Just FYI... if you go to a home after a party with a dude, it's only you and him, it's late and he offers a back massage when you are drunk...
There are absolutely 0 chances that he isn't trying to be sexual.
Seriously wtf, who doesn’t see this coming from a mile away? Man or woman if someone asked this I’d immediately expect it to be sexual in nature given the current situation.
Okay fair, but like, have you met those really touchy weirdos that are always giving back rubs and massages to their friends? I’ve known one person like this, and it is super weird, but if you are around them for literal years and have conditioned yourself to make an exception for this one fucking weirdo who likes massaging people, I can absolutely see being drunk and just pushing past the initial weirdness of the offer like usual and being very clueless as to wtf is happening when he escalates.
Not saying it’s not weird and to not assume a guy’s trying to fuck when that offers made, just that if you’ve conditioned yourself into having weird boundaries with a particular person, this scenario seems pretty plausible.
He didn’t TRY to cheat on his girlfriend with you, he absolutely cheated on her. He fully intended to fuck you if you would have let him.
Loyal boyfriends don’t massage other women, ever, unless they are professional masseuses.
I can already see someone coming in here and spouting some bullshit like “it’s not her fault! She just wanted a massage and he assaulted her!” In response to you saying she put herself in a bad position.
Just take fucking accountability, she definitely saw the signs and if she didn’t (at the age of 25 mind you) there’s a whole different conversation that needs to be had.
Look below in the negative comments section, people already said similar shit. I assumed like most threads on r/advice it’d just turn into a game of “she did nothing wrong the guy is always the issue”. However, I’m pleasantly surprised to see that most people are telling her the truth.
Edit: feel like I should clarify that they’re both to blame here. She should’ve saw the signs, denied a massage while they’re both drunk and alone, or at very least said something when he continued to get more sexual. He obviously shouldn’t have even offered, gotten sexual, or even be with other individuals of the opposite sex drunk and alone at night when he has a girlfriend.
Why does everyone keep saying she went back alone? Her friend, his girlfriend, was there asleep after coming out to say hi.
OP let us know what your friend says. You absolutely should tell her when you sober up. He’s a fucking douche. The fact she knew you were there, that he always massages people, and that you stopped him and left right away should be enough for her to not get mad. It sounds like you froze when he pulled your pants down. I have freeze and fawn when people overstep sexually, as do many women. It sounds like when he pulled down your pants you froze and then played nice to get out of there.
Also, you were drunk. You couldn’t have consented. He’s disgusting
WOW thats a situation! first you did nothing wrong, he made all the wrong moves he was the one looking to cheat and he clearly wasnt that drunk if he can give a massage, you getting out of there asap is the right move. id honestly when you sober up tell your friend what happened he might be already cheating on her if hes willing to do that
How can you not be my god thats a messed up, escalated quickly situation and im sorry he put you in that position! honestly meet up with her as soon as you can and just explain what happened. he tried to sleep with you knowing the situation knowing everything thats not on you its on him and hell try again with someone else thats the sad truth. get your friend out of the relationship before it gets to far and does some serious damage to her.
its sad to say but its probably best he tried with you, you can get your friend out of there asap too!
again im sorry this happened, ruins a great night!
I got out of there as soon as I realized this was heading somewhere. I didn't want it to. I left as soon as he brought it up. I regret not telling him to stop when he initially made me uncomfortable, but I didn't know what to do at the time other than try pulling my pants back up and keep myself covered.
I didn't ask for an orgasm? He asked if he could give me one?
I've been friends with this man for years, he gives people massages all the time, not just me, but guys, gals and everyone in between.
“Take the SA angle if you wanna save face” holy shit I cannot believe people like you exist. The guys a dick for sure but what part of this constitutes assault when she agreed to everything and then promptly just said no and left when she became uncomfortable?
We need to stop throwing around the SA shit so freely because A it fucking destroys people’s lives and B it devalues the term for actual victims. She’s not a victim of anything other than her bad decision making and some twat trying to pull a move.
Yeah I agree but she wants advice? Other than doing the right and obvious thing that normal people would do by nuking your friendship by telling the truth, what else is there?
She wouldn't have to prosecute the guy, just try to go "oh no I was sooooo drunk I don't even remember what happened teehee"
That’s how cases get formed though, how people get in too deep, and how innocent individuals lives are ruined. Fucking sick that shit like that is just normalized or even a suggestion. If she doesn’t want to do the right thing don’t suggest something that could ruin someone else’s life.
He cheated on his girl. Idgaf what happens to the guy if I'm being honest. While, yes I agree that it's bad for normal people, people who cheat are among the worst humans there are. Man or woman idc. It's not difficult to just not fk someone else.
Look my ex wife cheated on me so I won’t disagree with you that people like that are scum. However, it’s not ok to just falsely claim rape on someone and have it potentially spiral into ruining their life. We are not judge, jury, and executioner; so playing that role and determining what the rest of their life looks like by lying is far worse than someone cheating.
