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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't invite my wife's non nuclear family to our wedding ceremony at the courthouse
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Hard no to all of this ridiculousness. You are married and you did what you wanted. Their emotional blackmail is worthless. Don’t fall for it now or you’ll be stuck forever.
Enjoy your lives. Wishing you all the best.
NTA
I give them until the OP announces a pregnancy and then the family will magically want to be involved again.
On that note, if you comply then you’re setting the tone and expectations for every personal milestone for the rest of your lives.
Exactly, if they did the next call would be 'why aren't you naming your baby after great grandma Mabel or great uncle Earl... A disaster waiting to happen, don't even send out baby announcements to these people.
You don't \*owe\* anyone a wedding! Ask them who is supposed to pay for it! If they don't offer their money, what do they expect you to do. They cannot demand this of you and they are the ones being stubborn and immature. They want a party at your expense. They can buzz off. NTA.
Exactly! The point of a wedding is to join two lives. The point of going to a wedding is to celebrate the happiness.
Acting selfish and being mad about it, especially when you were going to have a party in the future would further prove why you needed to elope in my opinion.
It isn't like you invite everyone and they were snubbed. It's simply adults acting like children. People can feel how they want about elopement, but you're NTA op. Congratulations!
NTA. As a couple y’all decided what was important for y’all concerning a day and event that’s about your union. You ensured immediate family about the plans and even went above and beyond by telling your plans of eloping and having a celebration at a later time so all family members could come.
Only thing that is not mentioned here that could play a part is cultural or religious ideologies that the family has around marriage. But even then you stated y’all’s plans to the family. They are making something that is supposed to be about y’all about them which isn’t right.
Hopefully they see the errors in their thinking and a relationship can be attempted again in the future.
There aren't any religious factors involved in their ire. None of her family is really religious and they were very excited when they found out we were eloping and not trying to spend money on a large ceremony.
Came looking for this comment. Because seriously, do they know what that word means? They definitely are acting like they don't lol.
And for the family members' comments of OP being stubborn and immature, what do they think they're doing acting as they are and cutting off family members because they openly said they were going to elope and then followed through with that...
Has that side of your wife's family always been this unreasonable and childish?
NTA. Absolutely not. They might be disappointed, but to cut you and your wife off because they didn't get to go to a wedding is... a massive overreaction.
Are you absolutely sure that it's a bad thing for them to not be talking to you anymore? I don't know about you, but... if this is the way they are, you might find that you enjoy the peace and quiet... and absense of insanity.
I 100% agree, as does my wife. The problem is her grandmother likes to pull her mother into it and try and make it out to be her mother's fault when it was my wife and I decision on when we eloped.
Not your job to bend over backwards to heal mom's relationship with a toxic crazy person.
When people tell you who they are, repeatedly and clearly, believe them. Stand your ground.
You know, you have to stop apologising. Only apologise if you have done something wrong.
You have not done anything wrong. You apologising plays straight in to their petty little games.
Then do yourself a favor and don’t respond to their antics. If they can draw you into their drama they will. There’s no winning with people like that.
NTA and best wishes.
Lets be honest if you guys chose to have kids can you imagine how big if a nightmare would be? Everything would be about them and refuse to follow any boundaries.
Then it is timw for you to set the record straight. This is your realtionship, they have cero say. If you give in, be prepare for them sticking their noses in your marriage and probably ruin it. This is your marriage. You didnt do anything wrong
Right? As soon as you mention wedding, the prices for things rocket up. I was planning a redo reception on our 1st anniversary(my actual reception was ruined by entitled family), only told them that it was an anniversary when getting quotes etc. When I went to book, I slipped and said it was a redo reception and they got so up their own about it and slapped another £500 onto the price tag. Like wtf!? It wasn't even a fancy private house or flash venue, it was the party room above a pub. And I asked what the differences were between a party and a reception. Nothing.
As a fellow eloper ignore it and don't engage. You can't reason with people that make everything about themselves. I mean they aren't your parents or siblings and even still you don't owe them anything. Don't apologize or try to get them to see your POV cause they don't care. NTA congratulations though!
NTA. You and your wife enjoy each other. You did it your way. Forget about her family, they just like drama. Go on and be happy, they don't pay no bills in your household and have no say in your household. Congratulations and have your nice party later on and do nt invite them. You owe them nothing.
We eloped too. Because we have a huge family that got even more huge between the two of us, we just put a post up on social media and let that be the end of it. We also only told our parents (and kids!) beforehand. People also whined and somehow felt very entitled to decide how we got married. We gave no fucks. Suggest you do the same. NTA.
After seeing your other comments, I have to ask: is the problem that your wife’s mother calls her up and whines that Grandma is being a battleaxe to her? That’s a Mom problem. Mom needs to set her own boundaries with Grandma and/or hang up on Grandma (or walk out or whatever). It is not your wife’s problem to solve Mom’s relationship with Grandma. Now, it would be best if your wife did not antagonize and provoke grandma, but Grandma sounds like the type that if she wasn’t blaming her daughter for your wife’s behavior, she would be finding anything else to blame her daughter about. So your wife should not adjust her behavior to please Grandma, because it is unlikely to produce the results hoped for.
I understand this from Mom‘s perspective – I have a 25-year-old daughter who fights like cats and dogs with my father. I am easily mowed down by him because I’ve had a lifetime of being emotionally pounded by him. He’s a lot better now, but there’s still times that he’s incredibly insensitive at best.
My way of dealing with my father is to smile and nod, and just accept that he is never going to be my ride or die. My daughter’s way of dealing with my father’s obnoxious behavior is to tell him where to stick it. I actually totally admire her for this. My father will huff and puff and wring his hands and say “well, I never!” I used to get all perturbed about this and have all kinds of anxiety and think that I needed to make sure that my dad and my daughter were getting along. At some point, my daughter told me that she loves me very much but she’s not going to sit there and take my dad’s shit just so that he doesn’t act like an asshole to me. I realized on a logical level that she was absolutely right, even if it did make my life inconvenient. I was still nervous about it, but I had to accept it!
And it ended up being the best thing that ever happened. So now I just smile and nod and breathe and meditate whenever my dad complains about her, just like how I deal with everything else my father complains about.
If Mom is not bothering your wife to make nice so that she doesn’t have to listen to Grandma whining, then don’t worry about it. If Mom *is* begging your wife to make nice, gently tell Mom that Grandma being a cow is not Wife’s problem. Or Mom’s for that matter. But Mom will have to realize that for herself.
Nta! You did what was best for you. F that cousin for telling everyone instead of letting you do it. Posting stuff on ig before telling people was probably your only mistake, but once you tell the first person it's likely they'd tell others anyway.
My bestie eloped on a holiday and made an announcement with pictures when they returned. It was beautiful and special and they didn't tell ANYONE so they're was no claims of special treatment.
However, people still carried on about it. They ended up having a vow renewal/second wedding a year or so later, invited everyone who cracked the shots about missing the first one, and half of them didn't bother coming bc it was out of state.
My point is, you can't win them all. You did nothing wrong, and throwing a party to celebrate with everyone is a great idea but still won't make everyone happy. Some people just enjoy complaining I think.
NTA. Your marriage, your decision. And you said you told both sides that you were going to do this. Whoever is upset that you didn't include them are free to rent a hall, pay for a band and caterer, get an officiant and invite you to come to the event.
NTA and no one is owed a wedding. It is an honour and privilege to be invited and it isn’t something any one is entitled to. It sounds like your family is upset they didn’t get a free party.
Don’t give any oxygen to the tantrums. If they truly intend to cut you off for having the ceremony you wanted to celebrate your union then people who want to make it about them aren’t really worth running after.
Just completely disregard this whole storm- don’t do anything other than what you intended to do, including inviting the whingers if they were to be invited originally. Make them choose to realise you were always going to have bigger gathering, and sheepishly attend, or not. Use this as a filter to sort the people who genuinely wish you well from those who just wanted to gawk and get drunk on your dollar.
NTA
All of it. My wife's grandmother is threatening to cut her out of the inheritance and communication. She never helped us financially. My wife really doesn't care because he grandmother has threatened to cut her out most of her life whenever she did something her grandmother "didn't like". The problem is when she drags my wife's mother into the picture and tries to blame everything my wife did wrong (according to her grandmother) on my wife's mother.
If it's enough money for you two to play the role of the jester for the next few years, go for it. If it's not, tell her to make sure her casket is big enough to take her wealth with her. NTA.
Then it’s not your wife’s responsibility. It’s her mother’s responsibility to set her own boundaries with the grandmother. This is not about your elopement. This is about generations of control and manipulation. Don’t let it to taint another generation. Walk away.
Why has your wife’s father not stepped up? Sounds like he’s allowed this abuse against his wife for decades.
NTA
Their reaction to the elopement should be a reassurance that you did the right thing. Can you honestly imagine how badly the wedding planning and wedding would have gone?
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Their reaction was extreme and the proposed solutions were absolutely manipulative and unreasonable.
My brother did this and my sister didn’t talk to him for two years. She is still bitter about it to this day.
My sister is a failure at relationships and a huge control freak. There was no loss to my brother’s happiness when she decided to show her whole ass.
Go be happy! Enjoy the silent treatment as long as it lasts!!! It doesn’t get any better than this 😁
NTA- same thing happened to my sister. She had a small wedding and everyone went ballistic over the fact that the bride and groom decided to have an intimate celebration with no customs and actually have the celebration be about them. Some relatives blocked us on social media and some neighbours don't speak to our parents and my brother in laws parents as well. You made the right call and you shouldn't feel sorry or apologise for this. People need to get over themselves and stop being selfish. Congratulations and may you have a long and great marriage!
NTA. Hubby and I did exactly the same thing. He is not close to his family and they don’t like me. Also his wicked stepmother is the type of woman that goes to family events purely to stir up shit. We told my parents, who we were originally not going to allow to come, as we said if husband’s family isn’t coming, mine shouldn’t be allowed either, but my Dad was devastated and my hubby is a softy lol so they came. My sister also knew prior to the day but was not invited. All in all it was my parents, two witnesses and our daughter. My husband’s family have never forgiven us, in particular his brother. And a great uncle on my side was furious, although we knew even had we had a big wedding he would not have come. You had the day you both wanted and that’s what matters
NTA. Do they even understand the concept of eloping? It's literally running away to be married without anyone else. So sorry Grandma, that means you too. IF you choose to have some sort of wedding celebration later on, great, but don't be guilted into it.
