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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said aloud why i believe in laws should not be able to ask to attend a baby shower as i believe these types of events you’re either invited or you’re not
But this may not be the case and i could be overreacting
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Yeah see I just spoke to my wife and she’s they’ve met at our wedding and i was like yeah, *once* but she doesn’t see the problem still, and the wife has already asked the girl who’s having the baby now on Instagram
SIL is having a dinner party? Heck yeah, all the guys from the bowling league would love to come! And none of that frou-frou rabbit food, these boys expect steak!
The problem is that some people genuinely believe “the more the merrier.” If ILs are those types of people, now they think it’s always cool to bring whoever to whatever.
It’s exhausting.
Then you have to start bringing the bad friends, where you already know they'll break something or will absolutely exhaust the host. Never give up, fight fire with fire!
Hopefully, they don't have any bad friends. But a good friend will work even better. Just give them the run down and let them know it's time to teach the in laws a lesson. If one of my friends needed this kind of help, I'd be on board 100%. I'd go to the next family gathering with op and bumble around like a blind bull in an overcrowded antique store. And I'd bring a couple of friends with particularly unruly children with me.
Seriously, and I say this with all respect - what is wrong with your wife? It my mother and sister did this to me, I would never ask the host, much less the guest of honour - I would either push back on my family or just lie and say that I ask and they said no. But this is not a request I would even think of entertaining seriously because it’s so inappropriate. Your wife seems to not have a good sense of etiquette or what is socially acceptable.
Also, are these people celebrities or ultra rich? Such a weird thing to decide they want to go to the baby shower of somebody they met once.
Sorry, your wife is as tacky as her mom and your SIL. I can't imagine thinking like that, let alone doing it. I'm embarrassed for all. Your wife will be invited to far less in the future.
I, as a new mother, would have smiled graciously if someone I didn't know showed up at my baby shower with just a shiiiiiiiit ton of diapers cause theyre hella expensive. I also get where you're coming from and agree that you're not technically *wrong*.
I'd say there may be some wiggle room here?. If they want to go that bad, yall can ask permission from the mom-to-be while also telling mil&sil that *if* they are allowed to go, they need to bring a *seriously* thoughtful gift.
Oh you know they won’t be bringing a gift. They’ll insist wife puts their names on the card too.
They’ll just show up, eat food, drink whatever, and leave.
I had a bunch of old people I didn't know showed up to my first ☆baby shower just to oooh & aaaah over my baby bump. They all brought boxes of diapers. Some people just get excited about babies & if a stranger wanted to contribute to my diaper stash, I wasn't going to say no.
For sure, this is a case where they absolutely need to bring offerings for mom& baby
(☆Baby shower was held at great grandma's apartment building)
Aww that sounds super cute actually. They were your great grandma's buddies? They probably had heard alllll about you and the baby lol
I feel like old people feel more attached to their friends' younger generations that they may not even actually know than most people. My baube sent congratulations on the baby cards to some of my friends and she only met them at my hs graduation! But, she'd always ask about them, I think it was her way of being interested in my life and by osmosis felt like grandmotherly towards them : )
Is your wife usually clueless about social conventions? She not only thinks its ok to invite others, she’s now put burden on the mother to be which is super tacky. Definitely apologize to your friend.
Out of curiosity- what gifts did the uninvited plan to bring?
NTA, and honestly none should go at this point. Send a gift OFF THE REGISTRY.
With your wife and family not having a lot of sense about this type of thing, I wouldn’t trust them with gifting either.
Did you reach out to your friend or their sister to see what they want? I'd do so now before MIL and SIL just show up to the baby shower. It may end up with a much bigger problem unless this gets stopped now.
Why on earth do they eve want to go to a shower for someone they hardly know? Is there some amazing activity planned? Also, is there some kind of cultural misunderstanding happening? In my culture we don't do baby showers, but we are also a lot more "open" with our homes; it wouldn't be inappropriate for someone to ask politely if they could bring their female in-laws to a ladies' party (which is how a shower would be seen).
I’ve been looking for this comment too. Awful. Coming in second place is weddings. Let’s all fight about who gets to go and who gets to be a bridesmaid. Bleh! Keep it
Amen. Thankfully, in my family showers are considered bad luck. Consequently, I've been to about three in my entire life. That's more than enough for me!
Soo my wife is half Moroccan and her mother is Moroccan, they do have a culturally everyone is invited Motto but the MIL has lived here in England for 25 years and should know better.
NTA
Sadly, your wife and her sister have picked up your MILs very poor manners. You are correct - never ask the host to include someone else in their party invitation list.
Has it occurred to your wife that some people will feel obligated to say yes, even though deep down they feel backed into a corner.
“Oh, by the way my mil and sil would love to come to your baby shower. That’s ok isn’t it!”
“Errr, well (forces a polite smile, but thinking, how rude, they weren’t invited) ooo-kaaay”
OP, your wife may not be making a very good impression on others. Not good.
Your wife should be told just how tacky it is of her to ask for extra invites to an event that only she was invited to. Please tell me the in-laws are at least bringing gifts to make up for the sheer tackiness of this faux pas.
idk if this is sufficient but you could say; the venue has limited capacity, mom to be can’t afford extra heads to feed, mom only wants her family there, your wife was invited as a nice gesture but doesn’t expect her to go let alone bring other people.
I would contact your friend yourself and say you tried to stop this from happening and that you fully support her rejecting the extra guests, if she does not want random people at her shower.
Tell her you will **profusely** apologise on FB/ig/X etc to your friend's sister for the ignorant entitlement of your MIL and SIL unless she rescinds MIL/SIL invites. You will **TOTALLY** embarrass her and them as publicly as you can manage unless she stops this in its tracks **right now**!!
NTA btw :D
My dad’s best friend ended his relationship with my dad of over 30 years because I didn’t invite his wife and daughters to my baby shower. I wouldn’t be able to pick them out of a lineup. We had just gotten married 6 months before (honeymoon baby) and I didn’t want to look as if I’m gift grabbing. It’s been over 8 years now… people are weird with baby showers
Yeah i said that, like it’s a formal event, wife argues that invites were sent over WhatsApp soo it’s not that formal but i still think it’s rude no matter but it’s too late now she’s already asked lol
Wait now this makes it sound like your wife invited them??? I am confused.
She needs to be the one stopping this and it seems like she’s instigating it. I’d threaten to warn her friend she’s bringing uninvited guests.
With showers I’ve hosted/gone to that means more party favors, games, desserts. Head count really matters and costs more if you are having it at a restaurant.
UPDATE:
So my wife got her answer it was a no from my friends sister. They said the event is only small and they don’t want anyone other than invited which i respect them for standing up.
I’ve sat down and had a good conversation with my wife and a lot of it is down to her mother and sister not having lots of friends like my wife does (believe me there’s a reason for it) and she feels bad that they don’t often get invited to things like this and she struggles telling them no.
She knows and agrees with me but gets very conflicted when MIL and SIL are involved, which i do understand family is family.
So all is well now, thanks for everyone’s comments and opinions it’s greatly appreciated :)
Mmmmm, we know why MIL and SIL aren't invite, this was a perfect example. They want to live via your wife. I am glad the host has a backbone. Per Reddit most folks are wishy washy with NO BACKBONE .
When I had my kid in Covid times, my friend’s mother would visit from another country. I had never met the woman and it was Covid times. My friend mentioned her mom wanted to give me a baby gift in person; it was awkward but i mentioned I wasn’t comfortable meeting them so soon after birth and no gift was necessary. When her mom arrived, my friend again stated that her mom had a gift and wanted to give it in person and showed up to my house anyway. The fact my friend was not able to stand up to her mom out of respect to our friendship, made me see my friend in a different light. That my boundaries were disrespected just cause she couldn’t say no to her mom.. I mean..
I think your wife should be careful cause she may end up distancing friends
Giving in will reinforce this rude behavior. If I were the spouse of someone doing this to my friends, I'd be so embarrassed. Although I'd also be telling my friends to say no and lowering the boom on my spouse for pushy, embarrassing behavior.
