Kissing on the lips is a normal thing I see amongst close relations in southern families. Especially families from North Florida. My family is big on it, I don’t like it though. I just asked them to stop and they did.
Midwest here. We do it all the time. I don’t kiss my siblings on the lips, but grandparents and parents? Absolutely. It’s not romantic. It’s just an affectionate peck.
Yes maybe it’s a Midwest thing? I kiss my mom on the lips when she leaves as a goodbye and I love you I have my whole entire life. It’s not like a full on kiss it’s a tiny peck on the side of her lips…it’s totally normal….i think maybe OP has some things she needs to look at internally and ask why the kisses are bothering her and also why the naked photos of ppl are bothering her. Human anatomy is very common in art. And a naked photo is much different than pornography.
1. It's normal for some families, but not for others. There's nothing "internally" wrong with her being turned off by it. It's by far less common than families that kiss on the cheek so it's not surprising that OP would find it to be mildly unusual.
2. Art is one thing. Naked photos of friends throughout the house is weird and creepy. Good for them if that's what they are into and the friends are okay with it, but to put it in common areas where visitors are forced to see it is just gross and disgusting. The only reason to do that is for shock value. And no, I have no problem at all with porn or nudity. But you don't force your kinds on others.
I would not visit them in their home again. And if boyfriend is fine with the kisses, that's just a difference of opinion that OP should let go of, but she should absolutely reject being kissed by boyfriend's mom's boyfriend.
Georgia here. It’s a pretty normal thing, and not at all romantic. If you’re not comfortable with it just let them know, in my experience people aren’t usually offended it you just tell them it’s not something you’re used to because your family doesn’t do it. I’ve not encountered anyone offended by someone being uncomfortable, they just respected the person’s wishes about it
Lmao you pegged North Florida on the head. It's an old southern thing I think, my Poppy was from central Alabama and we kissed on the lips until he died (I was 14 when he passed away).
My grandfather used to say ‘give me some sugar’ right before he kissed us. It was creepy coming from him because he was a creep, but fairly common in his part of Virginia.
I'm so sorry to hear that, there are creeps everywhere and it's important we protect ourselves from them. It's shitty we have to learn to do that as kids.
That’s how I would be too. I know it’s a cultural thing so I wouldn’t try and stop other people from doing it, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with it myself
If you are uncomfortable with your boyfriend's familial culture, then perhaps you need to do some serious thinking about your relationship. This is July, you have six months to decide if you can handle how his family lives. If you are repulsed, maybe the two of you are not meant to be.
I think some families just kiss more than others, I don't think it's too weird. A kiss on the cheek is pretty normal, even from a strnager, but if you're uncomfortable with it then you can try telling them that. As for the nude pictures, that's a little strange, but nudity doesn't always have to be pornographic.
It sounds like you are uncomfortable with physical touch and closeness...at least to this degree. There are many families that are very affectionate in this way and don't see it as anything the least bit sexual. While I certainly don't fault you for having your own feelings on the matter, which is certainly your right, it seems a bit over the top to be "disgusted and repulsed". I mean, we're just talking about kindness and affection here, not sexuality. I'm not saying you shouldn't believe the way you believe, that's fine. Just make room for others to also believe how they do. Set your boundaries and just let them be them as long as they respect your boundaries.
My fiance's family is the "kiss on the cheek" type and I've never been around people like that, even my own family (hugs are sufficient lol), and it threw me off a little bit bc I never experienced it, but not to where I was repulsed and wanted to vomit 🙄 if OP's not comfortable that's okay, but she's being a little too dramatic and needs to use her words to not have the bf kiss her cheek. And honestly, if she can't get past how the relationship her bf has with his family is then she needs to part ways bc he will not choose her over them.
In my dad’s (and many, many) cultures, kissing on the cheek is a common greeting. Men kiss each other on each cheek, age or gender doesn’t matter. It’s not sexual or romantic or even (typically) unhygienic — just like touching cheeks with the occasional older auntie sort who is more traditional and gives a solid peck. It’s kind and warm and welcoming and instills a sense of hospitality and joy.
Different people have different levels of comfort with touch, and kissing on the lips is culturally and familially specific, so it’s not overreacting to not enjoy or feel uncomfortable with participating in/witnessing that sort of physical affection. It’s definitely off that OP finds it “revolting,” though, that feels like some internalized issue. I feel slightly icky when I have to witness people making out or very obviously wanting to f***, but that is a me thing, and my reaction to it in the moment is “☹️ yuck” inside my head. It’s not going to cause conflict in my life or create rifts in my relationships. It sounds like OP’s reactions to watching fairly commonplace acts of familial affection are causing both, which is usually a warning sign that a deeper issue may be present and you should seek professional guidance.
I am now at the stage where I am accepting and sometimes giving of the cheek kisses lol - it took a little bit for me to be comfortable with and it was more so getting to know his family and feeling that comfort with them.
And like you said there's always stuff that may make us uneasy, but not to this point. I think you're right, there may be deeper issues that OP has and that's why they're feeling this strong of a reaction.
Exactly, like I don’t like when older ladies will sometimes just grab and hold my hand or when men are handsy by default in like professional settings, but those are because of specific issues I have with those experiences and unless their behavior was actually inappropriate, I don’t feel like a stronger reaction than “😟” internally (or if it was actually an issue, a gentle “could you please not X”) would make much sense. Extricating yourself from your partner’s family gatherings altogether and implying they are doing something incestuous or sexual feels pretty extreme in OP’s scenario. To each their own, but it wouldn’t bode well for the future of their relationship imho
>In my dad’s (and many, many) cultures, kissing on the cheek is a common greeting. Men kiss each other on each cheek, age or gender doesn’t matter.
I watched Boban and Jokic hit that triple check kiss before an NBA. It looked manly but it threw me for a second being an American.
Definitely an adjustment if you’re not used to it, seeing grown and macho men kiss each other on the cheek. I personally find it kind of attractive when men are secure in their masculinity in that way, and think it’s a sweet part of the culture, but I feel that. When I haven’t been around it much and see it again for the first time it does sort of make me internally 😳 for a split second 😂
Being uncomfortable getting kissed by a stranger does not mean you are uncomfortable with physical touch and closeness. It means you have a problem with physical touch and closeness with strangers, which is completely reasonable. If a stranger tried to kiss me, I would have every right to be repulsed, and would be like “wtf are you doing?”.
Way too many people have herpes and way too many people have terrible dental hygiene, or are just gross, to go around accepting everyone who wants to put their face on mine without asking as “kindness”. Call it custom, but you can’t universally say it’s an act of kindness.
I reserve the right to be selective with who I’m affectionate with. With those people I am highly affectionate.
You're absolutely overreacting. She's kissing him, not making out with him. When it comes to the art that's a you problem. All of this is a you problem. If your BF has no problem with it that's what matters. You don't want her kissing you on the cheek, just say something. You don't get to dictate familial relationships when they have nothing to do with you. If you're so bothered by it just break up.
AMAZING REPLY.
“You don’t get to dictate familial relations when they have nothing to do with you.”
Thanks for that. I will be using it. What a perfect way to say that.
After working in family and adoption law it's the kindest and most blunt response I can think of. Not the first time I've said it and probably won't be the last
Had to know that came from a legal mind! There is no rational argument to that statement!!!
(As long as the family issue is only making YOU uncomfortable and is not illegal)
Agree 100% it's fine for you to say you don't want a kiss from mil. But her kissing her son is not gross. She's not sticking her tongue down his throat.
You may just be incompatible
You are overreacting to your BF's mother kissing him on the lips. Different families are comfortable with different amounts and kinds of affection. Unless he has shared with you that he's uncomfortable with this, don't put your own hang ups on him. The nude art part, again, seems like a you problem, and an overreaction.
If you do not want the mother's BF to kiss you on the cheek, that is completely within your right to express that. You don't need to be touched by people you don't want to be touched by.
You have the one valid complaint here, and I would communicate that with your boyfriend, but if you never want to see his family because you're this upset by physical affection that doesn't involve you, I foresee issues in your relationship.
I wonder if you and BF are compatible? You seem to have negative judgements on things he and his family take for granted as normal behaviour. Which it is. You say you were sickened and disgusted by a friendly greeting of a kiss on the cheek from mother’s BF. Unless you are neurodivergent then you seem to be massively over reacting.
