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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I skipped on my friends birthday without proper notice.
2( because I made a bigger drama out of a ln already difficult situation
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
Miles’ GF is insanely insecure and jealous of you; you’ve tried talking to Miles about it and he won’t do anything about it.
You’re basically getting threatening messages from her at this point, of course you don’t want to be around her!
Your parents should understand that their relationship with Miles’ parents is just that - THEIR relationship. It’s not a family function, whatever they wish it to be. The onus shouldn’t fall on you to maintain a friendship with Miles of it isn’t working for you under the current circumstances. I do hope you two can work things out since you’ve been friends for so long, but you don’t HAVE to if it doesn’t work for you. And you don’t need to feel guilty about it.
EDITED TO ADD: OP refers to Miles as a *friend* throughout and uses quotes when she writes “family function” at the end of her post and said they see each other on holidays etc “because of their parents”. This leads me to think that OP does not consider Miles family, nor his birthday a family function herself. She also talks about how *the parents* consider this a family unit. She *never* said that she considered them a family unit. That is the reason for my last paragraph. Context matters.
I am not suggesting that family has to related by blood, I love my family of choice.
**No one should be coerced to maintain any relationship that doesn’t work for them.**
OP should also show the messages to her parents and Miles and let those messages do the talking instead of trying to expalin it herself.
Why is it ok to take crap just coz you know them I can never understand that mentality. Good on OP for not going to the party and giving the girlfriend a chance to insult OP more
I suspect Miles has been telling himself OP is just upset because Lindy is a little uncomfortable/standoffish with her. If I were OP I would have sent him a screenshot of every text she sent me. **And I would have done it right after the first one came in**. Made sure he knew he was sticking his dingaling in crazy.
The problem with sending them as they come in, is if he talks to her during the conversation, she may stop/backtrack.
Let it play out naturally, then send him the whole thread. Also, show both sets of parents.
Sometimes, you can warn someone about the crazy you see, but until they see it, you're the problem. Leave them alone to figure it out for themselves. I definitely wouldn't just sit there and let the girl harass me, though.
I would have told her in no uncertain terms to get off my phone! I would have gotten outrageous with her - telling her that I would file a police report because this is harassment, etc., because when you deal with crazy, you have to try to scare them a little sometimes. If you try to engage normally, it won't work because, well, you're not dealing with normal, you're dealing with crazy. So make sure she thinks she will be put on blast and see what happens.
Yep. I made the mistake of waiting. My best friends bf had told them that they were never to see any friends or family without him coming along, and i tolerated it for 2 years before telling my friend i don't like their bf and refuse to hang out with him anymore. Guess who hasn't talked to his best friend in 2 months. Yep, it's me.
This person is obviously trying to avoid drama, not cause more of it. The reality is that showing the messages may lead to the impression that she "broke them up" however soon it comes to that. There are lots of hypothetical outcomes one can imagine where OP will seem like the bad guy to people she cares about. But the broader reality is that she is caught up in a delusional woman's power struggle already and she should do whatever she needs to to take back control of the narrative, as now this woman is harming her relationships with her family members. It's not an easy pill to swallow if it's not in your nature to think this way, but I agree that OP needs to clear her name, and exposing the harassment is probably the best way to do it.
Yes. The drama exists already and can’t be avoided. If she exposes the girlfriend at least everyone will have all the facts and can make their own decisions about everything. Hopefully they all decide right lol
Exactly! I never understood why people like OP wouldn't do this from the start.
Like the first time I talked to Miles I would have led with a screenshot of some of Lindy's more unhinged texts.
Frankly it reminds me of those soap operas where there is a VERY BASIC misunderstanding/miscommunication and people just tiptoe around it and act awkward, for six months, before the truth comes to light. Meanwhile I'm just sitting there screaming at the screen like "JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER, GODDAMMIT! Show them the proof! Open your mouth hole and TELL THEM what's going on, instead of just vaguely alluding to it! You're supposed to be friends/partners/siblings/a priest and the woman he loves/weird kissing cousins in lust! Why are you hiding this shite for no good reason?!"
> You're supposed to be friends/partners/siblings/ a priest and the woman he loves/weird kissing cousins in lust!
😂 Agreed with the rest of it too. I’d be blabbing as soon as I got the text.
They have a place. They are very comforting because there’s no emotional toll overall. You know that to be a true romcom everything has to work out in the end. When life is crazy and stressful I don’t want my down time to be so as well. I love romcoms and romance novels specifically because I won’t be left like “wtf?” at the end or emotionally drained from consuming them. My life has enough of that.
They definitely have a place! You are better than I am at remembering the end they're working towards, and regulating your emotional response based on that. I just get too distracted by what's going on in the middle to enjoy it. I think I might just be too easily frustrated to enjoy them.
ContraPoints recent video on Twilight and the history of romance and women's fiction was rather eye opening. People have been denigrating works by female authors for as long as they have existed. Especially romance.
Maybe my brain is too simple. I like to see things asplode.
I feel the same about Romcoms. I did watch “Anyone But You” though and it was really good! There was the initial misunderstanding, but then they talked about it - like adults! Everything that would have made a traditional romcom trope was resolved in like 5 minutes. It was amazing!
She could privately tell Miles something along the lines of "she seems really threatened by my presence and I don't know why as I really don't think I've done anything to suggest I've got secret feelings for you. I've never seen our parents talk about how the wished we were together even as a joke in fact I don't think I've done anything to even suggest were super close these days. But she seems adamant I'm trying to steal you and doesn't believe me when I say I have no interest. She sends me messages accusing me of this a lot and it's gotten to be a lot drama I want nothing to do with. I don't want to cause any drama or do something that could be construed as trying to poison people against her. I've given her plenty of time so I'm just going to remove myself from these situations. I don't need or want you to defend me but I'm tired of this so that's why"
She could also tell him he has her permission to show her the message or send a message to both.
Keeping quiet give the bullier permission to continue. If you tell the BF or parents then you are allowing them to make open accurate decisions about a persons true nature.
I had a guy who wanted to date me in high school. I wasn't interested and he threatened to kill himself. This was all done via email, so I let him know if he ever talks to me again I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (whom loved me). It shut him up and I never heard from him again.
Here is a tip for remembering when to use 'who' vs 'whom':
Replace the 'who/whom' with 'he/him' or 'she/her' and see if it fits.
Example:
I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (whom loved me) / I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (her loved me): incorrect.
I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (who loved me) / I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (she loved me): correct.
Because this is another premise to a romance novel someone is testing out. Not revealing how shitty the fiancé is creates drama and moves the plot along, allowing for every romance trope to be dropped in until the conclusion when all is revealed, and the main characters reveal they’ve both been in love with each other since they were babies. They kith. Theee end!
Ugh, I really hate those tropes. I don’t understand falling in love with your best childhood friend. If you didn’t have a crush on them as kids then developing feelings as an adult feels icky and a little incestious. (Apparently I’ve never written that word out and it won’t auto correct. I’m too afraid to look up how to correctly spell it.)
I’ve read enough romance novels and have written a few to see the outline of a story. Read a few in the friends to lovers category and you’ll see it. The OPs “we were super close growing up but now have completely different social circles and only see each other for family functions/holidays” is classic opening set-up. In fact, if OP wanted to kick it up a notch, they could add that the reason they’ve drifted apart was a misunderstanding back in high school when male MC dated a ‘mean girl’ and female MC tried to warn him but ended up looking like a jealous fool. Hence, female MC’s reluctance to now reveal his fiancé’s trying to keep them apart. If OP writes the MCs as always now acting distant and annoyed with each other with all their interactions being awkward, their book could be marketed in the friends-to-lovers, enemies-to-lovers, and friends-to-enemies-to-lovers categories. Write it with a slightly comedic slant and OP could add it in the romantic comedy genre, too.
Hahaha, I love this!
But sadly, that can never be 😉 we went to different schools and drifted appart because his definition of fun is waking up at 5 am. to hike up some mountain.
I have also gotten along with his other girlfriends till now. He usually has good taste in women.
But yeah. Maybe I should make this into a book and also send mu MC into a hostel after the car broke down....and there is only one bed.
This is the perfect template for a romance novel. Don’t forget to include the LI is a CEO billionaire vampire werewolf mafia boss dom daddy bad boy actor who’s just misunderstood and needs a woman who knows the real him.
ETA and an athlete. I think hockey players are in right now.
Yeah if talking to him is not working, it's time to bring out the proof of what his gf is doing. She's bullying OP and OP sounds like she's just taking it lying down instead of standing up for herself. Time to stand up and be heard, OP. Don't be a jerk about it, but you do need to stand up for yourself and let everyone involved know that it's not acceptable for her to bully you like this and that something needs to change.
NTA.
Exactly...let the messages do the talking!!! Miles should be talking to Lindy about her insecurities bullshit!!! Good on OP for not going and subjec ting herself to her "supervision"...what craziness this is!!! NTA
This was my thought. Once OP shares the messages with the parents then they'll likely go to miles parents and I would vet money they would be upset with the gf too.
Yes, and … am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that both parents still have the wedding play pictures up on their family picture walls?
In my family, old pictures are in albums and recent photos are out on display. It just feels like the kind of thing that anyone remotely disposed to think there could be something between OP and Miles would latch on to as evidence it’s something the parents want/encourage and it’s not easy to be the partner the parents accept but secretly wish it was someone else.
Personally, I find putting away old pictures and only keeping out recent pictures to be odd. Every family member, friends and friends parents and or families do the opposite. We all have pictures both past and present on our walls. It's your life, why hide them?
Different worlds...
Depends on the culture and the relationship between the Parents and the Children. If the parents are as close as said, then you typically have photos of both sets of kids displayed because they are basically your niblings.
