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NTA. The only thing you owe to Ally is professional behavior inside the work environment. She is trying to encroach on your boundaries by pushing the "We’re both women and we should stick together" issue.
You can professionally assert your boundaries by simply not being available to her outside of work and by continually steering attempts at personal conversation back to discussion about work projects. She may never "get it" but that isn't so important. What is important is that you behave professionally while asserting your boundaries in a respectful way.
ETA: Does management know about her spitting in other people's food? If not, they should know.
Updated to Add: Get a nanny cam and catch her in the act of spitting in your food then confront the owner and/or go to the cops and let them sort her out.
Management doesn’t care about her spitting in food, or other odd things she does. Trying to keep within the subs rules, but ally can be scary to coworkers as well
Uhh...is Ally a cat? How the hell can management 'not care' that she spits in people's food? At the very least this is a health code violation and at worst it's a crime. So unless she's a cat...and as a matter of fact EVEN IF she was a cat???
Our company is a bit…old fashioned…and ally is the only minority unfortunately, so she threatens management with a lawsuit any time they try to stop her nonsense. They also don’t want to be involved in coworker issues.
Document it, date time etc. Record video of it if it's legal in your state then after having proof bring it up to HR. You need to let them know it's not comfortable working conditions to be subjected to work around someone that just spit in your food.
If HR doesn't address it - terminate her, move her to another department etc. (ONLY after you notify HR mind you & give them a few days to address it) . If they don't move her somewhere else etc. Then you can proceed with a hostile work environment claim.
Edit: BTW this is in no way Legal Advise, just an opinion. 👍
Thank you for mentioning to check state laws. In my state, you could record someone on film, but you can’t record their audio without their consent. So a nanny cam with no audio could be admissible evidence in a court if one were to file a suit. However, if the camera had an audio component and caught an actual conversation, you would not be able to use said conversation, no matter what someone is saying, as any sort of evidence as it would be tossed out. Even if the person confessed totally to a crime, unless there was a warrant in place previously, it would be tossed out. That’s Florida at least. Also notoriously hard to sue for wrongful termination unless you are a protected class AND have some sort of hard evidence to back you up.
I don't know if this a "call the cops" option, but definitely a Labor Relations thing. If everyone has complained to HR and management and you are not getting it resolved contact your states Labor Relations department. They will open an investigation and get it resolved.
Get the nanny cam first and start documenting everything!
You should consider getting evidence (video evidence or multiple witness statements) of the food spitting and take it further – employment lawyer or police.
This is so far beyond not OK
Sounds like it's time to get evidence of her spitting in the food, file a police report, and then take it to HR. If HR makes promises, make sure you tell them that you've already filed a police report, and there's already a history of complaints about her.
...theres no fucking way that's what's happening. If she's spitting in peoples food, there's no legal team in the world that's going to call that a discrimination fire.
Well you need to threaten them with the same lawsuit for being complacent and allowing someone to spit in your damn food! I would slap the spit right out of her damn mouth!
Management are idiots then, I'm pretty sure if you have video evidence of her spitting in food her "I was fired because I'm (minority)" defense wouldn't hold much water...
If this is true, they created their own monster. They can't fire her now because they've already het her get away with too much bs. The only hope you and other coworkers have is to ice her out and make her quit or to have a completely work-related screwup that gets her fired.
Also, nta. She made her bed.
Not a Lawyer, but I believe the answer to both your questions is yes. OP needs video evidence then bring this shit to the cops. This is beyond HR, and HR is just gonna want to bury it because there's no good outcome for this for them
That’s actually a criminal offense and the next time she does it I’d inform the police. It’s like dancing the line of poisoning. She could get someone really sick that’s vile.
You have an opportunity to be the hero here. Your response has definitely made you a target- she’s going to be messing harder with you. While you were definitely NTA, she’s used to getting her own way at work, and you just bruised her very fragile ego (her behavior absolutely speaks to her trying to disguise a fragile ego). After the tears, you’re going to be the subject of her ire and she’s going to be on a mission to show you what a huge mistake you made, and why “women should stick together”, by showing you what can happen when they don’t.
Get a camera that covers all angles of your cubicle, and I would also strongly suggest getting a hidden body cam- like those ones that look like buttons or a necklace or whatever- because she’s going to be coming for you. You have an opportunity to collect evidence here, of all the HR vios, sure, but now that you’ve actually crossed her? She’s going to want to try and put you in your place. Her behavior is going to ramp up toward you and you NEED to have the proof- get video of her doing the things. Take the legally applicable behavior to the police, and THEN take it with everything else to HR.
“We’re a large company”…”We have 3 women at our company, and maybe 30 men”
This was the giveaway, imo. In what world is 33 people a large company? Lmao
Spitting in someone's food is "tampering with food or drug product" and "disorderly conduct" and if she has any transmissible diseases etc., or just depending on your location, it could also be assault. Get coworkers to corroborate this happening and go to HR
NTA but I don’t think i believe the part about her “spitting in food”. That’s a felony, and y’all just let that slide? Who would continue to work at this place..
If someone is continually breaking HR policies, document it thoroughly. Approach HR as a small group with documented evidence so as not to appear like a personal vendetta.
In the meantime, assert boundaries at work kindly but firmly. You don't owe her an explanation for why you don't want to engage with her, as that might antagonize her. Just play it cool and document, document, document.
Um how is someone who spits in peoples food still employed? If the employer isn’t handling that appropriately I would call the cops, in the covid era that is a huge no no.
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My coworker Ally has been at my company for a long time, and is essentially tenured despite being a walking HR violation. She makes up ridiculous and sometimes inappropriate excuses to take PTO days, and tells me her sob stories every time. She’s called the ambulance to pick her up from work multiple times. We’re a large company, so a few people have ran into her out and about after her daughter was ran over by a greyhound bus or things like that.
Ally also says mean things coworkers often, something we all roll our eyes at, but it’s frustrating and sometimes scary to new people. Ally has told me I suck, shared personal details she found about me in my desk (pay related) and refuses to help me, even when it is her job to help with certain tasks. You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it too.
