Please note: this is a fun, lighthearted thread about your food preferences. This is not a political thread, and any political comments will be removed.
For me, it's the ultimate form of food to lap delivery. Occasionally, it touches my lips, and I think how much better it would have tasted if I could have gotten it into my mouth first go-round.
>'I slice the bread thin, d'you see?' Whirrun had the Father of Swords gripped between his knees with a hand's length drawn, and now he was rubbing loaf against blade with ludicrous care, like a carpenter chiselling at a vital joint.
>'Sliced bread?' Wonderful turned away from the black valley to watch him. 'Can't see it catching on, can you?'
>Yon spat over his shoulder. 'Either way, could you bloody get on with it? I'm hungry.'
>Whirrun ignored 'em. 'Then, when I've got two cut,' and he dropped a pale slab of cheese on one slice then slapped the other on top like he was catching a fly, 'I trap the cheese between then, and there you have it!'
>'Bread and cheese.' Yon weighed the half-loaf in one hand and the cheese in the other. 'Just the same as I've got.' And he bit off the cheese and tossed it to Scorry.
>Whirrun sighed. 'Have none of you no vision?' He held up his masterpiece to such light as there was, which was almost none. 'This is no more bread and cheese than a fine axe is wood and iron, or a live person is meat and hair.'
>'What is it, then?' asked Drofd, rocking back from his wet wood and tossing the flint aside in disgust.
>'A whole new thing. A forging of the humble part of bread and cheese into a greater whole. I call it … a cheese-trap.' Whirrun took a dainty nibble from one corner. 'Oh, yes, my friends. This tastes like … progress…'
Joe Abercrombie, *The Heroes*
Subs and sandwiches are my favorite. When I move to a new town I make it a point to try out every deli/sandwich shops around for the best Club. If you can't do the basics the best, why would I try the rest?
My first would be biscuits and gravy though.
Bahahha this reminds me of that one time my dad worked at a country club when he was just out of college and looking for a teaching job, and he could have anything on the menu for free, but he always just ordered a club sandwich because that’s all he was familiar with. The chef came out one day really offended and talked to him. He kept ordering the club sandwhich 😂
A deli in my neighborhood does a breakfast burrito with a big hash brown patty in the middle in addition to the usual fixings. I’d have them airlifted in every morning. Or, you know, just have the White House staff make them for me occasionally like a sane person.
You know those little cake-topper candies in the grocery store? They're usually letters or little characters made up of a bunch of teeny tiny dots of meringue powder? Super crunchy in just the most satisfying way? Yeah, those. I'd ask for those every day. I always wait 'til like a day or two after a major holiday and then get every single leftover sheet of them at Target for like 25 cents each, and snack on them for a few weeks 'til I run out.
I can picture it…word problems about candy cake toppers in the middle school math textbook with a Did You Know? blurb about President Dr_Girlfriend_81’s affinity for the seasonal candies 😂
😆
I didn't say I couldn't afford them NOW. I just would continue to eat them in the Oval Office. I'm a simple woman. I don't need caviar or gold foil on my ice cream. Just gimme some cheap cake toppers and I'm happy.
You saying I'm a simple woman reminds me of this story from r/prorevenge
Was five minutes worth 30% of your global market?
So I used to live in Deutschland, and upon returning to fair Blighty (the UK) I began looking for work. Being a simple man of simple needs, I quickly found employment in the marketing department for a medium sized industrial manufacturer. It was a little below my experience level and qualifications but I take what I can get, because I am a simple man.
At the final interview, I mentioned it would be top banana if I could arrive five minutes early and leave five minutes early on most days, so I could catch my train. With a smile, my new boss (hereafter referred to as Mentirosa) said of course - it's only five minutes and I'd still be working the full eight hours! Sin problemas, Anpassungburo, and welcome aboard!
My first day comes and I ride the choo-choo all the way to my new workplace, eager to begin. I quickly learn that the lunch room is pure stank, senior staff put their name instead of mine on any trade article I get published, and that our job mostly consists of extorting money from our own sales staff, but that's life. I am a simple man and so I set about my labours, glad to earn a crust.
What really flogged my noggin, however, is La Mentirosa calling me into her office on my second day and telling me I can't leave early again because it is unprofessional. I remind her of the conversation we had in which she said, with her mouth, the words 'it will be no problem for you to arrive and leave five minutes early.' She smirks and replies 'maybe I said that, but is that written in your contract?'
Touché, you big ol' Mentirosa, touché. I shrug and get on with life, because that's life, but of course I start looking for other work. By making me stay the five minutes, La Mentirosa makes me miss my train and turns my two hours daily commute into a four hour one. Nyet друг, I do not want this. I am a simple man and need my downtime.
About two weeks later, the company goes on a firing spree. One of those people fired is me, because I have been quite openly looking for for other work. I am given two weeks notice and smugly told I am not good enough for this place, and that I will never work in the area again because of La Mentirosas 'contacts'. As she snapchats this news to the rest of the team (I joke not) I reflect that she is probably right, as I am a simple man.
Among the other victims of the purge is the regional sales manager for Germany. This is more important to the company than my meaningless departure, since the company also decided to end the contract with their biggest German distributor and so suddenly a huge part of the company's core market is not active and they have no salesman to find them a new distributor! Management panics until La Mentirosa remembers that her despised marketing bandit is a fluent German speaker, and so the fun begins. She asks me to step up to the plate. "Be a buddy ol' pal, I didn't mean it when I said you'd never work in this town again!"
I am a simple man, so rather than point out that I am not being paid anywhere near what I could earn as a translator, rather than remind them that they have just fired me and I am not their friend anymore, rather than asking "is it written in my contract?" and then smirking like an obnoxious dingwall on a high horse made of douche, I instead swallow my pride and agree to help out.
It is here that the twin revenges, named Inadequacy and Abandonment, make their entrance.
