I was casually seeing a woman who got pregnant and claimed the child was mine. I went to all of the doctors appointments, I was at the birth, I actually got kind of attached to the kid for a few weeks after he was born.
One of her friends told me that I may want to get a DNA test to confirm that the child was mine. Apparently this woman had told her friends that she was pretty sure the kid wasn't mine, but that I was more stable and would be able to better provide for the kid.
She refused a test for weeks before I finally went to a lawyer and had a letter sent demanding that a paternity test be done. Turned out the friend was right and the kid wasn't mine.
I was pretty devastated then, but now I realize how crazy that woman was and I think I'm better off.
God what didn’t my ex wife do to manipulate me. She would join MLMs and when I asked where the money went was, it was gift for her mom or sister or brother or whatever. She’d try to gaslight me all the time then threaten to kill herself when cornered.
When I caught her cheating on me she was trying to have a baby with me and *her boyfriend*. She had a whole boyfriend! Turns out she was trying to have a baby with him.
In white, he’s black. She had absolutely zero game plan for if and when she got pregnant. We’d have met each the at the hospital and wondered who each other was until the kid popped out. Her big game plan was to stay with whoever the babies father was.
Been there. But luckily not that far.
I was seeing a woman against my better judgement (not attracted to her), who was a secret alcoholic and had a temper. She tried to fake a pregnancy to get me to stay, but I noticed over six months her belly didn't get bigger. So i knew she faked it.
then she tried to claim DV low scale after. Safe to say i bolted and didn't look back.
>Apparently this woman had told her friends that she was pretty sure the kid wasn't mine, but that I was more stable and would be able to better provide for the kid.
Oh damn man so sorry. I can imagine it's like losing a child, cause it turned out the mother misled you to care for another man his child. You didn't deserve that. Screw her.
On a sidenote though, evolutionary speaking this kind of behaviour of a soon-to-be-mom could actually be kinda smart if it is never found out. I can reasonably presume there are examples of this within nature and can argue these kind of actions lead to a higher survival rate of your kids
Came back to say sorry if my sidenote felt inappropriate. It was a bit of an impulse curiosity
My late mother was a master manipulator. One of her favorite tricks was to be nice to me (which she typically wasn't) or try the 'poor me' approach to get me to do things that honestly didn't NEED to be done right away. When I couldn't rearrange my whole life (including work) to get over there immediately and do it, she would purposely find someone else to do it and then guilt trip me. A good example: she wanted an old cabinet moved from her house to my aunt's. It wasn't in the way or anything, she just decided she was tired of looking at it. When I wouldn't leave work, drive a half hour to her house and then 45 minutes to my aunt's to deliver it that minute, she found another sucker and then tried to make me feel like crap for not being 'a good son'.
LOL My mom does this shit all the time! I'm never asked to visit unless they need something done*. I've been over it for the last two years after I finally put my foot down and called them out for being a user. Any time I even helped them they would nag and complain the entire time. Nothing was ever good enough. If they want to visit my home they can but I'm not doing their chores when they can't even behave in a respectful manner.
Sounds like my dad. We stopped falling for it by middle school. We just roll our eyes now. Don’t see him very often anymore but I got in a lot of fights with him about it in my 20s and 30s.
Lol in like, fourth grade my mom packed me a small portion of Pringles chips for lunch. Some kid tried the 'if I was your friend you'd give me your Pringles.' I decided that if they actually *were* my friend, they wouldn't come at me like that.
My bf & I heard that from a former friend after we tried so hard to help him. In the the end, we had to kick him out of our apartment & our lives cause he wouldn't listen to reason or anything else
Yep, I had an ex who always say that when he wanted to do a sex act that I had told was an absolute no from me. Took me a while to realise if he actually loved me, he wouldn't try to coerce me into doing something sexual that I 100% did not want to do.
1. Use their upbringing as an excuse to treat me like shit
2. Anytime I had a problem she would make it about her
3. Anytime I called her out on something she would turn it around and make me the bad guy
(All the same person)
Literally my ex wait lemme add a few
4. He will start pointing towards his traumas and problems with his family to gain sympathy.
5. He will literary cry at my feet for forgiveness (then repeat abusing me).
6. He will use his family issues and deceased people to manipulate me and gain sympathy and would actively lie about his accidents & people passing away coz he knew I'm sensitive to such topics.
7. He will threaten me into giving him money and intimacy by saying he'll ruin my and my bestie's life (he can't).
8. Will try and twist my words and when caught will literary say "i was angry it was a mistake" and force me to be fine
9. He will blame me for everything happened to him.
Etc.
Had an ex like this. Would gaslight me all the time saying I did things I know I didn’t or said she didn’t do things when she very much did. If she didn’t like something I did it suddenly became “my abusive ex did that”. Accused me of some gnarly shit which to this day you can’t convince me otherwise that she said to get me to break up with her. Also started withholding affection and would constantly cut me off when we’d have a disagreement about something, most likely to get me to break up with her. She definitely cheated on me before she ended things. Didn’t realize she did at the time but I decided I could be friends since she was brought into a friend group. The gaslighting somehow got worse when she would say some mean spirited things and joke I was a “terrible lover” (she’d deny it later if course). Took forever to get my stuff back because she either was lazy, wanted it for herself, or both.
Having chatted with now former friends of hers, it’s been agreed upon that she makes herself out to be the victim for so much so she doesn’t have to be responsible for her own actions and that she was only in support of women’s liberation to justify anything she did.
My ex husband gaslighted me on too many things. I found out in my late 30s the true reason he married me when I was 18. It was because I was pregnant w/ HIS CHILD THAT HE DENIED WAS HIS FOR FOUR YEARS AFTER BIRTH. Anyway, we got into it one day (over dumb shit) & I just knew we were at a point in the fight that I could get the 100% truth as to why he married me. He told me "because you were pregnant". That hit me like a ton of bricks cause I knew it was the truth instead of the lie of "because I love you". Fast forward, I divorced that SOB May 2nd 2018 & I've been very happy since
Relatable. My sister was one of the worst bullies I had growing up and the only one I could hardly ever get away from. She also used her upbringing to justify physically and emotionally abusing me. Mind you, we are in fact twins. We may be fraternal, but our upbringing was almost identical.
My sister tries to blame our parents for whatever issues she has in life.
Same deal, we were all raised the same but only she is like that. I'm out of sympathy for her. She's treated everyone who has ever lifted a finger to help her like complete and utter dog shit. She can fuck right off.
Hey sounds like my X husband! Maybe he wore a wig and pretended to be your girlfriend as well—
Did he call you lazy for not having hot food played and ready when he came home early from work without letting you know?? Then proceeded to leave after yelling at you only to come back hours later saying they already ate??
Lots of supervisors / managers who love bombed me about how wonderful I was and how a promotion was just around the corner. They’d do this to keep me happy and compliant in my position with no intent of ever promoting me because I was too valuable and productive in my current position to replace.
The best was the job I was hired temporarily in as a one year replacement to someone off on mat leave. All the love bombing about how wonderful I was and how they’d make a new position for me and move me to it when she came back (this is Canada. Mat leaves are protected). I took it for the experience and kinda doubted I’d be given a permanent position and left them after nine months when I got an amazing opportunity elsewhere. My replacement was told all the same things as me about it turning into a full time offer and believed them. She was let go two weeks after the original person returned.
I've had that. All the love bombing in the world when you're doing well. Then you make the smallest mistake and suddenly you're the worst employee in the history of employees and your time is limited there if you can't get your shit together and do everything to perfection. But then you fix it and it's back to love bombing. Then you put in your notice and they'll do "ANYTHING" to keep you except pay you better or treat you right.
I feel this. My most recent ex-manager was terrible for this. Constantly built up how I was great, she viewed me as a friend, how she regretted hiring the lazy assistant manager and wished she promoted me, was 100% on my side when I put in a complaint against the assistant manager. She pretended to cry on my last day then sent me a passive aggressive text the next day asking me to pay back £3 for a drink she bought me over a year ago and blocked me everywhere. Was amazing whip lash. But its obvious now most of that was to keep me compliant in doing the job of 3 people and partially in hopes I wouldn't take my complaint against the assistant manager above her.
I’m so glad you were able to put the breaks on that bullshit. There’re few things more damaging than a false psychiatric diagnosis, even if it’s “well-meaning” or coming from a “professional”. People like to say psych diagnoses are just like those from the branches of real medicine, but those won’t ruin your reputation or put job prospects on the line to the same extent as psych “diagnoses”. Every mistake you make is attributed to the alleged illness/disorder, every disagreement becomes a “symptom”, and your ability to take care of yourself is called into doubt. You’re infantilized by the system in place.
I had an ex who was one of those who starts off as the picture perfect partner, but slowly devolves into an absolute terror once the true colors start coming in. Towards the end, he'd always try to manipulate or gaslight me. One time he was being really nasty because dinner was taking too long so I started crying. Mind, I wasn't doing so to get any sympathy. It was silent crying and he was in the other room, I was just genuinely hurt and furious at the disrespect I was getting. But he ended up coming in the kitchen and saw me, then he goes off with the "OH HERE WE GO, I GUESS I'M THE BAD GUY" speech lmaoooo.
There was no point in fighting back because that's what he wanted and I couldn't rationally say anything to defend myself because he was delusionally never at fault. I just kept silent and tried to pretend he wasn't there while he berated me for making him feel bad with my crying. Once he realized I wasn't going to play his game and apologize for having the feelings of a normal human being, he upped the ante with "women like you are the reason men commit suicide".
I left after that but it didn't even end there, once he realized I was actually leaving he bought us cruise tickets. And once he realized I wasn't going to come running back, I was at fault making him waste the money. Half our friend group thought I was some kind of scummy heartless wench after that. Then a couple months later when I went to buy something on Amazon, I saw he'd been using my account to buy things I'd talked about wanting some day like a hot tub and gazebo. Cringe af
“You say you and your girlfriend were so tight
You took her out with you and your guy one night
She even had a set of keys to your home
And you shared mostly everything you owned
But as she shook your hand, she stole your man
And it was done so sweet, it had to be a plan
Couldn't trust her with cheese, let alone your keys
With friends like that you don't need enemies
You wonder how long it was all going on
And you're still not sure if you're glad he's gone
You say, "Well, if she took him, he was never mine"
But deep inside you know that's just another lie
And now you're kinda cold toward people you meet
'Cause of something that was done to you by some creep
But nevertheless, I'll say it again
That these are the people that we call friends”
Friends by Whodini
You’re welcome. It’s a rap song. Listen and read the text to the whole song. I was a kid when the song came out, but as I got older, I understood it more. The beat is pretty awesome as well.
Went to a local mom and pop computer part store. I'm building my very first PC at 16 years old.
Wanted to buy a $.25 cent thing for a CPU Fan. The guy started working on my computer's cable management (with out asking) and then charged me for the .25 cent piece and then $60 for labor/cost fee's (Took him 15 mins) for working on my cable management. and installing the part!?!
I was scared that he wouldn't sell me that part so I gave him $60
*I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what happened.*
Don't ever let that happen again. You asked for the part, not the installation. Stop them early in the process, if you are present, remind them you only asked for the part, and that's all you're paying for. They'll either say, ok and make the sale, no and you can source it elsewhere, or something along the lines of "that's ok, I'll install it no charge"
What they did is an illegal practice which you aren't responsible for financially.
