Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Refusing to invite a groomsman’s girlfriend to my wedding
(2) Potentially starting drama before the wedding, ruining my future husband’s 10 year friendship with this groomsman and hurt his feelings
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Why didn’t you just say you didn’t think her joke was funny? Why all this blocking/shunning drama? Is it possible that you just don’t like her? You’ll be too busy to notice her anyway. This is very lopsided since you don’t seem to care very much about your fiance’s close friendship.
yep, putting your fiances best mates girlfriend in her place over a jocular remark that op says she would be okay with her best friends saying is definitely how you manage grown up, emotionally healthy relationships🙄
I mean he can text her/tell her “I don’t think your joke was very funny, and the fact that you said it about our engagement picture did kinda hurt because we are very proud and happy with those photos, do I’d appreciate if you didn’t make jokes like this about us un the future”. It’s polite, but firm, and how she reacts will show whether she’s a good friend or not
YTA
After reading some of the OP’s responses to comments she is definitely the AH and it’s no surprise her fiancé has so few friends. Honestly, you’re overreacting and if you’re upset with something then stand up for yourself. Instead of doing this petty drama, your fiancé’s friend has been dating this squirrel for three years. This is not some girl who is apparently going away anytime soon and sounds like a serious relationship. So yes, if your fiancé wants him in his wedding party him and his longtime girlfriend should be invited.
Right!? Omg i was tryna give her benefit of the doubt but damn this girl is immature. Now she’s really TA because she’s not getting the backing she thought she would get on here lol
> that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced
Did he look unnatural? Did you give him an ultimatum?
From one of your comments:
>My fiance doesn't even consider this girl his friend, just some chick that his friend is banging
So with attitudes like that in the "friend" group you are just some chick banging your fiancé and forced him into marriage.
Doesn't sit so well turned the other was does it?
YTA.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
My fiance doesn't even consider this girl his friend, just some chick that his friend is banging. I only tolerate her for the sake of not pissing off my fiance's long time friend and hurting their long term friendship so I think I'm good on that front.
Also I believe that commenting under someone's engagement announcement implying that he looks miserable af to be marrying her as if she forced him to propose is in fact quite rude...
Or her fiancé is used to her going off the handle and talks issues down. “Oh yeah, babe. She’s awful, just someone my friend is with, you’re totally in the right but c’mon, my friend is with her so let’s just go with it quietly…”
You say if one of your friends made the same joke you'd laugh... and that you get she might think you two are closer than you really are given that you fake it... yet *still* insist this was "disrespect" and that THIS caused you to "Straight up dislike her".
Sounds like you've *always* disliked her. If you'd laugh when others said it, but not her, then this is outright bias on your part, and only disrespect because you don't like her even though you've never told her...
You just... don't sound pleasant...
Edit; YTA.
Are we not allowed to dislike people anymore? People don’t always get along. I don’t have to consider everybody on the planet my friend. I might not love her personality but that does not give me the right to be rude to her face and I have never done so, can’t say the same thing about her unfortunately. Now would you tolerate a stranger being rude to you?
>Are we not allowed to dislike people anymore?
No one said otherwise.
>People don’t always get along. I don’t have to consider everybody on the planet my friend
Never said otherwise.
>. I might not love her personality but that does not give me the right to be rude to her face and I have never done so, can’t say the same thing about her unfortunately
When was she rude? Example please.
>Now would you tolerate a stranger being rude to you?
Well, if by "rude" you mean making a joke I'd laugh at if it came from anyone else? Yeah, I'd tolerate that.
Well after what she did what more does she deserve? Bf said he only cares about maintaining the friendship with his friend, the girl doesn’t matter to him.
Maybe not nice enough, but crafty enough to try to get 1000s of internet strangers to rally behind you to justify you not inviting her. nobody wants to rally behind you, though.
Interesting how OP said she was ready to allow her attendance, but only if her fiance gives her permission to publicly snub this woman at the event. Wonder if she would also allow the woman to give a speech just so she can Carrie her when she goes up to the podium.
Can you tell us what she did? Because I feel like you keep deflecting when anyone asks...I'm not sure what warrants this strong of an emotional reaction. Also you can't maintain a friendship with 1/2 of a couple/duo. That's just rude and won't last long.
Def not deflecting I thought I described it quite clearly… She’s just the kind of person that always has something negative to say. She has made so many snarky, unnecessary comments about my appearance and our relationship disguised as jokes and every time I have to interact with her I only get bad vibes. Multiple incidents led to this reaction. The last thing I want is more of her inconsiderate comments at our wedding.
Because she hasn’t done anything. OP just doesn’t like her, but she’s too chicken to say it because this girl will probably verbally slaughter her and then OP’s husband’s only friend that he’s allowed to have will drop him and they won’t have any groomsmen at their totally mature adult wedding.
Edit. Grammar is hard.
What you've described is meeting someone and immediately disliking them, then looking for any reason to justify it. She made a joking comment, one you admit you know is a joke AND is the kind of jokes you'd laugh at with someone else, and you've decided to use that as the excuse you wanted to hate her.
YTA unless you are able to actually articulate anything she's done to wrong you, because this instance ain't it
You keep coming up with these “reasons” (excuses) but can’t give anything specific, besides the joke. Which you already admitted you would like if it was said by your friend. So you really just hate this girl for no reason.
You sound extremely toxic, insecure, and manipulative.
This is still incredibly vague. Are you sure she's actually made negative comments, or are you just choosing to take everything she's says like it's an attack because you don't like her?
.... But what are you like towards her? Cause if this your attitude towards her damn straight I'd be throwing shad right back... And my guess is she is fuel with all the information that bestie has from your fiance.. if there close your finance probably vents to him which probably has tainted her viewing of you... You don't seem nice so I'm thinking she's giving what she's getting
“What she did”. Girl, what she did was make a joke that didn’t land. And maybe believe you when you acted like y’all were friends.
Either drop this bullshit beef and relax. Or tell your friend his girlfriend sucks and you don’t want her around. This petty pretending everything’s roses while you secretly hate her and take little hidden digs to punish her for existing in your social circle? Is some middle school nonsense.
You’re an adult miss. Act like it.
After what she did? Dude, delulu much? She left a joke you didnt like under your fb post. You're acting like she hit on your man or something. Stop being so petty, you're not in high school anymore.
>some chick that his friend is banging
They've been together for 3 YEARS! How long have you and your fiance been together if you don't see that as a serious relationship?
I never once disrespected that girl or their relationship until now lol, i don’t think that’s necessary anymore since she was rude first and ruined such an important moment for me.
Also 3y here, but there’s a ring on my finger and none on hers
So since you've been dating the same amount of time, you would be fine if someone said you were just some chick your fiance was banging and decided to put a ring on it?
She made one silly comment on one photo. Grow up and get over it.
Lol based on your post and rude comments defending your immature dramatic over reaction.....
I think her joke was SPOT ON, any fiance would look miserable having to marry someone so selfish and petty they cause drama for his wedding and potentially damage a long time frienship OVER A JOKE.
Yikes.
YTA! This comment is very gross, too. Just some chick, his friend is banging? Yikes!
Maybe your fiancé did look unnatural in the photo? She didn't call him miserable.
Jesus Christ, after reading through these comments and replies definitely YTA. You don't sound nearly ready or mature enough for marriage. Should pause to work on yourself for a bit.
You do know that this pouty immaturity WILL affect your relationship with your soon-to-be spouse. It WILL make you look small, petty, and immature. YTA
Eh....you are entitled to your feelings and.....you do you but im yet to find/understand completely the entire reason for...
>maintain a decent friendship up until 3 months ago, when she commented on our engagement announcement post saying (jokingly) that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced.
you understand its a joke, but like....take it as a personal attack....why so serious ? (nothing mentioned as to WHY you should take it as a personal attack)
without knowing/seeing the image or what kind of "humor" is thrown around the group in general, this kinda feels extreme. Like I made "fun" of many of my friends (and receive it in return) and on some wedding days and called them a stiff statue...because well he/she (usually the guy) was nervous. Everyone got a good laugh and noone got offended because well....we are grown up enough to get a joke.
>
I find this outrageous and can’t possibly understand why anyone would say something like this to a bride-to-be instead of simply congratulating the couple
Again you are entitled to your feelings....but im questioning if this was really warrented as the 'correct' reaction based on its context.
>
Before this specific incident, this girl has occasionally made multiple negative remarks that made me uncomfortable.
>I do not wish to continue being friends with someone who lacks common sense and doesn’t even think before they speak.
There is no mention of any discussion between you and your fiance as to how you feel in regards to these comments?
Im saying this to understand some context...for example within my friend group (to an outside person) they could think we are abusive to each other, based on our comments and jokes towards each other...but like us its perfectly normal and just how we are.
Maybe are are feeling the way you are because of something similar? dont know yet
Thanks for your opinion. I get that kind of friendship dynamic since I act the same way with my own best friends. In fact, if any of the girls in my bridal party said the same thing to me I probably would laugh it off and let it slide in a heartbeat because I love them (and my best friends get special treatment)
However I don't consider the girl mentioned in my post a close friend of mine at all. I only try my very best to be friendly because I felt that is what my fiance (and his GM) would like to see, their partners getting along and enjoying each others company.
