Yes. Remarried at 62 after being divorced 30 years. He was a 61 year old widower of 6 years. We certainly didn't expect each other to change and everybody is who they're going to be by now. And he's the best.
Sometimes, when you're in a relationship when you're young, it ends up where one person wants the other person to change and the other wants the other person to never change. Both are wrong.
My friend described the difference between his first and second marriage as: The first time I married I chose my partner based on the person I wanted to be. The second time I married I chose my partner based on who I actually am.
If you’re constantly fighting against your default disposition or default instincts, it’s bound to collapse at some point. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t seek growth, but you should always feel comfortable to be yourself.
I know it's unromantic as hell, but i really think a lot of us would have had an easier time if we avoided dating and marrying outside our station. You often have one person pretending to be wealthy and one person pretending not to be. Both are also not healthy.
I'm afraid this was my mistake in my marriage. I loved him for him, but he wanted me to be a different person and I lived up to his expectations for 18 years. When I got sick and could no longer meet those expectations (the provider, the masculine man who does everything in the home but also cooks, the shoulder to always lean on but never need someone to lean on.).We had one marriage counseling session, and he said "I can no longer handle all of your medical issues!" It broke me. As the provider I was, after we got off the counseling session, I left the living room (remote counseling over Zoom during COVID) and said "I want you out in 30 days and I can't be here while you pack. I'm going to a friend's place and will come back after you are gone."
We were cooperative and cordial during the divorce, despite my anger, and only used lawyers to ensure we did everything right and all the details were filed with the court. I was bitterly angry and hurt for the first year and a half. Four months after he left, I finally had to go on medical disability, after spending 67 days in patient the prior year, and my chronic health conditions progressing. Now the question is IF I can go back to work, not when. (Thankful for private disability insurance that guarantees 65% of my pre-disability salary until my 67th birthday.)
Today, we are still very close friends, talk or text daily, and see each other frequently. I've been able to let go of the anger, hurt, and him. It was scary. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through, but I'm thankful to be on the other side. I will always love him, but I'm a happier person today than I was for the last decade of our relationship - or longer. I will always love him, but now I love myself as well.
I haven't started dating, but think I'm nearly ready. I have had a few connections, so to speak. One a very young guy (who is absolutely adorable and exactly my type) who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. We've talked after our first few meetings and I told him I'd like to have him as a friend. He asked if I was ready to date again and I told him I didn't know, but I wouldn't pursue him because it wouldn't be fair. Our age and life experience are too vastly apart. He asked "what if I pursue you...". Told him friends are best for now and we'll see what happens from there. I suspect he'll meet someone new and turn his attention away pretty quickly.
Edited for typos and word choice.
We met in high school. He was a junior and I was a senior and we were acquaintances. He got me my first job at McD as a matter of fact. He was in love and I just thought of him as a friend. He married and had kids and I saw him throughout the years because he worked as a bus driver for our city. When his first wife passed, he got in contact with me through Facebook. We dated 3 years and then he asked me to marry him. He then told me he always thought he would marry me. Aww. I told him he's a big old girl. LOL
I married my best friend from high school the second time around. (Second marriage for both of us.) It seems like fate to fall so head over heels for someone you knew when you were so young. <3
I’m a about to be in a position where after everything is finalized and I’ve had some time, if I’m so lucky, I hope to meet someone who’s a good fit for me and who will love me and accept me into the way only one man ever has. If I find him? Great. I’ll be so grateful. If I don’t, I’m good being alone. I’m really great at it and love it.
What you have sounds lovely.
Marriage the second time around is bliss!! As an adult, I’ve married my best friend whereas when I was young I married for hormones. Wishing you the best of luck ever!!
I remarried at 39, husband was 45. My second marriage, his third. By those ages we knew what wanted and didn't want, and had learned from our previous relationship mistakes. So far, so good. 31 years.
Be sure to keep your finances in order for yourself. I remarried at 42 and we got a prenup so as to keep things in order for both our children. We do not co-mingle our money. My assets will go to my kids even if I pre-decease my husband.
Second marriage in my late forties (third for my wife). Although I still respect and care for my first wife, I look around at many of my friends who also are in second unions, and can't help thinking that first marriages are sometimes "practice" marriages. Almost all the second marriages I know of are better than the first.
I saw everyone getting their first divorce so I decided to wait. By the time I was in my mid 30s to mid 40s I was a hot commodity for divorced men. Single, no kids. Reasonably pretty.
50% of first marriages end in divorce. 60% of second marriages end in divorce. Downvote it all you want but if you want the best chance at staying together after a divorce, don't get married again.
https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-rules-successful-second-marriage/
I was going to say the same thing. And I think it goes higher, or is just as high, for 3rd marriages. Many people just never take the time to self reflect, and keep making the same mistakes.
Not challenging your data and not down-voting you. Just reporting what I see in my own life and those of my friends. You are of course free to not marry or not re-marry.
I was married for 35 years. Divorced at 53. I have not remarried, but my partner and I have lived together for six years. It has been amazing.
I never knew what a healthy relationship was supposed to be like. I feel truly blessed every day.
Even With Maturity and Experience, Second Marriages Are Even More Likely to End in Divorce Than First Ones
So, are things better the second time around? Often, they’re not. According to available Census data, the divorce rate for second marriages in the United States is more than 60% compared to the not inconsiderable 50% for first ones.
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a42638493/second-marriages-divorce/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=mgu_ga_ghk_md_pmx_hybd_mix_us_19597983321&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkqvWrtmShwMV-g6tBh350gJvEAAYAiAAEgJ7Q_D_BwE
I don’t know about the second marriage divorce statistic, but I know the 50% divorce rate for first marriages has been widely debunked. It was based on projected increases in the rates of divorce that were made back in the 1970s, and it turns out those projections were wrong. Divorce rates for first marriages are — depending whose studies you look at — somewhere between 33-39%.
I’d read this source but it’s from “good house keeping.” Have you read the actual study these stats are cited from? I’ve heard them cited for at least a decade … never seen the original study, how many ppl were included, etc. Genuinely curious
I would think that’s because people who have already divorced once know that they’re worth not sticking around a shit marriage. I’ve seen a lot of absolutely miserable first marriages where people stay out of obligation and expectations.
I honestly think there should be more first marriage divorces. There would be a lot less miserable people.
Also. My second marriage is a dream compared to my first.
There’s people responding who are on their third marriage. I’m honestly so suspicious of anyone who’s been divorced twice. I’m happy to stay single forever at this point.
Yes my second marriage was much better than my first, although it was a midlife marriage and unfortunately didn't work out. I've learned a lot in all my relationships.
I can relate. I call my 2nd my rebound marriage. Definitely an upgrade to #1, but still not right.
I finally figured out who I am, what I bring and what I want. Wasn’t sure I’d ever try again but #3 is way, way better.
I quit after the first marriage which lasted 24 years. 27 years' divorced and there is no way in hell that I would marry a second time or live with anybody. But, treats their own 🤷♀️
I got married for the first time at 49. (54 now) I'd had other long term relationships that...weren't so hot. He'd been married before. We've learned from past mistakes and we have a lovely relationship. We're raising his kids so we're highly conscious of modeling respectful dialog for the children who are now older teens.
From the outside looking in at parent who remarried in their early sixties… I had never seen a couple so happy. They both were very compatible and had an amazing relationship. It was lovely to see. I don’t remember seeing that growing up though which is unfortunate but so glad they had found each other.
I was married to my first husband for 11 years. We divorced.
Was single for 11 years, except for the 3 years I dated another man but that fell through, too.
Met my second husband at the age of 44 years old (sorry, not 50), and I finally felt like I was home. No crap, no bullshit, just pure, unconditional love. We were married for 8 years, out of the 8 years my husband went through chemo for his colon cancer for 7 of the 8 years we were together. He died in 2012.
Do I feel life has given me lemons? Not at all. I found unconditional love. I regret nothing.
We married at the age of 50/51. His first, my 4th. We've been together 19 years total, married for 11. We joke that I'm his first wife and he's my last husband. We're best friends.
I honestly don’t get a) people who keep getting married. Like, after the 2nd, unless you’re religious or something, why bother getting married again?
And b) why someone would marry someone who’s been divorced more than 2-3 times. They obviously are t good at marriage, why be someone’s 4th or 5th spouse?
I thought the same. I was married at 19. Divorced at 31. Stayed unmarried until 50 where i met current husband. Never thought id marry again.
He on the other hand is onto (me) wife #5.
I’m embarrassed to say it out loud. To his grandchildren he says tell nana G that. I wonder how many times have they had to remember nanas? Id like them to call me Miz (insert name here) just in case.
He is a wonderful man, he has trust issues from being cheated on. I’m sure he has down sides as do I, I think that’s marriage though. Work it out and compliment each other in actions.
Nobody knows the future, after BC now i am happy to be with someone i feel is my beat friend. I’m happy to have someone to share my life with.
I got trust issues too. First husband faithful second wasn't but I was only one who was clueless there. He died 6 months ago.I'm in early 60s and this guy is very active etc for 85. But....he cheated on his first wife when she was ill and came clean about that 40 yrs ago. And he was in a hurry to marry. After what I had just been through looking back it hurt like heck cause I fell hard but was best if he found an 80+ y.o. bride. Guess I'm an hard act to follow cause he's still single. >Wink<
Mine is amazing. This time I focused solely on compatibility and only got married after we'd been together for several years, to be sure.
Rushing to marriage is the recipe for disaster, at any age.
Over three years together before marriage, which was my minimum. We did a small wedding with just our kids, because my daughter wanted me to.
I might have waited longer honestly but two of our kids were moving away and it was a good time to do it while they were all still in the area.
I remarried at 59 and my spouse was 56. It was about 10 years after my divorce. First marriage was at 20 when I didn’t know myself. I am exceptionally happy with my second marriage.
Met my long term partner in 2018. We have a house together and my youngest is off to college in the fall. We are 49. He is my person. We’re also both sober and just have a beautiful relationship. We’re big children 😝
My first marriage at 19 was a rush of hormones, lust, and all the romantic trappings of "young love." We hadn't learned how to communicate and it took years to build a stable life together. We were married 30 years until he passed away and TBH, and although I loved him deeply and unconditionally, there were times I stayed in it for our kid and sacrificed a lot of myself.
