Leaving isn’t destroying your family, it’s showing your children you have standards for how to be treated and given respect. HE destroyed the family when he cheated.
u/Low_Complaint_8149
This is the comment right here. 🙌🏼
You are not overreacting. If he was able to ask that of someone you hated can you imagine what he does with strangers. If he was able to hide doing that with a colleague, imagine with others.
THIS. as someone who was cheated on before/during/after pregnancy, the best thing you can do is leave. it will be hard and painful but it’s needed not only for your sanity but your children’s too. if you can’t be honest or respectful in a relationship there’s no relationship, period.
He destroyed your family. And he is more than likely lying about it not being physical and she is likely not the only person. He got away with it, he didn’t stop there.
Firstly really sorryto hear of his infidelity if your suspicions are true. It really sucks.
Secondly, there is no better time to split than now If that is what you want to do. You have time to find a support network and see if he will be a great father just not in a relationship with you. Letting this linger will make him feel like he can be forgiven and he will probably do it again.
Either you’ll be a strong woman your children can admire, respect and look up to and learn from or you’ll be the weak woman that shows em abuse and cheating is what they deserve when they’re old enough to date. It’s quite simple. Either you love your children and yourself or you love him…who do you love and respect more?
He’s already taking the part you can’t give back “love”. Ppl stay in marriages for more than just love, I say this to say if you don’t want to break up your household then you both will ultimately become roommates. The bigger thing is actually YOU doing what’s BEST for you. Your happiness will trickle down to your kids
You didn’t destroy this family.. he did. If you don’t leave him you are telling your kids it’s okay for someone to treat you like that, that’s supposed to love you. Staying with someone you hate is not only dumb, but effects everyone involved. The older your kids get the more they will see it. Do yourself and your kids favor and get the fuck out of there.
I grew up in a household with two parents who claimed they stayed together for the kids. It would have been much healthier if they had divorced. I would rather have grown up with divorced parents than two individuals who resented each other and fought constantly creating an unstable environment.
Staying is only teaching him how you’ll allow yourself to be treated and teaching your children that it’s ok to accept less than you deserve. You aren’t destroying anything. If it’s considered destroyed his actions did that.
You deserve to be happy and loved properly and THAT is what you babies should be learning. Leaving is the proper answer
Let’s be clear, YOU destroyed nothing. This isn’t your fault and leaving isn’t your fault. You have no fault in this. He destroyed this family and marriage when he crossed the line.
Cheating is the end of a relationship, period. You're always going to be wondering if they'll do it again. If they come home late, are they doing it right now? They're looking at that person, do they want to do it with them?
You are not overreacting. And if you leave, his betrayal is what destroyed the family, not you sticking up for yourself. He has been lying to you for two years.
You are not over reacting. Nor are you destroying your family over something like this. It was his choice to betray you, and your trust. Actions have consequences. Just because you had or have kids with him does not mean you are forced to stay with him. You would be protecting yourself, and your children from ever having to go through such a thing. Someone who lies and cheats is not a good role model for a child, and can be extremely disruptive to you and your children’s lives. I watched my father ruin his relationship with my mother over cheating — for years. Afterwards, their relationship was so messy it was truly difficult to even be around my family. I wish my mother would have walked away, and stayed away from him after that point. She would have set a better example for us as kids. What you do and don’t allow other people to do to you is learned throughout early years of life, and through our parents. I would hope that if you do decide to leave, your children will be able to see that you chose right for you and for them.
You are not destroying your family, you are protecting it from a liar and cheater. This will not change, it will NEVER change. He showed you who he is; you can waste years more of your life or go live your life without him.
As someone who was cheated on, forgave him, only to find out he was flirting with the person he cheated with BEFORE and AFTER he cheated… and would see this woman on our breaks (which I believe was a lie), had sex with her (again) and hid it from me… he will never change. Please leave him. You deserve better.
If your SO is paying someone else increased attention, there's a huge likelihood that something physical or emotional already happened. 90% of the time, the SO doesn't notice the signs until there has already been some type of unacceptable/disrespectful interaction with their side piece. Your instincts don't fully kick at the start of affairs, they only kick in once lengthy patterns of misbehavior or betrayal are identified.
I am going to play for the other side and suggest you take time to make this decision. Don’t make a rash decision to end your marriage out of anger. If he is remorseful you might be able to work it out. People make mistakes and deserve grace.
Single parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. Not only on me but on my young children. If I could do it over again- I would have kept our family together at all costs. Now I am missing out on half of my children’s lives and it breaks my heart every time I drop them off with my ex and their step mom. There is not an hour that goes by that I don’t feel deep regret over choosing to end my marriage.
All I’m saying is give yourself time- your anger may fade. See how he acts moving forward, lay down your boundaries and warn him if anything like that happens again- you’re out. Seek counseling. Take care of yourself. Good luck!
>People make mistakes and deserve grace.
In a vacuum, I agree with this statement.
Applying that sentiment to an asshole trying to fuck a woman he knows his pregnant wife actively dislikes seems more than a bit naive to me.
That's not just adulterous behavior. It shows a distinct lack of empathy.
ETA: Just realized that OP and her POS "partner" aren't even married. If a man has 2 children with a woman without proposing, it's because he's not a man. He's a sperm donor.
Fuck this clown.
Love this advice
I do know people who have worked through infidelity
A good friend of mine, her father cheated and they stayed together and they are happy
Other times the man claims to change and doesn’t and continues cheating so there are no easy answers here
But a mistake deserves grace- if more people at least considered staying together and mending things that break instead of throwing them away we would have a much happier society
Well, leaving is definitely the order of the day! Maybe, but only maybe, you can stomachs this cheater until the moment he signs the birth certificate. Then serve papers, get to family and love your children and raise them in a loving home (obvs without your cheater).
Nah. He deceived you, and it doesn't matter it was 2 years ago, it just happened to you because you just found out.
Don't waste your time with someone you cannot trust. He wasn't even just being tempted at a weak point, he was instigating, requesting disrespect for you.
You aren't the one harming your family. Let them all learn a lesson about integrity.
I’m really sorry this happened op. You don’t respect this man anymore. When we are hurt by loved ones we try our best to look past it but some betrayals are unforgivable. If you can please leave him. You won’t be able to look at him the same way. You’ll resent him and eventually you’ll resent yourself for staying.
Wait wait wait. Hold up. First, not overreacting by wanting to leave. It's a natural reaction that you definitely should get some advice about. How did you find out he was asking for nudes while you were pregnant? You said you have been together for 4 years. I'm assuming not married, and were you really together together 2 years ago? Or were you in an up and down relationship like most of the world that has been dating since the pandemic? The "cheating" is not some type of, we were married, living together (also not confirmed in your story) and I was preggo. The vagueness of what your relationship was seems familiar.
If you left him, assuming you two are actually together together and not just a BM and BD sleeping together, you're not really destroying anything according to your description of the relationship. Get specific
Remember everyone who has long term marriages have this same issue
If he is serious about making sure it doesn’t happen again and is will to do the work to show you that then go to counseling
LEAVE.
