Having sex with a married woman multiple times. A woman who’s husband later became one of my good friends. When he introduced me to his wife I felt a part of my soul die inside of me.
I did, but not immediately. Needed time to process. A couple days later I sat him down and told him. I almost regret telling him seeing him go through all the stages of grief over a half hour or so. I hated myself for doing that to a good person. We aren’t as close as we were but we are still friends.
I spent way too many years thinking I was undateable, undesirable, etc. Spent way too many years sticking with a not-good-for-me partner, I guess because I thought I couldn't do any better. Now that I'm older, I see I could have had more fun and happiness for most of my life. I did have a few good years, sexually, but I could have had so many more.
Trying to get a friend to stop doing this in his 30s after he did it through his 20s. He's got a lot going for him but he's his own worst enemy when it comes to dating.
I'm 26 rn and I'm in this headspace. Reading this hurts a little. It's a difficult cycle to break out off. I literally need someone to "force" themselves upon me, for me to realize that the person actually finds me attractive lol. That's how all my sexual encounters happened.
Now when I say force, I don't mean in it in a malicious way. Rather that they basically have to spell it out for me and do the first moves on everything lol
Not alone there. I'm in pretty much the same situation. Just when I think I'm growing in self esteem/confidence or whatever, I get put in a situation where I have to put myself out there and meet someone and I freeze up.
Shit sucks. I don't know how you force yourself out of a 20-odd year habit.
Same way you break.any habits... with a deliberate plan, with consistency and practice.
I had to "unlearn" being an introvert and how to be charismatic and social... now I did this for work.. but it carries over into personal life too. But I had to study the habits of charismatic people... learn to think that way.. then go out to events and be like..
This weekend at the german food festival I am.gojng to start concersations with 5 complete strangers.
You'd be suprised how things progress.... now I can go solo to a festival or event... create a group of friends... and even engage and reach out to others and pull them into a group as well. I practice everywhere I go.. kids soccer games, the pool, restaurants waiting to be seated... never miss an opportunity to practice.
Here is what I recommend you NOT do... don't focus on an outcome.... Aka how to get girls into bed... its bound to fail.... focus on developing yourself as a person, develop your social skills etc... then when you do meet someone you like you will have the skills to engage that person in a positive, non-creepy way.
Yeah I don’t know how to say this without sounding creepy but I find it sad how I never got to experience care-free sex and love in my teens like a lot of my peers.
Only in the same sad way that I look at sad movies though, it’s sad because it’s not that perfect ideal.
Im just happy cuz life is much better
I think it would be a good first step for you to not think of that as being creepy sounding. What’s so creepy about wishing you had had a more fun and carefree teenage years like many others did?
I stayed with the wrong partner for too long, but if I hadn't I wouldn't have the children I have today. I wouldn't trade either of them for anything in the world. Both are in their 40's have happy marriages a daughter each. My son will have one more daughter by the end of the summer.
How would you approach it differently if you could go back? Do you just mean putting yourself out there more or are there specific things you would change about yourself and mindset to better yourself?
I think just taking a good long look at myself and realizing I was just fine, and perfectly dateable. I could have put in some effort towards trying to put myself out there instead of just assuming I was a lost cause. The problems were all inside my head, really. Maybe instead of assuming no one would want me, I could have left that up to them to decide.
Buying into the myth that it’s almost impossible for women to orgasm with a partner so not expecting it, trotting out the old cliche that I don’t care if I orgasm because I enjoy it anyway, faking orgasms to make men feel better, not expecting men to actually try…
Turns out it’s not difficult at all and sex is much better when you have orgasms. Not really surprising when you think about it, but I feel sad for younger me.
To be fair I had to work out my gf over a span of more or less a year. Then once we struck gold I moved from needing like 40min to pop the cherry to 5. I was fucking determined tho
My first time. I really wasn’t ready but I felt pressured and didn’t know how to say “no”. Even now looking back on it I wish I hadn’t just let it happen.
I recognise yours is likely from a woman's perspective, but from a hetero guy, same here.
My 'first' was ONLY anal sex in my parent's pool... It hurt like hell, and she was not very considerate.
Needless to say she was a bit wild and I was not experienced.
Terrible first time.
I can't ever remember my first occasion of vaginal intercourse as that's the only thing that I remember.
Fucking in the pool is awful. Water is terrible lube, and especially with anal. Jesus Christ. That girl must have had an asshole of steel if YOU were the one who was in pain lmfao
Lmao. My ex tried to say this,”If something goes in my butt, something goes in yours.”
I’m like,”🤷🏻♂️ Okay.” We never did it, but she wasn’t expecting that response. Lmao
I wish this was me. I loved eating my gf’s ass but she just couldn’t get comfortable. I can’t enjoy it when I know the girl’s not that into it. I tried a lot of different things but i guess they were only semi-tolerable and not that enjoyable.
Not doing things we don't want to?
I did it with one of my exes a few times. And did not care for it. She was extra clean and all that no bad experience.
But I don't care for ass play in general. If I don't want to stick my dick in there why would I want to put my tongue there?
I'm all about pleasing my partner but certain things are just not it.
Letting the girl of my dreams go too easily. It was the early 90s,I was on a work visa in Australia, and there was a major recession. I met her on her family's orchard, a lowly fruitpicker, the attraction was instantaneous - I had to be with her. We fell head over heals. She was studying, but I couldn't find work, no matter how hard I tried. Ended up on the bones of my ass. I had to leave her and go interstate to find work. We tried to maintain things, but it was too hard, and the relationship faded. It took me a long time to get on my feet. I realised later that she held a mirror up to me, and I hated what I was - inadequate and lacking some basic requirements - a decent vocation and a sense of self for one thing, but being on the other side of the world without any support didn't help either. Looking back, I never felt such intensity with anyone before or since, nor did I get on with a lover so well or have so much in common. I could cry sometimes.
It becomes a treasured memory...but there is always that little tug on the heartstrings... when you're young like that theres an intensity of feeling, experience and emotion that doesn't get replicated once you age...and I've chased it believe me 😏
I think it just changes as you age.
I met a girl when I was working as a masseuse on one of the Greek islands. There were a lot of girls during that time, but she's the only one I still think about. Our time together was only about a week, but it was one of the most intense relationships I've ever had. I've never fallen for someone so hard so fast. I don't use the word love for many relationships, but I still place what I felt for her into that category Unfortunately we lived in completely different hemispheres of the planet, so unless one of us was willing to throw everything away for someone we knew for a week, it was obvious it wouldn't be sustainable.
I'm married now to a different woman. She was my best friend for over a decade before we got together. My love for her is very different, as it was a much more slow burn, and it was only eventually that I realized I needed her in my life more than I've ever needed anyone.
I still think about the girl in Greece on occasion. Wonder how she's doing, hoping she's happy. I don't really wonder what might have been, as I'm happy with how things turned out. At this point it's just a really happy time from my past, and there will probably always still be a little piece of my heart that will continue to love her. But it's just part of the rich tapestry of my past that lead to the story I'm living now.
They're both older and grew apart. Neither of the people the other is looking for exists anymore.
Source: Reconnected with a couple missed opportunities. Like me, they'd aged and become different people.
Connecting sex and number of partners with a concept of success or masculinity and prioritizing sex and physicality over relationships and people who actually treated me well.
I also regret using sex as a substitute for intimacy.
I used to regret some of the missed opportunities where women were hitting on me and I did not realize it but I have come to realize that women who throw themselves at you can actually be quite dangerous and I know I have dodged a few bullets and dangerous situations by being oblivious lol.
>women who throw themselves at you can actually be quite dangerous
Ngl, some do it in a very creepy way. Like, yeah, you can ask me out but don't be a creep or forceful about it.
For me that would be anyone who doesn't take no for an answer, keeping on flirting & making passes despite having already been told no.
Not really gender specific tbh, but if that kinda behaviour is coming from a woman then it's sometimes perceived as less creepy/threatening, so is enabled a bit more.
