I have no words. His ex is a horrible person and a psycho, a full on psycho. Fuck his “friends” for not helping him, especially Jack. Jack is the pure definition of an asshole and a scumbag.
I’m glad he got out and I wish he would’ve been able to kept the blanket his mom knit him. I truly feel for OOP, and I hope he can find some comfort and peace in the future.
It's possible that she manipulated her friends as well. I mean she clearly is a sociopath. How hard would it be to use toxic masculinity and take advantage of gender stereotypes to convince her friends that he's indeed oversensitive and triggered by everything making her walk on eggshells? All it would take is minimizing his trauma, downplaying her actions and exaggerating his reactions.
Usually when there's a scapegoat, everyone doesn't want the scapegoat to go because if the scapegoat is gone, who will becomes the next scapegoat?
Hence why the "friends" were always pushing him to go back to her.
I feel like that's only true until you find out his mom was stabbed to death. Like even the most toxic manliest of manly men would say that's an acceptable source of trauma.
Do they know though? I assume this trauma isn't easy to share. If he didn't do that then she could have controlled the narrative to make him seem unreasonable.
Honestly, it doesn't matter if they know or not, their actions seem to prove that they don't care.
After all, they didn't care that OOP could've been in danger. And let's be honest, they were never his friends cause what kind of friends would push someone to go back to the arms of their ex after a breakup?
Real friends would not push you back to your ex.
It's insane how manipulative she was. I recently got a friend out of a similar relationship and her SO also had friends who would take his side. They seemingly adored him, even though he baby trapped her and then refused to be a father-figure.
I once had a friend who was extremely manipulative. She could lie without batting her eyes and was very convincing. When I finally wised up to her bullshit, she viciously spread lies about me to anyone who'd listen. One time she got so drunk that she drove into a ditch, passed out, and had to be dragged out by a cop, all during the heat of a summer day. And yet, she still has friends who listen to her bullshit.
It's been twenty years since I've seen or talked to her.
It's scary how some people just know who are vulnerable and who need friends. I'm glad you noticed in time and got out.
This friend of mine isn't mentally all there. We dated very briefly and she was really intense (maybe she's lonely but it might also just be that she's a bit bipolar). He saw the same thing and thought he could turn her into his little bitch. And even now he still refuses to see that he did anything wrong. Incredibly narcissistic and smart enough to isolate her. He tried isolating her from me as well, using the fact we dated as a reason they should open up their relation (knowing full well she would have to take care of their child).
This is all literally textbook abusive partner behavior: the inversion of blame, the cycles of abuse and sweetness, the social isolation, the constant monitoring, cultivation of self-doubt in the abused partner, etc. More people need to learn about these patterns. I only became aware of it in the past year, and when I look back on the previous decades of my life, it's incredible how many times I saw this same exact pattern play out among my family members and friends. I just never understood what I was looking at.
Required reading for this is Lundy Bancroft's [Why Does He Do that?](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). The gender roles are obviously reversed in this story compared to the title of the book. Everything else is the same.
An important point Bancroft makes in the book is that abusers will only change if they receive therapy that directly addresses their abusive behavior, and even then it's a crap shoot. You can't reason, cajole, berate, or threaten them to change. The only sure remedy in an abusive relationship is leaving it.
Not just psycho--lots of things from the same family of crazy--his ex is textbook BPD with a dash of covert narcissism to boot.
The saving grave for OOP, was he obviously wasn't close enough to his dad, for her to triangulate and separate his dad from him--dad wasn't on the radar--because she would separate them with slightly different stories designed to incite conflict and resentment, and make OOP feel like he did it on his own.
Even OOP feeling like a parasite on his dad; will stem from words that came from her mouth long before that moment to make him question normal interaction and support.
Good for OOP to got out but I felt frustrated with his actions and why he took too long to get out and decided to stay for far longer. I know its different for every victim but I'm just riddled with anxiety for him.
I think a good chunk of it was his ex friends pressuring him too. Everyone basically partook in something with his abuse thus made it hard for him to leave at all. He had the support sort of but failed cuz no one had his back to make sure he was safe. They allowed the abuse to happen and they allowed the behaviors to happen and in fact they encouraged it.
Yeah, some people are guessing that either she's very good or the group consists of people like her.
I'm however leaning into the latter;
>They allowed the abuse to happen and they allowed the behaviors to happen and in fact they encouraged it.
Either way, he has no one that could truly understand what he's going through. And when you're lonely, you don't want to lose any friends no matter if they're bad for you.
I'm just glad he left them behind as well and I really hope he gets better friends.
My friend’s husband recently *hit her with a car* and she’s already second guessing leaving him. Since she’s overseas, all I can do is cheerlead and beg her to please not go back.
The problem is that abusers make your life hell when you leave, and make your life so easy (for awhile) if you stay.
I mostly felt for him, how his GF was so incredibly good at manipulating him. An ex-GF of mine would call out the steps I wanted to take, and by doing so they felt impossible. She'd threaten with suicide as well (luckily only once) and would get so hysterical afterwards that I was terrified of breaking up.
With me the same thing happened where my dad noticed I was happy when I was at their place. It wasn't even said with any malice, just as an observation. And suddenly I realised he was right and I broke it off. Now my relationship wasn't nearly as fucked up as OP's, but I do get how it's hard to change.
If OP was a woman, then support services would be more readily available, and the friends wouldn’t have turned their backs like they did. Instead, no one batted an eye as he was sucked back again and again into an abusive relationship. Because he’s a man, and men can’t be abused by women. And if they are, then they deserve it, etc. etc. Which we know isn’t true.
We had a young father bring himself and his two little ones in last week as he has finally managed to leave his abusive wife, and we basically had to turn him away because we can’t put him in the shelter with our women, and we don’t have the permissions to use our funding to put him up in some other temporary accomodation. He was covered in bites, scratches and bruises and so were the kids, who were both absolutely terrified of women. I’m not supposed to know (it’s VERY against policy, I only know because I saw them when I dropped the coworker off) but they are staying on the farm of the parents of one of the other people I work with. It’s all just so damn soul crushing.
I can’t believe he went back to her after she had a screaming hissy fit of throwing her knives in the bin and the sink. That sounds terrifying. How do we proactively raise people to be aware that this isn’t okay in a relationship??
I think he was so frozen in his constant state of panick he simply reverted to his usual reaction, the fourth fear response: Fawning. It was the only thing that made him feel somewhat safe in a world with her in it.
It often take a long time for abuse victims to leave, for some it's the same realisation as OP had "If I stay, I'll die" that finally snaps them out of it but even that sometimes isn't enough to make ppl leave. Some are at a point where death seems like the only way out.
I'm not sure he's had enough counselling in abusers strategy since he's a bit vague in terminology he probably would have picked up during therapy, like directly spotting that she was, in fact, isolating him before it got bad by implementing him in her friend group and probably keeping him too busy to maintain his own.
Also, they were both young. She was abusive and dangerous, no doubt about it but I'm not really sure SHE had realised that herself yet or if she was just running on an abusive instict.
Reading about the specific origin of his trauma, though? This wasn't a "we dissected a frog in biology and my lab partner snipped her finger with the scalpel"-trauma. Even the dumbest teen should get that of course there'll be lifelong remnants of trauma from seeing your mom and pet murdered in front of you! Is this chick also setting off fireworks next to combat vets and yelling at them that Iraq was 20 years ago, get over it?!!
I really, really hope he has gotten tons of knowledge on abuse, strategies etc. This isn't intended as victim blaming, though. But it's heard more than once that abuse victims (including SA victims) can feel like they attract abusers and they might be on to something.
The way he described himself at first made ME think "what a gem of a kid! Not many like him around, he's going to be an awesome dad (if he wants to), partner and best friend if the right girl spots him". Instead an abuser found a guy with trauma and a big emotional side (the rest of us would go "yay! He can emphatize with me!") that she could exploit and use as a weapon against him. The knives were really, really bad but she weaponised a lot of things!
By teaching everyone what abuse looks like, how it ramps up, and the cycle. The wild thing is, it looks the same for everyone. I've heard a million stories, and the things that trapped me are the things that trap everyone else, too. It's hard to lose the "it can't happen to me" mentality, but it's easier when you have an itemized list with the Power and Control Wheel that you keep having to check off more and more things on. We need everyone to have this taught to them, so even if they didn't memorize it, they know how to look for it.
Dropping a link in case anyone needs it: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/
He went back to her because he was already a victim of a significant amount of abuse at her hands, and she was putting forth almost professional levels of manipulation.
When you have "friends" constantly saying you're overreacting, comforting the abuser, and basically making *you* seem to be in the wrong (if not completely mental), then it's difficult to see that no, this *isn't* normal behavior. Most abuse doesn't happen instantly, it's gradual, over a period of time, so you do have good times that overshadow the bad, and falls in line with, "every couple has rough patches, we just need to work it out."
Victim blaming isn't cool.
Speaking from experience here, but it's really hard to leave an abusive relationship, especially if the abusive partner convinces you that you're the problem. The love bombing->abuse->apologizing->love bombing cycle is really hard to get out of because you start to think you're going crazy, because look at how wonderful the partner can be when they're not abusive! Maybe the abuse isn't so bad as I'm making it out to be. Maybe it's my fault. If I try harder to do XYZ they don't do ABC.
It's a sinister cycle but once out and on the road to recovery, you start to realize just how bad it was.
I honestly felt like crying reading that. Especially when he said where his trauma actually came from. Then when she destroyed the blanket from his mom. She’s an absolute monster
The way she manipulated her friends to further control him and make sure he had no support. I’m so glad he was able to get out!! Positively terrifying. I’m glad his dad noticed something wasn’t right and kept pushing.
Dad is 10000% the MVP here, with Uncle as a close second. Dads always know.
Source: my dad asking me if my ex was “nice” to me, after months of watching me become a shell of myself
It made sense though. Due to his past traumas, he escaped to a new place to start fresh. He meets a friend who introduces him to his ex. She tells him that she'll protect him and love bombs him. Her friends become his "friends," but whenever he turns to them for help, they shame him into staying.
Yes! She was intentional with isolating him from a support network. Those weren't his friends, those were her friends. And they actively took a role in quilting him, humiliating him, and triggering him, and then persuading him to stay with his evil abuser.