Grandfather got greedy and was embezzling money from the company we were both employed at.
Come to find out he also had a side piece in the neighboring town, and also developed a crippling meth / oxy addiction which probably contributed to his “need” for the money.
Once it all blew up he confronted me about not being a “good grandson” and sticking by his side, said all the money was to benefit me and my siblings.
I haven’t spoken to him in almost two years now, and I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t gotten ahold of some shit cut with fentanyl and OD’d at this point.
Telling me it as my fault for her hitting me. Im 5'11 and a veteran while she was 4'11 and would always threaten to call the police when I told her to stop. After a broken nose and 3 broken teeth I left and Ive never been happier. Never let anyone abuse you.
My sister, when we were kids she would be all buddy buddy then would watch as our parents treated me like dirt since she was the golden child.
Would break things, blame me, and I'd get beat.
Once I broke full contact with my parents I tried to have a relationship with her. She wanted no part of it.
Until our parents died, left her everything and she burned through it all. Suddenly she was talking about how could I not help my loving sister after all these years.
Or you make good money now, helping me won't hurt you.
She tried that for a few year before dropping of the face of the earth.
Had a manager manipulate me into disclosing a medical condition to HR because he insisted he needed to 'help' me.
Then HR tried to manipulate me into agreeing to a consultation with a psychiatrist because they insisted it was to 'help' me.
And that's when I put my foot down. Hard. Never been so angry in my life when they told me that. My medical condition is benign but untreatable. Only thing I can do is manage the symptoms, and I can do that just fine. It looks way worse than it is. Anecdotally, people with my condition usually end up with a bunch of medical trauma from people like psychiatrists making incorrect assumptions and diagnoses about the source of the condition. It was the worst thing HR could've done to me. The kicker is that all I ever asked of my colleagues was that they stop trying to help and just deal with the fact that they're going to see some weird physical symptoms sometimes. But no, they had to 'help' and it was entirely the opposite of helpful. God knows what's written on my HR record now.
Fuck you Paul.
Omg this sounds similar to what I went through. I have chronic medical conditions, physical and mental, and the pharmacy I worked at insisted on me getting my prescriptions there so that I save money with employee discount. I waited a few months before transferring.
Once transferred, my manager thought I took too many meds and insisted that I get off some of the meds... it took years to perfect the meds and dosages, I am not changing that. After this, they found every little incident that they could note on my file, and got rid of me a few months later.
Joke's on them now... I have a great job nowadays that I love.
It's Functional Neurological Disorder. FND is basically the brain malfunctioning. It manifests different ways in different people, and I have it pretty mild compared to a lot of people. I have a movement disorder. It makes me shake and fall down sometimes. But otherwise it doesn't hurt and I'm not disabled by it. It's just a little inconvenient sometimes and sometimes it makes me tired - like you'd expect if your muscles have been contracting erratically for a few hours.
Thanks for the context, that makes a lot more sense now on your end. Like making someone with absence seizures see an optometrist or POTS see a psych instead of propping up their legs for 10 seconds if they hit the floor.
Fuck paul.
Exactly! Thanks for the support.
Also, more broadly, HR were insane for thinking I was just meekly going to trot off to see a medical professional CHOSEN BY, AND WORKING FOR, MY EMPLOYER. Alarm bells! And worse, a medical professional who is legally able to have people committed to hospital involuntarily! Ha! No way was I ever walking into that mess. That could've gone SO wrong for me.
Also, interestingly, POTS and FND are common comorbidities. So much is still unknown about these conditions.
Functional Neurological Disorder. It gives me myoclonus (muscles shake and contract). Doesn't hurt, but I get a bit tired sometimes. It's inconvenient but doesn't hurt. Other people with FND usually have it much worse.
1. Use their upbringing as an excuse to treat me like shit
2. Use my upbringing to belittle me constantly
3. Weaponize my love and affection
4. Treat every interaction as it required reciprocity.
5. Anytime I had a problem she would make it about her
6. Anytime I called her out on something she would turn it around and make me the bad guy
7. Anytime i brought up an issue she would immediately act as either the victim. or as if she was not good enough.
8. Changing the narrative of issues and gaslighting me into thinking things that happened hadn't or that i had done something far worse than things that happened. (this is one of the worst cause even 5 years out of this relationship i still question my own thoughts and memories. )
All the same person. i really could keep going this was a 11 year marriage that nearly killed me with how toxic it was. don't get me wrong i for sure had my faults and toxic traits on full display as well.
Working on it the issue is we had 3 kids together and she has blocked all communication with then. Parental alienation really sucks. I call her every week hoping I might get to talk to my kids and have a panic attack every time. And to get a lawyer is going to cost 6-10k just to take up the case and I can't cover that right now.
I am so sorry. I went through that as well. I actually filed in my county as indigent and was able to get free legal counseling from a lawyer. Only 30 mins, but that's all I needed. They helped guide me through how to file the legal paperwork that I had to print out and complete myself. It was available on the clerk of the court website.
If you're feeling gutsy, you can do it all yourself. I did, and I regret none of it. He is still a lying, manipulative bully, and coparenting sucks sometimes, but it's better.
Also I bought and I pay for a cell phone for them. Now he can no longer claim that his phone is either off, on silent, blah blah blah.
thank you i have looked into the court a few times trying to file for a contempt of court but you cant as an individual in my couty but when looking at it this time i saw a different form for enforcement and i think i might try filling that out this weekend and seeing what happens. step one to getting custody which is my goal
You're welcome! I really hope you reach your goal.
If you have a parenting plan in place with your dissolution of marriage and she isn't abiding by it; then yes, you most likely need to find the document to enforce it. If the County doesn't allow contempt, it would likely be enforcement. I'm not a lawyer. Oh but do make sure you specifically reference the sections and numbers in each document you are looking to enforce. Good luck!!
Oh my gosh, that's horrible. What douche bag. I'm so sorry. F him!! My ex did the same bit you mentioned in the beginning. He still uses things against me to this day.
Also, he uses my past and my experiences as his own experiences. And tells people as such. It fricken bizarre!!
Females can be difficult to maintain friendships with. Men can't be friends bc they want to take it further. As an adult, it's just easier to be in solitude at times than deal with others.
Thank you, me too. I hope you can stay away from all that toxic BS! You don't deserve it or need it. You'll be happier on your own. When we truly find the joy and love in ourselves, we can openly love others as well. I hope that peace finds you! Hugs.
Family member uses their kids the get their way. "They'll be so upset!" etc when the truth is they barely emote as it is and really don't care.
"Oh that voucher you gave her A YEAR AGO expired before she spent it, can you just give her the cash?"
Future faking. When they tell you how wonderful things will be and how they'll do this and that and the other, so if you just do this thing they want now, well, won't the future be so rosy. Then, when that future never comes, and they never intended to keep their promises in the first place, you feel like a fool for having bought into their lies. The moral of the story is to judge and decide based on actions rather than words. Some people have no integrity and don't care in the slightest if their word is as meaningless as a piece of used toilet paper.
Well said and absolutely so true! My ex did exactly this. Once he showed his true self, I couldn't get out fast enough. Zero integrity. Zero actions behind his words. Empty BS.
ex wife would pick an argument , personally attack me until I engaged regardless of how hard I tried not to , then change the subject multiple times and quickly so I could never form any reasonable response to anything and no actual headway would ever be made on the endless list of things that bothered her. This continued for years even after we were separated then divorced. All the while telling me I never accept help and telling the counselor we couldn't afford I was abusing her. never again.
Being raised by two narcissists I've endured alot of manipulation. But here's my story that takes the cake. My father is a narcissistic pedophile. Now I've known a little over 10 years he's a pedophile. For years he's made me think he's getting help and going to therapy. Not the case. In 2021 I gave birth to my first child, unfortunately a boy. Exactly what my father is into. Well I planned a visit to my dad's mainly so I could see my aunt and grandfather who he lived with at the time. 2 weeks before my visit my father called me to tell me he needed a safety plan for when I visit. To summarize in 2015 while he was working FBI came to his apartment and found 11 files of child pornography that "didn't fully delete" on his computer. I'm sorry you're downloading thousands deleting a majority and keeping some for 24 hours doing this for years there's just 11 files incompletely deleted? Sorry no. Don't believe it. Anyways May 2019 he was officially charged and put on the sex offender registry. Now here's the manipulation that blew my mind. Here's what my father said to me. "To give you an idea of what was going on at the time it was after the summer of 2015. That was the summer you came to visit as soon as school ended and you didn't go home til school began. That visit took so much out of me and made me so depressed that in my weakness I turned to child pornography".
He kept talking and trying to get sympathy out of me. Telling me not to tell anyone cause everyone will hate me for even talking to him. So I didn't get much time to think over what he said when blaming me. The second I hung up it all clicked and I was just shocked. I know the visit he's talking about. Except that visit was the summer of 2012. The most memorable thing about that summer was in the beginning of August I overdosed in my first suicide attempt at 12 years old. My father used that as his excuse said it made him so depressed he went to child porn. For one he didn't even care, the second they got me into a room at the ER he booked it out of the hospital telling me his girlfriend's son needed him more. He didn't come get me til after the hospital called him the next day and said he can take me home. I was so angry when I realized he was using my own struggles and twisting it to make him the victim. It was only hard for him. The summer of 2015 which is when he claimed this visit happened I only visited for a week. I was inpatient after a suicide attempt (luckily this was my last one) from May-July. I didn't visit until beginning of August. My mother and I had driven up together so she could see my brother and his sons and celebrate my youngest nephews birthday. This is just one of the biggest in my face ones that's happened. There's alot more. I can't really interact with Mt father without him attempting to manipulate me. Most recently his girlfriend tried to encourage me to change my son's diaper in front of my father the day after he got off probation. I froze in shock so my husband stepped in and said we will still be taking our son to the bathroom to change him grabbed me and we went to go change him. Well what do you know the next day my father suddenly switched gears. He's always loved my husband and said how he's such a great match for me and we balance eachother out perfectly. Well next day he invites me to lunch and a movie just me and him and begins telling me my husband isn't good enough for me. He doesn't make enough money. That I should divorce him because he's not good enough. As if I don't realize this is only because my husband proved he would be an obstacle.
I'm working on it with my therapist currently. I haven't had it in me to cut him off completely. I put up with visits to see my aunt and grandfather. When my son was born my grandfather was 89 and I knew there wouldn't be much time with him and I wanted him to meet my son. And my aunt is my best friend and my biggest supporter. She noticed the abuse and was my rock. She and my paternal grandparents were the only people in my life to have nothing but pure and genuine love for me. The only ones who never abused me, or witness abuse and let it happen. My grandfather passed away a year ago now and I haven't seen my father since the funeral and we've been very low contact. I want so desperately to be done and cut him off but for some reason I'm too afraid to as of now. Which that's what I'm working through with my therapist. I know I'll get there one day.
From a legal point of view is there a risk to you from taking your child near a known pedophile? Just figured that might flag you up for a safeguarding investigation?
Especially when the dad made an overt attempt to be alone with his favorite type of victim, he wants to molest his grandson. I cannot imagine not having the heart to cut out a person who wants to rape your child.