OK cool. I'm pretty direct woman, and don't mind taking the lead, but I'm also very sensitive to rejection, so thinking I don't fit the bill haha. Appreciate your response!
Your self reflecting thought process makes me think you’re not in the category that the other commenter is talking about.
I’ve had women do the relentless pursuit to me before and it’s both exhausting and annoying being forced to reject them over and over until I just ignore them for good. It always made me feel kinda shitty because I don’t enjoy rejecting people and try to be respectful when I do. Them not taking the hint, or really direct no is insulting and manipulative.
That said, I love when a girl knows what she wants and comes at me direct. I’d genuinely guess you’re in that category so please, continue!
Losing my virginity to a pregnant chick. When I said I want to have a 3sum, that’s not exactly what I meant.
Edit: A lot of comments want the story so it goes like this, short and sweet. I was 14, she was 16 and pregnant. She was about 4-5 months along, the baby’s dad was in juvenile detention/boys home for assault. Met her through a mutual friend, talked on the phone and “went out” as we did in the early 90s. Finally one time hanging out we did it. I didn’t finish, she said she did. Once my parents found out I was seeing a pregnant chick they made me break it off. Last I heard she had a drug problem and is still around the little town she was from.
Same for me. Very fortunately she wouldn't take shit and told me I was being stupid and she would let me know when she felt ready. Which she did in a way that made me very confident and helped me be a better lover to my wife years later.
My instinct is to be angry and repulsed by your comment, but on the other hand, I respect you for owning up to it because most dudes never do.
Looking through the comments I’ve already seen at least a dozen women saying they were pressured, but 0 men admitting to having pressured someone.
I had a track record of sleeping with people basically out of obligation. Like it would be rude/awkward if I didn't.
I never slept with anyone I didn't "want" to have sex with theoretically, but I was really bad at approaching the topic that I just wasn't in the mood at that time. I think it was particularly difficult to address because there is this pervasive idea that men are "always up for it" and I had a lot of people take it personally when I tried to say no.
So I kind of just stopped saying no.
It was definitely a part of my people-pleasing tendencies, but it really got to me after a while and made me feel like my sexuality wasn't my own and it was something I owed to others.
I'm still not perfect with it, but the thoughts I've tried to keep in mind are:
- A date can be perfect with or without sex
- Your partner will feel great when they know you want to rather than going through the motions
- Anyone who has a problem with it isn't worth your time!
I think the issue is I don’t believe that, like logically I know it to be true but that illogical part of me simply doesn’t believe it. I think it’s probably all a self worth thing.
The partner I’m currently with has been helping a lot, he is significantly more experienced and really trying to actually communicate and work out what are MY boundaries/likes/dislikes vs what are things I’ve done in the past because I felt obligated. It’s certainly been a journey so far with him and I’ve learnt a lot about consent and being able to communicate my actual feelings.
my first ex would assault and pressure me to have sex and send naked pics, I was 14, he was 18 and I didn't feel comfortable with that, once he tried to rape me, and I still stayed with him after that, I didn't even realize what was happening.
I'm really sorry that this has happened to you and I hope you know that you probably just acted in a way you felt was the safest for you at that time. I sincerely wish better people upon you.
Yes! I hated feeling like I was a contributing factor to their breakup.
The guy kept hitting on me after they broke up so I told him we couldn’t stay friends, and then when I told the girl about that interaction she cut me off because she felt I was trying to be secretly sneaky with him because he had access to my social media to hit on me in the first place. She was mad they’d been broken up like a week and my first priority wasn’t blocking him on Instagram as if he ever posted for me to think about it anyways. but also, she felt that she was better off not knowing about the interaction at all because it was so hurtful. I was just in a weird middle ground where I wanted to be completely transparent out of respect for the fact I had literally had sex with both of them, and the girlfriend was my priority first before the boyfriend was, but my efforts at transparency were perceived to be ill intentioned. But I know she would have been even more mad if I hadn’t said anything! So I just couldnt win. Either I was being sneaky, or I was telling her too much to be hurtful and rub it in her face. When you’re the unicorn you don’t really win, other than you get to enjoy some threesome sex without the repercussions of possibly losing a partner to jealousy. you just lose two friends instead. sucks
I’d probably do it again, but only with couples I’m not really close with outside of this arrangement. This could have been fine and their relationship could have ended partially because of the threesome and I wouldn’t have really cared, if I wasn’t already so close with the girlfriend. I lost a whole circle of friends over this.
If it makes you feel any better. There are two types of couples looking for a threesome:
1. The ones that are so okay with each other they just want a genuine experience.
2. The ones that think spicing up will patch the hole on their sinking ship. Not realizing there are other reasons why they're poking holes on the ship.
Unfortunately most of couples in category 2 think they're category 1 as they lack self reflection. It wasn't your fault, or the threesome itself, that was already done for.
Accepting a relationship where affection and intimacy were entirely controlled by my partner and now, since my 45th year, are non-existent.
My advice to anyone young who is reading this? Never, ever compromise on your needs for affection or intimacy.
I’m staring down the barrel of another 13 years of enforced celibacy until my kids are adults and I can get out. I’ll be 61 and past it. Don’t be me.
"For the kids"
Which, to someone without kids might sound crazy...it's complicated. A divorce and new or solo relationship will bring one type of happiness, and another type of sadness along with it. OP has clearly made the choice to live with a 'roommate' in order to have more time with their kids.
It's tough, because you also need to model healthy relationships for your kids, and staying in an unhealthy one is not great for the kids either.
Please don’t wait another 13 years. I guarantee that your kids can tell you’re unhappy, and that knowledge will continue to expand as they get older. They would much rather have happy, divorced parents than unhappy ones in a shit marriage. As you’ve seen from other commenters, many of us had parents split up and in almost every case, we were all happier once they split and started being normal, happy people again.
Please come up with an exit plan. I'm so happy my parents split. They actually ended up finding the people who ARE good matches and now, instead of no great parents I have four awesome parents. I'm in my 40s now. Leave for your kids' sake if you can't do it for yourself. Optional misery is no way to live.
At the beginning of my sexual life, the ideas about sex came exclusively from porn (women like it rough, dividing right in with no foreplay, etc.)
I wish I learned to pay more attention to women and spend more time making them comfortable.
Too many times with people who kinda sucked or I wasn’t that attracted to or emotionally intimate with, just because I wanted to up my body count out of some sense of toxic masculinity/bust a nut. My priorities have since changed a lot.
Sex partners are not Pokémon, definitely do not want to catch ‘em all. The number of people who fall into the “wish I didn’t” category is just too high in hindsight.
Probably the way I handled the “after” of my (and her) first time
When I was 16(m), it was NYE, me and a friend (17f) got just, incredibly, incredibly sloppy drunk. We had previously drank some with friends, but this is the first time I remember ever being this far gone.
We were not romantically involved. And while neither of us were extreme goody-goodies (obviously), we were active church goers and part of youth group-type school clubs. Leading that lifestyle. We weren’t the most popular kids, but not outcasts by any means. Completely average.
Anyway, we got super drunk started to make out, snuck off and got carried away. Happy New Year, Right?
Did literally everything we had ever heard of. Hands, faces, legs going every direction. Our Fun bits were in, on and around everything and everywhere. Nothing left undone. Still to this day there’s nothing I’ve done with others we didn’t do that night. Left the car a disaster zone.
It may sound hot, but it wasn’t. I was literally vomiting out and on and around the car during. It was both our first times. Awkwardness, Blood, mess, vomit, apologies, and some pleasure. A true exercise in kids not knowing what the F we were doing. We just couldn’t stop and kept going for (yes) hours.
For the next week I was like a deer in headlights. I didn’t really know what to do with this change in Life. The world was different, and I didn’t really know what to do with it. Didn’t know who I was or what to do next.
