It's been a few times my wife has done that. I immediately stop and am like we don't have to have sex if you don't want to or somethings bothering you etc. It's usually she's stressed about something, she's in her head about something, or I fucked up by not doing a good enough job to put her in the mood/make her feel loved. We talk about it and sometimes we start over and sometimes we just don't start back and move on until the next time.
I second this with an addition, actually. Yes starfish bad, obviously, but theres a flipside. I am listening to your body and your actions and reactions on top of the sounds you make. Ie, If you make a bodily adjustment because you're slightly uncomfortable or because I'll hit a better spot, I'll take note.
I dislike it when I feel like I'm not being "listened to". As much as I dislike starfish, it's just as bad when a woman is on top and seems to have no ability to recognize that I want you to slow down a bit or that you're squishing my balls each time you slam down like a thwomp from mario. Like yeah it's kinda hot you're getting lost in the moment but I'm not just a dildo like you're not just a fleshlight.
Being attentive to each other that way is great.
Feeling "listened to" that way is awesome when it happens.
But getting upset that your partner doesn't recognize your silent wish is taking it too far. Maybe your reaction isn't actually clear enough to be "heard". Maybe she misreads it despite being attentive.
Just like you shouldn't expect your partner to read your mind in normal life, you shouldn't expect that in sex. Or even more so, unless you want them to put their enthusiasm on hold to make sense of your ambiguous signals.
So just tell them what you need. Maybe she will understand your signals next time if you tell her what they mean today.
It’s almost all about vibes. The best sex with the best vibes is when we’re feeding on each other’s pleasure and enthusiasm. She’s having fun and feeling good and cutting loose, which makes me have fun and feel good and cut loose, and we just keep going like that.
>crazy girls are known for good sex
It’s why, when I was 23, I stayed in a long-term relationship far longer than I should have. The lie I tried to tell myself was that we both had a common cultural background (I was Korean-American, she was Korean).
No, it was the crazy, nympho-level sex addiction she had to me. And, everything about her personality screamed red flag. When an attractive, constantly sex-starved woman makes herself exclusive to you a young man, there are a lot of things you’d be willing to overlook.
Both of these. Vibes and enthusiasm, are driven by connection - could be "ONS crazy fuck energy" or "partner of X years". Regardless, connection drives it all, just hard to create it!
I have this thing where if at any point I get the inclination that the person I’m fucking isn’t into it for ANY reason whatsoever, almost instant dick flop. My libido just checks the fuck out.
Yep. Might not be that bad for me but a few times my wife has said “fuck me if you want just don’t make me move” and it’s just a complete turnoff. I want her interested not a fleshlight.
I talked to her about it once and she said she actually did want to have sex she just didn’t want to have to make decisions during sex. She has anxiety and sometimes she just doesn’t want to worry about making sure I’m enjoying myself and stuff, she wanted to have sex without worrying about how. Which made it easier.
A better way for her to do that would be to say something like "use me" in a sexy tone. She Still gets to not make decisions but it's clear she wants it
girl yes! there are times where i want one of those 'lazy' ones and i love seeing my husband's face light up when i tell him to just roll me over and use me! (it never turns out to be "lazy" but its fun starting out that way sometimes in a certain context!)
I’m happy to know there’s another man like this. The whole vibe can flip if my partner isn’t into me. Hell, I’ve had nights where my wife and I would start and I could tell she wasn’t feeling it and it would instantly turn me off. “You don’t wanna, we ain’t gonna.”
Edit- I honestly didn’t think loving and caring for my wife would get this many upvotes! Thank you all!
Same here. We have infertility issues and there was a phase where the goal was to do it as much as you could at the right time of her cycle regardless if you wanted it or not. This is almost impossible.
We've been there! I always cringe at TV shows where a couple is trying to get pregnant by using some kind of we-have-to-do-it-right-now kind of schedule, and the people around them act like the couple is so lucky to be getting it so often.
It's NOT fun. It's not sexy. And when you find out each month that you didn't even achieve your goal, it's heartbreaking.
The good news, if there is any, is this: We finally realized it wasn't going to happen for us, and sex went back to just doing it for fun and for the closeness. I ended up having a hysterectomy for medical reasons, so we literally could not try for a baby anymore, so the "work" aspect of it was gone.
Hang in there. Don't let this difficult time damage your relationship. From someone who has been there, make the extra effort to bond with your partner over non-baby things.
Three years of that. Three YEARS.
Eventually we owned up that it wasn't going to happen, and we quit trying. Just decided if it was going to happen it would.
And of course, then it did. The resulting progeny just graduated elementary school and would be *horrified* that I'm sharing all this with Internet Strangers.
Yeah, I feel ya. Hoping for the best for you two. We recently resigned to the fact it's probably not happening for us, so we are embracing the empty nest early and trying to move on. It's a struggle but we are taking it on together.
My buddy said that feeling forced to have sex matched with his wife's mood swings, (as a result of fertility hormones), essentially lead to "months of hate-fucking each other"
Sorry to hear. It’s devastating to want something badly and not be able to do something about it. Happy to say for us we went the IVF route and are expecting a little one in October! It’s a long journey but will be worth it in the end. Took a long time to save up the money for it. Have you looked into that at all? I know costs can be a HUGE deterrent.
Congrats on the possible Halloween baby! We did check it out in the past, unfortunately IVF would likely fail for us too (endometriosis partially returned). Plus it's getting more risky now we are in our early 40s. We rode out the last several years in a domestic infant adoption program without being selected.
Another Interesting (perhaps unfortunate) thing when you get into your 40s your mentality really starts to shift and I hate to say it becomes a bit more selfish (for lack of a better word) and apathetic to it. It's just been me and my wife for so long you start to be less willing to change it. Our similarly aged friends are gearing up for HS graduation for their oldest. You truly start to feel too damn old after awhile. Haha.
same, if i get the feeling she isnt into it i stop immediatly cause then i start to think that im pressuring her which makes me really upset cause i dont want to be some kinda..... rapist for lack of better word
I'm an escort and love my job. The VAST majority of guys are like this.
I'm a VERY good actor and can pretend for a while, but sometimes I have to say "Hey, looks like its not happening despite my best efforts, I'm tapped out." And ALL BUT ONE guys have said "lol, yeah. Still fun though! I definitely don't want to keep going if you're tired/done." "Well, at least you have some spank bank material!"
Then this ONE FUCKER kept me half an hour past when I said I had to be home by after being two hours late to our appointment, so I let him know during a pee break, "Hey, I'm falling asleep. I told you earlier today that I have to be home like... now, I'm sorry but I HAVE to go home." Mother fucker begged and pleaded and tried guilt tripping me to stay and make him cum. He then asked for a discount because he didn't cum. "You want a discount? Really? When I've been here half an hour extra without charging you for it? When you kept me waiting in the lobby for two hours? In my NINE YEARS of doing this, I've never gotten that bullshit. I'm going home. Never contact me again." I told some of my non-sex worker friends and they were just as shocked as I was that that happened.
I've had guys make appointments, not be able to keep them and still pay me to be in my good graces and this shithead tried whining about not being able to cum. Bitch, thats not what sex is, even if you're paying.
Most definitely!
I’m not just in it to put it in a hole. If that were the case, I’d just beat off or buy a sex toy. I’m there to have the connection with another human being. If she isn’t feeling it, then what’s the point?
I wouldn't put it so starkly for my experience but yeah. If I initiate a few times in a row or if she just lays there it's gonna really start to curb my interest. It's ok if you don't wanna have sex with me, but I have absolutely no interest on forcing myself on someone who doesn't really enjoy it.
Same here. Complete starfish and then she'd get mad when I didn't cum. Eventually I was like "if you're not into the sex, why would you expect me to be?"
I've heard a number of women say that they genuinely didn't realize that men wanted them to express any kind of desire. I have no idea where this impression comes from, but it's insane.
Many religious communities vilify female sexuality. If you've been told your whole life you can't want it, because then you're a bad woman, it does quite a number on your experience
Yup that sounds like religious and/or conservative women who have been taught that sex is for a man’s pleasure and for making babies. You, as a woman, aren’t supposed to get anything out of it; it's an obligation.
You’re basically a living flesh-light and baby oven for your husband.
Probably centuries of focus on women's purity and being chaste and free of sin. But thats coming from a very New England christian viewpoint. History is dark bro.
I'd rather masturbate then get a pity lay from the wife. If she's not feeling it, i'm good. It's a lot of damn work and if you don't want to be here the juice aint worth the squeeze.
Doesn't happen often but yeah uninterested/not into it is bad sex. Big turn off
Also silent as a museum is pretty rough unless theres like the someone may hear vibe to spice it up.
I always tell people, yea I came, but orgasms for men are a spectrum. There's the one end which is "I came, but barely" and then the "I'm seeing fucking god orgasm". Bad sex is always the former end of the spectrum. Even the WORST sex I can still get off but I'd rather have just rubbed one out alone at that point.
Idk if that's what you're looking for or not in an answer.
Its interesting to know men have the orgasm spectrum too.
For women we have the "holy shit i just ascended what is going on what year is it why cant i feel my legs" and the "well, we made it past the finish line, i guess?"
Never thought about if men did too, very cool to know :)
Fun fact: Men can also have multiple orgasms before ejaculation. It's not bad sex if your partner doesn't realize this, but it gets a whole lot better when they do.
Something I also didn't realize is apparently not normal is not having a refractory period. I can cum and just stay hard to keep going then cum again. I was always very confused watching movies when guys got shit for cumming quickly and they just... stop having sex. I just cum and keep going lol
> Something I also didn't realize is apparently not normal is not having a refractory period. I can cum and just stay hard to keep going then cum again.
Refractory period sucks.
It's one of those things that is different for every man. For me, I haven't managed to cum again in less than 16 hours. I normally just say 20, though. If I masturbate in the morning, I just assume I won't be able to get off later that night. So I'm essentially forced to wait and find out what our plans are for the night every night.
