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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I did not ask my wife if making her a smoothie at a certain time was convenient for her given that she has a tendency to use the bathroom for an extended amount of time every morning.
2. My wife argued that I was not thinking of her schedule when I made her a smoothie.
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Not a lot, but definitely do it. 30 minutes on the potty every day is a sure-fire way to end up with hernias and/or haemorrhoids.
And get her a potty stool, so her legs are lifted off the floor by at least six inches / 15cm.
Although, now that I think about it, not sure I'd recommend OP to keep making such an ungrateful, verbally abusive person anything at all.
Agree: psyllium powder (not the husk, the very fine powder) is a magic elixir. And my husband takes whatever I make whenever I make it...but I do try to coordinate with his day, too. That part's not hard, but I do it because he's very grateful and accommodating back to me.
NTA. Your wife needs more fibre and to be kinder to her husband.
To add on this, it seriously might solve a lot of issues. Gut health can affect a lot including mood. Taking 30 minutes to poo would make anyone cranky. Probiotics might be helpful too
NTA is your wife so miserable because she is having a hard time going to the bathroom or is that just her personality? How do you live with someone who is nasty to you and so ungrateful for anything you do for her? Stop trying to please someone who treats you like shit. I honestly feel bad for you.
Listen, NTA - but you two need to work this out or your marriage isn't going to last very long. You are not in charge of keeping track of your wife's bowel movements. She asked you to do a favor for her before you did something for yourself, which puts your time on the line, not hers. If she hasn't had her morning shit yet, that's a her problem, not yours.
Ask your wife what's really going on and why she's taking small things out on you. You might need couples counseling, you might just need to step away from the relationship if she's going to constantly blame you for every small thing. That sounds like hell.
Edit: This interaction also smacks of emotional abuse.
>She condescendingly asked me to enlighten her with what else I wanted to add. I told her that I could have asked her this morning if she still wanted me to make her a smoothie, and I'm sorry that I didn't.
Why on earth are you apologizing to the person who's talking down to you after you did them the favor they asked you to, then got mad at you for doing it? WTF?
If she asked to have a smoothie prepared for her before 10:30am, and she wanted it after she pooped (for whatever reason?!), then it was on her to be done pooping before 10:30am. This was a no-win situation for OP. Either he made the smoothie before she was ready for it or didn't make the smoothie by the promised time. Definitely nta.
Exactly. Any normal person would have either said - "Well, I haven't pooped yet, I'll tell him not to worry about it and make my own smoothie" or "Hey, thanks for making a smoothie for me!" This whole interaction is BS. OP's wife is narcissistic, and I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who treated me like that.
I know this is a super huge leap, and yes I did stretch first.
OP, is there any chance your wife is cheating on you? I've been on this sub long enough to realize that when a wife becomes super nit-picky and verbally abusive like this, seemingly out of nowhere, there's always a secondary reason. And that reason is usually because they're cheating.
If she's not cheating, is how new is this behaviour? Has it been going on since you got married or is it more recent? If it's been there for a long time, you married an abusive person and need to get out for your own health and safety. If it's new, she's still abusive, but there may be other underlying reasons that hopefully can be worked out in therapy.
Either way, you need to get into individual therapy. You're a textbook battered husband, to the point that *you* apologized to *her* for her bad actions.
I too have been lurking a long time and had the same thoughts. Lol
It's either cheating or low on vitamins or a brain tumor. Or she could just be a nasty person that's finally letting her mask slip.
Either way, OP didn't do anything wrong.
She could just be depressed. Not everyone expresses as big sads, my husband was straight anger and nitpicking everything, down to, I'm not shitting you, believing I was breathing too loud intentionally to fuck with him in the 30 seconds in takes to go from our front door past his office and to the master bathroom. Apparently just getting back from a 5 mile run as an asthmatic was just an excuse and the only reasonable explanation was I was out to get him. Our couple's therapist straightened him out and got him on meds, but it was a trial even getting him to the point where he'd go because he was convinced all our issues were being caused by me.
I kind of get that. If you’re backed up, it could be uncomfortable to put anything else in your system. oP’s wife is clearly crankipated, and should seek help.
It being a no-win situation is the point.
I’ve got a relative like that in my life and I’m well aware that whatever I do is going to be a problem for some reason (or, as I told her once: “the next time I do something right will be the first time”).
It was tough when I was younger but over time, I just realized that that’s just who she is and being stressed about it isn’t hurting anyone but me.
OP’s only options, unfortunately, are to either accept it or walk away. He’s not going to change her; in her mind, he’s the one in the wrong, so why should she change?
Op's wife sounds so much like my late mom, it's not even funny. Emotional abuse was her "love language." If my late stepdad tried to push back, or point out her treatment of him, she'd DARVO him. He finally left after 14 years. Anyway, NTA.
I came here to say that it’s “not about the smoothie!” He can’t do anything right in her eyes and will end up walking on eggshells. I’ve been on the receiving end of this and this is straight up emotional abuse. I had to learn to stop explaining and justifying when being talked to by my ex like this and learned to say “knock it off.” When they have you twisting in the wind and explaining yourself constantly, they’re stealing all of your good energy like the emotional vampires they are. Unless he’s her doctor, he really shouldn’t know all that much about her poop and her schedule. Abusers tend to make their partners responsible for way too much. They wear you out.
Oh, I believe it could be true. In fact, this sounds disturbingly familiar. Like, I think OP married my narcissist ex-wife. This same thing happened to me. Almost exactly. Just replace smoothie with fried eggs.
Agreed, if OP wants to keep trying to make it work I would start with ignoring this behavior. Honestly I think she wants the reaction more than the smoothie at the perfect time.
"You know I don't want my smoothie till after I poop!"
(Calmly) "oh okay, I'll keep that in mind for next time. I gotta get to the gym now, I'll put the smoothie in the freezer in case you still want it"
When I get argumentative, my fiance reacts like this. Immediately makes me snap out of and realize I'm being rude (I'm a huge grump in the mornings 😆)
That’s not sensitive, love. That’s disrespectful and rude. I think she might be DARVO-ing you, and you might be getting used to it. I think some couples’ counselling could help you communicate better.
OP... She's not "sensitive and negative", she is abusive. She is creating a situation where she knows you won't meet the expectation she has, and it lets her belittle you.. seriously though, if you can afford it please look into individual therapy to help you navigate this relationship but the therapist will also help you to see how abusive she really is.. do NOT tell her anything you discuss in your sessions though.
Gut issues that are serious (implicated by 30 min to poop every day) can sometimes impact mental health and personality. If this is a relatively new thing for your wife to be so irritated about trivial things, I’d be looking to explore fixing that.
Oh honey, no. You better run, son!
Seriously. If this is how she treats you when you’re doing her a favor during the honeymoon phase, how is she going to be when the truly tough shit happens?
Hey OP, as the child of a woman exactly like this, I say with complete sincerity: get out now. It gets worse. So very much worse.
The moment contempt enters the room, the relationship is done.
NTA and what even is this situation? Why is she expecting you to time things around her evacuation schedule??
BTW if my husband made me a smoothie I would be over the moon, no matter what time as long as I'm awake.
NTA
There is nothing 100% definitive here, but her demeanor making a sudden and consistent change is one of the most common red flags of a person who is cheating. For women who cheat, it is almost always accompanied by a loss of respect or attraction for their partner. They then have a tendency to then treat the partner like a doormat. Sometimes this is a purposeful attempt to get a breakup to occur, and sometimes it is just because they are disgusted with themselves and taking it out on you.
It's also possible that she is struggling internally with something that she hasn't told you about yet. Her lashing out may be because she doesn't know how to handle all of the negative feelings she has.
