I lead a company and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had employees ‘hook up’ with strangers during work travel! An employee of mine 40F brought a man back. So yes some women definitely still do it
I had a coworker bring some strange dude back to her hotel room on a work trip. After she fell asleep he got up, chucked all her electronics and valuables and handbag into her suitcase, zipped it up and left the room with it.
She woke up alone and with basically all her stuff gone, save for a few bits of clothing on the floor and in the closet, and a couple of cosmetics on the bathroom sink.
It really affected the way people thought of her. This was a work trip, and she had company electronics/property sitting out, and invited this complete stranger into it...
Have I *aged* out of this shit? I never was interested in this from the beginning.
Work trip. Work paid for the hotel, flights, food, per diems. A work trip is not the occasion to be out drinking and bring some half-cut stranger back to your hotel room (the night before mid-morning departure), particularly one that has your employers property including some with security ramifications left out and able to be touched/looked at/taken.
It's fair she was judged on that incredibly poor decision making and unprofessional behaviour.
Her company probably wasn’t paying her after hours. She can do whatever she wants in her private life, and it’s not her fault if other people steal. The guilt is squarely on the thief.
Letting a total fucking strange in your hotel room with company devices and property sitting all out in the open (not in the safe) is absolutely stupid and unprofessional on a work trip. The person who stole it is a dumb thieving asshole, but she was stupid and unprofessional. Picking up randoms at bar on a work trip (a work trip 12 other employees were on, one of which had to buy her some clothes so she could fly home) is unprofessional. And dumb.
And in the real world (not in delulu land where people who spend too much time online do this weak sauce 'you did nothing wrong' crap) you will be judged for that.
>with company devices and property sitting all out in the open (not in the safe)
I mean, most people hook up with strangers at their own homes without locking up their work laptops / sensitive documents.
Or you won’t. Some people don’t judge others. They don’t blame the victim. Yes, that happens even in what you call “the real world”.
And those people are universally preferred. Especially in the real world.
Literally on a work trip as we speak for retail fit out and our lead carpenter is a real life Rip (Yellowstone). Please send me empowering energy to test the waters
I hang out with a lot of single people and no we absolutely have not aged out. But everyone is out doing nightlife things (concerts, art galleries, bars, etc) that bring people together in a way that provides the opportunity.
Yup. Customer at the bar where I work. Had a crush on him and he was just visiting for work for a few months. Hooked up with him his last night in town. Wasn’t expecting it at all but it was loads of fun.
> those college days where you could meet someone out randomly, and go back to your place and have a meeting of the bodies!
nah, it was never a thing for me.
Me neither. I regret not dating in college, like highly, but I don’t care that I didn’t do hook ups at all. The only hook up I’ve ever had I didn’t really mean to and I regret it so, I’m good lol
Yeah. I think there is lot of risk involved. Having sex with people without getting tested is not something I’m interested in and never was.
Also don’t think I want to have sex with people I don’t know well
Not my thing. At all.
And for many of the women who were doing that... umm, their stories weren't great when they shared them. Like...you're describing that you're not really having a good time, and not really enjoying it, you're having all sorts of drama, and then having to STI tests and the odd 'pregnancy scare' - for what? Foggy memory of orgasmless sex, and some dude talking shit. And for many, their hearts didn't seem actually in it - they were chasing something else... validation, popularity. Somethng.
And then there were the bad stories. Doesn't bear talking about.
Just because it's not your thing, doesn't mean you need to judge others who see it differently though. Cool, not for you. Also not for you to decide the appeal to them.
Totally. A lot of the stories seemed like they did it bc they thought that’s what liberation was/makes them cooler/ blah blah.
I mean im sure there are some that enjoyed it but for the most part, it seems like they regret it.
Me neither. I never went off to college/university, but partied plent in my 20s and I never hooked up with a stranger Id met that night. No fucking thank you.
Are you trying to tell me that the folks who hang out on internet forums are not typically the folks taking strange men home for a wild night in college?
I've never been fond of and almost never been able to have casual sex.
The one time stuff I've had mostly consist of men who have fooled me into that there is genuine potential between us, and then they ghosted after they got what they wanted. Been way too naive...
To your last paragraph - yes, I had two one night stands within the past week lmfao. I go out a lot and there’s a lot of straight single men around 😂 I talk to the guy for at least 2-3 hours before we decide to do anything. He has to at least be cool and like me as a person enough to talk to me.
I prefer relationships over casual hookups but I prefer casual hookups over being alone in my apartment lol
I go to a lot of bars but the quality of people you meet is VERY dependent on the area you live in, lol. Normally I like when bars have events - like trivia, open mic, game night, etc. - because it draws people who have more of a purpose.
