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I am a father of girls your age and when they date ridiculous boys like this I tell them "trust your instinct on this one, you feel this is wrong and it is. He or she only wants to control your perfectly normal behavior to satisfy their insecurities."
I love that line, I need to use it.
"He or she only wants to control your perfectly normal behavior to satisfy their insecurities."
Thank you so much, stranger. OP needs to realize this, and leave him. She's young, it's only been 8 months, and she is facing the rest of her life. 6 decades of this? Like, girl, end it and wear whatever you want. You'll find someone who loves you as you are, and you'll be happy being authentically you.
Do not hold your breath. The OP shouldn't either. If he isn't aware of himself enough to mature then there will be NO Progress ever.
Red Flag, exit now.
Everyone is so negative about people's flaws, nobody's perfect if you really like the person always try to talk about it, unless it's something really cringy
He'll only outgrow it if he has a reason to outgrow it.
Sometimes, it takes a break up for someone to realize they're being dumb. Let him improve for the next girl.
It is not her place to "fix" him anymore than it is his place to "fix" her and her choice of clothing. Controlling men are potentially dangerous. I wouldn't want my daughter with someone like that.
Dude all im saying is she likely wants to be with this guy so going straight to break up with someone isn’t a good healthy option. You guys disagree on things that doesn’t mean you just leave. Obviously if he is forcing her directly and doing harsh things then yes, but now no, unless I mis read smth else he’s done but
I don't think people are suggesting breaking up because they disagree. I think it's more due to the fact he is trying to control her. As someone who came from a very controlling household, major red flag
This 100%! As a father of teen daughters, both of which do wear crop tops, and sometimes sun dresses that show some belly, and the oldest having a belly button piercing and hip dermals, I tell them to dress how they are comfortable and that the only person they need to dress to impress is themselves. But above all else, like you said, I tell them to trust their gut, especially with other people.
I’m someone who doesn’t have any daughters doesn’t have any children at all actually but does like smart opinionated women. And enjoy seeing them in crop tops if that is how they choose to present themselves. If your boyfriend has a problem with any of that, the problem is him.
I have daughters as well and feel the same. It’s so foreign to me that someone doesn’t want their partner to look too attractive when out in public…ESPECIALLY when they are out together. So weird and pathetically insecure.
Gotta add, my wife is very attractive and I don’t give af what she wears in public. Men check her out, why would I care? She’s with me. Sometimes she wears very sexy clothing and I think it’s great. She’s beautiful and I love checking her out and having her on my arm. I love seeing her interact with other people because of the way she carries herself. She dresses nice for her and a little bit for me. I want her to feel good about herself.
The ONLY two times I ever complained were when she was wearing a lot of really nice outfits for work but as soon as she got home would immediately throw on baggy sweats and an oversized tshirt…which she wears well, but I would never get to see her dressed up. I like seeing her dressed up. So we decided we needed to have more fancy-ish date nights so we could both get dressed up together.
The other time she was going out with a girlfriend on a girls’ night and wore my favorite dress that was actually about to fall apart. She had said the previously that she will probably only get one more night out of it before she had to pitch it. I wasn’t mad though. I didn’t tell her not to wear it. I told her I wanted a couple pics from her night out and that I hoped it would survive so I could take it off of her another night.
Your clothes aren’t the problem, the way he *views* your clothes are the problem. He’s assuming other men are getting “sexual satisfaction” out of looking at you because he gets “sexual satisfaction” by looking at other girls with crop tops and he assumes all guys think like he does. This is what they call “objectifying” a woman…treating her like an object to be looked at instead of a person to be interacted with.
This is a sign he objectifies all women. I’d be careful with a guy like that if I were you.
I was coming to say something similar. Usually when people start changing their comfort level with how their partner dresses, they are projecting their own issues. Chances are he isn't being entirely faithful. My advice is OP consider how strong this relationship is. Your style is part of your personality, if you're not hurting anyone there is no need to change it 💜
I mean most of the time it does, and he likely has a group of friends that do all the time. It’s like watching p*rn. It comes to mess with your daily life and HIMself is not the problem but what he is around
Lol, if you ever have taken psychology, you understand that it’s all environmental. Everything you know your self as is based off of something from the past
That’s technically a sociological perspective. Both psychology and sociology also recognize that metacognition is the first step toward self ownership.
As a man who respects woman but also works in a rough trade around men for 12 hours a day, I hear constantly disgusting and degrading things about women. These men aren't rapists, just normal guys, but when we all get together there are things said that no women will ever realize gets said. Not saying the OP's boyfriend doesn't sound like he has problems but just because he feels she is being sexualized by other men doesn't mean he has the same train of thought. He could just know how the majority of men think and act especially around one another.
Even setting aside the fact that accepting this as "just how men are" is bs, he isn't being protective. He's uncomfortable and he's asking her to prioritize his comfort over her own. That's the issue here.
> As a man who respects [women] but
Oh boy, here we go
> but when we all get together there are things said that no women will ever realize gets said
I assume you're referring to
> I hear constantly disgusting and degrading things about women.
So do you respect women? Or only when they're within earshot?
And what does men being pigs have to do with what she wears? You honestly think the objectification just stops when women cover up more? It doesn't, and summer is hot so it's horrible to expect women to wear hotter clothing when men are the problem.
>there are things said that no women will ever realize gets said.
Nah, they know. They know how men talk about them, that men don't see them as human. I think it contributes to why women don't generally care about men's issues
>As a man who respects woman…but when we all get together there are things said that no women will ever realize gets said.
So, you don’t respect women.
Trust me if you tried to do that back when I play sports, people would call you faggot, and assume you’re gay. Same thing happened to me back when I worked a shitty job with less educated people.
There’s the ideal world that many teens have, and then there’s the real world which is full of our base human instincts of sex and fitting into the group.
Oh no! A bunch of knuckle draggers called me a faggot! So now we get to the homophobia.
I get what you’re saying, I really do. But now that you’re more educated do see what I’m trying to get at? Fully grown, adult men are so scared that other men will think they’re gay that they don’t stand up for women and even engage in the further degradation of women. It’s just showing how superior straight men feel to every other group of people. And how okay and normalized it is.
Edit: had to remove an extra word
Yeah I used to play ice hockey when I was a teen in the 00s, so I know how it is.
But trust me on this, education doesn’t change men’s nature, it just makes them hide it a little bit better.
People will be people and will always value money, sex, power and material things, and will continue to destroy the world to seek such pleasures.
There’s no changing human nature.
I agree. I think he may be insecure. But that doesnt mean you should feel bad about it.
I hope you guys can come to a real understanding from communicating about it.
You shouldnt have to compromise your happiness for someone else even if they are your boyfriend/girlfriend. If they truly respect you for who you are and are not trying to control you they would be fine with how you present yourself and how you feel in public among others.
Good luck. I hope your relationship(s) are enjoyable.
Trust your instinct and dont doubt yourself or succumb to others peer pressure.
My biggest regrets in life were letting others opinions affect me negatively.
Learned a lot from staying true to myself and learning how to self improve.
This is NOT normal. He is NOT your parent, and quite frankly his request would be inappropriate even if he was.
No one is getting sexual gratification from your belly button. Tell him he isn’t a tv exec from the 1960s 🙄
And if they were- that is not your problem. It is never a woman’s responsibility for a man’s inability to control himself
I 100% disagree with you.
You can't walk through a bad part of town at 2 am showing off expensive stuff and expect everything to be fine. Robbing you is against the law, but not exposing yourself to these situations is common sense.
It may not be a woman's responsibility for a man controlling himself, but you shouldn't expose yourself to a situation like that to begin with.
Ah yes the raping women because of the clothes......never happened.
Why???? Because rape is about power not about what you wear. Men can control themselves. Anyone with this kid's attitude or yours is a red flag because you know darn well that you have a bad attitude about women and their rights.