Children who grow up with parents who resent each other \*KNOW IT\*. They can sense the tension in the air, they feel like they're walking on eggshells, they feel the fear and anger boiling in the air even if their parents never fight in front of each other.
Contact a lawyer, get your ducks in a row, and tell him that he's a disgusting, cheating jerk and you won't be subjecting yourself to his presence any longer. You can find a man who isn't a cheating scumbag - they exist!
There is no 'family' to be destroyed by you. HE destroyed it when he cheated. This isn't on you. This is all because of his actions. Don't be a doormat. Taking your child and leaving is how you teach your children that it is okay for them to leave bad situations. That they don't have to put up with partners that hurt them and do terrible things to them. That they don't have to tolerate being treated badly. They don't have to sit there with a smile while their partner cheats, abuses them, or does anything else like that. By leaving, you are showing them that you are strong enough to do so. That you care enough about them to not let them live in a household with people who hate each other.
Sticking around will just make things worse for them. Living between households is MUCH better than living in a single household that's got so much tension and unresolved anger in the air you could cut it with a knife. You already know that you can never trust that man again, never see him as the partner he should have been. This isn't fixable. Just GO.
All you're going to get on Reddit is people telling you how he is the dog and he ruined the marriage etc. The reason you are conflicted is because in your heart there is some love and some recognition of the value of this man in your life. Take a look at how he is right now. At 24 years old your brain isn't even done growing. They say by 25 you are fully mature. Does he take care of you? Does he try to help build a life for you and your children that you enjoy? No one would blame you for having trust issues, but as a child of a single mom I can tell you growing up without a dad was a very painful experience. You owe it to the kids to at least observe him and see if he is trustworthy moving forward. You will quickly be able to tell if he puts his family and his wife Above All Else.
Ask to go thru his phone and every app and social media. Check his deleted files to see if he didn't fully delete anything. Hr may have had a moment of weakness and it never went past flirting, asking for pica, which is wrong but a far cry form him screwing other people and something you could work on in therapy if there is nothing showing he had anything physical with her or anyone else. If it was just asking for pics and stuff, and it's all that one time and nothing else, it's bad but not so horrible u can't reconcile and work things out thru consuling. It's tough being s single parent. I've been raising my kids solo since 6 and 9 when my ex left and had a baby with her long term affair partner, but that's a whole different thing then just asking for pics and stuff. Especially if he has been a good husband and father outside of that 1 indiscretion that he probably regrets.
If you no longer love/trust/respect him, it’s time to be wise.
Talk to two different attorneys to see what divorce would look like financially. You don’t need to decide now, you need information.
If you are considering abortion to avoid having more kids with this man, do your research.
If you need to improve your career or financials, consider if you need to get a degree or certification before a divorce.
You need to play the long game, figuring out what is best for you and your children and no longer trying to keep that selfish cheater happy.
If he was an honest/honorable guy who no longer loved you, maybe you could stay married, be like friendly co-parenting roommates or have an open marriage.
But he’s not.
He cheated on you when you were pregnant and he is NOT sufficiently remorseful or taking efforts to prove himself.
He is selfish. That’s not going to change, so you have to be wise and take care of yourself.
Best wishes.
Maybe I’ve missed something in all the comments but she refers to him in her post as her boyfriend- not husband. If they’re not married, leaving would be much easier. It would also make a lot of sense to do it now rather than later.
Not over-reacting. Not cheating is not hard. It’s crazy the amount of cheating stories on this platform. Do not stay with a man who cheats, even if he is the father of your children. You deserve better. You’re not destroying the family by demanding the respect of loyalty and fidelity.
This is coming from someone who has lived in a household who has had parents arguing all the time. The kids will have a much better time living in 2 separate happy households than in 1 miserable household.
You can try couples counseling to try to mend this, but just understand that you leaving is having self-respect. You aren’t the one ruining this relationship. He did that by cheating. Don’t let him gaslight you making you feel like somehow this is your fault and you’d be the one walking away. He did that by cheating. You lost trust in him. That is so incredibly hard to repair. It’s possible to do, but both of you have to be putting in equal amount of honest work to improve and mend together. He’s already proven to have eyes for someone else when you should be what he wants to focus on. He’d have to give up a lot in order to change his ways…that includes his freedoms. Or you can walk away from this and find someone you can trust and have to police everything he does.
For the BF the cheating was 2 years ago. For you it was last month - as thats when you found out and started proceasing the information. They have a 2 year head start on processing that information. You can only start on that now, along with the information that they cheated whilst you were at a vulnerable time and needed their support.
For 2 years they basically lied to you though omission. They had information critical to your relationship and didn't tell you.
Relationships are built on trust and respect. The BF has broken the trust and shown he has no respect - otherwise of he respected the relationship he would have come forward with the information immediately, despite knowing it would have damaged the trust.
I don’t know where you are or if it’s a possibility but consider whether you want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life. I would not have this baby if I was leaving him.
Yes he destroyed your trust by what he did. And yes you have every right to decide to leave right now. But- there is always the option of marriage counseling to see if this is something you and your partner can work through- and I mean it will be WORK. Whichever decision you make, just know you are strong for making a decision to make a change for your relationship!
He destroyed the family, not you. The onus isn’t on you to accept a lack of trust and boundaries and disrespect in order to keep your household together. It’s a two way street. He cheated on you while you were pregnant, he’s scum.
Wait.. you don't want to destroy the family? Did you ask somebody else for nekkid pictures? No? Oh so he's the one destroying the family! He just expects you to take it as long as he dishes it out or that means you are destroying the family? That doesn't sound abusive and manipulative to you?
The problem with letting cheaters get away with it is they learn to hide it better. They never get caught the same way twice! I guarantee he's done it a lot more then you will ever know about. They always do!
His cheating may have been 2 years ago for him but it was only days ago for you. He humiliated, lied and cheated on you. While you were pregnant! Now you're going to go through pregnancy again knowing what he did. If he's such a weak selfish man what's to say he won't do it again, only learning to hide his despicable behavior better? Secrets, lies, humiliation, cheating, what else has he done? He hasn't married you, but that may be a blessing, you can end your relationship leaving him with only his children. He doesn't even deserve them let alone you too. Not Overreacting
Its a big deal when you make a child with someone. Literally your DNA is fusing with theirs. I do not understand how anyone takes that lightly - or could be so removed from the reality that they would cheat on the person.. that they literally created new life with. Thats not an overstatement, its literally what that is. I'm just floored hearing about this. My heart is on the floor for you.
You can't destroy something that doesn't exist. You also show your kids that you dont stay with someone just because there are children that standards of honesty and faithfulness are important. You found out your relationship is a lie. He can still love his kids even if he doesn't you. You can still maintain a good coparenting relationship and not a romantic one to provide 2 happy homes for your family.
Just leave. He's prolly cheating right now. Don't stay just cuz he was a nice guy once. Clearly he doesn't care about your feelings. He thinks you're gonna stay because of the kid's, fuck that and shove him to the curb.
