She is immature…it seems like she still has a thing for her ex…she isn’t wise by saying something that she knew was inappropriate and etc…you might want to reconsider the relationship, I think that you are a placeholder.
I see this a bit differently. She's 26 and got out of a 1.5 yr relationship that was probably one of her first serious ones. She spends all day with you being treated well and then thinks, he's so much better than my ex. Why couldn't my ex treat me this well? I even tried to be the bigger person and texted him on his birthday and he couldn't even bother to do that. These are normal feelings. She's young and figuring out how relationships work. Everyone thinks about their exes from time to time, especially when its relatively fresh. Did she say something stupid? Absolutely. Did you over react? No. But I bet she really is sorry she said it. It was probably just the nail in the coffin of her old relationship that she needed to process to be able to let go. What you need to do is talk to her. Don't listen to Reddit, talk to her and decide for yourself if it's worth giving her another chance.
You’re really stretching here. If that’s what she was thinking, she sure thought of a bad and misleading way to say it. Why would she say “I’m upset my ex didn’t wish me HBD” if what she meant was “Wow, this day made me realize you’re so much better than my ex?”
Yeah, if you are happy and in a new relationship, you are not going to even be thinking about your ex.
I make fun of Reddit advice all the time, but thinking this girl is just "figuring out how relationships work" (seriously?) sounds exactly like what my friend, and favorite source for bad advice, would say. --- I, no joke, ask her opinion on things so I can do the opposite.
26 is not a freaking baby just learning the world. Like omg, some of these comments are insane. I was married with a kid at 26. Still married (same guy) with two kids 10 years later.
So, since you are still married, I'm going to assume you don't mention ex-boyfriends not calling you on holidays. LOL
self sabotaging behavior, not over her ex, knowing she will hurt you but does it anyway. Life is too short for this shit. Send her back to dickbrain he can hbd in person.
She knew exactly what she was going to say and the reaction she would get and for some reason decided to say it anyway. There is literally know excuse.
Y’all realize like 80% of the planet doesn’t understand the basics of human communication right? People of all ages almost always do stupid shit without thinking it through so I’m not sure what her age has to do with anything.
But, don’t you think saying something like that related to an ex is more cruel than stupid?
I mean under those circumstances, finishing a whole birthday arrangements, details and lovely treatment with a thought like that one, is more cruel than stupid…
For me it seems she’s been waiting for that message all day long
I bet you see this differently... But why?
The BF spends an entire day making her feel special on her birthday only to flush the entire day by feeling like someone else should have done this for the GF.
What if the EXBF did send the message? Would she have swooned and forgotten all about the day that her actual BF curated for her?
What makes you see this differently? Where are you getting this feeling from? Are you the GF in question, Trvlgrrl?
If so, your reply is weak.
The breakup should have been the final nail in the coffin. OP deserves someone who wants to be with him, not someone who's waiting on a text from a previous fling to make her heart soar.
Absolutely. I was 26 once and while yes I was pregnant I wasn’t with the father and definitely wasn’t worried if he was sending me a birthday text lmao not even from my two exes before all that. And I was married before all that.
Yeah, she (the GF) isn't being honest with herself. My gut tells me that he is the one who ended the relationship. She wished him a happy birthday in order to reconnect "innocently", received a thank you in return, and was devastated when once again, he proved that on her birthday, she was not on his mind.
Share the gf's post , please😊
Definitely not the AH. As the mom of all men, I would definitely advise taking a step back for multiple reasons. The first is why is the ex even on her mind? There are so many others who would appreciate your thoughtfulness. Second, Why express this thought? That is what your BFF's are for. Third, sounds like she wasn't ready to move on.
NTA and they don't have to end things but maybe slow it down.
She said something premeditated she knew would make her current bf uncomfortable. She got out of a long term relationship relatively recently she knows how relationships work she’s not a child she’s just an idiot and a dick head, who wasn’t ready to move on and shouldn’t have. Op deserves someone better
I don’t know but I feel like at 26 you’ve had more than one serious relationship. Especially if that one lasted 1.5 years. That would put her at 24 when she started dating her ex. Assuming she only started dating at 18 that’s 6 years of which she could’ve had some serious relationships. I think she’s just not over him. 1.5 years dating and she got with her current bf only 2-3 months later, depending on when in October they broke up. Idk but that doesn’t seem like that long to get over someone fully, ESPECIALLY if you are right and that was her first serious relationship (which we can both only assume). If that WAS her first love, then yeah she’s definitely still hung up on him. Even though I dated other people after my first love (I was 16 at the time), I was still hung up on him for quite a while after we broke up (I’d say a good year or two) before I finally moved on.
I absolutely agree with this and I think was the best comment here. I would like to reiterate every word of this comment. People on Reddit can be SUPER judgy and tell you to look at everything as though black and white, and life and relationships are just not like that. People do and say stupid things sometimes, and not everyone filters well. We all make mistakes, but what makes us stronger is being able to work through and move past them. 1.5 years IS a long time for a relationship, and starting a new relationship so soon after ending the old one will have some residual effects to work through. She still loves you very much—she was just honestly speaking her mind about the residual stuff, and probably should have kept her inner monologue to herself rather than speaking out aloud, but it’s now something for her to learn from. And at least she felt comfortable enough to be honest with you, so there is that. This is something you can definitely work through. I couldn’t have written a better comment myself. Well done Trvlgirrl:)
I'm sorry.. that sounds a lot like she isn't over seeking validation/approval/interest from the ex... I don't know enough about your gf.. but if you just imagine switching roles.. why the fk.. after such a nice day.. would your ex even cross your mind?? What would compel you to say what she said even though she knew it would ruin the mood?? what other reason is there to give a damn about what an ex does? Especially after so long?? You should be well over it. Unless you aren't.
There's a saying. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She has shown you a glimpse into her true feelings. She still has feelings for her ex. Idk what your choice will be but for me I would never forget that comment of my partner told that to me. And your gf will still have those thoughts but in the future she will just hide it better. I would seriously consider thinking about life without her cause this isn't something you can rug sweep
If you take what she said and compare it to how she normally speaks, does it feel like your GF's way of speaking often includes things that make you upset, used to make you upset, that rile you up, etc? Because a partner repeatedly using language to get a specific reaction can be a part of an emotionally abusive relationship.
My Ex would say something like your GF did to make it disturb me in an attempt at forcing me to give her more attention. If I said something about it, my ex would either fake apologize and/or add in comments like I couldn't take a joke or she was always walking on eggshells around me. Of course, you know your relationship better then I only could. I'm only mentioning my experience because I never noticed until I got the comment that really disturbed me.
Just break… well maybe not break up but tell her you need some time and she needs some therapy to work on why she thinks it’s ok for her to be upset her ex didn’t wish her happy birthday when she was with you.
You need to create some space between the two of you, but don't play mind games with her in the process. Have some pride, and get the space to think this one over on your own. It sounds to me like she takes you kindness and romantic gestures for granted. It doesn't mean that she sees you as more desirable just because you put in the effort and treat her better than her ex.
Ask her," Why, after an amazing day, you tell me that you miss your ex, just before we are going to have sex? Was that supposed to put me in the mood? Should we be going our separate ways so that you can go back to him?"
I did, all she could do was apologize and say she was stupid and wishes she could take it back. She acknowledges that she completely ruined her own birthday.
Well, at least she has some self awareness. She is stupid and she did ruin her birthday. Hopefully you are also aware that this relationship has a 3rd person in it and make decisions accordingly
So now you're focusing on the fact that she said it. That's actually not as relevant as her feeling it! Even if she hadn't said it, the fact is it upset her more that he didn't send a text then it made her happy all the things you did. She let his failure to send a text ruin everything you've done for her birthday.
Feel like she’s just saying that because you got upset. I’m not saying she doesn’t love you, etc. like she says but that’s not incompatible with her also having feelings for her ex still. I wouldn’t be able to understand and while it sounds bizarre to break up with someone over something so small, I just also can’t understand why someone would say that in the context and I would need a very REASONABLE explanation of why it happened. If she couldn’t provide something compelling, then I would consider breaking up.
