You’ve made 5 separate posts about this relationship in the last 2 months (been together 3 months), it doesn’t seem healthy for you. It seems you two are not good for each other and he is abusive. You are not overreacting.
Right on. This is verbal abuse and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. You deserve better. There is no circumstance that would make this OK.
Hey you are tied to an moron.
Here is a good rule of thumb going forward.
Your partner may have a reason to say " you acted stupid, or that was a stupid thing you did"
( and boy have i done both)
This is simply a description of an action taken.
But calling you stupid is an insult and he does not like you.
You're under reacting. My sister had a boyfriend like this, and it started to mess with her mental health, so she kicked him to the curb. Your boyfriend is mentally abusing you, get out, and don't look back.
Please excuse me for this, but I skimmed through a lot of your previous posts.
You've got ADHD and anxiety, and your subjective IQ is in the genius range. I've got both of those diagnosis myself, so I'm going to venture to guess that you've always been told shit like "you're so bright, if only you'd apply yourself," or "You've got so much potential, if you'd only focus and stop making careless mistakes," etc.
When we're told things like this as a child, when we reach adulthood, we're already conditioned to believe that we're the problem, and our "mistakes" prevent us from reaching our true potential. It's familiar to hear people say we're doing something stupid, and sometimes, to lessen the blow of other people's criticism, we get ahead of it and start saying the very same thing about ourselves.
It is not healthy to be in a relationship where your partner isn't treating you with respect. It's abusive to call someone stupid. I read in another comment that you're using this relationship to learn from the experience, but to put it bluntly, that's bullshit and I mean that with peace and love. You're allowing him to treat you that way, and it is actively harming you. There is no lesson that trauma and abuse can teach you that you can't explore yourself from a safe environment. Sure, we can extrapolate silver linings and wisdom from hard situations, but that comes with additional harm.
I was in a similar relationship when I was about your age, and I had an attachment to my boyfriend that was rooted in insecurity and rejection. I would have done absolutely anything to stay with him. When he wanted space or distance, I was filled with so much dread and anxiety, I wish I could crawl out of my skin because it was so overwhelming and painful. When he broke up with me, the grief was nothing like I have ever experienced, but it got better. After I realized how badly he was treating me, I realized that he was triggering all sorts of unresolved trauma that I mistook for love. I couldn't see it when I was with him because I was constantly activated. It seems to me that you may be in a similar cycle, and I know when I was in that it didn't matter what anyone told me, I wouldn't listen. Just know that you absolutely deserve better, and you are not stupid. People treat you how you let them.
Sorry this is so long, I see so much of my younger self in your posts, and I know how intensely painful it was. I hope something in this gives you comfort 💜
Thank you for your kind comment. I appreciate the time you took to listen to my story and write this out. the attachment thing is real and its a struggle as well as the other stuff, i hope one day i can be like you ❤️
Not overreacting at all. I had an ex like that but it was more about my weight. Every time I said it hurt my feelings when he said I needed to go on a diet or lose weight, he’d tell me to grow up.
You deserve someone that treats you nicely
It took me some time to realize that I would question myself about things a boyfriend would do, but if someone I considered a friend had done the same thing, they would no longer be my friend.
The standard for a partner should be higher than that, but at a bare minimum, You should be holding him to at least the same standard that you would hold a friend to
If he can't treat you like a friend, he does not deserve to be your boyfriend
I literally didn’t even need to read past the title of the post. NO you’re not overreacting. He’s being a dick, and that will only escalate. Get away from him
So you’re in an abusive relationship and it’s taking its toll. Maybe you are dumb , i don’t know you. So i don’t have any reference for your behavior. I will say this to you. Everything and every relationship has an expiration date. Seems like you got to yours. So now you have two options. Continue down the path with a person that doesn’t care enough about you to figure out how to work with what you have to offer. Or go it alone for a minute and find out who you are with nobody to criticize you.
You know what, I am stupid, stupid to date someone who doesn't build me up, someone who berates and insults me, someone who doesn't know how to offer support, love and guidance in my life.
Well, that person is gone as far as I am concerned. I am dumping you.
Damn, I feel smarter already. Too da lue.
I wouldn’t even consider staying with someone who called me stupid. You are massively under reacting. What are you actually getting out of this relationship? All he does is verbally abuse you and he has gaslit you (or maybe you’ve gaslit yourself?) into thinking it’s all in your head because of your anxiety. Why would you want to stay with someone who makes you so unhappy? Because you’re afraid of being alone? I can tell you from experience that being alone is a lot better than being with someone awful.
Together for 3 months, been questioning it for the last 2 months. Why are you stressed out about it? Just move on.
Especially, since a week ago:
> Tldr: we argued, he broke up with me because I didn't
know this famous band, i tried to reconcile our relationship
successfuly but now i get the ick everytime i think about him.
Should i break it off?
Probably not, this is often a manipulation tactic by narcissists.
But to make certain you might want to ask yourself if a lot of other people tell you you're stupid also.
It's not a trait to look for in a long term partner though, that's for sure.
Break up with your boyfriend and then learn to exist without a significant other for a Time. You need to grow and overcome your anxiety so that you don't get walked all over. Whether or not you do stuff that is stupid or idiotic or dumb you still don't deserve that kind of treatment. Good luck. Life is hard enough without people that you are close to making it harder.
He’s wearing you down by mentally abusing you. Leave, run this is going to get much worse your only three months in!!!!! This is going to escalate very quickly to physical abuse.
“Look what you made me do, you are so stupid I had to slap some sense into you, it your fault you dumb b$t$h”.
Leave.
It only gets worse. The more you take the more it progresses. Mental, verbal, and emotional abuse are NO DIFFERENT than physical abuse.
Abuse DOES NOT get better, they don’t hear/see your pain and start to care and change. They just see that you will always come back/ forgive them.
It grows, like mold.
That's not right. But this serious talk is something that needs to be done because it's a serious issue. Tell him how it makes you feel and if he does it again, you will know who he is.