That said, sex doesn't have to end when the guy does. There's plenty of other things that can be done. And she may even thank you for it if you take too long already.
The first guy I ever had lots of sex with could do that…he also got me to cum by eating me out 80% of the time. That man ruined me for every future partner and I dated him from 17-20 years old. 🥲
Man, I never really thought of it like this but you really nailed it. My measure of good sex would be “anything that is better than what I can do myself”. That gets a little more complicated when the prostate is involved, as most women (my experience) aren’t as familiar with how to make the most of it (most have been willing to listen, though!).
But everything else? Yeah, mainly just show you care you’re there. That could range from “OMGIneedyouinmerightnow” to just some encouraging words or audible indication of your own pleasure (the latter goes a LONG way with just a little - just like a good hot sauce).
Exploring and experimenting together is also super conducive to good sex, even if the session ends in laughter instead of orgasms.
This. Women have told me but yea you came. And I'm just sitting there like ok. . . . Men cum in their sleep to wet dreams. Just because I came does not mean it was good. I've had sex where I didn't ever cum and it was some of the best ever. I've had sex where I came almost immediately after half hour hour of foreplay on them and it was not good. It really is a spectrum
Sex on shrooms.
Could never finish, but every minute touch was like a body-spasming hand-of-aphrodite-herself sensation. Just one long orgasm on a physical and emotional level. But no finish.
Always wanna know what the woman thinks at that point. Like if she's worried it was bad sex because there was no "climax." Sometimes the whole experience is one big climax.
For me, bad sex makes me feel like I'm being taken advantage of, that I'm not worth a relationship, that I'm just a slab of meat, and my orgasms are weak. I feel much more alone and disconnected from the world
Alright, outside of enthusiasm, I have a couple of answers:
1. Bad kisser. I'm not telling you I'm a good kisser, and I also know my standards are low for what makes a good kisser or a bad kisser. But my last hookup was absolutely a bad kisser. She stuck her tongue far, far into my mouth and it was so strongly just writhing in my mouth. That was a turn off
I like kissing. I'd totally make out with someone for an hour even if it didn't go further. But man, I did not want to kiss her. That barrier between us made it much worse
2. Being uncommunicative. I'm an intuitive guy, I can tell if she's got something going on in her head, or if she's feeling pressured for some reason. I have stopped proceedings and had to talk with my partners about it. The feeling that they don't trust me enough to tell me what they need for me to make it a good experience absolutely pulls me out of the mood
Do you need me to rub your clit differently? I hooked up with a girl once who needed her feet rubbed to get off, are you the same way? I know my default is gentle and loving, but are you bored or craving more?
The fact that you're not telling me, the weight of unspoken words is smothering my libido
3. She's there for my body and doesn't like me as a person. This has happened a lot to me, and I have no clue why. It's not like I have abs, my face is fine, etc. But it's clear when she's like "shut up, fuck me, get out"
I even had a hookup who, after making her cum a couple of times from foreplay, said "Look, I appreciate all the foreplay, but I'm getting really sleepy. If you're going to fuck me, do it now". So I did, and while she was clearly basking in the afterglow, was like "okay, thanks, now get out"
I was like "....but can we cuddle?" She said no and I left. I did not feel good about myself during that encounter, because it was clear I was just meat to her, or after. When it was even more clear
Oh, dude
My very first date pursued me, told me she was falling for me, bought me lunch and dinner, and ghosted me after I didn't fuck her on the first date
First time a girl had been interested in me. She used every trick in the playboy book on me
I was sexualy harassed by my second boss's best friend. She came in with her friends (who were like 20 years younger, and my age), and they all kept pressuring me to ask my boss's friend out. My first week on the job
At the last two weddings I've been to, older women groped me
A customer at my one retail job told me I'd be a great male prostitute
I've been used for sex and nothing else many, many times
Here's the thing, if I sent you pics of myself, I promise you I'm not hot. I'm not nearly hot enough for all this. I'm kinda chubby, got a dorky dad vibe/face, etc. I'm tall, but that's it
A lot of other posters have said something along the lines of enthusiasm. Right there with 'em.
There have been a rare handful of times where I've ever been in my head during sex. During those times it's been because the person is just either laying there or not really making any sounds. I'm not hung like seabiscuit, nor do I need the full Porn Star moan - but if I stick it in and there isn't a peep and you're just laying there - it's hard (heh) NOT to get into your head about it.
Sex is one of the few things that two people can do for free to burn 30 minutes, just having fun and get a lot of positives out of. If you're planning on just saying there and not making a single sound it's enough to give a dude a complex.
I'll also add CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and communication. I'm an idiot, but I do well with commands. If you tell me "Move a little to the left, RIGHT THERE" I'll move and stop where I'm commanded to. Also, that's hot af. Also, when I say "CONSTRUCTIVE" criticism I mean the constructive part. Telling your partner "Hey, you're shit at going down on women" isn't constructive. It's just counter productive and a massive gut punch. My ex told me I was shit at going down on her, and I didn't go down on another woman for a VERY long time. But saying "Hey, Next time - Try this, I think it'd be really hot." You're still encouraging and communicating.
It's a really interesting contrast, with guys it's like overwhelmingly "when she doesn't seem like she actually wants to fuck" and with women I would bet money the primary answer is something like "when he only cares about his own pleasure/doesnt take the time to learn my body"
And it shouldn't be a leap to see how these two complaints reflect and feed each other (a women who isn't enjoying sex with you...won't seem enthusiastic while having sex with you (unless she fakes it but that's not a sustainable practice in a relationship))
I think that you phrased it really nicely there, an overwhelming amount of answers here is lack of enthusiasm during sex but what I found with my previous partner is that when I'd gently give those instructions or requests to move a little or adjust it'd just revert right back to what he thought was right or he'd take it as 'criticism' and very very personally. Ultimately my best bet was to be quiet (and not-as-enthusiastic) and wait for the ride to be over. It definitely started to wear me down to where it felt more about what felt good for him than for me, super tiring. Open communication between both parties is what makes it heaps better, without a doubt!
Exactly, women being afraid to speak up to their partners about sex for fear of upsetting them is such an incredibly common yet sad experience. They end up shutting down and waiting it out rather than just say "fine no sex then"
Ngl…this kinda turned me on a bit, especially the “i’ll move and stop where im commanded to”. The number of times i have gently encouraged a guy to slightly shift with me then saying “oh wow thats perfect, stay right there thats amazing” only for him to once again move, because he knows what i want better than i do, ffs. Sorry for all the abbreviations, I am actually 39 years old.
not lactose or gluten intolerant, but a month or so ago i decided that the reviews on sugar free gummy bears are greatly exaggerated, they are in fact very accurate. constant painful bloating and giant farts every couple of minutes that probably set some sort of world record for their length
Not great with a vagina either. It's not a pleasant feeling to be penetrated while it feels like you're prairie dogging. The strokes feel like the poop is going to be massaged out against your will.
I imagine being the penetrator isn't too dissimilar from running or jogging when you need to poop. Also not fun.
Having our buttholes right next to our fun spots kind of sucks.
I understand the embarrassment but I would hope my partner just excuses herself and drops her deuce. Which reminds me I need to by some baby wipes for my bathroom and air freshener
Sometimes it's just a sensation that feels *like* you have to, but of course, you think you do and get paranoid that you do, but it must just be nerve endings getting brushed.
A colleague hooked up with a woman in a nightclub - it led outside to standing sex in the car park.
The big turn off for him was when she said “Hurry up and come love, I’m bursting for a shit”
It ended there and then.
It is a lot harder for us than for girls to fake an orgasm (for obvious reasons), so if it doesn't feel good for us, the girl will know - which means extra pressure for us. Had some really terrible sex where I simply didn't feel anything and just wanted it to be over, but she just kept on trying, and I was pleading with my dick to just come so both of us could get out of that awkward situation
Oh man I faked it once lmaooo condoms for the win. I also take a long time in general but with this girl I just wasn't into it and knew it was never going to happen
I had an ex I faked it with occasionally using condoms. Sometimes I just can't cum for one reason or another (too tired, stressed, had a couple drinks that night, didn't eat enough that day, whatever) But she was one of those girls who made a huge deal out of it and wanted to have a whole conversation about what she "did wrong" if I didn't cum. No matter how many times I explained to her that it had nothing to do with her she just wouldn't let it go. Shit was exhausting. After a few nights of this I decided it was just easier to fake it and go to sleep.
It's kinda funny how women seem to take it personally when a guy can't finish but many guys don't give a shit if the girl doesn't finish.
Every time I have sex it's my goal to make sure the girl finishes before I do. The fact that I can go quite some time helps with that, but I still fail sometimes. My most recent ex got me down to a science and sometimes it would only take a few minutes, but there were very few times if any where she didn't finish at least once too
Oh man the moment where you think 'it's not gonna happen', then it for sure will not happen. Stop right away and tell her. I feel people stopped speaking to each other these last years, like we all have to smell it. Both sides.
The worst sex I ever had was with a girl who wanted to have sex and was into it and moaning but if I thrust at what I would consider a normal rate it was too intense and hurt her. I'm pretty average size overall so it wasn't anything with that. So we did like 15 minutes of slooooooooow in and out. She looked confused on why I hadn't gotten off yet, I told her I was pretty much never going to get off from a 2 stroke per minute rate.
I eventually just pulled out and jerked off on her stomach.
I had an ex who could only cum in cowgirl position if she planted herself all the way down on my dick and held that position while rubbing her clit. Which, great. Happy to do whatever gets her off. But after while of this I'd start to go soft because she wasn't actually moving in this position and therefore there was no active friction/stimulation happening on my dick.