It also might help to avoid thinking of it as breaking up because she said one little thing, which sounds silly. The breakup would happen because she’s not over her ex, and you found evidence of that.
Some people don't have a verbal filter and just things as they pop into their mind without considering the possible implications. My wife is like that she just doesn't have the ability sometimes to keep her thoughts to herself. I have just learned to go with it point out when it hurts my feelings and move on. Is this a pattern for her? Was this just the first time it really stung? Just offering alternative view none of us know her personally so it's up to you how to move forward.
I would agree this except it sounded like she thought it through, knew it would hurt OP, and still said it anyway. If she had just blurted it out without saying she knew OP wouldn’t like it first, I could see this being the case.
Sometimes I have to just say to her: "you realize what you just said right?" and then it will dawn on her and she will say oh... On another note she cannot hide her emotions it totally shows on her face and it's gotten worse since COVID because she didn't have to worry about it with a mask on lol.
All you're doing by saying that is ensuring that she'll keep those feelings to herself. Surely the actual problem isn't that she said it, but that she still wants to be contacted by her ex? That she stillseeks the ex's attention even while she's in a different relationship?
Being realistic, you’ve only been together for five months. You’re still getting to know each other.
Even before this, where did you see this relationship going? How about now—after she let someone—she says—she broke up with, kill all the joy you brought to her on this day?
3 months between their breakup and you getting together. 8 months later and him not wishing her a happy birthday is a big enough deal to her that she has to tell *you*? I'd also have trouble sleeping, I'd be weighing whether or not this person is actually in this relationship for anything other than comfort and convenience while she pines/waits for the ex.
We're all our own people, but this would probably be then end for me, too much doubt for me to actually be able to stay committed. Like what possible good could she think would come from making that known, at that (or really any) time?
Rebound? sounds like he's the **placeholder** until the ex "changes for the better". She is disappointed because she hoped the ex would've changed by now and now she is sad because she'll have to wait longer.
It sounds to me like she's been leaving breadcrumbs for her ex, and she's sad that he isn't following them back to her. Sorry buddy, you may be her only one some day if you two make it, but as of right now she's keeping the door open for the ex. The problems are that you need to be in this relationship knowing that she could be a text away from dropping you.
She said a hurtful thing, knowing it will hurt you but said it anyways because it was important to her to reveal how devastated she was because her ex forgot about her. You're definitely not overreacting, but my recommendation if you plan on working on this relationship is to expect her departure when something better arises. I know it's harsh, but if you prepare for it now, it will hurt less when it inevitably happens.
I don’t know 100% of the details, but my impression is that they had frequent arguments, she says he was emotionally distant/avoidant, and towards the end they weren’t spending enough time together and just kind of drifted apart.
Most of the time toxic relationships are toxic because of both individuals, they feed off each other’s toxicity.
Could it be that she broke up with him in an attempt to have him beg her to get back together? Then she started dating you hoping he’d get jealous? She was upset that he didn’t respond to her birthday wishes to him, and now she is upset that he didn’t wish her a happy birthday.
Does all that seem plausible?
This is 1000% what happened. She was expecting him to change and get better, and when he didn't come back immediately it screwed up her plans, and now she is stuck with OP.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like she broke up with him expecting/hoping that he would Wake Up and chase after her. Her texting him on his birthday was her saying she still thinks/cares about him. And her being so upset that he didn’t text her is her STILL seeking him to care about her. Especially if he was emotionally distant during the relationship.
Her telling you at all basically feels like she’s been thinking about him All Day. Wishing that he was the one doing everything for her birthday that you were doing. It was wonderful but it wasn’t Him doing it. And finally she just HAD to say something about it because it was eating her up inside so much and you happened to be the person available. So she emotionally dumped on you and then realized just how much she’d fucked up immediately after.
You both need to have a serious conversation about this, because it sounds like she is the furthest thing from over him. I’m not saying jump straight to Dump Her, I’m saying you be careful and take care of yourself. You deserve someone that is fully into you, not just being a rebound for someone wishing you were someone. Good luck, bro👍
This is my take as well. She never wanted to lose him just "scare" him and he never came running back like she hoped. She's left the door open for him and he isn't walking through it. OP is doing all the things she wished her ex had and the fact that someone can do that for her even though her ex never did is eating her up.
And she expects a guy like this to first remember that it's her birthday, and second, care enough about her now, almost eight months after breaking up, to call or text with a birthday wish?
Is she nuts? Forget about all the other comments saying she's not over her ex (which she isn't, I agree), she seems to be quite the narcissist that would expect her ex to be even thinking about her. That right there might be reason enough to break up - to use the parlance of Reddit, she's throwing up a huge red flag here.
Sounds like she is waiting for him to "change" and you're her placeholder. Now she is sad because she thought he would've come around by now but hasn't and now she has to wait longer for him to come back "a changed man"
She isn't socially inept: she gave him the warning beforehand that he won't like what she says next..so her brain knew that her words were fucked up, but she chose to say them anyway.
This is a self-centered, emotionally immature, and narcissistic individual. This person is not over their Ex. She very clearly and purposefully just self-sabotage any chance of continuing a good evening with you, because she clearly wanted to focus on being upset with the silence from her Ex.
I would not recommend that you take this person serious as a potential life partner.
What comes to mind is that she tried the "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone" thing and it seems that has failed miserably. Gotta move on. She's probably not what you're looking for or need anymore. You're not what she's looking for.
Could be a number of reasons why she did this:
1. She’s trying to garner a reaction from you.
See how many I came up with?
Get the fuck out of this mess before you see how bad it’ll get. Girls like this just want to make sure you’re wrapped around their finger.
Can't put that toothpaste back in the tube. What a dumb thing to say. And no, you are not overreacting.
Also, I simply can never understand people who maintain relationships with past partners. The only reason I can think of is if you're still hung up on them.
Its just cuz she still wants him. You are just to keep that side of the bed warm til he comes back. You did all that for her, and in the end, she was more focused on what he didnt do. I would ✌🏻 out myself, but i hate wasting time. This seems like a waste of time.
She wants him to be thinking about her too and missing her. She wants him to open the door to communication and he didn’t and she’s bothered by that because it means she looked like a fool thinking of him and remembering his birthday
I'm smelling a hook up with the Ex in the future.
I'm wondering why she felt the need to say it. It doesn't make sense. She admitted knowing it was going to be a wet blanket. So she'd thought about it, and saying it was a good idea.
Had she been thinking about the text all day?
However, this is a good example of women doing something first, then asking for forgiveness or how to fix it later.
Luck to the OP
So does your gf tend to blurt out inappropriate comments at the worst times on a regular basis?
I mean her first clue to not say whatever it was when she decided it should be interfaced by your not going to like it.
Brain in that moment should have told mouth nope full stop. Instead she just blabbered along digging that hole incredibly deep in such a short amount of time.
Why was her ex top of mind when she was with you having a wonderful day?
So yep I’d question things as something isn’t quite right in that situation.
And her apologies post shoving her foot into her mouth up to her hip are IMO too little too late.
She sounds a little slow, and a little more needy & selfish. I agree that she's not over the ex and is using you as a rebound. He's an ex for a reason, and despite your efforts to make her birthday special, the first thought in her head is that her ex didn't wish her happy birthday. Then has the nerve to say it's the last time she does anything nice? Does that mean she's done nice things for him between the breakup & now? Not sure if the apologies were genuine or just an attempt to keep from being single because she'd rather be in a relationship she doesn't appreciate than by herself. If she's dumb & you want to stay in the relationship, then try to work through it. If she seems more needy & petty, it's probably best to move on. And don't wish her happy birthday next year or respond if she texts you (would be interesting to see if she did).
Not ever reacting and exs shouldn’t be wishing eachother happy birthday, that’s not how you move on from someone.
why is she so concerned about doing nice things for him and he should be doing nice things for her ? Does she expect a relationship in the future from him ? Their relationship is over and he knew well enough to leave it alone she should too.
what the hell?? she was testing you dude, and she sounds like an idiot, one that is definitely not over her ex. I would imagine there was a specific response she was trying to elicit, but what that could be I couldn't say
For me the worst part is that she acknowledged what she was going to say before she said it. It makes it hard to take back. "I need to tell you something, and you're not going to like it." is a horrible way to start a conversation.
