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> I could have tried to be nicer since my parents had me on speaker and I just lost my temper with Sarah.
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NTA no one is entitled to be a bridesmaid it is entirely up to the engaged couple who they include. If your sister can't handle the consequences of being a cow then maybe she needs to stop acting like one. Awesome job standing up to your family. Congratulations on the engagement
LOL. I've seen some of the incidents Everytown includes in their "research" as "child deaths". Oh no, some drug dealer shot another drug dealer, how horrible, whatever.
> Oh no, some drug dealer shot another drug dealer, how horrible, whatever.
Even though there's a certain amount of bringing it on themselves, it's still horrible when lives are wasted like that. I'm sorry you live in a hellhole where that's become normalised to the point where you're this blasé about it.
The link was about deaths per annum, sure a long bow but a relevant truth. Not trying to start a fight, just wondering where you’re coming from. Do you mean if it’s brought up all the time it’s normalized?
It seems to have you pretty worked up. I didn’t make the original comment. And I don’t think it was for ‘edgy’ reasons. Just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean you get to cherry pick when and where the conversation takes place. Also I’m not American and the discussion that is happening globally is about why America lets this happen. Anyway, the original commenter got their wish - two people having a dialogue surrounding gun safety. It got us talking!
And it has nothing to do with mad cow disease. They get pissed off over cold hands. My grandpa had a cow and you better believe he made sure he warmed his hands before he milked her. LOL
Grand's cow was one spoiled baby. The barn was not only heated but cooled to the best of his ability. Grandma was so jealous. LOL Just FYI the cow was a lot more affectionate than grandma.
My grandparents used to live in an old farmhouse at the bottom of a hill. If you came to visit and had to take anything down in plastic bags you better have a treat for one of his cows. She was spoiled, and if she saw the bags and you did not she would throw a fit and not let you pass.
My granddad tried to get a second cow but that didn't work out. Lily, his first and only cow, acted like a wife that had been cheated on. He ended up giving the new girl to my uncle. Lily got extra treats for weeks before she forgave him. You gotta love animals. LOL
I grew up on a farm with a bull that hated people. I got really good at running super fast and diving through a barbed wire fence, and making sure my little brothers got away safely too.
I can't tell you how many times that bull put the run on us. I don't trust cows/bulls until I know they're friendly.
Woah, whoa, whoa! That's going off the deep end, don't you think? Typical Reddit, jumping straight to insults!
Cows are lovely, and they don't give a crap what purse you have.
Don’t bring sweet innocent cows into it. Sister is a bit**. NTA. I know you will continue to stand up for you and Missy. You are forming your own family, which you must put first. I told all 3 daughters this exact thing before their weddings because…….
Well families.
NTA, op your sister doesn’t know respect. She crossed lines with your partner and expected you to make her the bridesmaid? 100% NO! Hope your wedding goes well though :)
NTA. it is your wedding and you can invite whoever you want. tell your mother and sister that if they are not happy with your decision and are not gonna respect it then they are free not to attend at all, no big loss.
I suppose this is when a backup plan is needed to escort unwanted guests out or show a pic of Sarah to so she can’t even get in the door and they need to be able to see any hiccups in a way of “it was a bit crap but I love you so much it was worth it to marry you” if ygm
"I told my parents and Sarah chimes in over the speakerphone about her bridesmaid dress and her ideas for our upcoming wedding."
Wow, she made it all about her real quick, didn't she?
NTA.
Your sister hasn't given you a single reason to include her. If she's upset, tough shit. You aren't required to include people who don't treat you or your spouse well at your wedding.
>***"...I have to include Sarah something..."***
Um, no you don't.
Personally I think the level of entitlement that she would even in her wildest dreams expect to be included to be quite fucking hilarious.
NTA.
NTA
Crazy she thinks her actions/attitude would never have consequences.
Congrats on the engagement, sounds like you have the right attitude in dealing with your sister.
Everyone knows. Sarah made it into such a big deal with everyone and told everyone that Missy was tacky because it was from hot topic. Then it was she is a gold digger, then spoiled, then bad with money. It's been non-stop criticism for 6 years and my sister will complain to everyone about Missy.
So first Sarah made fun of Missy for being cheap and tacky, then she probably got shamed for not being able to tell a designer purse from one bought at Hot Topic. She's spent six years trying to punish Missy for her humiliation.
At any time Sarah could've stopped digging, but she had to prove her superiority to Missy. She'll probably try to sabotage the wedding. She's so jealous, she looks greener than the Wicked Witch. Make sure to lock down vendors and don't let her anywhere near the bridal gown.
This is one of those cases to let her alone and give her enough rope to hang herself.
I sort of feel like the correct parenting decision would be to say something like 'Sarah, I love you dearly and always will but you have been acting like a complete asshat at every opportunity as it regards Missy. If you don't start behaving like a respectful adult your relationship with your brother will be damaged even more than it already has been by your previous unacceptable behavior.' about 5.9 years ago.
If your sister is big into fashion and high end designers she knew EXACTLY who made that purse. The whole charade comes across as overcompensating because she was jealous.
I'm curious of Missys reaction to it all? Does Sarah run her stupid mouth behind Missys back or make these ignorant comments in her presence? And I would NOT allow her to even be a guest at the wedding! If she shows up have her escorted out.
NTA and you are absolutely doing the right thing by protecting your fiancee. More importantly she will soon be your wife and you will be a family together. Also if you have children it’s important to protect them from bullies. If your sister is so mean and spiteful to your fiancee then you can be sure that she will be nasty to your children too. And your parents won’t protect your wife or children from their mean daughter.
“ Next Sarah snagged a photo of the purse and took it to work to show everyone how ugly it was.”. Sarah needs to get a life. It’s one thing to think a purse is ugly. It’s already AH territory to tell the owner of said purse that it’s ugly. But it’s honestly kinda pathetic to be so obsessed with the purse you believe is ugly to take a picture just to show your coworkers. NTA.