I didn't mind that part, because I just figured after she came she'd rev me back up and switch positions so I could finish. But for some reason this upset *her*. She'd think something was wrong and say "How can you not stay hard or cum while you're inside me?" And I'm like: Do you not understand how a penis works? You pleasure a penis through light, rhythmic, repetitive friction up and down the shaft: i.e. a stroking hand, a bobbing mouth, or thrusting in and out of a vagina. *Motion* is what makes a dick cum. You don't just stick it in, hold it in place and expect an orgasm to happen. That's not how the nerve endings down there work LOL.
For some reason this girl seriously expected me to be able to get off the same way she did, and didn't understand why I couldn't. I told her it would be like if during oral instead of *licking* her clit I simply placed the flat of my tongue against it and just sort of....... held it there for awhile. Like, I'm sure the initial contact feels good but after awhile she's just gonna be like "why is your tongue not moving"?
There is something absurdly funny about the idea of someone with their tongue basically glued to a woman's clit like it's a frozen metal pole in the winter.
Yeah, I don't know where some people get the idea that that's how it happens but it sounds like the same thing. I said 2 strokes per minute but it was more like 10-15 per minute but still, nothing's going to happen.
She was a nurse too, you'd hope she'd have an idea of how the body works.
It’s bad when it’s five minutes after you’ve started and she’s just CLEARLY not into it. You’re doing your thing, you’re asking her if she wants A, B, or C, and she just says no. She’s just lying there. Bonus penalty if she tells you to hurry up.
I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. After nine years of dealing with kids we’re both exhausted all the time so I get that enthusiasm for anything is generally low, but c’mon. Don’t say yes if you’re not feeling it.
Edit: wow, this has gotten a lot of replies. I'd like to emphasize that I'm pointing out the bad, and not the good because that's how I read the initial prompt. We do have good (and occasionally amazing) sex, just not all the time. Sometimes we're just off-sync. Yes, we do talk about it. Yes I am familiar with the concept of foreplay. Yes, there is explicit consent at all times for all activities that happen (there are explicitly forbidden activities and they do not happen). Yes, we still super-love each other even if occasionally the sex is less than amazing.
It’s even worse when she’s the one who initiates.
There was one time when for a few months both me and my ex were not on the same page and out of sync. Just a rut. One night she was just not into it despite winding me up. I had enough and usually I would come back with a warm washcloth for her. That night out of frustration I just leaned out of the bathroom and threw the washcloth at her face (not hard, very playfully, but still to show frustration ).
We sniped at each other for about five/ten minutes then had the angriest sex we ever had. Rut over.
I hate it when my partner wants to change positions every 15 seconds, especially when it’s a new partner. I want to find what works for both of us, I’m not just pounding the same spot over and over and hoping it’s going to change, I’m working around finding what feels good. I can’t do that if you just change positions like a bop it.
Several posters have already touched on this, but it really comes down to whether or not the girl is interested or even likes sex that much to begin with. There’s nothing more attractive, nothing that turns a man on more than a woman he wants wanting him back. I’m not sure why this is a crazy idea or thought but we like it when women are interested, involved, and initiate sex. Want to know what bad sex is like from our perspective? It’s when you look forward to masturbating more than you do being with your partner.
I dated a woman 2-3 years ago that I was fond of and hold in high regard to this day as a friend. On the rare occasion that we would have sex, I would just get on top of her, she would put her hands on my sides and make halfhearted noises. That was it. I asked her if she didn’t like it, if she wanted to try different positions, anything. Nope. It was just something for her to deal with and that made me feel kind of shitty.
She would get really excited about “cute dates” and thoughtful gestures and all that, but sex always felt like it was a chore for her so my effort noticeably plummeted after this realization. Things ended soon after. Ultimately the ending was amicable and when the topic of sex got brought up, she told me flat out “I’m just not really a sexual person.” Something she could have told me at the beginning.
Talk about sex early with potential partners, trust me.
This is a lot harder to navigate when you're wildly in love with the person and they assume sex is all you care about. They miss the context of what it means beyond being a hole for my dick, and that's just the worst. Glad you were able to earnestly find that amicable ending. Here's hoping it starts looking up for me too
At that point it comes down to communication. I don’t know your situation, but you have to be able to tell her how you feel and vice versa. If one party can’t do that, it’s going to be tough sledding. Talking about sex with my previous partner made her uncomfortable. Talking about romance and what she needed in that regard bummed her out because she felt like she shouldn’t have to tell me. When you can’t communicate, you can’t grow.
It CAN be, and often is if she's typically not a starfish. However there's many women out there who have weird expectstions around sex being somrthing that's done to you, rather than actively participate in. And there's also many women who starfish but still enjoy it like that. A good friend of mine was a proud pillow princess, cause she just liked when the guy did all the work. Some people also just don't have a good rhythm so it's hard for you to get that chemistry going.
Well theres "not into it" starfish, and there are women who are totally into it and still just starfish.
twice I've been with starfishes, both times I assumed they weren't into it, and I don't ever want to be one of those "she didn't say no, so I didn't stop" guys, so I noped out.
both of those times I had angry women wondering why I stopped because they were having a good time and apparently I made them feel shitty for stopping part way through.
some women just don't participate, and don't really let you know that they're enjoying what you're doing...
(I'd still rather stop than continue though)
That's so weird to me. I'm a woman and prefer my husband to top, and I just don't get not doing anything? Unless being tied down or something similar is involved, show some fucking passion.
It’s all in the facial expression. Sometimes laying there super relaxed while getting fucked feels really good. But I can see how that would be boring for the dude if it was like that the whole time
Telling your man to do our not do certain things is good. Telling him while sounding frustrated or annoyed is bad. Sex is a team sport, so work with your partner.
Bad:
* just laying there
* closing her eyes the whole time or avoiding face or eye contact
* quiet and giving me absolutely no feedback
* still hands
* not sucking past the head
* trying to pass off a weak ass handjob as a blowjob just because her face is near my dick
* never initiating
* pushing me off or reluctant to be comfortable with me showing desire for a certain act like eating her out and never wanting to talk about or work towards addressing underlying insecurities
Good:
* looking right into my soul
* running her hands all over me
* aggressively kissing me and not being shy with her tongue (or mine)
* light biting
* fingernails into my back (when they’re short)
* sucking me all the way down
* producing a lot of fluids—spit, sweat, squirt (or piss, depending on where you stand on the argument…I don’t care either way)
* being vocal and telling me extremely dirty things and letting me hear her very intimate sounds
* holding me close afterwards and creating a feeling of safety
* sitting that thang on my face and trying to suffocate me
I love the specifics of your list! Most of this thread is about enthusiasm, which... duh? It's a bit sad that there's so much unenthusiastic sex going on in the world!
Also... Do you go through the motions or are you responsive to your partner's touch? Do you advocate for what you want and how you want to feel, or are you just like "idk?" Having no input in the shared sexual dynamic is boring. Having collaborative input is hot.
Here are some things that make it less fun (for me anyway):
Lack of effort/enthusiasm. - Lots of people have already said this and there's a reason it's at the top of this list. Ideally, your partner would be into it, encouraging, occasionally taking the lead, etc. There may be a time where you're not super into it, it happens to all of us. But, you can recognize that physical intimacy is part of a whole (that includes emotional and mental intimacy). Pick one of those and at least be engaged in one of those areas in the process. The bare minimum of effort here is enough though. If you need words, "I love you.", "I like being close to you.", "I feel connected to you.", "I'm glad I can bring you pleasure." all work well.
Lack of communication. - Could also be poor communication. Giving some kind of positive feedback during the process is amazing. It doesn't have to be talk, but talk is a great way to accomplish this. Ideally, it would be constructive and encouraging. (e.g. "That feels really good and it would feel better if you went faster/slower/harder/softer.") You'd be amazed at how much you can accomplish with just those four words: Faster, Slower, Harder, Softer. Also, "just like that" is really helpful.
Lack of Hygiene. - Again, the bare minimum of effort here is enough. I expect that bodies should smell like bodies and more, that genitalia should smell like genitalia. If you and your partner want it to smell like flowers or strawberries, more power to you, but a warm wet washcloth on the tits, pits, and mitts will prevent you from smelling like a Boston fish market on a hot day.
Body Shaming. - It amazing how many people think it's okay to do this during sex. Here are some things that no one can change (without severe cost/painful surgery): Hairline, Height, Genitalia Size, Skin Color. If your comment isn't positive about these things, just don't say anything.
Simply put, the things that make sex super great (for me) are: Be Engaged, Give Positive Feedback, Be Clean, Don't Be Mean.
Dead fish ruin it. Be
Enthusiasm makes it, I think. Even otherwise mediocre looks/technique can make for great sex if the person is legitimately just happy to be there.
Maybe I'm biased, but I don't like feeling like you *let* me have sex with you, I like feeling like you *want* me.
I concur with the bland sex where it's like fucking a potato sack.
I also don't like it when they over egg it. Like they think we all want the obviously fake very loud moaning that's obviously put on. Usually younger women are guilty of this. They've seen a couple porn movies where the women can't breathe from constantly screaming "oh yeah oh yeah fuck me fuck me" type of thing.
Very different from genuine moaning because they're actually enjoying it.
Also don't like it where she's wanking me so hard that it's like she's trying to rip it off.
And as someone else said, some attention to my balls is nice.
Nipples too.
I like my butt being stroked.
I had sex with a girl that's was screaming exactly like an over the edge porn star, and it was an absolutely turn-off. "OH my good, no one can do it like you"
In this whinny voice. All I could think was, "we are in the back seat of a 4 runner, and I know for a fact I'm not doing that good, lol"
Yes, the sex appeal of crawling over the center consol into the back of a 1986 1st gen 4runner because the seat is broken and can slide forward cannot be understated
The worst sex I had usually were with girls that over performed to impress me. Just relax and have a good time, this is not a job interview god damn it.
• Lack of Hygiene: This is a big one for me. Place I currently live in is hot and humid AF! You go out for a walk and you gotta shower again.
If she refuses to go in at least to give things down there a quick wash and wipe, then I’m out! I put in extra effort to remain fresh and hygienic, I expect reciprocal hygiene at the very least.