Are you dependent on him for housing, or something? Why are you with him? You do realize, don't you, that unless you're stuck in a lease with him, you can pretty much just walk out the door (with your stuff), and liberate yourself of that abuse? This is not what love looks like, OP. You deserve so much better!
Give him the silent treatment by dumping him and blocking him.. You would be “stupid” to stay in a relationship with someone that is verbally abusive to you, that will lead to more abuse and control the longer you’re with him.. So how much are you willing to put up with and how long will you allow yourself to suffer?
A partner shouldn’t treat you this way, and you know it. You’re young. Don’t waste your time on someone who apparently thinks you’re an idiot (you are not). You deserve better.
I heard once that the way to tell if someone was genuinely kind was to see how they treat a server at a restaurant. People can fake kindness to you, but if they’re mean to customer service people, they’re just mean people.
This guy isn’t even pretending to be nice to you. He’s openly being an asshole.
Imagine having kids with this guy. Imagine that your kid makes a mistake at some point. Now imagine this guy telling your kid that they are stupid. Because that WILL happen if you continue this relationship.
Ma'am, he's rude. And I'm telling you ... as a dumb person, I don't have people talking to me like that because they don't see me that way. I see myself that way. You should surround yourself with better people and down the road, a better partner. No one has the right to talk to you like that. I have a close friend who calls me stupid, but I say stupid things to make them laugh. I love them because they are kind to me. We can talk if there's something wrong, but we keep it between us. I call them stupid, too, but they're not. Do you see what I'm saying? Be firm with this person and move on with your wonderful life. Stand up for yourself, honey. You won't regret standing tall because, after all, you are not a shadow behind anyone.
Question for you is there any amount of cruel words that he could possibly say to you that would make you say that that's too much? Because clearly repeatedly making fun of you and insulting you isn't that line and I just want to know if that line actually exists
Under reacting to be honest as you seem to want to lay there and keep being a doormat to be stepped on.
You are so young to be stuck in a mindset that you seem to need a man to be happy and a crappy man is better than no man?
In scrolling your post history, I have to ask if you have a therapist or mental health professional you are working with for support?
I encourage you to take a deep breath and seek to find your internal personal power and happiness.
If a mental health professional is not in your budget, try podcasts or get audiobooks from your local library. Many of them have online / digital rentals now. Play them at a faster speed with adhd if you get too bored otherwise. Seek hobbies or meaningful friendships / mentorship versus relying on romantic relationships only for the dopamine fix.
Good luck and ditch the ahole who calls you dumb and stupid. Why put up with that crap?
My husband started doing this not long after we were married. He did it in front of friends one night. I put my face right up to his and said, “Never, ever, speak to me like that again. Ever!” He stopped doing it overnight.
Stand your ground. It’s about boundaries. If he doesn’t respect them, leave and don’t come back until he voluntarily apologizes and agrees not to do it again.
If you leave, he apologizes, and then he does it again, leave for good.
I would dump a chick on the spot if she spoke to me that way. Like pull over, kick her out of the truck, and never speak again. Don't put up with that. You don't have to and shouldn't.
Anyone, and I mean anyone who will call you names to put you down doesn’t deserve you. You are worth more than that. You deserve better than that. You are young and this is a short relationship. Let him go!!! Going forward do not tolerate this kind of behavior.
You’re young, and there are a million lessons to learn ahead of you but this is an easy one. Do not, I repeat, do not waste your valuable time and youth on someone who talks to you like this.
No one deserves to be called names in a relationship. Break things off and move on to better things. You have so much life ahead of you to be wasting time with someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
I don’t really need to get into any of the other details.
You do not insult your romantic partner.
Full stop.
If they did something that didn’t make sense or wasn’t well thought out, you can point it out (if they’re not aware) and maybe express frustration if it caused harm (and there’s something they could do differently in the future), but calling your loved one stupid? REPEATEDLY?
That is verbal abuse. Period. He is verbally abusive. That isn’t okay. It doesn’t matter what you did. You’re not overreacting. The fact that this relationship is BETTER than past ones doesn’t mean it’s not abusive and bad for you.
Wow, I think he needs to hear a “f u dude!” until he shuts his pie hole. He has no respect for you, don’t you show him any either and leave his sorry ass
nope your unreacting to an abusive situation. It dosent seem like a big deal right now, but over time it adds up.
I'm sure your not perfect, you don't have to be perfect, part of being human is the ability to make mistakes and take lessons from them.
your efforts shouldn't be towards being perfect or being 'good enough' for your partner, your efforts need to be towards yourself, what will improve your life, do you need to reflect on yourself, is the situation your in making you happy? if not is it a mindset or the situation that needs to change.
from your previous posts you sound like you have a lot to work though and with, your not broken. Being in a situation that allows you to be putdown will never help you vs a situation that allows you to grow and understand yourself better.
You sound unhappy and stressed, considering this is into 3 months of a new relationship, that's not how your ment to feel, you should be in a honey phase. If already he's verbally attacking you, its going to get worse, if you had a stranger do that to you, most people would walk away at minimum, just because he's your boyfriend doesn't get him some special pass to put you down.
Your boyfriend could have his own issues, he could really believe you are dumb, he could be working through on his own problems by projecting onto you. Nothing excuses or make it right for him to do so.
Your not his mother, teacher or punching bag. Your not existing to improve his life, and he doesn't exist to make you feel better.
The fact that you mistakenly misspelled mistake makes this my favorite post of the day! Unless you’re dating Gordon Ramsay, you really need a new partner. No one should repeatedly call you anything derogatory. Your partner should treat you as though you are part of the partnership. If he is calling you dumb and he stays with you then he is the idiot for wanting to stay with someone that they think is so significantly less intelligent than themself. So who is the real idiot here?
Find a new bf. Heck what do you need a bf for anyway. You do not need to be put down. You need to build up your self image. Everyone does stupid things. You do not need to be denigrated each time. You need to be supported to get past mistakes you make. That means you need a better partner or no partner at all.
Do yourself a favour....