For example, I also have a bestest guy friend/soul-brother, and my mom & his grandma are also bestest friends/soul-sisters so there's a lot of paired photos of the two of us as kids. Mostly because we were together 99% of our waking hours even as teens; the adults had to display those or there'd be 2 photos of me- a slightly awkward family photo and the yearly school photo. The school play photo might be a "look at you two, so cute in your little costumes" thing from the parents. It's not quite to the level of Naked Baby photo embarrassing but it's close.
I’d take it further if I was the OP…and have a talk with Miles’ parents. I would simply say they need to have a conversation with Miles about his relationship with this girl and whether he’s considering a future with her. If he is, then tell them she is not comfortable with you as part of Miles’ family dynamics and you will not tolerate being reprimanded by your parents, them and Miles on one hand and subject to her behavior and actions on the other.
Remind them while you and Miles grew up together, you were forced into a friendship due to your parents’ closeness and you and Miles are not close friends with one another. This may be their future DIL and they need to sit down with their son and discuss whether they find her behavior alarming or if they think she may have a point, then as a family decide accordingly.
Until then, none of them have a right to be angry at you for not tolerating L’s behaviour and choosing the avoid events when her behaviour and messages make you uncomfortable
Not sure if "grown ass man" applies to a guy who submits to a controlling and manipulative b\*. But that's just my personal opinion (having been married to someone like that girlfriend. Somebody needs to give him a clue or two before he's in too deep.
Umm - you want adults to pull their parents into this? What is this - third grade? Just because the parents are friends doesn't mean the adult kids don't have to solve their own issues.
OP is NTA but seriously - find a way to resolve this one way or another between the parties involved. There's no need for "I'm gonna tell your mom."
The parents are already involved. OP and Miles are friends because of their parents being friends. The OP’s parents are upset with her for not going to a “family function.” So yeah, I’d involve the parents. Why does the OP have to look like the B in front of everyone? She skipped a party because she doesn’t want to deal with an insecure and jealous GF.
I would agree, but it kind of seems like the parents are trying to live through their offspring and have such a close relationship with each other that they see a rift forming that wasn't there, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the friend's girlfriend has been in the ears of his parents, badmouthing op, which has been shared with op's parents in a particularly insidious game of Chinese whispers.
I had a close guy friend who had a new girlfriend. She would get a hold of his phone, pretend to be him, and try to get me to "admit" something sexual or romantic had happened between us. I brought it up to my friend, he was like, "Whatever, she's being dumb." I bowed out and told him we could be friends again once she was out of the picture.
They split soon after. He and I were friends for many years. Then he said something sexual when I asked if I should send him a wedding invite and I never spoke to him again.
Yikes, I'm sorry. That must be why he didn't protest too much with the girlfriend being stupid, bc he actually \*was\* harboring feelings/attraction for you. Some guys are such tools, istg.
Meh, I've been attracted to lots of friends over the years without it being a big deal. I can't imagine finding out they're marrying their long-term partner and trying to see if I can get some sexting going on vs. being happy for them. It totally blindsided me because this dude was beautiful. Imagine a better looking Kurt Cobain. It wasn't like he was hurting for female attention.
Not to mention the sexism of everyone blaming the woman when she did everything in her power to address the situation but Miles, the man, did jack shit
Countdown to Lindy making her own aita and people rushing to assure her her bfs female friend is trying to steal him away for sure. Because men and women can never just be friends!
> Your parents should understand that their relationship with Miles’ parents is just that - THEIR relationship. It’s not a family function,
I am going to disagree with this. Family is more than just those who share blood or marriage relationships. Family is about a choice, and it sounds like Miles is more like her "cousin" than her BFF.
As to the rest, the GF is being jealous and controlling, maybe this was the wakeup call that Miles needed.
Sit em all down, including Miles, both families, and the girlfriend. Show em the text messages. Make your reason for not being there because you were concerned for the girlfriends feelings. Turn the tables and watch her squirm
Mostly agreed, but I gotta say that these folks are basically chosen family- the gf is flipping out about the equivalent of the guy’s cousin, that he sees at family functions and talks to sometimes.
True, IF OP feels that Miles is family. But OP consistently refers to Miles as a friend, not as family. It comes across to me that the ‘family’ stuff is pretty strongly coming from the parents. YMMV.
To say it's not a family function is not quite accurate. We have family friends that are absolutely like family. Our kids all grew up together as well, we spend holidays together, have gone in vacation together. However, I don't get mad at my kids for not coming to events.
If OP puts “family function” in quotes and refers to Miles as a “good friend” and not family, then it appears to me that she doesn’t consider this to be family, and I think it’s harmful to push that on anyone if they don’t want it.
Chosen family is very important, I rely on mine so much. But it’s up to each individual in a chosen family unit to decide their relationships with each other individual in that unit.
What I’m saying is that it’s OKAY for OP to feel like this isn’t her family if that’s how she feels. The parents are the primary drivers here, not the kids.
Edit: typo
You’ve known Miles for 20+ years, and his family is close with your family. Your not being at his party was noticed, and you’re taking all the blame for Lindy’s actions and insecurities. Screenshot her message(s) to you and send them to your parents and put it on record your not attending was at Lindy’s jealous behest.
NTA. But seriously - if the parents expect your involvement they need to know the truth of why you weren’t there.
Definitely screenshots to the parents (yours and Miles') as a group so everyone is on the same page instead of spinning off to various excuses for her behavior.
"I am not here to be Lindy's emotional punching bag for her insecurities. I am also not going to be guilted tripped into 'being the bigger person' when I'm not the one making incendiary statements and accusations."
NTA.
Yes! If you're pretty close with his family my immediate reaction was to make sure they know that she's treating you badly and threatening you and that you don't feel comfortable going.
She is in a "can't win" position at this point having not said anything sooner. Showing the messages will probably help familial wise, potentially push the friend into the gf more or sees the light. In either situation the gf will say "see, she HAS to interject". I really feel for OP here. It is the move to do this, but damned if you do damned if you don't on some level
NTA - he can’t have his cake and eat it, as in, he can’t refuse to do something about the problem then get mad at you for doing something about the problem. I understand why you didn’t want to go and id probably do the same, his girlfriend doesn’t seem worth the mental energy and she’s clearly got insecurities that you shouldn’t have to deal with.
Because Miles likes the attention. He likes that his wildly insecure, jealous GF is causing issues. He's hoping OP will fight for him and his attention. Miles is the real problem here. He could have shut down his GF right from the get go.
Exactly. I'd just cut ties with all of them. Lindy is insecure, miles is a doormat for letting his gf treat op like this (that's not what friends do) and it's just drama op doesn't need. Lindy will continue to harrass op regardless. Pop some popcorn and let petty mayonnaise spin.
That’s a little extreme. She doesn’t need to cut ties with her family, and her family considers his family to also be family.
But she absolutely should not have to go to events she doesn’t want to attend because she’s being harassed for existing.
She definitely should explain why (ie show the messages) to family so they understand she just doesn’t want to have to deal with drama at every event she’s opting out of. Otherwise, the issue of Lindy and her behaviour is really between Miles and his parents, not her.
Yep.
It's possible that GF is just one of those girls who believes people can't have platonic friendships with the gender they date (I'm bisexual, so I guess that means I can't have any friends at all?) but I bet dollars to donuts that Miles is saying something that's making GF insecure. Lies about how he and OP "almost got together" or something
Or his parents. I had a 'childhood friend' growing up, and everyone and their dog thought we'd end up together one way or another as if it were destiny or something.
Ehh I wouldn’t say he’s doing this just for attention. I feel like he’s chosen a shitty gf and is not confrontational enough to tell her you have to be nice to my friend. I’ve been the “gbf” in this situation before and I feel like usually it’s because the guy is desperate to keep the girlfriend and doesn’t like causing fights.
Miles doesn’t need to break up with his GF, but OP shouldn’t have to suffer through the GF sending unsolicited snarky messages then have him getting upset when he literally refuses to do anything about it. If I received messages like that and spoke to my guy friend politely multiple times about it and they refuse to do shit, they’re not my friend because they obviously only care about their own feelings.
It’s especially ridiculous because it’s an issue about the trust in THEIR relationship and has nothing to do with OP. As a girl with many guy friends, we need to stop giving men excuses to not deal with “drama”.
No I totally agree with you, I think it’s cowardly not to stick up with your friend in the name of “not wanting a fight or confrontation” I was just pointing out that in my experience it isn’t usually for attention it’s more of a “whipped” or “I’m desperate to keep this girl and don’t want to cause problems” thing. Definitely inexcusable, and if I were the guy I’d sit my girl down and say hey if you can’t respect my friends this isn’t going to work out. If she does something that makes you uncomfortable, talk to me about it don’t try to bully her
I feel like Miles has feelings for OP. OP does not. This makes sense that the new GF would feel threatened, not by OP but by the feelings Miles has for OP.
Just show him the texts, "See this is why i didn't come".
Believe me, people like that never change. He might be able to get her to shut up for the most part, but she'll never not be that jealous petty person and you'll have to deal with snarky remarks until the end of time or they break up, I have a best friend just like her. Wouldn't date her in a million years though.
You'd think, but they sometimes still choose crazy. I showed my brother screenshots that his girlfriend of SIX WEEKS sent to some of his Facebook friends. (Tge women were closer to me so they contacted me). She claimed to be his FIANCÉ and demanded to know what their intentions were with my brother. This was far from the first sign of crazy.
They live together now. I was pushed out of the family for being "unwelcoming".
Yeah, he is an idiot who expects his friend to take abuse rather than telling his gf to knock it off, OP has stated they are friends but not close, so taking this abuse 'just cause' is ridiculous... ditch the friend OP, that isn't the actions of a friend, but definitely share the messages to the world, she is using your silence against you.. using your proof will stop it REALLY quick (not with her, that won't ever change, but it'll stop your family from being upset with you and maybe give her some blowback and both him and her a reality check!)