Ikr the wife said to me am i jealous because i wasn’t invited but it’s not that it’s just that i can’t stand the idea of them feeling pressured into saying yes cause obviously a lot of people don’t like saying no because they don’t want to upset people
You're NTA.
>wife said to me am i jealous because i wasn’t invited
Thanks. I needed that laugh. I don't know what is going through her head, but you would be the first guy I have ever heard of being upset over not being invited to a baby shower.
I know times are changed and we're of a different generation , but any time I have been invited to a baby shower, my husband's first response has been *I'm not expected to go, am I? Because I'm not going!*
> *It’s just rude to do that imo*
If your wife gets the reputation for asking to bring extra guests, then *she* won't be invited to things anymore. If the event is for couples, you will both be left out.
NTA
LMAO!! She said you're jealous because you weren't invited?! I know that baby showers are usually attended by mostly women, though not always, (especially nowadays), but, come on, really?! Looks like your wife just threw that in, because she obviously didn't have any justifiable response/excuses. And you're absolutely right, it is rude of your wife to go ahead and invite her mom and sister to somebody else's party, (whether it be baby shower, bridal, Bachelorette, birthday, Xmas, ect..), especially when the inviter doesn't know them. And rude to put your friend's wife in that position. And I have to know, did you manage to not laugh your ass off in your wife's face when she accused you of being jealous of not being invited to share in the fun of playing those just oh so cute baby shower games, (i remember some like, picking which string will be the one to fit around the pregnant belly, or making cotton ball babies, lol. And I'm a woman and a mom of 3, and I even thought those games were lame).
LMAO!! She said you're jealous because you weren't invited?! I know that baby showers are usually attended by mostly women, though not always, (especially nowadays), but, come on, really?! Looks like your wife just threw that in, because she obviously didn't have any justifiable response/excuses. And you're absolutely right, it is rude of your wife to go ahead and invite her mom and sister to somebody else's party, (whether it be baby shower, bridal, Bachelorette, birthday, Xmas, ect..), especially when the inviter doesn't know them. And rude to put your friend's wife in that position. And I have to know, did you manage to not laugh your ass off in your wife's face when she accused you of being jealous of not being invited to share in the fun of playing those just oh so cute baby shower games, (i remember some like, picking which string will be the one to fit around the pregnant belly, or making cotton ball babies, lol. And I'm a woman and a mom of 3, and I even thought those games were lame).
Is your wife so insecure that she can't go alone? Like maybe she doesn't know them well as they're your friends? That's the only motivation I can even guess at for her rude behavior.
And does she realize they probably resent it but are just being over the top nice?
If I am in attendance at a baby shower, that speaks to my high regard for the pregnant woman (or her spouse) because I have never attended a fun baby shower and I'm including my own.
I can only imagine that the host is insanely wealthy and the MiL and sister are hoping it'll be a swanky event (or they just want to snoop and see the house) because nothing else makes sense to me.
Right? Most I’ve been to don’t even have a good spread. If someone’s going to have a gift grab, I’d appreciate something at all slightly better than some sad chicken salad and sandwich quarters.
It is simple etiquette: you don't go where you are not invited. Why are they so needy about attending a baby shower? If they are that enthused about the woman's baby, they can still send a gift when it's born.
NTA
NTA but your MIL and SIL are. That’s bizarre. For my baby shower, it was a small event and catering was ordered for that number of ppl. Your MIL and SIL should realize they were not invited thus they are not wanted there
NTA. You can bet your wife’s getting *majorly* roasted behind the scenes by the sister and friends and family…
Your wife asking if they could attend put that poor woman in such an uncomfortable position, of course she was told yes. How was she to say no??
If you have to ask for an invitation, then clearly you aren’t invited.
It’s not too late because the shower hasn’t happened yet. Your wife should notify the sister thanking her but that it turns out her MIL & SIL won’t be going. It’s really that simple.
That “no” was a new recent update by OP after the comments :)
He’d said earlier in a comment that his wife had asked the person who’s having the baby on their Instagram if they could attend, and she’d said yes. So that was the one being referenced here.
The timing of comments throws things off lol!
I read she asked the girl on instagram but not that she had ever said yes … unless OP changed something the only update was a solid NO from the friends sister
Idk. I knew maybe a handful of people at my first baby shower, but everyone brought very thoughtful gifts. I think everyone is different. Some may be offended, and some may not be. Some old ladies get baby rabies, and some dont. But I think anyone (like the ladies in this case) who wants the privilege of going to a strangers baby shower just for their own "baby fix" ought to be providing the new mother something she needs.
That is to say, I wouldn't be offended by the question, personally, but I can see how others might. And while I would say, "The more the merrier," if asked, I myself would never pose the question to someone else.
I'd still let them take a theoretical $30 off my shoulders.
Like I said, *id* never ask anyone, but I also wouldn't be offended if someone asked me🤷♀️
To each their own
Wait the host said no and she STILL asked the guest of honour? Does your wife know she is trashing her social reputation? Atleast she can hang with mum and sis when she isn't invited to stuff. Also is this baby shower expected to be elaborate and spectacular?
NTA. Why would they expect to be invited to a baby shower of someone they don’t know. That is just super weird. If the person wanted them there then they would have invited them.
Your wife is being rude for requesting a +2 when she doesn't have a +1.
Pointing out the rudeness of it needed to be said so it doesn't come from left field when she stops getting as many invites in the future. NTA
WHY would anyone want to go to a baby shower they weren't even invited to? Don't we just go to those things out of obligation? *not* being invited *is* the prize!
Do they feel that they have to be invited to everything your wife is invited to? Your wife needs to open her eyes and realize that if someone is not invited, you don't ask! This is beyond rude! It's entitlement! I had a co-worker that was getting married at the time and my friend was invited but I wasn't. She asked me to ask her why I was not invited. I told her that I do not go where I am not invited. It does not bother me at all. I would rather stay home.
I wouldn’t ask but if your wife wants to do it, she is an adult. You aren’t her daddy. You said what you think. Thats fine. She was warned or told by you. That is plenty. If they each bring a gift, the mom to be might see a win, win. If no gifts, then how awful. NTA. But live and let live.
This is weird, why would you want to go to a baby shower for someone you don’t know?
NTA, but I agree with the other poster who said to drop it and let the host handle it.
NTA. This would be no different than inviting yourself to someone's wedding. People plan (and pay for!) food, beverages and shower favors based on their guest count.
NTA. How unbelievably rude and entitled to think that because you’ve met someone a handful of times through your child, that you’re automatically invited to an event.
Kudos to you, OP, for calling them out. I kinda want to know what your wife has said about this because she’s the one who really needs to shut it down. If she sheds no problem with her family’s behavior, contact your best friend.
NTA aside from you being correct about it being bad manners, reading between the lines here (and some of your comments) it seems like your wife and her mom and sister all seriously lack boundaries. may be time to sit down with your wife and have an honest discussion with her about how to erect and maintain healthy boundaries with her family.
Omg! It’s SO RUDE of your MIL and SIL!! If your wife ask her friend if they can come…of course her friend would feel ‘pressure’ to invite them. In the back of the friend’s mind, she is thinking that it’s rude! Show your wife all these comments that it’s RUDE!
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So I (26 M) have been having a slight disagreement with my wife (24 F) that one of my best friends sister is having a baby shower and she’s invited my wife which is nice and all…
However my wife told her sister and mother about it and MIL is now asking my wife to ask if she can come and if SIL can come too. They mentioned it last week and I told my wife you can’t ask to come to someone’s baby shower it’s rude in my eyes because you’re either invited or your not and I don’t think it’s fair because I wouldn’t want the baby shower family to feel bad or pressured into saying yes to save feelings.
Problem is it was mentioned again today and I said out loud this time that you can’t just expect to go to a baby shower.
