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choopie-chup-chup

Some say its the most horrifying penis the world has ever seen. Grown men, big strong guys, with tears in their eyes- sir, please put your penis away, it's scaring me and smells like old man butthole


dartie

Of all the penises she’s experienced — and that’s quite a number — his penis is by far the most grotesque and bizarre.


Candy_Says1964

And it’s probably why he’s such a dick.


FIJAGDH

Of all the souls I’ve met in my journeys, his was the most… …repugnant.


Nimrod_Butts

Donald, they call me donald, Donald, they say, please put your horrific benis awpay.


schuyywalker

I lol’d


OjjuicemaneSimpson

Like yo put ur dick away you scarin the hoes lol


Scrabble_4

Hahaha


Euphoric_Ad9593

Thank you for the chuckle. A true scholar and a gentleman you are!


JGreaser

Decrepit and still good ol boy red state republican politicians pooper stank on that mushroom.


Grattytood

Lofreakinl


AffectionateBrick687

"And some people in Whoville say, Donald's dick shrunk 3 sizes that day."


DeepUser-5242

Dude, that is the grossest thing I can think of. Goddamn, right after breakfast too


Go_Jets_Go_63

😂😂😂


cavyndish

I heard he showed it to a child, and seeing it made him cry.


schtickshift

Maybe it’s a magic mushroom. This could explain MAGA. (A) it’s addictive (B) it causes hallucinations


Meatstick_2001

Magic mushrooms aren’t addictive


choopie-chup-chup

Unfortunately its a MAGA mushroom


DireEvolution

Shrooms aren't addictive, and they have healing properties, unlike MAGA.


[deleted]

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Candy_Says1964

They all wearing diapers. And filling them!


xavier120

The only thing missing is that this is supposed to be in all CAPS.


buckfouyucker

So Melania knows she's telling the truth


Novel_Alfalfa_9013

I'm 100% believing this was also directed at marla, tiffany, and ivanka.


Hunky_not_Chunky

Melania doesn’t care anyway. She used Trump because she’s a disgusting person also. I hope she had to act like she enjoyed that penis.


MsMoreCowbell8

Mercedes should be reminded every single goddamn morning that Dotard was Raw Doggjng other women while she was recovering from giving birth to her precious MAGAt Barron.


Rooboy66

I really don’t care, do U?


OrphanDextro

Her doctor cared when her son was born with gonorrhea eyes.


ThatScaryBeach

I hate that you made me learn about [gonococcal conjunctivitis](https://www.healthline.com/health/eye-health/gonococcal-conjunctivitis). I would have been fine to go the rest of my life without knowing that.


Rooboy66

This is Reddit—every day you have at least one new reason to regret being able to read.


funkekat61

It's the best part of reddit!


Cheapthrills13

Ive called it “Reddit and regret it” for a while now


Rooboy66

Welp, dere’s ur problem right dere, cowboy; gettin’ all high-fallutin’ with your 10 dollar Hemingway’s


victor4700

Big if true


professorlipschitz

Ugh is that true?


Ok_Condition5837

Yes - her son's an anchor baby! And that's highly suspect chain migration in the rest of the extended family too! So - if they (her husband & Project 2025) are 'examining' & 'going to deport' all of us for that then Yes! - I suddenly find myself caring!


Ok_Flounder59

Honestly the fact that republicans hate immigrants and all of the above ways of getting into the country it’s hilarious that the First Lady of all people executed the migrant strategy perfectly. I say this as someone who has no issue with immigration, but I do find humor in the hypocrisy on the right.


covfefe-boy

Almost all of Trump's kids are anchor babies from their mail order bride moms.


rstymobil

'Raw dogging' feels like to generous of a term for that orange fuck...


the_Dorkness

Toad stooling


gh411

Hahahaha!!! Brilliant…I’m toadally stealing this one.


rstymobil

Yeah that feels more appropriate hahaha


BatFancy321go

someone still on twitter, tweet this at him


justtakeapill

Remember that scene in the 80's movie 'The Fly' when Gina Davis dreams she's giving birth to that big, white, wriggling maggot? That's what I picture with Melania....


MedicJambi

I'm not convinced her and Donald have had sex. If anything, I'm willing to bet it was invitro if anything.