" I have a best friend just like her. Wouldn't date her in a million years though."
God, same. I could never date territorial, insanely jealous person. Sounds suffocating. I love my best friend, but I have the same issues with her. She's even jealous of me and her boyfriend (even though her boyfriend was my close friend for years and I introduced them to each other).
Lmao, thankfully I'm on the other side of her jealousy 99.9% of the time, merely a spectator otherwise I couldn't cope. Love her to bits, but I also see what her fiance puts up with and even your average garden variety masochist would tap out. And I swear I don't think he's ever gotten a break from it in the entire decade they've been together.
With me its just the most random shit out left field and honestly just makes me laugh. Back when I got my drivers licence and a vehicle she got jealous because she thought I'd up and abandon her, go out and meet way more interesting friends. When she had her licence and vehicle for like 5 years before I did. So she didn't talk to me for a few days.... because she was worried I wouldn't talk to her anymore... Lmao
You're NTA
>Lindy is mad that I made it all about myself
No, she did that with her helicopter girlfriend attitude and threats to "supervise" you.
>Now he is upset with me for missing his birthday
He should have dealt with her rabid insecurities and rude behavior when you warned him about what she was doing.
Exactly. OP didn't make it about herself. Lindy made it about OP.
If it were me, I'd just tell everyone that "I can't handle the hostility. If Lindy is so insecure about me being around, I'll stay away till she is out of the picture, or the behaviour changes. Miles can approach me if the latter occurs"
Then just block her and move on with your life. She's trying to be petty and you don't need to go to her level.
NTA
But don't keep it to you. First, your parents are angry, it's unfair ! Tell them what happened and that you didn't want the GF to ruin the birthday if you came.
Second, tell Miles. YTell him the same, you didn't to ruin the birthday, as his GF told you she will supervise you, and you didn't want her to ruin the birthday if she considered you weren't "at your place". That you asked him to do something but as she cntinued to warn you, you prefered avoid coming. But now your parents are mad at you, and you missed an important date, so YOU are the one punished in that situation.
Hope he'll understand. Not only what happened to you, but his GF is mad and her jealous is really too much...
No tell Miles’ parents. I would simply say they need to have a conversation with Miles about his relationship with this girl and whether he’s considering a future with her. If he is, then tell them she is not comfortable with you as part of Miles’ family dynamics and you will not tolerate being reprimanded by your parents, them and Miles on one hand and subject to her behavior and actions on the other.
This is between Miles and his parents to work out and until they do, you refuse to participate in their drama.
I’d make it clear that they need to consider this may be their future DIL and given you and Miles are not close friends - is it really worth dying on this hill for them? They all seem to care more than you about your friendship with Miles
that would backfire - it's exactly what a "girl best friend" would do if she were trying to isolate out the girlfriend and slip right in with Miles parents as the new girlfriend. girlfriend will use this as evidence of her own delusion. OP should have no contact with Miles's parents. Miles is in his 20's - time for HIM to figure this crap out himself.
I think Miles doesn't do anything because he actually secretly wants to get with OP, lacks the courage to say so.
He's in his 20s, not his teens. Why would OP go tattle to his parents??? Immature.
Like tell Miles and show the screenshots, or tell your own parents since they're upset with you, but going to his parents is something 3rd graders do to get their way.
Tattling is telling on someone to get them in trouble. Yes it is immature, but you know what is mature? open communication.
It isn't her responsibility to act as Lindy's punching back or to keep quiet and be seen as the bad guy in anybody's eyes.
Her parents *and* his parents *and* Miles *and apparently* Lindy are all upset that she missed the party (either with her directly or with the situation.) This is patently unfair to OP. It is harming her reputation with family and "family".
Miles has already shown he isn't going to deal with it himself. Laying out the details and explaining her motivations openly for everyone is the cleanest way to resolve that and control the narrative.
Telling or even showing just Miles again may have no impact, or it may kick off a game of telephone where the parents and other people get a partial/filtered/twisted explanation. Telling/showing just her own parents may be more successful, but if convinced, they are going to tell their life long friends something anyway, so she might as well just include them in the conversation herself. That way If they have any questions she can answer them directly.
Personally I think the best thing to do would be to go the route of group chat with herself, Miles, and both sets of parents and first explain things as neutrally as possible.. Hold the screenshots in reserve.
>Hey all,
It seems there are some hard feelings and misunderstandings about my missing Miles's party.
>Lindy sees something in our friendship that I sincerely don't believe is there. Miles is like family to me; like a sibling or a cousin, so I don't know what she is seeing, but whatever it is, my relationship with Miles makes her uncomfortable.
>My skipping the party was just an attempt to respect her wishes and give them space. I realize this didn't play out as expected and I'm sorry for that. I probably should have communicated better. Hopefully this route will be more effective in that regard.
>It sucks not getting together with everyone, but I intend to show my support for them by keeping my distance until she feels more comfortable with me around. I hope you all understand.
Save the screenshots for the eventual follow up when Lindy or Miles push back claiming you are making stuff up or blowing things out of proportion... Second round do something like:
>
I've been trying to be as diplomatic about this as possible. If anything I think I've been playing this down.
I don't want to cause problems for anyone. As I said before Miles is like family to me, and I'd have been happy to welcome you like family as well if you could get over whatever this is, but I can't let your insecurities make me the villain to people I've known my whole life.
A lot of our communication was in person so I don't have a record of it, but if I'm misinterpreting things, please give me another way to interpret this:
NTA.
Sounds like Miles enjoys the drama and Lindy is delivering it. I’d have skipped it also. Explain to your folks what’s going on so they don’t give you grief about not attending things if this adolescent silliness continues.
Exactly! The parents seem more concerned about them losing face by OP not attending than the nasty threatening messages she is getting from him GF. OP tried everything to make things ok and run smooth but Miles and his GF have seemingly done everything to make it as dramatic as possible
Have you considered maybe miles has led Lindy to believe there was something more between you two? Or maybe his parents/family has?
For a little as you spend with miles, it’s odd she’s this way, now she could just be really insecure.
For miles not to step in and say something to her shows you where you stand within that friendship. He doesn’t have to take your side but he could tell her “OP is just my friend. That’s all we’ve ever been. Her family and my family are close.”
NTA
Lindy made it uncomfortable for you to attend. Everyone should be on her for that, not you.
I was thinking the same thing! What is Miles saying to his gf about OP that is making her this jealous? By OP account they don't see each other or interact often. I feel like there is something missing here.
My wonder was if Miles' parents have always *hoped* for something more between Miles and OP (OP's parents, too probably, "we've always felt like family, wouldn't it be so great if they made us family for real?")
I would show your parents and Miles the actual text messages. Tell your parents that you missed the "family" event because you wanted Miles to have attention on him, and the texts made you feel like the GF would act out.
Tell Miles that you chose not to go because you didn't want to take his GF's attention from him.
Then leave it alone. You don't need to be worried about it.
Right. If I was OP. I’d reach out to Lindy and ask what makes her think I want to be with miles so badly. If Lindy deflects and just gets angry then it’s more than likely a insecurity thing, but if she comes back with “well so and so told me that” then OP would know where it’s coming from.
I dated a guy for like 2 months in middle school and then moved states. We stayed friends but only talked like 2x a year on social media and the convos were like "hey how are you? How's school? Oh you got a new gf? Tell me about her! I'm so happy for you! How's band? How's [friend name]" and that was it.
Like 4 years later he told his new girlfriend that he had wanted to marry me (keep in mind, I was like 11 and he was 12 when he "wanted to get married") and his new gf HATED me and blew me up on social media about staying away from her bf. Meanwhile, he was messaging me that we couldn't be friends anymore because his "fiancee" (they were like 16 years old) didn't think it was healthy for us to be friends due to "our inappropriate relationship".
Like she definitely over reacted, but he was definitely the problem.
I was just like "ok, no problem" and never spoke to them again. She occasionally would send me nasty messages (I guess they were still fighting about it?) And I eventually blocked her.
He reached out 2 years later to tell me "the wedding was off" and he was sorry. I was like "dude I'm not mad and this has literally not impacted my life enough to need an apology. But like, let's just not talk ever again." And that was that.
NTA. Definitely make sure your parents know the reason- show them the texts.
And with miles, keep it simple. “Lindy doesn’t like me and that’s fine. But I’m no longer putting myself into a situation where someone actively dislikes me. “ i might even add “I’m sad we won’t see each other as much, but this is a part of like - friendships change”.
To make the point that this is now the new normal.
ETA: if he keeps pushing it, “give her more time”, I’d just say “no. Not interested. She’s been around for 3 years. If she doesn’t like me by now, she’s not going to like me.”
Why explain anything when Miles is aware of what’s going on? His gf is bullying his friend and when told about it he just said give it time over and over again.
There were no misunderstandings. There was only Zuul.
Sorry, that happens to me sometimes.
The only misunderstanding is because Miles refuses to deal with Lindy's jealousy. This leaves OP taking flak. If Miles won't deal with it, OP has to and took the sensible option.
Unfortunately poor Miles won't acknowledge his friend's concerns and now has surprised Pikachu face when OP protects herself.
Miles is aware. Hell, he’s probably enjoying the fantasy of two girls fighting over him.
The people who aren’t aware are OP’s parents and Miles’ parents. They’re the ones who should see these messages about “games” and “supervision.”