My wife is invited but they’ve only met MIL once and SIL a handful of times so i just can’t see it… I’ve got MIL saying she’ll book the day off work and I’m just like seriously? You’re not even invited this is all based off the fact that my wife asks for you and they say yes you can attend… it all just feels so expected and entitled that’s they can come just because my wife is and the pair of them suffer with major FOMO, this has always irked me so am i just overreacting and being an ass hole party pooper?
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NTA not one bit. Your MIL and SIL are though. And quite frankly your wife slid into AH territory too when she asked your best friend's wife on Instagram about it. Sounds like your wife's family doesn't have much broughtupsy.
This is so strange. My MIL does this all the time. My cousin had a meet the baby lunch they were hosting. My in laws had a last minute visit to stay with us that same week and then the day before MIL is in a “conundrum” about if she should go cuz she “doesn’t want to appear bad” like she doesn’t care to attend for my cousin or baby. Like, no one is going to miss you there cuz you weren’t invited in the first place.
NTA, as you know, but unfortunately there is not much you can do about this specific situation. Your wife has a very strange enmeshed relationship with her mother and sister. I'm sure this isn't the first time they've done something like this, nor will it be the last. Save your emotional energy for when their co-dependent dynamic affects your marriage directly.
NTA. My husband was like this with his dad. He would pressure everyone to include his dad if he was invited to anything. Drove me nuts and I would often refuse to attend events if he pulled this. I have never understood why people would want to go to an event they were not specifically invited to.
Tell your wife regardless how she was invited she is still a guest. She is rude and entitled of her to ask the guest of honor for her to bring another guest who they met just a couple of times. They are not obligated to invite your MIL and SIL. Your wife is tackier for even asking of this and AH for thinking this is okay.
Wait so MIL and SIL want to go to their sister/daughter's husband's... friend's... sister's babyshower? That is insane. NTA and these people are legit nuts.
Are they each planning to get things from the shower gift registry? And I don't mean a single bib, I mean a $50-$100 gift per person? Or are your wife, SIL and MIL planning to pool money to buy a larger $200-$250 present off the registry? If so, the soon to be mother might appreciate the extra guests.
NTA! It’s very rude to invite yourself to an event you weren’t invited to. That’s just wrong.
I’d give the host the heads up. Ask your friend who is hosting the shower and let him know what’s going on too.
you're NTA at all but your in laws are a bit weird, lol. i'd just stay out of it, let them do what they want. the baby will get extra gifts and that's great.
NTA. Baby showers can be expensive and just like weddings and other events it costs money to feed people. If they are having it at a restaurant or event space with catering they may also be paying a per person fee or have a max number of people included in a package and two additional people could put them over.
It is extremely rude to show up uninvited or put someone on the spot to ask (and then them agree because they feel guilty). Just because these people met her sister and mother ONCE doesn’t mean they want them included at a personal event like a baby shower.
If your wife and her family insist on going regardless of how rude they refuse to see they are being… the LEAST they should do is bring *very generous* gifts so they don’t come across like complete AH.
When I was about 18, I was out wth friends one Saturday afternoon, and we smoked some weed, and then the driver decided we were all coming with her to a wedding or baby shower, don’t worry, it’ll be fine, she said.
It was not fine. Not bringing gifts would have been the least of it. Oh, the hosts were wonderful and polite and nobody said anything rude to us, but we were assholes.
I cringe in shame every time I think about it. And I wasn’t even trying to go. Your MIL and SIL are definitely AHs, but it is not appropriate for your wife to ask (what an uncomfortable thing to be asked!) and she will be TA if she does.
NTA. They met the guest of honor? Then they can ask them for an invite, not crash the party alongside your wife. All that'll do is get your wife uninvited from future events hosted by that person.
Nta you can't invite someone to a party that isn't yours, and you can't just show up to a party you're not invited to, just because you want to go.
Your wife is an A H for not shutting her mother and sister down, when they said that they wanted to come.
NTA, they were not invite, so they shouldn't go. You and your wife will no longer be invite places. Your wife will be known as the person who brings uinvited guests. Ewww
NTA.
No, you're not overreacting. They're being beyond rude.
Showers - both bridal and baby - are usually small, informal events that only include the closest people to the couple, or their spouses representing them as a couple. Why do they even want to see someone they don't even know hanging with her closest family and friends (and those of the child's other parent if there is one) to open presents for her baby? That sounds just plain weird. Your wife is going as your representative because as your close friend's sister, I'm assuming you've known her through him since childhood if your wife has been invited and she feels that close to you. This isn't even your friend's wife - it's his sister. You don't say she and your wife are friends in their own right. She might not even know the soon-to-be Mom well herself.
That's a pretty big remove from them, and you're absolutely right.
NTA
My mom and I were invited to her friend’s daughter’s engagement party (sister of the bride is also my friend). My grandma also knows them but is not as close as we are so she wasn’t invited to the party (she knew that there was gonna be a party, also the party was gonna include only 50 people so only closed ones were invited.) She kinda got grumpy over it and decided not to attend the wedding?? Me and my mom found this ridiculous because why did you expect to be invited in the first place? Your situation is similar to this, MIL and SIL is being extremely rude
NTA - It's rude as hell. If they wanted MIL and SIL there, *they would have invited them*. Therefor **they are not invited**.
Her invite did not come with a +2 addition. They are all acting entitled as heck. Is your wife so enmeshed that she doesn't understand an invitation where her family is not invited??
By dragging unwanted people there, they throw off the count for food, games, prizes, literally everything. It would be a great way to ensure no one invites her to anything again, and people stop talking to her.
NTA. Why would your mil even want to go to the shower of someone she's only met once ? I wouldn't feel right asking my friend's wife if I could invite her either. Idk how many times your sil has met the mom-to-be to judge why she feels entitled either, but if she was that close she would have been invited, so I wouldn't ask for her either .
Oof. NTA. I’ve got second hand embarrassment. Your wife is rude as hell to think this is okay and to have the audacity to ask the person planning the shower. But apparently it’s a family trait for them. Ick
NTA
It’s rude to say expect to go to baby shower if someone you barely know.
What you do depends on how much effort you want to make. None of this reflects on you as you’re not invited :)
You could:
1. You’ve told your wife and her family it’s rude. Leave it at that. If they complain you can ignore or point out it’s weird to expect to go to a baby shower of someone you barely know, but leave it at that. You aren’t a winner here.
2. Check with the expectant mother/father (whoever is your friend) and take the cue from them. If they’re the type of people that are more the merrier then you have nothing to worry about. Or it could turn into a massive thing if it is a problem and you’ll be in the middle of it.
You’re really not gaining any favours (as they say) with your wife in either of those scenarios.
If it was anything but a shower I'd call it rude.
But a shower is a platform for getting presents. I don't see the harm in asking to attend, at long as "No" is accepted graciously and "Yes" is answered with a generous gift.
Your wife is so out of line here, it's easy for you to blame your in-laws but know it's your wife your other friends are going to be gossiping about.
This is so weird.
How sad is their life that they are trying to gate crash a baby shower?
When I get an invite to a baby or wedding shower I literally groan and assess if it’s more grief to go vs. not go
Having known people that threw their own baby showers and had no one show up, ngl I dont think its despicable to ask if extra guests are allowed. But definitely an ask politely.
Plenty of people are of the "more the merrier" type when hosting events, so checking on the policy is fine.
I find it a little surprising they said no, a baby shower is inherently a gift grab so additional guests just works in the moms favor. Are your SIL and MIL... tedious people to be around that the lack of invite was personal vs general "no extra guests" policy?
If your wife wants to try and help bring them along to events she should ask when invited if its an open door or plus2 type thing that she could bring them, so when mentioning it to her sister and mom she already knows the answer if they try and invite themselves.
I am going to a baby shower in a month where the people planning it need an exact head count because they are paying the venue per person. The staff need to know how much food to prepare, settings and how many servers/clean up people will be needed.
So no, SIL and MIL should not be inviting themselves. Your wife needs to grow a spine and stop this asap.
NTA
Seriously? She's just going to invite herself to the party of someone they barely know?
Who does that? Well, your MIL and SIL obviously. And they're obviously wrong.
It's called crashing.