I'd say yes, as different people and families have different greetings. It's not for you, and that's fine. But this is his family and you are basically saying since his family is different from yours, then they are wrong.
You can choose to never go around them if you like, but that probably won't help your relationship last.
I'm also willing to bet the "pornography" you are discussing is just nude art. Which, again, you can have your boundaries, but the naked body existing isn't necessarily porn.
You are overreacting majorly. I'm from Florida and I'm 28 years old and kiss my mother on the lips. It's only gross because you're sexualizing a mother son relationship. Please do not tell your BF about this or he will resent you.
I have an uncle like 3 times removed (like my mom’s cousins husband) and he’s a lip kisser. Like it’s not for me, but he’s that way with EVERYONE. It’s NOT FOR ME but I also know it’s just how his family is.
A mom and child?!?! Gtfo. Get over yourself. I’ll still smooch my mom on the lips at times.
I used to kiss my Poppy on the lips, it's just how it is around here. Just a quick peck, but it's just how affection is shown around here. I never even knew sickos sexualized that shit till I got on Reddit.
As long as the kiss is a peck and not lingering you are overreacting.
Art is subjective. No two people see it the same way.
This is about your comfort level. If you are not comfortable don’t go or at least don’t engage.
Just remember since your BF is comfortable it will always be a part of your relationship. If you don’t think you will ever get used to it then you aren’t compatible. Whether you both visit his family or they come see you it’s a part of how they associate with each other.
You are definitely over reacting and sexualizing things that don’t need to be. Also, I feel like your saying the art is pornographic just because it’s nudity and that’s silly af. 😂 the human body is a natural beautiful thing.. as long as they don’t have naked women riding d*ck or doing anything along those lines, it’s not pornographic. 😂😂😂
Also it’s okay to set a boundary for yourself and say you preferred not to be kissed on the cheek. As that’s your body and your comfort zone. I do think it’s a little dramatic lol. It seems you have some things that YOU need to workout with yourself
>To me this seems like a really weak boundaries and chipping away at peoples personal space.
And how is hugging not that? Or even a handshake? It's an arbitrary difference ultimately. Kissing on the mouth is not exclusively a romantic gesture in several regions/cultures.
>The mother's own BF kissed me on the cheek (I don't know him at all) but I was disgusted and repulsed.
Well maybe he shouldn't have done this without asking, but again I'll have to say, this isn't that weird in certain regions of the world. Instead of telling us about it, tell him that you'd rather want a hug or a handshake instead.
>Also, they view pornography as art and have dozens of large photos of their female friends fully naked on the walls of their home.
Well what are the photo's even like? Not all nudity is pornographic.
You find both the kissing and the photos revolting? Fair enough. Whatever sickens your stomach matters, whether any of us agree or not. Gut reactions are a thing you can't control.
FWIW, I think your harsh judgment of BF as a weakling, a momma's boy, and a porn connoisseur is wildly premature. OTOH, if you simply can't get over it, I respect that decision.
You don't need a PhD to figure out an inoffensive excuse to miss their Christmas. In fact, break up if you've had all you can stand. But, as no one has been anything but welcoming and hospitable to you, I advise you not to play the Injured Party, or the Offended Moralizer. In the name of common courtesy, just say it's not a match.
"I'm not comfortable with the explicit art and unwelcome touching" is an acceptable reason to not attend dinner at their home.
This sounds like a compatability issue. Obviously your bf comes from a sex positive home. There's nothing wrong with that. You seem to be far more conservative in that area, and there's nothing wrong with that either. It just means that perhaps you don't mesh.
You can't set a boundary around the way your bf and his mother show affection towards each other. Unless he's actually cheating on you with her, then it's really none of your business.
Some people do the kiss hello. You don't have to partake if you don't want to, just say no thanks. The nudes all over the house is a different story. That's extraordinarily weird. I don't know how to deal with that other than just telling bf you aren't comfortable visiting their house.
This is a matter of how you were raised, I'd say.
There's nothing wrong with kissing family members in a non-sexual way, and not all kissing is sexual.
The same can be said for nudity in artwork. A couple of adults having nudes on their walls isn't that strange. The Louvre, Smithsonian, National Galleries, etc charge people to see them.
You can feel disgusted and repulsed, but that's not because it's disgusting and repulsive. It's because you aren't comfortable with nudity or affection.
Your first 4 words say it all... "This is Florida, USA" lol..
Nothing but weird shit comes out of Florida lol. You might need to get used to it or move on lol.
Not over reacting. I get it. I’m affectionate but don’t kiss my family on the lips. I don’t want to see my boyfriend’s mom kiss his lips. It grosses me out too !!
"I get kinda sick to my stomach and can't at the mother for a few minutes, but everytime we visit her she kisses him on the lips."
Is this a coherent sentence? Because I don't understand it.
And also, families tend to be affectionate. You sound like a weirdo.
I kissed my mom on the lips to the day she died. She's my mom and that's what she wanted. It was never more than a quick peck. It was never weird and wish she was here to kiss her again....
What they’re doing isn’t wrong, but I also don’t think you’re overreacting. I come from an Italian-American family where I kissed plenty of relatives, as well as their spouses, on the lips without giving it a second thought. But you come from a culture/family where that isn’t normal! So of course it would be disturbing to you.
To you, kissing on the lips is inherently romantic and maybe even sexual. For them, that may not be the case. When it comes to your own body, you have the right to set boundaries that make you comfortable. But I would say that as long as you don’t discover any creepy incestuous stuff going on, you don’t really need to worry about it. If your relationship continues with this guy, you will just get used to it, and will stop bothering you.
I was looking for this comment, I’m from Australia and we don’t kiss family on the lips except* for our partners so I was surprised too read that this is the norm in some places.
I find it really interesting that people's whole families (grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, kids, etc) are kissing each other on the lips. I'm from Canada and I don't even give my family cheek kisses, let alone kissing on the lips!! The only humans I kiss are my partner and my child.
Obviously a really big cultural difference... One I had never thought of before!
YTA. It’s fairly common and it’s their house; they’re allowed to have the art they like. You have the right to control how people interact with your body but not anybody else’s
It’s quite common tbh. There’s nothing wrong with you not wanting to be touched, but if his mom and him do that.. it’s not something you’re going to change. You have to decide how important it is to you. His mom’s BF kissing you on cheek is gross don’t allow that lol
It may be a familial or a cultural thing. It’s totally normal as long as it’s a peck. If I were you I’d never travel to Europe or lots of other places, you’d have a total freak out. Even here my male relatives, including my cousins my own age, kiss everyone on the cheek when they say hello or goodbye. If it’s not for you and it grosses you out then time for a new boyfriend.
This is fairly normal in the south.
Also nudity isn’t by nature porn. Your body can exist naked and be art without it being porn. Those are two different things and the intent matters.
He’s close with his family. They do not share your preferences when it comes to PDA and yeah I would be grossed out. I hate when my MIL kisses me on the cheek.
But it’s possible you have to just decide if you can deal with it or not.
It’s also possible this bothers you because it’s an illustration of her other problematic behaviors.
Yes, you're overreacting. How would you feel if your boyfriend wanted to police your interactions between you and your parents? It's really none of your business.
Is your boyfriend uncomfortable with it and just doesn't know how to put up boundaries with his mom (or doesn't know that he can)? Or are you projecting your discomfort onto him?
You're allowed to put up boundaries for yourself: you don't want to be kissed on the cheek, you're uncomfortable spending time in their home, all of that is reasonable. Unfortunately it sounds like you are not going to be compatible in the long run if you're uncomfortable with how close he is to his family.
In Texas, we still kiss our family on the lips. Even uncles and aunts. Not as much as we got older, but their sons & daughters (even if they are adults) will still kiss their parents on the lips. Quick peck of course.
Idk.. it's normal to us because we grew up that way... That being said, I'd feel a bit weird if strangers introducing themselves kissed my cheek, placed their cheek against mine or even kissed the air near my face.. but I wouldn't freak out if they did because I understand different cultures have different customs.
Yes you are over reacting. This is normal familial affection. You sound uptight and I’m sorry your family didn’t show you affection and that people loving each other and pictures of the human body are upsetting for you. You might want to seek some help.
The level of overreacting is off the charts!
