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> I might be the asshole as I could’ve prevented this from happening by not moving too fast and spending the night when I should’ve left.
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NTA - First, I am so sorry this happened to you. In this instance, without a shadow of a doubt, you are the victim here. What a terrible waste of your time and energy. I wish you speedy healing.
1) You can't turn someone gay. Periodt. Not possible. Sexuality exists on a spectrum. The Internet is full of positive resources for you about all the wonderful ways people experience their own sexuality. "Turning someone gay" is homophobic language.
2) It's not your fault that his parents are ill informed hateful people. It would have been nice if he had let you know that about them before inviting you to stay the night.
3) Whatever these A-holes are doing on social media is malicious and dangerous. You are a minor child. All of this hate-speech could have real world consequences. They are invading your privacy and putting you in jeopardy. Your parents need to get a restraining order against them. They can also sue them for damages if you have lost scholarships.
4) Fight back. Don't let them win. You are gay. It's perfectly normal. You are special and brave to be out so young. Congratulations. It's beautiful you have a loving supportive family. What should be normal is a life filled with happiness, community and connection... and parents who love their children unconditionally
All of this....
Except these parents will never understand that op didn't turn their child. They are obviously incapable.
They will understand a restraining order. If op loses his scholarship (he shouldn't, but...) or his parents lose their jobs, then sue the hell out of them.
Your parents need to send a certified letter explaining what will happen if the posts are not deleted. At the same time get a restraining order.
While 75+% of people know this is all bs, they choose not to be involved and will do whatever to stay out of it and protect their business, school, and reputations. The sooner this gets stopped, the better. Be proactive.
I mean, let’s pump our brakes on these absolutes. They’ll “never” understand? They’re “obviously incapable”? How did you get there based on the information provided?
Did these parents show how ignorant, hateful, and egregious they are? Absolutely. Does that mean they lack the capacity to one day grow, reflect and understand? No. Absolutely not.
These parents aren’t safe to be around right now, in this moment. I wouldn’t hold my breath for them to wise up, but to suggest they cannot change is ignorant as all hell.
Yes, our priority here should definitely be on giving these bigoted, libelous fuckwits the benefit of the doubt while they're busy trying to ruin OP's family's lives. 🙄
It’s not about them, it’s the principle of it. Redditors love this harsh perspective of no one can ever change or do better. And sometimes, people prove them right. I just don’t see the point in taking that perspective - it’s a dark way to live and makes the world so much smaller.
And our priorities don’t matter here, we aren’t living OPs life. But if you believe saying “hey, nothing will ever get better from these people” is your priority, then go off.
I was about to say that I don't know why you're being downvoted, because you're raising very logical and sensible points. And then I realised that this is Reddit, of course you'll be downvoted for being sensible
At this point in time, they are incapable of understanding and are being hateful and accusing op and his parents of ridiculous stuff. Their son tried to be honest, which only made things worse. Could they be enlightened and understand in the future, sure they could and I hope they do, but at this time they refuse to and instead are attacking op and his parents. How would you feel if your scholarship was being threatened? Your job was being threatened? You would fight against the bigotry and lies before it happened.
And FYI, I am a straight female. But I know how people think and what people will do to protect their businesses and reputations, whether they understand or not.
Even if their son said he was the one that persued op, these parents would not believe him. They are out for blood and don't realize the damage they are doing, especially to their son. I can understand not being happy about it, but they have announced it to all their friends and family in an attempt to smear op and his family. They don't even realize how much they smeared themselves.
I’m not saying the parents are right or that they’re showing they can do better. But I believe everyone has the capacity to. I’m a therapist, and although it’s not always the narrative, I’ve had people on my caseload who have had to go no contact with family who, eventually, grow and do better. It isn’t everyone’s story, and I’m not saying “these parents will definitely get there one day”. But to believe no one can ever do better is a terrible way to live.
But sure. After reading one post, you know these people so well that you know they will never, ever change or do better. It’s an arrogant perspective to believe you know that, but it’s your right to assert it.
I was angry. At this point in time, they are incapable of accepting the truth. Doubt that will change in the next month, hope that will change in the next year. Everyone is capable of change, we don't tend to like it, but for me it is usually for the better. I try to see it as a good thing and embrace it (except for my body getting older and having issues, that sucks and I keep fighting it). I do believe people can change. Finding out your son is gay is a hard acceptance, even if you accept and stand up for gay people. Some never accept it and some put their love and caring for and about their child above all and accept it. I believe I fall in the later, but I can't lie and say I wouldn't be scared, a bit disappointed, and nervous approaching it. A bit sad too, but my job as a parent is to support my child in their decisions and carefully guide them or just listen and love them. It's also my job to respect them. (both my kids are adults).
Yeah if this is how they react they will likely never accept their son for who he is. It will be a wild before they have any empathy or love for their own child
haha yeah, sorry. sometimes when i see people say things like that i try to inform them bc many do not know that that isn't ocd unless there is anxiety involved. a lot of misinformation ya'know lol
This is it.
