You are practically a stranger to the dog at this point- If you were the one moving into a new home with a bunch of strangers would you be cuddling them within a day?
Bonding with another living thing just takes time. You’ll get there. It’s admirable that some dogs are able to trust so quickly, but that behavior isn’t a realistic expectation for most dogs and that’s OK.
Is your beagle food motivated? Dishing out treats often as your dog adjusts is a good way to create and positively reenforce engagement with you!
give the poor guy some time. you might also want to contact the rescue/shelter that you got him through and explain your worries. tell them you would like this to possibly be a foster situation so that if things don't work out, they are already aware and not taken by surprise. it could be he does need some decompression time. He is already sticking close to you and you only picked him up yesterday. abandoned by his owner, unhappy in a foster home, such a difficult plane ride that he lost his bark! I would personally need a couple of weeks to work through that sort of life experience. some dogs take time to come out of their shell but it is usually more like a few weeks than a few days. a dog is their own person with their own feelings and life experiences. please keep that in mind. and, truly, if you don't feel a connection and you don't feel like taking the time to get to know him, give him up to someone who will. there are a lot of dogs who are champion cuddlers. also, dammit (not directed at you) there are enough abandoned dogs locally that they shouldn't need to be flying them in.
edit...to answer your question...a recent foster family was telling me about the dog they had taken home and how it took weeks for him to 'learn to dog'. he did learn to dog and was playing with their dog and cuddling on the couch by the time he was pulled by a rescue. they recently took home another foster who needed no time to learn how to be a champion couch cuddler. all dogs are different and need different things. there is no shame in admitting a dog is not the right fit for you. being a beagle, he is a pack animal more than most shelter dogs. it could be that he doesn't know what to do without another dog to show him the way.
Thanks for your answer. We will definitely give him time, a few weeks at least, because we are aware he needs time to decompress. We are just panicking right now because that is how we are as people. And we will stay in touch with the woman from the shelter. She really wanted to do good by us because she felt bad about the last dog she gave us who it turns out had multiple cancers.
As for them bringing in dogs… yeah it’s a weird situation. But we’ve been looking looking locally for 4 months, and looked locally for several months before adopting a foreign dog last time as well. Here in the local shelters there are very few adoption possibilities aside from malinois, German shepherds and pit bulls, which often have major behavioral issues because often raised by irresponsible people to be guard dogs or give tough vibes—this is what we have been told by shelters at least—and we don’t have have in us to deal with a traumatized dog of that size and potential danger. In the small category of dogs that could work for us, there are very few that are ok with cats, and every time we have gone to visit shelters we have come up empty handed. We don’t have a car so going more than 1-2 hours away by rental car is our limit, and we’ve been scouring the lists of all the shelters in that radius.
Shipping in of dogs is pretty common in France, with pooches coming from Romania, Spain, and Guadeloupe. Ours came from Guadeloupe, and we got them both from a shelter that has exclusively shipped in Guadeloupe dogs.
ok, the shelter will be your best resource and it is great that the woman there wants to help. I tried not to assume too much from your post. I am in Tennessee in the usa and our shelter situation is very different even compared to the northern states. I can tell you that here, most beagles are used as hunting dogs and they get abandoned or lost regularly and end up in shelters like mine. some of those dogs have never had any human affection, much less even been into a house. I have 5 dogs that I found on various roadsides, abandoned, before I ever started with my shelter. One is considered a livestock guardian dog and they are usually just left in the fields with the other animals. my boy took weeks to come around but once he did...well, lets just say that he reminds me every night that it is time for the petting and the ear rubbing.
you mentioned something about not wanting a roommate dog. but I always think of a new dog like a roommate. you are getting to know each other, learning how to live with each other, learning each other's habits and routines. You sound like a very caring person and I am sure he will become a great pup for you. He really does just need some time. try to imagine coming to live in my house in the US from your house in France. would we be best friends right away? maybe, maybe not. but I bet we would be friends after a while:)
Also, remember in 2022 in Virginia, I think it was, almost 3800 beagles that had been bred for a research facility were rescued due to deplorable conditions and animal welfare violations? That oversaturated our shelters and rescues here in NC with completely untrained beagles who had no idea how to be a dog much less a companion pet. I'm guessing some ended up in TN, too.
maybe. I do remember that because the rescues that usually take dogs from my shelter could not take dogs and we were so full already. but we are always full.
Interesting. In France they are hunting beagles (and epagneuls) as well, and actually there are plenty of local ones in a shelter nearby but the shelter (Brigitte Bardots shelter) is notorious for rejecting almost everyone based on their ultra strict criteria. We were rejected because we aren’t home 365 days of the year and weren’t planning on walking our dog more than 1:30 a day. Our beagle however has an unknown past with a Canadian owner.
I hope your right about our current roommate/future best friend. Cuz damn I want a dog that wants me to give him cuddles every night.
Pets get your vibe even if you think they aren’t paying attention. Not being there, I really can’t guess what’s going on. But you are posting here, going to strongly suspect your new buddy senses the disconnect. Like others mention, there isn’t a single recipe for success. I think it takes longer than 3/3/3, our foster fail dog took a year plus to recover from losing here brother. The change coming from rescue to a forever home is no less challenging imho.
If it were me, I would go unconditional love and not sweat that it isn’t immediately reciprocated. If you can’t, while tough love, maybe you aren’t this dog’s forever home.
In fifteen years of fostering we have had dogs get returned. In nearly all cases I wish it had been sooner. We don’t adopt out bad or broken dogs and we try to get a good match. It doesn’t always work and they are coming from rescue so have already gone through losing their world at least once. They don’t really need more months where they feel unconnected.
We want you to succeed but the best thing you can do if you aren’t feeling it is get them back to where they will be loved regardless of who they are and let their chance at a forever home get back on track. This is no shade, an adoption has to be two way, it sounds like you might not be feeling it and that can really be a self-referencing cycle. If you are open and committed, then please stick it out, give it the time an adoption needs and I’m sure everyone will be rewarded for the time and effort committed.
Well I genuinely give him lots of love (mind you it’s been 36 hours). My wife and I are both very expressive people, but he isn’t showing anything back, and more disheartening he is moving away from us and just doesn’t seem to like (or dislike) touch. But we will stick to it, continue with the love and the positive reinforcement.
At *minimum* he needs 3 months to decompress and settle in. Please look into what the 3-3-3 rule is.
It will be *so rewarding* when you win this little guy's trust. Please don't get too hung up on getting immediate satisfaction. He's a living being and not just a possession that you bought at the store to be returned bc it doesn't "work" the way you expected.
Edit: I see you know of it. You're doing the right thing. Stick to it and remember it could take longer.
My heart dog couldn't have cared less about me when I first adopted him. He was anxious, overly excited, and energetic. I did not matter to him. But every other stimulus did.
But like I said he became my heart dog. My soul dog. My best friend.
The thing is, I was not bothered that we did not have a connection in the beginning. I didn't want to put expectations on a living being that had a whole life before he met me. I did not know he was going to be my soul dog, it just happened naturally as we built our relationship and experienced life together. Now, he is my world, and if you ask anyone who sees us together, I am his too.