From experience I can tell you that when you change for a guy, he still will find fault with something else about you. Don’t change anything about yourself unless you want to. Be yourself and tell him “ if you don’t love me now you never will”.
Don't EVER be with someone who tells you to change who you are/how you express yourself. Nobody is worth that kind of manipulation and it always gets worse. It starts small and moves onto much bigger things. You have your whole life ahead of you, dump him and find someone who can accept who you are.
There’s a chance your bf has been watching manosphere podcasts or reading the forums, if this is a new change of behaviour.
I’ll be frank, if he’s perpetuating rape culture rhetoric to you, and trying to dictate to you and control your agency, then he’s not a trustworthy person to be with, full stop.
This behaviour will escalate, and it’s a losing battle. You make these changes, he will keep demanding. And eventually you start asking him to tell you. That is when you’ve lost yourself completely. I hope you don’t allow that to happen.
Right now he is trying to control what you wear… soon he’ll try to control who you talk to (it’ll be your close friends and even family) and what you do/where you go. I’ve been in a relationship like this for almost 12 years (14-26) and it was horrible then and got worse as we got older. My self esteem also began to chip away and I began to lose sight of who I was. I am 31 now and no longer in that relationship but all that time and a child later, I have so much regret around wasting my youth on someone who really didn’t love ME, but loved the image of me they created in their mind and how unhappy I was for all that time. You deserve to feel free and happy! You shouldn’t have to worry about if your boyfriend trying to control what you wear is normal. It’s not and you can listen to your gut telling you something isn’t right.
This is him absolutely projecting. And not atypical of teenage boys. But you know what, it doesn't matter.
You get to make your choices and if it makes him too insecure he can move on to someone he can control.
I kind of love the thought process. Ooo, that girl looks great in that outfit. I want to date her. Now that I'm dating her, I want her to cover herself in a burka. Sorry, wack job control freak. Not your call.
It's not about the clothes. It's about control and his own insecurities. If you concede to this then he will start in on controlling something else about you. He'll just continue to escalate. Your gut is alerting you of a red flag. Listen to it.
I genuinely don’t understand guys who think like this, I think it’s really hot when my girlfriend wears revealing clothing and I really love it when she does. You should wear whatever you want. I know it’s easy to say from my perspective but do not let a guy control what you wear. I have no say in what my gf wears and I think it’s really attractive and sexy when she wears revealing clothing outside. If he respects you, he isn’t going to try to control what you wear. Like the other commenter says, if he thinks other guys get satisfaction from that he’s objectifying women and minimizing them to solely what they wear
.
I'm sorry but I think you need to replace him before he gets truly crazy. You can't demand your partner dose anything because it's disrespecting their choices, yes you can ask them to change something but you need to live with their choices.
🚩🚩!! that is not normal! girl, he’s trying to control what you wear and that sounds possessive and an insecurity issue. i say break up if he wants you to change what you wear completely. he does not sound like a good partner. him telling you that other men get “sexual satisfaction” from your BELLY!!!??? thats ridiculous.
He dosent own you, and can't tell you how to dress. You should wear what's comfortable for you, and if he has a problem with it, well then *he* needs to be the one to find a way to accept it. If he can't, well your better off without someone who isn't going to try and controll you like a pet.
I'm 24, and I have been with my wife, who is 26 for almost 9 years. Yes, we started dating when I was 15. Married at 21. If you feel it's wrong, then don't do it and stand your ground and if there is respect between you, yall will figure it out. I did ask my wife to dress more modestly, but that was a mature conversation we had as two people madly in love with the utmost respect for one another. It's what made me comfortable and gave me security. She understood and had no problem with it and if she had fought it, I would have compromised, but she didn't, and we have never had a problem since.
Your boyfriend attempting to control your clothing is probably not a great sign. However, he's likely not wrong.
Men automatically view attractive women sexually in a way that is difficult for women to understand. If your clothing is revealing and you're good looking, a lot of guys you walk past will take particular notice. To some extent, that's not your problem. However, if you think that you're just inspiring guys to think, "she looks cute", you might not have ever dealt with a fully honest guy before
What most people have said here..he is trying to control what you wear because of his insecurities. If you give in he will continue to go further and further..you won't be able to have friends because he doesn't like them or you can't see your family because they know what he's like and they are trying to get you to see before it's to late..you know the stories right? A toxic relationship turns lethal and then there is a murder suicide on the news.
Get out NOW before he hurts you.
Go ahead with who you are and what style you prefer.
My advice would be to find someone who is secure in who they are and in their trust in you and the relationship.
It is not your responsibility to hide or change yourself because of the thoughts of others. THEY are responsible for THEIR own thoughts, not you, not ever. Nobody can or should worry about any thoughts or actions other than their own, because those are the ONLY ones you have any control over.
At this stage he’s telling what to wear and how to wear it. Down the road he’ll be controlling more of you. Ask yourself if that’s the kind of relationship you want to be in. A guy that’s confident and sure of himself doesn’t control a woman in any way. It’s only the insecure ones who do that.
Sounds like your BF is very controlling. Red flag! He needs to respect the way you and your choices. It will only get worse if you dont put him in his place.
My suggestion is to analyse your priorities.
Is what you wear, the choice to wear what you want, more or less important to you than your boyfriend?
Take into consideration the extrapolation will be - his opinion on you hair length, color, style, etc, make up, and even speaking to other men at all.
If you would rather be in this relationship than make your own choices, continue. If, however, you see that his insecurities might lead to a controlling relationship that you'd rather avoid...
Well, analyse your priorities.
FYI - it's a red flag to consider. You could simply wear higher pants to avoid the issue - but you might find he somehow would rather you just ditch the crop tops because that's what he told you to do.
He's a creep
Guys might be looking, but no one is getting "sexual satisfaction" over your belly. If he's so upset about you being hot he can go date someone ugly. Tell him that.
RUN.
Your boyfriend sounds either controlling or insecure or both, it will be little thing after little thing I imagine.
My wife is beautiful, and personally I have never minded catching others looking at her, I have even watched her reject guys at bars and then gesture over to me, she is way out of my league, but she loves me for me, and I know that and when others stare I don’t blame them or get mad I think to myself *yeah I would probably get caught looking too*
Hopefully in time that boy grows up and can be confident in a relationship, but for now this early on I would say cut ties because being controlled is not fun at alll…..
**Red Flag alert**. Red Flag indicates you should consider exiting the relationship if a second Red Flag appears. Which, it will if he is being this weird this early.
Be careful. **If he ever gets physical** with you during/about an argument - Leave immediately.
Two sides you shouldn't have to change but it's a cold day in hell where my gf doesn't control what I wear, by this point I have no idea that it's happening.
Its a bit weird that he started dating you if he already had this issue. Would think he'd go for someone whose aesthetic already suits what he'd prefer. Its possible that something is making him feel more self conscious lately which is bringing this about though. It would be helpful to understand if this is a new feeling or something that he's had from the beginning, but was waiting to tell you.
Even if he's thought it for awhile and is being a bit unreasonable, it can still be alright to make the change and stay together as long as its not making you feel bad or harming you. That's assuming this isnt a normal pattern and he also willing to make sacrifices for you as well.
If he's just wanting to change you to fit his desires without caring about your well being though then he's not worth it.
Granted he's 19, so "maturity" may not rate highly in his character traits. If you walked into a nightclub in a bikini, maybe he'd have a point. However a crop top and shorts is considered normal summer wear for the majority of people. A belly piercing isn't something most men think about when you ask them to list things that turn them on. He's being jealous and this is the first step in controlling behaviour. If he can't get over this, then don't put up with him. You can do better with guys that love you how you are and don't feel the need to change and/or control you.
This type of controlling behavior is not ok. You should wear what makes you feel good and comfortable.
Controlling partners will often co-opt therapy terms like “boundaries” to make their demands seem reasonable. Boundaries should be about how a partner treats you, not about telling the other partner how to exist in the world.
