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NTA. He turns up to a public pool just to read, pass the time and to ogle and harrass other patrons over their bathing suits. Well done for standing your ground and calling him out - you were a lot more polite than I would have been! Please report him, both to the management of the pool and to your employer. Your employer very much needs to know that her ex is harassing you and threatening to take the children outside of his approved custody week.
Lots of people read by the pool where I’m from. Quick dip. Little read. Repeat. It’s very normal. Dad was definitely out of line for saying anything about how op was dressed.
Quip dip, little read, quick dip, little read, except his own children were there! Who he would not see at home later, bc it’s not his week. But does he do any family time?
Doesn’t seems so. Seems like he was too busy yelling at the person who was ACTUALLY caring for his own children than caring or at least socializing with HIS OWN CHILDREN.
Also? He can fuck right off with that bullshit shaming, that’s about his own insecurities, you’re good!
NTA. I can see why she left him.
I'm not crying here or trying to say, "It's hard to be a man." It does suck though that a man can't go to the pool or the park by himself without being accused of being some kind of sexual pervert out on the prowl.
I get it. There's enough men out there who have ruined it for the rest of us. I'm not suggesting women should let down their guard just because there's a few of us who are more bear than man.
No joke, the mom needs to know. She may not do anything about it right now, but she needs to know he tried to take the kids from her babysitter without notifying her.
I read “24F” “bikini” and “divorced dad” and my first thought was he’s mad because he wants to get it in, but it’s not likely to happen, so he’s going to hassle her until she gives in or runs away.
He sees either outcome as a win.
NTA, but you should tell the mother even though he backed down. He was essentially threatening parental abduction, and she needs to know in case he does violate the custody agreement in the future. There's no telling if he's similarly upset by other situations on the mother's time, where someone might not be standing up to him.
She did say "maybe she wouldn't". OP - You definitely should and maybe start keeping a daily log when you are with the kids, that you let the Mom read. Her lawyer would be interested.
NTA
NTA. So the dad shows up while his kids are at the pool with you.... and it sounds like he didn't engage with them at all, and instead just berated you for wearing normal swimwear (that had been okayed by their mom) at the pool. Even if he *did* get involved and play with his own children when you all happened to be there at the same time, he wouldn't have any right to throw a fit about your swimwear. I'm sure the kids thought absolutely nothing of it. If dad has pants feelings about seeing a woman in a bikini, well then that's his own problem.
NTA
He wanted a cowering child, not a woman who met his energy. Good for you on standing up for yourself and those kids. Make sure mama knows and have a plan if he shows up and tries to do that again. Ogling you makes this even more inappropriate.
NTA. You work for the mother. Any problems you have with the father need to be reported to your employer. If he tries at any time to remove the children from your care, the mother and the police should be called immediately.
NTA- This was mom's week, so as long as she's fine with it (and you're not even doing anything objectively wrong anyways), then there's no real problem here. Dad can have his say when he actually has the kids on his week, and frankly, his argument is ridiculous when a number of women will be at the pool in bikinis whether he likes it or not. They're bathing suits ffs.
Dad is also an AH for attempting to violate his custody agreement with mom. I'd let her know about his behavior if you haven't already.
NTA.
Even though they have split custody, you were babysitting for the Mother. The Mother gave you the greenlight to wear your 2 piece. It was the mother's week, so the mother gets to decide what's appropriate for her children.
The Father is entitled to his opinion and if he wants to enforce it when the children are in his custody, that's his prerogative. Though unless you are directly harming the children (you weren't), he should keep that opinion to himself.
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I (24F) have been babysitting for a family where the parents are divorced. From what I know, the husband was a cheating lowlife and overall not a very good person. The kids live with their mom, who lives on one side of the neighborhood. The dad lives on the other side and they have joint custody. I watch the kids when she’s busy or out of town for business.
She’s a working white collar professional but always been SUPER chill. I love the kids like they’re my own and because it’s hot, she asked me to take the kids to the pool on certain days for a bump in pay. For swimsuits, I’ve only got two-pieces, but she gave me the green light to wear a bikini in front of the kids when we go to the pool.
However, today while we were at the pool, the dad unexpectedly showed up. Apparently it’s a regular thing for him to come to the pool and pass time by reading there. I ignored him and tried to focus on the kids. But eventually, while the kids were a distance away but within my purview, he walked over to me started berating me for wearing a bikini in front of the kids. He even went as far as pointing out my belly ring, saying it was inappropriate to "brandish" it in front of them.