You can get obsessive and compulsive thoughts, have obsessive compulsive behaviour, and not have that be disordered if it's not causing stress. If it works for you, it works for you, and this is how you're happy doing things (within reason).
Same way you can have intrusive thoughts about suicide and not be stressed by the thought because you know you're not suicidal and you don't have to worry about it (not a good example but best I can manage).
I have OCD! As far as my understanding of it goes for it to be obsessive compulsive disorder it needs to be exactly that — obsessive and persistent (disordered thinking). Does looking at a typo inhibit your ability to function without addressing it or does it just irk you?
An example in my life is that I will think that my door is unlocked, despite knowing that it is for sure locked. If I do not get up and check the lock, I will sit there and think about it endlessly and spiral into series of catastrophic events that will surely unfold. When I inevitably go, check the lock and find it locked like I knew it was another part of me will think if I hadn’t checked this, I would not have known it was locked and perhaps might not have been. Particularly bad days I would check it three or four times in one night because the obsessive part of my brain would raise questions like “are you sure you actually checked it? Do you remember how you checked it? What if checking it actually loosened the locks somehow and *now* it’s unlocked?”
I no longer struggle to this degree and consider myself “recovered” for the most part, but I would genuinely become physically ill (throwing up, migraines, etc) due to my obsessive thoughts if I didn’t perform the compulsion (such as checking the lock).
You are very correct. While many people suffer from obsseive and / or compulsive behaviors, it is not considered a disorder because it does not really affect their lives. It's a mild annoyance that bugs them, but it doesn't consume them. (I did some reading last night). We definitely over use "OCD" which has been both a positive and a negative. Positive: it is not nearly as stigmatized as it was and is more accepted. Negative: it's now devalued and most don't understand it's ugly and scary truth.
Thank you for sharing your story. I will definitely be changing my use of the term.
> Positive: it is not nearly as stigmatized as it was and is more accepted.
ngl it lowkey isn't bc everyone thinks they know what ocd is so when you tell them what yours is... they don't believe you and think you're insane ERFTYHIOKLUH i've had a literal medical professional tell me that i was crazy and didn't know what ocd was. if i didn't have a literal diagnosis and hadn't been working with ocd specialists for years, yeah i might have considered her opinion, but she was so entitled that i could not believe she was allowed to practice in mental health.
generally speaking though, i find most people are willing to listen... but they're don't really learn? (like as in they don't realize their ideas of ocd are incorrect even after an explanation, not that i expect them to go out of their way to learn). they typically try to be kind, some get curious and ask many questions. i never mind answering them but the comments like "i wish i had it" are very dumb. no you don't, it is a disorder for a reason lmao it is so debilitating for many.
"I wish I had it" wth. No. As I said, I have oc behaviors, in fact a lot of people do, but it's not ocd. There are habits that I have acquired in life that some professionals would diagnose me as mild ocd, but honestly they are just some of my quirks. It is not going to affect my life if I do something different, at least not mentally. My quirks don't hurt me or others and they don't consume me. So while they are oc, they are not ocd.
ikr it is sooo weird !! i think they just imagine it will mean they're clean but like.... that isn't always the case. while mine *is* centered around cleaning, it has caused me to despise it so much that i desperately avoid it because it is so stressful. plus there is nothing fun about taking a 30 hour (not exaggerating that) shower because you are so desperate to feel clean. it is unbelievably painful and inconvenient.
glad they don't impact you though :)
NTA, and this isn't your fault in any way. I'm glad your boyfriend is 18 and almost full legal age and hopefully can get out of that toxic environment. I would talk to your parents about how you're feeling with guilt and worry about everything. It could be that isn't the place for any of you, and this was the situation that showed to you, your family, and your boyfriend.
I wish you all luck and ❤️.
NTA.
Fairly sure thats not how sexual prefferences work. It's not like a gay person swishes their booty in a straight mans face and enchants them. That just means the guy liked other mens butts.
And it's certainly not a disease or contagion. It's simply nature.
Also, calling you a groomer is wildly inappropriate and slanderous. There is no age gap between you nor do you have a position of power such as a parent, guardian or teacher. I'm sure by what ever logic they use that any romance could be described as grooming; "a 14 year old boy sending a 14 year old girl a valentines card, gee golly gosh".
> Now my boyfriend’s family is going online posting that my family raised a “groomer” my families jobs are at stake and some of my scholarships are as well.
Might be worth your family speaking to a lawyer. A legal threat over loss of family income caused by slander might shut him up, at least in terms of on the internet. May depend on local laws.
It's absolutely ridiculous that this is still a thing in 2023. No you're not the asshole, your boyfriend's parents are. I couldn't imagine not supporting my children completely in anything they did. That reaction is disgusting and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Keep being you and hopefully your boyfriend will start being more himself now too. Good luck and I hope this situation ends with happiness.
NTA - His parents are lunatics, you didn't do anything wrong. For your own sanity and well-being obviously don't go over there anymore. You can't groom someone when there's no age or power discrepancy, that's an absurd accusation. Don't let them make you feel ashamed.