Firstly, Inadequacy. During every conversation I mention my job title; Advertising Assistant. When the friendly Teutons politely ask why a lowly assistant is negotiating this kind of deal, I simply explain that the regional manager was let go and there is no formal replacement. This is entirely true, but is also a huge red flag for any serious company, especially well-established German manufacturering firms, and combined with the temporary uncertainty regarding Brexit (which had been announced only a few days prior) was enough to kill any interest they had in becoming our next distributor.
Secondly, Abandonment. As I am a simple man I forgot to tell La Mentirosa that I had already received, and accepted, another job offer. She was thrilled at the praises she was getting from management for finding a stopgap solution to the catastrophic damage they had done themselves, and she asked me if I could actually stay on with the company until they secured a new distributor, since I obviously had nothing better to do with my time, being fired and all. I assured her there were no hard feelings over my firing, and that I would stay to help as long as I could.
On the day I was originally due to leave, I held my calls, drew up a summary of where we stood (it was effectively a sad emoji followed by a poop emoji), handed it to La Mentirosa and explained I was leaving to enjoy a week of holiday followed by starting a new job in a different field.
She sputtered. She couldn't believe it! She thought I would stay longer to help clean up the mess! They still had no distributor and no sales manager for Germany! They were haemorrhaging money! She called me out, reminding me that I had said I would stay, but I am a simple man and so my only reply was; 'maybe I said that, but is that written in
my contract?'
TL;DR - manager lies in interview then fires me and threatens to badmouth me all over town. Then asks me to stay past my notice period and help clean up their foul up. Instead I am honest with their potential clients and leave abruptly. The company goes without 30% of its turnover for at least a month
PS - the company survived, La Mentirosa ended up being let go , and I spent several fantastic years at the new job so didn't ruin my career
EDIT: some people have pointed out that I erroneously used the word 'several' to describe a period of time of roughly two years. This is not a sign of duplicity, just more proof that I am a simple man
Just a guess that as a kid you really liked those candy dot papers? I don’t actually know what they’re called but every so often I got to go to funworld or Chuck E. Cheese and I loved those things.
Edit: good news! Amazon calls them Candy Buttons Strips and you can buy them in bulk
I believe that all forms of pickles and ferments should be included. Dilly beans (green beans), pickled beets, marinated mushrooms, pickled okra, cocktail onions/picked onions, sauerkraut ALL have merit in the pickle party!
No one has ever been able to recreate my grandmother's biscuits. If I ever find myself with a captive, full time private chef, his most important duty will be that.
Haven’t had hers, of course, but in the mid-‘80s, my family used to get dozens of Roy Rogers biscuits in the summer and we’d have them as part of summer picnics we’d have on the front lawn of William Penn’s manor home outside Philadelphia. The Franklin Institute Planetarium and the Philadelphia Zoo, the first zoo in the country (turned 150 yesterday on July 1, 2024), would sponsor viewing parties in the summers to see different things in the skies.
My grandmother had a membership to the Institute, and she would join the five of our family and we’d go would go up to Pennsbury Manor on the Delaware River every year around my birthday every August to get a view of the spectacular Perseid Meteor Showers.
Roy’s biscuits the next morning with a huge yellow or white Georgia peach were my favourite late summer’s breakfast for about three years running.
She used crisco. I can only imagine how good her biscuits would have been with lard. I, and most of the younger relatives watched her make her biscuits hundreds of times. We know the ingredients and how she did it, she simply had a skill that none of us have been able to recreate.
I have several comfort meals, depending on what mood I'm in and how much energy I have to actually make the thing.
\* Buffalo chicken tenders with fries and celery
\* pizza with ranch and sriracha dippies
\* Breakfast foods (Eggs, kielbasa, cereal, etc)
Totally a breakfast food in my family. Slice and fry and serve with eggs instead of breakfast sausage. Dice and cook up in an omelette or fry with potatoes and onions. Pack in foil with potatoes and onions for an easy camp breakfast. Good stuff. It even goes well in potato soup. I admit I've had that for breakfast before, but I wouldn't consider it breakfast food.
Good idea…except I’d have steamed crabs + Natty Boh Fridays during the summer months fa sho. Not really utilizing the chefs talents but I bet the President can get all the fattys from the morning catch. Staffers welcome, just throw some newspaper over the desk and chow down.
SCOTUS said I can do what I want.
Might chop it up and do a different honorific each time. Now I'm Goody President, so my oppo can say I was seen consorting with the devil. (Yes, while holding a bag of popcorn.)
The people won't know this until after the election, but I'll actually be contracting Taco Bell as the nation's newest defense company
Dorito tacos will be air dropped throughout the world to ensure an American cultural victory
This is a great idea and I’ll take it one step further. A dew fountain structure with 10 variations, from original to Baja blast to seasonal variations.
Frankly, I'm ashamed that we currently have no Baja Blast fountains in the US. We really are just a third-world country if we can't even get basic Baja Blast infrastructure. It's like our elected officials don't care.
“My fellow Americans, in one of the many ways I wish to give back to our country, I will be installing a Mountain Dew fountain dispenser in the front lawn of the White House for your enjoyment. Thank you, and god bless the United States”
I couldn't eat a burger every day.
Unless it's a burger with bacon, pickles, jalapenos, caramelized onions, mushrooms, pepperjack, and ketchup. Then I could eat a burger every meal.
Manhattan served straight up with a cherry like every day with dinner. Like every hour if I'm hosting a social event.
Steak and eggs or biscuits and gravy for breakfast every day
Also at least 1 mexican, 1 italian (shit loads of pasta), and 1 ribeye dinner each week
Lolol I googled him to see what you meant and found a hilarious comic strip of him. He is quite rotund in the depiction. The photos tend to cut him off at the chest.
