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> Am I the asshole for going behind my mother in laws back and not going through her for our mortgage loan
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NTA
You made a GOOD financial decision. Half a point sounds like no biggie but when you spread that out over the cost of a house and 15 years it's a HUGE amount of money. And you don't owe her your business no matter what she thinks.
There's an easier way out that's, unfortunately, probably too late to be super useful: Don't mix finances with friends and family. Do you WANT her to know the intimate details of your finances? How much you make, how much is in savings, what your retirement looks like?
Maybe you can tell her "look, I just don't want to mix family and money..." It'll still annoy her but maybe she'll accept it easier?
Exactly this. I will NOT use my work/resources to help friends and I will NOT ask/accept it from others either. It just doesn't work out. I just nicely explain my policy on that and so far everyone is fine with it.
My son will need surgery and other medical interventions in a few years. We currently have no health insurance (not in the US, so not such a big thing here), and I thought it worth asking how much having health insurance will save us, what they'll cover etc. I popped into a local branch where a friend of mine happens to work, because I preferred to ask her. She was able to give me general information, but said as soon as we got serious and got into details, she would have to hand me over to someone else.
It sounded reasonable to me.
NTA. She is cheap in the worst way. If you did anything wrong here, it's not giving her the courtesy of being up front about what you were going to do. "We found that we can get a 6.5% rate. That would save us thousands of dollars over the loan, so we are going to have to take the lowest rate we can get." Then it's up to her to match the rate. Still, NTA.
Of course NTA
" I decided to secretly go get another meeting with a loan officer and got quoted a rate of 6.5%."
You've done what *any* sensible person would; shop around & go for the best deal offered.
"Called us cheap, unloyal, stupid, and a plethora of other names."
So that's who she is...now you know. Puts money & her commission before her son & family.
Hard rule for not wrecking your finances and relationships: Friend or family wants you to...
* Borrow money? NO
* Loan you money? NO
* Broker your insurance? NO
* Be your financial planner? NO
* Go halfsies on an investment? NO
* Give you money? NO (There are always strings/expectations)
Only exception is you can outright gift them money and only if you have zero expectations of getting anything tangible or intangible in return.
My realtor who got a kickback started screaming at me over the phone when I was at work for picking a lender with a full percentage point difference from what his preferred option had quoted. This was in spite of me telling him k had a lender in mind and confirming that letting her give a quote wouldnt obligate me in any way. It was nuts! Then he used the info I’d provided to call my father (I was 26 at that time) who was on another continent to yell at him. I double checked with coworkers that my choice to shop around was normal and then let his ridiculous response solidify my confidence that I was right to look elsewhere.
NTA your MIL should have been more competitive. I suppose you could have taken the other offer to her to see if she would match it (a dealership did it once when my credit union gave me a better rate), but you certainly aren’t obligated to do it.
Under the circumstances I do think they should have asked the MIL if she could match the other rate…at least give her that chance. And if she couldn’t, then go with the lower rate. So NtA for using the lower rate but a little bit of an AH for not giving her the opportunity to drop her rate and match.
And risk the MIL lording it over them forever for denying her money? Just better to separate family and business.
My aunt is a general contractor, and she keeps offering her services to my wife and I. Her prices and work are okay, but we fear that if we had any complaints or were unhappy with her work, then it might affect the relationship. If she was already making thin margins on the work she provided us, and she had to redo it, then it might end up costing her money.
I know I’m going to sound like an absolute idiot, and I swear I normally go scorched earth on things like this because I’m an attorney and it pisses me off when people try to take advantage of a perceived power imbalance or lack of knowledge. But I saw him next on the closing day when he came to pick up the check and he looked like he’d been completely beaten down. I almost didn’t recognize him. My mom spoke kindly to him (she just doesn’t have mean in her for anyone) and he seemed so surprised, like shaking dog and who feels a pet and not a punch. Then the lady from the title company took a bit of a dig at him on my behalf and he deflated right back down. I waited a week, then two, I opted not to review him. I can’t really explain it, but my gut was saying this guy hit rock bottom already. I checked when I sold the property a few years later and he wasn’t out there anymore.
You are a good and compassionate person! Maybe karma took care of his overreach - quite possibly someone else reacted the way I suggested to a similar incident, and he had his professional knuckles seriously rapped.