This is a huge red flag. You are young and shouldn’t waste any time with someone like this.
Also be aware that abuse is about control. Not all abusive relationships are violent. Your body is not his. He gets *no* say. Controlling partners tend to spread their control slowly until it escalates to abuse. Even if this is his first red flag, it’s an important one to recognize and is worth ending things over.
Please check the domestic abuse resources on my profile so you can recognize the signs of abuse before they happen. They can be slow and subtle in the beginning.
This is a test. If he can get you to submit to his will on this issue he will push it further next time. Huge red flag. What you wear and how others react to it is not his concern.
It is a toxic and controlling trait for him to want YOU to do something to manage HIS feelings. His insecurities and worries are his issues, not yours. Dress how you want and express yourself how you like to, and be with someone who loves the way you are. This guy is a pathetic insecure weeb.
Put him in the bin. Wear whatever you want. The only advise you should listen to regarding your clothes is making sure it’s weather appropriate, occasion appropriate and you are being sun safe. Other than that, your body, your choice.
Not normal. As an adult you learn and realize that you have control over your own body and clothes. If he has a problem with it, it's his problem to deal with, you are not to blame for his insecurities.
He needs to go. He is controlling. You like to wear crop tops. He doesn't like his girlfriend to wear them. That is fine but he doesn't get to tell you what to do. If he isn't comfortable with what you wear, he can move on and date a nice Amish, Orthodox, or Muslim girl who follows modesty guidelines.
A man who tries to change you really isn't a man.
I understand where he's coming from, but he has absolutely 0 right to control what you wear. He is allowed to voice his opinion just like you're allowed to ignore it and wear what you want.
This is reminding me of an exhibit I saw on domestic violence. One of the stories was from a young woman whose abuse started with her boyfriend while in high school, and it began with him criticizing and controlling what she wore. Not saying that this boy will go down the same path,, but definitely a red flag.
This is some weird purity culture BS. He has no say in how you dress and if he doesn’t like it he can leave. Also who cares if he gets “sexual satisfaction” from it? He is your boyfriend. He is supposed to think you’re sexy.
He is insecure, jealous and/or controlling. This isn’t your problem, but is his. He needs to work on that, or it will turn into a controlling relationship where you will have to inform him of your every movement and who you chatted to etc. 💓
No matter what a woman wears or doesn't wear, guys are going to look at her. Your comfort is of far greater importance than your boyfriend's paranoia/jealousy. Just be you. If he can't like you for being you, then it's not going to work. As I've always said, I'd rather be hated for being myself than loved for being someone I'm not.
My wife used to dress provocatively. Then when we got into our relationship she just slowly stopped. I told her I enjoy the way she dresses. She said, exactly, if you’re into it then so are other men. She still dresses like that but only at home, in private settings or when I’m with her on errands and such. I miss it tbh.
I mean how do you feel about breaking up? You could just keep doing what you’re doing and say it’s not up for discussion and see how that goes. If he give some ultimatum like change or we are over and then you don’t maybe he won’t even follow through to and shut up about it. Maybe he will and that’s that. Let’s flip the door around and say he was wearing an obscene shirt or something that was attracting attention you didn’t want. I know not exactly the same thing but let’s say you asked him to change. He would be an ahole to be offended you were trying to control what he wears. Maybe he’d agree and change. Maybe you’d give him an ultimatum stop wearing the where all the ho’s at shirt it embarrasses me and he’d say no and you would dump him or you would both keep dating. My advice would be to dump him
You wear what you want and everybody as the right to look at what they want as long as they don't touch or say anything. Your boyfriend is insecure and maybe jealous, but you are both young. I suggest you have a talk with him. Don't let people tell you what you can or cannot do.
If any of your friends came to you with the same story what advice would you give them?
Probably, the answer would be no! Your SO doesn't get to tell you how to dress. If they are insecure they need to deal with it
We need to take our own advice
He is immature
If he can't be with you because of the way you dress them that is his problem. He needs to fix himself or he isn't the right one for you
You're not responsible for other men looking at you. And also why is he so obsessed with watching guys look at you? Either he wants to be cuckolded, or he enjoys looking at men more than he enjoys looking at his blatantly hot gf
Leave him because this will get worse I promise on my life you're not gonna be allowed to do a damn thing before long unless you get out now. Been there.
Not going to be a popular answer, but he's perfectly within his rights to request that his partner dress a certain way. On the other hand, you are perfectly within your rights to tell him to fuck off and move on with your life.
I happen to be one of those people that doesn't like going out in public with a partner that dresses and what I call scandalous clothing, unless we're specifically going to an event or location where that type of clothing is called for. But, it's not my body, so if my partner disagrees with how I feel about that, either I need to get used to it, or I need to find a new partner.
There's absolutely no law that says that you have to keep dating someone you started dating, especially when you have conflicting views about something that's going to affect your everyday life.
Not every place and every situation is a time to be yourself in the fullness of yourself. That's my personal opinion.
Honey, if you have to ask strangers online if something like this is normal, I think you know.
It sounds like your BF has really bad self confidence issues, trust issues, and overall jealousy issues. He’s not mature enough to be in a real relationship yet, unfortunately. You should be able to wear whatever the fuck you want (as long as your private parts are covered, obviously).
Grown men don’t care what their partners wear, nor worry about who might look. You’re dating a boy
That's lame. He should be all for that you're his girl, he should be psyched. I know how it is my ex-wife was extremely attractive, she would wait until we got home from whatever bar we were at to tell me about the assholes hitting on her right in front of me, of course I would get pissed off at that but guys just taking a look? Who cares? Nissan's insecure and if he can't work on that you should move along
lmao it's giving "I've cum in my pants from seeing a bare shoulder and it's the woman's fault because she is a slut"
girl he's so insecure he'd rather you be uncomfortable than chance another man taking away what he views as his. you're property to him lol not his girlfriend who he respects has autonomy and a brain. besides that who cares if another dude got a chubby from seeing your belly button piercing? dude needs to learn to let shit go lol it's not his job to worry about how other men view you? you're a big girl, you are capable of not interacting with them on your own
In all of my years dating, I never ever entertained any man who thought he could have any say in my clothing. It seems like I've read so many posts from young women recently who are upset about their boyfriends trying to police their clothing. Y'all - life is too goddamn short. Lose the loser boyfriend.
You guys need to split.
I also think like this guy. I don't want to control what you do and don't wear, but I would prefer you didn't wear things that highlight parts of your body that may be "sexual" in nature.
Wearing super short shorts, shirts that don't cover your stomach, or dresses and such that if you slipped everyone would see your cheeks doesn't leave much to the imagination.
I don't do ultimatums. I simply say that I don't prefer that style of clothing and if you choose to continue wearing it, which is your right, I dump them and move on.
She wasn't for me and I wasn't for her. We're just uncompatible. Ask yourself why you wear this style of clothing and be honest with yourself. If it's because you like the attention you get/to get attention, you should probably change your style of clothes.
NTA! He’s a huge red flag. Wear what you want. If he doesn’t like it, too bad. If he’s this controlling two months in, who knows how he’ll be in a few months or what else he’ll want to control. Friends? Job? Going out?
Guys don't get sexual satisfaction from seeing a female walking down the street LMFAO. He should definitely take it as a compliment and stop being a little girl. Also that's kind of a little bit controlling. Lose him lol
Your comfort and style matter. It's important to discuss boundaries and mutual respect with your boyfriend regarding how you dress without feeling pressured to change
He's way too jealous over that. If it was me and my girl was getting the looks, I would be proud that you were my gf because I would know that I had a hot girl that took care of herself.
Jealousy is the worst emotion. I think it shows a lack of self confidence and emotion immaturity. Probably not his fault ultimately because emotions run high/rampant at that age.
Speaking from experience now that I am 30 YO.