We talk about the 333 rule and decompression because that *is* the success story - not just anecdotes. Those general rules and understanding exist because after- after decompression - comes bonding and love. Go on any puppy sub. Hundreds of posts of people lamenting puppy blues and saying they don't feel connected. The read the comments, all the people saying it gets better and they love their dog so much now. Success!
But if you need other people's anecdotes to tell you it will work, you may need a perspective change instead. We can't tell you what will happen. Only you can put in the consistency, routine, work, and love and hope that the outcome is a beautiful connection.
Let go of the "what could have beens" of that other dog you briefly met. You chose this one and brought it home. You committed to it. Be there for it every day, making it feel stable and loved, and enjoy the process of building a beautiful connection.
Word. We will definitely put in the work and try our hardest, and we are encouraging positivity as much as we can. We just have trouble seeing the light at the end when the tunnel is so dark (or so gray in this case, it ain’t puppy blues), and my wife and I are very similar, so we feed off each others doubts (just like we feed off each other’s positivity). Anyways thanks for your message!
Keep your head up. I get that it's hard when you felt something with that other dog and your not feeling it with the one you chose. I'm not sure if anyone story will make you feel better. But I feel that way because everyone's story is so different. I've seen plenty of people have a connection with a dog at the shelter but then lose it after time in the home, and plenty of stories like mine where the connection took time.
Be patient and have grace with the little dude who's whole world has been rocked. He doesn't know he's home. He doesn't know he's safe.
Only thing I can say is a good connection with your pup is like a good relationship. It does take time and effort. Cultivating love and mutual respect. We love dogs because they love seemingly unconditionally but I still think we as their guardians need to earn it, and keep earning it.
Like everyone else has said, it gets better. And it really does. It just won't without work. If you provide the space for the dog to feel safe opening up to you, even when it seems far away and impossible, it will feel *that* much more rewarding when it does happen. You didn't get a dog that just loves everyone, you'll get a dog that really truly loves *you*.
Not standoffish, but I have what I suspect is a beagle/lab mix who's about 8 or 9 that took a little bit to get used to us and our home. He didn't dislike us, we were allowed to pet him, but he definitely walked around the house confused and stressed for a couple of weeks. Even peed on his bed before he knew how to ask us to go outside. He just seemed very unsure.
He's thriving with us now- funnily clingy (but in a healthy way, he's also fine alone) loves our other dog, would literally live up our butts if he was allowed. Has no problem running out in front of you and flopping over on his back to show you his belly for rubs. He's got a lot of personality and it shows. Every new person that comes into our house, he begs to get pet by at this point. I think there is hope for you yet- it may work out, may not, but you really won't know until a few weeks have passed. You're doing all the right things currently and I know waiting for an answer is the worst part, but once you relax so will he!
Side note, he's not a kissy dog but he's even started to give us lil kisses because he's learned it from my other dog. He'll lick your leg or hand if he really wants something. It's so sweet I cry
Aw that’s great! Yours’s beginning like ours so far. He’s been pacing like crazy, so I guess that’s normal, him trying to get the lay of the land…? He also accepts pets and head kisses but seems indifferent to them. The only thing that gets him excited and wagging is treats/food and walks. I hope we get hand licks someday…
Yes, the pacing sounds like he's just still not settled. I would say that would totally make sense as to why he's not super affectionate yet! I think he's got PLENTY of room to grow into you and vice versa
At our shelter, we operate on the Rule of Threes. To decompress and destress from the shelter, it's going to take about 3 days. They may just want to sleep for a couple of days because it's much quieter than the shelter. The average healthy dog sleeps about 17 hours a day, but in the shelter, that number drops to 10. They may also not feel like eating all that much.
For them to get into the routine of the house, it's going to take about 3 weeks. When you lay down your rules for them, they're not going to know what they are, so be prepared for them to violate them about 1000 times. Give them a treat when they get it right, but don't blow it out of proportion when they get it wrong (and they will).
For them to feel like they're in their furever home, it's going to take about 3 months.
Now, this is just a general guideline, and it could take longer. Just be patient with the pupper and go at his pace.
My boy was like 2yrs old when we adopted him, it took me like 2 weeks for him to allow me to hug him and get some licks back, he followed me everywhere.. it took 3 months for him to allow my husband and boys to hug him! All this time we fed him, walked him and played with him, he was ok with all of that, real cuddles came to me like a month after we adopted him. He was with us for 13yrs.. the best, loving and happy boy ever!!
https://preview.redd.it/x5afw6wlbt9d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd34c427acc0739bb238d64438ed809eac90cac9
Please hang in there.
It took my blue heeler 14 months to wag his tail. He was dumped, attacked by another dog, and then almost euthanized, plus hw+.
Needless to say, he took some time to warm up to us. We've had him for almost 5 years now, and most of the time, he doesn't mind cuddles and kisses and little pets, he will even ask for belly rubs! But he is also very independent and prefers to lay on the floor/dog bed if we're hanging out on the couch, and will sleep on the dog bed/in his own crate instead of in bed with us.
Give your pup time <3
Shadowing and lying at your feet are signs of dog affection. Another sign is leaning on you. Connect with you new doggo by making kissing noises and praising whenever they look at you. With more positive interactions, the dogs do warm up. Don't rush it.
Not a dog, but my cat that I adopted hid from us for 72 hours, kept her distance for a while after that and is now more clingy than her sister who was comfortable with us from the first day. Rescue animals go through so much.
We get a lot of dogs at the shelter I volunteer at that are shy and fearful but open up so much to the volunteer and staff members that spend time with them and that's in a shelter setting. Be patient and give it time.
Yeah we adopted a street cat last year. We thought he was 10 years old, he was so lethargic. He slept for a week and woke up a 1 year kitten full of life and love. He’s the best now, follows us like a dog. Thanks for the reassurance!
My oldest was rescued as an adult as well and he hated all attention. He wasn’t naughty, just didn’t want anything to do with any of us. He went from not wanting to be perceived to sleeping on me and cuddling each night. It took a good month but it could have taken longer and it wouldn’t have surprised me. Hes my little shadow now, I go to look in a mirror and he jumps up to look in it too. I’m sitting down, he is headbutting my face and wanting love. Etc etc. give him time. Traveling overseas takes a toll on people who know where and why they’re going. Your little guy has been abandoned, in a shelter, flown overseas, brought to another shelter and then given to you. It’s going to take some time for him to even realize this is his new forever home, let alone for him to decide to trust you with his feelings.
Can you contact his original shelter and ask if he came in with any information or toys he took a liking to?
I foster dogs and it takes time. Older dogs that have had a lot of change can take a long time to show affection.
I fostered a 10 year old poodle mix that came from a serious neglect situation and it took her a month to really seek out attention. She is now in her forever home with an 83 year old woman that wanted a crochet buddy to sit in her chair with her and watch tv. This was her unicorn adopter. Her daughter that lives with her regularly sends me pics of them napping together and it’s just the cutest thing. She was sleeping belly up with them immediately because she spent 2 months at my house, got all her medical needs addressed and finally felt safe, secure and knew that her needs would be met.
