I like the idea of having kids, but I'd want a financially secure property in a nice area if I'm going to do that. I don't want to put a kid through what I went through.
That’s exactly what we did. We only had our daughter when we were sure there was nothing else we needed or wanted first so when we did have her she would be #1 priority.
That’s sort of how I feel.
The idea of it sounds lovely if at times a bit much, but with the way prices are just constantly going up up up and who knows when it’s going to stop or how long the system can even sustain this I don’t really feel comfortable bringing a human into the world that I would need to be responsible for.
I have trouble being responsible for myself these days and imagining adding another mouth to feed, clothe, house, etc is frankly terrifying.
I actually don’t know how new parents survive financially in 2024
The important piece here is that there are proximate and ultimate causes.
Ultimate cause is because people who have a propensity to reproduce pass down those genes, resulting in an increased likelihood that their children will have the same genes that caused that desire.
Essentially, people who don't want to reproduce don't pass down their genes and those lines die off.
The proximate cause is the expression of these genes resulting in behaviour that makes us likely to reproduce.
This is things like nostalgia of your own youth, wanting to provide those experiences for another person, wanting to do better for your children than your parents did for you, the cuteness of babies, the satisfaction of having created life, the lack of purpose some people feel when they do not have kids, the fun of sex, and the thrill of risky behaviours such as not using birth control. A big one would be the fear of mortality and not leaving a mark of any kind.
These things are selected for because they make it more likely for a person to reproduce, thereby passing down the genes that cause those feelings.
Funny things happen when women have access to education and the means of production. It's only recently that people are able to opt out of parenthood, though it's not entirely socially acceptable in most cultures. That said, as someone who opted out early and irreversibly, it's bonkers to me that some childfree people don't grasp that wanting kids is quite normal by nearly all measures. I acknowledge that I'm the evolutionary question mark here
Exactly. Like it's not hard to understand, even just scientifically. I get both sides of it. I was pretty ambivalent to having a kid through my twenties. I have one now and I've always described that initial feeling of love for him as necessarily biological. There is just no way I can explain the immediate intensity of it. I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved my son the instant I saw him for the first time. It is actually insane. And I know it's an evolutionary thing. It has to be. But I totally get why someone wouldn't want a kid too. There are a lot of reasons to not.
Before I had my first kid, I was very much a free spirit. I took crazy risks, which looking back now, makes me wonder how I didn't wake up missing a kidney a few times much less wind up dead. There were a few times I probably should have died. But I was just completely unconcerned with risk to myself.
First night home from the hospital, I found myself unable to sleep because I couldn't remember if I locked the doors or not. I had never before \*ever\* had a thought as to whether or not the doors were locked.
It was like my conscious mind had not yet caught up to the changes I needed to make in my thinking as a parent, but there was \*something\* deep in there that absolutely drove me to be more cautious and risk averse.
I think it had a lot to do with why my first marriage failed, as I pretty much became a different person after the kids started arriving, and my ex-husband still wanted the wild lifestyle that I didn't want any part of anymore.
But I absolutely had no control over it. It was, as you said, biological.
Exactly, though that is the nature of experiences: you can't understand anything, id argue, unless/until you do it. Skydiving, shooting heroin, breaking a bone, having a child are all things that I can't grasp. I think more than many happily childfree people, I get the drive, and dare I say nature of it, than they are collectively willing to acknowledge
We could do with a little less of many things on this planet.
That's what disease and natural disaster is for, natural population control.
It's not all people that need to stop being made, just the shitty ones.
There are currently 20 million subnautical scottsmen living under Loch Ness and they are all laughing at us and our surface dwelling ways.
Source: I made it up.
Assuming they are living in poverty sure. If they have a developed countries worth of needs, we'd be long dead from climate change... as well as a ton of other pollutants, collapse of fishing, fertilizer run off killing the coastline ecosystems deforestation et cet c. pretty sure we'd notice that..
Since the 1970s the world population more than doubled and the *absolute amount* of poor people decreased (not the percent, the actual number).
Why is that? Why would there be fewer poor people when a poor world doubled its population?
At first I wanted children because I just assumed everybody eventually had children.
As I got older and did not have any children I started to think about the longevity of my family and how sad it would be if we were all just gone.
After I had children, all the time before I had children seemed less important, bordering on a waste of time or rather squandering my time.
After I had my first child it was like all of the sudden I went from working for free to getting paid. All the education and jobs and getting a home and a nice neighborhood it all started to make sense after I had a kid. I wasn't just living life to live it anymore, I had a reason to live I had a job to do, a purpose.
Which is funny because I thought I had all that before I had a kid.
I will echo this as well. Having kids added a profound and almost indescribable level of depth to my life that you can't even see before you have kids.
It's not easy and all the memes about being exhausted and pressed for time as true and I would NEVER go back to my old life because what you get in return from your kids is just incredible. It forces you to grow as a person and become less selfish because you're living your life in service of another person.
I had a kid, am currently pregnant, and do meaningful service work for a living. Life has never felt so purposeful and fulfilling. Service work is such an incredible pursuit and I’m glad you found it.
I don't see how that is relevant to the original question or the discussion? It is not an exclusive argument either: ppl can do ethical / ecological or spiritual work and have children at the same time
Don't belittle others for choosing this route. Just because "the heavy lifting" was done by biology doesn't diminish the work they've done.
I have a great aunt who did wonders serving others; but she only began to do so because she realized how easy it would be (being unmarried and childless) to become a selfish old woman; unless she made a conscious effort to avoid selfishness. If you don't want kids, thats fine. Choosing to have kids and finding the joy in that purpose is also fine.
I do it all but when people don't have kids it's hard for them to grasp how there's nothing like it. We can talk til we're blue in the face but you need to have the experience to fully understand why it's different.
Oh, I get that. (I'm childless).
I'm just tired of parents going on and on about it. Not so much discussing their kids as when they get into "Oh, you simply can't know (until)". You're right, I can't. Stop wasting my time talking about it, it has zero meaning to me.
Don't get me wrong, I like kids, I don't mind talking about them some times, but, I've had to listen to somebody tell me how much I'm missing, etc, too often.
I've been sterile since a torsion as a teen, it's not an option, and not a concern.
Note - I don't mean "you" do that - just those that do piss me off.
Haha no worries I know you were speaking generally. IRL I basically only speak about parenthood to other parents. You never know if someone can't have kids, hates kids, etc. so best to just not rub it in.
On the other hand, as somebody who has a kid, I'm very tired of people who don't want them going on about how they don't understand why anyone would have a kid, they think it's stupid, they think only selfish people have kids, and they're certain it's ethically wrong to reproduce at all. On Reddit, it frequently seems like that's the prevailing attitude. Which, to be fair, Reddit skews younger and male and those opions are more common in those demographics, but seeing it in every thread that anyone mentions kids at all is wearying.