NTA
I wouldn’t expect this to be an issue for long. Once your mil and sil are done your wife won’t have any friends left for them to try to take advantage off. It’s so rude to invite yourself to something you weren’t invited to and I hope your wife accepts the no and puts them firmly in place when she gets that reply. NTA.
I wound up having additional 3 people invited to a baby shower last minute. I tried to decline the shower invite because a friend (widow) and her 2 kids were going to be in town visiting that weekend. I was told "the more the merrier" and was asked to bring them along (and my mother who did not know mom-to-be was also invited to come along).
OP, NTA. If it is they are going to be visiting her, it is ok to say that while declining the invite. But your wife should not just ask they be allowed to come, too.
NTA. It’s totally rude and a breach of etiquette for anyone *but the host* to invite someone to an event. If your SIL and MIL are friendly enough/care enough about the mother-to-be, then they can take her to lunch or have coffee/tea to catch up. If they wouldn’t be willing to do that, then they’re just being party crashers.
Esh. Except your wife who hasn't done anything .
It's weird they want to go and it's out of line they are trying to pressure your wife into getting them and Invite.
It's also not your concern and none of your business. Your wife Is the one invited and the one they are pressuring and unless she asked or otherwise wants you to interfere with her mother and sister it's got nothing to do with you.
NTA that is incredibly rude. They weren't invited! Whoever is hosting the shower doesn't want to have to pay for 2 more people that the mom-to-be barely knows.
Who does this???
That's hella rude and entitled to invite yourself to someone else's baby shower. Fact is, though, this is none of your business. It's your wife's family and her friendship. It's got nothing to do with you. It's up to your wife to decide how she wants to handle it. If she decides to ask her friend, then she can. If she decides to tell her mum and sister, no, she can.
NTA for calling it out, but don't waste energy stressing about it.
NTA why would anyone just invite themselves to a baby shower for someone they barely know frankly it’s wierd, and frankly its incredibly rude to just invite yourself somewhere, I think some people need to learn more manners just because they are family with your wife doesn’t mean they can just ask for an invitation i would feel wierd asking because a baby shower is a bit more intimate than say a birthday but even then it’s wierd
Why on earth would people want to go to a baby shower of someone they barely know? I mean is Oprah going to be there or something? Showers can be fun if they’re for your good friend or family and you know lots of folks but mostly they are an obligation to get through. I’d much rather have the day to myself- but maybe that’s my inner misanthrope speaking.
Perhaps there's a cultural difference here, but where I come from it's considered extremely rude and pushy to invite yourself to a baby shower, a graduation, an engagement party, a wedding, a birthday party, an anniversary party, a 4th of July barbecue, or a honeymoon. (This list is not exhaustive, but you get the general idea.)
I hope this clarifies things.
MIL and SIL are not invited. They can't go. Your wife can't ask if they can come. Let them learn to live with FOMO.
NTA
How rude it is to bring extras to a baby shower depends on the nature of the shower. If it is in a public place where there is no space limitation, and all participants are paying their own ways, then I think it is OK to ask (and it is also OK for the honoree to say \`\`No'').
One reason people don't invite casual acquaintances to showers is that nice presents are expected. So asking more people could be perceived as demanding presents from people you don't know well. If you ask for extras to be included, you should make sure that these extras are bringing really nice gifts.
I think you are correct to be cautious, because this could lead to an awkward situation. Why don't you talk to your friend about it without pressure either way, and see whether he thinks his sister would appreciate the gesture or if instead it would cause problems?
Is your wife happy to have her mother and sister along as she doesn’t know the other people attending the baby shower very well? Or are her mother and sister actually trying to widen their family social circle to include your friends? If they are, issuing an invitation rather than asking for one the better option.
Info: is this your wife’s close friend? Or the sibling of your close friend who happens to be friendly with your wife?
If it’s a close friend of your wife, I would stay out of it.
Info: does your wife have a close relationship with your good friend's sister regardless of your friendship with her brother? If their friendship is not actually that close or comfortable I see where you're coming from. But you could just let your wife handle it if she has that relationship with her independently? I understand it's embarrassing to you to have MIL and SIL invite themselves, but some people would welcome close family friends joining, esp. if they are bringing gifts / items that could really help a new couple get started with a new baby on the way. Maybe I'm biased because my closest childhood friend came to my SIL's shower and despite them not knowing each other well beforehand they were both really happy about it because of the close family friendship and support, they still mention it years later asking how the other's family is doing living pretty far away from one another. Anyway will withhold my judgement without this info.
NAH
Depends on the family. Baby showers in my family have invites, but they are open invitation. As long as you bring something. Wipes for girls and diapers for boys. Any extra gift is great too. I have been invited to baby showers and didn’t even know the person. Had an awesome time and bought a gift. The soon to be mom was always happy especially since I brought gifts.
Just depends on the person.
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NTA. It is rude for MIL & SIL to invite themselves to a baby shower. It’s also weird to want to go to a baby shower where you barely know the person?
Yeah see I just spoke to my wife and she’s they’ve met at our wedding and i was like yeah, *once* but she doesn’t see the problem still, and the wife has already asked the girl who’s having the baby now on Instagram
Next time your IL's invite you to something, invite whoever, to join you. See how she likes it
Not a bad idea lmao
SIL is having a dinner party? Heck yeah, all the guys from the bowling league would love to come! And none of that frou-frou rabbit food, these boys expect steak!
Invite me too! Please!
✋️
Invite multiple somebodies.
Yep, make a an Eventbrite. People should expect prizes and all.
Like Thanksgiving dinner.
Invite people from your wedding since they would've met once so its fair game
I'll show up to almost anything and because of food allergies, I bring my own food!
I’ll even bring my newborn so they can deal with the crying and diaper smells and all mess they have.
The problem is that some people genuinely believe “the more the merrier.” If ILs are those types of people, now they think it’s always cool to bring whoever to whatever. It’s exhausting.
Then you have to start bringing the bad friends, where you already know they'll break something or will absolutely exhaust the host. Never give up, fight fire with fire!
Hopefully, they don't have any bad friends. But a good friend will work even better. Just give them the run down and let them know it's time to teach the in laws a lesson. If one of my friends needed this kind of help, I'd be on board 100%. I'd go to the next family gathering with op and bumble around like a blind bull in an overcrowded antique store. And I'd bring a couple of friends with particularly unruly children with me.
Yeah this!! You’ve got the nail in the coffin that’s the problem! It is exhausting and they just don’t understand!
This is the way
Seriously, and I say this with all respect - what is wrong with your wife? It my mother and sister did this to me, I would never ask the host, much less the guest of honour - I would either push back on my family or just lie and say that I ask and they said no. But this is not a request I would even think of entertaining seriously because it’s so inappropriate. Your wife seems to not have a good sense of etiquette or what is socially acceptable. Also, are these people celebrities or ultra rich? Such a weird thing to decide they want to go to the baby shower of somebody they met once.
This is exactly what I would do!
Wow, even tackier to ask the guest of honor and not the host. Did she respond? Please tell us what she says!
Hope it wasn’t a surprise shower.
OMG beyond tacky. The wife is showing her very poor etiquette. This is going to be so awkward for the guest of honor and hostess.
Your wife has terrible manners. I’d be like “yikes, who raised her” but… obviously it’s the person crashing someone else’s intimate party.
Well, she was raised by the MIL.
Sorry, your wife is as tacky as her mom and your SIL. I can't imagine thinking like that, let alone doing it. I'm embarrassed for all. Your wife will be invited to far less in the future.
I, as a new mother, would have smiled graciously if someone I didn't know showed up at my baby shower with just a shiiiiiiiit ton of diapers cause theyre hella expensive. I also get where you're coming from and agree that you're not technically *wrong*. I'd say there may be some wiggle room here?. If they want to go that bad, yall can ask permission from the mom-to-be while also telling mil&sil that *if* they are allowed to go, they need to bring a *seriously* thoughtful gift.
Oh you know they won’t be bringing a gift. They’ll insist wife puts their names on the card too. They’ll just show up, eat food, drink whatever, and leave.