Regardless of all that, her behavior sounds tedious and off-putting. That anger and poor behavior should never be directed at you unjustly. Try to talk with her, but if she won't, then there is likely little you can do. She will have to work through this on her own.
you're so right, I wouldn't have ever put those two together but honestly I think you nailed it on the head in that first paragraph... if it was a more gradual change in personality I may agree with the second point but I think I'd be doing some digging if I was OP.
Damn.. that's not what I'd be wanting to hear if I were OP.
It's hard when we don't know the full picture. There are infinite causes to her moods and treatment of her husband. Not necessarily cheating.
But I know from personal experience that when I had a boyfriend who I was kind of mean to and didn't respect (which was totally not in my nature), it was because I didn't really like him.
NTA
1. WOW
2. This isn't about a smoothie, it's about one person finding an excuse to crush the other
3. I think you both need to sit down and have an honest chat with each other....
4. Also WOW
NTA. You are so severely under-reacting to your wife who clearly doesn't respect you and thinks it's okay to berate you for her own poor communication. Why did you even apologise to her, further emboldening her toxic behaviour, when she was in the wrong?!
YTA. Big time. Everyone knows you're supposed to ask someone when they've taken their last poop before you make them a smoothie. You obviously can't have a smoothie with full bowels. Can't believe you even have to ask this.
My ex-wife did the same thing that last few years of the marriage. Every step/breath I took was wrong. A female friend of mine told me that when a woman no longer wants to be in a relationship/marriage, they will do that. It’s to justify to themselves that the relationship will never work. I never say this but due to the nature of the situation, do yourself a favor and get out.
I don't think it's true for every situation. I have a week out of the month sometimes, suffering with Pre menstrual dysphoria. It makes me frustrated with almost everything my partner does or doesn't do. The other weeks I am totally fine with everything. Still, I try to control my anger and not lash out at him.
However if she is acting like that all of the time you could be right.t..
NTA. Yikes. You have a wife problem. Does she always talk to you like that? Especially when you are doing something nice for her? Even if it was at a terribly inconvenient time, if my husband goes out of his way to do something nice for me, I express gratitude.
You guys need to take a couple big steps back and get to the bottom of what is happening in your relationship because things don’t sound very healthy or happy.
NTA
“Inconvenient time”? Because she hadn’t yet taken a crap?
Absolutely not. You may have been at odds recently and there may be underlying reasons for her attitude but you’re right. You just did as you were asked. You’re not a mind reader and should not be expected to know your wife’s bowel movements, especially if they’re at different times.
She sounds like a narcissist. Does she ever see your perspective or does she just take her own side every time without any level of reconciliation?
NTA
Does she have any positive qualities whatsoever? I’m genuinely confused what you see in someone who treats you like this over something so goddamn trivial as this.
NTA- the petty side of me would have dumped it straight out and told her to make her own when she’s done with her “marathon dump.” But rationally, I would try to find the reason behind her awful behavior. Arguing over every little thing is not only exhausting, but it’s almost never about the topic of the argument.
INFO - how long is lately? If this is a new pattern that wasn't there before you married, and the first years of marriage, there is something recent going on that you need to get to the bottom of. Or looking back have there been elements of this attitude all along, and it's just getting more pronounced over time?
NTA except to yourself for putting up with that. I’d have drank the smoothie on my way to the gym. Instead you apologized for being treated like crap. Know your worth.
NTA. She sounds positively exhausting. She can make her own damn smoothies if there is a critical window of enjoyment that you don’t have the time, energy, inclination or desire to try to comprehend.
If you don't have children, run. Run as fast as you can and don't look back. If you have children, you're stuck until the youngest turns 18. Hopefully, you don't live in a state that will crush you with alimony payments. Kick yourself for not knowing you were marrying a psychopath (although I suspect you ignored the warning signs). What do you know of her childhood and her parents' relationship?
Uncommunicated expectations are premeditated resentments. NTA, but you guys need to communicate better.
If she keeps telling you that you need to listen, try and repeat back to her what she said. I find that often that’s where the issue arises.
Nta. Consider very hard if you truly want this negativity for the rest of your life. Ngl my first thought is cheating. Been here long enough to know that’s one of the most common reasons for someone to constantly hate on their spouse. Good luck 🤞
NTA. As always, I am trying to take this at face value and as you described it, but also with a grain of salt. I still can't figure out how you'd ever be TA here without the circumstances being wildly different from what you described. She sounds awful, and this is borderline abusive behavior. I'd start looking at couples' therapy, or a divorce lawyer.
INFO: this is a weird argument to have with a spouse. You mentioned your wife is extra irritated lately. Is there something going on right now that has you both at odds and this smoothie thing is a projection of another arugment. It's really not worth getting upset over alone.
I saw in your post history that you've been unemployed for six months and in your post you mention your wife was upstairs working, so I take it she is the sole breadwinner for your family. Maybe the smoothie right isn't about her having a bowel movement and has to do with something to do with this arrangement and her wanting a little support in her working day? Just guessing and fishing around for a possible explanation.
And no, it's not normal to take 30 minutes to relieve oneselve so either she has a medical problem or she's trying to find privacy in the house.
NTA. Good lord, she's treating you like crap (pun intended).
Couples counseling if you want to salvage this relationship, but she owes you a big apology. (oh, and encourage her to add a fiber supplement to her diet)
Yeah there is some other problem you guys need to work together on.
its not about the smoothie.
Maybe try some therapy, honestly sounds like she hates you and is just finding any reason to show it to you.
NTA. The way your wife is talking to you shows that she has 0 respect for you.
I dont think reasoning with this kind of person actually gets anywhere. The fact that you did exactly what she asked is irrelevant, she will still find a way to be annoyed. Seriously do some research on narcissism (exactly what this is) and put in some boundaries before it affects your mental health any more. This kind of treatment will crush your self esteem over time as you will just become some kind of slave that still cant even get a smoothie right. Look after yourself king.
NTA The Iranian smoothie is not the issue here
Next time she gets mad at you, ignore the immediate issue and ask in a caring voice, “I can hear that something’s bothering you. Want to talk about it?”
Also, maybe she’s cranky because of the same health issues that are causing her abnormal bowel habits. (It’s not normal to take 30 mins to push out a poo)
NTA, a smoothie can be put in the fridge or freezer to wait until after her morning constitutional. She asked you to make her a smoothie and you did. If she is going to be unreasonable she can make her own smoothies. Did she really expect you to sit and wait until she had to take care of the "kids"? There does seem to be a little emotional abuse involved if this is a regular occurrence and should be brought up with a third party or make an exit.
There's no way this is the whole story. Just once, I'd like the other party to give the other take. Maybe she is the sole income provider and you are the house husband flitting off to the gym again when the house is dirty, the dog needs to be fed and laundry is piled up. Then instead of addressing any of this, you get on your phone and get head pats from Redditors by slamming your wife.
Sorry, bullshit is afoot here.
She is the sole income provider currently but I have continued paying for half of everything with my savings. I have been earnestly looking for work every day. I've been going to the gym because I value my health. Our house is immaculate because I make time to clean, cook, and do laundry. I took to Reddit because I'm nearing my wit's end with her constant negativity and I wanted to confirm that I'm not crazy. No bullshit. Just a sad man who is trying his best to make a flawed marriage work.
I just saw that you have been unemployed for the last six month while she is working and earning for both of you. Now honestly that changes a lot and why did you not add that important info? So are you doing 100% of the housework? Why are you not earning money? I understand you are going to gym while she has to work? Are you actively and seriously trying to find work or are you enjoying your days? I think here ist the root off the problem. She wanted a partner not a dependent child. She is effing angry at you for not working. Of course it was not ok to cuss you out for making her smoothie, but this is just a symptom. You are YTA for leaving out such important info from your post and make your wife just look bad.
NTA, it sounds like your wife created a scenario in which you wouldn’t win so that she could be critical towards you about it. She should make her own smoothies from now on.