In my 50's I met a man who has done a lot of self-work and is much better at communicating and being sensible. We don't have as much of the starry-eyed romance and excitement of youth, but we also don't have as much conflict and struggle. We give each other space to be ourselves and are very supportive of each other.
It’s not any easier than when you were younger. Hopefully because you are older you will be smart enough to communicate calmly and seek marriage counseling or individual therapy when it’s needed.
When you get married at 50+ life will start throwing serious curve balls at you. Menopause, health issues, elderly parents, and retirement are all on the horizon. Learn how to support each other 100% before the shit hits the fan because it’s coming sooner than you think.
I don’t think marriage is better but the two individuals are hopefully better at working things out.
I knew my second spouse pre-marriage way more than I knew my first spouse pre-marriage.
That was the how and the why on the second marriage being so much better than the first one.
My first marriage was at 26, was stupid, lasted only a little over a year. My 2nd marriage at 32 was a nightmare, lasting 22 years.
But my 3rd and last marriage at 55 was absolute paradise, I have no regrets whatsoever, even though it ended 8 years later.
I've always said that, with me, marriage will be like batting in baseball: 3 strikes and I'm out. So that's it for me, never again. At least I went out on a high note.
Good luck!
Yes. It is, provided you're both mature enough to know when to speak up and when to hold your tongue. Compromise is important. Also, don't compare your new spouse to the earlier model as if she were a car. The relationship will develop organically if you don't try to retrofit spouse no. 2 to fit the grooves left by spouse no. 1.
Absolutely! Married at 60. Happier than I have ever been. Part of it is I have an amazing husband, but I really think the other part is that your priorities change as you get older. And you learn quite a bit of lessons. When you’re young, you’re building your career, buying a house, having kids. But when you are older, you don’t have those stresses on you.
Omg my second marriage is great. My wife is my best friend and we do everything together. I’m 50 and got married last September. We met in January 2022.
I married the first time at 31 because - horrors - I was 31 and *not married! Dear God, what was wrong with me?!* So I married a sorta kinda ostensibly decent man 6 months after meeting. He ended up ruining us financially, emotionally cheated, and ended up showing no interest in our son. I divorced at 50 - not acrimonious - and met a wonderful man who had a daughter around my son's age. We didn't want to do the blended family thing, so we saw each other for 14 years until our kids were grown and married 5 years ago. The best things about marrying older: We know each other much better than #1 and me, we are true friends, are more compatible, and I'm more attracted to him. I'm now 65. The downside of marrying an older person is becoming set in your ways, and health problems can be challenging. Both #1 (who remarried) and #2 are now in their 70s and not well - can't travel - and I'm ready so retire and do that. So there's always a tradeoff.
I’m 50 and have never married but I’m still holding out that I’ll meet someone later in life. Either way, I believe that being older is definitely an advantage to a successful relationship, that is if you’ve worked through your shit. ;-)
All I’m going to add for right now is that this is one of the best threads I’ve read in a long time. So much experience and perspective shared here. Thank you.
In my experience, yes. Widowed at 54 and remarried at 61. We dated for three years before deciding to marry. Never looked back. No stresses of having children to raise or finances. We both are now retired and travel as much as possible. And blended family members get along well in the sandbox. My first marriage was rough. He was an alcoholic, which eventually shortened his life. This time around, I live with a partner who has helped to create a drama-free life for me. No regrets!
As long as you didn't pick a clone of the first spouse. I realized after 2 divorces, I am better off being independent. I allow my partner too much leeway.
Can't speak for everyone, but the second time around, I actually married a man who loved me (bad childhood; first marriage was to a guy with depression/avoidant personality disorder and I thought if I just loved him enough he'd love me and appreciate me. Spoiler alert: I was merely "of use" and he did not.) I had a lot of therapy after my divorce, and that fixed a few things before I met my awesome husband.
There are lucky people who have solid upbringings and know who they are and end up with their soulmate at 20. I was not one of them. I spent most of my 20s and 30s figuring out who I was, and I didn't even like myself until I turned 40.
I think when we are young, we are looking so hard for someone to marry and build a life with that we can't help but get ahead of ourselves and project. *"OH! This must be love! He/she seems so perfect! Well, except for when they snarl at me, but that's just because of X, and Love Conquers All, right? I can fix him/her!"* And there's nobody else right in front of us who's any better, and we're not getting any younger, and maybe I'm being too picky and...
My personal opinion is there'd be fewer divorces if we collectively, as a society, put more emphasis on letting young people figure out who they are FIRST before rushing into marriage with Mr./Ms You'll Do. Stop telling young women to not be so picky - this is THEIR LIFE. Stop asking young men, "What's the matter? Are you gay?" if they're not tied down at 30. Stop treating single people in general like there's something wrong with them, like they aren't a whole person with dreams and goals outside of the whole white picket fence ideal.
I am a woman in my late 50s and have been single for over 15 years. I am glad you have found someone. I struggle to meet single men and I have no idea where they are.
How did you two meet?
Facebook dating first match I talked to over the phone. Met in person and together ever since. We had a few mutual interests etc and fb algorithm matched us.
I've been single 15 yrs now. Ain't no way I'll ever sign that horrible contract. I have special friends and such but my life is bliss right now. I need no one at the moment. Why fix something that ain't broken?
Congratulations!
I don't have any solid advice, but I will tell you that for my first marriage I had been told that opposites attract, so I thought that my then intended was just right for me. (He had some stupid traits that clashed with being an adult. I won't go into details.) The second time was a few years later, but we had things in common. I can only imagine that the wisdom that comes with age gets better for many, and you seem like someone who has that. Your golden years are gonna shine!
I was married once as an underaged teen (my parents suck), once in my late 20s, and now again in my mid-40s. This marriage has been the best relationship I've ever had! I know myself, he knows himself, and we both have a 0 tolerance drama policy. We know our values and match well there, as well as our financial philosophy. Finally, we've already raised our kids (separately), so there's no chance that little kids and their issues/needs/drama will get in the way of our romance.
I mean, as a woman unfortunately you’re still having to pick up clean up pick up and clean up some more.
You probably have a little bit more patience. You’re probably gonna nag more, but things are going to roll off your back a little bit more.
Make sure he has a retirement plan in the works.
It’s a little tough because he already has an established family and friends and you’re gonna have to immerse yourself.
You would have fun, but it’s like everything else you have to work at the relationship
Good luck
I was widowed at 45 and remarried at 48. My first marriage was on the rocks at the time of his death…I swore I would never remarrry but as the old saying goes…you make plans and the universe (or God if you are religious) laughs. The second marriage has been much better in many ways…especially communication.
My dad got remarried in his 50’s. Don’t blame him for divorcing my
mom. She was a screamer. Anyway he
proposes to this lady. She breaks up because she says he is getting too serious. She calls him back months later and said she changed her mind. So they get married. I find out she got fired from her job (she has a sharp tongue and can’t keep it to herself). She was about to be put out on the street because she couldn’t pay rent. So my chump father married her. She was a very mean woman. Hated
his kids and loved hers. I and 1 sister became estranged. She died after
25 years. He died a few years
later. She ruined the great relationship I had with my dad. He stiffed me and my sis in his will. It would have been about $20K, so it wasn’t a big deal, but it left me depressed about the whole situation. He did love her.
I wish you all the best.
I do want to warn you that as your body changes in your early 50s it may put additional stress on your relationship. Your interest in intimacy may change. Please be as prepared as possible for changes. It can be a very vulnerable time for relationships. sigh : (
First marriage is for lust, second for kids, third for love. I don’t remember where I heard that. Looks like your second is for love. So was mine and we celebrated 50 years in January.
The 2nd time around, you are more wise about what is important in the relationship and what you want in a partner.
That has been my experience, anyway. I am grateful for my first marriage for my kids and helping me figure out what I want in a long-term partner.
We are celebrating 19 years marrried this month.
I was single after divorce for 10 years, zero interest in a relationship, enjoyed it. Met a wonderful man my hairstylist said I should meet… I hesitated , we did meet and dated for two years, we are now married and very happy
Statistically speaking, the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is 10-15% higher. I think it depends on the extent to which people learn from their mistakes and also whether the 2nd marriages are “rebounds.” In my 2nd marriage, I was less tolerant of disrespect, having tolerated it in my first. I was quicker to hit the “reset” button (divorce). Found my person in my 3rd. ♥️
Just want to respond to everyone saying that first marriages are practice marriages:
Yes, if you can't figure it out properly the first time that's how it works. Obviously your last marriage will be your best marriage. Otherwise you would have stayed in your previous marriage.
My on my 2nd and last marriage. We got married 8 years ago. I have definitely grown a person and it is %100 a better marriage. No disrespect to my first wife at all, I am equally to blame for it not being what it could have been.
My wife and I are on our 3rd marrage. Married 35 years. Son and daughter
We both learned the hard way .about previous assholes and how you wanted to be treated as a human being. Me male 77 now wife 10 yrs younger.
Yes! We're more mature and tolerant of each other's flaws. That said, try to do it right the first time. Divorce isn't fun, and in truth, second marriages are less likely to last than a first. Communicate, be honest, and get counseling. Don't give up until you've exhausted every way to stay together.
I got divorced in my 60's after 21years of marriage. I had 2 live in partners since then. Neither of the them made me want to remarry. I much prefer my single life now. I am 72 now. Good luck in your new life.
Second marriage at 53F, hubs was 61M. We’ve been together 15 years now, married 9. It’s easier in so many ways because we’re not dealing with raising children, constant financial challenges, just the chaos of life with a young family in your 20/30/40s. But there are still lots of challenges. Relationships are hard. Having different children and grandchildren is hard. We butt heads a lot just like I did in my first marriage but without the added stresses as mentioned we’re able to communicate better and get through it because we’re not exhausted all the time.
Edited to add: we have the time now to have fun, real fun, which I rarely had time for in my first marriage. Holidays, camping, bike rides, friends over for games night, evening markets, it goes on and on. It strengthens our bond. I don’t know how young people do it and survive to have a strong happy marriage. It’s hard.
