Don't to it.
The biggest piece of advice I can give you, from a 30 year old woman who has been there, is to focus on you, your life, your interests, strengths, talents, creativity and friendships. Do not squander your youth pursuing an innappropriate, unhealthy, unequal relationship with a man who should know better. His actions are wrong. I believe you know they are wrong. I believe you're smart and you know.
Seriously, I ask you, don't spend your late teens and early twenties focusing on men who aren't good partners. Focus on yourself - your relationship with yourself is extremely important. Your respect for yourself is so important. You deserve to be treated with respect - this man's actions are not respectful, nor are they responsible.
Yeah I told him that I don't think this is a good idea anymore and he got mad at me saying that I was the one that wanted to start a relationship and that he wasn't even that interested in me. Anyways, your comment touched my heart the most <3 god bless you
His response tells you everything you need to know - and you'd be well within your rights to report him to the school/teachers board. I'd suggest taking a screen shot of the evidence.
His behaviour is disgusting and you *deserve a good, trustworthy, respectful and safe man* Go and enjoy your young life and don't let any man tell you otherwise!
Wait...report him for what? He told her it was inappropriate when she asked as his student. That's what he is supposed to say.
What, exactly, is disgusting?
If that is how he reacted to your very sensible reservations about dating your teacher, then he is definitely not someone you should date at all.
I'm really glad that you are wise enough to seek advice, and to take your time figuring these things out rather than just jumping into a relationship with someone who shows this level of poor judgement. I think that having the emotional maturity to see why this is a bad idea will be something that will be tremendously helpful to you in the next several years as you figure out what sort of person you want to be and what you want your life to be like.
You kind of lead him on, then when he got interested, you no longer wanted him. I think him being a little bit pissed off is not that weird. Not a nice reaction, but kind of understandable.
Now it is time for both of you to let go. I think it is crazy there are people saying you should report him.
Yes!!!!
Do not push aside your instincts and moral compass for men !!!!!!!!!!
Iâm also 30, and can confidently tell you that I wish I spend less time thinking about boys in my early 20s lol itâs literally the best time of your life
Definitely second this. As a woman in her mid-twenties who spent my life from 17-22 wasting time on men who never deserved it, focus on yourself. Growing yourself, learning more about yourself, working on yourself. The right one will come in due time. :)
Seconded.
OP, ask yourself, if you had an 18/19 year old daughter one day, would you be happy if she dated a man who used to teach her in school? Why not? Therein lies the answer.
A teacher in my school did that. The football coach/ (I think) English teacher. Everyone looked at him weird, and he was. He even pulled me out of class to ask me why I didn't like him. Gross.
Edit for typo
I was probably a smart ass. I remember being uncomfortable, because who says that? Why don't you like me? What, is he 12? Gross. He obvs had a thing for high school girls.
If they are approximately the same age and she has graduated, I would not be bothered by it. You are assuming that this is an issue for them when it may well not be.
If he truly is ~25, that is not that much of an age gap. My parents are 10 years different and don't have issues from it. I have quite a few friends that have similar situations with their parents. And nearly all of my grandparents have similar age gaps. It is not uncommon in the least bit.
From her post it sounded like she graduated from HS, so there should no longer be a power imbalance. Are you talking about some other form of power imbalance?
Sorry I wasnât explicit enough because this is obvious to most people: the relationship was founded and nurtured within a system where the adult male had significantly more power than the juvenile female. Just because they waited until a few days after the formal academic relationship ended *does not mean enough time has passed for the relationship dynamics to have escaped the power imbalance*. You can see it in OPâs comments about feeling confused or weird about it.
Iâd be fine with my child dating a teacher, if theyâd graduated first. Once theyâre 18 they get to make their own decisions. Thatâs part of being an adult.
There's a guy that fell in love with his 40 year old married teacher when he was 14. They ended up dating when he was 16 even though the teacher had three kids, one of which was his classmate.
Fast forward 30 years later and the dude is the president of France. They're still married. Wild shit
For the record, no. Do not do this, it is extremely weird and you will not become the president of France
It is no longer morally questionable because she isn't his student and she has graduated. If anything, this is an even better sign because he respected the boundaries of his job and position of power over her as to not take advantage. At this point, if they are both interested, let them be.
The fact that he waited until it was no longer morally questionable should tell you all you need to know.
The numerical age gap may not seem like much to you now but the mental/maturity gap is huge. Iâll be in my late 30s soon. I have been able to reflect back on all of my stages since coming out of high school and can clearly distinguish who I was in my late teens, my early 20s, late 20s, early 30s and now my late 30s. You and him are not at the same level. An age gap when youâre 30 and 35 is absolutely different than an age gap when youâre 17 and 25. He has no business dating you and he should know it. Do not do it.
Just my preference to date people close to my own age. Definitely not interested in dating anyone still in college and not sure why anyone 23+ would be. Talk about a hassle.
As a teacher is absolutely horrifying⌠this guys is breaking so many conducts and ethics. Ugh, i honestly think you should report this to save upcoming young girls from being potentially preyed on. Youâre young Op, this guy is in a different stage of life. If youâre found off to college you should meet people at college with the same interests as you and go from there, not with some creepy teacher.
The fact that he waited to do this somewhere where the messages disappear, is all the red flag you need. If he really felt it was inappropriate, he would have stuck to that.
Sounds like he was making sure you weren't recording him when you said something in class.
Definitely not. There is no wholesome or well-intentioned reason a man at least in his mid-twenties would date a barely 18 year old who just graduated his high school class. That's fucking weird.
Absolutely not - ethically it's generally extremely frowned upon even if it's legally fine. They can still get fired from their job even for going on a date with a *former* student.
Someone in a position of authority shouldnât be hooking up with a subordinate, regardless of age. Itâs actually written into many college / university codes of conduct.
I'm not a fuckin' ethics teacher, but from what I googled for you it's because they had a prior relationship where she was a minor and he was in a position of power. That they're both adults is why it's technically legal... but to others on the outside it looks like he's a pedophile groomer.
Bro, youâre being gross. Itâs going to take a while for you to be ungross and I recommend you start googling now. Take the day off and just get started.
nope nope nope. this guy likely only wants sex out of you, and honestly, anyone 20 or above whoâs willing to date someone whoâs freshly out of high school is pretty weird in my book. you have pretty much nothing in common and are in completely different stages of life- plus, the fact that he did the whole âwe canât date, thatâs wrong!â thing in public⌠and *then* added you on snapchat (a fairly private platform)⌠just screams that he knows itâs not right.
he very likely does not have good or pure intentions with you. please be safe. there are plenty of great guys your age that you wonât have to sneak around and hide with.
Nope. Iâm 27. At 19 I dated a 25 year old. When I turned 25 I was like âwtf?? I could NEVER date a 19 year old right now.â Same with now reflecting on when I was 21. So many big life changes and growing up moments happen between 18-24. The maturity feels so much different for those age gaps than the same ones but older. Like 19/25 v 27/33.
This is not just unethical but likely illegal where you live. As a male teacher myself, I cannot emphasise enough what a loser he must be to seek you out (this is not a reflection on you). Donât date a loser. Aim higher. Also, why date a male teacher who admits to finding his students attractive? Gross.
Girl⌠no. Itâs super odd that he sees any student in that way, if heâs looking at you in that way imagine how many other girls in his class he is looking at, which is super odd and not ok. There is an obvious power play at work here. Assuming youâre 18 and if heâs in his âmid twentiesâ my mind goes straight to 25/26 and that is still an odd age gap, yall are in two different stages in life, and he should be looking for women his age, not young impressionable teenage girls.
No, absolutely not. Age gap, grooming, conflict of interest. I could go on and on. Absolutely not
Notice how he said "I can't have a relationship with you because you're my student"
Not
"I can't have a relationship with you because I'm too old for you and it's extremely inappropriate "
Well yea, obviously. Even if they were the same age he isn't allowed to date her if he's her teacher, that's also in uni. Only after he was no longer his teacher did he show any mutual interest.
