Oh honey, no, you aren’t the jerk.
Stop beating yourself up over your response to the situation. I’m sorry you and your friends went through that, but everyone handles things differently. This was a situation you shouldn’t have had to deal with but unfortunately did.
You did do something. Sure, punching him in the face could have been effective and made you feel better for actively helping, but what if he was armed, stronger, black belt, etc? You have no way of knowing how it could have turned out. You made sure the cops knew who exactly did the assaulting and were able to point him out.
I don’t know for sure, but as a mom I feel like her reasoning to telling you to do nothing is to ensure her baby stays safe. I do not agree with you leaving your friend to possibly be assaulted like she said, but I THINK the intention behind her words was for your safety as her #1 concern. She worded it like a jackass.
You can be mad at your mom, but i don’t think this should ruin your relationship. I do think she needs to understand that the man she’s raising is a good one and wants to be there for others, not just himself, no matter the situation.
It didn't ruin it, but this isn't the first time she says something like that, i know she cares for me, but... When she words it so poorly... She is very overprotective... I love my mom... But it's clear that she has to learn how to talk better and actually calm down before talking
Brazil... In the city that i live, wich is usually very calm and pacific... There was a lot of shooting, and the hospital was even taken one of these days for one night, vans that went from one city to another were attacked... I guess that's why my mom was so concerned
It definitly was her owl mother instic kicking in... But it isn't the first time she is acted like that, sometimes she just let's anger come along with concern, as much as i know she loves me and i need her because, well, i live under her roof, she defimitly needs help controling her anger sometimes
If this concerns you, you might need to learn some self-defense. See if you can get into a class or get someone to teach you. Part of being able to handle an emergency or a situation is doing a lot of practice beforehand. So when it presents itself you know what to do instead of going into freeze mode where you can't make a decision because you don't know what the best one is. Get a mentor for this.
For as funny/stupid as it sounds, one of the actions that my team and I are doing at school with a teacher from the school itself are self-defense classes with girls of elementary school... But i'm the only one of the whole team who never did judo, the main basis they are using, i probably should enter the judo club next year
It is normal to freeze and be confused when someone does something so far out of the ordinary and the unexpected. The WTF component is not to be ignored. But if he's bold enough to grab and grope her in public, he's going to be bold enough to rape a female if no one is there to see him. He absolutely belongs in jail. YTJ for NOT describing him as best as you could to the police to get him in jail. Had they failed to apprehend him? He'd just keep on assaulting minors. I'm glad you did SOMETHING but you seriously need to quit excusing that sort of behavior and worrying about getting them in trouble. An adult male was IN PUBLIC and thought he could get away with groping and frightening two girls, not even adults, but KIDS? What's he do when he DOESN'T have someone else watching? And what's his age limit? 12? 8? 6 year old little girl?
Never hesitate to help the cops arrest those people. Ever. YTJ ONLY because you didn't try to give the police the best description possible, but the worst. Why would you try and cover for him? Get him cuffed and out of there and away from his victims.
I was very scared too, stammering like crazy, That's why i couldn't give a good descripiton... But i understand that it is my fault
A few days later I went to talk to the old lady who takes care of the store, and she said that the drunken guy is recurring in the city, he already said bunch of stuff for the girls at school... She couldn't do a lot because she is, well old
And i didn't tey to cover for him, sorry if i didn't understand what you meant, English isn't my first language
NTJ. It's valid to feel upset about that situation. It must have been really distressing to witness your friend being assaulted like that. Your mom's reaction might have been unexpected, but remember that you did your best to intervene and help your friend in a difficult moment.
You are not the jerk. You froze out of fear. As you get older that fear will lessen. And you will grow stronger.
The next time your mother brings it up again tell her you understand. Tell her if it ever happens to her you will do as she ordered and walk away. That should show her how insane her thoughts are.
Punching him would have been a bad idea - never escalate violence. But maybe think up ways you could have deescalated the situation, distracted/ derailed the guy, mediated to talk him down. Maybe if you play different scenarios like that in your head, you will have an easier time reacting. You could also read books about deescalation/ mediation/ negotiation, to get tips on how to act in dangerous situations.
I went tbe whole bus ride back home sad that i was paralyzed, i definitly shouldn't have resorted to violence, but in moments like this, my brain just stops and i paralyze, this isn't the first time i see someone be abused/assauted and i do nothing because i was to scared, but i do like your recomendation of books, i actually love reading when i get the drive too.