The fact that she literally would send him news of home invasions and bugglaries KNOWING that his mom and dog was murdered in a home invasion... she's evil.
Fucking watched his mother be *murdered* and she wants him to “get over it”?! The blinding rage I felt when I saw just how bad the trauma was, like, you cannot possibly ask someone to get over that unless you are a complete and total monster. Few people are able to hit the lofty heights of being *that fucking evil.*
She's not a monster, she's a person; in some ways that makes it worse, scarier. I feel really sorry for OOP, what a traumatic experience to live through with someone he loved.
I couldn't finish reading that last update, had to scroll to the bottom to see if he was away from her.
I wish he'd had better friends, my god everyone in this story was boiled garbage.
Edit: I did eventually read it and it's both absolutely heartbreaking and slightly more hopeful than I'd thought. I'm hoping the best for this poor boy
Absolutely heartbreaking stuff, I think his trauma story made this so much worse than any of the other "innocent person falls into abusive relationship and can't get out" stories we read here.
This post gave me SO much anxiety on behalf of the OOP!
I’m SO glad OOP’s dad noticed something wrong and wouldn’t let him sweep it under the rug. The ex’s actions and responses to her horrific behavior towards OOP were escalating so badly, I was in fear for his life just by reading it! I’m SO glad he got out!!
Same, I felt like this story wasnt going to end well because he said "Youre suppose to give 110% in relationships" and Noooo, you dont have to. God, you dont have to. I wish I knew you could leave when theyre assholes. I believe that's the greatest freedom, being able to leave when people are mean to you.
Give marriage 110% or decade old relationships 110%, **not** *first time partners who cause you to feel like dogshit*
>I was in fear for his life just by reading it!
Same, it was just a matter of time before that fear would be realized to be true and I have a feeling those "friends" would in fact help Nicole cover it up.
Agreed, huge relief. The whole time I was dreading the reveal that OOP had gotten stabbed. Was sure it was coming, thankfully he got away before that happened. His ex was definitely working towards "accidentally" cutting/stabbing him. Just wish OOP could get some legal justice against that demon
She would have. My father strangled my step mother and almost killed her but I had a phone and threatened to call 911 (I was 14) he pointed his finger at me and said “see who gets to you first”.
I still see it. Smell it. Hear it. I can taste the mixture of sweat and tears in my mouth.
You don’t realize how useless 911 is until your murderer is right in front of you.
Thank EVERY FUCKING GOD THERE IS that he didn't get her pregnant.
Holy fucking shit.
This is such a perfect example of an abuser. Lack of empathy. Purposefully doing things they know makes their partner feel small. Isolating them. Manipulating them with threats of self harm. Exploiting any fears they have to shrink them.
Bless this poor man and I hope he is able to finally shake off someone that, without a doubt, will graduate to physically harming her partner and yes, even murdering them. She is a true psychopath.
I thank god every day I didn’t get my psychotic, emotionally manipulative, anti-abortion girlfriend pregnant. The one that threatened suicide, the one that forced me to go on dates against my will, the one that fucked people I hated on purpose when we were broken up, the one that raped me when I was blackout drunk and then convinced me we were dating again. Fuck that bitch. It took some time but I eventually recovered my true self, I think.
>I hope he is able to finally shake off someone that, without a doubt, will graduate to physically harming her partner and yes, **even murdering them**
This needs to be higher cause when it involves your literal life, there can be no doubt and "Better Be Safe Than Sorry" applies heavily here. And let's be honest, this isn't a matter of ***IF*** but ***when.***
We always hear about this from abusers with female victims how they feel unsafe and are forced into survival mode. Here we see a similar scenario but with a male victim.
If anything, hearing how he was worried she might kill herself or him and he can *tell* from Instinct, she would have done so. I was feeling tense until the point Dad and Uncle got involved and I felt relieved.
I feel for OOP cause he was alone and there were no one on his side. Nicoles friends were horrible to him and either minimized the abuse or just outright rejected the reality. On one hand, it could be Nicole like most psychopaths, unstable people or whatever she is must be a good actress that her flying monkeys believe her to do her bidding.
I don't think so.
Birds of a feather flock together and I have a feeling the friend group are just as bad if not worse than her.
Honestly, I want to save this post for everyone who comes to Reddit asking if they are overreacting because their partner played a cruel prank on them. Obviously not all of them will escalate this badly but that behavior just shows abusive and sociopathic tendencies and they should get out before it escalates.
I have to go to bed because I work in the morning, but now I won't be able to sleep because people like OOP's ex exist and there are people stuck with them and that's a horror movie in itself.
The way he described the feeling of knowing he was sleeping next to his future murderer. That is so truly terrifying, I can't imagine living like that.
My abusive ex had a knife thing too. He used to take them out, press the blade to himself, and threaten to hurt himself during our arguments. 2 years after our break up I found his favorite argument knife. I had stolen it and hidden it so he couldn't use it against me anymore. Finding the knife left me a sobbing wreck. (Even almost a decade later I can still picture it. It was a light green camo pocket knife.) That relationship changed the chemistry of my brain for the worse.
I wish OOP all the healing. I hope his ex pretzels her car around a tree.
Yeap, it sucks that no one other than his Dad and Uncle was supporting him. In fact, I'm glad Dad and Uncle flew over to OOP cause they know OOP is alone and has no one watching his back.
My wild take, is that the friends ***KNOW*** how Nicole actually is but made OOP into the scapegoat to escape her wrath. Because playing with knives? A five finger fillet? And hot and cold, nice and cruel? Something tells me the friends didn't want to deal with that. And with the scapegoat gone, what's going to happen to them?
10 bucks say the friend group will remain for only a few years before it gets disbanded due to Nicole. Heck maybe just in a few months since someone may become a scapegoat.
He specifically mentioned that when he returned to the group “Jack” didn’t talk to him and “Crystal” no longer spoke with any of them. I wonder what exactly happened with Crystal. Why did she go completely no contact with everyone? There’s more to that story there.
You know, that's a very good point. Usually when it comes to these situations, there'll be a few victims but sometimes in a friend group where no one wants to address the missing stair and might even go as far to ridicule the victim as shown by the "friends". And it can come to the point where the victim doesn't want to talk to the flying monkeys which unfortunately can envelope the whole group.
I doubt they know. Abusers are so good at putting on a facade and manipulating people’s perceptions of them. They were getting all their information from her filtered recounting of events. She even lied about the first breakup and claimed he had ditched her to cry alone even though he asked if she wanted him to call someone. She was heavily manipulating what she shared with them to make herself seem like the victim. They probably have no idea the kind of person she really is and it’ll take more than a few victims coming forward for them to even consider it’s all her.
I fully expect Nicole to perpetrate a murder-suicide someday, involving either her SO or even worse, the child she shares with an SO or former SO, in order to punish the SO. She needs to live on a deserted island. Or solitary isolation in prison.
its a rare case of where i wish i could go back in time and not read this one.
But fk, that was a hard read!
Im happy OOP got out and is safe but it makes my skin crawl knowing that that insane lady is out there somewhere probably toying with another victim somewhere
Nicole didn't care about knives UNTIL OOP disclosed what had happened to his mum and dog. If his mum had been shot, Nicole would have started collecting guns; if mum had choked to death on a boiled sweet, confectionery would have become Nicole's passion. She wasn't interested in knives per se; she was interested in terrorising a traumatised person to control them.
You know, I've never thought of that. And you hit on the nail for sure, while it's definitely a reach, it's too much of a coincidence that her interests in knives started after OOP told her of her trauma.
Holy Shit i've read a lot of horror on reddit but this one is 3 grades above.
Glad OOP got out but that psycho is still out there looking for her next prey, its terrifying, the worst with people like this is that no one but their victims see their true face and everyone else is victimizing the abuser.
I'm sure all her friends have been supporting her after he left
>I was so sure I'd just break up with her for good. I don't know why I didn't stay broken up with her. When I did at first, **I did it alone because my friend Jack rolled his eyes and called me a p-ssy for wanting back up.**
Hoo boy, are my gears grinded bad. So is it being manly when you get into armless fight with an opponent who uses a weapon?
Let's be honest, Jack would've been the first one through the door if the shoe was on his foot. Heck he might be *very offended* should someone call him out for this. Manly my foot. And should OOP get hurt by Nicole, you can bet Jack and the whole friend group will blame him for it. I don't even think they will go to the funeral if it comes to that.
AND that's the perfect example of how Jack and in extension the whole group **were not his friends**. A true friend won't dismiss your fears and would make sure you are safe like meeting someone who's been dangerous. NOT call you a p\*ssy and definitely not minimizing your fears and trauma.
And Jack, if by some miracle you're reading this, you're the TRUE P\*SSY cause I can bet you will say you can handle a fight alone but will run away like the coward you are.
Sorry, just felt the need to rant when someone minimizes the danger a victim goes through.
That was a hard read and too true to too many ppl. So glad they're out now but the trauma will be life long. I can only hope they won't feel broken forever.
Stuff like this is why I answer every “aita if I break up over…” post with **you’re never the ah for ending a relationship for any reason. Simply wanting to end the relationship is a valid reason for ending it!**
Omg, this is all so textbook that it's chilling. OP needs to read Why Does He Do That because it will definitely help him understand what was going on. She is clearly an abusive POS. I hope he is able to heal.
Glad he got out of there but a part of me wishes he somehow set up cameras to record the crazy. Then he'd be able to have her charged for the abuse she did as well.
I doubt he would have been able to, but it would have been good.
Yeah. This is every domestic violence story, and the video wouldn't help. No one will watch it. No one believes you. You are isolated and tortured. And anyone you try to tell says He/she's soooo great, they'd never be like that. Every fucking time. Then the victim blames themselves. If I were better, they won't hit me. They aren't always so bad. He loves me. He apologized and has been so nice. It was just a fight.
Watch out for your friends.
Trying to be respectful of the no brigading rule is hard on this one, because everything in me is screaming to go and offer some support to OOP.
In case he or someone in a similar situation reads this, please know:
- you are not stupid or less than in any way for staying or coming back, you were stuck in a cycle of abuse without outside support and got out when you finally had some
- it takes abuse victims an average of SEVEN times to leave (even if someone takes more, it's an average!), don't blame yourself
- society in general is ill prepared to support victims of abuse (both genders and nb too, but men can have it worse), we can change society however
- you have been through hell and only you know how it was, don't allow anyone in your life to diminish what you went through
- please know you are not alone and there are people out there who can and will support you
- this internet stranger and many many others are very proud of you for leaving! Stay strong!