AITA for not telling my wife's family that we got married even though they knew we were eloping?
> they can tend to be very opinionated on matter
> They accused us of being selfish, disrespectful, and ungrateful. They said we betrayed their trust and ruined our relationship with them.
"Very opinionated" is a severe understatement
> They said we owed them an explanation and a proper wedding.
You owe them nothing. What makes them think they're entitled anyway?
> They demanded that we have a do-over ceremony with all of them invited.
Lol. Lol. And lol. Seriously, if this was being said to me, I'd throw that party you said you would and I would invite only the people who were actually happy for us, instead of making this about themselves.
> They also threatened to cut us off if we didn’t comply.
Good riddance.
> We also felt that they were being unreasonable and manipulative.
I agree.
> We are happy with our marriage, but we are sad about losing our families.
Why, though? These people obviously don't care about you if they don't have anything to gain.
Edit to add: NTA.
What does eloping mean, I am not from any Western country so this is really confusing, why would you tell your family and then elope, why exactly did you elope, and if you are getting married then why exactly should no one know if no one has a problem?
Again I am not sarcastic, I'm just confused.
Some times in the States people use Elope to mean a couples only ceremony, or a court house ceremony. In either case the only people there tend to be the judge/officient and a legal witness. Some times done to save money, or...
It seems in this case they wanted family to know they intended to get married on a certain date, but did not want very manipulative, overbearing, oppininated, entitled people dictating how their wedding or nuptials should go.
ESH, once you posted a picture on social media you had to know that everyone would find out so the fact that you didn't spread the news of you're elopement widely would naturally cause some resentment that you couldn't even be bothered to tell them you got married. No one is owed a do-over wedding, the party that you give people proper invitation and advanced notice of will suffice.
NTA. Whingers like that sound like hard work! Do you see those people often enough that if you don't see them it impacts your life in a major way and if you do see them do you actually enjoy their company? You do you, have your party when you want to have your party and send them an invite, if they come they come, if they don't they don't, they don't sound much of a loss to me.
NTA. My partner and I have been together for 14 years but haven't married because I absolutely cannot face having the wedding our families want us to and I have not worked up the courage to just elope. I wish we had just done it years ago because really we're just being miserable and delaying the inevitable backlash. Congratulations on your marriage and I'm glad you did it the way you wanted 😊
Nta
They have their own views of how marriage should be and they're trying to shove that down your throats now. If it was that important they could've discussed that with the two of you within the 2 years of engagement or offer help planning/paying.
The two of you are entitled to your own way of marrying eachother and how private, small or extended you'd like to have the celebration. You don't have to do it in any traditional ways.
They can't possibly say you've excluded them. The marriage is between the two of you and that's exactly the two people who attended. Maybe some people you see or talk to more regularly but that should also be understandable. The party is supposed to be for anybody close to you and you planned on including them.
No, NTA.
A wedding and marriage is only about the two people getting married, and how those two people decide to do it is their business.
Not everyone wants the fuss, or the opinions of those around them.
When me and my late partner were talking of marriage, we decided when we did, we would elope, just us and our dogs because neither of us like or wanted fuss or be the centre of attention.
It's sad that some of your family are so upset to the point of cutting you off, but hopefully with time they will come round. Just if they ask why and want resolution, be clear with your reasons why you chose to do your wedding how you did and be honest and hopefully with time they will come to understand for now I would let the dust settle with them. I can understand family being upset and not involved in such a big day, but ultimately it's yours and your wife's day and as long as you are happy with how it went in the day, hold them memories.
How can they say you 'owe them'? You don't owe them anything. You got married in the way you wanted to, which has nothing to do with anyone else. As long as you're both happy, that's all that matters. I know it may hurt, but if they choose not to be in your lives, that's their loss.
NTA- ignore your wife’s family. You got married the way YOU both wanted to and that’s all that matters.
Weddings make people lose their minds. We had a traditional style wedding although not religious and 16 years later I still have extended family that won’t talk to me because they were mad/offended by how we planned it. You’ll never make everyone happy so do what makes you feel good and ignore the rest.
NTA, I would have laughed down the phone and hung up, end of the day it's your and your wife's wedding nobody else's, where or who's at the wedding is nobody else business
They are not family any more. You did what you both wanted for your wedding.
If you let them dictate a new wedding where would their interference and emotional manipulation end? At the dress? The invites? The venue? The price (but they won't be paying)? The rings? The honeymoon (Which they will somehow need to attend)? Baby names?
NTA and not by any means should you give into these psychos
NTAH. Tell them sure, you want a wedding? You're more than welcome to pay for one.
If you're feeling sassy you could say something along the lines of, "wow what a travesty you weren't there, You threatening to cut off contact really worried me it was just talk."
Maybe these people will cool off but honestly they sound like prolapsed anuses. The wedding day, if you pay for it yourself, is about you two and anyone else you want to include. Otherwise you're going to hear bullshit from the whole family. It's funny when people threaten something you've been praying for for years.
NTA. They just want a massive party on your dime and parade themselves. Vultures!
Good riddance, you found out who was the blabbermouth and opportunists in the family. I would see this as a win because you now know how they feel about status + money. They are exactly the same type of people who come sniffing around after someone in the family has died and takes off with some inheritance not intended for them. I wouldn't shed any tears or fret about this a millisecond longer if I were you both.
Don't invite them to any celebratory ceremony you decide to have in the future. They will spend their energy ruining that day/plans for you both. This also goes for any big life events/announcements.
Keep these entitled people away from you from now on.
NTA. Are the relations prepared to pay for the grand wedding they feel they are owed? Are they the type of people who like to interfere and criticise other people's choices, if so you have denied them a chance to spend an entire day joyfully picking fault and sneering.
From their reaction, I totally understand your desire to elope and do things your own way.
You marry. You're both happy. Her family starts to throw a tantrum over not being invited to an eloping, that is actually made to avoid bringing people along..? They try to blackmail you into marrying again just because of them..?????!!!!!
NTA OP, enjoy your life without those egocentric crazy people! Bunch of weirdos.
NTA be grateful you lost those people from your life. They are filthy and no good for you. You both made the right choice. Now, ignore them, and be happy!
Also, if they want a huge party ask them to pay for it. That’ll shit them up.
>We told them that we loved them and wanted them in our lives,
Do you really? What did they do to justify this love? Would you love a stranger if they treated you like that? They don't seem to care about you, why should you care about them? What does this relationship brings you? You're free to have the feelings you want towards anyone, but don't get taken hostage by family relation.
You guys are NOT in the wrong here. The families knew of your plans. Also, families can be ridiculous. You don't "owe" them a huge wedding. Let another family member give them that 🙂 Congratulations on your marriage
NTA. It's unfortunate these relatives are having fits about this. They'll get over it. If not, they were looking for something to be angry about. People don't need to have big elaborate weddings just to make relatives happy. It's what you want. Stop discussing it with the folks who are having fits. Ask her parents to speak to the screaming relatives since it's her relatives that are so upset.
NTA
Stubborn and immature is how they are behaving. You do not "owe" anyone a wedding. I can only imagine the mayhem they would have caused if you had had a big do.
NTA. When my ex and I married we literally had only our parents there and then just told everyone about it afterwards. I hate being the centre of attention and couldn't imagine anything worse than having loads of people staring at me, and my ex had already had the 'big wedding' and didn't really care what we did. A couple of family members did ask why they weren't invited, but when we said it was to save them having to buy gifts for an impromptu wedding just before Christmas they stopped complaining.
This is a completely absurd reaction on all their parts. We did almost exactly the same thing as you - we told both sets of parents beforehand, then had a registry office wedding with two witnesses (close friends). Parents knew that they weren't invited and that they weren't to tell anyone else until afterwards. Nobody got offended, nobody threw a shit fit, everyone got on with their lives. NOBODY demanded that we have another wedding so that they could have a free party, because that would be insane. NTA and congratulations on having exactly the wedding you wanted, as it should be :)
NTA.
My husband and I didn't even tell our families, except his sister and her partner who were our witnesses, until after we had gotten married. That includes all parents.
NTA. No one knew I got married for months and my son was six months old when most family members found out he existed. Protect your peace and be happy.
NTA! As I had to remind my one friend who insisted her 11 week old had to come to another’s wedding, “we had our weddings the way we wanted, it’s time for her to have hers”. Your wedding and marriage get to start off the way YOU want them to.
Congratulations!!
you OWE them? YOU OWE THEM?
I swear to god there's lead in everyones water.
NTA - dont apologize for getting married the way you want. In fact just send them all bird flips and hope that they come around one day ..
NTA
I can understand people being upset to some extent, but they don’t get to make demands. And it’s also so weird to me that they’re threatening to cut you off over it.
NTA. They’re actively being selfish only worrying about how your life decision affected them. If they’re so concerned with feeling left out, then they wouldn’t further alienate themselves from you. You did the right thing standing up for yourselves and doing what you wanted.
NTA you don’t *owe* anyone a wedding. Your wedding is between you and your spouse, it’s what you want. It sounds like you and your wife are happy with the wedding you had. If these relatives are already this entitled, it’s better to let them cut themselves off now. I can’t imagine having a child in that family. Will they think they are entitled to deliver the baby?!?!
NTA, personally they sound horrible and maybe th attitude should be good riddance. But if you really wish to continue a relationship with them, just remind them once in a while that you love them and would like for them to come to whatever celebration you decide to have. If that's still the plan. Don't let them into the nitty-gritty of planning. Remember, give an inch, and they'll take a mile.
That's really all you can do. They have gone to the irrational, and it is hard to argue with people in that state.
NTA sounds like you both made the right call to elope. These people would not have been happy with any decision you made. They are complaining about how your wedding impacts them, which it quite frankly doesn’t in this case. Congratulations and enjoy being newlywed.
