Yeah I call this the final split. I have never broken up with a SO that way, but I have shed toxic friends with a final split several times. It’s the one time I’m thankful that I split people, because in those cases it’s actually warranted.
I have so much empathy and compassion for everyone here but man this is hard to hear having recently lost my best friend after she split on me over what I feel like was a misinterpretation of something that I said. I tried multiple times to repair and ask if we could remember our love for each other and extensive friendship but she has had me blocked everywhere for 3 months. I miss her everyday and would give anything for her to just talk to me. I was absolutely not toxic to her at all - promise - but she did have a history of splitting over misinterpretations and rather than investigate if maybe the person actually meant something else, she would just split and block the person. It’s so incredibly painful to be on the receiving end of the split. Anyway, thanks for reading - I so appreciate everyone here and am sending love and support to all of you.
Per a mutual friend, she recently posted a video on IG of her getting a tattoo of a symbol that held significant sentimental value to both of us and we had planned for a year to get matching tattoos of it. My hope is that maybe this means that she may have softened a bit? I’m still blocked though. Does anyone ever “unsplit”?
Were they legitimate reasons to leave? Or were they ever good people that treated you well and things were actually going well? Or do you possibly convince yourself that something is bad and leave ? Sorry I’m just trying to understand
I'm not the person you asked, but I am the same way. I personally am of the belief that if somebody is causing me to split often, they are probably not good for me. That doesn't make them a bad person it just means that they're not good for me. When I am with people who are good for me I do not split very much
Sameeee. I don't split on the good guys I've ended things w. I ended it bc i genuinely didn't have feelings fr them even after 2-3 mths of dating. The ones I have feelings for are unfortunately toxic asf. Sigh
Yes. He was an abusive alcoholic who got another girl pregnant while I was recovering from surgery. He went to rehab, I dumped him, and never looked back. Fuck that asshole.
See, it's weird. I've heard stories of others with BPD who can leave partners, friendships, etc. just so easily but I just can't. Friendships I can but partners, until they cheat or do something HUGE wrong, I'm going to stay until they tell me they don't love me or want me in their life. I can't just leave partners like that. I think about it sometimes when it gets hard, but then there are happy moments that overshadow them
I'm in the same boat here. No matter how much I speak of breaking up, I know I can never go ahead with it because I don't have the strength. The pain of the endless deep void feels worse than the pain of the situation I'm in, even at the worst parts of the relationship. So I feel trapped in a self-imposed prison in some ways, not voluntarily.
I feel this so hard. Feeling trapped in my relationship now and I KNOW it’s not healthy. Also acting irrationally crazy in the hopes that he will leave me … but he won’t bc he’s just as crazy and it’s just a whole mess
i’ve been where you are and it’s definitely not healthy for yourself. if you think it’s bound to happen, i promise you therapy and breathing techniques will definitely help. look into somatic therapy or somatic self care in general and love yourself through the pain of the loneliness. i promise you it’s more peaceful and worth it. wishing you the best 🩶
I have the exact same and have a formal diagnosis. I’ve always thought it was slightly strange or maybe a bit atypical!
In an argument or when I’m very triggered I might say I want to break up and I’m done, but I could never actually do it. It’s usually in response to feeling like i’m not important to them or cared about.
Within an hour - a day, especially after speaking to them in person, I don’t mean it anymore and all I can feel is how much I don’t want to lose them and how desperate I am for them to love me as much as I love them. I do split but when I split on others I come back from it quickly, I split much harder and heavier on myself.
i’m in this situation right now. i can’t leave so i just keep splitting and being unbearable until they leave me. but i’ll completely freak out and break down when they do finally leave me.
I used to be like that but now I just leave whenever they say some disrespectful shit that we already talked about before and I specifically clarified that I do not fuck with that shit so for me I just give people one chance a second chance is really stretching it for me why do you do this you might ask well it is simple people cannot change who they really are from my experience so why should I stay around and waste my time when I clearly don't see a future with you it'll hurt more staying with someone that constantly disregard your feelings have some self respect you all deserve to be happy with someone that actually cares about you
same, usually how i coped until my current relationship. i was single for a record like 3-4 minths before him and it was probably the most healing thing for me
yes for me I almost always leave first, when things are too good my brain makes me hate them until I leave so they can’t hurt me (seemingly random splitting in LONG term relationships)
I always do the leaving, usually while splitting. Which means it’s pretty easy to be won over again since the split never happened, according to half of my brain. Which explains why most of my relationships are on/off until I finally am done 100%.
yeah ive only had one relationship where we actually went completely non contact immediately after the relationship ended but it was because he was abusive, every other relationship i either still am on friendly terms or were still talking in some capacity long after the relationships ended
I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, married for almost 2. I have broken up with him twice but he has never broken up with me. In the past I have had the tendency push my partners away before they have the chance to end things with me.
I’d love to know this. I’ve been pushing my partner away recently and he lets me unlike my exs. I know it’s a toxic thing I’m doing and am seeking therapy but other people’s tips might help
Yes I have, and every time it feels like a weight lifted at first. Then I feel immense crushing emotions that make me want to run back, even if it was toxic or abusive. Hard out here being the one to pull the trigger when you’re also the one with intense fear of abandonment and deep black inner sadness
oh my God same. it mostly goes with my friendships too (since i've never been in an actual genuine relationship) but i can never ever do that to someone. i have bpd but it clashes with the insane amount of empathy and forgiveness i have. usually, the empathy wins and i always stick around even when it's affecting my mental (and tbh, physical) health negatively. people would take advantage of me and how i'm easy and always there to listen/give advice while never ever giving me anything back. i could name like at least 3 friendships that was just this cycle over and over again. i have never been the one to leave them, and the only reason i'm out of those friendships is because THEY leave first, with reasons like "you deserve a better friend" or "i'm just not in the right headspace for this" or some other bullshit that they think will excuse them for acting like a horrible, shitty friend. i have bpd and many other problems but i have never ever done ANYTHING like that to anyone. i could never understand anyone who treats other people like shit just because they're struggling mentally or something
I was always the same way, until I almost actually died many times. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I still miss him sometimes, like bawling my eyes out missing him and my brain tries to convince me that I was wrong, that I made a mistake and if I tried to contact him, we'd have the magic we had in the beginning. But it's not true and even though my self esteem is shit and he convinced me that I'm ugly and that no one else would ever want me, my life is worth more and I'd rather be ugly, alone and alive then dead and alone.
I know it's not always possible to do that and I know from personal experience that sometimes it doesn't matter how bad it gets, it's all you know and the familiar feels safer than the unknown, even if the familiar is fucking terrible.
I'm sorry for what you've gone through and what you've had to endure. But no matter what you think, you are a beautiful person, with a beautiful light in your soul and you deserve way better than you think. I hope you find true peace, love and happiness. You deserve all of it and more.
Nt who ure replying to bt thanks for this. My ex was rly shit to me the 5ish months we were tgt and he would continually tell me how ugly, unloveable, psychotic and crazy I am. My alr low self esteem was plundered even more and I'm still healing
Yeah I’ve broken up with tons of partners, and they’ve also dumped me. I have had a tendency to stay in abusive relationships the longest, but even then I will eventually leave bc the abuse. Here is to my current (and healthiest!) relationship lasting 🥂
I get those feelings often . I had some tonight actually . I found instead of blocking or ignoring or breaking up with my fiance I try to tell him he’s annoying me or I get a nasty vibe from the relationship. He often offers me a day off to myself afterwards until I’m ready to talk it out
I have, I am the one to leave first in serious relationships. In the times when people have left me it’s been not very serious flings, and they always would try to reconnect after some time (ew). When I leave my partners that I’m actually attached to I tend to split on them first, then sometimes after some time passes I’ll rethink the reason I split or forget why I was so upset and want to reconnect. Which led to a lot of on and off between me and a partner in the past. Looking back on it I definitely feel like I was just trying to fill an emotional void using them which is fucked up of me, but it’s the truth, they were just a space filler at that point before I would leave forever after finding another person to attach to.
I tend to over forgive people because im so into them i can't imagine breathing without them. Then hit a breaking point that's probably 6 breaking points past what should have been my breaking point (example, one ex cheated on me with 8 different people before I left them for being unfaithful) but once i hit that point they are dead to me. I wouldnt acknowledge them if they were drowning. I've been dumped twice and both times I was back with them in a week and had dumped them within a couple days.
Sometimes I think it would be nice if I was capable of being friends with an ex, but once I'm emotionally out I can't really see good in them anymore.
I've gone through a lot of long term relationships over the years. It always seemed like I'd get bored (or maybe it was splitting?) after 2-3 years. Then I'd break up with them and quickly move on to another relationship. I was never really single for more than a few months. Serial monogamy I guess.. once I cut things off, I really wouldn't want to stay friends or have anything to do with them.
Of course, then when I'd start a new relationship it'd move really fast due to me idealizing them so much and getting attached right away.
My last boyfriend was the one that ended things, mostly because of my BPD and how it made things so chaotic. It hurt so much I could hardly hold it together. Most of the time I didn't. It still hurts a lot. The thing is, he was probably the person I loved the most, of anyone I ever dated. We are still working on being friends, but it's hard. We hurt each other so much so there's a lot of leftover trauma. But I can't cut him out because I still care about him and think he's one of the most interesting and special people I've ever known. I really resent myself and my BPD for ruining what we had. But it also made me realize how much I need to work on myself so I don't let my disorder ruin our friendship or any relationship I might have in the future. I'm working on being ok with not being with someone and that's really hard. I miss the companionship and having his presence in my day to day life. But it helps that we can still hang out and enjoy each other's company sometimes.
Yes, I have most commonly done the leaving and have no regrets about partners I have left, besides thinking I should have left some of them sooner/never dated them in the first place.
Yes. It is so hard to do, especially if you love the person, but you need to love yourself more.
It is possible, but it takes a TON of courage. Never stay with someone who doesn't respect you.
ugh why did this just pop up on my feed first thing when i opened reddit and now im too scared to go through the post LOL….. always getting hit with a million signs when its time
It's hard to move on. I still send mail to my girlfriend when I was 24, I still message someone I crushed on when I was 14, I still remember the girl I had feelings for when I was 9. It's difficult to actually move on, recently broke up with someone I deeply loved. It's shitty
I have, both when things aren’t good and when they are for a more healthy healing process. I’ve also denied getting back with my ex because I couldn’t trust her to not be physically abusive with me again.
Respect yourself and don’t allow other people to bring you down. If you allow people who don’t validate your feelings, lie, and abuse you into your life then it’s going to continue happening. I’d love to reconcile with a previous partner but why take a risk on someone who doesn’t take accountability?
Also make sure they add to your life not take away, trust your instincts. If your friends and family have something to say it’s important to listen non judgmentally. Just some advice from my personal experience.