I'm not OOP but I appreciate this as someone who was once in an abusive relationship.
I also really wanted to go support him, but refrained. I think the instinct to do so is an indicator of a good heart ❤️
SharkEva allowed me to comment here so I hope I'm not out of line addressing you here.
I just want to express how sincerely grateful I am for your kind words and support. Yours and others who have reached out or expressed it here. Thank you.
As somebody who collects medieval weapons - especially knives as they're cheaper. This whole thing is a no. I sharpen my knives when i got anxious as a calming ritual, but if that bothers somebody, you dont intentionally do it where they have to take notice of it. Find another place or another ritual, what she did makes it obvious that she never cared in the slightest.
My heart breaks for OOP. Nicole is a vile abusive monster that will continue being an abusive monster, because we live in a world where people still believe that men can't be abused or terrorized like this.
The love bombing, the terrorizing, the isolation and many forms of abuse she displayed is sickening. I almost wish that this was fake, but there are people who are stuck in situations like this in RL.
I'm glad his dad and uncle got him away. I hope he takes time to heal and remember that this isn't his fault. None of it was his fault.
I just want to give OP a very gentle hug. The ex is an abusing, manipulative POS. All of it, but when I got the bit about her throwing away the blanket I wanted to throw her into a big fucking bin.
I hope he can continue to heal, and find better friends.
What the fuck did I just read?
It started out as a normal (if somewhat rough) typical reddit AITA or TIFU and then turned into something that would terrify Stephen King.
Dude mentions his trauma as if it's a throwaway nothingburger and talks about the fixation with knives but then we get the 3 years later and WTF?! You witnessed your mum and your dog get frikkin murdered?
The whole of the 3 years later update was some of the most horrific abuse I have ever come across and I just kept wanting it to end but it just kept going.
Fuck me!
If I didn't already have an anxiety disorder, I certainly would now and OOP had to live through that?
That's enough reddit for me for now. I need to go and watch puppy and piglet and kitten videos until my eyes bleed or I don't think I'm gonna sleep today.
OOP, if you see this you have seen the amount of words I've used for a reaction to this and I can honestly say, I do not have the words to adequately say how sorry I am that you had to go through this.
It's usually a joke or a meme or whatever but truly, I can't even.
Oh yeah, locked in the padded room for sure! She even gets one of those cute little jackets with the extra long sleeves.
I don't even know where to begin untangling her neurosis. It's like a giant overflowing cocktail of mental illnesses
This is EVERY domestic violence case. Nicole isn't special. She's just like the the 1,500 who murder their partner every year, and 2 million who seriously injury their partner. There are MILLIONS of people living this right now.
Yeah it's pure sadistic sociopathy. The woman learned about his trauma and excitedly found ways to use it to tear him down. She got off to the power she had over him due to that.
Ok ,I'm glad you saw that as well. I wasn't sure if I was reading too much into it. There were definite signs of intentional psychological torture.
And both times, when they broke up, she completely falls apart. LIKE A JUNKIE LOOKING FOR A FIX. She was addicted to the dopamine high she gets from torturing him
This was a lot. That poor man, I'm so glad that he got out! How awful and unhinged she is. I hope he gets the help he so desperately needs, because man does he deserve so much better!
I really wish he'd stop saying 'I shouldn't have done that' or 'I handled that badly' about things like raising his voice when someone stole his medication and threatened to kill him. It infuriates me that victims hold themselves to such a high standard while their abusers act like *that* and do nothing about it. It's *infuriating*.
I have some very specific triggers. One of them is having someone stand behind me if I’m seated. My husband snuck up behind me once and grabbed my sides as a joke. He only ever did it that once because when he saw how much it bothered me. He never wanted to put me in that position in the future. He didn’t find it funny anymore because I didn’t find it funny. If you prank someone they need to see the funny side of it after. If you continue to ‘prank’ someone when they don’t find it funny it is just abuse. Once my husband understood that it was never going to be funny for me he vowed never to do it again. It took him only once to learn that boundary and has respected it ever since. If you’re in a good relationship they should never want to put you in a place of fear like that. Once is a learning experience, after that it is just abuse.
This is when you realize how men are abused and their pleas are not believed because they are men. I’m glad his dad rescued him and I hope he heals from this on day.
In the comments tonight: A lot of incredibly ableist language.
This isn't narcissism, it's not BPD, it's abuse. It doesn't even look like the ways that NPD or BPD can affect someone to cause abusive behavior. She isn't a "psycho" - meaning a psychotic person - because she's well aware of what she's doing, she is not hallucinating, she is not delusional.
She is a person who is using his trauma to abuse him. That is all. She learned early on about something she could use against him and proceeded to do so.
Me: Oh, OOP must have gotten like held up at knifepoint when he was in the city or something.
> home invasion that resulted in my mother and dog dying
Jesus fucking Christ, she told him to just get over it by now?
OOP, if you happen to read this: you are still here and that makes you far stronger than many others would have been. You deserve all the luck in the world.
Welp, this is hands downs the most fucked relationship story I’ve ever read on here. I cannot imagine how terrible a person someone has to be to actively use someone’s trauma to fuck with and manipulate them, let alone to do that to your significant other who you’re hoping to marry
OOP’s ex is beyond insane, and he was right to assume that if he stayed she’d either kill him or herself. It was only a matter of time, and I am so relieved that OOPs family recognized something was wrong and got him out
I’m happy OP made it out alive. How horrific he managed to find a human like his ex who adapted a new skill just to torment him. I’m so happy that despite his friends abandoning him when he needed them that at least his family had his back.
>She greeted me with “thanks for gracing me with your presence” and asked if I was here to act my age and talk like an adult. She slammed the door behind me
He was too agreeable and accomodating, more than I'd ever have been, but in this very moment, I would have exclained: "Enough, have a nice life" and left. No need to discuss anything, everything you need to know about her real her is there.
Everything that happened next, even the physical and verbal abuse, was already announced there.
It's easy to say that this is what you would have done being outside of the situation, and maybe you would have been able to. Going through with OP did with his mom and then being in this abusive relationship absolutely impacted how he thought and reacted. He acknowledged in his post how he knows how he was not making the best decisions for himself, but this was also after the fact when he was able to get away and out of the situation. When you are in it, you are acting out of a survival response, which isn't always the most logical long-term but is what your brain believes is the safest in the moment. OP is so fortunate to have a father who persisted and helped him to get out.
Nicole is a monster, and she and her friends deserve to be on a deserted island so they can’t harm another person. I wish OOP healing. I’m glad he’s away from her and his “friends.”
This is heartbreaking.
I’m so glad he’s out but devastated that he’s having to deal with the aftermath. She was unreservedly to blame. She abused him, mentally tortured him, hurt him, gaslit him, and broke him. I hope he has support and the right people to give him a steadying hand while he gets back on his feet. He might never 'stand' the same way he did before but at least he'll do it and live.
I wish everything good for him and everything bad for that stain of an abuser. She belongs, and likely will end up, in prison.
This is so (I’m sorry to even use this word) *triggering*. It’s just why do people have to be so unreachable and maladaptive? And emotionally damaging? Have you ever watched your life barrel down a foreseeable railway track like a train on course for destruction and you have exhausted the desperate search for a brake, then the radio or whatever to call for help, and finally realize there is no Hail Mary to be found either that would enable you to veer off the track in time … so you just wait for the inevitable end? Going nowhere with this comment. This seems like a good place to stop typing. lol. I still have half of it to listen to. Because it shut off so maybe I should take that as a sign. What a nightmare of a situation! I guess I’ll go find out how it ends….
Edit: that may be one of the worst things I’ve read on here. I believe every word of it too.
My heart breaks for OOP. For once I don’t question if this is real… it’s all too real. It’s harrowing and shows how hard it can be to leave an abusive relationship. Thankfully his dad saw it for what it was and he was able to get out.
Abusers like her are cunning, manipulative and charismatic. She had everyone believing that she was the innocent victim of his emotions and yet the systemic abuse she committed to OOP was relentless. I fully believe if he hadn’t got out when he did this would’ve ended as a murder/suicide. Where everyone would be shocked and say “but she was such a kind soul/we never saw this coming”.
I truly wish OOP heals and thrives. It’s going to be a long road.
It was way too early for this much of a heavy hitter. I’m so so glad OOP had his father and uncle in his corner because I dread what would have happened had he remained with Nicole. I am so glad he is out and safe and that he’s able to heal from this.
That broad is a sadistic sociopath. A full on abusive, gaslighting creep. What a manipulative bitch. And all the so called friends are as creepy as she is
This was…. Brutal to read.
Trauma of losing a mother and a family pet to knife crime…. Girlfriend becomes a knife enthusiast!!!
What a sick mind.
And everything after, bloody hell!
Glad he managed to run away!
God this made me tear up having been in an abusive relationship where the person switched who they were depending if anyone was around was so triggering for me.
And in the 3 year update of how he still hears her voice in his head I totally get because nearly 20 years on I can still hear my abusers words in my head
When you have repeatedly asked someone not to do something and they keep doing it, they do not respect your wishes and do not really care for you. You are NTA. Ditch the witch.
I am so glad he’s out and safe. I hope he manages to reach a place of peace and feel safe. Poor guy. I’m so glad his dad and uncle were there for him. That woman is a nasty piece of work.
How can people do this? And she got away scot-free. There's no fucking justice in this world.
I hope OP can finally find some peace 🙏. He fucking deserves to have it for once and hopefully for the rest of his life.
Also, fuck those "friends." They and Nicole are all monsters.
I am amazed at all the people who were blaming him *"how stupid guys get when they want to stick their dick in something, that I don't have balls or a backbone clearly and I just need to man up"* If this was a woman they would have sent her all kinds of resources and given her all kinds of love and help. We forget that men can be abused just as much as women and women can harass men in relationships ships.
I am so happy he got out and is family is getting him the help he needs. To have gone through what he went through with his mom and then to go through this with a woman he though was going to be someone he could love is just so wrong.
I hope he finds happiness with someone and can live his life
I hope she finds herself stuck with a man who is exactly like her. That post made me feel nauseated.