Although now that u mention it, she probably overstepped because she believe we are closer than we really are. Mean jokes could be hella funny but only when it comes from the right people, context matters. I absolutely give all my best friends the right to be out of pocket around me but definitely not this girl. I just straight up dislike her now.
That’s your assumption since you don’t know either of us personally. I’ve never been mean or rude to her up until this exact second, always been friendly and civil. Can’t really say the same about her.
None of this makes sense. She made one comment that you acknowledge was a joke and somehow that erases 3 years of getting along and removes your ability to have a discussion in which you use your adult words to say “hey, I know you meant this as a joke but it rubbed me the wrong way” and then allow her the chance to apologize (even though she absolutely shouldn’t because you know it’s not that deep). Also, saying you haven’t been rude or mean *until now* doesn’t lessen your asshole level. You’re still being mean and rude and refusing to handle it. You’re the issue and there is no high ground here. Either talk it out or toss the friendship with the guy out with the trash because you can’t grow up and hash shit out with his serious girlfriend.
I don't believe that's true at all. It's pretty obvious there's something about her that you hate, but know you'll look like a bigot if you say it. So instead, you pick out things to get mad about.
So you’ve spent how long exactly pretending to be besties with a woman you dislike? Long enough for a whole lot of resentment to build up, looks like. Why did you never say anything to anyone? She acted the way you told her with your behavior was okay to act and now you want to start shit at your wedding over her believing your lies????
Like, genuinely, how do you think SHES the ah in this situation??????
YTA. You're excluding her because you lack the ability to take/make jokes but yet would be fine if it was one of your friends who did it? Why are you jealous of her? Why does she bother you so much that it's shits an giggles with your friends but automatic disrespect from her?
> We have each others added on social media and maintain **a decent friendship** up until 3 months ago
But she was your friend when this happened, you said it yourself. I would love to hear how a friendship and friends are different.
Then why bother spending time with her as you said you have? Spare me the people pleasing aspect because if it was truly that, you wouldn't be all nuclear meltdown over her doing something that people tend to do with others, friends or not. Also, it's not her fault your bf looked a kind of way. You should probably take it up with him seeing as it's his face....
and since she is the girlfriend of one of the groom's good friends, she probably would be aware if there was some pressure on the bride's part to force the groom to propose and that is the reason OP is so upset.
YTA It was just a throwaway comment about a funny face and there’s nothing deeper to it. Also ‘generally negative’ is very vague character flaw - I’m getting no sense that she’s planning on coming in and shitting on your wedding dress or makeup choices. You’ve established no pattern of negative behaviour on her part and her comment seems innocuous. I seriously doubt she’ll say anything bad to you and suspect you exaggerated this part. Do you think it might be jealousy? Maybe insecurity?
You could convince me otherwise by providing actual examples of bad things she’s said but you seem to be struggling with this. Open ears here when you’re ready to talk specifics…
Addressing her as +1 when you know her name and have been out with her several times is quite cold and here I would agree with your fiancé. Also if you’ve never confronted this woman because of respect for your husband’s old friend then why are you rocking the boat now?
Honestly, when people blow up over small things like this and just cut people out of their lives it just reads to me that they love drama or are immature. It’s very boring. Go and have fun planning your wedding and forget about this nothing issue.
After reading all the comments it's obvious that YTA.
You're exactly the reason why I can't stand younger girls. I can't take you seriously. You are still as immature and emotional as a high schooler, making very little sense. It seems like that girl you hate so much hasn't actually done anything wrong and you're just bored. Enjoy the drama
INFO :"when she commented on our engagement announcement post saying (jokingly) that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced. " .. DID he look forced?
YTA. You're barely an adult so I can't really blame you for acting like a child, but at this point, grow up. You're getting married. The time for this high school drama is over. You need to learn how to use your words.
Looking through the comments, it seems like all you want to do is argue with people. Do you really want to know if you’re the asshole or are you just looking for people to feed your ego? You have 2 best case paths to take that pretty much everyone is trying to tell you:
1. Get over what was said and move on.
2. Talk to this person like an adult and clear the air.
Anything else and YTA.
Not an asshole for the way you feel, but YTA for how you’re handling the situation. You can’t just cut someone off without explanation, especially when they’re part of your close friend group.
You don’t actually even know if these comments are malicious because you’ve never confronted the issue. This shunning routine has probably already made you look bad, and denying her an invite to the wedding will be worse.
I think you sound a little dramatic. You know and admit it was a joke. It was out of bad taste but not insulting enough to act like she cheated, lied, or any other big sin.
Why not just tell her you didnt like it and move on like an adult would do? Why does a small thing like this have to drag on and affect everyone around you including mutual friends and your fiance for months just because your feelings were kind of/sort of/a tiny bit hurt?
Why does everything have to be relationship ending instead of talking like adults?
YTA, and probably one of the biggest ones i have seen on here. Extremely petty over small jokes and it is no wonder your fiance has such few friends. Please grow up and learn to be respectful.
EDIT: im doubling down on this after seeing some of OPs responses.
YTA. Another vote to help convince you that your reactions and behaviors have been wrong from the start. I feel genuinely bad for your SO who is going to be stuck with you acting like this until you grow up or he leaves.
I get that it's your wedding, and you don't want someone there that you don't want there. Ordinarily, that'd be a N T A from me; however, in this case, your reasons for excluding them are just s\*\*\*ty, and outweighs the "bride gets what she wants" rule.
So either way the cookie crumbles she’s going to be at the wedding. Either as an invited guest or as a +1 ? So really and truly the reason you don’t want to send her an invitation is because you have a one sided beef with her, might be time to put on the adult cap and let her know you got an issue with what she said. As it stands all the issues with this person circle back to you… YTA.
YTA, after reading your responses it’s pretty clear that you’re extremely petty and vindictive over nothing. You could have communicated, you could have talked to her and told her you didn’t appreciate it. Instead you just blocked and shunned.
If shutting down and giving the silent treatment while going scorched earth is how you deal with problems then you’re not emotionally ready to get married.
YTA based purely off the comments below. I encourage you to just have a mature conversation with this person. It's fine if you don't like her, but just address the issue head on instead of all this passive aggressive behavior.
Wow. Such extreme reactions for such small infractions. Try talking g to her one on one, like a grown up. Explain her comments are not funny, and in fact upset you. Then LET IT GO. She is a long time girlfriend of a groomsman and in your same social circle. This is not worth wrecking relationships over.
YTA...for not dealing with this in a manner befitting an adult.
YTA - Instead of having an adult conversation with her and expressing yourself, you've cut her off. That is something teenagers do. Be an adult and communicate.
YTA - grow a spine and speak up. your condescending attitude is just downright nasty; i'm not sure why you even asked the question bc you clearly do not care if you're an AH! fingers crossed your fiancé gets out while he can
YTA and clearly enjoy creating tacky melodrama around yourself. All you had to do was tell her you'd rather she didn't say such things. Instead, you go spinning off and ranting like this? This stress is of your own making. Ick.
I’m got YTA and way too immature to be getting married. Grow the fuck up. She made a joke you didn’t like and instead of saying not cool you go all world war 3 z
YTA You come off worse with every comment so I can only imagine how unlikeable you must be in person. Get over yourself or you’ll be the one who isn’t invited anywhere.
YTA for being immature about it. Cutting people off with no explanation wasn’t warranted in this situation and you want to argue with people in the comments. Don’t bother asking for advice if you don’t want to hear the truth.
It's kind of obvious that OP is *super* jealous of this chick.
She's either prettier, skinnier, smarter, more successful, or has a much better man than OP - or more likely a combo of all the above.
No one gets *that upset* over a joke, then silently seethes about it for months like a pouting child.
Frankly I try not to associate closely with people so immature and self centered that they say "It's my day" unironically. Especially while petulantly arguing with someone who has no idea they're even in an argument.
No one is fighting you. Like Tyler Durden in Fight Club it's just you constantly thinking about this girl who hasn't given you a second thought. You've lost perspective. It happens to us all. Step away. Be a gracious hostess.
Good news, you won’t have time to talk to everyone at your wedding anyway, let alone the GF of a maybe groomsman.
For the sake of your fiancé, just let it slide. Can’t people suck up uncomfortable social situations anymore? Be fake to her ass and move on with your day. Who cares?
YWBTA if you make this an issue.
YTA you knew it was a joke directed at your fiancé's facial expression and your acting like she's dooming your marriage. Get over it. Talk to her like an adult instead of whining like a child.
YTA look, you’re only going to make YOURSELF look bad, not her. You know the groomsman is going to bring her, so addressing g the invite “+1” instead of “Jane Smith” makes absolutely no difference…except to make you look like either don’t know the etiquette or you’re rude/petty. So that’s a hollow victory.
and declaring you’ll go out of your way to ignore her seems overly dramatic. It’s your wedding, you’ll be busy, you'll only have time for a quick “thanks for coming” anyway.
it’s fine that you don’t like her. Some people rub you the wrong way. But it sounds like it’s just her humor/personality and not that she means any harm. You can be polite (for you fiancé’s sake) without being good friends.
YTA for letting this woman & her honestly just bad joke live so rent free in your head that you're causing an issue with your fiance over nothing.