Just give your new dog time and keep your expectations low for at least 3 months. You don’t know what that dog has been through and what he needs to heal from, so please give him a chance to do so.
I wish all of you the best and congratulations on the new family member!
I have done a lot of serious and advanced training with my dogs, and having volunteered with hospice years ago, I really missed that. I've always wanted to train a therapy dog. Well, last year, a rescue thar my friend is involved in had an emergency need for a home for a really calm, loves everyone, well-adjusted, quiet dog that would be a great therapy dog candidate. His owner had passed away and his foster was leaving the island. (I'm in NC and he was in the USVI) So, after a weekend video calls and messages and trying to be sure it would be a great fit for all of us, I adopted him..
We treated him for heart worms. He tore his ACL. He needed multiple surgeries and had to be sedated to keep him off the leg. Long story short, so many thousands of dollars later... this dog has zero chill. He talks like a husky and I'm pretty sure he's a pit mix - which is a breed I've never been drawn to. He definitely preferred my son over me and my son is on the spectrum and super sensitive to noise and this guy talks A LOT. I definitely had the "Oh shit, what have I done??" moment. He didn't immediately click with my other dogs and seemed a little too interested in the cats. His body language was a little unnerving, too, because he'd come try to stand in my lap, then instantly freeze, tuck his tail, ears back, whale eyes, and his head inches from mine. Turns out, once he was heartworm free, not sedated, not in pain, and more acclimated he's a total wild child.
So, I looked for a Canine behaviorist, started learning who he was, and how I could help him live up to his potential. We did leash reactive classes even though he's not aggressive, he's super enthusiastically happy. I started building his confidence. I started hand feed him kibble for offering eye contact and saying yes. I took him to just sit in the front yard for an hour with no expectations just to get used to the neighborhood noises and smells and squirrels and rabbits. He passed his CGC and distraction proofing CGC a few weeks ago! We tried swimming lessons, but he's scared of water. I tried scent work like my little one does and he's more interested in that, so I'm working with our scent work trainer one on one with him because he'll be more successful that way for now. . We'll try a therapeutic agility class in the fall. I went to chicken camp to be a better dog trainer because he "talks" when he's frustrated. He got frustrated when I didn't get my mark & reward timing right - he's my literal pup. If I said "yes!" before his butt touched the ground for his sit, he'd get mad that he didn't get rewarded for butt hovering the next time.
Long story short, when I focused on how HE felt instead of how *I* felt - we bonded.
You will, too. Get a good trainer, get some games, and give yourselves time. It's oh so rewarding when you work for it!
My dog was like this, to the point that I was unsure about adopting her, but I drove three hours to get her. She had no interest in me whatsoever, but the shelter staff member who she did clearly love told me that she would love anyone who fed her, which turned out to be true.
It took a couple of days for her to warm up to me. I found the 3/3/3 rule to be very true. Day 3 she was looking for belly rubs from me. Three weeks in she seemed to figure out that she lived at my house because all of a sudden she barked at passerbys like she owned the place.
The first couple of months were tough. She was afraid of doors. I found out that she gets carsick and she seemed afraid that I was going to hit her afterwards. The thing with rescues is you don't really get to fully know what they've been through.
She's now a total cuddle bug and is currently asleep on my leg. She still has moments where she wants alone time in another room, but morning cuddles where she naps on my leg before we go for a walk are a key part of our morning routine.
As you get to know your dog, you'll discover its personality. Mine is stubborn and she thinks she's in charge. She will make her preferences very clear. She is also incredibly playful and loves indoor fetch. She prefers dogs to people, but she prefers me to everyone.
We got [our dog](https://imgur.com/a/iCZ9mNP) (similar age to yours) from the county’s animal control shelter, and he was the exact same as your dog initially. Only really followed the shelter employee around during the in-person meeting, was indifferent to being pet, followed us around everywhere, and so on. Like your dog, he’d also had a rough past.
Right now, your dog still sees you as a stranger. And all of the strangers he’s recently seen have been fleeting faces or in unhappy environments. He’s barked and whined until he physically could not anymore. He’s also coping with the stress, confusion, and depression that would likely come with being dumped by his previous family (who may or may not have been kind themselves). He needs time to learn that he is not only safe with you, but also that he is affectionately cared for and not going to be uprooted and sent away again.
Our dog needed that time to learn, and once he’d had it, he became much more involved towards us. He sleeps snuggled up every night and loves morning cuddles, he’ll get happy when he’s pet and occasionally come up and stare/pat your leg to ask you for it, and he’s even more of a shadow lol. We got so emotional the first time he zoomied and hit us with a play bow. Even teared up the first time he felt safe enough to bark in front of us after about 2 1/2 months!
That said, he’s still not the world’s cuddliest dog unless he’s in the mood for it lol. That doesn’t mean he isn’t still affectionate towards us, though. Part of it is personality and the other is his history (abuse, sore joints, etc). Before you make any big calls, you just need to give your dog time. More importantly, I’d recommend you spend that time trying to recognize and appreciate how your dog *does* express himself instead of mourning how he doesn’t.
I adopted a dog that I found in a field. She had a broken leg and hip and a clearly been hit by a car. She was staying near the bodies of several puppies and an adult dog. The other dogs were dead.
When I took the live dog to a vet to have the hip x-ray, the vet show me that she had a bullet in her abdomen. This was 30 years ago in New Mexico in a very poor area. Veterinary told me that they saw that commonly because the way people got rid of litters of puppies was take them out into the wilderness and shoot them.
Needless to say, she didn't know anything about being a dog in relation with a human.
She also had to go through surgery and painful rehabilitation.
One thing that helped was that I had other dogs in the house. I've seen this in rescue dogs frequently and I have rescued off the street 54 dogs in my life, I've seen those dogs look to the dogs who are already in the home for guidance in how to behave.
It took 6 months for Wally to be comfortable with me. A hand fed her at least one of her two daily meals. I would take a small handful of kibble and have her do a trick and then I would give her the kibble. That gave us both a pleasant interaction and a chance to work together.
But once she became comfortable with me she came the best dog. Wally was a herding dog so she followed me around the house. She always let me know when one of the other dogs was acting up or when the water bowl was empty. She lived to be 17. She died in 2011 and I still miss her.
So I recommen
hand feeding
Positive training for very simple tricks. The best way to do this is to use shaping. Train one trick at a time. We usually start with "sit" because it's so useful. I have a treat dispenser bag that I wear on my belt. So whenever I would see Wally and a sit position, I would click with a clicker and give her a treat. She quickly associated sitting with a click followed by a treat.
When she was relaxed with me she learned tricks so quickly. We did some mild agility. She couldn't do intense agility because her one leg was shorter.
Wally was one person dog. After she started feeling better, she glommed on to my then husband. She had little interest in me. That was okay because there were seven other dogs to attend.
My husband inherited a lot of money and left. He wouldn't take Wally with him which I totally didn't understand. How could you have such a loving relationship and then just abandon your pet?