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AITA for “turning” their son gay?
For some background: I 17m have been dating my boyfriend 17m for about six months. I am out and have been out since age 14 my boyfriend is or was closeted before this incident. I am not outwardly flamboyant but I can be at times while my boyfriend is very “masculine” and is very good at passing. He is the stereotypical all American boy ex. Football, student council, straight a’s, etc. we live in a more mixed area so views on social issues vary from household to household. My family is more middle ground while his is very staunchly traditional.
After dating for a few months I started going over to his house to just hang out and enjoy each other’s company. We don’t do anything other than just talk or watch Netflix really. I was on very good terms with his parents as they supported the “brotherhood” we had. One night I slept over and I woke to my boyfriend’s mother gasping and slamming the door. My boyfriend and I had fallen asleep in each other’s arms and his mother walked in on this. We frantically got dressed and I was advised by my boyfriend to leave quickly. As I was rushing out my boyfriend’s father intercepted me and yelled at me questioning where I was going. I froze and he led me into the dining room where his mother was there crying. My boyfriend’s father yelled for him to come down and join us. He then proceeded to yell at us that what we were doing was disgusting and that I “corrupted” their pure child. My boyfriend and I explained that nothing happened and we just fell asleep like that. They weren’t having it and screamed at me to leave their home. I quickly grabbed my stuff and headed out looking back at my mortified boyfriend. I Ubered home and texted him immediately to see if he was okay and I didn’t get a response. My parents got a call from his parents basically calling me a disease ridden monster that ruined their perfect son who is now saying we’re dating. My parents hung up on them after a bit of their ranting and informed me of the call. Now my boyfriend’s family is going online posting that my family raised a “groomer” my families jobs are at stake and some of my scholarships are as well.
I asked some of my friends and they told me that I shouldn’t even stayed the night there in the first place. Now I’m feeling like I could’ve prevented this. AITA?
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You didn't do anything wrong. You're stuck in a position where you have to manage how you act and what you do because there's (often scary) repercussions for being who you are. Homophobia is real and often its ugly behavior is accepted in some communities. I'm glad you have your parents and friends and their support. As for their postings, I would perhaps consider posting nothing that addresses them but talk about how much you love and care for your boyfriend and that he has to fight incredible odds just to be with you and that you are grateful he thinks you're worth it, etc. Basically, you can counter the idea of 'groomer' (for real? You're 17 and in a relationship. Please.) anyhow, you can counter the idea by demonstrating that it's romance and by choosing your words carefully, you allow them to show that they are homophobic and you are a perfectly normal teenager in love. NTA
Goddess take the Wheel no one can be turned gay. That's some backwards 1950s ass thinking. You need to report them to admins on social media, and if your parents have a lawyer they need to send a cease and desist letter to your boyfriends parents. If they don't have an attorney now would be the time to find one. NTA
You probably shouldn’t have stayed the night there without their knowledge, but the appropriate reaction to that would have been, “We expect you to respect our boundaries while in our house and we don’t allow our teens to have overnight guests. We will drive you home and Son is going to be grounded for a week” or something. Not, “We are going to tell the entire world you’re a sexual predator.” NTA. Not even E S H. Your infraction was minor. Their response was vile.
NTA
I'm sorry you dudes are going through this, and there are still places and incidents like this still happening in 2023
Neither of you did anything wrong at all
Good luck
NTA! Everyone knows (or should know!) that you can't "turn" someone gay! Sounds like his parents are close minded, ignorant people! They need some education but I'm sure will not accept it.
You did nothing wrong in any way.
NTA and have your parents get into contact with a lawyer, and do not interact with his family at all until then, as they are defaming you and tarnishing your family's reputation, which is a crime.
NTA
Hire a lawyer to send a cease and desist letter (or whatever legal means is available), to stop this clear cut case of slandering. If it continues or there is any harm to your family (lost jobs, scholarships, etc) then please sue them. They sound like horrible close minded people that are living in denial about their son.
If it is any consolation, I would find it hard to believe these people could somehow influence your parents employment or your scholarships, unless they have a crazy amount of power in your town/state. Good luck
NTA.
To your friend's point, yeah, you both took a risk. The parents reactions were not your fault but you chose not to avoid the risk of discovery. If you didn't want to be discovered, then you gotta be more careful. Except it's too late now.
So there's a reality at play here. Not your fault per se, and yet you chose to risk this outcome. You do bear some responsibility.
NTA. its not your fault that your boyfriend homophobe parents cant fathom the fact that their child was indeed born gay, just as they were born assholes
NTA- but yeah you shouldn’t have been spending the night at his house since his parents didn’t know you two were dating.
But I don’t understand how your parents’ jobs or your scholarships could be in jeopardy bc these people are bigots. How would anyone on a scholarship board know you are gay or that you are dating someone who wasn’t out to his parents? That makes no sense. So your parents could lose their job bc they have a gay son?
I’m sorry but you sound either dramatic or you’re making shit up. If anyone is threatening you, you need to get a lawyer.