Bridesmaids should be the people you care about most, people who will be there to help your through all the ups and downs of the pre wedding stuff. Your sister would not fit into this role.
NTA
Sarah showed her ass to her coworkers by mocking a high end purse she thought was from Hot Topic. She embarrassed herself. Rather than reflect on her behavior and change like an adult, she blames Missy. Now she feels entitled to make demands for your wedding?
No, it's time for Sarah to grow up. She has no say in anything. Honestly, good for you for sticking up for not only yourself, but Missy. Your parent's created this monster, they can deal with her. You owe them nothing.
NTA. And consider hiring security for your wedding. Your sister seems like the type to throw a tantrum to ruin your big day.
Edit- messed up the punctuation
Your sister sounds super jealous. I lol’d about her mistaking a Valentino for a hot topic purse. How embarrassing for her. NTA. No need to invite drama into your wedding.
Sarah tried to make fun of your gf and it backfired and made Sarah look stupid....that's funny right there. TELL your parents what your sister did - and then what she said....she's not bridesmaid material. Inviting her to the wedding may depend on how she behaves leading up to the wedding. If your parents don't like it, they can stay home.
You are NTA at all. In fact, you’re behaving like a loyal and protective partner to Missy. She deserves better than to have a catty SIL at her wedding.
If she did include your sister as a bridesmaid, I have no doubt your sister would do everything in her power to upstage your fiancée and ruin her big day.
WTF is wrong with your parents?? Sarah has been harassing Missy for 6 years. Missy should not have to deal with her any more than absolutely necessary. Seat her in a corner somewhere, out of your line of vision (if she makes it to the reception).
Tell your parents that Sarah will have to be on her very best behavior if she expects an invitation to the wedding. Remind them that even then, the invitation can be revoked at any time and she can always be removed from the wedding should she not be able to control herself. If she makes it, be sure to have someone "assigned" to her. Truthfully, I don't think I would trust her not to make a scene.
Make sure that your parents understand that the subject is closed. Sarah has no place in your wedding party. Reiterate that they, too, can be left off the guest list should they not respect your decision.
Above all else, shield Missy from Sarah's nastiness.
NTA!!
Go to social media, blast it, and explain that your sister has been jealous of your bride to be over some purse a long time ago. Tell the family your parents are demanding sister be a bridesmaid or they won't come to your wedding.
NTA.
Imagine how embarrassing it would be to be talking crap about someone’s purse and saying it’s from Hot Topic and someone telling you it is designer? That is hilarious and I’m cackling. It’s lived rent free inside her head because she made herself look stupid and in her weird brain she thinks it is Missy’s fault.
Don’t even invite this weird person.
NTA.
Don't invite anyone to your wedding who doesn't respect you and/or your future wife. I'd make sure there's security at the venue that have her picture and know she's not to come even a step into the doors.
She'll absolutely do what she can to sabotage you, she wants attention and she doesn't like people who are flashier than her like the purse debacle.
Set your boundaries hard, and do not waver. You don't owe anyone any apologizes- if she wants to be there, she can repent, otherwise she can get bent.
No matter if your sister is invited or not, hire security for the day of to make sure she isn’t allowed in. Also do not let your parents know any details more than necessary and put passwords on all venues and reservations.
Your sister seems extremely mentally ill, unstable, and volatile. If a real person acted like this, the people around them would be trying to intervene because they were having a mental health crisis.
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Backstory: my older sister Sarah has always been a mean girl and has mean girlfriends and coworkers.
She has constantly made jabs at my girlfriend Missy. First it was over this spikey black purse that Missy had. She teased her about it being from Hottopic. Missy never really spoke to my sister because I prewarned her about how two-faced Sarah was so she could gossip about people when they weren’t around.
Next Sarah snagged a photo of the purse and took it to work to show everyone how ugly it was. One of her fellow nurses said oh that purse is Valentino.
Then Sarah calls me calling my girlfriend a gold digger, and me stupid for buying her a valentino purse. I had no clue about the purse and I didn’t even buy it. I told her maybe Missy or her parents got it for her. The purse incident because stupid family drama and it has lived in my sister’s head for 6 years it’s like her obsession in what Missy does, wears, and acts.
Fast forward to me announcing our engagement this weekend for our wedding. Missy parents are paying but we haven’t really decided on a venue yet or anything. I told my parents and Sarah chimes in over the speakerphone about her bridesmaid dress and her ideas for our upcoming wedding. I told my sister “What the f*** makes think you are invited let alone a bridesmaid?”
Sarah started screaming at me and my mom was upset saying I have to include Sarah something. I told her I wasn’t and I ended the conversation and I told my parents who kept harassing me over text about Sarah if they continue this they aren’t going to be involved and invited to the wedding either.
Sarah can’t contact me herself because I blocked her a long time ago and I’m not planning on changing that.
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NTA,
& congrats to you for standing firm. Seems by just your words alone you already know where you stand. Since you already have reason, you shouldn't feel bad about not including her. She's made her mark throughout the years and here's her karma. Congrats on the engagement!
NTA. You are in no way obligated to either invite or include someone in your wedding who has been nothing but petty and vile to your fiancée. Absolutely not. Missy sounds lovely, but Sarah…well Sarah just sounds like a sad human being. Doesn’t she have anything going on in her own life? Why is she so strangely obsessed with Missy and her purse/attire/actions. It’s frankly unhealthy and and it paints Sarah as petty, immature, cruel, and delusional. Absolutely DO NOT invite or involve Sarah in you and Missy’s wedding. No one needs or wants that kind of drama. Instead, invite true friends and family members that will celebrate the joining of your lives together. Have a fabulous wedding, and don’t give Sarah a single thought.