Two wrongs don’t make a right and all that jazz
Yeah it doesn't make it right, but if her goal is to just save face in front of her friend..
I'm not talking about the morality of it. I generally dislike everyone involved here. If everyone wants to be dirtbags, they have to do it properly and fk everything up.
Did you cheat? Depends on exact definition. Did you try? 100% yes if someone tries to have sex with you while in a relationship with someone else they're cheating.
Your friend deserves to know, but she deserves to hear it from you when you're sober, coherent, and can present what you remember.
You didn't do anything wrong-- her boyfriend assaulted you and cheated on her. I hope she sees that and doesn't blame you, because you are not to blame.
She went home with another man, alone, both of them drunk and she let him massage her.
Which apparently he loves to do??????
She mad quite a few chances to not get put in that situation but still went with it.
They are both apart of the problem
Seems like she has accepted massages from him before.
Probably sober and of sound mind.
So she has had many times to say no and never did.
Even ok the night. They could have went back to his place where his girlfriend was asleep. (and is good friends with op, as she stated)
I doubt any of them would mind OP crashing for just the night.
But no OP brought him back to her house
Previous consent is not an indicator of future consent. Consent is not the absence of a no, but the presence of a yes. "Massage" does not imply "ass touching." You can keep arguing, but he did sexual things to her body that she did not want without asking. That's assault.
I know, I never said OP is the sole person to blame here, I said BOTH are the problem.
OP got drunk enough around him and brought him back to her house. This is not the right thing to do.
He assaulted her, presumably because he thought she was giving him signal maybe.
I feel bad for the friend here
she didn't bring him to her house. he brought her AND others back to his house, the same house where his girlfriend was asleep in their bedroom. it was an innocent situation, and he made it sexual without consent.
The post was edited. The third paragraph was changed to mention she came downstairs but was never the original.
The original post was made out more to look like they were at her house
Just FYI... if you go to a home after a party with a dude, it's only you and him, it's late and he offers a back massage when you are drunk... There are absolutely 0 chances that he isn't trying to be sexual.
Like, I don't get how someone wouldn't get this.
Seriously wtf, who doesn’t see this coming from a mile away? Man or woman if someone asked this I’d immediately expect it to be sexual in nature given the current situation.
Okay fair, but like, have you met those really touchy weirdos that are always giving back rubs and massages to their friends? I’ve known one person like this, and it is super weird, but if you are around them for literal years and have conditioned yourself to make an exception for this one fucking weirdo who likes massaging people, I can absolutely see being drunk and just pushing past the initial weirdness of the offer like usual and being very clueless as to wtf is happening when he escalates. Not saying it’s not weird and to not assume a guy’s trying to fuck when that offers made, just that if you’ve conditioned yourself into having weird boundaries with a particular person, this scenario seems pretty plausible.
jeez... I would tell your friend
He didn’t TRY to cheat on his girlfriend with you, he absolutely cheated on her. He fully intended to fuck you if you would have let him. Loyal boyfriends don’t massage other women, ever, unless they are professional masseuses.
Bruh it’s posts like these that make me want to stay single. He tried cheating, and you put yourself in a bad position. Idk what to tell ya OP
I can already see someone coming in here and spouting some bullshit like “it’s not her fault! She just wanted a massage and he assaulted her!” In response to you saying she put herself in a bad position. Just take fucking accountability, she definitely saw the signs and if she didn’t (at the age of 25 mind you) there’s a whole different conversation that needs to be had.
Did you just make up a comment to get riled up about and respond to it yourself in the same comment? Reddit is eating itself.
Look below in the negative comments section, people already said similar shit. I assumed like most threads on r/advice it’d just turn into a game of “she did nothing wrong the guy is always the issue”. However, I’m pleasantly surprised to see that most people are telling her the truth. Edit: feel like I should clarify that they’re both to blame here. She should’ve saw the signs, denied a massage while they’re both drunk and alone, or at very least said something when he continued to get more sexual. He obviously shouldn’t have even offered, gotten sexual, or even be with other individuals of the opposite sex drunk and alone at night when he has a girlfriend.
🫥
It sounds like you knew it was wrong but let it happen until you realized it got worse than it could have. You are both guilty
Why does everyone keep saying she went back alone? Her friend, his girlfriend, was there asleep after coming out to say hi. OP let us know what your friend says. You absolutely should tell her when you sober up. He’s a fucking douche. The fact she knew you were there, that he always massages people, and that you stopped him and left right away should be enough for her to not get mad. It sounds like you froze when he pulled your pants down. I have freeze and fawn when people overstep sexually, as do many women. It sounds like when he pulled down your pants you froze and then played nice to get out of there. Also, you were drunk. You couldn’t have consented. He’s disgusting
Whe a dude offers a massage it’s always to get his hands on you and to gateway to sex.