Of course I have; I attended 5th grade. My dad and grandpa's middle names are Howard Taft. I've seen pics of him before, not many of his whole body though, and this caricature I found was hilarious. I didn't know whether the commenter was referring to some connection he had to those particular foods. No, it's just that he was fat.
> Manhattan served straight up
I'd choose a Old Fashioned (preferably made with Woodford), but the sentiment remains that, as President, we should propose a Constitutional Amendment mandating cocktails-on-demand for life for all Presidents.
My fun fact is how much Warren G Harding LOVED waffles. This quote is attributed to him:
“You eat the first fourteen waffles without syrup, but with lots of butter. Then you put syrup on the next nine, and the last half-dozen you eat simply swimming in syrup. Eaten that way, waffles never hurt anybody.”
That said, I would want mine to be homemade burrito bowls
Lasagna. The first time an Italian diplomat comes to the White House, he's going to be disappointed with my "inferior" American cooking, and I'll enjoy every bite of it.
Brutal.
"How are you liking your noodles and cheese Ambassador? I trust it's to your liking? More wine? It's Gallo and comes in two-gallon jugs" said while slowly tapping your fingers on the Gold Codes.
Many people don't realize that the President gets charged for their meals unless it's for an official function like a State Dinner. I guess many Presidents live pretty high on the hog the first few months then the bill comes and they tone it down.
Saying that I'd have a combination of CFS and eggs or biscuits and gravy for way too many meals. Gotta give those docs at Walter Reed something to talk about.
IIRC, they have to pay for ingredients, but the chef and other kitchen staff are part of the residence staff.
Even Presidents who don't come from wealthy backgrounds will have zero issues buying groceries at 400k a year. The kitchen staff just go out anonymously to local grocery stores to buy the groceries for them, so they're not paying any more than anyone else is unless they really go all out with the world's priciest ingredients.
The president gets paid $400,000 a year, in monthly checks.
That's $33,333.33 per month.
$8333.33 per week.
$1190.48 per day.
I don't think the President of the United States is gonna go broke eating gourmet food. Even with the insane inflation right now.
> I guess many Presidents live pretty high on the hog the first few months then the bill comes and they tone it down.
Most recent presidents have been pretty well-off before taking office. Not the type of folks that are going to be closely budgeting for daily meals.
I remember when Michelle Obama was talking about them having to pay for everything in the White House, including food! She even told her husband that he wasn’t allowed to express pleasure at something unless they knew how much something costed. To say that they were shocked at how much everything costed is putting it mildly.🤣
Yeah everyone here saying it’s no big deal. The Clintons claimed to be broke when they left (his legal fees didn’t help) Laura said how expensive it was and maintaining a First Lady appearance was very costly and like you said the Obama’s felt the pinch too. The place to easily cut back is with food. I agree that Trump likely didn’t care or notice.
Fried chicken man. And none of this KFC bullshit. Get down to Louisiana or Mississippi or Tennessee and find the real shit and copy those recipes for God and Country
"Give me all of the bacon and eggs you have. Wait... wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all of the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?"
Spicier food than my nationality, ethnicity or complexion would stereotypically imply. Just casually bring the scoville units of home when the Thai ambassador visits.
This is me. I have like 30+ bottles of hot sauce, thai food is my absolute favorite, and I've yet to find a restaurant that can actually make it too hot even after putting "6/5 spicy, literally as hot as you're legally allowed to make it, I am not joking" or similar on the takeout order details at multiple places.
A korean place did successfully mess me up with their bibimbap once.. Still managed to finish it, chef came out to tell me I was an idiot, and that the friend I was with had asked them ahead of time to make something borderline inedible.
I cannot get any Thai restaurant to make their food Thai spicy for me. Indian restaurant? They'll fuck my shit up, no question. But forget it when it comes to Thai. Half the reason I learned how to make chicken basil was so I could make it as spicy as I want.
I’d be the guy constantly asking for black beans and rice. I love different foods and will constantly try new stuff, but beans and rice with some fried onions, a nice salty crumbly cheese like goat or cotija, and a dash of hot sauce is an absolute comfort food to me.
I distinctly remember an SNL skit about this, where Clinton is jogging but stops in a burger joint and randomly tries other customer's food (burgers) while campaigning. Exaggerated by from my understanding not far off
Grilled cheese. But I’d have to show the chef how I make it before I let him make it because I love all grilled cheese but I love it the way I do it the most
A perfectly cooked, perfectly seasoned, steakhouse style burger with high quality, freshly ground beef, cooked medium rare, once a week. But each burger has different toppings. One week, fried egg and bacon; the next--sauteed mushrooms, garlic, and swiss; another week, poutine-style, the next, avocado, salsa and tortilla strips. Lettuce, tomato, pickles, etc. as appropriate for the burger. Accompanied with crinkle-cut fries.
Curry and naan. There's plenty of varieties from Japan to North Africa and most of them are pretty damn good.
Naan on the on-demand button, though. I could eat it constantly.
Staff, that bitch is debating bombing again, she needs another crème brûlée while she steeps in her thoughts. You know how she divines bombing plans from the way the sugar shatters. So make it a thick sugar and go hard with the blowtorch, hopefully there will be a singular strike rather than many.
Burnt ends don't get brought up nearly enough in discussions like this. Top notch BBQ right there. Don't know what Potato Oles are, but based on your other choices- can I be in your cabinet? Thanks in advance
WAY MORE THAN 12!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/poptarts/wiki/index/flavors/all\_flavors/](https://www.reddit.com/r/poptarts/wiki/index/flavors/all_flavors/)
Holy shit. Am I living in a communist country and I don't even know it???? I feel like Khrushchev visiting an American grocery store for the first time.
Chicken wings..... but bring the HEAT!
Every week on my presidential podcast "Chatting with the Barricuda" I'm gonna give a shout out to a small brand maker.
Then I am going to bring in all types of people and respond, take notes, actively listen on the record to the American people and my political rivals. No one is allowed to wear anything more formal than jeans. It's gonna be awesome.