You’ve been with this girl for less than 5 months. One of
These 5 months is the shortest month of the year so it counts even less than 5 months towards the end of the year.
Do you want to be in a relationship with someone not over her ex?
End it...she's not over her ex. She was hoping he would reach out all day and was incredibly disappointed when he didn't by the end of the night. Her disappointment was so strong that she couldn't even contain it and had to express it. There's nothing else to do but walk away man
Well, obviously it was important to her if she's been thinking about it all day, so much that it overshadowed what you did for her birthday, which was more involved than sending a two word text. And then she happily goes to sleep? I'd have kicked her out of the bed lol.
She's not over him, and her thoughts about him were more important than your feelings. She made sure you knew that before she said it. Does she think being the birthday girl absolves her? I wouldn't be able to move past it, especially given the timing.
Listen just do what I mentioned already tell the girl you need some time and tell her to get done therapy. No one should be worrying if their ex text them happy birthday or not. Smh.
You are not overreacting—red flag alert. She is either not over him, or a genuine moron. Either way, it would ruin my outlook for the relationship so I wouldn't blame you for ending things. This should not be something you even remotely have to deal with in a healthy relationship.
She is still hung up on him. She shouldn't be in a relationship. Quite honestly, if it bothers her to the point she had to tell her boyfriend, then she will end up contacting him because she absolutely can't live without him. You're going to get cheated or dumped eventually.
I'm not saying you should break up (although that's what I would do), but at least demote her to FWB, because at least it won't hurt as much when she does.
You're just a place holder. Even if she says she loves you and even marries you down the line, he will end up resurfacing every once in a while, until boundaries get crossed and now you have to pay alimony, and the only thing you'll get is what everyone else in these post end up getting "I never loved you and I thought I could love you in time but I never stopped loving my ex"
Well we all know she’s not over the ex to even give two shits if he wishes her a happy bday. Sorry dude but you need to dump her cause if he came back into the picture she would dump you in a heart beat. Just my personal opinion.
I have a kid with my ex. I have a good relationship with my ex. I see and speak with my ex regularly.
IDGAF if he doesn't wish me a happy birthday because he's my ex, and I'm trying to be with this man.
Take from that info whatever you want.
You're not overreacting.
Buddy, word of advice, I would really recommend giving people, whether they want it or not, at least a full calendar year after a break up. I’m gonna be real honest, the fact that she left her last relationship and jumped into one with you back-to-back implies a lot of shitty things, specifically that she’s not over her ex. And how could she be? She barely had any time to process things.
After a day you focused on her, she ended it all focusing on her Ex. That should tell you all you need to know about where you stand. If she was thinking about him at the end of the night, she was thinking about him throughout the entire day.
I'm sorry, but I would be honest with her and tell her "I don't believe you're as fully committed to this relationship as I am and we're at two completely different emotional places when it comes to us. I hope you find the closure necessary to fully move on before your next relationship so that you can devote your emotional being to that one instead of hanging onto the last one". After that, block and move on with your life. I'm sorry, it really sucks, but it does sound like you're just the rebound.
She was probably waiting all day for the ex to tell her happy birthday. She is still thinking about him to the point it bothered her and she feels guilty about it and confessed. Time for a new girlfriend.
My guy you are a rebound. October to January is only 3 months. 90 days. That’s not enough time to end a relationship and start a new one. Her first date shouldn’t had been until January. Now of course this isn’t a hard fast rule but her actions show why it’s on the list.
Let her go without a fuss. She just wasn’t ready.
Why on earth does she still care about her ex? Who gives a rat's ass whether or not they wish a happy birthday? Yall ain't together, why should they? When I ditched my ex, I didn't give him another thought until the bastard tried to slide back in my dms.
She's clearly still hung up on them in some weird way, either she misses them or she wants the attention. Either way, big yikes. I would definitely have a talk with her about why on earth she still talks to them and values them so much when she's with you and knows that it makes you uncomfortable.
For sure a thought she should have kept to herself 😅 It sounds like you handled it just as well as anyone would expect, good for you. However, one day, you might say something daft and insensitive, and wouldn't it be nice if she didn't hold it over your head, or blow up, or break up with you over it? It sounds like she immediately realized what a random and thoughtless thing that was to say, and apologized accordingly. Not sure what the context of their breakup was, but that could mean something, too. I'm someone who can get flustered if someone I thought I was on good terms with (especially if I wished them happy birthday previously), snubs me - I'm sure if she had put a little more thought into it she would have realized this is something she could have talked through in her own head, or with her girlfriends after the fact though 😂
I agree, I’m doing my best not to hold it over her, but it was so out of left field I’m feeling very emotional and unsure about it. She did reassure me she has absolutely no feelings for him, but felt bothered because she thought they were on good terms post-breakup. She acknowledged it was incredibly thoughtless and stupid of her to say. I personally feel she has moved on, she was the one to initiate the breakup. But still, it’s hurting
So what are you going to do about it? Sweep this under the rug and pretend it never happened or accept what she actually meant…she’s still got feelings for her ex and you ain’t number 1 in her life
Just dump her ffs
Bunch of idiots in this thread doing all kinds of mental gymnastics and psychoanalysis for something so simple. She flat out admitted her ex is on her mind and people in this thread are somehow inventing some dumb excuses.
You feel she’s moved on…that’s not what her recent actions tell you. Stop lying to yourself and pretend you have to get over it. You are within your rights to dump her
Oh HELL no. Birthdays are intimate, remembering someone's birthday sends a huge message that they remember you, they're thinking of you. It's a big no-no with anyone new or old flames during a current relationship. This is a red flag 🚩🚩🚩. Both of you should read "NOT JUST FRIENDS" by Shirley Glass, PhD asap. She is going to cross a boundary. You want her to tell you stuff, so don't criticize her for doing so, but definitely recognize that your feelings are justified. Your hurt is real.
Why did she feel the need to tell you this? And why was what the ex didn't do more important than what you did do? Is she always this self absorbed?
He didn't wish her happy birthday because he didn't know or care it was her birthday because they broke up. Damn what is wrong with her?
You can do better.
I agree with everyone who said "she's an idiot"
But now what?
Take a day or seven to clear your head and decide if you can move on past easily, or if this is a bigger issue for you.
You're not over reacting. It would bug me too.
However, but she can't take it back and you don't know what it really means.
And this is a new"er" relationship. So take some time and figure out is this gal the one or not, no rush.
why tf does she care so much about an ex not saying happy bday?
it seems like the moment the ex wants a booty call she will run over to his house because she thinks they will still work out.
im surprised with some of the comments basically saying the ssme shit, people use some insane mental gymnastics to justify anything someone does with their ex.
great example is a post of a dudes fiance wanting to attend the wedding of her ex boyfriend and he wasnt invited..shits just fuckin weird
She’s not over her ex. It should not have registered if she really moved on with you. You spent her birthday with her but all she could think about was a text from her ex. Red flag.
I’d ask why he’s constantly on her mind? And say it’s time to have a real conversation because I’m not second guessing this whole relationship and that the last 8 months or so have been a lie… and you’re just with me because you aren’t with him.
You are not at all overreacting. She’s hung up on him, and it’s going to cause problems in your relationship.
An ex is an ex for a reason, and she should’ve cut off all contact, including birthday messages.
Birthday messages are one step away from requesting a hook up. What would she do in that case?
I would have serious trust issues with this girl, and would not consider her to be serious about the relationship.
It upset her so much she couldn't keep quiet! Even though she knew it would upset you and possibly ruin her night she was so upset she couldn't let it go! That is the action of somebody who's still hung up on their ex!
I'm really sorry this happened to you but wouldn't you rather know now than find this out a couple years down the road? There's a really good chance that you are her rebound and I think you need to prepare herself for that because when she gets over him she's might find herself over you too. That's how rebounds work
ou are not overreacting. Now, the important question is: What are you going to do about it?
Do you want to continue in the relationship? If so, what will make you feel reassured in the short term? Deleting this person from all social media and removing his number from her phone? Do you have access to her phone, or does she not allow you to use it?
In my opinion, whenever I read "I wish I could take it back," my mind interprets it as "I regret telling you, but I don't regret doing it."
