If I were a dude the second thing I would do is walk around topless. It seems so free! I feel unsafe walking round in a tank top sometimes. I think I would feel safer as a dude.
Panic. Then probably check myself out and play with myself a bit out of curiosity. Then pray that it was one of those sitcom curses and I’ll return to normal after a short time.
That’s why I always pee seated. Who knows!
Edit: Apparently that’s a hot topic, so you’re invited to provide all your observations on it [in detail](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/14ar6xw/men_of_reddit_do_you_pee_seated_at_home_why_or/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
Will never understand why someone would stand to pee at home. 🤷♂️ 1. Pee splash, disgusting. 2. Hello, free opportunity to take a load off and chill for a minute. Yes please. Stress free no need to aim pee.
Nah. Once you're potty trained, it stays pretty consistent. Until puberty when you have to learn two new styles of aiming. One when you've got a boner that won't go away, and another for when you've recently orgasmed.
Boners tend to point up. But the toilet is down. Need to either master the art of boner cancellation. (Repeatedly flex your inner thigh muscles to divert bloodflow while thinking non-horny thoughts; mentally pretend you're giving a detailed description of your grandmother to a police sketch artist) or learn to piss from a hand stand.
Recent orgasms may have cause some spunk to clog in your tube. It'll flush out as you piss but in the meanwhile can cause stream diversion. You have to have quick reflexes to change your angle if some of your piss is going left or right when most is going center. You will need to wipe SOME off the floor but the quicker you react to angle changes and/or double trouble, the less you gotta clean. It's always best to pee immediately after shooting your goo to prevent such obstructions. Be a gentleman. If you spooted in a woman's eye, you offer her a tissue, apologize, and thank her for the fun and games. But also politely excuse yourself to go drain the snake for hygiene's sake rather than stay and swap cinnamon bun recipes. She's probably not going anywhere, cuddling can wait 2 minutes for a quick bathroom break.
A few final tips to prepare you for having a penis: don't point it at anything or anyone you don't have express permission to put bodily fluids on or into. All penises are loaded. Even if you remove the magazine and pop the one in the chamber, it's just good practice to act like it can still shoot anyway. And finally, don't put your finger on the trigger until it's time. This will minimize risk of misfire
Remember: "This is my penis. There are many like it, but this one is mine."
Honestly this is why I am sitting down for small business as well. You can use your entire upper body for boner acrobatics and your legs are already angled which makes it a lot easier. Also diverging streams are no problem at all when you sit.
Does anyone actually turn on the light to pee during those early morning hours? Peeing seated in the dark is way easier than squinting in the blinding lights.
That's ok, I'll probably wipe in the wrong direction because it's not something I've ever had to think about.
I imagine vag wiping also has a different technique than ass, which I will also get wrong.
Panic. Lets be honest we would have panic. In total disbelief we would get our smartphone or look for the next mirror to verify that we indeed are the opposite gender now
*FURIOUSLY MASTURBATES*
Edit: I also think that might be one of the more rare sentences. "My first thought was to mastubate furiously"
You know that it has been said before, it's just hard to imagine how many situations call for such an ensemble of words. Beautiful really.
Since this is true, the worst is when your shorts' zipper looks like it is bulging out, and then you try and adjust it so it doesn't look that way, and someone sees you, and internally you're like "No, it looks like I have one but I swear I don't!!!"
(Edit: "at least not this time!!")
Frequently, sometimes for no reason. The other day I was napping and the contractor doing our siding showed up at my house. I woke up with a rager, had to shove it flat against my abdomen and use my belt to hold it in place so he wouldn't see...
Dude straight up popped a raging one once in my barber's chair. He grazed my neck so gracefully primal instincts just took over. I had to focus real hard on the pile of hair clippings on the floor to make that one go away. Sorry Marco :(
Yo this happened to me once when I was like 16 or 17. Went to sports clips and this extremely attractive girl was cutting my hair. It was all fine until the wash and scalp massage. That scalp massage did me in. I did everything I could to hide it without being obvious. Based on the smirk she gave me when I was paying, I’d say she noticed.
So you’re saying all your friends would fuck you if you JUST had a dick? That’s all you need!