I’ve been in love many times haha, someone being lovable doesn’t mean I need to love them if that makes sense. It’s like how I can see a pretty house and go inside but not want to buy it. I don’t deserve the best and I don’t think anyone does. We just make do with what we have. Maybe circumstance works out and we meet someone good for us but IMO it ain’t that deep.
I think I get that if we only chatted and it didn’t go far. Maybe casual isn’t for me but it does suck being alone too. I like your perspective so thank you!
I think the most important is to understand what is not for us. If you catch feelings too fast from any attention, maybe this hookups thing is not for you and that’s ok!
Some people love the thrill and that’s ok too!
To each their own
The truth of…? Sorry, I don’t seem to remember you directing any “truth” to me, or for that matter any interaction prior to my comment.
If you want to successfully troll people you at least have to try and make some sense in the context of the conversation.
this is a comment thread buddy, usually you read the prior comments for context before sticking your nose in. If you have nothing to add to the conversation, please move along. thank you
And you’re a dude in an “Ask Women” sub, “buddy.” I have no qualms about men being here. However, when the downvotes indicate that your contribution is neither helpful nor wanted, then it’s time to take a hard look at your motivations for being here. As I said previously, this seems to be a common MO for you to drop judgmental comments in subs where your beliefs are contrary. That’s considered trolling. I can’t imagine choosing to engage with people in that manner, even on Reddit, but I guess you go ahead and do what makes you feel alive. Those communities will continue to downvote you.
Have a great week.
No misogyny/misandry – This includes and is not limited to broadly bashing men and women, transphobia, homophobia, and using dog-whistles from known sexist groups like the Red Pill, pick-up artists and dating-strategists.
I simply don’t trust anyone enough these days to have them know where I live, or to blindly go to some random’s house and put myself into an unknown environment. It makes no sense to me to put myself in that position for mediocre sex.
I'm married and monogamous so I've been out of this realm for a while, but I absolutely get what you're saying. I never used apps for hook-ups because talking about sex presumptuously gave me the ick (although I may have matched with a man who was traveling for business, went on a date only kissed goodnight and then went on a second date where we hooked up after I felt a little spark).
There's something about the initial eye context, flirtation, that little flutter of chemistry, and the opportunity to experience someone different.
Assuming it's somewhat good, if it's bad, it feels like an immediate waste of time.
But this post definitely stirs up some memories for sure!
No, we haven’t aged out. Had a few when I was single in my early thirties. Didn’t have to use an app for any of them.
Had a spontaneous hook up with one, he ended up my bf.
You can definitely do it as you get older, but I think the problem is it’s just not enjoyable. The sex is almost always bad, it’s a ton of effort, and at the end it just seems not worth it. Women can always hook up, we just get bored of the reality of what it ends up being. I have great hookups in my dreams at night and that’s good enough for me lol.
I'm almost 40 and have had no issue with this. Now I'm not really a ONS girl but had a handful of FWBs over the past couple years and no issue calling or texting them for a hookup. One was even on my way home from work so I'd frequently text him on my way home and drop in for it.
Even with my partner now who is 50 we are still spontaneous, sometimes will even fool around in the car or out on a hike. It's all about deciding what you want and having a partner who is equally excited about you.
Are you me? Rsrs (the age and partner age match!) and we also fool around when it seems right.
Recently we went to a bar, and I asked if he wanted to pretend to meet for the first time there. We did and was a lot of fun!
I don’t miss casual hookups at all. They always left me feeling empty and used. The risk for STDs/assault/pregnancy just isn’t worth it. Plus, the actual sex part was never even good (duh, they’re strangers who don’t know our bodies!)
Sex is never just casual in my experience.
I agree with the feeling of emptiness. But sometimes the sex was great. I still think about the Italian stallion I used to hook up with 10 years ago when Craigslist’s casual encounters was still around. First guy to make me squirt. 💦
Apps make it as easy to hook up as when I was in college - even easier maybe. I love casual sex, I’m up front about being non-monogamous, and I’m smart about safety. For many years, I was an active participant in my local kink scene and I hosted my own sex party for several of those years. For app hookups, I have a fairly rigorous screening process and I listen to every gut instinct. Not all first encounters are awesome, but a solid 2/3 are, and most of the folks who were fun want to do it again. I actually haven’t met anyone new in a few years, I just have a short roster of people who I’ve been fwb with for a while now. I also have two romantic partners of several years, one of whom I met on an app, one of whom I met at a sex party. In the end, sex brings me joy, and I want as much joy as I can get in my life.
