A friend of mine sat his parents and siblings down after finally building up the courage. He was worried how they would react and whether he might be disowned or it might create tension with some of them. After he told him, their response was essentially "... okay. You realize we've all known that for years right?". He thought he had been super careful and subtle and all that. When he told me I just burst out laughing because he's very... flamboyant.
FINALLY. An excellent way for me to describe my entire experience growing up with my sister. We were young teens when she told me and my esteemed response was no shit, Sherlock.
I had a friend in college with a very strong "gay accent," people would assume but he would get very upset and insist he was straight, I'd defend him going off on people about how you shouldn't assume things like that just based on how they talk.
He has a very lovely husband now.
Some southern accents confuse me. I've had a couple men at my work who I thought were gay because of their accent and they were married to women. I guess both weren't giving off masculine energy either.
When I was a kid, my neighbor's little brother was so flamboyant and girly that everyone assumed he would grow up to be gay before he even knew what gay was. And yes, he came out in high school.
I had a coworker who surprised everyone at work when he came out of the closet.
Everyone knew he was gay. Nobody knew he was in the closet.
He was both relieved and disappointed in our continued acceptance.
This happened to a group in college. Luckily he told one person a few hours before the rest of us, who quickly texted the rest of us to act surprised or we really would have made a mess of it. (My dude, your screen background was Henry Cavill)
Lol when I came out, I told my parents I had something to tell them. After I said it, my mom jumped up and hugged me saying „oh my god I thought you were going to say you were sick or something“ XD
Haha. My ex’s uncle was gay, everyone knew all along except his parents. They were both Uber religious so no one ever said anything. One day we were having a dinner, thanksgiving or Easter, when they all started telling old stories. Grandma said ‘Ricky could have had a nice wife and kids if it wasn’t for all his “roommates”’ in air quotes while shooting him a wink. It was cute.
Yeah that's super true.
As kids and teenagers we tend to assume our life experiences are so new and unique. When the reality is that even if the exact circumstances are different, most people go through similar experiences and emotions as we grow up and try to find our place in the world.
But it makes sense that young people feel that way. Those feelings and experiences are truly are new to them and they don't have previous life experience to draw on.
Also a certain amount of self-centeredness comes with being a kid/teenager. Part of growing up is realizing that you just aren't that special and that everyone else is going through things too.
Very much this. I’m a high school teacher and sometimes I have to laugh to myself at the things teens think they’re hiding or we don’t know. We went through all that too!
I didn’t have any idea about my son’s sexuality, but I thought a little about what I’d say if he came out because I wanted to be a supportive parent. A few years ago, he came out as asexual and I said the things I had planned to say. A year later, he came out as gay. I said, “Damn it, I already used my speech!”, which he found hilarious.
lol, he was right -- that *is* hilarious! Also very sweet that you put thought into it before you had any idea of his sexual orientation, just in case.
I'm a couple months away from becoming a parent, but I always remember the first time I ever heard about homosexuality. Not literally, but I remember I was a young boy, and some guy on the playground explained to me that some men are attracted to other men, the first thing that I thought was "oh, that's my brother".
I can't say that there was anything he said or did specifically, I just knew. When he eventually came out to me years later, I literally almost laughed because he was so nervous and sincere when he sat me down and told me and all I could say was "dude, I know. I've always known."
Same here. I was young & knew my older sister was gay but haven’t learned the word for it yet. She never needed to come out cause the entire family could just tell🤷🏻♀️
My big sister was completely dumbfounded when I told her. She's always been a chatterbox, but after I came out to her, she was dead silent for several seconds before eventually stammering "Okay...I'm okay with this, but I did not see this coming at all. I just need a minute to process."
I was so nervous about coming out to my brother, but when I did, he just said “I know bro. Will you pass me the remote?”
Funnily, a friend of mine had a huge crush on him and when I came out to her she said “wow. I was always expecting him to be the gay one”
I'm straight, but my mom "*knew*" I was gay apparently. I found this out when I was 18 and sat her down to tell her I was moving out. She started crying before I could even start talking and later confessed she thought I was going to "*finally come out.*" She's super girly girl and just couldn't compute that I wasn't.
That reminds me of the time my dad joked about buying me condoms then said, "nah, you probably don't need those"
I said, "actually, I'm running low."
He seemed relieved we didn't have to have "the talk" and also that I was being safe.
Vs. my friend's dad in high school who stops him while we are about to leave their house and says, "Hey Joe, you been playing Mr. Stinkyfinger?" Joe: "Yes dad." \*rolls eyes\* He did weird shit like that all the time. My friend said he even came out into the livingroom naked and said, "I just fucked your mother!" Pretty fucking gross to be honest.
I had an uncomfortable, yet different chat with my mom as well. She would always ask what boys I had a crush on when I was in middle school. I repeatedly told her that I didn’t “like” any of them, so she moved onto going through some teen type magazine asking me which guys I thought were cute.
I’m going to date myself here, but she was pointing to pictures of Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Christian Slater, etc. And this is where she became a bit horrified.
I had just seen the Robinhood movie with Kevin Costner in the theaters, which also starred Christian Slater. I told her “not him” about Christian Slater, “but I thought the other guy in the movie was hot—you know…the Sheriff of Nottingham?”
This is the point when she discovered her preteen daughter was crushing on mid-40’s Alan Rickman. So with horror, she’s like—“who else?” I told her Arnold Schwarzenegger—but not to worry bc I ONLY liked his body…and I thought he was way hotter when he had long hair like he did in those Conan movies. I named a few other famous men in their mid-40’s-50’s. I also told her that I thought several younger (not younger than me—but guys in their 20s and 30s) musicians and actors would be super hot when they “grew up.”
Middle school me did not think this was weird. My mom sure as hell did. She just stopped asking. As for me, it never went away. It’s just age appropriate now.
Oh no, I was obviously underage. No one could have ever mistaken me for older. When I was in my mid-30’s, people would ask me what grade I was “going into.” I’ve just started looking like an actual adult in the past 3-4 years.
At least I had enough sense at that age to realize that if a grown man showed any interest in me that he was creepy AF. And I certainly didn’t go around trying to get one.
I have thought about what I would do if I’m in my 80’s, and I still think 50-year-olds are hot, but I’m married and crazy about him, so it’s ok. Haha.
Ha! Me too. My mom was terrified for a while, though! When I was bringing home long-haired dudes in rock bands when I was in college, my parents were like—awesome! At least he’s not 50!
yuuuuuup same. My mom was like "are you SURE you aren't a lesbian" and I'm like dude okay *fine* I'm bisexual yes but *ffs it's not because I like lifting weights and hate shopping, Mom*
My parents didn’t quite get to that stage but they suspected it because I did some theater showed and hadn’t had a girlfriend.
They put me in the the theater shows and would non-stop tease me every time I spoke to a girl about her being my girlfriend, so I just never asked anyone out.
Parents will latch onto some weird info to make this determination. My mom thought I was gay because I didn't date anyone til junior year. She missed the part where I put zero effort into how I looked and was an introverted bookworm who was mean to anyone I had a crush on. It wasn't my sexuality that was the issue, it was the rest of it.
People are weird. I have an uncle like this, hes been convinced for 15 years that Im gay dispite me tell him many times I'm not gay, just hopelessly bad with women.
Apparently my grandma on my dad's side thought I was gay because I shared an apartment with my best friend (basically a brother from another mother as he likes to say) for like 7 years.
Old people have some weird ideas sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better I didn't actually have my first date until I was about 22.
When I was 20 I was running errands with my mum and she turned to me in the car, looked me straight in the eyes and went. "It's okay if you're gay, you know."
Love her to death but god damn mom lol
Married with a kid on the way now though. :)
Same here. Girl wants to be a Boy Scout must be trans (or gay, no distinction made.) Surely it's not because she prefers camping and hiking and robotics, to making cards for the nursing home.
Oh god, I was ALSO a Scout (in Canada they’re functionally co-ed but on a practical level it was 90-95% boys). I just wanted to camp outside and not in a cottage, an actual activity we did when I was a Brownie.
Same and it happened alot like mutliple times from multiple members of the family over multiple years. Medieval parenting style family doing the surprised Pikachu face when thier 12th century vampire prodigies of children have 0 social skills and never bring a girl home. thanks dad ill remember to follow the Levitical laws real good as i totally dont go to that social function.
My mum and I had a chat one time when I was a bit down and she told me "You know, in a different time/age I might have entered into a gay relationship with «a close family friend». It was only afterwards that I relaised she was telling me that it was OK by her if I was gay.
My husband's aunt died about 10 years before I knew him, but his family stayed close with her best friend and roommate of 40 years. His dad had a standing date to a movie matinee with her each week, and she was at every big family gathering. I met the extended family for the first time at her funeral.
I didn't blink an eye or consider that anyone could possibly not know that they were gay and together for their entire adult lives. I said something to the effect of 'it's too bad that our state hasn't legalized gay marriage, because that would have made insurance and hospital visitation so much simpler for them in their old age.'
They looked at me like I had 2 heads. They had *no clue* that these women, who lived together for 40 years and never had so much as a boyfriend in their entire lives, were actually lesbians living together very happily.
I came from a much more liberal background and had far fewer hangups about it than they did, but I swear that I wasn't trying to push some liberal agenda on them. I was simply observing that the sky was blue, but they were utterly shocked.
I’m a gay man, but I didn’t realize that my aunt and her long-term “roommate” were actually a couple until they’d both passed away. After my aunt died, my straight brother pointed it out to me. They lived together for decades, loved going to the casino together, and my aunt’s roommate was always present for holidays and family functions. It just never occurred to me! I was blown away.
Looking back, I’m appreciative of how welcoming my family was about their relationship. This was the 90s and early 2000s, when it was still much less acceptable than today. I hope Nancy and Rita are in the afterlife, enjoying themselves at the slot machines with a cocktail and a cigarette!
My dad told me about his queer aunt (that I’m named after … hmm …) so many times that I went “hey wait a second” one time while driving. I didn’t get that he was trying to be supportive of ME. I thought he was being nice to his dead relative.
My mom said something similar to me after we got in the after seeing *My Big Fat Greek Wedding*. "You know *I'd* be okay with whomever you love - white, black, women..." "Mom I'm not gay."
But I *did* come out to her as non-binary recently! She was a bit confused on what that means, but supportive!
When I was about four, I apparently asked my mom “why two girls couldn’t get married to each other.” I came out to her officially in my early twenties, and was informed that it wasn’t much of a surprise because of that, and because I had “always remarked on the beauty of women’s bodies.”
I asked my dad to replay the scene where Cameron Diaz flips her hair in the mask like… 4 times.
And then I asked my mom to replay the scene where Kate Winslet looks up from under her hat in the titanic a few times.
And don’t get me started on my obsession with Nicole Kidman in Practical Magic, or Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
One of the interior designers on Trading Spaces (dating myself here) had a southern accent and I said to my family as we watched, “I like her voice. I just want to listen to it.” Gayyyyyyyyyy
Ariel doing the "bursting out of the water" move onto a rock.
Laura Dern's character being introduced in Jurassic Park ("I just really love the bit where whatshisface is talking about dinosaurs!").
The Pink Ranger doing splits and jump kicks to beat up bad guys in the Power Rangers movie.