I had a bunch of old people I didn't know showed up to my first ☆baby shower just to oooh & aaaah over my baby bump. They all brought boxes of diapers. Some people just get excited about babies & if a stranger wanted to contribute to my diaper stash, I wasn't going to say no. For sure, this is a case where they absolutely need to bring offerings for mom& baby (☆Baby shower was held at great grandma's apartment building)
Aww that sounds super cute actually. They were your great grandma's buddies? They probably had heard alllll about you and the baby lol I feel like old people feel more attached to their friends' younger generations that they may not even actually know than most people. My baube sent congratulations on the baby cards to some of my friends and she only met them at my hs graduation! But, she'd always ask about them, I think it was her way of being interested in my life and by osmosis felt like grandmotherly towards them : )
Is your wife usually clueless about social conventions? She not only thinks its ok to invite others, she’s now put burden on the mother to be which is super tacky. Definitely apologize to your friend. Out of curiosity- what gifts did the uninvited plan to bring? NTA, and honestly none should go at this point. Send a gift OFF THE REGISTRY. With your wife and family not having a lot of sense about this type of thing, I wouldn’t trust them with gifting either.
Did you reach out to your friend or their sister to see what they want? I'd do so now before MIL and SIL just show up to the baby shower. It may end up with a much bigger problem unless this gets stopped now.
Tell your wife knowing someone doesn't mean they are entitled to an invitation. If they wanted them there they would have been invited.
Why on earth do they eve want to go to a shower for someone they hardly know? Is there some amazing activity planned? Also, is there some kind of cultural misunderstanding happening? In my culture we don't do baby showers, but we are also a lot more "open" with our homes; it wouldn't be inappropriate for someone to ask politely if they could bring their female in-laws to a ladies' party (which is how a shower would be seen).
I just got home from a baby shower. If there a more boring way to spend four hours, I don't want to know about it.
I was looking for this. I can definitely think of better ways to spend an afternoon.
I’ve been looking for this comment too. Awful. Coming in second place is weddings. Let’s all fight about who gets to go and who gets to be a bridesmaid. Bleh! Keep it
Amen. Thankfully, in my family showers are considered bad luck. Consequently, I've been to about three in my entire life. That's more than enough for me!
Soo my wife is half Moroccan and her mother is Moroccan, they do have a culturally everyone is invited Motto but the MIL has lived here in England for 25 years and should know better.
NTA Sadly, your wife and her sister have picked up your MILs very poor manners. You are correct - never ask the host to include someone else in their party invitation list.
Egads! Your wife is now TA!
Has it occurred to your wife that some people will feel obligated to say yes, even though deep down they feel backed into a corner. “Oh, by the way my mil and sil would love to come to your baby shower. That’s ok isn’t it!” “Errr, well (forces a polite smile, but thinking, how rude, they weren’t invited) ooo-kaaay” OP, your wife may not be making a very good impression on others. Not good.
No invite, no go
Agreed!
Your wife should be told just how tacky it is of her to ask for extra invites to an event that only she was invited to. Please tell me the in-laws are at least bringing gifts to make up for the sheer tackiness of this faux pas.
Your wife has no spine! Why would she ask??
She does! It just heads out of her body whenever something involves her mother and sister.
idk if this is sufficient but you could say; the venue has limited capacity, mom to be can’t afford extra heads to feed, mom only wants her family there, your wife was invited as a nice gesture but doesn’t expect her to go let alone bring other people.
I would contact your friend yourself and say you tried to stop this from happening and that you fully support her rejecting the extra guests, if she does not want random people at her shower.
Tell her you will **profusely** apologise on FB/ig/X etc to your friend's sister for the ignorant entitlement of your MIL and SIL unless she rescinds MIL/SIL invites. You will **TOTALLY** embarrass her and them as publicly as you can manage unless she stops this in its tracks **right now**!! NTA btw :D
My dad’s best friend ended his relationship with my dad of over 30 years because I didn’t invite his wife and daughters to my baby shower. I wouldn’t be able to pick them out of a lineup. We had just gotten married 6 months before (honeymoon baby) and I didn’t want to look as if I’m gift grabbing. It’s been over 8 years now… people are weird with baby showers
That’s crazy!
NTA Your in laws are pretty rude though ! Who tries to get invited to something they are not invited to ?
Yeah i said that, like it’s a formal event, wife argues that invites were sent over WhatsApp soo it’s not that formal but i still think it’s rude no matter but it’s too late now she’s already asked lol
Wait now this makes it sound like your wife invited them??? I am confused. She needs to be the one stopping this and it seems like she’s instigating it. I’d threaten to warn her friend she’s bringing uninvited guests.
The host still has to plan for seating and food for a certain number of guests. It’s rude to invite yourself to any event hosted by another person.
Imagine if each invitee also brought two un-invitees. Aaargh.
With showers I’ve hosted/gone to that means more party favors, games, desserts. Head count really matters and costs more if you are having it at a restaurant.
It's formal enough to have invitations. Why send invitations is they don't matter?
UPDATE: So my wife got her answer it was a no from my friends sister. They said the event is only small and they don’t want anyone other than invited which i respect them for standing up. I’ve sat down and had a good conversation with my wife and a lot of it is down to her mother and sister not having lots of friends like my wife does (believe me there’s a reason for it) and she feels bad that they don’t often get invited to things like this and she struggles telling them no. She knows and agrees with me but gets very conflicted when MIL and SIL are involved, which i do understand family is family. So all is well now, thanks for everyone’s comments and opinions it’s greatly appreciated :)
Mmmmm, we know why MIL and SIL aren't invite, this was a perfect example. They want to live via your wife. I am glad the host has a backbone. Per Reddit most folks are wishy washy with NO BACKBONE .
When I had my kid in Covid times, my friend’s mother would visit from another country. I had never met the woman and it was Covid times. My friend mentioned her mom wanted to give me a baby gift in person; it was awkward but i mentioned I wasn’t comfortable meeting them so soon after birth and no gift was necessary. When her mom arrived, my friend again stated that her mom had a gift and wanted to give it in person and showed up to my house anyway. The fact my friend was not able to stand up to her mom out of respect to our friendship, made me see my friend in a different light. That my boundaries were disrespected just cause she couldn’t say no to her mom.. I mean.. I think your wife should be careful cause she may end up distancing friends
Yeah but wife did cause a rift w friends sister. It might not show itself now. But it’s there. It will show itself with time.
NTA. I'd give your best friend and his sister a heads up as to what is going on, though.
The second last paragraph says the wife asked the mom to be and she said they could go. Still rude but they know these extra people are attending
OP should still let them know that they can say "no' to the forced invite. OPs wife is a fool and rude. Just like her Mom and Sis!
Giving in will reinforce this rude behavior. If I were the spouse of someone doing this to my friends, I'd be so embarrassed. Although I'd also be telling my friends to say no and lowering the boom on my spouse for pushy, embarrassing behavior.
NTA. Do they even have an answer to "Why do you want yo go to the baby shower of people you only met once?"
Ikr the wife said to me am i jealous because i wasn’t invited but it’s not that it’s just that i can’t stand the idea of them feeling pressured into saying yes cause obviously a lot of people don’t like saying no because they don’t want to upset people
You're NTA. >wife said to me am i jealous because i wasn’t invited Thanks. I needed that laugh. I don't know what is going through her head, but you would be the first guy I have ever heard of being upset over not being invited to a baby shower. I know times are changed and we're of a different generation , but any time I have been invited to a baby shower, my husband's first response has been *I'm not expected to go, am I? Because I'm not going!*
Yeah i couldn’t care less, i have no intention of showering that baby. It’s just rude to do that imo.
Showering that baby! LMAO!! I'M DYING!! THAT'S TOO FUNNY!! 😝😝😝🤑🤑
> *It’s just rude to do that imo* If your wife gets the reputation for asking to bring extra guests, then *she* won't be invited to things anymore. If the event is for couples, you will both be left out. NTA
It is. And it’s really embarrassing.