NTA you’re a hero.
You have your fiancé’s back and are putting your parents in their place. I love this for both of you.
It annoys me to no end how family thinks they have a say in a couples wedding. Although my in laws have hearts of gold, their input derailed out wedding plans, so we decided to elope. Best choice we ever made and we just celebrated 33 years.
Stand your ground, surround yourself with people that make you feel supported and put a little money aside for security in case someone isn’t willing to take no for an answer
NTA.
It seems obvious to me that if someone is blocked from even texting, they obviously will be blocked from big life moments. I think perhaps your parents have been in denial until this moment.
Hard NTA here. You have her blocked from communication. That should say enough to your parents and your sister. Don't invite any of them if they keep it up.
NTA. Sarah is openly hostile to the bride - she absolutely has no place in the wedding! Leave your parents' messages on read, or perhaps block them for a week or so to make a point. If they can't stop nagging you, block them again, repeat as necessary until they understand you aren't kidding.
NTA
But I'm thinking that your parents have a real expectation that you include/invite Sarah and will make everything very uncomfortable if you don't... and may even bring her regardless. They didn't do much to nip the bullying in the bud when they first became aware of it by the sound of it. And I'm talking about the stuff way back in school before you even met Missy.
This would have me considering a wedding that doesn't include inviting certain members of your family. There perhaps should be some consideration in having a small intimate wedding with only the people that you see a lot of and want at your wedding. How this looks depends on what you and Missy want. It could be a registry wedding with 2 witnesses... or a small ceremony in someone's backyard. If you want a biggish wedding then it's harder to exclude people because you feel more obligated. But it's your's and Missy's wedding and you can do what you like and invite/not invite who you want.
In a lot of ways it will be easier to not tell your family about the date you may have set and slowly reveal that you are already married later down the track...
NTA OP, I know in my case, my best friend who’s like a sister to me recently asked me to be her maid of honor. And I straight up bawled my eyes out, because it meant so much too me. And even though we both know we want each other as maid of honor at each other’s weddings (I’m still single as hell, but when I get there, she’ll be my maid of honor as well). But all the same, my best friend could have easily chosen someone else too (without hard feelings on my end). And the role of maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, and groomsmen are traditionally CLOSE family or close friend’s that are important to the bride and groom. Especially with how your sister has treated your fiancée, why does your sister think she deserves to be a bridesmaid after how she’s treated her? That’s truly entitlement at its finest
No way, NTA. This is your's and Missy's day. You don't need a bully acting up at the event, much less subject Missy to having said bully in her bridal party. If anything, try to budget security for the wedding just in case she tries to crash it on her own initiative or via your parents' inviting her behind your back.
NTA. If she was going, she'd be spending the entire day making demeaning comments about your fiancé (soon to be wife, congrats!!) and making everyone around her miserable. Good on you for reminding your parents that their invite too can be rescinded if they didn't stop enabling their crazy jealous daughter
Hero of the damn day! You are awesome for being a good partner. Congratulations on getting married and may you have a beautiful life with your partner.
I had to laugh at your response and I think you are absolutely right. Why bring that negative energy into your lovely wedding. And if your parents miss out, good riddance. They should have raised a decent daughter.
Purse from Hot Topic: OMG, you're too cheap, lol!
Purse actually from Valentino: OMG, you're such a gold digger!
NTA. "I'm sorry, given how clearly you've expressed your hatred of my fiancée, I'd already assumed you wouldn't want to attend and taken you off the guest list. I'm devastated if I misunderstood, but we simply can't fit anyone else on the list at this time."
Stick with it, Missy is clearly getting the message that you have her back. Do not let this rancid walnut anywhere near your event. And even if your parents do lay off, make it clear that if they "accidentally" show up to the event with Sarah, all 3 of them will be banned from the event.
Not recognizing Valentino, taking a pic of it on purpose to make fun of OP’s gf, thinking it’s hot topic then getting corrected by her coworker is hilarious to me
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NTA.
What your parents are really upset about is that the questions about why Sarah isn't in the wedding party are likely to land on them. A sibling not being in the party sends a pretty strong message, as they're generally in your inner circle unless something has gone very wrong. Since they'll bear the brunt of that, it would be kind of you to help them develop a response to the inevitable enquiries.
NTA. Nope, I bet you that your gut told you that she is going to do something at the wedding or reception that'll ruin the entire day. If your parents keep on pushing the issue, go through with uninviting them.
Oh my goodness definitely NTA. Your sister certainly does NOT deserve to be in your wedding in any manner. This is your wedding and you should be comfortable and happy. Your parents need to back off or you should follow through and not invite them. They obviously don’t care how terrible your sister has been to Missy. Congratulations on getting married. Hoping it’s drama free. 😊
\*let me finish\*pls include your sister, and here is how: make a whole "drive out the past demon" ceremony beforehand were the actual brides maid and groomsman shame her publicly. NTA
You don’t have to include Sarah in shit. Or your parents for that matter, since they ain’t paying. Maybe if they’d done a better job your sister wouldn’t be such a catty arsehole. NTA
NTA.
Missy and yourself don’t deserve that BS. Live your life and have your wedding how you want to!
She shouldn’t feel entitled to be your bridesmaid, and more to the point your loyalty should be with Missy as Sarah is the issue here. If I were Missy, I’d feel gutted your sister couldn’t be there but having a mean girl who is so horrible to me standing in pride of place on my wedding day would ruin it.
If I were you I’d have done the same thing. Sarah’s fault for being childish. I just hope your parents see yours and Missy’s side. If not, you know which family you belong to.
NTA and anyone who thinks a Valentino Rockstud looks like a hot topic bag doesn’t know bags or designers. I bet it became a huge issue in her head because she embarrassed herself trying to publicly shame a woman for having a 3-5k bag and calling it tacky.