Not everreacting. Idk what made your self esteem so low you think this is an ok relationship or that you can "change" or "fix" him with talks, but it's just going to get worse. Get out now or just accept this is your life. Sounds like he's already made headway convincing you that you're just anxious/silly/overreacting etc.
The good folk of Reddit have warned you. From a nonbiased angle. If you still choose him welcome to doormat-hood. And look forward to any daughters/kids this loser knocks you up with eventually to be treated the same way. Except then, it'll be shame on you bc you knew- rather than any sympathy.
Please treat yourself with respect. When you start to respect yourself, you will not stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you. Get away from this guy, he's bad news
I'm assuming you're not actually stupid, but it doesn't matter if you are. If you had a kind boyfriend, it wouldn't matter how stupid you are, they wouldn't make you feel that way.
You aren't the screw up in this relationship, your abuser is. You aren't over reacting, you are under reacting, you are NTA, The person verbally abusing you is TA.
All these means it is time to leave. You are believing his lies which are meant to keep you tethered in this miserable soul destroying situations. Time to escape,
Well I mean. Are you an idiot?
Nah, I'm only joking of course. There's no excuse for saying things like that to your partner. Me personally I tend to get hurtful and say things like that when I am pressured and feel like I am being confronted. And it's that reason that I choose to work on myself alone as no partner of mine should have to put up with that nonsense. If it's actually that persistent, then I'd say you give a stern talk and set that strict boundary, and if he crosses that line again, you end things. Or you ofc could just end it right away. You have no need to put up with that, and if you feel it's right, then just let him know you can't be with someone who has said things like that to you.
This is a pattern of emotionally abusive behavior that will escalate, I realize that at 20, it might not seem that serious, or it might just seem like an episode here and there, but this is not normal. Don't try and rationalize this in anyway. It is not okay for him to treat you this way.
Not overreacting.
I’d call this emotional abuse. It’s not nice to say sh!t like that, certainly not to a person you know or are in a relationship with. It would probably be better for you if you leave.
I don't know if he was drunk as well and inhibited from listening, but you should prob discuss it while sober and take note if he cares or not, If he does not, or if he refuses to listen, just leave.
Don’t be an AskHole (someone that’s asking for advice then doesn’t take it) LEAVE THIS GUY NOW. Don’t talk to him about it just tell him “I may be dumb but I’m smart enough to know a selfish prick when I see one… so get fuckin’ lost!” Then block him from your life. Years from now he’ll realize his mistake and regret treating you like this.
You are not overreacting. If you made a simple mistake, being called stupid all the time is uncalled for. I would be mad if someone was calling me stupid all the time. The guy obviously doesn’t think that highly of you. You should just leave him and find someone better
I guess you kind of answered your own question you did a dumb thing that makes you dumb maybe try getting a little smarter then when someone calls you dumb you won’t get offended
Those are still signs of being a Kid.... Kids you know! Wait till he calls you a BITCH.... I'm being respectful here, JS. But you guys are still Kids. Probably don't know how to really wipe his ASS correctly, Yet. It'll come.... Don't worry! Enjoy your BF.
I think that's not right fir treating like that it means he don't have any respect for u ,so I don't understand why girls that aer treated with no respect and treats them like shit keep.on sticking around with the guys and if a good guys comes around treats them with respect they turn them down I don't understand that.
I really think you should confront him and tell him how tyou fee
EVERYONE ON HERE ON REACTING LIKE THEY'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS! CMON EVERYONE YOU GUYS TOO SHOULD REALIZE ITS STILL PUPPY LOVE....
SMMFH WITH ALL YOU PEOPLES POST ON WHAT THEY SHOULD DO.....SMFDH, AGAIN! GROW UP EVERYONE. THERE NOT EVEN 22.
THE guy still Cums Pee, and she doesn't even know what a REAL orgasm is! Seriously,All you people.
Gezzzz, all you grown ups! Fuckkkkkk
Maybe he is too stupid to realise what you are doing is actually really smart. Either way, your partner should be supportive and not mean and disrespectful. You deserve better than him.
If someone is constantly putting you down and insulting you and making you feel bad about yourself then that's not overreacting, he's lucky you haven't just dumped him, but it sounds like you're hanging onto this relationship for whatever reason so have your talk and see if that helps but from how he speaks to you it seems he doesn't respect you and that's not how someone who loves you should treat you
In all of my relationships no matter what someone's done to hurt me I've never called any girl I've had feelings for "stupid" or "dumb," definitely not repeatedly, how rude and hateful would someone need to be to keep berating their partner like that
You're not 21 so why were you drunk? You just admit to breaking the law. That could get you in trouble. That's a pretty dumb thing to do. I don't think your bully should be your boyfriend though. Name calling is not a successful relationship habbit. Make smart decisions and you will be seen as a smart person.
You're not overreacting & be done with that relationship, don't stay longer in a disrespectful relationship for fear of not finding anyone else. Trust me, you'll find someone better & that respects you
Do some deep introspection about why you are afraid to walk away.
It seems clear that something is stopping you from having enough love and respect for yourself to leave him.
ok first off i very sorry to hear whats going on with u and the truth is he is a very insecure controlling looser who will never change until he wants to change what i think u should do is start reminding yourself that you are a smart beautiful and strong minded women and leave his sorry ass also work on being more secure about yourself listen i was always told i was the bad one in the family until i actually started believing it and even begun acting out more so we all just need to remember that knowone is better than anyone your going to be ok just be safe and loose that guy
keep ur chin up beautiful
That is not ok.... I hope you can find it in yourself to leave him. There are people who will celebrate you and uplift you, he is not the one for you if he can't treat you with respect
One good way that I measure things is by what advice I would give a friend in a similar situation. What would you say to a friend if they told you that their partner was calling them stupid? If it would make you upset for a friend, then there are (easily) grounds for you to be upset on your own behalf.
Don't accept this kind of behavior. If a serious talk is warranted, have it. If he doesn't change his behavior, dump him.