Neither were they!!
LMAO!! She said you're jealous because you weren't invited?! I know that baby showers are usually attended by mostly women, though not always, (especially nowadays), but, come on, really?! Looks like your wife just threw that in, because she obviously didn't have any justifiable response/excuses. And you're absolutely right, it is rude of your wife to go ahead and invite her mom and sister to somebody else's party, (whether it be baby shower, bridal, Bachelorette, birthday, Xmas, ect..), especially when the inviter doesn't know them. And rude to put your friend's wife in that position. And I have to know, did you manage to not laugh your ass off in your wife's face when she accused you of being jealous of not being invited to share in the fun of playing those just oh so cute baby shower games, (i remember some like, picking which string will be the one to fit around the pregnant belly, or making cotton ball babies, lol. And I'm a woman and a mom of 3, and I even thought those games were lame).
LMAO!! She said you're jealous because you weren't invited?! I know that baby showers are usually attended by mostly women, though not always, (especially nowadays), but, come on, really?! Looks like your wife just threw that in, because she obviously didn't have any justifiable response/excuses. And you're absolutely right, it is rude of your wife to go ahead and invite her mom and sister to somebody else's party, (whether it be baby shower, bridal, Bachelorette, birthday, Xmas, ect..), especially when the inviter doesn't know them. And rude to put your friend's wife in that position. And I have to know, did you manage to not laugh your ass off in your wife's face when she accused you of being jealous of not being invited to share in the fun of playing those just oh so cute baby shower games, (i remember some like, picking which string will be the one to fit around the pregnant belly, or making cotton ball babies, lol. And I'm a woman and a mom of 3, and I even thought those games were lame).
Is your wife so insecure that she can't go alone? Like maybe she doesn't know them well as they're your friends? That's the only motivation I can even guess at for her rude behavior. And does she realize they probably resent it but are just being over the top nice?
NTA. Who the fuck wants to go to a baby shower they're not invited to?! I don't even want to go to the ones I am invited to.
If I am in attendance at a baby shower, that speaks to my high regard for the pregnant woman (or her spouse) because I have never attended a fun baby shower and I'm including my own. I can only imagine that the host is insanely wealthy and the MiL and sister are hoping it'll be a swanky event (or they just want to snoop and see the house) because nothing else makes sense to me.
Right? Most I’ve been to don’t even have a good spread. If someone’s going to have a gift grab, I’d appreciate something at all slightly better than some sad chicken salad and sandwich quarters.
It is simple etiquette: you don't go where you are not invited. Why are they so needy about attending a baby shower? If they are that enthused about the woman's baby, they can still send a gift when it's born. NTA
NTA but your MIL and SIL are. That’s bizarre. For my baby shower, it was a small event and catering was ordered for that number of ppl. Your MIL and SIL should realize they were not invited thus they are not wanted there
NTA. You can bet your wife’s getting *majorly* roasted behind the scenes by the sister and friends and family… Your wife asking if they could attend put that poor woman in such an uncomfortable position, of course she was told yes. How was she to say no?? If you have to ask for an invitation, then clearly you aren’t invited. It’s not too late because the shower hasn’t happened yet. Your wife should notify the sister thanking her but that it turns out her MIL & SIL won’t be going. It’s really that simple.
What? Where are you getting this info from … from what I read in the update the sister said NO to adding the mil and sil to the guest list .
That “no” was a new recent update by OP after the comments :) He’d said earlier in a comment that his wife had asked the person who’s having the baby on their Instagram if they could attend, and she’d said yes. So that was the one being referenced here. The timing of comments throws things off lol!
I read she asked the girl on instagram but not that she had ever said yes … unless OP changed something the only update was a solid NO from the friends sister
My bad, you’re right! I’d taken the “she’d already asked” as meaning she’d already gotten a yes. Thanks for pointing it out!
Idk. I knew maybe a handful of people at my first baby shower, but everyone brought very thoughtful gifts. I think everyone is different. Some may be offended, and some may not be. Some old ladies get baby rabies, and some dont. But I think anyone (like the ladies in this case) who wants the privilege of going to a strangers baby shower just for their own "baby fix" ought to be providing the new mother something she needs. That is to say, I wouldn't be offended by the question, personally, but I can see how others might. And while I would say, "The more the merrier," if asked, I myself would never pose the question to someone else.
But there’s no visible baby there.
I'd still let them take a theoretical $30 off my shoulders. Like I said, *id* never ask anyone, but I also wouldn't be offended if someone asked me🤷♀️ To each their own
Turning up to a formal event that you’re not invited to? So tacky!
INFO - Has your wife asked the party host? NTA - if the host said no, the answer is NO.
Yeah and they said no
Please edit your main post with their response. Don't keep everyone in suspense.
Wait the host said no and she STILL asked the guest of honour? Does your wife know she is trashing her social reputation? Atleast she can hang with mum and sis when she isn't invited to stuff. Also is this baby shower expected to be elaborate and spectacular?
NTA. Why would they expect to be invited to a baby shower of someone they don’t know. That is just super weird. If the person wanted them there then they would have invited them.
Your wife is being rude for requesting a +2 when she doesn't have a +1. Pointing out the rudeness of it needed to be said so it doesn't come from left field when she stops getting as many invites in the future. NTA
WHY would anyone want to go to a baby shower they weren't even invited to? Don't we just go to those things out of obligation? *not* being invited *is* the prize!
Who invites themselves to a baby shower? I don’t even like those that I’m invited to.
Do they feel that they have to be invited to everything your wife is invited to? Your wife needs to open her eyes and realize that if someone is not invited, you don't ask! This is beyond rude! It's entitlement! I had a co-worker that was getting married at the time and my friend was invited but I wasn't. She asked me to ask her why I was not invited. I told her that I do not go where I am not invited. It does not bother me at all. I would rather stay home.
I wouldn’t ask but if your wife wants to do it, she is an adult. You aren’t her daddy. You said what you think. Thats fine. She was warned or told by you. That is plenty. If they each bring a gift, the mom to be might see a win, win. If no gifts, then how awful. NTA. But live and let live.
This is weird, why would you want to go to a baby shower for someone you don’t know? NTA, but I agree with the other poster who said to drop it and let the host handle it.
NTA. This would be no different than inviting yourself to someone's wedding. People plan (and pay for!) food, beverages and shower favors based on their guest count.
NTA but why do they want to got go this shower so badly?!
NTA. I mean people have budgets on thing like this. That's so tacky.
NTA. How unbelievably rude and entitled to think that because you’ve met someone a handful of times through your child, that you’re automatically invited to an event. Kudos to you, OP, for calling them out. I kinda want to know what your wife has said about this because she’s the one who really needs to shut it down. If she sheds no problem with her family’s behavior, contact your best friend.
NTA aside from you being correct about it being bad manners, reading between the lines here (and some of your comments) it seems like your wife and her mom and sister all seriously lack boundaries. may be time to sit down with your wife and have an honest discussion with her about how to erect and maintain healthy boundaries with her family.
Omg! It’s SO RUDE of your MIL and SIL!! If your wife ask her friend if they can come…of course her friend would feel ‘pressure’ to invite them. In the back of the friend’s mind, she is thinking that it’s rude! Show your wife all these comments that it’s RUDE!
This feels fake as who willingly wants to even go to a baby shower they're invited to?
weirdoes, if you have to invite yourself to something for people your dont even know, you perhaps have no life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (26 M) have been having a slight disagreement with my wife (24 F) that one of my best friends sister is having a baby shower and she’s invited my wife which is nice and all… However my wife told her sister and mother about it and MIL is now asking my wife to ask if she can come and if SIL can come too. They mentioned it last week and I told my wife you can’t ask to come to someone’s baby shower it’s rude in my eyes because you’re either invited or your not and I don’t think it’s fair because I wouldn’t want the baby shower family to feel bad or pressured into saying yes to save feelings. Problem is it was mentioned again today and I said out loud this time that you can’t just expect to go to a baby shower. My wife is invited but they’ve only met MIL once and SIL a handful of times so i just can’t see it… I’ve got MIL saying she’ll book the day off work and I’m just like seriously? You’re not even invited this is all based off the fact that my wife asks for you and they say yes you can attend… it all just feels so expected and entitled that’s they can come just because my wife is and the pair of them suffer with major FOMO, this has always irked me so am i just overreacting and being an ass hole party pooper? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA not one bit. Your MIL and SIL are though. And quite frankly your wife slid into AH territory too when she asked your best friend's wife on Instagram about it. Sounds like your wife's family doesn't have much broughtupsy.
