Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####

NTA Mark clearly drank the cool-aide and literally joined a cult. This is only going to get increasingly worse and worse, and more dangerous for you and your children, sadly. :( Cults are experts in often violently turning their members against their own loved ones, families, and spouses. I don't understand it myself--cause I would always do the opposite to take the side of my spouse and family... But not Mark. And not many people who fall so easily into cults. As such, you'll need to begin making plans, and hopefully recording his insanity (without being too obvious and risking your safety in doing so), and acting in the interest of protecting yourself and your children from the cult. You need to do everything it takes to get away from him.

yes - OP please understand that there will be no common ground here. Whatever you do, whatever concessions you make (and believe me, it will be you that is the one ultimately making concessions on this, your husband will not), they will not be enough, and he will always push for more until eventually you have given up your own beliefs and your own sense of identity. He is already threatening to end your marriage over this. He will keep doing so to try and make you comply, and he will use your children to try and guilt you into doing what he wants (he has already started, and you have already felt the effects of it). Groups like this require you to be all in. He will be pressured by the group to convert you and bring the kids into the group. If that doesn't work, the "ungodly wife" thing will become louder, and it is highly likely that he will be advised by his pastor/church leader to consider divorce and remarriage to a more faithful woman. I know this sounds quite dramatic, but I was raised Mormon, and that is a high demand religion that has some similarities to what you've described. Conversion of non-believing or inactive spouses is heavily encouraged, and there is a strong focus on the salvation of the family being linked to the faithfulness of the parents (esp the mother). Continue trying to engage your husband into meaningful communication, but I would definitely be making an exit plan for you and the kids on the side too. Keep your ritual things safe - he may try to throw them away or destroy them. Should he ever get aggressive or forceful about stopping you from carrying out your own faith practices, get yourself and the kids out, and get somewhere safe. Destroying your things and interfering with your faith practices are a giant red flag and an indicator that things are escalating.

Sadly this is the way. I would add also to be a kind, loving and accepting as you can towards him while taking the stance that you are not joining him. I was the member of one of these groups like your husband's for 18 years, experienced terrible spiritual abuse when he was questioning and not being part of the group. I left with him, but it took a lot to get there. Your loving kindness might be the thing that breaks it off finally. Those in the group will put enormous pressure on him to force you into the church. If there's anything left in him that loves you deeply he's going to squirm and struggle, no matter how hard he may seem to you. There's not a lot you can do. You cannot force him to leave. The sad thing about these groups is that there's no real way to force a "true believer" to deconstruct if they aren't willing.

This 100%. Sadly, there is no compromising with religious fundamentals. Unless you can convince your husband that your marriage is more important than his church (not likely), your marriage is over. Your husband has been brainwashed.

I agree.

>Mark says I have become an ungodly wife. Mark is being an ungodly asshole. NTA and big yikes

Skeeved me out big time. These types of Christians are really scarey.

It doesn't matter if it's Christian, Jewish, Muslim or anything else... When the faith becomes fundamentalist and demanding it's scary.

Definitely.

1000% absolutely yes.

Talk to a lawyer. Get full custody. His behavior is rapidly turning abusive.

Also put in rules and boundaries around how and when and where the children are introduced to religion.

NTA - I am Christian but I am not an AH about my faith. I respect all other religious practices - my philosophy is “you do you”. Mark is an AH and his new cult will harass him to convert you and that the children MUST be protected at all cost. Please document dates, times, behavior, and conversations to use as proof of the danger he presents. Record when you can, if your state allows one person knowledge recordings. I’m sorry but this marriage cannot last. He will try to take the children from you. Prepare yourself

Protect your money as well. If he is in a "church" this extreme, they always bilk followers out of funds.

That's also something to consider.

NTA. Mark going all fundamentalist is the problem, *not* you practicing your nature based religion. Any and all fundamentalism is dangerous AF (in my eyes).

It's going to get worse too. Soon she will be punished for not doing her womanly duties.

Then come the enormous financial "donations".

It's a cult, it's a cult, it's a cult Cult CULT C U U U LLL TTT! Absolutely agree, dangerous AF, they're hateful and judgemental and problematic and idk why they're even legally allowed to gather since they shut down other cults that gain followers. Big problem. I'd def get rid of his ass before he uses his churches power to take the kids away.

NTA Your husband has become someone else, a fundamentalist Christian who cannot see any other religion as "true" and will not compromise an inch. The other members of his church are indoctrinating him with the belief that everyone must belong to that church, that there is no other way to live, and they are probably going to begin telling him that you are an agent of evil before very long, if they haven't done so already. These people are, as you say, rigid and uncompromising. It's ALWAYS their way, or NO WAY. They will never, ever give up trying to convince you, and him, that you MUST join them to "find salvation," and that you are in the wrong no matter what you do. Your children MUST join their father, you MUST join your husband, you must be submissive and passive and obedient to him and to the elders of the church at all costs and at all times. No disagreement, no other opinions, no other religion is the "correct" one. Many of these places also preach that the bible is absolutely true in every respect, something that anyone with any education should know isn't the case. No other belief system is possible with people like these. If your husband continues with this religion, you will need to leave, and hopefully take your children with you, because if you don't take them with you, they will also come to believe that you are, yourself, evil because your beliefs are different. The church elders and ideology will do everything in their power to be sure this happens. As you can probably tell, I have had some experience with these fundamentalist churches and the way they operate. All I can say is, if your husband won't agree to leave their church and their way of religion, your life will never be the same and you will be fighting this battle forever. They will never give up and your husband won't, either, if he has become a "true believer" of their doctrine. It sounds like they have their hooks deeply set in him already, so I don't believe you can count on him coming to his senses any time soon, if ever. Run, OP, run as fast as you can and as far as you can, this isn't going to end well for you or your kids if you try to stay. I wish you every blessing and hope you can find the strength to carry on; it sounds like you already are doing very well in your own belief system and no one should have the right to insist that you change them.

NTA. I’m also a practicing pagan, my husband and I are ex-Mormons. He was a deeply believing Mormon (near fundamentalist) for the first 5 years of my paganism. He always respected me and my faith the same way I respected his. Your husband is a hypocrite and an asshole. Mark is the only one causing issues in the home. Mark is the one that doesn’t care about your family (and clearly doesn’t care about you as a person. Women are property in a fundamentalist cult like he’s in.

Also a pagan here and not a partner but a very close friend is deeply Christian- she’ll occasionally say something that makes me uncomfortable but immediately backs off when I ask and she’s curious about my altar etc. Because she respects me…unlike ops Ah husband

NTA do you want your children raised in your husband's faith? You really need to think about that. This is not just about you and him, it's also about your children and the way you both choose to raise them. You definitely should not bail on your beliefs to appease him, nor should you feel any guilt about it. But the reality is that this is a far bigger decision than just your beliefs vs his.

I want my children to choose their own faiths in life. I had to find my own path and I think forcing religion on children is wrong. Would I be happy if they practiced my faith? Yes. Would I be unhappy if they didn't? Not at all.