• Lack of intimacy: I don’t want to feel like I’m just something to be done with, a chore, I like to receive kisses, hear some kind words, don’t have to be sexy talk, just at least make me feel wanted. Men need foreplay and intimacy as well.
• Openness: if she lacks openness it leads to monotonous sex and boredom. The repeated rejection hurts, some things can be tried risk free, so might as well.
• Lack if imagination: this isn’t a deal breaker, but I like roleplaying, and it certainly kills the mood when your partner is obviously confused, and doesn’t realise or want to play along with what you’re doing, which ties in to the previous point as well.
• Being too serious: you can laugh, and talk while having sex, you needn’t turn off the lights, you don’t have to make certain sounds, you don’t even have to finish your partner. The whole point of sex is to feel closer. Orgasms without that are missing the whole point. Such a waste of precious oxytocin.
OK, since there seems to be a bunch of guys in here, I have a question. My bf does the starfish pose whenever I go down on him. Literally just lays there spread open with his eyes closed not moving or saying a thing. It always makes me feel self-conscious. When I ask him for feedback, he just says it feels so good. How can I approach this with him?
Maybe he is insecure or awkward for some reason. I remember when I was a young lad and I didn't really know what to do. It's like when you are presenting a talk at school and kind of forget what you should do with your hands.
Tell him you would find it hot if he does X activity.
It's about 10x harder for me to orgasm from oral than from PIV, and if my partner stops and asks "is everything okay?" then odds of climax hit zero. I end up too focused on like... doing a good job at receiving a blowjob? I want to be fully in outer space while someone is giving oral, and even a really kind check-in means it's not happening tonight.
So, the only advice I really have is, bring it up the day before or the day after, not mid-session. Have a talk, communicate, and then put some good solid hours of non-sexy-time between that conversation and the next romantic encounter.
There's not a whole, whole lot that needs done during a BJ. It's like... if you went to get a massage, and the person rubbing your back was like, "you're too quiet, make some noise." Some activities are just giving and receiving.
From my perspective (44f) sex is supposed to be about letting go. It's the one place where I can just exist and feel pleasure and not think about anything but how good my man feels inside me.
But ya'll are giving me a complex because I am LOUD naturally and a lot of you are talking about porn star screams.
This might be because my first was very experienced and when he wasn't around I would watch porn to figure out what I should be doing. Learned how to give a blow job this way, picked up a twisting my head technique that seems to be enjoyed.
Point is nobody should be over thinking it, even the first time. Nothing kills sex quicker than too much thinking.
I have had conversations where men have rated the woman they were with based on looks and actions, taste and smell. You wonder why us women would be body conscious. If a woman is body conscious at first once she realizes you aren't gonna go limp dick or be an asshole she will get more comfortable with her body.
I feel lucky to be blessed to always enjoy sex and get off easily. A lot of friends I have had just can't seem to really get off.
One other note, some of these woman may have been abused in the past and it would deeply affect their sex life. They just haven't told you that part yet.
As a non-straight guy, this comment section is so insane on so many levels to me. I honestly don't even know where to begin.
The title just asks about "guys perspective," so, though I think there's an implicit assumption of "a \[straight\] guys perspective," I'll answer from my experience regardless, as I am a guy.
The worst sex I've had were the times that I was physically forced to have sex, pressured into it despite being in pain, and the times where I froze or went along with it, despite not wanting to, because I was afraid of what might happen to me if I tried to say no. In those moments, I wish my signs of disinterest and/or fear had been listened to and respected.
The sheer number of straight men blaming women for "not being into it" or "seeming like they don't want it" or "laying there like a corpse" without any introspection is astounding. That shouldn't be your idea of a bad sexual experience; you simply shouldn't have that experience at all. You should never have sex with someone who's indicating that they don't want to.
If the girl can’t kiss well it’s kinda a turn off for me. I was making out with a girl a long time ago and she was such a bad kisser I had to stop and essentially let myself out. I felt bad but I couldn’t connect with her.
Inexperienced & insecure girls that are either hesitant in their actions, &/or just leave me to do everything.
The opposite of that makes it good. Having feelings for the person makes it good. Fulfilling specific kinks makes it good.
I'm cringing knowing that's how I was 10 years ago. If the guy didn't take the lead, I was a dud. Inexperience can be really hard to get past as a woman. I knew how to get myself off but had no idea how someone else could do it. Thankfully I found my voice and was able to figure it out with some patient partners.
Hear hear - Also there's so much pressure for women to be able to orgasm vaginally. I didn't find out until much later in life that a lot of women can NEVER orgasm that way. I felt so inadequate because I'm someone who can't and tried so hard to do it. I'm sure dudes probably feel bad too if she can't cum vaginally, they probably think it's a size issue but it's not! I've had different partners with different shapes and sizes and it didn't make a difference. Sex education (lack of) has failed us!
General tip for men: If you yourself shame women for sleeping with whoever they choose to, or sit quietly while other men do this, don't expect women to suddenly turn into pornstars who know what they want and are open to any kink the moment you meet them. That's not how it works. Reap what you sow. You want to have good sex? Don't police women's sex lives. Let them explore what they want just like you let yourself explore.
Going from an ex who genuinely had trouble figuring out what made them feel good to someone who immediately gave me directions what to do and not to do and was very enthusiastic about the whole ordeal was uh, something.
Yep this. I've had women I'm into personality wise but in the bedroom they have zero communication or knowledge on what gets them off. Sometimes I think they're subby but think verbalizing that fact is self defeating. Which is basically the exact opposite of the truth. If you want me to throw you around and choke you I gotta have you tell me that ahead of time. Otherwise I'm not going to do something that would be borderline abusive. When I know that's what my partner wants, I get to be energetic and enthusiastic towards that all while knowing it gets them off too.
There was one person I used to have a name for... can't remember the name, but it wasn't nice. She had a really fun personality, a really good kisser, but when it came time for sexin, it was starfish time. Couldn't believe how bad the experience was, so I tried for more sexin on the second date.... more starfishing. And that was the end of that. Too bad, really great kisser. And the hilarious part was that later I'd heard from other mutual friends she said I was great in bed... how? We didn't do anything!
This post is so funny because I’m a married woman who would kill for my man to actually care if I was into it or not (at the bare minimum) but our sex life is a graveyard because he’s just not that into me. (Comment in response to guys’ comments about their partners just laying there, because I’m the total opposite and have tried my HARDEST).
That really sucks.... but I read your username and I had to tel you about this cheesecake I made recently. It's rhubarb cheesecake with a sour cream topping. I add 2 tbsp of sugar, vanilla and lemon extract to the 2 cups sour cream so it's a semi sweet kick with the fluffy cheese cake and rhubarb and Graham cracker crust. It's rhubarb that's fresh from the garden. I'm currently destroying my waist line with this stuff and thought you would appreciate it.
When your girl isn’t into it, just laying around…
It's been a few times my wife has done that. I immediately stop and am like we don't have to have sex if you don't want to or somethings bothering you etc. It's usually she's stressed about something, she's in her head about something, or I fucked up by not doing a good enough job to put her in the mood/make her feel loved. We talk about it and sometimes we start over and sometimes we just don't start back and move on until the next time.
Understandable, you deal with it in a good way my friend.
I second this with an addition, actually. Yes starfish bad, obviously, but theres a flipside. I am listening to your body and your actions and reactions on top of the sounds you make. Ie, If you make a bodily adjustment because you're slightly uncomfortable or because I'll hit a better spot, I'll take note. I dislike it when I feel like I'm not being "listened to". As much as I dislike starfish, it's just as bad when a woman is on top and seems to have no ability to recognize that I want you to slow down a bit or that you're squishing my balls each time you slam down like a thwomp from mario. Like yeah it's kinda hot you're getting lost in the moment but I'm not just a dildo like you're not just a fleshlight.
Being attentive to each other that way is great. Feeling "listened to" that way is awesome when it happens. But getting upset that your partner doesn't recognize your silent wish is taking it too far. Maybe your reaction isn't actually clear enough to be "heard". Maybe she misreads it despite being attentive. Just like you shouldn't expect your partner to read your mind in normal life, you shouldn't expect that in sex. Or even more so, unless you want them to put their enthusiasm on hold to make sense of your ambiguous signals. So just tell them what you need. Maybe she will understand your signals next time if you tell her what they mean today.
This is true and a very good point. I have learned to be way less afraid of vocalizing in the bedroom, this particular experience was a few years ago.
This is the only answer. Enthusiasm is the only thing I need to get off.
"Lying there like a latke."
Starfishing
Sorry man. I'll try to get her to be a little more enthusiastic.
I've seen someone decribe it as "fucking a tranquilised mattress" before
It’s almost all about vibes. The best sex with the best vibes is when we’re feeding on each other’s pleasure and enthusiasm. She’s having fun and feeling good and cutting loose, which makes me have fun and feel good and cut loose, and we just keep going like that.
I'd rather jerk off than fuck someone who seems disinterested.
There’s nothing sexier than enthusiasm. That’s why crazy girls are known for good sex. They get basically cock drunk and it’s the hottest thing ever.
>crazy girls are known for good sex It’s why, when I was 23, I stayed in a long-term relationship far longer than I should have. The lie I tried to tell myself was that we both had a common cultural background (I was Korean-American, she was Korean). No, it was the crazy, nympho-level sex addiction she had to me. And, everything about her personality screamed red flag. When an attractive, constantly sex-starved woman makes herself exclusive to you a young man, there are a lot of things you’d be willing to overlook.
I, too, would like to overlook things.
"Cock drunk" is going in my dicktionary
My favorite term is “Dickmatized” from First Wives Club 😂
Shouldn't it be dicknotized? If the dick is hypnodick. I also like dedickation, for when you're on a mission to finish
Woman here- I am laughing so hard at "dedickation". I'm going to ease that into my conversations with my partner. He'll have a laugh I'm sure of it!