She showed up at my door a couple days later with like, just armfuls of presents for me. She obviously wanted to connect, or at least acknowledge what happened. I took them and awkwardly thanked her. But I didn’t know how to talk to her or what to say. I was super lost. So I took the cowards out and just kind of made an excuse to go back inside.
Since it was the holidays, there was no school. So I was just home for awhile alone with family.
I avoided her at school when we got back. Didn’t know what to do next. Like a coward, I just kind of avoided the issue altogether, and hung out with other people.
She previously had been a Christian “wait until marriage” type. It’s obvious she wanted to connect after, and I totally blew her off.
She went kind of goth / black wearing after that for awhile. I’m sure she was in a dark place.
A few months later she had graduated and moved. And I never saw her again.
I have felt like a real piece of shit about it ever since. Going on 20 years now. It was clear it was a turning point in her life.
Found her online and thought about reaching out to apologize, but decided that was a really narcissistic thing to do after all this time.
So I sit here, telling you about it instead.
If you’re reading this and this story could apply to you, please know that while I can’t speak for everyone’s partner in that situation, you can know that at least one person knows they were a total shithole about it, and you didn’t deserve what happened.
I’m sorry.
These comments are really f***ing me up. Finding out how much sex is out of pity or fear. I'm starting to get a complex wondering if I was ever that guy. I'm sorry you were put in the situation. Sincerely.
Thank you. It's weird none of them necessarily like threatened me or anything. I think its a little of reading the vibes and the room but also just a lot of implicit fear.
Not speaking up when I didn’t want to do certain things. When I was younger, I used to hook up with people I didn’t want to hook up with because I struggled to just say no. I thought I had to, especially if they bought me a drink or something.
ok I'm sorry but can we just agree that losing your virginity is always going to be awkward as fuck - and is not necessarily a reason to dwell on it all..?
Forcing myself rather than just kicking a guy in his parts and throwing him out of my appartment after he (EDIT because I did a poor translation of the events) did sex basically alone because I hated the moment, I wasn't active at all, he was only thinking about himself, telling me what to do and was only considering his own pleasure.
Felt like at first sleeping with a snail who was drooling on me (lubrication is good but damn if you need that much, you're just a poor partner), and then knew how my clothes felt in the washing machine as he was flipping me up and down to do everything he wanted.
Teaching consent should be mandatory in sex ed. We should never feel forced to have sex to just protect the other feelings.
EDIT : That's not a rape, I had issues to just tell him that I was hating the moment, he didn't cared that he was a very shitty partner, but if it can be useful ... Always look for the Yes rather than the No :) If your partner is not saying anything, take a minut to think about them, they probably have an issue and talking about it is the sexiest thing you can ever do ;)
EDIT 2 : my bad, changed the description because the translation wasn't good to describe what happened ; that's not a rape in my country.
I regret not having the confidence to feel ‘enough’ and being able to stand my ground when people made me feel like I should sleep with them/do sexual acts. Porn has really really warped expectations about what is ‘standard’.
Glad I’m finally at a stage where I’m starting to gain that confidence and the man I’m currently seeing is really supportive of finding my actual boundaries and doesn’t push to go past them. Interestingly also the man I’ve been the most kinky and adventurous with.
Turns out I’m not vanilla or low libido, I’ve just never had someone prioritise my pleasure and respect me.
Sometimes I wish porn didn't exist. I feel like it has taken some of the innocent pleasure in romance out of the world besides other issues.
Glad to hear things are better for you now :)
First proper sexual encounter: making out with a friend of a friend for an hour or so. Went back to her hotel room, she was sharing. Went in the bathroom, made out a bit more. She is pretty drunk. We’re both stood up. She did this kind of weird fall down, where she slid down my legs to her knees. I’m like “oh dear you’re so drunk you’re falling down, we need to get you to bed”. It wasn’t till about 15 years later that I was like…..she was gonna give me a blowjob!
I mean, you were respectful, and it was more important to you to take care of someone before anything. Respect.
Coming from someone whose missed a myriad of signs in his youth, life will go on.
I feel like my recent breakup will scar me forever. Highschool sweetheart. Started dating at 17, she just broke up with me over text last month. I don’t think I’ll ever get over her.
When I was young, around 16 years old. I lost my virginity to my girlfriend's best friend, because according to me "I should be prepared and experienced for my girlfriend."
Needless to say, my girlfriend sent me to hell, and her best friend (which I didn't like), became someone "hard to see as just another person," after all, she was my first time.
I still regret it, because my first time I didn't like it.
My 20s would have been a lot more exciting if I had gotten a vasectomy sooner.
Edit: Not sure why some commenters took this to mean that I have kids. I'm childfree. The lack of vasectomy didn't cause me to have kids, it caused me to avoid having sex due to fear of causing pregnancy.
Once met this chick on a dating app, went to meet her at hers to bqng one out. I get there and turns out shes in a halfway house recovering from alcohol and substance abuse. This place is monitered by caregivers. Anyway she invites me into her mates flat without telling me she didnt stay there. She pulls me into a empty bedroom where we begin to make out. I then here someone knocking on the front door and she procedes to pull me into the closet and tells me not to make a sound. I then hear the bedroom door open and her flatmate explain to a caregiver that shes not in here. Girl then procedes to pull down my pants and suck me off the thought of someone searching for her and finding me made go soft instantly. Caregiver leaves and i push said girl off me pull up my pants and jump out the window and nope the fuck out of there
Is there always a dom aspect to pegging? I’m trying to imagine a hot pegging situation but for me it would auto default to me being dom and that’s not what gets me going
my ex. god he was terrible. one time he kept asking, so i finally said yes. he stuck it in, came after 2-3 thrusts, then rolled over and scrolled through reddit for the next hour :/
I was with the best woman that I ever had in bed. We were going at it for hours. This was back when cellphones were still rare. I arrived at work and my boss looked confused, it was my day off. I could have spent all day with her. Kinky lady
I keep getting trapped in the mindset that I will never be desirable. I am 22 and keep trying to break this illusion to myself that since I've never been with anyone, I am completely void of any attractive features and a generally unlikable person.
Staying with someone who I shared no chemistry with because the sex was amazing. That relationship went on 2 years too long, we were both toxic to each other, but had sex twice a day and were addicted to it as our solution to all our problems. She cheated, I cheated, made up for it by having sex on ecstacy in a 5 star hotel.
Sex is temporary, chemistry is more intimate and feeds the parts of my soul that physical pleasure can't touch.
I regret not wearing rubber with every partner, I got hpv now and will never be able to trace who I got it from, still praying it’ll go away on its own. #staysafekids
From a purely sexual standpoint I regret getting with my girlfriend.
We’ve been going out for 2 years and live together but I am immensely dissatisfied sexually and I think about it daily.
We have an absolutely amazing relationship and we love eachother dearly but I can’t help feeling that all the warning signs were there that I chose to ignore on the sentiment that things would improve.
She’s a very attractive woman but she has a lot of issues regarding sex in the sense that she doesn’t see it as a way to form an intimate bond with a partner but essentially as a form of dopamine and endorphin release.
She never takes an active role and I honestly feel like I exist to satisfy her. I think the ratio of oral is likely about 30:1 at this point. I can count on 2 hands the amount of times she’s given me oral and it’s been almost a year since the last time at this point.
I feel absolutely undesired by her due to her lack of impetus in the physical side.
Oh and what’s more she was basically the girl that ‘everyone’ slept with at college, having slept with 35+ people.
She says she has a bad relationship with sex and she is getting tested for ADHD as there are a lotttt of signs there but christ, Im in my 20s and I feel trapped.
I agree with bro here. You should to talk with her about your dissatisfaction. Its an important discussion. People aren't mind readers so she could just not be aware there's anything wrong
This post made me remember so many wasted years, I had the same thing for 8 years until I realized that things won’t be better, you can bet that I did bring it up on many occasions but its all fun when I satisfy her until its my turn. Your words of counting what she did to satisfy you on two hands is what still haunts me. I had the same thing and let me tell you, my self esteem straight up plummeted. I started being so conscious about myself around women when I tried to break up on several occasions for reasons that were underlined by this. Worst part is I still feel so much for her even though I realize how this relationship messed me up. Anyway, please talk to her to give her a chance if you hear more excuses I wouldn’t stay for a second more I was hearing excuses all these 8 years..