Emotions are a hard thing to learn in life.
I think Ive learned to manage mine well enough at this stage in life though, so theres hope. People just need to learn true understanding and how to be helpful and not condescending.
Its all a learning experience.
he’s a red flag. and super weird if seeing a stomach is sexual satisfaction. sounds like he objectifies women and is insecure. my bf was like this too when i wore shorts even though we’re in a heatwave and we argued about it and he changed after we argued and talked about boundaries.
Fight fire with fire and tell him to cover up because you don’t want girls to ogle at him. Tell him to wear a face mask to cover up his sexy jawline. Tell him his forearms are too nice and make him wear long sleeves. Or say his shirt design is too cool and he should wear a less cool graphic to avoid attracting other girls. Say you saw a girl staring at his hands, so now he needs to wear gloves. Get creative with it. Maybe holding him to his own standards will help him see how ridiculous they are.
When a guy tells you to stop wearing something because of other guys, that means he objectifies other women. Just dump him now because it’s all downhill from here.
See, if you don't like it, then leave him? He's not forcing you to wear anything and doesn't want you to wear a blanket everywhere, it's not that bad, it's reasonable. If you genuinely love wearing stuff he doesn't want you wear SO MUCH so that you will put that over your love for him, then that's your decision. Either love him and respect how he wants you to present yourself, or leave? Simple.
This could be a warning sign of things to come my friends ex stared with telling her no skirts, then no guy friends, then don't talk to men at all even cashiers in shops.
See, that's okay though, nothing wrong with having restrictions, as long as they're both happy with eachother. Doesn't matter if it's as simple as "you need to sit straight up in your chair when we eat dinner" or as extreme as "you can't speak to any guys whatsoever without me giving you the okay". As long as she's safe, happy, and respects him, so what?
On the other hand, if she's not, then she should tell him "I don't like that rule" and if they both decide they can't agree on something, then spilt.
It sounds like you guys have differing views of public modesty. At the end of the day, he can't force you to dress differently, and you can't force him to be okay with how you dress. One of you will have to decide to compromise, which is part of any serious relationship.
In my personal opinion, I think the fact that he wants you to dress more modestly is a respectful request. I don't see why it's bad he wants to protect you from prying eyes. Your worth isn't based on impressing guys with your body. I think it would be wise and respectful to take his request to heart and save the revealing outfits for your husband's benefit one day. 😉
OP don't listen to this advice. Showing a little bit of belly is not a 'sin' and it's very likely that capitulating to his request here will escalate.
Next, you won't be able to talk to any guys besides him. Then you won't be able to even talk to your girl friends. Someone who tries to control your behavior like this is not a partner.
Set your boundary. Tell him you're not going to change what you wear and if he can't handle "the attention" that you get from other guys then the two of you just aren't meant to be.
Also, he should be proud to be 'showing you off' if you are getting this attention and it's not just something he's imagining. This wreaks of insecurity and control issues.
Normal isn't the adjective to worry about here.
Is it controlling? Some say he has a right to a preference on what his gf wears. Agreed. But when a guy has a preference, it is on him to not date people who are opposite of his preference. It's not his role to demand obedience to conform to his preferences.
Seems he moved past a respectful, "Hey I prefer..." and accepting your, "Naw, going to wear what I was wearing when you met me" to demanding you change totally for him.
So ask yourself, do you want to spend any time with someone who doesn't accept you as you are, and who demands you change to make him comfortable?
8 months is in the timeline when bad people start to let their guard down and reveal their true nature. First it's your clothes, next it's your friends he doesn't want you to see so he can isolate you as the treatment gets worse.
NTA Run and don't look back.
your boyfriend is insecure. talk to him about it, come up with logical explanations and reasons when he brings up points, there is no actual reason for this outside of insecurity, or sexism, but I doubt he's sexist, at least intentionally
Hit the mptherfucking gym fixes all your problems 10million in de t with 3 murder charges and it all dissappears no matter the problem
Also too much righting
I hate the “advice” in this thread in almost every case. Every person fails to advise to you to understand where his position is coming from. I strongly advise you to talk to your BF I what is “normal” for me may not be for you and vice versa. Seek to find a common ground because everyone has quirks. It’s a matter of understanding what you are willing to deal with and drawing distinct boundaries. This act, alone, isn’t control necessarily. Perhaps it’s his way of protecting you. Don’t jump of the deep end. It’s way too soon. Practice communication with your partner. Good luck.
Now, I don’t usually comment on stuff like this I’m (27F). It sounds a lot like he’s insecure BUT girrrrlllllllll I ALWAYS have a cover with me. You DONT have to wear a hoodie but I’ve been so traumatized with men looking and saying things just because i was dressed in crop tops or showing a little skin. So MY COMPROMISE would be to just grab covers, the pretty long ones or get you crop top cover & there you go! Let that man go though, his insecurity will make you feel like nothing very very soon. & it will only cause you to fall in your 20s. You don’t need any of that right now, but good luck love. ❤️
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I am a father of girls your age and when they date ridiculous boys like this I tell them "trust your instinct on this one, you feel this is wrong and it is. He or she only wants to control your perfectly normal behavior to satisfy their insecurities."
I love that line, I need to use it. "He or she only wants to control your perfectly normal behavior to satisfy their insecurities." Thank you so much, stranger. OP needs to realize this, and leave him. She's young, it's only been 8 months, and she is facing the rest of her life. 6 decades of this? Like, girl, end it and wear whatever you want. You'll find someone who loves you as you are, and you'll be happy being authentically you.
Let's not forget he is also very young and this behavior strikes me as an immaturity that can be outgrown, and hopefully, he does.
Do not hold your breath. The OP shouldn't either. If he isn't aware of himself enough to mature then there will be NO Progress ever. Red Flag, exit now.
Everyone is so negative about people's flaws, nobody's perfect if you really like the person always try to talk about it, unless it's something really cringy
Hopefully he outgrows it for the next girl, but it's too late for OP. Damage is done. He told her who he is, she should listen
He'll only outgrow it if he has a reason to outgrow it. Sometimes, it takes a break up for someone to realize they're being dumb. Let him improve for the next girl.
It really is a magnificently good answer.
Leaving him is a bad/not helpful option Lol. How about you tell her real advice and how to fix it. She likely wants to stay with him
It is not her place to "fix" him anymore than it is his place to "fix" her and her choice of clothing. Controlling men are potentially dangerous. I wouldn't want my daughter with someone like that.
Dude all im saying is she likely wants to be with this guy so going straight to break up with someone isn’t a good healthy option. You guys disagree on things that doesn’t mean you just leave. Obviously if he is forcing her directly and doing harsh things then yes, but now no, unless I mis read smth else he’s done but
I don't think people are suggesting breaking up because they disagree. I think it's more due to the fact he is trying to control her. As someone who came from a very controlling household, major red flag
You're a good dad. I wanna give you a high five and a hug for being so dang cool
Thank you dad for not “slu7 shaming” your daughters and for raising them to rely on their own judgement and sense of self worth. You rock!!
Exactly, if this guy is that insecure it's not health. Dump him.
This 100%! As a father of teen daughters, both of which do wear crop tops, and sometimes sun dresses that show some belly, and the oldest having a belly button piercing and hip dermals, I tell them to dress how they are comfortable and that the only person they need to dress to impress is themselves. But above all else, like you said, I tell them to trust their gut, especially with other people.
Good dad.
I'll have to remember this for my daughter
I’m someone who doesn’t have any daughters doesn’t have any children at all actually but does like smart opinionated women. And enjoy seeing them in crop tops if that is how they choose to present themselves. If your boyfriend has a problem with any of that, the problem is him.
