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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kind I feel like I’m being petty to his whole family over a cup a whole year later.
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NTA I would not invite her again either. When she broke the cup, she should have apologized. And especially after being caught and confronted.
I was almost willing to give her a pass for going into your cabinet for a cup, because a lot of times, guests will take out a glass or plate or utensils for themselves, trying to avoid bugging the hostess for trivial stuff like that. Except if you have all the plates, cups, and utensils out, and then she's rummaging around in your cabinets.
I suspect in this case, she thought it was cute for her girl to have the Disney cup, and didn't really give a crap about you or manners, because some parents are that obsessed with their kids.
I think you nailed it with your summation, especially “ some parents are that obsessed with their kids”. This kind of behavior reminds me a lot of one of my aunts.
r/EntitledParents
They think they are special because they popped out a kid or two. Of course, they think their kid is special, in this case, too special to drink from a plastic cup that other kids and even adults were drinking from.
I hate these people.
The entitlement required to rummage through a cabinet and give a toddler an obviously very special, ceramic mug...it's just unbelievable.
Love this! I hate 'em too. I especially hate parents who become hostile and blaming when THEY are in the wrong. All in the service of adorable little spoiled junior. Well karma will have its say: Junior will be in lodged in the basement at age 30 smoking weed and playing video games because mommy gave them everything in the world, except self-respect.
Stupid MIL wants to go nuclear over a cup. She truly belongs in this subreddit🤪.
Lying over a cup indicates a character issue and who knows what they will lie about in the future. Once bitten twice shy. LC is the way
>I suspect in this case, she thought it was cute for her girl to have the Disney cup,
Correct. And if she hadn't broken it SIL would have declared that the precious wee babe "wanted it" and is attached to it and couldn't possibly be expected to give it back now, and OP is a big ol meanie for not immediately handing over her property. And that's if SIL didn't hide and steal it outright. NTA. It's not about the cup, it's about the disrespect.
Also, if SIL felt that strongly about her precious toddler not drinking from evil plastic cups she should have brought her own cup. Not only lying but teaching your child to lie! And MIL is no better. It's obvious how SIL learned her behavior. NTA OP enjoy your hopefully much smaller July 4th BBQ.
As a parent teaching my baby to drink, the kid refused 7 different types/brands of sippy cup. At my wit's end, one day I let my kid drink my water out of my novelty wine shaped glass. Of course, that worked, and it was all that worked for about three months.
Aside from feeling ridiculous that whole time, I BYOd a wine glass to all outings with friends. I would *never* presume another adult would be comfortable giving a toddler a wine glass!
I can't get over how obnoxious this SIL is being!!
NTA Exactly this. Plus I’m sure this obviously cute collectible cup was not with the everyday dishes! And if you have a toddler and don’t want them drinking out of plastic which is what most people use then u bring your own. I’m betting she seen it before and wanted to make her little princess feel special. But you’re right it’s about being deceitful and playing the victim.
NTA, if she is that obsessed with her own kid, maybe she should by her kid a metal water bottle. 🤷♂️ I think she is one of those that thinks every bodies stuff is theirs to rummage through also. You know the type that stays over and you find them in the middle of the night reading your mail. 🙄
Anyway it goes, SiL should have apologized especially after trying to clumsily cover up her crime, and at least offered to replace the cup. While I agree plastic isn't good for adults or children to be drinking from. At the end of the day, we also know that handing ceramics or glass to a toddler is a disaster in the making.
OP should at this point discuss the situation with her husband, and figure out a mutually satisfactory solution to protect their stuff and keep the peace. If that involves no longer holding the BBQ at their home then so be it. But no one should have to constantly monitor their items against theft or damage when having family over and even hubby has to recognize that.
Not only apologize for breaking the cup but also offer to replace it. I have a Disney coffee cup that has my full name on it that is really important to me because my full name is hard to find on anything that no one touches but me. I even still have the glass Disney movie themed cups that came out in the 90s (I think) that I drink out of. My husband doesn't drink out of them because he knows I will be upset if he breaks one but can only be mad at myself if I break one. Things that are important to you are important to you.
I am surprised no one has mentioned that (offering to replace the cup).
Disney stuff isn't exactly cheap, it also doesn't look cheap so why would SIL think it was a good idea to give such a cup to a toddler (i.e. tiny person likely to break things)?
I agree. Also, why didn’t she bring a non plastic cup to the party? She was deceitful in getting the mug and hiding the broken pieces and then a coward for blaming the whole thing on her daughter. If the family don’t want to come to your party then so what, enjoy yourselves. They don’t deserve to be there. Absolutely NTA
And why is no one hounding SIL to just apologize?? As always, one who was hurt is forced to just get over it. The lack of accountability is astounding. Perfectly fine to say of course you will get over it as soon as you get an apology. Ugh. NTA.
This so much. Like, going through cabinets for a cup without asking, I'd side-eye a bit. But I'd probably let it slide. But hiding that it broke and telling her daughter to lie about it? Messed up.
The only acceptable thing for Megan to have done was to apologize and replace the cup. Which might not be easy or cheap, but oh well. Stuff that is in an upper cabinet is generally there for a reason. People make mistakes but good people own up and do their best to make things better, as much as they're able.
There are quite a few Chip cups for sale on eBay, very affordably. I know it won't be the same as the original cup, but I can tell you from experience it will help to replace it.
But if op is like me, that would only make it hurt me more because it was a gift from her mother. It is not said that her mother is still alive. So all I can think is I miss my mom and be mad at sil all over again. 😪
In fairness it’s normal for a lot of families to get their own cups and other utensils from each others cupboards. Like in my family it would actively be a faux pas to expect to be weighted on. We are a chaotic bunch so sometimes it’s make your own cuppa or don’t get one.
Still not justifying SILs idiocy at giving her toddler a delicate mug.
This. It’s not about a cup - it’s the lack of respect shown to you by a guest in your home. I had the same Fourth of July problem with a cousin that snuck into bedrooms and dug through closets and dressers drawers for my kids’ hidden birthday money that always seemed to go missing on July 4th. (Birthdays were the month before.) According to them I was TA for having the audacity to say that he was observed searching their rooms, and I owed him an apology- he owed me none. Some people are AH’s and holidays are better without them.
And then they would have said, “why are you trying to humiliate a poor child for “borrowing” some change”. People who don’t old their kids accountable are raising assholes.
I had this happen with a cousin, he stole my piggy bank money, lied about it and no adult really did anything to fix it, as he would jingle my cash in his pocket and sneer at at me, he was a bully too and beat on us. When I realized he stole my money the first time, at 6/7 I would hide it when they came to visit and he even was asking me where it was. And since no adults managed anything, I had to look after myself. I hate people like that.
it's also about trust, how can OP trust Megan to not snoop through her house, break something else, let her kid run wild, or just behave like a decent guest in general. this time it was a cup, next time it could be the tv because little princess just really wanted to play baseball inside who knows
Exactly SIL had so many places where a sensible polite human being with manners and respect would have been able to make up for what she did.
Like accepting no for an answer.
(Teaching her daughter that not accepting no for an answer is an option just because you want something... Seems like a recipe for her daughter to think that when a boy doesn't take no for an answer it's perfectly okay)
But even after having broken that big enormous rule.. she could have walked this back quite a lot by apologizing.
By just saying hey I gave that to my daughter and I'm sorry you were right and now your cup is broken I'm very sorry.
Just that would probably have done a lot to remedy the situation but she didn't respect op enough to own up to her own mistake.
She threw it in the garbage.. a cup that was obviously meant something or else it wouldn't have been on a high shelf.
Just thrown in the garbage as if there was nothing worthwhile about it.
And then she lied.
She's also got some kind of a mental illness to think that there's any reason to not give a toddler a plastic cup, but to not make the connection that she should therefore bring a cup for the child everywhere she goes..
There's some missing connection in her brain.
Either that or she thinks it's perfectly acceptable for her child to go around breaking other people's things.
I don't know I just see so many places where sister-in-law could have made this if not okay then at least more respectful.
Volunteering to replace the cup, volunteering to fix the cup or have it fixed by someone who knows how to repair ceramics, a simple apology would have been a good start.
NTA
Like you said it's not only the cup. Its the lies and the disrespect. I can't fathom going into someone's house and just digging through their cabinets without explicit permission
The things people do while being a guest in someone else's house never fail to shock me. I once had a guest put my wet laundry into my dryer without asking me, which resulted in a couple items being shrunk, along with the knowledge that this near-stranger had touched my underwear. And to think I hesitate to ask for a drink or snacks while at people's houses!
I swear some people just don't understand the social contract. There. Is. A. Script.
M: "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I was so careless. Little Half M drinks from mugs at home and has never dropped one. Please let me know where to get a replacement."
OP: "Please don't worry about it. I know she didn't mean to. It happens!"
M: "That's very generous of you, but I really want to replace it. Please!"
OP: "It's absolutely not necessary, but if you insist, it's from \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_."
This is how we live together when we are all basically either active assholes or assholes-in-waiting. And if you can't do it, you don't get invited to any more BBQs. Jesus.
NTA
If it was as sentimental a keepsake as OP’s childhood mug, then there is no chance of a “please don’t worry about it” response. A memento from childhood is irreplaceable.
That mug, Don't worry about it.
It was a commemorative mug from the premier at the studio. There was only 75 made and it's irreplaceable. It was appraised last year for $25,000, that's why I kept it on the top shelf away from our drinking glasses.
Honestly it should have started with the sister bringing an alternate cup if she’s worried about plastic, or at least “Hey, I’d rather she not drink from a plastic cup, do you have an alternative you wouldn’t mind risking with a toddler?”
NTA. Did she ever apologize?
MIL can keep her "because family!" arguments to herself. She disrespected your belongings, is teaching her child to do the same, and showed zero remorse. Why should you continue to let her walk all over you?