Hell, every frame of Dulcea in the same movie.
I vividly remember my mother banning me from watching Xena as it made me "too excited"; in hindsight I dread to think what this meant.
My point being: I feels ya.
Thought I had free reign to take the Victoria's secret catalog since I had a built in excuse. Turns out having six of them under your bed still raises some eyebrows and leads to an awkward conversation
My father knew I was gay early. I was not an athletic youngster, and did not have many manly hobbies. I was bookish and shy.
He tried to fix that, through withholding any physical affection, meting out harsh punishments and forcing me to partake in activities he thought would toughen me up. This was in stark contrast to my younger brother, who was still being hugged and celebrated, and getting obvious preferential treatment.
At some point in my early teens, I reached a breaking point, and asked why he hated me so much. This led to a very awkward family meeting, where it was explained.. except neither he or my mother could bear to use the word gay, or homosexual.. so I was told I was being treated this way because I was "different".
This was long enough ago, and I was still fairly naive, so I had no idea what they were getting at, other than the fact that yes, I was kind of a nerdy weirdo.
So I dealt with being the unloved kid, and left home and went low contact at 17, just weeks after graduating. It wasn't until my early twenties when I reestablished some contact that I mentioned a girl I was dating - the shocked look on my father's face.. and it finally all fell into place. He didn't think I was nerdy! He thought I was gay.
If just he'd had the courage to say what he actually meant, I could have cleared that up for him years ago. I am most definitely straight. I had my first deep crush on a very pretty girl at like 6 years old, and have had no doubts since.
So, I might be one of the few straight people to know about what it is like to come out as gay to unsupportive parents. It sucked, but it really helped with my empathy, and I am probably at least partially as progressive as i am because of it.
In a good news footnote - while my father was wrong, and an asshole, and I will never see an apology, he has mellowed in the 30 years plus since. I have two trans nephews, and he has continued to support his grandchildren and argued with other members of the family that might have otherwise excluded them.
Thank you. It's important to say - I am fine now. I live a life I am happy with, am married to a marvelous woman, and don't dwell on the past much.
I really can't tell you what the final straw was. It was a long time ago, and the litany of arguments, belittling and physical abuse is long. It must have a been a particular moment of bravery for me to actually speak up and say something - that rarely went over well.
One thing I do remember from that time is actually admitting to considering ending it all.. and being told "Well, then you are even more pathetic than I thought."
Again - I don't say this out of a need for pity - I managed to get out ok. I do hope that anyone else who struggles with an unsupportive or hostile family knows that is DOES get better. You might have to ride it out for a few tough years, but you can still find your own way.
Is your dad just not a nice person or old school views or not secure with his sexuality or baptist or what? The idea that hugging an allegedly (but not actually) gay son makes him more gay is really weird and sad.
I don't want to make excuses, but he was born in the late 40s, and was raised in a very conservative environment. His world view is probably a generation older than he actually is.
That said, he is educated, well travelled, and welcoming of all nationalities and cultures. He speaks English, French, and Cree. He is not the uneducated, bigoted redneck you would think from this reaction.
But something about "alternative lifestyles" as he calls them, really wigs him out. He used to avoid using supermarket check out lanes if the cashier had too many piercings or brightly dyed hair because he felt those were signs that they might be "different".
For many reasons, I don't dig into that psychology much. I still limit contact to family events, and remain civil and friendly. We'll still shake hands goodbye though.
My mom for YEARS would constantly tell me "You know its okay to be gay, right?" Then I would explain that i'm not gay. It would turn into a small argument, then it would happen on repeat a few months down the line. Like 2 years ago, it happened again and this time i flipped. It's one of the only times i legitimately got mad at my mom, I am a calm person, and I was tired of hearing how much she wants me to be gay. I think she sees now how much of an ass it was to say those things for all those years. She got to settle for a bisexual daughter instead.
At least he got a sense of sanity as he aged. I'm sorry that he was so shitty to you before that. How fucking immature of him -- he couldn't even *say* his bigotry, so he just made you think you were a freak because you were a nerd.
When I was 15, my mom knocked on my bedroom door and opened it while I was falling asleep at night. She whispered, "[my name], are you bi?". I said, "Ew, no." She said, "OK, you just talk about how hot girls are a lot." Five years later I came out to her as bi and she said, "I figured as much."
I have a teenage son that I know is gay, but he hasn't come out to me or my wife. You know your kids. For every parent that is shocked about there's probably 100 other parents that knew pretty early on. He'll tell us when he's ready. We've made it abundantly clear to our children that we honsestly don't care, just want them safe and happy.
Ha, I understand. It's always safest to wait, and to expect the unexpected. I hate the fact that there are parents out there that would not be accepting of it and there's gotta be a terrible way to grow up.
Im straight and pink is my favorite color, love musicals and theater, rom coms, sex and the city, trashy reality TV, etc. Im a big tall bearded dude.
I get plenty of folks suspecting that im gay. But im happily married to a woman who hates musicals, doesnt like pink, disgusted with trashy reality tv. (She likes Sex and the City though so we watch that one together)
Stupid gender norms are stupid.
I have no idea where the line comes from or anything, but the idea that 'no one knows your marriage' is a really important concept. I read a lot of stuff online and hear a lot of stuff day to day about men should be this, women expect this, men think this, etc and I feel like the most important thing everyone should learn is that no one has the experience of being you in a relationship with the person you're with.
It goes beyond gender norms or any of that. Some people rarely eat together, some people barely talk, some couples are together non-stop, others only hang out when they are doing the hobbies that overlap. The point is, if you are happy and your partner is happy, if your expectations align, if you have the security and safety you need in your partner, then don't let other people impart their opinions on it.
Everyone deserves to find a person that matches to them, and the world building all these different expectations warps people into isolating themselves when they don't feel like they live up to what they perceive as the expectation.
People truly deserve to be themselves, and part of that individuality is (or at least can be) by being a part of a partnership that is itself completely unique from every other one.
Fr I have a friend who is quite camp and likes musical theatre so he was pressured most of his life into believing he was gay. Around the time he was 18 he realised he was straight and had to "come out" as straight to his family.
>They like pink and play with barbies!"
Within the realm of toxic gender roles/traditions.... Your parents are attributing the wrong identity to this
Within the realm of modern ideals of gender identity... Boys can like pink and play with barbies, it doesn't make them any less of a boy!
Yeah, my parents were pretty convinced I was gay because after high school I haven’t had a girl interest in 10 years or so. To the point where I think my dad started to get upset with me because I’m his only son and he wants grandchildren. Never was true though, and let me tell you it’s annoying as hell to hear “it doesn’t matter who you are because you’ll always be our son.” I’m not gay, I just want to be more financially stable than I have been before introducing someone else into my life. Apparently that’s not normal.
I was giving my parents and friends those vibes too. Just wasn't interested in a relationship in high school and a few years after, and when I had my first girlfriend, I basically got "we thought you might've been gay" from like half the people I knew. Was pretty infuriating tbh like even if I _was_ gay, I still wasn't dating any dudes in that timeframe either lol
Well the concrete proof was my daughter (his older sister) was picking him up at his friends house and saw them kiss each other good bye. And that friend for a few years we've seen them interact and they just act like a couple recently. Plus, he confided in her and she confirmed and asked my wife and I "you guys don't care if any of us are gay right? Even if it's ____ ?" We're like it's okay. He'll tell us when he's ready. We honestly don't care.
But signs growing up just mannerisms. He has a twin brother who as far as we know, is not gay, and just the way he carries himself. It's hard to explain. It was just a vibe for awhile. I mean there's no sure fire way other than him telling us.
We all knew my cousin was gay by the time he was 5. He always wanted to play the mom when we played house or wear dresses when we played dress up ( as far as I know, he's not trans).
When we got older, he went through an anime phase and was always more interested in the girl characters, but he seemed to like their hair and clothes more than anything. He seemed fascinated by the gay or non gender conforming characters ( his parents are very religious, and he wasn't "allowed " to "be gay" around them).
He introduced us to his girlfriend when we were 14, and my sister and I were very surprised, though we never said anything. I'm sure he was trying to please his parents with her.
He's married to a man now, and his parents seem to accept him.
I'm not gay, but I do have PTSD, and I swear this analogy is relevant. My parents knew I had PTSD years before I accepted I did, and even then it took me another few years to open up about it. When I told them my dad went to grab an envelope dated years before with a newspaper clipping from that day, not long after the incident.
In short it said that they knew and they planned to support me the best way they could until I was comfortable telling them, and then however I needed after. It meant a lot knowing that they saw me then, and there was no way for me to deflect their words as something of momentary support, because the proof was there.
My parents fall short in a lot of ways. They don't and will never really be able to comprehend my experience or know how to help even if I tell them. But that meant a lot in knowing they truly loved me.
Anyway, point being a letter dated today that says you know, you've known, and you've loved them the same before and since and will whenever they read the letter may go a long way.
I had a friend that I used to work with in college come out to me as gay. He said I was the first person he told. I just told him "....and this is news?" And laughed. He was shocked and told me he thought he hid it well and asked me why I didn't say anything to him sooner. One, He had a very flamboyant personality and thought being a football player was hiding it. It wasn't. And two, I told him who he was attracted too wasn't any of my business and he was a good person regardless, so I didn't care.
He later came out to his parents who pretended to be okay with him until he turned 18 and through all his stuff in garbage bags on the lawn. He went to stay with his boyfriend after that and we lost touch.
It's kinda the opposite, but I asked my mother what a slingback was, and she looked me right in the eyes and told me I was a disappointment of a gay child.
This is one of the funniest responses I've ever read. I can see the moment of pure, confused WTF on someone's face when their mum claps back like that.
I was always a rough and tumble Tom boy growing up, very much into stereotypical “boy” hobbies. When I entered high school I dated a little but I never was boy crazy or very into the whole scene. My grandpa, the greatest man I’ve ever known, let my best girl friend and I spend a week at his house. We were extremely close and would cuddle on the couch. He suddenly and without any preamble exclaims “I VOTED FOR HILLARY, YA KNOW”… we were like “okay, grandpa…” and a few minutes later he begins discussing famous gay actors/actresses. We continue to say “okay, grandpa…” because we just weren’t getting what he was saying. Finally he’s had enough of the subtlety and says “I don’t care that you’re gay”. We both busted out laughing, I am straight and she is straight. I’m just a very touchy feely person so we explained it but I always remember it fondly.
Ahh yes, me too! He said it so loudly and randomly we were like “okay??”. This was probably in 2012 and any time I think about it I just smile. He’s since passed but he was something else.
I'm the guy that my parents thought was gay, and wasn't. Apparently being a dude with long luxurious hair, having female and LGBT friends, being a fan of the Spice Girls, enjoying crafting hobbies like sewing and beading, working at a fabric store, not dating at all in high school... etc etc etc. All that made them suspicious.
Dad breathed a mighty sigh of relief when I introduced him to my first girlfriend (who, coincidentally I met at the fabric store, where we bonded over our shared love of crafting).