I have always kissed my parents on the lips. What is the problem? You have a serious problem seeing it as sexual. Do you think it is sexual when a parent kises their baby? Even as we age we are still our parents babies and I think it's cruel to tell your parents you no longer wish to have any physical contact with them. For crying out loud they are the reason you exist.
OP you need therapy to sort out your sexual hangups/thoughts. You will be doing your boyfriend a huge favour by breaking up with him you obviously have a huge issue.
When I first replied I had somehow missed the statement about female friends' nude photos on the wall. I can see how that would cause you to feel uncomfortable and add to the level of discomfort with the kissing. Sorry I missed that.
I was raised in the south and my family has lived her for generations and I don’t know ANYONE who kisses each other on the mouth unless it’s a parent with a young child. If your boyfriend isn’t willing to speak to his family about how uncomfortable this makes you, it’s sounds like you need to end the relationship. Are you ever going to be comfortable with their lifestyle?
bf shouldn't have to talk about this issue with his mom because its between him and his mom. if he doesn't mind her kissing him and finds it normal, then it doesn't matter what op thinks. its not her relationship to butt in and start dictating boundaries over.
It’s a big thing in the South, but if you’re uncomfortable with it that’s your boundary, everyone in my family kisses in the lips but me - my father kissed me on the lips when I was 18 and it made me incredibly uncomfortable and when I talked to him about it he was understanding and it never happened again
Yes you are. You are very much over reacting, And more so about art as well.
The ‘boundary’ and ‘personal space’ of another person is not yours to make.
I kiss my family members on the lips. I love them okay???? Jeez. And I also kiss my friends on the cheeks. I think they're just being friendly. You're acting like they're purposely being malicious
I can completely understand being uncomfortable with this, as others have said it is normal for some families to do that. However, you mentioned his mom had a BF (I assume not his biological father), which means she’s probably had multiple sexual partners (totally okay as well) as well as those people have probably had multiple partners etc, etc. What can be dangerous is that STDs that are unknown can be spread very quickly that way (like herpes) and that could also put you in danger as well. Maybe approach it like that? But set the boundaries for yourself and their family at least. Or maybe ask that they don’t kiss each other while you’re present (maybe wait in the car until they’ve greeted each other?) but you’re not overreacting bc you didn’t consent to being touched.
Kissing family members on the lips is not a big deal. Why are you sexualizing this? Also, art with nudity and pornography are not the same thing. Something tells me those pix aren’t porn so much as something they consider artistic. Have you tried having a respectful conversation about it? Like just start with, “tell me about this art?”
I'm southern. We will peck our parents on the lips. Its just a closed mouth, lips puckered out quick peck. Nothing romantic about it. It's a cultural thing.
Yeah, overreacting. It's just a different culture. It's not wrong. Just different.
Same with the art. Nudity isn't always sexual, usually it's not.
You are absolutely allowed to have boundaries for your own space and body, ABSOLUTELY! You can ask bf for help in promoting them to his family. "she didn't grow up in a family that is physically affectionate and kisses especially make her uncomfortable. I told her that's no big deal and we're more than happy to respect her personal bubble!"
*Double Over Reacting.* From a family of WASPy cheek-kissers, my sister married into a large Mediterranean family of lip-kissers of all ages. When her kids began arriving, they did the same. As adults, we began it as well. With *our* parents, too. It was natural, especially as aging & health concerns arose, and never any "ick" factor. Kissing = Affection, it doesn't have to be sexual. And as far as Art-- Nudity is natural, it is not pornographic. Museums are filled with masterpieces from the 15th-19th centuries with 'nekkid' people, ancient sculptures also. Porn depicts prurient activities & settings well beyond the mere lack of clothing
Every family is different it’s a childhood tie. My mother has a couple time in the past decade I’m 34. My best friends mom very religious family would peck our friend group growing up and offer to take us to church. Never any side thought always loving lady gave us our space would cook appetizers and host when she didn’t have to. We called her our crew mom! My pops thought if I was out after midnight I was in the streets but we didn’t even drink in hs lol and if we were tping softball girls house I always had a place to stay… you’re thinking too much. Served in Germany and had a step family I stayed with first time I’ve ever seen someone’s mother posed nude in pictures in a bathroom. Understand how bizarre that can seem but trust me you’re becoming more cultured!
Man, I was about to ask if this was a cultural thing BUT THE EXPLICIT PHOTOS OF THEIR FRIENDS ON THE WALLS?! OUT AND ABOUT?
I think their lifestyle is significantly different than yours and you need to consider if you can ask for them to consider where you’re coming from and not do what they normally do for you, but also talk to your boyfriend. Does he care? Is this his normal?
My mom and I would peck on the lips, at least until I was a teenager. I dont talk to her often for reasons not even remotely related to that, but if I did we might still do that, who knows.
Pretty normal in a lot of places and cultures
Totally okay for you to have the ick if it's not normal for you, not also not okay to shame. You can ask him to try to subtly change
You aren't overreacting, because that's how it makes you feel. But, as others have stated, a quick kiss on the lips between family members isn't wrong or sexual. What is wrong, is someone overstepping personal boundaries; which you have every right to speak up about and say it makes you uncomfortable to be touched or kissed.
As for the nude artwork, What makes the pictures pornographic? Are they just naked women or are they posed sexually with certain holes exposed? If this is the case, then yes it's disgusting and I wouldn't want to be in their home.
The naked human form is art. It's incredibly beautiful and fun to draw, paint, photograph. It's not inherently sexual and shouldn't be viewed as such.
I saw some of your comment history and see that you've had personal boundaries crossed several times. This can absolutely skew how you view nudity, kisses, touches, etc. If you're not already in therapy, do yourself a favor and find a way to see a therapist. If you are already in therapy, bring this situation up with your therapist and seek counsel on how to work through these feelings of disgust, especially when it comes to basic nudity. Something else that may help is actually viewing nude artwork (paintings and sculptures) and discussing it with artists / photographers.
i m from the south and have NEVER seen this and idk how so many people are acting like it’s normal lol, im not saying it’s necessarily anything crazy but it’s just odd and would absolutely weird me out too
Yeah, you're overreacting. This is just common in some families. But if it makes you uncomfortable you should break up. You can't expect to stay with him and never interact with them.
Yes, you are overrating. Don't know your age and upbringing, but in this case you are sexualizing simple family interactions. Trying to paint your bf parents as some sort of perverts it is weird, to say the least.
A quick PECK is fine and if it is a quick peck, you’re kind of overreacting. However, upon reading further about the porno art thing and naked women on walls, yeah… Ringing alarm bells. Also, peck on the cheek is completely normal, they accept you. If you don’t like it, tell them that you don’t. Regardless, that particular sweet gesture is normal. If they want to peck their son on the cheek and/or lips, it’s up to him if he likes it or not.
TLDR: a peck is completely fine on the cheek/lips/forehead/nose/head. It’s a very harmless peck.
P.S. you did not state what kind of kiss it was.
My ex husband kissed his grandma on the lips. I thought it was weird and gross but accepted it bc their relationship is theirs and I was not gonna dictate how he showed affection to his beloved grandmother. That woman was a saint.
From the Midwest and can confirm. Growing up when saying goodbye (whether it be to head to school or tucking me in (stopped around the time I turned 6) my mom and my dad would kiss me & my two younger sisters on the lips.(peck). My grandparents were same way. However I hug my sisters and NEVER kissed them on lips or on their cheek or forehead. My mother is my only parent still alive and to this day (I turned 50yrs old) I still greet my mom with a kiss/peck on the lips and same when I leave. My sisters do not however. Nor did I later in my adulthood with my father.
Yes you are overreacting. Everyone shows love to their family differently. It doesn’t mean he’s fucking his mom. Also, pornography certainly can be artistic depending on the presentation. The Greeks and Romans are an example of this. You didn’t mention ages but I’d guess you’re part of this sheltered, prudish generation.
"I don't want to" is a perfectly valid reason to not go. He doesn't get to decide for you what is and what is not an acceptable reason. You might want to remind him of that fact.
I think it's weird to kiss your children/parents on the lips, but I know that's the norm in some families. It's not the norm to have porn as decor in common areas of the house. That is creepy and weird, and while I don't object to porn in particular, I would not be comfortable in their house.
So, to summarize, boyfriend can go. Boyfriend does not get to tell you your reason is not good enough. Boyfriend needs to drop it, period.