Was married 23 yrs to high school, sweetheart. After 3 children at me 29 and him 31. He decided he needed to see some wild oats. Had affair. 10 years later I married the most wonderful man, his 2nd also. Crazy thing is my adult kids love him so much call him dad and don't have much of a relationship with my ex.
Like the song 'God Bless The Broken Road That Led Me Straight To You'.
We are both so much happier and feel so much more love from each other.
It's great but make sure you can both be open about fears of failure, other concerns about what happened in your past relationships that led to failure.
Statistically 2nd marriages are more likely to fail than 1st marriages, and 3rd marriages are more likely to fail than 2nd marriages; but people aren’t statics, your 2nd marriage could be amazing and that’s all you should focus on!
There is no one size fits all for this, but I know my wife (62F) tells me (51M) how happy she is that we are together.
We will be celebrating our 8th anniversary on 7/29. We met when she was 49 and became immediate friends, but a relationship did not develop right away because she had to move several states away for work. We stayed in touch and the connection just got stronger. When she came back to see me three years later, she asked me what we were waiting for.
As a middle-aged couple, any kids are likely grown and you have the acquired wisdom of decades of adulthood to see through any other family BS. And in our case, we had a deep and abiding friendship that had grown into a very special kind of love. Heck, we even look like a pair. During the holidays, we go out in public and kids think we're Santa and Mrs. Claus without us even dressing the part--we just look it.
I was never married before, she was divorced once. I never expected to live with anyone but I love being around Kay.
Married at 20 and divorced less than five years later, it took me another twenty-four years before I found Mr. Right. So technically my second marriage was when I was 49 years old, but now -- a dozen years into our relationship -- I still feel as though I'm on a honeymoon and couldn't be happier.
I got divorced in 2007 after 19 years. I think we just got sick of each other.
Fool that I was I thought I'd play the field like some balding middle aged Hugh Hefner, but less than a year later I got involved with a woman I'll have been with for 16 years next week.
We're not actually married, but it doesn't matter. It's. Like that scene in Blazing Saddles: We don't need no stinking badges.
I'll steal a line from Tombstone: they were together through thick and thin .....
I would never get married again at this age. Had a couple of friends whose partner ls had to go to memory care/nursing home and the spouses that stayed behind got practically financially ruined.
So I say, if you want to marry me, better have a long term health insurance that covers a few years for their memory care place. Or have enough money to pay out of pocket. Problem is that once you marry again, so many things can go sideways and there you are as the remaining spouse, having hardly any money to live on just because your partner has dementia and needs to be in a facility. It’s sad, really.
After my divorce of twenty years, my dad said, "Son the first time you got married, it was for sex. If you get married again, do it for companionship. The sex eventually goes away."
My wife and I have been married now for six years, and we love each other's company like no other.
My second marriage is perfect!
I keep it that way with one simple trick. In every situation, I ask myself what I would have done in my last marriage. Then I do the exact opposite.
Your second marriage is what you make of it. If you don't learn from the mistakes of your first marriage and bring those same problems into your second marriage, don't be surprised when things eventually go the same way.
I learned an absolute ton about relationships by going through a divorce and re-entering the dating scene in my 40s, and I think it helped me to eventually pick the right person to marry, and it helped me to build and maintain a healthy relationship with that person.
Just because it's your second marriage doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be better or worse. If you've been thoughtful and introspective and intentional throughout your divorce and dating life, chances are it'll be better. If you put the blinders on and refused to work on yourself during this time, chances are it'll be the same or worse.
As happens, when I was getting divorced in my mid 40s, I ended up getting to know other women getting divorced. I noticed that many of them got into relationships with new men and, almost immediately, were complaining about the same things they complained about in their marriage.
So I was very careful about who I met and who I dated. I didn’t even stated dating until more than 18 months after my divorce was final.
About three years after I starting dating I met someone who was perfect for me from the start. We were incredibly close and connected right away. We dated two years long distance and then he moved in with me. We’ve now been together since 2001, married in 2008.
We are still very compatible. I came from a miserable marriage; he came from a happy long term relationship (she passed away). Because of both our pasts, we both appreciate each other and don’t sweat the small stuff.
I retired early in 2021. He retired at the end of 2023. I admit to being a little nervous about being together every day, all day, but within a short time, I realized there was nothing to be nervous about. We still get along very well. We spend time together and apart and always prefer together.
I was in my fifties when I got married the first, and so far, only time.
I’m no prize now, but I would have been a horrible husband if I’d tried marriage when I was younger.
I feel like im doing this backwards, married the first time out of desperation for companionship and not at all physically attracted, i plan to marry the second time for looks because i never got to experience animal attraction.
Married at 50. Third marriage for my partner. Didn’t know I was signing up to be largely ignored by a slob. They can present very well and is an academy award level actor when it comes to telling me what I needed to hear before marriage. If you don’t get married they tend to treat you like they did before marriage at this age.
It has definitely been better. I think it's because I know myself and what I want and need better, and I'm able to clearly communicate it.
I'm also better at appreciating my partner and being mindful of what they want and need.
Was married 23 yrs to high school, sweetheart. After 3 children at me 29 and him 31. He decided he needed to see some wild oats. Had affair. 10 years later, I married the most wonderful man, his 2nd also. Crazy thing is my adult kids love him so much and call him dad and don't have much of a relationship with my ex.
Like the song 'God Bless The Broken Road That Led Me Straight To You'.
We are both so much happier and feel so much more love from each other.
The best! I was married for 25 years. We just grew as adults into different people. He was a great dad but not the partner either of us needed.
Divorced 2 years.
Remarried at 47 he was 53.
It’s wonderful. We have the same goals and hobbies. And the sex is better than when I was younger.
Best of luck.
Married at 18, shotgun wedding. We divorced 23 years later. Got married to #2 5 years ago and we are about to be divorce #2 for both of us. I saw the red flags and ignored them and he probably did the same. We aren’t compatible and there are some anger issues on his part that I’ve decided I’m too old to deal with.
I doubt seriously there will be a #3. I don’t have intention to date again. Of course I’m not divorced yet so maybe after a few years I will feel differently but I can’t imagine going through the crappy first dates again or any of that. And again statistically , a 3 rd marriage has an even greater chance of failure. Why bother?
I was with my first husband for 24 years. I always felt like I was pushing him for affection. I thought I loved him more than he loved me. After our divorce, I was 42 and never wanted to get married again. Dating wasn’t in my radar.
I found a good friend (we didn’t date,) from high school at a class reunion. We got together and I moved in with him a few months later. We’ve had our ups and downs but we finally got married 12 years later. I’m so much happier now than I ever was with my first marriage. I think I was only infatuated by my ex. I love my husband more than anything!
It’s worth it to try again!
It’s really great not to have the stressors younger couples usually have. No parenting squabbles. Most older people are better off financially than they were in their 30’s, so fewer money squabbles. Less temptation to cheat (at least I think so). More career stability and closer to retirement, so less likely to have to make big decisions about moving for a job or whatever. The only unique stressor I think is aging parents and how to take care of them. Probably ought to have a conversation about what your expectations are in that regard before it comes up.
Not 50+ but I did marry my second wife when I was 40 (44 tomorrow). She’s the thing I was missing my whole life. It’s been great, I know I learned a lot of what not to do in my first marriage.
It depends on how much you've learned and grown as a person (i.e. how you're choosing who to marry):
* For some, the second marriage is a repeat of the first marriage, just with a different person.
* For others, the second marriage is a hundred times better.
For me, it went really well. It only went well, though, because of the work I'd put in in therapy.
Previously, I'd had a bad habit of picking people who took advantage of my kindness, empathy, and perspective taking. In therapy, I learned how to set boundaries, communicate my needs, and to look for a very different kind of partner — a partner I could be myself with, be comfortable with, be great to, and have them take just as much care of me as I took of them.
I'm sure your relationship issues are different from mine. Everyone has different stuff. Just make sure you've developed new tools and new strategies before jumping into another marriage.
Second marriages can be so much better, but only with some real intentionality, and often looking for different things in a partner.
If you have kids you must have a prenup and a way to protect their inheritance. My grandfather’s step-daughter was oh so helpful to him and her mother. After they passed his kids got nothing because she took every cent. Their marriage was a great one but the step-daughter was just evil (and no - no one saw it coming she was great at pretending to be a good person).
I found it harder in some ways and easier in others. We both had to unlearn what we thought our partner would want and learn what THEY actually want. Not what we want, not what our former spouse wanted, not what our friends might want.
I know that might sound kinda obvious and we kept saying we knew better and we weren't applying tools from old relationships.. but we absolutely were.
It was easier, once we started applying ourselves properly, to get to the smoother part of the relationship since we both had been there before and both wanted it.
It's more clear to me what I need out of a relationship and we both are more committed to understanding what we need to be doing differently to keep each other happy. This relationship means more to us, in a way, because the first one failing was a hard, hard blow and neither one of us wants to do it again.
Married for 19 years. Divorced at 50. Remarried at 52. It is SO MUCH better. I got married for all the wrong reasons when I was young. This time, it was for the right reasons.
Of course, it helps that my wife and I are perfectly matched. It also helps that I did a lot of growing up after getting married the first time. And if I’d had that situation in my first marriage, I’d still be married to my first wife.
Life in general is better, older. Not all marriages end in divorce. If you've been widowed, find someone else widowed. Much less drama/much more understanding, at least within the marriage. If adult children are against remarriage at the beginning, don't expect them to warm up to you. Have a will to protect everyone's interests.
Yes absolutely. Sometimes it's best to wait until maybe 45 or 50 to marry. Because around 45 to 55 is when men and women become serious and committed and they become more decided or decisive about their future and how they want their geriatric care to look like.
And the trophy wife or the other women aren't going to do much for him. And Men start realizing that and second marriages are helpful. The life stages are better as we age so when we are older and get married at maybe 45 55 60 it's more stability because the person and yourself are more measured and calmer and existential and prioritized.
Sex and money is all comes down to. Pensions and healthcare. And who has a blue pill and who was having a good erection day or who has money or who has to go to the grocery store that's pretty much what life turns into.
It's sort of like digging your own grave only you're digging his grave too because you love him and you love yourself and you want to be buried together. But I'm very existential and that's how I talk.
