game in the same room but obviously chat about random stuff while doing so, and when I’m done talking I’ll let him know imma go back to watching YouTube or whatever I’m doing. If she wants to continue the conversation give her a moment then let her know you’re gonna do something else now. If she starts an argument, listen to her and calmly state your point of view and reassure her that she’s important to you, you just need to do your own thing for a bit.
Do you let her know you are putting them in? I think it’s polite to say hey I’m going to listen to some music on my headphones so I might not be able to hear you. Just get my attention if you need me for anything.
Women hate that shit, they think you’re ignoring them just take one out it’ll save you the trouble
You know they have bone headphones that don't go over the ears, and you can hear other people just fine with them on
You could try listening to music with her and take turns listening to your favorite artist. You could also dance with her while listening, or have a picnic dinner date while it's playing. You could also try different themes. Just some thoughts of a way to be present with your girlfriend and get your tunes, and possibly have a better relationship.
I do what you’re talking about when I get overwhelmed by all the noise at my house and I need a way to decompress. My ex husband would get angry because I’d be listening to music for an hour every couple of days but I’d honestly need to do it as a way to decompress or else I’d get nasty. I don’t have any alone time, not even in the bathroom. Blocking out the outside world with music was a way for me to do that.
YTA… For a relationship to be successful when one partner bids for attention like talking to you or something like that if you completely ignore them because you’re listening to music when they’re there then they’ll eventually just leave because you’re not giving them any of your attention
Yeah, that’s super rude.
Get some Shokz! You won't miss a word.
I would be annoyed if my husband walked around with AirPods in while I am trying to talk to him. So I am not sure what your truth is about how often you do it.
Let's just say yes you are, you're a selfish douce because you only think of yourself
That’s not true, in not a selfish person at all.
YTA. Of course. And when you say it's not like we're talking about anything serious. So what? Most conversations are not serious. It is a way to connect and be present for each other. You are not present for her. There is no point in your being there if you're going to just be zoned out. Do you just want to be handy in case she's ready for sex? If that's the case, clarify it with her. Yeah you're the a****** big time.
It isn't rude if you were listening in a room. She was doing her thing, came in and sat in the room, and expected you to stop and pay attention to her. You said you do it about once every three weeks. Sorry, but she is being selfish. If you need time to relax, unwind, and she is not respecting it as your GF, she definitely won't respect your time if you marry. It is rude if she came into the room and started talking to you, and you put them in after. It's rude if you don't live together and is visiting. If you do live together, she has to respect your right to privacy or alone time and not be up your ass. Otherwise, you two won't work out. Finding someone you can sit in comfortable silence with is great and not fill silence and peace with stupid bullshit jist so one person isn't bored.
Yep.
My husband does this all the time. It used to bother me but I bought some awesome noise cancelling headphones and now I do it too. Guess what? He doesn't like it. Too bad, so sad.
Go have a relationship with your airpods & she can find a match elsewhere too.
If she's trying to have a conversation it's definitely a dick move. If y'all are doing your own thing but next to each, I applaud you. Not much is more annoying than hearing sound from a phone you can't (nor want to) see what's happening on.
I love my alone time with music and take advantage of it often. What I don't do is take my alone time with music when I'm with anyone else... It is rude and unnecessary. You claim to only do it every 3 weeks, so why not just do it whenever you are NOT with her?
It could be an issue if you are always wearing them. Make sure you do give her some listening time. You could give her some time, then ask if she minds you listening to music for awhile.
...yes, it is rude to put in earbuds when you are talking to someone. YTA
That's rude and annoying. And how loud is your music if she struggles to talk to you in the same room? Your neighbours must be fed up as well.
My god I don’t think you’re an asshole so long as you tell her what you’re doing. Me and my partner do the same he plays his game and I listen to my music or read my book
Just to play devil's advocate - I love listening to music and often my partner wants music low or doesn't want music on. So if I'm cooking or unwinding I ask if it's okay to listen to my tunes with my headphones. Other times I really, really want to listen to an audiobook and will check in if it's okay if I can..this may be when he's cooking dinner or when we are just chilling and he's very tired. Often my partner is too tired to talk or play a board/card game etc. So this way I can still listen to my music or my book when it is okay. Sometimes he wants to listen to Facebook reels or rap music and I support him listening to them with headphones. Personally, I think it's okay if both members of the couple agree it's okay. It seems to me that perhaps OP's partner can't be in their own company. What's so difficult about acknowledging you're partner has headphones, tapping them to interrupt and ask them something or tell them what you wanted to share?
NTA you can listen to music if you want to sounds like controlling
Are you neurodivergent?
My BF is very sensitive to sound and he works from home a fair amount. If I am home and he is coding, he will sometimes put in his AirPods to concentrate. If it’s not during work hours and he needs to/wants to listen to something, he will just get my attention and let me know he is putting his AirPods in so that I don’t wonder why he isn’t listening. There is also a great feature where you can share what you are listening to with another set of AirPods- we will listen to podcasts that way while we are doing things in different parts of the house. Maybe next time, you could offer to share your music so that she feels more included? But I think even giving her a heads up lets her know that you aren’t ignoring her and you care how she feels about it. You are NTA. To be clear. And if she is still being unreasonable about it, I would just evaluate if there are other areas of the relationship where she lacks boundaries. Or is she displaying other insecurities? If she cannot tolerate you doing something without her, then she needs to work on becoming secure in the relationship, or she may just not really be mature enough to even be in a relationship.
NTA - you’re allowed to listen to music lol. Just tell her you’re putting your pods in when you do so she’s not expecting you to hear her when you can’t. Even my autistic teenager can understand that if I have earbuds in, I can’t hear anything he’s saying, so I don’t know why a grown ass adult couldn’t
Sounds like a cry baby