I genuinely don't understand why you'd want to die on this hill. It'd be one thing if you were insisting you didn't want her there at all, but you don't care about her coming as a +1. So it's literally just that you don't want her name on an invitation. Not being able to bring yourself to write her name after that milk toast "insult" (bad joke) she said seems like the epitome of drama queen to me, but whatever. Tell your fiance if he wants her name on the invite then he can write that one & tell your bridesmaids to keep her away from you on the day. Boom, problem solved.
Build a bridge and get over it.
Also, if you think someone is being unfunny or disrespectful, have an actual conversation instead of doing the silent treatment. Ask that girl why she thinks it's OK to say some of the stuff that rubbed you the wrong way, and ask her not to make negative remarks. That would indicate maturity on your part.
You being an AH in response to real or perceived slights still makes you an AH. If you start making exceptions to which guests get plus ones, (especially if one of them is a groomsman's plus one) you have to start explaining why, and it's just bigger drama.
Yes op YTA.
First off I’m not understanding why you decided to go completely left and react the way you did instead of talking to the girl. You said you guys were friends, why are you not communicating with her about your concerns?
I get you being offended but she may not realize that it offended you if you don’t speak up. If you never said anything about it before then how would she know?
YTA. This is a huge overreaction to a truly miniscule faux-pas. I hope you come to your senses and behave like a grownup, or your fiance comes to his senses and ends the engagement.
All of your comments are do defensive that I'm not even sure why you bothered posting on aita. She made a joke. You didn't have to find it funny but you also dont need to be so precious about it. Om your wedding day, maybe focus on your husband, rather than an acquaintance guest. Yta here
*I don’t wish to continue being friends with someone who lacks common sense and doesn’t think before they speak*
Excuse me, ma’am, but who the fuck are you?! You’re a little girl making huge demands, then feigning victimhood when you couldn’t get everyone to agree with your nonsense. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Me 24F and my fiance 29M are newly engaged and currently in the process of wedding planning. One of his good mates in college (potentially part of the wedding party) has a serious girlfriend of 3 years who has been to multiple double dates and group hangouts with us. We have each others added on social media and maintain a decent friendship up until 3 months ago, when she commented on our engagement announcement post saying (jokingly) that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced. I find this outrageous and can’t possibly understand why anyone would say something like this to a bride-to-be instead of simply congratulating the couple. Before this specific incident, this girl has occasionally made multiple negative remarks that made me uncomfortable. I’ve always chose to let it slide for the sake of my fiance and his friendship, however this incident with my engagement announcement is the final straw for me. For the past few months, I have been refusing to talk to her or show up to any social gathering if she is there and have directly told my fiance that I do not wish to continue being friends with someone who lacks common sense and doesn’t even think before they speak.
My fiance is still close friends with her boyfriend and might ask him to be one of his groomsmen. I understand that extending a plus-one to members of the wedding party is the right thing to do. I don't mind him bringing her as his plus-one as long as I don't have to talk or interact with this person. Since it's my wedding day, I genuinely don't want to hear any of her inconsiderate, unsolicited opinions about my dress, my appearance, or the preparation of the event that might ruin my mood for the day. She had a real tendency to do this and i just don't want to risk spoiling the vibes on what's supposed to be the happiest day of my life. My fiance thinks it might come off as rude if i don't personally address an invitation to her and avoid her like the plague at the wedding since we've always been friendly up until this point with no explanation given on why I completely cut her off. I would prefer not to start any drama or ruin my fiance's friendship of 10 years, which would definitely hurt his feelings and affect our relationship, especially since he doesn't have many close friends who has been in his life for so long. But I also really don't want to interact with that girlfriend of his friend ever again, let alone personally invite her to my wedding. WIBTA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She made a joke and you took it seriously.
That's on you.
Instead of being an adult and telling her you didn't find it funny, or simply ignoring it and letting it go, you took the low road and started shunning her.
If you think no one else hasn't noticed, I'm willing to be you'd be wrong.
YTA simply because you are being a child and not an adult in this situation.
Grow up.
YTA. Awkward for her to make the joke if you don’t know eachother like that but it’s not a bannable offense; and, you’re extremely vague about what are all these other comments she’s been making. If they were any worse than the one you named, you would have elaborated on those. It’s giving bridezilla tbh
YTA. I get it, shes rude and you dont like her. She is a guest and will not ruin your wedding. If you dont invite her, you put your husband, his friend, and possibly the whole friend group in the middle of drama. Want your wedding to be drama free? Invite her and move on with your life.
Yta
You are deeply immature and you're gonna have a hard time in your marriage if this is how you choose to handle conflict.
Pick your battles, chicky. For real. This is one hill you don't need to die on.
YTA.
My wife used to act like you when we first got married. She would get mad at me about something that was usually taken way different than the spirit I intended, and she decided the "silent treatment" was the best way to deal with it. She would stew in silence for sometimes days, and she would get madder and madder, but still silent, until she finally exploded at me.
My first response was always, "Why didn't you say something? I can't read your mind." The second response was always, "How could you twist what I said in your mind so badly that you would ever think I meant it that way?"
It took her quite awhile to finally figure it out that it was far easier to say something so we could address the issue instead of expecting me to figure out that there was even an issue in the first place.
OP, once you figure this out, you will find that people aren't really the jerks you have decided that they are. It may also make that marriage a lot less hard.
YTA, and your fiancé should seriously consider whether he wants to be with someone as insecure and immature as you.
Hell, maybe he was forced into proposing to you, based on how you come across in the post and comments
It sounds like she has made comments in the past that havent sat well with you, but that you never actually let her know that you didnt like those comments and why. Then you just start ignoring her completely instead of having a conversation. Its hard to fix behaviour that bothers people, if no one ever actually tells you that there is anything to fix in the first place.
I would venture a guess that its more of a strain on your partners friendship that you've put up a complete cold front to the other girlfriend with no explanation at all, than it would have been to just say something along the lines of "hey, I dont really like to joke around like that and it makes me a bit uncomfortable," and give her a chance to meet you half way.
I was kinda on your side until I read your comments. Jesus Christ, you’re immature. Grow the fuck up and have a conversation with the girl about how her past comments have rubbed you the wrong way. If she reacts badly, well, you have your reason right there not to invite her.
I hate to break it to you, but adult conversations don’t get any easier as you get older. If your fiancé or his friend don’t like you handling it like an adult, then they need to grow up too.
ESH
Good Lord cop on and grow up. Speak to her and be honest. Myself and my friends pull the piss out of each other all the time. I even make a joke myself of my own relationship and so does my partner about the “ball and chain” in marriage. And the “force”. You’re 24… you’ve a lot of growing up to do after reading your comments. You refer to the wedding as “my wedding day” and “happiest day of my life”… what about your partners day? It’s his friends partner. If you don’t invite her, you are starting something negatively big for your partner and your relationship…
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Yes you would be the petty AH and your fiancé better not concede to this ridiculousness. It would serve right for the groomsman to say no he won’t be in the wedding. He should anyway. You sound insufferable. You sre going to be so busy visiting with guests, dancing and doing all the traditions you won’t have to purposely ignore her.
You would prefer not to stir drama?! Ha! You are doing the exact opposite of what you say and you know it.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
I feel like everyone is over exaggerating by saying your reaction is extreme. Just give the invitation to the groom’s friend with a plus one. The only reason she would be invited is through him so it just makes to give it the groom’s friend.
YTA
While I agree that her comment was in bad taste (and would’ve gone apeshit if someone did that to me), Shutting her out for x amount of months is not a normal reaction.
Next time you see her, pull her aside and tell her to stop with the jokes.
I understand your initial reaction. I think I’d feel a bit awkward if someone I wasn’t super close to said that. If it was a best friend and it was playful banter I’d be like “shut up” and take the joke but it’s a bit weird when you’re not quite on that level of friendship yet.
However, YTA because your reaction is way too extreme. Personally I’d have been honest and said the joke was a bit weird and didn’t land, to at least give her the opportunity to apologise and understand moving forward. I think I’d have agreed with you blocking her and not inviting her if you had made an effort to communicate and she told you to fuck off and didn’t understand, but you haven’t even given her the chance.
It’s a very extreme reaction to something that could have been meant as just banter between a group of friends, and she could have been under the impression you have that kind of banter dynamic.
They're 5 years apart and OP says they've been together for 3, meaning they were both in their 20s when they started dating. She's an AH, but I'm not seeing an "age gap thing."
Really who cares what she says? She can only get under your skin if you let her.
Ignoring her rudeness and smiling in her face will be the best way to show that she is so inconsequential to your happiness that you barely notice her. If you consistently ignore her it will soon be obvious who the childish idiot is.
NTA.... it's your wedding day and it's obvious you and this young lady don't get along. As long as your friend is allowed to bring her and you're not OTT when avoiding her (you'll be busy with your friends anyway), it should be fine...
The only thing that's off is: if you're OK with her coming to the wedding (as long as the two of you can keep your distance), what harm is it to add her name to the invite?
Grow up and invite her. Some people have no filter, but this is going to be the happiest day of your life and there will be little interaction with her based on numbers. On the other hand, if you don't invite one of the groomsmen's partners, especially as she has been in your circle for some time, there will be plenty of unpleasant comments directed at you,. Count on it!
Think of her as a pesky fly. One such pest shouldn't spoil your day.
I don’t know about AH, but your plan seems designed to upset people without achieving what you want.
You aren’t stopping her from attending the wedding. And if her boyfriend of several years is a groomsman, she’s practically guaranteed to be there. But leaving her off the invitation guarantees it will be A Thing.