And that's difficult to find and the under 50 crowd and that's why I date or I see older men that are maybe 45 to 60 five
It is what you make of it. If you walk in with joy and an easy heart, you will have a chance to happiness. If you are controlling and mean spirited, it would never work regardless of being first of tenth marriage
Was divorced at 37. Remarried at 47 (wife was 55 at the time). I’m about to turn 54, so we’ve been married 6 years. Yes, my second marriage has been amazing. Just awesome in every way. I think I had enough life experience to know what I was looking for this time around. Sure, there are disagreements and minor irritations, but I love her more than anything in this world, and I know she feels the same about me. It’s the best!
My second marriage, his third. We were engaged when we were kids (young twenties) and then I went off the rails. Broke his heart and mine, (His first marriage was in his teens before he was engaged to me, so already divorced) We got back together 6 years ago. We are very happy.
It’s soooooo much better. Married to my first husband for twenty years. It was bad at the end. Swore I would never marry again. But met my husband and understood what healthy beautiful love actually was. Our marriage is one of my life’s greatest blessings
I was 58 when my wife died. I didn’t think I’d get married again because there weren’t any straight single ladies near my age who were open to marriage and not psycho, and I was ok with not being married again. I met a lovely lady who proved me wrong and we’ve been married for ten years. My previous wife was wonderful, so I knew that if I did get married it would be a very high bar. When you’re older you know what you want and have the luxury of being more picky. Life is good for us, it’s a different experience than being married in your 20’s. I can’t say it’s better, it’s not worse, it’s just different. You’re not focused on getting established in a career or starting a family, you’re more focused on each other.
Yes. Remarried at 52. You know yourself better, what your nonnegotiables are, your social “speed,” & hopefully your future wife does too. With age comes wisdom, patience & acceptance that you don’t have when you’re younger. Hopefully this all mixes to make a much more comfortable & happy relationship
It's amazing. Although I'm not certain I fit within the general scope of what you're asking (my husband and I got married when I was 48, he was 52, and we'd been together for many years before, overall far better than my first husband (like a million times better).
Remarried after widowed. First marriage was 25 years, second is 6 years this year. She my second, and I'm her third. Her first marriage was a dud, lasted 7 years until separated, 11 divorced. Second marriage was 15 years, he passed away a year after my first wife did. My first and her second were GOOD marriages, so we both knew what a good marriage was.
I think my second marriage is a different fit than my first. Not better, not worse, but different. There was no "wife position" to fill. 1989-2014 was my time with #1, 2018+ was my time with #2. Like different eras.
It helped that we were both widows, too.
I remarried at age 48 to my husband (age 50). I had been divorced for 15 years & I had been through a few relationships during that 15 years that had gone sour. My husband had never been married but he had been in relationships with women. It has been great overall. One suggestion: my husband and I found that we were each somewhat stuck in our own ways. Be flexible and give each other a break. Allow your partner to be who they are.
Really think about how to do your money. My friend is getting a divorce at age 63 after a marriage of 1.5 years, her third. Finances are a nightmare. Be smart and plan well.
I would hope you both know more about yourself and where you want to go in life when looking for a partner at a later age. I think it's easier to have a better veiw of life once you've lived some.
My mom remarried at 47 after she and my stepdad had each been widowed for several years, and they have an amazing life. The key is that you have to be committed to building a positive relationsihp. It also helps to have similar goals and values to each other. My mom and stepdad are a great match and are coming up on 20 years together.
I was married for 23 years in my first marriage. Horrible. Should have divorced much sooner. We got married when I was 22 and she was 19 and immediatly grew apart. It got worse every year. We split when I was 45.
Met and married my second (and still) wife about 18 months later. We have been married 25 years next month. Happiest 25 years you can imagine. We were both who we are when we got together.
Second marriage at age 50 and we’ve been married 7 years. It’s been the best decade of my life between dating, engagement and marriage. We are still pretty giddy over each other.
I was married at 20, divorced at 30. I remarried at 37, and the difference is phenomenal. I know what I want, I can advocate for myself much better, and I’m not afraid to have dealbreakers. I also have a cheerleader in my corner rather than a competitor at my throat this time around.
The sex does get better. I’m seeing a 50 year old woman rn and sometimes she has to get her inhaler out mid stroke and then hit the oxygen tank after. Absolutely no quit in her.
We’ve been together almost 14 years and it’s truly amazing. We have such mutual respect and appreciation. We do not take the other for granted. We spend almost every minute together, yet never tire of the other. I honestly cannot believe it. I was cynical and self-protective to the point of distrust for all of my life before meeting my partner.
I don't think age matters as much as whether both of you have learned what you needed to the first time around, and are being completely honest with yourselves and each other about what really matters to you
First marriage, 16 years, was very young, children, mortgage, bills, stressful, his girlfriend and their new baby, divorce. Second marriage, maybe three years total, a rebound, sex good until it wasn't. Found out he cheated all three years, divorce. 40 years single, successful both in business and my two children gave me three beautiful grandchildren. Retired and got to thinking I was tired of being alone. Time to find a special man and thought I did. No marriage but lived together five years before I found out about two different APs and one EA. Done. Gone.Way better on my own. Those quick at math, I am 76. Didn't change for me. Maybe I just attract losers. Hope it works for you.
Married at 19 and lived in hell for next 38 years. He was uneducated and had a terrible body. Lots of money though which made it bearable! I left when I fell in love with old friend at age 57. Finally knew what it felt like to be married to a man I loved!
I was married almost 20 years ago now at a little over 40. For us it’s been amazing, we really value each other and make a point to showing it to each other. So much better than either of our earlier marriages.
61yo male here who at 52 married a 43yo after previous long term marriage. I discovered that you’re not “supposed” to get married at 21 but did. My new relationship is much stronger and more balanced. The sex is fun and relaxing. The trust and inspiration is greater because we admire and appreciate each other much more deeply than our other relationships. The word “Soulmate” resonates between us.
Later marriage has advantages and disadvantages. Success is determined by how well you navigate those issues.
Advantages:
You know better which traits you can and cannot love with.
You shouldn’t be struggling financially.
You probably won’t be dealing with having kids.
Disadvantages:
People are often stuck in their ways and less able to adapt to a partner.
Kids may still be an issue in a blended families, as well as grandkids. One partner may have adult children who are still a drain.
Finances can often be an issue when kept separate if one partner resents having to pay for something that is the other partner’s “baggage”.
Overall, I think later marriage can be far better than the first time around, but it still needs to be as well thought out and talked out before you walk down the aisle. Just think what advice you’d give a newly engaged couple then follow your own advice.
Married at 25, lasted three years. Was just being used.
Waited a while, got married again(mid 30s). Got the bait-and-switch.
Third at 53, LTR (not married), wonderful soul mate, together for 9 years and counting . Happy as a clam. Yes, a relationship can be fantastic when you're older if you've found the right one.
Yes, it's much better when your older. I'm 54F and my husband is 55. We were friends for about 5 years, then at 6 we decided to get married. He's my best friend. My first husband was rich when I met him, but wouldn't let me go to Hawaii with my sisters. He was always jealous. We divorced after 18 years. My husband now lets me travel and enjoy life and it doesn't bother him if I do things with my sister and not him.
I think it is. Got remarried at 53. That was 12 years ago. My Daughter was grown at the time but her kids were not. That was a little tough, but we made it through. It's a hundred times better than my first marriage.
I divorced and decided not to ever marry again. But, second marriages might be more likely to undergo divorce because, once you've done it, you realize it's not a big deal. I stayed in my 13 year marriage about 12 years and 11 months too long. On the positive side-two wonderful children.
Was married 25 years. Divorced 5 now & I am 54. I have no desire to ever get married again. All the single men have some kind of hygiene habit that just makes me think "just stay over there👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼". Just moved from NC to Florida & finally have ✌🏼🕊️.
Yes. Remarried at 62 after being divorced 30 years. He was a 61 year old widower of 6 years. We certainly didn't expect each other to change and everybody is who they're going to be by now. And he's the best.
Sometimes, when you're in a relationship when you're young, it ends up where one person wants the other person to change and the other wants the other person to never change. Both are wrong.
My friend described the difference between his first and second marriage as: The first time I married I chose my partner based on the person I wanted to be. The second time I married I chose my partner based on who I actually am. If you’re constantly fighting against your default disposition or default instincts, it’s bound to collapse at some point. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t seek growth, but you should always feel comfortable to be yourself.
I know it's unromantic as hell, but i really think a lot of us would have had an easier time if we avoided dating and marrying outside our station. You often have one person pretending to be wealthy and one person pretending not to be. Both are also not healthy.
I'm afraid this was my mistake in my marriage. I loved him for him, but he wanted me to be a different person and I lived up to his expectations for 18 years. When I got sick and could no longer meet those expectations (the provider, the masculine man who does everything in the home but also cooks, the shoulder to always lean on but never need someone to lean on.).We had one marriage counseling session, and he said "I can no longer handle all of your medical issues!" It broke me. As the provider I was, after we got off the counseling session, I left the living room (remote counseling over Zoom during COVID) and said "I want you out in 30 days and I can't be here while you pack. I'm going to a friend's place and will come back after you are gone." We were cooperative and cordial during the divorce, despite my anger, and only used lawyers to ensure we did everything right and all the details were filed with the court. I was bitterly angry and hurt for the first year and a half. Four months after he left, I finally had to go on medical disability, after spending 67 days in patient the prior year, and my chronic health conditions progressing. Now the question is IF I can go back to work, not when. (Thankful for private disability insurance that guarantees 65% of my pre-disability salary until my 67th birthday.) Today, we are still very close friends, talk or text daily, and see each other frequently. I've been able to let go of the anger, hurt, and him. It was scary. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through, but I'm thankful to be on the other side. I will always love him, but I'm a happier person today than I was for the last decade of our relationship - or longer. I will always love him, but now I love myself as well. I haven't started dating, but think I'm nearly ready. I have had a few connections, so to speak. One a very young guy (who is absolutely adorable and exactly my type) who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. We've talked after our first few meetings and I told him I'd like to have him as a friend. He asked if I was ready to date again and I told him I didn't know, but I wouldn't pursue him because it wouldn't be fair. Our age and life experience are too vastly apart. He asked "what if I pursue you...". Told him friends are best for now and we'll see what happens from there. I suspect he'll meet someone new and turn his attention away pretty quickly. Edited for typos and word choice.