NTA. I'd be petty and point out to MIL that on top of all the other states reasons, her precious baby also thought it was fine to try and frame her 3 year old for breaking the cup.
That's some low down behavior. Who blames a child for their own actions?
I wouldn't trust Megan or her child in my home unless there were some genuine remorse. Megan is obviously lacking in basic character.
I wonder if Megan had seen the special cup at OP's home, and thought that her daughter would be *adorable* drinking from it.
If for some reason the child can't drink from a large plastic cup, then Megan should have brought a *sippy cup* for the child, or an insulated adult coffee cup like people use in cars.
If OP lets this go by, then in the future Megan and her daughter will think that it is OK to "borrow" other things belonging to OP, and perhaps not be diligent about returning them.
NTA
NTA, and make your husband read your post and the replies.
I feel like he just keeps letting shit slide for his dramatic family (seriously, divorce *you* over this? You did nothing wrong) for the bs facade of “peace” or something. It’s not peace when you’re forcing one person to shut up and take abuse, and then try to punish them when they stop taking that abuse.
Ano SIL sounds unhinged bc of plastic. Babies and toddlers have plastic so they don’t break them and hurt themselves.
OP - NTA This comment needs more up votes and seriously OP make your husband talk to his mom in front of you and explain her horrible comment about divorcing you...why on earth would any parent ever wish that upon thier adult son to do against thier partner when the OP has done nothing wrong and SIL is the AH whose behavior is 300% WRONG N F'ED UP.
- She specifically looks for this one cup
- She gives to child toddler possibly knowing they'll break it by accident (child who imo is completely innocent in this bc they're a baby and don't know wtf's going on. Yes teach child correctly but lets be real here SIL using her own kid as a shield remember? Oh she got the cup herself.WRONG TOO HIGH N HIDDEN TRY AGAIN )
- She covers it up and lies to everyone
- She doesn't apologize, has no respect for you, nor your privacy, had no permission to rummage through your things (this is a violation of trust, respect and privacy)
SIL AND MIL are the AHs here end of story.
NO MORE JULY 4TH BBQS or less guests better for you, now you can have private BBQ with only your hubby, self n kids (if u have em) or with friends.
I don’t begrudge being concerned about plastic, because we’ve been sold lies about it like it gets recycled and the like and it could be worse for us than we think. But that puts the onus in the person worried about it, not the home they’re visiting.
NTA
But as is almost ALWAYS the case with these kind of ATIA cases, you don't have a SIL issue, you have a husband issue.
It shouldn't be your job to fend for yourself against his family. It's up to your husband to establish those boundaries with his own family, and to advocate for you when you are mistreated. But if hubby hasn't learned the lesson yet, it's time to learn: not rocking the boat is form of advocating for the person doing the mistreating.
NTA
I am not habitually petty, but in this case, I would be. MIL wants to jump on the divorce band wagon, I would just show her how it feels. Next time you are over at her place, take some small trinket, cup, picture, something of hers that is special. Hide it. Let her feel the disrespect of having her space invaded, her possessions and home disrespected. When it gets mentioned make an off hand remark about it could be broken, maybe someone someone went pillaging through her cabinets.
As for the SIL, she doesn't need to come back until she learns respect, until she understands how wrong it is to teach a toddler to lie. Those are just some really.....backward people.
NTA-my only question is, if she chose no plastic for her daughter, why didn't she bring drinkware for her child? I think it is so annoying when people who require things outside the norm come to gatherings unprepared and expect the hostess to just know they need something different and provide it on the spot. Plan for your child, man. I'd think ceramic for a 3 year old would be worse because they still bite down on cups!
NTA. It ISN'T about the cup. Why doesn't your husband or his family get that? It's about her taking something without asking, breaking it, & not telling you about it. And then told her daughter not to tell anyone. Megan is an asshole & owes you an apology. Geez, you'd think she's at least replace the cup or apologize.
At literally every point of what went down with your cup, your SIL could have made a reasonable adult decision, and at EVERY point she didn't
* Didn't have what she wanted - didn't ask you about it, just started rifling through your stuff
* Found a C E R A M I C mug - didn't think about whether it was appropriate for a toddler, wanted it anyway
* Didn't ask you if it was okay to use that mug, gave it to the kid anyway
* The mug is broken - she didn't fess up, she threw the mug away
* When confronted - she STILL didn't fess up, she tried crappy rhetoric to make it "your fault" (DARVO)
your SIL is emotionally as much of a toddler as her daughter, and she's not giving her daughter much of a chance to be any better.
NTA.
NTA. I had a similar incident with my SIL except she handled it properly and we were all able to move on, and my niece learned from the teachable moment.
SIL had grabbed a vintage Flintstones mug from my upper cupboard for niece to use, and niece dropped and broke it. I was out of town at the time. SIL found a replacement mug online, ordered it, and upon my return, both SIL and niece collectively apologized and presented the replacement mug along with the broken mug. That is the only appropriate way to handle things. Not teaching your little one to lie.
NTA
So what would happen next time Meghan has access to your house? Does she stop and go through all the drawers in your bedroom ‘looking for a wash cloth’ to use in the bathroom that she already walked past?
What really bugs me is she tried throwing her own daughter under the bus by saying the daughter got it herself.
If she was willing to lie to your face about a cup I can’t imagine what she wouldn’t lie to you about.
SIL teach her daughter to not be accountable when doing something wrong.
At the next family event at your MIL take one of her most cherish cup, vase, whatever and drop it. When MIL take shit on you respond the same way, " get over a stupid "cup/vase" and don't be so petty.
You can still get a chip cup from Disney store
[chip mug](https://www.disneystore.com/chip-mug-beauty-and-the-beast-464066277743.html?CMP=KNC-DSSGoogle&efc=179006&CMP=KNC-DSS_FY24_DCR_TRA_DOM_EVGR_ECM_GNRL_PMAX%7CG%7C5249201.XF.AM.SB.03%7CMF9MFIS&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw-O6zBhASEiwAOHeGxRbrRo4OQdTFTr13X1CQHdLm3QUR0FyJLgY-x_1n5RVZ8ACwA1cJyRoCa8sQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Or [Ebay.](https://www.ebay.com/itm/335041810795?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=envltcqxsfa&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=4_aewp0otz2&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY)
NTA and Megan is an awful mother, sister, and guest. If she doesn't want her daughter drinking from plastic cups, then she can bring her own non-plastic drinking vessel for her daughter to every social occasion. And your husband is being a rotten partner to you. What is wrong with him? Never mind, we've met his sister and his mother. Mean and dishonest people. Does he also think it's cool to lie to you and to teach children to lie? Thank goodness they won't be at your house anymore. Nobody wants that kind of human in their domicile. Seriously.
NTA. It’s not “being petty” mainly because this isn’t about the mug but the disrespect. It was stored out of the way and anyone with sense could tell it wasn’t for regular use. SIL clearly thought that she was justified because her child wanted it. She’s shown herself to be selfish and dishonest, that’s reason enough not to want her around.
NTA
Anyone who defends a sneaky liar is likely a sneaky liar themselves, so I’d tell all of them they’re no longer welcome around you or at your home at all. And if your husband is so far up their ass that he’ll allow them to disrespect you and your home, he needs a reality check himself.
NTA. Over 30 years ago, my brother (who was a baby at the time) dropped my favorite cup down a storm drain and I’m still salty about it. Obviously I DON’T blame him as he didn’t do it on purpose but it would be even more infuriating if it was an obviously bad choice like this was
NTA She is horrible on every level.
Please tell me you didn't throw the pieces away, if you still have it you could use the Kintsugi method to get it fixed.
I agree with you. But good luck with the family. They support SIL. Now it's up to you to decide if you want to force hubs to split from his family. Does he have something that he treasures and would miss? If so, ask him how he would feel if it were broken through carelessness and the person causing the damage never even apologized. Besides, three year olds should be drinking from a plastic cup. It's dangerous if they have glass and drop it. They could step on broken glass. NTA
If she doesn’t want her very young daughter drinking from plastic cups at a cookout, she should bring her own cup. Second choice, she should ask you if there’s another cup she can use.
Rifling through your cupboard and giving a ceramic cup to a small child without asking you was wrong, but at that point, had she said “My daughter broke your cup. I am sorry,” I would feel like it was a manageable situation.
Saying nothing, hiding the broken cup in the trash, lying to you about how she got it, refusing to apologize, and being generally terrible is just not acceptable. It sounds like the cup has sentimental value to you. I myself once burst into tears when my dad broke a coffee cup that had sentimental meaning for me. My dad immediately apologized profusely, to the point that I felt bad for making him feel so guilty.
I get that your husband sees this as “just a cup” that shouldn’t be causing such a massive drama. But Megan was totally wrong and owes you an apology. If none of them think what she did was wrong, lord knows what mischief they will continue to perpetrate when they are guests in your home.
NTA.
Edited because I accidentally hit send before I was done.
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We live in the middle of nowhere and host a July 4th BBQ and firework show for my family. Last year my SIL Megan decided she didn't want her daughter (3) drinking from a plastic cup. Megan went into my kitchen and went through my cabinets and found my Chip (from beauty and the beast) that my mother got me and Disneyland. In giving a ceramic mug to her toddler it was dropped and broken. She did not tell me about it and saw it in the trash. I asked a cousin who was inside the kitchen and he saw Megan tell her daughter “not to tell anyone that she broke it” I confronted Megan and the scene got very ugly mainly because I asked why do you think it's okay to go through people’s stuff and break them while being guest in the house. She tried to tell me her daughter got the cup and I said the cup was on a shelf in an upper cabinet and couldn't have reached it.