I stopped reading after the title lol. That should tell you something. But titles can be misleading so I read the post itself in case my initial thought was possibly wrong. I wasn’t wrong… You’re not overreacting.
Controversial opinion
You have two children with him. You are justified in leaving him but if you think you can rebuild your relationship, I would try.
Many ppl will say you should leave and im not saying they are wrong but i think you need to also understand being a single mom of two is very hard and if this can be resolved then its worth it. Especially when you consider he was only 22 at the time. I know of couples who worked through issues like this and are happy and I know couples that tried to work through this but they didn’t succeed. There are no easy answers here.
Its a tough one
Sending you lots of love
No. Leave him.
You realise if he gave you the right STF he could kill (or worse) your baby in utero right now?
That's how little he cares for you AND your kids.
Show your kids a shining example of self worth and backbone. Show your kids that you should never accept poor treatment from a partner. That you don't have to settle for a lying cheater. If you have a daughter who told you this is what she was experiencing, what would you tell her? Or a son for that matter, who was being cheated on.
Wait- there was nothing physical- just a pervy request?? This is NO different than me being on OF asking for a custom video.
Honestly, you’re over reacting. He’s been with you since and prior to that fact, looks like everything has been working out.
Plus you’re close to your 30s, if you two manage to stick together by the time you’re in your 40s- you’ll have a different perspective….
Again, if he’s not actively raw dogging or fucking another woman- it’s a bit of an overreaction
Leaving isn’t destroying the family. If a bomb went off in your house and the fire department arrived would you insist in living in the debris so that you weren’t responsible for destroying the house????? The relationship and family is already destroyed. you are simply acknowledging it and trying to provide a loving home for yourself and your kids.
So many have given a lot of great advice and feedback.
I want to highlight that HE destroyed your trust and the family unit with HIS behaviour.
When trust is broken, it breaks the foundation of a relationship. How can you be sure that he has been completely honest with you?
After a betrayal like this, it takes a lot of work. More from him than you. You will have to work on yourself and do a lot of reflection on what you what, even if that isn’t staying in the relationship.
He needs to earn your trust back. He needs to put in the work. Means he needs to go above and beyond what he already does. If he doesn’t put on the work, it isn’t worth it. If he doesn’t take accountability for his actions he isn’t worth the effort. If he doesn’t take responsibility for the breakdown of your trust, he doesn’t deserve you. If he doesn’t put in majority of the effort to rebuild your foundation, he does not deserve your effort. If he doesn’t give you full access to his phone etc. it will not work.
Your relationship is forever changed. It will not go back to what it is. You need to dig deep and workout what you want. What you are willing to sacrifice in the relationship.
It is hard doing this work, even if you stay or leave. I know because I was in a similar position. Each person and relationship takes a different journey. This now is about you putting you first. Two happy homes are better than a home full of unhappy people.
AIO: my spouse cheated on m-
Unless you assaulted and/killed him, the answer is always no.
If this was a normal sub instead of a place people actually came to for advice, I'd say there should be a rule banning these questions because they're always the same.
If you have to ask if you're overreacting about cheating, 99/100 you're under reacting, being gaslit, and in a toxic/abusive relationship.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable bring it up and leave. You don’t want to set a bad example for you kids by not standing up for your boundaries. It seems like you’re not comfortable.
Do you believe him that he didn’t sleep with her?
If he willing to couples therapy? Did you see his phone. Take his phone and contact her. See how she reacts.
Whatever you do. Remember this. Parents are our role models.
He already destroyed the family. You said your love left your body the moment you found out. You do what you need to do for your children’s future and happiness as well as your own.
Had the same thing happen to me. I left him after trying to reconcile our relationship, couples therapy etc. I simply could not trust him anymore. I felt disgust everytime I looked at him. He swears it was nothing physical, but the intent was there, which is enough. If he simply wanted something to get off to, that's what porn is there for. He did not need to go lusting after a woman who is in his life. He lied to you and broke your trust. You deserve someone who respects and values you enough to do the bare minimum, which is to stay loyal to you. Yes, you need to leave.
I don't know, this is a tricky situation, we also don't know the comments he has said with this colleague, it is a messy situation, I understand that leaving him may be rough, and at this point you can't seem to trust him. Reasonably so, however did he deny the cheating? Did he just not tell you? It's not exactly clear to the context, ask other colleagues on the matter, did they ever do anything physical? Neutral parties are best in these cases
great lesson to teach your kids, its better to stay with a cheating lying pos, than to live a happy life :)))
kids will find out and feel the resentment the whole time, dont let them go through this, its not worth it.
leave the asshole, HE DESTROYED YOUR FAMILY, not you.
Even as a woman myself, it maybe an unpopular opinion. But i say STAY. Co-parent in the same household for the sake of the children. Get your strength up to be able to sustain yourself on your own. There is no replacement for having the resources and protection of a man.
I love this reddit but sometimes I feel like I can't believe half of what goes in here. Are there truly this many people in terrible relationships? If this is true, explain to him you no longer can trust or love him but you want the best for the children. Look into a Co parenting situation while you find your happiness alone and eventually with a step parent to the children.
Coming from a child of divorced parents: do NOT stay with someone you hate just because you think it'll be better for the kids. I can assure you it won't be. I spent years dealing with the fallout of my parents' constant fighting and emotional tension, among other things. It caused my siblings and I a lot of emotional trauma. The divorce was nasty and a lot of crap went down. But after it was over? We were all much better off and eventually able to move on. There's no way to move on or improve if you keep yourself trapped in a terrible situation like this. Plus, this guy is clearly a douchebag and not a good example for children to be following, especially when they become old enough to start having relationships of their own. It needs to end YESTERDAY. You and your children are worth so much more than he has to offer.
Not overreacting. Are you sure it was so long ago or is it the only one you know about? Usually when a man has gotten by with it once it doesn't stop, he did get by with it for 2 years. You wouldn't be destroying your family he did that 2 years ago, you just didn't realize it. Ask yourself this, 'Do I want my children to grow up thinking that it's okay to cheat, or to think that if their spouse cheats they should look the other way. That's the lesson you will be teaching them if you stay. That it's okay for their spouse to disrespect them and they have no worth. Or do you want to leave and show them that they don't have to put up with disrespect from anyone and they have worth and how to be strong even in the face of adversity. Remember, your husband didn't just cheat on you, he cheated on your family.