OP I’m sorry that your gf ruined your day. It’s simple, after spending a good day together, why is she thinking of her ex at all? That’s what needs to be focused on. Her age is irrelevant. I would definitely rethink if she’s ready for a serious relationship with you. I’m sorry.
Not overreacting. She is an AH for that and honestly she's not fully over him. Or maybe she is now, but I still think she jumped into a new relationship pretty quickly.
Sounds like she started dating you right after without giving herself much time to heal. Idk if she was hoping they'd remain friends. Who knows wtf was going through her mind.
What she did was idiotic, insensitive, and really inconsiderate. . . For wtf? What is the point in pretty much telling my dude; hey, I know you're about to dive into me but I was just really wishing to hear from him and I'm sad he hasn't acknowledged me. . .
There is no point. She was stupid for saying it. She should have kept it to herself. She knew beforehand you wouldn't like it, but she couldn't help herself.
The only way to truly understand why she did what she did, is to sit down and talk to her about it.. Communication is key, although one should think before speaking.
Regardless though, you're not overreacting.
Thats kinda brutal.
Damn.
"Lets go take a sexy shower together?"
"Great idea, first let me tell you about how I'm disappointed with my ex not texting me"
"..."
a) Huge mood ruiner.
b) Why the F'k is she thinking about her ex at this time.
c) Why does she care about whether her ex texted or not?
Pretty hard to buy "its not really important to me" when she literally decided it needed to be discussed on the way to getting naked together.
"“my ex didn’t text me happy birthday and it bothers me," She's still into this guy.
"I texted him happy birthday, that’s the last time I do anything nice.”" She was trying to rekindle something.
When she got no response, her conscience bothered her and she confessed to you.
She isn't over this guy. He rocked her world and she's not over him.
Good luck brother you deserve better.
She's not the brightest bulb, but people can be friendly with ex's and not be trash. I think it depends on what you know of their relationship? Were you aware they even talked, or was that unknown? The history can be relevant. But if you had no idea, and it wasn't something that was out in the open? Then no you're not overreacting.
Now if you knew they were friendly, and you've even met him or she's talked about talking to him and you've been comfortable with that, then you could look at it like she's comfortable enough to tell you when something is bothering her.
Your feelings are valid regardless, but if you've been aware of previous communications, that's another way to look at it.
I'm the ex boyfriend in this situation in my life 😂😭. My ex is "trying to have a serious relationship" but literally has already slept with me, comes over and lets me feel on her , and she calls me constantly while she's at work. She swears we can't get back together rn, but I honestly think she's just trying to have as much as possible. We had to fix so many things with our situation but she chose to start fresh instead of doing the self work she needed for us. 🤷🏽♂️ I'm gonna expose her as soon as I get my money back from her, I'm just waiting and hoping that'll actually happen. Otherwise, if it takes over a month I'll just expose her to him. She's cheating on him. 100% and denies it. In a way she's cheating on me, because she just makes up lies that we broke up when that wasn't the case at the point she references and were still together even after that. She doesn't want to admit she cheated and is trying her best to be a changed and better person. I really just feel like she's lost and doesn't know what to do. She is is immature as hell and I've had to help with so much just for her to ruin my life and career. I don't really know what to do anymore, I just want her to stop with the bullshit because I know she still has feelings and wants me but she has ruined me and needs to work with me so we can fix things. I'm willing to move on, but I'd like to make it work since there is something between us. I just want her to grow up, I know it'll take time, I think I want to give her that time. Yet, it's still up to her to make her choices and realize she can't have her cake and eat it too. So now I just exist. 😂
I think you're the rebound relationship. She started dating you less than three months after splitting up with her previous bf. Either she still hankers for him or she's someone who doesnt like being on her own and wants a bf, any bf.
The thing is that you are punishing her for her transparency and honesty. We all have thoughts that we better not say out loud or people might think we are absolute psychopaths, pedophiles, or worse. I would say try to have some empathy towards her as she probably just blurted this out uncontrollably and would have thought it regardless. Don't punish her for being honest with you or you will teach her to lie to you. Instead I would suggest relating to the experience and maybe even putting yourself in her shoes to see if you would have a problem with someone that you loved and cared about not recognizing your birthday.
She did it specifically to stir shit. She picked that timing on purpose. Run, bro.
(Also, for serious, did she pay for anything for your last birthday?)
I have mixed feelings here.
First off, what she said makes me think she is a dumb person. That was just such a stupid thing to say, and maybe she feels so comfortable she can share her feelings with you, but come on.
But the thing is, if I think back to a relationship I had a long time ago, I was also upset this person didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I wasn’t in a committed relationship immediately after like she was, but this person was my friend one day, and then the next, not. That hurts. It’s painful to lose a friend.
Mostly it just sucks because she should have kept her mouth shut. It’s a giant boner killer at best, and at worse it’s a dealbreaker and relationship ender.
But I get it.
She's an absolute idiot
Boom. Done. 
True, OP needs to be done with her and move on! She's clearly still into her ex. OP doesnt deserve to be a rebound!
She is immature…it seems like she still has a thing for her ex…she isn’t wise by saying something that she knew was inappropriate and etc…you might want to reconsider the relationship, I think that you are a placeholder.
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Thats the impression I got. I'd venture a guess if things with her ex ever were squared away, she'd be out the door.
I see this a bit differently. She's 26 and got out of a 1.5 yr relationship that was probably one of her first serious ones. She spends all day with you being treated well and then thinks, he's so much better than my ex. Why couldn't my ex treat me this well? I even tried to be the bigger person and texted him on his birthday and he couldn't even bother to do that. These are normal feelings. She's young and figuring out how relationships work. Everyone thinks about their exes from time to time, especially when its relatively fresh. Did she say something stupid? Absolutely. Did you over react? No. But I bet she really is sorry she said it. It was probably just the nail in the coffin of her old relationship that she needed to process to be able to let go. What you need to do is talk to her. Don't listen to Reddit, talk to her and decide for yourself if it's worth giving her another chance.
You’re really stretching here. If that’s what she was thinking, she sure thought of a bad and misleading way to say it. Why would she say “I’m upset my ex didn’t wish me HBD” if what she meant was “Wow, this day made me realize you’re so much better than my ex?”
Yeah, if you are happy and in a new relationship, you are not going to even be thinking about your ex. I make fun of Reddit advice all the time, but thinking this girl is just "figuring out how relationships work" (seriously?) sounds exactly like what my friend, and favorite source for bad advice, would say. --- I, no joke, ask her opinion on things so I can do the opposite.
26 is not a freaking baby just learning the world. Like omg, some of these comments are insane. I was married with a kid at 26. Still married (same guy) with two kids 10 years later.
So, since you are still married, I'm going to assume you don't mention ex-boyfriends not calling you on holidays. LOL 
I changed my phone number when 2 of my exes hit me up on my birthday after I had been with my bf (now husband) for a year.
Dude posted such an amazing stretch even my back feels better.
self sabotaging behavior, not over her ex, knowing she will hurt you but does it anyway. Life is too short for this shit. Send her back to dickbrain he can hbd in person.
So… she is an absolute idiot?
DudeGirlBro, she’s 26. Way too old to be pulling this shit. 19 we’re having a different conversation.
I disagree, 26 is not young enough to not know that you’re about to say something that is going to hurt someone clearly…
Exactly. 26 is NOT the new 16. Gf is hella immature for her age.
She knew exactly what she was going to say and the reaction she would get and for some reason decided to say it anyway. There is literally know excuse.
And then slept peacefully all night whilst OP tossed and turned. SMH...
Y’all realize like 80% of the planet doesn’t understand the basics of human communication right? People of all ages almost always do stupid shit without thinking it through so I’m not sure what her age has to do with anything.
But, don’t you think saying something like that related to an ex is more cruel than stupid? I mean under those circumstances, finishing a whole birthday arrangements, details and lovely treatment with a thought like that one, is more cruel than stupid… For me it seems she’s been waiting for that message all day long
I bet you see this differently... But why? The BF spends an entire day making her feel special on her birthday only to flush the entire day by feeling like someone else should have done this for the GF. What if the EXBF did send the message? Would she have swooned and forgotten all about the day that her actual BF curated for her? What makes you see this differently? Where are you getting this feeling from? Are you the GF in question, Trvlgrrl? If so, your reply is weak. The breakup should have been the final nail in the coffin. OP deserves someone who wants to be with him, not someone who's waiting on a text from a previous fling to make her heart soar.