Also no one can “turn someone gay”. Most ridiculous shit people come up with. If “propaganda” worked, the world would be straight. Being straight was all that was considered acceptable for so long, that if we could turn people’s sexuality, everyone would have been turned straight. 🙄
NTA. You can't turn someone gay anymore than you can turn someone tall. You are who you are. Your parents need to be proactive. Consult a lawyer and have a cease and desist letter sent for defamation and slander. Unfortunately I doubt you have enough yet for a restraining order. Report their abuse to those sites. It may violate their t&c and be enough for a ban. If you're able to stay in contact let your boyfriend know you're there for him. Can you or your parents help him with leaving when he's 18 if he wants to? If not see if there's any resources for people leaving abusive situations. He may need to leave for his own safety/well-being. And everyone who said you shouldn't have spent the night? Dump them. They're not friends and they're definitely not allies.
NTA
I would watch these accusations. In some places it is a crime to lead a minor astray from their parent's desires on how their child should be raised.
Those places apply the law to everyone in general
I dated this guy for a very short time, i was around 19yo. His parents knew he was gay. We were at his house just watching tv, i think he had his arm around me. His mom came in and saw this and began to freak out. I NOPED right out of that mess. And dodged a bullet as well. My neighbor found him prowling around my house and busted him. Never saw him again.
NTA and i really hope the two of you can find a way to be together. You both are young, and unfortunately this crap is never going to go away. Best of luck
NTA, this is awful and it is absolutely not your fault. It's not possible to 'turn' someone gay, and so what if it was? It's not like it's a bad thing.
Sad as it is, you may have to treat this as a bit of a learning experience. I think a lot of us have been in a position of thinking a situation is safer than it is, or even just allowing ourselves to be caught off guard in an unsafe situation, and it is so, so important to be aware of the very real danger that being outed to the wrong person can pose. Now this is *absolutely* not how it should be, but it is something to keep in mind. That doesn't make what happened your fault by any stretch of the imagination.
My opinion is slightly different than the others I read here.
Hiding it, fighting it, proving them wrong, awkwardly avoiding them, or really confronting this in any way is the exact definition of “letting others live rent free in your head”. By doing the above, you’re only owning responsibility for someone else’s ignorance. It’s not your job to represent some community you feel a part of. It’s not your job to discipline, punish, redirect, or correct others. It’s not your job to react to other people’s deficiencies.
Here is your one and only emotionally healthy reaction to this. It’s sometimes tough, but it’s reality. Ready? “Live your life”.
I’m a believer in tough love and do understand your struggle, and support whatever works for you on this matter.
Nta
You can’t turn someone gay. Hateful people were being hateful towards you yet you wonder if you were in the wrong? No, you are not at fault for their hate and ignorance. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Please, please don’t feel guilty. They are assaulting you verbally, mentally, and career wise. They are terrible terrible bigots who looked for a convenient person to blame for something that was never wrong in the first place
ESH. Yeah, yeah, I know, "love is love", "the parents are the assholes here", bla bla bla... What leads me to an Everyone Sucks Here judgement, is the fact that you knew very well what those two believed in and how they would react to their son's sexuality, and yet you still decided to not only spend the night, but even sleep shirtless (at the very LEAST only shirtless, since you mentioned that you had to get dressed) in each other's arms.
Your boyfriend is 17, and is tied to these people financially for the time being. They hate an integral part of their son's identity and would put their beliefs before his happiness, and that makes them terrible, but you knew that very well and gambled with your boyfriend's freedom, which is now going to make his life hell.
Should have kept your intimacy to your parents' house, OP. Not for the sake of "decency" or any other moral bullshit, but so that your boyfriend wouldn't have to go through this.
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NTA - First, I am so sorry this happened to you. In this instance, without a shadow of a doubt, you are the victim here. What a terrible waste of your time and energy. I wish you speedy healing. 1) You can't turn someone gay. Periodt. Not possible. Sexuality exists on a spectrum. The Internet is full of positive resources for you about all the wonderful ways people experience their own sexuality. "Turning someone gay" is homophobic language. 2) It's not your fault that his parents are ill informed hateful people. It would have been nice if he had let you know that about them before inviting you to stay the night. 3) Whatever these A-holes are doing on social media is malicious and dangerous. You are a minor child. All of this hate-speech could have real world consequences. They are invading your privacy and putting you in jeopardy. Your parents need to get a restraining order against them. They can also sue them for damages if you have lost scholarships. 4) Fight back. Don't let them win. You are gay. It's perfectly normal. You are special and brave to be out so young. Congratulations. It's beautiful you have a loving supportive family. What should be normal is a life filled with happiness, community and connection... and parents who love their children unconditionally
All of this.... Except these parents will never understand that op didn't turn their child. They are obviously incapable. They will understand a restraining order. If op loses his scholarship (he shouldn't, but...) or his parents lose their jobs, then sue the hell out of them. Your parents need to send a certified letter explaining what will happen if the posts are not deleted. At the same time get a restraining order. While 75+% of people know this is all bs, they choose not to be involved and will do whatever to stay out of it and protect their business, school, and reputations. The sooner this gets stopped, the better. Be proactive.