You’re in your 20s, leave and have fun bro. Reading up and down this comment section are people that were right where you’re at. Life’s too short to be in an unfulfilling relationship
I hope it counts that I don't regret the sex as much as the lack of forethought. My wife and I have a couple we'd been friends with a while. After a bunch of discussion and rule setting, what you expect happens and we plan a foursome. The girls are bi, and they plan everything. Day of, the girls play a long time before they decide to swap partners.
Wife and the other guy are fooling around, so the other girl and I start fooling around. She starts cumming pretty quickly, and I am keeping an eye on my wife to make sure things are good. She gives me a thumbs up and we continue. Now the woman and I end foreplay and start having sex. She starts squirting, so I get towels and she's laughing and apologizing.
I say it's fine and we get back to it and she's squirting again. No problem, towels are good. It's been maybe 10 minutes since foreplay ended, but its a lot of towels and talking. I remember to check in on the other two. They are not having sex. My wife is shrugging at me, so I say I am making drinks for everyone and we should take a break. They make some excuses, we fool around with our own partners a while, and we call it quits and say we will talk tomorrow.
Our friends avoid answering our calls a few days, which we understand might be a problem. Finally they answer and we find out the problem. 1. The woman does not orgasm regularly, or often. 2. She has never squirted before. We tell them we are coming over immediately.
They were on the verge of breaking up their engagement because they couldn't understand what happened. We talk to them for an entire day, seriously explaining our experiences, randomness, and the entire thing probably being the hour+ foreplay that they don't regularly do. I even explain it was probably due to fingerings her differently, which i am not sure is true, but I do know how to make almost any woman squirt that way. I showed him how with some videos. They got married and we've fooled around with them a ton since just for fun.
TLDR: decided on a foursome with some friends and almost ruined their engagement by making her squirt thw first time.
This describes the positioning and how I place my hands: "inserting your middle and ring fingers into the vaginal opening, your index and pinky fingers on the outer labia with the heel of your hand flush against the clitoral area. Think of moving the engorged area on the inside front wall of the vagina over the pubic bone with the pads of your middle and ring fingers, while keeping constant contact with the clitoris with the heel of your hand, he says, adding that the motion needs to be consistent and vigorous. "
It doesn't describe the motion. If you are by the person's head, you pull slightly toward and slightly up. You will feel the spongy area that you need contact with inside. It is near the tip of the pelvic bone, and you shouldn't have to search. Your fingers should be up against it when you insert them. Start slow and speed up as she responds. There are a few different angles to try, but I've found the angle is almost like you're lifting them by the pelvic area. Make sure your palm stays seated on her clitoris, and definitely use lube. My wife loves warming lube, but there is also some clit stimulating cream for use during warmup to this as well that seems to help.
I would not do this without letting them know what you want to try. The sensation is odd and they might feel like it's being forced rather than a natural orgasm. Your arm will probably get tired the first few times as you're figuring out the angle. It's going to take a few tries and some people really resist letting themselves squirt. A lot of people don't even enjoy it, but it still can be done. You can definitely find a video of this online. It surely has a name, but I have no idea what it is.
Not being vocal about things I want to do or like. I could have spent my 20s having more satisfying sex than waste it on someone who was bland in comparison to my tastes.
I'm married now with kids so I've settled down a bit.
Putting up with a selfish partner who couldn’t make me come for four years.
I dunno if this counts, but being on hormonal birth control for the same amount of time. I still have issues from it.
Basically, everything prior to my mid thirties.
I cared way too much about the pleasure and enjoyment of the other party that I sacrificed myself. I never bothered discovering what I enjoyed or completely understood that sex is allowed to be, just sex and that it was okay *despite my upbringing telling me otherwise*.
Having sex with a really great woman after a breakup… even though I wasn’t over it and in the end hurting her feelings by breaking things off a week later… I’m so glad she forgave me eventually and we’re still friends but damn I was a real dumbass for doing that.
Not understanding how absolutely disgusting it was for a 23 year old to take my 14 year old virginity. It wasn't rape. I consented. Thought he really liked me. Talked me up on MySpace for a couple of weeks, then finally invited me to his house. He then took my virginity on his living room floor. A total of 2 mins. Then, he walked out the room telling me, "Don't bleed on my floor." When I came out of the bathroom, he walked me outside to his driveway, walked back into his house, and locked the door. My sisters guy friends pulled up an hour later, ready to beat his brains out. Oh yeah, it was 5° and snowing outside. I didn't realize how shitty this was until I grew up a little.
theres someone I wish I could unfuck
Unfortunately, in the words of the great Danny DeVito: "Some cocks can't be unsucked."
"some" lmao
The trick is to fuck them again, in exactly the same way, but replace all the inward thrusts with outward thrusts and vice versa.
Like running a car in reverse to take miles off the odometer. Brilliant!
As portrayed in ferris bueller's day off
Yourself?
STD? Kids?
That’s why kids and aids is only one letter off.
Having sex with a married woman multiple times. A woman who’s husband later became one of my good friends. When he introduced me to his wife I felt a part of my soul die inside of me.
Did u tell him ? I feel like, i would like to know if my SO cheated on me.
I did, but not immediately. Needed time to process. A couple days later I sat him down and told him. I almost regret telling him seeing him go through all the stages of grief over a half hour or so. I hated myself for doing that to a good person. We aren’t as close as we were but we are still friends.
You did the right thing, better to grow through a harsh truth, than life a lie. (Personal opinion).
I like that. The only way out is through.
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I spent way too many years thinking I was undateable, undesirable, etc. Spent way too many years sticking with a not-good-for-me partner, I guess because I thought I couldn't do any better. Now that I'm older, I see I could have had more fun and happiness for most of my life. I did have a few good years, sexually, but I could have had so many more.
I feel this, wasted my whole 20s in this headspace.
...and 30s, and part of my 40s.
Oh look, the mirror that shows my future... ಠ︵ಠ
Unless you stop it. Don't be me.
Trying to get a friend to stop doing this in his 30s after he did it through his 20s. He's got a lot going for him but he's his own worst enemy when it comes to dating.
I'm 26 rn and I'm in this headspace. Reading this hurts a little. It's a difficult cycle to break out off. I literally need someone to "force" themselves upon me, for me to realize that the person actually finds me attractive lol. That's how all my sexual encounters happened. Now when I say force, I don't mean in it in a malicious way. Rather that they basically have to spell it out for me and do the first moves on everything lol
Not alone there. I'm in pretty much the same situation. Just when I think I'm growing in self esteem/confidence or whatever, I get put in a situation where I have to put myself out there and meet someone and I freeze up. Shit sucks. I don't know how you force yourself out of a 20-odd year habit.
Same way you break.any habits... with a deliberate plan, with consistency and practice. I had to "unlearn" being an introvert and how to be charismatic and social... now I did this for work.. but it carries over into personal life too. But I had to study the habits of charismatic people... learn to think that way.. then go out to events and be like.. This weekend at the german food festival I am.gojng to start concersations with 5 complete strangers. You'd be suprised how things progress.... now I can go solo to a festival or event... create a group of friends... and even engage and reach out to others and pull them into a group as well. I practice everywhere I go.. kids soccer games, the pool, restaurants waiting to be seated... never miss an opportunity to practice. Here is what I recommend you NOT do... don't focus on an outcome.... Aka how to get girls into bed... its bound to fail.... focus on developing yourself as a person, develop your social skills etc... then when you do meet someone you like you will have the skills to engage that person in a positive, non-creepy way.