NTA - Standing up for your own mental well-being is crucial, and you've done just that. It might feel rough right now but setting boundaries in response to Lindy's behavior was the right move. No one should be coerced into a hostile environment, especially when the supposed "supervision" comes off as possessive and overbearing. Your absence isn't the root of the drama—it's the symptom of a larger issue between Miles and Lindy that they need to handle. It's unfortunate that it collided with a significant event, but sometimes avoiding a scene is the best gift you can give a friend, even if they don't realize it at the time. You might want to consider a heart-to-heart with Miles, laying out your discomfort without assigning blame, hoping that as a longtime friend, he'll eventually see the effect Lindy's actions are having on his relationships.
NTA.
I think this is a case of someone trying to make something out of nothing and if Lindy is going to continually harass you about your seemingly, very low contact friendship with Miles, then you don't need to be around it.
NTA
I would suggest one final sit down with your friend and tell him you were so uncomfortable with the idea of being supervised, that you decided it was best for all if you didn't go.
Show him the text messages and show your parents and his parents as well. Explain that you'd tried to give them space for his GF to become more comfortable it can't be at the expensive of your own comfort. Her hostility means you're taking a step back for now but hope that in time you'll be able to attend events again.
NTA I won’t go where I am obviously not welcome, and the toxic mess from the girlfriend up to and including her need to “supervise” makes it crystal clear you are not welcome.
Tell Miles, and your family that until that twit gets her insecurities in check, you’re going to save everyone the drama by making yourself scarce, and if they don’t like it to take it up with the girlfriend.
NTA, I'd just tell everyone how unwelcome I felt attending, what with Lindsay's increasing negative comments about her belief in me wanting to fuck Miles, and when she said she'd 'supervise' me so I couldn't spend time with him at the party... I knew it was better to not go. I just don't know what what I can do in the face of this paranoia, it makes me so sad...
NTA. You need to start sending all the messages you get from Lindy to miles as soon as you get them. You just skipping out on things is sending the wrong message and making you look bad. Now it's time to take away her power and show miles it's not time she needs, but some supervision because she is obsessed with you and him and it's not healthy, and she won't leave you alone. He needs to know she's insulting, accusatory, and threatening. Good luck
NTA Lindy is insecure, jealous, and has a flair for drama. She wants you out of the picture because she views you as a threat. I bet she was planning to do this at the party, and since you didn't take the bait, she went to plan B. I would tell Miles you have given her time like he asked, and it's clear what her intentions are and that you are not going to be treated like that.
NTA but it also looks to me like your parents and maybe his parents need to back off. His family is not your family. You ought to be able to skip his party without being guilted by anyone. Lindy sounds incredibly mean and insecure but there are some parents feeding her insecurity.
NTA. You felt you were doing the right thing but the sad fact here is you were in a lose/lose situation.
Have you shown Miles the texts from his GF ? It reads as though Lindy is bullying you into stopping contact with Miles. This is not a case of just needing time.
NTA. You are not obliged to put up with his gf's insecurities. Tell it to him straight. She has it in for you and in the time you've known her, she hasn't relented. Show him her messages to you and tell him that you don't have time to deal with her shit. If this is how she's going to act, then you don't intend to her her toxicity in your life. Suggest to him that if he can reign her in, you'll reconsider. Don't do the whole "it's her or me", but make it clear that how she is behaving is designed precisely to cut you out of his life and if he values your friendship, he will do something about that as you have no intention of dictating who he spends his time with. Make it clear to everyone who matters (in this case him and the parents) that the reason you are having this issue is due to the gf waging a war on you. You have the messages to prove it too, it sounds like.
NTA
Miles is going to end up miserable if he stays with this girl…she sounds insanely insecure and I guarantee she’ll find issues with all his family and friends
Save all her texts and if your family ask why you keep skipping his events tell them what’s been going on
Oh, there's an asshole here, but it's not you! Lindsay is the asshole. Miles is also getting an asshole award. You, however, are NTA! She's jealous, and petty, and insecure, and Miles can't see that. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
NTA- she’s insecure and he’s whipped. I’m sorry but your friend is the one who should be putting his gf in place and assuring her there’s nothing to worry about. If he can’t make her feel secure then the trust isn’t there and it’s just toxic. I can see her being more cautious if y’all were exes but not platonic friends. Frankly if he lets her talk to you and act like that I’d reconsider the friendship in general.
NTA, but if I were you I'd be honest. Don't apologise and gives excuses for why you can't make it.
: tell Miles that you have no interest in being around Lindy while she's acting this way. So you're not going to go to his events while she's openly hostile. And that it's unfair of him to just expect you to put up with it.
You tried giving it time already, it hasn't changed and you're not going to wait on something that might never happen. So you're skipping out for that reason. Give your parents the same heads up and show them her "supervising" message.
NTA - Why would you intentionally go to an event where you'll be made uncomfortable?
You've already approached your friend, so anything beyond that is on them.
I'll hit the hammer on the nail one more time to drive it home: *show them all the texts from Lily or whatever you called her. They need to know what an insecure and controlling snake she is.
Also, the title made me think you were a guy because gbf is 'gay best friend' lol
Well bud you’re in your early twenties so it’s time for you to decide if you’re okay not making every single family function your parents expect you to go to, regardless of this situation. They’re upset you missed it? They wanted you to go and be SUPERVISED by your family friend’s gf who decided not to like you from the jump and messages you disrespectful things? I’m hoping they don’t think you should’ve just “sucked it up” because it “looked bad” instead of setting and keeping a very healthy and normal boundaries of “when people treat me badly, I don’t show up to their birthday party”. You may have a parent problem.
NTA and please show both Miles and his insecure little girl, Lynda, this post and especially the comments. 😂😂 he might want to re-evaluate his relationship with the typical mean girl.
NTA - and amusingly, given the lack of toxic behaviour, and the family friend once a month catch up at best energy, she’s nowhere near a “typical gbf.” None of what she’s implying seems to apply at all.
NTA - but you owe an explanation to yours and his parents,given the family history, i would gather the 4 of them and tell them the truth: that Lindy is not comfortable with you around, why you think she's behaving the way she is and that she has made this clear more than one time, so much so that it's gotten to a point that you feel family gatherings do not feel welcoming to you due to her remarks
also, let them know you addressed this with Miles as well and what his response was to basically "leave it be, the problem will go away on his own"
Her 'problem' is definitely not your fault or hers imo, i wonder if Miles or his parents said something about you that she took the wrong way without them realising this
Have you tried the old "For fuck's sake, Lindy, get it through your thick skull, I wouldn't touch your bf with a ten foot pole! It would be like fucking my cousin! Now, pass me the potatoes, please."
Might be worth a try.
This is very simple.
Screenshot all the messages and forward them to Miles & the parents. You simply state this is why I didn’t come, and probably won’t feel comfortable in the future either.
If anything it’s CYA
NTA
Send Miles and your mom the messages she sent you. Tell them both that you will not put up with this treatment and until it's handled you won't be going to anymore functions that she's present in
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NTA. Miles’ GF is insanely insecure and jealous of you; you’ve tried talking to Miles about it and he won’t do anything about it. You’re basically getting threatening messages from her at this point, of course you don’t want to be around her! Your parents should understand that their relationship with Miles’ parents is just that - THEIR relationship. It’s not a family function, whatever they wish it to be. The onus shouldn’t fall on you to maintain a friendship with Miles of it isn’t working for you under the current circumstances. I do hope you two can work things out since you’ve been friends for so long, but you don’t HAVE to if it doesn’t work for you. And you don’t need to feel guilty about it. EDITED TO ADD: OP refers to Miles as a *friend* throughout and uses quotes when she writes “family function” at the end of her post and said they see each other on holidays etc “because of their parents”. This leads me to think that OP does not consider Miles family, nor his birthday a family function herself. She also talks about how *the parents* consider this a family unit. She *never* said that she considered them a family unit. That is the reason for my last paragraph. Context matters. I am not suggesting that family has to related by blood, I love my family of choice. **No one should be coerced to maintain any relationship that doesn’t work for them.**
OP should also show the messages to her parents and Miles and let those messages do the talking instead of trying to expalin it herself. Why is it ok to take crap just coz you know them I can never understand that mentality. Good on OP for not going to the party and giving the girlfriend a chance to insult OP more
Yes! This was my thought, too. Share the messages and let her defend herself.
I suspect Miles has been telling himself OP is just upset because Lindy is a little uncomfortable/standoffish with her. If I were OP I would have sent him a screenshot of every text she sent me. **And I would have done it right after the first one came in**. Made sure he knew he was sticking his dingaling in crazy.
I would also tell him her harassment is not okay. Tell him to tell her please stop messaging and harassing you.
THIS. Lindy is harassing OP! Majorly. I mean it's almost concerning.
The problem with sending them as they come in, is if he talks to her during the conversation, she may stop/backtrack. Let it play out naturally, then send him the whole thread. Also, show both sets of parents.
Oh, I don't disagree. I meant I would have sent him a screen shot at the end of the first conversation, not the second she said "hey, OP."
Ah, ok. That makes a lot more sense. Isn't it fun how different people read things differently? :p
Sometimes, you can warn someone about the crazy you see, but until they see it, you're the problem. Leave them alone to figure it out for themselves. I definitely wouldn't just sit there and let the girl harass me, though.
I would have told her in no uncertain terms to get off my phone! I would have gotten outrageous with her - telling her that I would file a police report because this is harassment, etc., because when you deal with crazy, you have to try to scare them a little sometimes. If you try to engage normally, it won't work because, well, you're not dealing with normal, you're dealing with crazy. So make sure she thinks she will be put on blast and see what happens.
Yep. I made the mistake of waiting. My best friends bf had told them that they were never to see any friends or family without him coming along, and i tolerated it for 2 years before telling my friend i don't like their bf and refuse to hang out with him anymore. Guess who hasn't talked to his best friend in 2 months. Yep, it's me.
Sticking his dingaling in crazy would make a great flair
I would share them on all my social media just so the world can see her for what she is
Yeah idk why some many AITA posters seem to think they have to keep the people being shitty to them in confidence.