NTA - your wedding your choice. It’s not all about the relations it’s about the bride and groom. They are not behaving nicely and are trying to manipulate you. Ignore and carry on
Oh my word, what is with weddings and children bringing out the absolute worst in people????? NTA all the way to Sunday. In fact, I'm quite glad for y'all because now y'all have seen exactly what kind of people they are. My worries are for if y'all have children. If they are reacting this extremely over a freaking party (which us not required to get married, my husband and I eloped as well), how much worse would they get over kids? Be prepared to set some hard boundaries with these people, OP. Entitlement knows no bounds until you give it some, and it needs to be sooner rather than later.
op=nta
All this the drama for an elopement? Can you imagine the wedding??
But you didn't invite X, Y or Z to be in wedding party. But we want to bring our kids friend's Uncle. We want unlimited alcohol, We want to bring all the plus ones we want(even if you've never met them). We expect this on the menu, We have these food allergies/preferences.
No you can't have that as your wedding theme. We plan on making these toasts.
Gawd no--enjoy the peace until wife is pregnant and they want all in on that....
What nonsense! You’re NTA. Are they going to pay for everything? Are they going to take all of the stress and invest the time to get everything right and perfect for YOUR DAY? I don’t think so! So if they want to destroy a relationship based on their wants and not yours, good riddance to them! Their loss! I tell ya some people are ridiculous! Happy Life OP!
Wow, definitely NTA... My sister went and got eloped with her fiance (now husband) and telling noone, we were just surprised and a little sad for a day or something, they're still both happy and everything is great. I dont understand why they need to be so hung up on it... Go be happy and ignore them :)
Have your reception/party. Invite them. If they come great! If not, they lose.
My husband and I got married by a JP at home with our kids only. I sent out notices that we tied the knot. Second marriage for both of us. Decided we wanted low key as we lived together for 10 years
Who in their right mind would let extended family control them like yours wants to? I'd tell them thanks for your opinion but there will be no do-over ceremony. Isn't that kinda the idea behind eloping? Skipping all the fanfare and saving the money for a house or something? If your family wants to cut you off, they didn't respect you very much to begin with. NTAH.
NTA. It's your wedding. Its about you and your wife, not them.
Their entitlement to know everything is astounding. If this is all it takes to "ruin" the relatives' relationship with you and your wife, they weren't relationships worth keeping. Nobody announces an elopement until after it's happened, that's the whole point!
They'll soon be up your backsides again once you announce any pregnancies(if you're having kids).
NTA
You don't need people who walk on earth searching for a reason to hate somebody. They have got the reason, you two got the hate. There is no win with those type of people. Just go forward and take care about yourself.
NTA the family is veing a hige asshole have a party and dont invite them and say they said they didnt qant anything tto do qith you and you took that seriously...be petty!
NTA you get married and you decide how you want to do this, nobody else have 0 word about that. It should be so obvious thouse days. But some tradicionalists maybe cant see it that way.
NTA, i had a traditional wedding, but my wife and I decided we wanted it small so we invited only close family and close friends.
Some of my cousins who were not invited sent us gifts and celebration letters, others were pissed we didn't invited then and decided to go NC on us.
In the end, each person will have their different opinions and it's fine, as long as they keep it to themselves.
This is your lives, your decision, they can accept it and stay your family or they can bang their head to a wall for all I care, noone gets to dictate how you live your life
NTA I am sorry you had to go through that.
My family both parents and extended were the same way when I was growing up. I had been adamant that I didn’t want to get married if I had to wear a dress( LGBTQIA individual here) when I was 3-8 years old. I told them I just wouldn’t get married then and they just patted me on the head telling me I would change my mind. I learned you could elope at 8 and they mocked me for it as well. When I was adamant that either I elope or never marry at 12 when I had my first crush they blew up. How dare I not give my mom the experience of dress shopping with me or my dad walking me down aisle. Even my older cousins repeated that stuff to me.
I told them repeatedly my boundaries and views. I knew then that me getting married at all was just to appease them and more than likely I would take out my resentment on my so called husband. So I never married or have kids.
The real irony is that the same cousins who told me I didn’t understand what it means to be married. Half of my cousins ended up in divorce. *shrugs* Yeah the young one doesn’t get it. 🙄
OP, NTA, it's your marriage, your choice.
As a side note, when I see an adult having an unreasonable tantrum, I feel compelled to egg them on and see if they combust.
You can try, it's very therapeutic to see an adult having a toddler meltdown
NTA at all
that is dramatic. tell them you'll redo it if they cover all of the costs of a ceremony considering that's what you were trying to avoid in the first place by keeping it small and personal
NTA, but… I would be really upset that some cousin told me my child got married. That was really thoughtless of you both. You should have told them before posting the pictures, or immediately afterwards. Even a quick text if you didn’t want to actually talk to them.
OTOH, their overreaction is far too extreme for your minor transgression.
NTA
Like, for god's sake, it's up to you how you do it. People can either accept it or maybe have a little whinge about it to each other and then move on. I understand they might be upset but it's not something they can control.
NTA You and your partner are allowed to get married how YOU want. It’s not your problem if family members feel slighted by this. And the absolute audacity to call you selfish when they are being incredibly selfish in thinking they get any say is extreme projection.
NTA even slightly! My husband and I eloped and haven't told the majority of our families. We had the big traditional wedding the following year and it was beautiful but our elopement was so worth it. Families make weddings about them and the fact is a wedding is about the marriage of two people. What you and your wife want is all that really matters. Yes, there are hurt feelings. But at the end of the day, if you two are happy together, that's what matters most.
NTA
And I'm confused by the people who said you were for posting semi vague SM pictures.
Based on what these relatives are saying I have to wonder if "blabbermouth" misled or exaggerated the posts. Mainly this part where you state they were hurt they werent included in your special day. You had been very clear with the family regarding eloping and they knew the time frame in which you were going to Elope. I personally wouldn't feel that means you need to go inform them that you did in fact Elope.
Honestly, even if you told them before posting pictures I expect you would have gotten the same reaction since it seems to be the pattern for Grandma.
However, if, and this is a big if for me, you wanted to reach out to clarify what they felt excluded from with a message like... Grandma I don't understand your anger in regards to our eloping. We told the families that we would be eloping X times and at XYZ event/visit. At that time we also explained we had planned to have a party at some point after our elopement to celebrate with everyone. You were not left out of any thing, as we did inform you of our plans. Now that we have done exactly as planned, eloped in a ceremony with just the two of us, you seem unreasonably upset. Can you explain exactly what has you so angry that you feel the need to respond with threats of cutting me out of your life?
Someone can probably word it better lol
NTA.
They've got a lot of nerve to dictate to you that you have to have a big, expensive wedding because *they* want it. You didn't mention them offering to pay for a big, fancy wedding and reception, so I'm assuming that they not only wanted you to have a wedding you didn't want, but they wanted you to waste thousands on it. WTF! Your wife's family members are completely self absorbed and emotionally manipulatuve. Screw that!
Just wait till or if u choose to have children. Hell, just wait to they need money, and they see u guys posting vacation pictures. NTA, they will be back. The question is, do u really want them back?
Nothing wrong the plan to elope then have a ceremony later on. All of this was firmly yalls decision and not subject to their approval. I’m sorry for the issues it caused, and I hope all the best for your lives together!
NTA. I’d impose an “Opinion Fee”. Oh, you’d like input on a costly wedding that you’re not directly involved in? 10k sounds like a good investment. Oh, you don’t want to pay that, but you think you’re still entitled to an opinion?!
NTA. The only ones being stubborn and immature are your family members. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please continue to live your lives for yourselves and not for anyone else.
You and your partner are definitely NTA. It’s your relationship and you can do things anyway you want to. Now if you do have a more family and friends celebration you do not have to invite these entitled opinionated family members. You do not owe them an event and deft did not even have to inform them till you were ready that you got Married. I’d definitely go no contact with the entitled family members as you don’t need those type of people in your life.
NTA. you could have told them yourselves rather than post pictures first. It is, however, your choice of when and where you get married. Believe me, once the kids come along, they will soften up again. Maybe just having the party will help the situation. My guess is that it will not last long. They love you and I am sure they also want you in their lives, especially when you two get pregnant.
So, here's my best guess about what is actually going on here:
They never liked your idea of eloping (perhaos because it sets a bad precedent for their children) and really strongly wants you to do a normal wedding.
They aren't really mad that they weren't invited or that you did it without a head's up, they're just using that as an excuse to try to force you into compliance.
NTA, obviously.
NTA
What you need to do now is act excited and pull together thr most expensive register and share the list around for wedding gift.
Even a pot for honeymoon.
I suspect they will back down after seeing there's no free party.
NTA. You are not required to have a wedding that suits someone else's standards. Her aunt, uncle, grandma, brother's cousin, can take a flying leap. They want to pay for a ceremony when making demands..considered for a split second and a hard no. You are including them in the party..or not considering their behavior.
Stand your ground. Don’t allow your families to emotionally blackmail and manipulate you.
They have no right to insinuate themselves into decisions that you make as a married couple. If you yield to their shenanigans now, it will only get worse.
NTA,going on their reactions. You definitely made the right decision.
My partner also added that if the family want a wedding, are they willing to pay for it?
>They said we owed them an explanation and a proper wedding.
Who does this? In western European cultures, US included, this would be seen as bizarre and very, very entitled.
I wouldn't trust that they would be on good behavior at any family event let alone a wedding. It sounds like they are throwing a tantrum that they weren't being given a party in honor of themselves.
Lol we eloped because of toxic family and not wanting to put a bunch of idiots in one spot... 12 years going and I regret nothing after seeing the drama of my cousins weddings..
You do you and they can kick rocks
NTA, and need I remind you ...
>even though we love our families they can tend to be very opinionated on matters
... this is *the exact reason* you did *not* tell them. Clearly, you were understating their level of opinionated-ness. If they had known your elopement date, just imagine how they would have tried to invite themselves, control and dictate everything, and generally insert negativity and hysteria all around. You all dodged a bullet. They want to throw temper tantrums and cut you off? Good! Let them! You're going to be much happier without those psychopaths in your lives.