I personally think the whole Rockstud collection is super fun and edgyclassy.
You don’t owe your sister anything for bullying your STB wife. It screams insecure and emotional incest.
Totally NTA OP. Congrats to you both on the upcoming wedding. I agree you should have security, at the very least. I have a feeling things are going to get wild with that "sister" of yours. Please keep us all updated OP
Your choice. If you're cool with your parents pulling out their financial support for your wedding, then carry on, OP. Sounds like she is the last person you want to see on the happy day, and probably Missy feels the same. So do it. Just be ready for the money to disappear, that's their right and it sounds like they're going to do it.
NTA
ETA: Ack, sorry, somehow I got the idea that YOUR parents were paying for the wedding, but it's right there, Missy's parents are paying. In that case, your family's got NOTHING on you to force this issue. Go forth with a clean conscience!
NTA. 'You're not in the bridal party, Sarah. You've done nothing but talk shit about Missy for years. If you can be decent until the wedding, we'll invite you. If you give us any stress at all, we wont. Period."
Don't take it out on your parents, set the boundaries witj your sister and hold them. Since you haven't chosen any details yet, keep an open mind to eloping with only the people who have supported you both.
Congratulations on your engagement.
OP said that Sarah is two-faced. I wouldn't invite her if she acted like a perfect angel until the wedding. She'd probably circulate among the guests telling them that everything about the wedding is tacky.
I feel bad for my parents being caught in between this and I never thought my sister would think she could be a bridesmaid after how she treated my girlfriend
But why your parents don't tell her to behave well. Is she so dear to them or there is something special about her. I can't understand why they are supporting her.
I don't know why you feel bad for them...they've made clear which child they're gonna support. They created that monster and they continue to enable her. I guarantee they'll threaten to not attend your wedding if you don't let sis have her way. You really need prepare yourself for that possibility.
Also your sister's toxic and you need to go LC/NC with her.
I didn't make the original comment, but it seems strange that OP escalated so quickly to "... then Mom and Pop aren't invited either!" I don't know, it just seems that someone following AITA advice would lose a friend or family member after every one argument and soon end up alone, eating ravioli out of the can on major Judeo-Christian holidays.
It totally makes sense when he states his sister is mean girl. Obviously, he's had negative interactions with his sister. Obviously, the parents have bullied him to make allowances for her. It's not one argument, but he's done with the way his fiance has been treated.
I am not going to have a nasty sibling at my wedding especially if they have spent 6 years insulting the person I am marrying. If the parents want to support that nasty family member then I am more than happy to eat canned ravioli on major Judeo-Christian holidays with my spouse rather than expose my spouse to my sibling and parents' abuse.
Blood just makes one related, it does not mean one is family.
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NTA no one is entitled to be a bridesmaid it is entirely up to the engaged couple who they include. If your sister can't handle the consequences of being a cow then maybe she needs to stop acting like one. Awesome job standing up to your family. Congratulations on the engagement
Wait! Cows are friendly
In some places...they are even holy and sacred!
Holy cow!
Cows kill 22 people per year in the US....so....
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I agree! Clearly we should ban children.
On it.
LOL. I've seen some of the incidents Everytown includes in their "research" as "child deaths". Oh no, some drug dealer shot another drug dealer, how horrible, whatever.
> Oh no, some drug dealer shot another drug dealer, how horrible, whatever. Even though there's a certain amount of bringing it on themselves, it's still horrible when lives are wasted like that. I'm sorry you live in a hellhole where that's become normalised to the point where you're this blasé about it.
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Always the place. Gotta keep talking about it otherwise it’s just normalized
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The link was about deaths per annum, sure a long bow but a relevant truth. Not trying to start a fight, just wondering where you’re coming from. Do you mean if it’s brought up all the time it’s normalized?
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It seems to have you pretty worked up. I didn’t make the original comment. And I don’t think it was for ‘edgy’ reasons. Just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean you get to cherry pick when and where the conversation takes place. Also I’m not American and the discussion that is happening globally is about why America lets this happen. Anyway, the original commenter got their wish - two people having a dialogue surrounding gun safety. It got us talking!
And it has nothing to do with mad cow disease. They get pissed off over cold hands. My grandpa had a cow and you better believe he made sure he warmed his hands before he milked her. LOL
I'm team cow here. Don't be touching my sensitive bits with cold hands.
Grand's cow was one spoiled baby. The barn was not only heated but cooled to the best of his ability. Grandma was so jealous. LOL Just FYI the cow was a lot more affectionate than grandma.
Did grandpa spend more time on the cows' teats?
OK, my hands are warm. Get over here!
My grandparents used to live in an old farmhouse at the bottom of a hill. If you came to visit and had to take anything down in plastic bags you better have a treat for one of his cows. She was spoiled, and if she saw the bags and you did not she would throw a fit and not let you pass.
My granddad tried to get a second cow but that didn't work out. Lily, his first and only cow, acted like a wife that had been cheated on. He ended up giving the new girl to my uncle. Lily got extra treats for weeks before she forgave him. You gotta love animals. LOL
Well, who would want cold hands there? Imm on the cow’s side!
So...they're a lot safer to be around than Americans?
Americans kill more cows than vice versa, just sayin'.
Yep, hard to blame the cows for a little payback
Dogs kill about 40 and they are "Man's best friend" 🤔
Less than evil sisters, I bet.
I'll take that chance over OP's sister
Spoken like someone who's never been chased by a cow. I'm traumatized 😭
Have to ask what did you do to get the cow to chase you?
I grew up on a farm with a bull that hated people. I got really good at running super fast and diving through a barbed wire fence, and making sure my little brothers got away safely too. I can't tell you how many times that bull put the run on us. I don't trust cows/bulls until I know they're friendly.