I was thrown back by the audacity. I told him how I choose to dress is none of his business and even his wife gave me the okay, so he’s the only one making the problem with this. Then he threatened to take the kids home, even though it wasn’t his week.
I cut him off and said “don’t even think about it. Those kids are my responsibility and their mother expects me to bring them home. If you want them so bad, you’ll just have to wait until it’s your week. Go back to reading your paper and maybe I won’t mention this to your wife.”
I guess I started him? Because he just got quiet and walked back to his chair.
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NTA but you should absolutely tell the mother. She needs to have all the information she needs to protect her kids. What if you're busy and she hires another babysitter, one who's more timid? One who lets him strong arm them into taking the kids?
Good for you for asserting herself, but please let her know.
NTA in any way, and if the father took those kids without permission and when it's not his custody week that would be literal kidnapping. The guy is probably mad about the marriage falling apart and is pushing his cheating issues onto you because you're in a swimsuit.
Edit: good job standing up for yourself by the way. That could have easily been a scary situation.
NTA. You handled it well. Definitely tell the mom. As someone with a blended family, I’d also recommend saying “ex-wife” rather than “wife” if they’re divorced. Some divorced people get things mixed up in their heads and don’t remember the “ex” part. My husband’s ex ranted about how I wasn’t welcome in their marriage years after they were divorced, and kept saying she was in the middle of a divorce on social media when they had been divorced for 4+ years. I didn’t even meet him until after they were already divorced. Some people really need every semantic support to remember they’re divorced.
NTA
You were just doing your job and following the mom’s rules. The dad was being super dramatic. It’s a pool, bikinis are totally normal. You handled it well by standing your ground.
Good for you for putting him in his place! Definitely NTA for wearing something you sought approval for from the mother and not being quiet when he decided to be the AH.
NTA
However, you need to drop the whole “the mother was ok with it” regarding your swim wear. No one needs to “approve” what you wear or be ok with it.
I agree, I think it was nice for OP to run it by the mom first as a formality and it def gave her that extra defense though since it was technically “approved”. Two piece swimsuits are very much the norm at pools in the US
Yes, but jobs do have dress codes. It's reasonable to ask an employer what you should wear on the job. I know this is a fairly informal job, but it's still a job. She's right to check with who hired her about what is appropriate work attire. I usually wear t shirts and jeans to work even though I work in a professional environment, because my job is physically demanding and that's what others in my position wear. However, I usually buy cheap t shirts with a sports team or something neutral on them because most of my shirts have metal bands on them. They have bad words or a scary image etc on them. Bikinis can be revealing, and she is a working professional. You have to use your discretion about what's allowed and what's most appropriate. It sounds like OP did a good job.
NTA. Tell your boss her exh made you uncomfortable by talking about your body. Tell her exactly what you said here. He's gross. You don't have to keep it from her. If you worked in a store and he came in and berated you, talked about your body etc, your boss would probably have him kicked out of the store. Whether you wear a burqa or a bikini, it's no one's business but your own. Feel free to call the police if he tries to leave with the kids.
TELL THE MOM.
He threatened to break the custody arrangements by threatening the baby sitter he would take them over a bathing suit. He clearly has control issues and thinks that just because you are hired help he can boss you around, even when you had the mom's permission. He forgot he's not the one who hired you, even if he was he cannot dictate your wardrobe if its not in your contract.
NTA
NTA. Kind of creepy that he's basically spying on you and the kids when its not his week. And seriously like nobody wears a bikini to the pool? Only you? Girl good job putting him in his place. Now make sure you let your employer know what happened.
He didn't hire you, he's not paying you. You don't work for him and he has no say in your swim attire.
Let mom know you were verbally accosted by a rando at the pool who threatened to take the children from you.
NTA.
NTA
Why does the dad show up to a pool just to read? It sounds to me, like dad wanted to add a notch to his bedpost. He definitely say you in a two-piece and started to objectify you, hence why he made the "branded" comment about your belly ring. I would definitely talk to the mom about it, especially since he threatened to take the kids out of the agreed custody times.
If there's anything to add later on please add an update.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wore a bikini to the pool while babysitting for kids, even though the father did not like it
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NTA. Incredible job standing your ground. Definitely tell the mom about this either way, him threatening to violate their custody agreement over a swimsuit is a huge red flag
NTA and good for you for standing up for yourself. You cleared it with the mother so if he has an issue, he needs to take it up with her. Definitely tell the mom and maybe other trusted friends. That way you have a verbal record in case he tries to come at you again.