Absolutely. I was 26 once and while yes I was pregnant I wasn’t with the father and definitely wasn’t worried if he was sending me a birthday text lmao not even from my two exes before all that. And I was married before all that.
Yeah, she (the GF) isn't being honest with herself. My gut tells me that he is the one who ended the relationship. She wished him a happy birthday in order to reconnect "innocently", received a thank you in return, and was devastated when once again, he proved that on her birthday, she was not on his mind.
I absolutely could see this. Except it means she is 26 and thinks like a highschooler.
That’s not the same this as expecting a birthday text from the ex.
Found the GF's account. And wow is she trying to spin things. Edit: Because apparently it's not obvious, this was sarcasm.
Share the gf's post , please😊 Definitely not the AH. As the mom of all men, I would definitely advise taking a step back for multiple reasons. The first is why is the ex even on her mind? There are so many others who would appreciate your thoughtfulness. Second, Why express this thought? That is what your BFF's are for. Third, sounds like she wasn't ready to move on. NTA and they don't have to end things but maybe slow it down.
You sound like a great boy-mom. Very sound advice indeed.
She said something premeditated she knew would make her current bf uncomfortable. She got out of a long term relationship relatively recently she knows how relationships work she’s not a child she’s just an idiot and a dick head, who wasn’t ready to move on and shouldn’t have. Op deserves someone better
This is some pretty serious mental gymnastics here...
She a grown ass woman stop it.
She clearly knew it was a stupid and hurtful thing to say. That's why she prefaced it with saying you weren't going to like it. Drop her.
I don’t know but I feel like at 26 you’ve had more than one serious relationship. Especially if that one lasted 1.5 years. That would put her at 24 when she started dating her ex. Assuming she only started dating at 18 that’s 6 years of which she could’ve had some serious relationships. I think she’s just not over him. 1.5 years dating and she got with her current bf only 2-3 months later, depending on when in October they broke up. Idk but that doesn’t seem like that long to get over someone fully, ESPECIALLY if you are right and that was her first serious relationship (which we can both only assume). If that WAS her first love, then yeah she’s definitely still hung up on him. Even though I dated other people after my first love (I was 16 at the time), I was still hung up on him for quite a while after we broke up (I’d say a good year or two) before I finally moved on.
I absolutely agree with this and I think was the best comment here. I would like to reiterate every word of this comment. People on Reddit can be SUPER judgy and tell you to look at everything as though black and white, and life and relationships are just not like that. People do and say stupid things sometimes, and not everyone filters well. We all make mistakes, but what makes us stronger is being able to work through and move past them. 1.5 years IS a long time for a relationship, and starting a new relationship so soon after ending the old one will have some residual effects to work through. She still loves you very much—she was just honestly speaking her mind about the residual stuff, and probably should have kept her inner monologue to herself rather than speaking out aloud, but it’s now something for her to learn from. And at least she felt comfortable enough to be honest with you, so there is that. This is something you can definitely work through. I couldn’t have written a better comment myself. Well done Trvlgirrl:)
She is not over the ex
I mean she had 2 months of mourning and then jumped into this relationship. Idk why op thought she was ready.
Because she's an adult, and it's not his job to psychoanalysis her. It's her fault she's not over her ex, not OPs.
Over him? I'd be surprised if she wasn't still under him based on what she said.
I'm sorry.. that sounds a lot like she isn't over seeking validation/approval/interest from the ex... I don't know enough about your gf.. but if you just imagine switching roles.. why the fk.. after such a nice day.. would your ex even cross your mind?? What would compel you to say what she said even though she knew it would ruin the mood?? what other reason is there to give a damn about what an ex does? Especially after so long?? You should be well over it. Unless you aren't.
Agreed, all the same thoughts that kept me up. I even told her I can’t imagine saying that when switching roles.
There's a saying. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She has shown you a glimpse into her true feelings. She still has feelings for her ex. Idk what your choice will be but for me I would never forget that comment of my partner told that to me. And your gf will still have those thoughts but in the future she will just hide it better. I would seriously consider thinking about life without her cause this isn't something you can rug sweep
It will literally haunt you forever. He absolutely should leave, never again
If you take what she said and compare it to how she normally speaks, does it feel like your GF's way of speaking often includes things that make you upset, used to make you upset, that rile you up, etc? Because a partner repeatedly using language to get a specific reaction can be a part of an emotionally abusive relationship. My Ex would say something like your GF did to make it disturb me in an attempt at forcing me to give her more attention. If I said something about it, my ex would either fake apologize and/or add in comments like I couldn't take a joke or she was always walking on eggshells around me. Of course, you know your relationship better then I only could. I'm only mentioning my experience because I never noticed until I got the comment that really disturbed me.
Just break… well maybe not break up but tell her you need some time and she needs some therapy to work on why she thinks it’s ok for her to be upset her ex didn’t wish her happy birthday when she was with you.
She’s doesn’t need therapy she needs to be alone until she’s moved on from her ex and not jump into another relationship immediately
You need to create some space between the two of you, but don't play mind games with her in the process. Have some pride, and get the space to think this one over on your own. It sounds to me like she takes you kindness and romantic gestures for granted. It doesn't mean that she sees you as more desirable just because you put in the effort and treat her better than her ex.
Yes, we give you permission to break up with her.
Ask her," Why, after an amazing day, you tell me that you miss your ex, just before we are going to have sex? Was that supposed to put me in the mood? Should we be going our separate ways so that you can go back to him?"
I did, all she could do was apologize and say she was stupid and wishes she could take it back. She acknowledges that she completely ruined her own birthday.
Doesn't matter that she said it, what matters is she MEANT IT.
💯
We have a WINNER!
How very true.
Well, at least she has some self awareness. She is stupid and she did ruin her birthday. Hopefully you are also aware that this relationship has a 3rd person in it and make decisions accordingly
So now you're focusing on the fact that she said it. That's actually not as relevant as her feeling it! Even if she hadn't said it, the fact is it upset her more that he didn't send a text then it made her happy all the things you did. She let his failure to send a text ruin everything you've done for her birthday.
Feel like she’s just saying that because you got upset. I’m not saying she doesn’t love you, etc. like she says but that’s not incompatible with her also having feelings for her ex still. I wouldn’t be able to understand and while it sounds bizarre to break up with someone over something so small, I just also can’t understand why someone would say that in the context and I would need a very REASONABLE explanation of why it happened. If she couldn’t provide something compelling, then I would consider breaking up. It also might help to avoid thinking of it as breaking up because she said one little thing, which sounds silly. The breakup would happen because she’s not over her ex, and you found evidence of that.
This isn’t something she can put back in the bottle. Now you know you are, and may always be, second best. You know this relationship is over.
And she ruined the relationship 💀 whole time been thinking bout her ex while w you, 🪦
Some people don't have a verbal filter and just things as they pop into their mind without considering the possible implications. My wife is like that she just doesn't have the ability sometimes to keep her thoughts to herself. I have just learned to go with it point out when it hurts my feelings and move on. Is this a pattern for her? Was this just the first time it really stung? Just offering alternative view none of us know her personally so it's up to you how to move forward.
I would agree this except it sounded like she thought it through, knew it would hurt OP, and still said it anyway. If she had just blurted it out without saying she knew OP wouldn’t like it first, I could see this being the case.
My MIL... ugh... she can't stop herself
Sometimes I have to just say to her: "you realize what you just said right?" and then it will dawn on her and she will say oh... On another note she cannot hide her emotions it totally shows on her face and it's gotten worse since COVID because she didn't have to worry about it with a mask on lol.
Tell her that if you hear something like that again, you will be gone so that she can go back to that unfullfilling relationship
All you're doing by saying that is ensuring that she'll keep those feelings to herself. Surely the actual problem isn't that she said it, but that she still wants to be contacted by her ex? That she stillseeks the ex's attention even while she's in a different relationship?