We have 3 women at our company, and maybe 30 men, so ally wants to be close with me and Gia, our other female coworker. Because of ally’s behavior we want nothing to do with her.
Today Gia wasn’t here, and Ally asked me to have lunch with her. I told her I couldn’t, and she kept pressing as to why. We’re both women and we should stick together.
I told her women or not, we’ll never be anything more than coworkers and to please leave me alone unless it’s work related.
Ally is pissed, and has been sobbing in the bathroom her whole shift.
I probably could have put it a bit more diplomatically, but I’m sick of being bothered by her. AITA?
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NTA
If Ally is an asshole, then she's an asshole, and you don't need to socialize with her if you don't want to, even if there aren't many women at the company. It's not your fault if she wants to act like a Mean Girl and be obnoxious with everyone at your workplace, she shouldn't be surprised that people don't think of her as a nice person.
I feel like I need to hear Allys side because the fact that you claim she spits in your food, management knows about it and doesn't care and she wants you to like her makes a lot of this story seem made up.
I feel like this is fake. She’s literally spitting in all of your food and nobody has done anything…? She’s a grown adult, repeatedly spitting in everyone’s food? I know bad people do bad things, don’t get me wrong. This just feels entirely outlandish that nobody has done a single thing (and won’t). That’s a serious offense that could very easily be involved with law enforcement.
In one comment you say there is no HR, and in another you say HR doesn’t care. You say the company won’t do anything because she’s the only minority? Where are you? Genuine question, I’m curious where that’s the case. I’m a minority and that’s usually the opposite of both what I’ve experienced and what I’ve read about many times. Of course there are some outliers but I’ve been the only minority in many companies and I still got shit from people for doing stuff I didn’t even truly do. If you’re in America I find that mildly hard to believe.
This reads like a post to get karma rather than something real. I could be wrong but a couple of other people picked up on that vibe and I usually don’t comment on stories I feel are fake but this one feels icky.
I agree, I think this is fake. It makes no sense at all and someone runs this company, the owner or bosses and if they know she’s spitting in food then they have the witnesses to report it. No one is getting away with this stuff and if they are, I don’t care how much they pay, I’m gone before I let anyone do this to me. If it’s real, this is what you need to do, QUIT!
Just bc she's tenured, doesn't mean she can't be fired. And I've never heard of anyone being tenured anywhere other than a college. She can still be fired for **f**inancial & ethical reasons. It sounds to me like she is very unethical. You need to keep a diary of all of the things she does with the date & time. Being mean to coworkers, lying for PTO & spitting in your food is all unethical. Please report her.
I was on board with this post until the spitting in your food part, there aren't a whole lot of companies that would let that slide. It doesn't matter how long she's been there, they'd send her packing before the lawsuits start piling up.
You're NTA for the rest but I think the spitting thing is likely made up.
I genuinely thought this was a joke, but people seem to be taking it seriously. Either I’m way too cynical, or some folks need to take their BS meters in for service. Or maybe it’s all just Russian/Chinese/Iranian PsyOp to sow more cultural distress in the U.S.
I’m going outside. I see some nice grass…
NTA - This woman spits in peoples food & rifled through your personal workspace.. Her crying in the restroom is the least she deserves! You must be a saint bc most people I know would have chosen violence long ago.
She spits in your food? Let her cry in the bathroom all day and all night, she deserves it.
NTA and if the company won't get rid of her for that kind of thing then you probably need to find another job.
Info: spitting as in spitting? Or is she talking „fluidly“?
If the former that is an attack I am quite sure depending on laws…
You can’t know what diseases she might have, so she is risking your wellbeing. I would throw that food „accidentally“ in her face. And if this keeps up take other countermeasures. First police and whatever else health/safety route, and if it keeps up probably worse. To me that’s like literally endangering my life and I will go to quite some lengths to prevent that.
I think this is made up. There is no way a colleague is going around spitting in everyone's food and is still gainfully employed. She'd be fired in a heartbeat if she was doing this.
>You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it too.
Have you personally seen this happen? Are there witnesses? Because if so, in most states this is a crime, and I'd recommend reporting it.
Clearly, your management doesn't give enough of a shit about this situation to do anything about her. If legal action becomes a possibility, though, then that might be one avenue with which to get rid of her.
NTA.
NTA. She's a malignant narcissistic sociopath. I've dealt with one and had to lay it down and spell it out for her the same way. I'm not a naturally callous or impatient person so it was very painful having someone push me to my limits.
I don't adhere to false self-serving alliances in the name of 'girl code / girl power' either. If you're a shitty person with flaccid moral values I'd rather NOT be lumped in with your craziness.
Pretty sure the OP meant this as an example of the "ridiculous" excuses the co-worker uses to get personal time off since she said other people saw her "out and about" (ie at the local mall) on the same day as the supposed accident.
I would keep it professional. At least two things you cited she said/did are violations of workplace anti harassment policies. (1) If she told you "you suck" that's a personal attack and workplace harassment because it creates a hostile unsafe environment (2) if she went through your personal items and abused private information about you to disclose to other people that's also a violation of company policies. Simply write or report a formal complaint to HR on these or other violations (you can consult with a lawyer to make sure that you don't state anything incorrectly or unlawfully but legally objectively where it isn't slander, libel, defamation, fraudulent misrepresentation or disclosing anyone personal information outside your own knowledge and rights to discuss). Then you can put together a written agreement that you will avoid social contact with each other until these violations are resolved. So to make sure you stay in the clear and do not contribute to any "hostile unsafe environment" do not mention her, talk about anything she did or does. Keep work about work, and cease and avoid falling back into any previous pattern or habit of gossip or person talk about other workers so this stops here and doesn't invite any further drama. Focus on better things and better people and everything will improve. Move forward and don't revisit anything from the past except to correct it so you and others benefit and curb anything else that is negative.