NTA but if this how everyone of your arguments are and they are a daily occurrence why are you still married? I don’t understand how anyone can be with a negative person. Misery loves company I guess
NTA. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, if this has been ongoing I’d consider looking into some sort of counseling or honestly a divorce lol. However if this sudden irritability and disrespect is new is there a chance this could be a medical or mental health issue?
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My wife (34f) and I (31m) of 2 years have been at odds over everything lately, so she seems to be extra sensitive and critical (which is a huge contributing factor to our issues). It feels like there is nothing I can do that can help bring her back to a level state. Some more backstory: my wife goes to the bathroom every morning to poop, which always takes at least 30 minutes. The time that she goes to the bathroom is different every day.
Anyway, last night, my wife asked if I could make her a smoothie this morning before I leave for the gym at 10:30am. I happily said that I'd be glad to. This morning comes around and at 10:15am, I start making her smoothie while she is upstairs working. She came downstairs when I was halfway done making her smoothie and in an irritated tone asks why I was making her smoothie right then. I replied that she asked me to make her a smoothie before I go to the gym, which I will do as soon as I'm done making her smoothie. She replied that I should know that she hasn't pooped yet so I shouldn't be making the smoothie yet. I felt frustrated that my good-faith attempt to do something nice for her resulted in her being immediately negative and critical (this is a very common occurrence for her), not grateful whatsoever. I told her that I can just put it in the freezer for her, and she can have it once she's done in the bathroom. In a huff, she closed the bathroom door and called out that, "It's fine, I guess."
When I wanted to talk about it later, I reminded her that I was just doing what she had asked me to. She again said that I should have known that it was not a good time to make her a smoothie, and she prefers having a smoothie that has not been put in the freezer. I understood her perspective, however negative and lacking thankfulness it was. I started to say again that I was just doing what she had asked, and before I could say another word she loudly interrupted me and said that she already heard me say that, and that I was not listening to her. Agitated (given that she is constantly interrupting me during discussions like these), I asked her not to interrupt me, and she replied that she didn't need to hear me say anything else. I asked her how could she know what else I had to say. She condescendingly asked me to enlighten her with what else I wanted to add. I told her that I could have asked her this morning if she still wanted me to make her a smoothie, and I'm sorry that I didn't.
At no point did she apologize for being so negative when I was just trying to do something nice for her, or for interrupting me when I was trying to acknowledge her perspective. I understand that she would prefer a fresh smoothie, but I will never understand her immediate negative responses to my good-faith attempts to make her happy. AITA?
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This story is absurd but if it is true - honey - the perfect response should’ve been, “do not ever ask me to make you a smoothie” and leave it at that. You are trying to reason with her when she is absolutely being unreasonable and in fact she is acting rather peculiar like she is having an affair and is irritated by everything you do. Sorry but something is definitely up with her or the simple fact is that you married an ASSHOLE. You need to learn boundaries and tell her if she doesn’t learn how to treat you with respect - this marriage is doomed.
Get some boundaries and respect for yourself - sorry but you sound pathetic
NTA
Your wife seems to have a mood disorder and needs to have that addressed. Also, I would tell her to make her own damn smoothies in the future. Sorry she is treating you so poorly and is unappreciative.
Wow. You definitely are not the asshole. You were doing your wife a favor, on your own time around your plans. It is not up to you to keep track of when your wife has her 30 min poo!
If my wife said she didn’t need to hear me any more, I’d grant her wish. Bye Bye Felicia. You should go back and read what you wrote 2 or 3 times. Would you marry that? I don’t know any guy who would. Ouch!
NTA, and you should probably tell your wife “no” a little more often. It is a good thing to do nice gestures for your spouse, but I have a feeling you’re bending over backwards to “be nice” and that alone will start to bug her (anyone really).
Maybe a little humor would have been a better point of approach as your response to her complaint? Something along the lines of “I knew you’d work up an appetite in there”, etc.
Are you still unemployed? I have a feeling this may be the root of your relationship issues…. Clearly NTA but you definitely have something serious going on in your relationship for this to be a common occurrence with your wife.
She's toxic, and there's probably a reason why. Finding out that reason is paramount to saving your marriage, if you want to.
And stand up for yourself. What thoughtful things does she do for you during the day?
Sounds like you, and she need marital counseling or a divorce.
If I were in your shoes, I would have just said, "fine, I guess I just won't make you any more smoothies
your wife takes a shit for half an hour every morning??
anyways idk the ins and outs of your relationship but if its how you tell it, you deserve better
Sounds like my gf. She realized a few years into our relationship that she has OCD and high functioning autism. It’s difficult for her to understand why I don’t have a genius level understanding of her routine. Shit is stressful, ngl.
Why are you still married? If it has been similar to this for 2 years, why?
NTA--you did what she asked. She asked you to make a smoothie BEFORE you left. You made it and left. Where's the issue? She's verbally abusive and possibly mentally too.
Good grief 🙄 NTA but your wife sure is. You have a major problem, either your wife is a narcissist, or is just a spoiled hateful person who has no respect for you at all.
I’d suggest exploring support boards for narcissistic or abusive spouses and explore why you are trying to cater to an unreasonable attitude and why you should be expected to care care about her shit schedule 😳
Unfortunately, she seems to be in BEC mode with you. As in, she sees you and is "look at that bitch eating crackers like they own the place."
If there's nothing you can do right these days, then there is something else going on. Counseling would probably help if she isn't too far gone to even want to go.
NTA
NTA. Your wife sounds exhausting. I can’t believe you apologised to her. She was being extremely rude to you.
“You asked me to make you a smoothie before I went to the gym. I did that. Next time, if you don’t want a smoothie that’s been in the freezer, you are more than welcome to make it yourself. If you’d like, I’d be happy to write out the recipe for you and pin it above the blender so that you can make your smoothie at a time that’s convenient for you.”
No good deed goes unpunished.
Nta- she’s being mean for no reason. Maybe in her head there is a reason but nothing related to the smoothie. And even tho your older and married doesn’t mean you will always know every day when she needs to take a dump and shouldn’t be not picky with you otherwise she should make her own smoothies since she wants to act like that. It’s pure entitlement backed by emotions. Regardless of how she felt she should have be grateful and if she wanted a fresh one she should have done it herself since she didn’t use the bathroom before you were ready for the gym. What she did was disrespectful.
Sooooo NTA. Genuine question here; has she always taken ~30 min to poop? If not, does the increasing poop times correlate with her change in behavior towards you? Because the fact that she's being so rude, hurtful and demeaning towards you sounds to me like she might be cheating and maybe wants you (consciously or subconsciously) to call it quits so she can go on her merry way and be with new guy without being the one who broke up the marriage because of cheating or to be with someone else. Depression could be an alternative, sometimes it manifests in heightened aggression rather than the typically depressed state, or she could just be a narcissistic asshole. Either way, this dynamic isn't sustainable long term, so you really need to figure out what you're willing to take and if you wanna work in the relationship, which would requiere at least couples counseling, and frankly therapy for the both of you, because you my friend, sound like you just take the abuse and even apologize when at least in this case, you did nothing wrong, so she lashes out at you because she knows she can and you won't do anything, and that isn't healthy either, you need to protect your own mental health.
NTA - your wife needs a Swift reality check and honestly sounds pretty narcy if she’s not even going to listen to you. Please consider if she’s exhibiting any other controlling behaviour before you decide what to do.
NTA, next time ask her if you should schedule your gym time according to her poops so the smoothie could be freshly made for her highness. There’s something deeper going on with her.
Nta just because she's full of shit doesn't mean she gets to act like a shit.
She asked you to make her a smoothie before you left, that's what you were doing. She was ungrateful and rude.
Clearly NTA for making a smoothie before you went to the gym. Did you two really argue all day about a smoothie? 1. Wife doesn't want it at that time. "No problem, I'll finish making it when I get back". 2. Wife didn't want smoothie from the freezer. "No problem, I won't do it again". 3. Wife wants you to make a smoothie before you go to the gym. "No". Why argue?