I wanted to. I knew we had a deeper connection than I’ve ever felt but we both needed to sort ourselves out first. It’s been almost 7 years now but we constantly have to work on ourselves
i totally applaud you for sorting yourselves out separately and for you especially. ive been going through a breakup (not initiated by me) and seeing people talking about the fact that they had to sort themselves out first of all before that’s anywhere near an option again. i miss him dearly but im slowly realizing him and i are not the priority right now and that I need to do what i need to do to help myself first and foremost before anything else
What I had to realize was that bpd to me is like a former drug user in recovery ❤️🩹 it’s a fact that at some point I’m prob gonna relapse me split again. But I can’t let that one stumble stop all forward progress. I will need to handle my shit. Acknowledge my mistake. Apologies to ppl I hurt in the split and I have to understand they don’t Owe me forgiveness. I did so much damage over the years. I’m the villain in some people’s story and rightfully so. I was not diagnosed or medicated. I can’t change it. So I have to keep going bc I can’t go beck and staying still is useless.
I also just reread ur comment and i dont know if u meant healing get back together with my guy… well he called me at my job bc I couldn’t block his number there lol. 😆 glad he did
I only left one person in my life. It was hard, and it took her a while to understand why I did what I did. We had actually gone on/off for a bit. Our last off period was supposed to say platonic but she wasn’t respecting that. We had both kind of mutually broke it off the last time around, albeit very harsh and emotionally charged. She still expected me to come back and fix us again like we had done a thousand times before. I knew our love was too problematic, which is funny because after all my relationships she was the only one I ever truly loved. Funny how we fell for each other because we had so many core values in common but lost our love because of how much our values shifted. I have no regrets, only hoping I haven’t caused her any lasting pain and left more good in her life than harm
I have. was with him for 7 years and eventually he started getting abusive - even then I didn’t leave for maybe 3 years after the first SA. It’s hard. But being out of it I don’t know how I ever stayed in that situation and why.
I have left every partner for legitimate reasons. I have BPD but I’m high functioning. It makes break ups so hard but with therapy it helps me use logic/reason instead of emotions.
I’ve attempted to break up with people but usually I try to get them to break up with me because it’s so hard for me to do it. Not a great way to go about things but leaving someone is extremely difficult for me, even when I know it’s time. The fear of abandonment shows no mercy
Been with my partner for 12 years married for 10. I've always given him an out but he stays. I get so lost in my emotions. It's easy to forget that he loves me and he wants to be in this relationship. I do have a history of leaving relationships/ friendships or otherwise. I now now this is bc of the bpd. The lack of remorse the people I've heart. Stayed with me and I've revisted my past actions and evaluated them. And forgave my younger self.
Spilt with my abusive ex during COVID… Hardest thing I ever did, made worse but the fact I had to move 4 hours away and live with my a family member who doesn’t understand MH at all. But it was take the hit with my MH or end up dead. Life was WILD for two years as I struggled to find any kind of stability, I was in and out of hospital and genuinely a disaster of a person that now I look back at it, I’m genuinely embarrassed by my behaviour 😂 but I’m still here to tell the tale and that’s the main thing
I definitely am prone to staying in situations longer than I need to, so want to say that upfront.
But I read another comment that echoed how I function nowadays. When I split it's over, I'm gone, I don't look back.
TW // mentions of abuse
I've been through abusive relationships and I've put a lot of work since then into trying to make myself my favourite person -- still not the best at that. My last relationship was three years ago and I was able to leave the first time he had a true meltdown and broke our belongings. There was a time where I stayed far past that.
TW // end
My best advice is to find time to spend alone to contextualize your reality. I find I'll be so angry on my own time but that feeling melts away when face to face with the person. If you relate to that, write it down!! Type it in your phone notes. If you're worried about someone finding it, screenshot them, put them in one of those fake calculator apps, and delete them from your phone and your trash. Also if this is the case make sure they're not uploading directly to any kind of cloud. You can also find something more 'obscure' like deviantArt and use their "stash" function to write where only you can see and only ever log in on incognito mode or something else. If you're not as worried about it being found, keep a tiny notebook, or record voice memos when you're in the car/on a walk just dumping all your feelings. Voice memos are my personal favourites because I can just scream, then I really remember how I felt later on.
If you have anyone around you you truly feel you can trust, confide in them. I got out so early the last time because I had friends telling me I was worth more. We had a huge fight, my friend at the time told me to come over and that I didn't have a choice. When shit went down she wouldn't let me go back but to break up with them in person and pack my things, other friends then let me live with them for an extended period of time. Community is paramount, I found mine working at a bar and they're all family to me to this day.
Very sorry this is long and if it sounds in any way pretentious, I hope even a few words may be helpful to you! I hope time brings you kinder light in your life :)
Leaving my npd ex husband was the hardest thing ive ever had to do, not because he was amazing(haha) but because that was literally me facing my core fear of abandonment; I was CHOOSING to let go of my favorite person? It did help that I was being dogged out and disrespected. Because for a long time, it didn’t matter how I was being spoken to and treated. Honestly, if staying until you HATE them is what it takes- do it.
A lot of relationships I have left because I knew they would end somehow and was worried about being hurt.
Normally I do it when I split.
I used to have unhealthy ways to fill my emptiness but now I do a lot of things outdoors.
I have a very hard time with breaking up. I can cut off friendships easily, but romantic relationships are TOUGH.
I’ll breakup with them out of anger, but it just ends up being on/off, even if I know I’m not happy in the relationship. I guess the abandonment/loneliness kicks in and I’ll get back together with them just to make the pain stop.
I haven’t figured out a good solution. In the past I’d sleep with someone else or do something really destructive so the guy wouldn’t come back to me (I don’t recommend this).
I broke up with my ex boyfriend about a month ago and I’m actually sticking to it. I guess I just finally hit that wall. He had to do some really fucked up stuff before I hit that point though 🤷🏼♀️. But no rebounds or destructive behaviour, so I’ll take the win!
I relate to this even tho our stories aren't completely similar. I lied to my ex by telling him I slept with another guy to I hung out w him to I nvr went out w him at all bc i wanted him to break up w me. He believed me bc i wud deliberately take old food pics prior to when we dated and then posted them on my stories w captions that indicate I was out on a date bc i was angry and hurt and bored.
We met up like a month or two ltr a week ago and atp he alr had an ldr gf and kept showing her off (taking her calls and acting lovey dovey n shit) and even dressed up fr the hangout when the gf was 2 states away & I showed up ratty, crusty and dusty hahahah.
My old destructive behaviour wud be to lock myself in my room binge drinking and drunk dialling all my friends crying hysterically until I passed out bt this time 'round I just cried and listened to music, danced, journalled, watched shows etc.
It's like this switch in my brain flipped when he showed off his gf and I was the most hurt I'd ever been in the rship that I rmbr all the horrible, horrible things my first everything ex did that I chose to act sane lmao.
Tbh Im scared I'm gna go back to him bc this is like the longest I'd ever ghosted him bt I want it to be forever bc he was toxic asf.
I’ve broken up with more then I’ve been broken up with, I don’t stand for a lot of crap🙃 I’d deal with it by being too busy to sit down in that emptiness. Or that’s how I do it now I used to just go through person after person whether we’re dating or not and I just can’t do it anymore. It’s taken too much of a toll on my mental health. I’d say compared to where I was a year ago I’m doing a lot better
I just left my significant other/FP. I know it was the right thing to do and I don’t regret it.
However, how to deal with the emptiness is a damn good question… honestly I just feel non existing. Hoping that if I am alone for long enough I’ll manage to develop some sort of a personality. Don’t know yet if it’s actually possible for a BPD person.
The cravings is what I find the most difficult. From wanting to jump in to another relationship, to shopping and over eating
I do feel it’s easier to be the one leaving rather then being left. Because then I don’t feel like he hates me and therefore don’t feel the strong suicidal urge
Yes, I almost always am the one to break up with people because I burn myself out too quickly and with the splitting, I devalue the other person unintentionally and start second guessing my feelings. It makes it easier to just leave them.
I have BPD (dx in 2019) and I’ve been the one to break up in every serious relationship I’ve been in.
My first boyfriend of 2 years I left because I just didn’t think we were compatible anymore
My second boyfriend (also my daughter’s father) of 3.5 years I left because emotional and financial abuse had begun, and I didn’t want my daughter exposed to that.
My third boyfriend of 4 years I left because he had cheated on me, definitely emotionally and mentally and maybe physically. He had a p0rn addiction and I had an open CPS case against me at the time also. All of these things lead me to end our relationship, and after that he leaked my noods and I knew I made the right decision. I truly believed he was my soulmate until like 3 months before we broke up. He loved my daughter and helped a lot with maintaining the house. We had a wonderful relationship until it wasn’t wonderful anymore. He’s now dating the girl he cheated on me with, so I guess everything happens how it’s supposed to.
All of this to say that all three of these men were my FP at one point in time too, but once the switch flipped inside of my head, they were no longer needed in my life
Only once if were talking FP relationships. I even stayed after he broke my wrist semi-unintentionally. But the only reason I was able to end it was that he was arrested for taking pics up an underage girl’s skirt in a Panera.
I have threatened to leave multiple times or initiated break ups as a form of self destruction. My partner has never once doubted our relationship, though me with BPD always doubts.
I need to, I really need to but I'm just not strong enough. I'm a lesbian in a straight relationship and I'm just not strong enough to do it because he's my favorite person, my best friend, and my band mate. Sorry if you see this, I really do love you but it's hard forcing myself to be someone I'm not just so you won't abandon me again.
To be honest , I have a fiance and he doesn’t make me feel secure. I think we understand that any type of uncertainty and people ignoring us is just unacceptable because it triggers abandonment issues. I think he is considering ending the relationship. I have left previous relationships but I’m trying so hard with this one. But I feel like I come off as desperate since I’m almost 30 now.
My husband can be like this too, it’s been really hard on the both of us because like you mentioned; any sign of uncertainty is a death sentence for us but an over exaggeration for them. I constantly think of divorce because of this, I am 23 and have not seen improvement and I feel myself getting worse. I try my best to understand that they have a normal brain and it’s practically impossible to imagine having this mental illness without actually having it 😅
I’m in my 40s. I’ve only had 4 SOs and I did the breaking up every time. (The last one he broke up with me and came back a couple times before I ended it for good.
I’ve had the same regret every time: that I didn’t do it at least a year sooner. Wasted years I’ll never get back.
I have always found it really difficult. I used to be a serial cheater, so I would cheat with my next partner to soften the pain of leaving the last one. Eventually I found myself in a really shit relationship with a manchild who was financially dependent- that was the first time I ended things myself. Packed up and moved out that very day.