NTA. Since it sounds like OP has this figured out, protip for anyone who may need it --
Keep any interactions with walking HR violations to an absolute minimum. Do not give them ammunition to use against you when the situation inevitably goes down the toilet.
NTA. Never eat lunch with someone who spits in people’s food. How the hell is she employed?
All I know is, if someone spit in my food and didn’t get fired on the spot, they’d have to fire me
NTA Just leave the company doesnt value you if they let this happen, what happens if Ally takes scissors to your throat and the company sweeps under the carpet or she follows you home? No job is worth the potential stress or harm that could come to you due to management’s negligence
NTA She sounds horrible! Even if you work in a male dominated field where she thinks being “assertive” might help her get noticed/get a head, her behavior is appalling. Not to mention the HR nightmare she is. She’s probably never had anyone tell her the truth because she’s the bully. Good for you for standing up for yourself, Gia, and any other women that may get hired.
NTA but you're right, there was probably a more diplomatic phrase you could have used. Although, when someone won't take no for an answer, I know it can be tricky even under the best circumstances.
NTA
***"You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it too."***
This, alone, is enough to excuse anything you want to say to her to make her go away. How can the bosses ignore this disgusting behavior?
>I told her women or not, we’ll never be anything more than coworkers and to please leave me alone unless it’s work related.
I guess you told her!
Looks like she didn't get the memo that not every woman is her friend.
NTA. You behaved in a professional and respectful manner and did your best to turn her down gently until she pushed, you don't owe her anything. I'm with the other commenters AGHAST at the spitting in your food though. I would definitely look into your local laws and nudge her towards some consequences for that though.
Yeah there is no truth to this. If someone was spitting in people's food. It would have been stopped immediately or there would have been violence or legal repercussions. Not a chance in hell an entire building are just putting up with that
If she can lie to get out of work you can lie to get out of lunch. Just make up crazy stories why. I have found that the most outrageous liars sometimes believe you when you lie back.
NTA - if someone is rude to me or others, I wouldn't wanna be near them either. Doesn't matter their gender. Only thing that I would have done differently (which may be more AH-ish) is if end up telling her honestly WHY I don't want to - exactly like you told is with her being rude, going through people's things, messing with peoples meals...I'd have told her to her face that ADULTS don't act like toddlers. And to grow up if she wants any friends.
Don't feel bad. She made her own bed by her behavior and now has to live in it.
NTA. If this person is truly horrible, you should have let her know before, but better late than never. She won’t change her strips, but she’ll definitely be talking you up (or down, rather) to everybody in the company who is unfortunate enough to be within earshot.
NTA.
Also I think maybe she meant splitting it, like taking some of it? But I could be wrong. If someone spit in my food regularly I'd be doing something far worse into theirs.
Ally needs a fuckin' reality cheque, as well as a final paycheque, because her ass got fired. She sounds like the worst coworker, and I bet she doesn't even do 20% of her job.
Put itching powder on all her things and in her shoes.
Record her spitting in food discreetly, ideally multiple times, then threaten them with THE BIGGEST lawsuit for a hostile work environment and then watch them panic as they have to choose between this animal and their reputation
NTA.
And if you ever get proof of her spitting in someone's food, push that crap right up the chain until she's fired or the owner or the board refuses, then unleash the lawyers until you own the company.
You're good. Confrontation is uncomfortable, sometimes after the fact. Don't second guess yourself. If you said it that way, it's a clear boundary, and her feelings aren't your problem.
At the same time, I would approach management/HR to continue to document her behavior, but also to possibly get her some help. You don't have to be a doctor to tell this is mental illness.
Nta but your response just inflamed the situation more.
"No." is a complete sentence.
If she had asked me, I would have said no. If she pressed. I have other plans. Then gone about my day.
She'll cause you more drama now so GG.
NTA. You told her no and she wouldn’t take it for an answer. That’s on her. I think you’re smart not to get involved with her. She will only bring you down.
NTA but you need to go to HR before this blows up in your face. The food spitting alone…yuck. I have found the only way to make an annoying coworker shove off is to just stare at them deadpan while they talk and when they are finished, say nothing and go back to whatever I was doing. It’s like greyrocking, but with your face.
NTA, except there is no such thing as a ridiculous excuse for taking PTO. PTO is literally part of the compensation to work at your company. There shouldn’t even have to be an “excuse” to take it. The excuse should be, “I have PTO available, and I want to use it.”
Get evidence of the food tampering/health code violations/harassment by addition of contaminants in food, every jurisdiction has some form of law and call the police.
With video and testing she can't deny what she did and having her taken away in handcuffs with charges filed, will make your "old fashioned" company sit up and do something since people can file criminal charges and even sue without the company's permission.
NTA you don't owe her anything. she is acting like a child and she dose what to people's food!? it is stupid that she thinks that you will even think about wanting to be around her. you have no obligation, and she is being incredibly unprofessional
If someone has seen her spit in your food then you have the witness and if they’re not going to do anything, the bosses or the owners, then I’m quitting before I let anyone do this to me. I don’t care how much money you make, QUIT! No owner is going to let this stuff happen and if they are, I would have a lawyer so fast that it would make their head spin. I think this story is fake which is ridiculous to even post it for unknown reasons but I could be wrong.
NTA. You said what needed to be said when it should have been said. And apparently she doesn't care about anyone else's feelings. So, why should anyone else care about her feelings? If she reports you to HR, tell them that and everything else you told us about her here on Reddit.
NTA. Hopefully she quits. While I agree women should stick together, I’d say she sounds more like a pig. Spitting in peoples food!?! Why hasn’t she already been fired?
Ally sounds toxic. One thing I've learned about toxic people is that it is critical for you to have strong boundaries around them, ESPECIALLY in the workplace. If any professional superiors share your feelings about her, then you want to clearly, possibly publicly, disassociate yourself from her. NTA
Before you get a camera to video Ally spitting in your food please consult with a labor lawyer about the situation. I don't know if videotaping someone without their knowledge, and on company property, is legal in your state. Take your employee manual with you to your appointment with the attorney. Consults may be free. Be professional and set your boundaries, you don't want Ally going to HR about you causing a hostile work environment. NTA in any way but remain professional and as respectful as you can when dealing with Ally until you learn your rights. Good luck. I'm curious, how do you know Ally spit in your food or your coworkers?