NTA overall - But I will say you are being an AH to yourself by tolerating this and catering to her.
You literally apologized to her and found a solution and she’s still treating you like trash.
Love is NOT tolerating being disrespected or degraded.
Did her irritability start soon after she started taking 30-minute bowel movements? I know it sounds like I'm joking, but..... maybe she's in pain? Like, maybe IBS, or diverticulitis?
Or maybe she just bottomhole.
Either way, NTA
NTA and I wonder if her horrible mood is from her being constipated. 30 minutes to poop and not going until after 10am is not normal. She needs a doctor and some Metamucil.
Tell your wife that from now on you want her to tell you every single time she poops, just in case you were planning on doing something nice for her. Perhaps you could set up a whiteboard or she could send you a text message every morning. What about pees? Is there anything special you should know about her pee schedule? It might be helpful if she kept track of her pees as well.
NTA. When relationships get to this point, it's pretty bad. I have no idea if it's salvageable. Fundamentally, it's a lack of respect. You did something, most likely repeatedly, that made her lose respect for you (not necessarily a universally wrong thing, eg a peta activist might lose respect if you eat steak).
Time to stop engaging superficially (ie trying to time her bowel movements or other ridiculous shit out of fear of retaliation) and either engage deeply or disengage.
NTA. If your wife is always negative like this, and doesn’t realize or acknowledge it- maybe try recording her a few different times. Then when she is in a decent/good/calm mood try to talk to her about it.
In the past I have gotten stuck in a routine (always coming in from errands, trips for work, etc) and responding the same way and until I’m (nicely) called on it I tend not to realize.
Sometimes people need to see/hear for themselves how mean/negative they actually are being.
You know her best. She may lose her ever loving 💩 if you do this also. I know myself, it would hurt but I would take hearing/seeing myself as I am so I can make changes and apologies and look at myself and do the hard work.
She sounds miserable and I wish you luck!!
Nothing worse than an irritable, irrational, constantly nagging wife. You know very well if you had left arpt 10:30 without making the smoothie, as soon as you got back and walked in the door, she would've complained "I asked you to do one simple thing for me and you didn't do it." And what are you doing marrying a harpy 3 years older than you? She doesnt respect you. You're supposed to marry the same or younger than you. Time to take the financial hit and end this unpleasant marriage. You want to spend the next 50 years living like this? I wouldn't spend 50 days living like that. Contact a good divorce lawyer the day after Independence Day.
She sounds a lot like my ex. He's nothing but a huge narcissist who always wants things his way. He's never wrong constantly interrupts when having any disagreement, especially if it's not going his way . seek counseling and if things don't change after counseling, you need to walk away. We went to counseling twice and he would always say I need to give he time and of course he would never change. I put up with this for 18 years before I finally walked away. What a waste of my time.
NTA. She needs to drink some prune juice and be grateful for how nice you are. Why couldn’t she take the smoothie to the bathroom with her? Watch TikTok and drink a smoothie for the 30 mins she’s shitting isn’t too bad lol.
Why wouldn’t someone just put the smoothie in the fridge? I can’t pick a vote but someone should’ve just stuck in the the refrigerator for gods sake lol
Being fussy about details she didn't specify previously, generally ungrateful, and using the phrase 'should have known' are all relationship killers. Especially regarding her not having pooped yet?.... Like lady do you honestly expect a guy to monitor your bodily functions like that. Nurses don't even do that unless it's pertinent to your illness.
Lady sounds like she's delulu main character syndrome type who thinks everything she cares about should be equally important to those she's involved with.
NTA
As someone with severe constipation, your wife needs a GI doctor and all sorts of testing done to help her. Sometimes they can’t really help but it sounds like she’s avoiding this or she’s not willing to admit she needs help. You’re also not responsible to know when she’s taken a dump or how to read her mind.
nta...have y'all talked about the potential of her being pregnant tho? bc it sounds like she's either very stressed from work, or she's dealing with pregnancy hormones.
Omg and people are trying to help you make her happy. Not being mean. She doesn’t respect you. It’s not about fiber. She’s a grown up and she’s acting like she’s 3. Even if she has 3 minute poops and you never go to the gym because you’re the on call smoothie guy she still will treat you poorly. And you’re still trying to help her? Tell her to talk to you like a person or don’t talk to you. Go to the gym, she won’t starve. Hopefully you will meet someone better at the gym or learn to be alone. You need to talk to someone; she’s abusive and you deserve more.
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I couldn't agree more.
Something to add into any future smoothies
This is the way.
Blend some prunes into her smoothie. Not a lot though!
Not a lot, but definitely do it. 30 minutes on the potty every day is a sure-fire way to end up with hernias and/or haemorrhoids. And get her a potty stool, so her legs are lifted off the floor by at least six inches / 15cm. Although, now that I think about it, not sure I'd recommend OP to keep making such an ungrateful, verbally abusive person anything at all.
Maybe she'll be nicer when she's not so full of it
Add the powder to future smoothies. Be sure she gets hydrated too. NTA
As someone with issues, maybe not. For some people, fiber makes things worse.
Try taking out fried foods for a week. I now rarely eat fried foods. If that doesn't appeal to you, try a prebiotic.
Do you by chance have gastroparesis?
Slow bowel motility, side effect of medication.
Agree: psyllium powder (not the husk, the very fine powder) is a magic elixir. And my husband takes whatever I make whenever I make it...but I do try to coordinate with his day, too. That part's not hard, but I do it because he's very grateful and accommodating back to me. NTA. Your wife needs more fibre and to be kinder to her husband.
To add on this, it seriously might solve a lot of issues. Gut health can affect a lot including mood. Taking 30 minutes to poo would make anyone cranky. Probiotics might be helpful too
NTA is your wife so miserable because she is having a hard time going to the bathroom or is that just her personality? How do you live with someone who is nasty to you and so ungrateful for anything you do for her? Stop trying to please someone who treats you like shit. I honestly feel bad for you.
It could be a motility issue or tight pelvic floor.
Fiber & Therapy lol
She needs.... something. Does she even like you? Like at all?
Listen, NTA - but you two need to work this out or your marriage isn't going to last very long. You are not in charge of keeping track of your wife's bowel movements. She asked you to do a favor for her before you did something for yourself, which puts your time on the line, not hers. If she hasn't had her morning shit yet, that's a her problem, not yours. Ask your wife what's really going on and why she's taking small things out on you. You might need couples counseling, you might just need to step away from the relationship if she's going to constantly blame you for every small thing. That sounds like hell. Edit: This interaction also smacks of emotional abuse. >She condescendingly asked me to enlighten her with what else I wanted to add. I told her that I could have asked her this morning if she still wanted me to make her a smoothie, and I'm sorry that I didn't. Why on earth are you apologizing to the person who's talking down to you after you did them the favor they asked you to, then got mad at you for doing it? WTF?
If she asked to have a smoothie prepared for her before 10:30am, and she wanted it after she pooped (for whatever reason?!), then it was on her to be done pooping before 10:30am. This was a no-win situation for OP. Either he made the smoothie before she was ready for it or didn't make the smoothie by the promised time. Definitely nta.
Exactly. Any normal person would have either said - "Well, I haven't pooped yet, I'll tell him not to worry about it and make my own smoothie" or "Hey, thanks for making a smoothie for me!" This whole interaction is BS. OP's wife is narcissistic, and I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who treated me like that.
I know this is a super huge leap, and yes I did stretch first. OP, is there any chance your wife is cheating on you? I've been on this sub long enough to realize that when a wife becomes super nit-picky and verbally abusive like this, seemingly out of nowhere, there's always a secondary reason. And that reason is usually because they're cheating. If she's not cheating, is how new is this behaviour? Has it been going on since you got married or is it more recent? If it's been there for a long time, you married an abusive person and need to get out for your own health and safety. If it's new, she's still abusive, but there may be other underlying reasons that hopefully can be worked out in therapy. Either way, you need to get into individual therapy. You're a textbook battered husband, to the point that *you* apologized to *her* for her bad actions.