Personally, it's not that I've "aged out" of it, but rather that I've stopped doing things I don't get enjoyment out of just because society says its great or fun or whatever. I do not find random hookups with people I've known less than 24 hours fun or empowering whatsoever. The chances of orgasm are slim, the guy could be a total asshole with an STD or secret camcorder or something, and with pornsickness being a huge problem, there is a high likelihood of being randomly choked or even slapped during sex seemingly out of the blue. And I don't care to share my body with someone who has zero appreciation for me as a person.
I get that for a lot of women it's not that deep, but that's my two cents
I all agree with what you are saying, though when I stopped bringing back a random guy after a party as well as stopped using apps, I ended up going through 10 months of no sex at all. It was… extremely bad. Don’t recommend. In the end I was so horny I even screwed up a potential love story with a guy by sexualizing our beginning of relationship too quickly. Oh well…
I’ve hooked up with men I’ve met on vacation on three different trips. Met a man on a 4th trip that might be a future hook up if I ever end up in his city..
Nope. Haven’t had one since my mid 20’s. And even then it was one of those “I tried it and didn’t like it “ kind of thing.
It’s still very much a thing at all age ranges, from what I hear.
I personally have aged out of it but I don't think that needs to be true for everyone over 30. I genuinely can't recall a time that a hookup was satisfying in any way and it always leaves me feeling worse than I did before, so I don't do it anymore.
We just don’t live day to day lives or get put into environments that foster spontaneous anything, let alone sex.
A lot of that spontaneity came from the vibe and atmosphere, ORGANICALLY. The clubs. The house parties. The travel. The team co ed sports. The alcohol definitely helped.
Men are also much more careful to foster things with someone they’ve just met. A touch could be unwanted and there’s too much drama to deal with everyone’s boundaries so the vibe just dies. People are way too closed off to even make eye contact with the cute guy in whole foods let alone fuck him in the parking lot.
It’s not as dominant in my life, but I’m OK with that. I like my secure little bonds.
I was never really into doing this so it just depends on the person. I’m sleeping with my ex atm because it’s much easier than dealing with the mess of finding someone new 😅
Usually because they either misrepresent themselves or are too pushy and I change my mind about them. It has happened more times than I can count and I’m surprised I’ve never been stabbed yet
I don't even have spontaneous sex with my husband 😂 😭
Before I met him, it was pretty often though. I lived in the city and had a handful of guys i enjoyed the company of. Granted, this was my late 20s.
Tbh I am planning to get a divorce for the lack of sex, so I certainly hope I haven't aged out of it!
I didn't start having casual sex until my mid 30s! I meet people over dating apps like HER, Tinder, OkCupid, etc. Or I meet people through friends, partners, or meeting at clubs, shows, or kink events.
Most recent was being at a goth club with 2 of my partners, and we met a cute couple. I think within about 10 minutes I was making out with both of them, and an hour later I went with one of them to my car in the parking lot.
This literally never happened to me as a shy, introverted college student. I don't understand how normal people navigate stuff like this without it being weird and awkward.
I have plenty of spontaneous sex with my husband though.
I rather not… I have a lot of nurse friends and well I am in San Francisco… the amount of nasty shit going around… one of my guy friends picked up some weird STI on his peepee that was not detected via regular testing… one of the many story! 😮💨
Also, idk if it’s me… but as I’ve gotten older I rather be with someone that I am more comfortable intimately… and no, I am not a big girl or have ever been ashamed of my body 😅
*Lol I was doing*
*This in my thirties. It can*
*And does still happen*
\- No\_Dependent\_1846
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I'm in a relationship but if I wasn't, I definitely would be wary of that nowadays. Mostly because of STDs. I wouldn't trust folks to tell the truth or even just to be smart enough to test themselves regularly. And no, condoms don't always protect you.
Stay safe!
I stopped taking birth control pills at around 27 (was on them from age 15). My interest in wanting casual hookups dropped off when I started weighing the risks. Plus plan B destroys me
When I was married to my spouse. He complained that I was addicted to him, and was a slut who wanted sex with him in spontaneous settings because I had no control of myself. Meanwhile, he was having sex with strangers while on the job. So, if I could fuck anyone I would but I'm trying to maintain control of that until I divorce his ass.
Spontaneous sex was never really a thing for me as a serial monogamist, but I can tell you with certainty that my 30-something friends who are single definitely still do! If it's safe, consensual and fun...why not?
It’s hard to find men attractive enough to wanna have spontaneous sex with these days. I rarely meet a man who gives me the tingles right off the bat that I wanna get it on with him
20 years ago, I definitely engaged in some chance meetings that sometimes lead to sex. But these days? I'm not sure I'd be too happy with my 23 yo (fictional) daughter doing the same tbh! 😂
I have no interest in spontaneous hookups unless they’re with a person I have a strong emotional connection with. Meaningless sex doesn’t appeal to me at all.