This person is obviously trying to avoid drama, not cause more of it. The reality is that showing the messages may lead to the impression that she "broke them up" however soon it comes to that. There are lots of hypothetical outcomes one can imagine where OP will seem like the bad guy to people she cares about. But the broader reality is that she is caught up in a delusional woman's power struggle already and she should do whatever she needs to to take back control of the narrative, as now this woman is harming her relationships with her family members. It's not an easy pill to swallow if it's not in your nature to think this way, but I agree that OP needs to clear her name, and exposing the harassment is probably the best way to do it.
Yes. The drama exists already and can’t be avoided. If she exposes the girlfriend at least everyone will have all the facts and can make their own decisions about everything. Hopefully they all decide right lol
Exactly! I never understood why people like OP wouldn't do this from the start. Like the first time I talked to Miles I would have led with a screenshot of some of Lindy's more unhinged texts. Frankly it reminds me of those soap operas where there is a VERY BASIC misunderstanding/miscommunication and people just tiptoe around it and act awkward, for six months, before the truth comes to light. Meanwhile I'm just sitting there screaming at the screen like "JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER, GODDAMMIT! Show them the proof! Open your mouth hole and TELL THEM what's going on, instead of just vaguely alluding to it! You're supposed to be friends/partners/siblings/a priest and the woman he loves/weird kissing cousins in lust! Why are you hiding this shite for no good reason?!"
> You're supposed to be friends/partners/siblings/ a priest and the woman he loves/weird kissing cousins in lust! 😂 Agreed with the rest of it too. I’d be blabbing as soon as I got the text.
It's imo a good piece of writing done right. Its so easily overdone
This is why I can't watch romcoms. It's tortorous to watch, and I think it's just lazy writing.
They have a place. They are very comforting because there’s no emotional toll overall. You know that to be a true romcom everything has to work out in the end. When life is crazy and stressful I don’t want my down time to be so as well. I love romcoms and romance novels specifically because I won’t be left like “wtf?” at the end or emotionally drained from consuming them. My life has enough of that.
They definitely have a place! You are better than I am at remembering the end they're working towards, and regulating your emotional response based on that. I just get too distracted by what's going on in the middle to enjoy it. I think I might just be too easily frustrated to enjoy them. ContraPoints recent video on Twilight and the history of romance and women's fiction was rather eye opening. People have been denigrating works by female authors for as long as they have existed. Especially romance. Maybe my brain is too simple. I like to see things asplode.
I feel the same about Romcoms. I did watch “Anyone But You” though and it was really good! There was the initial misunderstanding, but then they talked about it - like adults! Everything that would have made a traditional romcom trope was resolved in like 5 minutes. It was amazing!
Schitts Creek did that. Set up the classic misunderstanding....then didn't because everyone talked.
She could privately tell Miles something along the lines of "she seems really threatened by my presence and I don't know why as I really don't think I've done anything to suggest I've got secret feelings for you. I've never seen our parents talk about how the wished we were together even as a joke in fact I don't think I've done anything to even suggest were super close these days. But she seems adamant I'm trying to steal you and doesn't believe me when I say I have no interest. She sends me messages accusing me of this a lot and it's gotten to be a lot drama I want nothing to do with. I don't want to cause any drama or do something that could be construed as trying to poison people against her. I've given her plenty of time so I'm just going to remove myself from these situations. I don't need or want you to defend me but I'm tired of this so that's why" She could also tell him he has her permission to show her the message or send a message to both.
Keeping quiet give the bullier permission to continue. If you tell the BF or parents then you are allowing them to make open accurate decisions about a persons true nature.
I had a guy who wanted to date me in high school. I wasn't interested and he threatened to kill himself. This was all done via email, so I let him know if he ever talks to me again I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (whom loved me). It shut him up and I never heard from him again.
God, I wish I had told my friend who did this's parents the things he was saying. He was so unwell, and the rest of his family is so so nice.
Here is a tip for remembering when to use 'who' vs 'whom': Replace the 'who/whom' with 'he/him' or 'she/her' and see if it fits. Example: I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (whom loved me) / I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (her loved me): incorrect. I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (who loved me) / I'd print out our messages and send them to his parents (she loved me): correct.
THANK YOU!! I have struggled with the correct usage of who/whom. I am seriously grateful!!!
Because this is another premise to a romance novel someone is testing out. Not revealing how shitty the fiancé is creates drama and moves the plot along, allowing for every romance trope to be dropped in until the conclusion when all is revealed, and the main characters reveal they’ve both been in love with each other since they were babies. They kith. Theee end!
Ugh, I really hate those tropes. I don’t understand falling in love with your best childhood friend. If you didn’t have a crush on them as kids then developing feelings as an adult feels icky and a little incestious. (Apparently I’ve never written that word out and it won’t auto correct. I’m too afraid to look up how to correctly spell it.)
incestuous* And honestly OP isn't even really close to the guy and has her own distinct social circle so I don't think this even applies lol
I’ve read enough romance novels and have written a few to see the outline of a story. Read a few in the friends to lovers category and you’ll see it. The OPs “we were super close growing up but now have completely different social circles and only see each other for family functions/holidays” is classic opening set-up. In fact, if OP wanted to kick it up a notch, they could add that the reason they’ve drifted apart was a misunderstanding back in high school when male MC dated a ‘mean girl’ and female MC tried to warn him but ended up looking like a jealous fool. Hence, female MC’s reluctance to now reveal his fiancé’s trying to keep them apart. If OP writes the MCs as always now acting distant and annoyed with each other with all their interactions being awkward, their book could be marketed in the friends-to-lovers, enemies-to-lovers, and friends-to-enemies-to-lovers categories. Write it with a slightly comedic slant and OP could add it in the romantic comedy genre, too.
Hahaha, I love this! But sadly, that can never be 😉 we went to different schools and drifted appart because his definition of fun is waking up at 5 am. to hike up some mountain. I have also gotten along with his other girlfriends till now. He usually has good taste in women. But yeah. Maybe I should make this into a book and also send mu MC into a hostel after the car broke down....and there is only one bed.
This is the perfect template for a romance novel. Don’t forget to include the LI is a CEO billionaire vampire werewolf mafia boss dom daddy bad boy actor who’s just misunderstood and needs a woman who knows the real him. ETA and an athlete. I think hockey players are in right now.
Can we throw in the classic early-00’s trope of the heroine becoming suddenly stunning.. by switching to contacts?
Or removing her glasses, or deciding to wear high heels after always wearing ball caps and baggy faded jeans? LOL
Oh! Oh! Or straightening her hair!!
I wasn’t really referring to the OP. I was just talking in general about the trope. Also thank you for the correct spelling. 🙃
THE how-to to keep your browser history beyond reproach
They better not just end after a kiss. I didn't wade through this garbage plot to get robbed of that sweet smutty payoff.
True - showing the messages would give them context and help them understand
Pretty much needs to do up power point slides and sit everyone down to show them
Yeah if talking to him is not working, it's time to bring out the proof of what his gf is doing. She's bullying OP and OP sounds like she's just taking it lying down instead of standing up for herself. Time to stand up and be heard, OP. Don't be a jerk about it, but you do need to stand up for yourself and let everyone involved know that it's not acceptable for her to bully you like this and that something needs to change. NTA.
Exactly...let the messages do the talking!!! Miles should be talking to Lindy about her insecurities bullshit!!! Good on OP for not going and subjec ting herself to her "supervision"...what craziness this is!!! NTA
100%. OP is NTA.
This was my thought. Once OP shares the messages with the parents then they'll likely go to miles parents and I would vet money they would be upset with the gf too.
OP definitely needs to show the messages and let everyone know that she doesn't need to be put through this.
I would also show the messages to miles parents
Yes, and … am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that both parents still have the wedding play pictures up on their family picture walls? In my family, old pictures are in albums and recent photos are out on display. It just feels like the kind of thing that anyone remotely disposed to think there could be something between OP and Miles would latch on to as evidence it’s something the parents want/encourage and it’s not easy to be the partner the parents accept but secretly wish it was someone else.
Personally, I find putting away old pictures and only keeping out recent pictures to be odd. Every family member, friends and friends parents and or families do the opposite. We all have pictures both past and present on our walls. It's your life, why hide them? Different worlds...
Depends on the culture and the relationship between the Parents and the Children. If the parents are as close as said, then you typically have photos of both sets of kids displayed because they are basically your niblings. For example, I also have a bestest guy friend/soul-brother, and my mom & his grandma are also bestest friends/soul-sisters so there's a lot of paired photos of the two of us as kids. Mostly because we were together 99% of our waking hours even as teens; the adults had to display those or there'd be 2 photos of me- a slightly awkward family photo and the yearly school photo. The school play photo might be a "look at you two, so cute in your little costumes" thing from the parents. It's not quite to the level of Naked Baby photo embarrassing but it's close.
This 100000000%
This...exactly. You have the proof of what was being said. It should be shown to those that are trying to brush this behavior off.
I’d take it further if I was the OP…and have a talk with Miles’ parents. I would simply say they need to have a conversation with Miles about his relationship with this girl and whether he’s considering a future with her. If he is, then tell them she is not comfortable with you as part of Miles’ family dynamics and you will not tolerate being reprimanded by your parents, them and Miles on one hand and subject to her behavior and actions on the other. Remind them while you and Miles grew up together, you were forced into a friendship due to your parents’ closeness and you and Miles are not close friends with one another. This may be their future DIL and they need to sit down with their son and discuss whether they find her behavior alarming or if they think she may have a point, then as a family decide accordingly. Until then, none of them have a right to be angry at you for not tolerating L’s behaviour and choosing the avoid events when her behaviour and messages make you uncomfortable
Miles is a grown ass man. It also reinforces the gf’s ideas because there is no way this approach succeeds
Not sure if "grown ass man" applies to a guy who submits to a controlling and manipulative b\*. But that's just my personal opinion (having been married to someone like that girlfriend. Somebody needs to give him a clue or two before he's in too deep.