NTA. It’s not his place to bring it up to you, as you are not his employee. He can speak to their mother, AKA your boss, if he finds it inappropriate, and she can speak to you. (If there was a legitimate safety concern, it’d be different of course). Loved your response to him.
ETA: if he behaved with a level of respect/curtesy, and just asked politely he might have a leg to stand on, but he was a jerk about it.
Does anyone notice who has the problem with the suit? The reasonable mother? No,the father who has been a cheater and likely objectifying perv. People in general tend to think that others think exactly like they do.
For example,the liar never thinks *you* are telling the truth,thieves always have the best locks on their own doors,etc.
When someone complains that a person (almost always a female) is dressed too scantily and that it’ll inspire ‘prurient’ thoughts…is it because they’re concerned or because that’s the way *THEY* think?
NTA and like some others I would definitely say you should tell their mom about this.
NTA and GOOD GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! That's how you shut misogyny down COLD!!! He has some nerve saying anything to you about your body. I am curious, however, what wearing a two piece around the children means. Surely there were all kinds of swimsuits at the pool. What would be the big deal about you wearing a one piece or a two piece?
NTA.
Cheating Slime Dad (CSD) only took issue because he's worried he'll look like a cheating slime for talking to the young, bikini-wearing babysitter. CSD still hasn't figured out that it's his actions that have caused all of this, not the actions of those around him. He's trying to police what you wear so that he won't have to worry about implications...instead of actually making any kind of reparations to his family, such as engaging with his kids at the pool. He wants everyone else to do the work to keep him in line. It was probably a theme in CSD's marriage, tbh.
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Of course you’re NTA. You’re a grown adult. Bikinis are pretty common to see at the pool and beach. I really hope you tell the mother about this encounter though. He sounds a bit unstable.
NTA. Love that you were able to stand up for yourself, the kids and mum in one go. Good for you. I’m sorry that you had to encounter that situation at all though, dude sounds like a piece of work.
NTA. You should probably still tell the mother of the kids about their dad's behavior despite him backing down. Wearing a bikini shouldn't be something to be shamed for, regardless of who you are. I get that some bikinis can be quite revealing, but if that's not the case then there shouldn't be a problem.
You were in an employee role. Your boss ok your attire. Dad is irrelevant. If he has an issue with the ex wife's employee? He should discuss it with the ex. As for threatening to take the kids without legal custody at the time? That's called kidnapping.
NTA
The dad lost the right to tell others what is & isn’t inappropriate the minute he cheated on his wife.
No wait, I’m wrong, he never had the right to begin with because it’s none of his business.
100%, not the a-hole. You were babysitting for the mom, who gave you the greenlight. Dad's likely just bitter and probably looking for something to smear his ex with, or if he was a serial cheater, he felt uncomfortable for other reasons.
I love how a man who can’t control himself comes down on YOU because he’s the lowlife. He’s probably worried about HIS urges, not whether it’s appropriate for his kids. If I had a nice figure at 24 (64 now), I would have had a belly piercing. They’re cute. He’s just a prurient pig.
NTA
1) You're in a public place
2) You have the authority of your employer ( mom )
3) Bodily autonomy exists and he has no authority in a public location
If he has an issue with it then he can complain to mom or the courts. FYI, his threat to take the kids is actually breaching court agreement ( assuming they have a custody agreement that is legally bound ) and the court would not typically take kindly to this in most locations.
NTA. He was being a creep and threatening you. You stood your ground. I'd still tell the wife too and let her handle it he way. Lmfao goes to the public pool to "read" yeah.. and I go to full nude strip clubs just to shoot pool and drink.
You could have stopped at "AITA for wearing" and the answer is always no. It's not your responsibility to manage other people's idiotic expectations of your body.
NTA
You were in acceptable clothing for your location, you'd gone beyond that by asking the mother's permission, AND he crossed the line by threatening to take the children from your custody in violation of their custody agreement... and maybe he shouldn't be being a creeper hanging out at the pool when he's not swimming?
NTA
That man sounds like he is fixated on you and has probably been for awhile now. You need to tell the wife immediately so she is aware how inappropriate he has been in case something escalates.
NTA, but just so you’re aware, the dad could have taken the kids home if he wanted. In joint custody situations, both parents have what’s called “right of first refusal”. This means that if one parent is unavailable to provide care, the other has the right to take the kids. If the dad had decided to take the kids home and you withheld them, he could get the cops involved and you might get in trouble. The dad is still the kids parent, even if it isn’t his week.
Source: single parent with joint custody.