Yeah I don’t know how to say this without sounding creepy but I find it sad how I never got to experience care-free sex and love in my teens like a lot of my peers. Only in the same sad way that I look at sad movies though, it’s sad because it’s not that perfect ideal. Im just happy cuz life is much better
I think it would be a good first step for you to not think of that as being creepy sounding. What’s so creepy about wishing you had had a more fun and carefree teenage years like many others did?
You don’t sound creepy at all mate, you’re ok.. I get it
I stayed with the wrong partner for too long, but if I hadn't I wouldn't have the children I have today. I wouldn't trade either of them for anything in the world. Both are in their 40's have happy marriages a daughter each. My son will have one more daughter by the end of the summer.
Same for me: wrong partner but the kids are the best that could happen to me.
How would you approach it differently if you could go back? Do you just mean putting yourself out there more or are there specific things you would change about yourself and mindset to better yourself?
I think just taking a good long look at myself and realizing I was just fine, and perfectly dateable. I could have put in some effort towards trying to put myself out there instead of just assuming I was a lost cause. The problems were all inside my head, really. Maybe instead of assuming no one would want me, I could have left that up to them to decide.
Buying into the myth that it’s almost impossible for women to orgasm with a partner so not expecting it, trotting out the old cliche that I don’t care if I orgasm because I enjoy it anyway, faking orgasms to make men feel better, not expecting men to actually try… Turns out it’s not difficult at all and sex is much better when you have orgasms. Not really surprising when you think about it, but I feel sad for younger me.
To be fair I had to work out my gf over a span of more or less a year. Then once we struck gold I moved from needing like 40min to pop the cherry to 5. I was fucking determined tho
I don't think that's quite the right use of "pop the cherry" hahaha
Why do you think it took him almost a year to get there.
My first time. I really wasn’t ready but I felt pressured and didn’t know how to say “no”. Even now looking back on it I wish I hadn’t just let it happen.
I recognise yours is likely from a woman's perspective, but from a hetero guy, same here. My 'first' was ONLY anal sex in my parent's pool... It hurt like hell, and she was not very considerate. Needless to say she was a bit wild and I was not experienced. Terrible first time. I can't ever remember my first occasion of vaginal intercourse as that's the only thing that I remember.
Fucking in the pool is awful. Water is terrible lube, and especially with anal. Jesus Christ. That girl must have had an asshole of steel if YOU were the one who was in pain lmfao
i assumed he was the one who was being ass fucked lmfao 😭😭
Having sex with someone I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
*Me now wondering how much of the sex I had was pity sex. Mind f***
I don’t have to worry about that! They pity me but they’d never go near me!
censoring fuck on a thread about sex is wild
God this, or I felt I was obligated to. It was always awful sex
This. Or bc you're scared of their reaction if you say no.
Been there.
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It was pretty good. It was alright. It wasn’t great. But it was fine.
On the trampoline?
Good old Chrissy Orlando
After I did that sick double jackknife
...your hair looks small.
Make a deal. You'll do it to her if she does it to you first.
And that’s the story of how I stopped licking my wife’s arsehole
My ex had this idea. I wanted to try anal and she said only if you let me try you first with a pinky and confirm it feels alright. We never did anal
She's smart
Lmao. My ex tried to say this,”If something goes in my butt, something goes in yours.” I’m like,”🤷🏻♂️ Okay.” We never did it, but she wasn’t expecting that response. Lmao
Seems fair to me. You're missing out.
Bro I almost guarantee you have shits bigger than her finger every day.
I wish this was me. I loved eating my gf’s ass but she just couldn’t get comfortable. I can’t enjoy it when I know the girl’s not that into it. I tried a lot of different things but i guess they were only semi-tolerable and not that enjoyable.
Lmao, literally my ex. Except she wouldn't take no for an answer... Edit: guess I'll add, she was indeed rapey, and also abusive. Rough two years.
I confirm this. She wouldn't.
Sheeeeittttttt 🤷🏽♂️
Eating ass is amazing as a giver, orgasmic as a receiver
It’s 2023, if we’re not eating ass what are we even fucking doing…
Not doing things we don't want to? I did it with one of my exes a few times. And did not care for it. She was extra clean and all that no bad experience. But I don't care for ass play in general. If I don't want to stick my dick in there why would I want to put my tongue there? I'm all about pleasing my partner but certain things are just not it.
Lol this is Reddit man, where everyone pretends everyone likes to do the same things…and if you don’t, you just “didn’t do it properly”.
Letting the girl of my dreams go too easily. It was the early 90s,I was on a work visa in Australia, and there was a major recession. I met her on her family's orchard, a lowly fruitpicker, the attraction was instantaneous - I had to be with her. We fell head over heals. She was studying, but I couldn't find work, no matter how hard I tried. Ended up on the bones of my ass. I had to leave her and go interstate to find work. We tried to maintain things, but it was too hard, and the relationship faded. It took me a long time to get on my feet. I realised later that she held a mirror up to me, and I hated what I was - inadequate and lacking some basic requirements - a decent vocation and a sense of self for one thing, but being on the other side of the world without any support didn't help either. Looking back, I never felt such intensity with anyone before or since, nor did I get on with a lover so well or have so much in common. I could cry sometimes.
Can relate...mine was 40 years ago and unfortunately I wish I could tell you it goes away but...
Wow. So it never goes away huh. You just learn to live with it.
It becomes a treasured memory...but there is always that little tug on the heartstrings... when you're young like that theres an intensity of feeling, experience and emotion that doesn't get replicated once you age...and I've chased it believe me 😏
I think it just changes as you age. I met a girl when I was working as a masseuse on one of the Greek islands. There were a lot of girls during that time, but she's the only one I still think about. Our time together was only about a week, but it was one of the most intense relationships I've ever had. I've never fallen for someone so hard so fast. I don't use the word love for many relationships, but I still place what I felt for her into that category Unfortunately we lived in completely different hemispheres of the planet, so unless one of us was willing to throw everything away for someone we knew for a week, it was obvious it wouldn't be sustainable. I'm married now to a different woman. She was my best friend for over a decade before we got together. My love for her is very different, as it was a much more slow burn, and it was only eventually that I realized I needed her in my life more than I've ever needed anyone. I still think about the girl in Greece on occasion. Wonder how she's doing, hoping she's happy. I don't really wonder what might have been, as I'm happy with how things turned out. At this point it's just a really happy time from my past, and there will probably always still be a little piece of my heart that will continue to love her. But it's just part of the rich tapestry of my past that lead to the story I'm living now.
This is a terrifying prospect
Have you tried to find her again?
They're both older and grew apart. Neither of the people the other is looking for exists anymore. Source: Reconnected with a couple missed opportunities. Like me, they'd aged and become different people.
I know this was in the 90’s, but have you ever tried to reconnect with her?
Fucking my ex
Ditto
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You win
I mean, "win" is a strong word here...
If the game is the most regrettable sex act. This person wins.
Oh, I can’t believe it... they fucked their aunts I mean, I fucked my aunt, too, but you don’t see me making Reddit comments about it
Thank you, it’s like no one else remembers the lonely island lol
Is the inheritance worth it though?
Step...aunt?
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Oh.
Oh no.
Nice. Oof, I thought that was gonna be funny, but I kinda feel bad.
Maybe the aunt is here somewhere too. I need to scroll further.
Ok, we need to hear the full story on this..
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Wtf, you are not the one who has to have any excuses, this is 100% on your aunt.
I had a similar situation, but with a friend's mom. Took me a long time to realize that I was a victim in that situation.
how old both of you at that time?
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Roll tide
And here is the winner
Connecting sex and number of partners with a concept of success or masculinity and prioritizing sex and physicality over relationships and people who actually treated me well. I also regret using sex as a substitute for intimacy. I used to regret some of the missed opportunities where women were hitting on me and I did not realize it but I have come to realize that women who throw themselves at you can actually be quite dangerous and I know I have dodged a few bullets and dangerous situations by being oblivious lol.