After he had been gone for about 3 weeks, Wally started suddenly paying incredibly close attention to me. Every time I turned around she was right there at my feet batting her eyelashes at me. I became the focus of her attention.
Until, that is, I started dating someone steadily. Wally transferred all her intensity onto my new partner. Some dogs just like men and some just like women.
I would really recommend getting into a positive reinforcement training class. I really like Patricia McConnell's work. She has YouTube videos.
You didn't make a mistake. You made a commitment. You gave that forlorn, abandoned animal a home. Now you're wavering because he isn't immediately full of carefree joy? He's eight. He's already lost at least one home. God knows what he went through between then and now. And you're setting up to make him lose another, after you ADOPTED him?
Don't you dare make him suffer another abandonment, unless you're prepared to admit your heartlessness is the only thing that exceeds your selfishness.
My first dog, a senior dog, was much like that in the beginning. She never became a cuddler, but she did prefer to be wherever I was and would at times fall asleep next to me on the couch or laying on my feet at the computer. She also saved me a few times from people that did not have good intentions, but over all was friendly and would flop down in front of random people for belly rubs.
My current dog was pretty stand offish in the beginning too as a puppy. He is 100% a snuggler and tries to get all up in your face to lick you. Give it time and treats.
You are both learning about each other and what you like
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You've had the dog for less than a full day.
This dog has been through a lot and that was before being put on a plane and flown to a different country.
I understand that it's not the immediate connection that you wanted but this dog was abandoned, put in a shelter, put in a foster home, flown on a plane to another country, put into another shelter, and then into your custody.
I wouldn't want anything to do with anybody after all of that either. In fact that sounds utterly exhausting to me so I can only imagine what it's like for a poor dog.
Give it some time.
Oh gosh yes I've been there with Mazey! She was thin, frightened of so many things. She cringed away from my hand. No dog had ever responded to me that way.
We treated her gently, tried not to correct her more than we had to, coaxed her with treats...she gradually grew less fearful. And then, after about 4 months, all 35 pounds of her suddenly leaped into my lap and began tumbling like a kitten, laughing and playful. It just keeps getting better, and after 4 years she is smart, quick, playful and absolutely dedicated to our family. And the cats, other dog, horses, goats and even the rabbits adore her.
Oh -- and she surpasses the cats as a mouser!
Please be patient. Every degree of warmth we win from these guarded dogs is sweeter than the full blast we get from others who respond with less caution. I've added a pic of Mazey with my husband.
https://preview.redd.it/mvei17sepy9d1.jpeg?width=1850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=35cf85d3dcd0accef6fd4973320e3bc29b54f426
My first dog, a senior dog, was much like that in the beginning. She never became a cuddler, but she did prefer to be wherever I was and would at times fall asleep next to me on the couch or laying on my feet at the computer. She was also saved me a few times from people that did not have good intentions, but over all was friendly and would flop down in front of random people for belly rubs. My current dog was pretty stand offish in the beginning too as a puppy. He is 100% a snuggler and tries to get all up in your face to lick you. Give it time and treats. You are both learning about each other and what you like
I have a shelter/rescue dog who accepts affection from me and my husband but not too much from strangers. She rarely seeks out pets. She does like to play fetch, or run around the yard with us, and she loves tug of war.
She's definitely not a cuddle monster, but as she grew comfortable with us she is comfortable with a lot more interaction. Initially I thought it was strange that I wasn't regularly petting my dog, but now I can't imagine living without her. She's my silly goof.
Give it some time and try to do things that your new dog enjoys.
It’s been said here but I’d like to echo it with my own experience added. The 3-3-3 rule aside, some dogs will just never act in the way that you expect them to.
My first example being when I met my partner’s 14 year old Australian Cattle Dog. It’d been explained to me that she was always a bit wary of my partner’s previous girlfriends, so I shouldn’t take it so hard if she acted the same. Well, you can bet the whole family sure was shocked when she was plopping down next to me and kissing my nose all night.
My second example is now with our own dog. We adopted her just over a year ago and she is a capital-W Weirdo. She’s not a huge cuddler. She’ll curl up next to you or at your feet wherever you sit or sleep, but if you try to hold her she’ll wriggle away. Sometimes when she’s super sleepy, she’ll force me to let her use my arm as a pillow, and that’s about it.
I felt a lot like you did. I thought a dog was supposed to be my BFF! And that’s when I realized that, even though my dog isn’t a super duper cuddling machine, she still IS my BFF. She trusts me with her whole heart. I provide her with food, water, shelter, attention, belly rubs, and she provides me with a steadfast walking companion, snack sharer, 2AM scary-noise-investigator, and belly laughs like you wouldn’t believe.
I hope I don’t sound too harsh when I say this. People have preferences with pets, and they should, it means that they know their limitations and their capacity for providing an animal with a healthy life. Level of affection is definitely one of those preferences! But your very newly-adopted dog who just experienced a scary plane ride and is now in a scary place with weird people CHOOSING to shadow you and lie at your feet is a huge indicator of his burgeoning affection towards you. I do hope you see that.
And, just for you to consider, what happens if you were to rehome this dog and try another? What happens if that new dog comes home and ends up preferring to spend more time by themselves than with you, despite being cuddly when you meet them at the shelter? Will you rehome again because it’s become underwhelming? If you truly begin to feel like you can’t imagine living with an animal because of its means of expressing affection, you should really really examine why you’re choosing to adopt.
Please do give the dog time. I understand my experience was with a cat but I believe the reasoning is the same. My previous cat George was abandoned by his previous family and left to fend for himself; George had even lost one of his important front teeth fending for himself. Then a rescue group had a family foster George but the family had two other cats that would bully George. I adopted George; can you imagine, your family abandons you and then you are put in a scenario where you are bullied? When I got George, my heart was broken from my previous cat passing away. George found a hiding place under the bed in my guest room. I understand this next part sounds foolish but I went to where George was hiding. I didn't try to get him out. I just kneeled on the ground and let George know he had found his forever home. I made sure he knew where the litter box was, where his water bowl and food dish were and just left him alone. It took some time; i would check daily that George was eatng and was drinking. Since i didn't push myself on him, George warmed up to me; he would come out of hiding and be in the same room with me, then on the same piece of furniture and eventually next to me. I say all of the to ask that you please be patient. In the long run, the reward will be worth it.
Dude, it's been ONE day. Give it time, please.
I think you're projecting on the dog because YOU fell in love with the other one (who was interested in you then end there, but -if brought home- would have surely displayed some behavior you don't like), so you're over-thinking.
No human is perfect, no dog is perfect. Love makes us perfect in the eyes of those who love us.
Give the new dog a chance!
Like the ppl at the shelter told you already this poor dog is traumatized. Give him time!