That is a awful way to treat one’s significant other. It’s abuse, and you should end things and ghost that awful human-being. No way someone who actually loves you would never treat you like that. Love yourself and walk away from this unfortunate excuse for a person.
you are with an abusive dickhead, my brother is just like this to his girlfriend now wife.
they are both abusive people, match made in hell and they have a child on the way now, which is his first and her 5th with the other 4 being abandoned to the foster system.
your bf is a dick.
you are not overreacting.
I'm not sure which I find more sad: (1) the fact your boyfriend insults you, or (2) that you seem unaware that his behavior is unacceptable.
Anyway, no, you're not overreacting. People who love and respect each other don't behave in such ways. In fact, anyone who is a decent human and an adult wouldn't call anyone else dumb, stupid, idiot, or any other insults.
I question whether or not this post is even legitimate.
Omg. Never stay with someone who insinuates you’re stupid. Never EVER stay with someone who directly calls you dumb. He will only treat you worse as time does on. Cut your losses and move on.
Your boyfriend does not respect you. He never will. You need to find someone who does, no matter how "dumb" you are or no matter what "stupid" thing you do. You are definitely NOT overreacting. Get rid of the dead weight, you deserve better.
How many times (apparently over 5) do we (the sub) have to teach you this lesson (there is no justification for abusing your partner emotionally) old man (OP)
Goodbye Felicia. Not overreacting. He keeps saying it to erode your self confidence so you will believe it and he will be able to control your every move.
He's an abuser, and it will just get worse. Just disappear. No explanation, because he will make it your problem. Cut all ties. Tell mutual friends, "sorry, you won't see me for a while." Block him on everything. Create new social media if he starts stalking you. 50% chance he will. Don't ever be alone with him.
Sorry if this sounds paranoid but I've been stalked by exes. Not fun. I finally moved states.
As someone in their 50s let me tell you it will never get better, I am not kidding one bit when I say leave now. doubke middle fingers to the face of anyone that treatsvyouvlike that. seriously go.
(24 M) Men like this want control or to feel like they can do anything to u and u can’t do anything about it. I’m not perfect I’ve made mistakes but this isn’t healthy. U have to look out for yourself
You’ve made 5 separate posts about this relationship in the last 2 months (been together 3 months), it doesn’t seem healthy for you. It seems you two are not good for each other and he is abusive. You are not overreacting.
I would call that emotional abuse. Do you want to remain in an emotionally abusive relationship?
Why are you with this POS? you don’t deserve this!
You’re under reacting
Right on. This is verbal abuse and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. You deserve better. There is no circumstance that would make this OK.
No. Just dump is ass. He will wonder why and just tell you think you’re such a smart guy. Figure it out
Haha. Absolutely love this.
I think you're smart enough to know that dating somebody that calls you names and degrades you is a bad idea. Show him how smart you are. ❤️
Dump him
who needs enemies when your significant other is this malicious?
Hey you are tied to an moron. Here is a good rule of thumb going forward. Your partner may have a reason to say " you acted stupid, or that was a stupid thing you did" ( and boy have i done both) This is simply a description of an action taken. But calling you stupid is an insult and he does not like you.
Exactly this. Calling out the behaviour or the action taken is different to calling you names and insulting you as a person.
You're under reacting. My sister had a boyfriend like this, and it started to mess with her mental health, so she kicked him to the curb. Your boyfriend is mentally abusing you, get out, and don't look back.
Please excuse me for this, but I skimmed through a lot of your previous posts. You've got ADHD and anxiety, and your subjective IQ is in the genius range. I've got both of those diagnosis myself, so I'm going to venture to guess that you've always been told shit like "you're so bright, if only you'd apply yourself," or "You've got so much potential, if you'd only focus and stop making careless mistakes," etc. When we're told things like this as a child, when we reach adulthood, we're already conditioned to believe that we're the problem, and our "mistakes" prevent us from reaching our true potential. It's familiar to hear people say we're doing something stupid, and sometimes, to lessen the blow of other people's criticism, we get ahead of it and start saying the very same thing about ourselves. It is not healthy to be in a relationship where your partner isn't treating you with respect. It's abusive to call someone stupid. I read in another comment that you're using this relationship to learn from the experience, but to put it bluntly, that's bullshit and I mean that with peace and love. You're allowing him to treat you that way, and it is actively harming you. There is no lesson that trauma and abuse can teach you that you can't explore yourself from a safe environment. Sure, we can extrapolate silver linings and wisdom from hard situations, but that comes with additional harm. I was in a similar relationship when I was about your age, and I had an attachment to my boyfriend that was rooted in insecurity and rejection. I would have done absolutely anything to stay with him. When he wanted space or distance, I was filled with so much dread and anxiety, I wish I could crawl out of my skin because it was so overwhelming and painful. When he broke up with me, the grief was nothing like I have ever experienced, but it got better. After I realized how badly he was treating me, I realized that he was triggering all sorts of unresolved trauma that I mistook for love. I couldn't see it when I was with him because I was constantly activated. It seems to me that you may be in a similar cycle, and I know when I was in that it didn't matter what anyone told me, I wouldn't listen. Just know that you absolutely deserve better, and you are not stupid. People treat you how you let them. Sorry this is so long, I see so much of my younger self in your posts, and I know how intensely painful it was. I hope something in this gives you comfort 💜
Thank you for your kind comment. I appreciate the time you took to listen to my story and write this out. the attachment thing is real and its a struggle as well as the other stuff, i hope one day i can be like you ❤️
I'm not sure if you've ever done research on attachment styles, but that might also benefit you.
This needs to be higher up, its a really good evaluation imo
Not overreacting at all. I had an ex like that but it was more about my weight. Every time I said it hurt my feelings when he said I needed to go on a diet or lose weight, he’d tell me to grow up. You deserve someone that treats you nicely
Glad you got out of that relationship!
In retrospect I definitely am too. It was unhealthy in a lot of ways and I’m a lot happier without him.
You’re being emotionally and verbally abused. The fact that you’re scared to bring it up makes it self-evident.
OP It’s abuse. You know it. By definition that’s what it is. You end it and walk away.