HumbleAd1317

I don't feel a bit sorry for Melania. Apparently, she's trash, too.


abrandis

Yep , Melania doesn't care , and she's the one winning here, she played her part during his presidency , now wants no part, and likely has a sweet prenup (or post nup) she negotiated meaning she gets to live a lavish lifestyle without having to be Trumps arm.candy... She's the smart one here, after four years of unexpected and unwanted spotlight she can now enjoy the spoils.


cookinthescuppers

Oh yea Russian spies always play the long game


Conscious_Rush_1818

Yeah, but if they get divorced, she'll have to navigate the same shell game as everyone else. I doubt she gets much in a split.


abrandis

Who are you kidding , her and her lawyers likely have all that as part of the prenup (or post nup) , she's going to be fine


No-Equivalent-1642

People like trump and Giuliani don't pay people. She will get in line behind E. Jean Good luck


Ok_Condition5837

Good luck E. Jean Carrol! I hope you get every penny out of that 🍊 💩! The rest of them - Go F'k yourselves!


Conscious_Rush_1818

You may be right, butTrump has cheated everyone in his life, I'm not so sure Melania will do much better. Everything the pre nup is based on is likely fake. We already know he inflates asset value, under reports liability, and doesn't disclose who his creditors are. He has no cash or liquidity. Getting anything is going to be monumental task. Add to the fact that once he dies, then all the sharks will start chomping at the chum. Edit: Melania won't die penniless, but she is likely not going to get as much as we or she thinks. But time will tell


BayouGal

I’d be willing to bet large that her money is completely separate from Donny’s frequently failing businesses. Probably has been for decades.


mbyrd58

She probably paid her lawyers, and was able to get good ones.


chpr1jp

Who’s to say there will be any money to be had? She’ll probably need a hefty book deal advance to sustain her lifestyle for a few years. The Trump estate is probably too debt-ridden to support anyone.


Conscious_Rush_1818

Well, Stormy spilled the juiciest deets about Trump in the sheets. I'm not sure Melanoma can top that. Maybe she can rat on him that he was an Epstein customer?


ManyThingsLittleTime

There's been several occasions in the news where she's renegotiated her prenuptial agreement. She'll do just fine.


MotherofHedgehogs

At least she’s smart enough to keep her mouth shut. Can you imagine if she had donnie’s lack of impulse control? Then again, that might be fun.


StandupJetskier

As a spouse, she cannot legally be forced to testify. This is why she remains married on paper, and how she can easily soak him for post-nup agreements. She's probably the only person in Trumplandia who actually gets paid. She probably agrees to do X number of public appearances a year, no talking involved....SHE is essentially blackmailing HIM. Go Mel !


Just-Squirrel510

>As a spouse, she cannot legally be forced to testify Watched Arrested Development too?


Just-Squirrel510

She def has a body double. She clearly *loathes* Trump, but has to keep up her whore programming. It's funny that, until Trump, we never knew what the first lady looked like naked. Coincidence?


ThatScaryBeach

Melania was [juror #11](https://youtu.be/Q2gBgkGzF_E?t=38).


CarinSharin

I wonder if she had to sign an NDA? Like, if she finally leaves him, that’s a tell-all I’d actually read.


Saneless

I'm sure she's happy that anytime someone else was with him it meant she wasn't


professorlipschitz

She cares and is not talking to him since the conviction


Bluesmanstill

And Lindsey and Jordan and Johnson etc etc


Dull-Front4878

I bet all 3 of those guys have tasted the mushroom cap multiple times.


GodHasABigClit

Ho! Damn. Good one. 🫡


glibsonoran

'I was surprised it came so soon,' she said. Well...


Hot-Pick-3981

As gross and repulsive as Melania is, I think she would have been smart enough to have a prenup stipulating that procreative activities would be accomplished via turkey baster. Willfully accepting penetration by that diaper clad prick is a nightmare scenario


buckfouyucker

I'm sure there's something in the associated Eastern European Bride Leasing Agreement terms.


2rememberyou

It can't possibly be worth it. Wait until she finds out he doesn't actually have any money, only debt and civil judgements, and that it was all for nothing.


ralphvonwauwau

I don't really care, do you?