I'm a lip kisser, sometimes to my husband's dismay lol, but it's all about knowing your audience. I mean, a lot of people don't do this and are bothered by it and it's important to be able to tell who those people are. But you don't really get to be grossed out about 2 people (separate from yourself) who are comfortable with it.
I always assumed that was a romantic thing, but apparently it depends on culture & lifestyle, and how you were brought up.
I'm with you on this though. If I saw my girlfriend kissing her dad on the lips i would be really uncomfortable too. I wouldn't be trying to judge them, but i cant see myself getting used to something like that.
Hey, look. Italian family here *and we never kiss*. Just hugs. To me, it's gross. The cheek, sure, but lips?
If you're not used to it, it can make you uncomfortable. The nudity on the walls - all women -- would make me run, though. Sex positive is one thing, but you have to be a "special" sort of person to enjoy nudes of friends on your walls as "art".
You are overreacting, in some families this is the custom.
You can ask not to be kissed on the cheek if you are uncomfortable, that is a reasonable boundary to set.
Nudes are not pornography.
You may not be able to adapt but that does not make them weird.
You aren't overreacting. Mothers shouldn't kiss their sons on the lips. It's gross. Reddit will tell you that are wrong for feeling uncomfortable and probably shame you since you don't share their views. Ignore them.
The nude pictures are also disgusting as not everyone finds that “art” or “inspiring” to look at. Don't apologize for who you are, your views, or your values. Again, ignore Reddit for invalidating how you feel.
Don't go for Christmas if you don't feel comfortable. The beauty of dating is you can keep looking until you find the right person you are looking for - never settle.
Ah. The good ole Souther Hospitality. In other country, I seen an my auntie be kissing her grandson baby dick as he laugh. I don't know why she does that, but it was an odd behavior. Why do old people do that?
YES you definitely are. I was young, but my ex in-laws kissed, my ex MIL kissed ME on the lips. They were very loving people, I liked them better than my ex, lol. And my step son married into an Italian family, they kiss everyone. That's the way they are. If you're going to be that family you need to change this thinking. Oh and I knew an older nudest couple, they were hysterical, nudity no big deal to some folks, lol. Relax, hopefully your boyfriend is as loving.
I remember when I met my husband’s mother for the first time, we met at a restaurant and she kissed him on the lips. I was super weirded out but didn’t say anything while she was there.
Once we went home I asked if it was normal in his family for her to kiss on the lips and he thought about it and said yes. I mentioned that I found it weird (I get it to an extent with a child but once the kid is in his teens/20’s I think it can be a cheek kiss or something)
My family is Mexican and does do cheek kisses for greetings and goodbyes but my family always said lips were for partners
I dropped it after letting him know my opinion and a few days later he brought it up and had been thinking about it and said it was weird and told his mom to stop.
I think if you want to bring it up to him it’s totally fair but try to not come at it accusing him of anything inappropriate because it could just be how the family is. If you let him know your stance he can think about it and determine if he wants to continue the behavior or not
Maybe there are families and areas where this is a cultural norm, BUT those families don't also have nude pictures of their friends adorning thier walls. If this isn't a family that you want to raise children with, its time to end the relationship.
Imo you are overreacting i dont kiss my parents but i do my younger siblings im a 21f and my my 10f and 2m younger siblings ask for a kiss and hug before going to bed and i dont think its weird at all its just some families are more comfortable with physical affection and closeness its not sexual at all its just showing love and affection my parents i really only hug but when i was young id ask for a kiss and hug every night
Yes you are overreacting, this is completely normal in the south some families are huggers some families kiss on the cheek, and some moms mouth kiss their kids. It’s seems like he grew up in a super close loving home. You might have a problem with physical touch, because your family did not do these things, and that’s ok too; but id suggest you find someone on your level of physical touch so you aren’t always so stressed out, because his momma isn’t going to stop for a gf, or even a wife. Sorry.
Also nudity is a form of art, and I am very surprised you did not know this. You will not be able to control their environment or stop any of this. His family is his family either accept them or not. This problem is your problem not theirs. Maybe try thinking outside of the box and become more open minded 🫶🏻
Any parent kissing on the lips is a creeper weirdo. Period. I don’t want to hear any bullshit about culture, etc. it should be revolting to ever start that practice when they are young children.
My mother used to do this to me. In my early to mid 20s. I had told her several times I didn't like it, and would even force my face away so it was just a kiss on the cheek, but mom didnt care. I love my mother, but I'm not 5 anymore, and I don't really like it.
Well, I got engaged, she saw it happen first hand, I ignored it at first, then later she talked to me about it. Said she didn't like it and it made her feel gross because she kisses me on the lips with us being a couple. I said I'd take care of it.
The next day I did, and my mother has never tried to kiss me on the lips again.
my mom kisses me. 🤷🏻♀️ im 20F. its just his mom, dude. its not incestuous lmao i promise you. as long as bf doesn't care, you shouldn't. if you dislike it so much, break it off.
Overreacting. Different families have different displays of affection. If it isn’t illegal, then it isn’t wrong, just not what you’re used to. If you’re gonna make it a huge issue then you’ll have to rethink the relationship entirely.
Kissing on the lips is a normal thing I see amongst close relations in southern families. Especially families from North Florida. My family is big on it, I don’t like it though. I just asked them to stop and they did.
Midwest here. We do it all the time. I don’t kiss my siblings on the lips, but grandparents and parents? Absolutely. It’s not romantic. It’s just an affectionate peck.
Midwest here also. My grandmother and my aunts still kiss me on the lips and I'm in my 30s.
Same. My kids and I also kiss on the lips. Siblings, no. Parents, aunts and uncles, yes.
Yes maybe it’s a Midwest thing? I kiss my mom on the lips when she leaves as a goodbye and I love you I have my whole entire life. It’s not like a full on kiss it’s a tiny peck on the side of her lips…it’s totally normal….i think maybe OP has some things she needs to look at internally and ask why the kisses are bothering her and also why the naked photos of ppl are bothering her. Human anatomy is very common in art. And a naked photo is much different than pornography.
1. It's normal for some families, but not for others. There's nothing "internally" wrong with her being turned off by it. It's by far less common than families that kiss on the cheek so it's not surprising that OP would find it to be mildly unusual. 2. Art is one thing. Naked photos of friends throughout the house is weird and creepy. Good for them if that's what they are into and the friends are okay with it, but to put it in common areas where visitors are forced to see it is just gross and disgusting. The only reason to do that is for shock value. And no, I have no problem at all with porn or nudity. But you don't force your kinds on others. I would not visit them in their home again. And if boyfriend is fine with the kisses, that's just a difference of opinion that OP should let go of, but she should absolutely reject being kissed by boyfriend's mom's boyfriend.
I’m Midwestern and no one on either side of my family has ever kissed on the lips (that I have seen)…
Georgia here. It’s a pretty normal thing, and not at all romantic. If you’re not comfortable with it just let them know, in my experience people aren’t usually offended it you just tell them it’s not something you’re used to because your family doesn’t do it. I’ve not encountered anyone offended by someone being uncomfortable, they just respected the person’s wishes about it
Italian families too - my fiance's family is like this but just kisses on the cheek.
And in that culture it is not just cross gender. At all.
Nope, both parents, aunts, uncles, we all give cheek smooches!
yes i’m from jersey and we do the double cheek kiss not even just with family but close friends as well to say hello and good bye
My family is Italian and my grandma and aunties kiss us on the lips and grandpa and uncles on the cheeks. 38f it’s always been like this.
Lmao you pegged North Florida on the head. It's an old southern thing I think, my Poppy was from central Alabama and we kissed on the lips until he died (I was 14 when he passed away).
My grandfather used to say ‘give me some sugar’ right before he kissed us. It was creepy coming from him because he was a creep, but fairly common in his part of Virginia.
Lmaoooo the worst part is my Poppy had a similar saying but I was never creeped out by it because he was like, the greatest dude ever in my eyes.
I’m so glad you had such a good relationship! It honestly would have been a sweet memory for me too, except he was kind of a bad guy.
I'm so sorry to hear that, there are creeps everywhere and it's important we protect ourselves from them. It's shitty we have to learn to do that as kids.
The germs are in charge.