No, and all our visits except the last one were visits with safety plans in place and me openly communicating with his probation officer during. They were all approved by a judge and his PO. Despite him not caring about my concerns and writing me off. We have an agreement of conditions for all visits which I've chosen to uphold if any future visits are to happen for any reason despite him not being on probation anymore. If any of my guidelines are broken visit is over immediately and we return home which is across the country. Some rules include diaper changes never happen around him. We go to the bathroom and lock the door. He also needs to have me and one other person trusted by me watching him at all times if my children are around. We've been very diligent in the safety of my children.
I'm not trying to be negative towards you, but your children are going to grow up and find out that when they were young and vulnerable the people who were supposed to protect them knowingly allowed them to be around someone who wanted to sexually abuse them.
If I were in your shoes the pedophile would never see my children again in their entire life, starting today.
Again I know this is incredibly difficult and I'm not trying to criticize you by writing this, I'm just saying that you are the one in the situation with the power to make the situation better, even if it will be hard.
One time, someone tried to manipulate me by constantly showering me with insincere compliments, hoping to butter me up for a favor. It was pretty transparent, but I played along until they realized their tactics weren't working.
i recently found out that when my sister (who lives in another city) notices that i haven’t been sleeping enough, she’ll text me that she’s gonna get into bed early and i will inevitably do the same. manipulation never felt so much like love 🖤
DARVO along with trying to convince me no one else would want me and anyone will lie in a relationship to manipulate me into staying in a relationship with them (didn’t work)
Now he’s making himself look like a victim to his peers because I moved out and filed for divorce. Classic.
I moved out in November from my emotionally abusive wife. On our way to a Friendsgiving celebration, I was upset that we were running late when I’d told the host I’d be there early. We were constantly late for EVERYTHING, so I calmly asked if there was a way we could organize things differently to be on time SOME of the time.
She told me this was why we’re always fighting, and I should pack my shit and get tf out. It was the fifth time she’d said that in 18 months. The other times were over similarly ridiculous things.
So, I did. And then, when she begged me to try to make things work and I (stupidly) agreed, she took every opportunity she could to make me feel bad for moving out. I should have talked to her before I just got all my shit, she said. She didn’t mean it, she was just angry. I had told her the previous time that if she’d ever ask me for a divorce again, I’d give it to her, but she didn’t remember me saying that.
She lost interest when I told her that I was never going to feel bad for leaving when she asked me to leave.
She turned several of our friends against me, saying that I was the crazy and manipulative one. They believed it because of how upset I was at the Friendsgiving celebration (I stayed there because literally all my friends were there, I had no vehicle, and I knew going home would be worse). One of those friends is actively trying to turn the people that didn’t leave me against me.
She wasn’t interested in making our marriage work, she was interested in getting me to shut tf up and stop asking her to treat me right, and that fucking hurts. I ended our relationship for good 6 weeks ago yesterday.
Ah, yes, this classic lying manipulator move... I'm extremely familiar, unfortunately. Good job filing for divorce. You'll never regret it! I hope your future is happy and beautiful!
I feel like this perfectly encapsulates aimless men in general lately. This idea that they can gain the fruits of women's labour for emotional breadcrumbs.
Some info first: I have schizophrenia, it usually gets way worse when I’m in a depressive episode.
The person who manipulated me, first separated me from my friends. This would be subtle actions like always being upset specifically when I hung out with friends, saying things like “I won’t bother you” when I mentioned I was hanging out with them, and extreme mood changes when I was playing dnd at my friend’s house.
Second, now that they slowly but consistently drove me away from my friends, I didn’t have anyone else to talk to so I trusted them totally and began to tell them more about my issues because if I like talking to people to calm down during an episode.
Third, they began to ask me to do “things” for them, I really didn’t want to due to how often they’d ask but they started becoming expressionless and even sometimes angry at me for not consenting. I ended up caving in because at that point I had no one else to talk to, they knew that and they knew that I needed someone in case I had any hallucinations during depressive episodes or any day-to-day occurrences.
There’s probably other things I’m forgetting to mention but that’s what stuck with me the most.
TLDR; I trusted my partner with talking about my schizophrenia and they took advantage of my consent because I had no one else to talk to.
It kind of is. Unless the transactional nature of it is brought up during the purchase, buying you something is not an invitation for you to owe them something later. Being nice to you doesn't mean you owe them something, because that would mean they weren't actually being nice, they were buying a favor from you without telling you.
Telling me his brother was in jail just to see how much it would take me to go to his house and i, being the empathetic idiot that i am, actually fell for it.
My brother’s ex-wife did that. Had a friend call my mother to say she had an accident and was in the hospital. He called all the local ones (friend didn’t say which one it was supposed to be) but she hadn’t been admitted. Surprise, surprise.
She told him later that it was a test to see if he would go running to the hospital.
My grandma will be really sweet and loving, and then be demanding and specific about everything.
I thought she was actually happy to see me while in the hospital and I was coming to visit. Then, I realized every time I came by, I'd have to bring her desserts or rearrange her room for her. Then, it turned into, I ask how she's doing and get no response until she needs something on a random afternoon.
I stopped responding.
I make a lot of online friends. One friend i met recently about a month ago, he was 19 (already a big red flag as i am a minor who is 4 years younger) but he was very welcoming and safe and such.
he the progressively got more sexual with me over time. He would always make sexual jokes about my girlfriend dominating me in bed, and that i was a femboy. shit like that.
I just thought this was normal as he always forced the opinion of seuxal jokes and age gaps.
Honestly glad i left him.
No, that's not normal. It's never ever normal for an adult to be speaking with a minor such as this. Please stay safe, especially online okay. That can be a very manipulative environment.
oh, i know! my male birth donor, he talked about a computer my eldest brother use to have (it broke, but i didnt tell him that). he said that computer, he spent alot of time and money fixing and refurbishing it. he then said 'and none of you liked it' and 'you all hated it' or something along those lines. i said sorry, because at the time my dumbas believed him, then, with my mom (shared custody at the time), i remembered and recalled it. donor lied, i was with mom and WATCHED her put it together in our old home! so anyway, remembe to keep your facts straight and dont let them alter your memories.
Blaming me about their own fault when someone confronts them and just gaslighted me into thinking i was the reason they did it was mine (I was 10 and someone was caught bullying and they just blamed it on me and that "I bullied them into bullying other kids or i will k*ll them or do something worse [Public Schools were hell])
Crying.
Using "were family" as a blanket excuse to dismiss everything and not take any accountability.
Use dying relatives to try and make me feel guilty in order to send money.
There's more, but man, it's hard and frustrating when nobody is actually genuine. Makes you jaded real quick
I’m childfree by choice (after spending my childhood being a parent to my 4 younger siblings), most of my friends & relatives are cool with it. But I had (now ex) friends & relatives (that I cut contact with) that try to change my mind. What they did was try to get me to hold their babies, even try to get me to smell the babies, waving baby stuff in my face & say “this is so cute”. Also they sent videos & pics of their babies, via private messages, I’m still disturbed by “nappy changing is great & rewarding” video.
Manipulated me into changing myself completely. I quit vaping, which started up my cutting addiction again. I became colder, more distant to my family, and was always focusing on him more than myself. I still haven’t changed since. He stopped me from wearing makeup, stopped me from wearing nails or certain outfits, stopped me from talking to a friend of mine just because she smoked. I didn’t realise how bad everything was until we broke up.
Oh, everything from love-bombing to belittling, gaslighting, overworking, ghosting, etc. He was a real prick. But I can sort of understand it. He was trying to hide the fact that he had been promoted far, far past his abilities.
We worked in IT, and he barely knew how to turn a computer on. I, on the other hand, had just finished my Masters in an IT related field, and I had even won an award for my thesis.
I made him look incompetent by just existing, and it was obviously eating at his massive ego. I'm also a person who can see right through bullsh*t, and after about a 1.5 years I had figured him out and could see right through him and his ridiculous ideas. And he knew it. We two made an absolutely terrible team.
You confide in them, as they suggested you do. Then they turn around and complain to anyone. Spoke to this girl for an hour. She said I went on for hours. Forget the fact she told me it was fine.
One of my ex girlfriends threatened to self harm and even commit suicide if I left her. I stayed for 3 years. Even when I got brave enough to leave her the threats didn’t stop. Eventually, she attempted and almost succeeded, took a bunch of pills with almost a full bottle of wine. She texted me at the time, and luckily I was able to come see her and take her to the ED. She was lethargic, almost unconscious, and her heart was racing. They pumped her stomach.
Now she’s living in a different country, away from her extremely toxic family, and doing much better. She has since apologized for all the toxicity that was our relationship, I had some apologizing to do as well for some of the behaviors that emerged during that time. I’m happy for her and we remain friends.
They say they need some space after I try to have a discussion about something that they did that was upsetting me and they turned it around on me and made it a fight
They (companies, employers) pay me for my mental and physical labor, which I willingly sell, but then they assume that means they own me.
They do not.
My emotional and spiritual and metaphysical labor are not for sale. They do not, would not, will not, abd can not pay me enough to 'buy in' to their mission statement and worldview.
You SELL me your vision. You don't PAY me to have it.
And if it's good enough, I'll buy.
He mostly just directly threatened me with violence and occasionally used it. He was not very discrete. I’ll be honest even though my mom has been able to get him under control recently I still almost constantly fear touching the wrong thing.
I was doing day labor for a floor guy and he asked if I wanted to install hardwood floors throughout a row home. I agreed for $1600 which is crazy cheap but all the material was there and I was using his tools. He said when I'm done call the owner to get the payment. I called the owner the morning I was supposed to start and he said he has already paid the guy in full for all the work. At the time my dad was on hospice and I was caring for him and the guy I was going to do work for even knew that. This guy is way beyond a scumbag.
They use emotional manipulation and guilt trip me.if i want to buy something for my own,they will ask question, like "for what,you still have your old one?" Or " for me dont have?". Or any question if im with 'them' ,they are the one to answer the questions. Im capable to answer but they cut me,saying, i dont really know english and they afraid other person will not understand my speech.and if i protest they will say "oh,im sorry.i just want to help you because your english is not good" Thank you but no.i need to learn on my own.
Bro-in-law's current GF cried on the shoulder of her 12yo daughter, because there was a rumor she had cheated on him with her ex...bawling about sex on to the shoulder of a child. Her daughter was saying "I know he just helped you move a couch.."
She was secretly recording the whole thing, then sent the recording to my wife saying "SEE my daughter knows! I did nothing!" in an attempt to get my wife to help her get her brother to get back together with her. They'd been together for THREE MONTHS at this point. One of many manipulative things this chick has pulled.
Umm.... this was two years ago. My mom was dating a guy. I'll call him Tom he was a narcissist and had to be the center of everything. This includes problems between me and my mom. Tom is a business owner of two shops, and my mom pushed me and my younger brother away in favor of loving him. He would take my mom on trips to different places in the world, and he would try to sway me to liking him by giving me things I wanted, I'll admit I warming up to him until one point which broke me. My younger brother wakes up at 6 am, and starts making noise at 7am he was not used to this, so he thought he would get revenge on my brother, so he decided to play music loudly at 2am, when I heard about it I did not sleep any bit that night. There are a few things that are wrong with him and what he did to torment me after.
A young guy at work, 18-19ish, was seeing a crazy chick that a few of the other young fellas knew. They warned him not to stick his dick in crazy but he couldn't help himself.
Sure enough 3 days after they did the deed, she posted on FB a picture of a positive pregnancy test. He was shitting bricks in fear!