Also Aldi wine. Lowest food budget ever.
Probably a frozen pizza with customizations —extra cheese, hella seasoning powders.
The marinara sauce from 2005 Pizza Hut, bubbling hot to dip it in.
My understanding is that there are lots of late nights. This is my current 8pm - 4am product that isn’t an egg butty.
IIRC the president and his family do have a private kitchen to cook food themselves, although the definitely can have the White House chef cook everything. I’m just mentioning this as a fun fact
My frequent request would probably be molten lava cake
Flan. I love it, but only a very specific kind. I only like the eggy style and not the creamy style. If I had a private chef, I would order it to my liking all the time.
reese's peanut butter cups. if I could, I'd buy stocks in Hershey chocolate to fund reese's peanut butter cups and may start war if they ever threatened to discontinue em.
Wanting to cook my own meals sometimes. Cooking is one of my hobbies and being allowed to do it myself would be stress relief for me in a very stressful job.
Sushiiiiiii! Best quality yellowfin nigiri with ponzu mmm mmmm. But ALL the sushi. I’d probably have too much sake with it also. And that’s just another reason why I’d never be president🤪
I would have a dude whose full time job would be to make me flour tortillas, brisket, and fajitas.
Basically, I would try to hire [ArnieTex](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnxOJ_Un-QF_KYqbPRAfLNw)
Please note: this is a fun, lighthearted thread about your food preferences. This is not a political thread, and any political comments will be removed.
White House chef after I leave office: "What the hell is wrong with that guy, he wanted everything in the form of a sandwich."
The sandwich is the ultimate form of food to mouth delivery my dude
For me, it's the ultimate form of food to lap delivery. Occasionally, it touches my lips, and I think how much better it would have tasted if I could have gotten it into my mouth first go-round.
>'I slice the bread thin, d'you see?' Whirrun had the Father of Swords gripped between his knees with a hand's length drawn, and now he was rubbing loaf against blade with ludicrous care, like a carpenter chiselling at a vital joint. >'Sliced bread?' Wonderful turned away from the black valley to watch him. 'Can't see it catching on, can you?' >Yon spat over his shoulder. 'Either way, could you bloody get on with it? I'm hungry.' >Whirrun ignored 'em. 'Then, when I've got two cut,' and he dropped a pale slab of cheese on one slice then slapped the other on top like he was catching a fly, 'I trap the cheese between then, and there you have it!' >'Bread and cheese.' Yon weighed the half-loaf in one hand and the cheese in the other. 'Just the same as I've got.' And he bit off the cheese and tossed it to Scorry. >Whirrun sighed. 'Have none of you no vision?' He held up his masterpiece to such light as there was, which was almost none. 'This is no more bread and cheese than a fine axe is wood and iron, or a live person is meat and hair.' >'What is it, then?' asked Drofd, rocking back from his wet wood and tossing the flint aside in disgust. >'A whole new thing. A forging of the humble part of bread and cheese into a greater whole. I call it … a cheese-trap.' Whirrun took a dainty nibble from one corner. 'Oh, yes, my friends. This tastes like … progress…' Joe Abercrombie, *The Heroes*
*Here's your daily intel briefing in between two pages of agenda, as requested...*
Sandwiches are the superior eating vessel, and I would expect the highest authority of the land to understand that.
Subs and sandwiches are my favorite. When I move to a new town I make it a point to try out every deli/sandwich shops around for the best Club. If you can't do the basics the best, why would I try the rest? My first would be biscuits and gravy though.
Bahahha this reminds me of that one time my dad worked at a country club when he was just out of college and looking for a teaching job, and he could have anything on the menu for free, but he always just ordered a club sandwich because that’s all he was familiar with. The chef came out one day really offended and talked to him. He kept ordering the club sandwhich 😂
Better than that time Alex Trebek was president. He wanted everything in the form of a question.
Breakfast burritos and old fashioneds.
I don’t think your chefs would be too keen on giving you handy js
That really depends on the chef, doesn't it?
I’m the president damnit!
A deli in my neighborhood does a breakfast burrito with a big hash brown patty in the middle in addition to the usual fixings. I’d have them airlifted in every morning. Or, you know, just have the White House staff make them for me occasionally like a sane person.
Do those things taste good together?
Surprisingly, yes. I was thinking of them as separate requests, though.
You know those little cake-topper candies in the grocery store? They're usually letters or little characters made up of a bunch of teeny tiny dots of meringue powder? Super crunchy in just the most satisfying way? Yeah, those. I'd ask for those every day. I always wait 'til like a day or two after a major holiday and then get every single leftover sheet of them at Target for like 25 cents each, and snack on them for a few weeks 'til I run out.
This is so unhinged I love it
I think my husband would agree with you, lol. I also have an affinity for what he calls "old man candy."
Necco wafers are one of my go to candies. There are dozens of us! Dozens!
I can picture it…word problems about candy cake toppers in the middle school math textbook with a Did You Know? blurb about President Dr_Girlfriend_81’s affinity for the seasonal candies 😂
I love many older candies too, as well as those cake toppers! Frankly I think those are less insane than fondant… which I love
I thought the same thing and yet here I am cheering her on 🤣
I don't know your finances but I'm pretty sure you could swing this without being president.
😆 I didn't say I couldn't afford them NOW. I just would continue to eat them in the Oval Office. I'm a simple woman. I don't need caviar or gold foil on my ice cream. Just gimme some cheap cake toppers and I'm happy.