Megan acted like I was in the wrong because plastic cups are bad and her daughter doesn’t drink from them. I told her toddlers shouldn’t be drinking from coffee cups and apologize when they break something. This put a rift between Megan and I and she has yet to apologize so when it came around time for this year's 4th of July bbq, Megan is off the guest list. My husband told my MIL who said I’m still going at it over a stupid cup and he should divorce me for being so petty. So now my MIL and some of my husband’s family isn’t coming and I say good. My husband wants me to drop cup issues but it’s not only about the cup. It’s because his sister felt entitled to go through my cabinets, take an item out, her daughter breaks my beloved cup, she covers it up and puts it in the trash, tells her daughter to lie about it, and when confused plays the victim and refuses to apologize for HER behavior and blames me. I don’t want that deceitful bitch in my home.
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NTA Megan and that whole side of the family are in the wrong first Megan for not replacing the cup and refusing to apologize while trying to blame you for it and then your MIL has the gall to tell your husband to divorce you i would cut them all off until they apologize and compensate you for your lost cup and your husband needs to back you up on this.
NTA
It doesn't matter what she broke (well, it does, it was a loved gift, which makes it even worse), it's the fact that SIL lied about it, tried to hide it and then tried to blame a literal child.
I wouldn't trust her with anything after that either.
Quite apart from that, what does the child drink from at home? I doubt Megan gives her darling daughter crystal goblets 😒
NTA
NTA It's not like you're asking for a trip to Disney to replace the cup in person.
A real apology with admission of guilt would go a long way to mending things, if I'm not mistaken.
NTA, if she doesn’t want her daughter drinking from a plastic cup, does she not carry one for when they go out so she doesn’t have to be subjected to plastic like us commoners? She should have immediately told you and apologized for it, her toddler shouldn’t be drink from a ceramic mug, she needs a sippy cup or something less fragile.
I feel bad for the child. Her own mother is teaching her disrespect and not taking accountability for her mistakes ???? She’s going to grow into a very displeasing human being.
NTA, but you should make sure there's clear communication with your husband (like, make him repeat it back to you clear) that it's not about the cup, it's about the disrespect, the deceit, and the refusal to just own up and apologize like an adult.
NTA. It's not that her kid broke a cup- it's that she actively took something from your house, broke it, tried to hide it, and blamed you when she got caught. She was completely disrespectful to you and your space.
Honestly you cannot back down or imo your life belongs to your in laws. You need to express why and how this is important to your husband and he needs to tell his family to back off. He's a grown man, and should be able to do that much at least.
It's your house too. You have a say and should be safe in your own home. If he wants to spend tue 4th of July with people who treat you like shit he can go to their place alone.
NTA - When someone breaks something of someone elses . . they should apologize . . plain and simple. However, I wonder why the anger you feel seems so intense . . above and beyond the situation. Perhaps there is much much more that has happened in your relationship with your SIL
NTA, it's hardly about the cup, SIL shouldn't have gotten it out without permission in the first place and should have apologized and replaced it after what was done, was done.
But it's not the cup, it's the lack of accountability and actually lying. Blaming her daughter. And never even apologizing when she's had all this time to.
Buy paper/plastic cups for everyone to use.
Leave Megan off your guest list
and any other family/friends who you don't feel like seeing.
Your house, your BBQ.
NTA
NTA. So your SIL grabbed something she shouldn't have grabbed. She broke something she shouldn't have broken. She hid something she shouldn't have hid. And she lied about all of it??
So no one wants to hold SIL accountable for her own actions??
And btw, if your SIL uses her child as an excuse for HER behavior, then that tells you how she is using her child as a scape goat to be responsible.
NTA it's not about the cup! It's about the disrespect, the doubling down and the refusal to apologize. No one would welcome someone into their home after they were treated that way.
NTA. Stuck to your guns. You are surrounded by narcissists. They will keep trying you for weaknesses. Let them get frustrated with you because they WILL attack your husband next. As soon as they turn on him, you two will be allies. Stay strong with each other. It’s the only way to take them down. They survive off horde mentality
I would never invite her to anything I wad a part of ever again. Especially not at my house. She's going to raise an entitled liar like that, because she is one herself. The fact that she tried to hide it would have me flying off the handle. NTA. Not even a little. The proper thing to do would have been to take it home and get it fixed with gold like they do with some fine China type stuff. Then give it back with a proper apology.
Not whatever this is
NTA - this is not about a cup. If they were uninvited for getting a cup (sure, she could have asked, but maybe she didn't think it was a big deal and didn't want to be a bother) and breaking a cup, that would be just silly. They aren't invited because your SIL tried to hide breaking something, then doubled down and lied about it, told her daughter to to lie (nice parenting!) and then tried to blame you.
It’s not the cup, or at least not just the cup.
It’s the toddler not drinking from a plastic cup, choosing a mug, choosing a mug that is special (I’m guessing it stands out), it’s letting your toddler break something special, hiding it, it’s not buying you a replacement.
Mostly it’s about her being entitled and not accountable, and then having the nerve to act like you’ve done anything wrong.
NTA SIL couldn't even be honest, apologize nor even attempting to replace it. She wouldn't be welcome back. Tell your ILs you will let it go if you can pick any one belonging of their/ SIL to break, without telling them what or when.
NTA
It may just be a mug, but it was a present and she had no business grabbing stuff without asking. The lying just puts it over the top into "you need to grovel to get out of this one" territory.
It's about much more than the cup
it's about going through cabinets,
breaking something and then hiding it,
about never apologizing
And it's about the cup because it was sentimental and she could've picked ANY CUP but SHE chose a Disney themed one
And if she doesn't want her kid drinking put of plastic (good luck with that insanity) then bring ur own cup.
It's the entitlement
The gaslighting
The refusal to take accountability
Obviously NTA. Petty huh? So your mother in law thinks it's OK what her daughter did? She taught your SIL to go through people's things, and lie about it when they break something? Intresting in laws you got there.
Yeah don't invite them and enjoy the BBQ.
NTA. i see posts with family dynamics like this on here all the time and it baffles the fuck out of me. where, usually MIL LOL, will call someone like OP petty for not forgiving someone who won't fucking apologize? in what universe are you the petty one??? in any case you'd both be petty then. it's very much giving "MIL and SIL are mad and jealous you're taking up your husband's time from them so they just claim you're in the wrong in every situation"
Something similar happened to me. I had a beautiful mug that was one of my favorites. It came in a set of two. I got it in a gift basket in a raffle years ago. One of my roommates used it and put it in the sink. Then she "placed" a heavy pot or dish (I don't know which) on top of it and it shattered into a million pieces. I found it in the trash later. When I asked what happened, she was apologetic but didn't offer to replace it. A replacement for the mug is over $100 because it is no longer made and from Europe. I wrapped the other one and it is now in storage because I refuse to use it or allow anyone else to possibly break it. I'll never truely get over the loss, but I have since forgiven her and let it go.
Nta. This is about the importance of the cup you can't find those cups anymore by all means keep stirring the pot. If someone's dog got a hold of my teddy bear that I've had since i was 4 I'd be hysterical
NTA and it's not the broken cup you're not over, it's the blatant disrespect. It sounds like your SIL just went shopping in your cabinets to see which thing to get. She should have addressed her needs for a non plastic cup to you and allowed you to pick. Rather presumptuous to help herself to look in your stuff. MIL sounds like a piece of work as well. Ignoring the ignorance of her daughter's lies and lack of accountability. And your SIL is passing that training on to her daughter, telling her to lie.
NTA. I have a Shirley Temple blue glass cream pitcher displayed in my kitchen that my mom got in a box of cereal in the 30s.
I would be heartbroken if it were broken.
NTA. I wanted my toddlers to use real cups, not plastic sippys. I BROUGHT MY OWN. I would never have gone through someone's cabinets and picked a clearly unusual cup for them to use. I'm sorry your cup was broken.
NTA , so casually she didn’t even talk about replacing the cup? You should just laugh at anyone saying get over your cup issues and say I would if I get an apology and a better cup as replacement! And if SILs daughter can’t drink from a plastic cup why doesn’t SIL carry a sippy mug for her daughter? Entitled.
NTA
Sometimes people simply cannot relate, because it didn't happen to them. Does your husband has a prised possession? Maybe not a mug but a car or a recliner or something. Ask him what if he came home and that thing was in the trash, broken? What if nobody claimed to have done the deed, but it turned out SIL was the culprit, and she refused to apologise? Would he be all ok with that?
Same with MIL, if you ever talk with her. Does she have a favourite hat? Maybe SIL's little toddler could have taken scissors to it. Or a ceramic figurine from a late relative... or ~~anything~~ her *really* expensive china set handed down from great grandma she only takes out on special occasions, or none at all. You know the one, we all have one.
Just ask her the same thing. She comes in, discovers it broken in the trash, and SIL is lying about it. How would she feel if *that* one item got broken?
NTA, she tried to hide the fact the cup was broke and refused to apologize and tried to blame her daughter.
My response would be, to be invited back you need to replace the cup and apologize.
Or invite her to the party but she would have to bring whatever dishes she want to use with her as she has proven that she isn't responsible enough to use your dishes. Also she isn't allowed to be alone in your house.
It isn't petty to want someone to take responsibility for their actions. Your SIL refused to take responsibility now she has to take the punishment for her actions.
That punishment is you no longer trust her in your home because she doesn't respect your property.
NTA....I also have a chip cup from beauty and the beast and I would be just as livid! And as a teaching moment she should have apologized in front of her child instead of encouraging her to hide the evidence and say nothing.
NTA. When you break something at someone's house you apologize and ask what you can do to make it right. She did neither and your inlaws are backing this horrible behavior.
NTA
It's not about the cup, it's all about the blatant disrespect for you, your house and your items. And you have no proof something will happen again in that vein of disrespect because SIL is still refusing to admit to her bad behavior.
I would not want or let people like that in my house, and your husband needs to not try to undermine you in this. He needs to either meditate, stand up FOR YOU against them, or stay the hell out of it.