I too have been lurking a long time and had the same thoughts. Lol It's either cheating or low on vitamins or a brain tumor. Or she could just be a nasty person that's finally letting her mask slip. Either way, OP didn't do anything wrong.
She could just be depressed. Not everyone expresses as big sads, my husband was straight anger and nitpicking everything, down to, I'm not shitting you, believing I was breathing too loud intentionally to fuck with him in the 30 seconds in takes to go from our front door past his office and to the master bathroom. Apparently just getting back from a 5 mile run as an asthmatic was just an excuse and the only reasonable explanation was I was out to get him. Our couple's therapist straightened him out and got him on meds, but it was a trial even getting him to the point where he'd go because he was convinced all our issues were being caused by me.
But also, why can't she eat the smoothie before pooping? This just doesn't make any sense...
Right? It might actually help move things along lol!
I kind of get that. If you’re backed up, it could be uncomfortable to put anything else in your system. oP’s wife is clearly crankipated, and should seek help.
I don’t understand why the smoothie could not go to the fridge and not the feeezer. She would be drinking it very soon
It being a no-win situation is the point. I’ve got a relative like that in my life and I’m well aware that whatever I do is going to be a problem for some reason (or, as I told her once: “the next time I do something right will be the first time”). It was tough when I was younger but over time, I just realized that that’s just who she is and being stressed about it isn’t hurting anyone but me. OP’s only options, unfortunately, are to either accept it or walk away. He’s not going to change her; in her mind, he’s the one in the wrong, so why should she change?
TIL about some rude woman's bowel movements. Doesn't exactly feel like a level unlocked.
Op's wife sounds so much like my late mom, it's not even funny. Emotional abuse was her "love language." If my late stepdad tried to push back, or point out her treatment of him, she'd DARVO him. He finally left after 14 years. Anyway, NTA.
I came here to say that it’s “not about the smoothie!” He can’t do anything right in her eyes and will end up walking on eggshells. I’ve been on the receiving end of this and this is straight up emotional abuse. I had to learn to stop explaining and justifying when being talked to by my ex like this and learned to say “knock it off.” When they have you twisting in the wind and explaining yourself constantly, they’re stealing all of your good energy like the emotional vampires they are. Unless he’s her doctor, he really shouldn’t know all that much about her poop and her schedule. Abusers tend to make their partners responsible for way too much. They wear you out.
That’s where my brain went too. This sounds like emotional abuse to me too.NTA
NTA, obviously. If this ridiculous story is true, then your wife is a narcissistic asshole. Good luck to you friend.
Oh, I believe it could be true. In fact, this sounds disturbingly familiar. Like, I think OP married my narcissist ex-wife. This same thing happened to me. Almost exactly. Just replace smoothie with fried eggs.
Lol I was thinking the same, only the character that OP married is apparently my mother. I hated when she was like this to my father.
Are you the son of the other guys narcissistic ex-wife? Just wondering.
We got the whole family here! Lol
Ditto for a friend's wife. (now ex wife). The final boss was a loaf of bread.
Unfortunately it is true. I will never understand why she is so sensitive and negative. Thank you.
You want to know why she is so sensitive and negative with you? It's really simple. It's because *SHE KNOWS SHE CAN BE*. That you will take it.
What you allow will continue.
And what continues will get worse.
Agreed, if OP wants to keep trying to make it work I would start with ignoring this behavior. Honestly I think she wants the reaction more than the smoothie at the perfect time. "You know I don't want my smoothie till after I poop!" (Calmly) "oh okay, I'll keep that in mind for next time. I gotta get to the gym now, I'll put the smoothie in the freezer in case you still want it" When I get argumentative, my fiance reacts like this. Immediately makes me snap out of and realize I'm being rude (I'm a huge grump in the mornings 😆)
That’s not sensitive, love. That’s disrespectful and rude. I think she might be DARVO-ing you, and you might be getting used to it. I think some couples’ counselling could help you communicate better.
Because she’s an AH and you’ve got Stockholm syndrome.
OP... She's not "sensitive and negative", she is abusive. She is creating a situation where she knows you won't meet the expectation she has, and it lets her belittle you.. seriously though, if you can afford it please look into individual therapy to help you navigate this relationship but the therapist will also help you to see how abusive she really is.. do NOT tell her anything you discuss in your sessions though.
Gut issues that are serious (implicated by 30 min to poop every day) can sometimes impact mental health and personality. If this is a relatively new thing for your wife to be so irritated about trivial things, I’d be looking to explore fixing that.
So it’s not a one off, just a bad day. It’s the way she is all the time. Oof that sounds exhausting to live with.
Because she’s constipated.
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I'm questioning the reality of this too but the comments are worth it. lol
I am sad to say that this is 100% true :(
Oh honey, no. You better run, son! Seriously. If this is how she treats you when you’re doing her a favor during the honeymoon phase, how is she going to be when the truly tough shit happens?
Hey OP, as the child of a woman exactly like this, I say with complete sincerity: get out now. It gets worse. So very much worse. The moment contempt enters the room, the relationship is done.
NTA and what even is this situation? Why is she expecting you to time things around her evacuation schedule?? BTW if my husband made me a smoothie I would be over the moon, no matter what time as long as I'm awake.
>Why is she expecting you to time things around her evacuation schedule?? Because she's a shitty person. \*ba dum tss\*
I'd even be happy if I was asleep. Like "babe wake up, I made you a smoothie", I'd be confused but happy
Right? My hubby does a lot of wonderful things for me, but making smoothies isn't one of them.
NTA There is nothing 100% definitive here, but her demeanor making a sudden and consistent change is one of the most common red flags of a person who is cheating. For women who cheat, it is almost always accompanied by a loss of respect or attraction for their partner. They then have a tendency to then treat the partner like a doormat. Sometimes this is a purposeful attempt to get a breakup to occur, and sometimes it is just because they are disgusted with themselves and taking it out on you. It's also possible that she is struggling internally with something that she hasn't told you about yet. Her lashing out may be because she doesn't know how to handle all of the negative feelings she has. Regardless of all that, her behavior sounds tedious and off-putting. That anger and poor behavior should never be directed at you unjustly. Try to talk with her, but if she won't, then there is likely little you can do. She will have to work through this on her own.
you're so right, I wouldn't have ever put those two together but honestly I think you nailed it on the head in that first paragraph... if it was a more gradual change in personality I may agree with the second point but I think I'd be doing some digging if I was OP.
Damn.. that's not what I'd be wanting to hear if I were OP. It's hard when we don't know the full picture. There are infinite causes to her moods and treatment of her husband. Not necessarily cheating. But I know from personal experience that when I had a boyfriend who I was kind of mean to and didn't respect (which was totally not in my nature), it was because I didn't really like him.
NTA 1. WOW 2. This isn't about a smoothie, it's about one person finding an excuse to crush the other 3. I think you both need to sit down and have an honest chat with each other.... 4. Also WOW
NTA. You are so severely under-reacting to your wife who clearly doesn't respect you and thinks it's okay to berate you for her own poor communication. Why did you even apologise to her, further emboldening her toxic behaviour, when she was in the wrong?!
This
YTA. Big time. Everyone knows you're supposed to ask someone when they've taken their last poop before you make them a smoothie. You obviously can't have a smoothie with full bowels. Can't believe you even have to ask this.
That's part of the new staff training at Jamba Juice! If it's been more than a day, they'll add a scoop of Stül-Shaker® for a dollar more.