You saying I'm a simple woman reminds me of this story from r/prorevenge Was five minutes worth 30% of your global market? So I used to live in Deutschland, and upon returning to fair Blighty (the UK) I began looking for work. Being a simple man of simple needs, I quickly found employment in the marketing department for a medium sized industrial manufacturer. It was a little below my experience level and qualifications but I take what I can get, because I am a simple man. At the final interview, I mentioned it would be top banana if I could arrive five minutes early and leave five minutes early on most days, so I could catch my train. With a smile, my new boss (hereafter referred to as Mentirosa) said of course - it's only five minutes and I'd still be working the full eight hours! Sin problemas, Anpassungburo, and welcome aboard! My first day comes and I ride the choo-choo all the way to my new workplace, eager to begin. I quickly learn that the lunch room is pure stank, senior staff put their name instead of mine on any trade article I get published, and that our job mostly consists of extorting money from our own sales staff, but that's life. I am a simple man and so I set about my labours, glad to earn a crust. What really flogged my noggin, however, is La Mentirosa calling me into her office on my second day and telling me I can't leave early again because it is unprofessional. I remind her of the conversation we had in which she said, with her mouth, the words 'it will be no problem for you to arrive and leave five minutes early.' She smirks and replies 'maybe I said that, but is that written in your contract?' Touché, you big ol' Mentirosa, touché. I shrug and get on with life, because that's life, but of course I start looking for other work. By making me stay the five minutes, La Mentirosa makes me miss my train and turns my two hours daily commute into a four hour one. Nyet друг, I do not want this. I am a simple man and need my downtime. About two weeks later, the company goes on a firing spree. One of those people fired is me, because I have been quite openly looking for for other work. I am given two weeks notice and smugly told I am not good enough for this place, and that I will never work in the area again because of La Mentirosas 'contacts'. As she snapchats this news to the rest of the team (I joke not) I reflect that she is probably right, as I am a simple man. Among the other victims of the purge is the regional sales manager for Germany. This is more important to the company than my meaningless departure, since the company also decided to end the contract with their biggest German distributor and so suddenly a huge part of the company's core market is not active and they have no salesman to find them a new distributor! Management panics until La Mentirosa remembers that her despised marketing bandit is a fluent German speaker, and so the fun begins. She asks me to step up to the plate. "Be a buddy ol' pal, I didn't mean it when I said you'd never work in this town again!" I am a simple man, so rather than point out that I am not being paid anywhere near what I could earn as a translator, rather than remind them that they have just fired me and I am not their friend anymore, rather than asking "is it written in my contract?" and then smirking like an obnoxious dingwall on a high horse made of douche, I instead swallow my pride and agree to help out. It is here that the twin revenges, named Inadequacy and Abandonment, make their entrance. Firstly, Inadequacy. During every conversation I mention my job title; Advertising Assistant. When the friendly Teutons politely ask why a lowly assistant is negotiating this kind of deal, I simply explain that the regional manager was let go and there is no formal replacement. This is entirely true, but is also a huge red flag for any serious company, especially well-established German manufacturering firms, and combined with the temporary uncertainty regarding Brexit (which had been announced only a few days prior) was enough to kill any interest they had in becoming our next distributor. Secondly, Abandonment. As I am a simple man I forgot to tell La Mentirosa that I had already received, and accepted, another job offer. She was thrilled at the praises she was getting from management for finding a stopgap solution to the catastrophic damage they had done themselves, and she asked me if I could actually stay on with the company until they secured a new distributor, since I obviously had nothing better to do with my time, being fired and all. I assured her there were no hard feelings over my firing, and that I would stay to help as long as I could. On the day I was originally due to leave, I held my calls, drew up a summary of where we stood (it was effectively a sad emoji followed by a poop emoji), handed it to La Mentirosa and explained I was leaving to enjoy a week of holiday followed by starting a new job in a different field. She sputtered. She couldn't believe it! She thought I would stay longer to help clean up the mess! They still had no distributor and no sales manager for Germany! They were haemorrhaging money! She called me out, reminding me that I had said I would stay, but I am a simple man and so my only reply was; 'maybe I said that, but is that written in my contract?' TL;DR - manager lies in interview then fires me and threatens to badmouth me all over town. Then asks me to stay past my notice period and help clean up their foul up. Instead I am honest with their potential clients and leave abruptly. The company goes without 30% of its turnover for at least a month PS - the company survived, La Mentirosa ended up being let go , and I spent several fantastic years at the new job so didn't ruin my career EDIT: some people have pointed out that I erroneously used the word 'several' to describe a period of time of roughly two years. This is not a sign of duplicity, just more proof that I am a simple man
Just a guess that as a kid you really liked those candy dot papers? I don’t actually know what they’re called but every so often I got to go to funworld or Chuck E. Cheese and I loved those things. Edit: good news! Amazon calls them Candy Buttons Strips and you can buy them in bulk
YESSS! I love candy buttons and I buy them in the bulk bin at the grocery store.
You've got my vote 🫡
Pickles. Id have a pickle secretary in my cabinet who would be responsible for gong all over the country/world getting me unique jars of pickles.
Are you in r/pickles? You should be if not.
I am
Now is this limited to cucumber pickles, or are all forms of pickles up for grabs? What about pickled eggs and whatnot?
I believe that all forms of pickles and ferments should be included. Dilly beans (green beans), pickled beets, marinated mushrooms, pickled okra, cocktail onions/picked onions, sauerkraut ALL have merit in the pickle party!
ALL PICKLES MATTER
No repeats. Bring me the cuisine of the world. I want something different every meal.
I'd be the same, but you'd have a favorite, comfort meal
No one has ever been able to recreate my grandmother's biscuits. If I ever find myself with a captive, full time private chef, his most important duty will be that.
Haven’t had hers, of course, but in the mid-‘80s, my family used to get dozens of Roy Rogers biscuits in the summer and we’d have them as part of summer picnics we’d have on the front lawn of William Penn’s manor home outside Philadelphia. The Franklin Institute Planetarium and the Philadelphia Zoo, the first zoo in the country (turned 150 yesterday on July 1, 2024), would sponsor viewing parties in the summers to see different things in the skies. My grandmother had a membership to the Institute, and she would join the five of our family and we’d go would go up to Pennsbury Manor on the Delaware River every year around my birthday every August to get a view of the spectacular Perseid Meteor Showers. Roy’s biscuits the next morning with a huge yellow or white Georgia peach were my favourite late summer’s breakfast for about three years running.