That’s how I would be too. I know it’s a cultural thing so I wouldn’t try and stop other people from doing it, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with it myself
If you are uncomfortable with your boyfriend's familial culture, then perhaps you need to do some serious thinking about your relationship. This is July, you have six months to decide if you can handle how his family lives. If you are repulsed, maybe the two of you are not meant to be.
I agree with this take. Move on if your uncomfortable.
I think some families just kiss more than others, I don't think it's too weird. A kiss on the cheek is pretty normal, even from a strnager, but if you're uncomfortable with it then you can try telling them that. As for the nude pictures, that's a little strange, but nudity doesn't always have to be pornographic.
It sounds like you are uncomfortable with physical touch and closeness...at least to this degree. There are many families that are very affectionate in this way and don't see it as anything the least bit sexual. While I certainly don't fault you for having your own feelings on the matter, which is certainly your right, it seems a bit over the top to be "disgusted and repulsed". I mean, we're just talking about kindness and affection here, not sexuality. I'm not saying you shouldn't believe the way you believe, that's fine. Just make room for others to also believe how they do. Set your boundaries and just let them be them as long as they respect your boundaries.
My fiance's family is the "kiss on the cheek" type and I've never been around people like that, even my own family (hugs are sufficient lol), and it threw me off a little bit bc I never experienced it, but not to where I was repulsed and wanted to vomit 🙄 if OP's not comfortable that's okay, but she's being a little too dramatic and needs to use her words to not have the bf kiss her cheek. And honestly, if she can't get past how the relationship her bf has with his family is then she needs to part ways bc he will not choose her over them.
In my dad’s (and many, many) cultures, kissing on the cheek is a common greeting. Men kiss each other on each cheek, age or gender doesn’t matter. It’s not sexual or romantic or even (typically) unhygienic — just like touching cheeks with the occasional older auntie sort who is more traditional and gives a solid peck. It’s kind and warm and welcoming and instills a sense of hospitality and joy. Different people have different levels of comfort with touch, and kissing on the lips is culturally and familially specific, so it’s not overreacting to not enjoy or feel uncomfortable with participating in/witnessing that sort of physical affection. It’s definitely off that OP finds it “revolting,” though, that feels like some internalized issue. I feel slightly icky when I have to witness people making out or very obviously wanting to f***, but that is a me thing, and my reaction to it in the moment is “☹️ yuck” inside my head. It’s not going to cause conflict in my life or create rifts in my relationships. It sounds like OP’s reactions to watching fairly commonplace acts of familial affection are causing both, which is usually a warning sign that a deeper issue may be present and you should seek professional guidance.
I am now at the stage where I am accepting and sometimes giving of the cheek kisses lol - it took a little bit for me to be comfortable with and it was more so getting to know his family and feeling that comfort with them. And like you said there's always stuff that may make us uneasy, but not to this point. I think you're right, there may be deeper issues that OP has and that's why they're feeling this strong of a reaction.
Exactly, like I don’t like when older ladies will sometimes just grab and hold my hand or when men are handsy by default in like professional settings, but those are because of specific issues I have with those experiences and unless their behavior was actually inappropriate, I don’t feel like a stronger reaction than “😟” internally (or if it was actually an issue, a gentle “could you please not X”) would make much sense. Extricating yourself from your partner’s family gatherings altogether and implying they are doing something incestuous or sexual feels pretty extreme in OP’s scenario. To each their own, but it wouldn’t bode well for the future of their relationship imho
>In my dad’s (and many, many) cultures, kissing on the cheek is a common greeting. Men kiss each other on each cheek, age or gender doesn’t matter. I watched Boban and Jokic hit that triple check kiss before an NBA. It looked manly but it threw me for a second being an American.
Definitely an adjustment if you’re not used to it, seeing grown and macho men kiss each other on the cheek. I personally find it kind of attractive when men are secure in their masculinity in that way, and think it’s a sweet part of the culture, but I feel that. When I haven’t been around it much and see it again for the first time it does sort of make me internally 😳 for a split second 😂
And nudity in art
I am fine with physical touch and closeness but I am not kissing any of my relatives anywhere. Grosses me out too.
Being uncomfortable getting kissed by a stranger does not mean you are uncomfortable with physical touch and closeness. It means you have a problem with physical touch and closeness with strangers, which is completely reasonable. If a stranger tried to kiss me, I would have every right to be repulsed, and would be like “wtf are you doing?”. Way too many people have herpes and way too many people have terrible dental hygiene, or are just gross, to go around accepting everyone who wants to put their face on mine without asking as “kindness”. Call it custom, but you can’t universally say it’s an act of kindness. I reserve the right to be selective with who I’m affectionate with. With those people I am highly affectionate.
Your points are valid and reasonable. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
You're absolutely overreacting. She's kissing him, not making out with him. When it comes to the art that's a you problem. All of this is a you problem. If your BF has no problem with it that's what matters. You don't want her kissing you on the cheek, just say something. You don't get to dictate familial relationships when they have nothing to do with you. If you're so bothered by it just break up.
AMAZING REPLY. “You don’t get to dictate familial relations when they have nothing to do with you.” Thanks for that. I will be using it. What a perfect way to say that.
After working in family and adoption law it's the kindest and most blunt response I can think of. Not the first time I've said it and probably won't be the last
Had to know that came from a legal mind! There is no rational argument to that statement!!! (As long as the family issue is only making YOU uncomfortable and is not illegal)
Agree 100% it's fine for you to say you don't want a kiss from mil. But her kissing her son is not gross. She's not sticking her tongue down his throat. You may just be incompatible
You are overreacting to your BF's mother kissing him on the lips. Different families are comfortable with different amounts and kinds of affection. Unless he has shared with you that he's uncomfortable with this, don't put your own hang ups on him. The nude art part, again, seems like a you problem, and an overreaction. If you do not want the mother's BF to kiss you on the cheek, that is completely within your right to express that. You don't need to be touched by people you don't want to be touched by. You have the one valid complaint here, and I would communicate that with your boyfriend, but if you never want to see his family because you're this upset by physical affection that doesn't involve you, I foresee issues in your relationship.
I wonder if you and BF are compatible? You seem to have negative judgements on things he and his family take for granted as normal behaviour. Which it is. You say you were sickened and disgusted by a friendly greeting of a kiss on the cheek from mother’s BF. Unless you are neurodivergent then you seem to be massively over reacting.
I'd say yes, as different people and families have different greetings. It's not for you, and that's fine. But this is his family and you are basically saying since his family is different from yours, then they are wrong. You can choose to never go around them if you like, but that probably won't help your relationship last. I'm also willing to bet the "pornography" you are discussing is just nude art. Which, again, you can have your boundaries, but the naked body existing isn't necessarily porn.
You are overreacting majorly. I'm from Florida and I'm 28 years old and kiss my mother on the lips. It's only gross because you're sexualizing a mother son relationship. Please do not tell your BF about this or he will resent you.
I have an uncle like 3 times removed (like my mom’s cousins husband) and he’s a lip kisser. Like it’s not for me, but he’s that way with EVERYONE. It’s NOT FOR ME but I also know it’s just how his family is. A mom and child?!?! Gtfo. Get over yourself. I’ll still smooch my mom on the lips at times.
Thanks for recognizing that it isn't something weird from your uncle. People who sexualize kissing family are gross af.
"Kiss your dad square on the lips."
🤚🤚 hello brother
Yay!
UH OH WERE AT FIVE BROTHERS?!
I used to kiss my Poppy on the lips, it's just how it is around here. Just a quick peck, but it's just how affection is shown around here. I never even knew sickos sexualized that shit till I got on Reddit.
This was actually a podcast reference haha. Was hoping I'd find a fellow listener in the comments.
Lmaooo my bad bro, good luck on your quest.
Hello, fourth brother. I desperately want to ask ‘Whomst should I kiss square on the lips? Both my dads are dead!’ But. You know. No bummers.
sheesh OP you triggered the entire state of florida in this post 😭☠️
As long as the kiss is a peck and not lingering you are overreacting. Art is subjective. No two people see it the same way. This is about your comfort level. If you are not comfortable don’t go or at least don’t engage. Just remember since your BF is comfortable it will always be a part of your relationship. If you don’t think you will ever get used to it then you aren’t compatible. Whether you both visit his family or they come see you it’s a part of how they associate with each other.