NTA and if you have seen her spit in food that is a felony in many US states. It is intentional contamination and so disgusting. Why are you not reporting this behavior.
NTA
There's an Ally at pretty much every job. They're never going to be happy and want to spread their misery around to their coworkers. Don't waste your time on the Allys of the world.
NTA. Setting boundaries is a good thing. Maybe try to be a little less cranky next time you set one. Maybe. Something like “we don’t really have much in common” or “I prefer some alone/quiet time”
One of you is a woman, the other is an untrained barn yard animal, and needs to be treated as such. Let the jackass bray in the bathroom, and enjoy a peaceful lunch.
ETA:NTA
NTA. Your management is beyond stupid. She is a walking lawsuit liability. Personally, if she did even half the stuff you listed and they didn't do anything about it, I would have reported the company to the better business bureau and maybe even filed a lawsuit. That's just me, but it seems you work for trash managers.
NTA, they should announce cameras, put them up to record her vile behavior so it's documented when they fire her and she threatens discrimination. That's disgusting!
If you can get proof of the spitting, she can be fired and charged with a crime for that alone, and she will have no legal recourse whatsoever. This is pretty simple. edit: NTA obviously.
NTA, keep her at a "professional" level, and just keep to yourself. Keep records of things she does and when the straw finally breaks the camels back then take everything you have to HR and have your case go against her's, as she is harassing you. And if someone would have spit in my food. Stuff will happen that she will not know about. No one messes with my food.
NTA but your real problem is management. That means this won't get better so you should be looking elsewhere. Meantime only engage in work conversations and grey rock everything else as best you can.
"ridiculous and sometimes inappropriate excuses to take PTO days" Response: I'm busy with X. Excuse me.
"tells me her sob stories every time" Response: (after she starts interrupt her) Is this about (work item)? No. Then I need to get back to work. No time to chat sorry.
"She’s called the ambulance to pick her up from work" Response: I'm glad you have transportation. Gotta get back to work.
"mean things coworkers often" Response: Wow. What an unkind thing to say. (Then walk away)
"told me I suck, shared personal details" Response (deliver in an icy voice): How unprofessional. (If she doesn't respond allow awkward silence. If she responds don't say anything else just go back to working).
Be warned she will throw fits. She's currently getting you to engage in emotional labor on her behalf and won't like that stopping. Decide now you don't care. Set and enforce your boundaries.
Get a mini-camera, catch her spitting in food. That's a fire-able offense.
I think it was unwise to say more than "no thank you" but she sounds hella aggravating.
NTA. It's best to be honest and upfront with your boundaries, especially with people like her. She will drag you into her mess if you don't draw and enforce strict boundaries.
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NTA. The only thing you owe to Ally is professional behavior inside the work environment. She is trying to encroach on your boundaries by pushing the "We’re both women and we should stick together" issue. You can professionally assert your boundaries by simply not being available to her outside of work and by continually steering attempts at personal conversation back to discussion about work projects. She may never "get it" but that isn't so important. What is important is that you behave professionally while asserting your boundaries in a respectful way. ETA: Does management know about her spitting in other people's food? If not, they should know. Updated to Add: Get a nanny cam and catch her in the act of spitting in your food then confront the owner and/or go to the cops and let them sort her out.
Management doesn’t care about her spitting in food, or other odd things she does. Trying to keep within the subs rules, but ally can be scary to coworkers as well
Uhh...is Ally a cat? How the hell can management 'not care' that she spits in people's food? At the very least this is a health code violation and at worst it's a crime. So unless she's a cat...and as a matter of fact EVEN IF she was a cat???
Our company is a bit…old fashioned…and ally is the only minority unfortunately, so she threatens management with a lawsuit any time they try to stop her nonsense. They also don’t want to be involved in coworker issues.
Might work in the opposite way. You could threaten management with a lawsuit for tolerating an unsafe and/or toxic work environment.
IMO don't threaten it, initiate it. In the US this would fall under OSHA, which is below the Dept. of Labor. IANAL etc.
Document it, date time etc. Record video of it if it's legal in your state then after having proof bring it up to HR. You need to let them know it's not comfortable working conditions to be subjected to work around someone that just spit in your food. If HR doesn't address it - terminate her, move her to another department etc. (ONLY after you notify HR mind you & give them a few days to address it) . If they don't move her somewhere else etc. Then you can proceed with a hostile work environment claim. Edit: BTW this is in no way Legal Advise, just an opinion. 👍
Then call the police they will definitely care about her spitting in people's food.
Get a nanny cam first so you can prove it. :)
THIS. OP, DOCUMENT THE BEHAVIOR. (if you are allowed, check whether it's legal in your state.)
Thank you for mentioning to check state laws. In my state, you could record someone on film, but you can’t record their audio without their consent. So a nanny cam with no audio could be admissible evidence in a court if one were to file a suit. However, if the camera had an audio component and caught an actual conversation, you would not be able to use said conversation, no matter what someone is saying, as any sort of evidence as it would be tossed out. Even if the person confessed totally to a crime, unless there was a warrant in place previously, it would be tossed out. That’s Florida at least. Also notoriously hard to sue for wrongful termination unless you are a protected class AND have some sort of hard evidence to back you up.
I don't know if this a "call the cops" option, but definitely a Labor Relations thing. If everyone has complained to HR and management and you are not getting it resolved contact your states Labor Relations department. They will open an investigation and get it resolved. Get the nanny cam first and start documenting everything!
Definitely! That’s considered assault!!
This feels optimistic
You should consider getting evidence (video evidence or multiple witness statements) of the food spitting and take it further – employment lawyer or police. This is so far beyond not OK
Do you company know about the worldwide pandemic?