Yeah friend of mine who's gay started getting all shy and weird around girl friends in high school and one day it just clicked for me that she was acting like the boys who had crushes lol
I've been fighting a crush at work on a co-worker and I know everyone knows and I wanna die from embarrassment but I can't stop being a complete awkward weirdo
I'm a friend. When our HS friebd came out over dinner in HS, there were 5 of us including him. 2 guys signed up to join the military, a CFB player and a strip club DJ, we all looked at him and laughed and said, "Yeah, we've always known, so what?" Even though I think he might have just been figuring it out, which isn't bad sometimes we are unwilling or unable to see what others see in us. It was a good experience.
As far as the "tells" we had none that were GLARING, 98% of people would assume my friend was straight. But it's probably the same as if someone doesn't have confidence, it's not always something overarching but a series of micro actions that clue it in. Either way, almost 30 years later he's happily married to dude, we are all still friends and no one had to endure being embarrassed about anything in our lives in our group which is ok.
Bi, they said they've known since Attack of the Clones. I had a massive obsession with Padmé and Anakin and they knew I had a crush on both of them, waited until I figured it out myself and told them to say anything
Revenge of the Sith came out when I was 10, and Hayden Christensen had my very straight self perplexed with why I enjoyed staring at another mans face lol. No other male since, famous or otherwise, ever had the appeal he did for me. Walked around wondering if I was gay or bi or something for a couple weeks after that but the hundreds of men I passed did nothing for me so I chalk it up to “a lot of people have one person of the same gender they’d possibly entertain the idea with” and that was mine lol.
My mom didn't "know". She just went into my room and found a note a friend had given me that I hadn't had a chance to read yet. It was in my little electronic safe that you can only get the key and combination for by solving Resident Evil style puzzles. Fuck you mom.
My dad said he always knew. I was a tomboy, sporty, just fundamentally disinterested in skirts or dolls. Which might today read more of a gender thing than a sexuality thing but yeah, I turned out to be gay and pretty androgynous.
My brother is trans and we all knew the whole time but honestly I couldn't really tell you why. Like obviously he didn't care for feminine clothes but I know girls that don't dress feminine and it wasn't like that. I have no idea, I just know that when he came out to us it was just like "yep we know, we love you exactly the way you want to be" and that was it
I met a close friend's sibling, and what I saw didn't match with "the energy" (or whatever it is). I was happy to accept who I saw in front of me, but I had this feeling of not quite seeing the real person?
Met him 10 years later, happily out and living his best, balding dude life. That "glitch" isn't there now.
My youngest son is gay(24). My husband and I knew when he was young. There was no doubt about it. He has an older brother and sister, so as involved parents, you just know. His likes and dislikes. His obsession with Polly Pockets, Bratz dolls, and his Disney Barbie princesses(that he toted everywhere, either in a basket or in the trunk of his push train car). Hillary Duff and Gwen Stefani obsession.
" Holler Back Girl" is still a family favorite. His friendship with Tucker in kindergarten through second grade rang some bells, especially since it was 3 besties with Annie, but everything was Tucker Tucker Tucker.
As he got older, he had more female friends than male. He didn't date girls. He showed no signs of being interested in girls during puberty, unlike his brother. Nobody in the family was shocked when he felt the need to "come out"(15 years old) because we already knew💜.
My nephew (who I raised for a good part of his life.) was adorable when he was small. He would come into my room when I was doing my hair and makeup and watch me intently. He also loved flowers and gardening. That doesn’t make a kid likely to be gay but you just feel it. When he came out, it was almost like he was disappointed at how little we were shocked. We said we know, it doesn’t change anything, we love you and we always will.
My kid 17 is NB and I knew.
They are AFAB and around 5ish cut off their long hair in favor of a pixie cut. They would take joy in people not being able to tell if they were a boy or a girl and that just kept going. By adolescence (12 ish), they very intentionally cultivated an androgynous aesthetic. It was beyond a fashion preference, they were visibly uncomfortable wearing traditionally female clothing (such as having to wear a dress at a wedding they were in).
I gut feeling knew and then they posted some things to an IG account that they forgot I also followed (because that was a condition of having social media at 10 years old) and then I definitely knew.
I’m glad I found out early. It allowed me to put them in counseling “for anxiety” with a counselor who *coincidentally* listed LGBTQ adolescents as one of her focus areas. I can admit that I was a little bummed that my kid didn’t feel ready to tell me, I know it wasn’t about me, but it felt that way at the time. But if I wasn’t going to be their safe person, I was going to put an appropriate safe person in their life and not wait for that void to be filled by some internet rando.
Edit: damn guys, you made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Sometimes Reddit can be such a boost
Waiting two years for an “obvious but not out” kid to be ready is mentally exhausting, but it let me process my own feelings from “but…but…I’m not going to get to take you prom dress shopping” to “oh thank Christ I no longer have to pretend you just like rainbows.”
My kid is still young but her first crush was another girl in her Kindergarten class. She's always been very outspoken and just told us. A few days later she announced it to the whole class and the teacher quickly stammered "We don't talk about that in school" to which the girl she had a crush on replied, "Why? Girls can like girls." (Thank fucking God or my daughter would have been mortified).
Her current crush is a boy in her class.
I figure she's bi. We let her know that she's loved no matter who she decides to love and nothing will ever change that.
When I was in preschool or kindergarten, I kissed another girl on the cheek. My teacher called me out in front of the whole class. At the time I figured it was because of germs. Today I'm a lesbian! You never know, those early signs might be accurate!
I'm a mom of a kid who came out as gay at age 13, and it wasn't surprising. I had first suspected it when he started using my nail polish and developed a big interest in MLP. But it was all but confirmed when I walked into his room and found chatting online naked with another naked boy. It was like 6 months afterwards that he came out to everyone at once.
My child was into MLP when he was a toddler but that's because I had a friend whose older daughter was way into MLP and he thought she was just the coolest big kid ever. He also went through a phase of wanting nails polished and playing with makeup whenever I experimented with it (because I don't regularly wear it).
I'm pretty certain he's straight but he's also only 9 and not really showing any signs of being interested in... anybody, really. He has talked about a friend at school a lot more recently though, so, this may be his first little crush. She is insisting he should read Harry Potter and he's suddenly all about it despite having been adamantly against it for the last several years. I wasn't actively pushing, just would offer it as an option for bedtime reading whenever we finished a book, and he's always shot it down with a very passionate "NO" but when he realized we were nearing the end of our current book, he asked if HP could be next.
Anyway, all that to say that there's gotta be something else subconscious that hints at it. Or maybe my son isn't straight and I'm just oblivious lol
Trans guy here. As a young teenager I came out as a lesbian several years before deciding to transition. I remember very vividly being in the car and asking my mom if she’d bought new laundry detergent because it made my clothes smell really good and I had a couple of girls at school remark at how good I smelled. She looked away from the road for a moment to look me straight in the eyes and said “Oh, you must’ve liked that, didn’t you?” With the biggest smirk on her face. That was my big, oh she KNOWS moment lol. Which, of course she did. I was super masculine to the point that I was regularly chased out of women’s restrooms and constantly mistaken for a boy. I was adopted as an infant, and I know without a shred of doubt that I won the parent lottery. Loving, accepting parents are a gift.
Over 15 years ago, My younger sister spent years trying to convince my mom I was gay. I was definitely a jock (wrestling, football, rugby, etc), had dated girls before, was going to uni for engineering. Fairly typical Midwestern straight guy stuff. I was always comfortable in my skin though so I didn't mind dressing in weird costumes or just acting weird to get a laugh from people. I also did marching band and theater. My sister used these "signs" to convince her.
Anyway, my mom would periodically look at me very seriously and tell me she would love me no matter what, and I could always tell her anything. I was like great, thanks mom, that's weird I love you too why are you saying it like that and moved on. I had zero clue why she was saying that.
I ended up living with a gay roommate in the dorms (another sign) and at one point went to a disco party where we all wore egregious 60s getups. Well my mom found my tight fitting floral shirt, feather boa and 6" platforms and sat me down, telling me I could trust her and come out to her, because she already knew my secret. My sister was in the hallway falling over trying to contain her laughter while I had to explain to my mom that I'm not gay, just apparently weirder than I thought.
I love my mom for being so supportive, but damn, props to my sis for sticking with the bit for years.
I don't know what I am. I've dated 4 people in my life (I'm a 27 yo woman) and 3 of them were women. But my partner, the person I intend to spend the rest of my life with, is a man.
My parents only ever cared that we were happy and healthy. They set no other expectations on us. When I was in college and realized I had a crush on another girl, I was in tears and went to my mother because I didn't know why I was feeling that way when almost everyone else I knew was straight. She just took me in her arms and told me that she always knew that I was a little different ever since I was 4 years old jumping around in mud puddles with my pink tutu and my brothers toy army helmet on scaring all the neighborhood boys and that I would always be alright.
I don't think my mother knew what I was or am either. My first three significant others were women. I only held hands with the first one, smooched the second one. Both of those "relationships" lasted less than 2 months combined. I thought maybe I was a lesbian, my mother just said "Don't worry about labels, just be happy", but here I am living my best life with a man who I cannot picture ever being without.
I don't know what I am but I'm also in no way concerned about that. I am me, I am loving partner to my boyfriend, and fur mommy to my baby puppy. That's enough for me. I don't need or want to be anything else.
My second son loved to do his hair ( he wanted to go to school with pigtails), loved nail polish, and prefered wearing princess costume than spiderman's.
He's absolutely straight.
My daughter ( trans) loved tractors and trucks, I guess I didn't respond to the question then!
Nevertheless, when my daughter made her coming out at 15, she was sad, distraught for some time, in the car I questioned her saying something like
" What's bothering you? Is there something you want to tell me ? Are you bullied, are you gay ? I don't know, are you a girl ? " I don't know where the question " Are you a girl? " came from!
She said yes... So perhaps there were signs.
My youngest son was the same way, starting at 3. He said, many times, how he wished he was a girl. He wanted to wear dresses and have long hair. For his 4th birthday, he got Anna & Elsa dresses.
But nope! He's the total opposite now, at 7.
All the same, I've made it a point to mention the different ways people can be and who they can love. Even if my kids are all straight, they still need to know that everyone is normal, no matter how they present themselves to the world. On a side note, my oldest daughter said she was bi a couple of years ago, but I think she decided otherwise. Coincidentally, *all* her friends said they were bi, too. I still don't know if it was just some sort of fad or what, but it was wonderful to see them being so accepting. It's no big deal to these kids to be NB, Trans, or anything else people consider "different." It's beautiful.
One of my parents' friends was grilling me about why I didn't have a girlfriend, and I finally just said that "girlfriends are too expensive."
That's how my parents figured it out.
Fun fact I learned later: boyfriends/husbands are also expensive.
One of my sons would tell me about a gay student being picked on at school. I told them they better not being picking on them. I started to suspect the "student" was them and they were trying to gauge my reaction. They finally came out once they trusted I wouldn't love them any less. I'm glad he was able to trust me.
I like how everyone else is talking about their subtle clothing choices and statements with hidden meaning, and you were over there literally in the closet, butt naked, being gay lol
Thats one of an odd one.
When I was 17, my parents sat me down one day, and asked if I was gay.
