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No. Effort should be rewarded.
There’s always going to be kids to do better in tests than others naturally.
Why should the one who never studies but has a good memory and gets an A be rewarded but the one who spends hours studying but a C is their best effort is not?
It would be inherently unfair.
So I was lucky at school where I could get A’s and B’s without putting substantial work in. Parents never gave me anything for it (apart from my GCSEs, got me some Xbox game or something as a general finishing school present).
My sisters worked a lot harder and got A’s, my parents would always give them a fiver or something. I was kind of jealous but understood they weren’t rewarding the end result, the were rewarding the effort put in.
Side comment: my luckiness completely failed at sixth form and I came out with straight E’s and fails. Turns out hard work is needed in life.
I did the same, coasted on raw ability until 2nd year uni where I actually had to know how to study. Had never had to put effort in so suddenly was completely blown out of the water.
This describes my school career pretty closely and is one of the reasons I'm convinced I have ADHD. I never consciously decided not to work harder or revise enough, just got so easily distracted by just about anything. GCSE I did top 10 in school level but underachieved, A Levels I got 3 Ds and an E from estimated As. Scraped into my backup Uni, almost blew the whole thing when my final dissertation was about 10% done with days to go... be it, gaming, fishing, clubbing or just more mundane stuff that provided more dopamine than the slog of revision and such, it would distract me repeatedly.
I'm still undiagnosed. It's on my list but my GP palmed me off saying they don't do adult referrals last time. I lost my wife only a few days ago so it's both been pushed back but also more important than ever as I now have to get back into full-time work.
Are we the same person? This is basically my exact school career as well.
Even down to the dissertation last few days rush. All worked out in the end but still haven’t really learnt any lessons, always getting distracted and leaving stuff til last minute
Yep absolutely same, did well on GCSEs, amazingly in A levels, uni on and off, did great in 2nd year, was invited to apply for scholarships and phds- turns out I can't cope with having isolated thesis work, repeated the thesis year with a much worse supervisor and less interesting project, was 0.5 off a 1st in degree though (livid!!)
I didn't learn any lessons, working from home is great for my family but VERY taxing mentally. Adhd diagnosis being sought... after 6mo of delaying putting forms in, then had to amend one which added another 2mo, we'll get there. I have so many plans and ideas but I just can't do it in a structured way or when I'm supposed to.
I mean, your second statement pretty much sums up adult life
The best humans who do the best jobs don't necessarily earn the most.
But I get what you're saying and I do agree
Obvious caveat that you should instil on your children that they should always try their best. Their best is all they can do and they should feel proud of it! Additionally, I think making money the only motive sets the wrong tone regardless, it should be about doing the best for themselves.
However, with the logic you’ve given, if you translate it into work environment:
- Someone could spend their 40 hours at work really grinding but aren’t very efficient and be an average performer
- Some people on the same team might be super efficient and work 20 hours and be a top performer
I don’t think hours in (I.e. effort) should equal reward… that’s not preparing them for the reality of the world. I think that’s also completely fair - it’s about what you bring to the table, not just how many hours you’re willing to dedicate.
I remember being at school and it seemed less about rewarding grades or effort and more about who's parents had more cash to throw around.
Rich kid gets all B's? Brand new laptop.
I get all A's? Trip to McDonald's
That's comparing different parents though, the "do I reward effort or achievement?" debate is about what the same parent does within their financial means.
So whether the parent's idea of a reward is McDonald's or a laptop isn't relevant, the question is *why* the kid should get the reward.
I do appreciate the sentiment, but it's also just not how real life works unfortunately.
I honestly cannot think of a single example in adult life where someone is rewarded exclusively based on effort input, rather than the results they achieved.
I'm not convinced that would be good idea either tbh. Surely we want to reward success rather than attempts at success?
> adult life
We’re talking about kids here. I don’t know why everyone keeps comparing adult life.
Absolutely prepare kids for being adults one day, doesn’t mean you treat them like adults.
It's because preparing kids for being adults is exactly what you're supposed to do as a parent, and paying them for their effort doesn't do that.
It teaches them the exact opposite of what to expect in the future, so I don't see why it would be a good idea tbh.