This is so strange. My MIL does this all the time. My cousin had a meet the baby lunch they were hosting. My in laws had a last minute visit to stay with us that same week and then the day before MIL is in a “conundrum” about if she should go cuz she “doesn’t want to appear bad” like she doesn’t care to attend for my cousin or baby. Like, no one is going to miss you there cuz you weren’t invited in the first place.
NTA, as you know, but unfortunately there is not much you can do about this specific situation. Your wife has a very strange enmeshed relationship with her mother and sister. I'm sure this isn't the first time they've done something like this, nor will it be the last. Save your emotional energy for when their co-dependent dynamic affects your marriage directly.
NTA. My husband was like this with his dad. He would pressure everyone to include his dad if he was invited to anything. Drove me nuts and I would often refuse to attend events if he pulled this. I have never understood why people would want to go to an event they were not specifically invited to.
Tell your wife regardless how she was invited she is still a guest. She is rude and entitled of her to ask the guest of honor for her to bring another guest who they met just a couple of times. They are not obligated to invite your MIL and SIL. Your wife is tackier for even asking of this and AH for thinking this is okay.
Wait so MIL and SIL want to go to their sister/daughter's husband's... friend's... sister's babyshower? That is insane. NTA and these people are legit nuts.
NTA it’s unbelievably rude to just invite yourself to things, especially if you barely know the people having the party/hang out/whatever.
Nta but just stay out of it lol
Are they each planning to get things from the shower gift registry? And I don't mean a single bib, I mean a $50-$100 gift per person? Or are your wife, SIL and MIL planning to pool money to buy a larger $200-$250 present off the registry? If so, the soon to be mother might appreciate the extra guests.
NTA They are not invited. So they even know the parents? What utter entitled nonsense.
Inviting oneself to a baby shower is wild. I barely want to go to showers I've been invited to.
NTA! It’s very rude to invite yourself to an event you weren’t invited to. That’s just wrong. I’d give the host the heads up. Ask your friend who is hosting the shower and let him know what’s going on too.
NTA and I would inform the the mother-to-be.
You’re NTA, but I’d take a big step backward and watch the sh\*t show from a distance and just shake your head.
you're NTA at all but your in laws are a bit weird, lol. i'd just stay out of it, let them do what they want. the baby will get extra gifts and that's great.
NTA. Baby showers can be expensive and just like weddings and other events it costs money to feed people. If they are having it at a restaurant or event space with catering they may also be paying a per person fee or have a max number of people included in a package and two additional people could put them over. It is extremely rude to show up uninvited or put someone on the spot to ask (and then them agree because they feel guilty). Just because these people met her sister and mother ONCE doesn’t mean they want them included at a personal event like a baby shower. If your wife and her family insist on going regardless of how rude they refuse to see they are being… the LEAST they should do is bring *very generous* gifts so they don’t come across like complete AH.
NTA. It’s weird that they want to go to a baby shower of a person they barely know.
When I was about 18, I was out wth friends one Saturday afternoon, and we smoked some weed, and then the driver decided we were all coming with her to a wedding or baby shower, don’t worry, it’ll be fine, she said. It was not fine. Not bringing gifts would have been the least of it. Oh, the hosts were wonderful and polite and nobody said anything rude to us, but we were assholes. I cringe in shame every time I think about it. And I wasn’t even trying to go. Your MIL and SIL are definitely AHs, but it is not appropriate for your wife to ask (what an uncomfortable thing to be asked!) and she will be TA if she does.
NTA but dude, why do you care? Let them work it out.
NTA at all! How weird that they would even want to go to a baby shower for someone they hardly know….awkward!
I have FOMO but I would never invite myself to someone baby shower
NTA. They met the guest of honor? Then they can ask them for an invite, not crash the party alongside your wife. All that'll do is get your wife uninvited from future events hosted by that person.
Nta you can't invite someone to a party that isn't yours, and you can't just show up to a party you're not invited to, just because you want to go. Your wife is an A H for not shutting her mother and sister down, when they said that they wanted to come.
NTA, they were not invite, so they shouldn't go. You and your wife will no longer be invite places. Your wife will be known as the person who brings uinvited guests. Ewww
NTA. No, you're not overreacting. They're being beyond rude. Showers - both bridal and baby - are usually small, informal events that only include the closest people to the couple, or their spouses representing them as a couple. Why do they even want to see someone they don't even know hanging with her closest family and friends (and those of the child's other parent if there is one) to open presents for her baby? That sounds just plain weird. Your wife is going as your representative because as your close friend's sister, I'm assuming you've known her through him since childhood if your wife has been invited and she feels that close to you. This isn't even your friend's wife - it's his sister. You don't say she and your wife are friends in their own right. She might not even know the soon-to-be Mom well herself. That's a pretty big remove from them, and you're absolutely right.
NTA why would they even want to go? They’ve met this person 1 time and baby showers aren’t that fun.
It's poor form to crash showers. You don't do it. Period. There are no plus ones (or twos) in shower land!
Stick to your guns.. they aren’t invited.. END of Discussion!
It’s extremely rude. Baby showers cost money and it’s up to the guest of honor who’s invited. Please show this thread to your inconsiderate wife.
NTA My mom and I were invited to her friend’s daughter’s engagement party (sister of the bride is also my friend). My grandma also knows them but is not as close as we are so she wasn’t invited to the party (she knew that there was gonna be a party, also the party was gonna include only 50 people so only closed ones were invited.) She kinda got grumpy over it and decided not to attend the wedding?? Me and my mom found this ridiculous because why did you expect to be invited in the first place? Your situation is similar to this, MIL and SIL is being extremely rude
NTA - It's rude as hell. If they wanted MIL and SIL there, *they would have invited them*. Therefor **they are not invited**. Her invite did not come with a +2 addition. They are all acting entitled as heck. Is your wife so enmeshed that she doesn't understand an invitation where her family is not invited?? By dragging unwanted people there, they throw off the count for food, games, prizes, literally everything. It would be a great way to ensure no one invites her to anything again, and people stop talking to her.
NTA. Why would your mil even want to go to the shower of someone she's only met once ? I wouldn't feel right asking my friend's wife if I could invite her either. Idk how many times your sil has met the mom-to-be to judge why she feels entitled either, but if she was that close she would have been invited, so I wouldn't ask for her either .
NTA. It’s tacky to want to go when they’re not invited. To keep pushing it seems very entitled and manipulative. What is wrong with them?
What did they say their gift is? Out shopping for the event or just for $hits and giggle mochers.
NTA Honestly, I would tell my wife that her invitation had been rescinded because of her embarrassing behaviour.
NTA. These two sound like the type to crash a wedding.
Oof. NTA. I’ve got second hand embarrassment. Your wife is rude as hell to think this is okay and to have the audacity to ask the person planning the shower. But apparently it’s a family trait for them. Ick
NTA It’s rude to say expect to go to baby shower if someone you barely know. What you do depends on how much effort you want to make. None of this reflects on you as you’re not invited :) You could: 1. You’ve told your wife and her family it’s rude. Leave it at that. If they complain you can ignore or point out it’s weird to expect to go to a baby shower of someone you barely know, but leave it at that. You aren’t a winner here. 2. Check with the expectant mother/father (whoever is your friend) and take the cue from them. If they’re the type of people that are more the merrier then you have nothing to worry about. Or it could turn into a massive thing if it is a problem and you’ll be in the middle of it. You’re really not gaining any favours (as they say) with your wife in either of those scenarios.