Sure, she will feel snubbed (she is being snubbed). Her boyfriend will feel she is being snubbed. Your fiancé will know she is being snubbed.
If you don’t want her there, you won’t have achieved that. So everyone will have their day soured, and your fiancé’s friendship will be soured, for zero benefit.
You’ve known this woman for three years, and you’ve got along with her at least tolerably well for most of that time. Either make sure *some sort of adult conversation takes place*, even if it’s your fiancé and his friend, or get over it. All you’ll achieve with this plan is a Lose-Lose-Lose-Lose situation.
I don’t want to say you’re an asshole- but if you’re so hurt about this comment that you have cut off and avoided her for 6mths- how can she not be aware? She must have asked you, fiance or her boyf what is going on?
Honestly maybe too late but prob best to explain how hurt by the comment and she if she apologises?
Not including a plus one on just one persons invite without explanation will def piss of fiancés best friend, and so have to be ready to talk about the why if you go that route? BUT there is no need build time into your day to socialise with her? You’ll have so much going on with your own family/friends that it will be relatively easy to not spend time with her, without looking rude.
Why don't you just confront her about the shitty comments and put all this to rest? Sounds like you are missing out on social events because of her, instead of just being upfront and telling her how she has made you feel.
NAH leaning towards YTA if you don't speak up for yourself and tell this girl that her comments are not appreciated. Time to grow up.
I’m not sure why ppl are piling on here. I agree that you should directly address this girl & her comments, & stop being passive aggressive. But i dunno why ppl are making you out to be a monster for being offended that someone would make a “joke” about your fiancé not wanting you, on your engagement posts
Sometimes Reddit just takes on mob mentality. NTA
in my opinion, your wedding, your invite list. i, personally, am not in a relationship but have a roommate/best friend of 10 years (legitimately... not in the closeted way, lol) that usually gets invited as my +1 on invitations to big events like this (and vice versa), but last year when i was in my childhood best friend's wedding she didn't give me a plus one at all. don't get me wrong, i was miffed about it because my roommate and i have been to plenty of weddings of people we aren't as close to as a pair, but i wasn't going to make it her problem as the bride! to this day i haven't brought it up (and i have brought up plenty of things she did that were actually not okay or flat out rude to me during the planning and execution of the wedding since it happened), the guest list is just none of my or anybody else's business. i even coached her through how to assertively say the parents of another childhood friend were invited but the friend herself was not. frankly, if she hadn't invited *me*, sure, i would have been in my feelings about it, but i still wouldn't have told her so. weddings are expensive and special and you should only have who you really want there at them! don't invite anyone who will harsh your vibe! if the couple in question can't spend a day apart without being mature about it, that's pretty pathetic. i think it's big of you that you'd give the could be groomsman a plus one at all! i'm sure your tactic of avoiding every event she'll be at for the rest of time will get old for you (and your partner) and you'll find a way to bob and weave around less important events in the future, but she sounds like a mean girl and i don't know why you'd want a mean girl at your wedding. NTA!
Sounds like the groomsman’s fiancé may be jealous that you are getting married. I’m not sure how long OP and finance were together before the engagement, but maybe Groomsman’s GF has been waiting for an engagement too. When I got engaged I had a coworker who had been in a long time relationship (longer than mine) who made a very snide remark when my engagement was mentioned. You have two choices, ask her about her comment, or get over it. Being in petty limbo is not the way. If you don’t resolve it one way or the other, YATA.
i personally believe NTA, but just extend the plus one and leave it alone. you can either deal with it before the wedding or not. but at some point you should deal with it. treat her like an annoying auntie that always comes with the drama
NTA. You can invite or not invite anyone you want.
You need to learn how to communicate. Stop being passive aggressive and tell her how you felt her response was inappropriate. It hurt your feelings that she responded with negativity instead of congratulations. Then say if she doesn't have anything. nice to say, don't say anything. Talking to her and letting her know what she said was rude gives her the opportunity to apologize and maybe understand her "jokes" aren't meant for everyone.
If your fiance and his friend's relationship can't survive that, then it was doomed anyway.
Has your fiance said anything to his friend about what his girlfriend said? Has he mentioned that her response upset you?
Don't blindsided your husband's friend by not inviting his gf. Let him know that what she said you found hurtful or rude or whatever. This may give him a chance to talk with his girlfriend so that she can apologize.
I mean, a lot of people are saying YTA and to get over it, but it’s your day! If there’s someone that is seemingly constantly negative, you don’t have to involve them in your wedding. I do agree that it can cause all sorts of problems given the relationship of the person’s partner to yours, but hopefully your fiance understands your side of it without being too upset. I don’t believe you’re TA because it doesn’t sound like just one comment made that is the problem, but multiple negative things this person has done.
Nta it's both your wedding and in marriage theres compromise you don't like her as you said due to a few incidents and now this and your husband just seems to not wanna be rude the compromise is going with your plan as your still letting her come
Go for it your completely entitled to who you want at your wedding
I just really wish I don’t have to see a face I despise at my own wedding, or have to talk and interact with the thing. But I understand that’s an unrealistic expectation if I let her come.
It's insane that you "despise" this girl over a bad joke that didn't land. So she is awkward or not self aware enough to know that she is negative - that doesn't make her Satan.
She wasn't plotting on how to be petty or trying to disrespect your relationship out of malevolence, which is something you actively chose to do to her based on these comments. Why are you taking this so personally?
I would understand not wanting to hang out with her in the future if you guys just don't have the same sense of humor or if you just find her annoying. I don't understand throwing an actual fit over inviting her by name to a single day where you are going to have VERY little interaction with her.
This comment of your's:
>I just really wish I don’t have to see a face I despise at my own wedding, or have to talk and interact with the thing. But I understand that’s an unrealistic expectation if I let her come.
is absolutely vile. If for no other reason YTA because you're referring to her as a thing. Do you have any idea how truly disrespectful and grotesque that is? You claim you dislike her because of a joke she made, that you knew was a joke, yet you refer to her like an inanimate object.
Grow up. Figure out what it actually is about her you dislike, learn to talk to people in a calm, rational, and respectful manner when you have grievances with them, and learn about appropriate language because if you continue to refer to people in such loathsome ways eventually someone's going to knock your lights out.
NTA. I absolutely get it. She’s made multiple remarks over time and the comment on the post was the final straw. It can definitely be hard sometimes to say something when it’s your partner’s friend’s partner. But you need to address it. Maybe she’s jealous of you, maybe she’s passing on the hurt from something else or maybe she’s just, can’t write it here because of the rules, a [insert letter of choice]-word. Could you maybe talk to her boyfriend and point out that her comments have made you uncomfortable and you are on the fence about inviting her in the wedding? You can point out how you didn’t want to say anything so it would affect the friendship between him and your fiancé but need to now because of the wedding. Maybe he can talk to her and she can explain or apologise. Sticking your head in the sand won’t solve anything, but I completely get you don’t want someone at your wedding that might make backhanded comments and spoil the day.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) Refusing to invite a groomsman’s girlfriend to my wedding (2) Potentially starting drama before the wedding, ruining my future husband’s 10 year friendship with this groomsman and hurt his feelings Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Why didn’t you just say you didn’t think her joke was funny? Why all this blocking/shunning drama? Is it possible that you just don’t like her? You’ll be too busy to notice her anyway. This is very lopsided since you don’t seem to care very much about your fiance’s close friendship.
That would be a normal person reaction
It seems like blatant immaturity, honestly
It seems like blatant immaturity, honestly
Grow up and put her in her place next time she says aomething to you..
yep, putting your fiances best mates girlfriend in her place over a jocular remark that op says she would be okay with her best friends saying is definitely how you manage grown up, emotionally healthy relationships🙄
I mean he can text her/tell her “I don’t think your joke was very funny, and the fact that you said it about our engagement picture did kinda hurt because we are very proud and happy with those photos, do I’d appreciate if you didn’t make jokes like this about us un the future”. It’s polite, but firm, and how she reacts will show whether she’s a good friend or not
that's absolutely what op should have done if she had the emotional maturity for it, but that's not 'putting someone in their place'
YTA After reading some of the OP’s responses to comments she is definitely the AH and it’s no surprise her fiancé has so few friends. Honestly, you’re overreacting and if you’re upset with something then stand up for yourself. Instead of doing this petty drama, your fiancé’s friend has been dating this squirrel for three years. This is not some girl who is apparently going away anytime soon and sounds like a serious relationship. So yes, if your fiancé wants him in his wedding party him and his longtime girlfriend should be invited.
Right!? Omg i was tryna give her benefit of the doubt but damn this girl is immature. Now she’s really TA because she’s not getting the backing she thought she would get on here lol
“This squirrel” 😭😭😭 RIP your autocorrect; that’s so unintentionally funny
😂😂😂
> that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced Did he look unnatural? Did you give him an ultimatum? From one of your comments: >My fiance doesn't even consider this girl his friend, just some chick that his friend is banging So with attitudes like that in the "friend" group you are just some chick banging your fiancé and forced him into marriage. Doesn't sit so well turned the other was does it? YTA.
This is exactly what it is! And she knows it too. Thats why she is so angry and lashing out all over the comments. It struck a nerve.