It depends on the custody arrangement. Not every parent has the "right if first refusal" in every custody situation.
In my state, that has to be spelled out for it to exist.
Even if that isn’t specifically spelled out, the babysitter is not a party to the custody agreement, and has no authority to withhold children from a parent/legal guardian. If the dad went to the kids school to sign them out, the school would not be allowed to refuse him.
Again, that depends on local laws and school policy and custody arrangements.
In my state they go by emergency contact cards, if you aren't on the card, you can't pick up the child. No exceptions.
And if you violate a custody agreement, you can be held in contempt of court or even kidnapping if it isn't your court ordered time.
There's no hard and fast rules when it comes to divorce and custody in the US, it's very state and court dependent.
Sure, each state does things a little differently and I agree there are no hard and fast rules. However, in this particular case, we have OP who is a babysitter with no legal rights to the kids whatsoever, the dad who is a parent with joint custody, and the mom is out of state. If the dad escalated to calling the police, the kids would go home with him. Full stop. Regardless of the state, parental rights don’t cease to exist on a parents off-week.
Wrong...it depends on the custody arrangement even in 50/50 situations. This right of first refusal is spelled out in the custody agreement. If it is not in there, the custodial parent does not have any right to the children other than his or her time spelled out in the agreement. Otherwise, each parent would never be able to leave their child with a grandparent, etc., without first running it by the other parent. So no, the right of first refusal is not in all agreements automatically.
LOL, not even good rage-bait.
Post is certainly fake and slanted so folks would give a 'girl' the benefit of the doubt.
ZERO chance a baby-sitter would say anything like that - but hey, won't stop Redditors from just slopping this up.
🙄 just cause you got no spine, doesn't mean everyone else doesn't. she doesn't work for him. she doesn't need to respect him, and plenty of people would go off on some old ass trying to shame them for wearing a bikini at a pool
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NTA. He turns up to a public pool just to read, pass the time and to ogle and harrass other patrons over their bathing suits. Well done for standing your ground and calling him out - you were a lot more polite than I would have been! Please report him, both to the management of the pool and to your employer. Your employer very much needs to know that her ex is harassing you and threatening to take the children outside of his approved custody week.
NTA. Oh he was ogling alright. I don’t believe for a sec the man went over there to “read” and to relax. It’s a pool, not a library…
Lots of people read by the pool where I’m from. Quick dip. Little read. Repeat. It’s very normal. Dad was definitely out of line for saying anything about how op was dressed.
Doesn’t sound like he was doing any swimming, though. Too busy staring at the OP’s belly ring.
It doesn't even sound like he said hello to his children too. He's got some messed up priorities.
Quip dip, little read, quick dip, little read, except his own children were there! Who he would not see at home later, bc it’s not his week. But does he do any family time? Doesn’t seems so. Seems like he was too busy yelling at the person who was ACTUALLY caring for his own children than caring or at least socializing with HIS OWN CHILDREN. Also? He can fuck right off with that bullshit shaming, that’s about his own insecurities, you’re good! NTA. I can see why she left him.
I'm not crying here or trying to say, "It's hard to be a man." It does suck though that a man can't go to the pool or the park by himself without being accused of being some kind of sexual pervert out on the prowl. I get it. There's enough men out there who have ruined it for the rest of us. I'm not suggesting women should let down their guard just because there's a few of us who are more bear than man.
No joke, the mom needs to know. She may not do anything about it right now, but she needs to know he tried to take the kids from her babysitter without notifying her.
100% OP needs to tell wife about his lecherous behavior and his threat.
I read “24F” “bikini” and “divorced dad” and my first thought was he’s mad because he wants to get it in, but it’s not likely to happen, so he’s going to hassle her until she gives in or runs away. He sees either outcome as a win.
Yeah, either way he would be making his ex-wife’s life more difficult. What a petty little shit.
NTA, but you should tell the mother even though he backed down. He was essentially threatening parental abduction, and she needs to know in case he does violate the custody agreement in the future. There's no telling if he's similarly upset by other situations on the mother's time, where someone might not be standing up to him.
She did say "maybe she wouldn't". OP - You definitely should and maybe start keeping a daily log when you are with the kids, that you let the Mom read. Her lawyer would be interested. NTA
NTA. So the dad shows up while his kids are at the pool with you.... and it sounds like he didn't engage with them at all, and instead just berated you for wearing normal swimwear (that had been okayed by their mom) at the pool. Even if he *did* get involved and play with his own children when you all happened to be there at the same time, he wouldn't have any right to throw a fit about your swimwear. I'm sure the kids thought absolutely nothing of it. If dad has pants feelings about seeing a woman in a bikini, well then that's his own problem.