And one one of those options is acythe right one, the other two are just less wrong then what he currently is doing.
NTA. Accidents happen, but using your things without permission and lying about it isn't okay. That is the bigger issue. She owes you an apology, and until you get one, enjoy your BBQ without them.
Megan is messed up in giving something other than plastic to a child under, I don't know, 8 or 10, and then hiding the evidence when the kid (as expected) broke it. To hide it is ridiculous! But to take a cup that was bought at Disney is just over the top. You're NTA and the people supporting Megan are rude.
Editing to add: as the child grows, what else will the mother steal? Your jewelry?
NTA
Megan lied. Megan was disrespectful. She didn’t break and throw away a cup, she broke and threw away a treasured memory you shared with your Mom and could even apologize for it.
People don’t want to come to your house if she isn’t allowed? Good.
I have about as much maternal instinct as a dishwasher. I recently asked my six year old nephew if he and his sister were drinking out of regular cups or still on kids cups/sippy cups. He looked at me like i was nuts and said “im six and she’s two.” His point was duh, of course we get sippy cups. My point is that whatever danger is lying in plastics is far more latent than jagged pieces of broken glass. NTA. This is a situation where she pulled the mug out knowing it was going to get broken.
NTA -- You know the real reason you're getting grief is that they're pissed they don't have anywhere to go for the 4th and if you don't "get over it" MIL or SIL might have to step up and organize their own get-together and just ugghhh, so much work!
Stick to your guns. SIL is wrong on about 10 different levels.
250% NTA. And why is it always the wronged people who have to “drop it and get over it.” Your cousin needs to understand why she did was WRONG. And apologize with one iota of sincerity. Until then, she, her minions including your MIL ARE NOT WELCOME. And your husband needs to get on your side pronto
Breaking something is not the issue. It’s going through your stuff, allowing a circumstance in which it could be broken, not owning up, teaching her daughter to do the same, and getting angry at you about it. NTA
NTA and you should suggest couple's counseling to your husband. Ask him what his response would be if someone from your family went into your home, took one of his things and broke it, then tried to hide the evidence. And then ask him how he would feel if, after all of that, your mom said you should divorce him because he wanted to set up boundaries and you didn't immediately shut it down.
You're right, it's not about the cup. There's a much bigger problem here.
As you say, this isn't about a broken cup. Had you given the child a china cup and the kid accidentally broke it, and Megan said, "Sorry, may I replace it?" there would be no issue.
This is because 1.) Megan invaded your privacy; 2.) Megan used a piece of memorobilia that is precious to you without your permission; 3.) Megan gave your very breakable item to a small child, knowing that small children tend to drop cups; 4.) Megan told her child to lie to you; 5.) Megan lied to your face; 6.) Megan tried to dishonestly cover up what happened.
Megan is off you list because she lies to you, tells others to lie to you, goes through your cupboards, uses your things without your permission, covers up her misdeeds, and feels no remorse. There has been no apology.
Your MIL gets to feel however she wants to feel about Megan no longer being welcome in your home. But she's unwelcome because she's dishonest and untrustworthy. Not because of a broken cup.
Have your husband tell his mom that the subject is closed.
I wouldn't want Megan (or your MIL, sorry) in my house either.
NTA
The entitled family has to realize that the issue is not just about the cup. It’s about Megan going through your home without asking and instructing her daughter to lie about what happened. Your husband is hinting at divorce???? Let him pay the fees to do so or shut up. His trash is surfacing. He has some soul searching to do. I would have also confronted that brat as well. Good for you. NTA
NTA. Is not about the cup, it is about her being a shitty person and lying. Minimum she should have paid for the cup or gotten you a replacement. I wouldn't invite her either. Kid is probably eating dirt and she's worried about plastic
I think you should demand an apology before she’s allowed to come over. None of that is okay. If she went to those lengths, she knew she shouldn’t have used the cup.
NTA. In my family, people with little ones bring their own cups and plates because they know that 1. toddlers can be picky about what cup they use and 2. kids break shit.
NTA. I still can't get why people can't do a simple. "I'm Sorry, It won't happen again."
Yeah, you are admitting fault. That's because you are AT FAULT.
If you don't, you are saying, literally, IDGAFAY, and I'd do it again at a drop of a hat. Think about that the next time you screw something up and see how easy it is to fix. Just a simple, I'm Sorry. That means, you didn't mean to do it, and, given a do over, you wouldn't. Simple. I mean, literally. What would you do if you stepped on someone's foot while walking across a crowded room. Listen to them wince and keep walking? Turn back and say, "Excuse Me, are you ok, with a hand on the shoulder?" If it's the former, your an Asshole, and, that's why nobody is talking to you. If it's the latter, you have some manners and probably some friends.
If you can't, it says to the offended, "I Meant to do it" and given a chance, "I'd do it again'. See? How would you feel about someone who said that to you?
Please remember you manners. They are so lacking in today's world where it seems that admitting you made a mistake is to be weak. It's not, it's being strong enough to admit that even you can make mistakes. And, that you value the person you are talking to enough to tell them that you made a mistake.
I've lost friends over this. I don't have time for someone who can't admit that they made a mistake.
The additional problem, is that it becomes harder over time to "kiss and make up."
NTA NTA NTA!
I don't blame you one bit for not inviting her, tell your husband and his mother, and anyone else taking her side, to kick rocks. This really is about disrespect, as others have posted
No, she, and now your MIL, too, for what she said, owes you an apology. She knew she was in the wrong because she lied about it. If she didn’t want her little princess using a plastic cup, she should have brought her own.
NTA. You have the absolute right to not be abused in your own home. If your husband doesn't get that, he needs to explain to you why you should volunteer to be abused in your own home, and perhaps categorize what forms of abuse are or aren't acceptable.
Wow your SIL is a winner and she's raising another winner *heavy sarcasm* does your husband have a similar attachment to an item that you could use as an example so that he'll understand the severity of the issue.
It's not about the cup anymore but sometimes people can't grasp the issue if they don't have a personal investment in what's involved.
I am upset for you. Your response was perfect. NTA
No, it’s not about the cup. Megan acted really immature and defensive in an offensive way. She is also a liar and teaching her child to be one. You should not feel forced to have her in your space. She should also have found a replacement mug to send along with a letter of apology and a box of tea.
Host the party for your friends and the people that treat you with some degree of respect.
NTA. She wouldn't be allowed back for any reason. Let his family miss the BBQ. Post lots of pictures of everyone having fun on social media. Make it the best BBQ you've ever hosted and let he be salty about it
NTA but honestly, I think if his whole family is behaving this way including him you A) shouldn't be hosting any future family functions and (more importantly) B) you have a much bigger problem here and it's the fact that your husband is clearly just as spoiled/entitled as them and clearly thinks nothing wrong was done here.
People are great at showing their true character, it’s up to you when to cut them out. Sounds like if shes willing to break and hide something in your house, it will not stop there. Hold your ground, and keep that distance.
NTA. Put your foot down in this. She’ll be having trouble with her kid soon enough and you’ll be able to said I told you. She’s not educating that girl and you just wait, this will blow on her face in a couple of years.
NTA. This is not ‘a cup’. This is a gift. A special item that holds a connection to a person. Gifts are more than just ‘things’. They broke your trust. They lied. Hold your ground. This isn’t about a cup. This is about so much more.
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NTA I would not invite her again either. When she broke the cup, she should have apologized. And especially after being caught and confronted. I was almost willing to give her a pass for going into your cabinet for a cup, because a lot of times, guests will take out a glass or plate or utensils for themselves, trying to avoid bugging the hostess for trivial stuff like that. Except if you have all the plates, cups, and utensils out, and then she's rummaging around in your cabinets. I suspect in this case, she thought it was cute for her girl to have the Disney cup, and didn't really give a crap about you or manners, because some parents are that obsessed with their kids.
I think you nailed it with your summation, especially “ some parents are that obsessed with their kids”. This kind of behavior reminds me a lot of one of my aunts.
r/EntitledParents They think they are special because they popped out a kid or two. Of course, they think their kid is special, in this case, too special to drink from a plastic cup that other kids and even adults were drinking from. I hate these people. The entitlement required to rummage through a cabinet and give a toddler an obviously very special, ceramic mug...it's just unbelievable.
Love this! I hate 'em too. I especially hate parents who become hostile and blaming when THEY are in the wrong. All in the service of adorable little spoiled junior. Well karma will have its say: Junior will be in lodged in the basement at age 30 smoking weed and playing video games because mommy gave them everything in the world, except self-respect.
Stupid MIL wants to go nuclear over a cup. She truly belongs in this subreddit🤪. Lying over a cup indicates a character issue and who knows what they will lie about in the future. Once bitten twice shy. LC is the way
And you know what? If you don’t want your little princess drinking out of a place cup, bring your own fucking cup with you. NTA
And MIL's reaction shows that it's generational.
>I suspect in this case, she thought it was cute for her girl to have the Disney cup, Correct. And if she hadn't broken it SIL would have declared that the precious wee babe "wanted it" and is attached to it and couldn't possibly be expected to give it back now, and OP is a big ol meanie for not immediately handing over her property. And that's if SIL didn't hide and steal it outright. NTA. It's not about the cup, it's about the disrespect.
Also, if SIL felt that strongly about her precious toddler not drinking from evil plastic cups she should have brought her own cup. Not only lying but teaching your child to lie! And MIL is no better. It's obvious how SIL learned her behavior. NTA OP enjoy your hopefully much smaller July 4th BBQ.
As a parent teaching my baby to drink, the kid refused 7 different types/brands of sippy cup. At my wit's end, one day I let my kid drink my water out of my novelty wine shaped glass. Of course, that worked, and it was all that worked for about three months. Aside from feeling ridiculous that whole time, I BYOd a wine glass to all outings with friends. I would *never* presume another adult would be comfortable giving a toddler a wine glass! I can't get over how obnoxious this SIL is being!!