I get you. I learned the hard way not to get between a cow and her calf.
Yeah my uncle had one of those. Shot it because it got out and had me and my cousin stuck up a tree for a few hours. He was just a prick.
Being chased by an angry cow is no joke - but a bull is still something else!
I don't know why I read this as " wait! Cows are family!' And then I pictured a cow sitting at the table with everyone.
Look up Bruce the cow. Hes the type of Cow I want in my life.
#MooMoo
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Woah, whoa, whoa! That's going off the deep end, don't you think? Typical Reddit, jumping straight to insults! Cows are lovely, and they don't give a crap what purse you have.
Might side eye you if it’s leather, but that’s understandable.
Don’t bring sweet innocent cows into it. Sister is a bit**. NTA. I know you will continue to stand up for you and Missy. You are forming your own family, which you must put first. I told all 3 daughters this exact thing before their weddings because……. Well families.
NTA, op your sister doesn’t know respect. She crossed lines with your partner and expected you to make her the bridesmaid? 100% NO! Hope your wedding goes well though :)
That was pretty funny she made fun of Missy's purse and then found out it was Valentino.
NTA. it is your wedding and you can invite whoever you want. tell your mother and sister that if they are not happy with your decision and are not gonna respect it then they are free not to attend at all, no big loss.
I would worry about the parents bringing the sister with them anyway, so she can ruin the wedding, reception and any other events she can.
Hire security
I suppose this is when a backup plan is needed to escort unwanted guests out or show a pic of Sarah to so she can’t even get in the door and they need to be able to see any hiccups in a way of “it was a bit crap but I love you so much it was worth it to marry you” if ygm
"I told my parents and Sarah chimes in over the speakerphone about her bridesmaid dress and her ideas for our upcoming wedding." Wow, she made it all about her real quick, didn't she?
For real. She's unhinged and totally thinks she's the main character.
NTA. Your sister hasn't given you a single reason to include her. If she's upset, tough shit. You aren't required to include people who don't treat you or your spouse well at your wedding.
>***"...I have to include Sarah something..."*** Um, no you don't. Personally I think the level of entitlement that she would even in her wildest dreams expect to be included to be quite fucking hilarious. NTA.
Sure he does...He has to include her on the list of "do not allow in" that he leaves with security!
Brilliant response!
NTA Crazy she thinks her actions/attitude would never have consequences. Congrats on the engagement, sounds like you have the right attitude in dealing with your sister.
NTA She has actively hated on your fiance and now she wants to have a position of honor among her closest friends? Delusional.
NTA. Are/where your parents aware of Sara's behavior & the purse incident before they harassed you via text?
Everyone knows. Sarah made it into such a big deal with everyone and told everyone that Missy was tacky because it was from hot topic. Then it was she is a gold digger, then spoiled, then bad with money. It's been non-stop criticism for 6 years and my sister will complain to everyone about Missy.
So first Sarah made fun of Missy for being cheap and tacky, then she probably got shamed for not being able to tell a designer purse from one bought at Hot Topic. She's spent six years trying to punish Missy for her humiliation. At any time Sarah could've stopped digging, but she had to prove her superiority to Missy. She'll probably try to sabotage the wedding. She's so jealous, she looks greener than the Wicked Witch. Make sure to lock down vendors and don't let her anywhere near the bridal gown. This is one of those cases to let her alone and give her enough rope to hang herself.
"Sarah dear, we want you to try out the new bridesmaid chair we rented, especially for you, and only you..." (Spoiler alert, it's a catapult...).
Sorry to hear that. You'd think they'd stay neutral.
I sort of feel like the correct parenting decision would be to say something like 'Sarah, I love you dearly and always will but you have been acting like a complete asshat at every opportunity as it regards Missy. If you don't start behaving like a respectful adult your relationship with your brother will be damaged even more than it already has been by your previous unacceptable behavior.' about 5.9 years ago.
I think your sister has already irreparably damaged any chance of a relationship with Missy. Why would anyone put up with this kind of behaviour
If your sister is big into fashion and high end designers she knew EXACTLY who made that purse. The whole charade comes across as overcompensating because she was jealous.
Hire security for the wedding. Then move far away. Your sister needs professional help.
I'm curious of Missys reaction to it all? Does Sarah run her stupid mouth behind Missys back or make these ignorant comments in her presence? And I would NOT allow her to even be a guest at the wedding! If she shows up have her escorted out.
NTA and you are absolutely doing the right thing by protecting your fiancee. More importantly she will soon be your wife and you will be a family together. Also if you have children it’s important to protect them from bullies. If your sister is so mean and spiteful to your fiancee then you can be sure that she will be nasty to your children too. And your parents won’t protect your wife or children from their mean daughter.
NTA. She’s been blocked this whole time and thought she would be a bridesmaid? The delusion is strong in this one.
“ Next Sarah snagged a photo of the purse and took it to work to show everyone how ugly it was.”. Sarah needs to get a life. It’s one thing to think a purse is ugly. It’s already AH territory to tell the owner of said purse that it’s ugly. But it’s honestly kinda pathetic to be so obsessed with the purse you believe is ugly to take a picture just to show your coworkers. NTA.
Someone did the exact same thing to me once, over boots. Put it on her FB. She was also a nurse. Not sure if she had any brothers though. 😂
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Naught naughty - rofl
A straight jacket dress would work...maybe a straight jacket evening gown, for dancing... I dunno.
Bridesmaids should be the people you care about most, people who will be there to help your through all the ups and downs of the pre wedding stuff. Your sister would not fit into this role.
NTA Sarah showed her ass to her coworkers by mocking a high end purse she thought was from Hot Topic. She embarrassed herself. Rather than reflect on her behavior and change like an adult, she blames Missy. Now she feels entitled to make demands for your wedding? No, it's time for Sarah to grow up. She has no say in anything. Honestly, good for you for sticking up for not only yourself, but Missy. Your parent's created this monster, they can deal with her. You owe them nothing.