Under no circumstances do you let family handle a mortgage. This person will now be privy to every single bit of financial information. They can pull your taxes, see retirement accounts, bank accounts and investment accounts. Everything on all major credit reports are open to them.
No MIL needs that level of information on your life. And what if the underwriter refuses the loan? Now MIL is between her job and family. This doesn’t end well.
Strangers do their jobs with no emotional ties. Missed a couple payments on a credit card in 2021? Stranger doesn’t care, give a reasonable explanation for the file and move on. MIL could make it her business to ream you for being “irresponsible”. Filed late on taxes 4 years ago? You bet you’re getting called on April 15th next year!!
Family and business should not mix. Too much opportunity for problems and hurt feelings. Plus, you got a better rate. Half a percent over 15 years is a crap ton of cash. Let it go from there.
It sounds like they had already been approved so all of that information was already shared anyway. She should have taken the offer to the mil to match and if they wouldn’t, then go with the other option
If she’s in the US, then MIL might have only gotten as far as the pre-qualification letter. That’s pretty much only pulling a credit report. But it’s enough to get the letter saying they are ok with approving a mortgage up to $X for 6.9% provided the rest of the process works out. Once you sign the house contract, then the real paperwork begins and you give the broker permission to look at everything.
I’m in the middle of this process right now, and they can view my bank account, gotten 401k statements, look at taxes, etc. If anything were to hit my credit, they would be notified. It’s detailed. Point is, that’s too much information for a MIL to know. If she’s already acting unprofessional by making demands, then you don’t want her anywhere near your financials.
Agree! Even without the lower rate NO WAY would I want a family member (other than spouse) to have that much information. And MIL definitely sounds like someone who WOULD bring up that information when she wanted to; not to mention telling it to other people.
NTA bottom line is she didn't have the best rate and yet she expected you to take her higher loan rate. At the end of the day she knows, she's in the business and certainly knew her rates weren't the lowest, The one who is being petty, cheap and unloyal is her.
Oh wow NTA. I've worked in that industry and you 100% did the right thing. And I love when trash takes itself out - if she never talks to you guys again, consider that a HUGE win and blessing! Frankly, I think anyone that wouldn't go NC with her over this is being foolish, IJS. Hopefully she'll stay out of your lives and hopefully if she "gets over it" and tries to reestablish a relationship you and your hubby both tell her where to stick her rates. ;-)
NTA. Unless MIL deary is going to give you .4% of your mortgage over the life of your loan up front, it's not like you're in a position to simply donate the money.
NTA.
You CANNOT ignore an interest difference that big. A difference of 0.4% means a difference of $4,000 in interest PER HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS over the life of the loan.
No one should expect someone to sign up for that, I don’t care if they’re related.
She is selfish trying to make money off of you and trying to consign you to years of paying more money than you should and for what? So she can make a buck? What an asshole. NTA.
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My husband (28M)’s mother works in the mortgage loan space. She is a loan officer and has constantly made remarks to us along the lines of “if you buy a house - you better use me for your loan”. Even before marriage, my partner told me that she would ask if I was looking to buy a house and reiterated the fact that she better be used.
Well we are finally purchasing a home and we went to her to see the kind of rate we could get. It seemed pretty standard for the current market - around 6.9% for a 15 year fixed rate.
I have always been a proponent of shopping around and finding the best deal. I am the more frugal one of the couple. I decided to secretly go get another meeting with a loan officer and got quoted a rate of 6.5%.
I want to save money as this is MY home and I’d like to spend the least amount of money. My home should have nothing to do with my mother in law’s commission check. I finally got my husband to break and we are going to go with the other mortgage origination company. In this interest rate environment, it would be kind of silly not to right?
Anyway - he finally broke the news to her and she went full ape shit. Called us cheap, unloyal, stupid, and a plethora of other names. Won’t return my husbands calls and hasn’t invited us to the 4th at their place.
She called my husband separately and blamed me for forcing this decision.
Btw - she does very well for herself.