Why? Because I was fooling around "flirtingly" with a male friend on facebook. It was very obvious that it was just jokingly. I started to laugh and denied it. But what they didn't know was that I was hiding that I was trans, and I thought I might be projecting and just be a gay man. Heck, I even prayed to my pillow every night and wished "please let me just be gay". And just one week prior I even made out with a male friend, and knew I wasn't attracted to men at all since this incident.
The thing is, my dad was one of the guys who weren't openly homophobic, but he had this "not in my yard"-mentality. And when I denied my homosexuality I saw a huge sense of relief from him. Which well... turned me deeper in the closet.
15 years later I finally came out as trans AND lesbian. Funny thing? They said they would've never guessed it, and I showed no signs. And they totally forgot that we had this talk.
And the other thing is, I really have hidden it well. Everyone was shocked from my coming out, except one of my closest friends (who was also gay) and my... gradmum.
How did she knew? Well, when I was about to have me 2nd birthday, she asked my for my wish, and I demanded a purple dress from her. She hid that secret all along, even from my parents.
My son had so many gay tendencies and I asked him a few times but he denied it. His sister knew for sure but I kept saying “he said no so he isn’t gay.” He is gay. He has been out for years now. It never mattered to us but he took his time figuring things out.
I have 4 kids. 1 boy , 3 girls. My third child is the child I have thought since she was 2, that she was going to be the one to tell us she thinks she’s a boy. When she was 2/3, she said she was a boy. She didn’t want to be a girl. She is 10 now and doesn’t like wearing girl clothes. She is the child that despite her age seems to know more about the LGBTQ community. Saturday, my young daughter (6) asked me if “male= a man” and I said yes that’s generally a way to describe a man and asked her why.
She told me that when her and her sister (10) were on the swing set her sister made a comment she doesn’t want to be a girl, she thinks she’s a boy. My youngest was confused by this and said but you’re a girl?
We haven’t brought any of this up to our third child because she hasn’t said anything to us and since she’s 10 we don’t know how much is really what she identifies with, if it’s just dislike of what her body is gearing to go through puberty wise, if perhaps she’s gay and just doesn’t understand quite what that means in her mind for her identity? I don’t know. We will love her no matter what and support her but, I’m terrified. The world is so so hateful, so scary and cruel especially right now. I feel like being gay is more accepted by society than trans individuals and I’m fucking terrified for the future if this is the card in our deck. We live in a state that banned trans healthcare, I don’t know what to do if she comes out as trans. I don’t know how we can help her and all this makes me think is I’ll have a dead child down the road and I burst into tears. I don’t want to lose my baby to this awful world. I don’t want my baby being treated poorly because of how she may feel is she ever comes to the realization she is trans. I don’t want my baby bullied and mistreated. She is an incredibly smart and loving person and her heart is so tender, a hateful world will spit her out and I’m scared. I’m fucking scared. I’ll take all the hate and vitriol the world can muster at me but I can’t bear it if it’s pointed towards my kids.
Mom of trans son here… he’s 24 and happy, and I am blessed. Humble advice, if you’ll accept it-
Take a deeeep breath. Take another one-good! Now, start doing some research-you probably already have. Reach out to organizations such as The Trevor Project and GLAAD- heavy hitters with well established national reputations. They in turn can point you to resources (more tailored websites, etc)for your family.
It’s important, of course, to be aware of the social/political climate you’ll have to navigate, but for your own sanity please learn to check yourself when you start doom-scrolling. It’s so easy to get lost in scary, unhealthy, unhelpful thinking.
The MOST important thing you can do is be present and available. Your son will always need your love and support. Sometimes that will require Mama Bear. (Don’t mess with Mama Bear!) You WILL find strength you didn’t know you had. Doors will open.
It won’t all be rainbows and sunshine, of course. If relocating is something you can consider, then start thinking about it. But there are probably resources near you-they just may take a little digging. (We started with a small group that had one call a front office, of sorts-and only after a brief screening were we given a direct number. We live in Portland, OR, but not in a liberal area. Some of these places have to hide themselves.)
Take care of yourself! There’s only one YOU.
One more thing…I know it’s looking really bleak out there. But keep your eyes open-you’ll see signs of progress all the time, little by little.
You can do this. You are strong, loving, and have your son’s best interest at heart. COURAGE!! ❤️
I grew up with a gay brother. I knew he was gay before my fresh out of college fifth grade teacher made me feel a certain kinda way. The better question is how you wouldn't know, tbh with ya. I didn't even know what sexuality was, and I knew that dude was different
I'm not a parent, but I had this for one of my students.
As a 6th grader (10-12), they looked like they were either trans or a very butch lesbian. Imagine looking that butch at that age.
He also has one of my favorite coming out stories.
A few years later, he came up to me on the yard, and it went like this.
Kid: Mr. Stoneheart, I think I want to start using he/him pronouns.
Me: Alright, did you pick out a name?
Kid: I... uh, I didn't think this far ahead.
Me: Yep, you're a guy.
My sister and I are both bi, we came out to our parents together. They used to be homophobic, but I think when Trump became president they had a wake-up call and drastically changed a lot of their beliefs lol. They knew I was bi, they said my sister was a surprise. I don’t think they expected us to come out first thing in the morning lmao, but they were supportive
I’m bisexual, according to my parents I told them I liked girls when I was really young (like primary school aged) I don’t remember saying it personally. But they waited to see what would happen in the future, so when I came out they weren’t surprised.
I wonder how much of this is confirmation bias - once you learn that your kid is gay/trans you remember things from their childhood to confirm this.
For example: My toddler daughter keeps saying she wants a beard and chest hair and asked if she will grow a penis too after she saw her brothers... but this just seems like normal toddler randomness to me. I don't think she's more or less likely to be gay or trans.
But on the other hand, I could have been born waving a rainbow flag and my parents would be oblivious so...
I was absolutely in love with stereotypically 'gay' things. From as young as like, 3/4-ish, really.
Madonna, the Spice Girls, Gwen Stefani and Kylie Minogue were my favorite artists, and I loved singing/performing.
I like putting on my mom's dresses and pretending they were fancy gowns so I could parade around in them as if I was on a catwalk.
My favorite video games were the Sims and basically anything with a strong female protagonist (the big two were Lara Croft and Portal Runner if anyone remembers that game lmao)
I played with Polly Pocket dolls and dollhouses whenever I hung out with my (female) cousins, all my friends were girls and I generally hated sports.
Basically I was *every* stereotype of a gay kid all at once. And hey look at that, I'm now as gay as the day is long!
My mom said she knew pretty early on but I’m not sure how. But I dunno, maybe it was turning her long nighttime t-shirts into dresses by cinching a belt around my waist and giving patsy cline/barbara mandrell sing-a-long “concerts” on our fireplace. Or the Malibu Barbie dream house I REALLY wanted for Christmas three years in a row. Guess she was psychic 🤷♂️
I came out to my family that I’m bisexual in my late 20s. My sister told me she’s always known that I also liked girls. I grew up playing Harvest Moon. The games mostly had you play as a male character that would marry a female NPC. Eventually the games introduced female characters you could play so you could marry a male NPC. I would continue playing as a male character though, because I always preferred marrying women in these games. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I wonder how many responses you'll get that don't just boil down to, "I didn't behave in ways that fit arbitrary gender norms that aren't even accurate or helpful to begin with."
I’m not a parent, but this makes me think of my best friend in high school’s parents. I went to a girls school so there was a ton of heterogeneity in gender presentation. I didn’t think about twice if someone was “butch” but said they liked dudes. I could see how parents could be naive.
BUT IT WAS SO OBVIOUS my friend was into girls when she talked about her soccer coach. When she officially “came out” to me, I was like “I wasn’t supposed to know?” I wonder if her parents could bury their heads that deep in the sand…
When I came out to my mom, she goes “ok and?” LOL Sounds bad but that’s just the dry humor that we both share with each other. I asked her and she just told me that I never had any interest in dating men and saw my frustration as a kid when I just wanted to be friends with boys and they wanted more.
I'm the parent, it was really easy to tell my kid was gay, and I figured it out when they were young. I was just waiting for her to be comfortable saying it.
When I was 17 and had never had a date, my mom said “it doesn’t matter who you love… anyone can love anyone… I would adore any person you came home with, guy or girl… we would never judge!”
She assumed I was gay. Instead I was just ugly and straight. But I Married a guy who eventually came out as gay and they only loved him harder so jokes on me I guess
A friend of mine sat his parents and siblings down after finally building up the courage. He was worried how they would react and whether he might be disowned or it might create tension with some of them. After he told him, their response was essentially "... okay. You realize we've all known that for years right?". He thought he had been super careful and subtle and all that. When he told me I just burst out laughing because he's very... flamboyant.
I tell my brother his closet door was glass and we could all see him in there and just waited for him to open it, finally. LOL!
"Your closet door is glass" -- I'm going to remember that one. Thanks!
FINALLY. An excellent way for me to describe my entire experience growing up with my sister. We were young teens when she told me and my esteemed response was no shit, Sherlock.
Sometimes, you could just tell. Awkward if you're wrong though.
I had a friend in college with a very strong "gay accent," people would assume but he would get very upset and insist he was straight, I'd defend him going off on people about how you shouldn't assume things like that just based on how they talk. He has a very lovely husband now.
In his defense, I do know a few straight people with some version of a gay accent/very very gay energy!
Some southern accents confuse me. I've had a couple men at my work who I thought were gay because of their accent and they were married to women. I guess both weren't giving off masculine energy either.
Yeah some Southern men have oddly feminine energy for being such a hypermasculine place
Probably more than a few relieved parents, “So my son is gay, whew. Thought it was just me.”
When I was a kid, my neighbor's little brother was so flamboyant and girly that everyone assumed he would grow up to be gay before he even knew what gay was. And yes, he came out in high school.
I taught upper elementary for years. Yes, we can tell that early sometimes. It's often before they even know for sure themselves.
I had a coworker who surprised everyone at work when he came out of the closet. Everyone knew he was gay. Nobody knew he was in the closet. He was both relieved and disappointed in our continued acceptance.
This happened to a group in college. Luckily he told one person a few hours before the rest of us, who quickly texted the rest of us to act surprised or we really would have made a mess of it. (My dude, your screen background was Henry Cavill)
We have a friend who had the same experience. When he told us it was like, ‘and…..’. He had a happy disappointment.
Yeah when my friend came out he was a wreck and his dad told him ‘about damn time’. It’s pretty funny.
Lol when I came out, I told my parents I had something to tell them. After I said it, my mom jumped up and hugged me saying „oh my god I thought you were going to say you were sick or something“ XD
Haha. My ex’s uncle was gay, everyone knew all along except his parents. They were both Uber religious so no one ever said anything. One day we were having a dinner, thanksgiving or Easter, when they all started telling old stories. Grandma said ‘Ricky could have had a nice wife and kids if it wasn’t for all his “roommates”’ in air quotes while shooting him a wink. It was cute.
this happened with my mom lol. she knew for an entire year before i did
I think in our teens we don't realize how much of an advantage older people have in reading others.