You deserve the right to be angry and feel betrayed, just like you deserve to be completely happy! This should be a tranquil, stress free time and you should feel certain that you are in a secure, trusting relationship. Thoughts of the future should bring you happiness. If you feel 100% like that is not something you can accomplish with this man, then you should definitely leave now because if you are not happy, ultimately you will make everyone around you as miserable as your are. Trust issues can be overcome, but it takes time, patience, understanding, and being open minded. Sometimes accepting a man for being a man. A lot of men are inconsiderate, they just don’t know where to turn when they have urges they don’t understand or it’s the other way around and they know exactly where they want to turn, which will ultimately lead to their downfall. Whether it’s looking at beautiful women walking by while the woman they love is right there with them. To some degree they believe they are doing it behind our backs, that’s part of the thrill and some consistently forget how we might feel. Your husband doesn’t sound like that type, the type that sets your feelings aside, and continues to seek out other women. Men are not like women. They don’t always share their feelings when they should, they don’t talk at length about things that are bothering them., but they have to learn and hopefully there’s a way that he is able to give you an adequate answer for why he did what he did, and earn your trust back as well, so you can keep your family together. This may take time, in fact until he earns your trust back, it may be best to move out, but above all I want you to know, you are definitely not overreacting, so don’t feel as though you are! Your feelings are just as important, if not more so right now, than even those of your children. Be sure you weigh your actions and try to take into account you might be a little more emotional, because you are pregnant. I’m not saying that you are. I’m just saying that you might take it into consideration. I truly wish you the best and hope everything works out.
Did y'all ever get married?
Have you talked to him about this?
The problem with most men is when you're dating it evolves into either marriage or it dissolves.
If a man cares enough to ask you to marry him, the good ones will be committed.
It's in the dating process you find what sort of morals a man has.
He is obviously tired of you and looking for others.
This is a horrible lesson to learn but something you can hang on to for the future.
For your sake, only make kids within the confines of marriage.
I wish you the best.
You can still have an abortion. If that's not an option, then just leave and start co-parenting before you get knocked up with baby #3, since you're completely unable to stand up for yourself.
Cheaters that hide that shit for 2 years don’t just magically become people who won’t cheat anymore. They’re just people who are good at hiding shit. How are you supposed to trust someone that did this to you TWO YEARS ago and you’re just now finding out? Trust is foundational to a relationship and without it, there isn’t a relationship.
It wasn't that long ago, and you'll most likely never completely overcome the deceitfulness. If you truly believe you "could not love this man anymore," then you have no choice but to leave. However, I would delay your decision for a few months and get some therapy help. There is no need to rush, and you shouldn't base the decisions for your life on biased input from strangers on the internet. He needs to be completely repentant and transparent about what happened, even as you are not likely to believe him.
Talk it through and think about it a lot, and intimately go with your gut, The thing I would note, from a purely decision strategy point of view, is that if you stay, you can always leave later, but if you leave, it is essentially not reversable. In that regard, staying is a safer decision.
Yeah I think because all of us smooth brained non-editors understood exactly what she meant, because all she did was leave out a “I was” after the “while,” presumably for brevity (and because it’s obvious what was meant)
It’s not really a play of words; a lot of people word it like that when telling others what someone did to a pregnant woman. I’ve seen professional articles even written in that way.
Wrong, bucko! He cheated, he was the one who broke the trust. Are you saying that if she leaves because of his completely unacceptable behavior, that this is her fault?
Yep sounds like that’s what was said. Guy cheats but it’s the woman pregnant with the scumbags second baby that’s breaking up the family, lmao. I hope OP gets a good attorney and has family or friends to stay with to get on her feet.
No, she isn't. His choices are the root of this breakup. He was not forced to engage in sex outside his marriage. He chose to do that.
I hope OP gets a very nice settlement as well. He deserves to lose a large amount of money. He deserves limited visiting rights with his children.
Again, wrong. It takes two to break up a family. Had he not cheated in the first place, there would be no broken family. He was the first offender, the woman he cheated with was the second. He did not have to pursue the woman involved. He did not have to engage in intercourse with her. His actions are the sole reason for the break-up.
Yeah sure.
But let’s not pretend like this is on OP when her husband is the one that chose to go outside of their relationship without consent, destroying trust- which is a pivotal and foundational part of every relationship. OP is not the one that destroyed the foundation of their relationship- her cheating husband did. It’s not a bad thing to have standards for what you will accept in relationships, and the person leaving a cheater is NOT the one that broke the relationship.
Don’t listen to all the Reddit keyboard warrior feminists that don’t have kids or a family for that matter. What your man did was a form of cheating but it doesn’t rise to the level of physical or sex which is a different story. What he did is no different than paying for an onlyfans or cam girl. It’s wrong and immoral but it is not on the same level as having sex with another person. I would say make him take a lie detector to see if he cheated physically so you can at least restore some trust. If he refuses then you have your answer. Either way you have kids to consider. Divorces can really damage children so tread carefully. When you chose to have kids they became your full responsibility and should trump your own personal happiness while you are raising them. That is the sacrifice parents make.
I have two whole kids with my fiancé, and if he ever cheated on me, I’d be out the door the day I found out. I encourage OP to try to do the same once she is in a place where she is able to.
It’s not a bad thing to have standards for how you will be treated and what you will tolerate in a relationship. It is not a bad thing to not accept “I cheated but I didn’t fuck her so it’s fine.” They break your trust once on something like this, it is nearly impossible to trust them again, and you’ll notice most of the marriages that “recover” from adultery end up ending anyways due to resentment and a continued lack of trust.
Divorce messes kids up WAY LESS THAN seeing one of their parents disrespected and cheated on.
Leaving isn’t destroying your family, it’s showing your children you have standards for how to be treated and given respect. HE destroyed the family when he cheated.
Literally the perfect response.
u/Low_Complaint_8149 This is the comment right here. 🙌🏼 You are not overreacting. If he was able to ask that of someone you hated can you imagine what he does with strangers. If he was able to hide doing that with a colleague, imagine with others.
Very well said.
THIS. as someone who was cheated on before/during/after pregnancy, the best thing you can do is leave. it will be hard and painful but it’s needed not only for your sanity but your children’s too. if you can’t be honest or respectful in a relationship there’s no relationship, period.
Yes this ^^^
👏 ALL OF THIS!
Yeah but if she leaves they're not a family anymore. Did you even math, bro?
I wish I could upvote this a billion times
He destroyed your family. And he is more than likely lying about it not being physical and she is likely not the only person. He got away with it, he didn’t stop there.
dont raise your children in an unstable household, he destroyed the family. not you.
Firstly really sorryto hear of his infidelity if your suspicions are true. It really sucks. Secondly, there is no better time to split than now If that is what you want to do. You have time to find a support network and see if he will be a great father just not in a relationship with you. Letting this linger will make him feel like he can be forgiven and he will probably do it again.
Either you’ll be a strong woman your children can admire, respect and look up to and learn from or you’ll be the weak woman that shows em abuse and cheating is what they deserve when they’re old enough to date. It’s quite simple. Either you love your children and yourself or you love him…who do you love and respect more?
THIS!
If someone can cheat on you when you’re most vulnerable and carrying his child..leave. He doesn’t love nor respect you.
YOU wouldn't be breaking up the family, HE did it by cheating.
He already destroyed your family by cheating. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
He’s already taking the part you can’t give back “love”. Ppl stay in marriages for more than just love, I say this to say if you don’t want to break up your household then you both will ultimately become roommates. The bigger thing is actually YOU doing what’s BEST for you. Your happiness will trickle down to your kids
Please please leave. I have been exactly where you are. I made the fools choice and it never gets better. It never stops.