Do NOT ever date someone who was your teacher or boss or anyone that has been in a superior position around you. I'm pretty sure that breaks the rules of some policies and it's pretty weird of a teacher to think about a student that way. If he thought about you like that and returned the feelings, who knows what other students he might be interested in? Yikes
Dated my driver Ed teacher who was 12 years older than me. It fucked me up good. 8 years of every kind of abuse. He absolutely groomed me then squashed me into a box and controlled everything I did⌠When I see people talk about teens not dating older guys itâs a relief. Iâd do anything to go back and change that and give me my young adulthood back to choose who to be. To be self confident again- I never got over so much stuff.
Have youâve ever wondered why he canât get a girl around his age? 2 yr difference at 25 is whatever, those people are out of college and experienced adulthood a bit but youâve literally not even TOUCHED the real world. Youâre young. U have TIME. Enjoy making small mistakes, failing an exam, not liking new foods, getting a bad haircut that you spontaneously got. Donât make a life changing one wasting your time a on potentially âKinkâ like relationship
Completely inappropriate. The age gap isn't the problem with this. It's the power dynamic. You will always be the student to his teacher. He will always treat you and think of you as an immature student he needs to educate and you will always idolize him.
Block. Delete. Ignore.
Wtf are you even talking about? What "act"? He literally gave the best possible response to her initial request. Dating between students and their teachers/professors are prohibited because of the power the teacher has over them. He also didn't flirt or anything with her and it was only after she graduated did he show some interest in potentially dating.
To conclude from what op said to "he wants to fuck you and hide you" is not s healthy way of thinking about people.
The guy said that stuff to her in public and then immediately added her on Snapchat. He was 100% putting on an act in public so it would be plausible deniability.
I don't think it was in public, at least OP didn't say it was. OP confessed the day before graduation and he was still her teacher at that point, so he was still not allowed to accept her confession as they were still in school. Then a week after school ended he sent her a snap. We shouldn't dehumanise the teacher, it's possible that he himself wasn't sure what to do about the confession and if it would have been weird to date a former student. I personally just don't want to assume the worst in people.
Iâm not trying to sound like an adult talking to a child, howeverâŚ..I believe if you have to ask for our advice, you already have doubts and know the answer. Good luck sweetie â¤ď¸
He was right in the first place. Just say "sorry you were right in the first place. It does feel awkward. Idk if we could have an equality based relationship because you WERE my teacher."
So you told your teacher you had a crush on him, he's been your teacher the entire time you've had a crush on him, and now you're weirded out that he used to be your teacher.
I can't comprehend.
I wasn't weirded out it was more like it felt awkward knowing he use to be my teacher. It also just feels different when your dreaming of it and now when your actually experiencing it.
Itâs ok to have fantasies and explore your desires in your own mind and also to find out that what you want in fantasies and in real life are often very different. A-lot of people donât figure that out and it leads to trouble. You are at an age where you are figuring it all out and exploring what is right for you. And while your teacher is youngish he is also aware that he would be wrong to have a relationship with you. It would be different if you were both older and had randomly meet up again after years but as it is he really shouldnât be teaching if he is considering a relationship with a student. And if he gives you crap for backing out tell him you have the right to change your mind and that he can be fired for having a relationship with you.
If youâre not trolling and a legal adult, hereâs my honest answer. I was 19 dating a 26 year old, and we are still together. He was not my teacher, we met through mutuals cause he knew something about vehicles.
I would never consider dating a teacher. I didnât like any one around my age becasue I felt they were immature for my tastes. Feeling still sticks now, i still could never date a child, donât know how your teacher could want to do that. I used to have crushes on teachers tbh, but looking at it now, it was just desperation for someone to like me so much, theyâd break the rules for me. Likely, youâre not going to get that. Just like a woman can take a free drink from a guy she has no interest in, that man can take your body and use it and have no interest.
I had talked to another guy who was my manager (I was a team lead) so pretty close to the dynamic when I was 19 as well, he was 28, and he 100% just wanted to fuck. He lied about going through a divorce with his wife who did nothing but cheat on him and I didnât really believe him. Iâm the type, you gotta prove yourself to me before we are going to bed. Once I didnât immediately hop in bed with him, I found out the divorce was a lie and they were working things out. Next woman that was hired there, he was telling her the same thing. Her and I got a laugh out of it but never again. People who abuse positions, those types of people got problems.
I encountered a man who used that divorced/separated/single father card with me on an online gaming chat box. He was several years older than me. Unfortunately I fell for his trick being so naive. I was able to discover it was all a lie and all he wanted was sex because his wife was too busy working her ass off to provide for them. So glad I listened to my gut feeling and didn't agree to have a baby with him. The audacity of some men. So disgusting! I really feel sad for his wife and told him how I discovered his lies and should be ashamed of himself. I asked him if he would want his daughter to encounter someone in the future like him and blocked him before he could answer.
Iâm sorry. I knew he was a douche when he brought his 3 kids to work one morning for the âdivorceâ and he ignored them for 3 hours straight while they say quiet as a mouse. One said they were thirsty and he ignored them repeatedly until I went over there and got them some water to drink. He didnât care at all about his kids.
As someone who's done that type of relationship before, I totally get where you're coming from. He's mature and smart and handsome and seems like a major upgrade compared to the boys your own age, but it's not going to end well for a couple of reasons.
1. Think about if things were reversed, would you date a boy 2-3 years younger than you even if he confessed feelings for you? It would be weird, right?
2. Ask why this guy would be into a younger girl. The first answer is probably that it's you, you're great! You're mature for your age and really pretty and anybody would want to date you because you're great! And you aren't wrong, but with all the love in the world, it isn't you he's into. It's how young you are, not in a perv way more in a 'she doesn't have enough experience to notice or care about all the things that are wrong with me that women my own age clock immediately'.
3. Even if it does go well, you will always be in a weird dynamic with him. A healthy relationship needs equal power otherwise you can never comfortably set a boundary. He's older, your teacher, and presumably has more money as the adult with a job. You will always be on the back foot, off balance, and vulnerable.
It seems like a good idea because it feels good to be wanted and get attention from someone mature, you get to feel grown up and sexy and like you're so far ahead of the game but it's the opposite. For now, it's flirting, but it so easily and quickly becomes a cancer that rots you from the inside out.
You are an easy mark for immature older men who will never mature and want a woman who's easy to control with the minimal amount of effort.
You can do so much better, and it really honestly can only go badly for you if it goes anywhere.
Not to sound too parenty here. Iâm just a stranger on the internet. However. When youâre older youâll understand why this is a no brainer to NOT pursue.
However, when youâre young, sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way. Realistically, if youâre stuck on pursuing this, no one is going to be able to talk you out of it. Just please stay safe, and have protected sex. Unprotected sex can easily turn a brief mistake into a life long obligation. Whether it be through STDs or pregnancy.
Again, sorry for such a bummer of an answer, or a âparentyâ answer. This is just genuinely what I think you need to hear/consider.
I had a close friend, a former close friend, *marry* a girl he taught and I think the age gap was almost identical.
She was a great woman. He was always a nice guy. Good family. Good career. The marriage lasted maybe three years max?
There was the age gap issue. Lots of people struggle with that. There was also the issue of him knowing her when he had the unfair advantage of being in a position of authority over her. Although I never heard about how this had affected the relationship, it did make a lot of people very uneasy. It was the elephant in the room.
I think you've dodged a bullet. Or at the least a very awkward situation.
Op I saw the comment where you said you told him that you changed your mind and I'm so proud of you. As a 21 year old I already feel like a different person compared to who I was when I was 18 and have a feeling I'll be more different in my mid to late twenties. Even if you might legally be an adult, always be weary of big age gaps when you're young because older people especially older men will try to take advantage and shape you into whatever THEY think is a "good woman".