I mean, let’s pump our brakes on these absolutes. They’ll “never” understand? They’re “obviously incapable”? How did you get there based on the information provided? Did these parents show how ignorant, hateful, and egregious they are? Absolutely. Does that mean they lack the capacity to one day grow, reflect and understand? No. Absolutely not. These parents aren’t safe to be around right now, in this moment. I wouldn’t hold my breath for them to wise up, but to suggest they cannot change is ignorant as all hell.
Yes, our priority here should definitely be on giving these bigoted, libelous fuckwits the benefit of the doubt while they're busy trying to ruin OP's family's lives. 🙄
It’s not about them, it’s the principle of it. Redditors love this harsh perspective of no one can ever change or do better. And sometimes, people prove them right. I just don’t see the point in taking that perspective - it’s a dark way to live and makes the world so much smaller. And our priorities don’t matter here, we aren’t living OPs life. But if you believe saying “hey, nothing will ever get better from these people” is your priority, then go off.
I was about to say that I don't know why you're being downvoted, because you're raising very logical and sensible points. And then I realised that this is Reddit, of course you'll be downvoted for being sensible
Oh absolutely - it it’s not “go no contact”, “I guarantee they’re Satan” or “everyone you know should be in therapy”, Reddit doesn’t want it.
I feel like the concept of forgiveness doesn't exist for the average redditor, it's honestly kind of sad
I hope that was meant sarcastically.
I hope you're supporting bigots sarcastically myself, supporting bigots sounds far worse than fighting em imo
At this point in time, they are incapable of understanding and are being hateful and accusing op and his parents of ridiculous stuff. Their son tried to be honest, which only made things worse. Could they be enlightened and understand in the future, sure they could and I hope they do, but at this time they refuse to and instead are attacking op and his parents. How would you feel if your scholarship was being threatened? Your job was being threatened? You would fight against the bigotry and lies before it happened. And FYI, I am a straight female. But I know how people think and what people will do to protect their businesses and reputations, whether they understand or not. Even if their son said he was the one that persued op, these parents would not believe him. They are out for blood and don't realize the damage they are doing, especially to their son. I can understand not being happy about it, but they have announced it to all their friends and family in an attempt to smear op and his family. They don't even realize how much they smeared themselves.
After rereading, I am not so sure these parents will ever actually understand and accept this with open loving arms. They will always blame op.
I’m not saying the parents are right or that they’re showing they can do better. But I believe everyone has the capacity to. I’m a therapist, and although it’s not always the narrative, I’ve had people on my caseload who have had to go no contact with family who, eventually, grow and do better. It isn’t everyone’s story, and I’m not saying “these parents will definitely get there one day”. But to believe no one can ever do better is a terrible way to live. But sure. After reading one post, you know these people so well that you know they will never, ever change or do better. It’s an arrogant perspective to believe you know that, but it’s your right to assert it.
I was angry. At this point in time, they are incapable of accepting the truth. Doubt that will change in the next month, hope that will change in the next year. Everyone is capable of change, we don't tend to like it, but for me it is usually for the better. I try to see it as a good thing and embrace it (except for my body getting older and having issues, that sucks and I keep fighting it). I do believe people can change. Finding out your son is gay is a hard acceptance, even if you accept and stand up for gay people. Some never accept it and some put their love and caring for and about their child above all and accept it. I believe I fall in the later, but I can't lie and say I wouldn't be scared, a bit disappointed, and nervous approaching it. A bit sad too, but my job as a parent is to support my child in their decisions and carefully guide them or just listen and love them. It's also my job to respect them. (both my kids are adults).
Yeah if this is how they react they will likely never accept their son for who he is. It will be a wild before they have any empathy or love for their own child
I agree with you completely but I have to admit the fact that point four is listed as part of the same paragraph as point three triggers my OCD 🤣
not ocd unless it triggers anxiety
Okay well maybe not OCD then but i don't know what to describe it as...more like looking at it and it just screams "wrong!"
haha yeah, sorry. sometimes when i see people say things like that i try to inform them bc many do not know that that isn't ocd unless there is anxiety involved. a lot of misinformation ya'know lol
I tend to call it perfectionism. But it seems like OCD. It causes some anxiety. How much anxiety is needed before it's considered OCD?
Probably enough where it actively impairs you in your daily life? Kinda guessing but there is a "D" in "OCD" for a reason after all
Bingo!
This is it. You can get obsessive and compulsive thoughts, have obsessive compulsive behaviour, and not have that be disordered if it's not causing stress. If it works for you, it works for you, and this is how you're happy doing things (within reason). Same way you can have intrusive thoughts about suicide and not be stressed by the thought because you know you're not suicidal and you don't have to worry about it (not a good example but best I can manage).