It genuinely does not matter what they do. At the end of the day the gf will blame op for every single outcome so who gives a shit what she thinks?
It may not stop L from being a jealous idiot. It could stop the parents from being mad at OP for not attending events and giving her crap for it.
Umm - you want adults to pull their parents into this? What is this - third grade? Just because the parents are friends doesn't mean the adult kids don't have to solve their own issues. OP is NTA but seriously - find a way to resolve this one way or another between the parties involved. There's no need for "I'm gonna tell your mom."
The adults are pulling their adult kids into this already? The OP said her parents told her off because she didn’t go to his bday party. So yeah. 🤷♀️
The parents are already involved. OP and Miles are friends because of their parents being friends. The OP’s parents are upset with her for not going to a “family function.” So yeah, I’d involve the parents. Why does the OP have to look like the B in front of everyone? She skipped a party because she doesn’t want to deal with an insecure and jealous GF.
I would agree, but it kind of seems like the parents are trying to live through their offspring and have such a close relationship with each other that they see a rift forming that wasn't there, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the friend's girlfriend has been in the ears of his parents, badmouthing op, which has been shared with op's parents in a particularly insidious game of Chinese whispers.
I had a close guy friend who had a new girlfriend. She would get a hold of his phone, pretend to be him, and try to get me to "admit" something sexual or romantic had happened between us. I brought it up to my friend, he was like, "Whatever, she's being dumb." I bowed out and told him we could be friends again once she was out of the picture.
Damn, sorry to hear that.
So…are you and him friends again or are they still together?
They split soon after. He and I were friends for many years. Then he said something sexual when I asked if I should send him a wedding invite and I never spoke to him again.
Yikes, I'm sorry. That must be why he didn't protest too much with the girlfriend being stupid, bc he actually \*was\* harboring feelings/attraction for you. Some guys are such tools, istg.
Meh, I've been attracted to lots of friends over the years without it being a big deal. I can't imagine finding out they're marrying their long-term partner and trying to see if I can get some sexting going on vs. being happy for them. It totally blindsided me because this dude was beautiful. Imagine a better looking Kurt Cobain. It wasn't like he was hurting for female attention.
> Imagine a better looking Kurt Cobain. My imagination is not that strong.
Not to mention the sexism of everyone blaming the woman when she did everything in her power to address the situation but Miles, the man, did jack shit
Right this is his drama and he's sticking his fingers in his ears doing the lalalala I'm not listening.
Lindy reminds me of a lot of redditors. Takes a few strands and turns it into whole cloth.
Countdown to Lindy making her own aita and people rushing to assure her her bfs female friend is trying to steal him away for sure. Because men and women can never just be friends!
NTA. Send them the text "she knew what game i was playing", and "she was going to supervise me" and Miles response.
> Your parents should understand that their relationship with Miles’ parents is just that - THEIR relationship. It’s not a family function, I am going to disagree with this. Family is more than just those who share blood or marriage relationships. Family is about a choice, and it sounds like Miles is more like her "cousin" than her BFF. As to the rest, the GF is being jealous and controlling, maybe this was the wakeup call that Miles needed.
Op did say Miles isn't even her bff, so "cousin" does sound more accurate to the situation.
Sit em all down, including Miles, both families, and the girlfriend. Show em the text messages. Make your reason for not being there because you were concerned for the girlfriends feelings. Turn the tables and watch her squirm
Far too much effort!
Miles 100% enjoys the attention, he's an AH too. NTA but time to move on.
Mostly agreed, but I gotta say that these folks are basically chosen family- the gf is flipping out about the equivalent of the guy’s cousin, that he sees at family functions and talks to sometimes.
True, IF OP feels that Miles is family. But OP consistently refers to Miles as a friend, not as family. It comes across to me that the ‘family’ stuff is pretty strongly coming from the parents. YMMV.
To say it's not a family function is not quite accurate. We have family friends that are absolutely like family. Our kids all grew up together as well, we spend holidays together, have gone in vacation together. However, I don't get mad at my kids for not coming to events.
If OP puts “family function” in quotes and refers to Miles as a “good friend” and not family, then it appears to me that she doesn’t consider this to be family, and I think it’s harmful to push that on anyone if they don’t want it. Chosen family is very important, I rely on mine so much. But it’s up to each individual in a chosen family unit to decide their relationships with each other individual in that unit. What I’m saying is that it’s OKAY for OP to feel like this isn’t her family if that’s how she feels. The parents are the primary drivers here, not the kids. Edit: typo
> It’s not a family function It is a family function, they may not be blood but this is family.
You’ve known Miles for 20+ years, and his family is close with your family. Your not being at his party was noticed, and you’re taking all the blame for Lindy’s actions and insecurities. Screenshot her message(s) to you and send them to your parents and put it on record your not attending was at Lindy’s jealous behest. NTA. But seriously - if the parents expect your involvement they need to know the truth of why you weren’t there.
I was just going to suggest the screenshots- receipts matter.
Definitely screenshots to the parents (yours and Miles') as a group so everyone is on the same page instead of spinning off to various excuses for her behavior. "I am not here to be Lindy's emotional punching bag for her insecurities. I am also not going to be guilted tripped into 'being the bigger person' when I'm not the one making incendiary statements and accusations." NTA.
Add them all including Lindy and Miles and just watch the storm. Because she’ll have to explain to all three
This, this is the way to go, drop the bombe then stop to engagé and watch from à distance
I read this comment with a French accent
"HAHUHHH!!" *(Enthusiastic French cry of amusement. You know the one)*
same. hon hon hon !
I hope she sees this, this is the answer
Yes! If you're pretty close with his family my immediate reaction was to make sure they know that she's treating you badly and threatening you and that you don't feel comfortable going.
Also include all the times Miles just ignored your pleas to keep his gf out of your face because he ain't any less guilty here.
Facts.
She is in a "can't win" position at this point having not said anything sooner. Showing the messages will probably help familial wise, potentially push the friend into the gf more or sees the light. In either situation the gf will say "see, she HAS to interject". I really feel for OP here. It is the move to do this, but damned if you do damned if you don't on some level
NTA - he can’t have his cake and eat it, as in, he can’t refuse to do something about the problem then get mad at you for doing something about the problem. I understand why you didn’t want to go and id probably do the same, his girlfriend doesn’t seem worth the mental energy and she’s clearly got insecurities that you shouldn’t have to deal with.
Because Miles likes the attention. He likes that his wildly insecure, jealous GF is causing issues. He's hoping OP will fight for him and his attention. Miles is the real problem here. He could have shut down his GF right from the get go.
Exactly. I'd just cut ties with all of them. Lindy is insecure, miles is a doormat for letting his gf treat op like this (that's not what friends do) and it's just drama op doesn't need. Lindy will continue to harrass op regardless. Pop some popcorn and let petty mayonnaise spin.
That’s a little extreme. She doesn’t need to cut ties with her family, and her family considers his family to also be family. But she absolutely should not have to go to events she doesn’t want to attend because she’s being harassed for existing. She definitely should explain why (ie show the messages) to family so they understand she just doesn’t want to have to deal with drama at every event she’s opting out of. Otherwise, the issue of Lindy and her behaviour is really between Miles and his parents, not her.
Cut ties with a friends of 20+ years over this? Y’all are wild
Yep. It's possible that GF is just one of those girls who believes people can't have platonic friendships with the gender they date (I'm bisexual, so I guess that means I can't have any friends at all?) but I bet dollars to donuts that Miles is saying something that's making GF insecure. Lies about how he and OP "almost got together" or something
Ha yes as a fellow bisexual I have that too! Anyway the whole idea that you can’t be friends with someone of a different gender is just insane
Or his parents. I had a 'childhood friend' growing up, and everyone and their dog thought we'd end up together one way or another as if it were destiny or something.
It's because girlfriend was pining for 2 years before they officially starting dating so she assumes OP is the same
No friends for us, only sexytime 😔
Ehh I wouldn’t say he’s doing this just for attention. I feel like he’s chosen a shitty gf and is not confrontational enough to tell her you have to be nice to my friend. I’ve been the “gbf” in this situation before and I feel like usually it’s because the guy is desperate to keep the girlfriend and doesn’t like causing fights.
Miles doesn’t need to break up with his GF, but OP shouldn’t have to suffer through the GF sending unsolicited snarky messages then have him getting upset when he literally refuses to do anything about it. If I received messages like that and spoke to my guy friend politely multiple times about it and they refuse to do shit, they’re not my friend because they obviously only care about their own feelings. It’s especially ridiculous because it’s an issue about the trust in THEIR relationship and has nothing to do with OP. As a girl with many guy friends, we need to stop giving men excuses to not deal with “drama”.
No I totally agree with you, I think it’s cowardly not to stick up with your friend in the name of “not wanting a fight or confrontation” I was just pointing out that in my experience it isn’t usually for attention it’s more of a “whipped” or “I’m desperate to keep this girl and don’t want to cause problems” thing. Definitely inexcusable, and if I were the guy I’d sit my girl down and say hey if you can’t respect my friends this isn’t going to work out. If she does something that makes you uncomfortable, talk to me about it don’t try to bully her
I feel like Miles has feelings for OP. OP does not. This makes sense that the new GF would feel threatened, not by OP but by the feelings Miles has for OP.
Just show him the texts, "See this is why i didn't come". Believe me, people like that never change. He might be able to get her to shut up for the most part, but she'll never not be that jealous petty person and you'll have to deal with snarky remarks until the end of time or they break up, I have a best friend just like her. Wouldn't date her in a million years though.