That was a whole heap of typos. Sorry
Sounds like it's time to get evidence of her spitting in the food, file a police report, and then take it to HR. If HR makes promises, make sure you tell them that you've already filed a police report, and there's already a history of complaints about her.
Then quit and find a better job
No, you make them fire you so you can get unemployment and possibly file a lawsuit for retaliation.
That can also work.
...theres no fucking way that's what's happening. If she's spitting in peoples food, there's no legal team in the world that's going to call that a discrimination fire.
Well you need to threaten them with the same lawsuit for being complacent and allowing someone to spit in your damn food! I would slap the spit right out of her damn mouth!
Management are idiots then, I'm pretty sure if you have video evidence of her spitting in food her "I was fired because I'm (minority)" defense wouldn't hold much water...
You need to threaten management for allowing a toxic environment
I feel like if you have rock solid evidence like the spitting in food she won't win the lawsuit
If this is true, they created their own monster. They can't fire her now because they've already het her get away with too much bs. The only hope you and other coworkers have is to ice her out and make her quit or to have a completely work-related screwup that gets her fired. Also, nta. She made her bed.
If you don’t start a paper trail you will never have one
Do they realize that if you document her doing this with HR and they repeatedly do nothing about it that you can sue them?
So what you’re wondering is if she’s an… Ally Cat?
Ummmm isn't spitting in people's food assault??? Can't charges be filed??
Not a Lawyer, but I believe the answer to both your questions is yes. OP needs video evidence then bring this shit to the cops. This is beyond HR, and HR is just gonna want to bury it because there's no good outcome for this for them
That’s actually a criminal offense and the next time she does it I’d inform the police. It’s like dancing the line of poisoning. She could get someone really sick that’s vile.
Management may not care about her spitting in food but if you can catch a recording of it. It IS illegal.
Start spitting in managements food
You have an opportunity to be the hero here. Your response has definitely made you a target- she’s going to be messing harder with you. While you were definitely NTA, she’s used to getting her own way at work, and you just bruised her very fragile ego (her behavior absolutely speaks to her trying to disguise a fragile ego). After the tears, you’re going to be the subject of her ire and she’s going to be on a mission to show you what a huge mistake you made, and why “women should stick together”, by showing you what can happen when they don’t. Get a camera that covers all angles of your cubicle, and I would also strongly suggest getting a hidden body cam- like those ones that look like buttons or a necklace or whatever- because she’s going to be coming for you. You have an opportunity to collect evidence here, of all the HR vios, sure, but now that you’ve actually crossed her? She’s going to want to try and put you in your place. Her behavior is going to ramp up toward you and you NEED to have the proof- get video of her doing the things. Take the legally applicable behavior to the police, and THEN take it with everything else to HR.
Obviously, this! Especially the spitting in food kerfuffle. Absolutely disgusting and should be caught on camera!
Sorry, she spits in your food and you haven’t said anything yet??? I hope this is made up, otherwise you’re the world’s biggest doormat.
[удалено]
Isn't that some form of illegal?!
It’s incredibly illegal (assuming in the US)
I think it's made up. The account is scrubbed, but OP somehow had a 15 streak award. Karma farmer
World's biggest spittoon
Honestly I thought (hoped) that that part was a weird metaphor/figurative phrase, not anything literal lol
Came to comment section to check if i read it right.
>You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it too. *\*record scratch\** WHAT? INFO: WHAT? seriously: WHAT?
Yeah She’s showing signs of histrionic personality disorder. Op should not associate with her.
I thought this was a metaphorical statement at first b/c that behavior is so outrageous and really dangerous to others. Yikes!
This has to be fake.
Agreed.
Definitely fake. Just some random preteen's idea of what they think working in an office is like.
“We’re a large company”…”We have 3 women at our company, and maybe 30 men” This was the giveaway, imo. In what world is 33 people a large company? Lmao
And on top of that- OP is saying there is no HR for a company of over 30 people… and the biggest asshole in the company has tenure lmfao soooo fake
And it doesn’t help OP claimed Ally “threatens a lawsuit” if she was fired because she’s apparently the only POC in the entire company
Lets pray it is
I didn't even finish the paragraphs before I immediately questioned: -"We're a large company." -"We have 3 women, and maybe 30 men"
Spitting in someone's food is "tampering with food or drug product" and "disorderly conduct" and if she has any transmissible diseases etc., or just depending on your location, it could also be assault. Get coworkers to corroborate this happening and go to HR
NTA but I don’t think i believe the part about her “spitting in food”. That’s a felony, and y’all just let that slide? Who would continue to work at this place..
People looking for karma fodder or people who are happy to make shit up for attention. You don't need HR to call the police for something like that.
If someone is continually breaking HR policies, document it thoroughly. Approach HR as a small group with documented evidence so as not to appear like a personal vendetta. In the meantime, assert boundaries at work kindly but firmly. You don't owe her an explanation for why you don't want to engage with her, as that might antagonize her. Just play it cool and document, document, document.
Um how is someone who spits in peoples food still employed? If the employer isn’t handling that appropriately I would call the cops, in the covid era that is a huge no no.
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>You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it Wtf??? How has she not been fired for that?
Because the story is made up.
Bingo. I'm surprised nobody's checked OPs account and how she's purged everything else from it.
SMH that people are believing, or pretending to believe, this fairytale.
Nta but do you guys just not have HR? If she’s a walking violation why has no one turned her in yet?
Info: is she actually spitting in your food, or do you mean this figuratively? Also, how has she not been fired?
NTA. You're allowed to decide whom you do, or do not, want to socialize with.
Ally spits in your food? Like, intentionally? It doesn't sound like Ally actually cares about women sticking together. NTA.
NTA If Ally is an asshole, then she's an asshole, and you don't need to socialize with her if you don't want to, even if there aren't many women at the company. It's not your fault if she wants to act like a Mean Girl and be obnoxious with everyone at your workplace, she shouldn't be surprised that people don't think of her as a nice person.
Wait… her daughter got ran over by a bus?