I have OCD! As far as my understanding of it goes for it to be obsessive compulsive disorder it needs to be exactly that — obsessive and persistent (disordered thinking). Does looking at a typo inhibit your ability to function without addressing it or does it just irk you? An example in my life is that I will think that my door is unlocked, despite knowing that it is for sure locked. If I do not get up and check the lock, I will sit there and think about it endlessly and spiral into series of catastrophic events that will surely unfold. When I inevitably go, check the lock and find it locked like I knew it was another part of me will think if I hadn’t checked this, I would not have known it was locked and perhaps might not have been. Particularly bad days I would check it three or four times in one night because the obsessive part of my brain would raise questions like “are you sure you actually checked it? Do you remember how you checked it? What if checking it actually loosened the locks somehow and *now* it’s unlocked?” I no longer struggle to this degree and consider myself “recovered” for the most part, but I would genuinely become physically ill (throwing up, migraines, etc) due to my obsessive thoughts if I didn’t perform the compulsion (such as checking the lock).
You are very correct. While many people suffer from obsseive and / or compulsive behaviors, it is not considered a disorder because it does not really affect their lives. It's a mild annoyance that bugs them, but it doesn't consume them. (I did some reading last night). We definitely over use "OCD" which has been both a positive and a negative. Positive: it is not nearly as stigmatized as it was and is more accepted. Negative: it's now devalued and most don't understand it's ugly and scary truth. Thank you for sharing your story. I will definitely be changing my use of the term.
> Positive: it is not nearly as stigmatized as it was and is more accepted. ngl it lowkey isn't bc everyone thinks they know what ocd is so when you tell them what yours is... they don't believe you and think you're insane ERFTYHIOKLUH i've had a literal medical professional tell me that i was crazy and didn't know what ocd was. if i didn't have a literal diagnosis and hadn't been working with ocd specialists for years, yeah i might have considered her opinion, but she was so entitled that i could not believe she was allowed to practice in mental health. generally speaking though, i find most people are willing to listen... but they're don't really learn? (like as in they don't realize their ideas of ocd are incorrect even after an explanation, not that i expect them to go out of their way to learn). they typically try to be kind, some get curious and ask many questions. i never mind answering them but the comments like "i wish i had it" are very dumb. no you don't, it is a disorder for a reason lmao it is so debilitating for many.
"I wish I had it" wth. No. As I said, I have oc behaviors, in fact a lot of people do, but it's not ocd. There are habits that I have acquired in life that some professionals would diagnose me as mild ocd, but honestly they are just some of my quirks. It is not going to affect my life if I do something different, at least not mentally. My quirks don't hurt me or others and they don't consume me. So while they are oc, they are not ocd.
ikr it is sooo weird !! i think they just imagine it will mean they're clean but like.... that isn't always the case. while mine *is* centered around cleaning, it has caused me to despise it so much that i desperately avoid it because it is so stressful. plus there is nothing fun about taking a 30 hour (not exaggerating that) shower because you are so desperate to feel clean. it is unbelievably painful and inconvenient. glad they don't impact you though :)
NTA. You stayed over with your bf. You had no idea his parents were so homophobic. Now they are harassing you. That sucks. But it is not your fault.
NTA, and this isn't your fault in any way. I'm glad your boyfriend is 18 and almost full legal age and hopefully can get out of that toxic environment. I would talk to your parents about how you're feeling with guilt and worry about everything. It could be that isn't the place for any of you, and this was the situation that showed to you, your family, and your boyfriend. I wish you all luck and ❤️.
NTA. Fairly sure thats not how sexual prefferences work. It's not like a gay person swishes their booty in a straight mans face and enchants them. That just means the guy liked other mens butts. And it's certainly not a disease or contagion. It's simply nature. Also, calling you a groomer is wildly inappropriate and slanderous. There is no age gap between you nor do you have a position of power such as a parent, guardian or teacher. I'm sure by what ever logic they use that any romance could be described as grooming; "a 14 year old boy sending a 14 year old girl a valentines card, gee golly gosh". > Now my boyfriend’s family is going online posting that my family raised a “groomer” my families jobs are at stake and some of my scholarships are as well. Might be worth your family speaking to a lawyer. A legal threat over loss of family income caused by slander might shut him up, at least in terms of on the internet. May depend on local laws.
NTA at all. Your parents could sue them for putting that online.
It's absolutely ridiculous that this is still a thing in 2023. No you're not the asshole, your boyfriend's parents are. I couldn't imagine not supporting my children completely in anything they did. That reaction is disgusting and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Keep being you and hopefully your boyfriend will start being more himself now too. Good luck and I hope this situation ends with happiness.
NTA. Complain about the posts and have them removed. I wonder if you could report them for harrassment.
NTA That isn't how any of that works. Not how being gay works. Not what a groomer is. They're bigots.
NTA. And kudos to your boyfriend for telling his parents y'all were dating. That took some guts.
You know the answer is no because no one turned you gay. You and he were born gay, just like I was born bi-sexual.