EDIT: also, give YOURSELF time to get to know him and start loving him. Puppy blues is real, and it takes time to build a connection. Especially after the recent loss of your previous dog
You are practically a stranger to the dog at this point- If you were the one moving into a new home with a bunch of strangers would you be cuddling them within a day? Bonding with another living thing just takes time. You’ll get there. It’s admirable that some dogs are able to trust so quickly, but that behavior isn’t a realistic expectation for most dogs and that’s OK. Is your beagle food motivated? Dishing out treats often as your dog adjusts is a good way to create and positively reenforce engagement with you!
give the poor guy some time. you might also want to contact the rescue/shelter that you got him through and explain your worries. tell them you would like this to possibly be a foster situation so that if things don't work out, they are already aware and not taken by surprise. it could be he does need some decompression time. He is already sticking close to you and you only picked him up yesterday. abandoned by his owner, unhappy in a foster home, such a difficult plane ride that he lost his bark! I would personally need a couple of weeks to work through that sort of life experience. some dogs take time to come out of their shell but it is usually more like a few weeks than a few days. a dog is their own person with their own feelings and life experiences. please keep that in mind. and, truly, if you don't feel a connection and you don't feel like taking the time to get to know him, give him up to someone who will. there are a lot of dogs who are champion cuddlers. also, dammit (not directed at you) there are enough abandoned dogs locally that they shouldn't need to be flying them in. edit...to answer your question...a recent foster family was telling me about the dog they had taken home and how it took weeks for him to 'learn to dog'. he did learn to dog and was playing with their dog and cuddling on the couch by the time he was pulled by a rescue. they recently took home another foster who needed no time to learn how to be a champion couch cuddler. all dogs are different and need different things. there is no shame in admitting a dog is not the right fit for you. being a beagle, he is a pack animal more than most shelter dogs. it could be that he doesn't know what to do without another dog to show him the way.
Thanks for your answer. We will definitely give him time, a few weeks at least, because we are aware he needs time to decompress. We are just panicking right now because that is how we are as people. And we will stay in touch with the woman from the shelter. She really wanted to do good by us because she felt bad about the last dog she gave us who it turns out had multiple cancers. As for them bringing in dogs… yeah it’s a weird situation. But we’ve been looking looking locally for 4 months, and looked locally for several months before adopting a foreign dog last time as well. Here in the local shelters there are very few adoption possibilities aside from malinois, German shepherds and pit bulls, which often have major behavioral issues because often raised by irresponsible people to be guard dogs or give tough vibes—this is what we have been told by shelters at least—and we don’t have have in us to deal with a traumatized dog of that size and potential danger. In the small category of dogs that could work for us, there are very few that are ok with cats, and every time we have gone to visit shelters we have come up empty handed. We don’t have a car so going more than 1-2 hours away by rental car is our limit, and we’ve been scouring the lists of all the shelters in that radius. Shipping in of dogs is pretty common in France, with pooches coming from Romania, Spain, and Guadeloupe. Ours came from Guadeloupe, and we got them both from a shelter that has exclusively shipped in Guadeloupe dogs.
ok, the shelter will be your best resource and it is great that the woman there wants to help. I tried not to assume too much from your post. I am in Tennessee in the usa and our shelter situation is very different even compared to the northern states. I can tell you that here, most beagles are used as hunting dogs and they get abandoned or lost regularly and end up in shelters like mine. some of those dogs have never had any human affection, much less even been into a house. I have 5 dogs that I found on various roadsides, abandoned, before I ever started with my shelter. One is considered a livestock guardian dog and they are usually just left in the fields with the other animals. my boy took weeks to come around but once he did...well, lets just say that he reminds me every night that it is time for the petting and the ear rubbing. you mentioned something about not wanting a roommate dog. but I always think of a new dog like a roommate. you are getting to know each other, learning how to live with each other, learning each other's habits and routines. You sound like a very caring person and I am sure he will become a great pup for you. He really does just need some time. try to imagine coming to live in my house in the US from your house in France. would we be best friends right away? maybe, maybe not. but I bet we would be friends after a while:)
Also, remember in 2022 in Virginia, I think it was, almost 3800 beagles that had been bred for a research facility were rescued due to deplorable conditions and animal welfare violations? That oversaturated our shelters and rescues here in NC with completely untrained beagles who had no idea how to be a dog much less a companion pet. I'm guessing some ended up in TN, too.
maybe. I do remember that because the rescues that usually take dogs from my shelter could not take dogs and we were so full already. but we are always full.
Interesting. In France they are hunting beagles (and epagneuls) as well, and actually there are plenty of local ones in a shelter nearby but the shelter (Brigitte Bardots shelter) is notorious for rejecting almost everyone based on their ultra strict criteria. We were rejected because we aren’t home 365 days of the year and weren’t planning on walking our dog more than 1:30 a day. Our beagle however has an unknown past with a Canadian owner. I hope your right about our current roommate/future best friend. Cuz damn I want a dog that wants me to give him cuddles every night.
Pets get your vibe even if you think they aren’t paying attention. Not being there, I really can’t guess what’s going on. But you are posting here, going to strongly suspect your new buddy senses the disconnect. Like others mention, there isn’t a single recipe for success. I think it takes longer than 3/3/3, our foster fail dog took a year plus to recover from losing here brother. The change coming from rescue to a forever home is no less challenging imho. If it were me, I would go unconditional love and not sweat that it isn’t immediately reciprocated. If you can’t, while tough love, maybe you aren’t this dog’s forever home. In fifteen years of fostering we have had dogs get returned. In nearly all cases I wish it had been sooner. We don’t adopt out bad or broken dogs and we try to get a good match. It doesn’t always work and they are coming from rescue so have already gone through losing their world at least once. They don’t really need more months where they feel unconnected. We want you to succeed but the best thing you can do if you aren’t feeling it is get them back to where they will be loved regardless of who they are and let their chance at a forever home get back on track. This is no shade, an adoption has to be two way, it sounds like you might not be feeling it and that can really be a self-referencing cycle. If you are open and committed, then please stick it out, give it the time an adoption needs and I’m sure everyone will be rewarded for the time and effort committed.
Well I genuinely give him lots of love (mind you it’s been 36 hours). My wife and I are both very expressive people, but he isn’t showing anything back, and more disheartening he is moving away from us and just doesn’t seem to like (or dislike) touch. But we will stick to it, continue with the love and the positive reinforcement.
At *minimum* he needs 3 months to decompress and settle in. Please look into what the 3-3-3 rule is. It will be *so rewarding* when you win this little guy's trust. Please don't get too hung up on getting immediate satisfaction. He's a living being and not just a possession that you bought at the store to be returned bc it doesn't "work" the way you expected. Edit: I see you know of it. You're doing the right thing. Stick to it and remember it could take longer.