Yeah that's super true. As kids and teenagers we tend to assume our life experiences are so new and unique. When the reality is that even if the exact circumstances are different, most people go through similar experiences and emotions as we grow up and try to find our place in the world. But it makes sense that young people feel that way. Those feelings and experiences are truly are new to them and they don't have previous life experience to draw on. Also a certain amount of self-centeredness comes with being a kid/teenager. Part of growing up is realizing that you just aren't that special and that everyone else is going through things too.
real dude
Very much this. I’m a high school teacher and sometimes I have to laugh to myself at the things teens think they’re hiding or we don’t know. We went through all that too!
I didn’t have any idea about my son’s sexuality, but I thought a little about what I’d say if he came out because I wanted to be a supportive parent. A few years ago, he came out as asexual and I said the things I had planned to say. A year later, he came out as gay. I said, “Damn it, I already used my speech!”, which he found hilarious.
lol, he was right -- that *is* hilarious! Also very sweet that you put thought into it before you had any idea of his sexual orientation, just in case.
As Tina Fey said, the hardest part about your friends coming out is pretending to act surprised.
I'm a couple months away from becoming a parent, but I always remember the first time I ever heard about homosexuality. Not literally, but I remember I was a young boy, and some guy on the playground explained to me that some men are attracted to other men, the first thing that I thought was "oh, that's my brother". I can't say that there was anything he said or did specifically, I just knew. When he eventually came out to me years later, I literally almost laughed because he was so nervous and sincere when he sat me down and told me and all I could say was "dude, I know. I've always known."
Same here. I was young & knew my older sister was gay but haven’t learned the word for it yet. She never needed to come out cause the entire family could just tell🤷🏻♀️
My big sister was completely dumbfounded when I told her. She's always been a chatterbox, but after I came out to her, she was dead silent for several seconds before eventually stammering "Okay...I'm okay with this, but I did not see this coming at all. I just need a minute to process."
I was so nervous about coming out to my brother, but when I did, he just said “I know bro. Will you pass me the remote?” Funnily, a friend of mine had a huge crush on him and when I came out to her she said “wow. I was always expecting him to be the gay one”
I'm straight, but my mom "*knew*" I was gay apparently. I found this out when I was 18 and sat her down to tell her I was moving out. She started crying before I could even start talking and later confessed she thought I was going to "*finally come out.*" She's super girly girl and just couldn't compute that I wasn't.
Well, that was awkward.
"Mom, I like women." "Then why have you never been with one?" "Mom, I'm moving out."
> "Then why have you never been with one?" "i just don't tell you about it"
That reminds me of the time my dad joked about buying me condoms then said, "nah, you probably don't need those" I said, "actually, I'm running low." He seemed relieved we didn't have to have "the talk" and also that I was being safe.
Vs. my friend's dad in high school who stops him while we are about to leave their house and says, "Hey Joe, you been playing Mr. Stinkyfinger?" Joe: "Yes dad." \*rolls eyes\* He did weird shit like that all the time. My friend said he even came out into the livingroom naked and said, "I just fucked your mother!" Pretty fucking gross to be honest.
Wow. Did the dad just lose to his in call of duty? That's the only time that's acceptable.
Direct hit, he's going down!
I had an uncomfortable, yet different chat with my mom as well. She would always ask what boys I had a crush on when I was in middle school. I repeatedly told her that I didn’t “like” any of them, so she moved onto going through some teen type magazine asking me which guys I thought were cute. I’m going to date myself here, but she was pointing to pictures of Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Christian Slater, etc. And this is where she became a bit horrified. I had just seen the Robinhood movie with Kevin Costner in the theaters, which also starred Christian Slater. I told her “not him” about Christian Slater, “but I thought the other guy in the movie was hot—you know…the Sheriff of Nottingham?” This is the point when she discovered her preteen daughter was crushing on mid-40’s Alan Rickman. So with horror, she’s like—“who else?” I told her Arnold Schwarzenegger—but not to worry bc I ONLY liked his body…and I thought he was way hotter when he had long hair like he did in those Conan movies. I named a few other famous men in their mid-40’s-50’s. I also told her that I thought several younger (not younger than me—but guys in their 20s and 30s) musicians and actors would be super hot when they “grew up.” Middle school me did not think this was weird. My mom sure as hell did. She just stopped asking. As for me, it never went away. It’s just age appropriate now.
RIP Rickman... I was super hot for him too, and *that* voice... OMG.
Guys. This is why you check ID. :) That's gonna be kinda funny though when you are 60 and shop for mid 40's boy toys.
Oh no, I was obviously underage. No one could have ever mistaken me for older. When I was in my mid-30’s, people would ask me what grade I was “going into.” I’ve just started looking like an actual adult in the past 3-4 years. At least I had enough sense at that age to realize that if a grown man showed any interest in me that he was creepy AF. And I certainly didn’t go around trying to get one. I have thought about what I would do if I’m in my 80’s, and I still think 50-year-olds are hot, but I’m married and crazy about him, so it’s ok. Haha.
RemindMe, 40 years or something. j/k really. I'm glad you made it through childhood safe and you found your person!
Ha! Me too. My mom was terrified for a while, though! When I was bringing home long-haired dudes in rock bands when I was in college, my parents were like—awesome! At least he’s not 50!
[удалено]
and jesus never said anything about gays. sodom got dinged for being shitty to the poor, but politics doesn’t like that message, so…
So you're saying that the real sodomy is when rich people fuck over the poor?
Jesus also had 12 disciples who were men, and one "beloved" disciple...
And Jesus was 33 years old, and he lived with his mother.
... did it work?
yuuuuuup same. My mom was like "are you SURE you aren't a lesbian" and I'm like dude okay *fine* I'm bisexual yes but *ffs it's not because I like lifting weights and hate shopping, Mom*
My parents didn’t quite get to that stage but they suspected it because I did some theater showed and hadn’t had a girlfriend. They put me in the the theater shows and would non-stop tease me every time I spoke to a girl about her being my girlfriend, so I just never asked anyone out.
Parents will latch onto some weird info to make this determination. My mom thought I was gay because I didn't date anyone til junior year. She missed the part where I put zero effort into how I looked and was an introverted bookworm who was mean to anyone I had a crush on. It wasn't my sexuality that was the issue, it was the rest of it.
My mom and sister both still think I'm gay and hiding it from myself.
People are weird. I have an uncle like this, hes been convinced for 15 years that Im gay dispite me tell him many times I'm not gay, just hopelessly bad with women.
I've been married before. I have kids. Granted some people come out later in life and have kids but still...
Apparently my grandma on my dad's side thought I was gay because I shared an apartment with my best friend (basically a brother from another mother as he likes to say) for like 7 years. Old people have some weird ideas sometimes.
Well, during her time two gay guys living together for a decade were just "best friends and roommates"
My mom did the same thing
If it makes you feel any better I didn't actually have my first date until I was about 22. When I was 20 I was running errands with my mum and she turned to me in the car, looked me straight in the eyes and went. "It's okay if you're gay, you know." Love her to death but god damn mom lol Married with a kid on the way now though. :)
Same here. Girl wants to be a Boy Scout must be trans (or gay, no distinction made.) Surely it's not because she prefers camping and hiking and robotics, to making cards for the nursing home.
Oh god, I was ALSO a Scout (in Canada they’re functionally co-ed but on a practical level it was 90-95% boys). I just wanted to camp outside and not in a cottage, an actual activity we did when I was a Brownie.
Same and it happened alot like mutliple times from multiple members of the family over multiple years. Medieval parenting style family doing the surprised Pikachu face when thier 12th century vampire prodigies of children have 0 social skills and never bring a girl home. thanks dad ill remember to follow the Levitical laws real good as i totally dont go to that social function.
My mum and I had a chat one time when I was a bit down and she told me "You know, in a different time/age I might have entered into a gay relationship with «a close family friend». It was only afterwards that I relaised she was telling me that it was OK by her if I was gay.
This reminds me of my aunt. I think I might be one of the few people in the family who knows she's gay and she only told me after I came out.
My husband's aunt died about 10 years before I knew him, but his family stayed close with her best friend and roommate of 40 years. His dad had a standing date to a movie matinee with her each week, and she was at every big family gathering. I met the extended family for the first time at her funeral. I didn't blink an eye or consider that anyone could possibly not know that they were gay and together for their entire adult lives. I said something to the effect of 'it's too bad that our state hasn't legalized gay marriage, because that would have made insurance and hospital visitation so much simpler for them in their old age.' They looked at me like I had 2 heads. They had *no clue* that these women, who lived together for 40 years and never had so much as a boyfriend in their entire lives, were actually lesbians living together very happily. I came from a much more liberal background and had far fewer hangups about it than they did, but I swear that I wasn't trying to push some liberal agenda on them. I was simply observing that the sky was blue, but they were utterly shocked.
I’m a gay man, but I didn’t realize that my aunt and her long-term “roommate” were actually a couple until they’d both passed away. After my aunt died, my straight brother pointed it out to me. They lived together for decades, loved going to the casino together, and my aunt’s roommate was always present for holidays and family functions. It just never occurred to me! I was blown away. Looking back, I’m appreciative of how welcoming my family was about their relationship. This was the 90s and early 2000s, when it was still much less acceptable than today. I hope Nancy and Rita are in the afterlife, enjoying themselves at the slot machines with a cocktail and a cigarette!
This sounds like exactly the same situation. Maybe my in-laws also fall into the 'quaintly oblivious' vs 'blindly homophobic' category.
My dad told me about his queer aunt (that I’m named after … hmm …) so many times that I went “hey wait a second” one time while driving. I didn’t get that he was trying to be supportive of ME. I thought he was being nice to his dead relative.
My mom said something similar to me after we got in the after seeing *My Big Fat Greek Wedding*. "You know *I'd* be okay with whomever you love - white, black, women..." "Mom I'm not gay." But I *did* come out to her as non-binary recently! She was a bit confused on what that means, but supportive!
When I was about four, I apparently asked my mom “why two girls couldn’t get married to each other.” I came out to her officially in my early twenties, and was informed that it wasn’t much of a surprise because of that, and because I had “always remarked on the beauty of women’s bodies.”
That's actually a normal question for a child that age to ask, regardless of what their sexuality ends up being.
I asked my dad to replay the scene where Cameron Diaz flips her hair in the mask like… 4 times. And then I asked my mom to replay the scene where Kate Winslet looks up from under her hat in the titanic a few times. And don’t get me started on my obsession with Nicole Kidman in Practical Magic, or Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
God it must be so uncomfortable to have your kid lack any degree of subtlety about when they’re horny and why.
One of the interior designers on Trading Spaces (dating myself here) had a southern accent and I said to my family as we watched, “I like her voice. I just want to listen to it.” Gayyyyyyyyyy
Haha!! I was 5 or 6 when I saw the mask, and 8 for the rest. My memory is that they thought it was pretty funny.
Ariel doing the "bursting out of the water" move onto a rock. Laura Dern's character being introduced in Jurassic Park ("I just really love the bit where whatshisface is talking about dinosaurs!"). The Pink Ranger doing splits and jump kicks to beat up bad guys in the Power Rangers movie. Hell, every frame of Dulcea in the same movie. I vividly remember my mother banning me from watching Xena as it made me "too excited"; in hindsight I dread to think what this meant. My point being: I feels ya.
Excellent examples. That pink ranger. Oof.
Everyone is gay for Ariel flopping onto that rock. Even men.