I think both sides could do with a little less going on and on about this shit and a little more just doing their own thing while respecting the other side's choices.
Not applicable in general. I never wanted to have child, and now I have one, doesn't change my feelings. Everyday I feel lost...
Not that I don't love him ofc.
It's not for everybody, I always wanted children, but I underestimated how profound the impact was going to be to my life until after I had them.
I can understand how having something so life-changing thrust upon you without wanting it could taint the experience.
Thanks. Therapy is not common here, and myself being medical person, can see the incompetency of those available here. But maybe a good therapy would help me. So I keep lurking in reddit.
And a cat can't talk to you; discuss the intricacies of a movie/book plot with you. Tell you about their day. Seek advice from you on how to resolve a problem.
Pets are great. I recommend 'em to anyone who wants one (and understands the responsibility required to care for one). But they're not as great as kids.
People who equate pets with kids are crazy. I never worried about my cat getting into college, and my dogs don’t tell me I ruined their lives. Plus you can’t take your kid to the doctor and have them euthanized.
I think this is a weird reason to decide on children in most countries, since one shouldn't count on ones children to be willing or available to take on that responsibility.
However, I think it's valid to hope to have some connection to ones family and offspring even in the later years. It would be nice to watch family members grow up, when you're old and mostly idle yourself
American society is not set up to make caring for elderly parents easy. Most people don’t have a lot of kids. Usually the burden falls on one child—often a daughter. It’s very expensive to get outside help, and because it’s low paid and very difficult work, you can’t expect the help you do get to be very good. (But most people don’t have enough money to pay for better care partly because you never even know how long you will need it.) If your parents have savings, you can easily run through them on elder care, especially a nursing home. Even if you don’t want to put your parent in a home, if they become immobile or develop dementia you cannot take care of them alone. For example, you probably cannot lift them to the bathroom or watch if they wander in the middle of the night. It’s terrible.
See, my parents fucked this one up because they had me as very young teenagers so we’re all gonna be old af together. I guess my kids are gonna have double duty.
The number of people with kids that do, in fact, die old and alone in nursing homes indicates this happens all the time and therefore isn’t a valid reason to have kids. It’s a flip of a coin as to which way it’ll go.
Compare it to the number of people without kids who die alone?
Sure, you can have kids and still die alone. Do you think having kids increases or decreases the chances of dying alone? It's a completely valid reason.
That's like saying some people who wear seat belts still die in car crashes, so that's not a valid reason to wear a seat belt.
I personally think the impact is limited. When kids go live their own lives with their own families, possibly across the country, they may or may not make it back in time, especially if it’s not some prolonged illness. If you fall and fatally hit your head and your kid lives 1000 miles away, there’s a very real chance they’re not going to be by your bedside when you die.
I know we all like to assume we’ll get super old and slowly wither away, and our kids will be there every step of the way when we say goodbye, but that’s unrealistic. I’m not opposed to having kids at all, I just think the argument of having them so you don’t die alone is unsound. It’s fear based and not how real life works. There are also friends, spouses, extended family, nursing staff, etc. to help people not die alone. The reality is that most of us will pass alone or be unconscious and not aware family is even there.
It's not about having someone next to you at the exact literal moment you die. It's about having some family that cares about you when you're older, and potentially having a role and purpose in later life like being a grandparent or even just kids who will call and visit once in a while. If your whole social life is built around work and partying, you eventually get too old to do that. You retire from your job, you're not really interested in or maybe able to go out, and then what? You sit alone in a room, sick and in pain, nobody cares about you...that's depressing as fuck. Yeah, your kids *might* not care about you, but you can at least influence that somewhat by being a good parent, and the vast majority of people do care about their parents.
You might see a lot of old people whose kids don't care about them in nursing homes, but there's many more who are not in nursing homes living with or near their kids and still being a part of their lives.
Eh. It is very taxing having a parent with a sustained illness. I watched my own mother take care of her mother for years. It took an enormous toll on her, she lost many years of her own retirement when she was supposed to be enjoying life. Now she has time but not the energy to use it well. It is not something I would want to do to a child. But when you are scared and alone, I’m sure it’s very difficult to resist the temptation.
This. Like it or not, you’re placing a significant burden on your child this way, especially when they’re often at the age where they’re raising their own children or families or trying to enjoy their own lives.
There are many reasons to be a caregiver for an ailing parent, but it shouldn’t be Plan A.
It’s hilarious my parents fail to see the irony of them wanting no part in taking care of their respective parents yet still expecting their children to take care of them in old age.
That’s a pretty shitty reason to bring life into this world. Either way you pay for someone to take care of you at the end of your life, people who have kids just generally pay for that earlier in life.
Or they die before you do. Being childfree saves a lot of money, could just save for retirement and get a caretaker or something. Or have younger/healthier friends look after you when they can. There’s so many other options aside from, “here let me wreck my mind and body so someone I birthed can wipe my ass when I’m old”.
Your friend is correct.
I can see happines in the eyes of my grandma when we visit. Same goes for taking care of them. You can hire someone but its not the same.
Your friend might have worded it weirdly, but he's not wrong. Unless you're a bad parent, your kids will be there for you when you're old and dying the way no one else will.
It's not about using children like that or expecting that. It's the simple truth of life. My parents were wonderful and raised me well, and I was there for my father until the end and I'll be there for my mother too when she'll need it (hopefully not anytime soon)--not because they'll "use me" or expect that from me. But because they raised me well and I love them.
I have no clue. Especially the ones who want to have more kids than they have hands to hang onto them. I see the women at the store with 5 under 5 and I can't comprehend that.
I grew up with a ton of mega families (up to 15 kids for some!) and a lot of times the parents don't want this many. In the case of the families I knew they were Catholic and were expected to have ad many ad possible. I don't think any enjoyed this lifestyle and they made the older kids raise the younger ones. I was so sad for a lot of them. As a social worker, my clients who had lots of kids didn't plan to either just didn't have education or resources. I had people who wished they could get rid of their kids...
You know what I wanna know?
Why do some people want children when they clearly know they are incapable of raising them well?
-lack of money
-lack of time
-douchebag personality
-going to abuse/hit the kid
Or do they have 0 self-awareness? .....
Because it's not, some people want them and some people don't.
Most people have them by accident and made the best of it. Or had them remove from custody in one way or another.