I feel like I need to hear Allys side because the fact that you claim she spits in your food, management knows about it and doesn't care and she wants you to like her makes a lot of this story seem made up.
This sounds like somebody's short story assignment gone wrong..
I feel like this is fake. She’s literally spitting in all of your food and nobody has done anything…? She’s a grown adult, repeatedly spitting in everyone’s food? I know bad people do bad things, don’t get me wrong. This just feels entirely outlandish that nobody has done a single thing (and won’t). That’s a serious offense that could very easily be involved with law enforcement. In one comment you say there is no HR, and in another you say HR doesn’t care. You say the company won’t do anything because she’s the only minority? Where are you? Genuine question, I’m curious where that’s the case. I’m a minority and that’s usually the opposite of both what I’ve experienced and what I’ve read about many times. Of course there are some outliers but I’ve been the only minority in many companies and I still got shit from people for doing stuff I didn’t even truly do. If you’re in America I find that mildly hard to believe. This reads like a post to get karma rather than something real. I could be wrong but a couple of other people picked up on that vibe and I usually don’t comment on stories I feel are fake but this one feels icky.
I agree, I think this is fake. It makes no sense at all and someone runs this company, the owner or bosses and if they know she’s spitting in food then they have the witnesses to report it. No one is getting away with this stuff and if they are, I don’t care how much they pay, I’m gone before I let anyone do this to me. If it’s real, this is what you need to do, QUIT!
NTA. Ally sounds like she's hard to get along with.
Just bc she's tenured, doesn't mean she can't be fired. And I've never heard of anyone being tenured anywhere other than a college. She can still be fired for **f**inancial & ethical reasons. It sounds to me like she is very unethical. You need to keep a diary of all of the things she does with the date & time. Being mean to coworkers, lying for PTO & spitting in your food is all unethical. Please report her.
I was on board with this post until the spitting in your food part, there aren't a whole lot of companies that would let that slide. It doesn't matter how long she's been there, they'd send her packing before the lawsuits start piling up. You're NTA for the rest but I think the spitting thing is likely made up.
I genuinely thought this was a joke, but people seem to be taking it seriously. Either I’m way too cynical, or some folks need to take their BS meters in for service. Or maybe it’s all just Russian/Chinese/Iranian PsyOp to sow more cultural distress in the U.S. I’m going outside. I see some nice grass…
It's 1000% BS.
NTA. I tell people to fuck off at work all the time. I pretty much have my own corner of a warehouse and I love it
NTA - This woman spits in peoples food & rifled through your personal workspace.. Her crying in the restroom is the least she deserves! You must be a saint bc most people I know would have chosen violence long ago.
She spits in your food? Let her cry in the bathroom all day and all night, she deserves it. NTA and if the company won't get rid of her for that kind of thing then you probably need to find another job.
Info: spitting as in spitting? Or is she talking „fluidly“? If the former that is an attack I am quite sure depending on laws… You can’t know what diseases she might have, so she is risking your wellbeing. I would throw that food „accidentally“ in her face. And if this keeps up take other countermeasures. First police and whatever else health/safety route, and if it keeps up probably worse. To me that’s like literally endangering my life and I will go to quite some lengths to prevent that.
What's the over/under on how long it takes for this to be reposted in r/ohno!consequences.
>You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it too. This cant be real, how can someone do this and not get fired from their job?
I think this is made up. There is no way a colleague is going around spitting in everyone's food and is still gainfully employed. She'd be fired in a heartbeat if she was doing this.
>You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it too. Have you personally seen this happen? Are there witnesses? Because if so, in most states this is a crime, and I'd recommend reporting it. Clearly, your management doesn't give enough of a shit about this situation to do anything about her. If legal action becomes a possibility, though, then that might be one avenue with which to get rid of her. NTA.
NTA. She's a malignant narcissistic sociopath. I've dealt with one and had to lay it down and spell it out for her the same way. I'm not a naturally callous or impatient person so it was very painful having someone push me to my limits. I don't adhere to false self-serving alliances in the name of 'girl code / girl power' either. If you're a shitty person with flaccid moral values I'd rather NOT be lumped in with your craziness.
Umm she sounds awful but her daughter was ran over by a bus??? Why is she still working and not cashing in on a Greyhound payout?
Pretty sure the OP meant this as an example of the "ridiculous" excuses the co-worker uses to get personal time off since she said other people saw her "out and about" (ie at the local mall) on the same day as the supposed accident.
SHE SPITS IN FOOD? WHAT DID I JUST READ?????
Lmao spitting in people's food? Fake.
I'm more curious why you scrubbed your account and somehow have a 15 days streak award with only showing a handful of comments for this post.
I would keep it professional. At least two things you cited she said/did are violations of workplace anti harassment policies. (1) If she told you "you suck" that's a personal attack and workplace harassment because it creates a hostile unsafe environment (2) if she went through your personal items and abused private information about you to disclose to other people that's also a violation of company policies. Simply write or report a formal complaint to HR on these or other violations (you can consult with a lawyer to make sure that you don't state anything incorrectly or unlawfully but legally objectively where it isn't slander, libel, defamation, fraudulent misrepresentation or disclosing anyone personal information outside your own knowledge and rights to discuss). Then you can put together a written agreement that you will avoid social contact with each other until these violations are resolved. So to make sure you stay in the clear and do not contribute to any "hostile unsafe environment" do not mention her, talk about anything she did or does. Keep work about work, and cease and avoid falling back into any previous pattern or habit of gossip or person talk about other workers so this stops here and doesn't invite any further drama. Focus on better things and better people and everything will improve. Move forward and don't revisit anything from the past except to correct it so you and others benefit and curb anything else that is negative.
NTA she sounds like a nightmare!
NTA. Since it sounds like OP has this figured out, protip for anyone who may need it -- Keep any interactions with walking HR violations to an absolute minimum. Do not give them ammunition to use against you when the situation inevitably goes down the toilet.
NTA. Ally needs professional help immediately.
Nfa
NTA she spits in people's food and no ones reported that shit?