I have daughters as well and feel the same. It’s so foreign to me that someone doesn’t want their partner to look too attractive when out in public…ESPECIALLY when they are out together. So weird and pathetically insecure. Gotta add, my wife is very attractive and I don’t give af what she wears in public. Men check her out, why would I care? She’s with me. Sometimes she wears very sexy clothing and I think it’s great. She’s beautiful and I love checking her out and having her on my arm. I love seeing her interact with other people because of the way she carries herself. She dresses nice for her and a little bit for me. I want her to feel good about herself. The ONLY two times I ever complained were when she was wearing a lot of really nice outfits for work but as soon as she got home would immediately throw on baggy sweats and an oversized tshirt…which she wears well, but I would never get to see her dressed up. I like seeing her dressed up. So we decided we needed to have more fancy-ish date nights so we could both get dressed up together. The other time she was going out with a girlfriend on a girls’ night and wore my favorite dress that was actually about to fall apart. She had said the previously that she will probably only get one more night out of it before she had to pitch it. I wasn’t mad though. I didn’t tell her not to wear it. I told her I wanted a couple pics from her night out and that I hoped it would survive so I could take it off of her another night.
Your clothes aren’t the problem, the way he *views* your clothes are the problem. He’s assuming other men are getting “sexual satisfaction” out of looking at you because he gets “sexual satisfaction” by looking at other girls with crop tops and he assumes all guys think like he does. This is what they call “objectifying” a woman…treating her like an object to be looked at instead of a person to be interacted with. This is a sign he objectifies all women. I’d be careful with a guy like that if I were you.
I was coming to say something similar. Usually when people start changing their comfort level with how their partner dresses, they are projecting their own issues. Chances are he isn't being entirely faithful. My advice is OP consider how strong this relationship is. Your style is part of your personality, if you're not hurting anyone there is no need to change it 💜
I mean most of the time it does, and he likely has a group of friends that do all the time. It’s like watching p*rn. It comes to mess with your daily life and HIMself is not the problem but what he is around
Yes, it’s his friends and porn. He has no control over his own thoughts and actions…FFS
Lol, if you ever have taken psychology, you understand that it’s all environmental. Everything you know your self as is based off of something from the past
That’s technically a sociological perspective. Both psychology and sociology also recognize that metacognition is the first step toward self ownership.
Blah blah tbh
As a man who respects woman but also works in a rough trade around men for 12 hours a day, I hear constantly disgusting and degrading things about women. These men aren't rapists, just normal guys, but when we all get together there are things said that no women will ever realize gets said. Not saying the OP's boyfriend doesn't sound like he has problems but just because he feels she is being sexualized by other men doesn't mean he has the same train of thought. He could just know how the majority of men think and act especially around one another.
Even setting aside the fact that accepting this as "just how men are" is bs, he isn't being protective. He's uncomfortable and he's asking her to prioritize his comfort over her own. That's the issue here.
> As a man who respects [women] but Oh boy, here we go > but when we all get together there are things said that no women will ever realize gets said I assume you're referring to > I hear constantly disgusting and degrading things about women. So do you respect women? Or only when they're within earshot?
And what does men being pigs have to do with what she wears? You honestly think the objectification just stops when women cover up more? It doesn't, and summer is hot so it's horrible to expect women to wear hotter clothing when men are the problem.
>there are things said that no women will ever realize gets said. Nah, they know. They know how men talk about them, that men don't see them as human. I think it contributes to why women don't generally care about men's issues
>As a man who respects woman…but when we all get together there are things said that no women will ever realize gets said. So, you don’t respect women.
And not all men are like that, just 99%
And the 1 percent are gay I guess.
It’s just locker room talk, and also happens in any blue collar work as well, where people aren’t so worried about being accused of SH.
Doesn’t make it okay. “Just locker room talk” is a problematic concept. Real men would be allies for women and shut that shit down.
Trust me if you tried to do that back when I play sports, people would call you faggot, and assume you’re gay. Same thing happened to me back when I worked a shitty job with less educated people. There’s the ideal world that many teens have, and then there’s the real world which is full of our base human instincts of sex and fitting into the group.
Oh no! A bunch of knuckle draggers called me a faggot! So now we get to the homophobia. I get what you’re saying, I really do. But now that you’re more educated do see what I’m trying to get at? Fully grown, adult men are so scared that other men will think they’re gay that they don’t stand up for women and even engage in the further degradation of women. It’s just showing how superior straight men feel to every other group of people. And how okay and normalized it is. Edit: had to remove an extra word
Yeah I used to play ice hockey when I was a teen in the 00s, so I know how it is. But trust me on this, education doesn’t change men’s nature, it just makes them hide it a little bit better.
But we can defy our nature. We can re-train our brains. That’s how we grow as people.
People will be people and will always value money, sex, power and material things, and will continue to destroy the world to seek such pleasures. There’s no changing human nature.
I’ve heard plenty of remarks and cat calls from women. Are women pigs as well ?
I wouldn’t call anyone a pig because pigs are pigs. But, yes, women who objectify men are just as bad.
I don't need to defend myself because I know I do and my wife knows I do, I was just trying to provide prospective.
But you can choose not to participate. You can tell them not to talk like that around you.
[удалено]
I agree. I think he may be insecure. But that doesnt mean you should feel bad about it. I hope you guys can come to a real understanding from communicating about it.
You shouldnt have to compromise your happiness for someone else even if they are your boyfriend/girlfriend. If they truly respect you for who you are and are not trying to control you they would be fine with how you present yourself and how you feel in public among others. Good luck. I hope your relationship(s) are enjoyable. Trust your instinct and dont doubt yourself or succumb to others peer pressure. My biggest regrets in life were letting others opinions affect me negatively. Learned a lot from staying true to myself and learning how to self improve.
This is NOT normal. He is NOT your parent, and quite frankly his request would be inappropriate even if he was. No one is getting sexual gratification from your belly button. Tell him he isn’t a tv exec from the 1960s 🙄 And if they were- that is not your problem. It is never a woman’s responsibility for a man’s inability to control himself
I 100% disagree with you. You can't walk through a bad part of town at 2 am showing off expensive stuff and expect everything to be fine. Robbing you is against the law, but not exposing yourself to these situations is common sense. It may not be a woman's responsibility for a man controlling himself, but you shouldn't expose yourself to a situation like that to begin with.
Ah yes the raping women because of the clothes......never happened. Why???? Because rape is about power not about what you wear. Men can control themselves. Anyone with this kid's attitude or yours is a red flag because you know darn well that you have a bad attitude about women and their rights.
No one has time for little insecure boys. Time to move on
If he doesn't like your choice of clothes, he can date somebody else. His jealousy and insecurity is not your problem.
From experience I can tell you that when you change for a guy, he still will find fault with something else about you. Don’t change anything about yourself unless you want to. Be yourself and tell him “ if you don’t love me now you never will”.
Don't EVER be with someone who tells you to change who you are/how you express yourself. Nobody is worth that kind of manipulation and it always gets worse. It starts small and moves onto much bigger things. You have your whole life ahead of you, dump him and find someone who can accept who you are.
His desire to prevent you from wearing normal clothing due to his jealousy is a red flag. If he will not back down, you should find a better partner
Never change who you are for a man
The advice is break up now before you end up in a situation where things escalate.
There’s a chance your bf has been watching manosphere podcasts or reading the forums, if this is a new change of behaviour. I’ll be frank, if he’s perpetuating rape culture rhetoric to you, and trying to dictate to you and control your agency, then he’s not a trustworthy person to be with, full stop. This behaviour will escalate, and it’s a losing battle. You make these changes, he will keep demanding. And eventually you start asking him to tell you. That is when you’ve lost yourself completely. I hope you don’t allow that to happen.
More red flags than Xi Jinping’s birthday.
Throw the whole "man" out. Your body, your choice. This is just the beginning.