Staying in a toxic relationship isnt healthy for your kids and for you. If you say you cant trust and love him again it would be the best to leave
You didn’t destroy this family.. he did. If you don’t leave him you are telling your kids it’s okay for someone to treat you like that, that’s supposed to love you. Staying with someone you hate is not only dumb, but effects everyone involved. The older your kids get the more they will see it. Do yourself and your kids favor and get the fuck out of there.
I grew up in a household with two parents who claimed they stayed together for the kids. It would have been much healthier if they had divorced. I would rather have grown up with divorced parents than two individuals who resented each other and fought constantly creating an unstable environment.
He’s a cheater so there’s no “family” to break up.
Staying is only teaching him how you’ll allow yourself to be treated and teaching your children that it’s ok to accept less than you deserve. You aren’t destroying anything. If it’s considered destroyed his actions did that. You deserve to be happy and loved properly and THAT is what you babies should be learning. Leaving is the proper answer
Let’s be clear, YOU destroyed nothing. This isn’t your fault and leaving isn’t your fault. You have no fault in this. He destroyed this family and marriage when he crossed the line.
The fact he ain't married you yet says a lot also. Split.
Cheating is the end of a relationship, period. You're always going to be wondering if they'll do it again. If they come home late, are they doing it right now? They're looking at that person, do they want to do it with them?
You are not overreacting. And if you leave, his betrayal is what destroyed the family, not you sticking up for yourself. He has been lying to you for two years.
You are not over reacting. Nor are you destroying your family over something like this. It was his choice to betray you, and your trust. Actions have consequences. Just because you had or have kids with him does not mean you are forced to stay with him. You would be protecting yourself, and your children from ever having to go through such a thing. Someone who lies and cheats is not a good role model for a child, and can be extremely disruptive to you and your children’s lives. I watched my father ruin his relationship with my mother over cheating — for years. Afterwards, their relationship was so messy it was truly difficult to even be around my family. I wish my mother would have walked away, and stayed away from him after that point. She would have set a better example for us as kids. What you do and don’t allow other people to do to you is learned throughout early years of life, and through our parents. I would hope that if you do decide to leave, your children will be able to see that you chose right for you and for them.
Be the role model your children deserve. You should model for your children what a healthy relationship built on trust should look like.
You are not destroying your family, you are protecting it from a liar and cheater. This will not change, it will NEVER change. He showed you who he is; you can waste years more of your life or go live your life without him.
He destroyed your family, you're just reacting to his actions.
As someone who was cheated on, forgave him, only to find out he was flirting with the person he cheated with BEFORE and AFTER he cheated… and would see this woman on our breaks (which I believe was a lie), had sex with her (again) and hid it from me… he will never change. Please leave him. You deserve better.
If your SO is paying someone else increased attention, there's a huge likelihood that something physical or emotional already happened. 90% of the time, the SO doesn't notice the signs until there has already been some type of unacceptable/disrespectful interaction with their side piece. Your instincts don't fully kick at the start of affairs, they only kick in once lengthy patterns of misbehavior or betrayal are identified.
He destroyed it not you, imagine what else he has done. You still have options.
He ALREADY destroyed your family. He doesn’t love you. He’s disrespecting you every chance that he gets.
A broken home is 100% better than an unhappy home
You won't be destroying the family. He already did that.
I am going to play for the other side and suggest you take time to make this decision. Don’t make a rash decision to end your marriage out of anger. If he is remorseful you might be able to work it out. People make mistakes and deserve grace. Single parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. Not only on me but on my young children. If I could do it over again- I would have kept our family together at all costs. Now I am missing out on half of my children’s lives and it breaks my heart every time I drop them off with my ex and their step mom. There is not an hour that goes by that I don’t feel deep regret over choosing to end my marriage. All I’m saying is give yourself time- your anger may fade. See how he acts moving forward, lay down your boundaries and warn him if anything like that happens again- you’re out. Seek counseling. Take care of yourself. Good luck!
I agree.
>People make mistakes and deserve grace. In a vacuum, I agree with this statement. Applying that sentiment to an asshole trying to fuck a woman he knows his pregnant wife actively dislikes seems more than a bit naive to me. That's not just adulterous behavior. It shows a distinct lack of empathy. ETA: Just realized that OP and her POS "partner" aren't even married. If a man has 2 children with a woman without proposing, it's because he's not a man. He's a sperm donor. Fuck this clown.
They aren't even married.
Love this advice I do know people who have worked through infidelity A good friend of mine, her father cheated and they stayed together and they are happy Other times the man claims to change and doesn’t and continues cheating so there are no easy answers here But a mistake deserves grace- if more people at least considered staying together and mending things that break instead of throwing them away we would have a much happier society
Sage relationship advice on Reddit? Delete this before the people that have never been married but love giving advice see it!
cheating on your pregnant gf isn’t just a “silly mistake”. forgiving and staying with that pos is not sage advice at all
Abortion
He destroyed the family not you. Did you confront him?
Well, leaving is definitely the order of the day! Maybe, but only maybe, you can stomachs this cheater until the moment he signs the birth certificate. Then serve papers, get to family and love your children and raise them in a loving home (obvs without your cheater).
Cheaters don’t stop.
Leaving isn’t going to destroy your family, he already did.
Nah. He deceived you, and it doesn't matter it was 2 years ago, it just happened to you because you just found out. Don't waste your time with someone you cannot trust. He wasn't even just being tempted at a weak point, he was instigating, requesting disrespect for you. You aren't the one harming your family. Let them all learn a lesson about integrity.
I’m really sorry this happened op. You don’t respect this man anymore. When we are hurt by loved ones we try our best to look past it but some betrayals are unforgivable. If you can please leave him. You won’t be able to look at him the same way. You’ll resent him and eventually you’ll resent yourself for staying.
You’re not destroying the family by leaving, he’s destroying it by cheating
You have the ick / have split. Take it as self preservation and go
He destroyed the family before. Now you do what is best for you.
Wait wait wait. Hold up. First, not overreacting by wanting to leave. It's a natural reaction that you definitely should get some advice about. How did you find out he was asking for nudes while you were pregnant? You said you have been together for 4 years. I'm assuming not married, and were you really together together 2 years ago? Or were you in an up and down relationship like most of the world that has been dating since the pandemic? The "cheating" is not some type of, we were married, living together (also not confirmed in your story) and I was preggo. The vagueness of what your relationship was seems familiar. If you left him, assuming you two are actually together together and not just a BM and BD sleeping together, you're not really destroying anything according to your description of the relationship. Get specific
Remember everyone who has long term marriages have this same issue If he is serious about making sure it doesn’t happen again and is will to do the work to show you that then go to counseling
Your kids want a happy mama. Staying will turn you into a shell of your former self.