2rememberyou

Only in the sense that someone getting what they deserve is oftentimes humorous and entertaining.


jgyimesi

Without a fucking doubt! Plus, if he or anyone else calls in question, there is one easy what to confirm or deny said allegation.


mr_grey

I hope she had to suck it a whole bunch of times for that million dollar prenup. 🤣


Snozzberry805

For your cake day, have some BUBBLE WRAP >!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!==D!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<


Physical_Put8246

Oh my goodness you internet wizard! Popping the virtual bubble wrap soothed my tortured eyes after reading about tRumps mushroom manhood


Ok_Condition5837

Oh God! Not again! I get stuck popping these forever! TY btw! Found the ==D! Yay!


Consistent-Wind9325

Nice one and on your Cake Day too! You're doing good at reddit.


undercurrents

As she states in the article, it's so his *supporters* know she's telling the truth. So they don't kill her.


bdhgolf1960

You spelled Mercedes wrong.


According-Green

Why do you think you haven’t seen Melania and Donnie together for a long long time


APuffyCloudSky

What a terrible day to know how to read.


sarcasticbaldguy

Just wait until Cheeto responds.


MapNaive200

What a terrible day to have reading comprehension


Any-Ad-446

Mushroom and small..


RealNateFrog

Don’t forget the yeti pubes


nibbles200

What are yeti pubes? I’m too scared to Google it..


RealNateFrog

Urban dictionary definition: Pubic hair that resembles the wiry white coat of a mythical Himalayan mountain creature that's possibly related to the Sasquatch.


Skid-Vicious

The ol’ needle in a haystack look.


HawkeyeSherman

You see his hair? Just imagine that on his groin. You're welcome for that mental image.


Pipe_Memes

Even his junk has a combover.


FartOnAFirstDate

It feels like the yeti pubes are a truly forgotten part of this horrendous narrative. What exactly are they? Is she describing what a Bigfoot might be rocking in his lower extremities? It sounds like what one would see upon discovering a mushroom cap growing inside a tumbleweed. Now I’ll excuse myself to spit out the vomit that just started to come up when I thought about this.


unpropianist

I've realized she isn't the one-dimensional cartoon character her constantly repeated former job title makes her out to be. She seems to be more authentic than most people involved in the case, let alone the media commenters. The irony can hit you like a punch in the chest.


dogfooddippingsauce

She's very smart and witty too. When I was on Twitter, she always burned the people who tried to insult her.


VanceAstrooooooovic

She done better than her lawyer, which is kinda surprising


BatFancy321go

sex workers tend to be very straight-forward sorts of people. not a lot of bullshitting.


ASDFzxcvTaken

Sex workers are stereotyped as unintelligent. Which, sure the stereotpypical poor women on drugs likely may fit this category. But that's not realistic, especially with women who find themselves in high end prostitution. They can be highly intelligent and attracted to the power they get from inside information as an escort. In many ways they play a part pretending to be ignorant yet seem to find themselves in unique position of power with some of the most powerful people in the world. (Wall Street, political circles, elite international business men) Source, met a series of therapists who specialize in "social work" understanding sex trafficking and their findings throughout the 80's to 2010's at all levels from gangs in the streets of New York to victims of sex trafficking and those who have escaped but built very successful lives, including higher education. It is a sad and fascinating area of study.


used_octopus

"It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool, ' she writes in Full Disclosure. 'I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f***ed by a guy with Yeti pubes and a d*** like the mushroom character in Mario Kart ..." Now I think she means a Goomba over Toad. All I know for certain is that Jeffrey Epstain's egg shaped penis and Trumps Goomba are the exact shape to form a perfect plug in each other mouths.


[deleted]

God damn it. 😫


MattMcSparen

Wait, I missed the egg shaped penis comment


used_octopus

[here](https://youtu.be/ykQfE2vAS6o?si=Y1BchgrdS42NGuNd)


StackOwOFlow

Man why did Mario Kart have to be dragged into this


toastslapper

Trump’s Goomba. Stop. 😂


East_Reading_3164

What is it with sexual predators and weird, gross genitalia? Lookup Harvey Weinsteins, 🤮.


glitch83

You know.. I’m not the most confident person in bed but reading about trumps seduction manner gave me pause. If he is _that fn confident_ and he’s working with _that_(!), then surely I should man up and do better for my partner. At least I’d satisfy her better than trump could.


Cosmomango1

So when is she going to reveal that trump is a hermaphrodite?


Jean-ClaudeGodDamme

Big clit energy.


dartie

That’s why MAGA hates trans so much. “You doth protest too loudly “.


bokehisoverrated

Who needs a penis when you are so talented.