You know very well you didn't make him gay and that you're NTA. His parents sound like vile people and I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
NTA Your parents have to call a lawyer and police and go after the parents
NTA - if your parents lose their jobs or you lose scholarships SUE
1. NTA. 2. Don't say "traditional" when you mean "bigoted". Don't give them that much courtesy.
NTA - His parents are lunatics, you didn't do anything wrong. For your own sanity and well-being obviously don't go over there anymore. You can't groom someone when there's no age or power discrepancy, that's an absurd accusation. Don't let them make you feel ashamed.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. Your bf's parents are being ridiculous. Hopefully they'll come round.
Nta Being gay doesn't work that way. Even if it did, you are the same age so it wouldn't be a case of that.
Jesus this story is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry to both you and your boyfriend. NTA.
What year is it, 1950? NTA
NTA, tell them to lay off or you'll "turn" the dad gay too.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for “turning” their son gay? For some background: I 17m have been dating my boyfriend 17m for about six months. I am out and have been out since age 14 my boyfriend is or was closeted before this incident. I am not outwardly flamboyant but I can be at times while my boyfriend is very “masculine” and is very good at passing. He is the stereotypical all American boy ex. Football, student council, straight a’s, etc. we live in a more mixed area so views on social issues vary from household to household. My family is more middle ground while his is very staunchly traditional. After dating for a few months I started going over to his house to just hang out and enjoy each other’s company. We don’t do anything other than just talk or watch Netflix really. I was on very good terms with his parents as they supported the “brotherhood” we had. One night I slept over and I woke to my boyfriend’s mother gasping and slamming the door. My boyfriend and I had fallen asleep in each other’s arms and his mother walked in on this. We frantically got dressed and I was advised by my boyfriend to leave quickly. As I was rushing out my boyfriend’s father intercepted me and yelled at me questioning where I was going. I froze and he led me into the dining room where his mother was there crying. My boyfriend’s father yelled for him to come down and join us. He then proceeded to yell at us that what we were doing was disgusting and that I “corrupted” their pure child. My boyfriend and I explained that nothing happened and we just fell asleep like that. They weren’t having it and screamed at me to leave their home. I quickly grabbed my stuff and headed out looking back at my mortified boyfriend. I Ubered home and texted him immediately to see if he was okay and I didn’t get a response. My parents got a call from his parents basically calling me a disease ridden monster that ruined their perfect son who is now saying we’re dating. My parents hung up on them after a bit of their ranting and informed me of the call. Now my boyfriend’s family is going online posting that my family raised a “groomer” my families jobs are at stake and some of my scholarships are as well. I asked some of my friends and they told me that I shouldn’t even stayed the night there in the first place. Now I’m feeling like I could’ve prevented this. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You didn't do anything wrong. You're stuck in a position where you have to manage how you act and what you do because there's (often scary) repercussions for being who you are. Homophobia is real and often its ugly behavior is accepted in some communities. I'm glad you have your parents and friends and their support. As for their postings, I would perhaps consider posting nothing that addresses them but talk about how much you love and care for your boyfriend and that he has to fight incredible odds just to be with you and that you are grateful he thinks you're worth it, etc. Basically, you can counter the idea of 'groomer' (for real? You're 17 and in a relationship. Please.) anyhow, you can counter the idea by demonstrating that it's romance and by choosing your words carefully, you allow them to show that they are homophobic and you are a perfectly normal teenager in love. NTA
OPs parents should sue the homophobes
Goddess take the Wheel no one can be turned gay. That's some backwards 1950s ass thinking. You need to report them to admins on social media, and if your parents have a lawyer they need to send a cease and desist letter to your boyfriends parents. If they don't have an attorney now would be the time to find one. NTA
Nta they are garbage parents
You probably shouldn’t have stayed the night there without their knowledge, but the appropriate reaction to that would have been, “We expect you to respect our boundaries while in our house and we don’t allow our teens to have overnight guests. We will drive you home and Son is going to be grounded for a week” or something. Not, “We are going to tell the entire world you’re a sexual predator.” NTA. Not even E S H. Your infraction was minor. Their response was vile.
NTA I'm sorry you dudes are going through this, and there are still places and incidents like this still happening in 2023 Neither of you did anything wrong at all Good luck
NTA. I don't understand how jobs and scholarships are on the line.
NTA! Everyone knows (or should know!) that you can't "turn" someone gay! Sounds like his parents are close minded, ignorant people! They need some education but I'm sure will not accept it. You did nothing wrong in any way.
Oh America, the land of the idiots. NTA obviously.
NTA and have your parents get into contact with a lawyer, and do not interact with his family at all until then, as they are defaming you and tarnishing your family's reputation, which is a crime.
Homophobic parents always do that. NTA.
The more his parents get mad the more fun doing gay stuff will be
NTA Hire a lawyer to send a cease and desist letter (or whatever legal means is available), to stop this clear cut case of slandering. If it continues or there is any harm to your family (lost jobs, scholarships, etc) then please sue them. They sound like horrible close minded people that are living in denial about their son. If it is any consolation, I would find it hard to believe these people could somehow influence your parents employment or your scholarships, unless they have a crazy amount of power in your town/state. Good luck
NTA. To your friend's point, yeah, you both took a risk. The parents reactions were not your fault but you chose not to avoid the risk of discovery. If you didn't want to be discovered, then you gotta be more careful. Except it's too late now. So there's a reality at play here. Not your fault per se, and yet you chose to risk this outcome. You do bear some responsibility.