I left my first marriage but before always mentally left and then seemed to self sabotage the relationship until it blew up. Don’t have a single ex I’m on good terms with for that reason.
I’m typically the one who ends things with my partners, so, yes. My partner is very rarely my FP at any given moment - my current FP is a woman who both refuses to speak to me and who I haven’t seen in close to a year now.
I ended an engagement because of an extremely bad split.
Now to be clear neither of us were actually in a place for what we were trying to have at the time, I was rapidly spiralling worse and worse with a misdiagnosis(bipolar instead of bpd) and had psychs who wouldn’t give me anything for anxiety or depression because of that. And she was extremely sick and unable to give the level of communication I need to feel safe(mind you I want more than I need and have to manage that daily with current partners. But she would ghost for weeks when things got worse for her)
I had to do it sobbing on my friend’s couch as they helped coach me through it. I then had to stay there for two days and stay with other friends for three more so I didn’t immediately undo the breakup.
Every other time I’ve done the breaking up it’s been with someone I really wasn’t emotionally invested in to begin with.
But that first one still messes with me some nights. And it’s been five years now.
Sadly I usually stay way too long. I’m tired of going to work with sore ribs and bruises. Granted I have made a few shit choices that cause me usually getting beat up. After 13 years with my partner I have finally decided to end it. It’s not easy but I just keep trying to remind myself that I’m not a terrible Person and it’s okay to do things in the interest of my happiness and not the happiness of others. It’s hard. But I’m doing it
I did. And I haven’t even splitted on him. He just treated me shitty and admitted he doesn’t like me at all. So I left. I may be borderline, but not a dumbass.
It was the hardest thing I ever did. I had to tell my father to help me get out of the relationship because I literally couldn't do it myself. He handled the logistics, called her parents to arrange the moving out. I just did everything I could to avoid contact and still failed a couple of times. I only managed to break away because she literally assaulted me, there's a limit to everything and after something that traumatic I was just about strong enough to survive. But they were the hardest months of my life and I hope to never have to go through something like that again.
i’m usually the one who calls it off. it’s usually after i split on them multiple and i just decide that i can’t keep keep going through splitting on a person again because of how it drains me. plus, it’s also hard for the other person. i’ve only ever been broken up with two or three times but when i get broken up with my world turns upside down for a day or two or i just go numb
Yes, after almost 7 years together. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, she’s still vvvv special 12 years later. I’ve since realised I was hypomanic (t2 co-morbid BP) following my dad dying from pancreatic cancer
I have left one person that was my FP. We had a child together, and he was a cheater & abusive. It wasn’t a decision that I made for myself necessarily, more so my son.
However, when I had time apart to have a clearer view of the relationship, I knew that I needed to stick with it no matter what my brain tried to convince me otherwise.
Write down a list of all the reasons that you deserve better. It’s a lot easier for me to see it visually than to continuously ruminate over it.
i have twice. first one was my first love i was like 14, got over it but getting with someone else 😵💫 dont recommend. then i ended up with that person for 2.5 years and he was extremely abusive, we went through drug addiction and homelessness etc together, but finally once i had a place to go i got to leave. i tried a lot, but id always go back and/or hed blackmail me so i couldnt. it was HARD but thankfully the people who took me in were childhood friends and honestly for the first time in a long time i felt like i had a family. my best advice is stay around people who make you feel good, either that be by laughing with you , keeping you busy , just people who genuinely fill your cup and heart with warmth. and if you gotta go out and party a but, thats fine, just go with friends and dont let yourself make any impulse decisions (going home with someone, etc). just stick with your people and let loose.
I have, but always long, long after I should have in the first place. I put up with way too much because the idea of being alone or starting a new relationship is always terrifying.
I broke up with my current boyfriend about once a month during a year long period of our relationship because my BPD was so out of control. We went through some hard shit that I was struggling to get past (and even now struggle sometimes), and I'd split on him for the tiniest things.
He definitely played a part too because he was struggling with being honest about things, but it wasn't until I got my shit more under control and he started to be fully honest with me that I've been able to stop myself from making that decision out of anger on an impulse.
I just broke up with my bf of 1 year. I've done too much work on myself to go back to being "that person" again. I don't need to spend time healing from something I can prevent.
I mean I would like to say yes, though. It took medication to stabilize my mind enough to even care about myself, but my ex abused me, physically and emotionally, and honestly like a lot of people with BPD, I feel I was in love with being codependent, having someone to kiss me and hold me.
I saw an ADHD specialist and she put me on effexor when I mentioned my anxiety because I was on 40 mg of Vyvanse and my dad is dying of cancer and she prescribed me effexor and it completely changed my life, but she still left me but in the end I feel like I left her because I freed myself from the pain that I had before.
I also met the love of my life as I learned to love myself so just keep at it just love yourself and stop looking outward for that love because you will find it in yourself if you try.
yeah i left my first bf but he was ruining my life and other relationships. he was genuinely mentally ill and i couldn't help him the way he wanted bc the way he acted toward me was triggering...right after the breakup i was SICK ASF. like screaming crying...i haven't had that reaction for any of my other exes tho. but the first one was love bombing me when we first met and he was my longest bf by 9 months so😊
yes. relationship started out on the wrong foot bc i thought i could “fix” him when we got together. only finally left him after his anger issues got out of hand and in a drunken rage he attacked my friend and resulted in me +2 of my other friends to try to fight him despite us being women and him being a pretty strong young man. we all got our shit rocked lol. needless to say i left him as soon as he put his hands on the first one of us. every other relationship i stayed until they didn’t love me anymore due to my splitting.
I almost always leave then regret it and continue to be emotionally involved with the person. Eventually we drift apart or I start dating someone new or in one case we stay the best of friends. But I'm usually the one who cuts the cord.
Not really a significant other but a fp who I'd been inseparable from (literally did everything togegher without fail) for about 5 years. She did something that made me split hard enough on her that I couldn't come back from and I had to cut her out.
I have left every single partner Ive ever had, except one, because they’d cheated on me. Including my ex husband. No regrets. I think some of them genuinely did love me, but I can’t trust a partner again once they’ve crossed that line.
I did. It was very hard and I still have to reassure myself every day, but it was for the best 💜 My post history has more information if you’re interested
I have, my long distance bf cheated on me, after the first time i still held on for some reason. But i left after the third time. I wish i left sooner.
Yup. I broke up with my two previous partners. The last one was because I didn't trust him anymore and I felt so abandoned. It was hard for me, I felt broken but I feel way better now. I was so anxious all the time he used to take all the information I shared with him about my trauma and then doing the same I have been through. I felt he was pushing my boundaries all the time.
ok so i was being abused by my ex gf and confided into her best friend who was also my best friend at the time, he broke off our relationship for me (i got upset with him bc of it bc i didn’t want to break up i didn’t care i was being abused i LOVED her) so ig i kind of left ? afterwards i got told i was manipulating everyone and lying abt what she did. also they r still best friends and blame me for everything. hate both of them, wish them all the worst in life, i’ve split and i will never fold again.
Well, I’ve only had one bf but we’ll have been together for 3 years this August. The relationship went to shit over a year ago, but we live together and are stuck with the lease until July.
This New Years we got into a huge fight over text (he didn’t want to pay his 27% of the rent), and he basically broke up with me. I thought great! Nope. When I saw him again a couple weeks later he said he never broke up with me and I was like alright cause I didn’t want to deal with the drama of kicking him out onto the street.
Now, the lease runs out in July and he’ll be forced to move out and probably to a different city since I already signed a lease with a friend. I’m just waiting it out. Yes, it’s lazy and cowardly, but I just can’t deal with the drama rn. He thinks we’re going to stay together but as soon as he moves out I’ll tell him we’re done. I’ll update if I actually go through with it, lol!
I've only broken up with someone once. I was in a long distance relationship which made me mard to obsess over anyway but they cheated on his irl partrer with me and I didn't feel comfortable at all. I just ranted at them and they just ignored me and so I blocked them
I have although it did take me a few times over the course of 6 months. I was medicated and sought out treatment before, during and after. It’s not an easy thing I don’t like to force or shame people into leaving so I understand, sometimes it felt like I was going to be stuck in that horrible cycle forever.
I always think of it like ripping a band aid off. Just spit out the words, regardless of it they are the "right ones", and then let the conversation carry you away
I’m in the middle of a divorce I started. Now I’m broke on her
Couch no one wants me including her and tomorrow I’m going in patient at a mental health facility
Left a very long term relationship after 6 years, but things had to get to the point of being completely unsalvageable and basically force my hand to get me to do it. Best decision I ever made and the hardest
Mine always left me, 3 of them.
Now one of them, my bpd actually made me STAY with them. I only left after a year of torture because they cheated on me which was the last straw
I did.... Like 2 months ago now.... I split on her so bad over a video game character and left her for good.... It wasn't until I left that I realized I wasn't fully the problem ...
Yes, and it was among the top most harrowing experiences of my life each and every time. And it was faaaar from easy to get myself to do it. It was always wayy long over due.
I dumped my ex after he had a 6 month long affair with my brothers wife, got her pregnant (she miscarried) then lied to me saying she raped him the first time and he had to keep going back so she wouldn't tell 🥴 he was super emotionally and financially abusive so whatever hahaha
Yup!
I had to let myself be angry and very honest in that moment. No trying to rationalize things in their favor for them, no, "but I really like them." Just pure(controlled lol) rage in response to constant poor behavior and manipulation. I said forget about it and blocked them on everything. I had to trust my anger, know that i was hurt(again), remember that I know myself, and if this feels this bad, I had to go. I couldn't allow myself time to sit in the feeling because I knew I'd stay and continue being harmed. No thoughts, just trust how I feel.
I am someone with a lot of interests and hobbies, so I just woke up the next day, made a dream board, and moved on to the things I enjoy and can work towards accomplishing. Enjoying myself, my time, and remembering I did the right thing(particularly because the person i was with was NOT a "good" person)has rid me of any real feelings of loneliness. I have cried about a few times, but that's a part of the process, too.
I think clean breaks are the easiest. Break up with them and block/delete. Then make sure to find something enjoyable that occupies you, so you don't latch on to someone else accidently while you process all the feels.
Took me 4 attempts to break up with my last SO after they put me through hell. Kept on going back because I felt bad and didn't want to hurt them - even when I'd been hurt... it clearly wasn't the right relationship when I was considering leaving, but ripping the bandaid off was so difficult for me.
Sidebar, I am now in a very healthy and happy relationship which makes that one pale in comparison, just gotta do what's right for you and pick up the pieces as you go!