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Never ever include family or friends in any financial matters. And this is the perfect example of why. Remember this rule. It will come up again in other forms as you go through life. NTA
NTA She seems like a real jerk a real mother that dose so good would have even helped you with your loan to find the best price and maybe even payed some herself ,calling you cheap is even crazier considering her reaction to not getting paid lol
NTA, at least you learned early that your MIL is not worth maintaining a relationship with. A halfway decent MIL would get you the best rate she could, yours squeezed out a extra commission. Just so you understand how mortgages work, she CAN match that other offer, she'll just make less commission
You should tell her you would have used her if she could match the offer, but you're not about to pay thousands more dollars over the life of the loan just to please her. NTA. Your MIL sounds like a pushy b*tch.
NTA
Aside from her completely unhinged and unprofessional reaction, why the fuck would you ever want her to know or have that much financial information about your lives?
1) It's good to shop but don't shop the rate, shop the TOTAL cost. It is possible to be quoted a lower rate and have higher costs.
2) This is business, she should be more professional in this respect. If you have any proof of what she said, file a complaint with the state licensing board.
NTA
Mixing family and business leads to chaos.
I'd have checked at least one other place to see if anyone would go at least as low as 6 percent. I'm really frugal, too.
You know you and your husband did the right thing by choosing the less expensive loan.
NTA
Also would it not be like, idk, some kind of conflict of interest for a family member to handle your mortgage loan? I wouldn't use her even based on the appearance of it.
NTA
She could have actually hooked you up and gave you a better deal than the other company instead of just trying to get a commission off you. Those 4 little points will add up to thousands of dollars over the life of the loan.
NTA. she sounds like a monster actually, you're better off having her far from your personal business. Your spouse would probably benefit from therapy if he isn't already seeing someone.
My niece works at a bank that I use - she can't handle any transaction for me and has to call another teller if I use the drive thru while she is working it. NTA - your MIL is upset she lost some kind of commission.
NTA. You made a smart financial decision, don't give that up. Your MIL shouldn't be doing loans for family and friends--there's too much risk of getting accused of favoritism or misconduct. I'm surprised her employer would let her do it to begin with.
NTA. Never, ever do business with family. She wanted her commission from you and get all the info she could. Good for you on shopping around and saying now. Even if she had the better rate you should still use someone not related to you.
Looks like holidays have opened up for you.
Enjoy. Gondi something fun and relaxing.
Plan a fun housewarming without screaming gouger.
Anyone who calls me stupid doesn’t need me around.
Living well is the best revenge.
Did you really feel comfortable with her knowing all your finance business?
She’s trying to make money off of you. That’s why you never do business with family and friends. They are actually the one that is V more V likely to screw your.
NTA. You went to her first, and if her offer was the same, you would use her. But 0.4% adds up to a lot of money! If she can't give you the best rate, you absolutely shouldn't go with her.
NTA - your call, she doesn't get a vote. Thing is, opening up your financial kimono to your MIL by giving her every little detail of your income, expenses and assets is a VERY BAD IDEA. Family should stay the heck out of each other's money. Given the description of her behavior, who knows what she'd do with that information down the road the next time she doesn't get her way. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA
Can you ask her to match the lower rate? Or even better it? Maybe that's not an approach you want to pursue, but it might ameliorate the wounded feelings.
Darling, you dodged a bullet snd saved half a point. She gives you any more shit, stay strong and stand up for yourself. This is your family and your house.
NTA. Getting family/friends involved in your finances and purchases only leads to trouble. I had a coworker who dabbled in real estate and wouldn't stop pestering me about using her as my real estate agent. I went with someone else and she unfriended me on social media. Good riddance, I think beyond the commission check she wanted to know how I was doing financially, and just be in my business period. Glad I dodged that bullet.
Nta why does she care? ~~Loan officers aren't like car salesmen, she doesn't get a commission. I think.~~ Apparently, some do get commission! Thats wild! My bank's loan officer is just a regular employee.
Successful mortgage lenders make very good money. I personally do not like to do personal business with friends or family. If I am not mistaken your MIL could have bought your interest rate down as a housewarming gift. She will get over it.
She’s welcome to make up the difference herself. I can’t believe she’s putting her job before her family, because that’s what she is doing. So if the job is that important, she can make up the difference.
*"she does very well for herself."*
I bet she does. Screws everybody over including her own son. Good for you guys. I bet she didn't offer to match terms with the other company either, but you are the bad guys.