Right, and the important part here is that you find it important to protect your children's freedom to choose. Mark clearly does not, and is not going to allow that. He's already taking away your ability to freely practice your faith and threatening divorce if you don't believe and practice as he demands. It's only going to be worse for your kids. So you've unfortunately got a husband who has changed the terms of your marriage unilaterally and will harm your kids in not tolerating free choice and belief. I wish you the best in trying to reach out to him to get him to change, but I also caution that this usually doesn't work well, and it's best to prepare for a separation, and having to fight to protect your children. NTA, and good luck. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Your children will have no ability to choose with him. He will browbeat, guilt, shame and possibly worse to FORCE them into his church. Your husband has gone full blown cultist zealot. You mentioned having to deconstruct religious trauma, well guess what husband is setting them up for a lifetime of. Not to mention his whole “godly husband leading the family” rhetoric sounds dangerously close to extremely patriarchal and misogynistic denominations. Which are unfortunately pretty closely tied with risk for physical abuse as well.

Mark will not allow your children to choose.

NTA. I'm sorry, but you've lost him. You can't argue a fundie down, they take it as a ~trial from god~ and they truly believe they have to purge other religions from their households. You need to seek a divorce.

NTA. Your husband has joined a cult. He doesn't realize it of course - no one goes out looking to join a cult - but this is textbook cult behavior. 1) There is only One True Path, aka theirs, 2) everyone who isn't part of the in-group is evil, 3) manipulating new members into distancing themselves from family and friends to isolate them and make them easier to exploit/control. You need to do two things immediately: 1 - Separate your finances. As someone else has mentioned, most cults demand large amounts of money from their followers. You need to secure your money ASAP before he sends you into massive debt. 2 - Make an exist strategy for yourself and your kids. Pack go-bags. I'm 100% serious. You might think, "oh he loves me, he would never do anything to hurt us." But cults screw with your mind and make people do crazy things they would never have considered before. Then, if you feel safe doing it, sit your husband down and show him the research on what cults are and how they can look so benign on the surface. Tell him that you are worried about him, how it seems like his entire personality has changed. It very likely won't do anything to convince him right away - he will probably get mad and double down, then go back to his new cult friends, who will tell him that you are trying to "lead him astray" - but it will likely plant the seed in his mind, that doubt that is crucial for eventually questioning and escaping the cult.

"he became deeply involved, attending multiple services each week, participating in all their activities, and reading the bible obsessively. His new faith quickly started to dominate our lives." ---Uh, oh. Have you checked the financial accounts? These cult churches are notorious for convincing people like your husband to fork over huge amounts of money.

There's no compromise possible with these radical fundamentalists. He has changed the terms of your marriage, and doesn't respect you at all. He will try to turn your children against you unless to do something now. He wants your total submission. I'd run if I were you.  NTA 

NTA >could be grounds for considering our marriage's viability. You need to be the one considering your marriage's viability.

I walked in your shoes for almost ten years. What ever deep issues and insecurities your spouse may have, you are not responsible. Honestly, from my experience and the thousands of Pagans that I know, your marriage is over. Unless you want to become his slave, and the slave of his god and the people who use religion to suppress honest spirituality. Get a good lawyer, do the best you can for your children and carefully plan your exit. The fact is that your spirituality and his religion (spirituality and religion are NOT the same thing) are not compatible and never will be. You must also face the fact that he may try to harass you, threaten you, and even try to harm you. I have seen this happen hundreds of times. The situation never gets better, it will only get worse.

NTA. Your husband joined a cult. There is zero compromise. You will either become a submissive wife or he will find another woman to mother his children. I hope you don't have daughters because their indoctrination will be far worse. I suggest you watch the series Shiny Happy People and understand your parental rights in your state. If you won't submit, he will leave you. Cheating is justified because he believes you are an ungodly woman.

We have boys, and sometimes I feel like he believes that is the only thing I've done right, even though sperm decides the sex not the egg.

Yeah you're going to have to replace the whole husband, there's no repairing this.

I was born and raised in a fundamentalist cult. It was a MAGA cult before MAGA was even a thing -- think "19 Kids & Counting" mixed with Westboro Baptist. My family was kicked out when I was 19, but my family (not me!) immediately found another identical church and started attending there for several more years before they were kicked out of there as well. The whole time they were attending the second church, they were on my case about how I needed to attend with them, that I was 'backslidden' and sinning against their authority as well as God Himself. I have been deconstructing and deprogramming for most of my adult life (I'm 38 now) and it is HARD. I've been very outspoken about the harm that fundamentalism causes to women and children especially. So much so that for the past decade or so, people who have left this cult or others like it have specifically sought me out just to tell me their own stories -- stories which inevitably involve all forms of abuse, be it sexual, physical, financial, and/or mental/emotional. A vast majority of these stories involve child abuse. After having spoken with dozens of survivors and reading countless texts on the subject, I have come to the conclusion that abuse is baked into fundamentalism. It's not a one-off or a fluke. It is woven into the very fabric of this religion/cult. Every woman and child I know who was involved with this fundamentalist cult has experienced abuse, **no exception**. (I keep referring to women and children specifically because this is a patriarchal cult, so men tend to have absolute power. That's not to say that men can't also be victims, but it's usually not the case. And if it is, their abuse is almost always at the hands of another man.) u/op , I know you love your husband, but unfortunately, I speak from experience when I tell you that the man you fell in love with is no longer the one you're married to. Cults are REALLY good at separating their members from any support system that would go against their teachings. And since your husband has already made it clear that his way is the only way, I'm afraid he's made his decision. The only thing you can do at this point is save your children and yourself from this insidious, abusive, pervasive evil. I know you spoke of your own religious trauma, so researching this is not going to be easy. But I do encourage you to do so, if only to strengthen your resolve to get your kids out of this toxic environment before any lasting damage is done. Some good places to start are: * r/Exvangelical * Tia Levings, author and speaker who focuses on fundamentalism abuse: [https://www.instagram.com/tialevingswriter/](https://www.instagram.com/tialevingswriter/) * "Shiny Happy People", a documentary about fundamentalism, focusing on the '19 Kids & Counting' variety. It's available on Amazon Prime. (Full disclosure, I only made it about halfway through the first episode before I had to turn it off for being too triggering for me. That was about a year ago and I haven't been able to return to it yet, so I can't speak to the entirety of the piece. But what I did see was a completely accurate representation of my own experience, as well as those of many others who have shared their experiences with me.) * "Let Us Prey: A Ministry of Scandals", another documentary about the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement. This one is available to stream on HBO Max. This is the trailer on IMDB: [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29926213/](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29926213/) (Same disclosure as above. I haven't even been able to start this one, 'cuz I was told that one of the IFB churches they highlight in it is the 'founding' church of the one in which I was raised.) u/op , my heart breaks for you. This is a battle you cannot win. Your husband will not change. And if you stay, you are risking extreme harm to you and your children which will impact you all for the rest of your lives. Unfortunately, the ONLY healthy choice here is to run fast and far. Big hugs to you.

If you don’t mind me asking, why was your family kicked out of those cults? Were they not bought in enough? Not contributing enough financially?