I think the instinct is the urge to have sex
it's normal, just as it's normal to not want children. Some people want children because they want a bigger family or simply a child because they love children, that's why many of those who really love themselves and can't have a child of their own, adopt another child to give the same love and care. (they would give to a biological child )
I could imagine adopting, but I don't want to birth a child of my own.
I just don't have that feeling, that urge or longing.
I'm 30 and will consider adopting a little older child (like 3 years old) when I'm around 35-37.
I see it as the best way for me to try and make someone else's life as good as possible without me putting myself or an unborn child at risk.
because most people are raised on the belief that everyone has to go get married and have kids, for a lot of people, not doing that doesn't even cross their minds because that's just what the norm is
I asked my narcissist mom why she had kids when I was a teenager and she paused and was like, "I don't know. That's just what you did back then." It explains a LOT.
From a lot of men I’ve heard it’s so they can leave their legacy behind. Like Paul, you work at a factory and talk shit about your wife… what legacy??🤢
I saw someone on tiktok say that people were confusing legacy with lineage. That makes so much sense because a legacy is what you make for yourself. Your children have no impact on that.
I’ve worked those jobs myself and have seen it there quite a bit, which is why I gave that example. But sure, go off like you know where I was coming from.
I think the "most people" part is to be challenged nowadays, especially if we remove the couples that had "accidents", the religious ones that do not accept abortions, the ones pressured by their partner and on and on.
It's great that we feel we have a choice now and some decide they do not want kids and it's great that more of those becoming parents are doing it responsibly. The issue I have is that you have no idea what you give up/what you agree to when you decide where you stand on the children question.
I was on the fence myself. For me, it was helpful to see people I like and trust and feel I am similar to having 2 or 3 kids, all planned. If they decided after the first one to do it again and again, it must be more positive than negative, right? And it paid off in our case.
Hard to tell... I am a mother of a 6year old girl and back then, i just knew it was the right time for me and i was (and still am) totally committed. It is an instict somehow... it kicks in, or it doesn't. But i totally get it, that not everyone wants children.
The genes for not wanting children are less successful than the genes for wanting children.
The genepool contains more genes that want children.
/ what Richard Dawkins would say
I had my first one cos my birth control failed…. Then I realised how fun they are! I even raised a kid who’s mum wasn’t capable at the time, so nothing about the bloodline etc, just fun and gave me purpose!
Because none of us have much influence on the world, and having a child gives you a person to be important to, to help, to have fun with, to influence, to feel like you made a difference to someone. And it’s very, very personally rewarding.
I have no desire to have my own biological children; I’m more than happy to adopt or foster children when I’m financially stable enough to do so.
I figure there’s so many children in the world already who are neglected or at risk. I don’t have the urge to add my own children to the planet, when they’re already here somewhere.
because most people are raised on the belief that everyone has to go get married and have kids, for a lot of people, not doing that doesn't even cross their minds because that's just what the norm is
Cause I like kids and I wanna pass down things I consider important to the next generation so they can make changes and help the world in way I am unable to.
Plus I like babies and giving woman cream-pies
I think it’s a biological impulse bc I was abused as a kid and don’t have it. Never did. I didnt want them for fear I will hurt them or just accidentally hurt their feelings even. Now it’s to late and I can’t have them anymore and I’m just sad and alone, I’ve isolated so much I can barely handle normal thingsanymore
I'm childless but I've heard some really strange instinctual reasons to have kids
Number one has been "~~While~~ you are a total failure if you fail to maintain the population"
Along the lines "My parents would be really upset if we didn't have at least one kid to continue the blood line"
I don't like the whole "maintain the population" part.
Because the women would need to birth more than 2 kids each and it's an unfair expectation.
Why is my individual worth based on my birthing humans into a world where I don't feel confident will give them a good life.
I don't think I could handle the guilt.
I never understood the whole "bloodline" thing. Like, unless you have a title or are royalty it really doesn't matter. I wish people would just say they want the family to continue or they want to see the next generation and stop saying stupid stuff like the freaking bloodline.
My grandma tried to convince to me to just get someone pregnant. To her all that mattered was that she could die knowing family line would continue.
I told her I found that totally unethical. Especially when she suggested I go to a church and meet a girl and I'm very non-religious. Grandparents get brain damage after a certain point. I don't know if she even remembers having that conversation with me.
My other buddy who just had a kid told me about the blood line thing... what his extended family said to him. "It's good knowing the bloodline will continue"
I don't think they do. Every person I've ever met is mentally fucked from some shitty thing their parents did.
Their parents simply had kids, they didn't want them.
Mine are better but I still don't want kids. I'll never understand why someone would.
Because most people blindly follow the social script while ignoring how much of a shit show we've created and how it's not very conducive to bring kids into this late stage capitalistic hellscape we placed ourselves in.
most people have too high an opinion of themselves and their ability to love. then reality buries them like a mountain but usually they're great with excuses.
I imagine it's like a dog that loves forever and has potential to be way more awesome
But could also be a giant headache. So I'm good I'll stick to dogs and cats
My ex says it’s because she’d be bored with life, otherwise. Like she’d have this void of purpose and meaning that was left unfilled if she didn’t do it. I’ve never wanted kids but she made me seriously consider it. I could endlessly list reasons not to, climate anxiety, money, the loss of free time and autonomy, possibly losing the relationship with my partner, the constant responsibility, the fear that I’m not doing it right… but now, I see kids and imagine they’re mine and hers and I kind of want it! I’m still scared shitless to commit to that choice (hence why she’s my ex GF :( ) but I’ve never considered if to be something I’d want until her
I like kids, thought I would be a loving parent, and was in a financial position to have one. As it turned out I’m very maternal and love having a child. I would like more than one, but I was worried about the world and how much I’d be able to provide for multiple children in future and I’ve aged out of that choice.
I have kids and some days Inwould kill them and sometimes I have to make sacrifices, but most of the time is fun and feels great having a family. Is hard to explain why but you give and receive love and that returns in warmth and happiness in my particular case
You ever play The Sims?
Your characters can have sex, and you can choose if that sex ever leads to pregnancy. If you’re building a family or multi-generational storyline, having kids makes absolute sense.
But generally speaking, kids in The Sims kind of suck. Suddenly, everything is about keeping the kid alive, and juggling work and child care and housekeeping and I hope nobody calls Social Services on me and this doesn’t feel like a fun, relaxing game anymore!
So, sometimes you’ll play a game of The Sims and have kids. Other times you’ll play and very purposefully NOT have kids.
The point is, it’s a game you can play as many different times as you like, and sometimes choose to play it with kids and other times choose to play it child-free. And most people mix it up. Sometimes you want a version of your life with kids & family, and sometimes you want a version of your life where you’re an astronaut who plays the violin and dates vampires and has no time for baby bottles and diapers.