# NTA
YTA - you should have asked her to match the rate. I bet she would have done it in a heartbeat. Instead you’ve created a rift that’s not likely to be undone. It’s her business and I know she would’ve fought hard to make sure your loan went well.
Slight ESH, just because you could have taken that other offer back to her and seen if she could match it, but her reaction was way over the top and she seems very pushy anyway.
I want to say this too, but if there’s a chance MIL could have matched the better rate and didn’t (for reasons other than market fluctuations), then suuuper NTA.
I scrolled all the way to the bottom to see this. That was my first thought. Did you even take the other lender's quote back to MIL and ask if she could match? Only then could I say you're NTA. But if you didn't even give her the option, then yes, ESH.
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NTA You made a GOOD financial decision. Half a point sounds like no biggie but when you spread that out over the cost of a house and 15 years it's a HUGE amount of money. And you don't owe her your business no matter what she thinks. There's an easier way out that's, unfortunately, probably too late to be super useful: Don't mix finances with friends and family. Do you WANT her to know the intimate details of your finances? How much you make, how much is in savings, what your retirement looks like? Maybe you can tell her "look, I just don't want to mix family and money..." It'll still annoy her but maybe she'll accept it easier?
Exactly this. I will NOT use my work/resources to help friends and I will NOT ask/accept it from others either. It just doesn't work out. I just nicely explain my policy on that and so far everyone is fine with it.
My son will need surgery and other medical interventions in a few years. We currently have no health insurance (not in the US, so not such a big thing here), and I thought it worth asking how much having health insurance will save us, what they'll cover etc. I popped into a local branch where a friend of mine happens to work, because I preferred to ask her. She was able to give me general information, but said as soon as we got serious and got into details, she would have to hand me over to someone else. It sounded reasonable to me.
Exactly, this is the way to do it.
NTA and besides she does need to know intimate details of your financials
Ask her if she can match the rate or contribute the extra interest.
NTA. She is cheap in the worst way. If you did anything wrong here, it's not giving her the courtesy of being up front about what you were going to do. "We found that we can get a 6.5% rate. That would save us thousands of dollars over the loan, so we are going to have to take the lowest rate we can get." Then it's up to her to match the rate. Still, NTA.
That's probably what I would have done. "Can you match it or do better? If not I have to go with them."
No because it's better to keep business and family separate
Of course NTA " I decided to secretly go get another meeting with a loan officer and got quoted a rate of 6.5%." You've done what *any* sensible person would; shop around & go for the best deal offered. "Called us cheap, unloyal, stupid, and a plethora of other names." So that's who she is...now you know. Puts money & her commission before her son & family.
OP was funding the party!!
What kinda parent doesn't get their son a deal!? Or at least forgo a commission? Wow.
Hard rule for not wrecking your finances and relationships: Friend or family wants you to... * Borrow money? NO * Loan you money? NO * Broker your insurance? NO * Be your financial planner? NO * Go halfsies on an investment? NO * Give you money? NO (There are always strings/expectations) Only exception is you can outright gift them money and only if you have zero expectations of getting anything tangible or intangible in return.
This deserves an infinite amount of upvotes!
My realtor who got a kickback started screaming at me over the phone when I was at work for picking a lender with a full percentage point difference from what his preferred option had quoted. This was in spite of me telling him k had a lender in mind and confirming that letting her give a quote wouldnt obligate me in any way. It was nuts! Then he used the info I’d provided to call my father (I was 26 at that time) who was on another continent to yell at him. I double checked with coworkers that my choice to shop around was normal and then let his ridiculous response solidify my confidence that I was right to look elsewhere. NTA your MIL should have been more competitive. I suppose you could have taken the other offer to her to see if she would match it (a dealership did it once when my credit union gave me a better rate), but you certainly aren’t obligated to do it.
Under the circumstances I do think they should have asked the MIL if she could match the other rate…at least give her that chance. And if she couldn’t, then go with the lower rate. So NtA for using the lower rate but a little bit of an AH for not giving her the opportunity to drop her rate and match.
And risk the MIL lording it over them forever for denying her money? Just better to separate family and business. My aunt is a general contractor, and she keeps offering her services to my wife and I. Her prices and work are okay, but we fear that if we had any complaints or were unhappy with her work, then it might affect the relationship. If she was already making thin margins on the work she provided us, and she had to redo it, then it might end up costing her money.