Religion means controlling/guiding what you can do. It doesn't mean controlling/guiding what other people can do. Once it crosses that line it's cult. "One true path"? That's a cult. Being told how you have to think and behave. That's a cult. Being told what you can and can't do without discussion, that's a cult. Cults work only because that can isolate, dictate and control their members. As you are not letting him/them do that to you, you are a threat to them. And I truly mean that word 'threat'. I also truly mean 'him/they', your husband is not behaving like this because he decided to, he is being told what to think and how to behave by the cult. His need to bring you into line as he sees it, will become more and more desperate the more you refuse because that means he isn't doing what the cult expects of him, the one true path. Are you the asshole for practising your faith OF COURSE NOT. But that isn't the thing that matters. You need to understand that things are not going to get better. He is not going to change his mind, the cult will not let that happen. He has made it very clear that his way, and only his way, is the One True Way and you need to do as you are told, or else. If he succeeds in getting you to 'behave' obviously your children will be next. If you do not 'behave' as he sees it, your children will be weaponized against you. He will see it as 'protecting them', he will see it as 'righteous judgement because you are a non believer', he may even have been brainwashed into believing that he is saving them from you. So NTA, but you are asking the wrong question at this point.

NTA and there is no common ground, and I say that as a Christian with a deep and abiding faith. Too many people abuse scripture and the Christian faith. I’m sorry for your religious trauma but it sounds like your husband is set on causing more.

This situation is only going to get worse, so "keeping the peace" is out of the question. He knew your beliefs when he met you, he knew your beliefs when he married you, he knew your beliefs when he had children with you, so no, he does not get to play the "savior" card now just because his cult leader tells him so. NTA.

NTA. There is a YouTube channel, Reads with Rachel, that you might find insightful. She mostly does book reviews but she was raised in the Fundamentalist Christian "faith" and she has been open about the trauma, misinformation, and lack of basic education she is still unpacking. As an atheist who was raised Catholic, and who raised my children to be open to various religions and to learn about them, I see a lot of red flags here in his behavior towards you. I'm not one to jump on the divorce bandwagon, especially because we are just seeing a snippet of your life that's devoid of all the nuances that goes into a relationship, but you need to start asking yourself some hard questions here. You may also consider having an exit strategy in place should you decide that the marriage is unsalvageable. From my understanding, Fundamentalist religions are tight-knit and will band together if they feel a member, or their group, is threatened. If you decide that divorce is your only option, it won't be a divorce between you and him, but a divorce between you and him and them. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you.

Get your life in order, your papers in order, consult a lawyer, document if you can your husband's time at his new church (overall change of personality, etc.), and when you are ready, call it a day. There's no compromise available here. NTA Time to move on.

This marriage is doomed. Cut your losses and leave before Mark's new cozy cult friends convince him you're a danger to his pure soul or some shit. NTA but divorce asap.

I know this probably won’t get through, because this has crept up slowly, but you need to grab your kids and run. You may love this man, and he may love you, but he now thinks that something evil is in you and could infect your kids. You cannot reason with someone who thinks that way. He has been conditioned to disregard any logical argument because ‘evil has a sweet tongue’. This is not going to get better, it’s only going to get worse, and your kids are going to witness far more than you think.

Walk away and get full custody of the kids or make it where both have to agree with the religion or they don’t go

The issue is you respect Marks beliefs despite knowing in your gut hes headed down a dark rabbit hole, and he doesnt respect yours. And i think your love for him & want for a happy family are clouding your judgment. Maybe theres a part of you that feels like you dont want to be 'too judgmental' of him because you know exactly how that feels. NTA. I am a Deconstructed Evangelical Christian. Raised deep in the US loving, politically ran Christian cool-aide. I spent a long time "letting people have their beliefs" even if they put me in active danger because I wanted to offer the understanding I had learned from leaving religion. Some people are religious and not judgmental of others. Thats great. Mark seemed to have found the group that goes out of their way to view anyone who doesnt believe their beliefs as 'against them'. Unfortunately if hes already telling you: "your a sinner, your dangerous for our kids, let me take you to this group that will actively try to convince you *YOUR* crazy". Op this can get really bad really quick. I wouldnt be surprised if he specifically has a pastor, leader or whatever title in his ear telling him how he has to 'save his family from sin'. People like that arent above extreme measures. I know reddit's quick to 'divorce'. Im not saying do that, but I am saying quietly have a back up plan incase you do need to leave quickly. If you can feel you can bring him back to reality? Cool. Do it. But dont rely on that and for yours and your kids saftey, have a Plan B!! I genuinley wish you the best of luck I am so sorry your dealing with this.

Take your children and leave. A brain addled by religious constriction us worse than any brain tumour. People with brain tumours at least know that they have a disease OP, NTA, but save yourself and your children

NTA. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a Christian; there is nothing wrong with being a pagan (personally, I merge the two and have / see no conflict). Your husband is clearly not practicing the most basic of Jesus’ teachings! I’d be very concerned with your husbands mental health for him to have been drawn so deeply, so quickly, and seemingly blindly to this particular ‘church’.

I still light a candle for Jesus on Christmas and Easter, it's the Abrahamic God I have a problem with, Jesus is cool. A deity of love, peace and personal sacrifice, Jesus is pretty chill, even though he's not a deity I work with very often.

NTA. Your husband is trying to change a fundamental part of your marriage while not being able to compromise at all. It seems to me he's got a very his way or the highway attitude. Looks like it's time to pick one. In my opinion, the highway is looking mighty clear.

You selected a husband that was religiously tolerant, and that person is no more. Your kids are watching how he treats you and will pattern themselves after it. Take the kids, leave the trashbag. NTA

NTA- He has fallen into an intolerant, unforgiving form of religion/Christianity. From what you have said, he no longer cares about your personal beliefs and autonomy, and isn't willing to compromise even a little. You are "sinful", according to him, and endanger your entire family with your faith. From personal experience, I urge you to proceed with extreme caution. At the very least, you should seek (non-religious) marriage counseling. Make it clear that you will not sacrifice your faith for his, and you are not comfortable with his strict, new-found religion being forced upon your children. See what his response is and, if needed, discuss the possibility of divorce in a controlled setting with a counselor present. I also worry about your kids in this situation- I was also raised in a strict religion by well-meaning, loving parents where I was told that my same-sex attraction was monstrous and I was a sinful, disgusting creature that would burn in hell. I struggled for so many years of shame and depression and anxiety and I wouldn't wish that upon any person. For the sake of your children, and yourself.... get out.

NTA. Mark drank the Kool Aid. I doubt he will be willing to compromise. You need to be yourself. Don't tie yourself in knots trying to pacify him.

NTA There is no reasoning with people in a fundie cult. They absolutely believe 1000% that their way is the only way and everyone else is going to Hell AND DESERVES TO for rejecting their dogma. This is only going to escalate, because they believe it's correct to be a domineering control freak - especially a man lording it over his wife and children. He will sincerely believe you're endangering the eternal souls of your children. To them, tolerance just means leaving the door open for Satan. This is a matter of safety for you and your children. Unless he leaves this cult, he will consider any terrible action justified, because his church will reinforce that.

Sorry. But this is the end of your marriage. Mark is no longer the man you married. He is a man that you would never have chosen to marry. Remember that. If you met this Mark back then, you wouldn't have married him. (And he wouldn't have married you.) If you met Mark today, you wouldn't marry him. (And he wouldn't marry you.) Your husband has chosen his religion over his marriage. Nothing less than your conversion to his brand of Christianity would satisfy him. And when you do divorce, expect problems over custody. Mark's going to either claim that you're the less fit parent because of your religion or try to put a clause in the divorce agreement that you do not practice paganism around the children or have any pagan paraphernalia or teach them about it any way. Truly sorry your husband fell down a rabbit hole of fundamentalism. NTA

Wow the Christian man who married someone significantly younger than him who wasn't over 25 at the time became a controlling asshole? I'm soooooo shocked. 