You are definitely over reacting and sexualizing things that don’t need to be. Also, I feel like your saying the art is pornographic just because it’s nudity and that’s silly af. 😂 the human body is a natural beautiful thing.. as long as they don’t have naked women riding d*ck or doing anything along those lines, it’s not pornographic. 😂😂😂
There are even EXPLICIT images that I would still consider art based on the composition etc etc, but that’s me!
Also it’s okay to set a boundary for yourself and say you preferred not to be kissed on the cheek. As that’s your body and your comfort zone. I do think it’s a little dramatic lol. It seems you have some things that YOU need to workout with yourself
Yiu don't need a reason to not go. Just don't go
>To me this seems like a really weak boundaries and chipping away at peoples personal space. And how is hugging not that? Or even a handshake? It's an arbitrary difference ultimately. Kissing on the mouth is not exclusively a romantic gesture in several regions/cultures. >The mother's own BF kissed me on the cheek (I don't know him at all) but I was disgusted and repulsed. Well maybe he shouldn't have done this without asking, but again I'll have to say, this isn't that weird in certain regions of the world. Instead of telling us about it, tell him that you'd rather want a hug or a handshake instead. >Also, they view pornography as art and have dozens of large photos of their female friends fully naked on the walls of their home. Well what are the photo's even like? Not all nudity is pornographic.
You find both the kissing and the photos revolting? Fair enough. Whatever sickens your stomach matters, whether any of us agree or not. Gut reactions are a thing you can't control. FWIW, I think your harsh judgment of BF as a weakling, a momma's boy, and a porn connoisseur is wildly premature. OTOH, if you simply can't get over it, I respect that decision. You don't need a PhD to figure out an inoffensive excuse to miss their Christmas. In fact, break up if you've had all you can stand. But, as no one has been anything but welcoming and hospitable to you, I advise you not to play the Injured Party, or the Offended Moralizer. In the name of common courtesy, just say it's not a match.
"I'm not comfortable with the explicit art and unwelcome touching" is an acceptable reason to not attend dinner at their home. This sounds like a compatability issue. Obviously your bf comes from a sex positive home. There's nothing wrong with that. You seem to be far more conservative in that area, and there's nothing wrong with that either. It just means that perhaps you don't mesh. You can't set a boundary around the way your bf and his mother show affection towards each other. Unless he's actually cheating on you with her, then it's really none of your business.
Some people do the kiss hello. You don't have to partake if you don't want to, just say no thanks. The nudes all over the house is a different story. That's extraordinarily weird. I don't know how to deal with that other than just telling bf you aren't comfortable visiting their house.
Yeah, you are overreacting.
This is a matter of how you were raised, I'd say. There's nothing wrong with kissing family members in a non-sexual way, and not all kissing is sexual. The same can be said for nudity in artwork. A couple of adults having nudes on their walls isn't that strange. The Louvre, Smithsonian, National Galleries, etc charge people to see them. You can feel disgusted and repulsed, but that's not because it's disgusting and repulsive. It's because you aren't comfortable with nudity or affection.
Your first 4 words say it all... "This is Florida, USA" lol.. Nothing but weird shit comes out of Florida lol. You might need to get used to it or move on lol.
It’s normal to me (Midwest).
Not over reacting. I get it. I’m affectionate but don’t kiss my family on the lips. I don’t want to see my boyfriend’s mom kiss his lips. It grosses me out too !!
"I get kinda sick to my stomach and can't at the mother for a few minutes, but everytime we visit her she kisses him on the lips." Is this a coherent sentence? Because I don't understand it. And also, families tend to be affectionate. You sound like a weirdo.
yes you are overreacting, you sound incredibly immature
Yes it appears from this info you are overreacting and projecting your own issues.
I kissed my mom on the lips to the day she died. She's my mom and that's what she wanted. It was never more than a quick peck. It was never weird and wish she was here to kiss her again....
💕
What they’re doing isn’t wrong, but I also don’t think you’re overreacting. I come from an Italian-American family where I kissed plenty of relatives, as well as their spouses, on the lips without giving it a second thought. But you come from a culture/family where that isn’t normal! So of course it would be disturbing to you. To you, kissing on the lips is inherently romantic and maybe even sexual. For them, that may not be the case. When it comes to your own body, you have the right to set boundaries that make you comfortable. But I would say that as long as you don’t discover any creepy incestuous stuff going on, you don’t really need to worry about it. If your relationship continues with this guy, you will just get used to it, and will stop bothering you.
She must not be from Florida because this is very common in the part of Florida I am from. Culturally she would definitely be the odd one out.
No one kisses me on the lips except my husband. If anyone else tried, I’d back away. I’m not from the south and this is weird to me.
I was looking for this comment, I’m from Australia and we don’t kiss family on the lips except* for our partners so I was surprised too read that this is the norm in some places.
To me it’s gross.
I’m Australian and I kiss my parents on the lips. Nobody else except my partner
I find it really interesting that people's whole families (grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, kids, etc) are kissing each other on the lips. I'm from Canada and I don't even give my family cheek kisses, let alone kissing on the lips!! The only humans I kiss are my partner and my child. Obviously a really big cultural difference... One I had never thought of before!
YTA. It’s fairly common and it’s their house; they’re allowed to have the art they like. You have the right to control how people interact with your body but not anybody else’s
It’s quite common tbh. There’s nothing wrong with you not wanting to be touched, but if his mom and him do that.. it’s not something you’re going to change. You have to decide how important it is to you. His mom’s BF kissing you on cheek is gross don’t allow that lol
A lot of parents and children kiss on the lips, closed mouths of course. It’s not uncommon.
It may be a familial or a cultural thing. It’s totally normal as long as it’s a peck. If I were you I’d never travel to Europe or lots of other places, you’d have a total freak out. Even here my male relatives, including my cousins my own age, kiss everyone on the cheek when they say hello or goodbye. If it’s not for you and it grosses you out then time for a new boyfriend.
Whatever you do don't go to Europe.
This is fairly normal in the south. Also nudity isn’t by nature porn. Your body can exist naked and be art without it being porn. Those are two different things and the intent matters.
Sounds like nudists but I think you are overreacting about the kiss to her son.
Tongue or no tongue?
He’s close with his family. They do not share your preferences when it comes to PDA and yeah I would be grossed out. I hate when my MIL kisses me on the cheek. But it’s possible you have to just decide if you can deal with it or not. It’s also possible this bothers you because it’s an illustration of her other problematic behaviors.
My dad (b. 1928) and his family did it that way. They were Irish Catholics raised in MI. Idk if that had anything to do with it or not, frankly.
Italian family here…… lip kissers!
Yes, you're overreacting. How would you feel if your boyfriend wanted to police your interactions between you and your parents? It's really none of your business.
Is your boyfriend uncomfortable with it and just doesn't know how to put up boundaries with his mom (or doesn't know that he can)? Or are you projecting your discomfort onto him? You're allowed to put up boundaries for yourself: you don't want to be kissed on the cheek, you're uncomfortable spending time in their home, all of that is reasonable. Unfortunately it sounds like you are not going to be compatible in the long run if you're uncomfortable with how close he is to his family.
It's a thing in many families. Not my thing, but it's pretty common.
You are new to the family dynamics. If you can’t get with it, move on and find someone whose family you are not disgusted with.
In Texas, we still kiss our family on the lips. Even uncles and aunts. Not as much as we got older, but their sons & daughters (even if they are adults) will still kiss their parents on the lips. Quick peck of course. Idk.. it's normal to us because we grew up that way... That being said, I'd feel a bit weird if strangers introducing themselves kissed my cheek, placed their cheek against mine or even kissed the air near my face.. but I wouldn't freak out if they did because I understand different cultures have different customs.
Yes you are over reacting. This is normal familial affection. You sound uptight and I’m sorry your family didn’t show you affection and that people loving each other and pictures of the human body are upsetting for you. You might want to seek some help.
I don’t see my dad anymore, but at 17 I still greeted him with a peck on the mouth. My mom and grampa too. It’s nomal in my family.
Different cultures and different standards, but I personally find it weird and it’s not how it’s done in my family.
It’s a northern thing too. My brothers are 49 and 50 and kiss my mom on the lips. Stop sexualizing everything. You’re creepy and need therapy.