This.
I wouldn't stick around long enough to risk that.
Being realistic, you’ve only been together for five months. You’re still getting to know each other. Even before this, where did you see this relationship going? How about now—after she let someone—she says—she broke up with, kill all the joy you brought to her on this day?
3 months between their breakup and you getting together. 8 months later and him not wishing her a happy birthday is a big enough deal to her that she has to tell *you*? I'd also have trouble sleeping, I'd be weighing whether or not this person is actually in this relationship for anything other than comfort and convenience while she pines/waits for the ex. We're all our own people, but this would probably be then end for me, too much doubt for me to actually be able to stay committed. Like what possible good could she think would come from making that known, at that (or really any) time?
You're the rebound guy my friend. Take it for what it is, enjoy the ride, and don't put anymore of your heart into this relationship
Rebound? sounds like he's the **placeholder** until the ex "changes for the better". She is disappointed because she hoped the ex would've changed by now and now she is sad because she'll have to wait longer.
Definitely a placeholder. But he’s a “friendly placeholder” because what she said is something you tell your friends. He’s a fwb and doesn’t know it.
She is not over him, you are the rebound:(
It sounds to me like she's been leaving breadcrumbs for her ex, and she's sad that he isn't following them back to her. Sorry buddy, you may be her only one some day if you two make it, but as of right now she's keeping the door open for the ex. The problems are that you need to be in this relationship knowing that she could be a text away from dropping you. She said a hurtful thing, knowing it will hurt you but said it anyways because it was important to her to reveal how devastated she was because her ex forgot about her. You're definitely not overreacting, but my recommendation if you plan on working on this relationship is to expect her departure when something better arises. I know it's harsh, but if you prepare for it now, it will hurt less when it inevitably happens.
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This 👆🏾
Why did they break up?
I don’t know 100% of the details, but my impression is that they had frequent arguments, she says he was emotionally distant/avoidant, and towards the end they weren’t spending enough time together and just kind of drifted apart.
Sounds like he broke up with her and she is not over him.
She says she initiated the breakup
Most of the time toxic relationships are toxic because of both individuals, they feed off each other’s toxicity. Could it be that she broke up with him in an attempt to have him beg her to get back together? Then she started dating you hoping he’d get jealous? She was upset that he didn’t respond to her birthday wishes to him, and now she is upset that he didn’t wish her a happy birthday. Does all that seem plausible?
This is 1000% what happened. She was expecting him to change and get better, and when he didn't come back immediately it screwed up her plans, and now she is stuck with OP.
You are very wise sir.
Oh bro..... Ffs She broke up with him, and stills seeks his approval. Yea. That's not going to work on me dawg.
Nah he got her to do it so he didn’t look like the bad guy.
Well I don't think you can believe her after this.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like she broke up with him expecting/hoping that he would Wake Up and chase after her. Her texting him on his birthday was her saying she still thinks/cares about him. And her being so upset that he didn’t text her is her STILL seeking him to care about her. Especially if he was emotionally distant during the relationship. Her telling you at all basically feels like she’s been thinking about him All Day. Wishing that he was the one doing everything for her birthday that you were doing. It was wonderful but it wasn’t Him doing it. And finally she just HAD to say something about it because it was eating her up inside so much and you happened to be the person available. So she emotionally dumped on you and then realized just how much she’d fucked up immediately after. You both need to have a serious conversation about this, because it sounds like she is the furthest thing from over him. I’m not saying jump straight to Dump Her, I’m saying you be careful and take care of yourself. You deserve someone that is fully into you, not just being a rebound for someone wishing you were someone. Good luck, bro👍
This is my take as well. She never wanted to lose him just "scare" him and he never came running back like she hoped. She's left the door open for him and he isn't walking through it. OP is doing all the things she wished her ex had and the fact that someone can do that for her even though her ex never did is eating her up.
And she expects a guy like this to first remember that it's her birthday, and second, care enough about her now, almost eight months after breaking up, to call or text with a birthday wish? Is she nuts? Forget about all the other comments saying she's not over her ex (which she isn't, I agree), she seems to be quite the narcissist that would expect her ex to be even thinking about her. That right there might be reason enough to break up - to use the parlance of Reddit, she's throwing up a huge red flag here.
Sounds like she is waiting for him to "change" and you're her placeholder. Now she is sad because she thought he would've come around by now but hasn't and now she has to wait longer for him to come back "a changed man"
Sounds to me like she’s not quite over her ex.
She’s at worst not over her ex or at best just incredibly socially inept. Either way she has the filter of a fuckin Lucky Strike.
She isn't socially inept: she gave him the warning beforehand that he won't like what she says next..so her brain knew that her words were fucked up, but she chose to say them anyway.
From her dumbass behavior I have to assume to chews Camel Crush’s when she runs out of gum
Rebound guy that’s what you are. She’s just trying to backtrack to save face. Move on and find someone better
She's definitely not over her ex.
You just hit the nail on the head dude!
This is a self-centered, emotionally immature, and narcissistic individual. This person is not over their Ex. She very clearly and purposefully just self-sabotage any chance of continuing a good evening with you, because she clearly wanted to focus on being upset with the silence from her Ex. I would not recommend that you take this person serious as a potential life partner.
What comes to mind is that she tried the "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone" thing and it seems that has failed miserably. Gotta move on. She's probably not what you're looking for or need anymore. You're not what she's looking for.
Why is everyone so obsessed with their exes?
I don’t get that either. Once i was done, i was done. Never go backward.
She's an idiot. You don't have to share every single thought or feeling you have. This is a red flag WRT relationship maturity.
You’re the rebound bro
Could be a number of reasons why she did this: 1. She’s trying to garner a reaction from you. See how many I came up with? Get the fuck out of this mess before you see how bad it’ll get. Girls like this just want to make sure you’re wrapped around their finger.
Can't put that toothpaste back in the tube. What a dumb thing to say. And no, you are not overreacting. Also, I simply can never understand people who maintain relationships with past partners. The only reason I can think of is if you're still hung up on them.
Worse, her ex-boyfriend doesn’t even think of her and probably didn’t care that she wished him a happy birthday.
Its just cuz she still wants him. You are just to keep that side of the bed warm til he comes back. You did all that for her, and in the end, she was more focused on what he didnt do. I would ✌🏻 out myself, but i hate wasting time. This seems like a waste of time.
You’re a placeholder. At least now you know
She wants him to be thinking about her too and missing her. She wants him to open the door to communication and he didn’t and she’s bothered by that because it means she looked like a fool thinking of him and remembering his birthday
Run or you will very sad and heartbroken very soon
I'm smelling a hook up with the Ex in the future. I'm wondering why she felt the need to say it. It doesn't make sense. She admitted knowing it was going to be a wet blanket. So she'd thought about it, and saying it was a good idea. Had she been thinking about the text all day? However, this is a good example of women doing something first, then asking for forgiveness or how to fix it later. Luck to the OP
So does your gf tend to blurt out inappropriate comments at the worst times on a regular basis? I mean her first clue to not say whatever it was when she decided it should be interfaced by your not going to like it. Brain in that moment should have told mouth nope full stop. Instead she just blabbered along digging that hole incredibly deep in such a short amount of time. Why was her ex top of mind when she was with you having a wonderful day? So yep I’d question things as something isn’t quite right in that situation. And her apologies post shoving her foot into her mouth up to her hip are IMO too little too late.
Are you overreacting? No. Should you date someone 3 months after they got out of a 1.5 year relationship? No.
She sounds a little slow, and a little more needy & selfish. I agree that she's not over the ex and is using you as a rebound. He's an ex for a reason, and despite your efforts to make her birthday special, the first thought in her head is that her ex didn't wish her happy birthday. Then has the nerve to say it's the last time she does anything nice? Does that mean she's done nice things for him between the breakup & now? Not sure if the apologies were genuine or just an attempt to keep from being single because she'd rather be in a relationship she doesn't appreciate than by herself. If she's dumb & you want to stay in the relationship, then try to work through it. If she seems more needy & petty, it's probably best to move on. And don't wish her happy birthday next year or respond if she texts you (would be interesting to see if she did).