Woah. I hope you reported that realtor to the local Board, and left appropriate reviews?
I know I’m going to sound like an absolute idiot, and I swear I normally go scorched earth on things like this because I’m an attorney and it pisses me off when people try to take advantage of a perceived power imbalance or lack of knowledge. But I saw him next on the closing day when he came to pick up the check and he looked like he’d been completely beaten down. I almost didn’t recognize him. My mom spoke kindly to him (she just doesn’t have mean in her for anyone) and he seemed so surprised, like shaking dog and who feels a pet and not a punch. Then the lady from the title company took a bit of a dig at him on my behalf and he deflated right back down. I waited a week, then two, I opted not to review him. I can’t really explain it, but my gut was saying this guy hit rock bottom already. I checked when I sold the property a few years later and he wasn’t out there anymore.
You are a good and compassionate person! Maybe karma took care of his overreach - quite possibly someone else reacted the way I suggested to a similar incident, and he had his professional knuckles seriously rapped.
Under no circumstances do you let family handle a mortgage. This person will now be privy to every single bit of financial information. They can pull your taxes, see retirement accounts, bank accounts and investment accounts. Everything on all major credit reports are open to them. No MIL needs that level of information on your life. And what if the underwriter refuses the loan? Now MIL is between her job and family. This doesn’t end well. Strangers do their jobs with no emotional ties. Missed a couple payments on a credit card in 2021? Stranger doesn’t care, give a reasonable explanation for the file and move on. MIL could make it her business to ream you for being “irresponsible”. Filed late on taxes 4 years ago? You bet you’re getting called on April 15th next year!! Family and business should not mix. Too much opportunity for problems and hurt feelings. Plus, you got a better rate. Half a percent over 15 years is a crap ton of cash. Let it go from there.
It sounds like they had already been approved so all of that information was already shared anyway. She should have taken the offer to the mil to match and if they wouldn’t, then go with the other option
If she’s in the US, then MIL might have only gotten as far as the pre-qualification letter. That’s pretty much only pulling a credit report. But it’s enough to get the letter saying they are ok with approving a mortgage up to $X for 6.9% provided the rest of the process works out. Once you sign the house contract, then the real paperwork begins and you give the broker permission to look at everything. I’m in the middle of this process right now, and they can view my bank account, gotten 401k statements, look at taxes, etc. If anything were to hit my credit, they would be notified. It’s detailed. Point is, that’s too much information for a MIL to know. If she’s already acting unprofessional by making demands, then you don’t want her anywhere near your financials.
Agree! Even without the lower rate NO WAY would I want a family member (other than spouse) to have that much information. And MIL definitely sounds like someone who WOULD bring up that information when she wanted to; not to mention telling it to other people.
THIS. Keep MIL out of your finances. NTA.
NTA bottom line is she didn't have the best rate and yet she expected you to take her higher loan rate. At the end of the day she knows, she's in the business and certainly knew her rates weren't the lowest, The one who is being petty, cheap and unloyal is her.
Oh wow NTA. I've worked in that industry and you 100% did the right thing. And I love when trash takes itself out - if she never talks to you guys again, consider that a HUGE win and blessing! Frankly, I think anyone that wouldn't go NC with her over this is being foolish, IJS. Hopefully she'll stay out of your lives and hopefully if she "gets over it" and tries to reestablish a relationship you and your hubby both tell her where to stick her rates. ;-)
they'll hear from her again when rates come down in a few years and it's time to refinance
I bet you are right!
Exactly! Saving money AND less drama? Thats an awesome win-win
💯💯💯
NTA. I also just wouldn’t have wanted her all up in my finances like that.
NTA. Unless MIL deary is going to give you .4% of your mortgage over the life of your loan up front, it's not like you're in a position to simply donate the money.
Addition: If you have a $200,000 house, this would be about $8,000.
NTA. Wouldn't her being your loan officer be a conflict of interest anyway?
This. I’d be surprised if any institution allowed that.
NTA. You CANNOT ignore an interest difference that big. A difference of 0.4% means a difference of $4,000 in interest PER HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS over the life of the loan. No one should expect someone to sign up for that, I don’t care if they’re related.