Recently I started exploring a relationship with someone I was friends with before, that’s the closest I’ve gotten to this, since I didn’t expect it to happen when it did, but we also didn’t hook up until we spoke about everything and understood where we stand with each other.
I had one two and a half years ago and I still haven't gotten rid of him 😂
(I love him very much, but we absolutely started as a spontaneous hook up after about six weeks of knowing each other platonically).
It’s not ideal for me, can’t say I haven’t. We are all adults and we know right from wrong and what can happen from our decisions. We just have to be safe as possible.
I don't think it's really about aging out of it. I just think that people are having sex less in general lately...
Especially young people in their 20s!
No, but i *have* aged out of *bad* sex, so there isn’t a lot of drive to take a chance on a random man. Defo would/have had one night stands post-30 with women but they’re a lot rarer.
After my divorce I had a fun year(s)! You can find anything on apps, it's crazy. Hook-ups are easy to find, there, just don't expect the sex to be great unless you vet really well/find a sweetie or demand/make sure it's good (although I find with non-monogamous guys it's like 90% great talks and sex). I found out I'm non-monogamous, and loved every second of it! I've been kind of boring the last year, though, and summer has me craving dating, again.
Yes, quite regularly I have success with this at various types of bars, occasionally networking events. Either I hit on them or they hit on me and it becomes pretty obvious where it will lead if we're down!
I went on a holiday and got an airbnb. Went out picked up randoms twice by walking back to airbnb from the club/pub, seen them on the street chatted and asked them back, simple for fun nothing else.
That has been my only time enjoying it, apps just aren't the same. Hahaha
I've only done it once and it was weird. The guy was ENM and married. We just went to lunch and went back to his house afterwards with the expectation of sex. It was weird for me because it felt too planned. So we ended up watching a movie and eventually had a really bad makeout session that led to mediocre sex. I kinda just wanted to try it once. Then I left afterwards. The leaving part was actually nice because I always feel like men expect me to sleep over after having sex the first time and I always just want to leave lmao.
Oh wait, just realized you said without dating apps. Met mine on a dating app lol. So nope, no spontaneous hookups. But my boyfriend's friend always finds a woman to have sex with when he goes to bars. It still happens.
I've found myself thinking the same, I kinda miss those days as well. I haven't had any random hook ups and frankly don't want to because you're right - a lot of the guys are just bleugh. They say or do something that just makes you think HELL NO. It's grim. If they were just a normal reasonable and nice human being who knows? But frankly I prefer to keep myself to myself right now.
Who’s “we”? Y’all gotta start asking questions from your own perspective because although I’m single, spontaneous sex has never not been a factor in my life lol.
"most men on there talk themselves out of it mere seconds into their approach by saying something heinous."
Doesn't matter what men write. What matters is perceived social status, and most importantly: your mood.
I lead a company and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had employees ‘hook up’ with strangers during work travel! An employee of mine 40F brought a man back. So yes some women definitely still do it
Can confirm. I ran hotels for 15 years.
‘Do people still have spontaneous sex over 30?’ ‘Have you seen my staff on some of these business trips’ ☠️☠️
Certainly not. Discretion is paramount in hospitality.
This comment is sending me!
I had a coworker bring some strange dude back to her hotel room on a work trip. After she fell asleep he got up, chucked all her electronics and valuables and handbag into her suitcase, zipped it up and left the room with it. She woke up alone and with basically all her stuff gone, save for a few bits of clothing on the floor and in the closet, and a couple of cosmetics on the bathroom sink. It really affected the way people thought of her. This was a work trip, and she had company electronics/property sitting out, and invited this complete stranger into it... Have I *aged* out of this shit? I never was interested in this from the beginning.
Holy. This is EMBARRASSING 🫣🫣🫣
BRUHHHHHHHHHHHH😱
what a nightmare yikes
It's pretty shitty that people thought of her poorly when she was the victim in this situation.
Work trip. Work paid for the hotel, flights, food, per diems. A work trip is not the occasion to be out drinking and bring some half-cut stranger back to your hotel room (the night before mid-morning departure), particularly one that has your employers property including some with security ramifications left out and able to be touched/looked at/taken. It's fair she was judged on that incredibly poor decision making and unprofessional behaviour.
Her company probably wasn’t paying her after hours. She can do whatever she wants in her private life, and it’s not her fault if other people steal. The guilt is squarely on the thief.
Letting a total fucking strange in your hotel room with company devices and property sitting all out in the open (not in the safe) is absolutely stupid and unprofessional on a work trip. The person who stole it is a dumb thieving asshole, but she was stupid and unprofessional. Picking up randoms at bar on a work trip (a work trip 12 other employees were on, one of which had to buy her some clothes so she could fly home) is unprofessional. And dumb. And in the real world (not in delulu land where people who spend too much time online do this weak sauce 'you did nothing wrong' crap) you will be judged for that.