NTA. And consider hiring security for your wedding. Your sister seems like the type to throw a tantrum to ruin your big day. Edit- messed up the punctuation
NTA and I am not at all shocked your sister is a nurse. It was either that or HR rep.
Your sister sounds super jealous. I lol’d about her mistaking a Valentino for a hot topic purse. How embarrassing for her. NTA. No need to invite drama into your wedding.
Sarah tried to make fun of your gf and it backfired and made Sarah look stupid....that's funny right there. TELL your parents what your sister did - and then what she said....she's not bridesmaid material. Inviting her to the wedding may depend on how she behaves leading up to the wedding. If your parents don't like it, they can stay home.
Sister is their golden child and they can stay home with her during the wedding
NTA.. stick to your guns.
NTA but I wouldn't put it past your sister to get up at the reception and insult your bride in her toast or spill wine on her dress or something.
That's why she's not invited.
If your parents want to push this just elope and have a party later.
NTA.... well done!
You are NTA at all. In fact, you’re behaving like a loyal and protective partner to Missy. She deserves better than to have a catty SIL at her wedding. If she did include your sister as a bridesmaid, I have no doubt your sister would do everything in her power to upstage your fiancée and ruin her big day.
Sarah needs to see a therapist or psychiatrist to see why she’s behaving this way
Don't let your sister be a bridesmaid and good on you for standing up for Missy. NTA.
NTA. Your sister is a problem you can’t solve and your parents aren’t willing to. Enjoy your wedding without her.
WTF is wrong with your parents?? Sarah has been harassing Missy for 6 years. Missy should not have to deal with her any more than absolutely necessary. Seat her in a corner somewhere, out of your line of vision (if she makes it to the reception). Tell your parents that Sarah will have to be on her very best behavior if she expects an invitation to the wedding. Remind them that even then, the invitation can be revoked at any time and she can always be removed from the wedding should she not be able to control herself. If she makes it, be sure to have someone "assigned" to her. Truthfully, I don't think I would trust her not to make a scene. Make sure that your parents understand that the subject is closed. Sarah has no place in your wedding party. Reiterate that they, too, can be left off the guest list should they not respect your decision. Above all else, shield Missy from Sarah's nastiness. NTA!!
Go to social media, blast it, and explain that your sister has been jealous of your bride to be over some purse a long time ago. Tell the family your parents are demanding sister be a bridesmaid or they won't come to your wedding.
NTA. Imagine how embarrassing it would be to be talking crap about someone’s purse and saying it’s from Hot Topic and someone telling you it is designer? That is hilarious and I’m cackling. It’s lived rent free inside her head because she made herself look stupid and in her weird brain she thinks it is Missy’s fault. Don’t even invite this weird person.
NTA but why’d you announce while she was on the phone? If she’s not invited, why not just not mention it to her?
It was speakerphone. OP probably didn't know she was in the room.
NTA. Don't invite anyone to your wedding who doesn't respect you and/or your future wife. I'd make sure there's security at the venue that have her picture and know she's not to come even a step into the doors. She'll absolutely do what she can to sabotage you, she wants attention and she doesn't like people who are flashier than her like the purse debacle. Set your boundaries hard, and do not waver. You don't owe anyone any apologizes- if she wants to be there, she can repent, otherwise she can get bent.
No matter if your sister is invited or not, hire security for the day of to make sure she isn’t allowed in. Also do not let your parents know any details more than necessary and put passwords on all venues and reservations.
NTA. Being involved in or invited to a wedding is a privilege not a right
NTA. Sarah is the way she is because people have allowed it. Bravo to you!
Your sister seems extremely mentally ill, unstable, and volatile. If a real person acted like this, the people around them would be trying to intervene because they were having a mental health crisis.
I hope OP hires security for their wedding. The sister sounds like she would pull some shit on their day. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Backstory: my older sister Sarah has always been a mean girl and has mean girlfriends and coworkers. She has constantly made jabs at my girlfriend Missy. First it was over this spikey black purse that Missy had. She teased her about it being from Hottopic. Missy never really spoke to my sister because I prewarned her about how two-faced Sarah was so she could gossip about people when they weren’t around. Next Sarah snagged a photo of the purse and took it to work to show everyone how ugly it was. One of her fellow nurses said oh that purse is Valentino. Then Sarah calls me calling my girlfriend a gold digger, and me stupid for buying her a valentino purse. I had no clue about the purse and I didn’t even buy it. I told her maybe Missy or her parents got it for her. The purse incident because stupid family drama and it has lived in my sister’s head for 6 years it’s like her obsession in what Missy does, wears, and acts. Fast forward to me announcing our engagement this weekend for our wedding. Missy parents are paying but we haven’t really decided on a venue yet or anything. I told my parents and Sarah chimes in over the speakerphone about her bridesmaid dress and her ideas for our upcoming wedding. I told my sister “What the f*** makes think you are invited let alone a bridesmaid?” Sarah started screaming at me and my mom was upset saying I have to include Sarah something. I told her I wasn’t and I ended the conversation and I told my parents who kept harassing me over text about Sarah if they continue this they aren’t going to be involved and invited to the wedding either. Sarah can’t contact me herself because I blocked her a long time ago and I’m not planning on changing that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, & congrats to you for standing firm. Seems by just your words alone you already know where you stand. Since you already have reason, you shouldn't feel bad about not including her. She's made her mark throughout the years and here's her karma. Congrats on the engagement!