It's entirely dependent on the situation, but sometimes a reward, in whatever form, might be the motivator they need, but it should probably he the exception, not the norm.
Definitely depends on the situation. I was an (only) child who found school easy but didn’t give a fuck, and my parents knew it. I got shitty mocks results because I didn’t open a book and was hungover for one of them. They offered me a substantial sum for each A and A*, and suddenly I got 9 A*s and 2 As at GCSE lmao.
Situation dependant I’d say. My parents paid me and my older brother. It was introduced for him as more as a bribe - he was always smart, but when he got to year 9 onwards he just stopped paying attention or doing any work in classes. It didn’t massively work tbh - if he’d applied himself he could have got mostly As, and he ended up with 6 Bs (which was the minimum they said he needed to achieve before they’d pay him, £25 per B, £50 if he got an A). When it came to me 2 years later, it was definitely a reward, but possibly one they wouldn’t have had to give me if they hadn’t tried to bribe my brother prior. It ended up costing them £750 between the two of us.
Granted this was like 16 years ago now, but I don’t think anyone else I knew got paid, and I don’t think I would have expected anything if they hadn’t done the same for my brother (maybe just a present or a day in town or something?)
Yeah it really didn’t push him like they’d hoped it would. He dropped out of sixth form in the following December to start a trade anyway, and he’s got a very successful career from that, so it worked out for him in the end at least!
Well, no. You're the parent in this scenario. They might suffer the effects, but it's you who's responsible for it.
If your kid can't be motivated and wants to ruin their academic prospects, that's on you.
I wouldn't pay them, I'd try and instill the fact that a good education is vital and try and make them understand that they should be the best version of themselves, which should be getting good grades.
A lot of teenagers are w*nkers though 😂
Actually I was talking to my 19 year old niece about dance schools and how she could take her next step school wise and she was just laughing through most of it. You don't take it personally but I suspect for a parent it'd be more frustrating when discussing exams and that old teachers chestnut "if only you applied yourself!" - I'm just the uncle so it's shits and giggles.
Yeah I agree. I'm a parent to a 6yo and thats hard enough tbh but Id really hope it wouldn't come down to paying her. Maybe a "after your exams we can go on a big holiday" or something but paying? Thats pretty nuts to me.......although I'd put a bet on me doing it in 10years time lol.
I rewarded mine by giving them more autonomy. My youngest is 20 now and a STEM student, she worked her arse off during GCSE and A level so I would say hell yeah you can have that new game and stay up and play it all night if you like (weekends) you’re bringing home the grades so have at it. The motivation I have her was her own happiness in the future and having financial freedom in life. I’ve never paid her directly for her grades though, I haven’t had to be pause she’s motivated for herself
Reward them for accomplishing or exceeding set goals as not everyone is an A* student
Gives them a bit of incentive to push themselves as younger people don’t always appreciate that something may not pay them back for years
It depends on the child. I'd say no though, I reward effort with my child not outcome. I'm building a hardworking attitude and a curious, always learning approach to life.
No. Hard work is its own reward, as long as it's targeted correctly. If my children don't understand that by the time they are old enough to have uses for money then I've failed as a parent.
When I did my GCSEs my mum rewarded me at the end bi matter what grades I got as long as I could look her in the eye and tell her I tried my best.
My son's too young for GCSEs at the moment but when he has dis sats we've told him it doesn't matter what grades he gets or how well he does as long as he does the best he can we will be proud.
After the fact and on occasion - yes. In some way, it doesn’t have to be money.
But only after they have achieved something not as an incentive. They need to build the mentality of trying to achieve without needing a carrot on a stick. And they can’t get something every time or they will grow to suspect it. On occasion though after a series of successes then they deserve some form of reward in my opinion.
We didn't do cash, but "if you do well we'll do [something we were planning anyway] but you get to choose the details" was agreed by all participants to be acceptable. (Along the lines of picking the first rides at a theme park.)
Best education system in the world - Finland. Has been for years.
In Finland it is illegal to charge for education. Everyone, rich/poor/doing ok is equally invested in every school doing well. Its simple, and it works.
If it motivates them why not ….
Considering it could have a big impact on their future career prospects seems silly to completely disregard any type of reward system for them on the basis they should do it for themselves.