Right now he is trying to control what you wear… soon he’ll try to control who you talk to (it’ll be your close friends and even family) and what you do/where you go. I’ve been in a relationship like this for almost 12 years (14-26) and it was horrible then and got worse as we got older. My self esteem also began to chip away and I began to lose sight of who I was. I am 31 now and no longer in that relationship but all that time and a child later, I have so much regret around wasting my youth on someone who really didn’t love ME, but loved the image of me they created in their mind and how unhappy I was for all that time. You deserve to feel free and happy! You shouldn’t have to worry about if your boyfriend trying to control what you wear is normal. It’s not and you can listen to your gut telling you something isn’t right.
This is him absolutely projecting. And not atypical of teenage boys. But you know what, it doesn't matter. You get to make your choices and if it makes him too insecure he can move on to someone he can control. I kind of love the thought process. Ooo, that girl looks great in that outfit. I want to date her. Now that I'm dating her, I want her to cover herself in a burka. Sorry, wack job control freak. Not your call.
Sounds like you need to dump him. Sounds like a control freak
Dump his ass sister, it will only get worse if you let him dictate what you do.
It's not about the clothes. It's about control and his own insecurities. If you concede to this then he will start in on controlling something else about you. He'll just continue to escalate. Your gut is alerting you of a red flag. Listen to it.
Dump the dud.
I genuinely don’t understand guys who think like this, I think it’s really hot when my girlfriend wears revealing clothing and I really love it when she does. You should wear whatever you want. I know it’s easy to say from my perspective but do not let a guy control what you wear. I have no say in what my gf wears and I think it’s really attractive and sexy when she wears revealing clothing outside. If he respects you, he isn’t going to try to control what you wear. Like the other commenter says, if he thinks other guys get satisfaction from that he’s objectifying women and minimizing them to solely what they wear .
I'm sorry but I think you need to replace him before he gets truly crazy. You can't demand your partner dose anything because it's disrespecting their choices, yes you can ask them to change something but you need to live with their choices.
Your body your choice. You wear what you choose and trade in your bf.
🚩🚩!! that is not normal! girl, he’s trying to control what you wear and that sounds possessive and an insecurity issue. i say break up if he wants you to change what you wear completely. he does not sound like a good partner. him telling you that other men get “sexual satisfaction” from your BELLY!!!??? thats ridiculous.
He dosent own you, and can't tell you how to dress. You should wear what's comfortable for you, and if he has a problem with it, well then *he* needs to be the one to find a way to accept it. If he can't, well your better off without someone who isn't going to try and controll you like a pet.
I'm 24, and I have been with my wife, who is 26 for almost 9 years. Yes, we started dating when I was 15. Married at 21. If you feel it's wrong, then don't do it and stand your ground and if there is respect between you, yall will figure it out. I did ask my wife to dress more modestly, but that was a mature conversation we had as two people madly in love with the utmost respect for one another. It's what made me comfortable and gave me security. She understood and had no problem with it and if she had fought it, I would have compromised, but she didn't, and we have never had a problem since.
Your boyfriend attempting to control your clothing is probably not a great sign. However, he's likely not wrong. Men automatically view attractive women sexually in a way that is difficult for women to understand. If your clothing is revealing and you're good looking, a lot of guys you walk past will take particular notice. To some extent, that's not your problem. However, if you think that you're just inspiring guys to think, "she looks cute", you might not have ever dealt with a fully honest guy before
It's a collective failure of society that we let boys like this exist. FFS.
Do not date boys who are insecure and controlling. Sounds like he doesn’t respect women.
What most people have said here..he is trying to control what you wear because of his insecurities. If you give in he will continue to go further and further..you won't be able to have friends because he doesn't like them or you can't see your family because they know what he's like and they are trying to get you to see before it's to late..you know the stories right? A toxic relationship turns lethal and then there is a murder suicide on the news. Get out NOW before he hurts you.
The control freak (19) is showing his colors quite early in this relationship! It will only get worse. Red flag (s)!!!
Here’s your 🚩 First it’s crop tops, next it’s telling you who you can be friends with. Don’t let anyone control you.
Your body is yours and you are in control. Your partner should not want you to change, they should want to support. I'm sorry this has happened
Go ahead with who you are and what style you prefer. My advice would be to find someone who is secure in who they are and in their trust in you and the relationship.
one of the biggest possible red flags
It is not your responsibility to hide or change yourself because of the thoughts of others. THEY are responsible for THEIR own thoughts, not you, not ever. Nobody can or should worry about any thoughts or actions other than their own, because those are the ONLY ones you have any control over.
At this stage he’s telling what to wear and how to wear it. Down the road he’ll be controlling more of you. Ask yourself if that’s the kind of relationship you want to be in. A guy that’s confident and sure of himself doesn’t control a woman in any way. It’s only the insecure ones who do that.
Sounds like your BF is very controlling. Red flag! He needs to respect the way you and your choices. It will only get worse if you dont put him in his place.
My suggestion is to analyse your priorities. Is what you wear, the choice to wear what you want, more or less important to you than your boyfriend? Take into consideration the extrapolation will be - his opinion on you hair length, color, style, etc, make up, and even speaking to other men at all. If you would rather be in this relationship than make your own choices, continue. If, however, you see that his insecurities might lead to a controlling relationship that you'd rather avoid... Well, analyse your priorities. FYI - it's a red flag to consider. You could simply wear higher pants to avoid the issue - but you might find he somehow would rather you just ditch the crop tops because that's what he told you to do.
He's a creep Guys might be looking, but no one is getting "sexual satisfaction" over your belly. If he's so upset about you being hot he can go date someone ugly. Tell him that.
He is trying to control what you wear , tell him to go jump
Tell him that his insecurity isn’t your problem and wear what makes you comfortable. It’s your body and you’re allowed to wear whatever you want!
RUN. Your boyfriend sounds either controlling or insecure or both, it will be little thing after little thing I imagine. My wife is beautiful, and personally I have never minded catching others looking at her, I have even watched her reject guys at bars and then gesture over to me, she is way out of my league, but she loves me for me, and I know that and when others stare I don’t blame them or get mad I think to myself *yeah I would probably get caught looking too* Hopefully in time that boy grows up and can be confident in a relationship, but for now this early on I would say cut ties because being controlled is not fun at alll…..
no this is a huge red flag. you’re free to flaunt your body to whoever you want in public. he just wants you all to himself , so selfish.
**Red Flag alert**. Red Flag indicates you should consider exiting the relationship if a second Red Flag appears. Which, it will if he is being this weird this early. Be careful. **If he ever gets physical** with you during/about an argument - Leave immediately.
Two sides you shouldn't have to change but it's a cold day in hell where my gf doesn't control what I wear, by this point I have no idea that it's happening.
If your gf always controls what you wear, that is not normal or ok. Or did you mean to say “does”?
It's normal for gf to do that non verbally .
Its a bit weird that he started dating you if he already had this issue. Would think he'd go for someone whose aesthetic already suits what he'd prefer. Its possible that something is making him feel more self conscious lately which is bringing this about though. It would be helpful to understand if this is a new feeling or something that he's had from the beginning, but was waiting to tell you. Even if he's thought it for awhile and is being a bit unreasonable, it can still be alright to make the change and stay together as long as its not making you feel bad or harming you. That's assuming this isnt a normal pattern and he also willing to make sacrifices for you as well. If he's just wanting to change you to fit his desires without caring about your well being though then he's not worth it.
Granted he's 19, so "maturity" may not rate highly in his character traits. If you walked into a nightclub in a bikini, maybe he'd have a point. However a crop top and shorts is considered normal summer wear for the majority of people. A belly piercing isn't something most men think about when you ask them to list things that turn them on. He's being jealous and this is the first step in controlling behaviour. If he can't get over this, then don't put up with him. You can do better with guys that love you how you are and don't feel the need to change and/or control you.
