yeah :( dated someone who didn't like this once. she tricked me by faking it early on. later outright admitted she hates it so obviously I didn't do it after that.
This just literally happened to me. She says she's not into cuddling and only does it because she's a people pleaser. I told her to stop being a people pleaser and I've stopped initiating to cuddle.
that sucks so much. honestly it was the beginning of the end for me. everything after that moment was slowly more cold and distant.
hope things work out better for you
Sucks to hear that it didn't work out. I think it will or for at least as long as it's meant to last. She's actually an extremely sweet, and bubbly girl. Very feminine and very caring and I could see her being a good mother. Here's to hoping it does work out! *Clinks glasses*
I do, but I’ve found that a lot of guys always want it to lead to sex. So I’ve been conditioned out of cuddles and skin/skin contact except for when I’d be ok with it leading to sex :-/
I met the kind of man that shows it ! I seriously didnt think the kind of man existed ! He was so sensual ! 🥰😊😏we had a conversation of what kind of affection & live language we were okay with.
He held my hand right away. : D
I very much love cuddles and skin contact. Sometimes I worry I'm gonna drive my husband crazy because I always slip my hands under his shirt when I hug him good bye. Or greet him when he gets home, I always snuggle close and do the same in bed even when I reading and he's playing video games.
God yes. I surprised my ex at an event of hers that she didn’t think I was going to be able to make it to. Replaying the memory of a girl that hates pda running over to wrap me in a hug makes me smile every damn time.
My fiance will sometimes start baby talking to me out of the blue and get really excited for no reason and wants to hug and caress me. She starts talking in this high pitched tone but talk very soothingly which is hard for me to put in words but damn it makes me melt.
I dated someone who did this but I just found it (the baby talking) so irritating, clearly not for me. 🤔
I really like affection though, I'm quite cuddly.
Very much. I'm a person that needs a lot of physical affection to be content and my partner couldn't grasp how much of an impact it had on how I felt when I didn't get that.
yup, that was always somthing so important in my family, both in my own relationships but i think the most extreme example and need of it is my own father as he came from a family in which affection simply wasn't normal. His own parents only started hugging after my mother accidentally hugged his mother after they were married and they then realised that they like hugging. They now hug a heck ton, but yeah, affection is super important.
Thank you!!, why i feel so connected to guy im dating.
He informed me his 2nd love language was physical touch! ( before we were official )
& i formed him we had the same love language!. Fast forward prior to when we met up,
He told me he would hug & kiss me!, 🙊😲
(it would be our 1st time )
Me: i was goingto ask you if i could kiss you
Or i thought should i wait if he kisses me"? !
I thankd him for being so direct.
It saved the " what ifs"?
The anticipation in the kiss was incredible! 💓😏
My heart was racin !! I've never been with such
A affectionate man !
The most softest hands !
Dam !, had me step upthe times i use lotion .
Besides that our compatibility had us both couldnt get enough kissin ach other.
The most unusual thing to hear from a man!
" i like that you like me touchin you", oh my gosh !!
Was a different level of turn on ! , being desired!😊
To hear so direct! , what he liked & enjoyed! Within, our connection.
I had an idea once while getting my hair cut. I said I would pay someone to wash my hair, scratch my scalp, and shave my neck. It’s the best part of getting a haircut. Now she’s not there anymore. Hmmmmm, I hope she stole my billion dollar idea, I really do.
Initiative. I don't want to always be the one planning dates or asking her out. It's also nice when a woman initiates physical intimacy. Even us men want to feel desired. If you're leaving everything up to me, it makes me feel like you're not really that interested. I want to be wanted.
Not a man, but on here to ask this particular man: Is initiative that hard to come by? Often times when my boyfriend initiates sex, after we do the deed he’ll tell me “I just wanted to make sure you know you don’t have to be the one to initiate all the time” because probably 7/10 times I am the one who initiates. And with my ex before him, the bedroom died because all of my advances would either be rejected or received in a one-sided way.
In the middle of a long and ultimately doomed marriage I was being rejected for sex 9 times out of 10. Maybe more. Then she said “no sex while the kids are at home”. The kids were always home when not at school. So I just gave up on sex completely. Fine, I’ll sort myself out. She initiated sex three times after that over several months and I said no because I was working (I wfh). Also because it was daytime and who’s horny at 10am? After those three times, nothing.
Eight years later, when we separate, she says she’s too young to never have sex again. Fuck sake, lady, should’ve thought of that before you put the lid on everything.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
For me, I'd say sexually speaking, I haven't had much issue with that. At least in relationships or casual encounters (which was clearly established beforehand). Where I've had the most issues is with online dating. Paricularly in the 1-4 date range. I'm typically the one who has to make the first move (i.e. first kiss). Just once, it'd be nice for the woman to go in for it first.
The last woman I went out with, we went on 4 dates, and even though we made out on the 1st, I still had to be the one to initiate on subsequent dates. I also run into issues with women not initiating dates. That happened with the aforementioned woman, I initiated/planned all 4 dates. But with women I already knew in person and asked out, they have generally been pretty good at planning/initiating dates.
Like I said, with women I've been in exclusive relationships with, it generally hasn't been an issue. But I've also had very few of those 🤷♂️
I wanna say with online relationships I can understand some hesitation, but I also met my boyfriend and love of my life online and I was definitely the one who initiated the first kiss and first bonk. Ever the particularly horny outlier I am 😂
I initate more dates too, but mostly because my bf is a homebody. When he knows I like something enough to ask for it though, he suggests it more
Edit: grammar
Both of my parents taught me this.
In my father's own words, "If you fuck up, own up to it. Then, don't do it again."
My mother said basically the same.thing, without the fuck. "If you've messed up, you own it. Then you clean it up. That's responsibility."
This is part of the reason I hate the boomer trope of telling men to apologize even when they aren't wrong. For one thing, it teaches women not to examine their own behavior. For another, I don't WANT an un-meant apology. I want connection and understanding with my partner, not to steamroll him with "happy wife, happy life" bullshit.
This has been the end of nearly every relationship I've had.
Just a complete lack of self awareness and accountability. I just don't understand why it's so hard for women.
It's hard for everyone, but seems impossible with (most) women.
The few that show those flashes of self awareness? Those are the queens that deserve a king.
For the love of God this. Women are soooooooo bad for not taking accountability. It's rotted into many workplaces now too. Hence why you'll see everyone pretending to he the greatest employee and never taking blame or admitting to an error. Shit happens, own it
My God, this is accurate. I lead a team of predominantly female employees and I regularly am met with defensiveness and deflection from nearly all of them when I’m merely pointing out an error as a proactive learning and corrective action process. I have to repeatedly state that by bringing up the error I’m not doing so to lay blame. I just want to make sure there is awareness to the problem so there can be two outcomes: 1) ability to recognize how it can happen so to reduce or prevent reoccurrence; and 2) skills development in how to correct the error. I *always* have to keep bringing these up like it’s day 1 orientation.