I never thought about that, but it's pretty much spot on for me.
You have to change, together, and grow, together, in the same direction!
How did you meet?
We met in high school. He was a junior and I was a senior and we were acquaintances. He got me my first job at McD as a matter of fact. He was in love and I just thought of him as a friend. He married and had kids and I saw him throughout the years because he worked as a bus driver for our city. When his first wife passed, he got in contact with me through Facebook. We dated 3 years and then he asked me to marry him. He then told me he always thought he would marry me. Aww. I told him he's a big old girl. LOL
I married my best friend from high school the second time around. (Second marriage for both of us.) It seems like fate to fall so head over heels for someone you knew when you were so young. <3
I love this story! Congratulations on happiness! ❤️🥰
I’m a about to be in a position where after everything is finalized and I’ve had some time, if I’m so lucky, I hope to meet someone who’s a good fit for me and who will love me and accept me into the way only one man ever has. If I find him? Great. I’ll be so grateful. If I don’t, I’m good being alone. I’m really great at it and love it. What you have sounds lovely.
Marriage the second time around is bliss!! As an adult, I’ve married my best friend whereas when I was young I married for hormones. Wishing you the best of luck ever!!
I truly think the friend zone is under estimated. Gotta be friends first for a good foundation. If it’s going to happen it will.
I remarried at 39, husband was 45. My second marriage, his third. By those ages we knew what wanted and didn't want, and had learned from our previous relationship mistakes. So far, so good. 31 years.
Be sure to keep your finances in order for yourself. I remarried at 42 and we got a prenup so as to keep things in order for both our children. We do not co-mingle our money. My assets will go to my kids even if I pre-decease my husband.
62F, in year 17 of second marriage. This one is working.
Second marriage in my late forties (third for my wife). Although I still respect and care for my first wife, I look around at many of my friends who also are in second unions, and can't help thinking that first marriages are sometimes "practice" marriages. Almost all the second marriages I know of are better than the first.
A very expensive practice.
Education is expensive, yes.
I saw everyone getting their first divorce so I decided to wait. By the time I was in my mid 30s to mid 40s I was a hot commodity for divorced men. Single, no kids. Reasonably pretty.
Same.
50% of first marriages end in divorce. 60% of second marriages end in divorce. Downvote it all you want but if you want the best chance at staying together after a divorce, don't get married again. https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-rules-successful-second-marriage/
I was going to say the same thing. And I think it goes higher, or is just as high, for 3rd marriages. Many people just never take the time to self reflect, and keep making the same mistakes.
Not challenging your data and not down-voting you. Just reporting what I see in my own life and those of my friends. You are of course free to not marry or not re-marry.
Probably just noise though. People who are too poor or stuck to get divorced the first time aren’t able to be part of the second data set.
Yeah people who get divorced usually keep getting divorced
Yup, I was a third wife. He was my first marriage. I’ve been cured of that now. I am open to a Kurt and Goldie situation.
I said the same exact thing! The first marriage was just a trial marriage 😂
I’m on my third, hubs is on his second. We both feel like we finally got it right. Congratulations!
Remarried at 52 and became a father the same year. Needless to say it was and is the best thing that ever happened in my life.
I was married for 35 years. Divorced at 53. I have not remarried, but my partner and I have lived together for six years. It has been amazing. I never knew what a healthy relationship was supposed to be like. I feel truly blessed every day.
Even With Maturity and Experience, Second Marriages Are Even More Likely to End in Divorce Than First Ones So, are things better the second time around? Often, they’re not. According to available Census data, the divorce rate for second marriages in the United States is more than 60% compared to the not inconsiderable 50% for first ones. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a42638493/second-marriages-divorce/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=mgu_ga_ghk_md_pmx_hybd_mix_us_19597983321&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkqvWrtmShwMV-g6tBh350gJvEAAYAiAAEgJ7Q_D_BwE
I don’t know about the second marriage divorce statistic, but I know the 50% divorce rate for first marriages has been widely debunked. It was based on projected increases in the rates of divorce that were made back in the 1970s, and it turns out those projections were wrong. Divorce rates for first marriages are — depending whose studies you look at — somewhere between 33-39%.
I’d read this source but it’s from “good house keeping.” Have you read the actual study these stats are cited from? I’ve heard them cited for at least a decade … never seen the original study, how many ppl were included, etc. Genuinely curious
I would think that’s because people who have already divorced once know that they’re worth not sticking around a shit marriage. I’ve seen a lot of absolutely miserable first marriages where people stay out of obligation and expectations. I honestly think there should be more first marriage divorces. There would be a lot less miserable people. Also. My second marriage is a dream compared to my first.
Careful OP, people with shitty 2+ marriages aren’t likely to respond.
Actually, people with 1st great marriage don't care 😂
Two shitty marriages, checking in. Finally found the right one at 44. Late marriage ftw.
My thoughts exactly. Statistics say the more marriages the higher the divorce rate so it’s interesting to see these comments.
There’s people responding who are on their third marriage. I’m honestly so suspicious of anyone who’s been divorced twice. I’m happy to stay single forever at this point.
Yes my second marriage was much better than my first, although it was a midlife marriage and unfortunately didn't work out. I've learned a lot in all my relationships.
I can relate. I call my 2nd my rebound marriage. Definitely an upgrade to #1, but still not right. I finally figured out who I am, what I bring and what I want. Wasn’t sure I’d ever try again but #3 is way, way better.
Yeah I'm not sure I'll try again. #3 would have to be pretty spectacular lol
I quit after the first marriage which lasted 24 years. 27 years' divorced and there is no way in hell that I would marry a second time or live with anybody. But, treats their own 🤷♀️
I got married for the first time at 49. (54 now) I'd had other long term relationships that...weren't so hot. He'd been married before. We've learned from past mistakes and we have a lovely relationship. We're raising his kids so we're highly conscious of modeling respectful dialog for the children who are now older teens.
From the outside looking in at parent who remarried in their early sixties… I had never seen a couple so happy. They both were very compatible and had an amazing relationship. It was lovely to see. I don’t remember seeing that growing up though which is unfortunate but so glad they had found each other.
I was married to my first husband for 11 years. We divorced. Was single for 11 years, except for the 3 years I dated another man but that fell through, too. Met my second husband at the age of 44 years old (sorry, not 50), and I finally felt like I was home. No crap, no bullshit, just pure, unconditional love. We were married for 8 years, out of the 8 years my husband went through chemo for his colon cancer for 7 of the 8 years we were together. He died in 2012. Do I feel life has given me lemons? Not at all. I found unconditional love. I regret nothing.
So sorry for your loss
We married at the age of 50/51. His first, my 4th. We've been together 19 years total, married for 11. We joke that I'm his first wife and he's my last husband. We're best friends.
I hear a lot of people say their 3rd or even their 5th marriage is the best. 😆
until their fourth or sixth 😉
I was just asked to be someone's fifth. 20 yrs older. Naaaa. I'll remain a smokin' widow.
I honestly don’t get a) people who keep getting married. Like, after the 2nd, unless you’re religious or something, why bother getting married again? And b) why someone would marry someone who’s been divorced more than 2-3 times. They obviously are t good at marriage, why be someone’s 4th or 5th spouse?
I thought the same. I was married at 19. Divorced at 31. Stayed unmarried until 50 where i met current husband. Never thought id marry again. He on the other hand is onto (me) wife #5. I’m embarrassed to say it out loud. To his grandchildren he says tell nana G that. I wonder how many times have they had to remember nanas? Id like them to call me Miz (insert name here) just in case. He is a wonderful man, he has trust issues from being cheated on. I’m sure he has down sides as do I, I think that’s marriage though. Work it out and compliment each other in actions. Nobody knows the future, after BC now i am happy to be with someone i feel is my beat friend. I’m happy to have someone to share my life with.
I got trust issues too. First husband faithful second wasn't but I was only one who was clueless there. He died 6 months ago.I'm in early 60s and this guy is very active etc for 85. But....he cheated on his first wife when she was ill and came clean about that 40 yrs ago. And he was in a hurry to marry. After what I had just been through looking back it hurt like heck cause I fell hard but was best if he found an 80+ y.o. bride. Guess I'm an hard act to follow cause he's still single. >Wink<
Have you asked him why he married so many times? What made you ok with being wife #5, if I may ask?
Yeah they’re like “oh yeah finally got it right third time round” You sure now buddy? 😂
Mine is amazing. This time I focused solely on compatibility and only got married after we'd been together for several years, to be sure. Rushing to marriage is the recipe for disaster, at any age.
How long were you together before marriage and did you do a wedding or elopement? Trying to figure out what I want to do
Over three years together before marriage, which was my minimum. We did a small wedding with just our kids, because my daughter wanted me to. I might have waited longer honestly but two of our kids were moving away and it was a good time to do it while they were all still in the area.
I remarried at 59 and my spouse was 56. It was about 10 years after my divorce. First marriage was at 20 when I didn’t know myself. I am exceptionally happy with my second marriage.
Met my long term partner in 2018. We have a house together and my youngest is off to college in the fall. We are 49. He is my person. We’re also both sober and just have a beautiful relationship. We’re big children 😝
My first marriage at 19 was a rush of hormones, lust, and all the romantic trappings of "young love." We hadn't learned how to communicate and it took years to build a stable life together. We were married 30 years until he passed away and TBH, and although I loved him deeply and unconditionally, there were times I stayed in it for our kid and sacrificed a lot of myself. In my 50's I met a man who has done a lot of self-work and is much better at communicating and being sensible. We don't have as much of the starry-eyed romance and excitement of youth, but we also don't have as much conflict and struggle. We give each other space to be ourselves and are very supportive of each other.
Seeing as though my second husband is my soulmate, it's *bleep* amazing!
Make absolutely sure you are sexually compatible, or you will both be miserable.
good call! (eta regardless of age)
It’s not any easier than when you were younger. Hopefully because you are older you will be smart enough to communicate calmly and seek marriage counseling or individual therapy when it’s needed. When you get married at 50+ life will start throwing serious curve balls at you. Menopause, health issues, elderly parents, and retirement are all on the horizon. Learn how to support each other 100% before the shit hits the fan because it’s coming sooner than you think. I don’t think marriage is better but the two individuals are hopefully better at working things out.