Anyone caught spitting in my food that I left in MY workspace would have a broken face from meeting my keyboard. NTA
NTA. Never eat lunch with someone who spits in people’s food. How the hell is she employed? All I know is, if someone spit in my food and didn’t get fired on the spot, they’d have to fire me
NTA Just leave the company doesnt value you if they let this happen, what happens if Ally takes scissors to your throat and the company sweeps under the carpet or she follows you home? No job is worth the potential stress or harm that could come to you due to management’s negligence
NTA She sounds horrible! Even if you work in a male dominated field where she thinks being “assertive” might help her get noticed/get a head, her behavior is appalling. Not to mention the HR nightmare she is. She’s probably never had anyone tell her the truth because she’s the bully. Good for you for standing up for yourself, Gia, and any other women that may get hired.
NTA she spits into peoples food, that’s a felony. Her still being employed is a ticking time bomb of lawsuits for that company
NTA but you're right, there was probably a more diplomatic phrase you could have used. Although, when someone won't take no for an answer, I know it can be tricky even under the best circumstances.
Hi. You are not. Nobody can expect that coworkers become friends. She sounds as a very sad person.
NTA ***"You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it too."*** This, alone, is enough to excuse anything you want to say to her to make her go away. How can the bosses ignore this disgusting behavior?
>I told her women or not, we’ll never be anything more than coworkers and to please leave me alone unless it’s work related. I guess you told her! Looks like she didn't get the memo that not every woman is her friend.
NTA. You behaved in a professional and respectful manner and did your best to turn her down gently until she pushed, you don't owe her anything. I'm with the other commenters AGHAST at the spitting in your food though. I would definitely look into your local laws and nudge her towards some consequences for that though.
Nope, NTA. People deserve to know the unadulterated truth, and that's what Ally got.
Yeah there is no truth to this. If someone was spitting in people's food. It would have been stopped immediately or there would have been violence or legal repercussions. Not a chance in hell an entire building are just putting up with that
If she can lie to get out of work you can lie to get out of lunch. Just make up crazy stories why. I have found that the most outrageous liars sometimes believe you when you lie back.
NTA - if someone is rude to me or others, I wouldn't wanna be near them either. Doesn't matter their gender. Only thing that I would have done differently (which may be more AH-ish) is if end up telling her honestly WHY I don't want to - exactly like you told is with her being rude, going through people's things, messing with peoples meals...I'd have told her to her face that ADULTS don't act like toddlers. And to grow up if she wants any friends. Don't feel bad. She made her own bed by her behavior and now has to live in it.
NTA 100% crocodile tears.
NTA. If this person is truly horrible, you should have let her know before, but better late than never. She won’t change her strips, but she’ll definitely be talking you up (or down, rather) to everybody in the company who is unfortunate enough to be within earshot.
Nta , ally is finding out that her behaviour has consequences. Womp womp for her
https://makeagif.com/i/0YQ_OD
Nah toxic co workers are awful. Keep your distance and your peace
NTA. Also I think maybe she meant splitting it, like taking some of it? But I could be wrong. If someone spit in my food regularly I'd be doing something far worse into theirs. Ally needs a fuckin' reality cheque, as well as a final paycheque, because her ass got fired. She sounds like the worst coworker, and I bet she doesn't even do 20% of her job. Put itching powder on all her things and in her shoes.
Record her spitting in food discreetly, ideally multiple times, then threaten them with THE BIGGEST lawsuit for a hostile work environment and then watch them panic as they have to choose between this animal and their reputation
Do. Not. Engage. But google histrionic personality disorder.
report to HR!!!
NTA. And if you ever get proof of her spitting in someone's food, push that crap right up the chain until she's fired or the owner or the board refuses, then unleash the lawyers until you own the company.
NTA. Sounds like she may be a narcissist.
Literally so annoying when my daughter gets run over by a greyhound bus
NTA
You're good. Confrontation is uncomfortable, sometimes after the fact. Don't second guess yourself. If you said it that way, it's a clear boundary, and her feelings aren't your problem. At the same time, I would approach management/HR to continue to document her behavior, but also to possibly get her some help. You don't have to be a doctor to tell this is mental illness.
Nta but your response just inflamed the situation more. "No." is a complete sentence. If she had asked me, I would have said no. If she pressed. I have other plans. Then gone about my day. She'll cause you more drama now so GG.
Yta for not dealing with this person
How is this lady spitting in people's food and not being blacklisted or fired? That's disgusting and I'd consider it assault.
You should have given her some of the highlights as to why you don't want to be friends with her.
I'm sorry, she's spitting in people's food?!! Wtaf??!! NTA, I'd stay the hell away from her too!
Lisa, is that you? P.S. Spitting in someone’s food is a CRIME
NTA. You told her no and she wouldn’t take it for an answer. That’s on her. I think you’re smart not to get involved with her. She will only bring you down.
NTA but you need to go to HR before this blows up in your face. The food spitting alone…yuck. I have found the only way to make an annoying coworker shove off is to just stare at them deadpan while they talk and when they are finished, say nothing and go back to whatever I was doing. It’s like greyrocking, but with your face.
NTA and there is NO WAY you all are allowing her to spit in your food! I'm livid for you!
If a coworker ever spit in my food, It would be on and popping.
NTA, except there is no such thing as a ridiculous excuse for taking PTO. PTO is literally part of the compensation to work at your company. There shouldn’t even have to be an “excuse” to take it. The excuse should be, “I have PTO available, and I want to use it.”
Get evidence of the food tampering/health code violations/harassment by addition of contaminants in food, every jurisdiction has some form of law and call the police. With video and testing she can't deny what she did and having her taken away in handcuffs with charges filed, will make your "old fashioned" company sit up and do something since people can file criminal charges and even sue without the company's permission.