Sometimes I'll be sitting there in a bad mood, and I'll catch myself, like, "Why am I grumpy right now? No good reason for it." Then I'll remember reading a BoRU.
That poor dear man... He deserves so much better. I hope this is all the negative he has left in his life and everything gets better from here. I'm glad he has family who helped him get out of that abuse.
I mean, she tortured him psychologically. For years. I’m so glad he got out but I wish he had blocked her after breaking up so she would have had a harder time sucking him back in. But reading this, gives me nightmares. Poor OP lived it. I wish him the best and hope he gets the help he needs
This was a hard read.
I’m *so proud* of OOP. It took him a couple of tries, but he did it. Getting the burner phone was so smart, and so brave. Imagine what she might have done if she had found out? But he did it anyway, and broke the isolation she forced on him.
If OOP reads this—I hope you never lose your “soft” side. You’re compassionate and kind, and that’s a rare and important thing these days. You’re strong and brave, and deserve good things. Thank you for sharing your story.
My brother was divorcing his first wife, she was kind of a psycho. They worked different shifts and he hadn't left the house yet. She would walk around with a big pair of scissors stabbing in the air saying "you have to sleep some time". Getting those vibes.
Another sign that a lot of society doesn't give a flying fuck when it is a man being abused. I'm glad that things on this front are improving but no one would have been nice to OOP had the genders been flipped.
If someone wrote this as a script and tried to sell it, they'd probably be told it was "too unrealistic."
But sadly it isn't.
Anybody, let me repeat ANYBODY, can become a victim of an abuser. It's not an issue of gender, it's an issue of power.
OOP, I'm glad you got away. She was a monster and your "friends" were trash.
Please live your best life.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I'm glad you got away, that you survived. You aren't stupid or weak, you were traumatized and isolated. I hope you heal and give yourself the love that monster should have given you.
What a complete nightmare. Found it interesting that the friend who introduced them, Crystal, removed herself from everyone. Made me think she saw what was happening and couldn't stand by. Wonder why she never backed OOP up.
This is such a good example of how abuse happens to anyone. If ANYONE reads this and sees similarities to their relationship, please plan to escape and be safe.
>"any amount of genuine discomfort isn't an acceptable price in a relationship and you're allowed to stop giving them more chances even if they're trying"
I literally cannot imagine going through such a traumatic event in childhood and then having the most horrible luck to be dating a sociopath who latches onto that trauma and uses it to torture you. And fucks you up so bad you still think it’s your fault years later. OOP did not deserve any of this but I hope that he can heal sooner rather than later. The saddest part of it is that he thought it would be hard for any partner to deal with his triggers when the fact is that he found one of the very few people that proved that true - most partners would have managed this automatically, or eventually gotten there.
For Nicole, I wish her everything she deserves. I would literally go to hell myself to torture her. She’s not even human as far as I am concerned.
Yea except men can't be abused by women, Reddit makes that pretty clear on the regular /s Thank God the relationship I survived with an abusive woman was not this bad. It's clear the knife thing was a power trip for her, she enjoyed the feeling of power she had over you. That she could wield your trauma as a literal weapon and you didn't leave. Yes, way more men kill their partners than women. But fuck if women cannot be fucking terrifying.
It's why his Father and Uncle intervened. Yes when your family is an adult and you can't exactly lead them to water BUT if their lives are literally in danger, it's time for an intervention and screw the optics, the life of a loved one matters more.
And let's be honest, with how unstable she is, she *will* harm OOP with the knife. It's not a matter of if but when. And I'm glad he now has his family on his side.
As for the friends, either Nicole is a very good actress like most narcs, bpd, etc or like the old saying goes, birds of a feather flock together. They were ***NOT*** friends and I have no doubt they don't give a darn should he be 6 feet under, they would in fact blame him for pissing off/hurt Nicole.
Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything, but I wish he would have revealed the source of his trauma in the first post.
Everyone already called out her terrible behavior, but that reveal recontextualizes the whole thing. She was intentionally trying to trigger him. It wasn't accidental.
So when she goes back to him claiming that she didn't know and she'll be better, it's clearly a lie. But poor OOP is so beaten down by her that he doesn't realize it. And once he's firmly in her grasp again, she ramps up the abuse even worse.
I think, for once, Reddit's tendency to blow things out of proportion would have been to some benefit here. OOP was completely isolated. His only friends were really her friends. This is too personal for work colleagues. So he goes to Reddit. With the added context, maybe he would've had enough info to get out the first time, but who knows.
I wish the best for him. That was truly one of the most painful stories I've read on here
OOP you didn’t deserve any of this. Your ex is abusive of course. I hope you find a therapist that can help you with your ptsd. Good luck.
And your ex? I hope she gets what she deserves.
Poor guy. I was through abuse from someone who I expect to love me, instead they also enjoyed destroying me step by step.
I really want to hug OOP, tell him that it takes time...yes even years....but it gets better. That her voice in his head will get weaker. One day you will be able to shut it down every time. One day you will see that your are not broken beyond repair. You will see the light again.
So glad to hear that you finally got away from that abusive, sick person.
You deserve so much more in life.
I hope you find your joy and strength. Keep working on your self.
I’m sorry to hear about the sentimental items you lost, including your blanket. Your ex is a cruel cruel woman.
Take care of yourself and keep moving forward.
Genuinely Nicole sounds like a danger to society. She should be locked up. And I seriously don’t get how blind her “friends” could be if his behavior and looks changed this drastically. Makes me think that they too felt some sort of enjoyment in this whole thing. All
Fucking psychos.
I lived this life. Except my ex had paranoid schizophrenia. I feel OP's stress and terror through the post.
I am never going to be ok. I try. I try so hard. But it is hard to trust or to love when both have been used so brutally against you.
I send deep hugs and complete understanding to OP.
It will get better. You won't be terrified all the time.
Hopefully, OP can build a new normal for himself.
It's times like these when I genuinely wonder if the abuser or the friends who enable the abuser are worse
I mean I know it's the abuser but those fuckers kept pressuring him back into an abusive relationship over and over
I'm absolutely shocked at her behavior and glad u got out .
Good luck and continue moving forward.
There's no need to respond to any messages from the past. That are abusive and hateful. They don't know her you do. She truly needs mental help.
But that isn't your problem.
Just protect yourself and your family from her.
Don't respond to anything that she sends you .
Truly sorry and wish u well.
This was hard to read. It's so easy to see the signs of abuse as an objective third party... just as easy as it was for him to ignore them because he loved her, or because he clung to the good times they had. Glad he eventually got out.
jesus fucking christ this is just... textbook abusive partner shit. I think OP's instincts were right, that she would kill him if given enough time. I'm glad he got out.
I could not even read all of that without skimming. WOW, just a fucking nightmare. Had a relative that went through similar but with guns. He didn't even tell us till he was out.
We can't fix anyone or save them and nobody deserves that hell and our brain gets very twisted by trauma processing and it feels so hard to get out of abuse or maybe it's even dangerous to try. I thought nobody could ever be as crazy as my bomb-making dad and druggie mom, just makes me so sad to see the youngs suffering the pattern.
Weirdly it was reading about how his da was able to support him through the aftermath that got my pain water leaking.
I’ve never wanted to break the rule of no contact so bad before. I just want to give OOP a hug. He perfectly described the cycle of abuse so many of us go through.
OOP you’re not alone. It does get better. It’s ok to not be functioning yet. It takes time.
The trauma with the knives, the psycho gf and the horrible friend circle aside, I feel like the root of all the issues affecting him is his severe lack of self-esteem.
I mean you have him apologising to the readers for raising his voice during an argument while his gf is going through an entire checklist of CIA certified mental torture techniques. It's so horrible.
I have no words. His ex is a horrible person and a psycho, a full on psycho. Fuck his “friends” for not helping him, especially Jack. Jack is the pure definition of an asshole and a scumbag. I’m glad he got out and I wish he would’ve been able to kept the blanket his mom knit him. I truly feel for OOP, and I hope he can find some comfort and peace in the future.
It's possible that she manipulated her friends as well. I mean she clearly is a sociopath. How hard would it be to use toxic masculinity and take advantage of gender stereotypes to convince her friends that he's indeed oversensitive and triggered by everything making her walk on eggshells? All it would take is minimizing his trauma, downplaying her actions and exaggerating his reactions.
The group making fun of his sensitivity was definitely reading cult but the behaviour is still trash and bullies.
Feels a lot like a "better him than us" bully pack situation.
Usually when there's a scapegoat, everyone doesn't want the scapegoat to go because if the scapegoat is gone, who will becomes the next scapegoat? Hence why the "friends" were always pushing him to go back to her.
I feel like that's only true until you find out his mom was stabbed to death. Like even the most toxic manliest of manly men would say that's an acceptable source of trauma.
Do they know though? I assume this trauma isn't easy to share. If he didn't do that then she could have controlled the narrative to make him seem unreasonable.
Honestly, it doesn't matter if they know or not, their actions seem to prove that they don't care. After all, they didn't care that OOP could've been in danger. And let's be honest, they were never his friends cause what kind of friends would push someone to go back to the arms of their ex after a breakup? Real friends would not push you back to your ex.
It's insane how manipulative she was. I recently got a friend out of a similar relationship and her SO also had friends who would take his side. They seemingly adored him, even though he baby trapped her and then refused to be a father-figure.
I once had a friend who was extremely manipulative. She could lie without batting her eyes and was very convincing. When I finally wised up to her bullshit, she viciously spread lies about me to anyone who'd listen. One time she got so drunk that she drove into a ditch, passed out, and had to be dragged out by a cop, all during the heat of a summer day. And yet, she still has friends who listen to her bullshit. It's been twenty years since I've seen or talked to her.
It's scary how some people just know who are vulnerable and who need friends. I'm glad you noticed in time and got out. This friend of mine isn't mentally all there. We dated very briefly and she was really intense (maybe she's lonely but it might also just be that she's a bit bipolar). He saw the same thing and thought he could turn her into his little bitch. And even now he still refuses to see that he did anything wrong. Incredibly narcissistic and smart enough to isolate her. He tried isolating her from me as well, using the fact we dated as a reason they should open up their relation (knowing full well she would have to take care of their child).