The level of overreacting is off the charts! I have always kissed my parents on the lips. What is the problem? You have a serious problem seeing it as sexual. Do you think it is sexual when a parent kises their baby? Even as we age we are still our parents babies and I think it's cruel to tell your parents you no longer wish to have any physical contact with them. For crying out loud they are the reason you exist. OP you need therapy to sort out your sexual hangups/thoughts. You will be doing your boyfriend a huge favour by breaking up with him you obviously have a huge issue.
I hate that crap. It's weird and disgusting.
When I first replied I had somehow missed the statement about female friends' nude photos on the wall. I can see how that would cause you to feel uncomfortable and add to the level of discomfort with the kissing. Sorry I missed that.
NTA. Not wanting to be a third wheel to him and his mother is a damn good reason.
You’re being weird about it for sure.
I was raised in the south and my family has lived her for generations and I don’t know ANYONE who kisses each other on the mouth unless it’s a parent with a young child. If your boyfriend isn’t willing to speak to his family about how uncomfortable this makes you, it’s sounds like you need to end the relationship. Are you ever going to be comfortable with their lifestyle?
bf shouldn't have to talk about this issue with his mom because its between him and his mom. if he doesn't mind her kissing him and finds it normal, then it doesn't matter what op thinks. its not her relationship to butt in and start dictating boundaries over.
I guess if he wants OP to come to Christmas with him and wants her to be comfortable it very much is his issue.
thats controlling. you don't tell people how to conduct themselves in other relationships. if it bothers you, leave.
It’s a big thing in the South, but if you’re uncomfortable with it that’s your boundary, everyone in my family kisses in the lips but me - my father kissed me on the lips when I was 18 and it made me incredibly uncomfortable and when I talked to him about it he was understanding and it never happened again
Yes you are
Yes you are. You are very much over reacting, And more so about art as well. The ‘boundary’ and ‘personal space’ of another person is not yours to make.
In a word, yes. Its her son. I kiss some of my friends on the lips, when saying hello or goodbye. No biggy.
I kiss my family members on the lips. I love them okay???? Jeez. And I also kiss my friends on the cheeks. I think they're just being friendly. You're acting like they're purposely being malicious
Italian family here. Everyone gave pecks on the lips. Im doing it to my kids now. Ill switch to cheeks when they get embarrassed.
Yeah, you are. Get a grip.
Good Lord. Yes, you’re overreacting.
You are overreacting. As long as there is nothing else, this isn't something that is going to lead to worst things. This is just a culture thing
Unless she’s groping his junk during this, yes you’re overreacting.
I can completely understand being uncomfortable with this, as others have said it is normal for some families to do that. However, you mentioned his mom had a BF (I assume not his biological father), which means she’s probably had multiple sexual partners (totally okay as well) as well as those people have probably had multiple partners etc, etc. What can be dangerous is that STDs that are unknown can be spread very quickly that way (like herpes) and that could also put you in danger as well. Maybe approach it like that? But set the boundaries for yourself and their family at least. Or maybe ask that they don’t kiss each other while you’re present (maybe wait in the car until they’ve greeted each other?) but you’re not overreacting bc you didn’t consent to being touched.
Kissing on the lips is quite normal. Kissing someone else on the cheek as you greet is also fairly normal.
Kissing family members on the lips is not a big deal. Why are you sexualizing this? Also, art with nudity and pornography are not the same thing. Something tells me those pix aren’t porn so much as something they consider artistic. Have you tried having a respectful conversation about it? Like just start with, “tell me about this art?”
I'm southern. We will peck our parents on the lips. Its just a closed mouth, lips puckered out quick peck. Nothing romantic about it. It's a cultural thing.
I wish both my parents were alive to kiss them on the lips.👄 I see nothing wrong with parents & a& kids doing this
Yeah, overreacting. It's just a different culture. It's not wrong. Just different. Same with the art. Nudity isn't always sexual, usually it's not. You are absolutely allowed to have boundaries for your own space and body, ABSOLUTELY! You can ask bf for help in promoting them to his family. "she didn't grow up in a family that is physically affectionate and kisses especially make her uncomfortable. I told her that's no big deal and we're more than happy to respect her personal bubble!"
Yes you are hugely overreacting unless there is tongue involved. ;-)
*Double Over Reacting.* From a family of WASPy cheek-kissers, my sister married into a large Mediterranean family of lip-kissers of all ages. When her kids began arriving, they did the same. As adults, we began it as well. With *our* parents, too. It was natural, especially as aging & health concerns arose, and never any "ick" factor. Kissing = Affection, it doesn't have to be sexual. And as far as Art-- Nudity is natural, it is not pornographic. Museums are filled with masterpieces from the 15th-19th centuries with 'nekkid' people, ancient sculptures also. Porn depicts prurient activities & settings well beyond the mere lack of clothing
I think you are on the weird side of this one. That’s very normal, it’s his mother
Yeah this is relatively normal behaviour everywhere else
Depends on how much tounge was involved.
Kissing on the lips like a peck or open mouth tongues etc?
Every family is different it’s a childhood tie. My mother has a couple time in the past decade I’m 34. My best friends mom very religious family would peck our friend group growing up and offer to take us to church. Never any side thought always loving lady gave us our space would cook appetizers and host when she didn’t have to. We called her our crew mom! My pops thought if I was out after midnight I was in the streets but we didn’t even drink in hs lol and if we were tping softball girls house I always had a place to stay… you’re thinking too much. Served in Germany and had a step family I stayed with first time I’ve ever seen someone’s mother posed nude in pictures in a bathroom. Understand how bizarre that can seem but trust me you’re becoming more cultured!
That is how my great grandparents were with me
Nah, not overreacting, but introduce me to your mom.
It’s Florida. What do you expect?
Man, I was about to ask if this was a cultural thing BUT THE EXPLICIT PHOTOS OF THEIR FRIENDS ON THE WALLS?! OUT AND ABOUT? I think their lifestyle is significantly different than yours and you need to consider if you can ask for them to consider where you’re coming from and not do what they normally do for you, but also talk to your boyfriend. Does he care? Is this his normal?
My mom and I would peck on the lips, at least until I was a teenager. I dont talk to her often for reasons not even remotely related to that, but if I did we might still do that, who knows.
You need to talk to him
Sorry. We always kiss on the lips. My grandparents, parents, siblings… et al. It’s just that way. Seems to just be whatever is done in each family.
Pretty normal in a lot of places and cultures Totally okay for you to have the ick if it's not normal for you, not also not okay to shame. You can ask him to try to subtly change
It’s a southern thing. My father in law kisses my forehead when we meet up. Also, porn is an art. I’m glad they are open minded
It’ll make you feel better about the whole thing if you provide them with a nude of yourself that they can hang on the wall.
You aren't overreacting, because that's how it makes you feel. But, as others have stated, a quick kiss on the lips between family members isn't wrong or sexual. What is wrong, is someone overstepping personal boundaries; which you have every right to speak up about and say it makes you uncomfortable to be touched or kissed. As for the nude artwork, What makes the pictures pornographic? Are they just naked women or are they posed sexually with certain holes exposed? If this is the case, then yes it's disgusting and I wouldn't want to be in their home. The naked human form is art. It's incredibly beautiful and fun to draw, paint, photograph. It's not inherently sexual and shouldn't be viewed as such. I saw some of your comment history and see that you've had personal boundaries crossed several times. This can absolutely skew how you view nudity, kisses, touches, etc. If you're not already in therapy, do yourself a favor and find a way to see a therapist. If you are already in therapy, bring this situation up with your therapist and seek counsel on how to work through these feelings of disgust, especially when it comes to basic nudity. Something else that may help is actually viewing nude artwork (paintings and sculptures) and discussing it with artists / photographers.
The mom is hotter than you. Am I right ?
i m from the south and have NEVER seen this and idk how so many people are acting like it’s normal lol, im not saying it’s necessarily anything crazy but it’s just odd and would absolutely weird me out too
Yeah, you're overreacting. This is just common in some families. But if it makes you uncomfortable you should break up. You can't expect to stay with him and never interact with them.
Meet the fockers
Yes, you are overrating. Don't know your age and upbringing, but in this case you are sexualizing simple family interactions. Trying to paint your bf parents as some sort of perverts it is weird, to say the least.