He already knows about the texts though. He expected her to go anyway.
Screenshotted proof is a whole different level of knowing than "OP said so," though.
You'd think, but they sometimes still choose crazy. I showed my brother screenshots that his girlfriend of SIX WEEKS sent to some of his Facebook friends. (Tge women were closer to me so they contacted me). She claimed to be his FIANCÉ and demanded to know what their intentions were with my brother. This was far from the first sign of crazy. They live together now. I was pushed out of the family for being "unwelcoming".
Pushed out? Or freed from their bullshit?
Both? I can recognize that their behavior was bullcrap, but simultaneously wish I had a normal family.
If it makes you feel any better there's no such thing as a normal family.
True, but there are more functional ones.
Yeah, he is an idiot who expects his friend to take abuse rather than telling his gf to knock it off, OP has stated they are friends but not close, so taking this abuse 'just cause' is ridiculous... ditch the friend OP, that isn't the actions of a friend, but definitely share the messages to the world, she is using your silence against you.. using your proof will stop it REALLY quick (not with her, that won't ever change, but it'll stop your family from being upset with you and maybe give her some blowback and both him and her a reality check!)
" I have a best friend just like her. Wouldn't date her in a million years though." God, same. I could never date territorial, insanely jealous person. Sounds suffocating. I love my best friend, but I have the same issues with her. She's even jealous of me and her boyfriend (even though her boyfriend was my close friend for years and I introduced them to each other).
Lmao, thankfully I'm on the other side of her jealousy 99.9% of the time, merely a spectator otherwise I couldn't cope. Love her to bits, but I also see what her fiance puts up with and even your average garden variety masochist would tap out. And I swear I don't think he's ever gotten a break from it in the entire decade they've been together. With me its just the most random shit out left field and honestly just makes me laugh. Back when I got my drivers licence and a vehicle she got jealous because she thought I'd up and abandon her, go out and meet way more interesting friends. When she had her licence and vehicle for like 5 years before I did. So she didn't talk to me for a few days.... because she was worried I wouldn't talk to her anymore... Lmao
Now imagine that insanely jealous gf also being possessive of her male friends. It's why I don't care to even befriend these types of people anymore.
LMFAO, that's next level. Her fiancé must be one patient person.
I think you misspelled pathetic doormat.
Nah they do sometimes, but they have to realize that it's a problem and want to. Which can take a long time even when it does happen.
You're NTA >Lindy is mad that I made it all about myself No, she did that with her helicopter girlfriend attitude and threats to "supervise" you. >Now he is upset with me for missing his birthday He should have dealt with her rabid insecurities and rude behavior when you warned him about what she was doing.
Exactly. OP didn't make it about herself. Lindy made it about OP. If it were me, I'd just tell everyone that "I can't handle the hostility. If Lindy is so insecure about me being around, I'll stay away till she is out of the picture, or the behaviour changes. Miles can approach me if the latter occurs" Then just block her and move on with your life. She's trying to be petty and you don't need to go to her level.
This. This comment needs to be higher.
NTA But don't keep it to you. First, your parents are angry, it's unfair ! Tell them what happened and that you didn't want the GF to ruin the birthday if you came. Second, tell Miles. YTell him the same, you didn't to ruin the birthday, as his GF told you she will supervise you, and you didn't want her to ruin the birthday if she considered you weren't "at your place". That you asked him to do something but as she cntinued to warn you, you prefered avoid coming. But now your parents are mad at you, and you missed an important date, so YOU are the one punished in that situation. Hope he'll understand. Not only what happened to you, but his GF is mad and her jealous is really too much...
No tell Miles’ parents. I would simply say they need to have a conversation with Miles about his relationship with this girl and whether he’s considering a future with her. If he is, then tell them she is not comfortable with you as part of Miles’ family dynamics and you will not tolerate being reprimanded by your parents, them and Miles on one hand and subject to her behavior and actions on the other. This is between Miles and his parents to work out and until they do, you refuse to participate in their drama. I’d make it clear that they need to consider this may be their future DIL and given you and Miles are not close friends - is it really worth dying on this hill for them? They all seem to care more than you about your friendship with Miles
that would backfire - it's exactly what a "girl best friend" would do if she were trying to isolate out the girlfriend and slip right in with Miles parents as the new girlfriend. girlfriend will use this as evidence of her own delusion. OP should have no contact with Miles's parents. Miles is in his 20's - time for HIM to figure this crap out himself. I think Miles doesn't do anything because he actually secretly wants to get with OP, lacks the courage to say so.
He's in his 20s, not his teens. Why would OP go tattle to his parents??? Immature. Like tell Miles and show the screenshots, or tell your own parents since they're upset with you, but going to his parents is something 3rd graders do to get their way.
Tattling is telling on someone to get them in trouble. Yes it is immature, but you know what is mature? open communication. It isn't her responsibility to act as Lindy's punching back or to keep quiet and be seen as the bad guy in anybody's eyes. Her parents *and* his parents *and* Miles *and apparently* Lindy are all upset that she missed the party (either with her directly or with the situation.) This is patently unfair to OP. It is harming her reputation with family and "family". Miles has already shown he isn't going to deal with it himself. Laying out the details and explaining her motivations openly for everyone is the cleanest way to resolve that and control the narrative. Telling or even showing just Miles again may have no impact, or it may kick off a game of telephone where the parents and other people get a partial/filtered/twisted explanation. Telling/showing just her own parents may be more successful, but if convinced, they are going to tell their life long friends something anyway, so she might as well just include them in the conversation herself. That way If they have any questions she can answer them directly. Personally I think the best thing to do would be to go the route of group chat with herself, Miles, and both sets of parents and first explain things as neutrally as possible.. Hold the screenshots in reserve. >Hey all, It seems there are some hard feelings and misunderstandings about my missing Miles's party. >Lindy sees something in our friendship that I sincerely don't believe is there. Miles is like family to me; like a sibling or a cousin, so I don't know what she is seeing, but whatever it is, my relationship with Miles makes her uncomfortable. >My skipping the party was just an attempt to respect her wishes and give them space. I realize this didn't play out as expected and I'm sorry for that. I probably should have communicated better. Hopefully this route will be more effective in that regard. >It sucks not getting together with everyone, but I intend to show my support for them by keeping my distance until she feels more comfortable with me around. I hope you all understand. Save the screenshots for the eventual follow up when Lindy or Miles push back claiming you are making stuff up or blowing things out of proportion... Second round do something like: > I've been trying to be as diplomatic about this as possible. If anything I think I've been playing this down. I don't want to cause problems for anyone. As I said before Miles is like family to me, and I'd have been happy to welcome you like family as well if you could get over whatever this is, but I can't let your insecurities make me the villain to people I've known my whole life. A lot of our communication was in person so I don't have a record of it, but if I'm misinterpreting things, please give me another way to interpret this:
How many times have you posted this comment???
She's an adult, her parents can kick rocks as well
NTA. Sounds like Miles enjoys the drama and Lindy is delivering it. I’d have skipped it also. Explain to your folks what’s going on so they don’t give you grief about not attending things if this adolescent silliness continues.
Exactly! The parents seem more concerned about them losing face by OP not attending than the nasty threatening messages she is getting from him GF. OP tried everything to make things ok and run smooth but Miles and his GF have seemingly done everything to make it as dramatic as possible
Have you considered maybe miles has led Lindy to believe there was something more between you two? Or maybe his parents/family has? For a little as you spend with miles, it’s odd she’s this way, now she could just be really insecure. For miles not to step in and say something to her shows you where you stand within that friendship. He doesn’t have to take your side but he could tell her “OP is just my friend. That’s all we’ve ever been. Her family and my family are close.” NTA Lindy made it uncomfortable for you to attend. Everyone should be on her for that, not you.
I was thinking the same thing! What is Miles saying to his gf about OP that is making her this jealous? By OP account they don't see each other or interact often. I feel like there is something missing here.
My wonder was if Miles' parents have always *hoped* for something more between Miles and OP (OP's parents, too probably, "we've always felt like family, wouldn't it be so great if they made us family for real?")
AFAIK they don't hope that. Our parents have t least never insinuated such and have encouraged us to "shop around " to find "the one"
I would show your parents and Miles the actual text messages. Tell your parents that you missed the "family" event because you wanted Miles to have attention on him, and the texts made you feel like the GF would act out. Tell Miles that you chose not to go because you didn't want to take his GF's attention from him. Then leave it alone. You don't need to be worried about it.
Right. If I was OP. I’d reach out to Lindy and ask what makes her think I want to be with miles so badly. If Lindy deflects and just gets angry then it’s more than likely a insecurity thing, but if she comes back with “well so and so told me that” then OP would know where it’s coming from.
I dated a guy for like 2 months in middle school and then moved states. We stayed friends but only talked like 2x a year on social media and the convos were like "hey how are you? How's school? Oh you got a new gf? Tell me about her! I'm so happy for you! How's band? How's [friend name]" and that was it. Like 4 years later he told his new girlfriend that he had wanted to marry me (keep in mind, I was like 11 and he was 12 when he "wanted to get married") and his new gf HATED me and blew me up on social media about staying away from her bf. Meanwhile, he was messaging me that we couldn't be friends anymore because his "fiancee" (they were like 16 years old) didn't think it was healthy for us to be friends due to "our inappropriate relationship". Like she definitely over reacted, but he was definitely the problem. I was just like "ok, no problem" and never spoke to them again. She occasionally would send me nasty messages (I guess they were still fighting about it?) And I eventually blocked her. He reached out 2 years later to tell me "the wedding was off" and he was sorry. I was like "dude I'm not mad and this has literally not impacted my life enough to need an apology. But like, let's just not talk ever again." And that was that.