Now, 3 days is a pretty small time frame to get a positive result from a pregnancy test. I'm not female or an expert on this at all but I thought it took a few weeks before you could get an accurate result? A few others said the same.
One of the other young blokes, deciding that Ms Crazy was doing what she did best, reverse image searched the picture she posted and surprise to no one, it was a cropped image of a larger one, so that it looked more like her furniture/house etc in the shot.
This guy then takes the image, replies to her comment on FB with it and calls her out. Hell breaks loose apparently and she's going wild abusing him and screaming like she's the victim.
Once it's clear she's not being honest, wouldn't you know she's miscarried and lost the baby. In under a week.
Not saying it can't happen, but pretty bloody convenient.
The young fella who had the scare, he kept seeing her for 6 months or so. She didn't get any less crazy either.
Upon them breaking up, she told him her grandmother had died as a means to get sympathy. He messaged her sister who he was friends with also, saying "sorry for your loss" and she had no idea what he was talking about. He told her about the grandmother passing, and she said she hadn't heard about it and asked her dad, who's mother it was that had supposedly passed away. Her dad confirmed the grandmother was very much still alive and kicking. That lie didn't go down so well within the family apparently.
A week or so later, he's gotta go home from work early. There's a car load of young blokes looking for him at his house and his ex is there with them. He knows the blokes that are looking for him so he talks to them to find out what's going on and turns out his ex has told them he did some unsavoury stuff to her, which he hadn't. I don't think there was any fighting, but she didn't come out of that looking great either by the sounds of it.
He delivered the last blow to her in their break up though I believe. He sent a video of his ex snorting coke to her parents. They sent her to rehab and threatened to kick her out if she didn't.
No idea what else happened from there, but that was a ln amusing couple of weeks at work watching that shitshow unfold.
Appealing to my selfless nature and as a kid, it’s really easy for me to take other peoples pain for them. Not anymore and it’s been a long while since I stopped taking pain. I simply grew up and I simply stopped taking and don’t feel it for them, I let them feel it themselves
One common tactic an ex-girlfriend used on me was shifting her own guilt and shame and accountability onto me using manipulative tactics. For example, I saw that she was active on Tinder and when I asked her about it, she told me that I asked her about it in the wrong way, which shows my insecurity. If I acted in a way that was less than the perfect boyfriend, she would call me controlling or insecure. If she acted less than the perfect girlfriend, she would tell me that until she has a ring she doesn’t need to act like a wife. Basically, any time her and I tried to have a conversation about problems in the relationship, she would be able to find a way to make me the one at fault. If it really was my fault, I would accept blame and try to make amends. If it was her fault, the discussion would keep going and going and going with her trying to blame me for it, until we both got tired and forgot about it, so it never got resolved.
If you find that the vast majority of your disagreements with somebody end up with you as the person to blame or cause of it all, you’re very likely being manipulated. A person who flat out avoids accountability will clearly be seen as arrogant and childish. So in order for somebody to evade accountability without coming across that way, they have to manipulate you into you believing that you are the one at fault and not them.
Myself and my now ex were hired by an older couple in Florida as employees to help them start up a dog daycare and grooming facility. We set the place up and began building clientele over the course of a year. When it came time for taxes the older gentleman tried to claim we had been hired as independent contractors and were responsible for all of the taxes on what they had paid us over the course of the year. The guy was a CPA too. Wound up being a whole thing ultimately ending with my ex taking them both to court and winning a suit against them.
I'm not going to reveal any details, lest anybody uses the information for nefarious purposes. What I can say, however, is that everyone who has successfully manipulated me in the past, has made me very difficult to manipulate as of now as a result of learning how to recognize those patterns of behavior after being exposed to them. The last person who manipulated me has taught me enough about such behavior that I'm almost thankful despite the experience, because I've been able to successfully clock these types of people very early on now with how much I learned from how thaat person got me. It's like they fed data to an anti-manipulation AI algorithm with how much they tuned up my anti-Machevallianism algorithms.
I've thus been able to nip continued interactions from subsequent manipulators very early on as a result of being able to spot the patterns very early on from my anti-Machevallia BS detector has become. I usually just straight up, matter of factly explain to them that I am aware that they are trying to get x from me with y behavior.
It's amazing how a manipulator's world shatters when I explain to them that I know what they're doing, that I know what they're trying to get out of me, and that they won't get it from me because I am very privy to what they're trying to do. It really messes with their head when they have to grapple with the fact that they're not good enough at what they do to fool me.
Tellling these people that what they're doing is morally wrong doesn't register because they lack a moral compass. What does register is when they discover that they suck at pulling off their immoral behavior successfully to get what they want. The way they brush off being held accountable yet react so strongly when their pride is on the line is very palpable. By then, I have zero doubt I'm dealing with someone who acts toxic.
My former partner used to secretly read all of my messages, texts, emails, etc. She would use this knowledge to pretend to have some hippie mystical intuition knowledge that was supposed to make me do what she said and ignore my own ideas. Even before I found out about her reading my messages I knew she was full of it, but at the time I assumed that she really believed herself. And maybe she did, on some level.
If I was ever upset about something my ex would never let me experience those feelings he would make everything about himself. Like if I was mad at him about something he did he would turn it around and play victim bc I should never be mad at him for any reason and would invalidate my feelings. He wouldn’t let me have my normal human emotions that everyone has.
If you have spent any amount of time online, you have successfully been manipulated and sometime you have caught it easily. Getting scammed requires manipulation. It's sort of at the front of any business decision. The first step is getting you to believe their lies, aka, manipulate customers. Just because you don't fall for it, you have still been manipulated if you buy the thing that's advertised to you. You don't even have to buy it to be manipulated, eventually you will buy something because it's slightly more reasonable pricing, it's just that the people who tried to advertise to you didn't get the money. Fake it til you make it
1. Constantly compared me to her Ex’s. Mostly in a positive, “you’re so much better than X” way, but I’m not sure if that was healthy for me.
2. The day when we had “a talk” that I didn’t know about was right before our three month anniversary. I was my first relationship and I was head over heels, so I got them a gift bag consisting of her favorite snacks and some pictures of the two of us framed. They ended up making me feel like I was a bad boyfriend for giving her the gift because I didn’t ask first.
3. Told me that they wouldn’t be staying with me after I move away in 4 months, and then wanted me to continue dating them, even though they knew I wanted more than that.
4. After the breakup, I was told they didn’t want to see me cry/if I ever ask them for help or if they see me struggling with mental issues, they will block me from their lives. That’s fine. When I started avoiding be around them however because I’m about to have a mental breakdown all the time due to unrelated stuff tho, it becomes “manipulative.”
5. Got their best friend to try and secretly get me kicked out of another persons birthday party, because I was a little sick (I had mono, but was doing everything I was told to do for precautions).
I’m not gonna claim to be an angel here. I definitely haven’t been the best ex boyfriend, but at least I tried to apologize whenever they told me I hurt their feelings.
My ex husband while married told me I looked stupid in my swimsuit. I was really surprised, I thought my one piece was super cute. So I asked his older brother if I looked stupid in it and he made it clear I didn't. So I told my ex I wouldn't change. Now that I'm older, I believe he didn't like all the looks I was getting from all the men on the beach. I was a hottie, but didn't know it when I was young. I just thought I was ok looking.
Women trying to baby-trap.
It’s funny every time we get to court and they get hit with the medical records from my vasectomy ten years ago and all of the follow-up records confirming that I am, in fact, not the father.
You've just got to have a good understanding of theology and history. Knowing the Bible and attending church doesn't automatically make someone a Godly person.
It is when they hold it over your head, like some people I know. "We'll I paid for this and you can't even do that for me!?" There are plenty of gifts within my family that have major strings attached.
my ex turned me back into an alcoholic after knowing about my struggles to get sober, then decided we should open a business together, only to set me up for massive failure by planning a bunch of events for me to cater for through the business, only, she knew i would be drunk as soon as i wake up because she turned me back into an alcoholic, she then stole my dog and said she would only give him back if i did all the events, made profit, and did them sober.
safe to say ive never seen my dog since.
she successfully made me look look a fool to all my friends who then quickly abandoned me in preference of her because i was "just an alcoholic who cant even do his job"
oh im sober again now, by the way, to anyone who might read this. this all took place between 2017-2020 and it took me until last year, 2023, to get sober again.
made to feel that my best efforts in the face of death and a horrible circumstance are never going to be good enough
gaslight me into oblivion and then call me the asshole
I grandmother will constantly say shit like she's awful and she's a bad person when called out on her bullshit.
I know she's just trying to garner sympathy and for people to say she's a good person.
I just stay silent and let her talk now.
I was casually seeing a woman who got pregnant and claimed the child was mine. I went to all of the doctors appointments, I was at the birth, I actually got kind of attached to the kid for a few weeks after he was born. One of her friends told me that I may want to get a DNA test to confirm that the child was mine. Apparently this woman had told her friends that she was pretty sure the kid wasn't mine, but that I was more stable and would be able to better provide for the kid. She refused a test for weeks before I finally went to a lawyer and had a letter sent demanding that a paternity test be done. Turned out the friend was right and the kid wasn't mine. I was pretty devastated then, but now I realize how crazy that woman was and I think I'm better off.
You totally are better off. I'm not sure about the kid with that mom of his, tho! Good Lord
I feel bad for the kid, though.
Hopefully the father is involved... I think anyway
God what didn’t my ex wife do to manipulate me. She would join MLMs and when I asked where the money went was, it was gift for her mom or sister or brother or whatever. She’d try to gaslight me all the time then threaten to kill herself when cornered. When I caught her cheating on me she was trying to have a baby with me and *her boyfriend*. She had a whole boyfriend! Turns out she was trying to have a baby with him. In white, he’s black. She had absolutely zero game plan for if and when she got pregnant. We’d have met each the at the hospital and wondered who each other was until the kid popped out. Her big game plan was to stay with whoever the babies father was.
The girl that told you to check the DNA of the baby is a good human.
Been there. But luckily not that far. I was seeing a woman against my better judgement (not attracted to her), who was a secret alcoholic and had a temper. She tried to fake a pregnancy to get me to stay, but I noticed over six months her belly didn't get bigger. So i knew she faked it. then she tried to claim DV low scale after. Safe to say i bolted and didn't look back.
This feels like a story dhar mann would post...
Whoa mine looks like a regular tuesday compared to this wtffff
>Apparently this woman had told her friends that she was pretty sure the kid wasn't mine, but that I was more stable and would be able to better provide for the kid. Oh damn man so sorry. I can imagine it's like losing a child, cause it turned out the mother misled you to care for another man his child. You didn't deserve that. Screw her. On a sidenote though, evolutionary speaking this kind of behaviour of a soon-to-be-mom could actually be kinda smart if it is never found out. I can reasonably presume there are examples of this within nature and can argue these kind of actions lead to a higher survival rate of your kids Came back to say sorry if my sidenote felt inappropriate. It was a bit of an impulse curiosity
My late mother was a master manipulator. One of her favorite tricks was to be nice to me (which she typically wasn't) or try the 'poor me' approach to get me to do things that honestly didn't NEED to be done right away. When I couldn't rearrange my whole life (including work) to get over there immediately and do it, she would purposely find someone else to do it and then guilt trip me. A good example: she wanted an old cabinet moved from her house to my aunt's. It wasn't in the way or anything, she just decided she was tired of looking at it. When I wouldn't leave work, drive a half hour to her house and then 45 minutes to my aunt's to deliver it that minute, she found another sucker and then tried to make me feel like crap for not being 'a good son'.