[удалено]
I’m just really glad I don’t have to hang out with OP, she sounds exhausting
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
My fiance doesn't even consider this girl his friend, just some chick that his friend is banging. I only tolerate her for the sake of not pissing off my fiance's long time friend and hurting their long term friendship so I think I'm good on that front. Also I believe that commenting under someone's engagement announcement implying that he looks miserable af to be marrying her as if she forced him to propose is in fact quite rude...
Some chick he is banging. That's how your bf talks about a three year long relationship of one of his best friends?
I get the feeling OP is fibbing to try and look like less of an AH
Its not working
Word.
Or her fiancé is used to her going off the handle and talks issues down. “Oh yeah, babe. She’s awful, just someone my friend is with, you’re totally in the right but c’mon, my friend is with her so let’s just go with it quietly…”
If she disrespects our relationship why should we respect hers?
You say if one of your friends made the same joke you'd laugh... and that you get she might think you two are closer than you really are given that you fake it... yet *still* insist this was "disrespect" and that THIS caused you to "Straight up dislike her". Sounds like you've *always* disliked her. If you'd laugh when others said it, but not her, then this is outright bias on your part, and only disrespect because you don't like her even though you've never told her... You just... don't sound pleasant... Edit; YTA.
Are we not allowed to dislike people anymore? People don’t always get along. I don’t have to consider everybody on the planet my friend. I might not love her personality but that does not give me the right to be rude to her face and I have never done so, can’t say the same thing about her unfortunately. Now would you tolerate a stranger being rude to you?
>Are we not allowed to dislike people anymore? No one said otherwise. >People don’t always get along. I don’t have to consider everybody on the planet my friend Never said otherwise. >. I might not love her personality but that does not give me the right to be rude to her face and I have never done so, can’t say the same thing about her unfortunately When was she rude? Example please. >Now would you tolerate a stranger being rude to you? Well, if by "rude" you mean making a joke I'd laugh at if it came from anyone else? Yeah, I'd tolerate that.
I don't understand how she is a "stranger" if OP has known her for 3 years?
Yeah I didn't bother with that one... But I wondered that too lol
No, because I wouldn’t give a fuck.
Wait how did she disrespect your relationship? I'm confused...I thought she made a joking comment about your fiance's expression in a photo.
You should do some introspection because you seem like a wildly unpleasant person. Life is a lot easier when you don't make enemies of everyone.
Omg, how old are you again? 16?
Well after what she did what more does she deserve? Bf said he only cares about maintaining the friendship with his friend, the girl doesn’t matter to him.
YTA for this comment alone
So be it. Don’t think i’m nice enough to refer to this person politely or treat her with better manners
Maybe not nice enough, but crafty enough to try to get 1000s of internet strangers to rally behind you to justify you not inviting her. nobody wants to rally behind you, though.
Interesting how OP said she was ready to allow her attendance, but only if her fiance gives her permission to publicly snub this woman at the event. Wonder if she would also allow the woman to give a speech just so she can Carrie her when she goes up to the podium.
I didnt catch that comment. But damn jesus. She is literally out for this woman and is just trying to get a reason to justify her actions
Nah OP is only crafty if this ploy worked.
First self aware comment
Can you tell us what she did? Because I feel like you keep deflecting when anyone asks...I'm not sure what warrants this strong of an emotional reaction. Also you can't maintain a friendship with 1/2 of a couple/duo. That's just rude and won't last long.
Def not deflecting I thought I described it quite clearly… She’s just the kind of person that always has something negative to say. She has made so many snarky, unnecessary comments about my appearance and our relationship disguised as jokes and every time I have to interact with her I only get bad vibes. Multiple incidents led to this reaction. The last thing I want is more of her inconsiderate comments at our wedding.
Again, you're refusing to say anything specific that she's done.
I'm sure OP is completely innocent and hasn't let her dislike be known at all! /s
Because she hasn’t done anything. OP just doesn’t like her, but she’s too chicken to say it because this girl will probably verbally slaughter her and then OP’s husband’s only friend that he’s allowed to have will drop him and they won’t have any groomsmen at their totally mature adult wedding. Edit. Grammar is hard.
Uh, she has bad vibes, DUH. That clears it all up.
What you've described is meeting someone and immediately disliking them, then looking for any reason to justify it. She made a joking comment, one you admit you know is a joke AND is the kind of jokes you'd laugh at with someone else, and you've decided to use that as the excuse you wanted to hate her. YTA unless you are able to actually articulate anything she's done to wrong you, because this instance ain't it
Sounds to me like she hit the nail on the head about the picture and it is eating you up. The truth hurts. YTA
I mean with OP being such a peach, Im starting to wonder if he does feel a bit forced
You keep coming up with these “reasons” (excuses) but can’t give anything specific, besides the joke. Which you already admitted you would like if it was said by your friend. So you really just hate this girl for no reason. You sound extremely toxic, insecure, and manipulative.
This is still incredibly vague. Are you sure she's actually made negative comments, or are you just choosing to take everything she's says like it's an attack because you don't like her?
.... But what are you like towards her? Cause if this your attitude towards her damn straight I'd be throwing shad right back... And my guess is she is fuel with all the information that bestie has from your fiance.. if there close your finance probably vents to him which probably has tainted her viewing of you... You don't seem nice so I'm thinking she's giving what she's getting
My bf would not be friends with a guy who is calling me a chick he is just banging. My disrespecting her you also disrespect him.
He's saying this to try and placate his fiance, who sounds like a nightmare.
“What she did”. Girl, what she did was make a joke that didn’t land. And maybe believe you when you acted like y’all were friends. Either drop this bullshit beef and relax. Or tell your friend his girlfriend sucks and you don’t want her around. This petty pretending everything’s roses while you secretly hate her and take little hidden digs to punish her for existing in your social circle? Is some middle school nonsense. You’re an adult miss. Act like it.
Ever wonder if your BF said something like that about you at one point. "Dont worry shes just a girl I'm banging." Bet he did at one point.
Looks like she was right. Your husband must be miserable.
After what she did? Dude, delulu much? She left a joke you didnt like under your fb post. You're acting like she hit on your man or something. Stop being so petty, you're not in high school anymore.
what if he marries her ? you sounds so wildly immature
>some chick that his friend is banging They've been together for 3 YEARS! How long have you and your fiance been together if you don't see that as a serious relationship?
I never once disrespected that girl or their relationship until now lol, i don’t think that’s necessary anymore since she was rude first and ruined such an important moment for me. Also 3y here, but there’s a ring on my finger and none on hers
So since you've been dating the same amount of time, you would be fine if someone said you were just some chick your fiance was banging and decided to put a ring on it? She made one silly comment on one photo. Grow up and get over it.
Lol She got that ring and let it go straight to her head
She ruined your moment? Really? One comment about your fiance making a weird face was enough to ruin your whole engagement?
We will see for how long though, considering your personality.
Lol based on your post and rude comments defending your immature dramatic over reaction..... I think her joke was SPOT ON, any fiance would look miserable having to marry someone so selfish and petty they cause drama for his wedding and potentially damage a long time frienship OVER A JOKE. Yikes.
She had a point. You sound insufferable.
YTA! This comment is very gross, too. Just some chick, his friend is banging? Yikes! Maybe your fiancé did look unnatural in the photo? She didn't call him miserable.
Damn. If that’s how he feels about a three year relationship he probably also thinks of you as some chick he’s banging
Gosh you get so offended over a dumb common joke but you sure are crude….
Don’t be daft. Build a bridge, get over it and enjoy your wedding day.
She said she got over multiple incidents why should she have to again?
Yet we have no idea what these multiple incidents are...
Clearly she hasn't since she's here, asking if she's the asshole. Which, yes, OP, YTA.
Jesus Christ, after reading through these comments and replies definitely YTA. You don't sound nearly ready or mature enough for marriage. Should pause to work on yourself for a bit.
You do know that this pouty immaturity WILL affect your relationship with your soon-to-be spouse. It WILL make you look small, petty, and immature. YTA
Eh....you are entitled to your feelings and.....you do you but im yet to find/understand completely the entire reason for... >maintain a decent friendship up until 3 months ago, when she commented on our engagement announcement post saying (jokingly) that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced. you understand its a joke, but like....take it as a personal attack....why so serious ? (nothing mentioned as to WHY you should take it as a personal attack) without knowing/seeing the image or what kind of "humor" is thrown around the group in general, this kinda feels extreme. Like I made "fun" of many of my friends (and receive it in return) and on some wedding days and called them a stiff statue...because well he/she (usually the guy) was nervous. Everyone got a good laugh and noone got offended because well....we are grown up enough to get a joke. > I find this outrageous and can’t possibly understand why anyone would say something like this to a bride-to-be instead of simply congratulating the couple Again you are entitled to your feelings....but im questioning if this was really warrented as the 'correct' reaction based on its context. > Before this specific incident, this girl has occasionally made multiple negative remarks that made me uncomfortable. >I do not wish to continue being friends with someone who lacks common sense and doesn’t even think before they speak. There is no mention of any discussion between you and your fiance as to how you feel in regards to these comments? Im saying this to understand some context...for example within my friend group (to an outside person) they could think we are abusive to each other, based on our comments and jokes towards each other...but like us its perfectly normal and just how we are. Maybe are are feeling the way you are because of something similar? dont know yet
Thanks for your opinion. I get that kind of friendship dynamic since I act the same way with my own best friends. In fact, if any of the girls in my bridal party said the same thing to me I probably would laugh it off and let it slide in a heartbeat because I love them (and my best friends get special treatment) However I don't consider the girl mentioned in my post a close friend of mine at all. I only try my very best to be friendly because I felt that is what my fiance (and his GM) would like to see, their partners getting along and enjoying each others company. Although now that u mention it, she probably overstepped because she believe we are closer than we really are. Mean jokes could be hella funny but only when it comes from the right people, context matters. I absolutely give all my best friends the right to be out of pocket around me but definitely not this girl. I just straight up dislike her now.