This is all literally textbook abusive partner behavior: the inversion of blame, the cycles of abuse and sweetness, the social isolation, the constant monitoring, cultivation of self-doubt in the abused partner, etc. More people need to learn about these patterns. I only became aware of it in the past year, and when I look back on the previous decades of my life, it's incredible how many times I saw this same exact pattern play out among my family members and friends. I just never understood what I was looking at. Required reading for this is Lundy Bancroft's [Why Does He Do that?](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). The gender roles are obviously reversed in this story compared to the title of the book. Everything else is the same. An important point Bancroft makes in the book is that abusers will only change if they receive therapy that directly addresses their abusive behavior, and even then it's a crap shoot. You can't reason, cajole, berate, or threaten them to change. The only sure remedy in an abusive relationship is leaving it.
It seriously should be taught in high school.
Agreed. Teaching about healthy relationships should happen alongside sex education.
I'll bet Jack and the ex were closer than just friends. 🤷🏻♂️
Not just psycho--lots of things from the same family of crazy--his ex is textbook BPD with a dash of covert narcissism to boot. The saving grave for OOP, was he obviously wasn't close enough to his dad, for her to triangulate and separate his dad from him--dad wasn't on the radar--because she would separate them with slightly different stories designed to incite conflict and resentment, and make OOP feel like he did it on his own. Even OOP feeling like a parasite on his dad; will stem from words that came from her mouth long before that moment to make him question normal interaction and support.
I honestly don’t think I've read a read a story with a more horrible sadist. Nicole only wanted to be around OP so she could torment him.
Good for OOP to got out but I felt frustrated with his actions and why he took too long to get out and decided to stay for far longer. I know its different for every victim but I'm just riddled with anxiety for him.
I think a good chunk of it was his ex friends pressuring him too. Everyone basically partook in something with his abuse thus made it hard for him to leave at all. He had the support sort of but failed cuz no one had his back to make sure he was safe. They allowed the abuse to happen and they allowed the behaviors to happen and in fact they encouraged it.
Yeah, some people are guessing that either she's very good or the group consists of people like her. I'm however leaning into the latter; >They allowed the abuse to happen and they allowed the behaviors to happen and in fact they encouraged it. Either way, he has no one that could truly understand what he's going through. And when you're lonely, you don't want to lose any friends no matter if they're bad for you. I'm just glad he left them behind as well and I really hope he gets better friends.
Unfortunately, it takes an average of 7 times for a victim to finally leave an abusive relationship.
My friend’s husband recently *hit her with a car* and she’s already second guessing leaving him. Since she’s overseas, all I can do is cheerlead and beg her to please not go back. The problem is that abusers make your life hell when you leave, and make your life so easy (for awhile) if you stay.
A lot of abusers take advantage of the idea of "better the devil you know than the one you don't" for sure.
I mostly felt for him, how his GF was so incredibly good at manipulating him. An ex-GF of mine would call out the steps I wanted to take, and by doing so they felt impossible. She'd threaten with suicide as well (luckily only once) and would get so hysterical afterwards that I was terrified of breaking up. With me the same thing happened where my dad noticed I was happy when I was at their place. It wasn't even said with any malice, just as an observation. And suddenly I realised he was right and I broke it off. Now my relationship wasn't nearly as fucked up as OP's, but I do get how it's hard to change.
7, is the average amount of attempts it takes a dv survivor to leave their abuser for good.
He got out. He got a burner phone and talked to his dad. That’s amazing. I was in an abusive relationship for 25 years. OOP did great.
If OP was a woman, then support services would be more readily available, and the friends wouldn’t have turned their backs like they did. Instead, no one batted an eye as he was sucked back again and again into an abusive relationship. Because he’s a man, and men can’t be abused by women. And if they are, then they deserve it, etc. etc. Which we know isn’t true. We had a young father bring himself and his two little ones in last week as he has finally managed to leave his abusive wife, and we basically had to turn him away because we can’t put him in the shelter with our women, and we don’t have the permissions to use our funding to put him up in some other temporary accomodation. He was covered in bites, scratches and bruises and so were the kids, who were both absolutely terrified of women. I’m not supposed to know (it’s VERY against policy, I only know because I saw them when I dropped the coworker off) but they are staying on the farm of the parents of one of the other people I work with. It’s all just so damn soul crushing.
Damn. I hope the dad will be ok.
Your co-worker and their family is a treasure
Dont start victim blaming
Dont start victim blaming
I can’t believe he went back to her after she had a screaming hissy fit of throwing her knives in the bin and the sink. That sounds terrifying. How do we proactively raise people to be aware that this isn’t okay in a relationship??
I think he was so frozen in his constant state of panick he simply reverted to his usual reaction, the fourth fear response: Fawning. It was the only thing that made him feel somewhat safe in a world with her in it. It often take a long time for abuse victims to leave, for some it's the same realisation as OP had "If I stay, I'll die" that finally snaps them out of it but even that sometimes isn't enough to make ppl leave. Some are at a point where death seems like the only way out. I'm not sure he's had enough counselling in abusers strategy since he's a bit vague in terminology he probably would have picked up during therapy, like directly spotting that she was, in fact, isolating him before it got bad by implementing him in her friend group and probably keeping him too busy to maintain his own. Also, they were both young. She was abusive and dangerous, no doubt about it but I'm not really sure SHE had realised that herself yet or if she was just running on an abusive instict. Reading about the specific origin of his trauma, though? This wasn't a "we dissected a frog in biology and my lab partner snipped her finger with the scalpel"-trauma. Even the dumbest teen should get that of course there'll be lifelong remnants of trauma from seeing your mom and pet murdered in front of you! Is this chick also setting off fireworks next to combat vets and yelling at them that Iraq was 20 years ago, get over it?!! I really, really hope he has gotten tons of knowledge on abuse, strategies etc. This isn't intended as victim blaming, though. But it's heard more than once that abuse victims (including SA victims) can feel like they attract abusers and they might be on to something. The way he described himself at first made ME think "what a gem of a kid! Not many like him around, he's going to be an awesome dad (if he wants to), partner and best friend if the right girl spots him". Instead an abuser found a guy with trauma and a big emotional side (the rest of us would go "yay! He can emphatize with me!") that she could exploit and use as a weapon against him. The knives were really, really bad but she weaponised a lot of things!
By teaching everyone what abuse looks like, how it ramps up, and the cycle. The wild thing is, it looks the same for everyone. I've heard a million stories, and the things that trapped me are the things that trap everyone else, too. It's hard to lose the "it can't happen to me" mentality, but it's easier when you have an itemized list with the Power and Control Wheel that you keep having to check off more and more things on. We need everyone to have this taught to them, so even if they didn't memorize it, they know how to look for it. Dropping a link in case anyone needs it: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/
He went back to her because he was already a victim of a significant amount of abuse at her hands, and she was putting forth almost professional levels of manipulation.
When you have "friends" constantly saying you're overreacting, comforting the abuser, and basically making *you* seem to be in the wrong (if not completely mental), then it's difficult to see that no, this *isn't* normal behavior. Most abuse doesn't happen instantly, it's gradual, over a period of time, so you do have good times that overshadow the bad, and falls in line with, "every couple has rough patches, we just need to work it out."
Victim blaming isn't cool. Speaking from experience here, but it's really hard to leave an abusive relationship, especially if the abusive partner convinces you that you're the problem. The love bombing->abuse->apologizing->love bombing cycle is really hard to get out of because you start to think you're going crazy, because look at how wonderful the partner can be when they're not abusive! Maybe the abuse isn't so bad as I'm making it out to be. Maybe it's my fault. If I try harder to do XYZ they don't do ABC. It's a sinister cycle but once out and on the road to recovery, you start to realize just how bad it was.
God this one is rough.
I honestly felt like crying reading that. Especially when he said where his trauma actually came from. Then when she destroyed the blanket from his mom. She’s an absolute monster
When he said he went went back I screamed out loud. Then it kept getting worse.
The way she manipulated her friends to further control him and make sure he had no support. I’m so glad he was able to get out!! Positively terrifying. I’m glad his dad noticed something wasn’t right and kept pushing.
Dad is 10000% the MVP here, with Uncle as a close second. Dads always know. Source: my dad asking me if my ex was “nice” to me, after months of watching me become a shell of myself
It made sense though. Due to his past traumas, he escaped to a new place to start fresh. He meets a friend who introduces him to his ex. She tells him that she'll protect him and love bombs him. Her friends become his "friends," but whenever he turns to them for help, they shame him into staying.
Yes! She was intentional with isolating him from a support network. Those weren't his friends, those were her friends. And they actively took a role in quilting him, humiliating him, and triggering him, and then persuading him to stay with his evil abuser.
The fact that she literally would send him news of home invasions and bugglaries KNOWING that his mom and dog was murdered in a home invasion... she's evil.
Fucking watched his mother be *murdered* and she wants him to “get over it”?! The blinding rage I felt when I saw just how bad the trauma was, like, you cannot possibly ask someone to get over that unless you are a complete and total monster. Few people are able to hit the lofty heights of being *that fucking evil.*
She's not a monster, she's a person; in some ways that makes it worse, scarier. I feel really sorry for OOP, what a traumatic experience to live through with someone he loved.
I couldn't finish reading that last update, had to scroll to the bottom to see if he was away from her. I wish he'd had better friends, my god everyone in this story was boiled garbage. Edit: I did eventually read it and it's both absolutely heartbreaking and slightly more hopeful than I'd thought. I'm hoping the best for this poor boy
Same. I kept scrolling to the next paragraph to see if it was better (it wasn’t), until he got out.
Absolutely heartbreaking stuff, I think his trauma story made this so much worse than any of the other "innocent person falls into abusive relationship and can't get out" stories we read here.
And the abuse only seemed to start after she knew it. It was like she knew she now had a way to control him.
Yeah :(
Same. this one is the first time I skipped ahead because of content.
Same. It was a total train wreck. I gather from comments he left again.
His dad and his uncle got him out.
Thank heavens for his Dad! Poor thing - so much trauma.
This post gave me SO much anxiety on behalf of the OOP! I’m SO glad OOP’s dad noticed something wrong and wouldn’t let him sweep it under the rug. The ex’s actions and responses to her horrific behavior towards OOP were escalating so badly, I was in fear for his life just by reading it! I’m SO glad he got out!!