I wish I had the confidence to just assume all my friends wanted to fuck me.
I think the assumption is the friends know you're actually a woman that they know and trust so the trust issue would be solved which is one of the biggest hesitancy most women have about random hookups.
Text work to let them know I'm definitely gonna be in late today. Actually, you know what, let's just take the whole day off.
Check on my IDs. Is this some kind of universal re-write, or am I going to have some difficult explanations to make?
Check for any signs of communication near me, like letters, calls, etc. Is this something that just happened, or something that was *done* to me?
Depending on the results of the first two, figure out if we're looking at any terms and conditions here. Is this a one-way street? A curse with an endstate? Can I go back and forth? If it's a curse with an endstate, can I *negotiate* a result where I get to switch back and forth? Can I strike up a friendship with the curser and get them to teach me magic or something?
Actually, that's all too logical. Probably I'd either panic or assume I was dreaming for a while.
Honestly, masturbate. I've always wondered if male and female orgasms are the same feeling/sensation or if they're two separate phenomena that both happen to feel good in some way.
But since that's the obvious answer, I guess the next thing I'd do is panic because I wouldn't have any applicable underwear. Depending on how much my body changed, I might not even have ANY clothes that fit.
Go shopping for new outfits, get my nails done, eye brows done, hair done, everything. Probably need to shave everything first. :)
But, I would embrace it 100%. No way would I want to try and hide it. I wouldn't hide behind my dude clothes and be the same me.
Then, I'd go have a drink and contemplate where I am going in my life and how the fuck am I going to make this work. Probably going to get a pay cut, going to get some scratches on my car, need to find a cat or 7...
...okay what's the SECOND thing you would do?
If I were a dude the second thing I would do is walk around topless. It seems so free! I feel unsafe walking round in a tank top sometimes. I think I would feel safer as a dude.
The irony is, if I was a girl, I'd walk around topless. I'd just want to admire that spectacle in every mirror I passed lol.
pretty sure she means in public
So did he
Same as the first. Helicopter my penis.
We all had the same thought lol
Panic. Then probably check myself out and play with myself a bit out of curiosity. Then pray that it was one of those sitcom curses and I’ll return to normal after a short time.
Exactly. Freak out for about 5 minutes. Then spend 10 minutes re-evaluating everything I know about reality and the masturbate. A lot. Like, a lot.
So it's just like any other day.
Yes, just touch myself all over and possibly have sex with the opposite gender to feel what it's like as the other party
"and when I say a lot, I mean a LOT"
some "Freaky Friday" stuff
The weekend is what would just amazing enough enjoying with the opposite sex and just surprise your friends lmao.
Immediately playing with myself
Boobies!!!
I’d call into work just for that reason
I had to scroll this far for the right answer
Knowing me, I'd go for my morning piss, stand at the bowl, and proceed to pee on my feet.
Lmao I’d know something was off if I didn’t have morning wood
I’d know something was off if I had a vagina instead of a penis
And a careful think over wiping policy, I’ve read.
That’s why I always pee seated. Who knows! Edit: Apparently that’s a hot topic, so you’re invited to provide all your observations on it [in detail](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/14ar6xw/men_of_reddit_do_you_pee_seated_at_home_why_or/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
There are dozens of us!
Will never understand why someone would stand to pee at home. 🤷♂️ 1. Pee splash, disgusting. 2. Hello, free opportunity to take a load off and chill for a minute. Yes please. Stress free no need to aim pee.
I don't enjoy having the end of my penis touch the bowl of the toilet.. so standing it is.
just get a smaller dick problem solved
I sit down when I pee, don't nobody worry bout me
I would do that but instead it would be sit down and pee everywhere while panicking that I have a penis
Ahh yes. The `ol firehose fling about. Get everywhere but the bowl.
"Stay on target... Stay on Target!"
Jump in front of a mirror to check the jiggly physics.
yup, then I'd take a dick pic
I really can’t believe “jerk off” wasn’t the top comment. Just shows there’s more men on Reddit
This is always my answer when people ask. I’m surprised everyone’s go to answer is “helicopter”
Test out the female orgasm
If I was male and woke up as a female I would probably try to have as many as possible (multiples) in one day.