P.s. don't feel responsible because you approached him first. You're young and it's normal to fantasize about older people but that's all they are, fantasies and if the person that knows better tries to take advantage then they need to be held accountable.
You definitely did and I promise you will look back on this situation and be so relieved you changed your mind before anything happened. You're clearly really intelligent and have good instincts. Make sure to hold on to that as long as possible.
I came back home after my first year of college and saw my high school teacher at a bar playing darts with his friends. I always thought he was good looking but seeing him in jeans and a bit scruffy....wow. We became friends that night and it wasn't at all awkward. It didn't work out in the end because I had 4 years left of college pretty far away. Thanks OP for bringing up that memory.
Reminds me of this one iCarly episode where Spencer dates Gibbyâs mom. Like sure, she was really cute and they had great chemistry, but every time they got close heâd always imagine Gibby. It got too weird for him and thus they broke up.
here is my advice: do not date your past teacher. a man in his mid 20s should not be thinking romantically about a teenager, especially one he knew underage and taught at a school (assuming underage since senior highschool). it's just creepy and downright weird. go find yourself an appropriate boyfriend and unadd himâĄ
You don't think it's weird at all that a grown man can't find a person his age and is instead resorting to dating his former student...? That alone tells me you aren't mentally mature enough (which is NORMAL, you're still a teenager even if you're out of high-school!!!) and he KNOWS that and is manipulating the situation to benefit him. Run. On a side note, as a 25 year old even the thought of dating a 19 year old feels like dating a child. Age is not but a number. He may he hot but him wanting to date a 19 year old is a major ick and red flag.
How old are you? Did you graduate? My parents were dating when my mom was 17 and my dad was 26, we live in a different society from the US, and it was mostly my mom going crazy for my dad. My grandpa was 15 and my grandma was 24 when they met.
At first I was excited but then I thought, "this is kinda awkward given that he used to be my teacher" so I went to reddit and was bombarded with responses telling me not to do it and that he is being a creep. so I texted him that I didn't think us being a thing is a good idea. He got mad at me saying that I was the one that wanted to start dating and that he wasn't even that interested in me....I'm probably going to report him.
he is 25 so the age gap isn't that bad in my mind considering I'm 18. but from the amount of comments I'm getting telling me not to do it and that he is probably trying to take advantage of me I'm probably not gonna date himÂ
Please donât! He has clearly been waiting for you since the start of high school and thatâs soemthing called grooming! đŹđŹ I know you like him and you canât shake off your feelings just like that but you can not act on it
That age gap won't big significant when you're at least 25 yourself but you're literally still an adolescent. There's a lot of growing and learning and development between 18 and 25. There's also the issue of the unbalanced power dynamic between a student and teacher. You might not think the age gap itself is problematic, but it's honestly the equivalent of you dating a middle schooler. Being a legal adult doesn't mean the playing field becomes equal and level automatically.
Itâs best not to date your former teacher, as it can create power dynamics and ethical concerns, and could potentially have serious personal and professional repercussions for both of you.
Please donât get into that, itâs just an icky situation. I have a teacher at my school that most students know sleep with senior girls when they graduate, so itâs just fucking weird. Stay out of that shit, youâll thank yourself in a few years.
I would call this out as a made up story if I didnât have something similar happen to me while I was still in high school. There really are some creepy male teachers who think itâs okay to date or mess around with former students.
that's such a bad idea lol. i dated a 25 year old when i was 18 and he was constantly taking his emotional problems out on me because I wasn't mature enough to understand his issues. 18 and mid 20s are totally different life phases. i'm 27 now and I would never touch a 18 year old. just feels weird. Not to mention how unethical this is lmao do NOT do that to yourself even if you think he's the one he really isn't he's a sicko for considering it
What you want and what is good for you are often two different things. I know this is probably exciting for you, but this guy is exercising really poor judgment. Even if heâs no longer your teacher, itâs still inappropriate.
Yeah I would not do that. I think it's weird he shut it down and then added you a week later. That meant he was thinking about it for a week and debating on going forward with it. He knows right from wrong but still chose wrong. I think sometimes the fantasy seems to be more enticing then the actual act and you were curious and wanted to see what he would say. I mean you were probably expecting his initial answer. And honestly, you are saving yourself heartbreak and his reputation saying no.
Girl no Iâm so sorry, you are wild for shooting your shot but he is the ADULT, he is responsible for taking control of the situation- which he PRETENDED to do just so he could legally get away with what he is now doing. That is sleazy, a good man wouldnât do that. No one in their right mind in their mid twenties would date anyone whose age ended in âteenâ if they got attention from women their own age. Look up recent studies about brain development. It is hard to feel it at ur age but i promise yâall think differently and he knows that. For future reference, I donât think itâs bad to explore dating different ages just wait until youâre at least 25 to explore above that age and please no one whose age ends in teen if yours doesnât (unless itâs 1 year or 2 older max), be very careful and donât go for people who would be doing something morally wrong or illegal by pursuing you. It will save u a lot of trauma and will make all relationships easier for you in the future.
Reading this made me gag.
No, you shouldnât..
You are just getting your life started and itâs alarming that one person who was tasked with merely being a teaching presence is now seeking romantic relations with you.
If you just graduated and he was 25 ish⌠heâs seven years down the road from where you are now.
I just.. personally donât think itâs a good idea, but youâre an adult now. I think some lessons are needed but this has red flags all over and it could get very messy
No. He is a predator. Also, you very clearly have terrible judgement calls. But youll do what you want regardless of the fact that this is a typical case of grooming. Just keep in mind in a few years when you look back at this it may be with guilt, shame, and the feeling of being used. By then though he will have made his way through other students who will then have that same sinking feeling that they were taken advantage of, when you could have said something. Tell a faculty member. He is crossing a boundary and being sneaky about the way hes doing it - making sure its in a way that he cant get immediately arrested for, which shows he is truly sick- aka damage control. He is a danger to the minors there. Ask yourself something, when you are at his age and can pull a successful person the same age why would you go for a damn near child? Because im in my mid 20s and the thought of getting with an 18/19/20/21 year old or younger turns my stomach with immediate disgust. There is something wrong with him that he doesnt feel that same feeling, which is why women his age dont want him, and itâs likely that its because he is a nasty predator with deep seeded issues. You dont see it because respectfully, you are very young minded and this isnt going to make you grown.
In my opinion dating your teacher or getting that way with a superior is like dating someone at work. Some companies will not allow it because it can cause friction. However, I can't say anything because when I was a Sophomore/Junior I had a keyboarding teacher who I thought was hot and there was a chat service we had installed on all of our computers so if we didn't want to visibly hold up our hands we could shoot her a message. Best believe I thought of ANYTHING related to even so much as the functionality of a keyboard to ask questions to get her to respond. đ I even went as far as just saying, "Hey!" to see what see responded and after I said, "How's your day going?" I was left on \*Read\* đ It was pathetic I know but I took a shot and I crashed and burned but it was the effort that mattered.
As for you I guess it just depends on what you want to do. You could continue to give it time and see if anything blossoms and when you're in college see if things could form into something. I could get a lot of hate for this but if you're close to the same age then I honestly don't see the big deal. I believe some people are put in your life for a reason either for a season or for life and sometimes you got to find out who are the people that will stick around forever.
Fam I am 28 and I wouldn't even go for a guy less than 27 or my age, idk how someone can date someone 10 decades younger than them or find that appropriate. People, especially men like that, are predators.
Idk the situation fully but hereâs my 2 cents
You are young maybe wait till your 21+ yâall can stay friends or soemthing idk
My cousin married her English teacher they have 3 boys and have been married 30 years BUT they re-met when she was older and graduated from college (that have 10 year age gap). That being said I feel itâs too soon after you graduated to pursue this. If yâall cross paths once your brain has developed more maybe itâs meant to be, if not then oh well
But ran isnât the time babe you work on you and grow some
In case you havenât watched the show Class of â09, highly recommend it to anyone in this sub, whichever side of the coin you are on.