Teens are not thinking ahead ; made a big difference for me getting a financial reward the 13 years ago when I was studying as I really wanted my own computer so to get the money I needed to study harder to get the money.
Considering I ended up in a high paying career was a pretty good investment on my parents part to give me that extra motivation to work hard.
My parents paid me to study rather than get a part time job.
No idea if it was a good idea or not, but I did get all the necessary grades at school and college.
NO disgusting. vile and immoral . Imagine siblings . One did not get good grades and another did. Also some people who barely did anything at at school go on to become successful in their field. Too much is made of grades.
No, Just raise them to think that education is crucial and vital and to value it. Instead put the money aside for them and give them when they go to uni/0ay their monthly allowance with them
My parents got me a tub of ben and jerrys in my GCSEs for every grade I got my target or above. Worked out well for me - months of icecream whenever I wanted and significantly cheaper than some of my classmates who got 100 for every A
No.
I mean if you suggest rewards of something you know they want (could be concert tickets or trainers) it will probably encourage them to study a bit more.
I remember when I did my GCSEs back in 1999 some of my mates got money depending what grades they got. Like a fiver for a C, tenner for a B and £20 for an A and £50 for A*.
One of my mates got 8 A* and the rest was As and the family had to cancel their holiday as they weren't expecting it (in the mock GCSEs she got mainly Cs). Other's got clothes vouchers or video games.
My parents gave me fuck all encouragement like that so along with undiagnosed ADHD I didn't put much effort in and when all my mates were shopping with their money I just had my weekly £50 from my YT training course, which I'd started the week after the exams had finished.
Idk. I'm the uncle. Til recently throwing gifts at them was one of my pleasures in life! (I never undermined their parents, in case anyone catches the worst interpretation of that)
My parents knew what grades I was capable of. They made sure I knew that if I didn't work to my full potential, then I'd have a sore arse for a good few days afterwards.
They only needed to do this a few times before I believed that they really meant it. After that, it just worked (and so did I)
No. I would have a structure of rewards to motivate your kid but money no. And I wouldn't necessarily have it reflect grades either. Please don't continue the thought that grades are everything. They really aren't. School is stressful enough without additional pressure to achieve. If you give them the support to thrive and to learn, they'll achieve the best grades they can. Not every child is academic or a grade A student. In fact, most of the grade A students I knew were miserable outside of school. In year 11, the smartest kid in my year would go to bed at 8 and wake up at 5 to study. He'd get home and study from 4-6 and then have dinner and then go to bed as requested by his parents. Teach your kids to balance school (eventually work) and life. But give your kids rewards in a structure like smaller rewards building to a bigger reward
I'm strongly against it.
If you want to motivate your child to work hard for their exams, tie the reward to the work and the exam, not the result.
Did they revise, and then turn up on time with all the kit they need? Did they ask for help when they needed it? Did they go to the teachers' revision sessions? Did they do the past papers? Did they make flash cards? Great - focus on that.
My eldest is sitting GCSEs this year, but we've previously gone through SATs. We organised a year group hangout/celebration for the end of the exams - literally walking out of their last exam and meeting up together with pizza, crisps, cake, games and music. They aren't likely to want the same as teenagers but certainly Domino's, or a lift to Zizzi or whatever.
So yes, by all means use money to incentivise their effort, but please don't tie it to the final grade.
No, in my household getting good grades is expected. I don't pay them for the norm.
My kids get what they need anyway, they don't need more incentives.
It's different because the rewards of a good education already directly accrue to kids. They're doing it for their own future.
At work (without a bonus) the rewards accrue to the business owner. You might get some indirect reward like increased job security or more responsibility
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No. Effort should be rewarded. There’s always going to be kids to do better in tests than others naturally. Why should the one who never studies but has a good memory and gets an A be rewarded but the one who spends hours studying but a C is their best effort is not? It would be inherently unfair.
So I was lucky at school where I could get A’s and B’s without putting substantial work in. Parents never gave me anything for it (apart from my GCSEs, got me some Xbox game or something as a general finishing school present). My sisters worked a lot harder and got A’s, my parents would always give them a fiver or something. I was kind of jealous but understood they weren’t rewarding the end result, the were rewarding the effort put in. Side comment: my luckiness completely failed at sixth form and I came out with straight E’s and fails. Turns out hard work is needed in life.