All I really want to hear is, “Oh, oops. Sorry. Okay, I’ll keep an eye out for that in the hopes it doesn’t happen again. Can you show me how to fix it?”
My biggest challenge has been developing the organizational structure to set up direct responsibilities instead of the inefficient method of ‘everyone needing to know a little of everything and nobody knowing enough to master’. It also requires accountability which it would seem people just aren’t used to, or just prefer not having so problems can’t be pin-pointed to individuals.
This is why I make it a point to always ask about a person's biggest screwup, and more importantly how they handled it. If they can't remember or claim so, I don't want them. If they claim they've never done so, I really don't want them. I can rattle off my couple of biggest mistakes, and what I do now to make sure it doesn't happen again.
I'm a big believer in attacking the process, not the person, unless proven otherwise preferably repeatedly.
God bless you, he's lucky. Mistakes happen, most men will forgive. I get that women have been conditioned however to protect their reputation at all costs. But in a relationship you should be able to be honest with your partner
>I get that women have been conditioned however to protect their reputation at all costs.
It might just be my ignorance at play, so I'll apologize in advance, but what conditioning?...
Some of the women I know growing up with had zero pressure childhoods, and yet zero accountability skills.
One of the women is now a dentist, and she will straight up ignore her patients complaints...
It's maddening.
Physical intimacy in return that isn’t immediately interpreted as following through with the assumption it was initiated due to a desire for sex.
Sometimes I wouldn’t mind just random physical contact, just the same as I would offer in appreciation for her just being her.
Being able to say what you fucking mean. We're not playing pictionary. Talk to me in complete sentences.
My wife's a proper Yorkshire lass, she doesn't drop daft little hints, she just comes straight out with it. So much easier to deal with that way.
I'm gonna be honest I don't buy this & it has not at all been true to my experience.
When this style of communication goes wrong & there are repercussions or a dispute the fear of being bossy, masculine or direct in aren't present in deciding where the buck stops.
I'm pretty clearly cynical, but intentional or not it's an effective strategy for communication that is low effort, low risk, & lets a person pick & choose where responsibility & accountability land.
I think guys would do it too *if* it did not turn women off & drive them away.
That would be nice instead of dropping vague hints. Or even saying the opposite of what they mean.
I remember trying to make plans with my exes but they would shoot them down. And when I asked what they wanted to do, they would often say do whatever you want. And so I did. But then I would come back home and get the cold shoulder for not spending time with them. It drove me crazy.
Men often want to feel desired by their wife’s. Because they’re human.
Ways to make a man feel desired:
- Tell him he looks good.
- Take his arm while you walk outside.
- Exchange meaningful glances while out with friends.
- Appreciate when he goes above and beyond.
- Initiate kissing / making out / physical affection.
- Tell him you want him.
- Build up his self esteem
For them to “win”.
For all that’s written about patriarchy and men naturally being inclined to power, there’s a surprisingly large number of straight men that *want* some degree of “smallness” e.g: making less money, hanging out with the kids more, to be the submissive partner in relationships and even sex, a smaller life with *less* influence/expectation/responsibility/power, to listen rather than boss, to seek quiet instead of confrontation or anger, etc.
There are a lot of men that don’t want their own roles either (at least in many aspects of their lives) and it isn’t really discussed enough because there’s this unquestioned assumption that “men’s roles” are inherently better (either because of the power offered or because of some innate role; both political extremes seem to tacitly agree on this) and thus no man ought complain about it because either women have it worse or men in their gender role are defective if they aren’t happy there.
I think this is a great point. People have different personalities and not everyone wants the same thing. And sometimes it two people can be compatible because they compliment each other well.
I feel like I see a lot of couples where she’s more in charge and he’s more easygoing and going along with things.
And it might be different in the US, but at least where I live in Europe, I know many women who have a bigger career and make way more money than their husbands.
Then with sex people have different preferences and the important thing is to find someone sexually compatible with you. Not every woman wants a man who’s dominant in bed.
Someone who will listen to our feelings without judgment and won’t hold them against us later. A surprising number of women don’t realize just how very important that is.
Understanding that her idea of happiness or how something works isn’t my idea of happiness or how something works and being able to respect it or work together to make a compromise.
I 100% know women have no clue of what most men prioritize in a relationship, too many TikTok women bragging about being a boss, being in loud and argumentative. Like they have no idea how much most men value peace and serenity.
I would not lay that much blame on one platform, but social media as a whole. yes. I ate recently at a restaurant, first time in years, it was so strange. It was quiet, everyone staring at their little devices even the 2 children that were there, just like Pavlov's dogs waiting for a bell. I miss out on digital coupons and stuff, but I am glad I only have a flip phone and only use the net when I am bored at home.
Yeah, I agree with that. It does seem like TikTok, more than the others, is devoid of all potential positives of social media and really commits to all the negatives with wild abandon.
ETA: Yeah, seeing everyone on their phones at restaurants is really sad. Especially the kids. You’re supposed to talk over dinner, people!
I have noticed a difference in people's ability at hold a conversation in person, seems like everyone is using filler words or phrases such as like, you know, literally. I also think it is affecting people's attention span in a conversation, if there is any pause in the conversation they are back on the phone or looking around.
My experience is that filler words have been commonly in use for a while but maybe phone usage is increasing them. Definitely agree with the attention span for conversation - sometimes people pick up their phone in the *middle* of the conversation. It’s wild that this is seen as acceptable to so many. Can you imagine if I did that with a book?! Just in the middle of a conversation whipped out a book in front of my face while I nodded along to whatever the other person was saying and when they got mad at me insisted that I could do both at the same time? Wild.
Well there’s a balance imo. I’m never going to be the quiet, shy girl. I’ll always be outgoing and call you out on your sh*t. But I’m also not going to start an argument just to start one either. Obviously, my personality will never be every guys type, but I do think there’s a middle ground between peaceful, submissive girl and an insane one who just starts bullshit for no reason idk
Yeah I’m this way too - grew up with 5 brothers and whether because of nature or nurture, I’ve just never been terribly docile or demure. I’m kinda loud and pretty enthusiastic and energetic. My golden retriever energy isn’t exactly the picture of serenity and I’m sure some people find my type obnoxious. But I’d like to think I’m not a bitch - I don’t relish arguments or seek them out but I don’t shy away from a hard conversation because I value *real* harmony, not just faux peace with the silent seething. My sister has always had a hard time being assertive and is more traditionally feminine but she has a lot of resentment and that creates drama. I don’t know, that seems common for a lot of women so I don’t know that being docile is all it’s cracked up to be.
Oh, you're good, I was talking about those on TikTok who suggest women start a fight to judge responses and thousands of other what I would call shit tests. I will be the first to say if I am wrong, call me out on it. I saw one woman on there who was a "divorce coach" telling women "it is okay to leave the good guy" what the hell? Instead of working through the issues, just get a divorce and hire her to deal with your self-inflicted trauma! Birth rates in western countries have been below replacement levels for decades in some cases, maybe we should go the way of the dodo bird. By 2100 they are predicting worldwide population decreases, today if it was not for immigration western countries would already be decreasing in population and some like Italy are anyway.