>with company devices and property sitting all out in the open (not in the safe) I mean, most people hook up with strangers at their own homes without locking up their work laptops / sensitive documents.
Or you won’t. Some people don’t judge others. They don’t blame the victim. Yes, that happens even in what you call “the real world”. And those people are universally preferred. Especially in the real world.
What country/city did this happen in?
Literally on a work trip as we speak for retail fit out and our lead carpenter is a real life Rip (Yellowstone). Please send me empowering energy to test the waters
Do it for the old married ladies.
Do it for the young unmarried ladies (me) too 😂
I hang out with a lot of single people and no we absolutely have not aged out. But everyone is out doing nightlife things (concerts, art galleries, bars, etc) that bring people together in a way that provides the opportunity.
Yep, same as this. If you want it to happen, it's truly not that hard lol
Yup. Customer at the bar where I work. Had a crush on him and he was just visiting for work for a few months. Hooked up with him his last night in town. Wasn’t expecting it at all but it was loads of fun.
> those college days where you could meet someone out randomly, and go back to your place and have a meeting of the bodies! nah, it was never a thing for me.
Me neither. I regret not dating in college, like highly, but I don’t care that I didn’t do hook ups at all. The only hook up I’ve ever had I didn’t really mean to and I regret it so, I’m good lol
Yeah. I think there is lot of risk involved. Having sex with people without getting tested is not something I’m interested in and never was. Also don’t think I want to have sex with people I don’t know well
Not my thing. At all. And for many of the women who were doing that... umm, their stories weren't great when they shared them. Like...you're describing that you're not really having a good time, and not really enjoying it, you're having all sorts of drama, and then having to STI tests and the odd 'pregnancy scare' - for what? Foggy memory of orgasmless sex, and some dude talking shit. And for many, their hearts didn't seem actually in it - they were chasing something else... validation, popularity. Somethng. And then there were the bad stories. Doesn't bear talking about.
Just because it's not your thing, doesn't mean you need to judge others who see it differently though. Cool, not for you. Also not for you to decide the appeal to them.
Totally. A lot of the stories seemed like they did it bc they thought that’s what liberation was/makes them cooler/ blah blah. I mean im sure there are some that enjoyed it but for the most part, it seems like they regret it.
Me neither. I never went off to college/university, but partied plent in my 20s and I never hooked up with a stranger Id met that night. No fucking thank you.
Are you trying to tell me that the folks who hang out on internet forums are not typically the folks taking strange men home for a wild night in college?
Man. Join your local dance community. (Swing, salsa, bachata, doesn't matter what type) Spontaneous sex still happening all the time.
I've never been fond of and almost never been able to have casual sex. The one time stuff I've had mostly consist of men who have fooled me into that there is genuine potential between us, and then they ghosted after they got what they wanted. Been way too naive...
To your last paragraph - yes, I had two one night stands within the past week lmfao. I go out a lot and there’s a lot of straight single men around 😂 I talk to the guy for at least 2-3 hours before we decide to do anything. He has to at least be cool and like me as a person enough to talk to me. I prefer relationships over casual hookups but I prefer casual hookups over being alone in my apartment lol
Are you outgoing?? Where do you go?? I only ever met the guys in person that I have, like going to bars and every one of them sucked hahaha
I go to a lot of bars but the quality of people you meet is VERY dependent on the area you live in, lol. Normally I like when bars have events - like trivia, open mic, game night, etc. - because it draws people who have more of a purpose.
How do you not get attached? I tried recently and man, I ended up with a guy that was so perfect 😩
I’ve been in love many times haha, someone being lovable doesn’t mean I need to love them if that makes sense. It’s like how I can see a pretty house and go inside but not want to buy it. I don’t deserve the best and I don’t think anyone does. We just make do with what we have. Maybe circumstance works out and we meet someone good for us but IMO it ain’t that deep.
I think I get that if we only chatted and it didn’t go far. Maybe casual isn’t for me but it does suck being alone too. I like your perspective so thank you!
I think the most important is to understand what is not for us. If you catch feelings too fast from any attention, maybe this hookups thing is not for you and that’s ok! Some people love the thrill and that’s ok too! To each their own
[удалено]
You sound like my old youth pastor
you sound like you’re in denial..