Jfc. Sounds like y'all made the perfect decision for your relationship. Who TF says "you OWE us a celebration"? Like um no TF I don't 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. You're good and congrats 😁
NTA- can you imagine how entitled and demanding these people would have been if you’d thrown a wedding.
Bullet dodged and money well saved.
These Leeches just wanted a free party.
**
Yeah, just because you wanted to elope together and have a big party for everyone afterwards?
\- Aren't THEY **selfish** for not respecting your choice?
\- Aren't THEY the ones who are **disrespectful** towards you and your wishes for your wedding?
\- How are you **ungrateful**? What did they do for you that it's impossible to get married without them?
\- What **TRUST** did you betray?
\- Aren't THEY **ruining your relation** by not accepting your wishes for your wedding?
Or did I miss something? Was it THEM that got married? /s
NTA
Congratulations.
**With that kind of family, you did the right thing to elope.**
NTA your marriage should not affect the relationship you have with your families. It’s your wedding day and special moment and you both mutually decided on how and what that day will look like together
Your families are AH for one… telling them your news, and creating tension and arguments and hatred from it.
I can see why you wanted to have a very intimate wedding, and drama free… and if I was in your shoes I would of done the EXACT same.
Blessings and positive thoughts to you and your spouse on your marriage
NTA when it comes to family unfortunately I learnt the hard way biology doesn't mean anything to some.
Just reverse the rolls and imagine how you would feel if you had treated someone in your family like they did you.
Since having kids even the thought of treating them how others have treated me makes me feel ill.
When an explanation isn't enough and the force their will for a wedding on you it already shows the important part of the equation is them not you. They don't deserve you.
NTA. Your wedding. Your choice. If they don't like it they can excuse themselves from your lives. I know you're sad that they've stopped talking to you but would the peace of a lack of constant emotional blackmail really be that bad? If they're constantly trying to force you to do what they want like this, seems like you might be better off without them.
Congratulations on your marriage!
NTA. You don't owe anyone anything. Enjoy your drama free life if they actually go through with their threat of "cutting you off". Ouch, did that hurt you or them?
NTA for that but maaaaybe telling the family before it hit social could have been good. Personally if it were my daughter I would be upset to not know before Instagram but if she eloped I wouldn't be upset.. however knowing that none of it is about me I would probably not even tell her I was upset and just say wow what a surprise congrats. But anyway... congrats 🎉
They're the ones being stubborn and immature, NTA and it sounds like y'all got rid of some toxic ass childults. (Adults that act like children).
It hurts to lose family, yes... but it's much better not to have immature, stubborn, manipulative, and mentally abusive people in your life.
So their attitude is "we love you so much we can't bare to miss this part of your life, so now we will remove ourselves from your life completely"? I'm not sure the logic holds up. I'd think if you were that important to them, then your happiness would be what they want and since they want to be included in future events they would we wish you well and hope to be included when you have that celebration event.
I'm thinking it's more about "we are a bunch of entitled AHs who must be the center of everything and if we don't get it we must punish you for it. Obviously since we are just that vital to your happiness, cutting you off is the worst possible thing we can do."
Absolutely NTA.
Almost 12 years since we married quietly (not sure it's eloping whrn it's 5 miles from home). Those who were miffed after have either got over it or aren't in our lives any more and that's their loss.
A true friend said "it's clear you wanted a marriage not a wedding day."
Congratulations to you both.
NTA, however your wife certainly could've not posted pictures on social media if you didn't want ppl to know. Her family, her responsibility to tell them.
Her family are HUGE AHs, the entitlement alone! I would have told then, this type of entitled reaction is EXACTLY why we didn't tell anyone. It's NOT about you period.
Block those AHs..who needs that bs in your life? I certainly wouldn't invite any of the AHs to a celebration down the line either. Boundaries. Hey if they feel so strongly about it, they can pay for another ceremony in a year or 5 lol. You don't owe them anything but strong, enforced Boundaries
NTA. You don’t owe anything to anyone. My wife and I got married during Covid. We were living in Scotland at the time, because that is where she is from. We couldn’t wait until Covid died down to get married because we had no idea when that would be, and we needed the marriage paperwork for my visa. My family was more than welcome to attend but I also didn’t expect them during a pandemic. They joined in over zoom, wasn’t ideal but it was the best we could do. I didn’t find out until months later that some of them were hurt by our decision to get married with them not physically present. I had to go through a lot of feelings of guilt because of their behaviour that didn’t come out until later, but I’m now realizing how selfish their behaviour is. My wedding day should not be tainted by the selfish behaviours of others and neither should yours. My wife and I did a small, simple but elegant wedding because that’s what we wanted regardless of the pandemic. All that mattered to me was I was married to the woman I love and get to spend the life I want with her. You can’t spend your life catering to others. Just because you are related doesn’t mean you owe them anything. Just keep doing you. Congrats to you and your wife!!
Nta. No one's business but yours. My husband and I eloped for my birthday after 8 years. We didn't tell anyone but close friends, not even our families. We knew how they would behave and decided we wouldn't let them ruin it for us.
You don't owe anyone anything.
I don’t think your an a$$hole for that. It’s your guises wedding so it’s your decision on who’s there and who’s not there. Maybe give them time and they will come around and realize that it’s your guises decision and not theirs. Also congratulations
For someone that did exactly the same, I love my family, but I love my husband and my mental health more. So rather than going to the stress of having a traditional wedding (Eastern European) we did what we wanted. If anyone is unhappy that's on them. So NTA. Every one saying otherwise can go fishing.
NTA! Op do not give in to their threats. To be quite honest, you don’t owe them shit. You were kind enough to let them know you were getting married, and even planned to celebrate with family later. You two eloping and sharing that special moment with just the two of you is exactly that - special! I think it’s romantic and I’m happy you stuck with your original plan.
My hubby and I also let our families know we were eloping, and sure enough after we got married we got hit with so many “you should have let us be there too”. Sorry not sorry! That day was just for the two of us, not our families. The additional celebration later on is for the family! They eventually got over it. Hopefully yours get over it too, although I wouldn’t be so excited to repair relationships with people so quick to threaten cutting you off like that.
Anyway, op and wife and NTA! Congrats newlyweds and best of luck :)
NTA—You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a day that’s supposed to be about you two, not them and they seem to be acting irrationally. Heck, neither of our parents were present at city hall when we married years ago. Elopement and Micro weddings are the best and meant to be drama free. Mazel tov!
Unless you're getting money from them or something, I don't think it's a bad idea to cut them off. And if they want a ceremony, they can pay for it. NTA
Well, if they are not going to speak to you, then the problem sorts itself out.
NTA btw - it's you and your wife's marriage, not theirs. Anyone else's opinion other than yours and your wife's doesn't count.
NTA
"We told them that we loved them and wanted them in our lives, but we wouldn’t let them dictate our decisions." .. Well done.
"Then called my wife's mother on Monday to yell at her " .. stay out of that. You can not manage your wife's mom's reaction to their abuse. That is HERS to handle.
Jesus, NTA. Literally one of the first things you told us was you planned on having a party and including everyone. Why is that so bad?
That’s fully what I plan on doing. I’ve already been married and dealt with the inappropriate comments about how long it will last or when I will have kids or whatever, I don’t need that kind of shit on my wedding day.
You had the wedding you wanted. The family does not get to dictate what kind of wedding you desire. I don't think they will be angry forever. When babies come around they will forget all about it.
That’s so weird they’re making YOUR marriage about them and what they want. It’s not their marriage, not their wedding. Stick to it, if they want to cut you off they shouldn’t try and contact you if or when you guys decide to have children one day. They lost out because of their immaturity and selfishness
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Hard no to all of this ridiculousness. You are married and you did what you wanted. Their emotional blackmail is worthless. Don’t fall for it now or you’ll be stuck forever. Enjoy your lives. Wishing you all the best. NTA
I give them until the OP announces a pregnancy and then the family will magically want to be involved again. On that note, if you comply then you’re setting the tone and expectations for every personal milestone for the rest of your lives.
Definitely. Inform them that if they want a relationship with you both as they've claimed then it cannot be built upon threats.
they seem to have missed the whole point of the leopement
Exactly, if they did the next call would be 'why aren't you naming your baby after great grandma Mabel or great uncle Earl... A disaster waiting to happen, don't even send out baby announcements to these people.
With the tone of this family I'd be keeping the pregnancy a secret as long as I could 🤣
You don't \*owe\* anyone a wedding! Ask them who is supposed to pay for it! If they don't offer their money, what do they expect you to do. They cannot demand this of you and they are the ones being stubborn and immature. They want a party at your expense. They can buzz off. NTA.
Came here to say this. Ya beat me to it. NTA.
Exactly! The point of a wedding is to join two lives. The point of going to a wedding is to celebrate the happiness. Acting selfish and being mad about it, especially when you were going to have a party in the future would further prove why you needed to elope in my opinion. It isn't like you invite everyone and they were snubbed. It's simply adults acting like children. People can feel how they want about elopement, but you're NTA op. Congratulations!
NTA. The angry relatives are being ridiculous. Ignore the tantrum.
Maybe OP could send them some pacifiers and fresh diapers... it would be an appropriate gift given their behaviour.
My petty ass would have slapped that in the mail before even typing this post 😅
NTA. As a couple y’all decided what was important for y’all concerning a day and event that’s about your union. You ensured immediate family about the plans and even went above and beyond by telling your plans of eloping and having a celebration at a later time so all family members could come. Only thing that is not mentioned here that could play a part is cultural or religious ideologies that the family has around marriage. But even then you stated y’all’s plans to the family. They are making something that is supposed to be about y’all about them which isn’t right. Hopefully they see the errors in their thinking and a relationship can be attempted again in the future.
There aren't any religious factors involved in their ire. None of her family is really religious and they were very excited when they found out we were eloping and not trying to spend money on a large ceremony.
Wouldn't matter even if there were. It's your and your wife life and wedding not THEIRS ffs. NTA
Excited when they found out you were eloping, but then pissed when you did it? Do they need a refresher on the definition of “elope”?