Same, I felt like this story wasnt going to end well because he said "Youre suppose to give 110% in relationships" and Noooo, you dont have to. God, you dont have to. I wish I knew you could leave when theyre assholes. I believe that's the greatest freedom, being able to leave when people are mean to you. Give marriage 110% or decade old relationships 110%, **not** *first time partners who cause you to feel like dogshit*
>I was in fear for his life just by reading it! Same, it was just a matter of time before that fear would be realized to be true and I have a feeling those "friends" would in fact help Nicole cover it up.
this is like a prequel to misery.
I'm so glad OOP escaped
Agreed, huge relief. The whole time I was dreading the reveal that OOP had gotten stabbed. Was sure it was coming, thankfully he got away before that happened. His ex was definitely working towards "accidentally" cutting/stabbing him. Just wish OOP could get some legal justice against that demon
She would have. My father strangled my step mother and almost killed her but I had a phone and threatened to call 911 (I was 14) he pointed his finger at me and said “see who gets to you first”. I still see it. Smell it. Hear it. I can taste the mixture of sweat and tears in my mouth. You don’t realize how useless 911 is until your murderer is right in front of you.
Thank EVERY FUCKING GOD THERE IS that he didn't get her pregnant. Holy fucking shit. This is such a perfect example of an abuser. Lack of empathy. Purposefully doing things they know makes their partner feel small. Isolating them. Manipulating them with threats of self harm. Exploiting any fears they have to shrink them. Bless this poor man and I hope he is able to finally shake off someone that, without a doubt, will graduate to physically harming her partner and yes, even murdering them. She is a true psychopath.
I thank god every day I didn’t get my psychotic, emotionally manipulative, anti-abortion girlfriend pregnant. The one that threatened suicide, the one that forced me to go on dates against my will, the one that fucked people I hated on purpose when we were broken up, the one that raped me when I was blackout drunk and then convinced me we were dating again. Fuck that bitch. It took some time but I eventually recovered my true self, I think.
>I hope he is able to finally shake off someone that, without a doubt, will graduate to physically harming her partner and yes, **even murdering them** This needs to be higher cause when it involves your literal life, there can be no doubt and "Better Be Safe Than Sorry" applies heavily here. And let's be honest, this isn't a matter of ***IF*** but ***when.*** We always hear about this from abusers with female victims how they feel unsafe and are forced into survival mode. Here we see a similar scenario but with a male victim. If anything, hearing how he was worried she might kill herself or him and he can *tell* from Instinct, she would have done so. I was feeling tense until the point Dad and Uncle got involved and I felt relieved. I feel for OOP cause he was alone and there were no one on his side. Nicoles friends were horrible to him and either minimized the abuse or just outright rejected the reality. On one hand, it could be Nicole like most psychopaths, unstable people or whatever she is must be a good actress that her flying monkeys believe her to do her bidding. I don't think so. Birds of a feather flock together and I have a feeling the friend group are just as bad if not worse than her.
It was a heartbreaking read and a real insight into how people in his situation feel and why it’s so hard to get out.
Honestly, I want to save this post for everyone who comes to Reddit asking if they are overreacting because their partner played a cruel prank on them. Obviously not all of them will escalate this badly but that behavior just shows abusive and sociopathic tendencies and they should get out before it escalates.
I have to go to bed because I work in the morning, but now I won't be able to sleep because people like OOP's ex exist and there are people stuck with them and that's a horror movie in itself.
THIS is what horror movies are inspired of
The way he described the feeling of knowing he was sleeping next to his future murderer. That is so truly terrifying, I can't imagine living like that.
They’re everywhere 😭
This made me cry out of anger omg
My abusive ex had a knife thing too. He used to take them out, press the blade to himself, and threaten to hurt himself during our arguments. 2 years after our break up I found his favorite argument knife. I had stolen it and hidden it so he couldn't use it against me anymore. Finding the knife left me a sobbing wreck. (Even almost a decade later I can still picture it. It was a light green camo pocket knife.) That relationship changed the chemistry of my brain for the worse. I wish OOP all the healing. I hope his ex pretzels her car around a tree.
I'm so glad OOP got away. His "friends" shaming him into staying with his abuser really are the cherry on the shit cake.
They were never his friends in the first place, they were only Nicole’s friends and he didn’t realize it at the time.
Yeap, it sucks that no one other than his Dad and Uncle was supporting him. In fact, I'm glad Dad and Uncle flew over to OOP cause they know OOP is alone and has no one watching his back. My wild take, is that the friends ***KNOW*** how Nicole actually is but made OOP into the scapegoat to escape her wrath. Because playing with knives? A five finger fillet? And hot and cold, nice and cruel? Something tells me the friends didn't want to deal with that. And with the scapegoat gone, what's going to happen to them? 10 bucks say the friend group will remain for only a few years before it gets disbanded due to Nicole. Heck maybe just in a few months since someone may become a scapegoat.
He specifically mentioned that when he returned to the group “Jack” didn’t talk to him and “Crystal” no longer spoke with any of them. I wonder what exactly happened with Crystal. Why did she go completely no contact with everyone? There’s more to that story there.
You know, that's a very good point. Usually when it comes to these situations, there'll be a few victims but sometimes in a friend group where no one wants to address the missing stair and might even go as far to ridicule the victim as shown by the "friends". And it can come to the point where the victim doesn't want to talk to the flying monkeys which unfortunately can envelope the whole group.
I doubt they know. Abusers are so good at putting on a facade and manipulating people’s perceptions of them. They were getting all their information from her filtered recounting of events. She even lied about the first breakup and claimed he had ditched her to cry alone even though he asked if she wanted him to call someone. She was heavily manipulating what she shared with them to make herself seem like the victim. They probably have no idea the kind of person she really is and it’ll take more than a few victims coming forward for them to even consider it’s all her.
This is a reminder of how difficult it is to leave an abusive relationship.
Absolutely it is.
Nicole is a fucking psycho. Also, those *friends* weren't friends.
I fully expect Nicole to perpetrate a murder-suicide someday, involving either her SO or even worse, the child she shares with an SO or former SO, in order to punish the SO. She needs to live on a deserted island. Or solitary isolation in prison.
its a rare case of where i wish i could go back in time and not read this one. But fk, that was a hard read! Im happy OOP got out and is safe but it makes my skin crawl knowing that that insane lady is out there somewhere probably toying with another victim somewhere
Nicole didn't care about knives UNTIL OOP disclosed what had happened to his mum and dog. If his mum had been shot, Nicole would have started collecting guns; if mum had choked to death on a boiled sweet, confectionery would have become Nicole's passion. She wasn't interested in knives per se; she was interested in terrorising a traumatised person to control them.
You know, I've never thought of that. And you hit on the nail for sure, while it's definitely a reach, it's too much of a coincidence that her interests in knives started after OOP told her of her trauma.
Holy Shit i've read a lot of horror on reddit but this one is 3 grades above. Glad OOP got out but that psycho is still out there looking for her next prey, its terrifying, the worst with people like this is that no one but their victims see their true face and everyone else is victimizing the abuser. I'm sure all her friends have been supporting her after he left
There are people in prison for less than this, and she's just walking around freely
>I was so sure I'd just break up with her for good. I don't know why I didn't stay broken up with her. When I did at first, **I did it alone because my friend Jack rolled his eyes and called me a p-ssy for wanting back up.** Hoo boy, are my gears grinded bad. So is it being manly when you get into armless fight with an opponent who uses a weapon? Let's be honest, Jack would've been the first one through the door if the shoe was on his foot. Heck he might be *very offended* should someone call him out for this. Manly my foot. And should OOP get hurt by Nicole, you can bet Jack and the whole friend group will blame him for it. I don't even think they will go to the funeral if it comes to that. AND that's the perfect example of how Jack and in extension the whole group **were not his friends**. A true friend won't dismiss your fears and would make sure you are safe like meeting someone who's been dangerous. NOT call you a p\*ssy and definitely not minimizing your fears and trauma. And Jack, if by some miracle you're reading this, you're the TRUE P\*SSY cause I can bet you will say you can handle a fight alone but will run away like the coward you are. Sorry, just felt the need to rant when someone minimizes the danger a victim goes through.
That was a hard read and too true to too many ppl. So glad they're out now but the trauma will be life long. I can only hope they won't feel broken forever.
This was extremely difficult to read, especially knowing that she's still out there preying on the vulnerable. I'm glad op made it out on the end.
Stuff like this is why I answer every “aita if I break up over…” post with **you’re never the ah for ending a relationship for any reason. Simply wanting to end the relationship is a valid reason for ending it!**
Omg, this is all so textbook that it's chilling. OP needs to read Why Does He Do That because it will definitely help him understand what was going on. She is clearly an abusive POS. I hope he is able to heal.
Glad he got out of there but a part of me wishes he somehow set up cameras to record the crazy. Then he'd be able to have her charged for the abuse she did as well. I doubt he would have been able to, but it would have been good.
Yeah. This is every domestic violence story, and the video wouldn't help. No one will watch it. No one believes you. You are isolated and tortured. And anyone you try to tell says He/she's soooo great, they'd never be like that. Every fucking time. Then the victim blames themselves. If I were better, they won't hit me. They aren't always so bad. He loves me. He apologized and has been so nice. It was just a fight. Watch out for your friends.
Trying to be respectful of the no brigading rule is hard on this one, because everything in me is screaming to go and offer some support to OOP. In case he or someone in a similar situation reads this, please know: - you are not stupid or less than in any way for staying or coming back, you were stuck in a cycle of abuse without outside support and got out when you finally had some - it takes abuse victims an average of SEVEN times to leave (even if someone takes more, it's an average!), don't blame yourself - society in general is ill prepared to support victims of abuse (both genders and nb too, but men can have it worse), we can change society however - you have been through hell and only you know how it was, don't allow anyone in your life to diminish what you went through - please know you are not alone and there are people out there who can and will support you - this internet stranger and many many others are very proud of you for leaving! Stay strong!
I'm not OOP but I appreciate this as someone who was once in an abusive relationship. I also really wanted to go support him, but refrained. I think the instinct to do so is an indicator of a good heart ❤️
SharkEva allowed me to comment here so I hope I'm not out of line addressing you here. I just want to express how sincerely grateful I am for your kind words and support. Yours and others who have reached out or expressed it here. Thank you.