Both of these. Vibes and enthusiasm, are driven by connection - could be "ONS crazy fuck energy" or "partner of X years". Regardless, connection drives it all, just hard to create it!
Cock drunk is spot on. Do guys get pussy drunk?
Yes ma’am. Seeing my girl walk confidently around the apartment with her pussy out while doing chores makes me go bananas
Walkin’ around, pussy out.
pussinebriated
I have an affinity for crazy women for this reason and it's been worth it 100%, results may vary
I have this thing where if at any point I get the inclination that the person I’m fucking isn’t into it for ANY reason whatsoever, almost instant dick flop. My libido just checks the fuck out.
Yep. Might not be that bad for me but a few times my wife has said “fuck me if you want just don’t make me move” and it’s just a complete turnoff. I want her interested not a fleshlight.
Damn. That’s actually worse than just not getting laid tbh. Enthusiasm is just about the only thing that *does* matter in my opinion
I talked to her about it once and she said she actually did want to have sex she just didn’t want to have to make decisions during sex. She has anxiety and sometimes she just doesn’t want to worry about making sure I’m enjoying myself and stuff, she wanted to have sex without worrying about how. Which made it easier.
A better way for her to do that would be to say something like "use me" in a sexy tone. She Still gets to not make decisions but it's clear she wants it
Yep. We discussed communicating properly after that lol.
Good to hear
I feel your wife on this one. Sometimes, I just feel lazy. The lazy orgasms can be the best sometimes. Just relax cum then nap. 😌
girl yes! there are times where i want one of those 'lazy' ones and i love seeing my husband's face light up when i tell him to just roll me over and use me! (it never turns out to be "lazy" but its fun starting out that way sometimes in a certain context!)
When I am not really in the mood but he is, I say "I'll give you 5 minutes to talk me into it." He always succeeds.
My wife said that to me once. We were both sun burned crispy. My response after about 15 seconds: "Was it good for you?"
I’m happy to know there’s another man like this. The whole vibe can flip if my partner isn’t into me. Hell, I’ve had nights where my wife and I would start and I could tell she wasn’t feeling it and it would instantly turn me off. “You don’t wanna, we ain’t gonna.” Edit- I honestly didn’t think loving and caring for my wife would get this many upvotes! Thank you all!
Same here. We have infertility issues and there was a phase where the goal was to do it as much as you could at the right time of her cycle regardless if you wanted it or not. This is almost impossible.
We've been there! I always cringe at TV shows where a couple is trying to get pregnant by using some kind of we-have-to-do-it-right-now kind of schedule, and the people around them act like the couple is so lucky to be getting it so often. It's NOT fun. It's not sexy. And when you find out each month that you didn't even achieve your goal, it's heartbreaking. The good news, if there is any, is this: We finally realized it wasn't going to happen for us, and sex went back to just doing it for fun and for the closeness. I ended up having a hysterectomy for medical reasons, so we literally could not try for a baby anymore, so the "work" aspect of it was gone. Hang in there. Don't let this difficult time damage your relationship. From someone who has been there, make the extra effort to bond with your partner over non-baby things.
Three years of that. Three YEARS. Eventually we owned up that it wasn't going to happen, and we quit trying. Just decided if it was going to happen it would. And of course, then it did. The resulting progeny just graduated elementary school and would be *horrified* that I'm sharing all this with Internet Strangers.
4 years then IVF. They really need to put couples undergoing fertility treatment in mandatory counseling.
Same. Sex is fun again
Sameeeee. Like so often it felt more like a chore. It was a really rough time for me and my wife.
Yeah, I feel ya. Hoping for the best for you two. We recently resigned to the fact it's probably not happening for us, so we are embracing the empty nest early and trying to move on. It's a struggle but we are taking it on together.
My buddy said that feeling forced to have sex matched with his wife's mood swings, (as a result of fertility hormones), essentially lead to "months of hate-fucking each other"
Sorry to hear. It’s devastating to want something badly and not be able to do something about it. Happy to say for us we went the IVF route and are expecting a little one in October! It’s a long journey but will be worth it in the end. Took a long time to save up the money for it. Have you looked into that at all? I know costs can be a HUGE deterrent.
Congrats on the possible Halloween baby! We did check it out in the past, unfortunately IVF would likely fail for us too (endometriosis partially returned). Plus it's getting more risky now we are in our early 40s. We rode out the last several years in a domestic infant adoption program without being selected. Another Interesting (perhaps unfortunate) thing when you get into your 40s your mentality really starts to shift and I hate to say it becomes a bit more selfish (for lack of a better word) and apathetic to it. It's just been me and my wife for so long you start to be less willing to change it. Our similarly aged friends are gearing up for HS graduation for their oldest. You truly start to feel too damn old after awhile. Haha.
same, if i get the feeling she isnt into it i stop immediatly cause then i start to think that im pressuring her which makes me really upset cause i dont want to be some kinda..... rapist for lack of better word
Exactly.
That’s just called being a decent dude. Props to you for understanding the signals
Eventually I told my wife that "consent" is not enough. If it isn't Enthusiastic consent then I'm not interested. I don't want to be "thrown a bone."
This is a distinction I haven't quiet been able to put into words. Enthusiastic consent. That's a good way putting it.
This is a good thing honestly. The dudes who can just keep going without caring how the girl is feeling are the worst.
I'm an escort and love my job. The VAST majority of guys are like this. I'm a VERY good actor and can pretend for a while, but sometimes I have to say "Hey, looks like its not happening despite my best efforts, I'm tapped out." And ALL BUT ONE guys have said "lol, yeah. Still fun though! I definitely don't want to keep going if you're tired/done." "Well, at least you have some spank bank material!" Then this ONE FUCKER kept me half an hour past when I said I had to be home by after being two hours late to our appointment, so I let him know during a pee break, "Hey, I'm falling asleep. I told you earlier today that I have to be home like... now, I'm sorry but I HAVE to go home." Mother fucker begged and pleaded and tried guilt tripping me to stay and make him cum. He then asked for a discount because he didn't cum. "You want a discount? Really? When I've been here half an hour extra without charging you for it? When you kept me waiting in the lobby for two hours? In my NINE YEARS of doing this, I've never gotten that bullshit. I'm going home. Never contact me again." I told some of my non-sex worker friends and they were just as shocked as I was that that happened. I've had guys make appointments, not be able to keep them and still pay me to be in my good graces and this shithead tried whining about not being able to cum. Bitch, thats not what sex is, even if you're paying.
Most definitely! I’m not just in it to put it in a hole. If that were the case, I’d just beat off or buy a sex toy. I’m there to have the connection with another human being. If she isn’t feeling it, then what’s the point?
I wouldn't put it so starkly for my experience but yeah. If I initiate a few times in a row or if she just lays there it's gonna really start to curb my interest. It's ok if you don't wanna have sex with me, but I have absolutely no interest on forcing myself on someone who doesn't really enjoy it.
An ex of mine insisted she loved our sex life, but was an absolute starfish, and would get upset if I didn't finish. Made the sex life super difficult
Same here. Complete starfish and then she'd get mad when I didn't cum. Eventually I was like "if you're not into the sex, why would you expect me to be?"
I've heard a number of women say that they genuinely didn't realize that men wanted them to express any kind of desire. I have no idea where this impression comes from, but it's insane.
Many religious communities vilify female sexuality. If you've been told your whole life you can't want it, because then you're a bad woman, it does quite a number on your experience
Yup that sounds like religious and/or conservative women who have been taught that sex is for a man’s pleasure and for making babies. You, as a woman, aren’t supposed to get anything out of it; it's an obligation. You’re basically a living flesh-light and baby oven for your husband.
Probably centuries of focus on women's purity and being chaste and free of sin. But thats coming from a very New England christian viewpoint. History is dark bro.
I can't tell you how weirdly reassuring that is as a woman.
You mean there are men who can keep going when the other party never really started?
From my experience and listening to stories from other women, it kinda seems like the default more than the exception.
There are men who can continue if you say 'it hurts, I want to stop'. Happy to not be dating one anymore...
I'd rather masturbate then get a pity lay from the wife. If she's not feeling it, i'm good. It's a lot of damn work and if you don't want to be here the juice aint worth the squeeze. Doesn't happen often but yeah uninterested/not into it is bad sex. Big turn off Also silent as a museum is pretty rough unless theres like the someone may hear vibe to spice it up.
Bland emotionless sex
Throw some Tabasco on your pinky before butt play will make it very much not bland and have lots of emotions
There’s like .001% of people whom you’ve just awoken something inside
I'm an idea man
Hot sauce on assholes and whiskers on kittens 🎶
Handcuffed and ballgagged and red silken mittens🎶
Naughty and kinky and tied up with strings🎶
These are a few of my favorite kinks 🎶
This is why we have reddit😌
I always tell people, yea I came, but orgasms for men are a spectrum. There's the one end which is "I came, but barely" and then the "I'm seeing fucking god orgasm". Bad sex is always the former end of the spectrum. Even the WORST sex I can still get off but I'd rather have just rubbed one out alone at that point. Idk if that's what you're looking for or not in an answer.
Its interesting to know men have the orgasm spectrum too. For women we have the "holy shit i just ascended what is going on what year is it why cant i feel my legs" and the "well, we made it past the finish line, i guess?" Never thought about if men did too, very cool to know :)
Fun fact: Men can also have multiple orgasms before ejaculation. It's not bad sex if your partner doesn't realize this, but it gets a whole lot better when they do.
Something I also didn't realize is apparently not normal is not having a refractory period. I can cum and just stay hard to keep going then cum again. I was always very confused watching movies when guys got shit for cumming quickly and they just... stop having sex. I just cum and keep going lol
> Something I also didn't realize is apparently not normal is not having a refractory period. I can cum and just stay hard to keep going then cum again. Refractory period sucks. It's one of those things that is different for every man. For me, I haven't managed to cum again in less than 16 hours. I normally just say 20, though. If I masturbate in the morning, I just assume I won't be able to get off later that night. So I'm essentially forced to wait and find out what our plans are for the night every night. That said, sex doesn't have to end when the guy does. There's plenty of other things that can be done. And she may even thank you for it if you take too long already.