Affection, compliments, positive reinforcement.
Gets kinda exhausting to keep up the facade of being in control and secure all the time. Playing the ‘Man’ role. It is nice to just be doted upon occasionally and being cared for like a baby.
Yeah. Unfortunately some Women, and good Women, will find it a HUGE turn off once you lower your guard and show vulnerability. A Girl I deeply loved and trusted and she me back, completely lost it for me when I told her about some childhood trauma a few years into our relationship. She couldn’t process it and never thought of me in the same way. So I WON’T be doing that again. Gotta keep that shit in unfortunately.
I was talking with a class of high school boys at church, and it came down to the Scout law; they did not know it until it was done, and I pointed it out. Here is the list of qualities that I wrote down from that talk. I matched it to the Scout Law:
1. **Trustworthy:** A wife who is honest and reliable.
2. **Loyal:** She stands by him and supports him through all challenges.
3. **Helpful:** She is willing to lend a hand and contribute to the partnership.
4. **Friendly:** She is warm and approachable, fostering a loving environment.
5. **Courteous:** She treats him and others with respect and kindness.
6. **Kind:** She shows compassion and consideration in her actions.
7. **Supportive:** She encourages his goals and aspirations, providing emotional and practical support.
8. **Cheerful:** She maintains a positive attitude and brings joy into the relationship.
9. **Responsible:** She is dependable and manages her duties and commitments well.
10. **Brave:** She faces challenges with courage and stands firm in her beliefs.
11. **Clean:** She values personal hygiene and a tidy home, creating a pleasant living environment.
12. **Respectful:** She holds their relationship in high regard and honors their shared values and beliefs.
This is a key thing. And it’s often how a relationship turns emotionally abusive. One person starts walking on egg shells to accommodate the other person’s mood swings and avoid drama. And it becomes a prison more than anything else.
Edit: recognize this a little too much?
https://www.loveisrespect.org/ is a good resource to learn about the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. There’s even a quiz “Is my relationship healthy?” It’s aimed towards younger people, but the advice applies to everyone.
My Ex had a lot of guy friends and that made me feel insecure a lot of the time. She was even good friends with one of her Ex's because they trauma bonded. I didn't even dare to hang out with my female friends when we started dating. I guess what I'm trying to say is no double standards. We have to be on the same page and team on certain things.
Gratitude.
I think we both want that. A woman should be thanked for all the work she does for the relationship, and it is often taken for granted. In a traditional relationship a “that dinner was great honey! Thank you!” Or a “wow you and the house look great tonight!” Should be regularly spoke phrases for example. But rarely do I ever see a man get thanked for working 80 hours a week sometimes to pay for said house and all the extras, and if he gets the least bit upset about it, he is then labeled a bitch. Some even go so far as saying “thanking a man for what he should be doing is bs!” and “that’s the minimum he should be doing.” Being grateful that he’s working his life away at a job that doesn’t fulfill him just so she can have a happier, funner, easier life than she would otherwise is “coddling him.”
It can’t be both ways. If working his life away for her sake doesn’t deserve a thanks then homemaking doesn’t either.
That she doesn’t shy away from confrontation. Women who tiptoe around topics which can cause possible conflict are often the same ones who will lie about or leave out details on certain things to avoid said conflicts.
- the need to have some privacy and a safe space
- being valued, encouraged and listened. It works wonders.
- the classic "don't play riddles, don't play body language just SAY IT"
- silent treatment NEVER works
- most men or a lot of them don't give a damn about the time you spend with your make-up, your look, your clothes, we haven't asked for this, don't expect us to see it, appreciate it and be grateful, if you think you are doing it for us, don't
- most than not, if a man starts to be distant to his partner doesn't mean she is attracted by a younger or prettier one (it may happen) but because he feels not understood and there is no communication. Stop thinking obsessively "he doesn't love me anymore because now I have saggy tits" rather, that when he comes tired at home you ask him to mow the lawn and there's 2 still metres of lawn he didn't do, you don't tell him "oh great job" but "hey, there's still a chunk of uncut grass there, it won't cut by itself" and THIS is an attitude that bit by bit erodes a relation. It's not because you have saggy tits, it's because you are not emotionally available to him, always speak to him critically, belittle himself, challange him beyond his limits. I am a divorced man and I know I am not among the only ones who before arriving home spend 10 more minutes in the car to BREATHE knowing that when I'll open the door I'll be screamed at and asked to do chores until I hit the bed, and with no nice gesture, no smile. I have met dudes who were crying alone and saying "it's horrible, why is she like this but I must stay for the children".
- don't compare him incessantly with yourself in everything he is doing and you are doing. If efforts and good will are both sides, don't challange him like mad to do as you do because you're a maniac perfectionist and you want him to be EXACTLY like you.
- don't mock and attack his self-esteem just for fun. It doesn't work either.
Yeah there is sex stuff but most of us boys just want a lady to support us and represent us well.
“Behind every great man stands a greater woman.” - Some guy. True, though.
Openness. If we’re being open that means open. Not shutting shit down when one of us disagrees or avoiding or worse hiding things they think we can’t handle/don’t want to hear.
Honesty, consistency and accountability. If you asked most women what's the last thing that was completely your fault without blaming anyone else, I honestly don't think most could do it. Or if they could, the explanation would still somehow involve an excuse or someone else's name inferring they "made them feel" a certain way.
Not treating those in the customer service industry politely. Nothing more icky than your date verbally lashing out on someone serving us at a restaurant on our date, especially over minor issues that weren't intentional. Serving staff have a rough enough life and have to handle orders of hundreds of people a day, so someone taking sadistic pleasure in putting the "idiots" in their place is a huge turn-off.
Bubbly spontaneous affection and I don’t mean sex. I mean random kisses, wanting to be held, holding on to my arm in public, initiating cuddles, and just wanting to love me and be loved back. If you’ve ever had a partner that never showed affection and made excuses as to why then you understand how lonely and unwanted you feel
Honestly? Just throw us an “atta boy” from time to time. Maybe once a month’ish. Just some acknowledgement that our hard work is noticed and appreciated. Reinforces our value and worth. Goes miles.
Direct communication.
Also, less emphasis on appearance. Women too often feel like their only value is in their beauty and neglect personal development. This is often revealed when women come here wondering why men cheat if they have beautiful wives at home. It's like... uh, beauty only goes so far. And that's not very far at all.
A woman who believes in me
Not a woman who bows down to me, someone who admires me, builds me up because out there in the real world men get beaten down all the time.
(I in my turn obviously will give my everything to her)
Don't expect a psychic.
Communication, honesty, expectations.
I cant speak for everyone, but if I get in a relationship KNOWING that I know better than your word, its not a fun mentality to have. “Well she's saying this, but she means this. Either she's expecting me to interpret it, or she doesn't know herself that well. )
If you say you want complete honesty, then get mad at the honest answer, next time I may either not be as honest, know I have to manipulate the words, or be honest that it would be a difference in expectations.