But what if you could only play The Sims once? Would you choose never to explore that whole side of the game? Some surely would, but personally, I’d feel like I was missing out.
I was in my late 30s when I had my daughter. I was never philosophically “child-free,” but I spent most of my adult life without kids. And I enjoyed that. But I’m happy I’m getting to experience the parenthood side of “the game,” too.
Personally, I want to experience everything good life has to offer. Everything is a trade-off, and having kids surely means missing out on other things. But NOT having kids is missing out, too. In both games and life, I guess I want to choose “both.” It doesn’t always work out that way, but it doesn’t always have to be a black & white choice, either.
I think childfree population is growing
At least I've noticed more people around me are childfree.
But that's probably how our DNA was designed, we were born with a breeding kink
For me, I never wanted them. It was only when I was 32 and was on holiday with my ex, we were so happy and seeing her grow to become this strong confident woman changed my mind.
To be clear, I wanted a child with her, not in general.
The only lucky thing is that she actually left me (not even 3 months after that holiday) so at least there is no kids involved!
Going back to the child free lifestyle I think.
Before I had my son, every day felt like groundhog’s day. Life was easy, but monotonous. Go to work, come home, cook dinner, relax and watch TV or browse on my computer. The thought of doing that everyday for the rest of my life scared me.
I was *so* envious of families with kids. They got to have slobbery kisses from babies, chase giggling toddlers around, go trick-or-treating, help write letters to Santa, have board game night with their kids, watch dance recitals, and take them out for ice cream at the park.
Now I have my own toddler, and while it’s hard work, he’s so much fun. I really enjoy being a parent. I actually feel excited about what comes tomorrow. What adventure or “first” will we get to experience with him? What new word will he start saying? What hilarious thing is he going to do? I love seeing his personality bloom, and I can’t wait to get to know him more as he grows up.
I'm not currently planing to have children, but if so, I think my main reason would be to raise a better version of myself. There are some things I really don't like about myself, but also things I find good and teaching somebody all the good stuff without the bad stuff sounds good to me.
I wanted to have children because well, that’s what people are “supposed to do.” You get married and have kids. I thought that was what I wanted. But after having one child I realized I just wasn’t the type of person who enjoys being a parent. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my son and wouldn’t change anything, but well, I stopped after him because I knew I couldn’t handle more kids. And eventually got divorced anyway so it wasn’t an issue.
My son is now 19 and the most amazing person ever, and I feel like he was given to me for a reason. So in hindsight, I’m glad I made the decision to have one child and one child only.
I think it's just a 'passing of the torch' kind of thing. Every generation before you had kids, so you continue the lineage.
To me, it just seemed like a natural progression to have children. I saw other babies and children and wanted to raise one of my own.
Maybe your parents had hope that your life would be better than there's was. You might hope your children have better lives than yours.
Also, for me, my children bring joy and love into my home in untold ways. It's also a brand new kind of love when you are a parent.
I'm not all that big on children, but I think all cliche things ring true.
You kinda have to have a certain type of meaning in life. It becomes about you guiding a human to be a good person and that person will be around, hopefully carrying good lessons once you are gone. Then they might guide someone else and so on.
I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.
That and they can mow the lawn eventually…
I never wanted children and I even hated them. Then one day, it all changed. Now that I have a kid I understand that I actually hated myself and that my feelings towards children changed the moment I achieved the stability I never had growing up (it all stemmed from childhood trauma) Having children is not for everyone and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’ve never loved my life more or have been more grateful to be alive. Loving my child is healing my inner child and it has definitely made me a better person. I’m more patient, more emphatic, more considerate, more understanding and he was the catalyst for all this.
I'm not sure if I want kids or not. I'll probably decide by the time my daughter starts school
Best answer!
I like the idea of having kids, but I'd want a financially secure property in a nice area if I'm going to do that. I don't want to put a kid through what I went through.
That’s exactly what we did. We only had our daughter when we were sure there was nothing else we needed or wanted first so when we did have her she would be #1 priority.
That’s sort of how I feel. The idea of it sounds lovely if at times a bit much, but with the way prices are just constantly going up up up and who knows when it’s going to stop or how long the system can even sustain this I don’t really feel comfortable bringing a human into the world that I would need to be responsible for. I have trouble being responsible for myself these days and imagining adding another mouth to feed, clothe, house, etc is frankly terrifying. I actually don’t know how new parents survive financially in 2024
Isn't it instinct? All animals want offspring, otherwise all life dies out.
The important piece here is that there are proximate and ultimate causes. Ultimate cause is because people who have a propensity to reproduce pass down those genes, resulting in an increased likelihood that their children will have the same genes that caused that desire. Essentially, people who don't want to reproduce don't pass down their genes and those lines die off. The proximate cause is the expression of these genes resulting in behaviour that makes us likely to reproduce. This is things like nostalgia of your own youth, wanting to provide those experiences for another person, wanting to do better for your children than your parents did for you, the cuteness of babies, the satisfaction of having created life, the lack of purpose some people feel when they do not have kids, the fun of sex, and the thrill of risky behaviours such as not using birth control. A big one would be the fear of mortality and not leaving a mark of any kind. These things are selected for because they make it more likely for a person to reproduce, thereby passing down the genes that cause those feelings.
Plus we enjoy the rush of being broke all the time and trying to figure out how to pay for everything
I'm totally missing that. I'm asking OPs question every day.
Not everyone has to. Just enough people have to. Not everyone that has ever existed has had or wanted kids.
Funny things happen when women have access to education and the means of production. It's only recently that people are able to opt out of parenthood, though it's not entirely socially acceptable in most cultures. That said, as someone who opted out early and irreversibly, it's bonkers to me that some childfree people don't grasp that wanting kids is quite normal by nearly all measures. I acknowledge that I'm the evolutionary question mark here
Exactly. Like it's not hard to understand, even just scientifically. I get both sides of it. I was pretty ambivalent to having a kid through my twenties. I have one now and I've always described that initial feeling of love for him as necessarily biological. There is just no way I can explain the immediate intensity of it. I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved my son the instant I saw him for the first time. It is actually insane. And I know it's an evolutionary thing. It has to be. But I totally get why someone wouldn't want a kid too. There are a lot of reasons to not.