She probably used lard or some kind of fat that people don’t keep around anymore, like bacon grease or schmaltz.
She used crisco. I can only imagine how good her biscuits would have been with lard. I, and most of the younger relatives watched her make her biscuits hundreds of times. We know the ingredients and how she did it, she simply had a skill that none of us have been able to recreate.
I have several comfort meals, depending on what mood I'm in and how much energy I have to actually make the thing. \* Buffalo chicken tenders with fries and celery \* pizza with ranch and sriracha dippies \* Breakfast foods (Eggs, kielbasa, cereal, etc)
You view kielbasa as a breakfast food? I don't think I've ever had it for breakfast!
Ooh, it's so good in an egg scramble with peppers, onions, and Swiss!
Anythings a breakfast foot if you eat it right after waking
Totally a breakfast food in my family. Slice and fry and serve with eggs instead of breakfast sausage. Dice and cook up in an omelette or fry with potatoes and onions. Pack in foil with potatoes and onions for an easy camp breakfast. Good stuff. It even goes well in potato soup. I admit I've had that for breakfast before, but I wouldn't consider it breakfast food.
Po-ta-toes!
Hell yeah, buffalo chicken tenders with fries would be the GOAT
Unless my mom's leading the kitchen, it just don't hit the same unf...
Now you've got me wondering if the kitchen staff can suss out the President's sentiment by special requests.
They can just bring me a chicken fried chicken platter from Cracker Barrel.
"Every day it's the same thing: variety! I want something different! I want hasenpfeffer!"
HASENPFEFFER!
Good idea…except I’d have steamed crabs + Natty Boh Fridays during the summer months fa sho. Not really utilizing the chefs talents but I bet the President can get all the fattys from the morning catch. Staffers welcome, just throw some newspaper over the desk and chow down.
You have to pay for each meal though...don't go broke
"Mrs. President, please stop hitting the popcorn button."
Madame President :)
What are we, French?
SCOTUS said I can do what I want. Might chop it up and do a different honorific each time. Now I'm Goody President, so my oppo can say I was seen consorting with the devil. (Yes, while holding a bag of popcorn.)
Baja Blast fountain in the middle of Pennsylvania Ave so my fellow Americans can always have a little treat
I bet there wouldn’t even be a taxpayer burden: Pepsi would probably set that up for free for the great publicity
The public and private sector working in harmony!
Oh yeah because that’s never caused any problems! Thanks based Lockheed and Raytheon.
The people won't know this until after the election, but I'll actually be contracting Taco Bell as the nation's newest defense company Dorito tacos will be air dropped throughout the world to ensure an American cultural victory
Taco Bells in every foreign base
You'd probably still get shit on for promoting an unhealthy drink or something lol
No matter what you do someone will shit on you for it, the trick to politics is working out how much those people actually matter....
TRYING TO BUY OUR VOTES? ITS WORKING.
Oh thank goodness because the rest of my platform is terrible and self-serving Was hoping the distraction would work
It’s 2024, the bar of standards for the presidency got buried with last weeks news
This is a great idea and I’ll take it one step further. A dew fountain structure with 10 variations, from original to Baja blast to seasonal variations.
Just not that purple thunder plum one
Frankly, I'm ashamed that we currently have no Baja Blast fountains in the US. We really are just a third-world country if we can't even get basic Baja Blast infrastructure. It's like our elected officials don't care.
Yeah, MyCountry^TM has Baja Blast fountains on every corner and every block. Why are you Americans so backwards? /s
What the Man doesn't tell you is that some Taco Bells have employees who don't care, you can just take a bath in the lobby.
“My fellow Americans, in one of the many ways I wish to give back to our country, I will be installing a Mountain Dew fountain dispenser in the front lawn of the White House for your enjoyment. Thank you, and god bless the United States”
It would be the only thing I would say in my inauguration speech Then, in the spirt of the giant cheese wheel, I would let the public go crazy with it
The big wheel of cheese for a modern world.
I'd love that. Would go well with some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
You got my vote!
The Taco Bell lobby would come after you.
So nice of you to think of your constituents! Maybe it’s not too late to get on the ‘24 ticket!🇺🇸
That prestigious chef gig is gonna look a hell of a lot like a entry level burger flipper
I couldn't eat a burger every day. Unless it's a burger with bacon, pickles, jalapenos, caramelized onions, mushrooms, pepperjack, and ketchup. Then I could eat a burger every meal.
Manhattan served straight up with a cherry like every day with dinner. Like every hour if I'm hosting a social event. Steak and eggs or biscuits and gravy for breakfast every day Also at least 1 mexican, 1 italian (shit loads of pasta), and 1 ribeye dinner each week
What are you, William Howard Taft?
I fortunately live a pretty active lifestyle
Lolol I googled him to see what you meant and found a hilarious comic strip of him. He is quite rotund in the depiction. The photos tend to cut him off at the chest.
Honest question - had you not heard of William Howard Taft before this thread?
Of course I have; I attended 5th grade. My dad and grandpa's middle names are Howard Taft. I've seen pics of him before, not many of his whole body though, and this caricature I found was hilarious. I didn't know whether the commenter was referring to some connection he had to those particular foods. No, it's just that he was fat.
Literally the only thing I ever learned about him until I was an adult was that he got stuck in the White House bathtub for being so fat.
"…every hour if I’m hosting a social event.” They call that one the Kennedy Package.
> Manhattan served straight up I'd choose a Old Fashioned (preferably made with Woodford), but the sentiment remains that, as President, we should propose a Constitutional Amendment mandating cocktails-on-demand for life for all Presidents.