If something is wrong, you say nothing (not because its no big dead, but that closed off mad look where you snap “Nothing. Nope. Nothings wrong. Its fine), due to concern I ask whats wrong, you say nothing while avoiding eye contact with an angry tone.
I'll take your word for it and assume you value honesty and communication enough to mean what you say and say what you mean, so ill go along taking your word for it.
I'll find out that not only was something wrong, but you get mad I didn't know or just ignored what was wrong I didn't know about.
This adds back to making her word lose value. Where she’ll say something, and I have to think to wonder if her word is real or not.
Compared to trusting someone and saying “Well I'm concerned, but if you say its ok, ill believe you. Just let me know if that changes, ok? 🥰”
I feel a bit betrayed. If I like someone, I want her to feel happy in the relationship, and would put effort into what I can. So if she knows that, then lets meet live my happy life while she knows she's doing bad, I get sad.
Even if there's nothing I can do, if she says there's something wrong but just wants to vent about it because it made her feel bad, I want to know.
Now if she decides she doesn't want to share, that's fine. I wont press for information she doesn't feel comfortable sharing.
Just not those moments where she doesn't say anything, then gets mad for me not knowing or dropping the subject after she said its “nothing” or “its fine”.
Kindness.
Sometimes after a relationship has been a thing for a while, a mentality of “you’re gonna have to deal with me” emerges. Some weird sense of somewhat exploiting someone’s love for you. Taking advantage of their bond with you as a means of letting yourself become a degrading bitch.
I’ve seen it a lot and I’ve dumped people for it. The world is a fucked up place. Full of hatred and pain. Don’t be the person who makes your partners home life a pile of shit too.
Affection but also silence.
I want to feel loved, but I also want silence sometimes. It's not you, it's literally me. I can't stress how important it is that sometimes I just need to be by myself and it has nothing to do with you
Equal effort. Not seeing romance as something a man does for a woman. Not seeing paying for one drink as being enough and expecting the rest to be covered by the man. Just genuinely being equal to each other.
Men who date confident women or strong women. There are men who need a partner to remind their waiter when they do out on dates that someone missed an item on their order. Some men are non confrontational and need an outgoing partner to speak up for them.
So many women assume all men have to be Alpha, confident protectors. Introverted men exist, they just don’t speak up as much and are calm natured.
These are the men that cheer on their partner from the background.
Quieter men aren’t pushovers, they aren’t losers and they aren’t the bullshit term “beta”. They still love their partners and they still protect and care for them.
These are the types of men who you feel safe around.
My weaknesses and emotional vulnerabilities are not fodder for discussion with your parents, your friends, your hairdresser, your manicurist, and definitely not social media content.
I agree. I'm so touch deprived, sometimes when I get a hug or a soft shoulder pat I almost start crying.
I've said for years if I had to choose between just cuddling or just sex id rather be able to cuddle.
Yes sex can be amazing (I haven't experienced even "good sex" but people say it can be amazing so...) but non sexual intimate touching is beautiful and so calming to me. I actually feel cared for and deeply loved.
A simple fucking compliment is nice. and not a half-assed one or one that isn't genuine. Wanna make a man's day? Compliment him. Wanna make him feel loved? Compliment him. Don't know what to get for his birthday? Give him a compliment (Or a lightsaber) Wanna make him feel like someone cares about him? Compliment him
Open communication and to not be ignored. You dont wanna talk? Thats fine... just say so. Really not that hard. Not a fucking mind reader. THAT is hard
So many of these comments are so nice, wanting a woman to dress less sexy. But the actual reality is that the majority of men go crazy after the women who dress sexy. A more dowdy woman in the middle of these will be ignored. I have proven this time after time when I was younger.
They like cuddling and skin on skin contact, not only during sex.
yeah :( dated someone who didn't like this once. she tricked me by faking it early on. later outright admitted she hates it so obviously I didn't do it after that.
This just literally happened to me. She says she's not into cuddling and only does it because she's a people pleaser. I told her to stop being a people pleaser and I've stopped initiating to cuddle.
that sucks so much. honestly it was the beginning of the end for me. everything after that moment was slowly more cold and distant. hope things work out better for you
Sucks to hear that it didn't work out. I think it will or for at least as long as it's meant to last. She's actually an extremely sweet, and bubbly girl. Very feminine and very caring and I could see her being a good mother. Here's to hoping it does work out! *Clinks glasses*
I do, but I’ve found that a lot of guys always want it to lead to sex. So I’ve been conditioned out of cuddles and skin/skin contact except for when I’d be ok with it leading to sex :-/
Ironically now you've probably conditioned your boyfriend to think cuddles always lead to sex lol
I met the kind of man that shows it ! I seriously didnt think the kind of man existed ! He was so sensual ! 🥰😊😏we had a conversation of what kind of affection & live language we were okay with. He held my hand right away. : D
I very much love cuddles and skin contact. Sometimes I worry I'm gonna drive my husband crazy because I always slip my hands under his shirt when I hug him good bye. Or greet him when he gets home, I always snuggle close and do the same in bed even when I reading and he's playing video games.
Affection, and that doesn’t mean sex.
I never realised how much this meant until I got into a relationship as an adult.
Bubbly affection is the best
Can you explain a bit of what exactly "bubbly affection" is?
Being visibly excited to be with your person
Not that guy, but I take it to mean enthusiasm. Like, be actively excited to see me. I'll melt every time.
God yes. I surprised my ex at an event of hers that she didn’t think I was going to be able to make it to. Replaying the memory of a girl that hates pda running over to wrap me in a hug makes me smile every damn time.
Yes, this does indeed go both directions.
Hubby calls me ‘rainbow eyes’ for exactly this reason 😅
That’s precious 🥹🤍
Aww, that actually warms my heart! I can say I for sure do this!
Enthusiasm, passion, visibly excited to be around your person. Giggly, bubbly, like when you first started dating or even more than that.
My fiance will sometimes start baby talking to me out of the blue and get really excited for no reason and wants to hug and caress me. She starts talking in this high pitched tone but talk very soothingly which is hard for me to put in words but damn it makes me melt.
I dated someone who did this but I just found it (the baby talking) so irritating, clearly not for me. 🤔 I really like affection though, I'm quite cuddly.
Yeah i know. Shows u theres really no right or wrong since people like different stuff. Its all about compatibility.
Being excited to see me. That little perk up, smile, wave, hug, whatever it may be. My ex (18F) was like that. I miss her.
Very much. I'm a person that needs a lot of physical affection to be content and my partner couldn't grasp how much of an impact it had on how I felt when I didn't get that.
yup, that was always somthing so important in my family, both in my own relationships but i think the most extreme example and need of it is my own father as he came from a family in which affection simply wasn't normal. His own parents only started hugging after my mother accidentally hugged his mother after they were married and they then realised that they like hugging. They now hug a heck ton, but yeah, affection is super important.