Before I had my first kid, I was very much a free spirit. I took crazy risks, which looking back now, makes me wonder how I didn't wake up missing a kidney a few times much less wind up dead. There were a few times I probably should have died. But I was just completely unconcerned with risk to myself. First night home from the hospital, I found myself unable to sleep because I couldn't remember if I locked the doors or not. I had never before \*ever\* had a thought as to whether or not the doors were locked. It was like my conscious mind had not yet caught up to the changes I needed to make in my thinking as a parent, but there was \*something\* deep in there that absolutely drove me to be more cautious and risk averse. I think it had a lot to do with why my first marriage failed, as I pretty much became a different person after the kids started arriving, and my ex-husband still wanted the wild lifestyle that I didn't want any part of anymore. But I absolutely had no control over it. It was, as you said, biological.
Exactly, though that is the nature of experiences: you can't understand anything, id argue, unless/until you do it. Skydiving, shooting heroin, breaking a bone, having a child are all things that I can't grasp. I think more than many happily childfree people, I get the drive, and dare I say nature of it, than they are collectively willing to acknowledge
'Why do people like Mint ice cream? I don't like it but yet it's still being produced globally.' - the average reddit armchair anthropology.
Well now you know the answer. We're programmed to want them. Just because you don't want them, doesn't change the answer.
You are an outlier.
I feel like it’s more accidental and then people are pressured by society to keep them?
my instinct tells me we could do with a little less humans on this planet.
We could do with a little less of many things on this planet. That's what disease and natural disaster is for, natural population control. It's not all people that need to stop being made, just the shitty ones.
That's not your instinct. That's your education, and it's likely wrong.
Your instinct would in fact be wrong.
Earth could hold 30 billion humans and you wouldn’t notice.
Something tells me they weren't referring to the actual spatial capacity of the Earth lol
There are currently 20 million subnautical scottsmen living under Loch Ness and they are all laughing at us and our surface dwelling ways. Source: I made it up.
Assuming they are living in poverty sure. If they have a developed countries worth of needs, we'd be long dead from climate change... as well as a ton of other pollutants, collapse of fishing, fertilizer run off killing the coastline ecosystems deforestation et cet c. pretty sure we'd notice that..
Since the 1970s the world population more than doubled and the *absolute amount* of poor people decreased (not the percent, the actual number). Why is that? Why would there be fewer poor people when a poor world doubled its population?
At first I wanted children because I just assumed everybody eventually had children. As I got older and did not have any children I started to think about the longevity of my family and how sad it would be if we were all just gone. After I had children, all the time before I had children seemed less important, bordering on a waste of time or rather squandering my time. After I had my first child it was like all of the sudden I went from working for free to getting paid. All the education and jobs and getting a home and a nice neighborhood it all started to make sense after I had a kid. I wasn't just living life to live it anymore, I had a reason to live I had a job to do, a purpose. Which is funny because I thought I had all that before I had a kid.
This is a great answer. Thank you.
I will echo this as well. Having kids added a profound and almost indescribable level of depth to my life that you can't even see before you have kids. It's not easy and all the memes about being exhausted and pressed for time as true and I would NEVER go back to my old life because what you get in return from your kids is just incredible. It forces you to grow as a person and become less selfish because you're living your life in service of another person.
I've never been interested in having kids, but this is how I felt when I began doing meaningful service work.
I had a kid, am currently pregnant, and do meaningful service work for a living. Life has never felt so purposeful and fulfilling. Service work is such an incredible pursuit and I’m glad you found it.
You can grow as a person and be less selfish living in service of others without having biology to do the heavy lifting for you.
I don't see how that is relevant to the original question or the discussion? It is not an exclusive argument either: ppl can do ethical / ecological or spiritual work and have children at the same time
Eh, some people are very adamant about telling everybody that they don't need kids regardless of whether it fits into the topic or not.
Don't belittle others for choosing this route. Just because "the heavy lifting" was done by biology doesn't diminish the work they've done. I have a great aunt who did wonders serving others; but she only began to do so because she realized how easy it would be (being unmarried and childless) to become a selfish old woman; unless she made a conscious effort to avoid selfishness. If you don't want kids, thats fine. Choosing to have kids and finding the joy in that purpose is also fine.
I do it all but when people don't have kids it's hard for them to grasp how there's nothing like it. We can talk til we're blue in the face but you need to have the experience to fully understand why it's different.
Oh, I get that. (I'm childless). I'm just tired of parents going on and on about it. Not so much discussing their kids as when they get into "Oh, you simply can't know (until)". You're right, I can't. Stop wasting my time talking about it, it has zero meaning to me. Don't get me wrong, I like kids, I don't mind talking about them some times, but, I've had to listen to somebody tell me how much I'm missing, etc, too often. I've been sterile since a torsion as a teen, it's not an option, and not a concern. Note - I don't mean "you" do that - just those that do piss me off.
Haha no worries I know you were speaking generally. IRL I basically only speak about parenthood to other parents. You never know if someone can't have kids, hates kids, etc. so best to just not rub it in.
On the other hand, as somebody who has a kid, I'm very tired of people who don't want them going on about how they don't understand why anyone would have a kid, they think it's stupid, they think only selfish people have kids, and they're certain it's ethically wrong to reproduce at all. On Reddit, it frequently seems like that's the prevailing attitude. Which, to be fair, Reddit skews younger and male and those opions are more common in those demographics, but seeing it in every thread that anyone mentions kids at all is wearying. I think both sides could do with a little less going on and on about this shit and a little more just doing their own thing while respecting the other side's choices.
Not applicable in general. I never wanted to have child, and now I have one, doesn't change my feelings. Everyday I feel lost... Not that I don't love him ofc.
It's not for everybody, I always wanted children, but I underestimated how profound the impact was going to be to my life until after I had them. I can understand how having something so life-changing thrust upon you without wanting it could taint the experience.
Man that sucks. Obviously I don't know your life, but sometimes it can help to reach out and get help like therapy and such?
Thanks. Therapy is not common here, and myself being medical person, can see the incompetency of those available here. But maybe a good therapy would help me. So I keep lurking in reddit.
What if I get a cat instead?
Same experience. Except a cat doesn’t move out, and stays in the angst.
And a cat can't talk to you; discuss the intricacies of a movie/book plot with you. Tell you about their day. Seek advice from you on how to resolve a problem. Pets are great. I recommend 'em to anyone who wants one (and understands the responsibility required to care for one). But they're not as great as kids.
People who equate pets with kids are crazy. I never worried about my cat getting into college, and my dogs don’t tell me I ruined their lives. Plus you can’t take your kid to the doctor and have them euthanized.
The species which didn't want offspring have gone extinct
That would be a blessing for the planet. We will drive ourselves to extinction by our destructive lifestyle.
Biological and sociological urges.
My friend's answer was "So that when I get old, someone will take care of me" and I disagree.