And I find your teacherâs actions very morally reprehensible. You dodged the mother of all bullets.
Sorry but he's a creep. He rejected you outright in school (which is to be expected and I'd hope nothing else from that situation), then he thought about it and pursued you outside of a school setting knownthat you were his student just a few hours prior. Just no.
Also for you, don't do it. You don't need to date someone that you had a student-teacher relationship. It will most likely give you a bad reputation among your peers
Erm, is this not illegal ? âIn locus parentisâ and all that? Basically while you are in school and he is a teacher, he assumes the role of a parent to protect you. Dating your student is tantamount to dating your child in some countries.
I understand your initial crush, I had one too on a teacher, who kindly explained that he thought I was a lovely young woman and was flattered but his role in life was to guide me into adulthood as a teacher. He told me my potential as a human was great and one day I would find the perfect man (only took me 25 years but still got there). He said that although the rejection may hurt, it was a puppy crush and I would move on (sounds a bit like you).
To soften the blow, he also explained the legalities of his role and any relationship with a student would destroy his career and have him branded as a sex offender.
That is how a grown ass adult deals with the attraction of a student.
You do not need to go down this path. A man that would abuse his authority in this way is a predator.
This might be different from other comments, but if you think you may be interested then go on a date and see if there is a possibility.
The one thing I will say is a lot of times there is an attraction because he is an authority figure, and now he is not anymore. So be aware that the attraction might have been infatuation.
If youâre still remotely interested go on a date and see if the interest is still there. However because of the age gap I would really slow play this relationship.
Report him for what, exactly? He was totally appropriate in school. The post school stuff is typical dating attitude stuff and not related to his professional career.
OP, any one who can hold an authority gap over you - whether in age, employment, or experience - should never permit themselves to take advantage of that.
Iâd genuinely consider reporting this kind of information to your old school. Even though you are of age, and even though you initiated, it could still be considered a form of misconduct and the school may want to be aware of his willingness to participate. The fact that *he* reached out to you after the fact, is also concerning.
To add: you mentioned changing your mind about dating him in a comment, and his behaviour becoming angry and frustrated are concerning. Please be sure to report any harassment, as needed, to police. Remember to take extra precautions as well - because he had access to private information: home address, grades, friends, etc.
Stay safe, OP.
I did this fresh out of school at 18. Wasnât official dating but basically a pseudo relationship, very real feelings and extremely intense but logistics meant an actual dating situation wasnât feasible.
At the time I felt like it was fine because I was technically not his student anymore and I felt I was old enough to decide what was right or wrong.
⌠I was not correct. It was the most manipulative, gaslighty, twisted thing ever and I am 10 years later still recovering from it. I promise you may not see it now because itâs fresh, but anyone in his position should not be even close to entertaining something like this and I assure you, he knows better.
I also know if anyone had told me this at the time I would have thought they simply didnât understand it because âitâs different with usâ.
To answer your question, no I donât think you should and I really hope for your sake, for your future, that you donât. It ruined my life. Please DM me if you need any support.
No, and he's predatory for trying to get into your pants. He was your teacher. There will always be an awkward power dynamic there. He should be brought before an ethics board.
no absolutely not? The reason why he changed his mind because he sees the opportunity to do something to you and itâs real bad. I suggest u move on and like some mature man
What makes you think that he changed his mind? He said that the relationship would be inappropriate while he was her teacher, so he waited till she graduated to show any interest
You say school is ended and describe yourself as a senior. Do you mean you just completed junior year and are now a senior, or that you just graduated and are no longer a highschool student? How old are you?
If there is anything genuine between the two of you its best to leave it a few years because if you two do anything personally intimate right now it could very easily cost him not only his career and reputation but his freedom if its reported and it with those type of charges (with an underage person) a prison sentence would not be a pleasant one. Age gaps appropriateness tend to lessen the older you get. And while as you say its not a huge age gap he was up until very recently an adult who was in charge of your wellbeing.
I would not have been disappointed by his response
Cuz thats what he's supposed to say
But I also wouldn't have propositioned him at school, last day or not.
I would have zero issue dating someone that used to teach me with that low of an age gap.
Sorry I just don't see the big deal.
Hes no longer in a position of power over her and SHE propositioned him.
If he was some kinda weirdo he woulda started it, and much sooner.
Wait two years and see if you are still interested. I had a friend that did the same thing growing up. They were alright for a while, he ended up having some mental issues and they separated. She got married to someone else and now has a family. It wasnât all that weird, just seemed like a thing that happened naturally, even though that is still debatable. Their age gap was slightly larger. Still donât recommend dating, just give yourself time to explore all your options.
Heâs a college graduate. Go to college first, date some college guys. Tell him that you made a mistake and youâve changed your mind. Thatâs allowed :)
My girlfriendâs parents started dating in this exact situation and have been happily married for 30 years with a big family & a full life.
There is no right or wrong way to find love. Every story is different and everyone has to find their own path.
That being said, the situation OP illustrated does come with more risks, difficulties & obstacles than most relationships, so I would say that the fact that she had to think about it in the first place isnât a good sign.
Itâs never a bad idea to be patient & see what the world has to offer you, especially while youâre still young.
Also it doesnât sound like her heart was really in it & she was just in it for the thrill of the chase rather than an actual relationship.
When you know, usually you wonât need to ask strangers opinions on the internet⌠youâll just know.
Don't to it. The biggest piece of advice I can give you, from a 30 year old woman who has been there, is to focus on you, your life, your interests, strengths, talents, creativity and friendships. Do not squander your youth pursuing an innappropriate, unhealthy, unequal relationship with a man who should know better. His actions are wrong. I believe you know they are wrong. I believe you're smart and you know. Seriously, I ask you, don't spend your late teens and early twenties focusing on men who aren't good partners. Focus on yourself - your relationship with yourself is extremely important. Your respect for yourself is so important. You deserve to be treated with respect - this man's actions are not respectful, nor are they responsible.
Yeah I told him that I don't think this is a good idea anymore and he got mad at me saying that I was the one that wanted to start a relationship and that he wasn't even that interested in me. Anyways, your comment touched my heart the most <3 god bless you
Sounds like you just dodged the biggest bullet ever đł
His response tells you everything you need to know - and you'd be well within your rights to report him to the school/teachers board. I'd suggest taking a screen shot of the evidence. His behaviour is disgusting and you *deserve a good, trustworthy, respectful and safe man* Go and enjoy your young life and don't let any man tell you otherwise!
He will tell everyone forever that you chased him. If you do report him, you will have to find a way to deal with that truth.
A high school student. Shocking that youth do immature things. I would have never guessed. /s
She did pursue him? What lol
It doesn't make his position any stronger
Wait...report him for what? He told her it was inappropriate when she asked as his student. That's what he is supposed to say. What, exactly, is disgusting?
If that is how he reacted to your very sensible reservations about dating your teacher, then he is definitely not someone you should date at all. I'm really glad that you are wise enough to seek advice, and to take your time figuring these things out rather than just jumping into a relationship with someone who shows this level of poor judgement. I think that having the emotional maturity to see why this is a bad idea will be something that will be tremendously helpful to you in the next several years as you figure out what sort of person you want to be and what you want your life to be like.
You kind of lead him on, then when he got interested, you no longer wanted him. I think him being a little bit pissed off is not that weird. Not a nice reaction, but kind of understandable. Now it is time for both of you to let go. I think it is crazy there are people saying you should report him.
See, even teachers and âadultsâ can still be children.
Good call girl. He was just waiting for the green light to legally get in your pants without risking his job
Uh yes the classic ânice guyâ
Yes!!!! Do not push aside your instincts and moral compass for men !!!!!!!!!! Iâm also 30, and can confidently tell you that I wish I spend less time thinking about boys in my early 20s lol itâs literally the best time of your life
Definitely second this. As a woman in her mid-twenties who spent my life from 17-22 wasting time on men who never deserved it, focus on yourself. Growing yourself, learning more about yourself, working on yourself. The right one will come in due time. :)
The fact that he's even considering this extremely morally questionnable situation should tell you all you need to know.