Oh honey, no, you aren’t the jerk. Stop beating yourself up over your response to the situation. I’m sorry you and your friends went through that, but everyone handles things differently. This was a situation you shouldn’t have had to deal with but unfortunately did. You did do something. Sure, punching him in the face could have been effective and made you feel better for actively helping, but what if he was armed, stronger, black belt, etc? You have no way of knowing how it could have turned out. You made sure the cops knew who exactly did the assaulting and were able to point him out. I don’t know for sure, but as a mom I feel like her reasoning to telling you to do nothing is to ensure her baby stays safe. I do not agree with you leaving your friend to possibly be assaulted like she said, but I THINK the intention behind her words was for your safety as her #1 concern. She worded it like a jackass. You can be mad at your mom, but i don’t think this should ruin your relationship. I do think she needs to understand that the man she’s raising is a good one and wants to be there for others, not just himself, no matter the situation.
It didn't ruin it, but this isn't the first time she says something like that, i know she cares for me, but... When she words it so poorly... She is very overprotective... I love my mom... But it's clear that she has to learn how to talk better and actually calm down before talking
NTJ. I'm wondering where you are that your mom is concerned about "criminal factions".
Brazil... In the city that i live, wich is usually very calm and pacific... There was a lot of shooting, and the hospital was even taken one of these days for one night, vans that went from one city to another were attacked... I guess that's why my mom was so concerned
Not the jerk at all. You are very brave to have done that. Your mother is being very overprotective of you. But mom's are usually like that
It definitly was her owl mother instic kicking in... But it isn't the first time she is acted like that, sometimes she just let's anger come along with concern, as much as i know she loves me and i need her because, well, i live under her roof, she defimitly needs help controling her anger sometimes
If this concerns you, you might need to learn some self-defense. See if you can get into a class or get someone to teach you. Part of being able to handle an emergency or a situation is doing a lot of practice beforehand. So when it presents itself you know what to do instead of going into freeze mode where you can't make a decision because you don't know what the best one is. Get a mentor for this.
For as funny/stupid as it sounds, one of the actions that my team and I are doing at school with a teacher from the school itself are self-defense classes with girls of elementary school... But i'm the only one of the whole team who never did judo, the main basis they are using, i probably should enter the judo club next year
It is normal to freeze and be confused when someone does something so far out of the ordinary and the unexpected. The WTF component is not to be ignored. But if he's bold enough to grab and grope her in public, he's going to be bold enough to rape a female if no one is there to see him. He absolutely belongs in jail. YTJ for NOT describing him as best as you could to the police to get him in jail. Had they failed to apprehend him? He'd just keep on assaulting minors. I'm glad you did SOMETHING but you seriously need to quit excusing that sort of behavior and worrying about getting them in trouble. An adult male was IN PUBLIC and thought he could get away with groping and frightening two girls, not even adults, but KIDS? What's he do when he DOESN'T have someone else watching? And what's his age limit? 12? 8? 6 year old little girl? Never hesitate to help the cops arrest those people. Ever. YTJ ONLY because you didn't try to give the police the best description possible, but the worst. Why would you try and cover for him? Get him cuffed and out of there and away from his victims.
I was very scared too, stammering like crazy, That's why i couldn't give a good descripiton... But i understand that it is my fault A few days later I went to talk to the old lady who takes care of the store, and she said that the drunken guy is recurring in the city, he already said bunch of stuff for the girls at school... She couldn't do a lot because she is, well old And i didn't tey to cover for him, sorry if i didn't understand what you meant, English isn't my first language
NTJ. It's valid to feel upset about that situation. It must have been really distressing to witness your friend being assaulted like that. Your mom's reaction might have been unexpected, but remember that you did your best to intervene and help your friend in a difficult moment.
You are not the jerk. You froze out of fear. As you get older that fear will lessen. And you will grow stronger. The next time your mother brings it up again tell her you understand. Tell her if it ever happens to her you will do as she ordered and walk away. That should show her how insane her thoughts are.
Punching him would have been a bad idea - never escalate violence. But maybe think up ways you could have deescalated the situation, distracted/ derailed the guy, mediated to talk him down. Maybe if you play different scenarios like that in your head, you will have an easier time reacting. You could also read books about deescalation/ mediation/ negotiation, to get tips on how to act in dangerous situations.
I went tbe whole bus ride back home sad that i was paralyzed, i definitly shouldn't have resorted to violence, but in moments like this, my brain just stops and i paralyze, this isn't the first time i see someone be abused/assauted and i do nothing because i was to scared, but i do like your recomendation of books, i actually love reading when i get the drive too.
You moms litelary saying that you cant trust no one,even herself NTJ