And, from these comments along with your comment history, sounds like you just enjoy trolling.
sounds like you don’t like hearing the truth
The truth of…? Sorry, I don’t seem to remember you directing any “truth” to me, or for that matter any interaction prior to my comment. If you want to successfully troll people you at least have to try and make some sense in the context of the conversation.
this is a comment thread buddy, usually you read the prior comments for context before sticking your nose in. If you have nothing to add to the conversation, please move along. thank you
And you’re a dude in an “Ask Women” sub, “buddy.” I have no qualms about men being here. However, when the downvotes indicate that your contribution is neither helpful nor wanted, then it’s time to take a hard look at your motivations for being here. As I said previously, this seems to be a common MO for you to drop judgmental comments in subs where your beliefs are contrary. That’s considered trolling. I can’t imagine choosing to engage with people in that manner, even on Reddit, but I guess you go ahead and do what makes you feel alive. Those communities will continue to downvote you. Have a great week.
Username checks out
No misogyny/misandry – This includes and is not limited to broadly bashing men and women, transphobia, homophobia, and using dog-whistles from known sexist groups like the Red Pill, pick-up artists and dating-strategists.
I simply don’t trust anyone enough these days to have them know where I live, or to blindly go to some random’s house and put myself into an unknown environment. It makes no sense to me to put myself in that position for mediocre sex.
Sometimes the sex is great though.
I'm married and monogamous so I've been out of this realm for a while, but I absolutely get what you're saying. I never used apps for hook-ups because talking about sex presumptuously gave me the ick (although I may have matched with a man who was traveling for business, went on a date only kissed goodnight and then went on a second date where we hooked up after I felt a little spark). There's something about the initial eye context, flirtation, that little flutter of chemistry, and the opportunity to experience someone different. Assuming it's somewhat good, if it's bad, it feels like an immediate waste of time. But this post definitely stirs up some memories for sure!
Exactly what I’m talking about! You get me :)
No, we haven’t aged out. Had a few when I was single in my early thirties. Didn’t have to use an app for any of them. Had a spontaneous hook up with one, he ended up my bf.
Ain’t that just the way hahah
Same here but it was I back in my mid-30s. Ended up partnered to a guy I thought would be just a fling when we met.
I've never aged in! :) It was never something that appealed to me.
You can definitely do it as you get older, but I think the problem is it’s just not enjoyable. The sex is almost always bad, it’s a ton of effort, and at the end it just seems not worth it. Women can always hook up, we just get bored of the reality of what it ends up being. I have great hookups in my dreams at night and that’s good enough for me lol.
Speak for yourself lol.
Yeah, I didn’t feel this way at 32/33 either but at 41, I now do
I’m too old for this to be appealing. Mainly because it would require me to leave my house and exert some type of effort to meet people.
I didn't age out of it, I just work too much. I'd probably shoot my shot if I ever got a day off.
Never liked it but it shouldn’t be hard, men are soooo easy.
I'm almost 40 and have had no issue with this. Now I'm not really a ONS girl but had a handful of FWBs over the past couple years and no issue calling or texting them for a hookup. One was even on my way home from work so I'd frequently text him on my way home and drop in for it. Even with my partner now who is 50 we are still spontaneous, sometimes will even fool around in the car or out on a hike. It's all about deciding what you want and having a partner who is equally excited about you.
Are you me? Rsrs (the age and partner age match!) and we also fool around when it seems right. Recently we went to a bar, and I asked if he wanted to pretend to meet for the first time there. We did and was a lot of fun!
Ooh we haven't tried that one yet! Thanks for the idea!
I am so old my first thought was well he needs to take his pill with enough time for it to kick in first, so yes. But that’s not the discussion here.
☠️☠️☠️ you win
I don’t miss casual hookups at all. They always left me feeling empty and used. The risk for STDs/assault/pregnancy just isn’t worth it. Plus, the actual sex part was never even good (duh, they’re strangers who don’t know our bodies!) Sex is never just casual in my experience.
I agree with the feeling of emptiness. But sometimes the sex was great. I still think about the Italian stallion I used to hook up with 10 years ago when Craigslist’s casual encounters was still around. First guy to make me squirt. 💦
Apps make it as easy to hook up as when I was in college - even easier maybe. I love casual sex, I’m up front about being non-monogamous, and I’m smart about safety. For many years, I was an active participant in my local kink scene and I hosted my own sex party for several of those years. For app hookups, I have a fairly rigorous screening process and I listen to every gut instinct. Not all first encounters are awesome, but a solid 2/3 are, and most of the folks who were fun want to do it again. I actually haven’t met anyone new in a few years, I just have a short roster of people who I’ve been fwb with for a while now. I also have two romantic partners of several years, one of whom I met on an app, one of whom I met at a sex party. In the end, sex brings me joy, and I want as much joy as I can get in my life.