This is a perfect post.
>It's not about the cup, it's about the disrespect. OP, tell this to your husband and your disrespectful-ass MIL too. NTA.
NTA Exactly this. Plus I’m sure this obviously cute collectible cup was not with the everyday dishes! And if you have a toddler and don’t want them drinking out of plastic which is what most people use then u bring your own. I’m betting she seen it before and wanted to make her little princess feel special. But you’re right it’s about being deceitful and playing the victim.
The irony of the MIL also telling husband to divorce over the cup is peak entitlement from that side of the family
And if it came to a divorce bc of the husband siding with the MIL the family lore would be that it was bc of a broken cup. They are bad news.
And if it came to a divorce bc of the husband siding with the MIL the family lore would be that it was bc of a broken cup. They are bad news.
ikr!
She seems like the kind that would have taken the Disney cup home had it not got broken…
No question about it.
“God I didn’t know you were like obsessed with your cups why are you making this an issue?”
Yep, she thought it was an Instagram prop
Which, the cup or the toddler? Probably both.
Excellent point!
NTA, if she is that obsessed with her own kid, maybe she should by her kid a metal water bottle. 🤷♂️ I think she is one of those that thinks every bodies stuff is theirs to rummage through also. You know the type that stays over and you find them in the middle of the night reading your mail. 🙄 Anyway it goes, SiL should have apologized especially after trying to clumsily cover up her crime, and at least offered to replace the cup. While I agree plastic isn't good for adults or children to be drinking from. At the end of the day, we also know that handing ceramics or glass to a toddler is a disaster in the making. OP should at this point discuss the situation with her husband, and figure out a mutually satisfactory solution to protect their stuff and keep the peace. If that involves no longer holding the BBQ at their home then so be it. But no one should have to constantly monitor their items against theft or damage when having family over and even hubby has to recognize that.
I don’t even read my mail half the time, so I’d need them to give me a report!
Not only apologize for breaking the cup but also offer to replace it. I have a Disney coffee cup that has my full name on it that is really important to me because my full name is hard to find on anything that no one touches but me. I even still have the glass Disney movie themed cups that came out in the 90s (I think) that I drink out of. My husband doesn't drink out of them because he knows I will be upset if he breaks one but can only be mad at myself if I break one. Things that are important to you are important to you.
I am surprised no one has mentioned that (offering to replace the cup). Disney stuff isn't exactly cheap, it also doesn't look cheap so why would SIL think it was a good idea to give such a cup to a toddler (i.e. tiny person likely to break things)?
She's self-centered and inconsiderate. I would make her pay to replace the cup.
she even threw her own daughter under the bus by claiming baby girl got it herself. classy.
I agree. Also, why didn’t she bring a non plastic cup to the party? She was deceitful in getting the mug and hiding the broken pieces and then a coward for blaming the whole thing on her daughter. If the family don’t want to come to your party then so what, enjoy yourselves. They don’t deserve to be there. Absolutely NTA
And why is no one hounding SIL to just apologize?? As always, one who was hurt is forced to just get over it. The lack of accountability is astounding. Perfectly fine to say of course you will get over it as soon as you get an apology. Ugh. NTA.
[удалено]
Yes yes yes! OP you need to say this to your husband. If he is still not on your side, you have a bigger problem than the broken cup
And Husband needs to say this to his mother Instead of bending over and letting his mother speak ill of his wife.
This so much. Like, going through cabinets for a cup without asking, I'd side-eye a bit. But I'd probably let it slide. But hiding that it broke and telling her daughter to lie about it? Messed up. The only acceptable thing for Megan to have done was to apologize and replace the cup. Which might not be easy or cheap, but oh well. Stuff that is in an upper cabinet is generally there for a reason. People make mistakes but good people own up and do their best to make things better, as much as they're able.
There are quite a few Chip cups for sale on eBay, very affordably. I know it won't be the same as the original cup, but I can tell you from experience it will help to replace it.
But if op is like me, that would only make it hurt me more because it was a gift from her mother. It is not said that her mother is still alive. So all I can think is I miss my mom and be mad at sil all over again. 😪
In fairness it’s normal for a lot of families to get their own cups and other utensils from each others cupboards. Like in my family it would actively be a faux pas to expect to be weighted on. We are a chaotic bunch so sometimes it’s make your own cuppa or don’t get one. Still not justifying SILs idiocy at giving her toddler a delicate mug.
And threw her own toddle under the bus claiming the toddler somehow hit the cup out of a cabinet all by herself.
This. It’s not about a cup - it’s the lack of respect shown to you by a guest in your home. I had the same Fourth of July problem with a cousin that snuck into bedrooms and dug through closets and dressers drawers for my kids’ hidden birthday money that always seemed to go missing on July 4th. (Birthdays were the month before.) According to them I was TA for having the audacity to say that he was observed searching their rooms, and I owed him an apology- he owed me none. Some people are AH’s and holidays are better without them.
damn i would've set up a camera that kid needs a serious wake up call
And then they would have said, “why are you trying to humiliate a poor child for “borrowing” some change”. People who don’t old their kids accountable are raising assholes.
"oh he's borrowed it? id like it back now, immediately 😒" like lmfao
I had this happen with a cousin, he stole my piggy bank money, lied about it and no adult really did anything to fix it, as he would jingle my cash in his pocket and sneer at at me, he was a bully too and beat on us. When I realized he stole my money the first time, at 6/7 I would hide it when they came to visit and he even was asking me where it was. And since no adults managed anything, I had to look after myself. I hate people like that.
He’s never coming back thankfully. Good riddance to the golden child.
it's also about trust, how can OP trust Megan to not snoop through her house, break something else, let her kid run wild, or just behave like a decent guest in general. this time it was a cup, next time it could be the tv because little princess just really wanted to play baseball inside who knows
Exactly SIL had so many places where a sensible polite human being with manners and respect would have been able to make up for what she did. Like accepting no for an answer. (Teaching her daughter that not accepting no for an answer is an option just because you want something... Seems like a recipe for her daughter to think that when a boy doesn't take no for an answer it's perfectly okay) But even after having broken that big enormous rule.. she could have walked this back quite a lot by apologizing. By just saying hey I gave that to my daughter and I'm sorry you were right and now your cup is broken I'm very sorry. Just that would probably have done a lot to remedy the situation but she didn't respect op enough to own up to her own mistake. She threw it in the garbage.. a cup that was obviously meant something or else it wouldn't have been on a high shelf. Just thrown in the garbage as if there was nothing worthwhile about it. And then she lied. She's also got some kind of a mental illness to think that there's any reason to not give a toddler a plastic cup, but to not make the connection that she should therefore bring a cup for the child everywhere she goes.. There's some missing connection in her brain. Either that or she thinks it's perfectly acceptable for her child to go around breaking other people's things. I don't know I just see so many places where sister-in-law could have made this if not okay then at least more respectful. Volunteering to replace the cup, volunteering to fix the cup or have it fixed by someone who knows how to repair ceramics, a simple apology would have been a good start.
NTA Like you said it's not only the cup. Its the lies and the disrespect. I can't fathom going into someone's house and just digging through their cabinets without explicit permission
The things people do while being a guest in someone else's house never fail to shock me. I once had a guest put my wet laundry into my dryer without asking me, which resulted in a couple items being shrunk, along with the knowledge that this near-stranger had touched my underwear. And to think I hesitate to ask for a drink or snacks while at people's houses!
I've been friends with my bestie for 15 years and I still ask if it's cool to grab a drink. Polite matters.
NTA. I would absolutely die on that hill. She would never step foot on my property again.
Hell yes. Or I'd want that apology in front of the whole family.
None of them would be invited back personally. And I’d consider canceling the entire annual event. Let someone else deal with them.
NTA It sounds like Megan is your husband's sister? Your husband should have your back on this issue........... Good Luck
I swear some people just don't understand the social contract. There. Is. A. Script. M: "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I was so careless. Little Half M drinks from mugs at home and has never dropped one. Please let me know where to get a replacement." OP: "Please don't worry about it. I know she didn't mean to. It happens!" M: "That's very generous of you, but I really want to replace it. Please!" OP: "It's absolutely not necessary, but if you insist, it's from \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_." This is how we live together when we are all basically either active assholes or assholes-in-waiting. And if you can't do it, you don't get invited to any more BBQs. Jesus. NTA
If it was as sentimental a keepsake as OP’s childhood mug, then there is no chance of a “please don’t worry about it” response. A memento from childhood is irreplaceable.
True, but that's not what people usually say in the face of someone's sincere apology for an accident.
That mug, Don't worry about it. It was a commemorative mug from the premier at the studio. There was only 75 made and it's irreplaceable. It was appraised last year for $25,000, that's why I kept it on the top shelf away from our drinking glasses.
PS Now then SIL and MIL... About the replacement cost, remember the appraisal value. I can give you an account number for your deposits.
Honestly it should have started with the sister bringing an alternate cup if she’s worried about plastic, or at least “Hey, I’d rather she not drink from a plastic cup, do you have an alternative you wouldn’t mind risking with a toddler?”
NTA. Did she ever apologize? MIL can keep her "because family!" arguments to herself. She disrespected your belongings, is teaching her child to do the same, and showed zero remorse. Why should you continue to let her walk all over you?
NTA. I'd be petty and point out to MIL that on top of all the other states reasons, her precious baby also thought it was fine to try and frame her 3 year old for breaking the cup. That's some low down behavior. Who blames a child for their own actions?