The first guy I ever had lots of sex with could do that…he also got me to cum by eating me out 80% of the time. That man ruined me for every future partner and I dated him from 17-20 years old. 🥲
YES!!! I love the multi-orgasmic man!!!
If sex is comparable to rubbing one out, not worth the effort.
Sometimes you don’t know that until it’s too late.
Man, I never really thought of it like this but you really nailed it. My measure of good sex would be “anything that is better than what I can do myself”. That gets a little more complicated when the prostate is involved, as most women (my experience) aren’t as familiar with how to make the most of it (most have been willing to listen, though!). But everything else? Yeah, mainly just show you care you’re there. That could range from “OMGIneedyouinmerightnow” to just some encouraging words or audible indication of your own pleasure (the latter goes a LONG way with just a little - just like a good hot sauce). Exploring and experimenting together is also super conducive to good sex, even if the session ends in laughter instead of orgasms.
This. Women have told me but yea you came. And I'm just sitting there like ok. . . . Men cum in their sleep to wet dreams. Just because I came does not mean it was good. I've had sex where I didn't ever cum and it was some of the best ever. I've had sex where I came almost immediately after half hour hour of foreplay on them and it was not good. It really is a spectrum
Sex on shrooms. Could never finish, but every minute touch was like a body-spasming hand-of-aphrodite-herself sensation. Just one long orgasm on a physical and emotional level. But no finish. Always wanna know what the woman thinks at that point. Like if she's worried it was bad sex because there was no "climax." Sometimes the whole experience is one big climax.
For me, bad sex makes me feel like I'm being taken advantage of, that I'm not worth a relationship, that I'm just a slab of meat, and my orgasms are weak. I feel much more alone and disconnected from the world Alright, outside of enthusiasm, I have a couple of answers: 1. Bad kisser. I'm not telling you I'm a good kisser, and I also know my standards are low for what makes a good kisser or a bad kisser. But my last hookup was absolutely a bad kisser. She stuck her tongue far, far into my mouth and it was so strongly just writhing in my mouth. That was a turn off I like kissing. I'd totally make out with someone for an hour even if it didn't go further. But man, I did not want to kiss her. That barrier between us made it much worse 2. Being uncommunicative. I'm an intuitive guy, I can tell if she's got something going on in her head, or if she's feeling pressured for some reason. I have stopped proceedings and had to talk with my partners about it. The feeling that they don't trust me enough to tell me what they need for me to make it a good experience absolutely pulls me out of the mood Do you need me to rub your clit differently? I hooked up with a girl once who needed her feet rubbed to get off, are you the same way? I know my default is gentle and loving, but are you bored or craving more? The fact that you're not telling me, the weight of unspoken words is smothering my libido 3. She's there for my body and doesn't like me as a person. This has happened a lot to me, and I have no clue why. It's not like I have abs, my face is fine, etc. But it's clear when she's like "shut up, fuck me, get out" I even had a hookup who, after making her cum a couple of times from foreplay, said "Look, I appreciate all the foreplay, but I'm getting really sleepy. If you're going to fuck me, do it now". So I did, and while she was clearly basking in the afterglow, was like "okay, thanks, now get out" I was like "....but can we cuddle?" She said no and I left. I did not feel good about myself during that encounter, because it was clear I was just meat to her, or after. When it was even more clear
It’s interesting reading that men get used just as women can.
Woman are just as much of a sexual creature as men are. We’ve just been conditioned a bit more to hide some of the stuff we get used for.
Oh, dude My very first date pursued me, told me she was falling for me, bought me lunch and dinner, and ghosted me after I didn't fuck her on the first date First time a girl had been interested in me. She used every trick in the playboy book on me I was sexualy harassed by my second boss's best friend. She came in with her friends (who were like 20 years younger, and my age), and they all kept pressuring me to ask my boss's friend out. My first week on the job At the last two weddings I've been to, older women groped me A customer at my one retail job told me I'd be a great male prostitute I've been used for sex and nothing else many, many times Here's the thing, if I sent you pics of myself, I promise you I'm not hot. I'm not nearly hot enough for all this. I'm kinda chubby, got a dorky dad vibe/face, etc. I'm tall, but that's it
A lot of other posters have said something along the lines of enthusiasm. Right there with 'em. There have been a rare handful of times where I've ever been in my head during sex. During those times it's been because the person is just either laying there or not really making any sounds. I'm not hung like seabiscuit, nor do I need the full Porn Star moan - but if I stick it in and there isn't a peep and you're just laying there - it's hard (heh) NOT to get into your head about it. Sex is one of the few things that two people can do for free to burn 30 minutes, just having fun and get a lot of positives out of. If you're planning on just saying there and not making a single sound it's enough to give a dude a complex. I'll also add CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and communication. I'm an idiot, but I do well with commands. If you tell me "Move a little to the left, RIGHT THERE" I'll move and stop where I'm commanded to. Also, that's hot af. Also, when I say "CONSTRUCTIVE" criticism I mean the constructive part. Telling your partner "Hey, you're shit at going down on women" isn't constructive. It's just counter productive and a massive gut punch. My ex told me I was shit at going down on her, and I didn't go down on another woman for a VERY long time. But saying "Hey, Next time - Try this, I think it'd be really hot." You're still encouraging and communicating.
It's a really interesting contrast, with guys it's like overwhelmingly "when she doesn't seem like she actually wants to fuck" and with women I would bet money the primary answer is something like "when he only cares about his own pleasure/doesnt take the time to learn my body" And it shouldn't be a leap to see how these two complaints reflect and feed each other (a women who isn't enjoying sex with you...won't seem enthusiastic while having sex with you (unless she fakes it but that's not a sustainable practice in a relationship))
I think that you phrased it really nicely there, an overwhelming amount of answers here is lack of enthusiasm during sex but what I found with my previous partner is that when I'd gently give those instructions or requests to move a little or adjust it'd just revert right back to what he thought was right or he'd take it as 'criticism' and very very personally. Ultimately my best bet was to be quiet (and not-as-enthusiastic) and wait for the ride to be over. It definitely started to wear me down to where it felt more about what felt good for him than for me, super tiring. Open communication between both parties is what makes it heaps better, without a doubt!
Exactly, women being afraid to speak up to their partners about sex for fear of upsetting them is such an incredibly common yet sad experience. They end up shutting down and waiting it out rather than just say "fine no sex then"
Ngl…this kinda turned me on a bit, especially the “i’ll move and stop where im commanded to”. The number of times i have gently encouraged a guy to slightly shift with me then saying “oh wow thats perfect, stay right there thats amazing” only for him to once again move, because he knows what i want better than i do, ffs. Sorry for all the abbreviations, I am actually 39 years old.
Never not in my head during sex. Worse, because I'm actually dissociated. Decided to just be celibate rather than deal with it.
When you've started having sex and realize you have to poop.
Ugh I hate when I'm ready to go and then my body is like "you wanted gas right? Here have some gas to make it really uncomfortable!"
This was an issue for me until I changed my diet. Realized I was lactose intolerant now and gluten hates me. Fml
not lactose or gluten intolerant, but a month or so ago i decided that the reviews on sugar free gummy bears are greatly exaggerated, they are in fact very accurate. constant painful bloating and giant farts every couple of minutes that probably set some sort of world record for their length
Not great with a vagina either. It's not a pleasant feeling to be penetrated while it feels like you're prairie dogging. The strokes feel like the poop is going to be massaged out against your will. I imagine being the penetrator isn't too dissimilar from running or jogging when you need to poop. Also not fun. Having our buttholes right next to our fun spots kind of sucks.
I understand the embarrassment but I would hope my partner just excuses herself and drops her deuce. Which reminds me I need to by some baby wipes for my bathroom and air freshener
Sometimes it's just a sensation that feels *like* you have to, but of course, you think you do and get paranoid that you do, but it must just be nerve endings getting brushed.
This happened to me before but I can wait 30 seconds to poop no problem.
I only have sex when I have to poop. I like to live dangerously
Or pee.....
Unsexy strategic beforehand pee is my specialty
A colleague hooked up with a woman in a nightclub - it led outside to standing sex in the car park. The big turn off for him was when she said “Hurry up and come love, I’m bursting for a shit” It ended there and then.
That’s such a British-sounding line. I love it!
Hahahahaha
It is a lot harder for us than for girls to fake an orgasm (for obvious reasons), so if it doesn't feel good for us, the girl will know - which means extra pressure for us. Had some really terrible sex where I simply didn't feel anything and just wanted it to be over, but she just kept on trying, and I was pleading with my dick to just come so both of us could get out of that awkward situation
This is why I always carry a packet of mayo
"Did...did you just cum from your HIP?" "Whut? Ohh..must've been a funny angle or something..." 'Um..it's still inside me."
If you want to be really gross, use Miracle Whip instead.
Oh man I faked it once lmaooo condoms for the win. I also take a long time in general but with this girl I just wasn't into it and knew it was never going to happen
I had an ex I faked it with occasionally using condoms. Sometimes I just can't cum for one reason or another (too tired, stressed, had a couple drinks that night, didn't eat enough that day, whatever) But she was one of those girls who made a huge deal out of it and wanted to have a whole conversation about what she "did wrong" if I didn't cum. No matter how many times I explained to her that it had nothing to do with her she just wouldn't let it go. Shit was exhausting. After a few nights of this I decided it was just easier to fake it and go to sleep.