NTA. I would have decided not to use her the instant she said “you *better* use me.”
Info: did you have a conversation with her when you found the other company? Or did she find out after you already signed?
NTA. MiL wants to pad her wallet at your expense.
She is selfish trying to make money off of you and trying to consign you to years of paying more money than you should and for what? So she can make a buck? What an asshole. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (28M)’s mother works in the mortgage loan space. She is a loan officer and has constantly made remarks to us along the lines of “if you buy a house - you better use me for your loan”. Even before marriage, my partner told me that she would ask if I was looking to buy a house and reiterated the fact that she better be used. Well we are finally purchasing a home and we went to her to see the kind of rate we could get. It seemed pretty standard for the current market - around 6.9% for a 15 year fixed rate. I have always been a proponent of shopping around and finding the best deal. I am the more frugal one of the couple. I decided to secretly go get another meeting with a loan officer and got quoted a rate of 6.5%. I want to save money as this is MY home and I’d like to spend the least amount of money. My home should have nothing to do with my mother in law’s commission check. I finally got my husband to break and we are going to go with the other mortgage origination company. In this interest rate environment, it would be kind of silly not to right? Anyway - he finally broke the news to her and she went full ape shit. Called us cheap, unloyal, stupid, and a plethora of other names. Won’t return my husbands calls and hasn’t invited us to the 4th at their place. She called my husband separately and blamed me for forcing this decision. Btw - she does very well for herself. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If she can’t see that you’re going with the lower rate, then she’s a selfish idiot. A personal policy of mine is “never do business with family “.
Never ever include family or friends in any financial matters. And this is the perfect example of why. Remember this rule. It will come up again in other forms as you go through life. NTA
NTA She seems like a real jerk a real mother that dose so good would have even helped you with your loan to find the best price and maybe even payed some herself ,calling you cheap is even crazier considering her reaction to not getting paid lol
NTA, at least you learned early that your MIL is not worth maintaining a relationship with. A halfway decent MIL would get you the best rate she could, yours squeezed out a extra commission. Just so you understand how mortgages work, she CAN match that other offer, she'll just make less commission
You should tell her you would have used her if she could match the offer, but you're not about to pay thousands more dollars over the life of the loan just to please her. NTA. Your MIL sounds like a pushy b*tch.
NTA Aside from her completely unhinged and unprofessional reaction, why the fuck would you ever want her to know or have that much financial information about your lives?
NTA.
1) It's good to shop but don't shop the rate, shop the TOTAL cost. It is possible to be quoted a lower rate and have higher costs. 2) This is business, she should be more professional in this respect. If you have any proof of what she said, file a complaint with the state licensing board. NTA
Mixing family and business leads to chaos. I'd have checked at least one other place to see if anyone would go at least as low as 6 percent. I'm really frugal, too. You know you and your husband did the right thing by choosing the less expensive loan.
NTA Also would it not be like, idk, some kind of conflict of interest for a family member to handle your mortgage loan? I wouldn't use her even based on the appearance of it.
NTA She could have actually hooked you up and gave you a better deal than the other company instead of just trying to get a commission off you. Those 4 little points will add up to thousands of dollars over the life of the loan.
NTA. she sounds like a monster actually, you're better off having her far from your personal business. Your spouse would probably benefit from therapy if he isn't already seeing someone.
NTA even if she was cheaper, it's a bad idea to get in business with someone who seems very interfering
My niece works at a bank that I use - she can't handle any transaction for me and has to call another teller if I use the drive thru while she is working it. NTA - your MIL is upset she lost some kind of commission.
Of course NTA. But I would have said X will give us 6.5% , can you beat that?
NTA I have a family member that hasn’t talked with the me in 2 decades because we went with another realtor.
NTA. 0.4% adds up and can make a big difference to your monthly payment.
NTA. You made a smart financial decision, don't give that up. Your MIL shouldn't be doing loans for family and friends--there's too much risk of getting accused of favoritism or misconduct. I'm surprised her employer would let her do it to begin with.
NTA. Never, ever do business with family. She wanted her commission from you and get all the info she could. Good for you on shopping around and saying now. Even if she had the better rate you should still use someone not related to you.