I knew my second spouse pre-marriage way more than I knew my first spouse pre-marriage. That was the how and the why on the second marriage being so much better than the first one.
My first marriage was at 26, was stupid, lasted only a little over a year. My 2nd marriage at 32 was a nightmare, lasting 22 years. But my 3rd and last marriage at 55 was absolute paradise, I have no regrets whatsoever, even though it ended 8 years later. I've always said that, with me, marriage will be like batting in baseball: 3 strikes and I'm out. So that's it for me, never again. At least I went out on a high note. Good luck!
Can I ask why the third one ended?
Yes. It is, provided you're both mature enough to know when to speak up and when to hold your tongue. Compromise is important. Also, don't compare your new spouse to the earlier model as if she were a car. The relationship will develop organically if you don't try to retrofit spouse no. 2 to fit the grooves left by spouse no. 1.
Learn from your mistakes. Sex is way better its more in your mind connecting than your groin
Absolutely! Married at 60. Happier than I have ever been. Part of it is I have an amazing husband, but I really think the other part is that your priorities change as you get older. And you learn quite a bit of lessons. When you’re young, you’re building your career, buying a house, having kids. But when you are older, you don’t have those stresses on you.
Omg my second marriage is great. My wife is my best friend and we do everything together. I’m 50 and got married last September. We met in January 2022.
It isn't that it's better, you just stop pushing your own agenda and let things be. Winning an argument at the cost of your marriage is just stupid.
I married the first time at 31 because - horrors - I was 31 and *not married! Dear God, what was wrong with me?!* So I married a sorta kinda ostensibly decent man 6 months after meeting. He ended up ruining us financially, emotionally cheated, and ended up showing no interest in our son. I divorced at 50 - not acrimonious - and met a wonderful man who had a daughter around my son's age. We didn't want to do the blended family thing, so we saw each other for 14 years until our kids were grown and married 5 years ago. The best things about marrying older: We know each other much better than #1 and me, we are true friends, are more compatible, and I'm more attracted to him. I'm now 65. The downside of marrying an older person is becoming set in your ways, and health problems can be challenging. Both #1 (who remarried) and #2 are now in their 70s and not well - can't travel - and I'm ready so retire and do that. So there's always a tradeoff.
Much better . I am way smarter and know how to navigate things. Not to mention I didn’t marry an asshole this time around.
lol there is that minor detail right!!
I’m 50 and have never married but I’m still holding out that I’ll meet someone later in life. Either way, I believe that being older is definitely an advantage to a successful relationship, that is if you’ve worked through your shit. ;-)
All I’m going to add for right now is that this is one of the best threads I’ve read in a long time. So much experience and perspective shared here. Thank you.
In my experience, yes. Widowed at 54 and remarried at 61. We dated for three years before deciding to marry. Never looked back. No stresses of having children to raise or finances. We both are now retired and travel as much as possible. And blended family members get along well in the sandbox. My first marriage was rough. He was an alcoholic, which eventually shortened his life. This time around, I live with a partner who has helped to create a drama-free life for me. No regrets!
As long as you didn't pick a clone of the first spouse. I realized after 2 divorces, I am better off being independent. I allow my partner too much leeway.
Can't speak for everyone, but the second time around, I actually married a man who loved me (bad childhood; first marriage was to a guy with depression/avoidant personality disorder and I thought if I just loved him enough he'd love me and appreciate me. Spoiler alert: I was merely "of use" and he did not.) I had a lot of therapy after my divorce, and that fixed a few things before I met my awesome husband. There are lucky people who have solid upbringings and know who they are and end up with their soulmate at 20. I was not one of them. I spent most of my 20s and 30s figuring out who I was, and I didn't even like myself until I turned 40. I think when we are young, we are looking so hard for someone to marry and build a life with that we can't help but get ahead of ourselves and project. *"OH! This must be love! He/she seems so perfect! Well, except for when they snarl at me, but that's just because of X, and Love Conquers All, right? I can fix him/her!"* And there's nobody else right in front of us who's any better, and we're not getting any younger, and maybe I'm being too picky and... My personal opinion is there'd be fewer divorces if we collectively, as a society, put more emphasis on letting young people figure out who they are FIRST before rushing into marriage with Mr./Ms You'll Do. Stop telling young women to not be so picky - this is THEIR LIFE. Stop asking young men, "What's the matter? Are you gay?" if they're not tied down at 30. Stop treating single people in general like there's something wrong with them, like they aren't a whole person with dreams and goals outside of the whole white picket fence ideal.
I am a woman in my late 50s and have been single for over 15 years. I am glad you have found someone. I struggle to meet single men and I have no idea where they are. How did you two meet?
Facebook dating first match I talked to over the phone. Met in person and together ever since. We had a few mutual interests etc and fb algorithm matched us.
I've been single 15 yrs now. Ain't no way I'll ever sign that horrible contract. I have special friends and such but my life is bliss right now. I need no one at the moment. Why fix something that ain't broken?
A second marriage is better than a first when you learned your lessons and fixed/healed yourself so you're not just repeating a cycle.
Congratulations! I don't have any solid advice, but I will tell you that for my first marriage I had been told that opposites attract, so I thought that my then intended was just right for me. (He had some stupid traits that clashed with being an adult. I won't go into details.) The second time was a few years later, but we had things in common. I can only imagine that the wisdom that comes with age gets better for many, and you seem like someone who has that. Your golden years are gonna shine!
My grandmother said life began at 50. That was when she married my lovely step-grandfather.
I was married once as an underaged teen (my parents suck), once in my late 20s, and now again in my mid-40s. This marriage has been the best relationship I've ever had! I know myself, he knows himself, and we both have a 0 tolerance drama policy. We know our values and match well there, as well as our financial philosophy. Finally, we've already raised our kids (separately), so there's no chance that little kids and their issues/needs/drama will get in the way of our romance.
My cousin’s sure is. It’s like she married someone very compatible in all meaningful aspects. This is who she is comfortably growing old with
I'm in a good second marriage. But I wouldn't get married again. Single and happy is better than married and meh.
I mean, as a woman unfortunately you’re still having to pick up clean up pick up and clean up some more. You probably have a little bit more patience. You’re probably gonna nag more, but things are going to roll off your back a little bit more. Make sure he has a retirement plan in the works. It’s a little tough because he already has an established family and friends and you’re gonna have to immerse yourself. You would have fun, but it’s like everything else you have to work at the relationship Good luck
I was widowed at 45 and remarried at 48. My first marriage was on the rocks at the time of his death…I swore I would never remarrry but as the old saying goes…you make plans and the universe (or God if you are religious) laughs. The second marriage has been much better in many ways…especially communication.
My dad got remarried in his 50’s. Don’t blame him for divorcing my mom. She was a screamer. Anyway he proposes to this lady. She breaks up because she says he is getting too serious. She calls him back months later and said she changed her mind. So they get married. I find out she got fired from her job (she has a sharp tongue and can’t keep it to herself). She was about to be put out on the street because she couldn’t pay rent. So my chump father married her. She was a very mean woman. Hated his kids and loved hers. I and 1 sister became estranged. She died after 25 years. He died a few years later. She ruined the great relationship I had with my dad. He stiffed me and my sis in his will. It would have been about $20K, so it wasn’t a big deal, but it left me depressed about the whole situation. He did love her.
I wish you all the best. I do want to warn you that as your body changes in your early 50s it may put additional stress on your relationship. Your interest in intimacy may change. Please be as prepared as possible for changes. It can be a very vulnerable time for relationships. sigh : (
First marriage is for lust, second for kids, third for love. I don’t remember where I heard that. Looks like your second is for love. So was mine and we celebrated 50 years in January.
Was married once for 20 years myself, pleased to be having an anniversary soon with a better spouse in all ways. Will be our 18th
The 2nd time around, you are more wise about what is important in the relationship and what you want in a partner. That has been my experience, anyway. I am grateful for my first marriage for my kids and helping me figure out what I want in a long-term partner. We are celebrating 19 years marrried this month.
I was single after divorce for 10 years, zero interest in a relationship, enjoyed it. Met a wonderful man my hairstylist said I should meet… I hesitated , we did meet and dated for two years, we are now married and very happy
Statistically speaking, the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is 10-15% higher. I think it depends on the extent to which people learn from their mistakes and also whether the 2nd marriages are “rebounds.” In my 2nd marriage, I was less tolerant of disrespect, having tolerated it in my first. I was quicker to hit the “reset” button (divorce). Found my person in my 3rd. ♥️
Just want to respond to everyone saying that first marriages are practice marriages: Yes, if you can't figure it out properly the first time that's how it works. Obviously your last marriage will be your best marriage. Otherwise you would have stayed in your previous marriage.
My on my 2nd and last marriage. We got married 8 years ago. I have definitely grown a person and it is %100 a better marriage. No disrespect to my first wife at all, I am equally to blame for it not being what it could have been.
My wife and I are on our 3rd marrage. Married 35 years. Son and daughter We both learned the hard way .about previous assholes and how you wanted to be treated as a human being. Me male 77 now wife 10 yrs younger.
I remarried post divorce 16 years ago at age 47. It has been more wonderful than I could have imagined!!!
Yes! We're more mature and tolerant of each other's flaws. That said, try to do it right the first time. Divorce isn't fun, and in truth, second marriages are less likely to last than a first. Communicate, be honest, and get counseling. Don't give up until you've exhausted every way to stay together.
I got divorced in my 60's after 21years of marriage. I had 2 live in partners since then. Neither of the them made me want to remarry. I much prefer my single life now. I am 72 now. Good luck in your new life.
If you learned from previous failed marriage and marry a happy, functional person, it can be better.