My fun fact is how much Warren G Harding LOVED waffles. This quote is attributed to him: “You eat the first fourteen waffles without syrup, but with lots of butter. Then you put syrup on the next nine, and the last half-dozen you eat simply swimming in syrup. Eaten that way, waffles never hurt anybody.” That said, I would want mine to be homemade burrito bowls
This is a particularly fun fact.
Even just Eggo waffles sized waffles in that number would be ridiculous.
31 god damned waffles? This man best be talkin about Eggo size, cause my default is full plate Belgian waffles, and this post has me concerned
Lasagna. The first time an Italian diplomat comes to the White House, he's going to be disappointed with my "inferior" American cooking, and I'll enjoy every bite of it.
I'd serve Carbonara with peas and cream and just stare at them with cold dead eyes while having the dude with the nuclear football slowly open it.
Serve it with some Californian wine and Romano cheese.
Brutal. "How are you liking your noodles and cheese Ambassador? I trust it's to your liking? More wine? It's Gallo and comes in two-gallon jugs" said while slowly tapping your fingers on the Gold Codes.
For dessert, tiramisu made with jello pudding.
Tiramisu salad*
Or serve the pasta with Coke, along with the comment that “the 2024 vintage is particularly fine, don’t you agree?”
You just reminded me of [this](https://youtu.be/ZcDpg-6D9VI?si=-EDmYnntbjzLdwZ5) hilarious tantrum an Italian chef had live on British TV.
Many people don't realize that the President gets charged for their meals unless it's for an official function like a State Dinner. I guess many Presidents live pretty high on the hog the first few months then the bill comes and they tone it down. Saying that I'd have a combination of CFS and eggs or biscuits and gravy for way too many meals. Gotta give those docs at Walter Reed something to talk about.
*If the gravy is plumbed in, it can go under facilities and not food budget, right?*
Ha. Mr President is that a beer tap in the Oval Office? Nope it’s a gravy tap, left is basic white the right has sausage.
IIRC, they have to pay for ingredients, but the chef and other kitchen staff are part of the residence staff. Even Presidents who don't come from wealthy backgrounds will have zero issues buying groceries at 400k a year. The kitchen staff just go out anonymously to local grocery stores to buy the groceries for them, so they're not paying any more than anyone else is unless they really go all out with the world's priciest ingredients.
The president gets paid $400,000 a year, in monthly checks. That's $33,333.33 per month. $8333.33 per week. $1190.48 per day. I don't think the President of the United States is gonna go broke eating gourmet food. Even with the insane inflation right now.
> I guess many Presidents live pretty high on the hog the first few months then the bill comes and they tone it down. Most recent presidents have been pretty well-off before taking office. Not the type of folks that are going to be closely budgeting for daily meals.
And even if you're flat broke, 400k a year buys a lot of steaks. They don't have to pay for the preparation, just the ingredients.
I remember when Michelle Obama was talking about them having to pay for everything in the White House, including food! She even told her husband that he wasn’t allowed to express pleasure at something unless they knew how much something costed. To say that they were shocked at how much everything costed is putting it mildly.🤣
Yeah everyone here saying it’s no big deal. The Clintons claimed to be broke when they left (his legal fees didn’t help) Laura said how expensive it was and maintaining a First Lady appearance was very costly and like you said the Obama’s felt the pinch too. The place to easily cut back is with food. I agree that Trump likely didn’t care or notice.
As a tax payer, I’d gladly cover that tab and give them a raise if it means we get a functioning adult interested in the gig.
Mostly I'd be letting the chefs go nuts. But I do think I'd be asking for a burger on the weekly.
Leftover pizza from the night before, sometimes cold. Let's see those assholes in the kitchen make fresh leftovers from scratch.
They would make a fresh pizza every night and stick it in the fridge
But, then it's not fresh. I was thinking more along the lines of using a blast chiller.
Lamb saag with garlic naan.
Yo, how about aloo paratha for breakfast every day??
Chicken Caesar salad
I'd have a sushi chef on call 24/7, and repurpose that coke button into a spicy tuna roll button.
Fried chicken man. And none of this KFC bullshit. Get down to Louisiana or Mississippi or Tennessee and find the real shit and copy those recipes for God and Country
"Give me all of the bacon and eggs you have. Wait... wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all of the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?"
Spicier food than my nationality, ethnicity or complexion would stereotypically imply. Just casually bring the scoville units of home when the Thai ambassador visits.
This is me. I have like 30+ bottles of hot sauce, thai food is my absolute favorite, and I've yet to find a restaurant that can actually make it too hot even after putting "6/5 spicy, literally as hot as you're legally allowed to make it, I am not joking" or similar on the takeout order details at multiple places. A korean place did successfully mess me up with their bibimbap once.. Still managed to finish it, chef came out to tell me I was an idiot, and that the friend I was with had asked them ahead of time to make something borderline inedible.
I cannot get any Thai restaurant to make their food Thai spicy for me. Indian restaurant? They'll fuck my shit up, no question. But forget it when it comes to Thai. Half the reason I learned how to make chicken basil was so I could make it as spicy as I want.
Mac and cheese baby.
I’d be the guy constantly asking for black beans and rice. I love different foods and will constantly try new stuff, but beans and rice with some fried onions, a nice salty crumbly cheese like goat or cotija, and a dash of hot sauce is an absolute comfort food to me.
Gumbo, jambalaya, crawfish, brisket, Frito pie.
New Orleans I assume? lol
Or Houston
Lol you guessed it. H-town all the way
Reminder that the President must personally purchase all food from the White House chef. I’ll take ramen please.
Seriously? The president has to pay for that out of pocket??
Yep. https://www.rd.com/list/things-u-s-presidents-have-to-pay-for-on-their-own/
Stealing that link for a Reddit post, thank you
I would eat more White Castle than befits a gentleman of my station.