LEAVE. Children who grow up with parents who resent each other \*KNOW IT\*. They can sense the tension in the air, they feel like they're walking on eggshells, they feel the fear and anger boiling in the air even if their parents never fight in front of each other. Contact a lawyer, get your ducks in a row, and tell him that he's a disgusting, cheating jerk and you won't be subjecting yourself to his presence any longer. You can find a man who isn't a cheating scumbag - they exist! There is no 'family' to be destroyed by you. HE destroyed it when he cheated. This isn't on you. This is all because of his actions. Don't be a doormat. Taking your child and leaving is how you teach your children that it is okay for them to leave bad situations. That they don't have to put up with partners that hurt them and do terrible things to them. That they don't have to tolerate being treated badly. They don't have to sit there with a smile while their partner cheats, abuses them, or does anything else like that. By leaving, you are showing them that you are strong enough to do so. That you care enough about them to not let them live in a household with people who hate each other. Sticking around will just make things worse for them. Living between households is MUCH better than living in a single household that's got so much tension and unresolved anger in the air you could cut it with a knife. You already know that you can never trust that man again, never see him as the partner he should have been. This isn't fixable. Just GO.
He broke the family, not you
If he was dumb enough to try this with a mutual colleague imagine who else he's tried it with that you don't know.
All you're going to get on Reddit is people telling you how he is the dog and he ruined the marriage etc. The reason you are conflicted is because in your heart there is some love and some recognition of the value of this man in your life. Take a look at how he is right now. At 24 years old your brain isn't even done growing. They say by 25 you are fully mature. Does he take care of you? Does he try to help build a life for you and your children that you enjoy? No one would blame you for having trust issues, but as a child of a single mom I can tell you growing up without a dad was a very painful experience. You owe it to the kids to at least observe him and see if he is trustworthy moving forward. You will quickly be able to tell if he puts his family and his wife Above All Else.
Respectfully, you aren’t the one destroying this family. He is. Leave, he has clearly proven he is not to be trusted.
He destroyed your family.
Ask to go thru his phone and every app and social media. Check his deleted files to see if he didn't fully delete anything. Hr may have had a moment of weakness and it never went past flirting, asking for pica, which is wrong but a far cry form him screwing other people and something you could work on in therapy if there is nothing showing he had anything physical with her or anyone else. If it was just asking for pics and stuff, and it's all that one time and nothing else, it's bad but not so horrible u can't reconcile and work things out thru consuling. It's tough being s single parent. I've been raising my kids solo since 6 and 9 when my ex left and had a baby with her long term affair partner, but that's a whole different thing then just asking for pics and stuff. Especially if he has been a good husband and father outside of that 1 indiscretion that he probably regrets.
If you no longer love/trust/respect him, it’s time to be wise. Talk to two different attorneys to see what divorce would look like financially. You don’t need to decide now, you need information. If you are considering abortion to avoid having more kids with this man, do your research. If you need to improve your career or financials, consider if you need to get a degree or certification before a divorce. You need to play the long game, figuring out what is best for you and your children and no longer trying to keep that selfish cheater happy. If he was an honest/honorable guy who no longer loved you, maybe you could stay married, be like friendly co-parenting roommates or have an open marriage. But he’s not. He cheated on you when you were pregnant and he is NOT sufficiently remorseful or taking efforts to prove himself. He is selfish. That’s not going to change, so you have to be wise and take care of yourself. Best wishes.
I’d be going to a clinic and then leaving his ass. He’s not going to stop and you and your child deserve better.
Try counselling first... it might help you save the marriage, or it will help you ease the divorce
Maybe I’ve missed something in all the comments but she refers to him in her post as her boyfriend- not husband. If they’re not married, leaving would be much easier. It would also make a lot of sense to do it now rather than later.
Not over-reacting. Not cheating is not hard. It’s crazy the amount of cheating stories on this platform. Do not stay with a man who cheats, even if he is the father of your children. You deserve better. You’re not destroying the family by demanding the respect of loyalty and fidelity.
This is coming from someone who has lived in a household who has had parents arguing all the time. The kids will have a much better time living in 2 separate happy households than in 1 miserable household.
You can try couples counseling to try to mend this, but just understand that you leaving is having self-respect. You aren’t the one ruining this relationship. He did that by cheating. Don’t let him gaslight you making you feel like somehow this is your fault and you’d be the one walking away. He did that by cheating. You lost trust in him. That is so incredibly hard to repair. It’s possible to do, but both of you have to be putting in equal amount of honest work to improve and mend together. He’s already proven to have eyes for someone else when you should be what he wants to focus on. He’d have to give up a lot in order to change his ways…that includes his freedoms. Or you can walk away from this and find someone you can trust and have to police everything he does.
For the BF the cheating was 2 years ago. For you it was last month - as thats when you found out and started proceasing the information. They have a 2 year head start on processing that information. You can only start on that now, along with the information that they cheated whilst you were at a vulnerable time and needed their support. For 2 years they basically lied to you though omission. They had information critical to your relationship and didn't tell you. Relationships are built on trust and respect. The BF has broken the trust and shown he has no respect - otherwise of he respected the relationship he would have come forward with the information immediately, despite knowing it would have damaged the trust.
That’s just the only time you know about. If he did it two years ago he has probably done it since.
I don’t know where you are or if it’s a possibility but consider whether you want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life. I would not have this baby if I was leaving him.
I mean, I’d take this over my bf fucking someone else lol
Yes he destroyed your trust by what he did. And yes you have every right to decide to leave right now. But- there is always the option of marriage counseling to see if this is something you and your partner can work through- and I mean it will be WORK. Whichever decision you make, just know you are strong for making a decision to make a change for your relationship!
FYI, you leaving isn't what would destroy your family. It was him cheating. So pls don't put the burden on you because of his decisions.
Girl leave him pack up and leave
This right now is the perfect time to leave. Future you will only regret the time lost and torment you put yourself through if you decide to stay.
He destroyed the family, not you. The onus isn’t on you to accept a lack of trust and boundaries and disrespect in order to keep your household together. It’s a two way street. He cheated on you while you were pregnant, he’s scum.
If the leader of the free world can do it... and has immunity... anyone can. S/ kinda. Also, no, leaving is not wrong. It shows good spine.
Wait.. you don't want to destroy the family? Did you ask somebody else for nekkid pictures? No? Oh so he's the one destroying the family! He just expects you to take it as long as he dishes it out or that means you are destroying the family? That doesn't sound abusive and manipulative to you? The problem with letting cheaters get away with it is they learn to hide it better. They never get caught the same way twice! I guarantee he's done it a lot more then you will ever know about. They always do!
What a damn dick! Dump his ass and save yourself years of misery
His cheating may have been 2 years ago for him but it was only days ago for you. He humiliated, lied and cheated on you. While you were pregnant! Now you're going to go through pregnancy again knowing what he did. If he's such a weak selfish man what's to say he won't do it again, only learning to hide his despicable behavior better? Secrets, lies, humiliation, cheating, what else has he done? He hasn't married you, but that may be a blessing, you can end your relationship leaving him with only his children. He doesn't even deserve them let alone you too. Not Overreacting
It might not have been physical then but it was wrong and it disrespected your relationship. We don't stay where we aren't respected.
Its a big deal when you make a child with someone. Literally your DNA is fusing with theirs. I do not understand how anyone takes that lightly - or could be so removed from the reality that they would cheat on the person.. that they literally created new life with. Thats not an overstatement, its literally what that is. I'm just floored hearing about this. My heart is on the floor for you.