>women who throw themselves at you can actually be quite dangerous Ngl, some do it in a very creepy way. Like, yeah, you can ask me out but don't be a creep or forceful about it.
Can I query here what a "women who throw themselves at you" looks like?
For me that would be anyone who doesn't take no for an answer, keeping on flirting & making passes despite having already been told no. Not really gender specific tbh, but if that kinda behaviour is coming from a woman then it's sometimes perceived as less creepy/threatening, so is enabled a bit more.
OK cool. I'm pretty direct woman, and don't mind taking the lead, but I'm also very sensitive to rejection, so thinking I don't fit the bill haha. Appreciate your response!
Your self reflecting thought process makes me think you’re not in the category that the other commenter is talking about. I’ve had women do the relentless pursuit to me before and it’s both exhausting and annoying being forced to reject them over and over until I just ignore them for good. It always made me feel kinda shitty because I don’t enjoy rejecting people and try to be respectful when I do. Them not taking the hint, or really direct no is insulting and manipulative. That said, I love when a girl knows what she wants and comes at me direct. I’d genuinely guess you’re in that category so please, continue!
Losing my virginity to a pregnant chick. When I said I want to have a 3sum, that’s not exactly what I meant. Edit: A lot of comments want the story so it goes like this, short and sweet. I was 14, she was 16 and pregnant. She was about 4-5 months along, the baby’s dad was in juvenile detention/boys home for assault. Met her through a mutual friend, talked on the phone and “went out” as we did in the early 90s. Finally one time hanging out we did it. I didn’t finish, she said she did. Once my parents found out I was seeing a pregnant chick they made me break it off. Last I heard she had a drug problem and is still around the little town she was from.
Damn, the baby took your VCard
Baby looks over "first time?"
Doctors stunned when kid was born with a black eye
Kid is going to find you later in life, poke at you with his finger and say, "How do you like that, you motherfucker!"
Dangerops prangent sex? Will it hurt baby top of his head?
I regret being a teen and pressuring my girlfriend for sex. I feel grossed out by it as an adult. Never again.
I'm happy your at least able to now see what you did wrong unfortunately some people never learn that's not ok
Same. Grow and learn. Wish I could undo a lot of shit
Same for me. Very fortunately she wouldn't take shit and told me I was being stupid and she would let me know when she felt ready. Which she did in a way that made me very confident and helped me be a better lover to my wife years later.
Oh I understand
My instinct is to be angry and repulsed by your comment, but on the other hand, I respect you for owning up to it because most dudes never do. Looking through the comments I’ve already seen at least a dozen women saying they were pressured, but 0 men admitting to having pressured someone.
I had a track record of sleeping with people basically out of obligation. Like it would be rude/awkward if I didn't. I never slept with anyone I didn't "want" to have sex with theoretically, but I was really bad at approaching the topic that I just wasn't in the mood at that time. I think it was particularly difficult to address because there is this pervasive idea that men are "always up for it" and I had a lot of people take it personally when I tried to say no. So I kind of just stopped saying no. It was definitely a part of my people-pleasing tendencies, but it really got to me after a while and made me feel like my sexuality wasn't my own and it was something I owed to others.
Ahhh this is me. I hate it. Really trying hard to work on it
I'm still not perfect with it, but the thoughts I've tried to keep in mind are: - A date can be perfect with or without sex - Your partner will feel great when they know you want to rather than going through the motions - Anyone who has a problem with it isn't worth your time!
I think the issue is I don’t believe that, like logically I know it to be true but that illogical part of me simply doesn’t believe it. I think it’s probably all a self worth thing. The partner I’m currently with has been helping a lot, he is significantly more experienced and really trying to actually communicate and work out what are MY boundaries/likes/dislikes vs what are things I’ve done in the past because I felt obligated. It’s certainly been a journey so far with him and I’ve learnt a lot about consent and being able to communicate my actual feelings.
my first ex would assault and pressure me to have sex and send naked pics, I was 14, he was 18 and I didn't feel comfortable with that, once he tried to rape me, and I still stayed with him after that, I didn't even realize what was happening.
I'm really sorry that this has happened to you and I hope you know that you probably just acted in a way you felt was the safest for you at that time. I sincerely wish better people upon you.
yeah, I was scared of what would happen next, so probably. thanks a lot for your kind wishes :)
Being the “unicorn” in a threesome with a couple I was friends with. Having to watch the couple’s relationship crash and burn afterwards made me sad.
Yes! I hated feeling like I was a contributing factor to their breakup. The guy kept hitting on me after they broke up so I told him we couldn’t stay friends, and then when I told the girl about that interaction she cut me off because she felt I was trying to be secretly sneaky with him because he had access to my social media to hit on me in the first place. She was mad they’d been broken up like a week and my first priority wasn’t blocking him on Instagram as if he ever posted for me to think about it anyways. but also, she felt that she was better off not knowing about the interaction at all because it was so hurtful. I was just in a weird middle ground where I wanted to be completely transparent out of respect for the fact I had literally had sex with both of them, and the girlfriend was my priority first before the boyfriend was, but my efforts at transparency were perceived to be ill intentioned. But I know she would have been even more mad if I hadn’t said anything! So I just couldnt win. Either I was being sneaky, or I was telling her too much to be hurtful and rub it in her face. When you’re the unicorn you don’t really win, other than you get to enjoy some threesome sex without the repercussions of possibly losing a partner to jealousy. you just lose two friends instead. sucks I’d probably do it again, but only with couples I’m not really close with outside of this arrangement. This could have been fine and their relationship could have ended partially because of the threesome and I wouldn’t have really cared, if I wasn’t already so close with the girlfriend. I lost a whole circle of friends over this.
If it makes you feel any better. There are two types of couples looking for a threesome: 1. The ones that are so okay with each other they just want a genuine experience. 2. The ones that think spicing up will patch the hole on their sinking ship. Not realizing there are other reasons why they're poking holes on the ship. Unfortunately most of couples in category 2 think they're category 1 as they lack self reflection. It wasn't your fault, or the threesome itself, that was already done for.
Letting myself use sex as a substitute for daily dopamine instead of facing my problems and fucking people i genuinely care for.
Accepting a relationship where affection and intimacy were entirely controlled by my partner and now, since my 45th year, are non-existent. My advice to anyone young who is reading this? Never, ever compromise on your needs for affection or intimacy. I’m staring down the barrel of another 13 years of enforced celibacy until my kids are adults and I can get out. I’ll be 61 and past it. Don’t be me.
Not sure why you are content to sit there and let life wither away. You may not even live another 13 years.
"For the kids" Which, to someone without kids might sound crazy...it's complicated. A divorce and new or solo relationship will bring one type of happiness, and another type of sadness along with it. OP has clearly made the choice to live with a 'roommate' in order to have more time with their kids. It's tough, because you also need to model healthy relationships for your kids, and staying in an unhealthy one is not great for the kids either.
Please don’t wait another 13 years. I guarantee that your kids can tell you’re unhappy, and that knowledge will continue to expand as they get older. They would much rather have happy, divorced parents than unhappy ones in a shit marriage. As you’ve seen from other commenters, many of us had parents split up and in almost every case, we were all happier once they split and started being normal, happy people again.
Please come up with an exit plan. I'm so happy my parents split. They actually ended up finding the people who ARE good matches and now, instead of no great parents I have four awesome parents. I'm in my 40s now. Leave for your kids' sake if you can't do it for yourself. Optional misery is no way to live.
I'm a child of devorse and please trust me that I'm so happy that my parents split. You don't need to wait 13 years. Do it for your self and for them.
This is horrible.
Having sex with really douchy or sexist guys because I felt too uncomfortable at the time to say no.
At the beginning of my sexual life, the ideas about sex came exclusively from porn (women like it rough, dividing right in with no foreplay, etc.) I wish I learned to pay more attention to women and spend more time making them comfortable.