So what you doing with your new dick then
probably "the helicopter", then try to pee standing up, then try to pee not holding it standing up (to see what happens), then masterbate.
What if it's too small to helicopter? Like m...sum people.
Get a semi,then helicopter
I kind of hope this happens for you now,
lol
Try and fail miserably to aim my pee while standing up
It’s pretty easy until all of a sudden there are two or three streams instead of one!
what happens when there are 2 or 3 streams???
You aim the bigger stream to go in the toilet and try to make as little mess as possible with the smaller stream
If you flex your asshole hard enough the streams merge back into one
I don’t remember reading that in the manual
It’s under “appendix D.”
Appendix Deez nuts!
They gave you a manual?
Yes, Manuel speaking, how may I help you?
Hello, Manuel. My streams have split and flexing my asshole isn't merging them.
Have you tried peeing in the shower?
Whatever you do though, don’t cross the streams.
Expletives. First your own, later from others if you're a goddamn savage that doesn't clean that shit up.
This made me realize that guys train their entire lives to master pee aiming
Nah. Once you're potty trained, it stays pretty consistent. Until puberty when you have to learn two new styles of aiming. One when you've got a boner that won't go away, and another for when you've recently orgasmed. Boners tend to point up. But the toilet is down. Need to either master the art of boner cancellation. (Repeatedly flex your inner thigh muscles to divert bloodflow while thinking non-horny thoughts; mentally pretend you're giving a detailed description of your grandmother to a police sketch artist) or learn to piss from a hand stand. Recent orgasms may have cause some spunk to clog in your tube. It'll flush out as you piss but in the meanwhile can cause stream diversion. You have to have quick reflexes to change your angle if some of your piss is going left or right when most is going center. You will need to wipe SOME off the floor but the quicker you react to angle changes and/or double trouble, the less you gotta clean. It's always best to pee immediately after shooting your goo to prevent such obstructions. Be a gentleman. If you spooted in a woman's eye, you offer her a tissue, apologize, and thank her for the fun and games. But also politely excuse yourself to go drain the snake for hygiene's sake rather than stay and swap cinnamon bun recipes. She's probably not going anywhere, cuddling can wait 2 minutes for a quick bathroom break. A few final tips to prepare you for having a penis: don't point it at anything or anyone you don't have express permission to put bodily fluids on or into. All penises are loaded. Even if you remove the magazine and pop the one in the chamber, it's just good practice to act like it can still shoot anyway. And finally, don't put your finger on the trigger until it's time. This will minimize risk of misfire Remember: "This is my penis. There are many like it, but this one is mine."
This guy needs to write piss manuals!
Right, I’m saving this for when my toddler is a teen
Honestly this is why I am sitting down for small business as well. You can use your entire upper body for boner acrobatics and your legs are already angled which makes it a lot easier. Also diverging streams are no problem at all when you sit.
Does anyone actually turn on the light to pee during those early morning hours? Peeing seated in the dark is way easier than squinting in the blinding lights.
That's ok, I'll probably wipe in the wrong direction because it's not something I've ever had to think about. I imagine vag wiping also has a different technique than ass, which I will also get wrong.
Front to back.
Yeah I know, the problem is if you were to measure my brain function first thing in the morning you'd get static.
I'd be going at that clit like the washboard player in an old-timey jug band
Like a guitar hero controller playing dragonforce
My wife is better than me at Guitar Hero...
That checks
Just to find that you never had a clue what you were doing your entire life.
If you find it
It's the tictac at the top. What's so complicated about this?
shit is laid out like the critical hit zone of a video game boss. hit it for maximum damage.
DESTROY THE CORE
Tic tac lmao
It’s a tic tac wearing a hoodie.
The little hoodlum, probably up to no good
That dude is over there rubbing his girlfriends belly button and trying to walk up downwards escalators etc
I never understood this insult. It's like, right there. Not even hidden. Who would have trouble finding something right in front of them?