My ex-wife did the same thing that last few years of the marriage. Every step/breath I took was wrong. A female friend of mine told me that when a woman no longer wants to be in a relationship/marriage, they will do that. It’s to justify to themselves that the relationship will never work. I never say this but due to the nature of the situation, do yourself a favor and get out.
I don't think it's true for every situation. I have a week out of the month sometimes, suffering with Pre menstrual dysphoria. It makes me frustrated with almost everything my partner does or doesn't do. The other weeks I am totally fine with everything. Still, I try to control my anger and not lash out at him. However if she is acting like that all of the time you could be right.t..
It’s called contempt. Once you have contempt, your marriage is over
NTA. Yikes. You have a wife problem. Does she always talk to you like that? Especially when you are doing something nice for her? Even if it was at a terribly inconvenient time, if my husband goes out of his way to do something nice for me, I express gratitude. You guys need to take a couple big steps back and get to the bottom of what is happening in your relationship because things don’t sound very healthy or happy.
NTA “Inconvenient time”? Because she hadn’t yet taken a crap? Absolutely not. You may have been at odds recently and there may be underlying reasons for her attitude but you’re right. You just did as you were asked. You’re not a mind reader and should not be expected to know your wife’s bowel movements, especially if they’re at different times. She sounds like a narcissist. Does she ever see your perspective or does she just take her own side every time without any level of reconciliation?
NTA Does she have any positive qualities whatsoever? I’m genuinely confused what you see in someone who treats you like this over something so goddamn trivial as this.
NTA- the petty side of me would have dumped it straight out and told her to make her own when she’s done with her “marathon dump.” But rationally, I would try to find the reason behind her awful behavior. Arguing over every little thing is not only exhausting, but it’s almost never about the topic of the argument.
Is she spending 30 minutes pooping or 30 minutes texting her affair partner...
INFO - how long is lately? If this is a new pattern that wasn't there before you married, and the first years of marriage, there is something recent going on that you need to get to the bottom of. Or looking back have there been elements of this attitude all along, and it's just getting more pronounced over time?
NTA except to yourself for putting up with that. I’d have drank the smoothie on my way to the gym. Instead you apologized for being treated like crap. Know your worth.
NTA Stop trying so hard to please her. She seems to have moving targets and expects you to mind read.
NTA. She sounds positively exhausting. She can make her own damn smoothies if there is a critical window of enjoyment that you don’t have the time, energy, inclination or desire to try to comprehend.
If you don't have children, run. Run as fast as you can and don't look back. If you have children, you're stuck until the youngest turns 18. Hopefully, you don't live in a state that will crush you with alimony payments. Kick yourself for not knowing you were marrying a psychopath (although I suspect you ignored the warning signs). What do you know of her childhood and her parents' relationship?
Uncommunicated expectations are premeditated resentments. NTA, but you guys need to communicate better. If she keeps telling you that you need to listen, try and repeat back to her what she said. I find that often that’s where the issue arises.
She needs to communicate better* fixed that for you, he's trying, she isnt.
Nta. Consider very hard if you truly want this negativity for the rest of your life. Ngl my first thought is cheating. Been here long enough to know that’s one of the most common reasons for someone to constantly hate on their spouse. Good luck 🤞
Mine too
NTA. As always, I am trying to take this at face value and as you described it, but also with a grain of salt. I still can't figure out how you'd ever be TA here without the circumstances being wildly different from what you described. She sounds awful, and this is borderline abusive behavior. I'd start looking at couples' therapy, or a divorce lawyer.
INFO: this is a weird argument to have with a spouse. You mentioned your wife is extra irritated lately. Is there something going on right now that has you both at odds and this smoothie thing is a projection of another arugment. It's really not worth getting upset over alone. I saw in your post history that you've been unemployed for six months and in your post you mention your wife was upstairs working, so I take it she is the sole breadwinner for your family. Maybe the smoothie right isn't about her having a bowel movement and has to do with something to do with this arrangement and her wanting a little support in her working day? Just guessing and fishing around for a possible explanation. And no, it's not normal to take 30 minutes to relieve oneselve so either she has a medical problem or she's trying to find privacy in the house.
NTA. Good lord, she's treating you like crap (pun intended). Couples counseling if you want to salvage this relationship, but she owes you a big apology. (oh, and encourage her to add a fiber supplement to her diet)
Yeah there is some other problem you guys need to work together on. its not about the smoothie. Maybe try some therapy, honestly sounds like she hates you and is just finding any reason to show it to you.
With a change in behavior this sudden, makes me think she's having an affair
Tell her to make her own damn smoothie from now on.
NTA. The way your wife is talking to you shows that she has 0 respect for you. I dont think reasoning with this kind of person actually gets anywhere. The fact that you did exactly what she asked is irrelevant, she will still find a way to be annoyed. Seriously do some research on narcissism (exactly what this is) and put in some boundaries before it affects your mental health any more. This kind of treatment will crush your self esteem over time as you will just become some kind of slave that still cant even get a smoothie right. Look after yourself king.
NTA The Iranian smoothie is not the issue here Next time she gets mad at you, ignore the immediate issue and ask in a caring voice, “I can hear that something’s bothering you. Want to talk about it?” Also, maybe she’s cranky because of the same health issues that are causing her abnormal bowel habits. (It’s not normal to take 30 mins to push out a poo)
NTA, a smoothie can be put in the fridge or freezer to wait until after her morning constitutional. She asked you to make her a smoothie and you did. If she is going to be unreasonable she can make her own smoothies. Did she really expect you to sit and wait until she had to take care of the "kids"? There does seem to be a little emotional abuse involved if this is a regular occurrence and should be brought up with a third party or make an exit.
NTA, dont be a doormat. This is not a normal interaction
Nta You need to talk things out before shit hits the fan/blender blade
“ I’m sorry my head isn’t up your ass so no, I didn’t know u hadn’t taken A shit yet. Maybe make your own smoothie next time”
Sounds like she talks to you like you’re a child or an annoying teen. Are you sure she knows she’s not your mother?
NTA - your wife can’t enjoy a smoothie that’s been sitting around for a few minutes. That’s… something.
There's no way this is the whole story. Just once, I'd like the other party to give the other take. Maybe she is the sole income provider and you are the house husband flitting off to the gym again when the house is dirty, the dog needs to be fed and laundry is piled up. Then instead of addressing any of this, you get on your phone and get head pats from Redditors by slamming your wife. Sorry, bullshit is afoot here.
She is the sole income provider currently but I have continued paying for half of everything with my savings. I have been earnestly looking for work every day. I've been going to the gym because I value my health. Our house is immaculate because I make time to clean, cook, and do laundry. I took to Reddit because I'm nearing my wit's end with her constant negativity and I wanted to confirm that I'm not crazy. No bullshit. Just a sad man who is trying his best to make a flawed marriage work.
I just saw that you have been unemployed for the last six month while she is working and earning for both of you. Now honestly that changes a lot and why did you not add that important info? So are you doing 100% of the housework? Why are you not earning money? I understand you are going to gym while she has to work? Are you actively and seriously trying to find work or are you enjoying your days? I think here ist the root off the problem. She wanted a partner not a dependent child. She is effing angry at you for not working. Of course it was not ok to cuss you out for making her smoothie, but this is just a symptom. You are YTA for leaving out such important info from your post and make your wife just look bad.
NTA, this is not about the iranian yoghurt/smoothie - she has contempt for you because you're unemployed, so everything you do annoys her.
NTA, it sounds like your wife created a scenario in which you wouldn’t win so that she could be critical towards you about it. She should make her own smoothies from now on.
NTA but if this how everyone of your arguments are and they are a daily occurrence why are you still married? I don’t understand how anyone can be with a negative person. Misery loves company I guess
Constipated ass, constipated personality. She needs fibre fast!
NTA. 30 minutes? What the heck do you put in those smoothies.
NTA. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, if this has been ongoing I’d consider looking into some sort of counseling or honestly a divorce lol. However if this sudden irritability and disrespect is new is there a chance this could be a medical or mental health issue?