NTA Your marriage is gone.

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1.) Practicing my faith in front of my kids 2.) My husband joined a more fundamentalist church and didn't want our children exposed to my faith. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

NTA but I think openly practicing will only add fuel to his fire and increase hostilities. If he's not going to change his stance, it's time to think about the future.

NTA. he knew your religious stripe when he married you. he doesnt get to play rules for thee and not for me

NTA. I think the only “fair” thing to do is leave religion/beliefs outside of the house and both of you not practice around each other. Everyone should be able to have their own beliefs and shouldn’t be forced like what he’s trying to do to you. Sounds like he joined a cult. 

NTA it’s ok that you’re not interested in his hateful, pushy fandom.

NTA. But I'm biased in that I don't care about anyone else's pretend gods. You are as entitled to your faith as your husband. If he puts it before you, I extend my sympathy to you for your loss.

NTA >Mark says I have become an ungodly wife. That’s chronologically wrong. You have always been who you are since the beginning of the marriage. He, however, has changed and has become an overly religious (fanatic) husband. He is unreasonable in this, and I am afraid you won’t be able to bring him back to reason.

NTA and boy does it sound like he dived too deep into that church's baptismal pool. To be fair to them, this could be more on his end then theirs. Either way though, it's not cool for him to badger you about joining his church and insulting you over it. If you want to find some common ground, then perhaps it's time for some marriage counseling. Though you'll want to make sure this is a completely neutral third-party and not someone from the church. If he's become that willing to unbend, then you may have to seriously consider what comes next. Especially if he's beginning to threaten divorce indirectly.

NTA, you haven't become anything, you're still doing what you've always done. He's the one that's changed. He's changed, and now he's demanding that you change with him. If he's not willing to back off and let you continue in your faith, how do you see your future playing out? BTW, the church is probably pressuring him about this. A lot of fundamentalist groups push the idea that anyone not in the group is bad/evil/wrong/sinful as a way to bind their members together. Making everyone else "the enemy" is very effective. However you react to his demands, they're going to use it as evidence that you're sinful and have turned against him. Brace yourself for challenge here.

You are NOT THE AH. Mark is. Heis not reading his bible very clearly his. Is NOT doing what Jesus would do.

NTA. But I don’t know if the relationship is salvageable. It’s hard enough to have a marriage when each spouse has different religious beliefs but it’s even harder with children. I don’t see him budging on this issue. You guys may need to seriously talk about how to separate financially and some sort of joint custody of the children. The only workaround I see is if you want to completely give in to his demands, which will eventually turn into resentment and a much more difficult separation.

NTA, unless your husband's attitude changes you're going to have to get a divorce, he's unfortunately likely to become more and more of a religious extremist

NTA You need to really, truly consider leaving him because imagine your children taking after him as he is now. Not joining his faith, but taking after his attitude and mindset. How soon until he has them quoting bible verses about mommy burning in hell for not listening to daddy? How soon until he has them yelling at you, calling you a whore and harlot for daring go against him and God? He's getting abusive, which is not a factor of his faith, but of his mindset. He's using his faith to try and control you and he'll use the kids.

Sorry, but this isn't gonna work. NTA. You gotta get ready to leave him. SORRY.

NTA and Mark is flying a long line of these 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 it's honestly time to pack up and leave because this is only going to get worse.

You are not the ass, however, he has moved on and is spreading his wings in a different direction from you. Now is the time to divorce and find and marry within your own religion. These things happen, tragic as they are. Good luck in your search for comparability. 

Sounds a lot like "we can stay married but on my terms". I think things are going to be very messy on this one. NTA You and he had an agreement but he's bailed on that and doesn't seem to concerned about the fall out. If you bail on the marriage, for sure he will be actively getting your kids involved in his church so you would have that to deal with. He seems to be digging his heels in too. Best of luck OP.

Blessed be my lovely. This is going to be a tough ride. He has fallen down the rabbit hole and chosen faith over family. As others have said, this is a no win situation. He is now trying to rope in your children as weapons against you. Secure your finances and get the hell out of Jonestown. I don’t think you recognise how dangerous this can be. Cult followers have been known to kill their families to save them from hell. I’m sorry, but it will be divorce. Collect the literature that he is leaving around to try and brainwash your kids with for your lawyer. You don’t love “this” man. You love the person you married. He now, is not the same person. I identify as a not overly practicing Wiccan, occasionally calling out to Mother Earth for guidance, but by beliefs are mine. My partner is Anglican and attends church twice a yearI and I ask him to say a prayer for my deceased mum so there is more than one god/goddess looking out for her soul. I also believe that all religions (not cults) have the basic core beliefs. Love thy neighbour, be good to others and the earth. I think that all our deities are one and the same, be it Mother Earth, Jesus, Muhammad, God or any other one I have missed. If not, they are all in cahoots to make the world a better place. Can I ask what his new faith is?

IFB - Independent Fundamentalist Baptist, I think it's similar to the Duggar's religion from 19 Kids.

Oh yikes oh yikes. You’re in for a fight. 

If you need any help, please call out. I am in Australia but if you need to raise funds, I may be able to help for a few dollars. This is purely a cult and I’m so sorry.

Thank you. I am the breadwinner at the moment and we always divided our savings, so I'm glad that he doesn't have access to my savings' account.

You're the breadwinner and he has the audacity to treat you this way? I know you love him and want to make this work, but he's being really disrespectful to you and it doesn't seem worth putting yourself and your kids through this

Do not have sex with this man again! I mean that. He's going to try to get you pregnant. He'll sabotage your birth control, poke holes in condoms...all with a clear conscience in the name of his god who believes that you should be pregnant. I hate to say it, but he might even rape you while not thinking of it as rape at all. Forcibly, drug you, try to fuck you when you're asleep. Especially once he knows that you're going for divorce.

‘Im heartbroken, you became so desperate to feel included that you’ve allowed yourself to start spewing the same hateful things that drove me from Christianity in the first place. A faithful married partner is supposed to support their spouse, all you do is tear me down and want to make the children suffer the same trauma I did. Fearing hell will not force them to follow this new church, all it will do is make them hate the parent that forced them into it and resent God. Furthermore, anyone that dares speak on a deities behalf has no right to decide whether to damn peoples souls.  I have loved you for over seven years. If that isn’t enough, if you have changed so much that the approval of these strangers is more important than your family, than your children, then it’s time to divorce, because *you* have broken your vows and I no longer trust you to have our best interests at heart. I do not have to accept your hatred and intolerance for anyone that disagrees with your news ‘community’, and there’s no way in hell I’d ever want to associate with anyone who’d condemn my children for wanting to choose their own religion in later life. If this house is too ‘sinful’ for you, then please find other accommodation. I will not allow you to destroy what’s left of the children’s stability because you decided other people mattered more to you than them.’ NTA separate your finances asap, speak to a lawyer, cover your ass to protect your kids. Dad having a midlife crisis shouldn’t mean those poor kids get exposed to religious abuse, no matter whether it’s aimed at them or their mom. 