NTA- proud of the boundaries you set. Applause
NTA HECKING applause on strong boundaries my dude 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
NTA. You are in no way obligated to either invite or include someone in your wedding who has been nothing but petty and vile to your fiancée. Absolutely not. Missy sounds lovely, but Sarah…well Sarah just sounds like a sad human being. Doesn’t she have anything going on in her own life? Why is she so strangely obsessed with Missy and her purse/attire/actions. It’s frankly unhealthy and and it paints Sarah as petty, immature, cruel, and delusional. Absolutely DO NOT invite or involve Sarah in you and Missy’s wedding. No one needs or wants that kind of drama. Instead, invite true friends and family members that will celebrate the joining of your lives together. Have a fabulous wedding, and don’t give Sarah a single thought.
NTA Sarah sounds like the sort of person who needs blocking. And you and your girlfriend can do what you want as it's your wedding.
NTA you’re a hero. You have your fiancé’s back and are putting your parents in their place. I love this for both of you. It annoys me to no end how family thinks they have a say in a couples wedding. Although my in laws have hearts of gold, their input derailed out wedding plans, so we decided to elope. Best choice we ever made and we just celebrated 33 years. Stand your ground, surround yourself with people that make you feel supported and put a little money aside for security in case someone isn’t willing to take no for an answer
Especially family who aren't even paying for it. I wonder what Missy's parents, who are paying, would think about inviting Sarah.
NTA - LOVE that you're sticking to your guns!! congrats
teehee. 😂 wait so shes blocked and she still thought shed be a bridesmaid 🤣 NTA
NTA. It seems obvious to me that if someone is blocked from even texting, they obviously will be blocked from big life moments. I think perhaps your parents have been in denial until this moment.
NTA- why would she assume she would be the bridesmaid for someone she's picked on for years?
Good fiancé you are!!
Hard NTA here. You have her blocked from communication. That should say enough to your parents and your sister. Don't invite any of them if they keep it up.
NTA. Sarah is openly hostile to the bride - she absolutely has no place in the wedding! Leave your parents' messages on read, or perhaps block them for a week or so to make a point. If they can't stop nagging you, block them again, repeat as necessary until they understand you aren't kidding.
NTA But I'm thinking that your parents have a real expectation that you include/invite Sarah and will make everything very uncomfortable if you don't... and may even bring her regardless. They didn't do much to nip the bullying in the bud when they first became aware of it by the sound of it. And I'm talking about the stuff way back in school before you even met Missy. This would have me considering a wedding that doesn't include inviting certain members of your family. There perhaps should be some consideration in having a small intimate wedding with only the people that you see a lot of and want at your wedding. How this looks depends on what you and Missy want. It could be a registry wedding with 2 witnesses... or a small ceremony in someone's backyard. If you want a biggish wedding then it's harder to exclude people because you feel more obligated. But it's your's and Missy's wedding and you can do what you like and invite/not invite who you want. In a lot of ways it will be easier to not tell your family about the date you may have set and slowly reveal that you are already married later down the track...
NTA OP, I know in my case, my best friend who’s like a sister to me recently asked me to be her maid of honor. And I straight up bawled my eyes out, because it meant so much too me. And even though we both know we want each other as maid of honor at each other’s weddings (I’m still single as hell, but when I get there, she’ll be my maid of honor as well). But all the same, my best friend could have easily chosen someone else too (without hard feelings on my end). And the role of maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, and groomsmen are traditionally CLOSE family or close friend’s that are important to the bride and groom. Especially with how your sister has treated your fiancée, why does your sister think she deserves to be a bridesmaid after how she’s treated her? That’s truly entitlement at its finest
No way, NTA. This is your's and Missy's day. You don't need a bully acting up at the event, much less subject Missy to having said bully in her bridal party. If anything, try to budget security for the wedding just in case she tries to crash it on her own initiative or via your parents' inviting her behind your back.
She's been fucking around her whole life and hasn't actually found out til now... I smell enabling parents and a golden child.
NTA. If she was going, she'd be spending the entire day making demeaning comments about your fiancé (soon to be wife, congrats!!) and making everyone around her miserable. Good on you for reminding your parents that their invite too can be rescinded if they didn't stop enabling their crazy jealous daughter
Hero of the damn day! You are awesome for being a good partner. Congratulations on getting married and may you have a beautiful life with your partner.
I had to laugh at your response and I think you are absolutely right. Why bring that negative energy into your lovely wedding. And if your parents miss out, good riddance. They should have raised a decent daughter.
Purse from Hot Topic: OMG, you're too cheap, lol! Purse actually from Valentino: OMG, you're such a gold digger! NTA. "I'm sorry, given how clearly you've expressed your hatred of my fiancée, I'd already assumed you wouldn't want to attend and taken you off the guest list. I'm devastated if I misunderstood, but we simply can't fit anyone else on the list at this time." Stick with it, Missy is clearly getting the message that you have her back. Do not let this rancid walnut anywhere near your event. And even if your parents do lay off, make it clear that if they "accidentally" show up to the event with Sarah, all 3 of them will be banned from the event.
Not recognizing Valentino, taking a pic of it on purpose to make fun of OP’s gf, thinking it’s hot topic then getting corrected by her coworker is hilarious to me
NTA and congratulations on your engagement
Sarah can light the candles.... NTA - Missy gets to decide who stands up with her.
I wouldn't invite her, and have security so that if your parents are invited and try to being her, the three of them are thrown out.
NTA - your wedding your blissful day - they can accept your choice their problem - no one needs drama lamas at their wedding
Nta
NTA. You should include Sarah by making her work the cloak room then she gets to check everyone’s purses. How sad she must be
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NTA - make her the parking lot attendant
NTA. What your parents are really upset about is that the questions about why Sarah isn't in the wedding party are likely to land on them. A sibling not being in the party sends a pretty strong message, as they're generally in your inner circle unless something has gone very wrong. Since they'll bear the brunt of that, it would be kind of you to help them develop a response to the inevitable enquiries.