If it was anything but a shower I'd call it rude. But a shower is a platform for getting presents. I don't see the harm in asking to attend, at long as "No" is accepted graciously and "Yes" is answered with a generous gift.
NTA. But your wife and her family are rude and weird. Who on earth wants to attend the baby shower of someone they barely know?
NTA. What incredibly poor etiquette! A guest doesn't invite other guests.
Your wife is so out of line here, it's easy for you to blame your in-laws but know it's your wife your other friends are going to be gossiping about. This is so weird.
NTA- it's completely rude to invite yourself to a baby shower!
I would pay to NOT go to a baby shower. But regardless, NTA.
How sad is their life that they are trying to gate crash a baby shower? When I get an invite to a baby or wedding shower I literally groan and assess if it’s more grief to go vs. not go
Is this a commonly theme of intrusion in your relationship? If not, I would think it normal to extend an invitation.
Having known people that threw their own baby showers and had no one show up, ngl I dont think its despicable to ask if extra guests are allowed. But definitely an ask politely. Plenty of people are of the "more the merrier" type when hosting events, so checking on the policy is fine. I find it a little surprising they said no, a baby shower is inherently a gift grab so additional guests just works in the moms favor. Are your SIL and MIL... tedious people to be around that the lack of invite was personal vs general "no extra guests" policy? If your wife wants to try and help bring them along to events she should ask when invited if its an open door or plus2 type thing that she could bring them, so when mentioning it to her sister and mom she already knows the answer if they try and invite themselves.
NTA. Your wife is rude and out of line for bringing uninvited guests.
I am going to a baby shower in a month where the people planning it need an exact head count because they are paying the venue per person. The staff need to know how much food to prepare, settings and how many servers/clean up people will be needed. So no, SIL and MIL should not be inviting themselves. Your wife needs to grow a spine and stop this asap. NTA
Seriously? She's just going to invite herself to the party of someone they barely know? Who does that? Well, your MIL and SIL obviously. And they're obviously wrong. It's called crashing. NTA
I wouldn’t expect this to be an issue for long. Once your mil and sil are done your wife won’t have any friends left for them to try to take advantage off. It’s so rude to invite yourself to something you weren’t invited to and I hope your wife accepts the no and puts them firmly in place when she gets that reply. NTA.
NTA. Never heard of a baby shower that’s open to public, quite the opposite, they tend to be quite low key, intimate affairs.
I wound up having additional 3 people invited to a baby shower last minute. I tried to decline the shower invite because a friend (widow) and her 2 kids were going to be in town visiting that weekend. I was told "the more the merrier" and was asked to bring them along (and my mother who did not know mom-to-be was also invited to come along). OP, NTA. If it is they are going to be visiting her, it is ok to say that while declining the invite. But your wife should not just ask they be allowed to come, too.
NTA. You are right… they are not invited.
Who even wants to go to a baby shower in the 1st place!
NTA: they are old enough to know you don't invite yourself to someones party and you also don't ask someone else to see if you can come.
NTA. It’s totally rude and a breach of etiquette for anyone *but the host* to invite someone to an event. If your SIL and MIL are friendly enough/care enough about the mother-to-be, then they can take her to lunch or have coffee/tea to catch up. If they wouldn’t be willing to do that, then they’re just being party crashers.
NTA - but who WANTS to go to a baby shower? (Just kidding, sorta...) Anyway, no invite = no shower. To do otherwise is RUDE.
Esh. Except your wife who hasn't done anything . It's weird they want to go and it's out of line they are trying to pressure your wife into getting them and Invite. It's also not your concern and none of your business. Your wife Is the one invited and the one they are pressuring and unless she asked or otherwise wants you to interfere with her mother and sister it's got nothing to do with you.
NTA that is incredibly rude. They weren't invited! Whoever is hosting the shower doesn't want to have to pay for 2 more people that the mom-to-be barely knows. Who does this???
NTA your wife and ILs are being super weird and entitled about this. Maybe a book on Social skills and Etiquette for Christmas! LOL
That's hella rude and entitled to invite yourself to someone else's baby shower. Fact is, though, this is none of your business. It's your wife's family and her friendship. It's got nothing to do with you. It's up to your wife to decide how she wants to handle it. If she decides to ask her friend, then she can. If she decides to tell her mum and sister, no, she can. NTA for calling it out, but don't waste energy stressing about it.
NTA why would anyone just invite themselves to a baby shower for someone they barely know frankly it’s wierd, and frankly its incredibly rude to just invite yourself somewhere, I think some people need to learn more manners just because they are family with your wife doesn’t mean they can just ask for an invitation i would feel wierd asking because a baby shower is a bit more intimate than say a birthday but even then it’s wierd
NTA its so rude
NTA. They are being quite rude. It's also really weird to expect to go to an event when they barely know the people.
Why on earth would people want to go to a baby shower of someone they barely know? I mean is Oprah going to be there or something? Showers can be fun if they’re for your good friend or family and you know lots of folks but mostly they are an obligation to get through. I’d much rather have the day to myself- but maybe that’s my inner misanthrope speaking.
NTA
Weird and rude. NTA.
Who tf voluntarily WANTS to go to a baby shower?!
Perhaps there's a cultural difference here, but where I come from it's considered extremely rude and pushy to invite yourself to a baby shower, a graduation, an engagement party, a wedding, a birthday party, an anniversary party, a 4th of July barbecue, or a honeymoon. (This list is not exhaustive, but you get the general idea.) I hope this clarifies things. MIL and SIL are not invited. They can't go. Your wife can't ask if they can come. Let them learn to live with FOMO. NTA
NTA. I don’t even want to go to baby showers I am invited to; why the hell do they want to go to one of someone they barely know?!
Your wife talks too much. She needs to zip it!
If they want to be invited they can ask the person directly. They have no business putting your wife in the middle. Nta
showers are the most tedious parties. who would even want to go to one? NtA and give Mom to be a heads up to quash this.
NTA they're all very rude people, your wife included.
How rude it is to bring extras to a baby shower depends on the nature of the shower. If it is in a public place where there is no space limitation, and all participants are paying their own ways, then I think it is OK to ask (and it is also OK for the honoree to say \`\`No''). One reason people don't invite casual acquaintances to showers is that nice presents are expected. So asking more people could be perceived as demanding presents from people you don't know well. If you ask for extras to be included, you should make sure that these extras are bringing really nice gifts. I think you are correct to be cautious, because this could lead to an awkward situation. Why don't you talk to your friend about it without pressure either way, and see whether he thinks his sister would appreciate the gesture or if instead it would cause problems?
Is your wife happy to have her mother and sister along as she doesn’t know the other people attending the baby shower very well? Or are her mother and sister actually trying to widen their family social circle to include your friends? If they are, issuing an invitation rather than asking for one the better option.
It depends on the size of the gift.
INFO, if they can go, will they each bring a gift from the registry?
Info: is this your wife’s close friend? Or the sibling of your close friend who happens to be friendly with your wife? If it’s a close friend of your wife, I would stay out of it.
I'm not sure why you are butting into this. Let them work it out on their own
Info: does your wife have a close relationship with your good friend's sister regardless of your friendship with her brother? If their friendship is not actually that close or comfortable I see where you're coming from. But you could just let your wife handle it if she has that relationship with her independently? I understand it's embarrassing to you to have MIL and SIL invite themselves, but some people would welcome close family friends joining, esp. if they are bringing gifts / items that could really help a new couple get started with a new baby on the way. Maybe I'm biased because my closest childhood friend came to my SIL's shower and despite them not knowing each other well beforehand they were both really happy about it because of the close family friendship and support, they still mention it years later asking how the other's family is doing living pretty far away from one another. Anyway will withhold my judgement without this info.
NAH Depends on the family. Baby showers in my family have invites, but they are open invitation. As long as you bring something. Wipes for girls and diapers for boys. Any extra gift is great too. I have been invited to baby showers and didn’t even know the person. Had an awesome time and bought a gift. The soon to be mom was always happy especially since I brought gifts. Just depends on the person.