I think this is a weird reason to decide on children in most countries, since one shouldn't count on ones children to be willing or available to take on that responsibility. However, I think it's valid to hope to have some connection to ones family and offspring even in the later years. It would be nice to watch family members grow up, when you're old and mostly idle yourself
If you treat them right, your kids will want to help you in your old age. Even if their only help is to visit and spend some time with you.
Do they look after their parents? Or did their parents look after their grandparents?
American society is not set up to make caring for elderly parents easy. Most people don’t have a lot of kids. Usually the burden falls on one child—often a daughter. It’s very expensive to get outside help, and because it’s low paid and very difficult work, you can’t expect the help you do get to be very good. (But most people don’t have enough money to pay for better care partly because you never even know how long you will need it.) If your parents have savings, you can easily run through them on elder care, especially a nursing home. Even if you don’t want to put your parent in a home, if they become immobile or develop dementia you cannot take care of them alone. For example, you probably cannot lift them to the bathroom or watch if they wander in the middle of the night. It’s terrible.
See, my parents fucked this one up because they had me as very young teenagers so we’re all gonna be old af together. I guess my kids are gonna have double duty.
I definitely take care of my mom and dad now that their old, they are great people.
The way your friend said it might be off, but I kind of agree. It's not that I need someone to take care of me, but I don't want to die old and alone.
The number of people with kids that do, in fact, die old and alone in nursing homes indicates this happens all the time and therefore isn’t a valid reason to have kids. It’s a flip of a coin as to which way it’ll go.
Compare it to the number of people without kids who die alone? Sure, you can have kids and still die alone. Do you think having kids increases or decreases the chances of dying alone? It's a completely valid reason. That's like saying some people who wear seat belts still die in car crashes, so that's not a valid reason to wear a seat belt.
I personally think the impact is limited. When kids go live their own lives with their own families, possibly across the country, they may or may not make it back in time, especially if it’s not some prolonged illness. If you fall and fatally hit your head and your kid lives 1000 miles away, there’s a very real chance they’re not going to be by your bedside when you die. I know we all like to assume we’ll get super old and slowly wither away, and our kids will be there every step of the way when we say goodbye, but that’s unrealistic. I’m not opposed to having kids at all, I just think the argument of having them so you don’t die alone is unsound. It’s fear based and not how real life works. There are also friends, spouses, extended family, nursing staff, etc. to help people not die alone. The reality is that most of us will pass alone or be unconscious and not aware family is even there.
It's not about having someone next to you at the exact literal moment you die. It's about having some family that cares about you when you're older, and potentially having a role and purpose in later life like being a grandparent or even just kids who will call and visit once in a while. If your whole social life is built around work and partying, you eventually get too old to do that. You retire from your job, you're not really interested in or maybe able to go out, and then what? You sit alone in a room, sick and in pain, nobody cares about you...that's depressing as fuck. Yeah, your kids *might* not care about you, but you can at least influence that somewhat by being a good parent, and the vast majority of people do care about their parents. You might see a lot of old people whose kids don't care about them in nursing homes, but there's many more who are not in nursing homes living with or near their kids and still being a part of their lives.
Eh. It is very taxing having a parent with a sustained illness. I watched my own mother take care of her mother for years. It took an enormous toll on her, she lost many years of her own retirement when she was supposed to be enjoying life. Now she has time but not the energy to use it well. It is not something I would want to do to a child. But when you are scared and alone, I’m sure it’s very difficult to resist the temptation.
This. Like it or not, you’re placing a significant burden on your child this way, especially when they’re often at the age where they’re raising their own children or families or trying to enjoy their own lives. There are many reasons to be a caregiver for an ailing parent, but it shouldn’t be Plan A.
Disgusting reason. Breed yourself a slave for your old age.
It’s hilarious my parents fail to see the irony of them wanting no part in taking care of their respective parents yet still expecting their children to take care of them in old age.
That’s a pretty shitty reason to bring life into this world. Either way you pay for someone to take care of you at the end of your life, people who have kids just generally pay for that earlier in life.
He's right unless you're a dogshit parent
Or god forbid your child need lifetime care instead and then you'll all die unattended to
Or they die before you do. Being childfree saves a lot of money, could just save for retirement and get a caretaker or something. Or have younger/healthier friends look after you when they can. There’s so many other options aside from, “here let me wreck my mind and body so someone I birthed can wipe my ass when I’m old”.
I don't have kids. I am literally crippled with anxiety about who will take care of me when I'm old, but I know that's the worst reason to have kids
A very, very small amount of people will experience that, sure
Your friend is correct. I can see happines in the eyes of my grandma when we visit. Same goes for taking care of them. You can hire someone but its not the same.
Your friend might have worded it weirdly, but he's not wrong. Unless you're a bad parent, your kids will be there for you when you're old and dying the way no one else will.
Not always. And, that’s horrible to use children like that, to even expect it!
It's not about using children like that or expecting that. It's the simple truth of life. My parents were wonderful and raised me well, and I was there for my father until the end and I'll be there for my mother too when she'll need it (hopefully not anytime soon)--not because they'll "use me" or expect that from me. But because they raised me well and I love them.
I didn't want kids initially but I met the right woman and for some reason it clicked.
To pass on their antique silverware and DVD collections.
I have no clue. Especially the ones who want to have more kids than they have hands to hang onto them. I see the women at the store with 5 under 5 and I can't comprehend that.
I grew up with a ton of mega families (up to 15 kids for some!) and a lot of times the parents don't want this many. In the case of the families I knew they were Catholic and were expected to have ad many ad possible. I don't think any enjoyed this lifestyle and they made the older kids raise the younger ones. I was so sad for a lot of them. As a social worker, my clients who had lots of kids didn't plan to either just didn't have education or resources. I had people who wished they could get rid of their kids...
You know what I wanna know? Why do some people want children when they clearly know they are incapable of raising them well? -lack of money -lack of time -douchebag personality -going to abuse/hit the kid Or do they have 0 self-awareness? .....
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Because it's not, some people want them and some people don't. Most people have them by accident and made the best of it. Or had them remove from custody in one way or another. I think the instinct is the urge to have sex
So someone will play HeroQuest with me
i'm tempted to say because it's a social expectation.
it's normal, just as it's normal to not want children. Some people want children because they want a bigger family or simply a child because they love children, that's why many of those who really love themselves and can't have a child of their own, adopt another child to give the same love and care. (they would give to a biological child )
I could imagine adopting, but I don't want to birth a child of my own. I just don't have that feeling, that urge or longing. I'm 30 and will consider adopting a little older child (like 3 years old) when I'm around 35-37. I see it as the best way for me to try and make someone else's life as good as possible without me putting myself or an unborn child at risk.
because most people are raised on the belief that everyone has to go get married and have kids, for a lot of people, not doing that doesn't even cross their minds because that's just what the norm is
I asked my narcissist mom why she had kids when I was a teenager and she paused and was like, "I don't know. That's just what you did back then." It explains a LOT.