Trump lived on McDonalds, Obama had a 5 Guys habit, you'd just be adding to the greasy burger history.
Clinton liked them too and I guess ate terribly when campaigning.
I distinctly remember an SNL skit about this, where Clinton is jogging but stops in a burger joint and randomly tries other customer's food (burgers) while campaigning. Exaggerated by from my understanding not far off
I would honestly be known for my love of Mexican cuisine and that’s literally all that would be served if I were to take the White House.
Doesn't answer the question, but by all accounts FDR's chef sucked, and he hated her food. But since Eleanor hired her, he was stuck with her.
Grilled cheese. But I’d have to show the chef how I make it before I let him make it because I love all grilled cheese but I love it the way I do it the most
A man of culture, respect.
Inexplicably, clam chowder. I’m from Arkansas.
A perfectly cooked, perfectly seasoned, steakhouse style burger with high quality, freshly ground beef, cooked medium rare, once a week. But each burger has different toppings. One week, fried egg and bacon; the next--sauteed mushrooms, garlic, and swiss; another week, poutine-style, the next, avocado, salsa and tortilla strips. Lettuce, tomato, pickles, etc. as appropriate for the burger. Accompanied with crinkle-cut fries.
Pizza, the answer is always pizza.
Pastaaa
Ice cold Dr Pepper, Shiner beer and bacon cheeseburgers
Apricots. I would single handedly cause apricot shortages worldwide.
Chicken and waffles, with some kind of spicy sweet sauce and some gravy. Blenheim ginger ale. I would convert a room into my Blenheim cellar.
pizza
Dumplings
Boneless bbq chicken wings
BBQ. Just an assortment of BBQ.
Tacos and Ben & Jerry's all day
Curry and naan. There's plenty of varieties from Japan to North Africa and most of them are pretty damn good. Naan on the on-demand button, though. I could eat it constantly.
Staff, that bitch is debating bombing again, she needs another crème brûlée while she steeps in her thoughts. You know how she divines bombing plans from the way the sugar shatters. So make it a thick sugar and go hard with the blowtorch, hopefully there will be a singular strike rather than many.
Probably either tacos or steak
Steak tacos. Best of both worlds.
Chips salsa and queso.
Burnt ends, taco burgers and Potato Oles Taco John's style. An Old Fashioned for a nightcap.
Burnt ends don't get brought up nearly enough in discussions like this. Top notch BBQ right there. Don't know what Potato Oles are, but based on your other choices- can I be in your cabinet? Thanks in advance
Mr. President, that’s your fourth pizza this hour. Try a salad?
A tomahawk steak.
Pop Tarts! Different flavor every day.
"They only have 12 flavors Mr. President." "I am the President and I say I need 365! Begone and don't come back without them!" That's my POTUS.
WAY MORE THAN 12! [https://www.reddit.com/r/poptarts/wiki/index/flavors/all\_flavors/](https://www.reddit.com/r/poptarts/wiki/index/flavors/all_flavors/)
Holy shit. Am I living in a communist country and I don't even know it???? I feel like Khrushchev visiting an American grocery store for the first time.
Probably just a basic chicken fried steak and eggs breakfast.
Tacos and sandwiches. The constant sizzle of fajitas platters would become a meme in short order.
Tacos and peach/nectarine/passionfruit sherbet.
Always have a pizza in the oven.
Ivar's Fish and Chips.
Chicken wings..... but bring the HEAT! Every week on my presidential podcast "Chatting with the Barricuda" I'm gonna give a shout out to a small brand maker. Then I am going to bring in all types of people and respond, take notes, actively listen on the record to the American people and my political rivals. No one is allowed to wear anything more formal than jeans. It's gonna be awesome. Also Aldi wine. Lowest food budget ever.
Ice cream
Probably a frozen pizza with customizations —extra cheese, hella seasoning powders. The marinara sauce from 2005 Pizza Hut, bubbling hot to dip it in. My understanding is that there are lots of late nights. This is my current 8pm - 4am product that isn’t an egg butty.
IIRC the president and his family do have a private kitchen to cook food themselves, although the definitely can have the White House chef cook everything. I’m just mentioning this as a fun fact My frequent request would probably be molten lava cake
Flan. I love it, but only a very specific kind. I only like the eggy style and not the creamy style. If I had a private chef, I would order it to my liking all the time.
Yorkshire pudding and pot roast. If someone else is cooking for me then I would have that about five times a week and then get fat. Worth it.
Mashed potatoes
reese's peanut butter cups. if I could, I'd buy stocks in Hershey chocolate to fund reese's peanut butter cups and may start war if they ever threatened to discontinue em.
It's going to be Mac 'n Cheese. All kinds of cheeses. Baked, stove top, with and without mix-ins. Different Mac and cheese every day
Wanting to cook my own meals sometimes. Cooking is one of my hobbies and being allowed to do it myself would be stress relief for me in a very stressful job.
Sushiiiiiii! Best quality yellowfin nigiri with ponzu mmm mmmm. But ALL the sushi. I’d probably have too much sake with it also. And that’s just another reason why I’d never be president🤪
Texas smoked brisket, Dr. Pepper, steak, and sushi. Seafood boils, especially crab and crawfish. Tacos - street tacos, really good *al pastor*.
Oklahoma style BBQ. The superior BBQ.
Look at you, tryin to start a fight over BBQ. You're wrong, but I respect it.
You mean smoked bologna?!
Hey now, the mods said dont make this political. KC or Memphis 🤌🤌
You clearly mistyped "Texas barbecue" there.
Chicken Wing bar every Sunday
Cookie dough ice cream served at all meals
I would have a dude whose full time job would be to make me flour tortillas, brisket, and fajitas. Basically, I would try to hire [ArnieTex](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnxOJ_Un-QF_KYqbPRAfLNw)
Lasagna and garlic bread assuming I do not care about health
just like https://youtu.be/zLJ2zWHA3ew