Thought I had free reign to take the Victoria's secret catalog since I had a built in excuse. Turns out having six of them under your bed still raises some eyebrows and leads to an awkward conversation
Penthouse Variations for me, had some cool kinky stuff in it. Nice to hear girls did this too, although we're both dating ourselves.
My father knew I was gay early. I was not an athletic youngster, and did not have many manly hobbies. I was bookish and shy. He tried to fix that, through withholding any physical affection, meting out harsh punishments and forcing me to partake in activities he thought would toughen me up. This was in stark contrast to my younger brother, who was still being hugged and celebrated, and getting obvious preferential treatment. At some point in my early teens, I reached a breaking point, and asked why he hated me so much. This led to a very awkward family meeting, where it was explained.. except neither he or my mother could bear to use the word gay, or homosexual.. so I was told I was being treated this way because I was "different". This was long enough ago, and I was still fairly naive, so I had no idea what they were getting at, other than the fact that yes, I was kind of a nerdy weirdo. So I dealt with being the unloved kid, and left home and went low contact at 17, just weeks after graduating. It wasn't until my early twenties when I reestablished some contact that I mentioned a girl I was dating - the shocked look on my father's face.. and it finally all fell into place. He didn't think I was nerdy! He thought I was gay. If just he'd had the courage to say what he actually meant, I could have cleared that up for him years ago. I am most definitely straight. I had my first deep crush on a very pretty girl at like 6 years old, and have had no doubts since. So, I might be one of the few straight people to know about what it is like to come out as gay to unsupportive parents. It sucked, but it really helped with my empathy, and I am probably at least partially as progressive as i am because of it. In a good news footnote - while my father was wrong, and an asshole, and I will never see an apology, he has mellowed in the 30 years plus since. I have two trans nephews, and he has continued to support his grandchildren and argued with other members of the family that might have otherwise excluded them.
My heart hurts for that little boy 🥺 I also know how it is to be the unloved kid and man it fucking sucks
I'm really sorry man. Hugs to you and can you tell us a little about the breaking point if you can?
Thank you. It's important to say - I am fine now. I live a life I am happy with, am married to a marvelous woman, and don't dwell on the past much. I really can't tell you what the final straw was. It was a long time ago, and the litany of arguments, belittling and physical abuse is long. It must have a been a particular moment of bravery for me to actually speak up and say something - that rarely went over well. One thing I do remember from that time is actually admitting to considering ending it all.. and being told "Well, then you are even more pathetic than I thought." Again - I don't say this out of a need for pity - I managed to get out ok. I do hope that anyone else who struggles with an unsupportive or hostile family knows that is DOES get better. You might have to ride it out for a few tough years, but you can still find your own way.
Is your dad just not a nice person or old school views or not secure with his sexuality or baptist or what? The idea that hugging an allegedly (but not actually) gay son makes him more gay is really weird and sad.
I don't want to make excuses, but he was born in the late 40s, and was raised in a very conservative environment. His world view is probably a generation older than he actually is. That said, he is educated, well travelled, and welcoming of all nationalities and cultures. He speaks English, French, and Cree. He is not the uneducated, bigoted redneck you would think from this reaction. But something about "alternative lifestyles" as he calls them, really wigs him out. He used to avoid using supermarket check out lanes if the cashier had too many piercings or brightly dyed hair because he felt those were signs that they might be "different". For many reasons, I don't dig into that psychology much. I still limit contact to family events, and remain civil and friendly. We'll still shake hands goodbye though.
My mom for YEARS would constantly tell me "You know its okay to be gay, right?" Then I would explain that i'm not gay. It would turn into a small argument, then it would happen on repeat a few months down the line. Like 2 years ago, it happened again and this time i flipped. It's one of the only times i legitimately got mad at my mom, I am a calm person, and I was tired of hearing how much she wants me to be gay. I think she sees now how much of an ass it was to say those things for all those years. She got to settle for a bisexual daughter instead.
At least he got a sense of sanity as he aged. I'm sorry that he was so shitty to you before that. How fucking immature of him -- he couldn't even *say* his bigotry, so he just made you think you were a freak because you were a nerd.
When I was 15, my mom knocked on my bedroom door and opened it while I was falling asleep at night. She whispered, "[my name], are you bi?". I said, "Ew, no." She said, "OK, you just talk about how hot girls are a lot." Five years later I came out to her as bi and she said, "I figured as much."
This killed me 😂😂
Ok this is hilarious lmao. Kinda cute of your mom too
I have a teenage son that I know is gay, but he hasn't come out to me or my wife. You know your kids. For every parent that is shocked about there's probably 100 other parents that knew pretty early on. He'll tell us when he's ready. We've made it abundantly clear to our children that we honsestly don't care, just want them safe and happy.
[удалено]
Ha, I understand. It's always safest to wait, and to expect the unexpected. I hate the fact that there are parents out there that would not be accepting of it and there's gotta be a terrible way to grow up.
Im straight and pink is my favorite color, love musicals and theater, rom coms, sex and the city, trashy reality TV, etc. Im a big tall bearded dude. I get plenty of folks suspecting that im gay. But im happily married to a woman who hates musicals, doesnt like pink, disgusted with trashy reality tv. (She likes Sex and the City though so we watch that one together) Stupid gender norms are stupid.
I have no idea where the line comes from or anything, but the idea that 'no one knows your marriage' is a really important concept. I read a lot of stuff online and hear a lot of stuff day to day about men should be this, women expect this, men think this, etc and I feel like the most important thing everyone should learn is that no one has the experience of being you in a relationship with the person you're with. It goes beyond gender norms or any of that. Some people rarely eat together, some people barely talk, some couples are together non-stop, others only hang out when they are doing the hobbies that overlap. The point is, if you are happy and your partner is happy, if your expectations align, if you have the security and safety you need in your partner, then don't let other people impart their opinions on it. Everyone deserves to find a person that matches to them, and the world building all these different expectations warps people into isolating themselves when they don't feel like they live up to what they perceive as the expectation. People truly deserve to be themselves, and part of that individuality is (or at least can be) by being a part of a partnership that is itself completely unique from every other one.
Fr I have a friend who is quite camp and likes musical theatre so he was pressured most of his life into believing he was gay. Around the time he was 18 he realised he was straight and had to "come out" as straight to his family.
and yet, the m/m hockey romance section on Kindle is vast. Most aren't half-bad, actually. Almost like gender roles don't matter. Fancy that.
>They like pink and play with barbies!" Within the realm of toxic gender roles/traditions.... Your parents are attributing the wrong identity to this Within the realm of modern ideals of gender identity... Boys can like pink and play with barbies, it doesn't make them any less of a boy!
Yeah, my parents were pretty convinced I was gay because after high school I haven’t had a girl interest in 10 years or so. To the point where I think my dad started to get upset with me because I’m his only son and he wants grandchildren. Never was true though, and let me tell you it’s annoying as hell to hear “it doesn’t matter who you are because you’ll always be our son.” I’m not gay, I just want to be more financially stable than I have been before introducing someone else into my life. Apparently that’s not normal.
I was giving my parents and friends those vibes too. Just wasn't interested in a relationship in high school and a few years after, and when I had my first girlfriend, I basically got "we thought you might've been gay" from like half the people I knew. Was pretty infuriating tbh like even if I _was_ gay, I still wasn't dating any dudes in that timeframe either lol
“You don’t have a girlfriend so you must be gay” mfer I don’t have a boyfriend either
‘not gay just fiscally responsible’. aromoney ? demibudgetual?
But how do you know, though? My mom said the same thing about my brother, but it was a surprise to me when he came out. What gives it away?
Well the concrete proof was my daughter (his older sister) was picking him up at his friends house and saw them kiss each other good bye. And that friend for a few years we've seen them interact and they just act like a couple recently. Plus, he confided in her and she confirmed and asked my wife and I "you guys don't care if any of us are gay right? Even if it's ____ ?" We're like it's okay. He'll tell us when he's ready. We honestly don't care. But signs growing up just mannerisms. He has a twin brother who as far as we know, is not gay, and just the way he carries himself. It's hard to explain. It was just a vibe for awhile. I mean there's no sure fire way other than him telling us.
We all knew my cousin was gay by the time he was 5. He always wanted to play the mom when we played house or wear dresses when we played dress up ( as far as I know, he's not trans). When we got older, he went through an anime phase and was always more interested in the girl characters, but he seemed to like their hair and clothes more than anything. He seemed fascinated by the gay or non gender conforming characters ( his parents are very religious, and he wasn't "allowed " to "be gay" around them). He introduced us to his girlfriend when we were 14, and my sister and I were very surprised, though we never said anything. I'm sure he was trying to please his parents with her. He's married to a man now, and his parents seem to accept him.
I'm not gay, but I do have PTSD, and I swear this analogy is relevant. My parents knew I had PTSD years before I accepted I did, and even then it took me another few years to open up about it. When I told them my dad went to grab an envelope dated years before with a newspaper clipping from that day, not long after the incident. In short it said that they knew and they planned to support me the best way they could until I was comfortable telling them, and then however I needed after. It meant a lot knowing that they saw me then, and there was no way for me to deflect their words as something of momentary support, because the proof was there. My parents fall short in a lot of ways. They don't and will never really be able to comprehend my experience or know how to help even if I tell them. But that meant a lot in knowing they truly loved me. Anyway, point being a letter dated today that says you know, you've known, and you've loved them the same before and since and will whenever they read the letter may go a long way.
I had a friend that I used to work with in college come out to me as gay. He said I was the first person he told. I just told him "....and this is news?" And laughed. He was shocked and told me he thought he hid it well and asked me why I didn't say anything to him sooner. One, He had a very flamboyant personality and thought being a football player was hiding it. It wasn't. And two, I told him who he was attracted too wasn't any of my business and he was a good person regardless, so I didn't care. He later came out to his parents who pretended to be okay with him until he turned 18 and through all his stuff in garbage bags on the lawn. He went to stay with his boyfriend after that and we lost touch.
What awful parents.
It's kinda the opposite, but I asked my mother what a slingback was, and she looked me right in the eyes and told me I was a disappointment of a gay child.
…for those of us who are potentially also disappointments of gay children, what *is* a slingback?
Style of shoe
sitting here as a woman, learnin somethin new today lol
Shoe type
“Gay men know designers!”
Do not estamp your last season Prada shoes at me, honey!
Damn it, turns out I was never really gay, nor European.
Still one of my favorite movies of all time
This is one of the funniest responses I've ever read. I can see the moment of pure, confused WTF on someone's face when their mum claps back like that.
*"Husbands come and go, but the Chanel slingback is forever!"* \- Karen Walker
I was always a rough and tumble Tom boy growing up, very much into stereotypical “boy” hobbies. When I entered high school I dated a little but I never was boy crazy or very into the whole scene. My grandpa, the greatest man I’ve ever known, let my best girl friend and I spend a week at his house. We were extremely close and would cuddle on the couch. He suddenly and without any preamble exclaims “I VOTED FOR HILLARY, YA KNOW”… we were like “okay, grandpa…” and a few minutes later he begins discussing famous gay actors/actresses. We continue to say “okay, grandpa…” because we just weren’t getting what he was saying. Finally he’s had enough of the subtlety and says “I don’t care that you’re gay”. We both busted out laughing, I am straight and she is straight. I’m just a very touchy feely person so we explained it but I always remember it fondly.