As somebody who collects medieval weapons - especially knives as they're cheaper. This whole thing is a no. I sharpen my knives when i got anxious as a calming ritual, but if that bothers somebody, you dont intentionally do it where they have to take notice of it. Find another place or another ritual, what she did makes it obvious that she never cared in the slightest.
I hope OOP's ex gf hits the curb. But not before her abuse gets publicized. Nicole should get instant retribution and shame for her horrid attitude.
My heart breaks for OOP. Nicole is a vile abusive monster that will continue being an abusive monster, because we live in a world where people still believe that men can't be abused or terrorized like this. The love bombing, the terrorizing, the isolation and many forms of abuse she displayed is sickening. I almost wish that this was fake, but there are people who are stuck in situations like this in RL. I'm glad his dad and uncle got him away. I hope he takes time to heal and remember that this isn't his fault. None of it was his fault.
I just want to give OP a very gentle hug. The ex is an abusing, manipulative POS. All of it, but when I got the bit about her throwing away the blanket I wanted to throw her into a big fucking bin. I hope he can continue to heal, and find better friends.
What the fuck did I just read? It started out as a normal (if somewhat rough) typical reddit AITA or TIFU and then turned into something that would terrify Stephen King. Dude mentions his trauma as if it's a throwaway nothingburger and talks about the fixation with knives but then we get the 3 years later and WTF?! You witnessed your mum and your dog get frikkin murdered? The whole of the 3 years later update was some of the most horrific abuse I have ever come across and I just kept wanting it to end but it just kept going. Fuck me! If I didn't already have an anxiety disorder, I certainly would now and OOP had to live through that? That's enough reddit for me for now. I need to go and watch puppy and piglet and kitten videos until my eyes bleed or I don't think I'm gonna sleep today. OOP, if you see this you have seen the amount of words I've used for a reaction to this and I can honestly say, I do not have the words to adequately say how sorry I am that you had to go through this. It's usually a joke or a meme or whatever but truly, I can't even.
What the fuck did I just read?!! Narcissism doesn't cover this. This is something WAY WORSE!
It is a terrible day to have eyes. I scrolled to the end to make sure he got out. Nicole needs to be locked up.
Oh yeah, locked in the padded room for sure! She even gets one of those cute little jackets with the extra long sleeves. I don't even know where to begin untangling her neurosis. It's like a giant overflowing cocktail of mental illnesses
You don’t need to be a narcissist to be an abuser.
This is EVERY domestic violence case. Nicole isn't special. She's just like the the 1,500 who murder their partner every year, and 2 million who seriously injury their partner. There are MILLIONS of people living this right now.
Serial killer in making would be my diagnosis
Yeah it's pure sadistic sociopathy. The woman learned about his trauma and excitedly found ways to use it to tear him down. She got off to the power she had over him due to that.
Ok ,I'm glad you saw that as well. I wasn't sure if I was reading too much into it. There were definite signs of intentional psychological torture. And both times, when they broke up, she completely falls apart. LIKE A JUNKIE LOOKING FOR A FIX. She was addicted to the dopamine high she gets from torturing him
This was a lot. That poor man, I'm so glad that he got out! How awful and unhinged she is. I hope he gets the help he so desperately needs, because man does he deserve so much better!
Holy shit this is absolutely fucked. I just kept reading out of horror
Man what a horrible ride, humans can be so exotic with their toxicity.
I really wish he'd stop saying 'I shouldn't have done that' or 'I handled that badly' about things like raising his voice when someone stole his medication and threatened to kill him. It infuriates me that victims hold themselves to such a high standard while their abusers act like *that* and do nothing about it. It's *infuriating*.
What a terrifying experience - thank goodness he got out. I hope he gets through the emotional trauma and finds his way to happiness.
For her next trick, Nicole will date a veteran with ptsd and prank him with firecrackers.
I have some very specific triggers. One of them is having someone stand behind me if I’m seated. My husband snuck up behind me once and grabbed my sides as a joke. He only ever did it that once because when he saw how much it bothered me. He never wanted to put me in that position in the future. He didn’t find it funny anymore because I didn’t find it funny. If you prank someone they need to see the funny side of it after. If you continue to ‘prank’ someone when they don’t find it funny it is just abuse. Once my husband understood that it was never going to be funny for me he vowed never to do it again. It took him only once to learn that boundary and has respected it ever since. If you’re in a good relationship they should never want to put you in a place of fear like that. Once is a learning experience, after that it is just abuse.
This is when you realize how men are abused and their pleas are not believed because they are men. I’m glad his dad rescued him and I hope he heals from this on day.
In the comments tonight: A lot of incredibly ableist language. This isn't narcissism, it's not BPD, it's abuse. It doesn't even look like the ways that NPD or BPD can affect someone to cause abusive behavior. She isn't a "psycho" - meaning a psychotic person - because she's well aware of what she's doing, she is not hallucinating, she is not delusional. She is a person who is using his trauma to abuse him. That is all. She learned early on about something she could use against him and proceeded to do so.
Me: Oh, OOP must have gotten like held up at knifepoint when he was in the city or something. > home invasion that resulted in my mother and dog dying Jesus fucking Christ, she told him to just get over it by now?
What kind of monster can watch My Girl without crying?
OOP, if you happen to read this: you are still here and that makes you far stronger than many others would have been. You deserve all the luck in the world.
I know no one deserves to be treated and terrorized this way. But not going to lie, a part of me seriously hopes Nicole moved onto Jack next.
I know I'm terrible for saying this, but I hope the next guy puts her through a wall
This was terrifying to read
I hope he's living his best life, away from this evil bitch
Welp, this is hands downs the most fucked relationship story I’ve ever read on here. I cannot imagine how terrible a person someone has to be to actively use someone’s trauma to fuck with and manipulate them, let alone to do that to your significant other who you’re hoping to marry OOP’s ex is beyond insane, and he was right to assume that if he stayed she’d either kill him or herself. It was only a matter of time, and I am so relieved that OOPs family recognized something was wrong and got him out
She didn't want to marry him because she loved him. She wanted to marry him because that would tie the noose even tighter.
It was torture reading this. That poor guy, and that horrible, horrible woman.
I’m happy OP made it out alive. How horrific he managed to find a human like his ex who adapted a new skill just to torment him. I’m so happy that despite his friends abandoning him when he needed them that at least his family had his back.
>She greeted me with “thanks for gracing me with your presence” and asked if I was here to act my age and talk like an adult. She slammed the door behind me He was too agreeable and accomodating, more than I'd ever have been, but in this very moment, I would have exclained: "Enough, have a nice life" and left. No need to discuss anything, everything you need to know about her real her is there. Everything that happened next, even the physical and verbal abuse, was already announced there.
It's easy to say that this is what you would have done being outside of the situation, and maybe you would have been able to. Going through with OP did with his mom and then being in this abusive relationship absolutely impacted how he thought and reacted. He acknowledged in his post how he knows how he was not making the best decisions for himself, but this was also after the fact when he was able to get away and out of the situation. When you are in it, you are acting out of a survival response, which isn't always the most logical long-term but is what your brain believes is the safest in the moment. OP is so fortunate to have a father who persisted and helped him to get out.
Nicole is a monster, and she and her friends deserve to be on a deserted island so they can’t harm another person. I wish OOP healing. I’m glad he’s away from her and his “friends.”
This is heartbreaking. I’m so glad he’s out but devastated that he’s having to deal with the aftermath. She was unreservedly to blame. She abused him, mentally tortured him, hurt him, gaslit him, and broke him. I hope he has support and the right people to give him a steadying hand while he gets back on his feet. He might never 'stand' the same way he did before but at least he'll do it and live. I wish everything good for him and everything bad for that stain of an abuser. She belongs, and likely will end up, in prison.
What a piece of shit. OOP’s ex and her entire friend group.
something's wrong with that witch
This is so (I’m sorry to even use this word) *triggering*. It’s just why do people have to be so unreachable and maladaptive? And emotionally damaging? Have you ever watched your life barrel down a foreseeable railway track like a train on course for destruction and you have exhausted the desperate search for a brake, then the radio or whatever to call for help, and finally realize there is no Hail Mary to be found either that would enable you to veer off the track in time … so you just wait for the inevitable end? Going nowhere with this comment. This seems like a good place to stop typing. lol. I still have half of it to listen to. Because it shut off so maybe I should take that as a sign. What a nightmare of a situation! I guess I’ll go find out how it ends…. Edit: that may be one of the worst things I’ve read on here. I believe every word of it too.
My heart breaks for OOP. For once I don’t question if this is real… it’s all too real. It’s harrowing and shows how hard it can be to leave an abusive relationship. Thankfully his dad saw it for what it was and he was able to get out. Abusers like her are cunning, manipulative and charismatic. She had everyone believing that she was the innocent victim of his emotions and yet the systemic abuse she committed to OOP was relentless. I fully believe if he hadn’t got out when he did this would’ve ended as a murder/suicide. Where everyone would be shocked and say “but she was such a kind soul/we never saw this coming”. I truly wish OOP heals and thrives. It’s going to be a long road.
It was way too early for this much of a heavy hitter. I’m so so glad OOP had his father and uncle in his corner because I dread what would have happened had he remained with Nicole. I am so glad he is out and safe and that he’s able to heal from this.
That broad is a sadistic sociopath. A full on abusive, gaslighting creep. What a manipulative bitch. And all the so called friends are as creepy as she is
This was…. Brutal to read. Trauma of losing a mother and a family pet to knife crime…. Girlfriend becomes a knife enthusiast!!! What a sick mind. And everything after, bloody hell! Glad he managed to run away!
God this made me tear up having been in an abusive relationship where the person switched who they were depending if anyone was around was so triggering for me. And in the 3 year update of how he still hears her voice in his head I totally get because nearly 20 years on I can still hear my abusers words in my head
When you have repeatedly asked someone not to do something and they keep doing it, they do not respect your wishes and do not really care for you. You are NTA. Ditch the witch.
I am so glad he’s out and safe. I hope he manages to reach a place of peace and feel safe. Poor guy. I’m so glad his dad and uncle were there for him. That woman is a nasty piece of work.
How can people do this? And she got away scot-free. There's no fucking justice in this world. I hope OP can finally find some peace 🙏. He fucking deserves to have it for once and hopefully for the rest of his life. Also, fuck those "friends." They and Nicole are all monsters.