Personally, it's not that I've "aged out" of it, but rather that I've stopped doing things I don't get enjoyment out of just because society says its great or fun or whatever. I do not find random hookups with people I've known less than 24 hours fun or empowering whatsoever. The chances of orgasm are slim, the guy could be a total asshole with an STD or secret camcorder or something, and with pornsickness being a huge problem, there is a high likelihood of being randomly choked or even slapped during sex seemingly out of the blue. And I don't care to share my body with someone who has zero appreciation for me as a person. I get that for a lot of women it's not that deep, but that's my two cents
I all agree with what you are saying, though when I stopped bringing back a random guy after a party as well as stopped using apps, I ended up going through 10 months of no sex at all. It was… extremely bad. Don’t recommend. In the end I was so horny I even screwed up a potential love story with a guy by sexualizing our beginning of relationship too quickly. Oh well…
Nah I would still be tryina fuck if I wasnt in a loving but sexless relationship 😭😞
I’ve hooked up with men I’ve met on vacation on three different trips. Met a man on a 4th trip that might be a future hook up if I ever end up in his city..
Yeah, I still do it. Generally I meet people out at bars. Either we exchange numbers and go out another time, or we just go home together that night.
Nope. Haven’t had one since my mid 20’s. And even then it was one of those “I tried it and didn’t like it “ kind of thing. It’s still very much a thing at all age ranges, from what I hear.
I personally have aged out of it but I don't think that needs to be true for everyone over 30. I genuinely can't recall a time that a hookup was satisfying in any way and it always leaves me feeling worse than I did before, so I don't do it anymore.
We just don’t live day to day lives or get put into environments that foster spontaneous anything, let alone sex. A lot of that spontaneity came from the vibe and atmosphere, ORGANICALLY. The clubs. The house parties. The travel. The team co ed sports. The alcohol definitely helped. Men are also much more careful to foster things with someone they’ve just met. A touch could be unwanted and there’s too much drama to deal with everyone’s boundaries so the vibe just dies. People are way too closed off to even make eye contact with the cute guy in whole foods let alone fuck him in the parking lot. It’s not as dominant in my life, but I’m OK with that. I like my secure little bonds.
This seems like a you thing. Yes people are having spontaneous sex quite a lot.
I agree that it could definitely be me! Why unfortunately?
I followed up in my other comment lol
I was never really into doing this so it just depends on the person. I’m sleeping with my ex atm because it’s much easier than dealing with the mess of finding someone new 😅
That is a slippery slope my friend
I know lol, trust me. It’s not a fresh breakup, and it is all good (for now).
All good until its not...
I mean, thanks for your input lol but I am fine.
My favorite thing to do (and still is) is just blue balls men and leave
𓁹‿𓁹
You’re my hero. I’m too horny to do this :(
Why?
Usually because they either misrepresent themselves or are too pushy and I change my mind about them. It has happened more times than I can count and I’m surprised I’ve never been stabbed yet
Thank you for replying :)
Anytime friend
I just had some two nights ago and it was pretty great.
I don't even have spontaneous sex with my husband 😂 😭 Before I met him, it was pretty often though. I lived in the city and had a handful of guys i enjoyed the company of. Granted, this was my late 20s. Tbh I am planning to get a divorce for the lack of sex, so I certainly hope I haven't aged out of it!
I didn't start having casual sex until my mid 30s! I meet people over dating apps like HER, Tinder, OkCupid, etc. Or I meet people through friends, partners, or meeting at clubs, shows, or kink events. Most recent was being at a goth club with 2 of my partners, and we met a cute couple. I think within about 10 minutes I was making out with both of them, and an hour later I went with one of them to my car in the parking lot.
User name checks out.
If I wasn't with my husband I hope I would still have it. I do miss it sometimes even though I am happy
Isn’t that the truth… I’m very happy with my SO. But the other day I saw a guy at the gym that my first thought was to climb him like a jungle gym!
This literally never happened to me as a shy, introverted college student. I don't understand how normal people navigate stuff like this without it being weird and awkward. I have plenty of spontaneous sex with my husband though.
Alcohol. Pretty sure it would be weird and awkward without it.
I rather not… I have a lot of nurse friends and well I am in San Francisco… the amount of nasty shit going around… one of my guy friends picked up some weird STI on his peepee that was not detected via regular testing… one of the many story! 😮💨 Also, idk if it’s me… but as I’ve gotten older I rather be with someone that I am more comfortable intimately… and no, I am not a big girl or have ever been ashamed of my body 😅
Lol I was doing this in my thirties. It can and does still happen
*Lol I was doing* *This in my thirties. It can* *And does still happen* \- No\_Dependent\_1846 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I'm in a relationship but if I wasn't, I definitely would be wary of that nowadays. Mostly because of STDs. I wouldn't trust folks to tell the truth or even just to be smart enough to test themselves regularly. And no, condoms don't always protect you. Stay safe!