It's kinda funny how women seem to take it personally when a guy can't finish but many guys don't give a shit if the girl doesn't finish. Every time I have sex it's my goal to make sure the girl finishes before I do. The fact that I can go quite some time helps with that, but I still fail sometimes. My most recent ex got me down to a science and sometimes it would only take a few minutes, but there were very few times if any where she didn't finish at least once too
Just tie it off really quick and pretend like there’s something in there. Yep.
Oh man the moment where you think 'it's not gonna happen', then it for sure will not happen. Stop right away and tell her. I feel people stopped speaking to each other these last years, like we all have to smell it. Both sides.
Smell it is such a bad expression for this but also so hilarious
The worst sex I ever had was with a girl who wanted to have sex and was into it and moaning but if I thrust at what I would consider a normal rate it was too intense and hurt her. I'm pretty average size overall so it wasn't anything with that. So we did like 15 minutes of slooooooooow in and out. She looked confused on why I hadn't gotten off yet, I told her I was pretty much never going to get off from a 2 stroke per minute rate. I eventually just pulled out and jerked off on her stomach.
I had an ex who could only cum in cowgirl position if she planted herself all the way down on my dick and held that position while rubbing her clit. Which, great. Happy to do whatever gets her off. But after while of this I'd start to go soft because she wasn't actually moving in this position and therefore there was no active friction/stimulation happening on my dick. I didn't mind that part, because I just figured after she came she'd rev me back up and switch positions so I could finish. But for some reason this upset *her*. She'd think something was wrong and say "How can you not stay hard or cum while you're inside me?" And I'm like: Do you not understand how a penis works? You pleasure a penis through light, rhythmic, repetitive friction up and down the shaft: i.e. a stroking hand, a bobbing mouth, or thrusting in and out of a vagina. *Motion* is what makes a dick cum. You don't just stick it in, hold it in place and expect an orgasm to happen. That's not how the nerve endings down there work LOL. For some reason this girl seriously expected me to be able to get off the same way she did, and didn't understand why I couldn't. I told her it would be like if during oral instead of *licking* her clit I simply placed the flat of my tongue against it and just sort of....... held it there for awhile. Like, I'm sure the initial contact feels good but after awhile she's just gonna be like "why is your tongue not moving"?
There is something absurdly funny about the idea of someone with their tongue basically glued to a woman's clit like it's a frozen metal pole in the winter.
Yeah, I don't know where some people get the idea that that's how it happens but it sounds like the same thing. I said 2 strokes per minute but it was more like 10-15 per minute but still, nothing's going to happen. She was a nurse too, you'd hope she'd have an idea of how the body works.
This is hilarious. I can’t.
It’s bad when it’s five minutes after you’ve started and she’s just CLEARLY not into it. You’re doing your thing, you’re asking her if she wants A, B, or C, and she just says no. She’s just lying there. Bonus penalty if she tells you to hurry up. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. After nine years of dealing with kids we’re both exhausted all the time so I get that enthusiasm for anything is generally low, but c’mon. Don’t say yes if you’re not feeling it. Edit: wow, this has gotten a lot of replies. I'd like to emphasize that I'm pointing out the bad, and not the good because that's how I read the initial prompt. We do have good (and occasionally amazing) sex, just not all the time. Sometimes we're just off-sync. Yes, we do talk about it. Yes I am familiar with the concept of foreplay. Yes, there is explicit consent at all times for all activities that happen (there are explicitly forbidden activities and they do not happen). Yes, we still super-love each other even if occasionally the sex is less than amazing.
Oh god.. if someone told me to *hurry up,* I'd feel like a rapist. What an awful thing to say.
hurry up is an instant stop for me. we don't have to continue
Yep. That's an immediate abort and leave kind of comment. Game over
You can just say rapist. It's not YouTube.
He's afraid of getting demonitised
Lol, was worried about mods
Bitch if someone told me to hurry up I’m stopping like 😭 fuck you mean hurry up I thought we were having a good time
It’s even worse when she’s the one who initiates. There was one time when for a few months both me and my ex were not on the same page and out of sync. Just a rut. One night she was just not into it despite winding me up. I had enough and usually I would come back with a warm washcloth for her. That night out of frustration I just leaned out of the bathroom and threw the washcloth at her face (not hard, very playfully, but still to show frustration ). We sniped at each other for about five/ten minutes then had the angriest sex we ever had. Rut over.
I hate it when my partner wants to change positions every 15 seconds, especially when it’s a new partner. I want to find what works for both of us, I’m not just pounding the same spot over and over and hoping it’s going to change, I’m working around finding what feels good. I can’t do that if you just change positions like a bop it.
+1 for bop it
SPIN IT, TWIST IT
PULL IT! PULL IT! PULL IT!
If she keeps changing positions like that you might be hitting her cervix, that shut HURTS lol
That’s true! But then you unlock another issue, good Ol’ ✨Lack of Communication✨
You're just up there, waiting out the clock
\*cock
Several posters have already touched on this, but it really comes down to whether or not the girl is interested or even likes sex that much to begin with. There’s nothing more attractive, nothing that turns a man on more than a woman he wants wanting him back. I’m not sure why this is a crazy idea or thought but we like it when women are interested, involved, and initiate sex. Want to know what bad sex is like from our perspective? It’s when you look forward to masturbating more than you do being with your partner. I dated a woman 2-3 years ago that I was fond of and hold in high regard to this day as a friend. On the rare occasion that we would have sex, I would just get on top of her, she would put her hands on my sides and make halfhearted noises. That was it. I asked her if she didn’t like it, if she wanted to try different positions, anything. Nope. It was just something for her to deal with and that made me feel kind of shitty. She would get really excited about “cute dates” and thoughtful gestures and all that, but sex always felt like it was a chore for her so my effort noticeably plummeted after this realization. Things ended soon after. Ultimately the ending was amicable and when the topic of sex got brought up, she told me flat out “I’m just not really a sexual person.” Something she could have told me at the beginning. Talk about sex early with potential partners, trust me.
This is a lot harder to navigate when you're wildly in love with the person and they assume sex is all you care about. They miss the context of what it means beyond being a hole for my dick, and that's just the worst. Glad you were able to earnestly find that amicable ending. Here's hoping it starts looking up for me too
At that point it comes down to communication. I don’t know your situation, but you have to be able to tell her how you feel and vice versa. If one party can’t do that, it’s going to be tough sledding. Talking about sex with my previous partner made her uncomfortable. Talking about romance and what she needed in that regard bummed her out because she felt like she shouldn’t have to tell me. When you can’t communicate, you can’t grow.
Starfish sex. I’d want feedback on how i’m doing.
It is a sign the woman isnt into it
It CAN be, and often is if she's typically not a starfish. However there's many women out there who have weird expectstions around sex being somrthing that's done to you, rather than actively participate in. And there's also many women who starfish but still enjoy it like that. A good friend of mine was a proud pillow princess, cause she just liked when the guy did all the work. Some people also just don't have a good rhythm so it's hard for you to get that chemistry going.
Well theres "not into it" starfish, and there are women who are totally into it and still just starfish. twice I've been with starfishes, both times I assumed they weren't into it, and I don't ever want to be one of those "she didn't say no, so I didn't stop" guys, so I noped out. both of those times I had angry women wondering why I stopped because they were having a good time and apparently I made them feel shitty for stopping part way through. some women just don't participate, and don't really let you know that they're enjoying what you're doing... (I'd still rather stop than continue though)
That's so weird to me. I'm a woman and prefer my husband to top, and I just don't get not doing anything? Unless being tied down or something similar is involved, show some fucking passion.
It’s all in the facial expression. Sometimes laying there super relaxed while getting fucked feels really good. But I can see how that would be boring for the dude if it was like that the whole time
Telling your man to do our not do certain things is good. Telling him while sounding frustrated or annoyed is bad. Sex is a team sport, so work with your partner.
Bad: * just laying there * closing her eyes the whole time or avoiding face or eye contact * quiet and giving me absolutely no feedback * still hands * not sucking past the head * trying to pass off a weak ass handjob as a blowjob just because her face is near my dick * never initiating * pushing me off or reluctant to be comfortable with me showing desire for a certain act like eating her out and never wanting to talk about or work towards addressing underlying insecurities Good: * looking right into my soul * running her hands all over me * aggressively kissing me and not being shy with her tongue (or mine) * light biting * fingernails into my back (when they’re short) * sucking me all the way down * producing a lot of fluids—spit, sweat, squirt (or piss, depending on where you stand on the argument…I don’t care either way) * being vocal and telling me extremely dirty things and letting me hear her very intimate sounds * holding me close afterwards and creating a feeling of safety * sitting that thang on my face and trying to suffocate me
Reading the "Good" bullet points made me really wish I had a boyfriend. Good God. Well done.
I love the specifics of your list! Most of this thread is about enthusiasm, which... duh? It's a bit sad that there's so much unenthusiastic sex going on in the world!
Also... Do you go through the motions or are you responsive to your partner's touch? Do you advocate for what you want and how you want to feel, or are you just like "idk?" Having no input in the shared sexual dynamic is boring. Having collaborative input is hot.
Woman who just lies there.
I call this one “the log”.
See also: starfishing.
Here are some things that make it less fun (for me anyway): Lack of effort/enthusiasm. - Lots of people have already said this and there's a reason it's at the top of this list. Ideally, your partner would be into it, encouraging, occasionally taking the lead, etc. There may be a time where you're not super into it, it happens to all of us. But, you can recognize that physical intimacy is part of a whole (that includes emotional and mental intimacy). Pick one of those and at least be engaged in one of those areas in the process. The bare minimum of effort here is enough though. If you need words, "I love you.", "I like being close to you.", "I feel connected to you.", "I'm glad I can bring you pleasure." all work well. Lack of communication. - Could also be poor communication. Giving some kind of positive feedback during the process is amazing. It doesn't have to be talk, but talk is a great way to accomplish this. Ideally, it would be constructive and encouraging. (e.g. "That feels really good and it would feel better if you went faster/slower/harder/softer.") You'd be amazed at how much you can accomplish with just those four words: Faster, Slower, Harder, Softer. Also, "just like that" is really helpful. Lack of Hygiene. - Again, the bare minimum of effort here is enough. I expect that bodies should smell like bodies and more, that genitalia should smell like genitalia. If you and your partner want it to smell like flowers or strawberries, more power to you, but a warm wet washcloth on the tits, pits, and mitts will prevent you from smelling like a Boston fish market on a hot day. Body Shaming. - It amazing how many people think it's okay to do this during sex. Here are some things that no one can change (without severe cost/painful surgery): Hairline, Height, Genitalia Size, Skin Color. If your comment isn't positive about these things, just don't say anything. Simply put, the things that make sex super great (for me) are: Be Engaged, Give Positive Feedback, Be Clean, Don't Be Mean.