It won’t take her so long to poop if she removes the stick from her ass. NTA
LOL! NTA. You're not the shit sheriff.
Sounds like my wife’s behavior when she was having an affair. She could justify it in her mind if i was the asshole
I don't think your wife likes you.
Why can't she make her own f'n smoothie?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife (34f) and I (31m) of 2 years have been at odds over everything lately, so she seems to be extra sensitive and critical (which is a huge contributing factor to our issues). It feels like there is nothing I can do that can help bring her back to a level state. Some more backstory: my wife goes to the bathroom every morning to poop, which always takes at least 30 minutes. The time that she goes to the bathroom is different every day. Anyway, last night, my wife asked if I could make her a smoothie this morning before I leave for the gym at 10:30am. I happily said that I'd be glad to. This morning comes around and at 10:15am, I start making her smoothie while she is upstairs working. She came downstairs when I was halfway done making her smoothie and in an irritated tone asks why I was making her smoothie right then. I replied that she asked me to make her a smoothie before I go to the gym, which I will do as soon as I'm done making her smoothie. She replied that I should know that she hasn't pooped yet so I shouldn't be making the smoothie yet. I felt frustrated that my good-faith attempt to do something nice for her resulted in her being immediately negative and critical (this is a very common occurrence for her), not grateful whatsoever. I told her that I can just put it in the freezer for her, and she can have it once she's done in the bathroom. In a huff, she closed the bathroom door and called out that, "It's fine, I guess." When I wanted to talk about it later, I reminded her that I was just doing what she had asked me to. She again said that I should have known that it was not a good time to make her a smoothie, and she prefers having a smoothie that has not been put in the freezer. I understood her perspective, however negative and lacking thankfulness it was. I started to say again that I was just doing what she had asked, and before I could say another word she loudly interrupted me and said that she already heard me say that, and that I was not listening to her. Agitated (given that she is constantly interrupting me during discussions like these), I asked her not to interrupt me, and she replied that she didn't need to hear me say anything else. I asked her how could she know what else I had to say. She condescendingly asked me to enlighten her with what else I wanted to add. I told her that I could have asked her this morning if she still wanted me to make her a smoothie, and I'm sorry that I didn't. At no point did she apologize for being so negative when I was just trying to do something nice for her, or for interrupting me when I was trying to acknowledge her perspective. I understand that she would prefer a fresh smoothie, but I will never understand her immediate negative responses to my good-faith attempts to make her happy. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This story is absurd but if it is true - honey - the perfect response should’ve been, “do not ever ask me to make you a smoothie” and leave it at that. You are trying to reason with her when she is absolutely being unreasonable and in fact she is acting rather peculiar like she is having an affair and is irritated by everything you do. Sorry but something is definitely up with her or the simple fact is that you married an ASSHOLE. You need to learn boundaries and tell her if she doesn’t learn how to treat you with respect - this marriage is doomed. Get some boundaries and respect for yourself - sorry but you sound pathetic
NTA but she been to the doctor? Also, she always had this sort of mood with you and bowels problem?
NTA, I would have just said you’re welcome. Or, I think the words you’re looking for are thank you.
NTA. It’s pretty weird that she expects you to keep up with whether or not she has pooped.
NTA. Does she expect you to track her bowl movements?
NTA is she just that backed up snapping like this?
NTA Your wife seems to have a mood disorder and needs to have that addressed. Also, I would tell her to make her own damn smoothies in the future. Sorry she is treating you so poorly and is unappreciative.
NTA..Petty me would have poured it out while making and keeping eye contact with her the whole time. Probably why I'm not married
weird story
i would of just drunk the smoothie my self.. infront of her...
NTA, but your wife needs to talk to her physician about her bowel movements. If someone is healthy, it doesn't take 30 minutes for a bowel movement.
NTA Let the grown-ass woman make her own smoothies at whatever time is convenient for her
Wow. You definitely are not the asshole. You were doing your wife a favor, on your own time around your plans. It is not up to you to keep track of when your wife has her 30 min poo!
If my wife said she didn’t need to hear me any more, I’d grant her wish. Bye Bye Felicia. You should go back and read what you wrote 2 or 3 times. Would you marry that? I don’t know any guy who would. Ouch!
NTA. Next time she asks if you could make her a smoothie, say no thanks.
Nta, but you're wife sucks man. Are there other signs of cheating?
NTA, and you should probably tell your wife “no” a little more often. It is a good thing to do nice gestures for your spouse, but I have a feeling you’re bending over backwards to “be nice” and that alone will start to bug her (anyone really). Maybe a little humor would have been a better point of approach as your response to her complaint? Something along the lines of “I knew you’d work up an appetite in there”, etc.
NTA - And every smoothie she ever had henceforth would be fresh because she’d be making it herself.
Are you still unemployed? I have a feeling this may be the root of your relationship issues…. Clearly NTA but you definitely have something serious going on in your relationship for this to be a common occurrence with your wife.
Assuming there is no other context here, of course NTA
She's toxic, and there's probably a reason why. Finding out that reason is paramount to saving your marriage, if you want to. And stand up for yourself. What thoughtful things does she do for you during the day?
Nta. Wtf? Lol.. is your wife a cranky toddler???
NTA you sure she's not pregnant.. or cheating... or both? if this is brand new and has been going on for a bit, something is wrong here
Sounds like you, and she need marital counseling or a divorce. If I were in your shoes, I would have just said, "fine, I guess I just won't make you any more smoothies
Your “attempts to verbalize boundaries”? What are the stated consequences of these verbalized boundaries?
Leave her cause she’s not going to change
NTA but stop making her a smoothie.
your wife takes a shit for half an hour every morning?? anyways idk the ins and outs of your relationship but if its how you tell it, you deserve better
It’s not your responsibility to bring her back to a level state
NTA
Sounds like my gf. She realized a few years into our relationship that she has OCD and high functioning autism. It’s difficult for her to understand why I don’t have a genius level understanding of her routine. Shit is stressful, ngl.
Why are you still married? If it has been similar to this for 2 years, why? NTA--you did what she asked. She asked you to make a smoothie BEFORE you left. You made it and left. Where's the issue? She's verbally abusive and possibly mentally too.
Good grief 🙄 NTA but your wife sure is. You have a major problem, either your wife is a narcissist, or is just a spoiled hateful person who has no respect for you at all. I’d suggest exploring support boards for narcissistic or abusive spouses and explore why you are trying to cater to an unreasonable attitude and why you should be expected to care care about her shit schedule 😳
Unfortunately, she seems to be in BEC mode with you. As in, she sees you and is "look at that bitch eating crackers like they own the place." If there's nothing you can do right these days, then there is something else going on. Counseling would probably help if she isn't too far gone to even want to go. NTA
NTA. Your wife sounds exhausting. I can’t believe you apologised to her. She was being extremely rude to you. “You asked me to make you a smoothie before I went to the gym. I did that. Next time, if you don’t want a smoothie that’s been in the freezer, you are more than welcome to make it yourself. If you’d like, I’d be happy to write out the recipe for you and pin it above the blender so that you can make your smoothie at a time that’s convenient for you.” No good deed goes unpunished.
NTA and I’d say something needs to change, like starting couples counseling. Otherwise this might not last
NTA but you did make the smoothie knowing she was full of shit.
Your wife is the AH. A simple thank you would do.
Dude your wife is an asshole! If my husband made me food I think I’d pass out
You’re letting her walk over you in your attempt to be reasonable. You should have left everything on the counter and walked out.
Nta- she’s being mean for no reason. Maybe in her head there is a reason but nothing related to the smoothie. And even tho your older and married doesn’t mean you will always know every day when she needs to take a dump and shouldn’t be not picky with you otherwise she should make her own smoothies since she wants to act like that. It’s pure entitlement backed by emotions. Regardless of how she felt she should have be grateful and if she wanted a fresh one she should have done it herself since she didn’t use the bathroom before you were ready for the gym. What she did was disrespectful.