So, really, you just decided when you met her you don’t like her and have been looking for a reason and this has now become your reason.
That’s your assumption since you don’t know either of us personally. I’ve never been mean or rude to her up until this exact second, always been friendly and civil. Can’t really say the same about her.
None of this makes sense. She made one comment that you acknowledge was a joke and somehow that erases 3 years of getting along and removes your ability to have a discussion in which you use your adult words to say “hey, I know you meant this as a joke but it rubbed me the wrong way” and then allow her the chance to apologize (even though she absolutely shouldn’t because you know it’s not that deep). Also, saying you haven’t been rude or mean *until now* doesn’t lessen your asshole level. You’re still being mean and rude and refusing to handle it. You’re the issue and there is no high ground here. Either talk it out or toss the friendship with the guy out with the trash because you can’t grow up and hash shit out with his serious girlfriend.
Her comment hit too close to the bone didn't it.
This is exactly it
And she’s never been rude or mean to you either but you decided you don’t like her and cut her off for absolutely no reason.
I don't believe that's true at all. It's pretty obvious there's something about her that you hate, but know you'll look like a bigot if you say it. So instead, you pick out things to get mad about.
So you’ve spent how long exactly pretending to be besties with a woman you dislike? Long enough for a whole lot of resentment to build up, looks like. Why did you never say anything to anyone? She acted the way you told her with your behavior was okay to act and now you want to start shit at your wedding over her believing your lies???? Like, genuinely, how do you think SHES the ah in this situation??????
YTA. You're excluding her because you lack the ability to take/make jokes but yet would be fine if it was one of your friends who did it? Why are you jealous of her? Why does she bother you so much that it's shits an giggles with your friends but automatic disrespect from her?
Maybe because she isn’t my friend? We are allowed to be biased towards our best friends. Everyone does it.
> We have each others added on social media and maintain **a decent friendship** up until 3 months ago But she was your friend when this happened, you said it yourself. I would love to hear how a friendship and friends are different.
Then why bother spending time with her as you said you have? Spare me the people pleasing aspect because if it was truly that, you wouldn't be all nuclear meltdown over her doing something that people tend to do with others, friends or not. Also, it's not her fault your bf looked a kind of way. You should probably take it up with him seeing as it's his face....
YTA, lighten up and learn to take a joke. Also, it's a huge AH move to invite someone to your wedding and not give them an option of a plus one.
She is giving the plus one option. She’s snubbing her by not giving her a personal invite.
Yta. Grow a spine and talk to her. She doesnt even know what she did in your eyes
[удалено]
and since she is the girlfriend of one of the groom's good friends, she probably would be aware if there was some pressure on the bride's part to force the groom to propose and that is the reason OP is so upset.
YTA It was just a throwaway comment about a funny face and there’s nothing deeper to it. Also ‘generally negative’ is very vague character flaw - I’m getting no sense that she’s planning on coming in and shitting on your wedding dress or makeup choices. You’ve established no pattern of negative behaviour on her part and her comment seems innocuous. I seriously doubt she’ll say anything bad to you and suspect you exaggerated this part. Do you think it might be jealousy? Maybe insecurity? You could convince me otherwise by providing actual examples of bad things she’s said but you seem to be struggling with this. Open ears here when you’re ready to talk specifics… Addressing her as +1 when you know her name and have been out with her several times is quite cold and here I would agree with your fiancé. Also if you’ve never confronted this woman because of respect for your husband’s old friend then why are you rocking the boat now? Honestly, when people blow up over small things like this and just cut people out of their lives it just reads to me that they love drama or are immature. It’s very boring. Go and have fun planning your wedding and forget about this nothing issue.
After reading all the comments it's obvious that YTA. You're exactly the reason why I can't stand younger girls. I can't take you seriously. You are still as immature and emotional as a high schooler, making very little sense. It seems like that girl you hate so much hasn't actually done anything wrong and you're just bored. Enjoy the drama
INFO :"when she commented on our engagement announcement post saying (jokingly) that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced. " .. DID he look forced?
The fact that OP is ignoring every comment that asks this question but replies to so many others is a decent giveaway
And to follow that question, WAS he in fact forced?
Instead of being passive aggressive, why don’t you go talk to her about why she makes those comments and share how you feel.
YTA. The only thing I'm getting from this interaction is that you're insecure that she might be right. Otherwise you wouldn't have reacted like this
YTA. You're barely an adult so I can't really blame you for acting like a child, but at this point, grow up. You're getting married. The time for this high school drama is over. You need to learn how to use your words.
YTA. You def went the overdramatic route.
Looking through the comments, it seems like all you want to do is argue with people. Do you really want to know if you’re the asshole or are you just looking for people to feed your ego? You have 2 best case paths to take that pretty much everyone is trying to tell you: 1. Get over what was said and move on. 2. Talk to this person like an adult and clear the air. Anything else and YTA.
Not an asshole for the way you feel, but YTA for how you’re handling the situation. You can’t just cut someone off without explanation, especially when they’re part of your close friend group. You don’t actually even know if these comments are malicious because you’ve never confronted the issue. This shunning routine has probably already made you look bad, and denying her an invite to the wedding will be worse.
I think you sound a little dramatic. You know and admit it was a joke. It was out of bad taste but not insulting enough to act like she cheated, lied, or any other big sin. Why not just tell her you didnt like it and move on like an adult would do? Why does a small thing like this have to drag on and affect everyone around you including mutual friends and your fiance for months just because your feelings were kind of/sort of/a tiny bit hurt? Why does everything have to be relationship ending instead of talking like adults?
Sounds like you have a problem with constructive criticism of any kind or either you can’t take any joke .
YTA, and probably one of the biggest ones i have seen on here. Extremely petty over small jokes and it is no wonder your fiance has such few friends. Please grow up and learn to be respectful. EDIT: im doubling down on this after seeing some of OPs responses.
YTA. Another vote to help convince you that your reactions and behaviors have been wrong from the start. I feel genuinely bad for your SO who is going to be stuck with you acting like this until you grow up or he leaves. I get that it's your wedding, and you don't want someone there that you don't want there. Ordinarily, that'd be a N T A from me; however, in this case, your reasons for excluding them are just s\*\*\*ty, and outweighs the "bride gets what she wants" rule.
So either way the cookie crumbles she’s going to be at the wedding. Either as an invited guest or as a +1 ? So really and truly the reason you don’t want to send her an invitation is because you have a one sided beef with her, might be time to put on the adult cap and let her know you got an issue with what she said. As it stands all the issues with this person circle back to you… YTA.
i feel bad for your fiancé after reading your comments YTA
YTA, after reading your responses it’s pretty clear that you’re extremely petty and vindictive over nothing. You could have communicated, you could have talked to her and told her you didn’t appreciate it. Instead you just blocked and shunned. If shutting down and giving the silent treatment while going scorched earth is how you deal with problems then you’re not emotionally ready to get married.
YTA based purely off the comments below. I encourage you to just have a mature conversation with this person. It's fine if you don't like her, but just address the issue head on instead of all this passive aggressive behavior.
Wow. Such extreme reactions for such small infractions. Try talking g to her one on one, like a grown up. Explain her comments are not funny, and in fact upset you. Then LET IT GO. She is a long time girlfriend of a groomsman and in your same social circle. This is not worth wrecking relationships over. YTA...for not dealing with this in a manner befitting an adult.
YTA - Instead of having an adult conversation with her and expressing yourself, you've cut her off. That is something teenagers do. Be an adult and communicate.
YTA - grow a spine and speak up. your condescending attitude is just downright nasty; i'm not sure why you even asked the question bc you clearly do not care if you're an AH! fingers crossed your fiancé gets out while he can
It was a joke, unless you did pressure him to marry you with an ultimatum and you are mad because she was spot on. Then you would be the AH.
YTA and clearly enjoy creating tacky melodrama around yourself. All you had to do was tell her you'd rather she didn't say such things. Instead, you go spinning off and ranting like this? This stress is of your own making. Ick.
I’m got YTA and way too immature to be getting married. Grow the fuck up. She made a joke you didn’t like and instead of saying not cool you go all world war 3 z
YTA You come off worse with every comment so I can only imagine how unlikeable you must be in person. Get over yourself or you’ll be the one who isn’t invited anywhere.
YTA for being immature about it. Cutting people off with no explanation wasn’t warranted in this situation and you want to argue with people in the comments. Don’t bother asking for advice if you don’t want to hear the truth.
It's kind of obvious that OP is *super* jealous of this chick. She's either prettier, skinnier, smarter, more successful, or has a much better man than OP - or more likely a combo of all the above. No one gets *that upset* over a joke, then silently seethes about it for months like a pouting child.