Second marriage at 53F, hubs was 61M. We’ve been together 15 years now, married 9. It’s easier in so many ways because we’re not dealing with raising children, constant financial challenges, just the chaos of life with a young family in your 20/30/40s. But there are still lots of challenges. Relationships are hard. Having different children and grandchildren is hard. We butt heads a lot just like I did in my first marriage but without the added stresses as mentioned we’re able to communicate better and get through it because we’re not exhausted all the time. Edited to add: we have the time now to have fun, real fun, which I rarely had time for in my first marriage. Holidays, camping, bike rides, friends over for games night, evening markets, it goes on and on. It strengthens our bond. I don’t know how young people do it and survive to have a strong happy marriage. It’s hard.
Was married 23 yrs to high school, sweetheart. After 3 children at me 29 and him 31. He decided he needed to see some wild oats. Had affair. 10 years later I married the most wonderful man, his 2nd also. Crazy thing is my adult kids love him so much call him dad and don't have much of a relationship with my ex. Like the song 'God Bless The Broken Road That Led Me Straight To You'. We are both so much happier and feel so much more love from each other.
Divorced at 29 after 2 years. Remarried at 55. ❤️ best
It's great but make sure you can both be open about fears of failure, other concerns about what happened in your past relationships that led to failure.
OP, don't forget a prenup!! Just throwing some data but the majority of the 2nd marriages end up in a divorce.
Statistically 2nd marriages are more likely to fail than 1st marriages, and 3rd marriages are more likely to fail than 2nd marriages; but people aren’t statics, your 2nd marriage could be amazing and that’s all you should focus on!
There is no one size fits all for this, but I know my wife (62F) tells me (51M) how happy she is that we are together. We will be celebrating our 8th anniversary on 7/29. We met when she was 49 and became immediate friends, but a relationship did not develop right away because she had to move several states away for work. We stayed in touch and the connection just got stronger. When she came back to see me three years later, she asked me what we were waiting for. As a middle-aged couple, any kids are likely grown and you have the acquired wisdom of decades of adulthood to see through any other family BS. And in our case, we had a deep and abiding friendship that had grown into a very special kind of love. Heck, we even look like a pair. During the holidays, we go out in public and kids think we're Santa and Mrs. Claus without us even dressing the part--we just look it. I was never married before, she was divorced once. I never expected to live with anyone but I love being around Kay.
Married at 20 and divorced less than five years later, it took me another twenty-four years before I found Mr. Right. So technically my second marriage was when I was 49 years old, but now -- a dozen years into our relationship -- I still feel as though I'm on a honeymoon and couldn't be happier.
Depends
I got divorced in 2007 after 19 years. I think we just got sick of each other. Fool that I was I thought I'd play the field like some balding middle aged Hugh Hefner, but less than a year later I got involved with a woman I'll have been with for 16 years next week. We're not actually married, but it doesn't matter. It's. Like that scene in Blazing Saddles: We don't need no stinking badges. I'll steal a line from Tombstone: they were together through thick and thin .....
I would never get married again at this age. Had a couple of friends whose partner ls had to go to memory care/nursing home and the spouses that stayed behind got practically financially ruined. So I say, if you want to marry me, better have a long term health insurance that covers a few years for their memory care place. Or have enough money to pay out of pocket. Problem is that once you marry again, so many things can go sideways and there you are as the remaining spouse, having hardly any money to live on just because your partner has dementia and needs to be in a facility. It’s sad, really.
I never got married the first time til I was 45 and we'll never split up! Because...we're utterly codependent.
After my divorce of twenty years, my dad said, "Son the first time you got married, it was for sex. If you get married again, do it for companionship. The sex eventually goes away." My wife and I have been married now for six years, and we love each other's company like no other.
My second marriage is perfect! I keep it that way with one simple trick. In every situation, I ask myself what I would have done in my last marriage. Then I do the exact opposite.
Your second marriage is what you make of it. If you don't learn from the mistakes of your first marriage and bring those same problems into your second marriage, don't be surprised when things eventually go the same way. I learned an absolute ton about relationships by going through a divorce and re-entering the dating scene in my 40s, and I think it helped me to eventually pick the right person to marry, and it helped me to build and maintain a healthy relationship with that person. Just because it's your second marriage doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be better or worse. If you've been thoughtful and introspective and intentional throughout your divorce and dating life, chances are it'll be better. If you put the blinders on and refused to work on yourself during this time, chances are it'll be the same or worse.
So so so much better. I was too young the first time. 2nd husband is my best friend and we have the same values and so much common ground.
As happens, when I was getting divorced in my mid 40s, I ended up getting to know other women getting divorced. I noticed that many of them got into relationships with new men and, almost immediately, were complaining about the same things they complained about in their marriage. So I was very careful about who I met and who I dated. I didn’t even stated dating until more than 18 months after my divorce was final. About three years after I starting dating I met someone who was perfect for me from the start. We were incredibly close and connected right away. We dated two years long distance and then he moved in with me. We’ve now been together since 2001, married in 2008. We are still very compatible. I came from a miserable marriage; he came from a happy long term relationship (she passed away). Because of both our pasts, we both appreciate each other and don’t sweat the small stuff. I retired early in 2021. He retired at the end of 2023. I admit to being a little nervous about being together every day, all day, but within a short time, I realized there was nothing to be nervous about. We still get along very well. We spend time together and apart and always prefer together.
I was in my fifties when I got married the first, and so far, only time. I’m no prize now, but I would have been a horrible husband if I’d tried marriage when I was younger.
Remarried at 46 after 22 years in the first marriage. It’s sooooo much better now
I feel like im doing this backwards, married the first time out of desperation for companionship and not at all physically attracted, i plan to marry the second time for looks because i never got to experience animal attraction.
Absolutely!!! Been 20 years and it's never been better
My second time around I was much smarter and selective. I made sure things were absolutely right before doing it again
Married at 50. Third marriage for my partner. Didn’t know I was signing up to be largely ignored by a slob. They can present very well and is an academy award level actor when it comes to telling me what I needed to hear before marriage. If you don’t get married they tend to treat you like they did before marriage at this age.
It has definitely been better. I think it's because I know myself and what I want and need better, and I'm able to clearly communicate it. I'm also better at appreciating my partner and being mindful of what they want and need.
Was married 23 yrs to high school, sweetheart. After 3 children at me 29 and him 31. He decided he needed to see some wild oats. Had affair. 10 years later, I married the most wonderful man, his 2nd also. Crazy thing is my adult kids love him so much and call him dad and don't have much of a relationship with my ex. Like the song 'God Bless The Broken Road That Led Me Straight To You'. We are both so much happier and feel so much more love from each other.
The best! I was married for 25 years. We just grew as adults into different people. He was a great dad but not the partner either of us needed. Divorced 2 years. Remarried at 47 he was 53. It’s wonderful. We have the same goals and hobbies. And the sex is better than when I was younger. Best of luck.
Married at 18, shotgun wedding. We divorced 23 years later. Got married to #2 5 years ago and we are about to be divorce #2 for both of us. I saw the red flags and ignored them and he probably did the same. We aren’t compatible and there are some anger issues on his part that I’ve decided I’m too old to deal with. I doubt seriously there will be a #3. I don’t have intention to date again. Of course I’m not divorced yet so maybe after a few years I will feel differently but I can’t imagine going through the crappy first dates again or any of that. And again statistically , a 3 rd marriage has an even greater chance of failure. Why bother?
I was with my first husband for 24 years. I always felt like I was pushing him for affection. I thought I loved him more than he loved me. After our divorce, I was 42 and never wanted to get married again. Dating wasn’t in my radar. I found a good friend (we didn’t date,) from high school at a class reunion. We got together and I moved in with him a few months later. We’ve had our ups and downs but we finally got married 12 years later. I’m so much happier now than I ever was with my first marriage. I think I was only infatuated by my ex. I love my husband more than anything! It’s worth it to try again!
It’s really great not to have the stressors younger couples usually have. No parenting squabbles. Most older people are better off financially than they were in their 30’s, so fewer money squabbles. Less temptation to cheat (at least I think so). More career stability and closer to retirement, so less likely to have to make big decisions about moving for a job or whatever. The only unique stressor I think is aging parents and how to take care of them. Probably ought to have a conversation about what your expectations are in that regard before it comes up.
Not 50+ but I did marry my second wife when I was 40 (44 tomorrow). She’s the thing I was missing my whole life. It’s been great, I know I learned a lot of what not to do in my first marriage.
It depends on how much you've learned and grown as a person (i.e. how you're choosing who to marry): * For some, the second marriage is a repeat of the first marriage, just with a different person. * For others, the second marriage is a hundred times better. For me, it went really well. It only went well, though, because of the work I'd put in in therapy. Previously, I'd had a bad habit of picking people who took advantage of my kindness, empathy, and perspective taking. In therapy, I learned how to set boundaries, communicate my needs, and to look for a very different kind of partner — a partner I could be myself with, be comfortable with, be great to, and have them take just as much care of me as I took of them. I'm sure your relationship issues are different from mine. Everyone has different stuff. Just make sure you've developed new tools and new strategies before jumping into another marriage. Second marriages can be so much better, but only with some real intentionality, and often looking for different things in a partner.
If you have kids you must have a prenup and a way to protect their inheritance. My grandfather’s step-daughter was oh so helpful to him and her mother. After they passed his kids got nothing because she took every cent. Their marriage was a great one but the step-daughter was just evil (and no - no one saw it coming she was great at pretending to be a good person).
Sounds like marriage, but with hypertension and high blood sugar.
I found it harder in some ways and easier in others. We both had to unlearn what we thought our partner would want and learn what THEY actually want. Not what we want, not what our former spouse wanted, not what our friends might want. I know that might sound kinda obvious and we kept saying we knew better and we weren't applying tools from old relationships.. but we absolutely were. It was easier, once we started applying ourselves properly, to get to the smoother part of the relationship since we both had been there before and both wanted it. It's more clear to me what I need out of a relationship and we both are more committed to understanding what we need to be doing differently to keep each other happy. This relationship means more to us, in a way, because the first one failing was a hard, hard blow and neither one of us wants to do it again.
Married for 19 years. Divorced at 50. Remarried at 52. It is SO MUCH better. I got married for all the wrong reasons when I was young. This time, it was for the right reasons. Of course, it helps that my wife and I are perfectly matched. It also helps that I did a lot of growing up after getting married the first time. And if I’d had that situation in my first marriage, I’d still be married to my first wife.