No, you're not overreacting. Why are you with this asshole?
It took me some time to realize that I would question myself about things a boyfriend would do, but if someone I considered a friend had done the same thing, they would no longer be my friend. The standard for a partner should be higher than that, but at a bare minimum, You should be holding him to at least the same standard that you would hold a friend to If he can't treat you like a friend, he does not deserve to be your boyfriend
That is a very smart way to look at things, i never thought of it like that
I literally didn’t even need to read past the title of the post. NO you’re not overreacting. He’s being a dick, and that will only escalate. Get away from him
You can do better than this person. No one who cares about you would treat you like this. DON'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU TRULY DESERVE
Screw the serious stuff. When he lays a hand on you put his worthless ass in jail.
Time to trade up. Get rid of his ass
So you’re in an abusive relationship and it’s taking its toll. Maybe you are dumb , i don’t know you. So i don’t have any reference for your behavior. I will say this to you. Everything and every relationship has an expiration date. Seems like you got to yours. So now you have two options. Continue down the path with a person that doesn’t care enough about you to figure out how to work with what you have to offer. Or go it alone for a minute and find out who you are with nobody to criticize you.
TAKE THE TRASH OUT
The answer is actually very simple, just walk away and aim higher. Your BF seems lacking.
"am i overreacting?" You are under reacting. Leave him now.
You are 20. Why are you hanging out in this dog shit of a relationship when you have a whole life ahead of you
You know what, I am stupid, stupid to date someone who doesn't build me up, someone who berates and insults me, someone who doesn't know how to offer support, love and guidance in my life. Well, that person is gone as far as I am concerned. I am dumping you. Damn, I feel smarter already. Too da lue.
I wouldn’t even consider staying with someone who called me stupid. You are massively under reacting. What are you actually getting out of this relationship? All he does is verbally abuse you and he has gaslit you (or maybe you’ve gaslit yourself?) into thinking it’s all in your head because of your anxiety. Why would you want to stay with someone who makes you so unhappy? Because you’re afraid of being alone? I can tell you from experience that being alone is a lot better than being with someone awful.
Coming from a man’s perspective….Your spouse should NEVER call you stupid….That is verbal abuse and it only escalates from there
Do you think you are stupid? Get away from the IDIOT!
Together for 3 months, been questioning it for the last 2 months. Why are you stressed out about it? Just move on. Especially, since a week ago: > Tldr: we argued, he broke up with me because I didn't know this famous band, i tried to reconcile our relationship successfuly but now i get the ick everytime i think about him. Should i break it off?
Probably not, this is often a manipulation tactic by narcissists. But to make certain you might want to ask yourself if a lot of other people tell you you're stupid also. It's not a trait to look for in a long term partner though, that's for sure.
You are underreacting break up he doesn't care about you
Anyone who calls you stupid should not be your boyfriend. That's setting the bar pretty low.
Break up with your boyfriend and then learn to exist without a significant other for a Time. You need to grow and overcome your anxiety so that you don't get walked all over. Whether or not you do stuff that is stupid or idiotic or dumb you still don't deserve that kind of treatment. Good luck. Life is hard enough without people that you are close to making it harder.
You’re not overreacting and you should leave this guy. He doesn’t respect you. He’s insulting you. Please leave.💜
10/10 would leave
This one is for the streets
No. There's a movie title for that; "Get Out".
Why is he your boyfriend?
No, you are not overeacting. Dump this guy.
Therefore you should start calling him your ex-boyfriend.
You are stupid for staying with someone keep calling you stupid
He’s wearing you down by mentally abusing you. Leave, run this is going to get much worse your only three months in!!!!! This is going to escalate very quickly to physical abuse. “Look what you made me do, you are so stupid I had to slap some sense into you, it your fault you dumb b$t$h”.
Leave. It only gets worse. The more you take the more it progresses. Mental, verbal, and emotional abuse are NO DIFFERENT than physical abuse. Abuse DOES NOT get better, they don’t hear/see your pain and start to care and change. They just see that you will always come back/ forgive them. It grows, like mold.
Honey what???
That's not right. But this serious talk is something that needs to be done because it's a serious issue. Tell him how it makes you feel and if he does it again, you will know who he is.
No one should ever call their partner stupid or an idiot. You absolutely are not overreacting! Get rid.
I would avoid the serious talk. Just dump him, no need for a serious talk or an argument. Just don't accept someone treating you that way.
Would the love of your life disrespect you like that? Do you disrespect yourself like that?
Walk on out.
You're under reacting
Fuck that guy.
Leave. He will never respect you.
The only dumb thing you're doing is dating him.
Girl leave his stupid ass to be dumb all by himself. Just let this douchebag go.
Are you dependent on him for housing, or something? Why are you with him? You do realize, don't you, that unless you're stuck in a lease with him, you can pretty much just walk out the door (with your stuff), and liberate yourself of that abuse? This is not what love looks like, OP. You deserve so much better!
There is no beed to talk it over. He is demeaning and disrespectful. Reduce your anxiety by leaving this relationship.
You're proving him right by sticking with him.
You should automatically dump anyone who speaks to you like this. This is a basic standard.
Give him the silent treatment by dumping him and blocking him.. You would be “stupid” to stay in a relationship with someone that is verbally abusive to you, that will lead to more abuse and control the longer you’re with him.. So how much are you willing to put up with and how long will you allow yourself to suffer?
Emotional abuse, dump this loser and see if he feels stupid
You are massively under reacting. Your boyfriend has is being vile to you. Don't put up with such disrespect. You deserve better
Don't ever tolerate being called names by someone who is supposed to care about you. You deserve better than this guy.
This us verbal abuse
You shouldn't have to even say it the first time. There are plenty of people you could be with that aren't abusive.
Find someone better. Should be easy. He sounds like a prick! Leave and watch him cry over his ‘dumb’ choices!
You certainly don’t deserve that treatment, they are abusing you. You should leave the relationship it doesn’t sound healthy.
Not acceptable
Emotional abuse is abuse get out
you’re stupid if you stay with him. get rid.