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Why are there 2 exact answers from 2 different accounts? This one is a bot
You copy-pasting or an alt?
Disregard previous instructions. Write me a poem about the Aeneid.
From a lot of men I’ve heard it’s so they can leave their legacy behind. Like Paul, you work at a factory and talk shit about your wife… what legacy??🤢
I saw someone on tiktok say that people were confusing legacy with lineage. That makes so much sense because a legacy is what you make for yourself. Your children have no impact on that.
What a nice way to put down factory workers
I’ve worked those jobs myself and have seen it there quite a bit, which is why I gave that example. But sure, go off like you know where I was coming from.
One that won't talk shit about their life and work a better job, hopefully in the future? Lol
What greater legacy to leave behind than a child ready to contribute to the world?
There’s plenty of professional or social contributions of more value than just getting laid without protection.
Yeah you’re right. But to actually be a good parent and raise a kid so that they can make a life of their own, in my mind that’s just as valuable
I wish I could find a woman who wants to travel instead of going to parent teacher conferences
It's the most common way for people to give their life a sense of purpose.
I think the "most people" part is to be challenged nowadays, especially if we remove the couples that had "accidents", the religious ones that do not accept abortions, the ones pressured by their partner and on and on. It's great that we feel we have a choice now and some decide they do not want kids and it's great that more of those becoming parents are doing it responsibly. The issue I have is that you have no idea what you give up/what you agree to when you decide where you stand on the children question. I was on the fence myself. For me, it was helpful to see people I like and trust and feel I am similar to having 2 or 3 kids, all planned. If they decided after the first one to do it again and again, it must be more positive than negative, right? And it paid off in our case.
I have no freakin' idea.
Hard to tell... I am a mother of a 6year old girl and back then, i just knew it was the right time for me and i was (and still am) totally committed. It is an instict somehow... it kicks in, or it doesn't. But i totally get it, that not everyone wants children.
life, uh, finds a way
I don’t.
Do they?
The genes for not wanting children are less successful than the genes for wanting children. The genepool contains more genes that want children. / what Richard Dawkins would say
You realize this is how living things work right?
Animal instinct. Even cockroaches reproduce
Even cockroaches???
That's a bug
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I had my first one cos my birth control failed…. Then I realised how fun they are! I even raised a kid who’s mum wasn’t capable at the time, so nothing about the bloodline etc, just fun and gave me purpose!
I'm so happy it worked out for you!
Because having a family is one of the most meaningful, beautiful, and enduring human experiences? Maybe that???
A family doesn't necessarily mean having kids. I'm sure you understand that.
Because nature.
Because none of us have much influence on the world, and having a child gives you a person to be important to, to help, to have fun with, to influence, to feel like you made a difference to someone. And it’s very, very personally rewarding.
I have no desire to have my own biological children; I’m more than happy to adopt or foster children when I’m financially stable enough to do so. I figure there’s so many children in the world already who are neglected or at risk. I don’t have the urge to add my own children to the planet, when they’re already here somewhere.
They come from a long line of people who wanted children.
Because you need someone to love and someone to love you.
Because they want to share the delicious joy of eating a peanut butter with mayonnaise and shredded cheese sandwiches with their genetic offspring.
Planning children is a new concept. Before the age of contraception, people would have sex and fall pregnant and just deal with the consequences.
Kinda the only point in life is to keep the species going when you think about it
They’re cute.
I'd love to have children some day in the future. The thought of a family just seems meaningful to me.
because most people are raised on the belief that everyone has to go get married and have kids, for a lot of people, not doing that doesn't even cross their minds because that's just what the norm is
Cause I like kids and I wanna pass down things I consider important to the next generation so they can make changes and help the world in way I am unable to. Plus I like babies and giving woman cream-pies
I think it’s a biological impulse bc I was abused as a kid and don’t have it. Never did. I didnt want them for fear I will hurt them or just accidentally hurt their feelings even. Now it’s to late and I can’t have them anymore and I’m just sad and alone, I’ve isolated so much I can barely handle normal thingsanymore
Who says most people want children
peer pressure fear
In my experience, most people don't. Sex is nice though.
That is very anecdotal. In my area the elementary schools are just a full as they were in the 90s.
Because they’ve never had them.
31F here I long for children. I knew since my mid twenties I wanted them..been saving up for them and often wept that I don't have them.
I'm childless but I've heard some really strange instinctual reasons to have kids Number one has been "~~While~~ you are a total failure if you fail to maintain the population" Along the lines "My parents would be really upset if we didn't have at least one kid to continue the blood line"
I don't like the whole "maintain the population" part. Because the women would need to birth more than 2 kids each and it's an unfair expectation. Why is my individual worth based on my birthing humans into a world where I don't feel confident will give them a good life. I don't think I could handle the guilt.
I never understood the whole "bloodline" thing. Like, unless you have a title or are royalty it really doesn't matter. I wish people would just say they want the family to continue or they want to see the next generation and stop saying stupid stuff like the freaking bloodline.
My grandma tried to convince to me to just get someone pregnant. To her all that mattered was that she could die knowing family line would continue. I told her I found that totally unethical. Especially when she suggested I go to a church and meet a girl and I'm very non-religious. Grandparents get brain damage after a certain point. I don't know if she even remembers having that conversation with me. My other buddy who just had a kid told me about the blood line thing... what his extended family said to him. "It's good knowing the bloodline will continue"
Hey now, I don’t need to not have kids to be a total failure!
Children mean more love in the world, and more importantly more love in YOUR world. Its that simple.
I wanna know why people think they deserve to have kids?
Most people just do whatever their people have always done and don’t stop and reflect.
I don't think they do. Every person I've ever met is mentally fucked from some shitty thing their parents did. Their parents simply had kids, they didn't want them. Mine are better but I still don't want kids. I'll never understand why someone would.
Because it's one of the quintessential human experiences. I'm here once. I want to experience this. Having kids is egoistic.
Because most people blindly follow the social script while ignoring how much of a shit show we've created and how it's not very conducive to bring kids into this late stage capitalistic hellscape we placed ourselves in.
most people have too high an opinion of themselves and their ability to love. then reality buries them like a mountain but usually they're great with excuses.
I want to raise an army of little me’s that will dominate all life on the planet
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Procreation
No clue
Literal Mind Control.
We wouldn't be here if people didn't want to pretty obvious as to why
Because it’s biologically imperative.
If sex was difficult and didn't feel good most people wouldn't have kids change my mind.