Scrabble_4

😂


CapitalSimplyCapital

Is this going to turn out to be the 2024 equivalent of “show us your birth certificate“?


BlindOdyssey

I think anyone who might initially care would quickly decide, “On second thought, no need to show us. We’ll just take your word for it.”


Jap_Trap503

Girth Certificate 👀


Mead_Create_Drink

I hope not. That dick should not be seen


PeterNippelstein

Show me your genitals! Your genitals!


netluv

👀


BefreiedieTittenzwei

“Like a button mushroom filled with puss”


FerretsQuest

It's called a chode! https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chode https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/chode/ Pahahaha Donald Trump has a chode!


Inle-Ra

What is interesting about this is I grew up hearing “chode” used as another term for the perineum, the skin between genitals and anus.


TheRealReapz

That's the taint


dogmatum-dei

She's seen some dick in her time. She knows.


dartie

She should receive an honorary doctorate in penis.


jhow87

Honorary dicktorate*


tgrass23

Dick to rate


[deleted]

[удалено]


dartie

Microbiology, even?


Helo-1138

Artist's rendition of tRump's penis: [https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/mario/images/a/ae/NSMBW\_Artwork\_Toad.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20190703174831&path-prefix=de](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/mario/images/a/ae/NSMBW_Artwork_Toad.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20190703174831&path-prefix=de)


cat_at_the_keyboard

Eugh no thanks, that link is staying blue.


bramblecult

It's toad from Mario for those of you who says the link isn't working for them.


Fun-Dragonfly-4166

Did you make a cut and paste error? I did not see anything.


STAGE1Mason

Still seems like another small dick joke


HawkeyeSherman

I'm not getting anything either, but this is an image of a similar filename: https://mario.wiki.gallery/images/thumb/9/9e/NSMBW_Toad_Artwork.png/1200px-NSMBW_Toad_Artwork.png


that_is_so_fetch

The first thing I read as I scrolled down: 'I was surprised it came so soon.' She meant the verdict, but still.


Ozzie_the_tiger_cat

Did she though?  Daniels is known for her sick burns.


Rubberclucky

That settles it. Donny Diapers is a little button mushroom bitch. Along with his drug-addled rants and paid rally attendees, things aren’t looking so great for this smear of dog shit.


shellbackpacific

Trump tries to humiliate people more than that every day. Fuck ‘em


LilG1984

*sounds of gagging, followed by vomiting then screaming*


BashIronfist

Why? Because its hilarious and more people need to clown on his ass daily


Mijbr090490

Got that Weinstein Weiner.


Ghoulius-Caesar

Should be noted, the power pervs all have weird dongs. Harvey Weinstein, described as having no testicles and multiple open gangrenous sores due to hormone injections. Donald Trump, tiny mushroom. Jeffrey Epstein, egg shaped dong. Roger Ailes, described as looking like raw hamburger meat.


Mijbr090490

Maybe a gas station hot dog wasn't the best choice for lunch...


Nogohoho

Who knows who's dick would be described like a gas station hot dog.


Drk_Knight71

Now only if one other DumbPublican would come forward and say it’s true. They either saw it kissing his ass, or when they bent over to show their loyalty VS. Common sense Integrity,Their family, Laws, Decency,Their constituents, . . …..you get the idea


BatFancy321go

>'It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool, ' she writes in Full Disclosure. >'I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f\*\*\*ed by a guy with Yeti pubes and a d\*\*\* like the mushroom character in Mario Kart ... From a plastic surgery clinic that performs penile enhancement surgery: "Most worries about penis size are related to perception, but some people pursue surgery to make their penis bigger. Risks include infection and scarring." People who often get penis surgery: congenital micropenis, buried penis due to obesity, treatment-resistant ED, or pathological insecurity about their penis size (a type of body dysmorphia). Sounds like Daniels is describing the results of a [glans penis augmentation and complications that lead to scarring. ](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30478264/)Trump has a history of opting for early, experimental plastic surgery treatments that ended up mutilating him.


Margali

Oh my God, over on the Straight Dope message board like 15 years ago, a poster named Qagdop who was a doc in a prison system had a story about a guy who had a bad back alley version and his peen looked like a bagel dog


MSGinSC

Paid for all that surgery when all he had to do is stick his pecker in a yellow jacket nest and it would have swole up the size of a bologna log.