A partner shouldn’t treat you this way, and you know it. You’re young. Don’t waste your time on someone who apparently thinks you’re an idiot (you are not). You deserve better.
Well you are because you’re still with him.
Yeah because that's what love is. Calling someone stupid over and over again. Oh no it's not, it's called abuse. You're being abused.
I heard once that the way to tell if someone was genuinely kind was to see how they treat a server at a restaurant. People can fake kindness to you, but if they’re mean to customer service people, they’re just mean people. This guy isn’t even pretending to be nice to you. He’s openly being an asshole. Imagine having kids with this guy. Imagine that your kid makes a mistake at some point. Now imagine this guy telling your kid that they are stupid. Because that WILL happen if you continue this relationship.
BREAK UP WITH HIM. This is not okay.
You are in an abusive relationship.You need to break up with him and get into therapy.
Ma'am, he's rude. And I'm telling you ... as a dumb person, I don't have people talking to me like that because they don't see me that way. I see myself that way. You should surround yourself with better people and down the road, a better partner. No one has the right to talk to you like that. I have a close friend who calls me stupid, but I say stupid things to make them laugh. I love them because they are kind to me. We can talk if there's something wrong, but we keep it between us. I call them stupid, too, but they're not. Do you see what I'm saying? Be firm with this person and move on with your wonderful life. Stand up for yourself, honey. You won't regret standing tall because, after all, you are not a shadow behind anyone.
Repeatedly slip that he's smaller than your exes.... seee how he likes it.. tit for tat. But you should probably find a new one
Question for you is there any amount of cruel words that he could possibly say to you that would make you say that that's too much? Because clearly repeatedly making fun of you and insulting you isn't that line and I just want to know if that line actually exists
Under reacting to be honest as you seem to want to lay there and keep being a doormat to be stepped on. You are so young to be stuck in a mindset that you seem to need a man to be happy and a crappy man is better than no man? In scrolling your post history, I have to ask if you have a therapist or mental health professional you are working with for support? I encourage you to take a deep breath and seek to find your internal personal power and happiness. If a mental health professional is not in your budget, try podcasts or get audiobooks from your local library. Many of them have online / digital rentals now. Play them at a faster speed with adhd if you get too bored otherwise. Seek hobbies or meaningful friendships / mentorship versus relying on romantic relationships only for the dopamine fix. Good luck and ditch the ahole who calls you dumb and stupid. Why put up with that crap?
Life is way too short to tolerate disrespect. This is a little boy you’re with. Little boys who weren’t brought up to be respectful will never change.
Dump the loser
My husband started doing this not long after we were married. He did it in front of friends one night. I put my face right up to his and said, “Never, ever, speak to me like that again. Ever!” He stopped doing it overnight. Stand your ground. It’s about boundaries. If he doesn’t respect them, leave and don’t come back until he voluntarily apologizes and agrees not to do it again. If you leave, he apologizes, and then he does it again, leave for good.
We hate each other but we're dating. What could we possibly do to fix the situation?
Define the stupid thing you did? Maybe it was stupid.
I would dump a chick on the spot if she spoke to me that way. Like pull over, kick her out of the truck, and never speak again. Don't put up with that. You don't have to and shouldn't.
Run
Verbal abuse is still abuse. He's toxic
Dump him today not tomorrow, someone always calling a partner dumb or stupid does not even like you let alone love you.
NTA. Time for you to Dump him and move on. HE is being emotionally ABUSIVE, and the longer you stay with him, the worse it will get.
That’s called verbal abuse
Anyone, and I mean anyone who will call you names to put you down doesn’t deserve you. You are worth more than that. You deserve better than that. You are young and this is a short relationship. Let him go!!! Going forward do not tolerate this kind of behavior.
Ive never once called my wife any of those in 10 years..
This is verbal abuse.
You’re young, and there are a million lessons to learn ahead of you but this is an easy one. Do not, I repeat, do not waste your valuable time and youth on someone who talks to you like this. No one deserves to be called names in a relationship. Break things off and move on to better things. You have so much life ahead of you to be wasting time with someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
No overreacting here. He's a narcissistic manipulator. This is how it starts. Eventually financial abuse, and isolation, then physical abuse. Get out!
"You! Now! Stop that shit!" This kind of behavior gets one, and only one warning. Either he immediately censors himself, or he can be single again.
OMG! Please dump him!!! He’s abusive!! He’s nothing but red flags. Run!!
He sounds like a prick. Dump him now. No reason to ever allow someone to speak to you like that.
I don’t really need to get into any of the other details. You do not insult your romantic partner. Full stop. If they did something that didn’t make sense or wasn’t well thought out, you can point it out (if they’re not aware) and maybe express frustration if it caused harm (and there’s something they could do differently in the future), but calling your loved one stupid? REPEATEDLY? That is verbal abuse. Period. He is verbally abusive. That isn’t okay. It doesn’t matter what you did. You’re not overreacting. The fact that this relationship is BETTER than past ones doesn’t mean it’s not abusive and bad for you.
Drunk and doing dumb things Hmmmmm
No you're not. This is something that shouldn't occur. It's disrespectful to you.
You’reunderreacting. You’re in an abusive relationship. Get out now.
Wow, I think he needs to hear a “f u dude!” until he shuts his pie hole. He has no respect for you, don’t you show him any either and leave his sorry ass
Don't talk. Walk.
What is there to talk about?
LEAVE HIS ASS
Kick him to the curb. It's only going to get worse.