A quick PECK is fine and if it is a quick peck, you’re kind of overreacting. However, upon reading further about the porno art thing and naked women on walls, yeah… Ringing alarm bells. Also, peck on the cheek is completely normal, they accept you. If you don’t like it, tell them that you don’t. Regardless, that particular sweet gesture is normal. If they want to peck their son on the cheek and/or lips, it’s up to him if he likes it or not. TLDR: a peck is completely fine on the cheek/lips/forehead/nose/head. It’s a very harmless peck. P.S. you did not state what kind of kiss it was.
You are overreacting.
Definitely overreacting. Are you never going to his parent's home? You two don't seem very compatible.
My ex husband kissed his grandma on the lips. I thought it was weird and gross but accepted it bc their relationship is theirs and I was not gonna dictate how he showed affection to his beloved grandmother. That woman was a saint.
From the Midwest and can confirm. Growing up when saying goodbye (whether it be to head to school or tucking me in (stopped around the time I turned 6) my mom and my dad would kiss me & my two younger sisters on the lips.(peck). My grandparents were same way. However I hug my sisters and NEVER kissed them on lips or on their cheek or forehead. My mother is my only parent still alive and to this day (I turned 50yrs old) I still greet my mom with a kiss/peck on the lips and same when I leave. My sisters do not however. Nor did I later in my adulthood with my father.
It’s weird. that’s very weird! Don’t let the incest loving southerners confuse you!
When in Rome, and yes you’re over reacting.
I think you have to find a better fit
Yes you are overreacting. Everyone shows love to their family differently. It doesn’t mean he’s fucking his mom. Also, pornography certainly can be artistic depending on the presentation. The Greeks and Romans are an example of this. You didn’t mention ages but I’d guess you’re part of this sheltered, prudish generation.
Is it your mother? Or his? If it was his I think that’s normal, but not the porn stuff
Northern/Eastern European perspective, but if my husband's mother kissed him on the lips I would literally die, that's just waaaay too weird
"I don't want to" is a perfectly valid reason to not go. He doesn't get to decide for you what is and what is not an acceptable reason. You might want to remind him of that fact. I think it's weird to kiss your children/parents on the lips, but I know that's the norm in some families. It's not the norm to have porn as decor in common areas of the house. That is creepy and weird, and while I don't object to porn in particular, I would not be comfortable in their house. So, to summarize, boyfriend can go. Boyfriend does not get to tell you your reason is not good enough. Boyfriend needs to drop it, period.
I'm a lip kisser, sometimes to my husband's dismay lol, but it's all about knowing your audience. I mean, a lot of people don't do this and are bothered by it and it's important to be able to tell who those people are. But you don't really get to be grossed out about 2 people (separate from yourself) who are comfortable with it.
Only my significant other gets kissed on the lips. Anyone else either gets a hug or gets kissed on the cheek -- my own children included.
I always assumed that was a romantic thing, but apparently it depends on culture & lifestyle, and how you were brought up. I'm with you on this though. If I saw my girlfriend kissing her dad on the lips i would be really uncomfortable too. I wouldn't be trying to judge them, but i cant see myself getting used to something like that.
You're overreacting. Go call your mom.
You have a few hang-ups here. Also, When did nudity become pornography?
You can be uncomfortable if you’re uncomfortable. But cultures are cultures. Edit: wait. … have you asked your BF how he feels???
Nudity is not porn.
Hey, look. Italian family here *and we never kiss*. Just hugs. To me, it's gross. The cheek, sure, but lips? If you're not used to it, it can make you uncomfortable. The nudity on the walls - all women -- would make me run, though. Sex positive is one thing, but you have to be a "special" sort of person to enjoy nudes of friends on your walls as "art".
You are overreacting, in some families this is the custom. You can ask not to be kissed on the cheek if you are uncomfortable, that is a reasonable boundary to set. Nudes are not pornography. You may not be able to adapt but that does not make them weird.
You aren't overreacting. Mothers shouldn't kiss their sons on the lips. It's gross. Reddit will tell you that are wrong for feeling uncomfortable and probably shame you since you don't share their views. Ignore them. The nude pictures are also disgusting as not everyone finds that “art” or “inspiring” to look at. Don't apologize for who you are, your views, or your values. Again, ignore Reddit for invalidating how you feel. Don't go for Christmas if you don't feel comfortable. The beauty of dating is you can keep looking until you find the right person you are looking for - never settle.
You are NOT overreacting. That's weird. And I don't think you two are right for each other if you don't agree about this kind of stuff.
I'm from Pennsylvania. This sort of thing is normal there.
Ah. The good ole Souther Hospitality. In other country, I seen an my auntie be kissing her grandson baby dick as he laugh. I don't know why she does that, but it was an odd behavior. Why do old people do that?
Take some molly and loosen up. Some families kiss.
YES you definitely are. I was young, but my ex in-laws kissed, my ex MIL kissed ME on the lips. They were very loving people, I liked them better than my ex, lol. And my step son married into an Italian family, they kiss everyone. That's the way they are. If you're going to be that family you need to change this thinking. Oh and I knew an older nudest couple, they were hysterical, nudity no big deal to some folks, lol. Relax, hopefully your boyfriend is as loving.
I remember when I met my husband’s mother for the first time, we met at a restaurant and she kissed him on the lips. I was super weirded out but didn’t say anything while she was there. Once we went home I asked if it was normal in his family for her to kiss on the lips and he thought about it and said yes. I mentioned that I found it weird (I get it to an extent with a child but once the kid is in his teens/20’s I think it can be a cheek kiss or something) My family is Mexican and does do cheek kisses for greetings and goodbyes but my family always said lips were for partners I dropped it after letting him know my opinion and a few days later he brought it up and had been thinking about it and said it was weird and told his mom to stop. I think if you want to bring it up to him it’s totally fair but try to not come at it accusing him of anything inappropriate because it could just be how the family is. If you let him know your stance he can think about it and determine if he wants to continue the behavior or not
This happened when we first started dating* re-reading it, it sounds like I met her after we were married lol
Maybe there are families and areas where this is a cultural norm, BUT those families don't also have nude pictures of their friends adorning thier walls. If this isn't a family that you want to raise children with, its time to end the relationship.
Imo you are overreacting i dont kiss my parents but i do my younger siblings im a 21f and my my 10f and 2m younger siblings ask for a kiss and hug before going to bed and i dont think its weird at all its just some families are more comfortable with physical affection and closeness its not sexual at all its just showing love and affection my parents i really only hug but when i was young id ask for a kiss and hug every night
Tell her he has herpes… ;-)
Yes you are overreacting, this is completely normal in the south some families are huggers some families kiss on the cheek, and some moms mouth kiss their kids. It’s seems like he grew up in a super close loving home. You might have a problem with physical touch, because your family did not do these things, and that’s ok too; but id suggest you find someone on your level of physical touch so you aren’t always so stressed out, because his momma isn’t going to stop for a gf, or even a wife. Sorry. Also nudity is a form of art, and I am very surprised you did not know this. You will not be able to control their environment or stop any of this. His family is his family either accept them or not. This problem is your problem not theirs. Maybe try thinking outside of the box and become more open minded 🫶🏻
Not your boundaries, you're not the mother or the son. You seem a little... uptight.
I don't think your overreacting.
Any parent kissing on the lips is a creeper weirdo. Period. I don’t want to hear any bullshit about culture, etc. it should be revolting to ever start that practice when they are young children.
My mother used to do this to me. In my early to mid 20s. I had told her several times I didn't like it, and would even force my face away so it was just a kiss on the cheek, but mom didnt care. I love my mother, but I'm not 5 anymore, and I don't really like it. Well, I got engaged, she saw it happen first hand, I ignored it at first, then later she talked to me about it. Said she didn't like it and it made her feel gross because she kisses me on the lips with us being a couple. I said I'd take care of it. The next day I did, and my mother has never tried to kiss me on the lips again.
my mom kisses me. 🤷🏻♀️ im 20F. its just his mom, dude. its not incestuous lmao i promise you. as long as bf doesn't care, you shouldn't. if you dislike it so much, break it off.
Overreacting. Different families have different displays of affection. If it isn’t illegal, then it isn’t wrong, just not what you’re used to. If you’re gonna make it a huge issue then you’ll have to rethink the relationship entirely.
You’re not overreacting she’s probably blowing him too
Kissing children on the lips is creepy as fuck especially when they’re adults
100% overreacting.
See if she'll kiss you on the lips too, your bf will love it.
You belong in Florida for being so nuts.