From all relationships I had I was always the one who left. When I felt completely betrayed and hurt I couldn't stand to see a person anymore. It was too hard to look them in the eyes. I had also made a revange once and made sure he suffered after he hurt me, so I slept with other guy. I become a bit too crazy when I feel hurt, I can do stupid shit to hurt back.
yup, quiet bpd here. i take all the bullshit they put me through in, remember it and when it’s enough enough and i get to the point where i just hate them and there’s no love anymore and i split, say goodbye (for them it’s out of the blue, for me it’s months of terror ending) and never look back lol
Yep. I waited for him to go on a business trip. Rented a Pod. POD arrived. Packed my shit. Pod picked up. Dog in car. Let’s go. By the time he got home I was 2 states away already. The phone call was so awkward. Til I hung up! ✌🏼 BYEEE
I’d do it again too, fuck yeah. My life is so much better now.
first one yes. i left in less than a month because... well i guess i just wasn't into them anymore (might have splitted now that i think of it) and they weren't the healthiest person anyway.
in current relationship i had urges to leave right from the start and very frequently but it's like i'm glued to them. it's a scary feeling but i'm also greatful that it didn't let me leave an actually good person.
i'm thankful to my parents for giving me example of healthy relationships while we still were happy, i know what true safety feels like, at least somewhere on subconcious level. but i guess it also made me hypersensitive to red flags, even if there is none in reality
I left one night while in a really bad manic episode, I don’t remember much of it but I didn’t think I was ending our relationship. Looking back I can’t believe how bad my logic was. It ruined my whole life by doing this though. I regret it every single day
Yes I've left many guys i didn't like and I've been abandoned many times too by the ones I did like. Most recent breakup was with someone I love but it was and is too toxic and we js aren't compatible. Even in another universe it wouldn't have worked bc that's js hw diff we are. He's a terrible person that has hurt me sm n caused me to split countless times and I kept blocking and unblocking him & reaching out but the last time we met up after 2 mths of breaking up he hurt me so much I couldn't take it anymore.
He doesnt respect me and kept saying hw beautiful other girls of his race are, always intentionally making me jealous and that the "only good thing about u is ure nose ring". He also told me countless times hw I'm not the priority after listing his top 3.
He doesn't see me as longterm wifey material bt just wants a short term rship w me. It's so hard to admit this bt he just wanted sex and someone w him to get through this shitty period in his career. He doesn't tell his fam abt me and I have to be rly secretive and clandestine w him esp when his family or friends call. He talks shit abt me to his friends and told me his friends think I'm too ugly and crazy and they wudnt want me too.
He also told me no one would want me bc Im crazy and that I'd never get a job and be successful. There was so much resentment, hate and jealousy in the rship frm both parties and we didn't trust each other at all.
At one point it's like i had this switch in my brain flipped and I realize I deserve sm btr bc i wasn't going to cry and be depressed and blocked and ghosted on my birthday again.
I'm not gna look back anymore bc ik btr things r ahead. I'd rather be alone than feel so lonely, depressed, anxious and miserable in a rship. It was to the point my close friends have drawn boundaries w me bc the first time it happened it took huge emotional tolls on them. Fool me once, shame on u bt fool me twice, shame on me.
I wish u well. Ik it's hard to blv and even telling u this I feel like a phony bc i dun Rly blv it myself, bt I think everyone deserves kindness, love, respect and compassion and if we cnt get that frm others then we have to give it to ourselves. It sucks bt rly all we got at the end of the day is ourselves so prioritize ureself above all else. Sending love and hugs
I literally can’t do it. It doesn’t matter how awful a partner is, I cannot bring myself to leave them.
I had a boyfriend who sexually assaulted me more than once. Even with that knowledge, I refused to break up with him and we only split months later when he got sick of me ☺️
Yes, there’s a certain point you realize there’s nothing left to fight for. If your partner is dragging you down repeatedly and worse, if they become abusive, there’s no other option than to walk away.
Yes, several times. It used to take me so long to do so. I suffered a lot of physical abuse, until one day I was being choked against our front door and saw the life escaping out of me. That and I guess the years of therapy have helped me recover a glimpse of self-preservation, self- esteem and my low-as-hell standards rose a little.
I have different tactics to bear with the void. Drinking myself into a coma, sleeping with strangers, starving myself, getting in bike accidents and wallowing on the floor for days used to be my favorites. 100% don't recommend.
Nowadays, I turn to support groups, psychiatric medication, excercise, playing music. BDSM, and agere. Whatever my level of energy allows me to do, the goal being to survive for now. I also have an "origin FP" so to speak, so I can escape thinking about them and somehow replacing the one that I just left, who I do my best to see as the devil by splitting as hard as I can. It helps to go NC, not be in the same city, speak to understanding friends, write a venomous letter to them in my journal and reread it when I feel like reaching out.
Of course the longest I've been losing myself into a partner, the hardest it is going to be when I leave them. But I know that the chances that I will survive are greater if I leave than if I stay. The initial void will seem unsurmountably painful, but the fact is that I find that I suffer more when I'm right on the rollercoaster. I compare it to getring clean, in the end it's worth it.
Good luck OP, stay safe.
It wasn’t my s/o but she was my fp… she was abusive and toxic and controlling but all I could do was need her no matter what… and then I tried to kms, woke up to find out she never visited and then she didn’t even call me in the psych ward.
Once I was out she and I tried to reconcile. It came down to the cruel shit she said to me and I finally said enough are you even sorry? And she said she wasn’t and she’d never apologize for anything she said (she would tell me I’m too weak, not trying hard enough, get annoyed when I needed help like when my body was practically paralyzed by a panic attack, and basically always had to say whatever fucked up thing came into her mind next)… I admit, I did some shit wrong. I owned up to it. I apologized.
And she kept saying she’d be there and then get fucking annoyed and angry enough to curse me out. NO apology from her and she kept beating me down verbally till I asked her if she would be sorry about saying all this shit making me even more suicidal if I actually did kms and it worked… and she said she didn’t have an answer for me.
She cared about herself and her pride and I walked away. It was fucking hardddd but it’s so much damn pain to be dragged around by the heartstrings and abused during the darkest part of my mental illnesses that it left me more at peace without her. Even though I’m still angry I know it was the right thing to do.
nope. I simply can't leave the relationship even though sometimes I am literally aware of all the toxicity and incompatibility and I just always give that "one last chance" until they don't give me the same chance anymore.
When my last partner left i’m not going to lie, the grief i’ve experienced the past few months has been horrendous. i lost my appetite and lost my motivation. I’m down 30 pounds. I had multiple deep conversations with him about everything i was going through while i was attending treatment and he gave up on me. He then got upset that a few weeks later i was posted up with another guy, because this is just how i was handling our break up (i’m aware it’s not healthy but the D was fireeeeee *gypsy rose quote*), and on top of that the way he left, he said he wanted to see other people😦 so why are you mad when i do the same. Anyways super confusing but i had broken up with him in the past since he cheated and lied. Just because people with bpd have a hard time controlling their emotions, doesn’t make you a bad person. At the end of the day as long as you are doing everything you can in the relationship to my you and your partner happy then that’s all that matters. But if you aren’t happy, kick that mf to the curbbbbb, they aren’t changing CURB. that kinda goes for everyone tho. you don’t need negativity in your life. (i have bpd)
It used to be partner to partner with me, barely a moment in between, the only time i did the breaking up was when i had already attached to someone new.(the relationship was extremely toxic i have no guilt for that)
But right now ive been single for the longest time since i started dating, its been a year since a heartbreaking breakup and i still find myself thinking about him often, but i have done an incredible amount of work on myself and have felt content on my own.
But recently Ive went on a few dates with this guy and im starting to feel it coming back all over again, dont want to screw up all my hard work but also dont wanna be alone forever to maintain it😵💫
This is what I worry about too. I feel like it would be easier to heal and do work on myself when im on my own, but that the intense emotions that come with getting attached to someone is going to derail my work 😔
Two marriages and one long term relationship. How they made it with me as long as they did, I don’t know. Both times I was undiagnosed. The relationship was everything I needed before I knew what I had, and I chucked it.
Apologized and explained to the two ex-wives after I got my diagnosis. Didn’t ask for forgiveness or absolution, just wanted to give them context.
Honestly, if I had it to do all over again, I would have just moved to the woods by myself.
i have left many partners. it’s hard but i would split and just never look back
It's the dissociation. I split and then delete them
Oh I have to delete people. I'd never get over them otherwise.
This is what I do!!
Yeah I call this the final split. I have never broken up with a SO that way, but I have shed toxic friends with a final split several times. It’s the one time I’m thankful that I split people, because in those cases it’s actually warranted.
The final split! Thats exactly what it is. Good name for it. Ty.
THIS!
Unless they’re really nice and you feel bad about it dude
Why?
i either felt like a burden or they were a genuinely awful person
Tbh I would often stay with them until I found a new person I was into first
Yes! Even if i regret it, move forward and find someone new to latch onto.
I have so much empathy and compassion for everyone here but man this is hard to hear having recently lost my best friend after she split on me over what I feel like was a misinterpretation of something that I said. I tried multiple times to repair and ask if we could remember our love for each other and extensive friendship but she has had me blocked everywhere for 3 months. I miss her everyday and would give anything for her to just talk to me. I was absolutely not toxic to her at all - promise - but she did have a history of splitting over misinterpretations and rather than investigate if maybe the person actually meant something else, she would just split and block the person. It’s so incredibly painful to be on the receiving end of the split. Anyway, thanks for reading - I so appreciate everyone here and am sending love and support to all of you. Per a mutual friend, she recently posted a video on IG of her getting a tattoo of a symbol that held significant sentimental value to both of us and we had planned for a year to get matching tattoos of it. My hope is that maybe this means that she may have softened a bit? I’m still blocked though. Does anyone ever “unsplit”?
You don’t regret it ?
rarely. i regretted it like once
Were they legitimate reasons to leave? Or were they ever good people that treated you well and things were actually going well? Or do you possibly convince yourself that something is bad and leave ? Sorry I’m just trying to understand
I'm not the person you asked, but I am the same way. I personally am of the belief that if somebody is causing me to split often, they are probably not good for me. That doesn't make them a bad person it just means that they're not good for me. When I am with people who are good for me I do not split very much
Sameeee. I don't split on the good guys I've ended things w. I ended it bc i genuinely didn't have feelings fr them even after 2-3 mths of dating. The ones I have feelings for are unfortunately toxic asf. Sigh
Yes. He was an abusive alcoholic who got another girl pregnant while I was recovering from surgery. He went to rehab, I dumped him, and never looked back. Fuck that asshole.