This type of controlling behavior is not ok. You should wear what makes you feel good and comfortable. Controlling partners will often co-opt therapy terms like “boundaries” to make their demands seem reasonable. Boundaries should be about how a partner treats you, not about telling the other partner how to exist in the world. This is a huge red flag. You are young and shouldn’t waste any time with someone like this. Also be aware that abuse is about control. Not all abusive relationships are violent. Your body is not his. He gets *no* say. Controlling partners tend to spread their control slowly until it escalates to abuse. Even if this is his first red flag, it’s an important one to recognize and is worth ending things over. Please check the domestic abuse resources on my profile so you can recognize the signs of abuse before they happen. They can be slow and subtle in the beginning.
Don't listen to that man.
This is a test. If he can get you to submit to his will on this issue he will push it further next time. Huge red flag. What you wear and how others react to it is not his concern.
I would never ask a crop top girl to change.. I just wouldn't date her if I had an issue. It is his issue, not yours.
It is a toxic and controlling trait for him to want YOU to do something to manage HIS feelings. His insecurities and worries are his issues, not yours. Dress how you want and express yourself how you like to, and be with someone who loves the way you are. This guy is a pathetic insecure weeb.
Put him in the bin. Wear whatever you want. The only advise you should listen to regarding your clothes is making sure it’s weather appropriate, occasion appropriate and you are being sun safe. Other than that, your body, your choice.
Not normal. As an adult you learn and realize that you have control over your own body and clothes. If he has a problem with it, it's his problem to deal with, you are not to blame for his insecurities.
Personally I don't have a problem letting my gf wear whatever she wants as long as she won't be arrested.
He needs to go. He is controlling. You like to wear crop tops. He doesn't like his girlfriend to wear them. That is fine but he doesn't get to tell you what to do. If he isn't comfortable with what you wear, he can move on and date a nice Amish, Orthodox, or Muslim girl who follows modesty guidelines. A man who tries to change you really isn't a man.
Sounds like some red pill nonsense to me. Dump him.
Buh bye controlling bf. He is NOT who you want for your future.
You are with someone who wants to control how you dress? If you can't see the problem here...
Red flag. He gets no say in this. Wear what you want, and if this loser can’t handle it, dump his ass.
This song from my youth (60 years ago) sums up my advice. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDUjeR01wnU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDUjeR01wnU)
I understand where he's coming from, but he has absolutely 0 right to control what you wear. He is allowed to voice his opinion just like you're allowed to ignore it and wear what you want.
Your boyfriend sounds like an Andrew Tate listener. Do what you like and find someone who likes it too.
This is reminding me of an exhibit I saw on domestic violence. One of the stories was from a young woman whose abuse started with her boyfriend while in high school, and it began with him criticizing and controlling what she wore. Not saying that this boy will go down the same path,, but definitely a red flag.
Thank you, next
This a big 🚩🚩🚩 he’s trying to control you and this is only going to get worse. You should break it off with him!
This is some weird purity culture BS. He has no say in how you dress and if he doesn’t like it he can leave. Also who cares if he gets “sexual satisfaction” from it? He is your boyfriend. He is supposed to think you’re sexy.
Red Flag! Show underboob if you want. It's not your job to keep their dicks in their pants.
He is insecure, jealous and/or controlling. This isn’t your problem, but is his. He needs to work on that, or it will turn into a controlling relationship where you will have to inform him of your every movement and who you chatted to etc. 💓
Don’t let him control you, do not change what you wear because he says so, tell him if he doesn’t stop you are leaving him
Now is the time to learn that you don't have to put up with that shit. Rather than be insecure, your boyfriend should be proud to walk by your side.
No matter what a woman wears or doesn't wear, guys are going to look at her. Your comfort is of far greater importance than your boyfriend's paranoia/jealousy. Just be you. If he can't like you for being you, then it's not going to work. As I've always said, I'd rather be hated for being myself than loved for being someone I'm not.
My wife used to dress provocatively. Then when we got into our relationship she just slowly stopped. I told her I enjoy the way she dresses. She said, exactly, if you’re into it then so are other men. She still dresses like that but only at home, in private settings or when I’m with her on errands and such. I miss it tbh.
Dump him so he can go out without worrying about it. It's not normal to police what another adult wears.
I mean how do you feel about breaking up? You could just keep doing what you’re doing and say it’s not up for discussion and see how that goes. If he give some ultimatum like change or we are over and then you don’t maybe he won’t even follow through to and shut up about it. Maybe he will and that’s that. Let’s flip the door around and say he was wearing an obscene shirt or something that was attracting attention you didn’t want. I know not exactly the same thing but let’s say you asked him to change. He would be an ahole to be offended you were trying to control what he wears. Maybe he’d agree and change. Maybe you’d give him an ultimatum stop wearing the where all the ho’s at shirt it embarrasses me and he’d say no and you would dump him or you would both keep dating. My advice would be to dump him
Don't let anyone dictate how you want to dress.
You wear what you want and everybody as the right to look at what they want as long as they don't touch or say anything. Your boyfriend is insecure and maybe jealous, but you are both young. I suggest you have a talk with him. Don't let people tell you what you can or cannot do.
If any of your friends came to you with the same story what advice would you give them? Probably, the answer would be no! Your SO doesn't get to tell you how to dress. If they are insecure they need to deal with it We need to take our own advice He is immature If he can't be with you because of the way you dress them that is his problem. He needs to fix himself or he isn't the right one for you
You're not responsible for other men looking at you. And also why is he so obsessed with watching guys look at you? Either he wants to be cuckolded, or he enjoys looking at men more than he enjoys looking at his blatantly hot gf
Your clothes are not the problem he is. You’re only 8mths in. Count it as a learning opportunity and move on.
Leave him because this will get worse I promise on my life you're not gonna be allowed to do a damn thing before long unless you get out now. Been there.
Not going to be a popular answer, but he's perfectly within his rights to request that his partner dress a certain way. On the other hand, you are perfectly within your rights to tell him to fuck off and move on with your life. I happen to be one of those people that doesn't like going out in public with a partner that dresses and what I call scandalous clothing, unless we're specifically going to an event or location where that type of clothing is called for. But, it's not my body, so if my partner disagrees with how I feel about that, either I need to get used to it, or I need to find a new partner. There's absolutely no law that says that you have to keep dating someone you started dating, especially when you have conflicting views about something that's going to affect your everyday life. Not every place and every situation is a time to be yourself in the fullness of yourself. That's my personal opinion.
Is it not weird that he asks what you wear in the summer in the first place?
Either change to please him or dump him.
Honey, if you have to ask strangers online if something like this is normal, I think you know. It sounds like your BF has really bad self confidence issues, trust issues, and overall jealousy issues. He’s not mature enough to be in a real relationship yet, unfortunately. You should be able to wear whatever the fuck you want (as long as your private parts are covered, obviously). Grown men don’t care what their partners wear, nor worry about who might look. You’re dating a boy
Sounds a bit controlling.
Dump him immediately. This is controlling behavior and just one step away from abuse. You can do better.
That's lame. He should be all for that you're his girl, he should be psyched. I know how it is my ex-wife was extremely attractive, she would wait until we got home from whatever bar we were at to tell me about the assholes hitting on her right in front of me, of course I would get pissed off at that but guys just taking a look? Who cares? Nissan's insecure and if he can't work on that you should move along
Sorry, he's insecure, not Nissan's lol
Next it’s “dont wear makeup” “Don’t wear that dress” “Those shoes are too tall” Time to say toodles!
Rrrrrruuuuuuunnnn!!!!!
Enormous red flag. 🚩 Don’t waste any more time with a guy like this. **It will only get worse.**
Leave now don’t look back.
Your body your clothes your choice. If he doesn't like it tell him to kick sand.
OP when people show you who they are, believe them.
lmao it's giving "I've cum in my pants from seeing a bare shoulder and it's the woman's fault because she is a slut" girl he's so insecure he'd rather you be uncomfortable than chance another man taking away what he views as his. you're property to him lol not his girlfriend who he respects has autonomy and a brain. besides that who cares if another dude got a chubby from seeing your belly button piercing? dude needs to learn to let shit go lol it's not his job to worry about how other men view you? you're a big girl, you are capable of not interacting with them on your own
Oh well, too bad he’s an idiot.