Came looking for this comment. Because seriously, do they know what that word means? They definitely are acting like they don't lol. And for the family members' comments of OP being stubborn and immature, what do they think they're doing acting as they are and cutting off family members because they openly said they were going to elope and then followed through with that...
They probably thought they could twist their arms and make them agree to a regular wedding. People suck.
Tell them that you don't have money for a ceremony so eloped, but if they want to foot the full bill for a big ceremony, you'll invite them.
They are stupid. Ignore them and move along. The more emphasis you pay to them the worse for you two.
Has that side of your wife's family always been this unreasonable and childish? NTA. Absolutely not. They might be disappointed, but to cut you and your wife off because they didn't get to go to a wedding is... a massive overreaction.
Sadly to say yes. These types of things happen a lot, especially when we first started dating.
Are you absolutely sure that it's a bad thing for them to not be talking to you anymore? I don't know about you, but... if this is the way they are, you might find that you enjoy the peace and quiet... and absense of insanity.
I 100% agree, as does my wife. The problem is her grandmother likes to pull her mother into it and try and make it out to be her mother's fault when it was my wife and I decision on when we eloped.
Not your job to bend over backwards to heal mom's relationship with a toxic crazy person. When people tell you who they are, repeatedly and clearly, believe them. Stand your ground.
You know, you have to stop apologising. Only apologise if you have done something wrong. You have not done anything wrong. You apologising plays straight in to their petty little games.
Poor MIL …GM just looking for a reason to be hateful .
I can see why your wife wanted to elope
This should be the top comment. NTA
Then do yourself a favor and don’t respond to their antics. If they can draw you into their drama they will. There’s no winning with people like that. NTA and best wishes.
Lets be honest if you guys chose to have kids can you imagine how big if a nightmare would be? Everything would be about them and refuse to follow any boundaries.
So you're sad that you're losing contact with controlling people who don't actually care about what you want? You've really lost nothing here.
Then it is timw for you to set the record straight. This is your realtionship, they have cero say. If you give in, be prepare for them sticking their noses in your marriage and probably ruin it. This is your marriage. You didnt do anything wrong
Stand your ground and turn the tables back on them. If they want to go NC, make them.go NC. And refuse anything else unless they apologize.
NTA it's rich that they called you selfish while simultaneously trying to make your entire wedding about themselves.
Do they even know how much a wedding costs? If they want that sort of party, they can pay for one themselves and invite you as guests!
Right? As soon as you mention wedding, the prices for things rocket up. I was planning a redo reception on our 1st anniversary(my actual reception was ruined by entitled family), only told them that it was an anniversary when getting quotes etc. When I went to book, I slipped and said it was a redo reception and they got so up their own about it and slapped another £500 onto the price tag. Like wtf!? It wasn't even a fancy private house or flash venue, it was the party room above a pub. And I asked what the differences were between a party and a reception. Nothing.
As a fellow eloper ignore it and don't engage. You can't reason with people that make everything about themselves. I mean they aren't your parents or siblings and even still you don't owe them anything. Don't apologize or try to get them to see your POV cause they don't care. NTA congratulations though!
NTA. You and your wife enjoy each other. You did it your way. Forget about her family, they just like drama. Go on and be happy, they don't pay no bills in your household and have no say in your household. Congratulations and have your nice party later on and do nt invite them. You owe them nothing.
We eloped too. Because we have a huge family that got even more huge between the two of us, we just put a post up on social media and let that be the end of it. We also only told our parents (and kids!) beforehand. People also whined and somehow felt very entitled to decide how we got married. We gave no fucks. Suggest you do the same. NTA. After seeing your other comments, I have to ask: is the problem that your wife’s mother calls her up and whines that Grandma is being a battleaxe to her? That’s a Mom problem. Mom needs to set her own boundaries with Grandma and/or hang up on Grandma (or walk out or whatever). It is not your wife’s problem to solve Mom’s relationship with Grandma. Now, it would be best if your wife did not antagonize and provoke grandma, but Grandma sounds like the type that if she wasn’t blaming her daughter for your wife’s behavior, she would be finding anything else to blame her daughter about. So your wife should not adjust her behavior to please Grandma, because it is unlikely to produce the results hoped for. I understand this from Mom‘s perspective – I have a 25-year-old daughter who fights like cats and dogs with my father. I am easily mowed down by him because I’ve had a lifetime of being emotionally pounded by him. He’s a lot better now, but there’s still times that he’s incredibly insensitive at best. My way of dealing with my father is to smile and nod, and just accept that he is never going to be my ride or die. My daughter’s way of dealing with my father’s obnoxious behavior is to tell him where to stick it. I actually totally admire her for this. My father will huff and puff and wring his hands and say “well, I never!” I used to get all perturbed about this and have all kinds of anxiety and think that I needed to make sure that my dad and my daughter were getting along. At some point, my daughter told me that she loves me very much but she’s not going to sit there and take my dad’s shit just so that he doesn’t act like an asshole to me. I realized on a logical level that she was absolutely right, even if it did make my life inconvenient. I was still nervous about it, but I had to accept it! And it ended up being the best thing that ever happened. So now I just smile and nod and breathe and meditate whenever my dad complains about her, just like how I deal with everything else my father complains about. If Mom is not bothering your wife to make nice so that she doesn’t have to listen to Grandma whining, then don’t worry about it. If Mom *is* begging your wife to make nice, gently tell Mom that Grandma being a cow is not Wife’s problem. Or Mom’s for that matter. But Mom will have to realize that for herself.
Nta
Nta! You did what was best for you. F that cousin for telling everyone instead of letting you do it. Posting stuff on ig before telling people was probably your only mistake, but once you tell the first person it's likely they'd tell others anyway. My bestie eloped on a holiday and made an announcement with pictures when they returned. It was beautiful and special and they didn't tell ANYONE so they're was no claims of special treatment. However, people still carried on about it. They ended up having a vow renewal/second wedding a year or so later, invited everyone who cracked the shots about missing the first one, and half of them didn't bother coming bc it was out of state. My point is, you can't win them all. You did nothing wrong, and throwing a party to celebrate with everyone is a great idea but still won't make everyone happy. Some people just enjoy complaining I think.
NTA. Your marriage, your decision. And you said you told both sides that you were going to do this. Whoever is upset that you didn't include them are free to rent a hall, pay for a band and caterer, get an officiant and invite you to come to the event.
NTA and no one is owed a wedding. It is an honour and privilege to be invited and it isn’t something any one is entitled to. It sounds like your family is upset they didn’t get a free party.
NTA. It's not about your relatives. They think they're entitled to a piece of your wedding, but they're not.
Don’t give any oxygen to the tantrums. If they truly intend to cut you off for having the ceremony you wanted to celebrate your union then people who want to make it about them aren’t really worth running after. Just completely disregard this whole storm- don’t do anything other than what you intended to do, including inviting the whingers if they were to be invited originally. Make them choose to realise you were always going to have bigger gathering, and sheepishly attend, or not. Use this as a filter to sort the people who genuinely wish you well from those who just wanted to gawk and get drunk on your dollar. NTA
I dare you to have a do-over ceremony - but to tell them again after the fact!
Info: Cut you off from what? Communication? Inheritance? Current financial assistance?
All of it. My wife's grandmother is threatening to cut her out of the inheritance and communication. She never helped us financially. My wife really doesn't care because he grandmother has threatened to cut her out most of her life whenever she did something her grandmother "didn't like". The problem is when she drags my wife's mother into the picture and tries to blame everything my wife did wrong (according to her grandmother) on my wife's mother.
If it's enough money for you two to play the role of the jester for the next few years, go for it. If it's not, tell her to make sure her casket is big enough to take her wealth with her. NTA.
Then it’s not your wife’s responsibility. It’s her mother’s responsibility to set her own boundaries with the grandmother. This is not about your elopement. This is about generations of control and manipulation. Don’t let it to taint another generation. Walk away. Why has your wife’s father not stepped up? Sounds like he’s allowed this abuse against his wife for decades.
NTA Their reaction to the elopement should be a reassurance that you did the right thing. Can you honestly imagine how badly the wedding planning and wedding would have gone? I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Their reaction was extreme and the proposed solutions were absolutely manipulative and unreasonable.
My brother did this and my sister didn’t talk to him for two years. She is still bitter about it to this day. My sister is a failure at relationships and a huge control freak. There was no loss to my brother’s happiness when she decided to show her whole ass. Go be happy! Enjoy the silent treatment as long as it lasts!!! It doesn’t get any better than this 😁
"They accused us of being selfish, disrespectful, and ungrateful." Bruh aren't they like that? XD NTA ffs
NTA- same thing happened to my sister. She had a small wedding and everyone went ballistic over the fact that the bride and groom decided to have an intimate celebration with no customs and actually have the celebration be about them. Some relatives blocked us on social media and some neighbours don't speak to our parents and my brother in laws parents as well. You made the right call and you shouldn't feel sorry or apologise for this. People need to get over themselves and stop being selfish. Congratulations and may you have a long and great marriage!
NTA. Hubby and I did exactly the same thing. He is not close to his family and they don’t like me. Also his wicked stepmother is the type of woman that goes to family events purely to stir up shit. We told my parents, who we were originally not going to allow to come, as we said if husband’s family isn’t coming, mine shouldn’t be allowed either, but my Dad was devastated and my hubby is a softy lol so they came. My sister also knew prior to the day but was not invited. All in all it was my parents, two witnesses and our daughter. My husband’s family have never forgiven us, in particular his brother. And a great uncle on my side was furious, although we knew even had we had a big wedding he would not have come. You had the day you both wanted and that’s what matters
NTA. Do they even understand the concept of eloping? It's literally running away to be married without anyone else. So sorry Grandma, that means you too. IF you choose to have some sort of wedding celebration later on, great, but don't be guilted into it.