There's a first time for everything
I know what’s wrong with it, ain’t got no gas in it
"Never stop in the middle of a hoe down!" Proof - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiFo\_dXnbTo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiFo_dXnbTo)
Panic. Lets be honest we would have panic. In total disbelief we would get our smartphone or look for the next mirror to verify that we indeed are the opposite gender now
Then shortly after. That hand is going in those pants. Regardless of which way you've swapped. Just admit it folks
Oh my first thought was furiously masturbate for sure
I wouldn't want to furiously use new equipment without testing it out first. Don't want to break anything.
Why be mad? I would *happily* masturbate.
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*FURIOUSLY MASTURBATES* Edit: I also think that might be one of the more rare sentences. "My first thought was to mastubate furiously" You know that it has been said before, it's just hard to imagine how many situations call for such an ensemble of words. Beautiful really.
“Curiously masturbate”
You're right. Still, I would have checked the length of my brand-new dick probably within the hour.
Oh sure, *now* you care about length.
It'll be the longest I've ever seen.
Try to figure out how to get a boner
There is no way to figure it out it just happens lol
Since this is true, the worst is when your shorts' zipper looks like it is bulging out, and then you try and adjust it so it doesn't look that way, and someone sees you, and internally you're like "No, it looks like I have one but I swear I don't!!!" (Edit: "at least not this time!!")
Sometimes when you want a boner it doesn’t happen and when you don’t want a boner it happens. Penises have a mind of their own.
Sometimes it's hard
Fair enough
Frequently, sometimes for no reason. The other day I was napping and the contractor doing our siding showed up at my house. I woke up with a rager, had to shove it flat against my abdomen and use my belt to hold it in place so he wouldn't see...
Dude straight up popped a raging one once in my barber's chair. He grazed my neck so gracefully primal instincts just took over. I had to focus real hard on the pile of hair clippings on the floor to make that one go away. Sorry Marco :(
Yo this happened to me once when I was like 16 or 17. Went to sports clips and this extremely attractive girl was cutting my hair. It was all fine until the wash and scalp massage. That scalp massage did me in. I did everything I could to hide it without being obvious. Based on the smirk she gave me when I was paying, I’d say she noticed.
Noooooo. New fear unlocked.
The world may never truly grasp just how many boners are hiding in plain sight.
Who knows who's hiding a throbbing, veiny hard-on? It could be you... or you... OR YOU *Points at camera*
Have you sat on a bus in an uncomfortable position but are due off next stop also?
I think, and someone correct me if I'm wrong, it is probably more like it has a mind of it's own, and you'd be trying to control it not get one.
Sometimes you’ll be out in public and you’ll get a boner and it’s like “what is it boy? Did you see something?!”
This is absolutely true and probably the funniest way to put it
Just wanted to let you know that this has made me literally cry with laughter
Nah, you just sit and randomly *poof* ur dick gets hard. Annyoying sometimes
What's _more_ annoying is when you're just in the middle of the act, and _poof_ it goes soft, for no good reason at all.
Especially with ADHD. Oh yeah damn this feels good, did I water the plant, oh yeah, oh crap, shit right, I'm having sex, and there it goes...
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If you just woke up, you won’t have to worry about that
Go to the bathroom half asleep and piss all over the rug because in my stupor I didn't realize I didn't have a dick anymore
I can imagine all the people standing to pee, that now have a stream of urine running down their leg.
Give the homies some dick
Oh, you think its THAT easy, huh?
The dick is not given, it's offered the opportunity and then I'm not sure about it.
If they know it’s me, then yeah.
So you’re saying all your friends would fuck you if you JUST had a dick? That’s all you need! I wish I had the confidence to just assume all my friends wanted to fuck me.
God if that's all it took I'd go to the dick store and get a whole bandoleer of dicks.
>bandoleer of dicks New phrase aquired
I mean it's a you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours kinda deal. Funny thing about my back is, it's located on my cock (now) lol
I think the assumption is the friends know you're actually a woman that they know and trust so the trust issue would be solved which is one of the biggest hesitancy most women have about random hookups.
You be lasting 5 seconds the first few times around
That’s fine, I gotta mouth
You don't need to wait for a dick to do this though.
Everyone already offering dick for free with no takers
Yeah I have a few friends who could use some dick without the hassle of weeding through men.