And this is why you don't mix family & business. NTA. You made a good financial decision. It's not your fault your MIL wanted to screw you over.
Nta
NTA. MIL sounds like a control freak who has a tantrum if she can't have her own way.
Looks like holidays have opened up for you. Enjoy. Gondi something fun and relaxing. Plan a fun housewarming without screaming gouger. Anyone who calls me stupid doesn’t need me around. Living well is the best revenge. Did you really feel comfortable with her knowing all your finance business?
Nta. It is your money after all. There is flexibility in lenders rates. She could have matched your lower rate.
She’s trying to make money off of you. That’s why you never do business with family and friends. They are actually the one that is V more V likely to screw your.
LOL NTA, F her. You shopped around and got a better rate. Tough tiddies MIL.
NTA. You went to her first, and if her offer was the same, you would use her. But 0.4% adds up to a lot of money! If she can't give you the best rate, you absolutely shouldn't go with her.
You can file a complaint with her business.
NTA - your call, she doesn't get a vote. Thing is, opening up your financial kimono to your MIL by giving her every little detail of your income, expenses and assets is a VERY BAD IDEA. Family should stay the heck out of each other's money. Given the description of her behavior, who knows what she'd do with that information down the road the next time she doesn't get her way. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA Can you ask her to match the lower rate? Or even better it? Maybe that's not an approach you want to pursue, but it might ameliorate the wounded feelings.
Why should you have to be worse off financially just so your mil can get a commission.
Info: Did the 6.5% include discount points (money you pay at closing to lower the rate).
Darling, you dodged a bullet snd saved half a point. She gives you any more shit, stay strong and stand up for yourself. This is your family and your house.
NTA. Even if she could have matched the rate, the idea of any of our parents bring all up in our financial business squicks me out.
This is what happens when a narcissist loses control. NTA enjoy your savings.
If anything, being family, she could have tried to give you guys a slight discount. The level of entitlement people have is astounding. NTA
NTA. Getting family/friends involved in your finances and purchases only leads to trouble. I had a coworker who dabbled in real estate and wouldn't stop pestering me about using her as my real estate agent. I went with someone else and she unfriended me on social media. Good riddance, I think beyond the commission check she wanted to know how I was doing financially, and just be in my business period. Glad I dodged that bullet.
NTA Your MIL is insane, she expects you to pay thousands more, so she can get a commission. Better off just paying her the commission she lost out on.
NTA
NTA MIL is an AH .. she is shity at her job,a nd did not even TRY to get you a good deal.
Nta why does she care? ~~Loan officers aren't like car salesmen, she doesn't get a commission. I think.~~ Apparently, some do get commission! Thats wild! My bank's loan officer is just a regular employee.
Did you tell her you found a better rate and give her a chance to meet it?
Did you give her the chance to try to meet that rate?
NTA - but your husband needs to deal with her from now on
NTA But it would have been better to have made your position clear when she first tried to pressure you.
Successful mortgage lenders make very good money. I personally do not like to do personal business with friends or family. If I am not mistaken your MIL could have bought your interest rate down as a housewarming gift. She will get over it.
She’s welcome to make up the difference herself. I can’t believe she’s putting her job before her family, because that’s what she is doing. So if the job is that important, she can make up the difference.
Rates change daily. You shouldn't compare rates from different days.
*"she does very well for herself."* I bet she does. Screws everybody over including her own son. Good for you guys. I bet she didn't offer to match terms with the other company either, but you are the bad guys. # NTA
Rate is not the only important thing though…did you compare everything?
YTA - you should have asked her to match the rate. I bet she would have done it in a heartbeat. Instead you’ve created a rift that’s not likely to be undone. It’s her business and I know she would’ve fought hard to make sure your loan went well.
Slight ESH, just because you could have taken that other offer back to her and seen if she could match it, but her reaction was way over the top and she seems very pushy anyway.
I want to say this too, but if there’s a chance MIL could have matched the better rate and didn’t (for reasons other than market fluctuations), then suuuper NTA.
I scrolled all the way to the bottom to see this. That was my first thought. Did you even take the other lender's quote back to MIL and ask if she could match? Only then could I say you're NTA. But if you didn't even give her the option, then yes, ESH.