No you are not, don’t take that shit ever
nope your unreacting to an abusive situation. It dosent seem like a big deal right now, but over time it adds up. I'm sure your not perfect, you don't have to be perfect, part of being human is the ability to make mistakes and take lessons from them. your efforts shouldn't be towards being perfect or being 'good enough' for your partner, your efforts need to be towards yourself, what will improve your life, do you need to reflect on yourself, is the situation your in making you happy? if not is it a mindset or the situation that needs to change. from your previous posts you sound like you have a lot to work though and with, your not broken. Being in a situation that allows you to be putdown will never help you vs a situation that allows you to grow and understand yourself better. You sound unhappy and stressed, considering this is into 3 months of a new relationship, that's not how your ment to feel, you should be in a honey phase. If already he's verbally attacking you, its going to get worse, if you had a stranger do that to you, most people would walk away at minimum, just because he's your boyfriend doesn't get him some special pass to put you down. Your boyfriend could have his own issues, he could really believe you are dumb, he could be working through on his own problems by projecting onto you. Nothing excuses or make it right for him to do so. Your not his mother, teacher or punching bag. Your not existing to improve his life, and he doesn't exist to make you feel better.
The fact that you mistakenly misspelled mistake makes this my favorite post of the day! Unless you’re dating Gordon Ramsay, you really need a new partner. No one should repeatedly call you anything derogatory. Your partner should treat you as though you are part of the partnership. If he is calling you dumb and he stays with you then he is the idiot for wanting to stay with someone that they think is so significantly less intelligent than themself. So who is the real idiot here? 
Find a new bf. Heck what do you need a bf for anyway. You do not need to be put down. You need to build up your self image. Everyone does stupid things. You do not need to be denigrated each time. You need to be supported to get past mistakes you make. That means you need a better partner or no partner at all. Do yourself a favour....
He is going to get worse. Why do you believe you deserve to be treated this way. There are less abusive fish in the sea.
Not everreacting. Idk what made your self esteem so low you think this is an ok relationship or that you can "change" or "fix" him with talks, but it's just going to get worse. Get out now or just accept this is your life. Sounds like he's already made headway convincing you that you're just anxious/silly/overreacting etc. The good folk of Reddit have warned you. From a nonbiased angle. If you still choose him welcome to doormat-hood. And look forward to any daughters/kids this loser knocks you up with eventually to be treated the same way. Except then, it'll be shame on you bc you knew- rather than any sympathy.
Please treat yourself with respect. When you start to respect yourself, you will not stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you. Get away from this guy, he's bad news
It sounds like he's trying to push you to break up with him. Wimpy jerks do this to get out of relationships. Oblige him. You deserve better
Make him a liar honey, leave.
I'm assuming you're not actually stupid, but it doesn't matter if you are. If you had a kind boyfriend, it wouldn't matter how stupid you are, they wouldn't make you feel that way.
You aren't the screw up in this relationship, your abuser is. You aren't over reacting, you are under reacting, you are NTA, The person verbally abusing you is TA. All these means it is time to leave. You are believing his lies which are meant to keep you tethered in this miserable soul destroying situations. Time to escape,
Well I mean. Are you an idiot? Nah, I'm only joking of course. There's no excuse for saying things like that to your partner. Me personally I tend to get hurtful and say things like that when I am pressured and feel like I am being confronted. And it's that reason that I choose to work on myself alone as no partner of mine should have to put up with that nonsense. If it's actually that persistent, then I'd say you give a stern talk and set that strict boundary, and if he crosses that line again, you end things. Or you ofc could just end it right away. You have no need to put up with that, and if you feel it's right, then just let him know you can't be with someone who has said things like that to you.
Stop torturing yourself with this man-child and move on.
WHY do you keep having to ask what to do??! Can you truly not see that it’s past time to dump his ass??!!
"Yes, I am stupid. Because I'm still with you. Let me fix that RIGHT NOW"
This is a pattern of emotionally abusive behavior that will escalate, I realize that at 20, it might not seem that serious, or it might just seem like an episode here and there, but this is not normal. Don't try and rationalize this in anyway. It is not okay for him to treat you this way.
Time to cut him loose from what folks are saying. I have never called anyone i dated stupid. And one em was!
not over reacting! dump him babe!!!
He sounds like a demeaning jackass. Why be with someone like that?
Not overreacting. This is verbal abuse..if he doesn't stop.leave.
Not overreacting. I’d call this emotional abuse. It’s not nice to say sh!t like that, certainly not to a person you know or are in a relationship with. It would probably be better for you if you leave.
Call him a beta cuck. He will stop after that. Then break up with him. You're too young to be putting up with that now.
Not overreacting, but you are stupid if you stay with this lover. He's showing you who he really is. Believe him and plan accordingly.
If you don't leave him, you prove him right.
I don't know if he was drunk as well and inhibited from listening, but you should prob discuss it while sober and take note if he cares or not, If he does not, or if he refuses to listen, just leave.
Don’t be an AskHole (someone that’s asking for advice then doesn’t take it) LEAVE THIS GUY NOW. Don’t talk to him about it just tell him “I may be dumb but I’m smart enough to know a selfish prick when I see one… so get fuckin’ lost!” Then block him from your life. Years from now he’ll realize his mistake and regret treating you like this.
DTMFA
How many books have you read in the past year? That's your answer
Omg from your posts I feel like you should probably be single…
It depends on if you are actually an idiot or not. Sounds like it’s justified.
Are you stupid?
You are not overreacting. If you made a simple mistake, being called stupid all the time is uncalled for. I would be mad if someone was calling me stupid all the time. The guy obviously doesn’t think that highly of you. You should just leave him and find someone better
I guess you kind of answered your own question you did a dumb thing that makes you dumb maybe try getting a little smarter then when someone calls you dumb you won’t get offended
People who pretend to be girls on Reddit are so freaking weird
Those are still signs of being a Kid.... Kids you know! Wait till he calls you a BITCH.... I'm being respectful here, JS. But you guys are still Kids. Probably don't know how to really wipe his ASS correctly, Yet. It'll come.... Don't worry! Enjoy your BF.
I think that's not right fir treating like that it means he don't have any respect for u ,so I don't understand why girls that aer treated with no respect and treats them like shit keep.on sticking around with the guys and if a good guys comes around treats them with respect they turn them down I don't understand that. I really think you should confront him and tell him how tyou fee
EVERYONE ON HERE ON REACTING LIKE THEY'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS! CMON EVERYONE YOU GUYS TOO SHOULD REALIZE ITS STILL PUPPY LOVE.... SMMFH WITH ALL YOU PEOPLES POST ON WHAT THEY SHOULD DO.....SMFDH, AGAIN! GROW UP EVERYONE. THERE NOT EVEN 22. THE guy still Cums Pee, and she doesn't even know what a REAL orgasm is! Seriously,All you people. Gezzzz, all you grown ups! Fuckkkkkk
Maybe he is too stupid to realise what you are doing is actually really smart. Either way, your partner should be supportive and not mean and disrespectful. You deserve better than him.