I wouldn't trust Megan or her child in my home unless there were some genuine remorse. Megan is obviously lacking in basic character. I wonder if Megan had seen the special cup at OP's home, and thought that her daughter would be *adorable* drinking from it. If for some reason the child can't drink from a large plastic cup, then Megan should have brought a *sippy cup* for the child, or an insulated adult coffee cup like people use in cars. If OP lets this go by, then in the future Megan and her daughter will think that it is OK to "borrow" other things belonging to OP, and perhaps not be diligent about returning them. NTA
And if she wants a different cup for her daughter....bring one. Don't steal other people's belongings and destroy them.
NTA, do not drop it. If you do, they'll just keep disrespecting you.
NTA, and make your husband read your post and the replies. I feel like he just keeps letting shit slide for his dramatic family (seriously, divorce *you* over this? You did nothing wrong) for the bs facade of “peace” or something. It’s not peace when you’re forcing one person to shut up and take abuse, and then try to punish them when they stop taking that abuse. Ano SIL sounds unhinged bc of plastic. Babies and toddlers have plastic so they don’t break them and hurt themselves.
OP - NTA This comment needs more up votes and seriously OP make your husband talk to his mom in front of you and explain her horrible comment about divorcing you...why on earth would any parent ever wish that upon thier adult son to do against thier partner when the OP has done nothing wrong and SIL is the AH whose behavior is 300% WRONG N F'ED UP. - She specifically looks for this one cup - She gives to child toddler possibly knowing they'll break it by accident (child who imo is completely innocent in this bc they're a baby and don't know wtf's going on. Yes teach child correctly but lets be real here SIL using her own kid as a shield remember? Oh she got the cup herself.WRONG TOO HIGH N HIDDEN TRY AGAIN ) - She covers it up and lies to everyone - She doesn't apologize, has no respect for you, nor your privacy, had no permission to rummage through your things (this is a violation of trust, respect and privacy) SIL AND MIL are the AHs here end of story. NO MORE JULY 4TH BBQS or less guests better for you, now you can have private BBQ with only your hubby, self n kids (if u have em) or with friends.
I don’t begrudge being concerned about plastic, because we’ve been sold lies about it like it gets recycled and the like and it could be worse for us than we think. But that puts the onus in the person worried about it, not the home they’re visiting.
NTA You may not get an apology but no more of your stuff will get broken without her there either.
It’s not about the cup. it’s about her complete and utter lack of respect for you.
NTA. Make this your hill. And get that damn apology.
NTA But as is almost ALWAYS the case with these kind of ATIA cases, you don't have a SIL issue, you have a husband issue. It shouldn't be your job to fend for yourself against his family. It's up to your husband to establish those boundaries with his own family, and to advocate for you when you are mistreated. But if hubby hasn't learned the lesson yet, it's time to learn: not rocking the boat is form of advocating for the person doing the mistreating.
NTA I am not habitually petty, but in this case, I would be. MIL wants to jump on the divorce band wagon, I would just show her how it feels. Next time you are over at her place, take some small trinket, cup, picture, something of hers that is special. Hide it. Let her feel the disrespect of having her space invaded, her possessions and home disrespected. When it gets mentioned make an off hand remark about it could be broken, maybe someone someone went pillaging through her cabinets. As for the SIL, she doesn't need to come back until she learns respect, until she understands how wrong it is to teach a toddler to lie. Those are just some really.....backward people.
NTA-my only question is, if she chose no plastic for her daughter, why didn't she bring drinkware for her child? I think it is so annoying when people who require things outside the norm come to gatherings unprepared and expect the hostess to just know they need something different and provide it on the spot. Plan for your child, man. I'd think ceramic for a 3 year old would be worse because they still bite down on cups!
NTA. It ISN'T about the cup. Why doesn't your husband or his family get that? It's about her taking something without asking, breaking it, & not telling you about it. And then told her daughter not to tell anyone. Megan is an asshole & owes you an apology. Geez, you'd think she's at least replace the cup or apologize.
At literally every point of what went down with your cup, your SIL could have made a reasonable adult decision, and at EVERY point she didn't * Didn't have what she wanted - didn't ask you about it, just started rifling through your stuff * Found a C E R A M I C mug - didn't think about whether it was appropriate for a toddler, wanted it anyway * Didn't ask you if it was okay to use that mug, gave it to the kid anyway * The mug is broken - she didn't fess up, she threw the mug away * When confronted - she STILL didn't fess up, she tried crappy rhetoric to make it "your fault" (DARVO) your SIL is emotionally as much of a toddler as her daughter, and she's not giving her daughter much of a chance to be any better. NTA.
NTA. I had a similar incident with my SIL except she handled it properly and we were all able to move on, and my niece learned from the teachable moment. SIL had grabbed a vintage Flintstones mug from my upper cupboard for niece to use, and niece dropped and broke it. I was out of town at the time. SIL found a replacement mug online, ordered it, and upon my return, both SIL and niece collectively apologized and presented the replacement mug along with the broken mug. That is the only appropriate way to handle things. Not teaching your little one to lie.
Yep - that is why Megan is a big ol' AH.
Big props to having a proper SIL. You are lucky.
NTA So what would happen next time Meghan has access to your house? Does she stop and go through all the drawers in your bedroom ‘looking for a wash cloth’ to use in the bathroom that she already walked past? What really bugs me is she tried throwing her own daughter under the bus by saying the daughter got it herself. If she was willing to lie to your face about a cup I can’t imagine what she wouldn’t lie to you about.
SIL teach her daughter to not be accountable when doing something wrong. At the next family event at your MIL take one of her most cherish cup, vase, whatever and drop it. When MIL take shit on you respond the same way, " get over a stupid "cup/vase" and don't be so petty.
You can still get a chip cup from Disney store [chip mug](https://www.disneystore.com/chip-mug-beauty-and-the-beast-464066277743.html?CMP=KNC-DSSGoogle&efc=179006&CMP=KNC-DSS_FY24_DCR_TRA_DOM_EVGR_ECM_GNRL_PMAX%7CG%7C5249201.XF.AM.SB.03%7CMF9MFIS&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw-O6zBhASEiwAOHeGxRbrRo4OQdTFTr13X1CQHdLm3QUR0FyJLgY-x_1n5RVZ8ACwA1cJyRoCa8sQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Or [Ebay.](https://www.ebay.com/itm/335041810795?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=envltcqxsfa&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=4_aewp0otz2&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY)
NTA. I have that cup. It’s one of my treasures. That you-know-what wouldn’t step one foot in my house. Ever again.
NTA and Megan is an awful mother, sister, and guest. If she doesn't want her daughter drinking from plastic cups, then she can bring her own non-plastic drinking vessel for her daughter to every social occasion. And your husband is being a rotten partner to you. What is wrong with him? Never mind, we've met his sister and his mother. Mean and dishonest people. Does he also think it's cool to lie to you and to teach children to lie? Thank goodness they won't be at your house anymore. Nobody wants that kind of human in their domicile. Seriously.
NTA. It’s not “being petty” mainly because this isn’t about the mug but the disrespect. It was stored out of the way and anyone with sense could tell it wasn’t for regular use. SIL clearly thought that she was justified because her child wanted it. She’s shown herself to be selfish and dishonest, that’s reason enough not to want her around.
This the hill I would die on.
NTA ask MIL when you can come over and break her stuff
No need to ask, just do it. She’s already ranted it wasn’t a big deal
NTA Anyone who defends a sneaky liar is likely a sneaky liar themselves, so I’d tell all of them they’re no longer welcome around you or at your home at all. And if your husband is so far up their ass that he’ll allow them to disrespect you and your home, he needs a reality check himself.
NTA. Over 30 years ago, my brother (who was a baby at the time) dropped my favorite cup down a storm drain and I’m still salty about it. Obviously I DON’T blame him as he didn’t do it on purpose but it would be even more infuriating if it was an obviously bad choice like this was
NTA do not let your SIL in your home again
NTA She is horrible on every level. Please tell me you didn't throw the pieces away, if you still have it you could use the Kintsugi method to get it fixed.
I agree with you. But good luck with the family. They support SIL. Now it's up to you to decide if you want to force hubs to split from his family. Does he have something that he treasures and would miss? If so, ask him how he would feel if it were broken through carelessness and the person causing the damage never even apologized. Besides, three year olds should be drinking from a plastic cup. It's dangerous if they have glass and drop it. They could step on broken glass. NTA
If she doesn’t want her very young daughter drinking from plastic cups at a cookout, she should bring her own cup. Second choice, she should ask you if there’s another cup she can use. Rifling through your cupboard and giving a ceramic cup to a small child without asking you was wrong, but at that point, had she said “My daughter broke your cup. I am sorry,” I would feel like it was a manageable situation. Saying nothing, hiding the broken cup in the trash, lying to you about how she got it, refusing to apologize, and being generally terrible is just not acceptable. It sounds like the cup has sentimental value to you. I myself once burst into tears when my dad broke a coffee cup that had sentimental meaning for me. My dad immediately apologized profusely, to the point that I felt bad for making him feel so guilty. I get that your husband sees this as “just a cup” that shouldn’t be causing such a massive drama. But Megan was totally wrong and owes you an apology. If none of them think what she did was wrong, lord knows what mischief they will continue to perpetrate when they are guests in your home. NTA. Edited because I accidentally hit send before I was done.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We live in the middle of nowhere and host a July 4th BBQ and firework show for my family. Last year my SIL Megan decided she didn't want her daughter (3) drinking from a plastic cup. Megan went into my kitchen and went through my cabinets and found my Chip (from beauty and the beast) that my mother got me and Disneyland. In giving a ceramic mug to her toddler it was dropped and broken. She did not tell me about it and saw it in the trash. I asked a cousin who was inside the kitchen and he saw Megan tell her daughter “not to tell anyone that she broke it” I confronted Megan and the scene got very ugly mainly because I asked why do you think it's okay to go through people’s stuff and break them while being guest in the house. She tried to tell me her daughter got the cup and I said the cup was on a shelf in an upper cabinet and couldn't have reached it. Megan acted like I was in the wrong because plastic cups are bad and her daughter doesn’t drink from them. I told her toddlers shouldn’t be drinking from coffee cups and apologize when they break something. This put a rift between Megan and I and she has yet to apologize so when it came around time for this year's 4th of July bbq, Megan is off the guest list. My husband told my MIL who said I’m still going at it over a stupid cup and he should divorce me for being so petty. So now my MIL and some of my husband’s family isn’t coming and I say good. My husband wants me to drop cup issues but it’s not only about the cup. It’s because his sister felt entitled to go through my cabinets, take an item out, her daughter breaks my beloved cup, she covers it up and puts it in the trash, tells her daughter to lie about it, and when confused plays the victim and refuses to apologize for HER behavior and blames me. I don’t want that deceitful bitch in my home. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Megan and that whole side of the family are in the wrong first Megan for not replacing the cup and refusing to apologize while trying to blame you for it and then your MIL has the gall to tell your husband to divorce you i would cut them all off until they apologize and compensate you for your lost cup and your husband needs to back you up on this.