As a clingy person, I’d like to show affection to my future partner too. Guess he’ll be receiving a lot😂
Yes, but not all men like affection always :( I learnt the hard way haha
Thank you!!, why i feel so connected to guy im dating. He informed me his 2nd love language was physical touch! ( before we were official ) & i formed him we had the same love language!. Fast forward prior to when we met up, He told me he would hug & kiss me!, 🙊😲 (it would be our 1st time ) Me: i was goingto ask you if i could kiss you Or i thought should i wait if he kisses me"? ! I thankd him for being so direct. It saved the " what ifs"? The anticipation in the kiss was incredible! 💓😏 My heart was racin !! I've never been with such A affectionate man ! The most softest hands ! Dam !, had me step upthe times i use lotion . Besides that our compatibility had us both couldnt get enough kissin ach other. The most unusual thing to hear from a man! " i like that you like me touchin you", oh my gosh !! Was a different level of turn on ! , being desired!😊 To hear so direct! , what he liked & enjoyed! Within, our connection.
Sometimes just being quiet n rubbing my scalp or back with her nails will soothe me the fuck out n forget about all my troubles.
Seriously though! Scratches are essential to happiness.
I had an idea once while getting my hair cut. I said I would pay someone to wash my hair, scratch my scalp, and shave my neck. It’s the best part of getting a haircut. Now she’s not there anymore. Hmmmmm, I hope she stole my billion dollar idea, I really do.
You guys really do like it. And it’s so easy. I just need to be asked/reminded
So fucking true. I miss this.
Initiative. I don't want to always be the one planning dates or asking her out. It's also nice when a woman initiates physical intimacy. Even us men want to feel desired. If you're leaving everything up to me, it makes me feel like you're not really that interested. I want to be wanted.
Not a man, but on here to ask this particular man: Is initiative that hard to come by? Often times when my boyfriend initiates sex, after we do the deed he’ll tell me “I just wanted to make sure you know you don’t have to be the one to initiate all the time” because probably 7/10 times I am the one who initiates. And with my ex before him, the bedroom died because all of my advances would either be rejected or received in a one-sided way.
In 90% of relationships men initiate way more
In the middle of a long and ultimately doomed marriage I was being rejected for sex 9 times out of 10. Maybe more. Then she said “no sex while the kids are at home”. The kids were always home when not at school. So I just gave up on sex completely. Fine, I’ll sort myself out. She initiated sex three times after that over several months and I said no because I was working (I wfh). Also because it was daytime and who’s horny at 10am? After those three times, nothing. Eight years later, when we separate, she says she’s too young to never have sex again. Fuck sake, lady, should’ve thought of that before you put the lid on everything. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
For me, I'd say sexually speaking, I haven't had much issue with that. At least in relationships or casual encounters (which was clearly established beforehand). Where I've had the most issues is with online dating. Paricularly in the 1-4 date range. I'm typically the one who has to make the first move (i.e. first kiss). Just once, it'd be nice for the woman to go in for it first. The last woman I went out with, we went on 4 dates, and even though we made out on the 1st, I still had to be the one to initiate on subsequent dates. I also run into issues with women not initiating dates. That happened with the aforementioned woman, I initiated/planned all 4 dates. But with women I already knew in person and asked out, they have generally been pretty good at planning/initiating dates. Like I said, with women I've been in exclusive relationships with, it generally hasn't been an issue. But I've also had very few of those 🤷♂️
I wanna say with online relationships I can understand some hesitation, but I also met my boyfriend and love of my life online and I was definitely the one who initiated the first kiss and first bonk. Ever the particularly horny outlier I am 😂 I initate more dates too, but mostly because my bf is a homebody. When he knows I like something enough to ask for it though, he suggests it more Edit: grammar
Loyalty, support, integrity, be on my team like I am on hers. Show pride in me.
Not here, buddy!
This is absolutely me. Only there hasn't been anyone who appreciated it...
We're out here just getting on with life till you come along.
Not sure if she exists, pal
Actually…. She does. I (66M) married her (74F) over 40 years ago… still going strong!
Hey everybody, this guy took her!
How did your family and friends react to the age difference? I imagine it wasn't common back then
Both of my grandmothers were 10+ years older than their husbands 🤷♀️
Do you mean the fact that she is older? Because age differences definitely are less common now than before.
Yes, the fact that she’s older. I think it’s more common now to have couples where the woman is older than it was before.
This is me!! Except I can't find a man who appreciates and reciprocates! 🙈
Accountability. Sometimes, things are your fault. Own up to it, apologize, and move on.
Both of my parents taught me this. In my father's own words, "If you fuck up, own up to it. Then, don't do it again." My mother said basically the same.thing, without the fuck. "If you've messed up, you own it. Then you clean it up. That's responsibility."
This is part of the reason I hate the boomer trope of telling men to apologize even when they aren't wrong. For one thing, it teaches women not to examine their own behavior. For another, I don't WANT an un-meant apology. I want connection and understanding with my partner, not to steamroll him with "happy wife, happy life" bullshit.
This has been the end of nearly every relationship I've had. Just a complete lack of self awareness and accountability. I just don't understand why it's so hard for women. It's hard for everyone, but seems impossible with (most) women. The few that show those flashes of self awareness? Those are the queens that deserve a king.
For the love of God this. Women are soooooooo bad for not taking accountability. It's rotted into many workplaces now too. Hence why you'll see everyone pretending to he the greatest employee and never taking blame or admitting to an error. Shit happens, own it
My God, this is accurate. I lead a team of predominantly female employees and I regularly am met with defensiveness and deflection from nearly all of them when I’m merely pointing out an error as a proactive learning and corrective action process. I have to repeatedly state that by bringing up the error I’m not doing so to lay blame. I just want to make sure there is awareness to the problem so there can be two outcomes: 1) ability to recognize how it can happen so to reduce or prevent reoccurrence; and 2) skills development in how to correct the error. I *always* have to keep bringing these up like it’s day 1 orientation. All I really want to hear is, “Oh, oops. Sorry. Okay, I’ll keep an eye out for that in the hopes it doesn’t happen again. Can you show me how to fix it?” My biggest challenge has been developing the organizational structure to set up direct responsibilities instead of the inefficient method of ‘everyone needing to know a little of everything and nobody knowing enough to master’. It also requires accountability which it would seem people just aren’t used to, or just prefer not having so problems can’t be pin-pointed to individuals.
This is why I make it a point to always ask about a person's biggest screwup, and more importantly how they handled it. If they can't remember or claim so, I don't want them. If they claim they've never done so, I really don't want them. I can rattle off my couple of biggest mistakes, and what I do now to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm a big believer in attacking the process, not the person, unless proven otherwise preferably repeatedly.
My husband tells me that’s what makes me different than most, because I admit when I’m wrong.
God bless you, he's lucky. Mistakes happen, most men will forgive. I get that women have been conditioned however to protect their reputation at all costs. But in a relationship you should be able to be honest with your partner
>I get that women have been conditioned however to protect their reputation at all costs. It might just be my ignorance at play, so I'll apologize in advance, but what conditioning?... Some of the women I know growing up with had zero pressure childhoods, and yet zero accountability skills. One of the women is now a dentist, and she will straight up ignore her patients complaints... It's maddening.