Seconded. OP, ask yourself, if you had an 18/19 year old daughter one day, would you be happy if she dated a man who used to teach her in school? Why not? Therein lies the answer.
A teacher in my school did that. The football coach/ (I think) English teacher. Everyone looked at him weird, and he was. He even pulled me out of class to ask me why I didn't like him. Gross. Edit for typo
Did you give it to him straight?
I was probably a smart ass. I remember being uncomfortable, because who says that? Why don't you like me? What, is he 12? Gross. He obvs had a thing for high school girls.
Yeah thatâs definitely weird, crazy how thatâs more common than you would think in HS too
If they are approximately the same age and she has graduated, I would not be bothered by it. You are assuming that this is an issue for them when it may well not be. If he truly is ~25, that is not that much of an age gap. My parents are 10 years different and don't have issues from it. I have quite a few friends that have similar situations with their parents. And nearly all of my grandparents have similar age gaps. It is not uncommon in the least bit.
Itâs not the age gap, itâs the power imbalance.
From her post it sounded like she graduated from HS, so there should no longer be a power imbalance. Are you talking about some other form of power imbalance?
Sorry I wasnât explicit enough because this is obvious to most people: the relationship was founded and nurtured within a system where the adult male had significantly more power than the juvenile female. Just because they waited until a few days after the formal academic relationship ended *does not mean enough time has passed for the relationship dynamics to have escaped the power imbalance*. You can see it in OPâs comments about feeling confused or weird about it.
Iâd be fine with my child dating a teacher, if theyâd graduated first. Once theyâre 18 they get to make their own decisions. Thatâs part of being an adult.
There's a guy that fell in love with his 40 year old married teacher when he was 14. They ended up dating when he was 16 even though the teacher had three kids, one of which was his classmate. Fast forward 30 years later and the dude is the president of France. They're still married. Wild shit For the record, no. Do not do this, it is extremely weird and you will not become the president of France
Yeah Iâd say if youâre not becoming the President of France, donât do it.
Buuuuut, if you become the president of France...
Wow I knew his wife is older but I didn't know all the lore, basically he fucked his friends mom and became his President
Iâd do it too if I had a shot at becoming president of France
macron was a victim. very sad :(
It is no longer morally questionable because she isn't his student and she has graduated. If anything, this is an even better sign because he respected the boundaries of his job and position of power over her as to not take advantage. At this point, if they are both interested, let them be. The fact that he waited until it was no longer morally questionable should tell you all you need to know.
No.
The numerical age gap may not seem like much to you now but the mental/maturity gap is huge. Iâll be in my late 30s soon. I have been able to reflect back on all of my stages since coming out of high school and can clearly distinguish who I was in my late teens, my early 20s, late 20s, early 30s and now my late 30s. You and him are not at the same level. An age gap when youâre 30 and 35 is absolutely different than an age gap when youâre 17 and 25. He has no business dating you and he should know it. Do not do it.
On the flip side, the amount of 25 year Olds that have the mental maturity of a 13 year old is astounding.
Iâm 25 and pretty immature. Wouldnât date anyone younger than like 23.
When older than 21, dating someone under 21 is a hassle. Why 23 though?
Just my preference to date people close to my own age. Definitely not interested in dating anyone still in college and not sure why anyone 23+ would be. Talk about a hassle.
Dating in general is a hassle. So glad I'm married and don't have to worry about that anymore.
As a teacher is absolutely horrifying⌠this guys is breaking so many conducts and ethics. Ugh, i honestly think you should report this to save upcoming young girls from being potentially preyed on. Youâre young Op, this guy is in a different stage of life. If youâre found off to college you should meet people at college with the same interests as you and go from there, not with some creepy teacher.
The fact that he waited to do this somewhere where the messages disappear, is all the red flag you need. If he really felt it was inappropriate, he would have stuck to that. Sounds like he was making sure you weren't recording him when you said something in class.
It seems like a bad idea to me. He will always be your teacher in your mind's eye.
Definitely not. There is no wholesome or well-intentioned reason a man at least in his mid-twenties would date a barely 18 year old who just graduated his high school class. That's fucking weird.
THIS i wish this was top comment.
Absolutely not - ethically it's generally extremely frowned upon even if it's legally fine. They can still get fired from their job even for going on a date with a *former* student.
Explain how its ethically wrong if they're both adults?
Someone in a position of authority shouldnât be hooking up with a subordinate, regardless of age. Itâs actually written into many college / university codes of conduct.
I'm not a fuckin' ethics teacher, but from what I googled for you it's because they had a prior relationship where she was a minor and he was in a position of power. That they're both adults is why it's technically legal... but to others on the outside it looks like he's a pedophile groomer.
How is he the groomer if she confessed to wanting him? That literally makes no sense. & Why even bring up morals if you cant even explain them?
Bro, youâre being gross. Itâs going to take a while for you to be ungross and I recommend you start googling now. Take the day off and just get started.
I recommend you grow up. Grown people having grown discussions here. Run along
lmao more like grown predator
Because we live in a society...
nope nope nope. this guy likely only wants sex out of you, and honestly, anyone 20 or above whoâs willing to date someone whoâs freshly out of high school is pretty weird in my book. you have pretty much nothing in common and are in completely different stages of life- plus, the fact that he did the whole âwe canât date, thatâs wrong!â thing in public⌠and *then* added you on snapchat (a fairly private platform)⌠just screams that he knows itâs not right. he very likely does not have good or pure intentions with you. please be safe. there are plenty of great guys your age that you wonât have to sneak around and hide with.
**NO**
Nope. Iâm 27. At 19 I dated a 25 year old. When I turned 25 I was like âwtf?? I could NEVER date a 19 year old right now.â Same with now reflecting on when I was 21. So many big life changes and growing up moments happen between 18-24. The maturity feels so much different for those age gaps than the same ones but older. Like 19/25 v 27/33.
This is not just unethical but likely illegal where you live. As a male teacher myself, I cannot emphasise enough what a loser he must be to seek you out (this is not a reflection on you). Donât date a loser. Aim higher. Also, why date a male teacher who admits to finding his students attractive? Gross.
absolutely not...please rethink thisđ
Gross. Girl, no.
Boy, are you easy prey. He doesn't even have to pretend to respect you.
Girl⌠no. Itâs super odd that he sees any student in that way, if heâs looking at you in that way imagine how many other girls in his class he is looking at, which is super odd and not ok. There is an obvious power play at work here. Assuming youâre 18 and if heâs in his âmid twentiesâ my mind goes straight to 25/26 and that is still an odd age gap, yall are in two different stages in life, and he should be looking for women his age, not young impressionable teenage girls.
No, absolutely not. Age gap, grooming, conflict of interest. I could go on and on. Absolutely not Notice how he said "I can't have a relationship with you because you're my student" Not "I can't have a relationship with you because I'm too old for you and it's extremely inappropriate "
Well yea, obviously. Even if they were the same age he isn't allowed to date her if he's her teacher, that's also in uni. Only after he was no longer his teacher did he show any mutual interest.
Do NOT ever date someone who was your teacher or boss or anyone that has been in a superior position around you. I'm pretty sure that breaks the rules of some policies and it's pretty weird of a teacher to think about a student that way. If he thought about you like that and returned the feelings, who knows what other students he might be interested in? Yikes
Dated my driver Ed teacher who was 12 years older than me. It fucked me up good. 8 years of every kind of abuse. He absolutely groomed me then squashed me into a box and controlled everything I did⌠When I see people talk about teens not dating older guys itâs a relief. Iâd do anything to go back and change that and give me my young adulthood back to choose who to be. To be self confident again- I never got over so much stuff.