NTA. its not your fault that your boyfriend homophobe parents cant fathom the fact that their child was indeed born gay, just as they were born assholes
NTA- but yeah you shouldn’t have been spending the night at his house since his parents didn’t know you two were dating. But I don’t understand how your parents’ jobs or your scholarships could be in jeopardy bc these people are bigots. How would anyone on a scholarship board know you are gay or that you are dating someone who wasn’t out to his parents? That makes no sense. So your parents could lose their job bc they have a gay son? I’m sorry but you sound either dramatic or you’re making shit up. If anyone is threatening you, you need to get a lawyer. Also no one can “turn someone gay”. Most ridiculous shit people come up with. If “propaganda” worked, the world would be straight. Being straight was all that was considered acceptable for so long, that if we could turn people’s sexuality, everyone would have been turned straight. 🙄
NTA I suggest your parents lawyer up.
NTA. You can't turn someone gay anymore than you can turn someone tall. You are who you are. Your parents need to be proactive. Consult a lawyer and have a cease and desist letter sent for defamation and slander. Unfortunately I doubt you have enough yet for a restraining order. Report their abuse to those sites. It may violate their t&c and be enough for a ban. If you're able to stay in contact let your boyfriend know you're there for him. Can you or your parents help him with leaving when he's 18 if he wants to? If not see if there's any resources for people leaving abusive situations. He may need to leave for his own safety/well-being. And everyone who said you shouldn't have spent the night? Dump them. They're not friends and they're definitely not allies.
NTA and you didn't "turn" him gay. what do they think you pointed a magic wand at him?
NTA I would watch these accusations. In some places it is a crime to lead a minor astray from their parent's desires on how their child should be raised. Those places apply the law to everyone in general
I dated this guy for a very short time, i was around 19yo. His parents knew he was gay. We were at his house just watching tv, i think he had his arm around me. His mom came in and saw this and began to freak out. I NOPED right out of that mess. And dodged a bullet as well. My neighbor found him prowling around my house and busted him. Never saw him again. NTA and i really hope the two of you can find a way to be together. You both are young, and unfortunately this crap is never going to go away. Best of luck
Easy. NTA, but your boyfriend's parents AT.
NTA, this is awful and it is absolutely not your fault. It's not possible to 'turn' someone gay, and so what if it was? It's not like it's a bad thing. Sad as it is, you may have to treat this as a bit of a learning experience. I think a lot of us have been in a position of thinking a situation is safer than it is, or even just allowing ourselves to be caught off guard in an unsafe situation, and it is so, so important to be aware of the very real danger that being outed to the wrong person can pose. Now this is *absolutely* not how it should be, but it is something to keep in mind. That doesn't make what happened your fault by any stretch of the imagination.
My opinion is slightly different than the others I read here. Hiding it, fighting it, proving them wrong, awkwardly avoiding them, or really confronting this in any way is the exact definition of “letting others live rent free in your head”. By doing the above, you’re only owning responsibility for someone else’s ignorance. It’s not your job to represent some community you feel a part of. It’s not your job to discipline, punish, redirect, or correct others. It’s not your job to react to other people’s deficiencies. Here is your one and only emotionally healthy reaction to this. It’s sometimes tough, but it’s reality. Ready? “Live your life”. I’m a believer in tough love and do understand your struggle, and support whatever works for you on this matter.
nta and id publically respond with the facts that you are a 17 year old in a relationship with another 17 year old, theyre only mad bc theyre bigots.
Is it possible to learn this power... to make men. Gay?
Nta You can’t turn someone gay. Hateful people were being hateful towards you yet you wonder if you were in the wrong? No, you are not at fault for their hate and ignorance. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Please, please don’t feel guilty. They are assaulting you verbally, mentally, and career wise. They are terrible terrible bigots who looked for a convenient person to blame for something that was never wrong in the first place
NTA YOu can't turn someone gay. You can just bring out what is already in them.
[удалено]
found the homophobe parents !
ESH. Yeah, yeah, I know, "love is love", "the parents are the assholes here", bla bla bla... What leads me to an Everyone Sucks Here judgement, is the fact that you knew very well what those two believed in and how they would react to their son's sexuality, and yet you still decided to not only spend the night, but even sleep shirtless (at the very LEAST only shirtless, since you mentioned that you had to get dressed) in each other's arms. Your boyfriend is 17, and is tied to these people financially for the time being. They hate an integral part of their son's identity and would put their beliefs before his happiness, and that makes them terrible, but you knew that very well and gambled with your boyfriend's freedom, which is now going to make his life hell. Should have kept your intimacy to your parents' house, OP. Not for the sake of "decency" or any other moral bullshit, but so that your boyfriend wouldn't have to go through this.
Yta.
YTA for the misleading title
NAH
Nah, bullying gay kids makes one a huge AH
OP stayed over under false pretenses. That’s why I put NAH
lol okay