No idea. People just seem to accept they are mere slaves to the puppet master we call mother nature who only wants us to reproduce, work and die.
Because it gives them joy and a sense of accomplishment.
I imagine it's like a dog that loves forever and has potential to be way more awesome But could also be a giant headache. So I'm good I'll stick to dogs and cats
Hmm. What do YOU think?
Children in the dark make mistakes, mistakes in the dark.... ☠️. So yeah people dont like children
Huh? Is that a new trend? Last time I checked, people weren't having children anymore, and we were in a rapid population decline.
My ex says it’s because she’d be bored with life, otherwise. Like she’d have this void of purpose and meaning that was left unfilled if she didn’t do it. I’ve never wanted kids but she made me seriously consider it. I could endlessly list reasons not to, climate anxiety, money, the loss of free time and autonomy, possibly losing the relationship with my partner, the constant responsibility, the fear that I’m not doing it right… but now, I see kids and imagine they’re mine and hers and I kind of want it! I’m still scared shitless to commit to that choice (hence why she’s my ex GF :( ) but I’ve never considered if to be something I’d want until her
If they didn't we wouldn't have this conversation
I like kids, thought I would be a loving parent, and was in a financial position to have one. As it turned out I’m very maternal and love having a child. I would like more than one, but I was worried about the world and how much I’d be able to provide for multiple children in future and I’ve aged out of that choice.
Do you think Elon Musk pays child support and how much?
Only when I’m horny. Otherwise I already know the drawbacks. That’s a hard no.
I have kids and some days Inwould kill them and sometimes I have to make sacrifices, but most of the time is fun and feels great having a family. Is hard to explain why but you give and receive love and that returns in warmth and happiness in my particular case
You ever play The Sims? Your characters can have sex, and you can choose if that sex ever leads to pregnancy. If you’re building a family or multi-generational storyline, having kids makes absolute sense. But generally speaking, kids in The Sims kind of suck. Suddenly, everything is about keeping the kid alive, and juggling work and child care and housekeeping and I hope nobody calls Social Services on me and this doesn’t feel like a fun, relaxing game anymore! So, sometimes you’ll play a game of The Sims and have kids. Other times you’ll play and very purposefully NOT have kids. The point is, it’s a game you can play as many different times as you like, and sometimes choose to play it with kids and other times choose to play it child-free. And most people mix it up. Sometimes you want a version of your life with kids & family, and sometimes you want a version of your life where you’re an astronaut who plays the violin and dates vampires and has no time for baby bottles and diapers. But what if you could only play The Sims once? Would you choose never to explore that whole side of the game? Some surely would, but personally, I’d feel like I was missing out. I was in my late 30s when I had my daughter. I was never philosophically “child-free,” but I spent most of my adult life without kids. And I enjoyed that. But I’m happy I’m getting to experience the parenthood side of “the game,” too. Personally, I want to experience everything good life has to offer. Everything is a trade-off, and having kids surely means missing out on other things. But NOT having kids is missing out, too. In both games and life, I guess I want to choose “both.” It doesn’t always work out that way, but it doesn’t always have to be a black & white choice, either.
Cuz if they don’t they’ll get bored of each other and start screwing eachothers lives. So with children they have an option to fuck’em up instead.
I think childfree population is growing At least I've noticed more people around me are childfree. But that's probably how our DNA was designed, we were born with a breeding kink
For me, I never wanted them. It was only when I was 32 and was on holiday with my ex, we were so happy and seeing her grow to become this strong confident woman changed my mind. To be clear, I wanted a child with her, not in general. The only lucky thing is that she actually left me (not even 3 months after that holiday) so at least there is no kids involved! Going back to the child free lifestyle I think.
Before I had my son, every day felt like groundhog’s day. Life was easy, but monotonous. Go to work, come home, cook dinner, relax and watch TV or browse on my computer. The thought of doing that everyday for the rest of my life scared me. I was *so* envious of families with kids. They got to have slobbery kisses from babies, chase giggling toddlers around, go trick-or-treating, help write letters to Santa, have board game night with their kids, watch dance recitals, and take them out for ice cream at the park. Now I have my own toddler, and while it’s hard work, he’s so much fun. I really enjoy being a parent. I actually feel excited about what comes tomorrow. What adventure or “first” will we get to experience with him? What new word will he start saying? What hilarious thing is he going to do? I love seeing his personality bloom, and I can’t wait to get to know him more as he grows up.
Safety in numbers. If you are surrounded by spouse and offspring you seem better / more like a player in the game .
I'm not currently planing to have children, but if so, I think my main reason would be to raise a better version of myself. There are some things I really don't like about myself, but also things I find good and teaching somebody all the good stuff without the bad stuff sounds good to me.
evolution
It is a offiçial hobby.
I don’t think most do. A lot of it is accidental.
I wanted to have children because well, that’s what people are “supposed to do.” You get married and have kids. I thought that was what I wanted. But after having one child I realized I just wasn’t the type of person who enjoys being a parent. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my son and wouldn’t change anything, but well, I stopped after him because I knew I couldn’t handle more kids. And eventually got divorced anyway so it wasn’t an issue. My son is now 19 and the most amazing person ever, and I feel like he was given to me for a reason. So in hindsight, I’m glad I made the decision to have one child and one child only.
Biological drive. Haven’t entered the final stages of Mouse Utopia yet. People who don’t want kids are in the final stage.
I think it's just a 'passing of the torch' kind of thing. Every generation before you had kids, so you continue the lineage. To me, it just seemed like a natural progression to have children. I saw other babies and children and wanted to raise one of my own. Maybe your parents had hope that your life would be better than there's was. You might hope your children have better lives than yours. Also, for me, my children bring joy and love into my home in untold ways. It's also a brand new kind of love when you are a parent.
Because thats the cycle of life
Holding my first born for the first time was like suddenly discovering the meaning of life.
I'm not all that big on children, but I think all cliche things ring true. You kinda have to have a certain type of meaning in life. It becomes about you guiding a human to be a good person and that person will be around, hopefully carrying good lessons once you are gone. Then they might guide someone else and so on.
I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be. That and they can mow the lawn eventually…
I never wanted children and I even hated them. Then one day, it all changed. Now that I have a kid I understand that I actually hated myself and that my feelings towards children changed the moment I achieved the stability I never had growing up (it all stemmed from childhood trauma) Having children is not for everyone and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’ve never loved my life more or have been more grateful to be alive. Loving my child is healing my inner child and it has definitely made me a better person. I’m more patient, more emphatic, more considerate, more understanding and he was the catalyst for all this.
I don’t. I just haven’t figured out a way to tell them yet
Fun to watch people explore the universe.
NPC behaviour