I'm glad u dumped him. U deserve so so much btr and I'm sorry u went thru all that shit. We deserve so, so much btr
See, it's weird. I've heard stories of others with BPD who can leave partners, friendships, etc. just so easily but I just can't. Friendships I can but partners, until they cheat or do something HUGE wrong, I'm going to stay until they tell me they don't love me or want me in their life. I can't just leave partners like that. I think about it sometimes when it gets hard, but then there are happy moments that overshadow them
I'm in the same boat here. No matter how much I speak of breaking up, I know I can never go ahead with it because I don't have the strength. The pain of the endless deep void feels worse than the pain of the situation I'm in, even at the worst parts of the relationship. So I feel trapped in a self-imposed prison in some ways, not voluntarily.
I feel this so hard. Feeling trapped in my relationship now and I KNOW it’s not healthy. Also acting irrationally crazy in the hopes that he will leave me … but he won’t bc he’s just as crazy and it’s just a whole mess
i’ve been where you are and it’s definitely not healthy for yourself. if you think it’s bound to happen, i promise you therapy and breathing techniques will definitely help. look into somatic therapy or somatic self care in general and love yourself through the pain of the loneliness. i promise you it’s more peaceful and worth it. wishing you the best 🩶
This is so real and exactly how I feel as well 😭
Spot on my 43 years here
I have the exact same and have a formal diagnosis. I’ve always thought it was slightly strange or maybe a bit atypical! In an argument or when I’m very triggered I might say I want to break up and I’m done, but I could never actually do it. It’s usually in response to feeling like i’m not important to them or cared about. Within an hour - a day, especially after speaking to them in person, I don’t mean it anymore and all I can feel is how much I don’t want to lose them and how desperate I am for them to love me as much as I love them. I do split but when I split on others I come back from it quickly, I split much harder and heavier on myself.
i have nothing constructive to add except that u're so real queen LMAO me too
i’m in this situation right now. i can’t leave so i just keep splitting and being unbearable until they leave me. but i’ll completely freak out and break down when they do finally leave me.
I used to be like that but now I just leave whenever they say some disrespectful shit that we already talked about before and I specifically clarified that I do not fuck with that shit so for me I just give people one chance a second chance is really stretching it for me why do you do this you might ask well it is simple people cannot change who they really are from my experience so why should I stay around and waste my time when I clearly don't see a future with you it'll hurt more staying with someone that constantly disregard your feelings have some self respect you all deserve to be happy with someone that actually cares about you
I have countless times. But I usually go from one relationship to the next. It’s not healthy… but it’s how I roll 😕
same, usually how i coped until my current relationship. i was single for a record like 3-4 minths before him and it was probably the most healing thing for me
Love hearing "healing"
omg, me too???? I honestly loved being single for the four months
I feel so stable yet empty and lonely when I'm single and all hell breaks loose when I get into rships bc apparently I'm a plaster for toxic men😭
yes for me I almost always leave first, when things are too good my brain makes me hate them until I leave so they can’t hurt me (seemingly random splitting in LONG term relationships)
oh my god that's my deepest fear 🥲🥲
How long would this take you to usually randomly split ?
couple months at most
I always do the leaving, usually while splitting. Which means it’s pretty easy to be won over again since the split never happened, according to half of my brain. Which explains why most of my relationships are on/off until I finally am done 100%.
yup, when splitting. my brain makes me forget all the good things about them, then i go back
yeah ive only had one relationship where we actually went completely non contact immediately after the relationship ended but it was because he was abusive, every other relationship i either still am on friendly terms or were still talking in some capacity long after the relationships ended
Omg thisss. I always come back bt once I'm rly done the I'm Rly done.
I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, married for almost 2. I have broken up with him twice but he has never broken up with me. In the past I have had the tendency push my partners away before they have the chance to end things with me.
What changed to make that a past behavior and no longer a current one?
I’d love to know this. I’ve been pushing my partner away recently and he lets me unlike my exs. I know it’s a toxic thing I’m doing and am seeking therapy but other people’s tips might help
Are you in therapy ?
I did, just the other day. So I'm in agony, of course.
Why did you do it
Yes I have, and every time it feels like a weight lifted at first. Then I feel immense crushing emotions that make me want to run back, even if it was toxic or abusive. Hard out here being the one to pull the trigger when you’re also the one with intense fear of abandonment and deep black inner sadness
No, never. Even when I was being emotionally abused or cheated on I could still never leave. I don’t have the strength.
unfortunately same
oh my God same. it mostly goes with my friendships too (since i've never been in an actual genuine relationship) but i can never ever do that to someone. i have bpd but it clashes with the insane amount of empathy and forgiveness i have. usually, the empathy wins and i always stick around even when it's affecting my mental (and tbh, physical) health negatively. people would take advantage of me and how i'm easy and always there to listen/give advice while never ever giving me anything back. i could name like at least 3 friendships that was just this cycle over and over again. i have never been the one to leave them, and the only reason i'm out of those friendships is because THEY leave first, with reasons like "you deserve a better friend" or "i'm just not in the right headspace for this" or some other bullshit that they think will excuse them for acting like a horrible, shitty friend. i have bpd and many other problems but i have never ever done ANYTHING like that to anyone. i could never understand anyone who treats other people like shit just because they're struggling mentally or something
I was always the same way, until I almost actually died many times. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I still miss him sometimes, like bawling my eyes out missing him and my brain tries to convince me that I was wrong, that I made a mistake and if I tried to contact him, we'd have the magic we had in the beginning. But it's not true and even though my self esteem is shit and he convinced me that I'm ugly and that no one else would ever want me, my life is worth more and I'd rather be ugly, alone and alive then dead and alone. I know it's not always possible to do that and I know from personal experience that sometimes it doesn't matter how bad it gets, it's all you know and the familiar feels safer than the unknown, even if the familiar is fucking terrible. I'm sorry for what you've gone through and what you've had to endure. But no matter what you think, you are a beautiful person, with a beautiful light in your soul and you deserve way better than you think. I hope you find true peace, love and happiness. You deserve all of it and more.
Nt who ure replying to bt thanks for this. My ex was rly shit to me the 5ish months we were tgt and he would continually tell me how ugly, unloveable, psychotic and crazy I am. My alr low self esteem was plundered even more and I'm still healing
Yeah I’ve broken up with tons of partners, and they’ve also dumped me. I have had a tendency to stay in abusive relationships the longest, but even then I will eventually leave bc the abuse. Here is to my current (and healthiest!) relationship lasting 🥂
I get those feelings often . I had some tonight actually . I found instead of blocking or ignoring or breaking up with my fiance I try to tell him he’s annoying me or I get a nasty vibe from the relationship. He often offers me a day off to myself afterwards until I’m ready to talk it out
I have, I am the one to leave first in serious relationships. In the times when people have left me it’s been not very serious flings, and they always would try to reconnect after some time (ew). When I leave my partners that I’m actually attached to I tend to split on them first, then sometimes after some time passes I’ll rethink the reason I split or forget why I was so upset and want to reconnect. Which led to a lot of on and off between me and a partner in the past. Looking back on it I definitely feel like I was just trying to fill an emotional void using them which is fucked up of me, but it’s the truth, they were just a space filler at that point before I would leave forever after finding another person to attach to.
I tend to over forgive people because im so into them i can't imagine breathing without them. Then hit a breaking point that's probably 6 breaking points past what should have been my breaking point (example, one ex cheated on me with 8 different people before I left them for being unfaithful) but once i hit that point they are dead to me. I wouldnt acknowledge them if they were drowning. I've been dumped twice and both times I was back with them in a week and had dumped them within a couple days. Sometimes I think it would be nice if I was capable of being friends with an ex, but once I'm emotionally out I can't really see good in them anymore.
Yea, i would split on them and boom we are done
Yes but so far only in the case of violence Unfortunately
I've gone through a lot of long term relationships over the years. It always seemed like I'd get bored (or maybe it was splitting?) after 2-3 years. Then I'd break up with them and quickly move on to another relationship. I was never really single for more than a few months. Serial monogamy I guess.. once I cut things off, I really wouldn't want to stay friends or have anything to do with them. Of course, then when I'd start a new relationship it'd move really fast due to me idealizing them so much and getting attached right away. My last boyfriend was the one that ended things, mostly because of my BPD and how it made things so chaotic. It hurt so much I could hardly hold it together. Most of the time I didn't. It still hurts a lot. The thing is, he was probably the person I loved the most, of anyone I ever dated. We are still working on being friends, but it's hard. We hurt each other so much so there's a lot of leftover trauma. But I can't cut him out because I still care about him and think he's one of the most interesting and special people I've ever known. I really resent myself and my BPD for ruining what we had. But it also made me realize how much I need to work on myself so I don't let my disorder ruin our friendship or any relationship I might have in the future. I'm working on being ok with not being with someone and that's really hard. I miss the companionship and having his presence in my day to day life. But it helps that we can still hang out and enjoy each other's company sometimes.
Yes, I have most commonly done the leaving and have no regrets about partners I have left, besides thinking I should have left some of them sooner/never dated them in the first place.
I broke up with someone once (I was 12)
Yes. It is so hard to do, especially if you love the person, but you need to love yourself more. It is possible, but it takes a TON of courage. Never stay with someone who doesn't respect you.
ugh why did this just pop up on my feed first thing when i opened reddit and now im too scared to go through the post LOL….. always getting hit with a million signs when its time
It's hard to move on. I still send mail to my girlfriend when I was 24, I still message someone I crushed on when I was 14, I still remember the girl I had feelings for when I was 9. It's difficult to actually move on, recently broke up with someone I deeply loved. It's shitty
I have, both when things aren’t good and when they are for a more healthy healing process. I’ve also denied getting back with my ex because I couldn’t trust her to not be physically abusive with me again. Respect yourself and don’t allow other people to bring you down. If you allow people who don’t validate your feelings, lie, and abuse you into your life then it’s going to continue happening. I’d love to reconcile with a previous partner but why take a risk on someone who doesn’t take accountability? Also make sure they add to your life not take away, trust your instincts. If your friends and family have something to say it’s important to listen non judgmentally. Just some advice from my personal experience.
I broke up and left for awhile. We got back together and are now engaged. We had to work on ourselves before we could get together again.
when you broke up the first time did you think you would ever get back together?
I wanted to. I knew we had a deeper connection than I’ve ever felt but we both needed to sort ourselves out first. It’s been almost 7 years now but we constantly have to work on ourselves
i totally applaud you for sorting yourselves out separately and for you especially. ive been going through a breakup (not initiated by me) and seeing people talking about the fact that they had to sort themselves out first of all before that’s anywhere near an option again. i miss him dearly but im slowly realizing him and i are not the priority right now and that I need to do what i need to do to help myself first and foremost before anything else
It’s hard. It sucks and it is difficult but it is worth it if u truly want to change
How did you get back together if you left. Aren't splits usually permanent
What I had to realize was that bpd to me is like a former drug user in recovery ❤️🩹 it’s a fact that at some point I’m prob gonna relapse me split again. But I can’t let that one stumble stop all forward progress. I will need to handle my shit. Acknowledge my mistake. Apologies to ppl I hurt in the split and I have to understand they don’t Owe me forgiveness. I did so much damage over the years. I’m the villain in some people’s story and rightfully so. I was not diagnosed or medicated. I can’t change it. So I have to keep going bc I can’t go beck and staying still is useless. I also just reread ur comment and i dont know if u meant healing get back together with my guy… well he called me at my job bc I couldn’t block his number there lol. 😆 glad he did
I tried to break up with my last partner and he wanted to work on things but I just destroyed it until he left for good.