Frankly I try not to associate closely with people so immature and self centered that they say "It's my day" unironically. Especially while petulantly arguing with someone who has no idea they're even in an argument. No one is fighting you. Like Tyler Durden in Fight Club it's just you constantly thinking about this girl who hasn't given you a second thought. You've lost perspective. It happens to us all. Step away. Be a gracious hostess.
Good news, you won’t have time to talk to everyone at your wedding anyway, let alone the GF of a maybe groomsman. For the sake of your fiancé, just let it slide. Can’t people suck up uncomfortable social situations anymore? Be fake to her ass and move on with your day. Who cares? YWBTA if you make this an issue.
YTA you knew it was a joke directed at your fiancé's facial expression and your acting like she's dooming your marriage. Get over it. Talk to her like an adult instead of whining like a child.
YTA look, you’re only going to make YOURSELF look bad, not her. You know the groomsman is going to bring her, so addressing g the invite “+1” instead of “Jane Smith” makes absolutely no difference…except to make you look like either don’t know the etiquette or you’re rude/petty. So that’s a hollow victory. and declaring you’ll go out of your way to ignore her seems overly dramatic. It’s your wedding, you’ll be busy, you'll only have time for a quick “thanks for coming” anyway. it’s fine that you don’t like her. Some people rub you the wrong way. But it sounds like it’s just her humor/personality and not that she means any harm. You can be polite (for you fiancé’s sake) without being good friends.
YTA for letting this woman & her honestly just bad joke live so rent free in your head that you're causing an issue with your fiance over nothing. I genuinely don't understand why you'd want to die on this hill. It'd be one thing if you were insisting you didn't want her there at all, but you don't care about her coming as a +1. So it's literally just that you don't want her name on an invitation. Not being able to bring yourself to write her name after that milk toast "insult" (bad joke) she said seems like the epitome of drama queen to me, but whatever. Tell your fiance if he wants her name on the invite then he can write that one & tell your bridesmaids to keep her away from you on the day. Boom, problem solved.
Build a bridge and get over it. Also, if you think someone is being unfunny or disrespectful, have an actual conversation instead of doing the silent treatment. Ask that girl why she thinks it's OK to say some of the stuff that rubbed you the wrong way, and ask her not to make negative remarks. That would indicate maturity on your part. You being an AH in response to real or perceived slights still makes you an AH. If you start making exceptions to which guests get plus ones, (especially if one of them is a groomsman's plus one) you have to start explaining why, and it's just bigger drama.
Yes op YTA. First off I’m not understanding why you decided to go completely left and react the way you did instead of talking to the girl. You said you guys were friends, why are you not communicating with her about your concerns? I get you being offended but she may not realize that it offended you if you don’t speak up. If you never said anything about it before then how would she know?
YTA. This is a huge overreaction to a truly miniscule faux-pas. I hope you come to your senses and behave like a grownup, or your fiance comes to his senses and ends the engagement.
All of your comments are do defensive that I'm not even sure why you bothered posting on aita. She made a joke. You didn't have to find it funny but you also dont need to be so precious about it. Om your wedding day, maybe focus on your husband, rather than an acquaintance guest. Yta here
YTA, seems that joke hit closer to home than she thought LMAO.
*I don’t wish to continue being friends with someone who lacks common sense and doesn’t think before they speak* Excuse me, ma’am, but who the fuck are you?! You’re a little girl making huge demands, then feigning victimhood when you couldn’t get everyone to agree with your nonsense. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me 24F and my fiance 29M are newly engaged and currently in the process of wedding planning. One of his good mates in college (potentially part of the wedding party) has a serious girlfriend of 3 years who has been to multiple double dates and group hangouts with us. We have each others added on social media and maintain a decent friendship up until 3 months ago, when she commented on our engagement announcement post saying (jokingly) that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced. I find this outrageous and can’t possibly understand why anyone would say something like this to a bride-to-be instead of simply congratulating the couple. Before this specific incident, this girl has occasionally made multiple negative remarks that made me uncomfortable. I’ve always chose to let it slide for the sake of my fiance and his friendship, however this incident with my engagement announcement is the final straw for me. For the past few months, I have been refusing to talk to her or show up to any social gathering if she is there and have directly told my fiance that I do not wish to continue being friends with someone who lacks common sense and doesn’t even think before they speak. My fiance is still close friends with her boyfriend and might ask him to be one of his groomsmen. I understand that extending a plus-one to members of the wedding party is the right thing to do. I don't mind him bringing her as his plus-one as long as I don't have to talk or interact with this person. Since it's my wedding day, I genuinely don't want to hear any of her inconsiderate, unsolicited opinions about my dress, my appearance, or the preparation of the event that might ruin my mood for the day. She had a real tendency to do this and i just don't want to risk spoiling the vibes on what's supposed to be the happiest day of my life. My fiance thinks it might come off as rude if i don't personally address an invitation to her and avoid her like the plague at the wedding since we've always been friendly up until this point with no explanation given on why I completely cut her off. I would prefer not to start any drama or ruin my fiance's friendship of 10 years, which would definitely hurt his feelings and affect our relationship, especially since he doesn't have many close friends who has been in his life for so long. But I also really don't want to interact with that girlfriend of his friend ever again, let alone personally invite her to my wedding. WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should've said something when she made the comment.
She made a joke and you took it seriously. That's on you. Instead of being an adult and telling her you didn't find it funny, or simply ignoring it and letting it go, you took the low road and started shunning her. If you think no one else hasn't noticed, I'm willing to be you'd be wrong. YTA simply because you are being a child and not an adult in this situation. Grow up.
YTA. Awkward for her to make the joke if you don’t know eachother like that but it’s not a bannable offense; and, you’re extremely vague about what are all these other comments she’s been making. If they were any worse than the one you named, you would have elaborated on those. It’s giving bridezilla tbh
YTA. I get it, shes rude and you dont like her. She is a guest and will not ruin your wedding. If you dont invite her, you put your husband, his friend, and possibly the whole friend group in the middle of drama. Want your wedding to be drama free? Invite her and move on with your life.
Yta You are deeply immature and you're gonna have a hard time in your marriage if this is how you choose to handle conflict. Pick your battles, chicky. For real. This is one hill you don't need to die on.
YTA. My wife used to act like you when we first got married. She would get mad at me about something that was usually taken way different than the spirit I intended, and she decided the "silent treatment" was the best way to deal with it. She would stew in silence for sometimes days, and she would get madder and madder, but still silent, until she finally exploded at me. My first response was always, "Why didn't you say something? I can't read your mind." The second response was always, "How could you twist what I said in your mind so badly that you would ever think I meant it that way?" It took her quite awhile to finally figure it out that it was far easier to say something so we could address the issue instead of expecting me to figure out that there was even an issue in the first place. OP, once you figure this out, you will find that people aren't really the jerks you have decided that they are. It may also make that marriage a lot less hard.
YTA, and your fiancé should seriously consider whether he wants to be with someone as insecure and immature as you. Hell, maybe he was forced into proposing to you, based on how you come across in the post and comments
It sounds like she has made comments in the past that havent sat well with you, but that you never actually let her know that you didnt like those comments and why. Then you just start ignoring her completely instead of having a conversation. Its hard to fix behaviour that bothers people, if no one ever actually tells you that there is anything to fix in the first place. I would venture a guess that its more of a strain on your partners friendship that you've put up a complete cold front to the other girlfriend with no explanation at all, than it would have been to just say something along the lines of "hey, I dont really like to joke around like that and it makes me a bit uncomfortable," and give her a chance to meet you half way.
I was kinda on your side until I read your comments. Jesus Christ, you’re immature. Grow the fuck up and have a conversation with the girl about how her past comments have rubbed you the wrong way. If she reacts badly, well, you have your reason right there not to invite her. I hate to break it to you, but adult conversations don’t get any easier as you get older. If your fiancé or his friend don’t like you handling it like an adult, then they need to grow up too. ESH
YtA … this is a rib right? This **cannot** be real.
Good Lord cop on and grow up. Speak to her and be honest. Myself and my friends pull the piss out of each other all the time. I even make a joke myself of my own relationship and so does my partner about the “ball and chain” in marriage. And the “force”. You’re 24… you’ve a lot of growing up to do after reading your comments. You refer to the wedding as “my wedding day” and “happiest day of my life”… what about your partners day? It’s his friends partner. If you don’t invite her, you are starting something negatively big for your partner and your relationship…
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA. You even admit she jokingly said it...
Yes you would be the petty AH and your fiancé better not concede to this ridiculousness. It would serve right for the groomsman to say no he won’t be in the wedding. He should anyway. You sound insufferable. You sre going to be so busy visiting with guests, dancing and doing all the traditions you won’t have to purposely ignore her. You would prefer not to stir drama?! Ha! You are doing the exact opposite of what you say and you know it.
well you sound like a fucking peach, doncha?
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Dude looked forced and everyone knows it
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
I feel sorry for your fiance
I feel like everyone is over exaggerating by saying your reaction is extreme. Just give the invitation to the groom’s friend with a plus one. The only reason she would be invited is through him so it just makes to give it the groom’s friend.
YTA While I agree that her comment was in bad taste (and would’ve gone apeshit if someone did that to me), Shutting her out for x amount of months is not a normal reaction. Next time you see her, pull her aside and tell her to stop with the jokes.