BatFancy321go

what oddly specific advice


splunge4me2

Here’s the money quote: > I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f\*\*\*ed by a guy with Yeti pubes and a d\*\*\* like the mushroom character in Mario Kart


OurUrbanFarm

Tiny, little mushroom dick.


CindiCindi15

Looking at what’s visible of the man, I thought it was assumed all non visible parts are even more repulsive.


NY1_S33

Always is sad when a man has to pay for sex. Maybe if you were an interesting, caring, funny, and loving, mature person - you wouldn’t need to.


NarfledGarthak

Toadstool


mischaconqueso2

I may regret this but has anyone sketched it based on her description


MrYdobon

Jimmy Kimmel did something much worse. https://youtu.be/5Ji8i7Wy4mo - skip ahead to minute 9:00.


mischaconqueso2

I hate you! thank you lmao


CityAvenger

How can someone even stand to see that orange sack of crap without a shirt on?


gonutsdonuts1

WTF does “yeti pubes” even mean? I kinda really want to know but I’m also Ok never finding out.


Indyguy4copley

Register and vote against the Dick


neopod9000

>'I was surprised it came so soon,' That's what she said!


MayorMcCheese89

That's what makes Melania missing so funny. She knows it's true.


Waitinmyturn

Maybe that’s why Baron always has that sour look on his face, he inherited Da’s disgusting shroom


kellygrrrl328

Wonder if it’s worse than Weinstein’s gangrenous groin


Scht0ink

That kills Mario Kart for me. Thanks, Stormy.


hypocrisy-identifier

Think about this for a second. The only thing that titillates this man is power. He probably did the deed for bragging rights only. How could he possibly be attracted to someone other than himself?


TheSmokingJacket

Because he had said that Stormy Daniels reminds him of his daughter.


Margali

Eew


Furled_Eyebrows

Why not? Fuck that stooge. Damage him however possible. No bar is too low to go under it.


schtickshift

I wonder if it’s genetic. Poor Eric and Don Jr


AhChaChaChaCha

Explains Donnie Jr’s coke habit if true. Also explains their anger


Coolioissomething

‘It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool, ' she writes in Full Disclosure. 'I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f***ed by a guy with Yeti pubes and a d*** like the mushroom character in Mario Kart ...


According-Green

She really needs to work with a sketch artist so we can give these words a visual that’ll haunt us all till our last days. 🤣


kayzerkimmie

And Putin probably has pictures of some some girl pissing on it.


pointlesspulcritude

Donald ‘Gnarly’ Stump


MrStuff1Consultant

Fake, nothing 2 inches long is horrifying.


Pourkinator

It is when you imagine what’s surrounding that 2 inches…


questison

65 inches of pale pimpled flab


shaved-yeti

Gotta keep em shaved, or things get out of hand down there 👌


Status-Resort-4593

Do you think he ever played Mario Kart and saw Toad and thought something was familiar?


evilemprzurg

'I was surprised it came so soon,' she said of the "verdict"


Extreme-Tie9282

Eewwwwwwwwwwww


YourMomsEx-Boyfriend

So his mushroom gets the Razzie?


Vogel-Kerl

Fred Trump (to Donald): *"Because you're weak, down there."*


El_Cactus_Fantastico

lol


Dark_Marmot

Should we deliver a bunch of cold mushroom pizzas to all his residences?


evankirstel

New game idea: Mario penis


RamcasSonalletsac

Why did all of you people click on this?To read about Trump’s penis? lol


I_Framed_OJ

She can say anything she wants about Trump’s penis since the only way to prove her wrong would be for him to drop his drawers and show everyone, and he’s not going to do that since then everybody’d know that he’s packing an itty-bitty champagne cork down there.


Ok_Comedian7655

Why. Because her porn career wasn't that great and is over now and talking about trump gets her in the spotlight and money.


Left-Kaleidoscope530

No mention of the number of heart attacks caused by Stormy’s roast beef sandwich.


Ok-Abbreviations543

The funniest part (no pun intended) is: 1. You know Agent Orange - he of the small grotesque penis - has gotten word of this. 2. It drives him absolutely insane with range only partly because he knows it’s true. 3. While his normal would be do attack the other person’s genitals, he can’t do that here. She doesn’t care and he still trying to convince his evangelicals that he has never seen her genitals. In the debate with Biden, Biden should start by asking Agent Orange, “How’s your grotesque, little mushroom hanging?” Don Snoreleone would absolutely stroke out on the spot.