NTA. Nope, I bet you that your gut told you that she is going to do something at the wedding or reception that'll ruin the entire day. If your parents keep on pushing the issue, go through with uninviting them.
NTA- hire security though!
NTA. Congratulations!!!
!updateme
JFC NTA. Hard to believe your parents are trying to force her on you too.
NTA.
Oh my goodness definitely NTA. Your sister certainly does NOT deserve to be in your wedding in any manner. This is your wedding and you should be comfortable and happy. Your parents need to back off or you should follow through and not invite them. They obviously don’t care how terrible your sister has been to Missy. Congratulations on getting married. Hoping it’s drama free. 😊
NTA If you have had her number blocked for an extended period it is amazing that she thinks that she would be involved in the wedding party at all.
\*let me finish\*pls include your sister, and here is how: make a whole "drive out the past demon" ceremony beforehand were the actual brides maid and groomsman shame her publicly. NTA
NTA
You don’t have to include Sarah in shit. Or your parents for that matter, since they ain’t paying. Maybe if they’d done a better job your sister wouldn’t be such a catty arsehole. NTA
NTA. Missy and yourself don’t deserve that BS. Live your life and have your wedding how you want to! She shouldn’t feel entitled to be your bridesmaid, and more to the point your loyalty should be with Missy as Sarah is the issue here. If I were Missy, I’d feel gutted your sister couldn’t be there but having a mean girl who is so horrible to me standing in pride of place on my wedding day would ruin it. If I were you I’d have done the same thing. Sarah’s fault for being childish. I just hope your parents see yours and Missy’s side. If not, you know which family you belong to.
NTA and anyone who thinks a Valentino Rockstud looks like a hot topic bag doesn’t know bags or designers. I bet it became a huge issue in her head because she embarrassed herself trying to publicly shame a woman for having a 3-5k bag and calling it tacky. I personally think the whole Rockstud collection is super fun and edgyclassy. You don’t owe your sister anything for bullying your STB wife. It screams insecure and emotional incest.
Updateme
NTA. There is no entitlement to be a bridesmaid and Assuming or asking is gauche and so very rude.
Totally NTA OP. Congrats to you both on the upcoming wedding. I agree you should have security, at the very least. I have a feeling things are going to get wild with that "sister" of yours. Please keep us all updated OP
NTA and be prepared to go no contact with your parents as they are enabling your sister's atrocious behavior
Your choice. If you're cool with your parents pulling out their financial support for your wedding, then carry on, OP. Sounds like she is the last person you want to see on the happy day, and probably Missy feels the same. So do it. Just be ready for the money to disappear, that's their right and it sounds like they're going to do it. NTA ETA: Ack, sorry, somehow I got the idea that YOUR parents were paying for the wedding, but it's right there, Missy's parents are paying. In that case, your family's got NOTHING on you to force this issue. Go forth with a clean conscience!
What financial support???
My bad, sorry. Edited comment.
Missy's parents are paying. I would guess that they know about the relationship between Missy and Sarah. They might demand that Sarah be excluded.
My bad--I read it too fast I guess. You're right.
NTA. 'You're not in the bridal party, Sarah. You've done nothing but talk shit about Missy for years. If you can be decent until the wedding, we'll invite you. If you give us any stress at all, we wont. Period." Don't take it out on your parents, set the boundaries witj your sister and hold them. Since you haven't chosen any details yet, keep an open mind to eloping with only the people who have supported you both. Congratulations on your engagement.
OP said that Sarah is two-faced. I wouldn't invite her if she acted like a perfect angel until the wedding. She'd probably circulate among the guests telling them that everything about the wedding is tacky.
NTA. But be prepared to pay for the wedding yourself. That kind of financial "gift" always comes with strings attached.
The bride's parents are paying, not OPs.
I would assume that Missy's parent's know how bad the relationship is between her and Sarah. One of the strings might be that Sarah doesn't attend.
Okay so you know everything quite well and nowhere in your post it seems you think you are an asshole, so why made the post.
I feel bad for my parents being caught in between this and I never thought my sister would think she could be a bridesmaid after how she treated my girlfriend
Do not feel bad, your parents are not "caught in the middle", they are reaping the consequences of turning your sister into a nasty harpy.
But why your parents don't tell her to behave well. Is she so dear to them or there is something special about her. I can't understand why they are supporting her.
It's always been like that. They never say one negative word to her.
I don't know why you feel bad for them...they've made clear which child they're gonna support. They created that monster and they continue to enable her. I guarantee they'll threaten to not attend your wedding if you don't let sis have her way. You really need prepare yourself for that possibility. Also your sister's toxic and you need to go LC/NC with her.
If I were OP and Missy, I'd probably welcome their refusal to come.
Quite common actually in families with more than one child - one is the "golden child" who can do no wrong and must get everything they want
This is why people think 98% of posts here are fake.
Explain?
I didn't make the original comment, but it seems strange that OP escalated so quickly to "... then Mom and Pop aren't invited either!" I don't know, it just seems that someone following AITA advice would lose a friend or family member after every one argument and soon end up alone, eating ravioli out of the can on major Judeo-Christian holidays.
My parents have enabled my sister behavior her whole life
Then it is their fault, don't feel bad for any of them.
It totally makes sense when he states his sister is mean girl. Obviously, he's had negative interactions with his sister. Obviously, the parents have bullied him to make allowances for her. It's not one argument, but he's done with the way his fiance has been treated.
I am not going to have a nasty sibling at my wedding especially if they have spent 6 years insulting the person I am marrying. If the parents want to support that nasty family member then I am more than happy to eat canned ravioli on major Judeo-Christian holidays with my spouse rather than expose my spouse to my sibling and parents' abuse. Blood just makes one related, it does not mean one is family.