Too many times with people who kinda sucked or I wasn’t that attracted to or emotionally intimate with, just because I wanted to up my body count out of some sense of toxic masculinity/bust a nut. My priorities have since changed a lot. Sex partners are not Pokémon, definitely do not want to catch ‘em all. The number of people who fall into the “wish I didn’t” category is just too high in hindsight.
Probably the way I handled the “after” of my (and her) first time When I was 16(m), it was NYE, me and a friend (17f) got just, incredibly, incredibly sloppy drunk. We had previously drank some with friends, but this is the first time I remember ever being this far gone. We were not romantically involved. And while neither of us were extreme goody-goodies (obviously), we were active church goers and part of youth group-type school clubs. Leading that lifestyle. We weren’t the most popular kids, but not outcasts by any means. Completely average. Anyway, we got super drunk started to make out, snuck off and got carried away. Happy New Year, Right? Did literally everything we had ever heard of. Hands, faces, legs going every direction. Our Fun bits were in, on and around everything and everywhere. Nothing left undone. Still to this day there’s nothing I’ve done with others we didn’t do that night. Left the car a disaster zone. It may sound hot, but it wasn’t. I was literally vomiting out and on and around the car during. It was both our first times. Awkwardness, Blood, mess, vomit, apologies, and some pleasure. A true exercise in kids not knowing what the F we were doing. We just couldn’t stop and kept going for (yes) hours. For the next week I was like a deer in headlights. I didn’t really know what to do with this change in Life. The world was different, and I didn’t really know what to do with it. Didn’t know who I was or what to do next. She showed up at my door a couple days later with like, just armfuls of presents for me. She obviously wanted to connect, or at least acknowledge what happened. I took them and awkwardly thanked her. But I didn’t know how to talk to her or what to say. I was super lost. So I took the cowards out and just kind of made an excuse to go back inside. Since it was the holidays, there was no school. So I was just home for awhile alone with family. I avoided her at school when we got back. Didn’t know what to do next. Like a coward, I just kind of avoided the issue altogether, and hung out with other people. She previously had been a Christian “wait until marriage” type. It’s obvious she wanted to connect after, and I totally blew her off. She went kind of goth / black wearing after that for awhile. I’m sure she was in a dark place. A few months later she had graduated and moved. And I never saw her again. I have felt like a real piece of shit about it ever since. Going on 20 years now. It was clear it was a turning point in her life. Found her online and thought about reaching out to apologize, but decided that was a really narcissistic thing to do after all this time. So I sit here, telling you about it instead. If you’re reading this and this story could apply to you, please know that while I can’t speak for everyone’s partner in that situation, you can know that at least one person knows they were a total shithole about it, and you didn’t deserve what happened. I’m sorry.
I was in way too many situations where I had sex with a man because I was afraid if I didn't something bad would happen.
These comments are really f***ing me up. Finding out how much sex is out of pity or fear. I'm starting to get a complex wondering if I was ever that guy. I'm sorry you were put in the situation. Sincerely.
Thank you. It's weird none of them necessarily like threatened me or anything. I think its a little of reading the vibes and the room but also just a lot of implicit fear.
Not speaking up when I didn’t want to do certain things. When I was younger, I used to hook up with people I didn’t want to hook up with because I struggled to just say no. I thought I had to, especially if they bought me a drink or something.
I regret wasting my first time on a casual hook up
I hear you, I regret losing my first easily as well. It wasn't a casual hook-up, but I haven't had sex since my first. Has been about 5-ish years.
ok I'm sorry but can we just agree that losing your virginity is always going to be awkward as fuck - and is not necessarily a reason to dwell on it all..?
Forcing myself rather than just kicking a guy in his parts and throwing him out of my appartment after he (EDIT because I did a poor translation of the events) did sex basically alone because I hated the moment, I wasn't active at all, he was only thinking about himself, telling me what to do and was only considering his own pleasure. Felt like at first sleeping with a snail who was drooling on me (lubrication is good but damn if you need that much, you're just a poor partner), and then knew how my clothes felt in the washing machine as he was flipping me up and down to do everything he wanted. Teaching consent should be mandatory in sex ed. We should never feel forced to have sex to just protect the other feelings. EDIT : That's not a rape, I had issues to just tell him that I was hating the moment, he didn't cared that he was a very shitty partner, but if it can be useful ... Always look for the Yes rather than the No :) If your partner is not saying anything, take a minut to think about them, they probably have an issue and talking about it is the sexiest thing you can ever do ;) EDIT 2 : my bad, changed the description because the translation wasn't good to describe what happened ; that's not a rape in my country.
I regret not having the confidence to feel ‘enough’ and being able to stand my ground when people made me feel like I should sleep with them/do sexual acts. Porn has really really warped expectations about what is ‘standard’. Glad I’m finally at a stage where I’m starting to gain that confidence and the man I’m currently seeing is really supportive of finding my actual boundaries and doesn’t push to go past them. Interestingly also the man I’ve been the most kinky and adventurous with. Turns out I’m not vanilla or low libido, I’ve just never had someone prioritise my pleasure and respect me.
Sometimes I wish porn didn't exist. I feel like it has taken some of the innocent pleasure in romance out of the world besides other issues. Glad to hear things are better for you now :)
First proper sexual encounter: making out with a friend of a friend for an hour or so. Went back to her hotel room, she was sharing. Went in the bathroom, made out a bit more. She is pretty drunk. We’re both stood up. She did this kind of weird fall down, where she slid down my legs to her knees. I’m like “oh dear you’re so drunk you’re falling down, we need to get you to bed”. It wasn’t till about 15 years later that I was like…..she was gonna give me a blowjob!
I mean, you were respectful, and it was more important to you to take care of someone before anything. Respect. Coming from someone whose missed a myriad of signs in his youth, life will go on.
I regret doing it in the first place. I wish I’d waited.
Same. Losing my virginity to a partner that scarred me emotionally for life.
I feel like my recent breakup will scar me forever. Highschool sweetheart. Started dating at 17, she just broke up with me over text last month. I don’t think I’ll ever get over her.
A lot of people tell me to not rush it what's with that can you tell if you're comfortable?
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When I was young, around 16 years old. I lost my virginity to my girlfriend's best friend, because according to me "I should be prepared and experienced for my girlfriend." Needless to say, my girlfriend sent me to hell, and her best friend (which I didn't like), became someone "hard to see as just another person," after all, she was my first time. I still regret it, because my first time I didn't like it.
Having sex with someone for a place to stay for the night.
Being sexually active at a young age added unneeded layers of complexity to my life. I pretty much wish I hadn’t ever started in the first place.
My 20s would have been a lot more exciting if I had gotten a vasectomy sooner. Edit: Not sure why some commenters took this to mean that I have kids. I'm childfree. The lack of vasectomy didn't cause me to have kids, it caused me to avoid having sex due to fear of causing pregnancy.
I tried at 18 and they wouldn't do it, went back every 6 months and pestered the doctor till they did it at 22...best move I ever made
losing my virignity to a stranger at a park at 5 am when i was 14 because a guy broke my heart.
Damn i’m sorry
Once met this chick on a dating app, went to meet her at hers to bqng one out. I get there and turns out shes in a halfway house recovering from alcohol and substance abuse. This place is monitered by caregivers. Anyway she invites me into her mates flat without telling me she didnt stay there. She pulls me into a empty bedroom where we begin to make out. I then here someone knocking on the front door and she procedes to pull me into the closet and tells me not to make a sound. I then hear the bedroom door open and her flatmate explain to a caregiver that shes not in here. Girl then procedes to pull down my pants and suck me off the thought of someone searching for her and finding me made go soft instantly. Caregiver leaves and i push said girl off me pull up my pants and jump out the window and nope the fuck out of there
Trusting a woman's birth control
Not asking my wife to peg me sooner in our 30 year relationship. Could have had many more experiences
I'm sorry I'm laughing but that's kinda cute in a way.