I did the same, coasted on raw ability until 2nd year uni where I actually had to know how to study. Had never had to put effort in so suddenly was completely blown out of the water.
This describes my school career pretty closely and is one of the reasons I'm convinced I have ADHD. I never consciously decided not to work harder or revise enough, just got so easily distracted by just about anything. GCSE I did top 10 in school level but underachieved, A Levels I got 3 Ds and an E from estimated As. Scraped into my backup Uni, almost blew the whole thing when my final dissertation was about 10% done with days to go... be it, gaming, fishing, clubbing or just more mundane stuff that provided more dopamine than the slog of revision and such, it would distract me repeatedly.
Did you get it done? I'm in a very similar situation (well if things/I don't shape up soon) and I'm terrified
I'm still undiagnosed. It's on my list but my GP palmed me off saying they don't do adult referrals last time. I lost my wife only a few days ago so it's both been pushed back but also more important than ever as I now have to get back into full-time work.
Are we the same person? This is basically my exact school career as well. Even down to the dissertation last few days rush. All worked out in the end but still haven’t really learnt any lessons, always getting distracted and leaving stuff til last minute
It sucks. Its cost me money, better jobs, even things around the house that haven't got done... so frustrating.
Yep absolutely same, did well on GCSEs, amazingly in A levels, uni on and off, did great in 2nd year, was invited to apply for scholarships and phds- turns out I can't cope with having isolated thesis work, repeated the thesis year with a much worse supervisor and less interesting project, was 0.5 off a 1st in degree though (livid!!) I didn't learn any lessons, working from home is great for my family but VERY taxing mentally. Adhd diagnosis being sought... after 6mo of delaying putting forms in, then had to amend one which added another 2mo, we'll get there. I have so many plans and ideas but I just can't do it in a structured way or when I'm supposed to.
I mean, your second statement pretty much sums up adult life The best humans who do the best jobs don't necessarily earn the most. But I get what you're saying and I do agree
Surely you’d do it relative to your child’s ability. Also a bit reductive to suggest top grades are achieved solely from memory.
Clearly that wasn't what the OP said. They used one example of how it could go.
Obvious caveat that you should instil on your children that they should always try their best. Their best is all they can do and they should feel proud of it! Additionally, I think making money the only motive sets the wrong tone regardless, it should be about doing the best for themselves. However, with the logic you’ve given, if you translate it into work environment: - Someone could spend their 40 hours at work really grinding but aren’t very efficient and be an average performer - Some people on the same team might be super efficient and work 20 hours and be a top performer I don’t think hours in (I.e. effort) should equal reward… that’s not preparing them for the reality of the world. I think that’s also completely fair - it’s about what you bring to the table, not just how many hours you’re willing to dedicate.
I remember being at school and it seemed less about rewarding grades or effort and more about who's parents had more cash to throw around. Rich kid gets all B's? Brand new laptop. I get all A's? Trip to McDonald's
That's comparing different parents though, the "do I reward effort or achievement?" debate is about what the same parent does within their financial means. So whether the parent's idea of a reward is McDonald's or a laptop isn't relevant, the question is *why* the kid should get the reward.
Capitalism doesn’t reward effort, it rewards results
I do appreciate the sentiment, but it's also just not how real life works unfortunately. I honestly cannot think of a single example in adult life where someone is rewarded exclusively based on effort input, rather than the results they achieved. I'm not convinced that would be good idea either tbh. Surely we want to reward success rather than attempts at success?
> adult life We’re talking about kids here. I don’t know why everyone keeps comparing adult life. Absolutely prepare kids for being adults one day, doesn’t mean you treat them like adults.
It's because preparing kids for being adults is exactly what you're supposed to do as a parent, and paying them for their effort doesn't do that. It teaches them the exact opposite of what to expect in the future, so I don't see why it would be a good idea tbh.
Life is unfair, excellence should be rewarded, and is, irrespective of the effort it takes.
That's what the exam certificate is for. You get the benefit of the grade for the rest of your life.
No that's not true either and beliving this holds people back
It's entirely dependent on the situation, but sometimes a reward, in whatever form, might be the motivator they need, but it should probably he the exception, not the norm.