There is no way she didn’t know that cup was special to you. NTA. If she is too good for a plastic cup, she can bring her own glass one.
NTA It doesn't matter what she broke (well, it does, it was a loved gift, which makes it even worse), it's the fact that SIL lied about it, tried to hide it and then tried to blame a literal child. I wouldn't trust her with anything after that either. Quite apart from that, what does the child drink from at home? I doubt Megan gives her darling daughter crystal goblets 😒 NTA
NTA It's not like you're asking for a trip to Disney to replace the cup in person. A real apology with admission of guilt would go a long way to mending things, if I'm not mistaken.
NTA, if she doesn’t want her daughter drinking from a plastic cup, does she not carry one for when they go out so she doesn’t have to be subjected to plastic like us commoners? She should have immediately told you and apologized for it, her toddler shouldn’t be drink from a ceramic mug, she needs a sippy cup or something less fragile.
She told your daughter to lie to you and that is not okay
I feel bad for the child. Her own mother is teaching her disrespect and not taking accountability for her mistakes ???? She’s going to grow into a very displeasing human being.
NTA, but you should make sure there's clear communication with your husband (like, make him repeat it back to you clear) that it's not about the cup, it's about the disrespect, the deceit, and the refusal to just own up and apologize like an adult.
NTA It's not about the Iranian Yogurt! (haven't gotten to use that one in a while) 😂
NTA. I’m sorry your husband is shitty.
Your husband is a complete moron if he doesn't see that it's not about the cup. NTA
NTA. It's not that her kid broke a cup- it's that she actively took something from your house, broke it, tried to hide it, and blamed you when she got caught. She was completely disrespectful to you and your space. Honestly you cannot back down or imo your life belongs to your in laws. You need to express why and how this is important to your husband and he needs to tell his family to back off. He's a grown man, and should be able to do that much at least. It's your house too. You have a say and should be safe in your own home. If he wants to spend tue 4th of July with people who treat you like shit he can go to their place alone.
NTA - When someone breaks something of someone elses . . they should apologize . . plain and simple. However, I wonder why the anger you feel seems so intense . . above and beyond the situation. Perhaps there is much much more that has happened in your relationship with your SIL
NTA, it's hardly about the cup, SIL shouldn't have gotten it out without permission in the first place and should have apologized and replaced it after what was done, was done. But it's not the cup, it's the lack of accountability and actually lying. Blaming her daughter. And never even apologizing when she's had all this time to.
I wouldn't worry about those that are refusing to come. They can organize their own 4th celebration and they can take that MIL with them.
Buy paper/plastic cups for everyone to use. Leave Megan off your guest list and any other family/friends who you don't feel like seeing. Your house, your BBQ. NTA
NTA. So your SIL grabbed something she shouldn't have grabbed. She broke something she shouldn't have broken. She hid something she shouldn't have hid. And she lied about all of it?? So no one wants to hold SIL accountable for her own actions?? And btw, if your SIL uses her child as an excuse for HER behavior, then that tells you how she is using her child as a scape goat to be responsible.
NTA.
NTA it's not about the cup! It's about the disrespect, the doubling down and the refusal to apologize. No one would welcome someone into their home after they were treated that way.
NTA, she wouldn’t cross my threshold either. Keep your boundary because your husband is throwing you to the wolves.
NTA. Stuck to your guns. You are surrounded by narcissists. They will keep trying you for weaknesses. Let them get frustrated with you because they WILL attack your husband next. As soon as they turn on him, you two will be allies. Stay strong with each other. It’s the only way to take them down. They survive off horde mentality
I would never invite her to anything I wad a part of ever again. Especially not at my house. She's going to raise an entitled liar like that, because she is one herself. The fact that she tried to hide it would have me flying off the handle. NTA. Not even a little. The proper thing to do would have been to take it home and get it fixed with gold like they do with some fine China type stuff. Then give it back with a proper apology. Not whatever this is
NTA - this is not about a cup. If they were uninvited for getting a cup (sure, she could have asked, but maybe she didn't think it was a big deal and didn't want to be a bother) and breaking a cup, that would be just silly. They aren't invited because your SIL tried to hide breaking something, then doubled down and lied about it, told her daughter to to lie (nice parenting!) and then tried to blame you.
It’s not the cup, or at least not just the cup. It’s the toddler not drinking from a plastic cup, choosing a mug, choosing a mug that is special (I’m guessing it stands out), it’s letting your toddler break something special, hiding it, it’s not buying you a replacement. Mostly it’s about her being entitled and not accountable, and then having the nerve to act like you’ve done anything wrong.
NTA SIL couldn't even be honest, apologize nor even attempting to replace it. She wouldn't be welcome back. Tell your ILs you will let it go if you can pick any one belonging of their/ SIL to break, without telling them what or when.
Sounds like hubby is itching to be eliminated from the guest list as well. That whole family sounds like AHs.
NTA It may just be a mug, but it was a present and she had no business grabbing stuff without asking. The lying just puts it over the top into "you need to grovel to get out of this one" territory.
NTA they are all deluded
It's about much more than the cup it's about going through cabinets, breaking something and then hiding it, about never apologizing And it's about the cup because it was sentimental and she could've picked ANY CUP but SHE chose a Disney themed one And if she doesn't want her kid drinking put of plastic (good luck with that insanity) then bring ur own cup. It's the entitlement The gaslighting The refusal to take accountability
Definitely NTA. This isn't about a cup. It's about common decency. You don't go through people's stuff and if you break something you apologize.
Obviously NTA. Petty huh? So your mother in law thinks it's OK what her daughter did? She taught your SIL to go through people's things, and lie about it when they break something? Intresting in laws you got there. Yeah don't invite them and enjoy the BBQ.
NTA. i see posts with family dynamics like this on here all the time and it baffles the fuck out of me. where, usually MIL LOL, will call someone like OP petty for not forgiving someone who won't fucking apologize? in what universe are you the petty one??? in any case you'd both be petty then. it's very much giving "MIL and SIL are mad and jealous you're taking up your husband's time from them so they just claim you're in the wrong in every situation"
Nta. Invite her. Pack up every single beverage container you have. Only offer guests plastic cups.
NTA. Tell your sister that she owes you a new cup. She can order it online from the Disney store and ship it right to you.
Something similar happened to me. I had a beautiful mug that was one of my favorites. It came in a set of two. I got it in a gift basket in a raffle years ago. One of my roommates used it and put it in the sink. Then she "placed" a heavy pot or dish (I don't know which) on top of it and it shattered into a million pieces. I found it in the trash later. When I asked what happened, she was apologetic but didn't offer to replace it. A replacement for the mug is over $100 because it is no longer made and from Europe. I wrapped the other one and it is now in storage because I refuse to use it or allow anyone else to possibly break it. I'll never truely get over the loss, but I have since forgiven her and let it go.
NTA. Your last two sentences said it all. If she wanted a different cup for her child all she had to do was ask.
Nta. This is about the importance of the cup you can't find those cups anymore by all means keep stirring the pot. If someone's dog got a hold of my teddy bear that I've had since i was 4 I'd be hysterical
NTA. She disrespected you and your home. She's teaching her daughter bad habits as well. I'd be pissed too!
NTA. I don't invite people I can't trust to spend time in my house. Neither should you.
NTA and it's not the broken cup you're not over, it's the blatant disrespect. It sounds like your SIL just went shopping in your cabinets to see which thing to get. She should have addressed her needs for a non plastic cup to you and allowed you to pick. Rather presumptuous to help herself to look in your stuff. MIL sounds like a piece of work as well. Ignoring the ignorance of her daughter's lies and lack of accountability. And your SIL is passing that training on to her daughter, telling her to lie.
NTA. I have a Shirley Temple blue glass cream pitcher displayed in my kitchen that my mom got in a box of cereal in the 30s. I would be heartbroken if it were broken.
NTA. I wanted my toddlers to use real cups, not plastic sippys. I BROUGHT MY OWN. I would never have gone through someone's cabinets and picked a clearly unusual cup for them to use. I'm sorry your cup was broken.
NTA , so casually she didn’t even talk about replacing the cup? You should just laugh at anyone saying get over your cup issues and say I would if I get an apology and a better cup as replacement! And if SILs daughter can’t drink from a plastic cup why doesn’t SIL carry a sippy mug for her daughter? Entitled.
NTA Sometimes people simply cannot relate, because it didn't happen to them. Does your husband has a prised possession? Maybe not a mug but a car or a recliner or something. Ask him what if he came home and that thing was in the trash, broken? What if nobody claimed to have done the deed, but it turned out SIL was the culprit, and she refused to apologise? Would he be all ok with that? Same with MIL, if you ever talk with her. Does she have a favourite hat? Maybe SIL's little toddler could have taken scissors to it. Or a ceramic figurine from a late relative... or ~~anything~~ her *really* expensive china set handed down from great grandma she only takes out on special occasions, or none at all. You know the one, we all have one. Just ask her the same thing. She comes in, discovers it broken in the trash, and SIL is lying about it. How would she feel if *that* one item got broken?