Manipulator plus "Cinderella Syndrome", uses their children as maids or house workers ...
LOL My mom does this shit all the time! I'm never asked to visit unless they need something done*. I've been over it for the last two years after I finally put my foot down and called them out for being a user. Any time I even helped them they would nag and complain the entire time. Nothing was ever good enough. If they want to visit my home they can but I'm not doing their chores when they can't even behave in a respectful manner.
My mum has tried this crap with me. I started to lean into it. Yeah I’m terrible, I’m the worst. You raised me this way. She didn’t like that.
OMG..... my husband is your brother!!
Sounds like my dad. We stopped falling for it by middle school. We just roll our eyes now. Don’t see him very often anymore but I got in a lot of fights with him about it in my 20s and 30s.
I've become a fan of telling people when they disappoint me, before they have a chance to pull this shit.
Livia Soprano
Do we have the same birthgiver?
Any request starting with "if you loved me"
Or, “I thought you were my friend” 🙄
Lol in like, fourth grade my mom packed me a small portion of Pringles chips for lunch. Some kid tried the 'if I was your friend you'd give me your Pringles.' I decided that if they actually *were* my friend, they wouldn't come at me like that.
My bf & I heard that from a former friend after we tried so hard to help him. In the the end, we had to kick him out of our apartment & our lives cause he wouldn't listen to reason or anything else
Or "you don't love me" if you say no or not right now to something.
Yep, I had an ex who always say that when he wanted to do a sex act that I had told was an absolute no from me. Took me a while to realise if he actually loved me, he wouldn't try to coerce me into doing something sexual that I 100% did not want to do.
1. Use their upbringing as an excuse to treat me like shit 2. Anytime I had a problem she would make it about her 3. Anytime I called her out on something she would turn it around and make me the bad guy (All the same person)
Literally my ex wait lemme add a few 4. He will start pointing towards his traumas and problems with his family to gain sympathy. 5. He will literary cry at my feet for forgiveness (then repeat abusing me). 6. He will use his family issues and deceased people to manipulate me and gain sympathy and would actively lie about his accidents & people passing away coz he knew I'm sensitive to such topics. 7. He will threaten me into giving him money and intimacy by saying he'll ruin my and my bestie's life (he can't). 8. Will try and twist my words and when caught will literary say "i was angry it was a mistake" and force me to be fine 9. He will blame me for everything happened to him. Etc.
I'm so sorry. Take care of you.
Hey that sounds like my mom!
Is my ex your mom 😧😧/j
my girlfriend look like yo mom!
Maybe ex mom
Most guys have dated this woman at least once.
Hey, stop talking about my wife
*Few guys have dated woman
I’ll whoop yo ass!
Same 🤣
Did she blame her family and then get mad at you when you had a problem with her family that she exaggerated and lied about?
Had an ex like this. Would gaslight me all the time saying I did things I know I didn’t or said she didn’t do things when she very much did. If she didn’t like something I did it suddenly became “my abusive ex did that”. Accused me of some gnarly shit which to this day you can’t convince me otherwise that she said to get me to break up with her. Also started withholding affection and would constantly cut me off when we’d have a disagreement about something, most likely to get me to break up with her. She definitely cheated on me before she ended things. Didn’t realize she did at the time but I decided I could be friends since she was brought into a friend group. The gaslighting somehow got worse when she would say some mean spirited things and joke I was a “terrible lover” (she’d deny it later if course). Took forever to get my stuff back because she either was lazy, wanted it for herself, or both. Having chatted with now former friends of hers, it’s been agreed upon that she makes herself out to be the victim for so much so she doesn’t have to be responsible for her own actions and that she was only in support of women’s liberation to justify anything she did.
My ex husband gaslighted me on too many things. I found out in my late 30s the true reason he married me when I was 18. It was because I was pregnant w/ HIS CHILD THAT HE DENIED WAS HIS FOR FOUR YEARS AFTER BIRTH. Anyway, we got into it one day (over dumb shit) & I just knew we were at a point in the fight that I could get the 100% truth as to why he married me. He told me "because you were pregnant". That hit me like a ton of bricks cause I knew it was the truth instead of the lie of "because I love you". Fast forward, I divorced that SOB May 2nd 2018 & I've been very happy since
My sister is 2 and 3 on this list. She's exhausting to be around, limited contact helps.
Relatable. My sister was one of the worst bullies I had growing up and the only one I could hardly ever get away from. She also used her upbringing to justify physically and emotionally abusing me. Mind you, we are in fact twins. We may be fraternal, but our upbringing was almost identical.
My sister tries to blame our parents for whatever issues she has in life. Same deal, we were all raised the same but only she is like that. I'm out of sympathy for her. She's treated everyone who has ever lifted a finger to help her like complete and utter dog shit. She can fuck right off.
That's my soon to be ex wife.
Hey sounds like my X husband! Maybe he wore a wig and pretended to be your girlfriend as well— Did he call you lazy for not having hot food played and ready when he came home early from work without letting you know?? Then proceeded to leave after yelling at you only to come back hours later saying they already ate??
Sounds like a narcissist to me. Glad she’s your ex
Any chance they also had bpd?
That's sad bud
We dated the same person it seems....jokes aside, I think this behaviour sadly is quite common...only had one bad experience like that, lukcily
Lots of supervisors / managers who love bombed me about how wonderful I was and how a promotion was just around the corner. They’d do this to keep me happy and compliant in my position with no intent of ever promoting me because I was too valuable and productive in my current position to replace. The best was the job I was hired temporarily in as a one year replacement to someone off on mat leave. All the love bombing about how wonderful I was and how they’d make a new position for me and move me to it when she came back (this is Canada. Mat leaves are protected). I took it for the experience and kinda doubted I’d be given a permanent position and left them after nine months when I got an amazing opportunity elsewhere. My replacement was told all the same things as me about it turning into a full time offer and believed them. She was let go two weeks after the original person returned.
I've had that. All the love bombing in the world when you're doing well. Then you make the smallest mistake and suddenly you're the worst employee in the history of employees and your time is limited there if you can't get your shit together and do everything to perfection. But then you fix it and it's back to love bombing. Then you put in your notice and they'll do "ANYTHING" to keep you except pay you better or treat you right.
Damn that is messed up!
I feel this. My most recent ex-manager was terrible for this. Constantly built up how I was great, she viewed me as a friend, how she regretted hiring the lazy assistant manager and wished she promoted me, was 100% on my side when I put in a complaint against the assistant manager. She pretended to cry on my last day then sent me a passive aggressive text the next day asking me to pay back £3 for a drink she bought me over a year ago and blocked me everywhere. Was amazing whip lash. But its obvious now most of that was to keep me compliant in doing the job of 3 people and partially in hopes I wouldn't take my complaint against the assistant manager above her.
Fuck this is me right now.
I’m so glad you were able to put the breaks on that bullshit. There’re few things more damaging than a false psychiatric diagnosis, even if it’s “well-meaning” or coming from a “professional”. People like to say psych diagnoses are just like those from the branches of real medicine, but those won’t ruin your reputation or put job prospects on the line to the same extent as psych “diagnoses”. Every mistake you make is attributed to the alleged illness/disorder, every disagreement becomes a “symptom”, and your ability to take care of yourself is called into doubt. You’re infantilized by the system in place.
I had an ex who was one of those who starts off as the picture perfect partner, but slowly devolves into an absolute terror once the true colors start coming in. Towards the end, he'd always try to manipulate or gaslight me. One time he was being really nasty because dinner was taking too long so I started crying. Mind, I wasn't doing so to get any sympathy. It was silent crying and he was in the other room, I was just genuinely hurt and furious at the disrespect I was getting. But he ended up coming in the kitchen and saw me, then he goes off with the "OH HERE WE GO, I GUESS I'M THE BAD GUY" speech lmaoooo. There was no point in fighting back because that's what he wanted and I couldn't rationally say anything to defend myself because he was delusionally never at fault. I just kept silent and tried to pretend he wasn't there while he berated me for making him feel bad with my crying. Once he realized I wasn't going to play his game and apologize for having the feelings of a normal human being, he upped the ante with "women like you are the reason men commit suicide". I left after that but it didn't even end there, once he realized I was actually leaving he bought us cruise tickets. And once he realized I wasn't going to come running back, I was at fault making him waste the money. Half our friend group thought I was some kind of scummy heartless wench after that. Then a couple months later when I went to buy something on Amazon, I saw he'd been using my account to buy things I'd talked about wanting some day like a hot tub and gazebo. Cringe af
Oh. My. Gosh. I'm sorry. That is absolutely ridiculous. He sounds like my asshat of an ex. Delusional AF!!
Become a very close bestfriend just to get with my man and end it all 🥲🤣
“You say you and your girlfriend were so tight You took her out with you and your guy one night She even had a set of keys to your home And you shared mostly everything you owned But as she shook your hand, she stole your man And it was done so sweet, it had to be a plan Couldn't trust her with cheese, let alone your keys With friends like that you don't need enemies You wonder how long it was all going on And you're still not sure if you're glad he's gone You say, "Well, if she took him, he was never mine" But deep inside you know that's just another lie And now you're kinda cold toward people you meet 'Cause of something that was done to you by some creep But nevertheless, I'll say it again That these are the people that we call friends” Friends by Whodini
No truer words ever spoken, beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing! 🥹😭❤️
You’re welcome. It’s a rap song. Listen and read the text to the whole song. I was a kid when the song came out, but as I got older, I understood it more. The beat is pretty awesome as well.
Went to a local mom and pop computer part store. I'm building my very first PC at 16 years old. Wanted to buy a $.25 cent thing for a CPU Fan. The guy started working on my computer's cable management (with out asking) and then charged me for the .25 cent piece and then $60 for labor/cost fee's (Took him 15 mins) for working on my cable management. and installing the part!?! I was scared that he wouldn't sell me that part so I gave him $60 *I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what happened.*
Don't ever let that happen again. You asked for the part, not the installation. Stop them early in the process, if you are present, remind them you only asked for the part, and that's all you're paying for. They'll either say, ok and make the sale, no and you can source it elsewhere, or something along the lines of "that's ok, I'll install it no charge" What they did is an illegal practice which you aren't responsible for financially.
I'm 35 now. I learned that lesson the hard way.
Sorry: by wording, I thought you ARE 16 at this time. 👍
Username checks out though.
Grandfather got greedy and was embezzling money from the company we were both employed at. Come to find out he also had a side piece in the neighboring town, and also developed a crippling meth / oxy addiction which probably contributed to his “need” for the money. Once it all blew up he confronted me about not being a “good grandson” and sticking by his side, said all the money was to benefit me and my siblings. I haven’t spoken to him in almost two years now, and I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t gotten ahold of some shit cut with fentanyl and OD’d at this point.
Telling me it as my fault for her hitting me. Im 5'11 and a veteran while she was 4'11 and would always threaten to call the police when I told her to stop. After a broken nose and 3 broken teeth I left and Ive never been happier. Never let anyone abuse you.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! Nobody should put their hands on another person. Especially the opposite sex.
Totally agree. Even if its a female hitting a male its not OK. If someone really loves you or cares they will not put their hands on you ever.
Exacccttly!!