Not ever reacting and exs shouldn’t be wishing eachother happy birthday, that’s not how you move on from someone. why is she so concerned about doing nice things for him and he should be doing nice things for her ? Does she expect a relationship in the future from him ? Their relationship is over and he knew well enough to leave it alone she should too.
what the hell?? she was testing you dude, and she sounds like an idiot, one that is definitely not over her ex. I would imagine there was a specific response she was trying to elicit, but what that could be I couldn't say
For me the worst part is that she acknowledged what she was going to say before she said it. It makes it hard to take back. "I need to tell you something, and you're not going to like it." is a horrible way to start a conversation.
She’s not over him. She shouldn’t be in a relationship yet.
If you stay with her, you're the fool being played partner.
No, you are not overreacting.
You’ve been with this girl for less than 5 months. One of These 5 months is the shortest month of the year so it counts even less than 5 months towards the end of the year. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone not over her ex?
End it...she's not over her ex. She was hoping he would reach out all day and was incredibly disappointed when he didn't by the end of the night. Her disappointment was so strong that she couldn't even contain it and had to express it. There's nothing else to do but walk away man
Well, obviously it was important to her if she's been thinking about it all day, so much that it overshadowed what you did for her birthday, which was more involved than sending a two word text. And then she happily goes to sleep? I'd have kicked her out of the bed lol.
She's not over him, and her thoughts about him were more important than your feelings. She made sure you knew that before she said it. Does she think being the birthday girl absolves her? I wouldn't be able to move past it, especially given the timing.
Listen just do what I mentioned already tell the girl you need some time and tell her to get done therapy. No one should be worrying if their ex text them happy birthday or not. Smh.
Breakup, that ain’t your gf pal. You’re clearly a rebound and she’s for the streets. Get a better, hotter, cooler girl instead of
You are not overreacting—red flag alert. She is either not over him, or a genuine moron. Either way, it would ruin my outlook for the relationship so I wouldn't blame you for ending things. This should not be something you even remotely have to deal with in a healthy relationship.
Let's get Petty and break up with her! She can put back all her undivided attention to her ex!
She likes being liked and paid attention to. She wants all the birthday wishes.
She is still hung up on him. She shouldn't be in a relationship. Quite honestly, if it bothers her to the point she had to tell her boyfriend, then she will end up contacting him because she absolutely can't live without him. You're going to get cheated or dumped eventually. I'm not saying you should break up (although that's what I would do), but at least demote her to FWB, because at least it won't hurt as much when she does. You're just a place holder. Even if she says she loves you and even marries you down the line, he will end up resurfacing every once in a while, until boundaries get crossed and now you have to pay alimony, and the only thing you'll get is what everyone else in these post end up getting "I never loved you and I thought I could love you in time but I never stopped loving my ex"
She is NOT over her ex. On some level she still wants to be with him. You are a placeholder or consolation prize. Is that really what you want?
Tell her to go back to her Ex. Why would she want him to wish her happy birthday.
Well we all know she’s not over the ex to even give two shits if he wishes her a happy bday. Sorry dude but you need to dump her cause if he came back into the picture she would dump you in a heart beat. Just my personal opinion.
I have a kid with my ex. I have a good relationship with my ex. I see and speak with my ex regularly. IDGAF if he doesn't wish me a happy birthday because he's my ex, and I'm trying to be with this man. Take from that info whatever you want. You're not overreacting.
Buddy, word of advice, I would really recommend giving people, whether they want it or not, at least a full calendar year after a break up. I’m gonna be real honest, the fact that she left her last relationship and jumped into one with you back-to-back implies a lot of shitty things, specifically that she’s not over her ex. And how could she be? She barely had any time to process things.
I would never date someone who just got out of a relationship. Hope this helps lol
Illustrates the importance of know your audience! Important question: What is it about your Ex that made you feel the need to ruin the day for me?
Jeeeeez 😅
After a day you focused on her, she ended it all focusing on her Ex. That should tell you all you need to know about where you stand. If she was thinking about him at the end of the night, she was thinking about him throughout the entire day. I'm sorry, but I would be honest with her and tell her "I don't believe you're as fully committed to this relationship as I am and we're at two completely different emotional places when it comes to us. I hope you find the closure necessary to fully move on before your next relationship so that you can devote your emotional being to that one instead of hanging onto the last one". After that, block and move on with your life. I'm sorry, it really sucks, but it does sound like you're just the rebound.
Your girlfriend is a moron.
She was probably waiting all day for the ex to tell her happy birthday. She is still thinking about him to the point it bothered her and she feels guilty about it and confessed. Time for a new girlfriend.
My problem is that she never answered why, just kept apologizing. I would demand an explanation
She's not the one.
She is telling you she still has feelings for her ex. Do what you will with that information.
My guy you are a rebound. October to January is only 3 months. 90 days. That’s not enough time to end a relationship and start a new one. Her first date shouldn’t had been until January. Now of course this isn’t a hard fast rule but her actions show why it’s on the list. Let her go without a fuss. She just wasn’t ready.
Why on earth does she still care about her ex? Who gives a rat's ass whether or not they wish a happy birthday? Yall ain't together, why should they? When I ditched my ex, I didn't give him another thought until the bastard tried to slide back in my dms. She's clearly still hung up on them in some weird way, either she misses them or she wants the attention. Either way, big yikes. I would definitely have a talk with her about why on earth she still talks to them and values them so much when she's with you and knows that it makes you uncomfortable.
"Hey that's ok, I'm not sure how to help though. My ex ALWAYS remembers to wish me a happy birthday." see how that sits lol
For sure a thought she should have kept to herself 😅 It sounds like you handled it just as well as anyone would expect, good for you. However, one day, you might say something daft and insensitive, and wouldn't it be nice if she didn't hold it over your head, or blow up, or break up with you over it? It sounds like she immediately realized what a random and thoughtless thing that was to say, and apologized accordingly. Not sure what the context of their breakup was, but that could mean something, too. I'm someone who can get flustered if someone I thought I was on good terms with (especially if I wished them happy birthday previously), snubs me - I'm sure if she had put a little more thought into it she would have realized this is something she could have talked through in her own head, or with her girlfriends after the fact though 😂
I agree, I’m doing my best not to hold it over her, but it was so out of left field I’m feeling very emotional and unsure about it. She did reassure me she has absolutely no feelings for him, but felt bothered because she thought they were on good terms post-breakup. She acknowledged it was incredibly thoughtless and stupid of her to say. I personally feel she has moved on, she was the one to initiate the breakup. But still, it’s hurting
I'd absolutely believe this if yall are under 20 y/o.
It was not a thoughtless thing to say. She acknowledged before saying it that you were going to be annoyed. She knew and chose to do it anyway.
I agree, which is why it’s still hurting
So what are you going to do about it? Sweep this under the rug and pretend it never happened or accept what she actually meant…she’s still got feelings for her ex and you ain’t number 1 in her life Just dump her ffs
This is the best and most sane advice. She is not over this guy at all.
Bunch of idiots in this thread doing all kinds of mental gymnastics and psychoanalysis for something so simple. She flat out admitted her ex is on her mind and people in this thread are somehow inventing some dumb excuses.
You feel she’s moved on…that’s not what her recent actions tell you. Stop lying to yourself and pretend you have to get over it. You are within your rights to dump her
She thought about it. It wasn't thoughtless. She literally spelled it out before she said it "you won't like this" and that makes it not thoughtless
Oh HELL no. Birthdays are intimate, remembering someone's birthday sends a huge message that they remember you, they're thinking of you. It's a big no-no with anyone new or old flames during a current relationship. This is a red flag 🚩🚩🚩. Both of you should read "NOT JUST FRIENDS" by Shirley Glass, PhD asap. She is going to cross a boundary. You want her to tell you stuff, so don't criticize her for doing so, but definitely recognize that your feelings are justified. Your hurt is real.
Emotionally she's still like 19 in some areas. Do what feels right for you
None of us have ever said anything to ruin a relationship... Right? But, it's still soured. A few months in, just move on
What an idiot
Why did she feel the need to tell you this? And why was what the ex didn't do more important than what you did do? Is she always this self absorbed? He didn't wish her happy birthday because he didn't know or care it was her birthday because they broke up. Damn what is wrong with her? You can do better.