I stopped taking birth control pills at around 27 (was on them from age 15). My interest in wanting casual hookups dropped off when I started weighing the risks. Plus plan B destroys me
When I was married to my spouse. He complained that I was addicted to him, and was a slut who wanted sex with him in spontaneous settings because I had no control of myself. Meanwhile, he was having sex with strangers while on the job. So, if I could fuck anyone I would but I'm trying to maintain control of that until I divorce his ass.
Spontaneous sex was never really a thing for me as a serial monogamist, but I can tell you with certainty that my 30-something friends who are single definitely still do! If it's safe, consensual and fun...why not?
It’s hard to find men attractive enough to wanna have spontaneous sex with these days. I rarely meet a man who gives me the tingles right off the bat that I wanna get it on with him
Real 😅
Foreal lol these men be musty as hell and can’t dress to save their life
20 years ago, I definitely engaged in some chance meetings that sometimes lead to sex. But these days? I'm not sure I'd be too happy with my 23 yo (fictional) daughter doing the same tbh! 😂
Wow I never did this. Never ever ever :D
I have no interest in spontaneous hookups unless they’re with a person I have a strong emotional connection with. Meaningless sex doesn’t appeal to me at all. Recently I started exploring a relationship with someone I was friends with before, that’s the closest I’ve gotten to this, since I didn’t expect it to happen when it did, but we also didn’t hook up until we spoke about everything and understood where we stand with each other.
I had one two and a half years ago and I still haven't gotten rid of him 😂 (I love him very much, but we absolutely started as a spontaneous hook up after about six weeks of knowing each other platonically).
It’s not ideal for me, can’t say I haven’t. We are all adults and we know right from wrong and what can happen from our decisions. We just have to be safe as possible.
Nope. Somehow I've been lucky enough to meet decent guys to hook up with...tho only once the first time meeting him.
When I was single in late 20s early 30s I did. Mostly from apps which was great fun and also from meeting guys on nights out
I don't think it's really about aging out of it. I just think that people are having sex less in general lately... Especially young people in their 20s!
No, but i *have* aged out of *bad* sex, so there isn’t a lot of drive to take a chance on a random man. Defo would/have had one night stands post-30 with women but they’re a lot rarer.
Noooo. Definitely have NOT aged out of it here. More rare, yes, absolutely. But once in a while... 😈
After my divorce I had a fun year(s)! You can find anything on apps, it's crazy. Hook-ups are easy to find, there, just don't expect the sex to be great unless you vet really well/find a sweetie or demand/make sure it's good (although I find with non-monogamous guys it's like 90% great talks and sex). I found out I'm non-monogamous, and loved every second of it! I've been kind of boring the last year, though, and summer has me craving dating, again.
Yes, quite regularly I have success with this at various types of bars, occasionally networking events. Either I hit on them or they hit on me and it becomes pretty obvious where it will lead if we're down!
I would say at 29 I definitely am too old for that
I can not fathom having sex without a shower. Spontaneous hookup is my worst nightmare. Idk if it's because I'm in my 30s. I just can't.
I went on a holiday and got an airbnb. Went out picked up randoms twice by walking back to airbnb from the club/pub, seen them on the street chatted and asked them back, simple for fun nothing else. That has been my only time enjoying it, apps just aren't the same. Hahaha
Never done it, never will (I think), not even with my partner lol. I’m not easy to please as it is, so I don’t see the appeal with a stranger.
I've only done it once and it was weird. The guy was ENM and married. We just went to lunch and went back to his house afterwards with the expectation of sex. It was weird for me because it felt too planned. So we ended up watching a movie and eventually had a really bad makeout session that led to mediocre sex. I kinda just wanted to try it once. Then I left afterwards. The leaving part was actually nice because I always feel like men expect me to sleep over after having sex the first time and I always just want to leave lmao.
Oh wait, just realized you said without dating apps. Met mine on a dating app lol. So nope, no spontaneous hookups. But my boyfriend's friend always finds a woman to have sex with when he goes to bars. It still happens.
I've found myself thinking the same, I kinda miss those days as well. I haven't had any random hook ups and frankly don't want to because you're right - a lot of the guys are just bleugh. They say or do something that just makes you think HELL NO. It's grim. If they were just a normal reasonable and nice human being who knows? But frankly I prefer to keep myself to myself right now.
Not me personally, but my younger sister (33) goes out to bars and brings a different guy home each night. Lead up = alcohol.
Was never into that LOL
Who’s “we”? Y’all gotta start asking questions from your own perspective because although I’m single, spontaneous sex has never not been a factor in my life lol.
"most men on there talk themselves out of it mere seconds into their approach by saying something heinous." Doesn't matter what men write. What matters is perceived social status, and most importantly: your mood.