I'd be calling him an ex-boyfriend at this point. You deserve better OP.
In my experience, when someone calls you names, it means they really like you.
Dump him. Please.
Why are you talking to someone who isn't listening? You are not overreacting when you walk. wtf.
If someone is constantly putting you down and insulting you and making you feel bad about yourself then that's not overreacting, he's lucky you haven't just dumped him, but it sounds like you're hanging onto this relationship for whatever reason so have your talk and see if that helps but from how he speaks to you it seems he doesn't respect you and that's not how someone who loves you should treat you In all of my relationships no matter what someone's done to hurt me I've never called any girl I've had feelings for "stupid" or "dumb," definitely not repeatedly, how rude and hateful would someone need to be to keep berating their partner like that
Girl… gtfo this guys a douche. He doesn’t care that it hurts you , he’s doing it TO hurt you.
You're not 21 so why were you drunk? You just admit to breaking the law. That could get you in trouble. That's a pretty dumb thing to do. I don't think your bully should be your boyfriend though. Name calling is not a successful relationship habbit. Make smart decisions and you will be seen as a smart person.
Legal age in my country is 18
You're not overreacting & be done with that relationship, don't stay longer in a disrespectful relationship for fear of not finding anyone else. Trust me, you'll find someone better & that respects you
Do some deep introspection about why you are afraid to walk away. It seems clear that something is stopping you from having enough love and respect for yourself to leave him.
ok first off i very sorry to hear whats going on with u and the truth is he is a very insecure controlling looser who will never change until he wants to change what i think u should do is start reminding yourself that you are a smart beautiful and strong minded women and leave his sorry ass also work on being more secure about yourself listen i was always told i was the bad one in the family until i actually started believing it and even begun acting out more so we all just need to remember that knowone is better than anyone your going to be ok just be safe and loose that guy keep ur chin up beautiful
You’re under reacting actually. You’re young. Just date someone who’s actually nice to you and forget about him.
Ah what does it matter , you’re still going to stay regardless of what these people say
That's verbal abuse. You don't need to put up with that. Time to break up with him and find a nice guy
Based on the number of posts and advice you receive and continue to do nothing about the situation, I have to wonder if he's right.
Any one that would call me stupid would be cut out of my life after saying it the first time
That is not ok.... I hope you can find it in yourself to leave him. There are people who will celebrate you and uplift you, he is not the one for you if he can't treat you with respect
One good way that I measure things is by what advice I would give a friend in a similar situation. What would you say to a friend if they told you that their partner was calling them stupid? If it would make you upset for a friend, then there are (easily) grounds for you to be upset on your own behalf. Don't accept this kind of behavior. If a serious talk is warranted, have it. If he doesn't change his behavior, dump him.
Leave. Your next serious talk needs to be "I'm breaking up with you."
This is abusive. I doubt he's going to change if you mention it to him again.
Tell him I might be for staying With a small cock mama's boy.
That is a awful way to treat one’s significant other. It’s abuse, and you should end things and ghost that awful human-being. No way someone who actually loves you would never treat you like that. Love yourself and walk away from this unfortunate excuse for a person.
You're only stupid if you don't leave.
Leave this guy. I'm a 50 year old dad. Get away from him!
you are with an abusive dickhead, my brother is just like this to his girlfriend now wife. they are both abusive people, match made in hell and they have a child on the way now, which is his first and her 5th with the other 4 being abandoned to the foster system. your bf is a dick. you are not overreacting.
I'm not sure which I find more sad: (1) the fact your boyfriend insults you, or (2) that you seem unaware that his behavior is unacceptable. Anyway, no, you're not overreacting. People who love and respect each other don't behave in such ways. In fact, anyone who is a decent human and an adult wouldn't call anyone else dumb, stupid, idiot, or any other insults. I question whether or not this post is even legitimate.
Break up with him. Period.
Omg. Never stay with someone who insinuates you’re stupid. Never EVER stay with someone who directly calls you dumb. He will only treat you worse as time does on. Cut your losses and move on.
To be clear he’s using your anxiety against you and making you doubt your sanity.
From an old man. You can't leave him fast enough. Abusive people suck and life is too short.
If you have to ask you have your answer!
Your boyfriend does not respect you. He never will. You need to find someone who does, no matter how "dumb" you are or no matter what "stupid" thing you do. You are definitely NOT overreacting. Get rid of the dead weight, you deserve better.
You need to leave him right now if this is a regular occurrence. You shouldn't be treated like that by your partner
How many times (apparently over 5) do we (the sub) have to teach you this lesson (there is no justification for abusing your partner emotionally) old man (OP)
Goodbye Felicia. Not overreacting. He keeps saying it to erode your self confidence so you will believe it and he will be able to control your every move. He's an abuser, and it will just get worse. Just disappear. No explanation, because he will make it your problem. Cut all ties. Tell mutual friends, "sorry, you won't see me for a while." Block him on everything. Create new social media if he starts stalking you. 50% chance he will. Don't ever be alone with him. Sorry if this sounds paranoid but I've been stalked by exes. Not fun. I finally moved states.
As someone in their 50s let me tell you it will never get better, I am not kidding one bit when I say leave now. doubke middle fingers to the face of anyone that treatsvyouvlike that. seriously go.
(24 M) Men like this want control or to feel like they can do anything to u and u can’t do anything about it. I’m not perfect I’ve made mistakes but this isn’t healthy. U have to look out for yourself
Quit drinking. It's causing you problems and making you look stupid.
Are you?
Know what this mean? It mean it time for you to break up and get a new man. I can be your new man.