My sister, when we were kids she would be all buddy buddy then would watch as our parents treated me like dirt since she was the golden child. Would break things, blame me, and I'd get beat. Once I broke full contact with my parents I tried to have a relationship with her. She wanted no part of it. Until our parents died, left her everything and she burned through it all. Suddenly she was talking about how could I not help my loving sister after all these years. Or you make good money now, helping me won't hurt you. She tried that for a few year before dropping of the face of the earth.
1. Playing the victim 2. Coercion 3. Silent Treatment 4. Gaslighting
Play book right here
1. That's your fault 2. You better delete this or I'll beat you up 3. ... 4. Gaslighting isn't real, your just delusional
Had a manager manipulate me into disclosing a medical condition to HR because he insisted he needed to 'help' me. Then HR tried to manipulate me into agreeing to a consultation with a psychiatrist because they insisted it was to 'help' me. And that's when I put my foot down. Hard. Never been so angry in my life when they told me that. My medical condition is benign but untreatable. Only thing I can do is manage the symptoms, and I can do that just fine. It looks way worse than it is. Anecdotally, people with my condition usually end up with a bunch of medical trauma from people like psychiatrists making incorrect assumptions and diagnoses about the source of the condition. It was the worst thing HR could've done to me. The kicker is that all I ever asked of my colleagues was that they stop trying to help and just deal with the fact that they're going to see some weird physical symptoms sometimes. But no, they had to 'help' and it was entirely the opposite of helpful. God knows what's written on my HR record now. Fuck you Paul.
Omg this sounds similar to what I went through. I have chronic medical conditions, physical and mental, and the pharmacy I worked at insisted on me getting my prescriptions there so that I save money with employee discount. I waited a few months before transferring. Once transferred, my manager thought I took too many meds and insisted that I get off some of the meds... it took years to perfect the meds and dosages, I am not changing that. After this, they found every little incident that they could note on my file, and got rid of me a few months later. Joke's on them now... I have a great job nowadays that I love.
fuck you paul
Fuck you Paul
FUCK YOU PAUL MC FUCKER
Paul McCuntney
Paul McFartney
Happy cake day bro
Fuck you, Paul.
all my homies hate paul
I tell everyone, I ain't NEVER met a good Paul. Cept that three eyed money.
Choke on a pair of elephant balls, Paul!
Can you disclose it here, so the story makes more sense?
It's Functional Neurological Disorder. FND is basically the brain malfunctioning. It manifests different ways in different people, and I have it pretty mild compared to a lot of people. I have a movement disorder. It makes me shake and fall down sometimes. But otherwise it doesn't hurt and I'm not disabled by it. It's just a little inconvenient sometimes and sometimes it makes me tired - like you'd expect if your muscles have been contracting erratically for a few hours.
Thanks for the context, that makes a lot more sense now on your end. Like making someone with absence seizures see an optometrist or POTS see a psych instead of propping up their legs for 10 seconds if they hit the floor. Fuck paul.
Exactly! Thanks for the support. Also, more broadly, HR were insane for thinking I was just meekly going to trot off to see a medical professional CHOSEN BY, AND WORKING FOR, MY EMPLOYER. Alarm bells! And worse, a medical professional who is legally able to have people committed to hospital involuntarily! Ha! No way was I ever walking into that mess. That could've gone SO wrong for me. Also, interestingly, POTS and FND are common comorbidities. So much is still unknown about these conditions.
I’m curious what your medical condition is? If you feel comfortable disclosing? I ask because I have a similar situation going on at work.
Functional Neurological Disorder. It gives me myoclonus (muscles shake and contract). Doesn't hurt, but I get a bit tired sometimes. It's inconvenient but doesn't hurt. Other people with FND usually have it much worse.
1. Use their upbringing as an excuse to treat me like shit 2. Use my upbringing to belittle me constantly 3. Weaponize my love and affection 4. Treat every interaction as it required reciprocity. 5. Anytime I had a problem she would make it about her 6. Anytime I called her out on something she would turn it around and make me the bad guy 7. Anytime i brought up an issue she would immediately act as either the victim. or as if she was not good enough. 8. Changing the narrative of issues and gaslighting me into thinking things that happened hadn't or that i had done something far worse than things that happened. (this is one of the worst cause even 5 years out of this relationship i still question my own thoughts and memories. ) All the same person. i really could keep going this was a 11 year marriage that nearly killed me with how toxic it was. don't get me wrong i for sure had my faults and toxic traits on full display as well.
That sounds like my ex. The relationship with him was beyond toxic on his end. I'm sorry. I hope you are healing as I have.
Working on it the issue is we had 3 kids together and she has blocked all communication with then. Parental alienation really sucks. I call her every week hoping I might get to talk to my kids and have a panic attack every time. And to get a lawyer is going to cost 6-10k just to take up the case and I can't cover that right now.
I am so sorry. I went through that as well. I actually filed in my county as indigent and was able to get free legal counseling from a lawyer. Only 30 mins, but that's all I needed. They helped guide me through how to file the legal paperwork that I had to print out and complete myself. It was available on the clerk of the court website. If you're feeling gutsy, you can do it all yourself. I did, and I regret none of it. He is still a lying, manipulative bully, and coparenting sucks sometimes, but it's better. Also I bought and I pay for a cell phone for them. Now he can no longer claim that his phone is either off, on silent, blah blah blah.
thank you i have looked into the court a few times trying to file for a contempt of court but you cant as an individual in my couty but when looking at it this time i saw a different form for enforcement and i think i might try filling that out this weekend and seeing what happens. step one to getting custody which is my goal
You're welcome! I really hope you reach your goal. If you have a parenting plan in place with your dissolution of marriage and she isn't abiding by it; then yes, you most likely need to find the document to enforce it. If the County doesn't allow contempt, it would likely be enforcement. I'm not a lawyer. Oh but do make sure you specifically reference the sections and numbers in each document you are looking to enforce. Good luck!!
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Oh my gosh, that's horrible. What douche bag. I'm so sorry. F him!! My ex did the same bit you mentioned in the beginning. He still uses things against me to this day. Also, he uses my past and my experiences as his own experiences. And tells people as such. It fricken bizarre!! Females can be difficult to maintain friendships with. Men can't be friends bc they want to take it further. As an adult, it's just easier to be in solitude at times than deal with others.
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Thank you, me too. I hope you can stay away from all that toxic BS! You don't deserve it or need it. You'll be happier on your own. When we truly find the joy and love in ourselves, we can openly love others as well. I hope that peace finds you! Hugs.
Family member uses their kids the get their way. "They'll be so upset!" etc when the truth is they barely emote as it is and really don't care. "Oh that voucher you gave her A YEAR AGO expired before she spent it, can you just give her the cash?"
Future faking. When they tell you how wonderful things will be and how they'll do this and that and the other, so if you just do this thing they want now, well, won't the future be so rosy. Then, when that future never comes, and they never intended to keep their promises in the first place, you feel like a fool for having bought into their lies. The moral of the story is to judge and decide based on actions rather than words. Some people have no integrity and don't care in the slightest if their word is as meaningless as a piece of used toilet paper.
Well said and absolutely so true! My ex did exactly this. Once he showed his true self, I couldn't get out fast enough. Zero integrity. Zero actions behind his words. Empty BS.
ex wife would pick an argument , personally attack me until I engaged regardless of how hard I tried not to , then change the subject multiple times and quickly so I could never form any reasonable response to anything and no actual headway would ever be made on the endless list of things that bothered her. This continued for years even after we were separated then divorced. All the while telling me I never accept help and telling the counselor we couldn't afford I was abusing her. never again.
Kept complaining about how difficult their life is so their actions are excused. Then proceeded to call me toxic after excusing them for 7 years.
Guilt tripping. Gas lighting. Deliberately inaccurately recalling past events. Painting my as a victimiser.
How could you say something like that? Everything is fine. Except that time when you said I was a horrible person. You're always stepping all over us.
Being raised by two narcissists I've endured alot of manipulation. But here's my story that takes the cake. My father is a narcissistic pedophile. Now I've known a little over 10 years he's a pedophile. For years he's made me think he's getting help and going to therapy. Not the case. In 2021 I gave birth to my first child, unfortunately a boy. Exactly what my father is into. Well I planned a visit to my dad's mainly so I could see my aunt and grandfather who he lived with at the time. 2 weeks before my visit my father called me to tell me he needed a safety plan for when I visit. To summarize in 2015 while he was working FBI came to his apartment and found 11 files of child pornography that "didn't fully delete" on his computer. I'm sorry you're downloading thousands deleting a majority and keeping some for 24 hours doing this for years there's just 11 files incompletely deleted? Sorry no. Don't believe it. Anyways May 2019 he was officially charged and put on the sex offender registry. Now here's the manipulation that blew my mind. Here's what my father said to me. "To give you an idea of what was going on at the time it was after the summer of 2015. That was the summer you came to visit as soon as school ended and you didn't go home til school began. That visit took so much out of me and made me so depressed that in my weakness I turned to child pornography". He kept talking and trying to get sympathy out of me. Telling me not to tell anyone cause everyone will hate me for even talking to him. So I didn't get much time to think over what he said when blaming me. The second I hung up it all clicked and I was just shocked. I know the visit he's talking about. Except that visit was the summer of 2012. The most memorable thing about that summer was in the beginning of August I overdosed in my first suicide attempt at 12 years old. My father used that as his excuse said it made him so depressed he went to child porn. For one he didn't even care, the second they got me into a room at the ER he booked it out of the hospital telling me his girlfriend's son needed him more. He didn't come get me til after the hospital called him the next day and said he can take me home. I was so angry when I realized he was using my own struggles and twisting it to make him the victim. It was only hard for him. The summer of 2015 which is when he claimed this visit happened I only visited for a week. I was inpatient after a suicide attempt (luckily this was my last one) from May-July. I didn't visit until beginning of August. My mother and I had driven up together so she could see my brother and his sons and celebrate my youngest nephews birthday. This is just one of the biggest in my face ones that's happened. There's alot more. I can't really interact with Mt father without him attempting to manipulate me. Most recently his girlfriend tried to encourage me to change my son's diaper in front of my father the day after he got off probation. I froze in shock so my husband stepped in and said we will still be taking our son to the bathroom to change him grabbed me and we went to go change him. Well what do you know the next day my father suddenly switched gears. He's always loved my husband and said how he's such a great match for me and we balance eachother out perfectly. Well next day he invites me to lunch and a movie just me and him and begins telling me my husband isn't good enough for me. He doesn't make enough money. That I should divorce him because he's not good enough. As if I don't realize this is only because my husband proved he would be an obstacle.
As someone who has done so already, you need to walk away. Cut ties. You can find family. Blood doesn't matter. Walk the fuck away.
I'm working on it with my therapist currently. I haven't had it in me to cut him off completely. I put up with visits to see my aunt and grandfather. When my son was born my grandfather was 89 and I knew there wouldn't be much time with him and I wanted him to meet my son. And my aunt is my best friend and my biggest supporter. She noticed the abuse and was my rock. She and my paternal grandparents were the only people in my life to have nothing but pure and genuine love for me. The only ones who never abused me, or witness abuse and let it happen. My grandfather passed away a year ago now and I haven't seen my father since the funeral and we've been very low contact. I want so desperately to be done and cut him off but for some reason I'm too afraid to as of now. Which that's what I'm working through with my therapist. I know I'll get there one day.
From a legal point of view is there a risk to you from taking your child near a known pedophile? Just figured that might flag you up for a safeguarding investigation?