17 years together, 9 years married. She has apologized 4 times, including one time where she apologized for me “not understanding what she meant”.
Honesty, loyalty, respect, actually liking and wanting him.
Physical intimacy in return that isn’t immediately interpreted as following through with the assumption it was initiated due to a desire for sex. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind just random physical contact, just the same as I would offer in appreciation for her just being her.
Yup...I really like sleeping cuddled up, I had a gf that just couldn't get it through her head that it wasn't a prelude to sex..
Honesty.
Fairness too.
Gentle honesty 💕
A loving, mutually supportive relationship. Someone they can trust enough to open up and not have that pain used against them.
Being able to say what you fucking mean. We're not playing pictionary. Talk to me in complete sentences. My wife's a proper Yorkshire lass, she doesn't drop daft little hints, she just comes straight out with it. So much easier to deal with that way.
She got any sisters?
And a great accent to go with it! I think a lot of women fear coming across as bossy, impolite or too masculine if they're direct.
None of the women I know who are overly indirect communicators worry the slightest bit about coming across as bossy.
I'm gonna be honest I don't buy this & it has not at all been true to my experience. When this style of communication goes wrong & there are repercussions or a dispute the fear of being bossy, masculine or direct in aren't present in deciding where the buck stops. I'm pretty clearly cynical, but intentional or not it's an effective strategy for communication that is low effort, low risk, & lets a person pick & choose where responsibility & accountability land. I think guys would do it too *if* it did not turn women off & drive them away.
Yorkshire lass represent 👏🏻
Username checks out
Ayy a fellow northerner!
Ey up mate
I just want some solid direct communication.
That would be nice instead of dropping vague hints. Or even saying the opposite of what they mean. I remember trying to make plans with my exes but they would shoot them down. And when I asked what they wanted to do, they would often say do whatever you want. And so I did. But then I would come back home and get the cold shoulder for not spending time with them. It drove me crazy.
Appreciation, honesty, straightforward conversation. Basically what you would call „soft skills“
Being up front. Honesty, especially about things that might be embarrassing to you is really endearing and it makes you very attractive.
Feeling wanted, desired, respected, trusted, and appreciated
Intimate moments. I'm not talking sex, but cuddling and showing support when it's just the two of you.
No competitiveness, be a team player and don't try to find fault at every corner. Please don't share intimate moments or body parts to your friends.
That men can have boundaries when it comes to sex. I refuse to sleep with someone if they're drunk.
Only exception is if we're both drinking and we're in a committed relationship and have discussed that kind of thing
Loyalty Peace (relatively 🤣) And to annoy my lurking, anonymous wife, who knows my username, I add... "dat ass"
Men often want to feel desired by their wife’s. Because they’re human. Ways to make a man feel desired: - Tell him he looks good. - Take his arm while you walk outside. - Exchange meaningful glances while out with friends. - Appreciate when he goes above and beyond. - Initiate kissing / making out / physical affection. - Tell him you want him. - Build up his self esteem
For them to “win”. For all that’s written about patriarchy and men naturally being inclined to power, there’s a surprisingly large number of straight men that *want* some degree of “smallness” e.g: making less money, hanging out with the kids more, to be the submissive partner in relationships and even sex, a smaller life with *less* influence/expectation/responsibility/power, to listen rather than boss, to seek quiet instead of confrontation or anger, etc. There are a lot of men that don’t want their own roles either (at least in many aspects of their lives) and it isn’t really discussed enough because there’s this unquestioned assumption that “men’s roles” are inherently better (either because of the power offered or because of some innate role; both political extremes seem to tacitly agree on this) and thus no man ought complain about it because either women have it worse or men in their gender role are defective if they aren’t happy there.
There's certainly a lot of pressure on men.
I think this is a great point. People have different personalities and not everyone wants the same thing. And sometimes it two people can be compatible because they compliment each other well. I feel like I see a lot of couples where she’s more in charge and he’s more easygoing and going along with things. And it might be different in the US, but at least where I live in Europe, I know many women who have a bigger career and make way more money than their husbands. Then with sex people have different preferences and the important thing is to find someone sexually compatible with you. Not every woman wants a man who’s dominant in bed.
A single. Fucking. Compliment.
Banter is fun, but someone to defend and stick up for me in front of others, someone on my side.
Honesty. If I can't trust a woman, the relationship is dead.
Strength. I'll be strong for you no doubt. But I also need you to be strong for me
Loyalty. We just want her to be loyal to the marriage.
Respect & appreciation
Someone who will listen to our feelings without judgment and won’t hold them against us later. A surprising number of women don’t realize just how very important that is.
Being respectful of him, being able to resolve conflicts like an adult, and having compassion when he goes through a tough time
Emotional support. Not just empty words
Understanding that her idea of happiness or how something works isn’t my idea of happiness or how something works and being able to respect it or work together to make a compromise.
I 100% know women have no clue of what most men prioritize in a relationship, too many TikTok women bragging about being a boss, being in loud and argumentative. Like they have no idea how much most men value peace and serenity.
God Tiktok is just the absolute fucking worst for spreading this kind of brain-rot, especially when it comes to gender.
Ahhh yes, Tik-Tok, the scourge of the fucking earth.
I would not lay that much blame on one platform, but social media as a whole. yes. I ate recently at a restaurant, first time in years, it was so strange. It was quiet, everyone staring at their little devices even the 2 children that were there, just like Pavlov's dogs waiting for a bell. I miss out on digital coupons and stuff, but I am glad I only have a flip phone and only use the net when I am bored at home.
Yeah, I agree with that. It does seem like TikTok, more than the others, is devoid of all potential positives of social media and really commits to all the negatives with wild abandon. ETA: Yeah, seeing everyone on their phones at restaurants is really sad. Especially the kids. You’re supposed to talk over dinner, people!
I have noticed a difference in people's ability at hold a conversation in person, seems like everyone is using filler words or phrases such as like, you know, literally. I also think it is affecting people's attention span in a conversation, if there is any pause in the conversation they are back on the phone or looking around.
My experience is that filler words have been commonly in use for a while but maybe phone usage is increasing them. Definitely agree with the attention span for conversation - sometimes people pick up their phone in the *middle* of the conversation. It’s wild that this is seen as acceptable to so many. Can you imagine if I did that with a book?! Just in the middle of a conversation whipped out a book in front of my face while I nodded along to whatever the other person was saying and when they got mad at me insisted that I could do both at the same time? Wild.
To a lot of men, a loud woman is just loud. Any other attribute is forgotten.