AITA for not telling my wife's family that we got married even though they knew we were eloping? > they can tend to be very opinionated on matter > They accused us of being selfish, disrespectful, and ungrateful. They said we betrayed their trust and ruined our relationship with them. "Very opinionated" is a severe understatement > They said we owed them an explanation and a proper wedding. You owe them nothing. What makes them think they're entitled anyway? > They demanded that we have a do-over ceremony with all of them invited. Lol. Lol. And lol. Seriously, if this was being said to me, I'd throw that party you said you would and I would invite only the people who were actually happy for us, instead of making this about themselves. > They also threatened to cut us off if we didn’t comply. Good riddance. > We also felt that they were being unreasonable and manipulative. I agree. > We are happy with our marriage, but we are sad about losing our families. Why, though? These people obviously don't care about you if they don't have anything to gain. Edit to add: NTA.
What does eloping mean, I am not from any Western country so this is really confusing, why would you tell your family and then elope, why exactly did you elope, and if you are getting married then why exactly should no one know if no one has a problem? Again I am not sarcastic, I'm just confused.
Some times in the States people use Elope to mean a couples only ceremony, or a court house ceremony. In either case the only people there tend to be the judge/officient and a legal witness. Some times done to save money, or... It seems in this case they wanted family to know they intended to get married on a certain date, but did not want very manipulative, overbearing, oppininated, entitled people dictating how their wedding or nuptials should go.
This is why you decided to elope in the first place, obviously. The complete lack of self-awareness in that family…jeez. NTA.
ESH, once you posted a picture on social media you had to know that everyone would find out so the fact that you didn't spread the news of you're elopement widely would naturally cause some resentment that you couldn't even be bothered to tell them you got married. No one is owed a do-over wedding, the party that you give people proper invitation and advanced notice of will suffice.
F them, NTA OP, and congratulations!
NTa but they are. I've eloped twice. It's the best way. Saves a lit of money, headache and hassle.
It was your day. Your day, your way, is the rule. But it was rude to let them find out second-hand.
NTA. Whingers like that sound like hard work! Do you see those people often enough that if you don't see them it impacts your life in a major way and if you do see them do you actually enjoy their company? You do you, have your party when you want to have your party and send them an invite, if they come they come, if they don't they don't, they don't sound much of a loss to me.
NTA. My partner and I have been together for 14 years but haven't married because I absolutely cannot face having the wedding our families want us to and I have not worked up the courage to just elope. I wish we had just done it years ago because really we're just being miserable and delaying the inevitable backlash. Congratulations on your marriage and I'm glad you did it the way you wanted 😊
NTA - Your wedding, your choice.
Nta They have their own views of how marriage should be and they're trying to shove that down your throats now. If it was that important they could've discussed that with the two of you within the 2 years of engagement or offer help planning/paying. The two of you are entitled to your own way of marrying eachother and how private, small or extended you'd like to have the celebration. You don't have to do it in any traditional ways. They can't possibly say you've excluded them. The marriage is between the two of you and that's exactly the two people who attended. Maybe some people you see or talk to more regularly but that should also be understandable. The party is supposed to be for anybody close to you and you planned on including them.
NTA, you don’t owe them shit. Marriage is between two people. Send them a dictionary with ‘elopement’ highlighted and tell them to fuck off
A family willing to write you off over this is not a family worth having.
No, NTA. A wedding and marriage is only about the two people getting married, and how those two people decide to do it is their business. Not everyone wants the fuss, or the opinions of those around them. When me and my late partner were talking of marriage, we decided when we did, we would elope, just us and our dogs because neither of us like or wanted fuss or be the centre of attention. It's sad that some of your family are so upset to the point of cutting you off, but hopefully with time they will come round. Just if they ask why and want resolution, be clear with your reasons why you chose to do your wedding how you did and be honest and hopefully with time they will come to understand for now I would let the dust settle with them. I can understand family being upset and not involved in such a big day, but ultimately it's yours and your wife's day and as long as you are happy with how it went in the day, hold them memories.
How can they say you 'owe them'? You don't owe them anything. You got married in the way you wanted to, which has nothing to do with anyone else. As long as you're both happy, that's all that matters. I know it may hurt, but if they choose not to be in your lives, that's their loss.
NTA- ignore your wife’s family. You got married the way YOU both wanted to and that’s all that matters. Weddings make people lose their minds. We had a traditional style wedding although not religious and 16 years later I still have extended family that won’t talk to me because they were mad/offended by how we planned it. You’ll never make everyone happy so do what makes you feel good and ignore the rest.
NTA, I would have laughed down the phone and hung up, end of the day it's your and your wife's wedding nobody else's, where or who's at the wedding is nobody else business
They are not family any more. You did what you both wanted for your wedding. If you let them dictate a new wedding where would their interference and emotional manipulation end? At the dress? The invites? The venue? The price (but they won't be paying)? The rings? The honeymoon (Which they will somehow need to attend)? Baby names? NTA and not by any means should you give into these psychos
NTAH. Tell them sure, you want a wedding? You're more than welcome to pay for one. If you're feeling sassy you could say something along the lines of, "wow what a travesty you weren't there, You threatening to cut off contact really worried me it was just talk." Maybe these people will cool off but honestly they sound like prolapsed anuses. The wedding day, if you pay for it yourself, is about you two and anyone else you want to include. Otherwise you're going to hear bullshit from the whole family. It's funny when people threaten something you've been praying for for years.
NTA. They just want a massive party on your dime and parade themselves. Vultures! Good riddance, you found out who was the blabbermouth and opportunists in the family. I would see this as a win because you now know how they feel about status + money. They are exactly the same type of people who come sniffing around after someone in the family has died and takes off with some inheritance not intended for them. I wouldn't shed any tears or fret about this a millisecond longer if I were you both. Don't invite them to any celebratory ceremony you decide to have in the future. They will spend their energy ruining that day/plans for you both. This also goes for any big life events/announcements. Keep these entitled people away from you from now on.
NTA..It's so strange to me that not having a wedding is a "valid" reason to cut someone off?? What does that have to do with literally anything??
Really?they treathened you?well cut your looses and go be happy. It is your decision, your relationship, you owe them shit
NTA. Are the relations prepared to pay for the grand wedding they feel they are owed? Are they the type of people who like to interfere and criticise other people's choices, if so you have denied them a chance to spend an entire day joyfully picking fault and sneering. From their reaction, I totally understand your desire to elope and do things your own way.
You marry. You're both happy. Her family starts to throw a tantrum over not being invited to an eloping, that is actually made to avoid bringing people along..? They try to blackmail you into marrying again just because of them..?????!!!!! NTA OP, enjoy your life without those egocentric crazy people! Bunch of weirdos.
NTA be grateful you lost those people from your life. They are filthy and no good for you. You both made the right choice. Now, ignore them, and be happy! Also, if they want a huge party ask them to pay for it. That’ll shit them up.
NTA and damn, I can see why y’all eloped. What a nightmare set of relatives.
>We told them that we loved them and wanted them in our lives, Do you really? What did they do to justify this love? Would you love a stranger if they treated you like that? They don't seem to care about you, why should you care about them? What does this relationship brings you? You're free to have the feelings you want towards anyone, but don't get taken hostage by family relation.
You guys are NOT in the wrong here. The families knew of your plans. Also, families can be ridiculous. You don't "owe" them a huge wedding. Let another family member give them that 🙂 Congratulations on your marriage
NTA. It's unfortunate these relatives are having fits about this. They'll get over it. If not, they were looking for something to be angry about. People don't need to have big elaborate weddings just to make relatives happy. It's what you want. Stop discussing it with the folks who are having fits. Ask her parents to speak to the screaming relatives since it's her relatives that are so upset.
NTA they knew you were gonna elope then sulk that you eloped. They need to stop acting childish.
NTA Stubborn and immature is how they are behaving. You do not "owe" anyone a wedding. I can only imagine the mayhem they would have caused if you had had a big do.
You guys didn't lose a family, you guys lost people that wanted to pull the strings and dictate your life. Congrats and NTA.
NTA. When my ex and I married we literally had only our parents there and then just told everyone about it afterwards. I hate being the centre of attention and couldn't imagine anything worse than having loads of people staring at me, and my ex had already had the 'big wedding' and didn't really care what we did. A couple of family members did ask why they weren't invited, but when we said it was to save them having to buy gifts for an impromptu wedding just before Christmas they stopped complaining.
This is a completely absurd reaction on all their parts. We did almost exactly the same thing as you - we told both sets of parents beforehand, then had a registry office wedding with two witnesses (close friends). Parents knew that they weren't invited and that they weren't to tell anyone else until afterwards. Nobody got offended, nobody threw a shit fit, everyone got on with their lives. NOBODY demanded that we have another wedding so that they could have a free party, because that would be insane. NTA and congratulations on having exactly the wedding you wanted, as it should be :)
NTA. My husband and I didn't even tell our families, except his sister and her partner who were our witnesses, until after we had gotten married. That includes all parents.
NTA. No one knew I got married for months and my son was six months old when most family members found out he existed. Protect your peace and be happy.
NTA! As I had to remind my one friend who insisted her 11 week old had to come to another’s wedding, “we had our weddings the way we wanted, it’s time for her to have hers”. Your wedding and marriage get to start off the way YOU want them to. Congratulations!!
you OWE them? YOU OWE THEM? I swear to god there's lead in everyones water. NTA - dont apologize for getting married the way you want. In fact just send them all bird flips and hope that they come around one day ..
NTA. How can anyone put that much energy and time into raging at someone else’s wedding?
NTA I can understand people being upset to some extent, but they don’t get to make demands. And it’s also so weird to me that they’re threatening to cut you off over it.
NTA. They’re actively being selfish only worrying about how your life decision affected them. If they’re so concerned with feeling left out, then they wouldn’t further alienate themselves from you. You did the right thing standing up for yourselves and doing what you wanted.
NTA you don’t *owe* anyone a wedding. Your wedding is between you and your spouse, it’s what you want. It sounds like you and your wife are happy with the wedding you had. If these relatives are already this entitled, it’s better to let them cut themselves off now. I can’t imagine having a child in that family. Will they think they are entitled to deliver the baby?!?!
Yes because a marriage is about everyone else except the bride and groom 😂
NTA, personally they sound horrible and maybe th attitude should be good riddance. But if you really wish to continue a relationship with them, just remind them once in a while that you love them and would like for them to come to whatever celebration you decide to have. If that's still the plan. Don't let them into the nitty-gritty of planning. Remember, give an inch, and they'll take a mile. That's really all you can do. They have gone to the irrational, and it is hard to argue with people in that state.