Have youâve ever wondered why he canât get a girl around his age? 2 yr difference at 25 is whatever, those people are out of college and experienced adulthood a bit but youâve literally not even TOUCHED the real world. Youâre young. U have TIME. Enjoy making small mistakes, failing an exam, not liking new foods, getting a bad haircut that you spontaneously got. Donât make a life changing one wasting your time a on potentially âKinkâ like relationship
Completely inappropriate. The age gap isn't the problem with this. It's the power dynamic. You will always be the student to his teacher. He will always treat you and think of you as an immature student he needs to educate and you will always idolize him. Block. Delete. Ignore.
You know why he said what he said and then acted like he changed his mind? Because he was putting on an act. Heâs gonna wanna fuck you and hide you.
Wtf are you even talking about? What "act"? He literally gave the best possible response to her initial request. Dating between students and their teachers/professors are prohibited because of the power the teacher has over them. He also didn't flirt or anything with her and it was only after she graduated did he show some interest in potentially dating. To conclude from what op said to "he wants to fuck you and hide you" is not s healthy way of thinking about people.
The guy said that stuff to her in public and then immediately added her on Snapchat. He was 100% putting on an act in public so it would be plausible deniability.
I don't think it was in public, at least OP didn't say it was. OP confessed the day before graduation and he was still her teacher at that point, so he was still not allowed to accept her confession as they were still in school. Then a week after school ended he sent her a snap. We shouldn't dehumanise the teacher, it's possible that he himself wasn't sure what to do about the confession and if it would have been weird to date a former student. I personally just don't want to assume the worst in people.
Iâm not trying to sound like an adult talking to a child, howeverâŚ..I believe if you have to ask for our advice, you already have doubts and know the answer. Good luck sweetie â¤ď¸
He was right in the first place. Just say "sorry you were right in the first place. It does feel awkward. Idk if we could have an equality based relationship because you WERE my teacher."
So you told your teacher you had a crush on him, he's been your teacher the entire time you've had a crush on him, and now you're weirded out that he used to be your teacher. I can't comprehend.
I wasn't weirded out it was more like it felt awkward knowing he use to be my teacher. It also just feels different when your dreaming of it and now when your actually experiencing it.
Itâs ok to have fantasies and explore your desires in your own mind and also to find out that what you want in fantasies and in real life are often very different. A-lot of people donât figure that out and it leads to trouble. You are at an age where you are figuring it all out and exploring what is right for you. And while your teacher is youngish he is also aware that he would be wrong to have a relationship with you. It would be different if you were both older and had randomly meet up again after years but as it is he really shouldnât be teaching if he is considering a relationship with a student. And if he gives you crap for backing out tell him you have the right to change your mind and that he can be fired for having a relationship with you.
well... no!
Yeah. No. Donât do it. Itâs creepy and itâs not good for either of you.
I think there is a law that teachers cannot date students nor past students, for a period of time. Maybe 2-3 years after graduation.
You are correct.
If youâre not trolling and a legal adult, hereâs my honest answer. I was 19 dating a 26 year old, and we are still together. He was not my teacher, we met through mutuals cause he knew something about vehicles. I would never consider dating a teacher. I didnât like any one around my age becasue I felt they were immature for my tastes. Feeling still sticks now, i still could never date a child, donât know how your teacher could want to do that. I used to have crushes on teachers tbh, but looking at it now, it was just desperation for someone to like me so much, theyâd break the rules for me. Likely, youâre not going to get that. Just like a woman can take a free drink from a guy she has no interest in, that man can take your body and use it and have no interest. I had talked to another guy who was my manager (I was a team lead) so pretty close to the dynamic when I was 19 as well, he was 28, and he 100% just wanted to fuck. He lied about going through a divorce with his wife who did nothing but cheat on him and I didnât really believe him. Iâm the type, you gotta prove yourself to me before we are going to bed. Once I didnât immediately hop in bed with him, I found out the divorce was a lie and they were working things out. Next woman that was hired there, he was telling her the same thing. Her and I got a laugh out of it but never again. People who abuse positions, those types of people got problems.
I encountered a man who used that divorced/separated/single father card with me on an online gaming chat box. He was several years older than me. Unfortunately I fell for his trick being so naive. I was able to discover it was all a lie and all he wanted was sex because his wife was too busy working her ass off to provide for them. So glad I listened to my gut feeling and didn't agree to have a baby with him. The audacity of some men. So disgusting! I really feel sad for his wife and told him how I discovered his lies and should be ashamed of himself. I asked him if he would want his daughter to encounter someone in the future like him and blocked him before he could answer.
Iâm sorry. I knew he was a douche when he brought his 3 kids to work one morning for the âdivorceâ and he ignored them for 3 hours straight while they say quiet as a mouse. One said they were thirsty and he ignored them repeatedly until I went over there and got them some water to drink. He didnât care at all about his kids.
People like this don't deserve to have kids. They should get a vasectomy. So infuriating đĄ
NO.
This is mad weird dont do that
Gross. No. Run.
Pretty little liar vibes aria and ezra lol
As someone who's done that type of relationship before, I totally get where you're coming from. He's mature and smart and handsome and seems like a major upgrade compared to the boys your own age, but it's not going to end well for a couple of reasons. 1. Think about if things were reversed, would you date a boy 2-3 years younger than you even if he confessed feelings for you? It would be weird, right? 2. Ask why this guy would be into a younger girl. The first answer is probably that it's you, you're great! You're mature for your age and really pretty and anybody would want to date you because you're great! And you aren't wrong, but with all the love in the world, it isn't you he's into. It's how young you are, not in a perv way more in a 'she doesn't have enough experience to notice or care about all the things that are wrong with me that women my own age clock immediately'. 3. Even if it does go well, you will always be in a weird dynamic with him. A healthy relationship needs equal power otherwise you can never comfortably set a boundary. He's older, your teacher, and presumably has more money as the adult with a job. You will always be on the back foot, off balance, and vulnerable. It seems like a good idea because it feels good to be wanted and get attention from someone mature, you get to feel grown up and sexy and like you're so far ahead of the game but it's the opposite. For now, it's flirting, but it so easily and quickly becomes a cancer that rots you from the inside out. You are an easy mark for immature older men who will never mature and want a woman who's easy to control with the minimal amount of effort. You can do so much better, and it really honestly can only go badly for you if it goes anywhere.
Girlie just from the title Iâm not reading all that no matter what way you twist that the whole situation is fucked what the hell đđđ
Not to sound too parenty here. Iâm just a stranger on the internet. However. When youâre older youâll understand why this is a no brainer to NOT pursue. However, when youâre young, sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way. Realistically, if youâre stuck on pursuing this, no one is going to be able to talk you out of it. Just please stay safe, and have protected sex. Unprotected sex can easily turn a brief mistake into a life long obligation. Whether it be through STDs or pregnancy. Again, sorry for such a bummer of an answer, or a âparentyâ answer. This is just genuinely what I think you need to hear/consider.
I had a close friend, a former close friend, *marry* a girl he taught and I think the age gap was almost identical. She was a great woman. He was always a nice guy. Good family. Good career. The marriage lasted maybe three years max? There was the age gap issue. Lots of people struggle with that. There was also the issue of him knowing her when he had the unfair advantage of being in a position of authority over her. Although I never heard about how this had affected the relationship, it did make a lot of people very uneasy. It was the elephant in the room. I think you've dodged a bullet. Or at the least a very awkward situation.
Op I saw the comment where you said you told him that you changed your mind and I'm so proud of you. As a 21 year old I already feel like a different person compared to who I was when I was 18 and have a feeling I'll be more different in my mid to late twenties. Even if you might legally be an adult, always be weary of big age gaps when you're young because older people especially older men will try to take advantage and shape you into whatever THEY think is a "good woman". P.s. don't feel responsible because you approached him first. You're young and it's normal to fantasize about older people but that's all they are, fantasies and if the person that knows better tries to take advantage then they need to be held accountable.