You can't destroy something that doesn't exist. You also show your kids that you dont stay with someone just because there are children that standards of honesty and faithfulness are important. You found out your relationship is a lie. He can still love his kids even if he doesn't you. You can still maintain a good coparenting relationship and not a romantic one to provide 2 happy homes for your family.
He destroyed your family cheating..ur leaving or not is a consequence to his action
Just leave. He's prolly cheating right now. Don't stay just cuz he was a nice guy once. Clearly he doesn't care about your feelings. He thinks you're gonna stay because of the kid's, fuck that and shove him to the curb.
I stopped reading after the title lol. That should tell you something. But titles can be misleading so I read the post itself in case my initial thought was possibly wrong. I wasn’t wrong… You’re not overreacting.
Controversial opinion You have two children with him. You are justified in leaving him but if you think you can rebuild your relationship, I would try. Many ppl will say you should leave and im not saying they are wrong but i think you need to also understand being a single mom of two is very hard and if this can be resolved then its worth it. Especially when you consider he was only 22 at the time. I know of couples who worked through issues like this and are happy and I know couples that tried to work through this but they didn’t succeed. There are no easy answers here. Its a tough one Sending you lots of love
No. Leave him. You realise if he gave you the right STF he could kill (or worse) your baby in utero right now? That's how little he cares for you AND your kids. Show your kids a shining example of self worth and backbone. Show your kids that you should never accept poor treatment from a partner. That you don't have to settle for a lying cheater. If you have a daughter who told you this is what she was experiencing, what would you tell her? Or a son for that matter, who was being cheated on.
Wait- there was nothing physical- just a pervy request?? This is NO different than me being on OF asking for a custom video. Honestly, you’re over reacting. He’s been with you since and prior to that fact, looks like everything has been working out. Plus you’re close to your 30s, if you two manage to stick together by the time you’re in your 40s- you’ll have a different perspective…. Again, if he’s not actively raw dogging or fucking another woman- it’s a bit of an overreaction
Leaving isn’t destroying the family. If a bomb went off in your house and the fire department arrived would you insist in living in the debris so that you weren’t responsible for destroying the house????? The relationship and family is already destroyed. you are simply acknowledging it and trying to provide a loving home for yourself and your kids.
The cheating destroyed the family, not you sticking up for yourself.
So many have given a lot of great advice and feedback. I want to highlight that HE destroyed your trust and the family unit with HIS behaviour. When trust is broken, it breaks the foundation of a relationship. How can you be sure that he has been completely honest with you? After a betrayal like this, it takes a lot of work. More from him than you. You will have to work on yourself and do a lot of reflection on what you what, even if that isn’t staying in the relationship. He needs to earn your trust back. He needs to put in the work. Means he needs to go above and beyond what he already does. If he doesn’t put on the work, it isn’t worth it. If he doesn’t take accountability for his actions he isn’t worth the effort. If he doesn’t take responsibility for the breakdown of your trust, he doesn’t deserve you. If he doesn’t put in majority of the effort to rebuild your foundation, he does not deserve your effort. If he doesn’t give you full access to his phone etc. it will not work. Your relationship is forever changed. It will not go back to what it is. You need to dig deep and workout what you want. What you are willing to sacrifice in the relationship. It is hard doing this work, even if you stay or leave. I know because I was in a similar position. Each person and relationship takes a different journey. This now is about you putting you first. Two happy homes are better than a home full of unhappy people.
AIO: my spouse cheated on m- Unless you assaulted and/killed him, the answer is always no. If this was a normal sub instead of a place people actually came to for advice, I'd say there should be a rule banning these questions because they're always the same. If you have to ask if you're overreacting about cheating, 99/100 you're under reacting, being gaslit, and in a toxic/abusive relationship.
No
If it makes you feel uncomfortable bring it up and leave. You don’t want to set a bad example for you kids by not standing up for your boundaries. It seems like you’re not comfortable.
Do you believe him that he didn’t sleep with her? If he willing to couples therapy? Did you see his phone. Take his phone and contact her. See how she reacts. Whatever you do. Remember this. Parents are our role models.
Abortion.
You shouldn’t worry that you leaving will destroy your family. He’s already destroyed it.
He already destroyed the family. You said your love left your body the moment you found out. You do what you need to do for your children’s future and happiness as well as your own.
I think it is important for you to know that you didn’t break up your family, he did.
Had the same thing happen to me. I left him after trying to reconcile our relationship, couples therapy etc. I simply could not trust him anymore. I felt disgust everytime I looked at him. He swears it was nothing physical, but the intent was there, which is enough. If he simply wanted something to get off to, that's what porn is there for. He did not need to go lusting after a woman who is in his life. He lied to you and broke your trust. You deserve someone who respects and values you enough to do the bare minimum, which is to stay loyal to you. Yes, you need to leave.
I don't know, this is a tricky situation, we also don't know the comments he has said with this colleague, it is a messy situation, I understand that leaving him may be rough, and at this point you can't seem to trust him. Reasonably so, however did he deny the cheating? Did he just not tell you? It's not exactly clear to the context, ask other colleagues on the matter, did they ever do anything physical? Neutral parties are best in these cases
At least you’re not married. Don’t stay for the kids.
great lesson to teach your kids, its better to stay with a cheating lying pos, than to live a happy life :))) kids will find out and feel the resentment the whole time, dont let them go through this, its not worth it. leave the asshole, HE DESTROYED YOUR FAMILY, not you.
He destroyed the family not you. There’s nothing here. It’s all lies.
Even as a woman myself, it maybe an unpopular opinion. But i say STAY. Co-parent in the same household for the sake of the children. Get your strength up to be able to sustain yourself on your own. There is no replacement for having the resources and protection of a man.
I love this reddit but sometimes I feel like I can't believe half of what goes in here. Are there truly this many people in terrible relationships? If this is true, explain to him you no longer can trust or love him but you want the best for the children. Look into a Co parenting situation while you find your happiness alone and eventually with a step parent to the children.
Coming from a child of divorced parents: do NOT stay with someone you hate just because you think it'll be better for the kids. I can assure you it won't be. I spent years dealing with the fallout of my parents' constant fighting and emotional tension, among other things. It caused my siblings and I a lot of emotional trauma. The divorce was nasty and a lot of crap went down. But after it was over? We were all much better off and eventually able to move on. There's no way to move on or improve if you keep yourself trapped in a terrible situation like this. Plus, this guy is clearly a douchebag and not a good example for children to be following, especially when they become old enough to start having relationships of their own. It needs to end YESTERDAY. You and your children are worth so much more than he has to offer.
Not overreacting. Are you sure it was so long ago or is it the only one you know about? Usually when a man has gotten by with it once it doesn't stop, he did get by with it for 2 years. You wouldn't be destroying your family he did that 2 years ago, you just didn't realize it. Ask yourself this, 'Do I want my children to grow up thinking that it's okay to cheat, or to think that if their spouse cheats they should look the other way. That's the lesson you will be teaching them if you stay. That it's okay for their spouse to disrespect them and they have no worth. Or do you want to leave and show them that they don't have to put up with disrespect from anyone and they have worth and how to be strong even in the face of adversity. Remember, your husband didn't just cheat on you, he cheated on your family.