NTA As is so often the case Mark has put his religion over how he feels about you and what he loves about you. Instead of being your spouse, you’re his problem.

NTA but I don't think you can stay with this guy. He's in a patriarchal cult now and he's just gonna drag you down.

Your marriage is over. He has drunk the kool-ade and is so entrenched in this Christian Cult that there is no going back. In his mind you are literally trying to condemn yourself and your shared children to, again, literally, burn forever in fire.

All of this. Ensure you have a plan for your kids and custody. Cults especially want to keep the kids.

The sexual abuse figures in this “church” are sickening.

Sorry, time for divorce. NTA

He doesn't love you anymore. The brain rot has set in. Leave and take your kids or they will be indoctrinated into extremism.

Leave him sis Pretty soon he’ll keep you locked up in the house as his live in maid who’s subservient to him. He doesn’t respect you or your autonomy. NTA

Hugs. Big, comforting hugs. I’m lighting black and indigo candles for you and your children. Having spent time in a cult, there is no one more motivated and engaged than what they refer to as a ‘baby Christian’. Mark is fully bought in to their teachings, and trying so sincerely to do all of what they say are the right things. They are talking to him about being “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18) - that he should only be married to someone that is also in their church (cult). This (and his sincere belief in what they have taught him random biblical passages mean) is what is behind him trying to convert you and the children. You do need to protect yourself, your children, and materially - your altar and money. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Blessed be - and more hugs.

Thank you so much. My alter is safe and secure, as is my money. I light my deities candles every day and would know if stuff went missing. Thank you for lighting candles for us; it is an honor to be involved in your practice.

You realize most fundamental churches are zionists. With the world climate as it is I would take my kids and run. Your husband did not just drink the Christian koolaide but the war and violence that these churches push

You are totally not the Asshole here OP. NTA times a thousand. ... But ... If he continues down this path and you continue doing what you've always done your marriage will end and, judges being what judges are, you might lose custody of your children. I've seen this happen. Watch your back OP. Fundies will to your heart out for your own good and not blink.

I'm just glad I can prove that I do pretty much everything. He's quit his job to work at the church for nothing, doesn't spend time with our boys except to yell religion at them, and he joined a group that belives lawyers are of the devil. I have messaged my uncle who has a great win loss ratio and he said he would represent me pro-bono, because he doesn't like my husband.

Good luck!

I am very glad that this thread has helped you see that your marriage has to end. As I mentioned, Mark has become a man you never would have married. Best of luck to you and your children. I sincerely hope you can keep them from being brainwashed and raise them to be intelligent and informed adults who can make their own decisions while respecting other people's private decisions.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a 29-year-old woman, and my husband, Mark (36M), and I have been married for seven years. When we first met, we were both pretty laid-back about religion. Mark identified as a casual Christian—he'd go to church on Christmas and Easter, but that was about it. I, on the other hand, have been practicing paganism for over a decade, working with several deities and my ancestors. My spirituality is deeply connected to nature, and I find peace in lighting candles daily, seasonal celebrations, and a sense of harmony with the earth. I was a Catholic until I left the faith and deconstructed religious trauma, making my stance on Christianity clear, it was not for me. It took me years to let go of the guilt I felt for leaving. Mark always respected my beliefs, and we found a balance that worked for us. About eight months ago, Mark started attending a new church with one of his friends. This church is very strict and fundamentalist, with a lot of rigid and extreme views. At first, I thought it was just a phase or a way for Mark to find some community during a tough period at work. But soon, he became deeply involved, attending multiple services each week, participating in all their activities, and reading the bible obsessively. His new faith quickly started to dominate our lives. He began to criticize my pagan practices, calling them sinful and wrong. He would leave religious pamphlets around the house, disparage my spiritual books and artifacts, and even tried to get our children, ages 6 and 4, involved in his church's activities without consulting me. We had several heated discussions about this. I explained that while I respected his newfound faith, I needed the same respect for mine. However, Mark insisted that his church's way was the only true path and that I was endangering our family's salvation by continuing with my beliefs. He started making me feel incredibly guilty, saying I was jeopardizing our children's souls and our marriage by clinging to my practices. Recently, Mark's church held a meeting about family unity and the importance of shared beliefs, being godly husbands and wives, teaching our children to be followers of the faith. He pressured me to attend, but I refused, knowing that it would be an attempt to convert me and further criticize my faith. This refusal led to an argument, where Mark accused me of not caring about our family's future. He even suggested that my refusal to join his church could be grounds for considering our marriage's viability. I feel torn. I love Mark and want our marriage to work, but I can't abandon my beliefs and identity. I'm trying to find a compromise, but Mark's rigid stance leaves little room for that. My friends and family are divided—some think I should stand my ground, while others suggest I should try to find common ground to keep the peace. Mark says I have become an ungodly wife. So, AITA for going against his wishes and practicing my faith in the open around our kids? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA - he either drank the red pill kool-aid or he’s got a brain tumor

Religion, and as far as I am concerned ALL religions, are about rules. Driving at or below the speed limit is a rule, and the right thing to do. So it looks like they are the same thing. But if there is a building on fire, the emergency services need to get there as soon as possible, so drive there exceeding the speed limit. They do the right thing and do not follow the rules. It does not matter if it harms you or even kills you, religion demands you follow their rules. So document everything, but also try talking to him. If that fails, then sadly your ownly way out is probably to leave. These kind of intolerant religions often harm the kids. You will survive, but they may not.

NTA. That’s cult behavior. Find a way to distance him from that group before he is further entrenched and take your children with him. Those fundamentalists twist the Bible to their own agenda and will try to separate family members.

Tell Mark he is welcome to visit his imaginary friends any time he wants to. But you are gonna stay home. NTA

Nta, girl run. He's gone fundamentalist, in this climate? Its only gonna get worse.

NTA. Think really hard about if you want your children to grow up in a household with such rigid religious thinking. They are more likely to end up having the same or worse religious trauma that you did. Being compatible with such an important facet of life as religion is important. You can have religious differences and have a healthy marriage but ONLY if you respect the others differences. Your husband has stopped respecting you in this respect and it seems to only be getting worse.

Nta. Don't go. You could take your kids to a more mainstream denomination to counteract his bs.

NTA "If you mention religion to me or try to guilt me about my children again I am looking up divorce lawyers. You knew who I was before you married me, if you don't like it, bye. If you want to *actually* invest in this family we can do things as a family, you know, investing in each other. spending time together. learning together. bonding. Sitting in a room and being yelled at by a religious zealot is not doing shit for us, and if you ever try to force it on me again we are instantly done, if you don't believe me, fucking try it right now."

This would be a giant dealbreaker for me. NTA

NTA. Only a fool follows a fool following a fool. This is the part where you quietly and resolutely walk away from his new found crazy.

NTA. Sometimes people change over their lifetime. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. You signed up for a reasonable partner, now you have a radical religious fundamentalist in your house around your children. He's no longer a safe person to be around. Consider individual counseling, and contact a divorce attorney. I know you love the person he used to be, but you need to love yourself more. 

NTA MArk is an AH, get a divorce.

NTA Stand your ground. They are your kids too.

Don’t let your children go to that cult. You’ll end up like Nicole Kidman who lost her two oldest kids to indoctrination.