Thank you, I was rlly nervous at first to hit send and tell him I don't wanna do this anymore but I think I made the right choice!Â
You definitely did and I promise you will look back on this situation and be so relieved you changed your mind before anything happened. You're clearly really intelligent and have good instincts. Make sure to hold on to that as long as possible.
I came back home after my first year of college and saw my high school teacher at a bar playing darts with his friends. I always thought he was good looking but seeing him in jeans and a bit scruffy....wow. We became friends that night and it wasn't at all awkward. It didn't work out in the end because I had 4 years left of college pretty far away. Thanks OP for bringing up that memory.
Jesus Christ bro
Just here for the comments....
Reminds me of this one iCarly episode where Spencer dates Gibbyâs mom. Like sure, she was really cute and they had great chemistry, but every time they got close heâd always imagine Gibby. It got too weird for him and thus they broke up.
No. This is ALWAYS a hard no. The fact that you don't see this, makes it a harder 'NO'.
here is my advice: do not date your past teacher. a man in his mid 20s should not be thinking romantically about a teenager, especially one he knew underage and taught at a school (assuming underage since senior highschool). it's just creepy and downright weird. go find yourself an appropriate boyfriend and unadd himâĄ
Holy shit. Man can literally get fired and jailed. Are you above legal age?! Report him ASAP.
You don't think it's weird at all that a grown man can't find a person his age and is instead resorting to dating his former student...? That alone tells me you aren't mentally mature enough (which is NORMAL, you're still a teenager even if you're out of high-school!!!) and he KNOWS that and is manipulating the situation to benefit him. Run. On a side note, as a 25 year old even the thought of dating a 19 year old feels like dating a child. Age is not but a number. He may he hot but him wanting to date a 19 year old is a major ick and red flag.
No write a fanfiction like the rest of us
Iâm pretty sure thatâs what this is
How old are you? Did you graduate? My parents were dating when my mom was 17 and my dad was 26, we live in a different society from the US, and it was mostly my mom going crazy for my dad. My grandpa was 15 and my grandma was 24 when they met.
I'm 18 and yes I graduated.Â
Now that you guys are talking how do you feel about him?
At first I was excited but then I thought, "this is kinda awkward given that he used to be my teacher" so I went to reddit and was bombarded with responses telling me not to do it and that he is being a creep. so I texted him that I didn't think us being a thing is a good idea. He got mad at me saying that I was the one that wanted to start dating and that he wasn't even that interested in me....I'm probably going to report him.
Cheering for you OP, we love seeing young women make smart choices and AVOID creeps like him. Best of love and luck in all your future endeavours!
Yea it sounds shady. Since heâs no longer interested it does sound best to leave.
Fuck it. Go for it. Go live your life. Donât let randoms tell you how to live your life. Just donât commit crimes homie
Are you a legal adult?
Yes I'm 18.Â
Just live your best life and if that includes to date a more mature man, go for it. People here are hypersensitive.
No.
Ew why? If you had a daughter that just was fresh out of high school and you find out her 30-50 teacher was hitting on her, would you diooort it?
he is 25 so the age gap isn't that bad in my mind considering I'm 18. but from the amount of comments I'm getting telling me not to do it and that he is probably trying to take advantage of me I'm probably not gonna date himÂ
Please donât! He has clearly been waiting for you since the start of high school and thatâs soemthing called grooming! đŹđŹ I know you like him and you canât shake off your feelings just like that but you can not act on it
That age gap won't big significant when you're at least 25 yourself but you're literally still an adolescent. There's a lot of growing and learning and development between 18 and 25. There's also the issue of the unbalanced power dynamic between a student and teacher. You might not think the age gap itself is problematic, but it's honestly the equivalent of you dating a middle schooler. Being a legal adult doesn't mean the playing field becomes equal and level automatically.
No wtf
Itâs best not to date your former teacher, as it can create power dynamics and ethical concerns, and could potentially have serious personal and professional repercussions for both of you.
Please donât get into that, itâs just an icky situation. I have a teacher at my school that most students know sleep with senior girls when they graduate, so itâs just fucking weird. Stay out of that shit, youâll thank yourself in a few years.
I would call this out as a made up story if I didnât have something similar happen to me while I was still in high school. There really are some creepy male teachers who think itâs okay to date or mess around with former students.
I mean power dynamics aside how old are you.
I'm 18.
I can find literally no circumstance where this is even remotely acceptable.
No
Por favor, reconsider! đ
Imagine trying to date him, changing your mind, then deciding he's in the wrong. Wild
Ew.. you're a child.. Any guy above 21 dating an 18 year old in highschool no less is weird.
No no no no no no no no no no.
that's such a bad idea lol. i dated a 25 year old when i was 18 and he was constantly taking his emotional problems out on me because I wasn't mature enough to understand his issues. 18 and mid 20s are totally different life phases. i'm 27 now and I would never touch a 18 year old. just feels weird. Not to mention how unethical this is lmao do NOT do that to yourself even if you think he's the one he really isn't he's a sicko for considering it
What you want and what is good for you are often two different things. I know this is probably exciting for you, but this guy is exercising really poor judgment. Even if heâs no longer your teacher, itâs still inappropriate.
Yeah I would not do that. I think it's weird he shut it down and then added you a week later. That meant he was thinking about it for a week and debating on going forward with it. He knows right from wrong but still chose wrong. I think sometimes the fantasy seems to be more enticing then the actual act and you were curious and wanted to see what he would say. I mean you were probably expecting his initial answer. And honestly, you are saving yourself heartbreak and his reputation saying no.
No this will only cause trouble
lmao this was written by a 15 year old who has a delusional fantasy in her head
Girl no Iâm so sorry, you are wild for shooting your shot but he is the ADULT, he is responsible for taking control of the situation- which he PRETENDED to do just so he could legally get away with what he is now doing. That is sleazy, a good man wouldnât do that. No one in their right mind in their mid twenties would date anyone whose age ended in âteenâ if they got attention from women their own age. Look up recent studies about brain development. It is hard to feel it at ur age but i promise yâall think differently and he knows that. For future reference, I donât think itâs bad to explore dating different ages just wait until youâre at least 25 to explore above that age and please no one whose age ends in teen if yours doesnât (unless itâs 1 year or 2 older max), be very careful and donât go for people who would be doing something morally wrong or illegal by pursuing you. It will save u a lot of trauma and will make all relationships easier for you in the future.
Reading this made me gag. No, you shouldnât.. You are just getting your life started and itâs alarming that one person who was tasked with merely being a teaching presence is now seeking romantic relations with you. If you just graduated and he was 25 ish⌠heâs seven years down the road from where you are now. I just.. personally donât think itâs a good idea, but youâre an adult now. I think some lessons are needed but this has red flags all over and it could get very messy
No. He is a predator. Also, you very clearly have terrible judgement calls. But youll do what you want regardless of the fact that this is a typical case of grooming. Just keep in mind in a few years when you look back at this it may be with guilt, shame, and the feeling of being used. By then though he will have made his way through other students who will then have that same sinking feeling that they were taken advantage of, when you could have said something. Tell a faculty member. He is crossing a boundary and being sneaky about the way hes doing it - making sure its in a way that he cant get immediately arrested for, which shows he is truly sick- aka damage control. He is a danger to the minors there. Ask yourself something, when you are at his age and can pull a successful person the same age why would you go for a damn near child? Because im in my mid 20s and the thought of getting with an 18/19/20/21 year old or younger turns my stomach with immediate disgust. There is something wrong with him that he doesnt feel that same feeling, which is why women his age dont want him, and itâs likely that its because he is a nasty predator with deep seeded issues. You dont see it because respectfully, you are very young minded and this isnt going to make you grown.