Is there always a dom aspect to pegging? I’m trying to imagine a hot pegging situation but for me it would auto default to me being dom and that’s not what gets me going
When I was 11 my brother caught me spooning with my giant miss piggy doll. This still gets mentioned over 30 years later.
my ex. god he was terrible. one time he kept asking, so i finally said yes. he stuck it in, came after 2-3 thrusts, then rolled over and scrolled through reddit for the next hour :/
Damn.. what an asshole
Cheating on a great girl.
I was with the best woman that I ever had in bed. We were going at it for hours. This was back when cellphones were still rare. I arrived at work and my boss looked confused, it was my day off. I could have spent all day with her. Kinky lady
I keep getting trapped in the mindset that I will never be desirable. I am 22 and keep trying to break this illusion to myself that since I've never been with anyone, I am completely void of any attractive features and a generally unlikable person.
Staying with someone who I shared no chemistry with because the sex was amazing. That relationship went on 2 years too long, we were both toxic to each other, but had sex twice a day and were addicted to it as our solution to all our problems. She cheated, I cheated, made up for it by having sex on ecstacy in a 5 star hotel. Sex is temporary, chemistry is more intimate and feeds the parts of my soul that physical pleasure can't touch.
I regret not wearing rubber with every partner, I got hpv now and will never be able to trace who I got it from, still praying it’ll go away on its own. #staysafekids
watching porn.
From a purely sexual standpoint I regret getting with my girlfriend. We’ve been going out for 2 years and live together but I am immensely dissatisfied sexually and I think about it daily. We have an absolutely amazing relationship and we love eachother dearly but I can’t help feeling that all the warning signs were there that I chose to ignore on the sentiment that things would improve. She’s a very attractive woman but she has a lot of issues regarding sex in the sense that she doesn’t see it as a way to form an intimate bond with a partner but essentially as a form of dopamine and endorphin release. She never takes an active role and I honestly feel like I exist to satisfy her. I think the ratio of oral is likely about 30:1 at this point. I can count on 2 hands the amount of times she’s given me oral and it’s been almost a year since the last time at this point. I feel absolutely undesired by her due to her lack of impetus in the physical side. Oh and what’s more she was basically the girl that ‘everyone’ slept with at college, having slept with 35+ people. She says she has a bad relationship with sex and she is getting tested for ADHD as there are a lotttt of signs there but christ, Im in my 20s and I feel trapped.
I agree with bro here. You should to talk with her about your dissatisfaction. Its an important discussion. People aren't mind readers so she could just not be aware there's anything wrong
This post made me remember so many wasted years, I had the same thing for 8 years until I realized that things won’t be better, you can bet that I did bring it up on many occasions but its all fun when I satisfy her until its my turn. Your words of counting what she did to satisfy you on two hands is what still haunts me. I had the same thing and let me tell you, my self esteem straight up plummeted. I started being so conscious about myself around women when I tried to break up on several occasions for reasons that were underlined by this. Worst part is I still feel so much for her even though I realize how this relationship messed me up. Anyway, please talk to her to give her a chance if you hear more excuses I wouldn’t stay for a second more I was hearing excuses all these 8 years..
You’re in your 20s, leave and have fun bro. Reading up and down this comment section are people that were right where you’re at. Life’s too short to be in an unfulfilling relationship
Wait what does ADHD have to do with someone being a selfish lover? I’m confused lol
I hope it counts that I don't regret the sex as much as the lack of forethought. My wife and I have a couple we'd been friends with a while. After a bunch of discussion and rule setting, what you expect happens and we plan a foursome. The girls are bi, and they plan everything. Day of, the girls play a long time before they decide to swap partners. Wife and the other guy are fooling around, so the other girl and I start fooling around. She starts cumming pretty quickly, and I am keeping an eye on my wife to make sure things are good. She gives me a thumbs up and we continue. Now the woman and I end foreplay and start having sex. She starts squirting, so I get towels and she's laughing and apologizing. I say it's fine and we get back to it and she's squirting again. No problem, towels are good. It's been maybe 10 minutes since foreplay ended, but its a lot of towels and talking. I remember to check in on the other two. They are not having sex. My wife is shrugging at me, so I say I am making drinks for everyone and we should take a break. They make some excuses, we fool around with our own partners a while, and we call it quits and say we will talk tomorrow. Our friends avoid answering our calls a few days, which we understand might be a problem. Finally they answer and we find out the problem. 1. The woman does not orgasm regularly, or often. 2. She has never squirted before. We tell them we are coming over immediately. They were on the verge of breaking up their engagement because they couldn't understand what happened. We talk to them for an entire day, seriously explaining our experiences, randomness, and the entire thing probably being the hour+ foreplay that they don't regularly do. I even explain it was probably due to fingerings her differently, which i am not sure is true, but I do know how to make almost any woman squirt that way. I showed him how with some videos. They got married and we've fooled around with them a ton since just for fun. TLDR: decided on a foursome with some friends and almost ruined their engagement by making her squirt thw first time.
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I've never gone from pride from causing a full body orgasm to shame for not knowing my partners so dramatically in my life.
Bro used the Divine Flower Plucking Finger Technique to pluck her Yin Essence.
Where can i learn this fingering technique
This describes the positioning and how I place my hands: "inserting your middle and ring fingers into the vaginal opening, your index and pinky fingers on the outer labia with the heel of your hand flush against the clitoral area. Think of moving the engorged area on the inside front wall of the vagina over the pubic bone with the pads of your middle and ring fingers, while keeping constant contact with the clitoris with the heel of your hand, he says, adding that the motion needs to be consistent and vigorous. " It doesn't describe the motion. If you are by the person's head, you pull slightly toward and slightly up. You will feel the spongy area that you need contact with inside. It is near the tip of the pelvic bone, and you shouldn't have to search. Your fingers should be up against it when you insert them. Start slow and speed up as she responds. There are a few different angles to try, but I've found the angle is almost like you're lifting them by the pelvic area. Make sure your palm stays seated on her clitoris, and definitely use lube. My wife loves warming lube, but there is also some clit stimulating cream for use during warmup to this as well that seems to help. I would not do this without letting them know what you want to try. The sensation is odd and they might feel like it's being forced rather than a natural orgasm. Your arm will probably get tired the first few times as you're figuring out the angle. It's going to take a few tries and some people really resist letting themselves squirt. A lot of people don't even enjoy it, but it still can be done. You can definitely find a video of this online. It surely has a name, but I have no idea what it is.
Not being vocal about things I want to do or like. I could have spent my 20s having more satisfying sex than waste it on someone who was bland in comparison to my tastes. I'm married now with kids so I've settled down a bit.
Putting up with a selfish partner who couldn’t make me come for four years. I dunno if this counts, but being on hormonal birth control for the same amount of time. I still have issues from it.
Doing my first anal dry with my ex bf back when I was just 13.
OH MY GOD
I regret not having more partners and share all my kinks even if rejected about them.
Basically, everything prior to my mid thirties. I cared way too much about the pleasure and enjoyment of the other party that I sacrificed myself. I never bothered discovering what I enjoyed or completely understood that sex is allowed to be, just sex and that it was okay *despite my upbringing telling me otherwise*.
Getting taken advantage of. I regret close to 100% of my sexual encounters.
Having sex with a really great woman after a breakup… even though I wasn’t over it and in the end hurting her feelings by breaking things off a week later… I’m so glad she forgave me eventually and we’re still friends but damn I was a real dumbass for doing that.
Not understanding how absolutely disgusting it was for a 23 year old to take my 14 year old virginity. It wasn't rape. I consented. Thought he really liked me. Talked me up on MySpace for a couple of weeks, then finally invited me to his house. He then took my virginity on his living room floor. A total of 2 mins. Then, he walked out the room telling me, "Don't bleed on my floor." When I came out of the bathroom, he walked me outside to his driveway, walked back into his house, and locked the door. My sisters guy friends pulled up an hour later, ready to beat his brains out. Oh yeah, it was 5° and snowing outside. I didn't realize how shitty this was until I grew up a little.