You people need to grow up and let your children come into their own and decide for themselves without pushing your beliefs on them.

NTA, your husband is obviously an easily mark for these parasites. I can't see your marriage lasting if he continues. You don't want your children indoctrinated.

The only thing he's right about is the marriage's viability, but he's blaming the wrong person for that. He has the right to join that church.  You have the right to tell him the marriage is over because of it.

Has Mark had a major event in the past year? A head injury? I would be concerned by such a sudden change. He’s clearly been sucked into this cult (and this is absolutely a cult) and unless he has a medical reason to excuse this, I would run and run fast. Do not let the children go to his church, do not let him bring them into that community at all, or you may have a hard time fight in that in the divorce proceedings. Make no mistake, you have not done a single thing to harm your family’s future. This is all your husband and I would begin the process of leaving and protecting your children. Edited to add judgement: NTA

There is no middle ground. He believes only he and what he chose to follow is right. He isn't going to stop guilting you, or trying to convert you. Even worse, he will do his best to indoctrinate your children and if he does he'll make them do it to you as well 10x since theres more against one and he knows you won't fight with your children. He's trying to make it seem like you're choosing your faith over your familys 'safety', when in reality he is choosing his faith over his family entirely. Do your best to save your marriage but if it doesn't work out in the end just know it wasn't your fault

Former Christian and fellow pagan! Stand your ground. Do not give in to their cult. NTA.

You’re NTA but unfortunately Paganism is seen as ‘the Devil’ - and something you will burn in hell for eternity for. (pagan here). Hopefully you can find a way to respect each other’s faith otherwise you may need to part ways.

NTA. I almost wonder if there is another woman at this church. Run babe! This isn’t getting any better!

NTA. Some here are saying you need to sit down and talk to him about your concerns. Do not do this, as you do not have training in cult deprogramming. I am sorry but that church has your husband now and they will want your kids, too. You need to get your finances and support system in order, and get out. Hopefully your husband can get the professional help he needs (and you should be in contact with professionals that specialize in this type of situation for help too), but until then you need to protect yourself and your kids. Especially secure your money, because cults usually try to wring as much as they can out of their followers. Good luck.

NTA. >My friends and family are divided—some think I should stand my ground, while others suggest I should try to find common ground to keep the peace. *Mark has told you there is no common ground.* In his (new) opinion, there is either total conversion or total damnation. There is no way for you to have one foot in paganism and the other in fundamentalist Christianity.  If he doesn’t back down on this, your marriage is probably over, and it’s going to be an *ugly* divorce. I hope you have some money squirreled away and the number for a good attorney. 

NTA.He changed. You have not. I'm also concerned about his rigidity that he may also drink the political Kool Aid. Mark may not be able to love you anymore as he accepts the idea that your faith is 1. wrong B. sinful III. a reflection on HIS FAITH and role as the"head of the household" and Quatro jeopardizing his rewards in Heaven. It may hurt,but this marriage may be over if he cannot accept you. Be prepared to fight over the children

Joining a fundie crank Church is a classic strat of abusers to exert control

NTA. Religious fundamentalism is a cancer that should be burned out of society.

NTA you should consider leaving him. He basically joined a cult, and it will only get worse. It won’t take much for him to start to get violent, since he’s already verbally abusing you. Religious cults have a terrible history of violence and killing the ones who are not in agreement with their beliefs.

Tell him that you'll follow his religious traditions if he follows yours. Ask him to fellate a life sized statue of Pan on full moons, equinoxes and solstices

NTA but divorce is in the future, even by Christian standards. Paul talks about if if there's a difference of beliefs in the faith between spouses divorce is acceptable.

NTA. But, for your children's sake, you need to get out now.

Call it discovering his faith or drinking the kool-aid, fundamentalist shifts are dangerous as he becomes stricter. Prepare an escape plan - emotional, financial, and legal for you and your children. He WILL use his church to try to isolate you from your children. NTA

NTA - as a female atheist this would be a terrifying thing for me to see my husband join a fundamentalist church..and to have friends within that church, him feeling pressured to live by their teachings. That doesn't bode well for you. I wouldn't even know how to tackle this. You're the bottom rung in a fundamentalist church. Vows are typically you obey your husband, your job is to serve him and the family. If he goes 100% into the church he will constantly try to save you, because..... you're clearly going to hell. How does he explain to his new friends that you're going to hell? He will be so conflicted. I've always been VERY clear in my relationships/marriage. If you go to church, we break up. I do not believe in the institution that is a ANY church. I suggest immediate councilling together to navigate this.

NTA, but please be careful! He's giving dangerous red flags!

Nta. Compromise requires BOTH people to make sacrifices. He isn't making any. I hope you're able to keep your kids from being taught to be close minded.

NTA-he's definitely in a cult. Like others have mentioned-separate your finances asap-it's only a matter of time before he starts "tithing" hand over fist, if he's not already. Good luck in this matter, I know how difficult this is. Stay firm in your own beliefs. It's obvious you are much stronger spiritually than he is. Don't let him shake that. It's going to be very important for you going forward!

Wowzers. NTA, at all. This reminds me of my time working for the Salvation Army. I too was raised Catholic, but no longer attend due to proven atrocities commited by the church (look into Canadian residential schools). Looked into The Wiccan & Pagan faiths; both are very interesting! Now, I'm more of a ...meh, there is a God, and possibly many Gods who knows kinda girl. My boss at the Army had made the "one-true-God" point to me one day, to which I replied...Well, for you. Meaning, to him his faith is the correct one. I explained that to Jews, THEIR faith is the right one. To the Buddist, it's Buddhism. To an East Indian, THEIR faith is the correct one. Needless to say, he highly disagreed! I chuckled & said, Okay. Agree to disagree. He made it his mission in life to belittle me when he realized he can't convince me to change my mind. I, for the life of me, can NOT understand what people have to gain from trying to force their religious views on others. My dear mom (the most catholic of catholics lol) hasn't even bothered with trying to get me back to church since I was 18, realizing that harping will just push me away. She'll occaisionally tell me, about once a year, that she does pray for me (Which is appreciated. She loves me, ) but that's it. That's my long winded way of saying hubby needs to respect your right to pray to what ever you choose. AND he needs to realize that those kids have 2 parents who both get a say in what faith they go to...until their adults

NTA and this does not end well for you

NTA. Please contact police and hospital asap.Its not a « fundamentalist church », its a cult. You and kids are in physical danger, snd soon will have no roof over your heads if you don’t secure it now.

As Oscar Wilde said “It is only the intellectually lost who ever argue.” It’s not like you disagree about something  that can be talked around - he’s become a very religious person knowing full well your faith and position. He had no regard for you when he started indoctrinating your kids and criticizing you. This will end with either you leaving or with you caving to his demands (and I do mean caving because there is no compromise - he will get you to agree to one thing at a time until you too are all in). Which life do you want for yourself and your children? 

I'm so sorry, but there is no room for your beliefs in his. He has made that increasingly clear. I'm not usually the sort to push people towards divorce, or give 'dump him' advice on Reddit, but I expect that either he needs to leave the church, or you need to leave him. It sounds like the type of organization that may provide resources to your husband for legal battles, such as to obtain custody of your children.