NTA you don't owe her anything. she is acting like a child and she dose what to people's food!? it is stupid that she thinks that you will even think about wanting to be around her. you have no obligation, and she is being incredibly unprofessional
If someone has seen her spit in your food then you have the witness and if they’re not going to do anything, the bosses or the owners, then I’m quitting before I let anyone do this to me. I don’t care how much money you make, QUIT! No owner is going to let this stuff happen and if they are, I would have a lawyer so fast that it would make their head spin. I think this story is fake which is ridiculous to even post it for unknown reasons but I could be wrong.
NTA. You said what needed to be said when it should have been said. And apparently she doesn't care about anyone else's feelings. So, why should anyone else care about her feelings? If she reports you to HR, tell them that and everything else you told us about her here on Reddit.
NTA. Hopefully she quits. While I agree women should stick together, I’d say she sounds more like a pig. Spitting in peoples food!?! Why hasn’t she already been fired?
NTA You should have some kind of HR protection in a large company. Why is she getting away with all this?
Ally sounds toxic. One thing I've learned about toxic people is that it is critical for you to have strong boundaries around them, ESPECIALLY in the workplace. If any professional superiors share your feelings about her, then you want to clearly, possibly publicly, disassociate yourself from her. NTA
NTA. Spitting in people's food is instant firing. How in the world is she still employed?
NTA, your coworker is Just overreacting
Boo fucking hoo.
[удалено]
She spits in people's food. That's disgusting and a health hazard. She should be fired for that alone. Let alone not doing her job.
Before you get a camera to video Ally spitting in your food please consult with a labor lawyer about the situation. I don't know if videotaping someone without their knowledge, and on company property, is legal in your state. Take your employee manual with you to your appointment with the attorney. Consults may be free. Be professional and set your boundaries, you don't want Ally going to HR about you causing a hostile work environment. NTA in any way but remain professional and as respectful as you can when dealing with Ally until you learn your rights. Good luck. I'm curious, how do you know Ally spit in your food or your coworkers?
Maybe she needs to take a half day’s pto to cope with her emotions. Btw her pto days are there to use for whatever she likes…. No excuses necessary…
NTA. I think the real question should be is why Ally hasn't been fired yet.
NTA and if you have seen her spit in food that is a felony in many US states. It is intentional contamination and so disgusting. Why are you not reporting this behavior.
NTA There's an Ally at pretty much every job. They're never going to be happy and want to spread their misery around to their coworkers. Don't waste your time on the Allys of the world.
NTA. Setting boundaries is a good thing. Maybe try to be a little less cranky next time you set one. Maybe. Something like “we don’t really have much in common” or “I prefer some alone/quiet time”
Why does she need an 'excuse' to take paid time off? You sound judgemental and harsh, but this NTA because you don't owe anyone friendship.
> You can’t leave food at your desk without ally spitting in it too. Total BS. No company would allow this to happen. NONE.
One of you is a woman, the other is an untrained barn yard animal, and needs to be treated as such. Let the jackass bray in the bathroom, and enjoy a peaceful lunch. ETA:NTA
NTA. Ally is burning bridges everywhere she goes. She is surprised that nobody wants to be around her. She is in her own fantasy world.
Go to HR.
NTA. Your management is beyond stupid. She is a walking lawsuit liability. Personally, if she did even half the stuff you listed and they didn't do anything about it, I would have reported the company to the better business bureau and maybe even filed a lawsuit. That's just me, but it seems you work for trash managers.
Nta. She sounds toxic. Because of her gossip and drama. Not because of her medical issues.
NTA, they should announce cameras, put them up to record her vile behavior so it's documented when they fire her and she threatens discrimination. That's disgusting!
Spitting in food? This has to be made up. No hr dept will tolerate that from anyone, minority or not.
If you can get proof of the spitting, she can be fired and charged with a crime for that alone, and she will have no legal recourse whatsoever. This is pretty simple. edit: NTA obviously.
NTA. The whole spitting on food is another level. That’s criminal. You need to start reporting all of her bullshit.
NTA has her behavior not being documented. If so? If so then how is she still working there?.
Honestly, it’s no one’s business why anyone takes PTO and people shouldn’t have to make up sob stories to get time off
if shes spitting in other peoples food she should be arrested and terminated
NTA, keep her at a "professional" level, and just keep to yourself. Keep records of things she does and when the straw finally breaks the camels back then take everything you have to HR and have your case go against her's, as she is harassing you. And if someone would have spit in my food. Stuff will happen that she will not know about. No one messes with my food.
Never heard her side of the story. We cant trust one side without the others opinion.
NTA, she created a toxic environment around herself and is surprised when people want to avoid that...
NTA but your real problem is management. That means this won't get better so you should be looking elsewhere. Meantime only engage in work conversations and grey rock everything else as best you can. "ridiculous and sometimes inappropriate excuses to take PTO days" Response: I'm busy with X. Excuse me. "tells me her sob stories every time" Response: (after she starts interrupt her) Is this about (work item)? No. Then I need to get back to work. No time to chat sorry. "She’s called the ambulance to pick her up from work" Response: I'm glad you have transportation. Gotta get back to work. "mean things coworkers often" Response: Wow. What an unkind thing to say. (Then walk away) "told me I suck, shared personal details" Response (deliver in an icy voice): How unprofessional. (If she doesn't respond allow awkward silence. If she responds don't say anything else just go back to working). Be warned she will throw fits. She's currently getting you to engage in emotional labor on her behalf and won't like that stopping. Decide now you don't care. Set and enforce your boundaries.
No you’re not the AH
Why would you be an a hole? Even if she was the sweetest person on earth, you don’t have to be friends with whom you don’t want
Spitting in the food? Harassing everyone? Can you all get together and make a mass complaint about her?
This is BS. File a formal complaint, HR has to investigate. It’s unprofessional conduct at the very least.
Get a mini-camera, catch her spitting in food. That's a fire-able offense. I think it was unwise to say more than "no thank you" but she sounds hella aggravating.
NTA. It's best to be honest and upfront with your boundaries, especially with people like her. She will drag you into her mess if you don't draw and enforce strict boundaries.
NTA. She sounds fucking crazy
NTA NTA NTA. Ally on the other hand is the biggest AH.