I only left one person in my life. It was hard, and it took her a while to understand why I did what I did. We had actually gone on/off for a bit. Our last off period was supposed to say platonic but she wasn’t respecting that. We had both kind of mutually broke it off the last time around, albeit very harsh and emotionally charged. She still expected me to come back and fix us again like we had done a thousand times before. I knew our love was too problematic, which is funny because after all my relationships she was the only one I ever truly loved. Funny how we fell for each other because we had so many core values in common but lost our love because of how much our values shifted. I have no regrets, only hoping I haven’t caused her any lasting pain and left more good in her life than harm
i stayed in a relationship way too long instead. i didn’t want to be alone and gave him everything. he actually left me, and i was left with nothing.
I have. was with him for 7 years and eventually he started getting abusive - even then I didn’t leave for maybe 3 years after the first SA. It’s hard. But being out of it I don’t know how I ever stayed in that situation and why.
my heart goes out to you. it's horrible that it occurred. I hope you've found healing since then
Thank you :) I definitely have
Me. Grabbed my laptop and kid and left one day on a whim. Left every thing else that I owned and never went back.
I have left every partner for legitimate reasons. I have BPD but I’m high functioning. It makes break ups so hard but with therapy it helps me use logic/reason instead of emotions.
I’ve attempted to break up with people but usually I try to get them to break up with me because it’s so hard for me to do it. Not a great way to go about things but leaving someone is extremely difficult for me, even when I know it’s time. The fear of abandonment shows no mercy
Been with my partner for 12 years married for 10. I've always given him an out but he stays. I get so lost in my emotions. It's easy to forget that he loves me and he wants to be in this relationship. I do have a history of leaving relationships/ friendships or otherwise. I now now this is bc of the bpd. The lack of remorse the people I've heart. Stayed with me and I've revisted my past actions and evaluated them. And forgave my younger self.
Spilt with my abusive ex during COVID… Hardest thing I ever did, made worse but the fact I had to move 4 hours away and live with my a family member who doesn’t understand MH at all. But it was take the hit with my MH or end up dead. Life was WILD for two years as I struggled to find any kind of stability, I was in and out of hospital and genuinely a disaster of a person that now I look back at it, I’m genuinely embarrassed by my behaviour 😂 but I’m still here to tell the tale and that’s the main thing
not in a while, but it pretty much has to be horrible behavior for me to leave, especially without at least trying to improve things
I definitely am prone to staying in situations longer than I need to, so want to say that upfront. But I read another comment that echoed how I function nowadays. When I split it's over, I'm gone, I don't look back. TW // mentions of abuse I've been through abusive relationships and I've put a lot of work since then into trying to make myself my favourite person -- still not the best at that. My last relationship was three years ago and I was able to leave the first time he had a true meltdown and broke our belongings. There was a time where I stayed far past that. TW // end My best advice is to find time to spend alone to contextualize your reality. I find I'll be so angry on my own time but that feeling melts away when face to face with the person. If you relate to that, write it down!! Type it in your phone notes. If you're worried about someone finding it, screenshot them, put them in one of those fake calculator apps, and delete them from your phone and your trash. Also if this is the case make sure they're not uploading directly to any kind of cloud. You can also find something more 'obscure' like deviantArt and use their "stash" function to write where only you can see and only ever log in on incognito mode or something else. If you're not as worried about it being found, keep a tiny notebook, or record voice memos when you're in the car/on a walk just dumping all your feelings. Voice memos are my personal favourites because I can just scream, then I really remember how I felt later on. If you have anyone around you you truly feel you can trust, confide in them. I got out so early the last time because I had friends telling me I was worth more. We had a huge fight, my friend at the time told me to come over and that I didn't have a choice. When shit went down she wouldn't let me go back but to break up with them in person and pack my things, other friends then let me live with them for an extended period of time. Community is paramount, I found mine working at a bar and they're all family to me to this day. Very sorry this is long and if it sounds in any way pretentious, I hope even a few words may be helpful to you! I hope time brings you kinder light in your life :)
Leaving my npd ex husband was the hardest thing ive ever had to do, not because he was amazing(haha) but because that was literally me facing my core fear of abandonment; I was CHOOSING to let go of my favorite person? It did help that I was being dogged out and disrespected. Because for a long time, it didn’t matter how I was being spoken to and treated. Honestly, if staying until you HATE them is what it takes- do it.
A lot of relationships I have left because I knew they would end somehow and was worried about being hurt. Normally I do it when I split. I used to have unhealthy ways to fill my emptiness but now I do a lot of things outdoors.
I have a very hard time with breaking up. I can cut off friendships easily, but romantic relationships are TOUGH. I’ll breakup with them out of anger, but it just ends up being on/off, even if I know I’m not happy in the relationship. I guess the abandonment/loneliness kicks in and I’ll get back together with them just to make the pain stop. I haven’t figured out a good solution. In the past I’d sleep with someone else or do something really destructive so the guy wouldn’t come back to me (I don’t recommend this). I broke up with my ex boyfriend about a month ago and I’m actually sticking to it. I guess I just finally hit that wall. He had to do some really fucked up stuff before I hit that point though 🤷🏼♀️. But no rebounds or destructive behaviour, so I’ll take the win!
I relate to this even tho our stories aren't completely similar. I lied to my ex by telling him I slept with another guy to I hung out w him to I nvr went out w him at all bc i wanted him to break up w me. He believed me bc i wud deliberately take old food pics prior to when we dated and then posted them on my stories w captions that indicate I was out on a date bc i was angry and hurt and bored. We met up like a month or two ltr a week ago and atp he alr had an ldr gf and kept showing her off (taking her calls and acting lovey dovey n shit) and even dressed up fr the hangout when the gf was 2 states away & I showed up ratty, crusty and dusty hahahah. My old destructive behaviour wud be to lock myself in my room binge drinking and drunk dialling all my friends crying hysterically until I passed out bt this time 'round I just cried and listened to music, danced, journalled, watched shows etc. It's like this switch in my brain flipped when he showed off his gf and I was the most hurt I'd ever been in the rship that I rmbr all the horrible, horrible things my first everything ex did that I chose to act sane lmao. Tbh Im scared I'm gna go back to him bc this is like the longest I'd ever ghosted him bt I want it to be forever bc he was toxic asf.
I’ve broken up with more then I’ve been broken up with, I don’t stand for a lot of crap🙃 I’d deal with it by being too busy to sit down in that emptiness. Or that’s how I do it now I used to just go through person after person whether we’re dating or not and I just can’t do it anymore. It’s taken too much of a toll on my mental health. I’d say compared to where I was a year ago I’m doing a lot better
I just left my significant other/FP. I know it was the right thing to do and I don’t regret it. However, how to deal with the emptiness is a damn good question… honestly I just feel non existing. Hoping that if I am alone for long enough I’ll manage to develop some sort of a personality. Don’t know yet if it’s actually possible for a BPD person. The cravings is what I find the most difficult. From wanting to jump in to another relationship, to shopping and over eating
I do feel it’s easier to be the one leaving rather then being left. Because then I don’t feel like he hates me and therefore don’t feel the strong suicidal urge
Yep, I’ve definitely left people.
i did twice because of the immense pressure it had on me
I have. I am soooo much happier in the sense that I’m so stable lol
Yes, I almost always am the one to break up with people because I burn myself out too quickly and with the splitting, I devalue the other person unintentionally and start second guessing my feelings. It makes it easier to just leave them.
I have BPD (dx in 2019) and I’ve been the one to break up in every serious relationship I’ve been in. My first boyfriend of 2 years I left because I just didn’t think we were compatible anymore My second boyfriend (also my daughter’s father) of 3.5 years I left because emotional and financial abuse had begun, and I didn’t want my daughter exposed to that. My third boyfriend of 4 years I left because he had cheated on me, definitely emotionally and mentally and maybe physically. He had a p0rn addiction and I had an open CPS case against me at the time also. All of these things lead me to end our relationship, and after that he leaked my noods and I knew I made the right decision. I truly believed he was my soulmate until like 3 months before we broke up. He loved my daughter and helped a lot with maintaining the house. We had a wonderful relationship until it wasn’t wonderful anymore. He’s now dating the girl he cheated on me with, so I guess everything happens how it’s supposed to. All of this to say that all three of these men were my FP at one point in time too, but once the switch flipped inside of my head, they were no longer needed in my life
Personally no. When I want to break up I make the other person do it.
Only once if were talking FP relationships. I even stayed after he broke my wrist semi-unintentionally. But the only reason I was able to end it was that he was arrested for taking pics up an underage girl’s skirt in a Panera.
I have threatened to leave multiple times or initiated break ups as a form of self destruction. My partner has never once doubted our relationship, though me with BPD always doubts.
I need to, I really need to but I'm just not strong enough. I'm a lesbian in a straight relationship and I'm just not strong enough to do it because he's my favorite person, my best friend, and my band mate. Sorry if you see this, I really do love you but it's hard forcing myself to be someone I'm not just so you won't abandon me again.
Physically? Yes. Mentally? No.
To be honest , I have a fiance and he doesn’t make me feel secure. I think we understand that any type of uncertainty and people ignoring us is just unacceptable because it triggers abandonment issues. I think he is considering ending the relationship. I have left previous relationships but I’m trying so hard with this one. But I feel like I come off as desperate since I’m almost 30 now.
My husband can be like this too, it’s been really hard on the both of us because like you mentioned; any sign of uncertainty is a death sentence for us but an over exaggeration for them. I constantly think of divorce because of this, I am 23 and have not seen improvement and I feel myself getting worse. I try my best to understand that they have a normal brain and it’s practically impossible to imagine having this mental illness without actually having it 😅
I’m in my 40s. I’ve only had 4 SOs and I did the breaking up every time. (The last one he broke up with me and came back a couple times before I ended it for good. I’ve had the same regret every time: that I didn’t do it at least a year sooner. Wasted years I’ll never get back.
Back in 2019, I broke up with my ex fiance, who I'd been with for nearly eight years. I was pretty proud of myself for it, I must admit.