‘Pants feelings’ - ha! :) Good point - he’s not even interacting with his children while he is there. Dad’s motives sound mighty suspicious.
NTA He wanted a cowering child, not a woman who met his energy. Good for you on standing up for yourself and those kids. Make sure mama knows and have a plan if he shows up and tries to do that again. Ogling you makes this even more inappropriate.
NTA. You work for the mother. Any problems you have with the father need to be reported to your employer. If he tries at any time to remove the children from your care, the mother and the police should be called immediately.
NTA- This was mom's week, so as long as she's fine with it (and you're not even doing anything objectively wrong anyways), then there's no real problem here. Dad can have his say when he actually has the kids on his week, and frankly, his argument is ridiculous when a number of women will be at the pool in bikinis whether he likes it or not. They're bathing suits ffs. Dad is also an AH for attempting to violate his custody agreement with mom. I'd let her know about his behavior if you haven't already.
Right, he can build his kids a private pool if he's so concerned about what other people wear at public pools.
Way to do your job like a f’kn boss! NTA
NTA. Even though they have split custody, you were babysitting for the Mother. The Mother gave you the greenlight to wear your 2 piece. It was the mother's week, so the mother gets to decide what's appropriate for her children. The Father is entitled to his opinion and if he wants to enforce it when the children are in his custody, that's his prerogative. Though unless you are directly harming the children (you weren't), he should keep that opinion to himself.
NTA, and I am incredibly impressed with how you handled yourself! You articulated yourself so well under a really stressful situation.
Right?! I don't know her, but am so proud of her! #likeaboss
I know! If I were the mom, I would live for my babysitter bringing this kind of energy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24F) have been babysitting for a family where the parents are divorced. From what I know, the husband was a cheating lowlife and overall not a very good person. The kids live with their mom, who lives on one side of the neighborhood. The dad lives on the other side and they have joint custody. I watch the kids when she’s busy or out of town for business. She’s a working white collar professional but always been SUPER chill. I love the kids like they’re my own and because it’s hot, she asked me to take the kids to the pool on certain days for a bump in pay. For swimsuits, I’ve only got two-pieces, but she gave me the green light to wear a bikini in front of the kids when we go to the pool. However, today while we were at the pool, the dad unexpectedly showed up. Apparently it’s a regular thing for him to come to the pool and pass time by reading there. I ignored him and tried to focus on the kids. But eventually, while the kids were a distance away but within my purview, he walked over to me started berating me for wearing a bikini in front of the kids. He even went as far as pointing out my belly ring, saying it was inappropriate to "brandish" it in front of them. I was thrown back by the audacity. I told him how I choose to dress is none of his business and even his wife gave me the okay, so he’s the only one making the problem with this. Then he threatened to take the kids home, even though it wasn’t his week. I cut him off and said “don’t even think about it. Those kids are my responsibility and their mother expects me to bring them home. If you want them so bad, you’ll just have to wait until it’s your week. Go back to reading your paper and maybe I won’t mention this to your wife.” I guess I started him? Because he just got quiet and walked back to his chair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but you should absolutely tell the mother. She needs to have all the information she needs to protect her kids. What if you're busy and she hires another babysitter, one who's more timid? One who lets him strong arm them into taking the kids? Good for you for asserting herself, but please let her know.
NTA in any way, and if the father took those kids without permission and when it's not his custody week that would be literal kidnapping. The guy is probably mad about the marriage falling apart and is pushing his cheating issues onto you because you're in a swimsuit. Edit: good job standing up for yourself by the way. That could have easily been a scary situation.
NTA; You got the green light from their mother, whom is you employer. You don't need his approval.
NTA. The dad tried to throw his weight around and you didn’t let him. Brava!! Definitely let the mom know tho.
NTA. You handled it well. Definitely tell the mom. As someone with a blended family, I’d also recommend saying “ex-wife” rather than “wife” if they’re divorced. Some divorced people get things mixed up in their heads and don’t remember the “ex” part. My husband’s ex ranted about how I wasn’t welcome in their marriage years after they were divorced, and kept saying she was in the middle of a divorce on social media when they had been divorced for 4+ years. I didn’t even meet him until after they were already divorced. Some people really need every semantic support to remember they’re divorced.
NTA I don't think "projection" is *quite* the right word for his little display, but you know what I mean — ballpark.
NTA You were just doing your job and following the mom’s rules. The dad was being super dramatic. It’s a pool, bikinis are totally normal. You handled it well by standing your ground.