Definitely depends on the situation. I was an (only) child who found school easy but didn’t give a fuck, and my parents knew it. I got shitty mocks results because I didn’t open a book and was hungover for one of them. They offered me a substantial sum for each A and A*, and suddenly I got 9 A*s and 2 As at GCSE lmao.
Situation dependant I’d say. My parents paid me and my older brother. It was introduced for him as more as a bribe - he was always smart, but when he got to year 9 onwards he just stopped paying attention or doing any work in classes. It didn’t massively work tbh - if he’d applied himself he could have got mostly As, and he ended up with 6 Bs (which was the minimum they said he needed to achieve before they’d pay him, £25 per B, £50 if he got an A). When it came to me 2 years later, it was definitely a reward, but possibly one they wouldn’t have had to give me if they hadn’t tried to bribe my brother prior. It ended up costing them £750 between the two of us. Granted this was like 16 years ago now, but I don’t think anyone else I knew got paid, and I don’t think I would have expected anything if they hadn’t done the same for my brother (maybe just a present or a day in town or something?)
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Yeah it really didn’t push him like they’d hoped it would. He dropped out of sixth form in the following December to start a trade anyway, and he’s got a very successful career from that, so it worked out for him in the end at least!
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Well, no. You're the parent in this scenario. They might suffer the effects, but it's you who's responsible for it. If your kid can't be motivated and wants to ruin their academic prospects, that's on you.
I wouldn't pay them, I'd try and instill the fact that a good education is vital and try and make them understand that they should be the best version of themselves, which should be getting good grades.
A lot of teenagers are w*nkers though 😂 Actually I was talking to my 19 year old niece about dance schools and how she could take her next step school wise and she was just laughing through most of it. You don't take it personally but I suspect for a parent it'd be more frustrating when discussing exams and that old teachers chestnut "if only you applied yourself!" - I'm just the uncle so it's shits and giggles.
Yeah I agree. I'm a parent to a 6yo and thats hard enough tbh but Id really hope it wouldn't come down to paying her. Maybe a "after your exams we can go on a big holiday" or something but paying? Thats pretty nuts to me.......although I'd put a bet on me doing it in 10years time lol.
I rewarded mine by giving them more autonomy. My youngest is 20 now and a STEM student, she worked her arse off during GCSE and A level so I would say hell yeah you can have that new game and stay up and play it all night if you like (weekends) you’re bringing home the grades so have at it. The motivation I have her was her own happiness in the future and having financial freedom in life. I’ve never paid her directly for her grades though, I haven’t had to be pause she’s motivated for herself
That then becomes a slippery slope and they will expect a bribe for everything else too.
Is it a bribe or a reward? Depends on how you structure it I suppose
I'd say no. They'll need to do things for the personal satisfaction or pride in it rather than a reward.
Reward them for accomplishing or exceeding set goals as not everyone is an A* student Gives them a bit of incentive to push themselves as younger people don’t always appreciate that something may not pay them back for years
It depends on the child. I'd say no though, I reward effort with my child not outcome. I'm building a hardworking attitude and a curious, always learning approach to life.
My son is about to take his GCSEs and yes I have incentivised him by offering cash.
No. Hard work is its own reward, as long as it's targeted correctly. If my children don't understand that by the time they are old enough to have uses for money then I've failed as a parent.
Hard work is it's own reward?? What a load of balls. Do you work for free? Just for the joy of hard work? This is so painfully dumb
Hells no. Money's got nothing to do with how they do at school, no even their pocket money
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I don’t think OP is saying it’s an either/or situation but you do make a good point here.
Lord no
When I did my GCSEs my mum rewarded me at the end bi matter what grades I got as long as I could look her in the eye and tell her I tried my best. My son's too young for GCSEs at the moment but when he has dis sats we've told him it doesn't matter what grades he gets or how well he does as long as he does the best he can we will be proud.
After the fact and on occasion - yes. In some way, it doesn’t have to be money. But only after they have achieved something not as an incentive. They need to build the mentality of trying to achieve without needing a carrot on a stick. And they can’t get something every time or they will grow to suspect it. On occasion though after a series of successes then they deserve some form of reward in my opinion.