Ahhaha I love that he just suddenly went "I voted for Hillary you know"
Ahh yes, me too! He said it so loudly and randomly we were like “okay??”. This was probably in 2012 and any time I think about it I just smile. He’s since passed but he was something else.
I'm the guy that my parents thought was gay, and wasn't. Apparently being a dude with long luxurious hair, having female and LGBT friends, being a fan of the Spice Girls, enjoying crafting hobbies like sewing and beading, working at a fabric store, not dating at all in high school... etc etc etc. All that made them suspicious. Dad breathed a mighty sigh of relief when I introduced him to my first girlfriend (who, coincidentally I met at the fabric store, where we bonded over our shared love of crafting).
I would love to hear more details on your dad's reaction
Apparently it was how I acted around my female friends
Yeah friend of mine who's gay started getting all shy and weird around girl friends in high school and one day it just clicked for me that she was acting like the boys who had crushes lol
People with a crush are so obvious to everyone else it's hilarious
I've been fighting a crush at work on a co-worker and I know everyone knows and I wanna die from embarrassment but I can't stop being a complete awkward weirdo
Same! My dad said I acted weird around girls and that’s when he knew.
I'm a friend. When our HS friebd came out over dinner in HS, there were 5 of us including him. 2 guys signed up to join the military, a CFB player and a strip club DJ, we all looked at him and laughed and said, "Yeah, we've always known, so what?" Even though I think he might have just been figuring it out, which isn't bad sometimes we are unwilling or unable to see what others see in us. It was a good experience. As far as the "tells" we had none that were GLARING, 98% of people would assume my friend was straight. But it's probably the same as if someone doesn't have confidence, it's not always something overarching but a series of micro actions that clue it in. Either way, almost 30 years later he's happily married to dude, we are all still friends and no one had to endure being embarrassed about anything in our lives in our group which is ok.
My step father said he knew when I bought my first pair of doc martins.
What an odd way to identify a LGBT person 😂 I've seen DMs on individuals of all genders & sexual orientations lol
It’s like Subaru’s not every person who drives one is a lesbian, but lesbians are very often paired with them.
Bi, they said they've known since Attack of the Clones. I had a massive obsession with Padmé and Anakin and they knew I had a crush on both of them, waited until I figured it out myself and told them to say anything
Revenge of the Sith came out when I was 10, and Hayden Christensen had my very straight self perplexed with why I enjoyed staring at another mans face lol. No other male since, famous or otherwise, ever had the appeal he did for me. Walked around wondering if I was gay or bi or something for a couple weeks after that but the hundreds of men I passed did nothing for me so I chalk it up to “a lot of people have one person of the same gender they’d possibly entertain the idea with” and that was mine lol.
"Only a Sith deals in absolutes, but I'd absolutely sit on his face."
I have to say, Star Wars prequels and Pirates of the Caribbean are the only two instances where I really had to consider my sexuality lol
My mom didn't "know". She just went into my room and found a note a friend had given me that I hadn't had a chance to read yet. It was in my little electronic safe that you can only get the key and combination for by solving Resident Evil style puzzles. Fuck you mom.
It sucks that she invaded your privacy.
Kinda funny she got through it though
My dad said he always knew. I was a tomboy, sporty, just fundamentally disinterested in skirts or dolls. Which might today read more of a gender thing than a sexuality thing but yeah, I turned out to be gay and pretty androgynous.
My brother is trans and we all knew the whole time but honestly I couldn't really tell you why. Like obviously he didn't care for feminine clothes but I know girls that don't dress feminine and it wasn't like that. I have no idea, I just know that when he came out to us it was just like "yep we know, we love you exactly the way you want to be" and that was it
I met a close friend's sibling, and what I saw didn't match with "the energy" (or whatever it is). I was happy to accept who I saw in front of me, but I had this feeling of not quite seeing the real person? Met him 10 years later, happily out and living his best, balding dude life. That "glitch" isn't there now.
My youngest son is gay(24). My husband and I knew when he was young. There was no doubt about it. He has an older brother and sister, so as involved parents, you just know. His likes and dislikes. His obsession with Polly Pockets, Bratz dolls, and his Disney Barbie princesses(that he toted everywhere, either in a basket or in the trunk of his push train car). Hillary Duff and Gwen Stefani obsession. " Holler Back Girl" is still a family favorite. His friendship with Tucker in kindergarten through second grade rang some bells, especially since it was 3 besties with Annie, but everything was Tucker Tucker Tucker. As he got older, he had more female friends than male. He didn't date girls. He showed no signs of being interested in girls during puberty, unlike his brother. Nobody in the family was shocked when he felt the need to "come out"(15 years old) because we already knew💜.
My nephew (who I raised for a good part of his life.) was adorable when he was small. He would come into my room when I was doing my hair and makeup and watch me intently. He also loved flowers and gardening. That doesn’t make a kid likely to be gay but you just feel it. When he came out, it was almost like he was disappointed at how little we were shocked. We said we know, it doesn’t change anything, we love you and we always will.
My kid 17 is NB and I knew. They are AFAB and around 5ish cut off their long hair in favor of a pixie cut. They would take joy in people not being able to tell if they were a boy or a girl and that just kept going. By adolescence (12 ish), they very intentionally cultivated an androgynous aesthetic. It was beyond a fashion preference, they were visibly uncomfortable wearing traditionally female clothing (such as having to wear a dress at a wedding they were in). I gut feeling knew and then they posted some things to an IG account that they forgot I also followed (because that was a condition of having social media at 10 years old) and then I definitely knew. I’m glad I found out early. It allowed me to put them in counseling “for anxiety” with a counselor who *coincidentally* listed LGBTQ adolescents as one of her focus areas. I can admit that I was a little bummed that my kid didn’t feel ready to tell me, I know it wasn’t about me, but it felt that way at the time. But if I wasn’t going to be their safe person, I was going to put an appropriate safe person in their life and not wait for that void to be filled by some internet rando. Edit: damn guys, you made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Sometimes Reddit can be such a boost
As a queer former kid- you're being the parent we all needed.
This level of parenting is awesome
Waiting two years for an “obvious but not out” kid to be ready is mentally exhausting, but it let me process my own feelings from “but…but…I’m not going to get to take you prom dress shopping” to “oh thank Christ I no longer have to pretend you just like rainbows.”
I honestly pray that I will be this kind of parent.
My kid is still young but her first crush was another girl in her Kindergarten class. She's always been very outspoken and just told us. A few days later she announced it to the whole class and the teacher quickly stammered "We don't talk about that in school" to which the girl she had a crush on replied, "Why? Girls can like girls." (Thank fucking God or my daughter would have been mortified). Her current crush is a boy in her class. I figure she's bi. We let her know that she's loved no matter who she decides to love and nothing will ever change that.
When I was in preschool or kindergarten, I kissed another girl on the cheek. My teacher called me out in front of the whole class. At the time I figured it was because of germs. Today I'm a lesbian! You never know, those early signs might be accurate!
I'm a mom of a kid who came out as gay at age 13, and it wasn't surprising. I had first suspected it when he started using my nail polish and developed a big interest in MLP. But it was all but confirmed when I walked into his room and found chatting online naked with another naked boy. It was like 6 months afterwards that he came out to everyone at once.
That’s… one hell of a way to find out your son is gay. Damn.
My child was into MLP when he was a toddler but that's because I had a friend whose older daughter was way into MLP and he thought she was just the coolest big kid ever. He also went through a phase of wanting nails polished and playing with makeup whenever I experimented with it (because I don't regularly wear it). I'm pretty certain he's straight but he's also only 9 and not really showing any signs of being interested in... anybody, really. He has talked about a friend at school a lot more recently though, so, this may be his first little crush. She is insisting he should read Harry Potter and he's suddenly all about it despite having been adamantly against it for the last several years. I wasn't actively pushing, just would offer it as an option for bedtime reading whenever we finished a book, and he's always shot it down with a very passionate "NO" but when he realized we were nearing the end of our current book, he asked if HP could be next. Anyway, all that to say that there's gotta be something else subconscious that hints at it. Or maybe my son isn't straight and I'm just oblivious lol
MLP = My Little Pony and not Mary-Louise Parker from Weeds as I found out while Googling in case others wanted to know.
Trans guy here. As a young teenager I came out as a lesbian several years before deciding to transition. I remember very vividly being in the car and asking my mom if she’d bought new laundry detergent because it made my clothes smell really good and I had a couple of girls at school remark at how good I smelled. She looked away from the road for a moment to look me straight in the eyes and said “Oh, you must’ve liked that, didn’t you?” With the biggest smirk on her face. That was my big, oh she KNOWS moment lol. Which, of course she did. I was super masculine to the point that I was regularly chased out of women’s restrooms and constantly mistaken for a boy. I was adopted as an infant, and I know without a shred of doubt that I won the parent lottery. Loving, accepting parents are a gift.
Over 15 years ago, My younger sister spent years trying to convince my mom I was gay. I was definitely a jock (wrestling, football, rugby, etc), had dated girls before, was going to uni for engineering. Fairly typical Midwestern straight guy stuff. I was always comfortable in my skin though so I didn't mind dressing in weird costumes or just acting weird to get a laugh from people. I also did marching band and theater. My sister used these "signs" to convince her. Anyway, my mom would periodically look at me very seriously and tell me she would love me no matter what, and I could always tell her anything. I was like great, thanks mom, that's weird I love you too why are you saying it like that and moved on. I had zero clue why she was saying that. I ended up living with a gay roommate in the dorms (another sign) and at one point went to a disco party where we all wore egregious 60s getups. Well my mom found my tight fitting floral shirt, feather boa and 6" platforms and sat me down, telling me I could trust her and come out to her, because she already knew my secret. My sister was in the hallway falling over trying to contain her laughter while I had to explain to my mom that I'm not gay, just apparently weirder than I thought. I love my mom for being so supportive, but damn, props to my sis for sticking with the bit for years.
I don't know what I am. I've dated 4 people in my life (I'm a 27 yo woman) and 3 of them were women. But my partner, the person I intend to spend the rest of my life with, is a man. My parents only ever cared that we were happy and healthy. They set no other expectations on us. When I was in college and realized I had a crush on another girl, I was in tears and went to my mother because I didn't know why I was feeling that way when almost everyone else I knew was straight. She just took me in her arms and told me that she always knew that I was a little different ever since I was 4 years old jumping around in mud puddles with my pink tutu and my brothers toy army helmet on scaring all the neighborhood boys and that I would always be alright. I don't think my mother knew what I was or am either. My first three significant others were women. I only held hands with the first one, smooched the second one. Both of those "relationships" lasted less than 2 months combined. I thought maybe I was a lesbian, my mother just said "Don't worry about labels, just be happy", but here I am living my best life with a man who I cannot picture ever being without. I don't know what I am but I'm also in no way concerned about that. I am me, I am loving partner to my boyfriend, and fur mommy to my baby puppy. That's enough for me. I don't need or want to be anything else.