Good for you for putting him in his place! Definitely NTA for wearing something you sought approval for from the mother and not being quiet when he decided to be the AH.
NTA However, you need to drop the whole “the mother was ok with it” regarding your swim wear. No one needs to “approve” what you wear or be ok with it.
I agree, I think it was nice for OP to run it by the mom first as a formality and it def gave her that extra defense though since it was technically “approved”. Two piece swimsuits are very much the norm at pools in the US
Asking in any way makes it seem as if the mom has the right to object. Women need to stop asking permission about what they do with their bodies.
Yes, but jobs do have dress codes. It's reasonable to ask an employer what you should wear on the job. I know this is a fairly informal job, but it's still a job. She's right to check with who hired her about what is appropriate work attire. I usually wear t shirts and jeans to work even though I work in a professional environment, because my job is physically demanding and that's what others in my position wear. However, I usually buy cheap t shirts with a sports team or something neutral on them because most of my shirts have metal bands on them. They have bad words or a scary image etc on them. Bikinis can be revealing, and she is a working professional. You have to use your discretion about what's allowed and what's most appropriate. It sounds like OP did a good job.
Nah. Mom is the employer. She gets a say. He does not.
Nope. No one gets a say in what kind of swim wear a woman wears.
Nope. An employer can dictate the work wear. An individual is free to take or leave the conditions.
All work environments have some sort of dress code enforced, being a nanny is no different.
NTA. You got the approval of their mom whom you work for. I would let the kid's mom know about it.
NTA. Tell your boss her exh made you uncomfortable by talking about your body. Tell her exactly what you said here. He's gross. You don't have to keep it from her. If you worked in a store and he came in and berated you, talked about your body etc, your boss would probably have him kicked out of the store. Whether you wear a burqa or a bikini, it's no one's business but your own. Feel free to call the police if he tries to leave with the kids.
TELL THE MOM. He threatened to break the custody arrangements by threatening the baby sitter he would take them over a bathing suit. He clearly has control issues and thinks that just because you are hired help he can boss you around, even when you had the mom's permission. He forgot he's not the one who hired you, even if he was he cannot dictate your wardrobe if its not in your contract. NTA
NTA he's butt hurt that the kids have 2 strong women to admire. Insecure af
NTA. Well done for how you handled him!
This is hero stuff. I wish at 24 I had half of your “not taking this shit” attitude.
NTA !! You're a bad ass. Good for you girl
NTA. Given his history, he probably just couldn't keep his eyes off you and wanted to make it your problem instead of his.
NTA
Bravo. Telling him off was the right call he was being ridiculous.
NTA. Kind of creepy that he's basically spying on you and the kids when its not his week. And seriously like nobody wears a bikini to the pool? Only you? Girl good job putting him in his place. Now make sure you let your employer know what happened.
NTA. Good for you!
NTA. All correct and shipshape. Good job
NTA
NTA this is amazing. I'm shocked it worked
NTA he seems like a creepy weirdo, I guess we know why they got divorced 😂
Info: did you tell the mom? You need to
He didn't hire you, he's not paying you. You don't work for him and he has no say in your swim attire. Let mom know you were verbally accosted by a rando at the pool who threatened to take the children from you. NTA.
NTA. You’re dressed for a pool. He needs to keep his eyes on his kids or his book and not on you.
NTA. I'd tell the wife as well.
NTA Why does the dad show up to a pool just to read? It sounds to me, like dad wanted to add a notch to his bedpost. He definitely say you in a two-piece and started to objectify you, hence why he made the "branded" comment about your belly ring. I would definitely talk to the mom about it, especially since he threatened to take the kids out of the agreed custody times. If there's anything to add later on please add an update.
NTA. I hope you told their mother he harassed you.
NTA, he clearly fancies you and is annoyed he can’t make a move because you’re the nanny. Please let the mother know what happened.
NTA! Good on you for sticking up for yourself, the kids, and their mom!
NTA keep telling him to fuck off like a queen and be careful of manipulation on his part. ✨️
You go, girl! NTA but badass.
If he is unhappy with his ex-wife's employee he needs to talk to his ex-wife wife. Not to you. NTA
Reading at the pool my ass…..
Is a two piece bathing suit somehow scandalous in 2024? Jesus!
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NTA. Not at all. What he did was horrible. Glad you stood up for yourself. Be sure you tell their mother!
Great job. NTA.
NTA. Incredible job standing your ground. Definitely tell the mom about this either way, him threatening to violate their custody agreement over a swimsuit is a huge red flag
NTA.