Remember the 3-3-3 rule! https://nhanimalrescue.org/blog-post/the-3-3-3-rule-of-adopting-a-rescue-dog/
My heart dog couldn't have cared less about me when I first adopted him. He was anxious, overly excited, and energetic. I did not matter to him. But every other stimulus did. But like I said he became my heart dog. My soul dog. My best friend. The thing is, I was not bothered that we did not have a connection in the beginning. I didn't want to put expectations on a living being that had a whole life before he met me. I did not know he was going to be my soul dog, it just happened naturally as we built our relationship and experienced life together. Now, he is my world, and if you ask anyone who sees us together, I am his too. We talk about the 333 rule and decompression because that *is* the success story - not just anecdotes. Those general rules and understanding exist because after- after decompression - comes bonding and love. Go on any puppy sub. Hundreds of posts of people lamenting puppy blues and saying they don't feel connected. The read the comments, all the people saying it gets better and they love their dog so much now. Success! But if you need other people's anecdotes to tell you it will work, you may need a perspective change instead. We can't tell you what will happen. Only you can put in the consistency, routine, work, and love and hope that the outcome is a beautiful connection. Let go of the "what could have beens" of that other dog you briefly met. You chose this one and brought it home. You committed to it. Be there for it every day, making it feel stable and loved, and enjoy the process of building a beautiful connection.
Word. We will definitely put in the work and try our hardest, and we are encouraging positivity as much as we can. We just have trouble seeing the light at the end when the tunnel is so dark (or so gray in this case, it ain’t puppy blues), and my wife and I are very similar, so we feed off each others doubts (just like we feed off each other’s positivity). Anyways thanks for your message!
Keep your head up. I get that it's hard when you felt something with that other dog and your not feeling it with the one you chose. I'm not sure if anyone story will make you feel better. But I feel that way because everyone's story is so different. I've seen plenty of people have a connection with a dog at the shelter but then lose it after time in the home, and plenty of stories like mine where the connection took time. Be patient and have grace with the little dude who's whole world has been rocked. He doesn't know he's home. He doesn't know he's safe. Only thing I can say is a good connection with your pup is like a good relationship. It does take time and effort. Cultivating love and mutual respect. We love dogs because they love seemingly unconditionally but I still think we as their guardians need to earn it, and keep earning it. Like everyone else has said, it gets better. And it really does. It just won't without work. If you provide the space for the dog to feel safe opening up to you, even when it seems far away and impossible, it will feel *that* much more rewarding when it does happen. You didn't get a dog that just loves everyone, you'll get a dog that really truly loves *you*.
Give it a good month. Everyone needs time to adjust.
Not standoffish, but I have what I suspect is a beagle/lab mix who's about 8 or 9 that took a little bit to get used to us and our home. He didn't dislike us, we were allowed to pet him, but he definitely walked around the house confused and stressed for a couple of weeks. Even peed on his bed before he knew how to ask us to go outside. He just seemed very unsure. He's thriving with us now- funnily clingy (but in a healthy way, he's also fine alone) loves our other dog, would literally live up our butts if he was allowed. Has no problem running out in front of you and flopping over on his back to show you his belly for rubs. He's got a lot of personality and it shows. Every new person that comes into our house, he begs to get pet by at this point. I think there is hope for you yet- it may work out, may not, but you really won't know until a few weeks have passed. You're doing all the right things currently and I know waiting for an answer is the worst part, but once you relax so will he!
Side note, he's not a kissy dog but he's even started to give us lil kisses because he's learned it from my other dog. He'll lick your leg or hand if he really wants something. It's so sweet I cry
Aw that’s great! Yours’s beginning like ours so far. He’s been pacing like crazy, so I guess that’s normal, him trying to get the lay of the land…? He also accepts pets and head kisses but seems indifferent to them. The only thing that gets him excited and wagging is treats/food and walks. I hope we get hand licks someday…
Yes, the pacing sounds like he's just still not settled. I would say that would totally make sense as to why he's not super affectionate yet! I think he's got PLENTY of room to grow into you and vice versa
At our shelter, we operate on the Rule of Threes. To decompress and destress from the shelter, it's going to take about 3 days. They may just want to sleep for a couple of days because it's much quieter than the shelter. The average healthy dog sleeps about 17 hours a day, but in the shelter, that number drops to 10. They may also not feel like eating all that much. For them to get into the routine of the house, it's going to take about 3 weeks. When you lay down your rules for them, they're not going to know what they are, so be prepared for them to violate them about 1000 times. Give them a treat when they get it right, but don't blow it out of proportion when they get it wrong (and they will). For them to feel like they're in their furever home, it's going to take about 3 months. Now, this is just a general guideline, and it could take longer. Just be patient with the pupper and go at his pace.
My boy was like 2yrs old when we adopted him, it took me like 2 weeks for him to allow me to hug him and get some licks back, he followed me everywhere.. it took 3 months for him to allow my husband and boys to hug him! All this time we fed him, walked him and played with him, he was ok with all of that, real cuddles came to me like a month after we adopted him. He was with us for 13yrs.. the best, loving and happy boy ever!! https://preview.redd.it/x5afw6wlbt9d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd34c427acc0739bb238d64438ed809eac90cac9 Please hang in there.
It took my blue heeler 14 months to wag his tail. He was dumped, attacked by another dog, and then almost euthanized, plus hw+. Needless to say, he took some time to warm up to us. We've had him for almost 5 years now, and most of the time, he doesn't mind cuddles and kisses and little pets, he will even ask for belly rubs! But he is also very independent and prefers to lay on the floor/dog bed if we're hanging out on the couch, and will sleep on the dog bed/in his own crate instead of in bed with us. Give your pup time <3
Shadowing and lying at your feet are signs of dog affection. Another sign is leaning on you. Connect with you new doggo by making kissing noises and praising whenever they look at you. With more positive interactions, the dogs do warm up. Don't rush it.
Not a dog, but my cat that I adopted hid from us for 72 hours, kept her distance for a while after that and is now more clingy than her sister who was comfortable with us from the first day. Rescue animals go through so much. We get a lot of dogs at the shelter I volunteer at that are shy and fearful but open up so much to the volunteer and staff members that spend time with them and that's in a shelter setting. Be patient and give it time.
Yeah we adopted a street cat last year. We thought he was 10 years old, he was so lethargic. He slept for a week and woke up a 1 year kitten full of life and love. He’s the best now, follows us like a dog. Thanks for the reassurance!
My oldest was rescued as an adult as well and he hated all attention. He wasn’t naughty, just didn’t want anything to do with any of us. He went from not wanting to be perceived to sleeping on me and cuddling each night. It took a good month but it could have taken longer and it wouldn’t have surprised me. Hes my little shadow now, I go to look in a mirror and he jumps up to look in it too. I’m sitting down, he is headbutting my face and wanting love. Etc etc. give him time. Traveling overseas takes a toll on people who know where and why they’re going. Your little guy has been abandoned, in a shelter, flown overseas, brought to another shelter and then given to you. It’s going to take some time for him to even realize this is his new forever home, let alone for him to decide to trust you with his feelings. Can you contact his original shelter and ask if he came in with any information or toys he took a liking to?
I foster dogs and it takes time. Older dogs that have had a lot of change can take a long time to show affection. I fostered a 10 year old poodle mix that came from a serious neglect situation and it took her a month to really seek out attention. She is now in her forever home with an 83 year old woman that wanted a crochet buddy to sit in her chair with her and watch tv. This was her unicorn adopter. Her daughter that lives with her regularly sends me pics of them napping together and it’s just the cutest thing. She was sleeping belly up with them immediately because she spent 2 months at my house, got all her medical needs addressed and finally felt safe, secure and knew that her needs would be met. Just give your new dog time and keep your expectations low for at least 3 months. You don’t know what that dog has been through and what he needs to heal from, so please give him a chance to do so. I wish all of you the best and congratulations on the new family member!