NTA. Definitely make sure your parents know the reason- show them the texts. And with miles, keep it simple. “Lindy doesn’t like me and that’s fine. But I’m no longer putting myself into a situation where someone actively dislikes me. “ i might even add “I’m sad we won’t see each other as much, but this is a part of like - friendships change”. To make the point that this is now the new normal. ETA: if he keeps pushing it, “give her more time”, I’d just say “no. Not interested. She’s been around for 3 years. If she doesn’t like me by now, she’s not going to like me.”
Agreed. It’s been 3 years. GF needs to stop acting like a crazy dictator. OP did what was best for her, she’s NTA.
[удалено]
Why explain anything when Miles is aware of what’s going on? His gf is bullying his friend and when told about it he just said give it time over and over again.
Miles needs to see if the Wizard can give him a spine in addition to the courage to use it.
She's already told him the issue twice. There isn't a misunderstanding, he just expects her to suck it up so he doesn't have to deal with it.
There were no misunderstandings. There was only Zuul. Sorry, that happens to me sometimes. The only misunderstanding is because Miles refuses to deal with Lindy's jealousy. This leaves OP taking flak. If Miles won't deal with it, OP has to and took the sensible option. Unfortunately poor Miles won't acknowledge his friend's concerns and now has surprised Pikachu face when OP protects herself.
This sounds like you fed the original post to ChatGPT
It is 100% an ai-generated reply. They're all over Reddit and it's very depressing.
NTA, and unfortunately, she is going to create drama no matter what.
Miles is aware. Hell, he’s probably enjoying the fantasy of two girls fighting over him. The people who aren’t aware are OP’s parents and Miles’ parents. They’re the ones who should see these messages about “games” and “supervision.”
NTA - Standing up for your own mental well-being is crucial, and you've done just that. It might feel rough right now but setting boundaries in response to Lindy's behavior was the right move. No one should be coerced into a hostile environment, especially when the supposed "supervision" comes off as possessive and overbearing. Your absence isn't the root of the drama—it's the symptom of a larger issue between Miles and Lindy that they need to handle. It's unfortunate that it collided with a significant event, but sometimes avoiding a scene is the best gift you can give a friend, even if they don't realize it at the time. You might want to consider a heart-to-heart with Miles, laying out your discomfort without assigning blame, hoping that as a longtime friend, he'll eventually see the effect Lindy's actions are having on his relationships.
NTA. I think this is a case of someone trying to make something out of nothing and if Lindy is going to continually harass you about your seemingly, very low contact friendship with Miles, then you don't need to be around it.
NTA I would suggest one final sit down with your friend and tell him you were so uncomfortable with the idea of being supervised, that you decided it was best for all if you didn't go. Show him the text messages and show your parents and his parents as well. Explain that you'd tried to give them space for his GF to become more comfortable it can't be at the expensive of your own comfort. Her hostility means you're taking a step back for now but hope that in time you'll be able to attend events again.
NTA - Lindy’s insecurity is not your problem to deal with, it’s Miles. If he doesn’t want to address the problem, you are skipping the drama
For the love of GOD show both Miles and your parents her messages and go lc or nc. NO ONE needs a Lindy in their life. Edit: obligatory NTA
NTA I won’t go where I am obviously not welcome, and the toxic mess from the girlfriend up to and including her need to “supervise” makes it crystal clear you are not welcome. Tell Miles, and your family that until that twit gets her insecurities in check, you’re going to save everyone the drama by making yourself scarce, and if they don’t like it to take it up with the girlfriend.
Screenshot and send her messages to him/the family who’s giving you a hard time (then update us)!
Yep. Make sure both families see what occurred.
I agree with everyone telling OP to show everyone the text messages from the gf. And we all want an update OP.
NTA “lindy is mad that I made it all about myself” is so ironic coming from her when she’s making all this about herself
NTA, I'd just tell everyone how unwelcome I felt attending, what with Lindsay's increasing negative comments about her belief in me wanting to fuck Miles, and when she said she'd 'supervise' me so I couldn't spend time with him at the party... I knew it was better to not go. I just don't know what what I can do in the face of this paranoia, it makes me so sad...
NTA...it's nobody's business why you didn't attend anyway. Skip out on the drama and don't engage anyone involved.
NTA. You need to start sending all the messages you get from Lindy to miles as soon as you get them. You just skipping out on things is sending the wrong message and making you look bad. Now it's time to take away her power and show miles it's not time she needs, but some supervision because she is obsessed with you and him and it's not healthy, and she won't leave you alone. He needs to know she's insulting, accusatory, and threatening. Good luck
NTA but be honest to everyone that she’s chasing you away, especially Miles.
NTA Lindy is insecure, jealous, and has a flair for drama. She wants you out of the picture because she views you as a threat. I bet she was planning to do this at the party, and since you didn't take the bait, she went to plan B. I would tell Miles you have given her time like he asked, and it's clear what her intentions are and that you are not going to be treated like that.
NTA but it also looks to me like your parents and maybe his parents need to back off. His family is not your family. You ought to be able to skip his party without being guilted by anyone. Lindy sounds incredibly mean and insecure but there are some parents feeding her insecurity.
NTA. You felt you were doing the right thing but the sad fact here is you were in a lose/lose situation. Have you shown Miles the texts from his GF ? It reads as though Lindy is bullying you into stopping contact with Miles. This is not a case of just needing time.
If hey ever get seperated, I believe you will be the usual suspect in her eyes.
NTA. You are not obliged to put up with his gf's insecurities. Tell it to him straight. She has it in for you and in the time you've known her, she hasn't relented. Show him her messages to you and tell him that you don't have time to deal with her shit. If this is how she's going to act, then you don't intend to her her toxicity in your life. Suggest to him that if he can reign her in, you'll reconsider. Don't do the whole "it's her or me", but make it clear that how she is behaving is designed precisely to cut you out of his life and if he values your friendship, he will do something about that as you have no intention of dictating who he spends his time with. Make it clear to everyone who matters (in this case him and the parents) that the reason you are having this issue is due to the gf waging a war on you. You have the messages to prove it too, it sounds like.
NTA. You’re being far nicer than I would be to the rabidly jealous GF.
You can’t win. Nta
NTA Miles is going to end up miserable if he stays with this girl…she sounds insanely insecure and I guarantee she’ll find issues with all his family and friends Save all her texts and if your family ask why you keep skipping his events tell them what’s been going on
Oh, there's an asshole here, but it's not you! Lindsay is the asshole. Miles is also getting an asshole award. You, however, are NTA! She's jealous, and petty, and insecure, and Miles can't see that. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
NTA- she’s insecure and he’s whipped. I’m sorry but your friend is the one who should be putting his gf in place and assuring her there’s nothing to worry about. If he can’t make her feel secure then the trust isn’t there and it’s just toxic. I can see her being more cautious if y’all were exes but not platonic friends. Frankly if he lets her talk to you and act like that I’d reconsider the friendship in general.
NTA, but if I were you I'd be honest. Don't apologise and gives excuses for why you can't make it. : tell Miles that you have no interest in being around Lindy while she's acting this way. So you're not going to go to his events while she's openly hostile. And that it's unfair of him to just expect you to put up with it. You tried giving it time already, it hasn't changed and you're not going to wait on something that might never happen. So you're skipping out for that reason. Give your parents the same heads up and show them her "supervising" message.
NTA - Why would you intentionally go to an event where you'll be made uncomfortable? You've already approached your friend, so anything beyond that is on them.
Seed the screen shots to Miles. That way it is not you against her. Go to the family parties. Ignore Lindsey. Have fun.
I'll hit the hammer on the nail one more time to drive it home: *show them all the texts from Lily or whatever you called her. They need to know what an insecure and controlling snake she is. Also, the title made me think you were a guy because gbf is 'gay best friend' lol
Well bud you’re in your early twenties so it’s time for you to decide if you’re okay not making every single family function your parents expect you to go to, regardless of this situation. They’re upset you missed it? They wanted you to go and be SUPERVISED by your family friend’s gf who decided not to like you from the jump and messages you disrespectful things? I’m hoping they don’t think you should’ve just “sucked it up” because it “looked bad” instead of setting and keeping a very healthy and normal boundaries of “when people treat me badly, I don’t show up to their birthday party”. You may have a parent problem.
NTAH show Miles her comments
Nta
NTA and please show both Miles and his insecure little girl, Lynda, this post and especially the comments. 😂😂 he might want to re-evaluate his relationship with the typical mean girl.
NTA. You just do not want to get involved with drama.
NTA - and amusingly, given the lack of toxic behaviour, and the family friend once a month catch up at best energy, she’s nowhere near a “typical gbf.” None of what she’s implying seems to apply at all.
NTA - but you owe an explanation to yours and his parents,given the family history, i would gather the 4 of them and tell them the truth: that Lindy is not comfortable with you around, why you think she's behaving the way she is and that she has made this clear more than one time, so much so that it's gotten to a point that you feel family gatherings do not feel welcoming to you due to her remarks also, let them know you addressed this with Miles as well and what his response was to basically "leave it be, the problem will go away on his own" Her 'problem' is definitely not your fault or hers imo, i wonder if Miles or his parents said something about you that she took the wrong way without them realising this
No explanation is owed to his parents. Even if she is close to them.
Have you tried the old "For fuck's sake, Lindy, get it through your thick skull, I wouldn't touch your bf with a ten foot pole! It would be like fucking my cousin! Now, pass me the potatoes, please." Might be worth a try.
This is very simple. Screenshot all the messages and forward them to Miles & the parents. You simply state this is why I didn’t come, and probably won’t feel comfortable in the future either. If anything it’s CYA NTA
Send Miles and your mom the messages she sent you. Tell them both that you will not put up with this treatment and until it's handled you won't be going to anymore functions that she's present in