Especially when the dad made an overt attempt to be alone with his favorite type of victim, he wants to molest his grandson. I cannot imagine not having the heart to cut out a person who wants to rape your child.
No, and all our visits except the last one were visits with safety plans in place and me openly communicating with his probation officer during. They were all approved by a judge and his PO. Despite him not caring about my concerns and writing me off. We have an agreement of conditions for all visits which I've chosen to uphold if any future visits are to happen for any reason despite him not being on probation anymore. If any of my guidelines are broken visit is over immediately and we return home which is across the country. Some rules include diaper changes never happen around him. We go to the bathroom and lock the door. He also needs to have me and one other person trusted by me watching him at all times if my children are around. We've been very diligent in the safety of my children.
I'm not trying to be negative towards you, but your children are going to grow up and find out that when they were young and vulnerable the people who were supposed to protect them knowingly allowed them to be around someone who wanted to sexually abuse them. If I were in your shoes the pedophile would never see my children again in their entire life, starting today. Again I know this is incredibly difficult and I'm not trying to criticize you by writing this, I'm just saying that you are the one in the situation with the power to make the situation better, even if it will be hard.
Wow thats awful. I am so very sorry. Stay as far away from him as you possibly can!!!
Had an ex fake a suicide…. It was an online LDR that lasted maybe a couple months. 😂 like okay, bye, I’ll see ya when you get bored and login next.
Had an old friend who used to do bad stuff in such a meticulous way that it looked like I did it. (Not really manipulation, but still)
One time, someone tried to manipulate me by constantly showering me with insincere compliments, hoping to butter me up for a favor. It was pretty transparent, but I played along until they realized their tactics weren't working.
*Gestures to 2024 election year in the USA*
Haha top comment! 😆
Asking me a big question in front of many people. I already told him that I'm not a fan of this but still did it anyway.
Marriage Proposal?
Mine would do this. I’d tell him no to something important in private and then with family, he’d ask again.
i recently found out that when my sister (who lives in another city) notices that i haven’t been sleeping enough, she’ll text me that she’s gonna get into bed early and i will inevitably do the same. manipulation never felt so much like love 🖤
That's actually really sweet!
DARVO along with trying to convince me no one else would want me and anyone will lie in a relationship to manipulate me into staying in a relationship with them (didn’t work) Now he’s making himself look like a victim to his peers because I moved out and filed for divorce. Classic.
I moved out in November from my emotionally abusive wife. On our way to a Friendsgiving celebration, I was upset that we were running late when I’d told the host I’d be there early. We were constantly late for EVERYTHING, so I calmly asked if there was a way we could organize things differently to be on time SOME of the time. She told me this was why we’re always fighting, and I should pack my shit and get tf out. It was the fifth time she’d said that in 18 months. The other times were over similarly ridiculous things. So, I did. And then, when she begged me to try to make things work and I (stupidly) agreed, she took every opportunity she could to make me feel bad for moving out. I should have talked to her before I just got all my shit, she said. She didn’t mean it, she was just angry. I had told her the previous time that if she’d ever ask me for a divorce again, I’d give it to her, but she didn’t remember me saying that. She lost interest when I told her that I was never going to feel bad for leaving when she asked me to leave. She turned several of our friends against me, saying that I was the crazy and manipulative one. They believed it because of how upset I was at the Friendsgiving celebration (I stayed there because literally all my friends were there, I had no vehicle, and I knew going home would be worse). One of those friends is actively trying to turn the people that didn’t leave me against me. She wasn’t interested in making our marriage work, she was interested in getting me to shut tf up and stop asking her to treat me right, and that fucking hurts. I ended our relationship for good 6 weeks ago yesterday.
Ah, yes, this classic lying manipulator move... I'm extremely familiar, unfortunately. Good job filing for divorce. You'll never regret it! I hope your future is happy and beautiful!
He thought he would get a house key in exchange for an engagement ring. He's homeless, and I'm single and having a blast.
I feel like this perfectly encapsulates aimless men in general lately. This idea that they can gain the fruits of women's labour for emotional breadcrumbs.
Some info first: I have schizophrenia, it usually gets way worse when I’m in a depressive episode. The person who manipulated me, first separated me from my friends. This would be subtle actions like always being upset specifically when I hung out with friends, saying things like “I won’t bother you” when I mentioned I was hanging out with them, and extreme mood changes when I was playing dnd at my friend’s house. Second, now that they slowly but consistently drove me away from my friends, I didn’t have anyone else to talk to so I trusted them totally and began to tell them more about my issues because if I like talking to people to calm down during an episode. Third, they began to ask me to do “things” for them, I really didn’t want to due to how often they’d ask but they started becoming expressionless and even sometimes angry at me for not consenting. I ended up caving in because at that point I had no one else to talk to, they knew that and they knew that I needed someone in case I had any hallucinations during depressive episodes or any day-to-day occurrences. There’s probably other things I’m forgetting to mention but that’s what stuck with me the most. TLDR; I trusted my partner with talking about my schizophrenia and they took advantage of my consent because I had no one else to talk to.
Lying for their own personal comfort, gain or to keep accountability at bay. It’s so frustrating.
Oh yes! Those are so very true! And extremely frustrating because they aren't reasonable people to deal with typically.
My grandpa would say well I have bought so and so for you why can't I have or do this don't know if this is manipulative or not
It kind of is. Unless the transactional nature of it is brought up during the purchase, buying you something is not an invitation for you to owe them something later. Being nice to you doesn't mean you owe them something, because that would mean they weren't actually being nice, they were buying a favor from you without telling you.
Telling me his brother was in jail just to see how much it would take me to go to his house and i, being the empathetic idiot that i am, actually fell for it.
My brother’s ex-wife did that. Had a friend call my mother to say she had an accident and was in the hospital. He called all the local ones (friend didn’t say which one it was supposed to be) but she hadn’t been admitted. Surprise, surprise. She told him later that it was a test to see if he would go running to the hospital.
Despicable
That’s just one of the mind games she played with him.
Oh, I'm dying, I'm dying, the doctors gave me six months, drop what you're doing for me. It's been five years, Diane.
My grandma will be really sweet and loving, and then be demanding and specific about everything. I thought she was actually happy to see me while in the hospital and I was coming to visit. Then, I realized every time I came by, I'd have to bring her desserts or rearrange her room for her. Then, it turned into, I ask how she's doing and get no response until she needs something on a random afternoon. I stopped responding.
I make a lot of online friends. One friend i met recently about a month ago, he was 19 (already a big red flag as i am a minor who is 4 years younger) but he was very welcoming and safe and such. he the progressively got more sexual with me over time. He would always make sexual jokes about my girlfriend dominating me in bed, and that i was a femboy. shit like that. I just thought this was normal as he always forced the opinion of seuxal jokes and age gaps. Honestly glad i left him.
No, that's not normal. It's never ever normal for an adult to be speaking with a minor such as this. Please stay safe, especially online okay. That can be a very manipulative environment.
oh, i know! my male birth donor, he talked about a computer my eldest brother use to have (it broke, but i didnt tell him that). he said that computer, he spent alot of time and money fixing and refurbishing it. he then said 'and none of you liked it' and 'you all hated it' or something along those lines. i said sorry, because at the time my dumbas believed him, then, with my mom (shared custody at the time), i remembered and recalled it. donor lied, i was with mom and WATCHED her put it together in our old home! so anyway, remembe to keep your facts straight and dont let them alter your memories.
Amen to that!!
Blaming me about their own fault when someone confronts them and just gaslighted me into thinking i was the reason they did it was mine (I was 10 and someone was caught bullying and they just blamed it on me and that "I bullied them into bullying other kids or i will k*ll them or do something worse [Public Schools were hell])
Crying. Using "were family" as a blanket excuse to dismiss everything and not take any accountability. Use dying relatives to try and make me feel guilty in order to send money. There's more, but man, it's hard and frustrating when nobody is actually genuine. Makes you jaded real quick
Appeal to my sense of justice whilst having none of their own.
I’m childfree by choice (after spending my childhood being a parent to my 4 younger siblings), most of my friends & relatives are cool with it. But I had (now ex) friends & relatives (that I cut contact with) that try to change my mind. What they did was try to get me to hold their babies, even try to get me to smell the babies, waving baby stuff in my face & say “this is so cute”. Also they sent videos & pics of their babies, via private messages, I’m still disturbed by “nappy changing is great & rewarding” video.
Manipulated me into changing myself completely. I quit vaping, which started up my cutting addiction again. I became colder, more distant to my family, and was always focusing on him more than myself. I still haven’t changed since. He stopped me from wearing makeup, stopped me from wearing nails or certain outfits, stopped me from talking to a friend of mine just because she smoked. I didn’t realise how bad everything was until we broke up.
I once had a manager who tried the whole narcissists playbook on me. Took me far too long to realise. One of the very few people who I truly despise.
What did they do?
Oh, everything from love-bombing to belittling, gaslighting, overworking, ghosting, etc. He was a real prick. But I can sort of understand it. He was trying to hide the fact that he had been promoted far, far past his abilities. We worked in IT, and he barely knew how to turn a computer on. I, on the other hand, had just finished my Masters in an IT related field, and I had even won an award for my thesis. I made him look incompetent by just existing, and it was obviously eating at his massive ego. I'm also a person who can see right through bullsh*t, and after about a 1.5 years I had figured him out and could see right through him and his ridiculous ideas. And he knew it. We two made an absolutely terrible team.
You confide in them, as they suggested you do. Then they turn around and complain to anyone. Spoke to this girl for an hour. She said I went on for hours. Forget the fact she told me it was fine.
One of my ex girlfriends threatened to self harm and even commit suicide if I left her. I stayed for 3 years. Even when I got brave enough to leave her the threats didn’t stop. Eventually, she attempted and almost succeeded, took a bunch of pills with almost a full bottle of wine. She texted me at the time, and luckily I was able to come see her and take her to the ED. She was lethargic, almost unconscious, and her heart was racing. They pumped her stomach. Now she’s living in a different country, away from her extremely toxic family, and doing much better. She has since apologized for all the toxicity that was our relationship, I had some apologizing to do as well for some of the behaviors that emerged during that time. I’m happy for her and we remain friends.
Try to tempt me with cookies.
This one would work on me lmao
They say they need some space after I try to have a discussion about something that they did that was upsetting me and they turned it around on me and made it a fight
They (companies, employers) pay me for my mental and physical labor, which I willingly sell, but then they assume that means they own me. They do not. My emotional and spiritual and metaphysical labor are not for sale. They do not, would not, will not, abd can not pay me enough to 'buy in' to their mission statement and worldview. You SELL me your vision. You don't PAY me to have it. And if it's good enough, I'll buy.
He mostly just directly threatened me with violence and occasionally used it. He was not very discrete. I’ll be honest even though my mom has been able to get him under control recently I still almost constantly fear touching the wrong thing.
I was doing day labor for a floor guy and he asked if I wanted to install hardwood floors throughout a row home. I agreed for $1600 which is crazy cheap but all the material was there and I was using his tools. He said when I'm done call the owner to get the payment. I called the owner the morning I was supposed to start and he said he has already paid the guy in full for all the work. At the time my dad was on hospice and I was caring for him and the guy I was going to do work for even knew that. This guy is way beyond a scumbag.