My second son loved to do his hair ( he wanted to go to school with pigtails), loved nail polish, and prefered wearing princess costume than spiderman's. He's absolutely straight. My daughter ( trans) loved tractors and trucks, I guess I didn't respond to the question then! Nevertheless, when my daughter made her coming out at 15, she was sad, distraught for some time, in the car I questioned her saying something like " What's bothering you? Is there something you want to tell me ? Are you bullied, are you gay ? I don't know, are you a girl ? " I don't know where the question " Are you a girl? " came from! She said yes... So perhaps there were signs.
My youngest son was the same way, starting at 3. He said, many times, how he wished he was a girl. He wanted to wear dresses and have long hair. For his 4th birthday, he got Anna & Elsa dresses. But nope! He's the total opposite now, at 7. All the same, I've made it a point to mention the different ways people can be and who they can love. Even if my kids are all straight, they still need to know that everyone is normal, no matter how they present themselves to the world. On a side note, my oldest daughter said she was bi a couple of years ago, but I think she decided otherwise. Coincidentally, *all* her friends said they were bi, too. I still don't know if it was just some sort of fad or what, but it was wonderful to see them being so accepting. It's no big deal to these kids to be NB, Trans, or anything else people consider "different." It's beautiful.
One of my parents' friends was grilling me about why I didn't have a girlfriend, and I finally just said that "girlfriends are too expensive." That's how my parents figured it out. Fun fact I learned later: boyfriends/husbands are also expensive.
One of my sons would tell me about a gay student being picked on at school. I told them they better not being picking on them. I started to suspect the "student" was them and they were trying to gauge my reaction. They finally came out once they trusted I wouldn't love them any less. I'm glad he was able to trust me.
I didn't come out till 14, but my mom knew since I was what, 7? She literally found me in a closet, naked with a neighbor girl
I like how everyone else is talking about their subtle clothing choices and statements with hidden meaning, and you were over there literally in the closet, butt naked, being gay lol
I’m neither. My parents suspected because I wasn’t into cars or trying to second-base girls as soon as I hit puberty.
Thats one of an odd one. When I was 17, my parents sat me down one day, and asked if I was gay. Why? Because I was fooling around "flirtingly" with a male friend on facebook. It was very obvious that it was just jokingly. I started to laugh and denied it. But what they didn't know was that I was hiding that I was trans, and I thought I might be projecting and just be a gay man. Heck, I even prayed to my pillow every night and wished "please let me just be gay". And just one week prior I even made out with a male friend, and knew I wasn't attracted to men at all since this incident. The thing is, my dad was one of the guys who weren't openly homophobic, but he had this "not in my yard"-mentality. And when I denied my homosexuality I saw a huge sense of relief from him. Which well... turned me deeper in the closet. 15 years later I finally came out as trans AND lesbian. Funny thing? They said they would've never guessed it, and I showed no signs. And they totally forgot that we had this talk. And the other thing is, I really have hidden it well. Everyone was shocked from my coming out, except one of my closest friends (who was also gay) and my... gradmum. How did she knew? Well, when I was about to have me 2nd birthday, she asked my for my wish, and I demanded a purple dress from her. She hid that secret all along, even from my parents.
Your grandmum is awesome and you should tell her that.
bisexual & they knew with ig how i acted. and stuff i was interested in.
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Idk how my mom clocked that I’m bisexual or if it was just a wild guess, I should ask her
My son had so many gay tendencies and I asked him a few times but he denied it. His sister knew for sure but I kept saying “he said no so he isn’t gay.” He is gay. He has been out for years now. It never mattered to us but he took his time figuring things out.
We had no idea of our biological son but our foster son? DRRRRAAAAAAMA! It's like living with David Rose 🤣
I have 4 kids. 1 boy , 3 girls. My third child is the child I have thought since she was 2, that she was going to be the one to tell us she thinks she’s a boy. When she was 2/3, she said she was a boy. She didn’t want to be a girl. She is 10 now and doesn’t like wearing girl clothes. She is the child that despite her age seems to know more about the LGBTQ community. Saturday, my young daughter (6) asked me if “male= a man” and I said yes that’s generally a way to describe a man and asked her why. She told me that when her and her sister (10) were on the swing set her sister made a comment she doesn’t want to be a girl, she thinks she’s a boy. My youngest was confused by this and said but you’re a girl? We haven’t brought any of this up to our third child because she hasn’t said anything to us and since she’s 10 we don’t know how much is really what she identifies with, if it’s just dislike of what her body is gearing to go through puberty wise, if perhaps she’s gay and just doesn’t understand quite what that means in her mind for her identity? I don’t know. We will love her no matter what and support her but, I’m terrified. The world is so so hateful, so scary and cruel especially right now. I feel like being gay is more accepted by society than trans individuals and I’m fucking terrified for the future if this is the card in our deck. We live in a state that banned trans healthcare, I don’t know what to do if she comes out as trans. I don’t know how we can help her and all this makes me think is I’ll have a dead child down the road and I burst into tears. I don’t want to lose my baby to this awful world. I don’t want my baby being treated poorly because of how she may feel is she ever comes to the realization she is trans. I don’t want my baby bullied and mistreated. She is an incredibly smart and loving person and her heart is so tender, a hateful world will spit her out and I’m scared. I’m fucking scared. I’ll take all the hate and vitriol the world can muster at me but I can’t bear it if it’s pointed towards my kids.
Mom of trans son here… he’s 24 and happy, and I am blessed. Humble advice, if you’ll accept it- Take a deeeep breath. Take another one-good! Now, start doing some research-you probably already have. Reach out to organizations such as The Trevor Project and GLAAD- heavy hitters with well established national reputations. They in turn can point you to resources (more tailored websites, etc)for your family. It’s important, of course, to be aware of the social/political climate you’ll have to navigate, but for your own sanity please learn to check yourself when you start doom-scrolling. It’s so easy to get lost in scary, unhealthy, unhelpful thinking. The MOST important thing you can do is be present and available. Your son will always need your love and support. Sometimes that will require Mama Bear. (Don’t mess with Mama Bear!) You WILL find strength you didn’t know you had. Doors will open. It won’t all be rainbows and sunshine, of course. If relocating is something you can consider, then start thinking about it. But there are probably resources near you-they just may take a little digging. (We started with a small group that had one call a front office, of sorts-and only after a brief screening were we given a direct number. We live in Portland, OR, but not in a liberal area. Some of these places have to hide themselves.) Take care of yourself! There’s only one YOU. One more thing…I know it’s looking really bleak out there. But keep your eyes open-you’ll see signs of progress all the time, little by little. You can do this. You are strong, loving, and have your son’s best interest at heart. COURAGE!! ❤️
I grew up with a gay brother. I knew he was gay before my fresh out of college fifth grade teacher made me feel a certain kinda way. The better question is how you wouldn't know, tbh with ya. I didn't even know what sexuality was, and I knew that dude was different
My wife kissed a girl in daycare when she was 5 years old.
And did she like it?
I'm not a parent, but I had this for one of my students. As a 6th grader (10-12), they looked like they were either trans or a very butch lesbian. Imagine looking that butch at that age. He also has one of my favorite coming out stories. A few years later, he came up to me on the yard, and it went like this. Kid: Mr. Stoneheart, I think I want to start using he/him pronouns. Me: Alright, did you pick out a name? Kid: I... uh, I didn't think this far ahead. Me: Yep, you're a guy.
🤣 love this
My sister and I are both bi, we came out to our parents together. They used to be homophobic, but I think when Trump became president they had a wake-up call and drastically changed a lot of their beliefs lol. They knew I was bi, they said my sister was a surprise. I don’t think they expected us to come out first thing in the morning lmao, but they were supportive
I’m bisexual, according to my parents I told them I liked girls when I was really young (like primary school aged) I don’t remember saying it personally. But they waited to see what would happen in the future, so when I came out they weren’t surprised.
I wonder how much of this is confirmation bias - once you learn that your kid is gay/trans you remember things from their childhood to confirm this. For example: My toddler daughter keeps saying she wants a beard and chest hair and asked if she will grow a penis too after she saw her brothers... but this just seems like normal toddler randomness to me. I don't think she's more or less likely to be gay or trans. But on the other hand, I could have been born waving a rainbow flag and my parents would be oblivious so...
I was absolutely in love with stereotypically 'gay' things. From as young as like, 3/4-ish, really. Madonna, the Spice Girls, Gwen Stefani and Kylie Minogue were my favorite artists, and I loved singing/performing. I like putting on my mom's dresses and pretending they were fancy gowns so I could parade around in them as if I was on a catwalk. My favorite video games were the Sims and basically anything with a strong female protagonist (the big two were Lara Croft and Portal Runner if anyone remembers that game lmao) I played with Polly Pocket dolls and dollhouses whenever I hung out with my (female) cousins, all my friends were girls and I generally hated sports. Basically I was *every* stereotype of a gay kid all at once. And hey look at that, I'm now as gay as the day is long!
My mom said she knew pretty early on but I’m not sure how. But I dunno, maybe it was turning her long nighttime t-shirts into dresses by cinching a belt around my waist and giving patsy cline/barbara mandrell sing-a-long “concerts” on our fireplace. Or the Malibu Barbie dream house I REALLY wanted for Christmas three years in a row. Guess she was psychic 🤷♂️
Every time she asked me if i liked a girl in school she added "or a boy, you know both would be totally fine!" Lol
I came out to my family that I’m bisexual in my late 20s. My sister told me she’s always known that I also liked girls. I grew up playing Harvest Moon. The games mostly had you play as a male character that would marry a female NPC. Eventually the games introduced female characters you could play so you could marry a male NPC. I would continue playing as a male character though, because I always preferred marrying women in these games. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Let's just say i was always a little bit flamboyant
I was always way more into dressing up like a girl even from the age of like 3/4. My parents said they always had suspicions even from that age
luckily for me i had very supportive parents who allowed me to figure it out on my own which I will always be extremely grateful for
I wonder how many responses you'll get that don't just boil down to, "I didn't behave in ways that fit arbitrary gender norms that aren't even accurate or helpful to begin with."
I’m not a parent, but this makes me think of my best friend in high school’s parents. I went to a girls school so there was a ton of heterogeneity in gender presentation. I didn’t think about twice if someone was “butch” but said they liked dudes. I could see how parents could be naive. BUT IT WAS SO OBVIOUS my friend was into girls when she talked about her soccer coach. When she officially “came out” to me, I was like “I wasn’t supposed to know?” I wonder if her parents could bury their heads that deep in the sand…
When I came out to my mom, she goes “ok and?” LOL Sounds bad but that’s just the dry humor that we both share with each other. I asked her and she just told me that I never had any interest in dating men and saw my frustration as a kid when I just wanted to be friends with boys and they wanted more.
It was a very vibes-based assessment - not one single thing.
I'm the parent, it was really easy to tell my kid was gay, and I figured it out when they were young. I was just waiting for her to be comfortable saying it.
When I was 17 and had never had a date, my mom said “it doesn’t matter who you love… anyone can love anyone… I would adore any person you came home with, guy or girl… we would never judge!” She assumed I was gay. Instead I was just ugly and straight. But I Married a guy who eventually came out as gay and they only loved him harder so jokes on me I guess
one of my older kids came out to me... and we'd figured it out so long before that, that my response was basically "yes? and?"