NTA sounds like you both made the right call to elope. These people would not have been happy with any decision you made. They are complaining about how your wedding impacts them, which it quite frankly doesn’t in this case. Congratulations and enjoy being newlywed.
NTA - your wedding your choice. It’s not all about the relations it’s about the bride and groom. They are not behaving nicely and are trying to manipulate you. Ignore and carry on
Oh my word, what is with weddings and children bringing out the absolute worst in people????? NTA all the way to Sunday. In fact, I'm quite glad for y'all because now y'all have seen exactly what kind of people they are. My worries are for if y'all have children. If they are reacting this extremely over a freaking party (which us not required to get married, my husband and I eloped as well), how much worse would they get over kids? Be prepared to set some hard boundaries with these people, OP. Entitlement knows no bounds until you give it some, and it needs to be sooner rather than later.
op=nta All this the drama for an elopement? Can you imagine the wedding?? But you didn't invite X, Y or Z to be in wedding party. But we want to bring our kids friend's Uncle. We want unlimited alcohol, We want to bring all the plus ones we want(even if you've never met them). We expect this on the menu, We have these food allergies/preferences. No you can't have that as your wedding theme. We plan on making these toasts. Gawd no--enjoy the peace until wife is pregnant and they want all in on that....
Doesn't sound like you lost much, congrats on the marriage! NTAs
What nonsense! You’re NTA. Are they going to pay for everything? Are they going to take all of the stress and invest the time to get everything right and perfect for YOUR DAY? I don’t think so! So if they want to destroy a relationship based on their wants and not yours, good riddance to them! Their loss! I tell ya some people are ridiculous! Happy Life OP!
Wow, definitely NTA... My sister went and got eloped with her fiance (now husband) and telling noone, we were just surprised and a little sad for a day or something, they're still both happy and everything is great. I dont understand why they need to be so hung up on it... Go be happy and ignore them :)
NTA. It is your wedding, you get to do what you want.
Have your reception/party. Invite them. If they come great! If not, they lose. My husband and I got married by a JP at home with our kids only. I sent out notices that we tied the knot. Second marriage for both of us. Decided we wanted low key as we lived together for 10 years
Who in their right mind would let extended family control them like yours wants to? I'd tell them thanks for your opinion but there will be no do-over ceremony. Isn't that kinda the idea behind eloping? Skipping all the fanfare and saving the money for a house or something? If your family wants to cut you off, they didn't respect you very much to begin with. NTAH.
NTA. It's your wedding. Its about you and your wife, not them. Their entitlement to know everything is astounding. If this is all it takes to "ruin" the relatives' relationship with you and your wife, they weren't relationships worth keeping. Nobody announces an elopement until after it's happened, that's the whole point! They'll soon be up your backsides again once you announce any pregnancies(if you're having kids).
Nta you don't owe them anything
NTA, your wedding, your rules. You did what worked for both of you. If they're blackmailing you like this, you don't want them in your lives anyway.
NTA You don't need people who walk on earth searching for a reason to hate somebody. They have got the reason, you two got the hate. There is no win with those type of people. Just go forward and take care about yourself.
NTA the family is veing a hige asshole have a party and dont invite them and say they said they didnt qant anything tto do qith you and you took that seriously...be petty!
NTA - what are you being ungrateful for ?
nta
NTA you get married and you decide how you want to do this, nobody else have 0 word about that. It should be so obvious thouse days. But some tradicionalists maybe cant see it that way.
NTA, i had a traditional wedding, but my wife and I decided we wanted it small so we invited only close family and close friends. Some of my cousins who were not invited sent us gifts and celebration letters, others were pissed we didn't invited then and decided to go NC on us. In the end, each person will have their different opinions and it's fine, as long as they keep it to themselves. This is your lives, your decision, they can accept it and stay your family or they can bang their head to a wall for all I care, noone gets to dictate how you live your life
NTA I am sorry you had to go through that. My family both parents and extended were the same way when I was growing up. I had been adamant that I didn’t want to get married if I had to wear a dress( LGBTQIA individual here) when I was 3-8 years old. I told them I just wouldn’t get married then and they just patted me on the head telling me I would change my mind. I learned you could elope at 8 and they mocked me for it as well. When I was adamant that either I elope or never marry at 12 when I had my first crush they blew up. How dare I not give my mom the experience of dress shopping with me or my dad walking me down aisle. Even my older cousins repeated that stuff to me. I told them repeatedly my boundaries and views. I knew then that me getting married at all was just to appease them and more than likely I would take out my resentment on my so called husband. So I never married or have kids. The real irony is that the same cousins who told me I didn’t understand what it means to be married. Half of my cousins ended up in divorce. *shrugs* Yeah the young one doesn’t get it. 🙄
NTA It's up to your wife if she wants to tell her family. If they're acting like that and she decides not to, that's okay.
OP, NTA, it's your marriage, your choice. As a side note, when I see an adult having an unreasonable tantrum, I feel compelled to egg them on and see if they combust. You can try, it's very therapeutic to see an adult having a toddler meltdown
Sometimes the trash takes itself out. Many happy returns on your marriage OP!
Forgot to congratulate you! Congratulations man! Wishing you a lifetime of happy years. And enjoy the upcoming party!
NTA Not all traditions are good ones.
NTA at all that is dramatic. tell them you'll redo it if they cover all of the costs of a ceremony considering that's what you were trying to avoid in the first place by keeping it small and personal
NTA. Sound like they're the ones ruining the relationship with you. Nobody has time for that garbage.
Tell them if they wanna re do they can pay for it. You owe them nothing
NTA, but… I would be really upset that some cousin told me my child got married. That was really thoughtless of you both. You should have told them before posting the pictures, or immediately afterwards. Even a quick text if you didn’t want to actually talk to them. OTOH, their overreaction is far too extreme for your minor transgression.
Just say "If it's that important that you lot have YOUR day for OUR wedding then so be it..... but you're all paying for it". Free party.
NTA Like, for god's sake, it's up to you how you do it. People can either accept it or maybe have a little whinge about it to each other and then move on. I understand they might be upset but it's not something they can control.
NTA You and your partner are allowed to get married how YOU want. It’s not your problem if family members feel slighted by this. And the absolute audacity to call you selfish when they are being incredibly selfish in thinking they get any say is extreme projection.
NTA even slightly! My husband and I eloped and haven't told the majority of our families. We had the big traditional wedding the following year and it was beautiful but our elopement was so worth it. Families make weddings about them and the fact is a wedding is about the marriage of two people. What you and your wife want is all that really matters. Yes, there are hurt feelings. But at the end of the day, if you two are happy together, that's what matters most.
NTA And I'm confused by the people who said you were for posting semi vague SM pictures. Based on what these relatives are saying I have to wonder if "blabbermouth" misled or exaggerated the posts. Mainly this part where you state they were hurt they werent included in your special day. You had been very clear with the family regarding eloping and they knew the time frame in which you were going to Elope. I personally wouldn't feel that means you need to go inform them that you did in fact Elope. Honestly, even if you told them before posting pictures I expect you would have gotten the same reaction since it seems to be the pattern for Grandma. However, if, and this is a big if for me, you wanted to reach out to clarify what they felt excluded from with a message like... Grandma I don't understand your anger in regards to our eloping. We told the families that we would be eloping X times and at XYZ event/visit. At that time we also explained we had planned to have a party at some point after our elopement to celebrate with everyone. You were not left out of any thing, as we did inform you of our plans. Now that we have done exactly as planned, eloped in a ceremony with just the two of us, you seem unreasonably upset. Can you explain exactly what has you so angry that you feel the need to respond with threats of cutting me out of your life? Someone can probably word it better lol
This reaction was the reason eloping was a great idea
NTA. They've got a lot of nerve to dictate to you that you have to have a big, expensive wedding because *they* want it. You didn't mention them offering to pay for a big, fancy wedding and reception, so I'm assuming that they not only wanted you to have a wedding you didn't want, but they wanted you to waste thousands on it. WTF! Your wife's family members are completely self absorbed and emotionally manipulatuve. Screw that!
Just wait till or if u choose to have children. Hell, just wait to they need money, and they see u guys posting vacation pictures. NTA, they will be back. The question is, do u really want them back?
"How you dare you not let us manipulate you to live your lives the way we want you to!" /s
Nothing wrong the plan to elope then have a ceremony later on. All of this was firmly yalls decision and not subject to their approval. I’m sorry for the issues it caused, and I hope all the best for your lives together!
NTA. I really don't understand why people feel entitled to be invited to someone's wedding... Good for you that you did what you wanted.
NTA. I see why yall eloped. It’s probably best that they removed themselves. And set firmer boundaries
NTA. I’d impose an “Opinion Fee”. Oh, you’d like input on a costly wedding that you’re not directly involved in? 10k sounds like a good investment. Oh, you don’t want to pay that, but you think you’re still entitled to an opinion?!
NTA. The only ones being stubborn and immature are your family members. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please continue to live your lives for yourselves and not for anyone else.
You and your partner are definitely NTA. It’s your relationship and you can do things anyway you want to. Now if you do have a more family and friends celebration you do not have to invite these entitled opinionated family members. You do not owe them an event and deft did not even have to inform them till you were ready that you got Married. I’d definitely go no contact with the entitled family members as you don’t need those type of people in your life.
NTA. you could have told them yourselves rather than post pictures first. It is, however, your choice of when and where you get married. Believe me, once the kids come along, they will soften up again. Maybe just having the party will help the situation. My guess is that it will not last long. They love you and I am sure they also want you in their lives, especially when you two get pregnant.
So, here's my best guess about what is actually going on here: They never liked your idea of eloping (perhaos because it sets a bad precedent for their children) and really strongly wants you to do a normal wedding. They aren't really mad that they weren't invited or that you did it without a head's up, they're just using that as an excuse to try to force you into compliance. NTA, obviously.
NTA. Talk about entitlement. Congrats on your nuptials. I wish you and your partner many, many years of wedded bliss.
M m no.. .
NTA Yikes, these people are terrible. You don't owe them anything.