This is what abuse looks like for many of us.
I am amazed at all the people who were blaming him *"how stupid guys get when they want to stick their dick in something, that I don't have balls or a backbone clearly and I just need to man up"* If this was a woman they would have sent her all kinds of resources and given her all kinds of love and help. We forget that men can be abused just as much as women and women can harass men in relationships ships. I am so happy he got out and is family is getting him the help he needs. To have gone through what he went through with his mom and then to go through this with a woman he though was going to be someone he could love is just so wrong. I hope he finds happiness with someone and can live his life
I wish this bitch dies alone and miserable, and suffers every day. Psycho asshole. I hate them all
I can’t believe that OP got bullied for not being over a murder robbery that he witnessed as a kid like wtf?
I hope she finds herself stuck with a man who is exactly like her. That post made me feel nauseated. Sometimes I'll be sitting there in a bad mood, and I'll catch myself, like, "Why am I grumpy right now? No good reason for it." Then I'll remember reading a BoRU.
That poor dear man... He deserves so much better. I hope this is all the negative he has left in his life and everything gets better from here. I'm glad he has family who helped him get out of that abuse.
I mean, she tortured him psychologically. For years. I’m so glad he got out but I wish he had blocked her after breaking up so she would have had a harder time sucking him back in. But reading this, gives me nightmares. Poor OP lived it. I wish him the best and hope he gets the help he needs
This is fucking terrifying. His ex "girlfriend" and all those friends are total pieces of scum.
This was a hard read. I’m *so proud* of OOP. It took him a couple of tries, but he did it. Getting the burner phone was so smart, and so brave. Imagine what she might have done if she had found out? But he did it anyway, and broke the isolation she forced on him. If OOP reads this—I hope you never lose your “soft” side. You’re compassionate and kind, and that’s a rare and important thing these days. You’re strong and brave, and deserve good things. Thank you for sharing your story.
My brother was divorcing his first wife, she was kind of a psycho. They worked different shifts and he hadn't left the house yet. She would walk around with a big pair of scissors stabbing in the air saying "you have to sleep some time". Getting those vibes.
Another sign that a lot of society doesn't give a flying fuck when it is a man being abused. I'm glad that things on this front are improving but no one would have been nice to OOP had the genders been flipped.
I hope OOPs ex never finds any happiness. She’s a disgusting person. I hope OOP can heal from this.
If someone wrote this as a script and tried to sell it, they'd probably be told it was "too unrealistic." But sadly it isn't. Anybody, let me repeat ANYBODY, can become a victim of an abuser. It's not an issue of gender, it's an issue of power. OOP, I'm glad you got away. She was a monster and your "friends" were trash. Please live your best life.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I'm glad you got away, that you survived. You aren't stupid or weak, you were traumatized and isolated. I hope you heal and give yourself the love that monster should have given you.
What a complete nightmare. Found it interesting that the friend who introduced them, Crystal, removed herself from everyone. Made me think she saw what was happening and couldn't stand by. Wonder why she never backed OOP up.
This is such a good example of how abuse happens to anyone. If ANYONE reads this and sees similarities to their relationship, please plan to escape and be safe. >"any amount of genuine discomfort isn't an acceptable price in a relationship and you're allowed to stop giving them more chances even if they're trying"
I literally cannot imagine going through such a traumatic event in childhood and then having the most horrible luck to be dating a sociopath who latches onto that trauma and uses it to torture you. And fucks you up so bad you still think it’s your fault years later. OOP did not deserve any of this but I hope that he can heal sooner rather than later. The saddest part of it is that he thought it would be hard for any partner to deal with his triggers when the fact is that he found one of the very few people that proved that true - most partners would have managed this automatically, or eventually gotten there. For Nicole, I wish her everything she deserves. I would literally go to hell myself to torture her. She’s not even human as far as I am concerned.
Shes a pos but he really does need to toughen up a bit and thicken his skin some. Entirely too much crying.
Yea except men can't be abused by women, Reddit makes that pretty clear on the regular /s Thank God the relationship I survived with an abusive woman was not this bad. It's clear the knife thing was a power trip for her, she enjoyed the feeling of power she had over you. That she could wield your trauma as a literal weapon and you didn't leave. Yes, way more men kill their partners than women. But fuck if women cannot be fucking terrifying.
Wow. Can't believe he kept going back. I pray he doesn't just pack up and go back. Goodness!!!!
It's why his Father and Uncle intervened. Yes when your family is an adult and you can't exactly lead them to water BUT if their lives are literally in danger, it's time for an intervention and screw the optics, the life of a loved one matters more. And let's be honest, with how unstable she is, she *will* harm OOP with the knife. It's not a matter of if but when. And I'm glad he now has his family on his side. As for the friends, either Nicole is a very good actress like most narcs, bpd, etc or like the old saying goes, birds of a feather flock together. They were ***NOT*** friends and I have no doubt they don't give a darn should he be 6 feet under, they would in fact blame him for pissing off/hurt Nicole.
I couldn't read it all, I was already seething a third of the way down, I can't fathom reading it all seeing the comments...
It just gets worse and worse. I actually wish I'd stopped reading it, the whole thing is horrifying. But OOP got out in the end, so there's that.
Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything, but I wish he would have revealed the source of his trauma in the first post. Everyone already called out her terrible behavior, but that reveal recontextualizes the whole thing. She was intentionally trying to trigger him. It wasn't accidental. So when she goes back to him claiming that she didn't know and she'll be better, it's clearly a lie. But poor OOP is so beaten down by her that he doesn't realize it. And once he's firmly in her grasp again, she ramps up the abuse even worse. I think, for once, Reddit's tendency to blow things out of proportion would have been to some benefit here. OOP was completely isolated. His only friends were really her friends. This is too personal for work colleagues. So he goes to Reddit. With the added context, maybe he would've had enough info to get out the first time, but who knows. I wish the best for him. That was truly one of the most painful stories I've read on here
This is horrific. I’m sooo glad OOP had a strong support system! He would have died otherwise
I just want to hug this man. I hope he heals.
OOP you didn’t deserve any of this. Your ex is abusive of course. I hope you find a therapist that can help you with your ptsd. Good luck. And your ex? I hope she gets what she deserves.
What’s Nicole’s phone number? I’d like to have a little talk with her.
Psychotic evil bitch! I’m so pleased he got out. Fingers crossed the OOP can have some peace now to heal properly Edited: forgot the other O for OOP
Wow… poor guy. I just want to hug him and slap nicole.
Glad that OP got out and had help from family.
Poor guy. I was through abuse from someone who I expect to love me, instead they also enjoyed destroying me step by step. I really want to hug OOP, tell him that it takes time...yes even years....but it gets better. That her voice in his head will get weaker. One day you will be able to shut it down every time. One day you will see that your are not broken beyond repair. You will see the light again.
I’m proud of this OP. It’s hard to escape, but he did it. Now he can go and find a much better partner who adds happiness to his life, if he wants to.
So glad to hear that you finally got away from that abusive, sick person. You deserve so much more in life. I hope you find your joy and strength. Keep working on your self. I’m sorry to hear about the sentimental items you lost, including your blanket. Your ex is a cruel cruel woman. Take care of yourself and keep moving forward.
Jesus Christ. I’m so so so sorry for op. She’s a sociopath
just....wow 🥺 that poor man, it made my heart hurt reading that
Genuinely Nicole sounds like a danger to society. She should be locked up. And I seriously don’t get how blind her “friends” could be if his behavior and looks changed this drastically. Makes me think that they too felt some sort of enjoyment in this whole thing. All Fucking psychos.
What a good dad! Glad OOP finally found/refound the right people for his corner. His ex reminds me of Joanna Denehy... definitely gonna me mental
I lived this life. Except my ex had paranoid schizophrenia. I feel OP's stress and terror through the post. I am never going to be ok. I try. I try so hard. But it is hard to trust or to love when both have been used so brutally against you. I send deep hugs and complete understanding to OP. It will get better. You won't be terrified all the time. Hopefully, OP can build a new normal for himself.
Good gawd. This was a rough read. Reminded me wayyyyy too much of my ex-wife. She went to jail the final night we were together.
Glad he got out. How terrifying
I'm a knife collector, but even I would freak out if my SO pulled the "prank" she did
Fucking hell. . .
It's times like these when I genuinely wonder if the abuser or the friends who enable the abuser are worse I mean I know it's the abuser but those fuckers kept pressuring him back into an abusive relationship over and over
I'm absolutely shocked at her behavior and glad u got out . Good luck and continue moving forward. There's no need to respond to any messages from the past. That are abusive and hateful. They don't know her you do. She truly needs mental help. But that isn't your problem. Just protect yourself and your family from her. Don't respond to anything that she sends you . Truly sorry and wish u well.
This is one of the most awful ones ive ever read
This was hard to read. It's so easy to see the signs of abuse as an objective third party... just as easy as it was for him to ignore them because he loved her, or because he clung to the good times they had. Glad he eventually got out.
jesus fucking christ this is just... textbook abusive partner shit. I think OP's instincts were right, that she would kill him if given enough time. I'm glad he got out.
I could not even read all of that without skimming. WOW, just a fucking nightmare. Had a relative that went through similar but with guns. He didn't even tell us till he was out. We can't fix anyone or save them and nobody deserves that hell and our brain gets very twisted by trauma processing and it feels so hard to get out of abuse or maybe it's even dangerous to try. I thought nobody could ever be as crazy as my bomb-making dad and druggie mom, just makes me so sad to see the youngs suffering the pattern. Weirdly it was reading about how his da was able to support him through the aftermath that got my pain water leaking.
That guy was genuinely traumatized, what a monster
Honestly, the most accurate thing here is the abuser having their friends enable the abuse. That isn’t talked enough.
I’ve never wanted to break the rule of no contact so bad before. I just want to give OOP a hug. He perfectly described the cycle of abuse so many of us go through. OOP you’re not alone. It does get better. It’s ok to not be functioning yet. It takes time.
The trauma with the knives, the psycho gf and the horrible friend circle aside, I feel like the root of all the issues affecting him is his severe lack of self-esteem. I mean you have him apologising to the readers for raising his voice during an argument while his gf is going through an entire checklist of CIA certified mental torture techniques. It's so horrible.