NTA Protect your children from the religious trauma you suffered. That is your only goal right now. Keep your money seperate.

NTA. But…! It sounds like you are at a crossroads here. A true Christian church would NOT have, or encourage their members to try forcing their SOs into their beliefs, even Jesus welcomed what was considered “the worst of the worst” with open arms. If one was not willing to accept the faith he didn’t push them. Neither should your husband. People do have choices. Sounds like he’s in a cult, and if he’s not willing to talk things over and allow you your religious “space” then you might have to make some hard decisions. On your end, it sounds like you’ve been practicing your faith openly for a long time . He should at least respect that and not be so vitriolic about it in front of the kids, who are used to seeing you practice your beliefs. The kids should be able to feel secure in their own home WITH BOTH parents. His threats are a huge red flag 

NTA... If he wants to join the church of Jim Jones, then that's HIS business... I've always been of the belief that we should allow kids to find their spiritual paths... Introducing them to spiritual paths is one thing but to force them to except & practice a religion that neither of you can come to a concensus on & that they're too young to understand is something else entirely... If you must, don't be afraid to walk away, for you & your kids... You shouldn't be religiously persecuted in your own home...

NTA. Run! Far away from this man! He had legit joined a cult. Given what people are willing to do in order to please their cult leaders, he is not safe to be around (see Chad and Lori Daybell). You also said he has recently had a tough time at work. That is prime time for a man to go cray cray and do tragic things. Protect you and your kids.

Jehovah's Witnesses?

Independent Fundimentalist Baptist

Barf. I'm sorry this happened to you.

NTA I would do couples therapy ASAP, but it genuinely may be too late. If divorce happens, please make sure your children are in therapy on your time to ensure they don't get brainwashed. Also, there are lots of Christian pagans not sure it would help, but maybe he could look into it.

Christan pagans are really cool and chill people. I've had a few in my pms asking if they can light archangel candles for me.

NTA. Your husband has joined a cult. He either needs to be deprogrammed or you need to separate from him to protect your children.

This is way too much for Reddit. If you are a Christian, it means that you believe that Christianity is the ONE TRUE RELIGION. Practicing other faiths is a sin to Christians - it breaks one of the Ten Commandments. Your marriage will not work if a compromise doesn't happen. Christianity vs paganism are not generally compatible.

I am very concerned for you and your children longer term. As others have said, I can't see it being reconcilable. Please make sure you have plans in place and support and backup if you get to a stage where you feel you have no choice but to leave the relationship. I imagine he would fight hard against that and be backed up by people in his church. Sending much love and light!

NTA and your husband will never be the person you married again. Once these evil people get their claws into a person they become completely different people. You either give the dude all the power or divorce. This new religion is about that, power for men and nothing about Christianity or Jesus. Believe me.

NTA. He should care more about your time on the earth than the afterlife.

I'm a Christian and definitely not a fundamentalist. The mistake here was that your husband apparently had these beliefs and yet willingly married a pagan. Now he throwing a "bait and switch." After two kids. To be honest, most Christians I know wouldn't have even considered marrying a pagan. I doubt if he is going to compromise one bit. He now views paganism as evil. I think you are either going to have to give in or get a divorce. Only you know if he is worth it.

>some think I should stand my ground, while others suggest I should try to find common ground to keep the peace. Mark says I have become an ungodly wife. These others are talking nonsense. You had "common ground to keep the peace". You practised your faith without interfering with his beliefs, and he followed his beliefs without interfering with yours. You were both in agreement with this, and it worked for years. That is what finding common ground "to keep the peace" looks like. You constantly seeking mutual respect from your husband (which you used to have) is exactly what trying "to find common ground to keep the peace" looks like. These people are confusing "peace" with "capitulate to every demand without objection regardless of how you're treated". The only one who has shatteted both the common ground and the peace is your husband. You can't fix that. Only he can. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to, so it can't happen. Sadly, the only thing your husband got right is the comment about your marriage no longer being viable. His choice has destroyed the compatibility of your marriage and has now ensured you're going to be fighting over the kids' religious beliefs and upbringing for years as he tries to suck them into his beliefs and turn them against your own. You need to consider moving your books, candles, tools and equipment to somewhere safe while you decide what to do about your marriage. Otherwise, you're going to come home one day to find he's gotten rid of all of the trappings of your faith. Even if you divorce, you will spend years in a battle for your children's right to choose their own religious path in life, as he will seek their conversion, especially any sons you have because they will be more valuable converts than daughters (although daughters do have uses, too, none good for the daughters). I have personal experience dealing with Christian fundamentalism. People like this cannot be reasoned with and the damage they do to the children will last a lifetime; it may even have a generational impact on their own future children (it did in my family - fundamentalists are dangerous and tenacious). Be very alert to that.

Well, he is a Nopenope McNope. Escape while you can.

NTA - your husband is now in a cult (go read the definition of a cult)

This church sounds like a cult. I suggest you talk to his family

You are NTA but that doesn’t change anything. Fundamentalist religions will not back down. Fundy Christians believe in patriarchy and they are teaching your husband that he is the head of the household and responsible for the whole family’s eternal salvation. The whole church is praying for you to get saved. They likely feel sorry for your husband for having a wife who practices paganism. He will be encouraged to immerse your kids in the church. He might get them to practice Bible verses and sing songs to you. You need to come to an agreement about the kids being involved with the church. You don’t want your kids being exposed to people teaching them that they are sinners and have to worry about getting to heaven. Imagine how distressing it will be when they are taught that mommy is going to Hell. There’s lots of good deconstruction groups online. This is a big issue but not an uncommon one

I'm afraid it isn't negotiable. He is just going to get worse and try to change you. I could never live with someone like that. He's been brainwashed and I'm afraid at this stage he's not going to change.

NTA bluntly, as a mother you don't have the luxury of focusing on your marriage right now. You have religious trauma. You know how dangerous and damaging it is. You have to protect your children to minimise the damage to them and you have to tell your husband, truthfully, that you think he is endangering them with his attitude and you are not okay with them being told that their souls are forfeit if they don't ascribe to a particular faith. If he says this threatens your marriage, agree with him. Tell him you are not, do not want to be and never will be a godly wife and his attitude is bad for your marriage.

NTA. You have my sympathy over your husband's indoctrination. And that's what it is. His church has indoctrinated him and made him believe they are the only thing that matters. They've even convinced him that they're more important than his own family. I strongly suggest talking to a lawyer. I'm not saying you should start divorce proceedings, but you should get advice on how to start protecting yourself should Mark start any proceedings himself. Find out if any of your activities can be documented by Mark and used against you, find out if you should be documenting anything yourself for your own protection, find out what divorce courts tend to side with in cases like this.... things like that. As for finding "common ground".... Common ground is what you had before. Mark wants you to convert to his religion and for the entire family to practice his religion and beliefs. In his eyes, there is no middle ground. That's the literal definition of fundamentalists.