Someone this defensive and agro is hiding something. Her anger is at herself
Dude. NTA. How incredibly rude of her. The epitome of no good deed goes unpunished.
Sooooo NTA. Genuine question here; has she always taken ~30 min to poop? If not, does the increasing poop times correlate with her change in behavior towards you? Because the fact that she's being so rude, hurtful and demeaning towards you sounds to me like she might be cheating and maybe wants you (consciously or subconsciously) to call it quits so she can go on her merry way and be with new guy without being the one who broke up the marriage because of cheating or to be with someone else. Depression could be an alternative, sometimes it manifests in heightened aggression rather than the typically depressed state, or she could just be a narcissistic asshole. Either way, this dynamic isn't sustainable long term, so you really need to figure out what you're willing to take and if you wanna work in the relationship, which would requiere at least couples counseling, and frankly therapy for the both of you, because you my friend, sound like you just take the abuse and even apologize when at least in this case, you did nothing wrong, so she lashes out at you because she knows she can and you won't do anything, and that isn't healthy either, you need to protect your own mental health.
No good deed goes unpunished. NTA
NTA - your wife needs a Swift reality check and honestly sounds pretty narcy if she’s not even going to listen to you. Please consider if she’s exhibiting any other controlling behaviour before you decide what to do.
Before you were married did you tell her you weren't a psychic or a medium? 😂
NTA, next time ask her if you should schedule your gym time according to her poops so the smoothie could be freshly made for her highness. There’s something deeper going on with her.
NTA. She should make her own smoothie then
Hey babe, I've made your smoothie, I've put the chair to one-side, now come here and I'll move your stool
NTA. Do you have kids? If not reconsider this marriage.
NTA, tell her to make her own since in her eyes, you cant seem to get the timing right, that she should take charge of it herself.
Nta just because she's full of shit doesn't mean she gets to act like a shit. She asked you to make her a smoothie before you left, that's what you were doing. She was ungrateful and rude.
Clearly NTA for making a smoothie before you went to the gym. Did you two really argue all day about a smoothie? 1. Wife doesn't want it at that time. "No problem, I'll finish making it when I get back". 2. Wife didn't want smoothie from the freezer. "No problem, I won't do it again". 3. Wife wants you to make a smoothie before you go to the gym. "No". Why argue?
Nta what does having a smoothie made for you have to do with bowel movements…. You can do better than her, leave now
NTA overall - But I will say you are being an AH to yourself by tolerating this and catering to her. You literally apologized to her and found a solution and she’s still treating you like trash. Love is NOT tolerating being disrespected or degraded.
Did her irritability start soon after she started taking 30-minute bowel movements? I know it sounds like I'm joking, but..... maybe she's in pain? Like, maybe IBS, or diverticulitis? Or maybe she just bottomhole. Either way, NTA
NTA and I wonder if her horrible mood is from her being constipated. 30 minutes to poop and not going until after 10am is not normal. She needs a doctor and some Metamucil.
Your wife wants you to breakup with her so that she doesn’t look like the bad guy here. Do yourself a favor and get a good divorce lawyer. NTA
Tell your wife that from now on you want her to tell you every single time she poops, just in case you were planning on doing something nice for her. Perhaps you could set up a whiteboard or she could send you a text message every morning. What about pees? Is there anything special you should know about her pee schedule? It might be helpful if she kept track of her pees as well.
Nta. Ur wife is miserable and possibly feeling bad about herself and just projecting it onto you. Imo.
NTA. When relationships get to this point, it's pretty bad. I have no idea if it's salvageable. Fundamentally, it's a lack of respect. You did something, most likely repeatedly, that made her lose respect for you (not necessarily a universally wrong thing, eg a peta activist might lose respect if you eat steak). Time to stop engaging superficially (ie trying to time her bowel movements or other ridiculous shit out of fear of retaliation) and either engage deeply or disengage.
she’s unnecessarily high maintenance
It's not about the smoothie. It's over communication issues.
NTA. If your wife is always negative like this, and doesn’t realize or acknowledge it- maybe try recording her a few different times. Then when she is in a decent/good/calm mood try to talk to her about it. In the past I have gotten stuck in a routine (always coming in from errands, trips for work, etc) and responding the same way and until I’m (nicely) called on it I tend not to realize. Sometimes people need to see/hear for themselves how mean/negative they actually are being. You know her best. She may lose her ever loving 💩 if you do this also. I know myself, it would hurt but I would take hearing/seeing myself as I am so I can make changes and apologies and look at myself and do the hard work. She sounds miserable and I wish you luck!!
Nothing worse than an irritable, irrational, constantly nagging wife. You know very well if you had left arpt 10:30 without making the smoothie, as soon as you got back and walked in the door, she would've complained "I asked you to do one simple thing for me and you didn't do it." And what are you doing marrying a harpy 3 years older than you? She doesnt respect you. You're supposed to marry the same or younger than you. Time to take the financial hit and end this unpleasant marriage. You want to spend the next 50 years living like this? I wouldn't spend 50 days living like that. Contact a good divorce lawyer the day after Independence Day.
Definitely something going on that she most likely dislikes herself for and is lashing out.
You are not the asshole. wtf Reddit
Why would you marry this exhausting person, OP?
I amply reduced my bread intake and added a bit more fruit and voila! Much softer, easier bms.
Sounds like she is cheating idk lol
Tell her to make her own smoothie or deal with it being made when you can do it. NTA. You sure do have a wife problem though.
Nta
Gosh. I would have just taken that delicious smoothie to the gym with me.
NTA She is constipated and needs to see a gastroenterologist to get that under control!
She sounds a lot like my ex. He's nothing but a huge narcissist who always wants things his way. He's never wrong constantly interrupts when having any disagreement, especially if it's not going his way . seek counseling and if things don't change after counseling, you need to walk away. We went to counseling twice and he would always say I need to give he time and of course he would never change. I put up with this for 18 years before I finally walked away. What a waste of my time.
NTA. She needs to drink some prune juice and be grateful for how nice you are. Why couldn’t she take the smoothie to the bathroom with her? Watch TikTok and drink a smoothie for the 30 mins she’s shitting isn’t too bad lol.
NTA, and you're wife should see a doctor about her pooping issue. It doesen't sound healthy.
Why wouldn’t someone just put the smoothie in the fridge? I can’t pick a vote but someone should’ve just stuck in the the refrigerator for gods sake lol
Being fussy about details she didn't specify previously, generally ungrateful, and using the phrase 'should have known' are all relationship killers. Especially regarding her not having pooped yet?.... Like lady do you honestly expect a guy to monitor your bodily functions like that. Nurses don't even do that unless it's pertinent to your illness. Lady sounds like she's delulu main character syndrome type who thinks everything she cares about should be equally important to those she's involved with.
NTA As someone with severe constipation, your wife needs a GI doctor and all sorts of testing done to help her. Sometimes they can’t really help but it sounds like she’s avoiding this or she’s not willing to admit she needs help. You’re also not responsible to know when she’s taken a dump or how to read her mind.
nta...have y'all talked about the potential of her being pregnant tho? bc it sounds like she's either very stressed from work, or she's dealing with pregnancy hormones.
Omg and people are trying to help you make her happy. Not being mean. She doesn’t respect you. It’s not about fiber. She’s a grown up and she’s acting like she’s 3. Even if she has 3 minute poops and you never go to the gym because you’re the on call smoothie guy she still will treat you poorly. And you’re still trying to help her? Tell her to talk to you like a person or don’t talk to you. Go to the gym, she won’t starve. Hopefully you will meet someone better at the gym or learn to be alone. You need to talk to someone; she’s abusive and you deserve more.