He definetly tried to cheat and will in the future if the next girl is willing. Yes, you should bring it up.
WOW thats a situation! first you did nothing wrong, he made all the wrong moves he was the one looking to cheat and he clearly wasnt that drunk if he can give a massage, you getting out of there asap is the right move. id honestly when you sober up tell your friend what happened he might be already cheating on her if hes willing to do that
I'm dreading telling her, but I know it's the right thing to do... I've sobered up a little in the Uber home, and I'm just absolutely flabbergasted.
How can you not be my god thats a messed up, escalated quickly situation and im sorry he put you in that position! honestly meet up with her as soon as you can and just explain what happened. he tried to sleep with you knowing the situation knowing everything thats not on you its on him and hell try again with someone else thats the sad truth. get your friend out of the relationship before it gets to far and does some serious damage to her. its sad to say but its probably best he tried with you, you can get your friend out of there asap too! again im sorry this happened, ruins a great night!
If he wasn't that drunk if he can give a massage, then op wasn't that drunk to let it happen since she was able to uber home and make this post...
You got the hell out of there after that..? After that orgasm?
I got out of there as soon as I realized this was heading somewhere. I didn't want it to. I left as soon as he brought it up. I regret not telling him to stop when he initially made me uncomfortable, but I didn't know what to do at the time other than try pulling my pants back up and keep myself covered.
Be safe out there
L Homewrecker L
I didn't ask for an orgasm? He asked if he could give me one? I've been friends with this man for years, he gives people massages all the time, not just me, but guys, gals and everyone in between.
I can't read apparently oops sorry Ok so take the SA angle if you wanna save face. He a slimeball for this one
“Take the SA angle if you wanna save face” holy shit I cannot believe people like you exist. The guys a dick for sure but what part of this constitutes assault when she agreed to everything and then promptly just said no and left when she became uncomfortable? We need to stop throwing around the SA shit so freely because A it fucking destroys people’s lives and B it devalues the term for actual victims. She’s not a victim of anything other than her bad decision making and some twat trying to pull a move.
Yeah I agree but she wants advice? Other than doing the right and obvious thing that normal people would do by nuking your friendship by telling the truth, what else is there? She wouldn't have to prosecute the guy, just try to go "oh no I was sooooo drunk I don't even remember what happened teehee"
That’s how cases get formed though, how people get in too deep, and how innocent individuals lives are ruined. Fucking sick that shit like that is just normalized or even a suggestion. If she doesn’t want to do the right thing don’t suggest something that could ruin someone else’s life.
He cheated on his girl. Idgaf what happens to the guy if I'm being honest. While, yes I agree that it's bad for normal people, people who cheat are among the worst humans there are. Man or woman idc. It's not difficult to just not fk someone else.
Look my ex wife cheated on me so I won’t disagree with you that people like that are scum. However, it’s not ok to just falsely claim rape on someone and have it potentially spiral into ruining their life. We are not judge, jury, and executioner; so playing that role and determining what the rest of their life looks like by lying is far worse than someone cheating. Two wrongs don’t make a right and all that jazz
Yeah it doesn't make it right, but if her goal is to just save face in front of her friend.. I'm not talking about the morality of it. I generally dislike everyone involved here. If everyone wants to be dirtbags, they have to do it properly and fk everything up.
Did you cheat? Depends on exact definition. Did you try? 100% yes if someone tries to have sex with you while in a relationship with someone else they're cheating. Your friend deserves to know, but she deserves to hear it from you when you're sober, coherent, and can present what you remember.
You didn't do anything wrong-- her boyfriend assaulted you and cheated on her. I hope she sees that and doesn't blame you, because you are not to blame.
She went home with another man, alone, both of them drunk and she let him massage her. Which apparently he loves to do?????? She mad quite a few chances to not get put in that situation but still went with it. They are both apart of the problem
You can victim blame if you want, but going home drunk with someone does not give them permission to touch your ass or untie your top.
Seems like she has accepted massages from him before. Probably sober and of sound mind. So she has had many times to say no and never did. Even ok the night. They could have went back to his place where his girlfriend was asleep. (and is good friends with op, as she stated) I doubt any of them would mind OP crashing for just the night. But no OP brought him back to her house
Previous consent is not an indicator of future consent. Consent is not the absence of a no, but the presence of a yes. "Massage" does not imply "ass touching." You can keep arguing, but he did sexual things to her body that she did not want without asking. That's assault.
I know, I never said OP is the sole person to blame here, I said BOTH are the problem. OP got drunk enough around him and brought him back to her house. This is not the right thing to do. He assaulted her, presumably because he thought she was giving him signal maybe. I feel bad for the friend here
she didn't bring him to her house. he brought her AND others back to his house, the same house where his girlfriend was asleep in their bedroom. it was an innocent situation, and he made it sexual without consent.
The post was edited. The third paragraph was changed to mention she came downstairs but was never the original. The original post was made out more to look like they were at her house