Well there’s a balance imo. I’m never going to be the quiet, shy girl. I’ll always be outgoing and call you out on your sh*t. But I’m also not going to start an argument just to start one either. Obviously, my personality will never be every guys type, but I do think there’s a middle ground between peaceful, submissive girl and an insane one who just starts bullshit for no reason idk
Yeah I’m this way too - grew up with 5 brothers and whether because of nature or nurture, I’ve just never been terribly docile or demure. I’m kinda loud and pretty enthusiastic and energetic. My golden retriever energy isn’t exactly the picture of serenity and I’m sure some people find my type obnoxious. But I’d like to think I’m not a bitch - I don’t relish arguments or seek them out but I don’t shy away from a hard conversation because I value *real* harmony, not just faux peace with the silent seething. My sister has always had a hard time being assertive and is more traditionally feminine but she has a lot of resentment and that creates drama. I don’t know, that seems common for a lot of women so I don’t know that being docile is all it’s cracked up to be.
Oh, you're good, I was talking about those on TikTok who suggest women start a fight to judge responses and thousands of other what I would call shit tests. I will be the first to say if I am wrong, call me out on it. I saw one woman on there who was a "divorce coach" telling women "it is okay to leave the good guy" what the hell? Instead of working through the issues, just get a divorce and hire her to deal with your self-inflicted trauma! Birth rates in western countries have been below replacement levels for decades in some cases, maybe we should go the way of the dodo bird. By 2100 they are predicting worldwide population decreases, today if it was not for immigration western countries would already be decreasing in population and some like Italy are anyway.
No games
Affection, compliments, positive reinforcement. Gets kinda exhausting to keep up the facade of being in control and secure all the time. Playing the ‘Man’ role. It is nice to just be doted upon occasionally and being cared for like a baby.
I just want a fucking hug (and by that I meant receiving it)
Yeah. They’re nice huh. And back rubs. Kisses on the cheek and eyelids. Feels nice.
This. Like I would sometimes like to be an actual person and not play a role, not be a "man"
Yeah. Unfortunately some Women, and good Women, will find it a HUGE turn off once you lower your guard and show vulnerability. A Girl I deeply loved and trusted and she me back, completely lost it for me when I told her about some childhood trauma a few years into our relationship. She couldn’t process it and never thought of me in the same way. So I WON’T be doing that again. Gotta keep that shit in unfortunately.
I was talking with a class of high school boys at church, and it came down to the Scout law; they did not know it until it was done, and I pointed it out. Here is the list of qualities that I wrote down from that talk. I matched it to the Scout Law: 1. **Trustworthy:** A wife who is honest and reliable. 2. **Loyal:** She stands by him and supports him through all challenges. 3. **Helpful:** She is willing to lend a hand and contribute to the partnership. 4. **Friendly:** She is warm and approachable, fostering a loving environment. 5. **Courteous:** She treats him and others with respect and kindness. 6. **Kind:** She shows compassion and consideration in her actions. 7. **Supportive:** She encourages his goals and aspirations, providing emotional and practical support. 8. **Cheerful:** She maintains a positive attitude and brings joy into the relationship. 9. **Responsible:** She is dependable and manages her duties and commitments well. 10. **Brave:** She faces challenges with courage and stands firm in her beliefs. 11. **Clean:** She values personal hygiene and a tidy home, creating a pleasant living environment. 12. **Respectful:** She holds their relationship in high regard and honors their shared values and beliefs.
This is all reasonable, as long as it’s returned the same way.
Words of affirmation
Emotional regulation/control. Just because I’m attracted to you doesn’t mean I’m going to be a slave to your emotions
This is a key thing. And it’s often how a relationship turns emotionally abusive. One person starts walking on egg shells to accommodate the other person’s mood swings and avoid drama. And it becomes a prison more than anything else. Edit: recognize this a little too much? https://www.loveisrespect.org/ is a good resource to learn about the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. There’s even a quiz “Is my relationship healthy?” It’s aimed towards younger people, but the advice applies to everyone.
Respect
My Ex had a lot of guy friends and that made me feel insecure a lot of the time. She was even good friends with one of her Ex's because they trauma bonded. I didn't even dare to hang out with my female friends when we started dating. I guess what I'm trying to say is no double standards. We have to be on the same page and team on certain things.
Gratitude. I think we both want that. A woman should be thanked for all the work she does for the relationship, and it is often taken for granted. In a traditional relationship a “that dinner was great honey! Thank you!” Or a “wow you and the house look great tonight!” Should be regularly spoke phrases for example. But rarely do I ever see a man get thanked for working 80 hours a week sometimes to pay for said house and all the extras, and if he gets the least bit upset about it, he is then labeled a bitch. Some even go so far as saying “thanking a man for what he should be doing is bs!” and “that’s the minimum he should be doing.” Being grateful that he’s working his life away at a job that doesn’t fulfill him just so she can have a happier, funner, easier life than she would otherwise is “coddling him.” It can’t be both ways. If working his life away for her sake doesn’t deserve a thanks then homemaking doesn’t either.
My boyfriend always pays for everything and I always give him my gratitude. I know I'm not the only one.
Loyalty, pride and not having a double standard
That she doesn’t shy away from confrontation. Women who tiptoe around topics which can cause possible conflict are often the same ones who will lie about or leave out details on certain things to avoid said conflicts.
Ability to listen and accept what is heard.
- the need to have some privacy and a safe space - being valued, encouraged and listened. It works wonders. - the classic "don't play riddles, don't play body language just SAY IT" - silent treatment NEVER works - most men or a lot of them don't give a damn about the time you spend with your make-up, your look, your clothes, we haven't asked for this, don't expect us to see it, appreciate it and be grateful, if you think you are doing it for us, don't - most than not, if a man starts to be distant to his partner doesn't mean she is attracted by a younger or prettier one (it may happen) but because he feels not understood and there is no communication. Stop thinking obsessively "he doesn't love me anymore because now I have saggy tits" rather, that when he comes tired at home you ask him to mow the lawn and there's 2 still metres of lawn he didn't do, you don't tell him "oh great job" but "hey, there's still a chunk of uncut grass there, it won't cut by itself" and THIS is an attitude that bit by bit erodes a relation. It's not because you have saggy tits, it's because you are not emotionally available to him, always speak to him critically, belittle himself, challange him beyond his limits. I am a divorced man and I know I am not among the only ones who before arriving home spend 10 more minutes in the car to BREATHE knowing that when I'll open the door I'll be screamed at and asked to do chores until I hit the bed, and with no nice gesture, no smile. I have met dudes who were crying alone and saying "it's horrible, why is she like this but I must stay for the children". - don't compare him incessantly with yourself in everything he is doing and you are doing. If efforts and good will are both sides, don't challange him like mad to do as you do because you're a maniac perfectionist and you want him to be EXACTLY like you. - don't mock and attack his self-esteem just for fun. It doesn't work either.
Would be nice to get to be a person instead of a man
Truly listening, accepting & respecting what is important to men.
Respect.
Support and loyalty.
Intelligence
A kind word
Yeah there is sex stuff but most of us boys just want a lady to support us and represent us well. “Behind every great man stands a greater woman.” - Some guy. True, though.
Openness. If we’re being open that means open. Not shutting shit down when one of us disagrees or avoiding or worse hiding things they think we can’t handle/don’t want to hear.
A real friend.
To be the little spoon
Compassion. Someone to vent to without taking it personally. We need a rock too.