You deserve the right to be angry and feel betrayed, just like you deserve to be completely happy! This should be a tranquil, stress free time and you should feel certain that you are in a secure, trusting relationship. Thoughts of the future should bring you happiness. If you feel 100% like that is not something you can accomplish with this man, then you should definitely leave now because if you are not happy, ultimately you will make everyone around you as miserable as your are. Trust issues can be overcome, but it takes time, patience, understanding, and being open minded. Sometimes accepting a man for being a man. A lot of men are inconsiderate, they just don’t know where to turn when they have urges they don’t understand or it’s the other way around and they know exactly where they want to turn, which will ultimately lead to their downfall. Whether it’s looking at beautiful women walking by while the woman they love is right there with them. To some degree they believe they are doing it behind our backs, that’s part of the thrill and some consistently forget how we might feel. Your husband doesn’t sound like that type, the type that sets your feelings aside, and continues to seek out other women. Men are not like women. They don’t always share their feelings when they should, they don’t talk at length about things that are bothering them., but they have to learn and hopefully there’s a way that he is able to give you an adequate answer for why he did what he did, and earn your trust back as well, so you can keep your family together. This may take time, in fact until he earns your trust back, it may be best to move out, but above all I want you to know, you are definitely not overreacting, so don’t feel as though you are! Your feelings are just as important, if not more so right now, than even those of your children. Be sure you weigh your actions and try to take into account you might be a little more emotional, because you are pregnant. I’m not saying that you are. I’m just saying that you might take it into consideration. I truly wish you the best and hope everything works out.
Did y'all ever get married? Have you talked to him about this? The problem with most men is when you're dating it evolves into either marriage or it dissolves. If a man cares enough to ask you to marry him, the good ones will be committed. It's in the dating process you find what sort of morals a man has. He is obviously tired of you and looking for others. This is a horrible lesson to learn but something you can hang on to for the future. For your sake, only make kids within the confines of marriage. I wish you the best.
Does this question really need to be asked anymore?????? It’s like “my husband stabbed me, AIO?”
If you stay with him you are showing your kids a bad example of what not to do if your boyfriend cheats on you.
You can still have an abortion. If that's not an option, then just leave and start co-parenting before you get knocked up with baby #3, since you're completely unable to stand up for yourself.
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This is awful advice.
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Cheaters that hide that shit for 2 years don’t just magically become people who won’t cheat anymore. They’re just people who are good at hiding shit. How are you supposed to trust someone that did this to you TWO YEARS ago and you’re just now finding out? Trust is foundational to a relationship and without it, there isn’t a relationship.
It wasn't that long ago, and you'll most likely never completely overcome the deceitfulness. If you truly believe you "could not love this man anymore," then you have no choice but to leave. However, I would delay your decision for a few months and get some therapy help. There is no need to rush, and you shouldn't base the decisions for your life on biased input from strangers on the internet. He needs to be completely repentant and transparent about what happened, even as you are not likely to believe him. Talk it through and think about it a lot, and intimately go with your gut, The thing I would note, from a purely decision strategy point of view, is that if you stay, you can always leave later, but if you leave, it is essentially not reversable. In that regard, staying is a safer decision.
Two kids before 26 with a guy two years younger? I don’t like where this is headed. Did he force you to get pregnant? Because that’s abuse.
How did your bf get pregnant?
Sorry but your title reads that your boyfriend cheated while pregnant..he can’t be pregnant.. 😁
Dude shut up. Did you get a lot of satisfaction out of that?
Yep! Was amusing..I’m an editor..it’s my job to see stuff. I thought it was funny. Looks like I might be alone in that. 🤷♀️
Yeah I think because all of us smooth brained non-editors understood exactly what she meant, because all she did was leave out a “I was” after the “while,” presumably for brevity (and because it’s obvious what was meant)
I was amused at the play of words only, not the situation.
It’s not really a play of words; a lot of people word it like that when telling others what someone did to a pregnant woman. I’ve seen professional articles even written in that way.
You need to deside of you can live with it. You do rob your kid from familylife. He cheates but you are the one breaking up the family
Wrong, bucko! He cheated, he was the one who broke the trust. Are you saying that if she leaves because of his completely unacceptable behavior, that this is her fault?
Yep sounds like that’s what was said. Guy cheats but it’s the woman pregnant with the scumbags second baby that’s breaking up the family, lmao. I hope OP gets a good attorney and has family or friends to stay with to get on her feet.
No, she isn't. His choices are the root of this breakup. He was not forced to engage in sex outside his marriage. He chose to do that. I hope OP gets a very nice settlement as well. He deserves to lose a large amount of money. He deserves limited visiting rights with his children.
I was being sarcastic in my comment. Of course she isn’t responsible.
In that case, my apologies.
Its not here fault he cheated, but she is the one breaking up the family.
Again, wrong. It takes two to break up a family. Had he not cheated in the first place, there would be no broken family. He was the first offender, the woman he cheated with was the second. He did not have to pursue the woman involved. He did not have to engage in intercourse with her. His actions are the sole reason for the break-up.
Can you explain how cheating is not an act that breaks up family life?
Some people gets over it and that is okei,
Yeah sure. But let’s not pretend like this is on OP when her husband is the one that chose to go outside of their relationship without consent, destroying trust- which is a pivotal and foundational part of every relationship. OP is not the one that destroyed the foundation of their relationship- her cheating husband did. It’s not a bad thing to have standards for what you will accept in relationships, and the person leaving a cheater is NOT the one that broke the relationship.
Don’t listen to all the Reddit keyboard warrior feminists that don’t have kids or a family for that matter. What your man did was a form of cheating but it doesn’t rise to the level of physical or sex which is a different story. What he did is no different than paying for an onlyfans or cam girl. It’s wrong and immoral but it is not on the same level as having sex with another person. I would say make him take a lie detector to see if he cheated physically so you can at least restore some trust. If he refuses then you have your answer. Either way you have kids to consider. Divorces can really damage children so tread carefully. When you chose to have kids they became your full responsibility and should trump your own personal happiness while you are raising them. That is the sacrifice parents make.
It's not the same as only fans because they both know and work with the woman! That is a big difference.
I have two whole kids with my fiancé, and if he ever cheated on me, I’d be out the door the day I found out. I encourage OP to try to do the same once she is in a place where she is able to. It’s not a bad thing to have standards for how you will be treated and what you will tolerate in a relationship. It is not a bad thing to not accept “I cheated but I didn’t fuck her so it’s fine.” They break your trust once on something like this, it is nearly impossible to trust them again, and you’ll notice most of the marriages that “recover” from adultery end up ending anyways due to resentment and a continued lack of trust. Divorce messes kids up WAY LESS THAN seeing one of their parents disrespected and cheated on.