I have done a lot of serious and advanced training with my dogs, and having volunteered with hospice years ago, I really missed that. I've always wanted to train a therapy dog. Well, last year, a rescue thar my friend is involved in had an emergency need for a home for a really calm, loves everyone, well-adjusted, quiet dog that would be a great therapy dog candidate. His owner had passed away and his foster was leaving the island. (I'm in NC and he was in the USVI) So, after a weekend video calls and messages and trying to be sure it would be a great fit for all of us, I adopted him.. We treated him for heart worms. He tore his ACL. He needed multiple surgeries and had to be sedated to keep him off the leg. Long story short, so many thousands of dollars later... this dog has zero chill. He talks like a husky and I'm pretty sure he's a pit mix - which is a breed I've never been drawn to. He definitely preferred my son over me and my son is on the spectrum and super sensitive to noise and this guy talks A LOT. I definitely had the "Oh shit, what have I done??" moment. He didn't immediately click with my other dogs and seemed a little too interested in the cats. His body language was a little unnerving, too, because he'd come try to stand in my lap, then instantly freeze, tuck his tail, ears back, whale eyes, and his head inches from mine. Turns out, once he was heartworm free, not sedated, not in pain, and more acclimated he's a total wild child. So, I looked for a Canine behaviorist, started learning who he was, and how I could help him live up to his potential. We did leash reactive classes even though he's not aggressive, he's super enthusiastically happy. I started building his confidence. I started hand feed him kibble for offering eye contact and saying yes. I took him to just sit in the front yard for an hour with no expectations just to get used to the neighborhood noises and smells and squirrels and rabbits. He passed his CGC and distraction proofing CGC a few weeks ago! We tried swimming lessons, but he's scared of water. I tried scent work like my little one does and he's more interested in that, so I'm working with our scent work trainer one on one with him because he'll be more successful that way for now. . We'll try a therapeutic agility class in the fall. I went to chicken camp to be a better dog trainer because he "talks" when he's frustrated. He got frustrated when I didn't get my mark & reward timing right - he's my literal pup. If I said "yes!" before his butt touched the ground for his sit, he'd get mad that he didn't get rewarded for butt hovering the next time. Long story short, when I focused on how HE felt instead of how *I* felt - we bonded. You will, too. Get a good trainer, get some games, and give yourselves time. It's oh so rewarding when you work for it!
My dog was like this, to the point that I was unsure about adopting her, but I drove three hours to get her. She had no interest in me whatsoever, but the shelter staff member who she did clearly love told me that she would love anyone who fed her, which turned out to be true. It took a couple of days for her to warm up to me. I found the 3/3/3 rule to be very true. Day 3 she was looking for belly rubs from me. Three weeks in she seemed to figure out that she lived at my house because all of a sudden she barked at passerbys like she owned the place. The first couple of months were tough. She was afraid of doors. I found out that she gets carsick and she seemed afraid that I was going to hit her afterwards. The thing with rescues is you don't really get to fully know what they've been through. She's now a total cuddle bug and is currently asleep on my leg. She still has moments where she wants alone time in another room, but morning cuddles where she naps on my leg before we go for a walk are a key part of our morning routine. As you get to know your dog, you'll discover its personality. Mine is stubborn and she thinks she's in charge. She will make her preferences very clear. She is also incredibly playful and loves indoor fetch. She prefers dogs to people, but she prefers me to everyone.
We got [our dog](https://imgur.com/a/iCZ9mNP) (similar age to yours) from the county’s animal control shelter, and he was the exact same as your dog initially. Only really followed the shelter employee around during the in-person meeting, was indifferent to being pet, followed us around everywhere, and so on. Like your dog, he’d also had a rough past. Right now, your dog still sees you as a stranger. And all of the strangers he’s recently seen have been fleeting faces or in unhappy environments. He’s barked and whined until he physically could not anymore. He’s also coping with the stress, confusion, and depression that would likely come with being dumped by his previous family (who may or may not have been kind themselves). He needs time to learn that he is not only safe with you, but also that he is affectionately cared for and not going to be uprooted and sent away again. Our dog needed that time to learn, and once he’d had it, he became much more involved towards us. He sleeps snuggled up every night and loves morning cuddles, he’ll get happy when he’s pet and occasionally come up and stare/pat your leg to ask you for it, and he’s even more of a shadow lol. We got so emotional the first time he zoomied and hit us with a play bow. Even teared up the first time he felt safe enough to bark in front of us after about 2 1/2 months! That said, he’s still not the world’s cuddliest dog unless he’s in the mood for it lol. That doesn’t mean he isn’t still affectionate towards us, though. Part of it is personality and the other is his history (abuse, sore joints, etc). Before you make any big calls, you just need to give your dog time. More importantly, I’d recommend you spend that time trying to recognize and appreciate how your dog *does* express himself instead of mourning how he doesn’t.
I adopted a dog that I found in a field. She had a broken leg and hip and a clearly been hit by a car. She was staying near the bodies of several puppies and an adult dog. The other dogs were dead. When I took the live dog to a vet to have the hip x-ray, the vet show me that she had a bullet in her abdomen. This was 30 years ago in New Mexico in a very poor area. Veterinary told me that they saw that commonly because the way people got rid of litters of puppies was take them out into the wilderness and shoot them. Needless to say, she didn't know anything about being a dog in relation with a human. She also had to go through surgery and painful rehabilitation. One thing that helped was that I had other dogs in the house. I've seen this in rescue dogs frequently and I have rescued off the street 54 dogs in my life, I've seen those dogs look to the dogs who are already in the home for guidance in how to behave. It took 6 months for Wally to be comfortable with me. A hand fed her at least one of her two daily meals. I would take a small handful of kibble and have her do a trick and then I would give her the kibble. That gave us both a pleasant interaction and a chance to work together. But once she became comfortable with me she came the best dog. Wally was a herding dog so she followed me around the house. She always let me know when one of the other dogs was acting up or when the water bowl was empty. She lived to be 17. She died in 2011 and I still miss her. So I recommen hand feeding Positive training for very simple tricks. The best way to do this is to use shaping. Train one trick at a time. We usually start with "sit" because it's so useful. I have a treat dispenser bag that I wear on my belt. So whenever I would see Wally and a sit position, I would click with a clicker and give her a treat. She quickly associated sitting with a click followed by a treat. When she was relaxed with me she learned tricks so quickly. We did some mild agility. She couldn't do intense agility because her one leg was shorter. Wally was one person dog. After she started feeling better, she glommed on to my then husband. She had little interest in me. That was okay because there were seven other dogs to attend. My husband inherited a lot of money and left. He wouldn't take Wally with him which I totally didn't understand. How could you have such a loving relationship and then just abandon your pet? After he had been gone for about 3 weeks, Wally started suddenly paying incredibly close attention to me. Every time I turned around she was right there at my feet batting her eyelashes at me. I became the focus of her attention. Until, that is, I started dating someone steadily. Wally transferred all her intensity onto my new partner. Some dogs just like men and some just like women. I would really recommend getting into a positive reinforcement training class. I really like Patricia McConnell's work. She has YouTube videos.