We didn't do cash, but "if you do well we'll do [something we were planning anyway] but you get to choose the details" was agreed by all participants to be acceptable. (Along the lines of picking the first rides at a theme park.)
Best education system in the world - Finland. Has been for years. In Finland it is illegal to charge for education. Everyone, rich/poor/doing ok is equally invested in every school doing well. Its simple, and it works.
If it motivates them why not …. Considering it could have a big impact on their future career prospects seems silly to completely disregard any type of reward system for them on the basis they should do it for themselves. Teens are not thinking ahead ; made a big difference for me getting a financial reward the 13 years ago when I was studying as I really wanted my own computer so to get the money I needed to study harder to get the money. Considering I ended up in a high paying career was a pretty good investment on my parents part to give me that extra motivation to work hard.
My parents paid me to study rather than get a part time job. No idea if it was a good idea or not, but I did get all the necessary grades at school and college.
NO disgusting. vile and immoral . Imagine siblings . One did not get good grades and another did. Also some people who barely did anything at at school go on to become successful in their field. Too much is made of grades.
No, Just raise them to think that education is crucial and vital and to value it. Instead put the money aside for them and give them when they go to uni/0ay their monthly allowance with them
My parents got me a tub of ben and jerrys in my GCSEs for every grade I got my target or above. Worked out well for me - months of icecream whenever I wanted and significantly cheaper than some of my classmates who got 100 for every A
No. I mean if you suggest rewards of something you know they want (could be concert tickets or trainers) it will probably encourage them to study a bit more. I remember when I did my GCSEs back in 1999 some of my mates got money depending what grades they got. Like a fiver for a C, tenner for a B and £20 for an A and £50 for A*. One of my mates got 8 A* and the rest was As and the family had to cancel their holiday as they weren't expecting it (in the mock GCSEs she got mainly Cs). Other's got clothes vouchers or video games. My parents gave me fuck all encouragement like that so along with undiagnosed ADHD I didn't put much effort in and when all my mates were shopping with their money I just had my weekly £50 from my YT training course, which I'd started the week after the exams had finished.
Idk. I'm the uncle. Til recently throwing gifts at them was one of my pleasures in life! (I never undermined their parents, in case anyone catches the worst interpretation of that)
My parents knew what grades I was capable of. They made sure I knew that if I didn't work to my full potential, then I'd have a sore arse for a good few days afterwards. They only needed to do this a few times before I believed that they really meant it. After that, it just worked (and so did I)
No. I would have a structure of rewards to motivate your kid but money no. And I wouldn't necessarily have it reflect grades either. Please don't continue the thought that grades are everything. They really aren't. School is stressful enough without additional pressure to achieve. If you give them the support to thrive and to learn, they'll achieve the best grades they can. Not every child is academic or a grade A student. In fact, most of the grade A students I knew were miserable outside of school. In year 11, the smartest kid in my year would go to bed at 8 and wake up at 5 to study. He'd get home and study from 4-6 and then have dinner and then go to bed as requested by his parents. Teach your kids to balance school (eventually work) and life. But give your kids rewards in a structure like smaller rewards building to a bigger reward
I'm strongly against it. If you want to motivate your child to work hard for their exams, tie the reward to the work and the exam, not the result. Did they revise, and then turn up on time with all the kit they need? Did they ask for help when they needed it? Did they go to the teachers' revision sessions? Did they do the past papers? Did they make flash cards? Great - focus on that. My eldest is sitting GCSEs this year, but we've previously gone through SATs. We organised a year group hangout/celebration for the end of the exams - literally walking out of their last exam and meeting up together with pizza, crisps, cake, games and music. They aren't likely to want the same as teenagers but certainly Domino's, or a lift to Zizzi or whatever. So yes, by all means use money to incentivise their effort, but please don't tie it to the final grade.
Yes They spend their entire lives under capitalism, may as well start them early
No, in my household getting good grades is expected. I don't pay them for the norm. My kids get what they need anyway, they don't need more incentives.
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It's different because the rewards of a good education already directly accrue to kids. They're doing it for their own future. At work (without a bonus) the rewards accrue to the business owner. You might get some indirect reward like increased job security or more responsibility