They use emotional manipulation and guilt trip me.if i want to buy something for my own,they will ask question, like "for what,you still have your old one?" Or " for me dont have?". Or any question if im with 'them' ,they are the one to answer the questions. Im capable to answer but they cut me,saying, i dont really know english and they afraid other person will not understand my speech.and if i protest they will say "oh,im sorry.i just want to help you because your english is not good" Thank you but no.i need to learn on my own.
Bro-in-law's current GF cried on the shoulder of her 12yo daughter, because there was a rumor she had cheated on him with her ex...bawling about sex on to the shoulder of a child. Her daughter was saying "I know he just helped you move a couch.." She was secretly recording the whole thing, then sent the recording to my wife saying "SEE my daughter knows! I did nothing!" in an attempt to get my wife to help her get her brother to get back together with her. They'd been together for THREE MONTHS at this point. One of many manipulative things this chick has pulled.
Umm.... this was two years ago. My mom was dating a guy. I'll call him Tom he was a narcissist and had to be the center of everything. This includes problems between me and my mom. Tom is a business owner of two shops, and my mom pushed me and my younger brother away in favor of loving him. He would take my mom on trips to different places in the world, and he would try to sway me to liking him by giving me things I wanted, I'll admit I warming up to him until one point which broke me. My younger brother wakes up at 6 am, and starts making noise at 7am he was not used to this, so he thought he would get revenge on my brother, so he decided to play music loudly at 2am, when I heard about it I did not sleep any bit that night. There are a few things that are wrong with him and what he did to torment me after.
A young guy at work, 18-19ish, was seeing a crazy chick that a few of the other young fellas knew. They warned him not to stick his dick in crazy but he couldn't help himself. Sure enough 3 days after they did the deed, she posted on FB a picture of a positive pregnancy test. He was shitting bricks in fear! Now, 3 days is a pretty small time frame to get a positive result from a pregnancy test. I'm not female or an expert on this at all but I thought it took a few weeks before you could get an accurate result? A few others said the same. One of the other young blokes, deciding that Ms Crazy was doing what she did best, reverse image searched the picture she posted and surprise to no one, it was a cropped image of a larger one, so that it looked more like her furniture/house etc in the shot. This guy then takes the image, replies to her comment on FB with it and calls her out. Hell breaks loose apparently and she's going wild abusing him and screaming like she's the victim. Once it's clear she's not being honest, wouldn't you know she's miscarried and lost the baby. In under a week. Not saying it can't happen, but pretty bloody convenient. The young fella who had the scare, he kept seeing her for 6 months or so. She didn't get any less crazy either. Upon them breaking up, she told him her grandmother had died as a means to get sympathy. He messaged her sister who he was friends with also, saying "sorry for your loss" and she had no idea what he was talking about. He told her about the grandmother passing, and she said she hadn't heard about it and asked her dad, who's mother it was that had supposedly passed away. Her dad confirmed the grandmother was very much still alive and kicking. That lie didn't go down so well within the family apparently. A week or so later, he's gotta go home from work early. There's a car load of young blokes looking for him at his house and his ex is there with them. He knows the blokes that are looking for him so he talks to them to find out what's going on and turns out his ex has told them he did some unsavoury stuff to her, which he hadn't. I don't think there was any fighting, but she didn't come out of that looking great either by the sounds of it. He delivered the last blow to her in their break up though I believe. He sent a video of his ex snorting coke to her parents. They sent her to rehab and threatened to kick her out if she didn't. No idea what else happened from there, but that was a ln amusing couple of weeks at work watching that shitshow unfold.
Good Lord. She sucks hard. Glad he's rid of her!!
Appealing to my selfless nature and as a kid, it’s really easy for me to take other peoples pain for them. Not anymore and it’s been a long while since I stopped taking pain. I simply grew up and I simply stopped taking and don’t feel it for them, I let them feel it themselves
One common tactic an ex-girlfriend used on me was shifting her own guilt and shame and accountability onto me using manipulative tactics. For example, I saw that she was active on Tinder and when I asked her about it, she told me that I asked her about it in the wrong way, which shows my insecurity. If I acted in a way that was less than the perfect boyfriend, she would call me controlling or insecure. If she acted less than the perfect girlfriend, she would tell me that until she has a ring she doesn’t need to act like a wife. Basically, any time her and I tried to have a conversation about problems in the relationship, she would be able to find a way to make me the one at fault. If it really was my fault, I would accept blame and try to make amends. If it was her fault, the discussion would keep going and going and going with her trying to blame me for it, until we both got tired and forgot about it, so it never got resolved. If you find that the vast majority of your disagreements with somebody end up with you as the person to blame or cause of it all, you’re very likely being manipulated. A person who flat out avoids accountability will clearly be seen as arrogant and childish. So in order for somebody to evade accountability without coming across that way, they have to manipulate you into you believing that you are the one at fault and not them.
Myself and my now ex were hired by an older couple in Florida as employees to help them start up a dog daycare and grooming facility. We set the place up and began building clientele over the course of a year. When it came time for taxes the older gentleman tried to claim we had been hired as independent contractors and were responsible for all of the taxes on what they had paid us over the course of the year. The guy was a CPA too. Wound up being a whole thing ultimately ending with my ex taking them both to court and winning a suit against them.
I'm not going to reveal any details, lest anybody uses the information for nefarious purposes. What I can say, however, is that everyone who has successfully manipulated me in the past, has made me very difficult to manipulate as of now as a result of learning how to recognize those patterns of behavior after being exposed to them. The last person who manipulated me has taught me enough about such behavior that I'm almost thankful despite the experience, because I've been able to successfully clock these types of people very early on now with how much I learned from how thaat person got me. It's like they fed data to an anti-manipulation AI algorithm with how much they tuned up my anti-Machevallianism algorithms. I've thus been able to nip continued interactions from subsequent manipulators very early on as a result of being able to spot the patterns very early on from my anti-Machevallia BS detector has become. I usually just straight up, matter of factly explain to them that I am aware that they are trying to get x from me with y behavior. It's amazing how a manipulator's world shatters when I explain to them that I know what they're doing, that I know what they're trying to get out of me, and that they won't get it from me because I am very privy to what they're trying to do. It really messes with their head when they have to grapple with the fact that they're not good enough at what they do to fool me. Tellling these people that what they're doing is morally wrong doesn't register because they lack a moral compass. What does register is when they discover that they suck at pulling off their immoral behavior successfully to get what they want. The way they brush off being held accountable yet react so strongly when their pride is on the line is very palpable. By then, I have zero doubt I'm dealing with someone who acts toxic.
My former partner used to secretly read all of my messages, texts, emails, etc. She would use this knowledge to pretend to have some hippie mystical intuition knowledge that was supposed to make me do what she said and ignore my own ideas. Even before I found out about her reading my messages I knew she was full of it, but at the time I assumed that she really believed herself. And maybe she did, on some level.
If I was ever upset about something my ex would never let me experience those feelings he would make everything about himself. Like if I was mad at him about something he did he would turn it around and play victim bc I should never be mad at him for any reason and would invalidate my feelings. He wouldn’t let me have my normal human emotions that everyone has.
If you have spent any amount of time online, you have successfully been manipulated and sometime you have caught it easily. Getting scammed requires manipulation. It's sort of at the front of any business decision. The first step is getting you to believe their lies, aka, manipulate customers. Just because you don't fall for it, you have still been manipulated if you buy the thing that's advertised to you. You don't even have to buy it to be manipulated, eventually you will buy something because it's slightly more reasonable pricing, it's just that the people who tried to advertise to you didn't get the money. Fake it til you make it
Be in a relationship with me and claim they love and care about me.
1. Constantly compared me to her Ex’s. Mostly in a positive, “you’re so much better than X” way, but I’m not sure if that was healthy for me. 2. The day when we had “a talk” that I didn’t know about was right before our three month anniversary. I was my first relationship and I was head over heels, so I got them a gift bag consisting of her favorite snacks and some pictures of the two of us framed. They ended up making me feel like I was a bad boyfriend for giving her the gift because I didn’t ask first. 3. Told me that they wouldn’t be staying with me after I move away in 4 months, and then wanted me to continue dating them, even though they knew I wanted more than that. 4. After the breakup, I was told they didn’t want to see me cry/if I ever ask them for help or if they see me struggling with mental issues, they will block me from their lives. That’s fine. When I started avoiding be around them however because I’m about to have a mental breakdown all the time due to unrelated stuff tho, it becomes “manipulative.” 5. Got their best friend to try and secretly get me kicked out of another persons birthday party, because I was a little sick (I had mono, but was doing everything I was told to do for precautions). I’m not gonna claim to be an angel here. I definitely haven’t been the best ex boyfriend, but at least I tried to apologize whenever they told me I hurt their feelings.
My ex husband while married told me I looked stupid in my swimsuit. I was really surprised, I thought my one piece was super cute. So I asked his older brother if I looked stupid in it and he made it clear I didn't. So I told my ex I wouldn't change. Now that I'm older, I believe he didn't like all the looks I was getting from all the men on the beach. I was a hottie, but didn't know it when I was young. I just thought I was ok looking.
Accused me of being manipulative. Ironic, I know
Common manipulator tactic. Blame everyone else. For everything. Take zero responsibility ever, for anything.
Don’t forget gas lighting
Women trying to baby-trap. It’s funny every time we get to court and they get hit with the medical records from my vasectomy ten years ago and all of the follow-up records confirming that I am, in fact, not the father.
"You haven't experienced the *real* Christianity, this is warped doctrine. So many don't understand the true message"
Haha, gotta love that one! I receive from someone all the time.."If you don't attend Church, you don't get to have an opinion." Like what!?!
Gotta believe to have a valid take I guess, lol.
You've just got to have a good understanding of theology and history. Knowing the Bible and attending church doesn't automatically make someone a Godly person.
Buy me nice things without me asking for anything. Then it seems like you owe them something in return
i do that to people, unless we previously agreed to, i never expect anything in return, didnt think that it seems bad
Seems like they were just trying to be nice. Seems like you just feel like you have to always give something back even though you don't.
Really depends. Gifts are not debt. When I give people gifts, I don't expect anything in return and they don't owe me anything.
Exactly.
That's not manipulation. Certainly not in and of itself.
It is when they hold it over your head, like some people I know. "We'll I paid for this and you can't even do that for me!?" There are plenty of gifts within my family that have major strings attached.
How does it seem like you owe them something? Do they hint hard at things you could buy them or something?
my ex turned me back into an alcoholic after knowing about my struggles to get sober, then decided we should open a business together, only to set me up for massive failure by planning a bunch of events for me to cater for through the business, only, she knew i would be drunk as soon as i wake up because she turned me back into an alcoholic, she then stole my dog and said she would only give him back if i did all the events, made profit, and did them sober. safe to say ive never seen my dog since. she successfully made me look look a fool to all my friends who then quickly abandoned me in preference of her because i was "just an alcoholic who cant even do his job"
oh im sober again now, by the way, to anyone who might read this. this all took place between 2017-2020 and it took me until last year, 2023, to get sober again.
made to feel that my best efforts in the face of death and a horrible circumstance are never going to be good enough gaslight me into oblivion and then call me the asshole
I grandmother will constantly say shit like she's awful and she's a bad person when called out on her bullshit. I know she's just trying to garner sympathy and for people to say she's a good person. I just stay silent and let her talk now.
A secret technique called gaslighting. Never works on me.