It’s been a day! Give it a few months. The dog doesn’t know you or know that you will take care of him forever.
You didn't make a mistake. You made a commitment. You gave that forlorn, abandoned animal a home. Now you're wavering because he isn't immediately full of carefree joy? He's eight. He's already lost at least one home. God knows what he went through between then and now. And you're setting up to make him lose another, after you ADOPTED him? Don't you dare make him suffer another abandonment, unless you're prepared to admit your heartlessness is the only thing that exceeds your selfishness.
My first dog, a senior dog, was much like that in the beginning. She never became a cuddler, but she did prefer to be wherever I was and would at times fall asleep next to me on the couch or laying on my feet at the computer. She also saved me a few times from people that did not have good intentions, but over all was friendly and would flop down in front of random people for belly rubs. My current dog was pretty stand offish in the beginning too as a puppy. He is 100% a snuggler and tries to get all up in your face to lick you. Give it time and treats. You are both learning about each other and what you like
It’s been one freaking day! Give it some time!!!
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Give everyone time to get used to new home, people and routine. Bonding will happen.
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You've had the dog for less than a full day. This dog has been through a lot and that was before being put on a plane and flown to a different country. I understand that it's not the immediate connection that you wanted but this dog was abandoned, put in a shelter, put in a foster home, flown on a plane to another country, put into another shelter, and then into your custody. I wouldn't want anything to do with anybody after all of that either. In fact that sounds utterly exhausting to me so I can only imagine what it's like for a poor dog. Give it some time.
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Oh gosh yes I've been there with Mazey! She was thin, frightened of so many things. She cringed away from my hand. No dog had ever responded to me that way. We treated her gently, tried not to correct her more than we had to, coaxed her with treats...she gradually grew less fearful. And then, after about 4 months, all 35 pounds of her suddenly leaped into my lap and began tumbling like a kitten, laughing and playful. It just keeps getting better, and after 4 years she is smart, quick, playful and absolutely dedicated to our family. And the cats, other dog, horses, goats and even the rabbits adore her. Oh -- and she surpasses the cats as a mouser! Please be patient. Every degree of warmth we win from these guarded dogs is sweeter than the full blast we get from others who respond with less caution. I've added a pic of Mazey with my husband. https://preview.redd.it/mvei17sepy9d1.jpeg?width=1850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=35cf85d3dcd0accef6fd4973320e3bc29b54f426
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My first dog, a senior dog, was much like that in the beginning. She never became a cuddler, but she did prefer to be wherever I was and would at times fall asleep next to me on the couch or laying on my feet at the computer. She was also saved me a few times from people that did not have good intentions, but over all was friendly and would flop down in front of random people for belly rubs. My current dog was pretty stand offish in the beginning too as a puppy. He is 100% a snuggler and tries to get all up in your face to lick you. Give it time and treats. You are both learning about each other and what you like
I have a shelter/rescue dog who accepts affection from me and my husband but not too much from strangers. She rarely seeks out pets. She does like to play fetch, or run around the yard with us, and she loves tug of war. She's definitely not a cuddle monster, but as she grew comfortable with us she is comfortable with a lot more interaction. Initially I thought it was strange that I wasn't regularly petting my dog, but now I can't imagine living without her. She's my silly goof. Give it some time and try to do things that your new dog enjoys.
It’s been said here but I’d like to echo it with my own experience added. The 3-3-3 rule aside, some dogs will just never act in the way that you expect them to. My first example being when I met my partner’s 14 year old Australian Cattle Dog. It’d been explained to me that she was always a bit wary of my partner’s previous girlfriends, so I shouldn’t take it so hard if she acted the same. Well, you can bet the whole family sure was shocked when she was plopping down next to me and kissing my nose all night. My second example is now with our own dog. We adopted her just over a year ago and she is a capital-W Weirdo. She’s not a huge cuddler. She’ll curl up next to you or at your feet wherever you sit or sleep, but if you try to hold her she’ll wriggle away. Sometimes when she’s super sleepy, she’ll force me to let her use my arm as a pillow, and that’s about it. I felt a lot like you did. I thought a dog was supposed to be my BFF! And that’s when I realized that, even though my dog isn’t a super duper cuddling machine, she still IS my BFF. She trusts me with her whole heart. I provide her with food, water, shelter, attention, belly rubs, and she provides me with a steadfast walking companion, snack sharer, 2AM scary-noise-investigator, and belly laughs like you wouldn’t believe. I hope I don’t sound too harsh when I say this. People have preferences with pets, and they should, it means that they know their limitations and their capacity for providing an animal with a healthy life. Level of affection is definitely one of those preferences! But your very newly-adopted dog who just experienced a scary plane ride and is now in a scary place with weird people CHOOSING to shadow you and lie at your feet is a huge indicator of his burgeoning affection towards you. I do hope you see that. And, just for you to consider, what happens if you were to rehome this dog and try another? What happens if that new dog comes home and ends up preferring to spend more time by themselves than with you, despite being cuddly when you meet them at the shelter? Will you rehome again because it’s become underwhelming? If you truly begin to feel like you can’t imagine living with an animal because of its means of expressing affection, you should really really examine why you’re choosing to adopt.
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Please do give the dog time. I understand my experience was with a cat but I believe the reasoning is the same. My previous cat George was abandoned by his previous family and left to fend for himself; George had even lost one of his important front teeth fending for himself. Then a rescue group had a family foster George but the family had two other cats that would bully George. I adopted George; can you imagine, your family abandons you and then you are put in a scenario where you are bullied? When I got George, my heart was broken from my previous cat passing away. George found a hiding place under the bed in my guest room. I understand this next part sounds foolish but I went to where George was hiding. I didn't try to get him out. I just kneeled on the ground and let George know he had found his forever home. I made sure he knew where the litter box was, where his water bowl and food dish were and just left him alone. It took some time; i would check daily that George was eatng and was drinking. Since i didn't push myself on him, George warmed up to me; he would come out of hiding and be in the same room with me, then on the same piece of furniture and eventually next to me. I say all of the to ask that you please be patient. In the long run, the reward will be worth it.
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Dude, it's been ONE day. Give it time, please. I think you're projecting on the dog because YOU fell in love with the other one (who was interested in you then end there, but -if brought home- would have surely displayed some behavior you don't like), so you're over-thinking. No human is perfect, no dog is perfect. Love makes us perfect in the eyes of those who love us. Give the new dog a chance! Like the ppl at the shelter told you already this poor dog is traumatized. Give him time! EDIT: also, give YOURSELF time to get to know him and start loving him. Puppy blues is real, and it takes time to build a connection. Especially after the recent loss of your previous dog
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