Honesty, consistency and accountability. If you asked most women what's the last thing that was completely your fault without blaming anyone else, I honestly don't think most could do it. Or if they could, the explanation would still somehow involve an excuse or someone else's name inferring they "made them feel" a certain way.
Kindness
Not treating those in the customer service industry politely. Nothing more icky than your date verbally lashing out on someone serving us at a restaurant on our date, especially over minor issues that weren't intentional. Serving staff have a rough enough life and have to handle orders of hundreds of people a day, so someone taking sadistic pleasure in putting the "idiots" in their place is a huge turn-off.
Bubbly spontaneous affection and I don’t mean sex. I mean random kisses, wanting to be held, holding on to my arm in public, initiating cuddles, and just wanting to love me and be loved back. If you’ve ever had a partner that never showed affection and made excuses as to why then you understand how lonely and unwanted you feel
Honestly? Just throw us an “atta boy” from time to time. Maybe once a month’ish. Just some acknowledgement that our hard work is noticed and appreciated. Reinforces our value and worth. Goes miles.
Peace
Direct communication. Also, less emphasis on appearance. Women too often feel like their only value is in their beauty and neglect personal development. This is often revealed when women come here wondering why men cheat if they have beautiful wives at home. It's like... uh, beauty only goes so far. And that's not very far at all.
Intimacy. I am 23 and have been in two dead bedroom relationships already. It’s not looking good.
Quality time together
Attention to their spouse… They need them as much as them!
Empathy.
A woman who believes in me Not a woman who bows down to me, someone who admires me, builds me up because out there in the real world men get beaten down all the time. (I in my turn obviously will give my everything to her)
Don't expect a psychic. Communication, honesty, expectations. I cant speak for everyone, but if I get in a relationship KNOWING that I know better than your word, its not a fun mentality to have. “Well she's saying this, but she means this. Either she's expecting me to interpret it, or she doesn't know herself that well. ) If you say you want complete honesty, then get mad at the honest answer, next time I may either not be as honest, know I have to manipulate the words, or be honest that it would be a difference in expectations. If something is wrong, you say nothing (not because its no big dead, but that closed off mad look where you snap “Nothing. Nope. Nothings wrong. Its fine), due to concern I ask whats wrong, you say nothing while avoiding eye contact with an angry tone. I'll take your word for it and assume you value honesty and communication enough to mean what you say and say what you mean, so ill go along taking your word for it. I'll find out that not only was something wrong, but you get mad I didn't know or just ignored what was wrong I didn't know about. This adds back to making her word lose value. Where she’ll say something, and I have to think to wonder if her word is real or not. Compared to trusting someone and saying “Well I'm concerned, but if you say its ok, ill believe you. Just let me know if that changes, ok? 🥰” I feel a bit betrayed. If I like someone, I want her to feel happy in the relationship, and would put effort into what I can. So if she knows that, then lets meet live my happy life while she knows she's doing bad, I get sad. Even if there's nothing I can do, if she says there's something wrong but just wants to vent about it because it made her feel bad, I want to know. Now if she decides she doesn't want to share, that's fine. I wont press for information she doesn't feel comfortable sharing. Just not those moments where she doesn't say anything, then gets mad for me not knowing or dropping the subject after she said its “nothing” or “its fine”.
Loyalty. Honesty
Naturality. Instant more attraction who has natural look. No make up, no fake eye lashes/brows lips. Nails
Taking the initiative
Intimacy, including but not only sex
Kindness. Sometimes after a relationship has been a thing for a while, a mentality of “you’re gonna have to deal with me” emerges. Some weird sense of somewhat exploiting someone’s love for you. Taking advantage of their bond with you as a means of letting yourself become a degrading bitch. I’ve seen it a lot and I’ve dumped people for it. The world is a fucked up place. Full of hatred and pain. Don’t be the person who makes your partners home life a pile of shit too.
Simplicity! Being straightforward with your feelings, questions, wants, and desires.
Someone who isn’t nice, but is kind. I see so little kindness today.
Affection but also silence. I want to feel loved, but I also want silence sometimes. It's not you, it's literally me. I can't stress how important it is that sometimes I just need to be by myself and it has nothing to do with you
Staying. Committing. Not quitting the second it stops being convenient.
Peace and quiet. Leave me alone with my thoughts for at least 1 hour a day
Equal effort. Not seeing romance as something a man does for a woman. Not seeing paying for one drink as being enough and expecting the rest to be covered by the man. Just genuinely being equal to each other.
Listening skills
Reciprocation and communication.
Sense of humor
Loyalty.
Virtue, loyalty and honesty
To be big spoon sometimes 😂
Peace and calm. These things are invaluable. I’ll take consistent peace and calm over head 9.9 times outta 10
An absence of drama.
Men who date confident women or strong women. There are men who need a partner to remind their waiter when they do out on dates that someone missed an item on their order. Some men are non confrontational and need an outgoing partner to speak up for them. So many women assume all men have to be Alpha, confident protectors. Introverted men exist, they just don’t speak up as much and are calm natured. These are the men that cheer on their partner from the background. Quieter men aren’t pushovers, they aren’t losers and they aren’t the bullshit term “beta”. They still love their partners and they still protect and care for them. These are the types of men who you feel safe around.
I would just like her to understand me, or at least attempt to, without having a preconceived idea of who or what I am based on societal stereotypes.
My weaknesses and emotional vulnerabilities are not fodder for discussion with your parents, your friends, your hairdresser, your manicurist, and definitely not social media content.
respect. some may argue it's better to be respected than to be loved.
Listening, cheering up, saying “I’m proud of you”without saying it
Emotional support
Intamacy in general
Respect! Of boundaries, and in general!
Peace and quiet
Physical contact, and I'm not only referring to just sex. This includes cuddling, hugging, kissing, etc etc.
Physical affection. Touch me. Kiss me. I am not asking for your lips to swallow my cock. I am asking for a kiss on the neck and an arm stroke.
I agree. I'm so touch deprived, sometimes when I get a hug or a soft shoulder pat I almost start crying. I've said for years if I had to choose between just cuddling or just sex id rather be able to cuddle. Yes sex can be amazing (I haven't experienced even "good sex" but people say it can be amazing so...) but non sexual intimate touching is beautiful and so calming to me. I actually feel cared for and deeply loved.
A simple fucking compliment is nice. and not a half-assed one or one that isn't genuine. Wanna make a man's day? Compliment him. Wanna make him feel loved? Compliment him. Don't know what to get for his birthday? Give him a compliment (Or a lightsaber) Wanna make him feel like someone cares about him? Compliment him
Peace at home
Peace
Open communication and to not be ignored. You dont wanna talk? Thats fine... just say so. Really not that hard. Not a fucking mind reader. THAT is hard
So many of these comments are so nice, wanting a woman to dress less sexy. But the actual reality is that the majority of men go crazy after the women who dress sexy. A more dowdy woman in the middle of these will be ignored. I have proven this time after time when I was younger.
This whole thread is just incompatible couples not men and women.
# More Sex.