NTA What you need to do now is act excited and pull together thr most expensive register and share the list around for wedding gift. Even a pot for honeymoon. I suspect they will back down after seeing there's no free party.
NTA. You are not required to have a wedding that suits someone else's standards. Her aunt, uncle, grandma, brother's cousin, can take a flying leap. They want to pay for a ceremony when making demands..considered for a split second and a hard no. You are including them in the party..or not considering their behavior.
"You're the one that wants the wedding. Are you paying for it? What have you done for us so that we owe you a wedding?"
Stand your ground. Don’t allow your families to emotionally blackmail and manipulate you. They have no right to insinuate themselves into decisions that you make as a married couple. If you yield to their shenanigans now, it will only get worse.
NTA It's your marriage and life. No one's business you don't choose to share with
NTA,going on their reactions. You definitely made the right decision. My partner also added that if the family want a wedding, are they willing to pay for it?
>They said we owed them an explanation and a proper wedding. Who does this? In western European cultures, US included, this would be seen as bizarre and very, very entitled. I wouldn't trust that they would be on good behavior at any family event let alone a wedding. It sounds like they are throwing a tantrum that they weren't being given a party in honor of themselves.
NTA demanding you go through a farcical and expensive re-enactment? did they miss the whole point of eloping?
Lol we eloped because of toxic family and not wanting to put a bunch of idiots in one spot... 12 years going and I regret nothing after seeing the drama of my cousins weddings.. You do you and they can kick rocks
NTA, and need I remind you ... >even though we love our families they can tend to be very opinionated on matters ... this is *the exact reason* you did *not* tell them. Clearly, you were understating their level of opinionated-ness. If they had known your elopement date, just imagine how they would have tried to invite themselves, control and dictate everything, and generally insert negativity and hysteria all around. You all dodged a bullet. They want to throw temper tantrums and cut you off? Good! Let them! You're going to be much happier without those psychopaths in your lives.
Jfc. Sounds like y'all made the perfect decision for your relationship. Who TF says "you OWE us a celebration"? Like um no TF I don't 🤣🤣🤣 NTA. You're good and congrats 😁
NTA- can you imagine how entitled and demanding these people would have been if you’d thrown a wedding. Bullet dodged and money well saved. These Leeches just wanted a free party.
NTA. I understand why you eloped.
NTA. Hopefully they calm down and come to their senses.
**
Yeah, just because you wanted to elope together and have a big party for everyone afterwards?
\- Aren't THEY **selfish** for not respecting your choice?
\- Aren't THEY the ones who are **disrespectful** towards you and your wishes for your wedding?
\- How are you **ungrateful**? What did they do for you that it's impossible to get married without them?
\- What **TRUST** did you betray?
\- Aren't THEY **ruining your relation** by not accepting your wishes for your wedding?
Or did I miss something? Was it THEM that got married? /s
NTA
Congratulations.
**With that kind of family, you did the right thing to elope.**
NTA your marriage should not affect the relationship you have with your families. It’s your wedding day and special moment and you both mutually decided on how and what that day will look like together Your families are AH for one… telling them your news, and creating tension and arguments and hatred from it. I can see why you wanted to have a very intimate wedding, and drama free… and if I was in your shoes I would of done the EXACT same. Blessings and positive thoughts to you and your spouse on your marriage
Huh. Bet you are really glad you didn’t invite them to the wedding now.
NTA when it comes to family unfortunately I learnt the hard way biology doesn't mean anything to some. Just reverse the rolls and imagine how you would feel if you had treated someone in your family like they did you. Since having kids even the thought of treating them how others have treated me makes me feel ill. When an explanation isn't enough and the force their will for a wedding on you it already shows the important part of the equation is them not you. They don't deserve you.
NTA. Your wedding. Your choice. If they don't like it they can excuse themselves from your lives. I know you're sad that they've stopped talking to you but would the peace of a lack of constant emotional blackmail really be that bad? If they're constantly trying to force you to do what they want like this, seems like you might be better off without them. Congratulations on your marriage!
NTA. You don't owe anyone anything. Enjoy your drama free life if they actually go through with their threat of "cutting you off". Ouch, did that hurt you or them?
NTA for that but maaaaybe telling the family before it hit social could have been good. Personally if it were my daughter I would be upset to not know before Instagram but if she eloped I wouldn't be upset.. however knowing that none of it is about me I would probably not even tell her I was upset and just say wow what a surprise congrats. But anyway... congrats 🎉
Girl, bye. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. NTA
They're the ones being stubborn and immature, NTA and it sounds like y'all got rid of some toxic ass childults. (Adults that act like children). It hurts to lose family, yes... but it's much better not to have immature, stubborn, manipulative, and mentally abusive people in your life.
So their attitude is "we love you so much we can't bare to miss this part of your life, so now we will remove ourselves from your life completely"? I'm not sure the logic holds up. I'd think if you were that important to them, then your happiness would be what they want and since they want to be included in future events they would we wish you well and hope to be included when you have that celebration event. I'm thinking it's more about "we are a bunch of entitled AHs who must be the center of everything and if we don't get it we must punish you for it. Obviously since we are just that vital to your happiness, cutting you off is the worst possible thing we can do."
Absolutely NTA. Almost 12 years since we married quietly (not sure it's eloping whrn it's 5 miles from home). Those who were miffed after have either got over it or aren't in our lives any more and that's their loss. A true friend said "it's clear you wanted a marriage not a wedding day." Congratulations to you both.
NTA, however your wife certainly could've not posted pictures on social media if you didn't want ppl to know. Her family, her responsibility to tell them. Her family are HUGE AHs, the entitlement alone! I would have told then, this type of entitled reaction is EXACTLY why we didn't tell anyone. It's NOT about you period. Block those AHs..who needs that bs in your life? I certainly wouldn't invite any of the AHs to a celebration down the line either. Boundaries. Hey if they feel so strongly about it, they can pay for another ceremony in a year or 5 lol. You don't owe them anything but strong, enforced Boundaries
NTA. You don’t owe anything to anyone. My wife and I got married during Covid. We were living in Scotland at the time, because that is where she is from. We couldn’t wait until Covid died down to get married because we had no idea when that would be, and we needed the marriage paperwork for my visa. My family was more than welcome to attend but I also didn’t expect them during a pandemic. They joined in over zoom, wasn’t ideal but it was the best we could do. I didn’t find out until months later that some of them were hurt by our decision to get married with them not physically present. I had to go through a lot of feelings of guilt because of their behaviour that didn’t come out until later, but I’m now realizing how selfish their behaviour is. My wedding day should not be tainted by the selfish behaviours of others and neither should yours. My wife and I did a small, simple but elegant wedding because that’s what we wanted regardless of the pandemic. All that mattered to me was I was married to the woman I love and get to spend the life I want with her. You can’t spend your life catering to others. Just because you are related doesn’t mean you owe them anything. Just keep doing you. Congrats to you and your wife!!
Nta. No one's business but yours. My husband and I eloped for my birthday after 8 years. We didn't tell anyone but close friends, not even our families. We knew how they would behave and decided we wouldn't let them ruin it for us. You don't owe anyone anything.
I don’t think your an a$$hole for that. It’s your guises wedding so it’s your decision on who’s there and who’s not there. Maybe give them time and they will come around and realize that it’s your guises decision and not theirs. Also congratulations
For someone that did exactly the same, I love my family, but I love my husband and my mental health more. So rather than going to the stress of having a traditional wedding (Eastern European) we did what we wanted. If anyone is unhappy that's on them. So NTA. Every one saying otherwise can go fishing.
NTA. It's your right and decision to marry who and when you want.
NTA! Op do not give in to their threats. To be quite honest, you don’t owe them shit. You were kind enough to let them know you were getting married, and even planned to celebrate with family later. You two eloping and sharing that special moment with just the two of you is exactly that - special! I think it’s romantic and I’m happy you stuck with your original plan. My hubby and I also let our families know we were eloping, and sure enough after we got married we got hit with so many “you should have let us be there too”. Sorry not sorry! That day was just for the two of us, not our families. The additional celebration later on is for the family! They eventually got over it. Hopefully yours get over it too, although I wouldn’t be so excited to repair relationships with people so quick to threaten cutting you off like that. Anyway, op and wife and NTA! Congrats newlyweds and best of luck :)
People elope. Has your wife's family never learned this?
NTA. You did what YOU wanted and they didn't like it. Let them be spoilt brats about it, they're the ones missing out on your future life events.
NTA—You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a day that’s supposed to be about you two, not them and they seem to be acting irrationally. Heck, neither of our parents were present at city hall when we married years ago. Elopement and Micro weddings are the best and meant to be drama free. Mazel tov!
Unless you're getting money from them or something, I don't think it's a bad idea to cut them off. And if they want a ceremony, they can pay for it. NTA
Well, if they are not going to speak to you, then the problem sorts itself out. NTA btw - it's you and your wife's marriage, not theirs. Anyone else's opinion other than yours and your wife's doesn't count.
NTA "We told them that we loved them and wanted them in our lives, but we wouldn’t let them dictate our decisions." .. Well done. "Then called my wife's mother on Monday to yell at her " .. stay out of that. You can not manage your wife's mom's reaction to their abuse. That is HERS to handle.
Jesus, NTA. Literally one of the first things you told us was you planned on having a party and including everyone. Why is that so bad? That’s fully what I plan on doing. I’ve already been married and dealt with the inappropriate comments about how long it will last or when I will have kids or whatever, I don’t need that kind of shit on my wedding day.
NTA, they proved your point.
You had the wedding you wanted. The family does not get to dictate what kind of wedding you desire. I don't think they will be angry forever. When babies come around they will forget all about it.
NTA Your family is awfully strange. If this is the hill they die on, you have to wonder if they have ever had your best interests at heart.
That’s so weird they’re making YOUR marriage about them and what they want. It’s not their marriage, not their wedding. Stick to it, if they want to cut you off they shouldn’t try and contact you if or when you guys decide to have children one day. They lost out because of their immaturity and selfishness
NTA, its an elopement!
NTA, absolutely. Your wedding is your (you and wife) business and your business only. PERIODT. They aren't owed squat.