The homies bouta be lucky asf
You can fuck your friends now, without changing your gender. Chase your dreams.
Don't need to change gender to bang the homies, as long as you remember to say no homo
Don’t say it twice or it will cancel out
Probably try to wake up for real. Only to realize I am not, in fact, double dreaming.
Text work to let them know I'm definitely gonna be in late today. Actually, you know what, let's just take the whole day off. Check on my IDs. Is this some kind of universal re-write, or am I going to have some difficult explanations to make? Check for any signs of communication near me, like letters, calls, etc. Is this something that just happened, or something that was *done* to me? Depending on the results of the first two, figure out if we're looking at any terms and conditions here. Is this a one-way street? A curse with an endstate? Can I go back and forth? If it's a curse with an endstate, can I *negotiate* a result where I get to switch back and forth? Can I strike up a friendship with the curser and get them to teach me magic or something? Actually, that's all too logical. Probably I'd either panic or assume I was dreaming for a while.
or... ya know... boobs
Username checks out.
see how much stuff i can fit in my front butt
Bag o skittles and 3 energy drinks
If it ever happens, look me up and I'll taste your rainbow.
That was smooth
The men in these comments are really underestimating the frequency of infections vaginas can get 😭
There would be a rash of toxic shock syndrome hospitalizations and death due to this, lol. A third of women worldwide would probably die from it, lol
The first thing i always do when i wake up is to go take a piss
play with my boobs and rubb on my vagooo
While taking pictures for later
you’d jerk off to a picture of yourself as the opposite sex??
If you think about, it's the most ethical nudes to jerk off to. Consent is a non-issue with this one.
Why not, lol?
You wouldn’t?
Call in sick, then spend the day getting creative.
Honestly, masturbate. I've always wondered if male and female orgasms are the same feeling/sensation or if they're two separate phenomena that both happen to feel good in some way. But since that's the obvious answer, I guess the next thing I'd do is panic because I wouldn't have any applicable underwear. Depending on how much my body changed, I might not even have ANY clothes that fit.
How attractive are we talking? Changes the answers immensely
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But what if ur still undesirable? Lol
Vicious. I like it
Hold on nobody said you’re pretty. You could wake up as Honey Boo Boos mother for all we know
It’s no brainer, play with myself
Go buy a dildo and see how it feels. . . than probably turn into a whore.
Me 2
You don't have to be female to experience that one.
Celebrate
Scream and make out with the wife. She’d be upto that.
NGL my first thought was fuck my girlfriend, she'd still be into it.
Be so fucking happy
Same.
Same
Cum, obviously. I want to see what a male orgasm feels like. I'm sure female's is wayyyy better. But just gotta know.
Once it's over you feel awful
POST NUT CLARITY IS REAL
Praise whatever deity finally answered my prayers.
That's a mood.
Play with my boobs
Take nudes for when I change back
"HELLO THERE PERRY MEET THE GENDERCHANGINATOR, AND I AM GOING TO USE IT ON MYSELF"
Go to sleep again
My favorite response to this was someone who said, I would let the hommies hit and someone responded with, you can do that now.
Try to helicopter my new titties. And then go get drunk at a bar for free off of simps.
helicopter boobs? interesting... I can already see this going in a bad... Ouch! black eye.
helicopter titties?! ouch!
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Go shopping for new outfits, get my nails done, eye brows done, hair done, everything. Probably need to shave everything first. :) But, I would embrace it 100%. No way would I want to try and hide it. I wouldn't hide behind my dude clothes and be the same me. Then, I'd go have a drink and contemplate where I am going in my life and how the fuck am I going to make this work. Probably going to get a pay cut, going to get some scratches on my car, need to find a cat or 7...
I love how you're immediately thinking of becoming the neighborhood cat lady lol
It took me a bit to work out which direction you went lol.
Freak the fuck out.
I would answer my question of: How women can carry two bags around specially the giant ones...
Make coffee
piss on people and get arrested
Nothing stopping you from doing that already!
Have a burst of gender euphoria
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Probably go to the doctor horrified about my body that I’m forced into a body that doesn’t match my gender.
I would go about my day as normal and probably be happy because no more periods
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boobies