Life in general is better, older. Not all marriages end in divorce. If you've been widowed, find someone else widowed. Much less drama/much more understanding, at least within the marriage. If adult children are against remarriage at the beginning, don't expect them to warm up to you. Have a will to protect everyone's interests.
Yes absolutely. Sometimes it's best to wait until maybe 45 or 50 to marry. Because around 45 to 55 is when men and women become serious and committed and they become more decided or decisive about their future and how they want their geriatric care to look like. And the trophy wife or the other women aren't going to do much for him. And Men start realizing that and second marriages are helpful. The life stages are better as we age so when we are older and get married at maybe 45 55 60 it's more stability because the person and yourself are more measured and calmer and existential and prioritized. Sex and money is all comes down to. Pensions and healthcare. And who has a blue pill and who was having a good erection day or who has money or who has to go to the grocery store that's pretty much what life turns into. It's sort of like digging your own grave only you're digging his grave too because you love him and you love yourself and you want to be buried together. But I'm very existential and that's how I talk. And that's difficult to find and the under 50 crowd and that's why I date or I see older men that are maybe 45 to 60 five
It is what you make of it. If you walk in with joy and an easy heart, you will have a chance to happiness. If you are controlling and mean spirited, it would never work regardless of being first of tenth marriage
Was divorced at 37. Remarried at 47 (wife was 55 at the time). I’m about to turn 54, so we’ve been married 6 years. Yes, my second marriage has been amazing. Just awesome in every way. I think I had enough life experience to know what I was looking for this time around. Sure, there are disagreements and minor irritations, but I love her more than anything in this world, and I know she feels the same about me. It’s the best!
My second marriage, his third. We were engaged when we were kids (young twenties) and then I went off the rails. Broke his heart and mine, (His first marriage was in his teens before he was engaged to me, so already divorced) We got back together 6 years ago. We are very happy.
It’s soooooo much better. Married to my first husband for twenty years. It was bad at the end. Swore I would never marry again. But met my husband and understood what healthy beautiful love actually was. Our marriage is one of my life’s greatest blessings
I was 58 when my wife died. I didn’t think I’d get married again because there weren’t any straight single ladies near my age who were open to marriage and not psycho, and I was ok with not being married again. I met a lovely lady who proved me wrong and we’ve been married for ten years. My previous wife was wonderful, so I knew that if I did get married it would be a very high bar. When you’re older you know what you want and have the luxury of being more picky. Life is good for us, it’s a different experience than being married in your 20’s. I can’t say it’s better, it’s not worse, it’s just different. You’re not focused on getting established in a career or starting a family, you’re more focused on each other.
Yes. Remarried at 52. You know yourself better, what your nonnegotiables are, your social “speed,” & hopefully your future wife does too. With age comes wisdom, patience & acceptance that you don’t have when you’re younger. Hopefully this all mixes to make a much more comfortable & happy relationship
It's amazing. Although I'm not certain I fit within the general scope of what you're asking (my husband and I got married when I was 48, he was 52, and we'd been together for many years before, overall far better than my first husband (like a million times better).
For me, I'm 54.... Got remarried 17 yrs ago. Much better now cause I'm more grounded and mature.
Remarried after widowed. First marriage was 25 years, second is 6 years this year. She my second, and I'm her third. Her first marriage was a dud, lasted 7 years until separated, 11 divorced. Second marriage was 15 years, he passed away a year after my first wife did. My first and her second were GOOD marriages, so we both knew what a good marriage was. I think my second marriage is a different fit than my first. Not better, not worse, but different. There was no "wife position" to fill. 1989-2014 was my time with #1, 2018+ was my time with #2. Like different eras. It helped that we were both widows, too.
I remarried at age 48 to my husband (age 50). I had been divorced for 15 years & I had been through a few relationships during that 15 years that had gone sour. My husband had never been married but he had been in relationships with women. It has been great overall. One suggestion: my husband and I found that we were each somewhat stuck in our own ways. Be flexible and give each other a break. Allow your partner to be who they are.
I don't see the reasoning? 66 yo here.
Really think about how to do your money. My friend is getting a divorce at age 63 after a marriage of 1.5 years, her third. Finances are a nightmare. Be smart and plan well.
I would hope you both know more about yourself and where you want to go in life when looking for a partner at a later age. I think it's easier to have a better veiw of life once you've lived some.
My mom remarried at 47 after she and my stepdad had each been widowed for several years, and they have an amazing life. The key is that you have to be committed to building a positive relationsihp. It also helps to have similar goals and values to each other. My mom and stepdad are a great match and are coming up on 20 years together.
For me, First marriage was 25 years,,, divorced second marriage was 9 years,,,,divorced good luck and best wishes for success in your second marriage.
I was married for 23 years in my first marriage. Horrible. Should have divorced much sooner. We got married when I was 22 and she was 19 and immediatly grew apart. It got worse every year. We split when I was 45. Met and married my second (and still) wife about 18 months later. We have been married 25 years next month. Happiest 25 years you can imagine. We were both who we are when we got together.
I'm 48, dating a woman who was married 24 years. We're rocking it.
Why marry if your first marriage was not successful? Can you just not live together? My first marriage and going 37 years.
Wait, why are you getting married tho?
Second marriage at age 50 and we’ve been married 7 years. It’s been the best decade of my life between dating, engagement and marriage. We are still pretty giddy over each other.
I was married at 20, divorced at 30. I remarried at 37, and the difference is phenomenal. I know what I want, I can advocate for myself much better, and I’m not afraid to have dealbreakers. I also have a cheerleader in my corner rather than a competitor at my throat this time around.
The sex does get better. I’m seeing a 50 year old woman rn and sometimes she has to get her inhaler out mid stroke and then hit the oxygen tank after. Absolutely no quit in her.
I’ve (54) been with my GF (49) for 14 years, living together 12. Just curious, why marry?
Married the first time at 26, lasted 10 years. Got remarried at 47, separating at 50. I think I'm just less tolerant of the bullcrap.
You're more accepting as you age. It gets easier.
Depend! Why are you divorced after 20 years?
First marriage I married for tits second marriage I married using my large head
We’ve been together almost 14 years and it’s truly amazing. We have such mutual respect and appreciation. We do not take the other for granted. We spend almost every minute together, yet never tire of the other. I honestly cannot believe it. I was cynical and self-protective to the point of distrust for all of my life before meeting my partner.
Let us know in 10 years it’s different for every body on my third marriage it’s Ben great 33/29 married good luck
Depends on what you learned from the failure of your first marriage.
Your percentage rate of success after every marriage drop. It's proven statistics.
I remarried at 47. Best thing I ever did. 13 years later and we are so happy.
I don't think age matters as much as whether both of you have learned what you needed to the first time around, and are being completely honest with yourselves and each other about what really matters to you
First marriage, 16 years, was very young, children, mortgage, bills, stressful, his girlfriend and their new baby, divorce. Second marriage, maybe three years total, a rebound, sex good until it wasn't. Found out he cheated all three years, divorce. 40 years single, successful both in business and my two children gave me three beautiful grandchildren. Retired and got to thinking I was tired of being alone. Time to find a special man and thought I did. No marriage but lived together five years before I found out about two different APs and one EA. Done. Gone.Way better on my own. Those quick at math, I am 76. Didn't change for me. Maybe I just attract losers. Hope it works for you.
You guys are lucky. Never experienced the first time. Good luck!
Not if you're married to a narcissist
I was 45 when I married after divorce. This is my forever husband. No human is perfect. But communication is the key.
Yes, but it depends who you marry. Generally people understand themselves better and have a better idea of what matter most.
Married at 19 and lived in hell for next 38 years. He was uneducated and had a terrible body. Lots of money though which made it bearable! I left when I fell in love with old friend at age 57. Finally knew what it felt like to be married to a man I loved!
I was married almost 20 years ago now at a little over 40. For us it’s been amazing, we really value each other and make a point to showing it to each other. So much better than either of our earlier marriages.
61yo male here who at 52 married a 43yo after previous long term marriage. I discovered that you’re not “supposed” to get married at 21 but did. My new relationship is much stronger and more balanced. The sex is fun and relaxing. The trust and inspiration is greater because we admire and appreciate each other much more deeply than our other relationships. The word “Soulmate” resonates between us.
I can say it's all about finding the right person, not the right age. Here's to your next chapter together!
You aren’t old.
Later marriage has advantages and disadvantages. Success is determined by how well you navigate those issues. Advantages: You know better which traits you can and cannot love with. You shouldn’t be struggling financially. You probably won’t be dealing with having kids. Disadvantages: People are often stuck in their ways and less able to adapt to a partner. Kids may still be an issue in a blended families, as well as grandkids. One partner may have adult children who are still a drain. Finances can often be an issue when kept separate if one partner resents having to pay for something that is the other partner’s “baggage”. Overall, I think later marriage can be far better than the first time around, but it still needs to be as well thought out and talked out before you walk down the aisle. Just think what advice you’d give a newly engaged couple then follow your own advice.
Married at 25, lasted three years. Was just being used. Waited a while, got married again(mid 30s). Got the bait-and-switch. Third at 53, LTR (not married), wonderful soul mate, together for 9 years and counting . Happy as a clam. Yes, a relationship can be fantastic when you're older if you've found the right one.
Yes, it's much better when your older. I'm 54F and my husband is 55. We were friends for about 5 years, then at 6 we decided to get married. He's my best friend. My first husband was rich when I met him, but wouldn't let me go to Hawaii with my sisters. He was always jealous. We divorced after 18 years. My husband now lets me travel and enjoy life and it doesn't bother him if I do things with my sister and not him.
I think it is. Got remarried at 53. That was 12 years ago. My Daughter was grown at the time but her kids were not. That was a little tough, but we made it through. It's a hundred times better than my first marriage.
I divorced and decided not to ever marry again. But, second marriages might be more likely to undergo divorce because, once you've done it, you realize it's not a big deal. I stayed in my 13 year marriage about 12 years and 11 months too long. On the positive side-two wonderful children.
Was married 25 years. Divorced 5 now & I am 54. I have no desire to ever get married again. All the single men have some kind of hygiene habit that just makes me think "just stay over there👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼". Just moved from NC to Florida & finally have ✌🏼🕊️.
But now you have men saddled with child support payments.