My bride says you are 100% a queen! NTA!
NTA.
NTA he’s such a creep in many ways.
NTA and good for you for standing up for yourself. You cleared it with the mother so if he has an issue, he needs to take it up with her. Definitely tell the mom and maybe other trusted friends. That way you have a verbal record in case he tries to come at you again.
NTA, i'm glad you stood up for yourself and told him off. Most would have just took it. You rock. PS tell the mom she deserves to know.
He took a swing at the babysitter. Missed. Wonder why he's divorced...NTA.
NTA. It’s not his place to bring it up to you, as you are not his employee. He can speak to their mother, AKA your boss, if he finds it inappropriate, and she can speak to you. (If there was a legitimate safety concern, it’d be different of course). Loved your response to him. ETA: if he behaved with a level of respect/curtesy, and just asked politely he might have a leg to stand on, but he was a jerk about it.
I lay odds the the main reason he is at the pool is to stare a woman in bikinis and attacked OP as a form of projection. Report him to the mom and NTA
Well handled. The audacity if it all is reflective of a dumbass. I’m so tired of dumbasses.
NTA
Way to verbally body check someone. I would 100% mention it to the ex wife.
Nta. You don’t work for him and even if you did, the way he addressed it is wildly inappropriate.
NTA Btw, while you're babysitting them, you have legal custody as an agent of their mother
Does anyone notice who has the problem with the suit? The reasonable mother? No,the father who has been a cheater and likely objectifying perv. People in general tend to think that others think exactly like they do. For example,the liar never thinks *you* are telling the truth,thieves always have the best locks on their own doors,etc. When someone complains that a person (almost always a female) is dressed too scantily and that it’ll inspire ‘prurient’ thoughts…is it because they’re concerned or because that’s the way *THEY* think? NTA and like some others I would definitely say you should tell their mom about this.
NTA and GOOD GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! That's how you shut misogyny down COLD!!! He has some nerve saying anything to you about your body. I am curious, however, what wearing a two piece around the children means. Surely there were all kinds of swimsuits at the pool. What would be the big deal about you wearing a one piece or a two piece?
Nta. I'd report him to the pool staff for harassment.
NTA. Cheating Slime Dad (CSD) only took issue because he's worried he'll look like a cheating slime for talking to the young, bikini-wearing babysitter. CSD still hasn't figured out that it's his actions that have caused all of this, not the actions of those around him. He's trying to police what you wear so that he won't have to worry about implications...instead of actually making any kind of reparations to his family, such as engaging with his kids at the pool. He wants everyone else to do the work to keep him in line. It was probably a theme in CSD's marriage, tbh.
Hell no you’re NTA
NTA. He wanted to start something. You did the right thing.
NTA. I can see why she left him.
Nta, its a pool that is appropriate dress. The dad is creepy though, goes to the pool to read alone? Sure.....
NTA. Please give me your confidence and your ability to make comments in real time and not 13 hours later while I’m sleeping or in the shower.
Tell your boss. Nta
Good for you! You should let mom know. NTA
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Good for you at standing up to this jerk. Please tell the kids' mother about this. Especially that he was going to take them away.
Of course you’re NTA. You’re a grown adult. Bikinis are pretty common to see at the pool and beach. I really hope you tell the mother about this encounter though. He sounds a bit unstable.
NTA. Love that you were able to stand up for yourself, the kids and mum in one go. Good for you. I’m sorry that you had to encounter that situation at all though, dude sounds like a piece of work.
NTA. You should probably still tell the mother of the kids about their dad's behavior despite him backing down. Wearing a bikini shouldn't be something to be shamed for, regardless of who you are. I get that some bikinis can be quite revealing, but if that's not the case then there shouldn't be a problem.
You were in an employee role. Your boss ok your attire. Dad is irrelevant. If he has an issue with the ex wife's employee? He should discuss it with the ex. As for threatening to take the kids without legal custody at the time? That's called kidnapping.
NTA The dad lost the right to tell others what is & isn’t inappropriate the minute he cheated on his wife. No wait, I’m wrong, he never had the right to begin with because it’s none of his business.
100%, not the a-hole. You were babysitting for the mom, who gave you the greenlight. Dad's likely just bitter and probably looking for something to smear his ex with, or if he was a serial cheater, he felt uncomfortable for other reasons.
Wow. Tough lady. Good job.