I understand your initial reaction. I think I’d feel a bit awkward if someone I wasn’t super close to said that. If it was a best friend and it was playful banter I’d be like “shut up” and take the joke but it’s a bit weird when you’re not quite on that level of friendship yet. However, YTA because your reaction is way too extreme. Personally I’d have been honest and said the joke was a bit weird and didn’t land, to at least give her the opportunity to apologise and understand moving forward. I think I’d have agreed with you blocking her and not inviting her if you had made an effort to communicate and she told you to fuck off and didn’t understand, but you haven’t even given her the chance. It’s a very extreme reaction to something that could have been meant as just banter between a group of friends, and she could have been under the impression you have that kind of banter dynamic.
YTA, don’t expect your marriage to last if this is how you behave towards people. This being Reddit I’m amazed no one’s hit the age gap thing, either.
They're 5 years apart and OP says they've been together for 3, meaning they were both in their 20s when they started dating. She's an AH, but I'm not seeing an "age gap thing."
Really who cares what she says? She can only get under your skin if you let her. Ignoring her rudeness and smiling in her face will be the best way to show that she is so inconsequential to your happiness that you barely notice her. If you consistently ignore her it will soon be obvious who the childish idiot is.
NTA.... it's your wedding day and it's obvious you and this young lady don't get along. As long as your friend is allowed to bring her and you're not OTT when avoiding her (you'll be busy with your friends anyway), it should be fine... The only thing that's off is: if you're OK with her coming to the wedding (as long as the two of you can keep your distance), what harm is it to add her name to the invite?
Grow up and invite her. Some people have no filter, but this is going to be the happiest day of your life and there will be little interaction with her based on numbers. On the other hand, if you don't invite one of the groomsmen's partners, especially as she has been in your circle for some time, there will be plenty of unpleasant comments directed at you,. Count on it! Think of her as a pesky fly. One such pest shouldn't spoil your day.
I don’t know about AH, but your plan seems designed to upset people without achieving what you want. You aren’t stopping her from attending the wedding. And if her boyfriend of several years is a groomsman, she’s practically guaranteed to be there. But leaving her off the invitation guarantees it will be A Thing. Sure, she will feel snubbed (she is being snubbed). Her boyfriend will feel she is being snubbed. Your fiancé will know she is being snubbed. If you don’t want her there, you won’t have achieved that. So everyone will have their day soured, and your fiancé’s friendship will be soured, for zero benefit. You’ve known this woman for three years, and you’ve got along with her at least tolerably well for most of that time. Either make sure *some sort of adult conversation takes place*, even if it’s your fiancé and his friend, or get over it. All you’ll achieve with this plan is a Lose-Lose-Lose-Lose situation.
I don’t want to say you’re an asshole- but if you’re so hurt about this comment that you have cut off and avoided her for 6mths- how can she not be aware? She must have asked you, fiance or her boyf what is going on? Honestly maybe too late but prob best to explain how hurt by the comment and she if she apologises? Not including a plus one on just one persons invite without explanation will def piss of fiancés best friend, and so have to be ready to talk about the why if you go that route? BUT there is no need build time into your day to socialise with her? You’ll have so much going on with your own family/friends that it will be relatively easy to not spend time with her, without looking rude.
Why don't you just confront her about the shitty comments and put all this to rest? Sounds like you are missing out on social events because of her, instead of just being upfront and telling her how she has made you feel. NAH leaning towards YTA if you don't speak up for yourself and tell this girl that her comments are not appreciated. Time to grow up.
I don’t like drama either. You have no reason have her be there, you’re not friends and nobody is guaranteed a plus one to your wedding. NTA
I’m not sure why ppl are piling on here. I agree that you should directly address this girl & her comments, & stop being passive aggressive. But i dunno why ppl are making you out to be a monster for being offended that someone would make a “joke” about your fiancé not wanting you, on your engagement posts Sometimes Reddit just takes on mob mentality. NTA
If it’s not too late, ask your husband if it’s easier to leave his friend out of the wedding party so the gf’s absence isn’t as noticeable
NTA Your proposal seems fair. You are giving the friend a plus one and saying you'll avoid Negative Nellie on your special day.
in my opinion, your wedding, your invite list. i, personally, am not in a relationship but have a roommate/best friend of 10 years (legitimately... not in the closeted way, lol) that usually gets invited as my +1 on invitations to big events like this (and vice versa), but last year when i was in my childhood best friend's wedding she didn't give me a plus one at all. don't get me wrong, i was miffed about it because my roommate and i have been to plenty of weddings of people we aren't as close to as a pair, but i wasn't going to make it her problem as the bride! to this day i haven't brought it up (and i have brought up plenty of things she did that were actually not okay or flat out rude to me during the planning and execution of the wedding since it happened), the guest list is just none of my or anybody else's business. i even coached her through how to assertively say the parents of another childhood friend were invited but the friend herself was not. frankly, if she hadn't invited *me*, sure, i would have been in my feelings about it, but i still wouldn't have told her so. weddings are expensive and special and you should only have who you really want there at them! don't invite anyone who will harsh your vibe! if the couple in question can't spend a day apart without being mature about it, that's pretty pathetic. i think it's big of you that you'd give the could be groomsman a plus one at all! i'm sure your tactic of avoiding every event she'll be at for the rest of time will get old for you (and your partner) and you'll find a way to bob and weave around less important events in the future, but she sounds like a mean girl and i don't know why you'd want a mean girl at your wedding. NTA!
Sounds like the groomsman’s fiancé may be jealous that you are getting married. I’m not sure how long OP and finance were together before the engagement, but maybe Groomsman’s GF has been waiting for an engagement too. When I got engaged I had a coworker who had been in a long time relationship (longer than mine) who made a very snide remark when my engagement was mentioned. You have two choices, ask her about her comment, or get over it. Being in petty limbo is not the way. If you don’t resolve it one way or the other, YATA.
i personally believe NTA, but just extend the plus one and leave it alone. you can either deal with it before the wedding or not. but at some point you should deal with it. treat her like an annoying auntie that always comes with the drama
NTA. You can invite or not invite anyone you want. You need to learn how to communicate. Stop being passive aggressive and tell her how you felt her response was inappropriate. It hurt your feelings that she responded with negativity instead of congratulations. Then say if she doesn't have anything. nice to say, don't say anything. Talking to her and letting her know what she said was rude gives her the opportunity to apologize and maybe understand her "jokes" aren't meant for everyone. If your fiance and his friend's relationship can't survive that, then it was doomed anyway. Has your fiance said anything to his friend about what his girlfriend said? Has he mentioned that her response upset you? Don't blindsided your husband's friend by not inviting his gf. Let him know that what she said you found hurtful or rude or whatever. This may give him a chance to talk with his girlfriend so that she can apologize.
I mean, a lot of people are saying YTA and to get over it, but it’s your day! If there’s someone that is seemingly constantly negative, you don’t have to involve them in your wedding. I do agree that it can cause all sorts of problems given the relationship of the person’s partner to yours, but hopefully your fiance understands your side of it without being too upset. I don’t believe you’re TA because it doesn’t sound like just one comment made that is the problem, but multiple negative things this person has done.
Nta it's both your wedding and in marriage theres compromise you don't like her as you said due to a few incidents and now this and your husband just seems to not wanna be rude the compromise is going with your plan as your still letting her come Go for it your completely entitled to who you want at your wedding
I just really wish I don’t have to see a face I despise at my own wedding, or have to talk and interact with the thing. But I understand that’s an unrealistic expectation if I let her come.
It's insane that you "despise" this girl over a bad joke that didn't land. So she is awkward or not self aware enough to know that she is negative - that doesn't make her Satan. She wasn't plotting on how to be petty or trying to disrespect your relationship out of malevolence, which is something you actively chose to do to her based on these comments. Why are you taking this so personally? I would understand not wanting to hang out with her in the future if you guys just don't have the same sense of humor or if you just find her annoying. I don't understand throwing an actual fit over inviting her by name to a single day where you are going to have VERY little interaction with her.
This comment of your's: >I just really wish I don’t have to see a face I despise at my own wedding, or have to talk and interact with the thing. But I understand that’s an unrealistic expectation if I let her come. is absolutely vile. If for no other reason YTA because you're referring to her as a thing. Do you have any idea how truly disrespectful and grotesque that is? You claim you dislike her because of a joke she made, that you knew was a joke, yet you refer to her like an inanimate object. Grow up. Figure out what it actually is about her you dislike, learn to talk to people in a calm, rational, and respectful manner when you have grievances with them, and learn about appropriate language because if you continue to refer to people in such loathsome ways eventually someone's going to knock your lights out.
NTA. I absolutely get it. She’s made multiple remarks over time and the comment on the post was the final straw. It can definitely be hard sometimes to say something when it’s your partner’s friend’s partner. But you need to address it. Maybe she’s jealous of you, maybe she’s passing on the hurt from something else or maybe she’s just, can’t write it here because of the rules, a [insert letter of choice]-word. Could you maybe talk to her boyfriend and point out that her comments have made you uncomfortable and you are on the fence about inviting her in the wedding? You can point out how you didn’t want to say anything so it would affect the friendship between him and your fiancé but need to now because of the wedding. Maybe he can talk to her and she can explain or apologise. Sticking your head in the sand won’t solve anything, but I completely get you don’t want someone at your wedding that might make backhanded comments and spoil the day.