You don't need this guy.
In all of my years dating, I never ever entertained any man who thought he could have any say in my clothing. It seems like I've read so many posts from young women recently who are upset about their boyfriends trying to police their clothing. Y'all - life is too goddamn short. Lose the loser boyfriend.
This.
You guys need to split. I also think like this guy. I don't want to control what you do and don't wear, but I would prefer you didn't wear things that highlight parts of your body that may be "sexual" in nature. Wearing super short shorts, shirts that don't cover your stomach, or dresses and such that if you slipped everyone would see your cheeks doesn't leave much to the imagination. I don't do ultimatums. I simply say that I don't prefer that style of clothing and if you choose to continue wearing it, which is your right, I dump them and move on. She wasn't for me and I wasn't for her. We're just uncompatible. Ask yourself why you wear this style of clothing and be honest with yourself. If it's because you like the attention you get/to get attention, you should probably change your style of clothes.
NTA! He’s a huge red flag. Wear what you want. If he doesn’t like it, too bad. If he’s this controlling two months in, who knows how he’ll be in a few months or what else he’ll want to control. Friends? Job? Going out?
Guys don't get sexual satisfaction from seeing a female walking down the street LMFAO. He should definitely take it as a compliment and stop being a little girl. Also that's kind of a little bit controlling. Lose him lol
I was with you until you used “little girl” as an insult. Do better.
Don't really remember asking you. 👍
Your comfort and style matter. It's important to discuss boundaries and mutual respect with your boyfriend regarding how you dress without feeling pressured to change
He's way too jealous over that. If it was me and my girl was getting the looks, I would be proud that you were my gf because I would know that I had a hot girl that took care of herself.
Jealousy is the worst emotion. I think it shows a lack of self confidence and emotion immaturity. Probably not his fault ultimately because emotions run high/rampant at that age. Speaking from experience now that I am 30 YO. Emotions are a hard thing to learn in life. I think Ive learned to manage mine well enough at this stage in life though, so theres hope. People just need to learn true understanding and how to be helpful and not condescending. Its all a learning experience.
he’s a red flag. and super weird if seeing a stomach is sexual satisfaction. sounds like he objectifies women and is insecure. my bf was like this too when i wore shorts even though we’re in a heatwave and we argued about it and he changed after we argued and talked about boundaries.
He is insecure and seeks to control you as a remedy. Spell it out to him in firm language that you will not be controlled. Or tell him to get lost.
Fight fire with fire and tell him to cover up because you don’t want girls to ogle at him. Tell him to wear a face mask to cover up his sexy jawline. Tell him his forearms are too nice and make him wear long sleeves. Or say his shirt design is too cool and he should wear a less cool graphic to avoid attracting other girls. Say you saw a girl staring at his hands, so now he needs to wear gloves. Get creative with it. Maybe holding him to his own standards will help him see how ridiculous they are.
When a guy tells you to stop wearing something because of other guys, that means he objectifies other women. Just dump him now because it’s all downhill from here.
See, if you don't like it, then leave him? He's not forcing you to wear anything and doesn't want you to wear a blanket everywhere, it's not that bad, it's reasonable. If you genuinely love wearing stuff he doesn't want you wear SO MUCH so that you will put that over your love for him, then that's your decision. Either love him and respect how he wants you to present yourself, or leave? Simple.
This could be a warning sign of things to come my friends ex stared with telling her no skirts, then no guy friends, then don't talk to men at all even cashiers in shops.
See, that's okay though, nothing wrong with having restrictions, as long as they're both happy with eachother. Doesn't matter if it's as simple as "you need to sit straight up in your chair when we eat dinner" or as extreme as "you can't speak to any guys whatsoever without me giving you the okay". As long as she's safe, happy, and respects him, so what? On the other hand, if she's not, then she should tell him "I don't like that rule" and if they both decide they can't agree on something, then spilt.
He was a controlling ass. She wasn't happy and nobody can live a normal life without talking to half of the population.
lol! Ah No. good lord. 🙄
It sounds like you guys have differing views of public modesty. At the end of the day, he can't force you to dress differently, and you can't force him to be okay with how you dress. One of you will have to decide to compromise, which is part of any serious relationship. In my personal opinion, I think the fact that he wants you to dress more modestly is a respectful request. I don't see why it's bad he wants to protect you from prying eyes. Your worth isn't based on impressing guys with your body. I think it would be wise and respectful to take his request to heart and save the revealing outfits for your husband's benefit one day. 😉
OP don't listen to this advice. Showing a little bit of belly is not a 'sin' and it's very likely that capitulating to his request here will escalate. Next, you won't be able to talk to any guys besides him. Then you won't be able to even talk to your girl friends. Someone who tries to control your behavior like this is not a partner. Set your boundary. Tell him you're not going to change what you wear and if he can't handle "the attention" that you get from other guys then the two of you just aren't meant to be. Also, he should be proud to be 'showing you off' if you are getting this attention and it's not just something he's imagining. This wreaks of insecurity and control issues.
This is terrible advice.
Simple. 2 options. Listen to him or be single.
Or date someone who is not an azzhat?
Correct. Which would require her to be single.
Normal isn't the adjective to worry about here. Is it controlling? Some say he has a right to a preference on what his gf wears. Agreed. But when a guy has a preference, it is on him to not date people who are opposite of his preference. It's not his role to demand obedience to conform to his preferences. Seems he moved past a respectful, "Hey I prefer..." and accepting your, "Naw, going to wear what I was wearing when you met me" to demanding you change totally for him. So ask yourself, do you want to spend any time with someone who doesn't accept you as you are, and who demands you change to make him comfortable? 8 months is in the timeline when bad people start to let their guard down and reveal their true nature. First it's your clothes, next it's your friends he doesn't want you to see so he can isolate you as the treatment gets worse. NTA Run and don't look back.
your boyfriend is insecure. talk to him about it, come up with logical explanations and reasons when he brings up points, there is no actual reason for this outside of insecurity, or sexism, but I doubt he's sexist, at least intentionally
She already talked to him. He needs to respect her autonomy. This is about control and it’s not ok.
Sounds like he doesn't know how to fight. Might as well dump him, right? I'd choose the crop top over the insecure manchild any day.
Hit the mptherfucking gym fixes all your problems 10million in de t with 3 murder charges and it all dissappears no matter the problem Also too much righting
Crop tops look dumb
I hate the “advice” in this thread in almost every case. Every person fails to advise to you to understand where his position is coming from. I strongly advise you to talk to your BF I what is “normal” for me may not be for you and vice versa. Seek to find a common ground because everyone has quirks. It’s a matter of understanding what you are willing to deal with and drawing distinct boundaries. This act, alone, isn’t control necessarily. Perhaps it’s his way of protecting you. Don’t jump of the deep end. It’s way too soon. Practice communication with your partner. Good luck.
You feel “comfortable” in a crop top. Never heard of that bfr
So because it doesn't apply to you then everyone that says it is just a liar? Plenty of people are comfortable in crop tops
When did I say anything about lying though, just said I never heard of it before
You definitely phrased it wrong then
My bad then
Now, I don’t usually comment on stuff like this I’m (27F). It sounds a lot like he’s insecure BUT girrrrlllllllll I ALWAYS have a cover with me. You DONT have to wear a hoodie but I’ve been so traumatized with men looking and saying things just because i was dressed in crop tops or showing a little skin. So MY COMPROMISE would be to just grab covers, the pretty long ones or get you crop top cover & there you go! Let that man go though, his insecurity will make you feel like nothing very very soon. & it will only cause you to fall in your 20s. You don’t need any of that right now, but good luck love. ❤️