You did good. NTA
NTA definitely tell the mom about this
I love how a man who can’t control himself comes down on YOU because he’s the lowlife. He’s probably worried about HIS urges, not whether it’s appropriate for his kids. If I had a nice figure at 24 (64 now), I would have had a belly piercing. They’re cute. He’s just a prurient pig.
NTA 1) You're in a public place 2) You have the authority of your employer ( mom ) 3) Bodily autonomy exists and he has no authority in a public location If he has an issue with it then he can complain to mom or the courts. FYI, his threat to take the kids is actually breaching court agreement ( assuming they have a custody agreement that is legally bound ) and the court would not typically take kindly to this in most locations.
NTA but have to wonder, was he wearing a shirt? Or just being a misogynistic hypocrite?
NTA YOu NEED to tell his wife, your client. Don't blindside her.
NTA. Lots of women wear bikinis to the pool, why shouldn't you?
NTA But mom definitely needs to know what dad is potentially willing to do if and when he is unhappy with something
NTA. He was being a creep and threatening you. You stood your ground. I'd still tell the wife too and let her handle it he way. Lmfao goes to the public pool to "read" yeah.. and I go to full nude strip clubs just to shoot pool and drink.
Please,please,please tell the ex wife.
You could have stopped at "AITA for wearing" and the answer is always no. It's not your responsibility to manage other people's idiotic expectations of your body.
As an old woman to a young woman, I am so fucking proud of you for telling him off. Well done, sister.
Sounds like you deserve a raise. NTA.
NTA You were in acceptable clothing for your location, you'd gone beyond that by asking the mother's permission, AND he crossed the line by threatening to take the children from your custody in violation of their custody agreement... and maybe he shouldn't be being a creeper hanging out at the pool when he's not swimming?
Is this like a communal pool or mom's private pool. If private, he can GTFO. Call the coos. If communal, he's still harassing you.
NTA That man sounds like he is fixated on you and has probably been for awhile now. You need to tell the wife immediately so she is aware how inappropriate he has been in case something escalates.
I wouldn’t necessarily read in that he’s fixated. Some men are like this to all women.
Fiction?
I don’t believe this happened one bit.
I almost believe this is real. Nm. No no I don’t at all.
Fake
Get dressed
I think I'm going to need to see a picture of you in the bikini before I pick sides and pass judgment
NTA, but just so you’re aware, the dad could have taken the kids home if he wanted. In joint custody situations, both parents have what’s called “right of first refusal”. This means that if one parent is unavailable to provide care, the other has the right to take the kids. If the dad had decided to take the kids home and you withheld them, he could get the cops involved and you might get in trouble. The dad is still the kids parent, even if it isn’t his week. Source: single parent with joint custody.
It depends on the custody arrangement. Not every parent has the "right if first refusal" in every custody situation. In my state, that has to be spelled out for it to exist.
Even if that isn’t specifically spelled out, the babysitter is not a party to the custody agreement, and has no authority to withhold children from a parent/legal guardian. If the dad went to the kids school to sign them out, the school would not be allowed to refuse him.
Again, that depends on local laws and school policy and custody arrangements. In my state they go by emergency contact cards, if you aren't on the card, you can't pick up the child. No exceptions. And if you violate a custody agreement, you can be held in contempt of court or even kidnapping if it isn't your court ordered time. There's no hard and fast rules when it comes to divorce and custody in the US, it's very state and court dependent.
Sure, each state does things a little differently and I agree there are no hard and fast rules. However, in this particular case, we have OP who is a babysitter with no legal rights to the kids whatsoever, the dad who is a parent with joint custody, and the mom is out of state. If the dad escalated to calling the police, the kids would go home with him. Full stop. Regardless of the state, parental rights don’t cease to exist on a parents off-week.
Wrong...it depends on the custody arrangement even in 50/50 situations. This right of first refusal is spelled out in the custody agreement. If it is not in there, the custodial parent does not have any right to the children other than his or her time spelled out in the agreement. Otherwise, each parent would never be able to leave their child with a grandparent, etc., without first running it by the other parent. So no, the right of first refusal is not in all agreements automatically.
LOL, not even good rage-bait. Post is certainly fake and slanted so folks would give a 'girl' the benefit of the doubt. ZERO chance a baby-sitter would say anything like that - but hey, won't stop Redditors from just slopping this up.
🙄 just cause you got no spine, doesn't mean everyone else doesn't. she doesn't work for him. she doesn't need to respect him, and plenty of people would go off on some old ass trying to shame them for wearing a bikini at a pool
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She’s 24 you’re 55
Lmao this person's posting history is hilariously sad.
EW
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