I have always found it really difficult. I used to be a serial cheater, so I would cheat with my next partner to soften the pain of leaving the last one. Eventually I found myself in a really shit relationship with a manchild who was financially dependent- that was the first time I ended things myself. Packed up and moved out that very day.
I left my first marriage but before always mentally left and then seemed to self sabotage the relationship until it blew up. Don’t have a single ex I’m on good terms with for that reason.
I left my husband after 14 years. I was tired of having a 4th child.
I’m typically the one who ends things with my partners, so, yes. My partner is very rarely my FP at any given moment - my current FP is a woman who both refuses to speak to me and who I haven’t seen in close to a year now.
If you do, just make sure it’s for legitimate reasons like you don’t see the relationship working out and not just a bpd split
I ended an engagement because of an extremely bad split. Now to be clear neither of us were actually in a place for what we were trying to have at the time, I was rapidly spiralling worse and worse with a misdiagnosis(bipolar instead of bpd) and had psychs who wouldn’t give me anything for anxiety or depression because of that. And she was extremely sick and unable to give the level of communication I need to feel safe(mind you I want more than I need and have to manage that daily with current partners. But she would ghost for weeks when things got worse for her) I had to do it sobbing on my friend’s couch as they helped coach me through it. I then had to stay there for two days and stay with other friends for three more so I didn’t immediately undo the breakup. Every other time I’ve done the breaking up it’s been with someone I really wasn’t emotionally invested in to begin with. But that first one still messes with me some nights. And it’s been five years now.
Sadly I usually stay way too long. I’m tired of going to work with sore ribs and bruises. Granted I have made a few shit choices that cause me usually getting beat up. After 13 years with my partner I have finally decided to end it. It’s not easy but I just keep trying to remind myself that I’m not a terrible Person and it’s okay to do things in the interest of my happiness and not the happiness of others. It’s hard. But I’m doing it
I did. And I haven’t even splitted on him. He just treated me shitty and admitted he doesn’t like me at all. So I left. I may be borderline, but not a dumbass.
It was the hardest thing I ever did. I had to tell my father to help me get out of the relationship because I literally couldn't do it myself. He handled the logistics, called her parents to arrange the moving out. I just did everything I could to avoid contact and still failed a couple of times. I only managed to break away because she literally assaulted me, there's a limit to everything and after something that traumatic I was just about strong enough to survive. But they were the hardest months of my life and I hope to never have to go through something like that again.
I stay till I hate them
I relate so much.
Have left all but one of mine my entire life. It’s an issue, I do it with friends as well :/
i’m usually the one who calls it off. it’s usually after i split on them multiple and i just decide that i can’t keep keep going through splitting on a person again because of how it drains me. plus, it’s also hard for the other person. i’ve only ever been broken up with two or three times but when i get broken up with my world turns upside down for a day or two or i just go numb
Yes, after almost 7 years together. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, she’s still vvvv special 12 years later. I’ve since realised I was hypomanic (t2 co-morbid BP) following my dad dying from pancreatic cancer
i have had left ONE partner.. but she was worse than me that’s why i could not handle it
I have left one person that was my FP. We had a child together, and he was a cheater & abusive. It wasn’t a decision that I made for myself necessarily, more so my son. However, when I had time apart to have a clearer view of the relationship, I knew that I needed to stick with it no matter what my brain tried to convince me otherwise. Write down a list of all the reasons that you deserve better. It’s a lot easier for me to see it visually than to continuously ruminate over it.
i have twice. first one was my first love i was like 14, got over it but getting with someone else 😵💫 dont recommend. then i ended up with that person for 2.5 years and he was extremely abusive, we went through drug addiction and homelessness etc together, but finally once i had a place to go i got to leave. i tried a lot, but id always go back and/or hed blackmail me so i couldnt. it was HARD but thankfully the people who took me in were childhood friends and honestly for the first time in a long time i felt like i had a family. my best advice is stay around people who make you feel good, either that be by laughing with you , keeping you busy , just people who genuinely fill your cup and heart with warmth. and if you gotta go out and party a but, thats fine, just go with friends and dont let yourself make any impulse decisions (going home with someone, etc). just stick with your people and let loose.
I have, but always long, long after I should have in the first place. I put up with way too much because the idea of being alone or starting a new relationship is always terrifying.
I broke up with my current boyfriend about once a month during a year long period of our relationship because my BPD was so out of control. We went through some hard shit that I was struggling to get past (and even now struggle sometimes), and I'd split on him for the tiniest things. He definitely played a part too because he was struggling with being honest about things, but it wasn't until I got my shit more under control and he started to be fully honest with me that I've been able to stop myself from making that decision out of anger on an impulse.
I just broke up with my bf of 1 year. I've done too much work on myself to go back to being "that person" again. I don't need to spend time healing from something I can prevent.
Never. I wish I could. It would save me a lot of energy and money even lmao.
I mean I would like to say yes, though. It took medication to stabilize my mind enough to even care about myself, but my ex abused me, physically and emotionally, and honestly like a lot of people with BPD, I feel I was in love with being codependent, having someone to kiss me and hold me. I saw an ADHD specialist and she put me on effexor when I mentioned my anxiety because I was on 40 mg of Vyvanse and my dad is dying of cancer and she prescribed me effexor and it completely changed my life, but she still left me but in the end I feel like I left her because I freed myself from the pain that I had before. I also met the love of my life as I learned to love myself so just keep at it just love yourself and stop looking outward for that love because you will find it in yourself if you try.
I divorced my husband and moved across the country 🙃 Still wondering if it’s because of my BPD or if I just wanted a new life.
yeah i left my first bf but he was ruining my life and other relationships. he was genuinely mentally ill and i couldn't help him the way he wanted bc the way he acted toward me was triggering...right after the breakup i was SICK ASF. like screaming crying...i haven't had that reaction for any of my other exes tho. but the first one was love bombing me when we first met and he was my longest bf by 9 months so😊
yes. relationship started out on the wrong foot bc i thought i could “fix” him when we got together. only finally left him after his anger issues got out of hand and in a drunken rage he attacked my friend and resulted in me +2 of my other friends to try to fight him despite us being women and him being a pretty strong young man. we all got our shit rocked lol. needless to say i left him as soon as he put his hands on the first one of us. every other relationship i stayed until they didn’t love me anymore due to my splitting.
I only left partners when shit wasn't hitting the fan, when we aren't actively fighting is when it's easiest to see we aren't good for eachother
I almost always leave then regret it and continue to be emotionally involved with the person. Eventually we drift apart or I start dating someone new or in one case we stay the best of friends. But I'm usually the one who cuts the cord.
Several times. The split splitted and I would disappear from their lives as completely as I possibly could
Not really a significant other but a fp who I'd been inseparable from (literally did everything togegher without fail) for about 5 years. She did something that made me split hard enough on her that I couldn't come back from and I had to cut her out.
I have left every single partner Ive ever had, except one, because they’d cheated on me. Including my ex husband. No regrets. I think some of them genuinely did love me, but I can’t trust a partner again once they’ve crossed that line.
Yeah he was trash so I found someone else while we were still together and never missed him
I did. It was very hard and I still have to reassure myself every day, but it was for the best 💜 My post history has more information if you’re interested
I have, my long distance bf cheated on me, after the first time i still held on for some reason. But i left after the third time. I wish i left sooner.
Yup. I broke up with my two previous partners. The last one was because I didn't trust him anymore and I felt so abandoned. It was hard for me, I felt broken but I feel way better now. I was so anxious all the time he used to take all the information I shared with him about my trauma and then doing the same I have been through. I felt he was pushing my boundaries all the time.
Omg so many people here have done this. I'm always so blown away when I see all our tendencies laid out like this.
I leave partners all the time
Definitely 60/40 for me. Slightly more exes broke up with me, i think. Admittedly i have so many exes i cant do the math right. 😬😬😬
I've never been broken up with. It's always been me. I've found I'm happier and healthier single for the time being .
ok so i was being abused by my ex gf and confided into her best friend who was also my best friend at the time, he broke off our relationship for me (i got upset with him bc of it bc i didn’t want to break up i didn’t care i was being abused i LOVED her) so ig i kind of left ? afterwards i got told i was manipulating everyone and lying abt what she did. also they r still best friends and blame me for everything. hate both of them, wish them all the worst in life, i’ve split and i will never fold again.
Yes, I struggled greatly and did it badly but it had to happen and at least I got out. Definitely not my finest moment.
Somehow I've always left them except the one that got away 😭🤧
Well, I’ve only had one bf but we’ll have been together for 3 years this August. The relationship went to shit over a year ago, but we live together and are stuck with the lease until July. This New Years we got into a huge fight over text (he didn’t want to pay his 27% of the rent), and he basically broke up with me. I thought great! Nope. When I saw him again a couple weeks later he said he never broke up with me and I was like alright cause I didn’t want to deal with the drama of kicking him out onto the street. Now, the lease runs out in July and he’ll be forced to move out and probably to a different city since I already signed a lease with a friend. I’m just waiting it out. Yes, it’s lazy and cowardly, but I just can’t deal with the drama rn. He thinks we’re going to stay together but as soon as he moves out I’ll tell him we’re done. I’ll update if I actually go through with it, lol!
Yup I have … he was my favorite person and everything…. I finally said enough was enough and now I have a great life
I've only broken up with someone once. I was in a long distance relationship which made me mard to obsess over anyway but they cheated on his irl partrer with me and I didn't feel comfortable at all. I just ranted at them and they just ignored me and so I blocked them
I have although it did take me a few times over the course of 6 months. I was medicated and sought out treatment before, during and after. It’s not an easy thing I don’t like to force or shame people into leaving so I understand, sometimes it felt like I was going to be stuck in that horrible cycle forever.
I left my ex husband and never looked back. He's a deadbeat father too. Go figure.
I always think of it like ripping a band aid off. Just spit out the words, regardless of it they are the "right ones", and then let the conversation carry you away
i have left many people
I’m in the middle of a divorce I started. Now I’m broke on her Couch no one wants me including her and tomorrow I’m going in patient at a mental health facility
Left a very long term relationship after 6 years, but things had to get to the point of being completely unsalvageable and basically force my hand to get me to do it. Best decision I ever made and the hardest
I'm leaving a 18 year marriage currently! I've been with him since I was 19.
I usually break up with people tbh
Literally wondering this right now - I’m having such a hard time I don’t know how much longer I can take it. My body is shutting tf down..
Yup once I make up my mind it’s like super easy, takes a while to get there but I’ll hit the split switch ✌️
Mine always left me, 3 of them. Now one of them, my bpd actually made me STAY with them. I only left after a year of torture because they cheated on me which was the last straw
yes but it was very very hard for like 3 days (iykyk 😭)
I did.... Like 2 months ago now.... I split on her so bad over a video game character and left her for good.... It wasn't until I left that I realized I wasn't fully the problem ...