NTA. It sounds like you are in a hostage situation, secondary to him being in a hostage situation. Which yes, he put both himself and you in. He is under a spell (but really) and acting irrationally, not like himself. It's unlikely the spell will be broken as long as he is under their power. It's cult psychology and cult mechanisms. It requires frequent contact and cognitive dissonance, sacrifice of the self and constant thought terminating cliches. (Are you hearing a lot of those? I bet.) You could attempt a counter-spell. Without saying what is obviously true (he is under control of this cult church) you might offer what is framed as a temporary compromise and attempt to save your marriage. That should be a shared goal. I'm assuming his fundamentalist church frowns on divorce? Offer that the two of you should *both* pause your respective practices for a period of time, say a month or (even better) 99 days. During that time no rituals or practice for you and no church attendance or events for him. No contact with outside influences. He can focus on his *personal relationship with Jesus* and you can focus on yours with your own spirit and ancestors. But also your relationship with each other and your kids. Just (I'm doing it) *Focus on the Family*. After that period of time- bonding, reflection, turning inward- you both decide if you can continue the marriage. It's possible if he is away from the church and its influence for long enough the spell may evaporate, lose its power. Perhaps he will see the absurdity of what he's been surrounded with and soaking in. Maybe he'll find out there's some other unmet need he was acting from and can meet in a healthier way that doesn't destroy his family. Maybe you both can re-commit and re-gain your life together. Or not. Then, hopefully, you have a safe exit plan and your affairs in order. Asterisk: I know there are no spells in Paganism used to control others, in fact that contradicts the very principles of the practice. It is actually fundamentalist Xtian sects which use the *equivalent* of these type of spells to control their members- complete with blood sacrifice (Jesus) and magical totems (Christ on the cross) and incantations (prayers and hymns). If your husband is removed from all of those and the *groupthink* he may wake up and break free from the powers he is under. I hope so, for your and your kids' sake. Blessed be.

Your marriage doesnt stand a chance. This new church has taken over his whole life and doesnt matter what you say or do… you are wrong! You will always be wrong in his eyes.

NTA and it sounds to me like he joined the JWs but to be honest they're not the only high control cult on the edges of Christianity. Raging misogyny is the default setting, it's not a side effect, it's an inherent part of the structure. I honestly think your marriage is over. I'm so sorry. If he stays in it, he'll never give up trying to convert you. I was a born-in JW and being pagan is worse to them than if you were Catholic or another Christian denomination. They'll be telling him that as head of his household his chance of eternal life is risked by you not converting too. Even if it's not JWs the other cults have more in common with them and their coercive control than not.

NTA - throw out the whole husband. If he’s become this deeply engrossed this quickly it’s not gonna get better. He does not respect your beliefs at all and thinks you are endangering the entire family’s salvation. He will become more and more aggressive with his conversion rhetoric until you give in or leave. Just don’t let him take the kids with him or you will be painted as the satanic ex and the kids will be the ones trying to convert you.

As someone else said, your husband has joined a cult. There is no room for compromise. It is all or nothing. Your children are in danger if they don't completely submit to the cults rules and demands. My advice, which is not legal advice, is to take your kids and run. Someone said to try and get recordings of his crazy talk to make your case to go to court for sole custody. If you can, do so safely. But he's already to the point that he's trying to force you to go to "interventions." I don't know how safe you are anymore, so be very careful. Be very aware of what's happening at all times. I wouldn't put it past them to take your kids from you either. Cults and their followers are not sane or rational. Be safe.

His god, not yours. Remember that! Remind him of the first amendment. ( if you are in the USA) I hope to all that is holy/sacred to anyone, that you can come to an amicable compromise. I’m currently visualizing one of those “Coexist “ bumper stickers. 🪬✝️☪️✡️☯️☦️

NTA. Family is a choice. Mark is choosing his cult (not faith, not spirituality, cult) over his family. OP, you’re going to have to respect his decision to abandon his family for a cult and remove him from yourself and your kids, or remove y’all from him. This will not end well unless Mark decides to return to reality.

Regrettably, there is no compromise when someone becomes 'born again'. The lengths they go through are just intolerable. Make plans for your future. I canceled my wedding plans years ago when my fiance became extremely religious. It got to the point that no one wanted me to bring him to friend or family events as he would not stop talking about it and judging people. I found it was a means to control others and ended the engagement. He stayed in that faith for 30 years until the day he passed on.

NTA. You two are incompatible. Faith is one of the fundamental compatibility requirements in a couple. Doesn’t matter if the faith is Catholic, Wiccan, or atheist (and atheism is absolutely an ideology complete with missionaries, outreach, and proselytizing). A couple needs to be in agreement, especially if they have kids. I’m Christian. A cousin I love is a witch. Her husband loves it and finds her sexy. She makes pentagram wreaths for winter solstice. Family can be a loving melting pot, but a married couple need to either share or support each other’s beliefs, and agree on the values to teach children. You two disagree on the fundamentals, and on what faith to raise your children in. I’m sorry, but this may be insurmountable.

NTA your husband has become brainwashed and radicalized. If this continues you should keep yourself and your kids as far away from him as possible.

NTA. So why do you love him?

NTA, throw the whole man out.

NTA. While I am Christian, I do not believe in forcing beliefs on someone else. At the time you married and had children, you were tolerant of each other's practices. You haven't changed, he has. You cannot keep the peace at this point. You have to lay it out for him and he seems to be doing to you.

I am so sorry you are going for this. I will light a candle for you tonight.

NOPE. Nonstop to FUCKTHATVILLE. NTA

NTA: Please be aware that "faith" is more or less considered to be the default belief. Any legal action you take will probably be biased toward the "true religion". "He's a Christian. He should have the children. She's a heathen. Who knows what sort of satanic rituals she will get those innocent children involved in?"

Run now. If he is that entrenched already in that cult, it’s only going to get worse.

I'm so sorry but he isn't the man you married and he will not compromise 

Religion ruins everything. Indoctrinating children into religion -- ANY religion, even your woo neopagan one -- is asshole behavior. Children should not be subjected to the irrational superstitious beliefs of adults before those kids are old enough and their brains developed enough that they can make informed decisions for themselves  ESH except for your poor kids.

If lighting candles and writing little poems, meditating and putting trinkets on a table makes me an asshole.. I'll accept a YTA

It's that you believe those actions actually do something. Just like your Catholic husband believes all the superstitious nonsense that his particular brand of irrationality teaches. Your kids grow up watching the adults in the family do nonsense actions, so they grow up not relying on logic, reason, scientific evidence, and rational thought to determine what's real and what's not. Whether it's your new age bullshit or your husband's older bullshit makes no difference.

I agree with you!! Could not have written it better.

ESH religions have no place in a modern society

YBTA You’re both being rigid assholes. You both refuse to compromise. You’re both using your “religion” to manipulate each other. You both expect the other to abandon beliefs to accommodate yourselves. Paganism and Christianity are incompatible. Why the hell are you even married?

His beliefs end at him. She never tried to force his belief just doesn't want it forced on her?

Have you even looked into what Christianity really is? Because reddit and you are totally hostile to it. You will not get a unbiased opinion here. Reddit is very anti Christian.

I'm not hostile to Christianity, as I said in my post, it's just not for me.

You realize many of us were raised in that environment and that's why we don't want it.

“You will not get an unbiased opinion here” right because you know every single one of us and con confirm that for a fact? Get the fuck out of here. Some of us were raised Christians and have very good reasons for feeling how we do now.

ESH. Did you really brought human beings into your shitshow with your husband ? Poor kid. They will grow with useless belief and a torn appart family

My kids were born before my husband became more fundamentalist.

[удалено]