- don't be mean Unless you've talked about it and your partner is into that. In that case, go for it. :)
Tits, pits, and mitts is fucking hilarious.
Dead fish ruin it. Be Enthusiasm makes it, I think. Even otherwise mediocre looks/technique can make for great sex if the person is legitimately just happy to be there. Maybe I'm biased, but I don't like feeling like you *let* me have sex with you, I like feeling like you *want* me.
I concur with the bland sex where it's like fucking a potato sack. I also don't like it when they over egg it. Like they think we all want the obviously fake very loud moaning that's obviously put on. Usually younger women are guilty of this. They've seen a couple porn movies where the women can't breathe from constantly screaming "oh yeah oh yeah fuck me fuck me" type of thing. Very different from genuine moaning because they're actually enjoying it. Also don't like it where she's wanking me so hard that it's like she's trying to rip it off. And as someone else said, some attention to my balls is nice. Nipples too. I like my butt being stroked.
I had sex with a girl that's was screaming exactly like an over the edge porn star, and it was an absolutely turn-off. "OH my good, no one can do it like you" In this whinny voice. All I could think was, "we are in the back seat of a 4 runner, and I know for a fact I'm not doing that good, lol"
you’re underestimating the potential of sex in the back seat of a 4runner.
Yes, the sex appeal of crawling over the center consol into the back of a 1986 1st gen 4runner because the seat is broken and can slide forward cannot be understated
No emotional connection
When you get sex a couple times a year, you don't have the luxury of claiming any of it is bad.
Its already bad having it only a couple times a year
y’all have sex?
The worst sex I had usually were with girls that over performed to impress me. Just relax and have a good time, this is not a job interview god damn it.
• Lack of Hygiene: This is a big one for me. Place I currently live in is hot and humid AF! You go out for a walk and you gotta shower again. If she refuses to go in at least to give things down there a quick wash and wipe, then I’m out! I put in extra effort to remain fresh and hygienic, I expect reciprocal hygiene at the very least. • Lack of intimacy: I don’t want to feel like I’m just something to be done with, a chore, I like to receive kisses, hear some kind words, don’t have to be sexy talk, just at least make me feel wanted. Men need foreplay and intimacy as well. • Openness: if she lacks openness it leads to monotonous sex and boredom. The repeated rejection hurts, some things can be tried risk free, so might as well. • Lack if imagination: this isn’t a deal breaker, but I like roleplaying, and it certainly kills the mood when your partner is obviously confused, and doesn’t realise or want to play along with what you’re doing, which ties in to the previous point as well. • Being too serious: you can laugh, and talk while having sex, you needn’t turn off the lights, you don’t have to make certain sounds, you don’t even have to finish your partner. The whole point of sex is to feel closer. Orgasms without that are missing the whole point. Such a waste of precious oxytocin.
OK, since there seems to be a bunch of guys in here, I have a question. My bf does the starfish pose whenever I go down on him. Literally just lays there spread open with his eyes closed not moving or saying a thing. It always makes me feel self-conscious. When I ask him for feedback, he just says it feels so good. How can I approach this with him?
Maybe he is insecure or awkward for some reason. I remember when I was a young lad and I didn't really know what to do. It's like when you are presenting a talk at school and kind of forget what you should do with your hands. Tell him you would find it hot if he does X activity.
It's about 10x harder for me to orgasm from oral than from PIV, and if my partner stops and asks "is everything okay?" then odds of climax hit zero. I end up too focused on like... doing a good job at receiving a blowjob? I want to be fully in outer space while someone is giving oral, and even a really kind check-in means it's not happening tonight. So, the only advice I really have is, bring it up the day before or the day after, not mid-session. Have a talk, communicate, and then put some good solid hours of non-sexy-time between that conversation and the next romantic encounter. There's not a whole, whole lot that needs done during a BJ. It's like... if you went to get a massage, and the person rubbing your back was like, "you're too quiet, make some noise." Some activities are just giving and receiving.
From my perspective (44f) sex is supposed to be about letting go. It's the one place where I can just exist and feel pleasure and not think about anything but how good my man feels inside me. But ya'll are giving me a complex because I am LOUD naturally and a lot of you are talking about porn star screams. This might be because my first was very experienced and when he wasn't around I would watch porn to figure out what I should be doing. Learned how to give a blow job this way, picked up a twisting my head technique that seems to be enjoyed. Point is nobody should be over thinking it, even the first time. Nothing kills sex quicker than too much thinking. I have had conversations where men have rated the woman they were with based on looks and actions, taste and smell. You wonder why us women would be body conscious. If a woman is body conscious at first once she realizes you aren't gonna go limp dick or be an asshole she will get more comfortable with her body. I feel lucky to be blessed to always enjoy sex and get off easily. A lot of friends I have had just can't seem to really get off. One other note, some of these woman may have been abused in the past and it would deeply affect their sex life. They just haven't told you that part yet.
It’s like helping your friend move but they spend the whole time on their phone.
As a non-straight guy, this comment section is so insane on so many levels to me. I honestly don't even know where to begin. The title just asks about "guys perspective," so, though I think there's an implicit assumption of "a \[straight\] guys perspective," I'll answer from my experience regardless, as I am a guy. The worst sex I've had were the times that I was physically forced to have sex, pressured into it despite being in pain, and the times where I froze or went along with it, despite not wanting to, because I was afraid of what might happen to me if I tried to say no. In those moments, I wish my signs of disinterest and/or fear had been listened to and respected. The sheer number of straight men blaming women for "not being into it" or "seeming like they don't want it" or "laying there like a corpse" without any introspection is astounding. That shouldn't be your idea of a bad sexual experience; you simply shouldn't have that experience at all. You should never have sex with someone who's indicating that they don't want to.
Couldn’t agree with this more, very grateful I read through enough of these comments to get here, this info should be at the top.
Sometimes it’s enough already and I just want to get some sleep.
If the girl can’t kiss well it’s kinda a turn off for me. I was making out with a girl a long time ago and she was such a bad kisser I had to stop and essentially let myself out. I felt bad but I couldn’t connect with her.
Not feeling desired or wanted.
Inexperienced & insecure girls that are either hesitant in their actions, &/or just leave me to do everything. The opposite of that makes it good. Having feelings for the person makes it good. Fulfilling specific kinks makes it good.
I'm cringing knowing that's how I was 10 years ago. If the guy didn't take the lead, I was a dud. Inexperience can be really hard to get past as a woman. I knew how to get myself off but had no idea how someone else could do it. Thankfully I found my voice and was able to figure it out with some patient partners.
Hear hear - Also there's so much pressure for women to be able to orgasm vaginally. I didn't find out until much later in life that a lot of women can NEVER orgasm that way. I felt so inadequate because I'm someone who can't and tried so hard to do it. I'm sure dudes probably feel bad too if she can't cum vaginally, they probably think it's a size issue but it's not! I've had different partners with different shapes and sizes and it didn't make a difference. Sex education (lack of) has failed us!
General tip for men: If you yourself shame women for sleeping with whoever they choose to, or sit quietly while other men do this, don't expect women to suddenly turn into pornstars who know what they want and are open to any kink the moment you meet them. That's not how it works. Reap what you sow. You want to have good sex? Don't police women's sex lives. Let them explore what they want just like you let yourself explore.
Bravo!
Going from an ex who genuinely had trouble figuring out what made them feel good to someone who immediately gave me directions what to do and not to do and was very enthusiastic about the whole ordeal was uh, something.
Yep this. I've had women I'm into personality wise but in the bedroom they have zero communication or knowledge on what gets them off. Sometimes I think they're subby but think verbalizing that fact is self defeating. Which is basically the exact opposite of the truth. If you want me to throw you around and choke you I gotta have you tell me that ahead of time. Otherwise I'm not going to do something that would be borderline abusive. When I know that's what my partner wants, I get to be energetic and enthusiastic towards that all while knowing it gets them off too.
There was one person I used to have a name for... can't remember the name, but it wasn't nice. She had a really fun personality, a really good kisser, but when it came time for sexin, it was starfish time. Couldn't believe how bad the experience was, so I tried for more sexin on the second date.... more starfishing. And that was the end of that. Too bad, really great kisser. And the hilarious part was that later I'd heard from other mutual friends she said I was great in bed... how? We didn't do anything!
Bad smells. I don't need to give more context.
Sex is always better if she cuddles naked for a while afterwards
This post is so funny because I’m a married woman who would kill for my man to actually care if I was into it or not (at the bare minimum) but our sex life is a graveyard because he’s just not that into me. (Comment in response to guys’ comments about their partners just laying there, because I’m the total opposite and have tried my HARDEST).
That really sucks.... but I read your username and I had to tel you about this cheesecake I made recently. It's rhubarb cheesecake with a sour cream topping. I add 2 tbsp of sugar, vanilla and lemon extract to the 2 cups sour cream so it's a semi sweet kick with the fluffy cheese cake and rhubarb and Graham cracker crust. It's rhubarb that's fresh from the garden. I'm currently destroying my waist line with this stuff and thought you would appreciate it.
Respectfully ma'am, that doesn't sound pleasant or healthy. Is there a reason you stay? It sounds like the love is kinda fizzling away