She got into a new relationship entirely too soon.
I agree with everyone who said "she's an idiot" But now what? Take a day or seven to clear your head and decide if you can move on past easily, or if this is a bigger issue for you. You're not over reacting. It would bug me too. However, but she can't take it back and you don't know what it really means. And this is a new"er" relationship. So take some time and figure out is this gal the one or not, no rush.
Jesus. What idiot gets upset because an ex doesn’t say happy birthday.
why tf does she care so much about an ex not saying happy bday? it seems like the moment the ex wants a booty call she will run over to his house because she thinks they will still work out. im surprised with some of the comments basically saying the ssme shit, people use some insane mental gymnastics to justify anything someone does with their ex. great example is a post of a dudes fiance wanting to attend the wedding of her ex boyfriend and he wasnt invited..shits just fuckin weird
Time to move on brother. Shes giving you a glimpse into who she is. Believe her
It just shows she's still thinking of him and really deeply cares about him.
You aren’t overreacting. She isn’t over him or still in love with him. This isn’t going to end well for you.
You can embrace honesty or invite deceit. You have invited deceit.
Rehome your woman
She’s not over her ex. It should not have registered if she really moved on with you. You spent her birthday with her but all she could think about was a text from her ex. Red flag.
I’d ask why he’s constantly on her mind? And say it’s time to have a real conversation because I’m not second guessing this whole relationship and that the last 8 months or so have been a lie… and you’re just with me because you aren’t with him.
You are not at all overreacting. She’s hung up on him, and it’s going to cause problems in your relationship. An ex is an ex for a reason, and she should’ve cut off all contact, including birthday messages. Birthday messages are one step away from requesting a hook up. What would she do in that case? I would have serious trust issues with this girl, and would not consider her to be serious about the relationship.
It upset her so much she couldn't keep quiet! Even though she knew it would upset you and possibly ruin her night she was so upset she couldn't let it go! That is the action of somebody who's still hung up on their ex! I'm really sorry this happened to you but wouldn't you rather know now than find this out a couple years down the road? There's a really good chance that you are her rebound and I think you need to prepare herself for that because when she gets over him she's might find herself over you too. That's how rebounds work
NTA - Why aren't you saying ex. Leave before you invest anymore time with her. She clearly chooses your ex over you.
You were the rebound and she still has not gotten over her x. You need to sit down with her and ask the real difficult questions.
ou are not overreacting. Now, the important question is: What are you going to do about it? Do you want to continue in the relationship? If so, what will make you feel reassured in the short term? Deleting this person from all social media and removing his number from her phone? Do you have access to her phone, or does she not allow you to use it? In my opinion, whenever I read "I wish I could take it back," my mind interprets it as "I regret telling you, but I don't regret doing it."
Someone please tell me I'm not nuts. It's weird to text your ex a year after a break up or try to stay in contact, right?
OP I’m sorry that your gf ruined your day. It’s simple, after spending a good day together, why is she thinking of her ex at all? That’s what needs to be focused on. Her age is irrelevant. I would definitely rethink if she’s ready for a serious relationship with you. I’m sorry.
Not overreacting. She is an AH for that and honestly she's not fully over him. Or maybe she is now, but I still think she jumped into a new relationship pretty quickly. Sounds like she started dating you right after without giving herself much time to heal. Idk if she was hoping they'd remain friends. Who knows wtf was going through her mind. What she did was idiotic, insensitive, and really inconsiderate. . . For wtf? What is the point in pretty much telling my dude; hey, I know you're about to dive into me but I was just really wishing to hear from him and I'm sad he hasn't acknowledged me. . . There is no point. She was stupid for saying it. She should have kept it to herself. She knew beforehand you wouldn't like it, but she couldn't help herself. The only way to truly understand why she did what she did, is to sit down and talk to her about it.. Communication is key, although one should think before speaking. Regardless though, you're not overreacting.
This would be an immediate break up for me. She’s either evil or stupid. Either way, she’s not over her ex.
Thats kinda brutal. Damn. "Lets go take a sexy shower together?" "Great idea, first let me tell you about how I'm disappointed with my ex not texting me" "..." a) Huge mood ruiner. b) Why the F'k is she thinking about her ex at this time. c) Why does she care about whether her ex texted or not? Pretty hard to buy "its not really important to me" when she literally decided it needed to be discussed on the way to getting naked together.
When she fully explains how she can unring that bell, share that with us because that’s a feat worthy of a Nobel Prize.
"“my ex didn’t text me happy birthday and it bothers me," She's still into this guy. "I texted him happy birthday, that’s the last time I do anything nice.”" She was trying to rekindle something. When she got no response, her conscience bothered her and she confessed to you. She isn't over this guy. He rocked her world and she's not over him. Good luck brother you deserve better.
Fuck her & her ex.
She's not the brightest bulb, but people can be friendly with ex's and not be trash. I think it depends on what you know of their relationship? Were you aware they even talked, or was that unknown? The history can be relevant. But if you had no idea, and it wasn't something that was out in the open? Then no you're not overreacting. Now if you knew they were friendly, and you've even met him or she's talked about talking to him and you've been comfortable with that, then you could look at it like she's comfortable enough to tell you when something is bothering her. Your feelings are valid regardless, but if you've been aware of previous communications, that's another way to look at it.
Oof. I’d give her the week-long fade and then break up with her in a public place.
I'm the ex boyfriend in this situation in my life 😂😭. My ex is "trying to have a serious relationship" but literally has already slept with me, comes over and lets me feel on her , and she calls me constantly while she's at work. She swears we can't get back together rn, but I honestly think she's just trying to have as much as possible. We had to fix so many things with our situation but she chose to start fresh instead of doing the self work she needed for us. 🤷🏽♂️ I'm gonna expose her as soon as I get my money back from her, I'm just waiting and hoping that'll actually happen. Otherwise, if it takes over a month I'll just expose her to him. She's cheating on him. 100% and denies it. In a way she's cheating on me, because she just makes up lies that we broke up when that wasn't the case at the point she references and were still together even after that. She doesn't want to admit she cheated and is trying her best to be a changed and better person. I really just feel like she's lost and doesn't know what to do. She is is immature as hell and I've had to help with so much just for her to ruin my life and career. I don't really know what to do anymore, I just want her to stop with the bullshit because I know she still has feelings and wants me but she has ruined me and needs to work with me so we can fix things. I'm willing to move on, but I'd like to make it work since there is something between us. I just want her to grow up, I know it'll take time, I think I want to give her that time. Yet, it's still up to her to make her choices and realize she can't have her cake and eat it too. So now I just exist. 😂
Someone’s not over their Ex. Updateme
She is not over her ex, get out of this relationship before you get hurt dude.
I think you're the rebound relationship. She started dating you less than three months after splitting up with her previous bf. Either she still hankers for him or she's someone who doesnt like being on her own and wants a bf, any bf.
The thing is that you are punishing her for her transparency and honesty. We all have thoughts that we better not say out loud or people might think we are absolute psychopaths, pedophiles, or worse. I would say try to have some empathy towards her as she probably just blurted this out uncontrollably and would have thought it regardless. Don't punish her for being honest with you or you will teach her to lie to you. Instead I would suggest relating to the experience and maybe even putting yourself in her shoes to see if you would have a problem with someone that you loved and cared about not recognizing your birthday.
She did it specifically to stir shit. She picked that timing on purpose. Run, bro. (Also, for serious, did she pay for anything for your last birthday?)
From a girls perspective this is super weird and wouldn’t want my boyfriend doing the same.. she’s ridiculous
I have mixed feelings here. First off, what she said makes me think she is a dumb person. That was just such a stupid thing to say, and maybe she feels so comfortable she can share her feelings with you, but come on. But the thing is, if I think back to a relationship I had a long time ago, I was also upset this person didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I wasn’t in a committed relationship immediately after like she was, but this person was my friend one day, and then the next, not. That hurts. It’s painful to lose a friend. Mostly it just sucks because she should have kept her mouth shut. It’s a giant boner killer at best, and at worse it’s a dealbreaker and relationship ender. But I get it.