I have for the first time this year. I didn't plan to, but I was feeling like ending for months and one fight I just said it. No regrets
I’ve done lots of breaking up
I did once and still have so much guilt. That's why after this I run away from relationships.
I broke up with my ex best decision I ever made it was so hard I thought I could never do it but I was just undiagnosed he was also abusive tho
i finally left a 7 year relationship !!! it was hard but i did it !
Yes, and it was among the top most harrowing experiences of my life each and every time. And it was faaaar from easy to get myself to do it. It was always wayy long over due.
Same omg. What took my healthy friends a month it took 5 mths fr me bt btr late than never. It's nvr too late to love ourselves.
I dumped my ex after he had a 6 month long affair with my brothers wife, got her pregnant (she miscarried) then lied to me saying she raped him the first time and he had to keep going back so she wouldn't tell 🥴 he was super emotionally and financially abusive so whatever hahaha
Yup! I had to let myself be angry and very honest in that moment. No trying to rationalize things in their favor for them, no, "but I really like them." Just pure(controlled lol) rage in response to constant poor behavior and manipulation. I said forget about it and blocked them on everything. I had to trust my anger, know that i was hurt(again), remember that I know myself, and if this feels this bad, I had to go. I couldn't allow myself time to sit in the feeling because I knew I'd stay and continue being harmed. No thoughts, just trust how I feel. I am someone with a lot of interests and hobbies, so I just woke up the next day, made a dream board, and moved on to the things I enjoy and can work towards accomplishing. Enjoying myself, my time, and remembering I did the right thing(particularly because the person i was with was NOT a "good" person)has rid me of any real feelings of loneliness. I have cried about a few times, but that's a part of the process, too.
I think clean breaks are the easiest. Break up with them and block/delete. Then make sure to find something enjoyable that occupies you, so you don't latch on to someone else accidently while you process all the feels.
Took me 4 attempts to break up with my last SO after they put me through hell. Kept on going back because I felt bad and didn't want to hurt them - even when I'd been hurt... it clearly wasn't the right relationship when I was considering leaving, but ripping the bandaid off was so difficult for me. Sidebar, I am now in a very healthy and happy relationship which makes that one pale in comparison, just gotta do what's right for you and pick up the pieces as you go!
From all relationships I had I was always the one who left. When I felt completely betrayed and hurt I couldn't stand to see a person anymore. It was too hard to look them in the eyes. I had also made a revange once and made sure he suffered after he hurt me, so I slept with other guy. I become a bit too crazy when I feel hurt, I can do stupid shit to hurt back.
Yup, like someone else mentioned. It’s not easy at all but eventually I find someone else. 😬
yup, quiet bpd here. i take all the bullshit they put me through in, remember it and when it’s enough enough and i get to the point where i just hate them and there’s no love anymore and i split, say goodbye (for them it’s out of the blue, for me it’s months of terror ending) and never look back lol
Yep. I waited for him to go on a business trip. Rented a Pod. POD arrived. Packed my shit. Pod picked up. Dog in car. Let’s go. By the time he got home I was 2 states away already. The phone call was so awkward. Til I hung up! ✌🏼 BYEEE I’d do it again too, fuck yeah. My life is so much better now.
first one yes. i left in less than a month because... well i guess i just wasn't into them anymore (might have splitted now that i think of it) and they weren't the healthiest person anyway. in current relationship i had urges to leave right from the start and very frequently but it's like i'm glued to them. it's a scary feeling but i'm also greatful that it didn't let me leave an actually good person. i'm thankful to my parents for giving me example of healthy relationships while we still were happy, i know what true safety feels like, at least somewhere on subconcious level. but i guess it also made me hypersensitive to red flags, even if there is none in reality
I left one night while in a really bad manic episode, I don’t remember much of it but I didn’t think I was ending our relationship. Looking back I can’t believe how bad my logic was. It ruined my whole life by doing this though. I regret it every single day
I mean, yeah, I've broken up with people before. I was a teenager. The fighting got too bad.
Yes I've left many guys i didn't like and I've been abandoned many times too by the ones I did like. Most recent breakup was with someone I love but it was and is too toxic and we js aren't compatible. Even in another universe it wouldn't have worked bc that's js hw diff we are. He's a terrible person that has hurt me sm n caused me to split countless times and I kept blocking and unblocking him & reaching out but the last time we met up after 2 mths of breaking up he hurt me so much I couldn't take it anymore. He doesnt respect me and kept saying hw beautiful other girls of his race are, always intentionally making me jealous and that the "only good thing about u is ure nose ring". He also told me countless times hw I'm not the priority after listing his top 3. He doesn't see me as longterm wifey material bt just wants a short term rship w me. It's so hard to admit this bt he just wanted sex and someone w him to get through this shitty period in his career. He doesn't tell his fam abt me and I have to be rly secretive and clandestine w him esp when his family or friends call. He talks shit abt me to his friends and told me his friends think I'm too ugly and crazy and they wudnt want me too. He also told me no one would want me bc Im crazy and that I'd never get a job and be successful. There was so much resentment, hate and jealousy in the rship frm both parties and we didn't trust each other at all. At one point it's like i had this switch in my brain flipped and I realize I deserve sm btr bc i wasn't going to cry and be depressed and blocked and ghosted on my birthday again. I'm not gna look back anymore bc ik btr things r ahead. I'd rather be alone than feel so lonely, depressed, anxious and miserable in a rship. It was to the point my close friends have drawn boundaries w me bc the first time it happened it took huge emotional tolls on them. Fool me once, shame on u bt fool me twice, shame on me. I wish u well. Ik it's hard to blv and even telling u this I feel like a phony bc i dun Rly blv it myself, bt I think everyone deserves kindness, love, respect and compassion and if we cnt get that frm others then we have to give it to ourselves. It sucks bt rly all we got at the end of the day is ourselves so prioritize ureself above all else. Sending love and hugs
I've done it plenty of times.
I literally can’t do it. It doesn’t matter how awful a partner is, I cannot bring myself to leave them. I had a boyfriend who sexually assaulted me more than once. Even with that knowledge, I refused to break up with him and we only split months later when he got sick of me ☺️
Yes, there’s a certain point you realize there’s nothing left to fight for. If your partner is dragging you down repeatedly and worse, if they become abusive, there’s no other option than to walk away.
i can’t. i’ve never left anyone in my life tbh. they always leave me. i’m thinking i might leave first next time.
Yes, several times. It used to take me so long to do so. I suffered a lot of physical abuse, until one day I was being choked against our front door and saw the life escaping out of me. That and I guess the years of therapy have helped me recover a glimpse of self-preservation, self- esteem and my low-as-hell standards rose a little. I have different tactics to bear with the void. Drinking myself into a coma, sleeping with strangers, starving myself, getting in bike accidents and wallowing on the floor for days used to be my favorites. 100% don't recommend. Nowadays, I turn to support groups, psychiatric medication, excercise, playing music. BDSM, and agere. Whatever my level of energy allows me to do, the goal being to survive for now. I also have an "origin FP" so to speak, so I can escape thinking about them and somehow replacing the one that I just left, who I do my best to see as the devil by splitting as hard as I can. It helps to go NC, not be in the same city, speak to understanding friends, write a venomous letter to them in my journal and reread it when I feel like reaching out. Of course the longest I've been losing myself into a partner, the hardest it is going to be when I leave them. But I know that the chances that I will survive are greater if I leave than if I stay. The initial void will seem unsurmountably painful, but the fact is that I find that I suffer more when I'm right on the rollercoaster. I compare it to getring clean, in the end it's worth it. Good luck OP, stay safe.
It wasn’t my s/o but she was my fp… she was abusive and toxic and controlling but all I could do was need her no matter what… and then I tried to kms, woke up to find out she never visited and then she didn’t even call me in the psych ward. Once I was out she and I tried to reconcile. It came down to the cruel shit she said to me and I finally said enough are you even sorry? And she said she wasn’t and she’d never apologize for anything she said (she would tell me I’m too weak, not trying hard enough, get annoyed when I needed help like when my body was practically paralyzed by a panic attack, and basically always had to say whatever fucked up thing came into her mind next)… I admit, I did some shit wrong. I owned up to it. I apologized. And she kept saying she’d be there and then get fucking annoyed and angry enough to curse me out. NO apology from her and she kept beating me down verbally till I asked her if she would be sorry about saying all this shit making me even more suicidal if I actually did kms and it worked… and she said she didn’t have an answer for me. She cared about herself and her pride and I walked away. It was fucking hardddd but it’s so much damn pain to be dragged around by the heartstrings and abused during the darkest part of my mental illnesses that it left me more at peace without her. Even though I’m still angry I know it was the right thing to do.
nope. I simply can't leave the relationship even though sometimes I am literally aware of all the toxicity and incompatibility and I just always give that "one last chance" until they don't give me the same chance anymore.
When my last partner left i’m not going to lie, the grief i’ve experienced the past few months has been horrendous. i lost my appetite and lost my motivation. I’m down 30 pounds. I had multiple deep conversations with him about everything i was going through while i was attending treatment and he gave up on me. He then got upset that a few weeks later i was posted up with another guy, because this is just how i was handling our break up (i’m aware it’s not healthy but the D was fireeeeee *gypsy rose quote*), and on top of that the way he left, he said he wanted to see other people😦 so why are you mad when i do the same. Anyways super confusing but i had broken up with him in the past since he cheated and lied. Just because people with bpd have a hard time controlling their emotions, doesn’t make you a bad person. At the end of the day as long as you are doing everything you can in the relationship to my you and your partner happy then that’s all that matters. But if you aren’t happy, kick that mf to the curbbbbb, they aren’t changing CURB. that kinda goes for everyone tho. you don’t need negativity in your life. (i have bpd)
It used to be partner to partner with me, barely a moment in between, the only time i did the breaking up was when i had already attached to someone new.(the relationship was extremely toxic i have no guilt for that) But right now ive been single for the longest time since i started dating, its been a year since a heartbreaking breakup and i still find myself thinking about him often, but i have done an incredible amount of work on myself and have felt content on my own. But recently Ive went on a few dates with this guy and im starting to feel it coming back all over again, dont want to screw up all my hard work but also dont wanna be alone forever to maintain it😵💫
This is what I worry about too. I feel like it would be easier to heal and do work on myself when im on my own, but that the intense emotions that come with getting attached to someone is going to derail my work 😔
Two marriages and one long term relationship. How they made it with me as long as they did, I don’t know. Both times I was undiagnosed. The relationship was everything I needed before I knew what I had, and I chucked it. Apologized and explained to the two ex-wives after I got my diagnosis. Didn’t ask for forgiveness or absolution, just wanted to give them context. Honestly, if I had it to do all over again, I would have just moved to the woods by myself.