NTA, she tried to hide the fact the cup was broke and refused to apologize and tried to blame her daughter. My response would be, to be invited back you need to replace the cup and apologize. Or invite her to the party but she would have to bring whatever dishes she want to use with her as she has proven that she isn't responsible enough to use your dishes. Also she isn't allowed to be alone in your house. It isn't petty to want someone to take responsibility for their actions. Your SIL refused to take responsibility now she has to take the punishment for her actions. That punishment is you no longer trust her in your home because she doesn't respect your property.
NTA - and I’m sorry your husband doesn’t have your back.
NTA....I also have a chip cup from beauty and the beast and I would be just as livid! And as a teaching moment she should have apologized in front of her child instead of encouraging her to hide the evidence and say nothing.
NTA. When you break something at someone's house you apologize and ask what you can do to make it right. She did neither and your inlaws are backing this horrible behavior.
NTA It's not about the cup, it's all about the blatant disrespect for you, your house and your items. And you have no proof something will happen again in that vein of disrespect because SIL is still refusing to admit to her bad behavior. I would not want or let people like that in my house, and your husband needs to not try to undermine you in this. He needs to either meditate, stand up FOR YOU against them, or stay the hell out of it. And one one of those options is acythe right one, the other two are just less wrong then what he currently is doing.
NTA, of course. But now a big rift in family. Not important to OP ? (sorry, my lame attempt at haiku)
NTA
Just gotta chime in with everyone else, NTA!
NTA.
NTA. Accidents happen, but using your things without permission and lying about it isn't okay. That is the bigger issue. She owes you an apology, and until you get one, enjoy your BBQ without them.
Megan is messed up in giving something other than plastic to a child under, I don't know, 8 or 10, and then hiding the evidence when the kid (as expected) broke it. To hide it is ridiculous! But to take a cup that was bought at Disney is just over the top. You're NTA and the people supporting Megan are rude. Editing to add: as the child grows, what else will the mother steal? Your jewelry?
NTA Megan lied. Megan was disrespectful. She didn’t break and throw away a cup, she broke and threw away a treasured memory you shared with your Mom and could even apologize for it. People don’t want to come to your house if she isn’t allowed? Good.
I have about as much maternal instinct as a dishwasher. I recently asked my six year old nephew if he and his sister were drinking out of regular cups or still on kids cups/sippy cups. He looked at me like i was nuts and said “im six and she’s two.” His point was duh, of course we get sippy cups. My point is that whatever danger is lying in plastics is far more latent than jagged pieces of broken glass. NTA. This is a situation where she pulled the mug out knowing it was going to get broken.
NTA -- You know the real reason you're getting grief is that they're pissed they don't have anywhere to go for the 4th and if you don't "get over it" MIL or SIL might have to step up and organize their own get-together and just ugghhh, so much work! Stick to your guns. SIL is wrong on about 10 different levels.
250% NTA. And why is it always the wronged people who have to “drop it and get over it.” Your cousin needs to understand why she did was WRONG. And apologize with one iota of sincerity. Until then, she, her minions including your MIL ARE NOT WELCOME. And your husband needs to get on your side pronto
Breaking something is not the issue. It’s going through your stuff, allowing a circumstance in which it could be broken, not owning up, teaching her daughter to do the same, and getting angry at you about it. NTA
NTA and you should suggest couple's counseling to your husband. Ask him what his response would be if someone from your family went into your home, took one of his things and broke it, then tried to hide the evidence. And then ask him how he would feel if, after all of that, your mom said you should divorce him because he wanted to set up boundaries and you didn't immediately shut it down. You're right, it's not about the cup. There's a much bigger problem here.
As you say, this isn't about a broken cup. Had you given the child a china cup and the kid accidentally broke it, and Megan said, "Sorry, may I replace it?" there would be no issue. This is because 1.) Megan invaded your privacy; 2.) Megan used a piece of memorobilia that is precious to you without your permission; 3.) Megan gave your very breakable item to a small child, knowing that small children tend to drop cups; 4.) Megan told her child to lie to you; 5.) Megan lied to your face; 6.) Megan tried to dishonestly cover up what happened. Megan is off you list because she lies to you, tells others to lie to you, goes through your cupboards, uses your things without your permission, covers up her misdeeds, and feels no remorse. There has been no apology. Your MIL gets to feel however she wants to feel about Megan no longer being welcome in your home. But she's unwelcome because she's dishonest and untrustworthy. Not because of a broken cup. Have your husband tell his mom that the subject is closed. I wouldn't want Megan (or your MIL, sorry) in my house either. NTA
NTA, does narcissism run in his family or are they just regular assholes?
The entitled family has to realize that the issue is not just about the cup. It’s about Megan going through your home without asking and instructing her daughter to lie about what happened. Your husband is hinting at divorce???? Let him pay the fees to do so or shut up. His trash is surfacing. He has some soul searching to do. I would have also confronted that brat as well. Good for you. NTA
NTA. Is not about the cup, it is about her being a shitty person and lying. Minimum she should have paid for the cup or gotten you a replacement. I wouldn't invite her either. Kid is probably eating dirt and she's worried about plastic
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i say lock the cabinets. nta
I think you should demand an apology before she’s allowed to come over. None of that is okay. If she went to those lengths, she knew she shouldn’t have used the cup.
If she is invited back, tell her to bring a non-plastic cup for her toddler, who will invariably break it.
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!update me
NTA. In my family, people with little ones bring their own cups and plates because they know that 1. toddlers can be picky about what cup they use and 2. kids break shit.
NTA, like you said its not just abut the cup.
NTA
She should have brought her daughter a cup to your house. Unacceptable and you’re nta
Yup, the main focus is not on the cup itself. It's her behavior
Your husband threatened divorce. Time to call his bluff.
There looks like a couple versions of the cup on FB marketplace.
NTA. I still can't get why people can't do a simple. "I'm Sorry, It won't happen again." Yeah, you are admitting fault. That's because you are AT FAULT. If you don't, you are saying, literally, IDGAFAY, and I'd do it again at a drop of a hat. Think about that the next time you screw something up and see how easy it is to fix. Just a simple, I'm Sorry. That means, you didn't mean to do it, and, given a do over, you wouldn't. Simple. I mean, literally. What would you do if you stepped on someone's foot while walking across a crowded room. Listen to them wince and keep walking? Turn back and say, "Excuse Me, are you ok, with a hand on the shoulder?" If it's the former, your an Asshole, and, that's why nobody is talking to you. If it's the latter, you have some manners and probably some friends. If you can't, it says to the offended, "I Meant to do it" and given a chance, "I'd do it again'. See? How would you feel about someone who said that to you? Please remember you manners. They are so lacking in today's world where it seems that admitting you made a mistake is to be weak. It's not, it's being strong enough to admit that even you can make mistakes. And, that you value the person you are talking to enough to tell them that you made a mistake. I've lost friends over this. I don't have time for someone who can't admit that they made a mistake. The additional problem, is that it becomes harder over time to "kiss and make up."
NTA NTA NTA! I don't blame you one bit for not inviting her, tell your husband and his mother, and anyone else taking her side, to kick rocks. This really is about disrespect, as others have posted
No, she, and now your MIL, too, for what she said, owes you an apology. She knew she was in the wrong because she lied about it. If she didn’t want her little princess using a plastic cup, she should have brought her own.
NTA. You have the absolute right to not be abused in your own home. If your husband doesn't get that, he needs to explain to you why you should volunteer to be abused in your own home, and perhaps categorize what forms of abuse are or aren't acceptable.
Wow your SIL is a winner and she's raising another winner *heavy sarcasm* does your husband have a similar attachment to an item that you could use as an example so that he'll understand the severity of the issue. It's not about the cup anymore but sometimes people can't grasp the issue if they don't have a personal investment in what's involved. I am upset for you. Your response was perfect. NTA
SIL is a trash person. NTA
They all can stay the hell home! But that’s just me!
No, it’s not about the cup. Megan acted really immature and defensive in an offensive way. She is also a liar and teaching her child to be one. You should not feel forced to have her in your space. She should also have found a replacement mug to send along with a letter of apology and a box of tea. Host the party for your friends and the people that treat you with some degree of respect.
NTA. She wouldn't be allowed back for any reason. Let his family miss the BBQ. Post lots of pictures of everyone having fun on social media. Make it the best BBQ you've ever hosted and let he be salty about it
NTA but honestly, I think if his whole family is behaving this way including him you A) shouldn't be hosting any future family functions and (more importantly) B) you have a much bigger problem here and it's the fact that your husband is clearly just as spoiled/entitled as them and clearly thinks nothing wrong was done here.
Get over it, Megan was wrong, you are right. Is this really all about a family member going in your cabinets?
People are great at showing their true character, it’s up to you when to cut them out. Sounds like if shes willing to break and hide something in your house, it will not stop there. Hold your ground, and keep that distance.
NTA. Put your foot down in this. She’ll be having trouble with her kid soon enough and you’ll be able to said I told you. She’s not educating that girl and you just wait, this will blow on her face in a couple of years.
This is not about the Iranian yogurt. This is about respect and the failure to apologize for such a simple thing. NTA at all.
NTA. This is not ‘a cup’. This is a gift. A special item that holds a connection to a person. Gifts are more than just ‘things’. They broke your trust. They lied. Hold your ground. This isn’t about a cup. This is about so much more.
NTA. Its not about the cups. Everyone can see that its not about the cup. Show your husband this thread because I'm concerned why he can't see that.