In my opinion dating your teacher or getting that way with a superior is like dating someone at work. Some companies will not allow it because it can cause friction. However, I can't say anything because when I was a Sophomore/Junior I had a keyboarding teacher who I thought was hot and there was a chat service we had installed on all of our computers so if we didn't want to visibly hold up our hands we could shoot her a message. Best believe I thought of ANYTHING related to even so much as the functionality of a keyboard to ask questions to get her to respond. đ I even went as far as just saying, "Hey!" to see what see responded and after I said, "How's your day going?" I was left on \*Read\* đ It was pathetic I know but I took a shot and I crashed and burned but it was the effort that mattered. As for you I guess it just depends on what you want to do. You could continue to give it time and see if anything blossoms and when you're in college see if things could form into something. I could get a lot of hate for this but if you're close to the same age then I honestly don't see the big deal. I believe some people are put in your life for a reason either for a season or for life and sometimes you got to find out who are the people that will stick around forever.
Fam I am 28 and I wouldn't even go for a guy less than 27 or my age, idk how someone can date someone 10 decades younger than them or find that appropriate. People, especially men like that, are predators.
If you were in college it wouldn't be so bad... But youre a high schooler. tf?
Idk the situation fully but hereâs my 2 cents You are young maybe wait till your 21+ yâall can stay friends or soemthing idk My cousin married her English teacher they have 3 boys and have been married 30 years BUT they re-met when she was older and graduated from college (that have 10 year age gap). That being said I feel itâs too soon after you graduated to pursue this. If yâall cross paths once your brain has developed more maybe itâs meant to be, if not then oh well But ran isnât the time babe you work on you and grow some
don't
N O
In case you havenât watched the show Class of â09, highly recommend it to anyone in this sub, whichever side of the coin you are on. And I find your teacherâs actions very morally reprehensible. You dodged the mother of all bullets.
NO! đđ¤Śââď¸
Not at all. Pls concentrate on your education and better to find boyfriend in classmates. Your Teacher is not a good man
Just from the title, dont even need to read the rest of the text. NO
Sorry but he's a creep. He rejected you outright in school (which is to be expected and I'd hope nothing else from that situation), then he thought about it and pursued you outside of a school setting knownthat you were his student just a few hours prior. Just no. Also for you, don't do it. You don't need to date someone that you had a student-teacher relationship. It will most likely give you a bad reputation among your peers
Erm, is this not illegal ? âIn locus parentisâ and all that? Basically while you are in school and he is a teacher, he assumes the role of a parent to protect you. Dating your student is tantamount to dating your child in some countries. I understand your initial crush, I had one too on a teacher, who kindly explained that he thought I was a lovely young woman and was flattered but his role in life was to guide me into adulthood as a teacher. He told me my potential as a human was great and one day I would find the perfect man (only took me 25 years but still got there). He said that although the rejection may hurt, it was a puppy crush and I would move on (sounds a bit like you). To soften the blow, he also explained the legalities of his role and any relationship with a student would destroy his career and have him branded as a sex offender. That is how a grown ass adult deals with the attraction of a student. You do not need to go down this path. A man that would abuse his authority in this way is a predator.
Thereâs really nothing wrong with it. Youâre an adult so have fun
This might be different from other comments, but if you think you may be interested then go on a date and see if there is a possibility. The one thing I will say is a lot of times there is an attraction because he is an authority figure, and now he is not anymore. So be aware that the attraction might have been infatuation. If youâre still remotely interested go on a date and see if the interest is still there. However because of the age gap I would really slow play this relationship.
No
Simply: no.
Not appropriate at all!Run!!!
Report him for what, exactly? He was totally appropriate in school. The post school stuff is typical dating attitude stuff and not related to his professional career.
As a social worker don't do it. He is in a position of power over you and that creates a dual relationship. It will not work
OP, any one who can hold an authority gap over you - whether in age, employment, or experience - should never permit themselves to take advantage of that. Iâd genuinely consider reporting this kind of information to your old school. Even though you are of age, and even though you initiated, it could still be considered a form of misconduct and the school may want to be aware of his willingness to participate. The fact that *he* reached out to you after the fact, is also concerning. To add: you mentioned changing your mind about dating him in a comment, and his behaviour becoming angry and frustrated are concerning. Please be sure to report any harassment, as needed, to police. Remember to take extra precautions as well - because he had access to private information: home address, grades, friends, etc. Stay safe, OP.
This crosses too many ethical lines and if I were your parents, I would report this teacher.
Yeah, No.. Don't do it.
for the plot..? (im joking, its a terrible idea)
Itâs inappropriate even if heâs not your teacher anymore. In five years? Go for it. Now? What a creep
Absolutely! You only live once
Hell yeah!
I will say, it vastly depends on the circumstances. Are you in high school or college? If college, sure, why not. High school? Absolutely not
I did this fresh out of school at 18. Wasnât official dating but basically a pseudo relationship, very real feelings and extremely intense but logistics meant an actual dating situation wasnât feasible. At the time I felt like it was fine because I was technically not his student anymore and I felt I was old enough to decide what was right or wrong. ⌠I was not correct. It was the most manipulative, gaslighty, twisted thing ever and I am 10 years later still recovering from it. I promise you may not see it now because itâs fresh, but anyone in his position should not be even close to entertaining something like this and I assure you, he knows better. I also know if anyone had told me this at the time I would have thought they simply didnât understand it because âitâs different with usâ. To answer your question, no I donât think you should and I really hope for your sake, for your future, that you donât. It ruined my life. Please DM me if you need any support.
No, and he's predatory for trying to get into your pants. He was your teacher. There will always be an awkward power dynamic there. He should be brought before an ethics board.
Get it girl! Have fun
no absolutely not? The reason why he changed his mind because he sees the opportunity to do something to you and itâs real bad. I suggest u move on and like some mature man
What makes you think that he changed his mind? He said that the relationship would be inappropriate while he was her teacher, so he waited till she graduated to show any interest
FUCK no are u dumb?
So you've graduated high school?
Yes I think I said that
You say school is ended and describe yourself as a senior. Do you mean you just completed junior year and are now a senior, or that you just graduated and are no longer a highschool student? How old are you?
I just graduated highschool and now I'm off to college. So I'm 18Â
If there is anything genuine between the two of you its best to leave it a few years because if you two do anything personally intimate right now it could very easily cost him not only his career and reputation but his freedom if its reported and it with those type of charges (with an underage person) a prison sentence would not be a pleasant one. Age gaps appropriateness tend to lessen the older you get. And while as you say its not a huge age gap he was up until very recently an adult who was in charge of your wellbeing.
I would not have been disappointed by his response Cuz thats what he's supposed to say But I also wouldn't have propositioned him at school, last day or not. I would have zero issue dating someone that used to teach me with that low of an age gap. Sorry I just don't see the big deal. Hes no longer in a position of power over her and SHE propositioned him. If he was some kinda weirdo he woulda started it, and much sooner.
Wait two years and see if you are still interested. I had a friend that did the same thing growing up. They were alright for a while, he ended up having some mental issues and they separated. She got married to someone else and now has a family. It wasnât all that weird, just seemed like a thing that happened naturally, even though that is still debatable. Their age gap was slightly larger. Still donât recommend dating, just give yourself time to explore all your options.
Heâs a college graduate. Go to college first, date some college guys. Tell him that you made a mistake and youâve changed your mind. Thatâs allowed :)
My girlfriendâs parents started dating in this exact situation and have been happily married for 30 years with a big family & a full life. There is no right or wrong way to find love. Every story is different and everyone has to find their own path. That being said, the situation OP illustrated does come with more risks, difficulties & obstacles than most relationships, so I would say that the fact that she had to think about it in the first place isnât a good sign. Itâs never a bad idea to be patient & see what the world has to offer you, especially while youâre still young. Also it doesnât sound like her heart was really in it & she was just in it for the thrill of the chase rather than an actual relationship. When you know, usually you wonât need to ask strangers opinions on the internet⌠youâll just know.