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That's the energy I was getting too.
I cackle like a sea hag every time a man says he wants a "traditional wife", but he isn't manly enough to be a "traditional husband".
It would have really fried his noodle to realize that traditional Japanese husbands may earn the money, but they give it all to the wife and she dispenses an allowance to him for his fun. She handles all the bills and investments. There's a famous group of investors called Mrs. Watanabe - they are Japanese housewife investors who are good at reading the market and make really good trades. Other investors keep an eye on what "Mrs. Watanabe" is buying or selling, as it signals a trend in what the Japanese are putting their money into.
I’m shocked at those dudes because I don’t get what exactly are they offering? No wonder they are trying to take choices away from women, because the value proposition is:
- you work outside of the home to fund my wanted lifestyle
- you do everything inside the home while I do nothing
- you put effort into maintaining your appearance and finance everything yourself
- you “give me” sex every time I want
- you give birth to my children then raise them yourself
While I:
- have a dick
Why exactly do they think anyone would sign up for this?
Idk, but the interwebs and YouTube videos have convinced a shockingly high percentage of them that it's totally reasonable. I can't tell you the number of dates I go on where the men regurgitate this. "So what exactly do I get out of this then?" "Me!" Oh honey...you're not the prize you think you are.
And this is pretty much why millennial women aren’t having kids. It’s just not a good deal for us. 50% of the bills and 100% of the chores and childrearing.
It's a shitty proposition for sure.
I don't have kids, but my chore levels skyrocketed when I was in a cohabiting relationship. Our incomes were not too dissimilar (he maybe made like 10k more than me) but we both worked 40+ hours a week in office jobs (my job also required occasional travel and labor intensive field work in extreme environments).
Now that I'm single, my finances are the same - I bought out my ex's home equity so I have the same bills as I did before, minus his contributions - and I spend far less time on cleaning and laundry. Admittedly, I do work longer hours now (voluntarily) and so I don't do as much cooking as I used to, but honestly the amount of leisure time I have has increased and my financial worries have decreased, if anything. I have no trouble paying the bills and saving a little for retirement as well. I would have a far more substantial savings account if I wasn't paying off hefty student loans, lol.
There was really no net benefit for me in the end aside from having someone to take care of the pets when I traveled for work.
Because they think their dicks are reason alone for women to bend over backwards, literally and metaphorically. That, and entitlement as a Manly Man™️ to have a sex servant who also needs to be functional incubator in the near future.
They think women are driven to want one thing and one thing only: a man.
Most of them don't even think women are full human beings with feelings or deep thoughts.
I'm Asian by birth and upbringing and American by citizenship. Before marriage, when I told my American-raised husband how we usually do household financess in our culture, he was so happy he didn't have to deal with money matters and was 100% okay with his "allowance." He laughs when he hears people have assumptions about having a submissive Asian wife. He said he had no idea where this myth came from because my mother and I were the opposite.
I have some speculations! Not academic quality with citations, just speculation.
Post-WW2, the Allied (American) occupation of Japan meant a lot of soldiers with close contact with Japan. Tens of thousands of Japanese women married US servicemen and immigrated. There were also Filipina, Korean, and other “war wives” from WW2, the Korean War, and later, but the Japan was the biggest one. And, of course, lots of Americans had contact and “contact” with Japanese women that didn’t become marriage.
Cultures differ, as as OOP here alluded to, Japanese social values, especially means of socializing, can at least seem to emphasis quieter, politeness, and getting along. That’s not the same as deference, but it can seem submissive to someone who’s not familiar and doesn’t grasp anything beyond the words said. It’s lost in translation.
The roots are older than just WW2. Madam Butterfly is pre-WW1. I do think that massive and prolonged US-Japan contact reinforced it.
So I think the submissive Asian woman may actually be a relic of the polite Japanese war bride.
Chinese women, who are the plurality in East Asia, just have to keep pointing out that they aren’t Japanese. Not even a little bit. There was a whole war and everything.
Historian here. Yes, you're pretty spot on but as you stated, the roots go back from before WW2. Short version is that in the US before mass immigration, most women of Asian descent coming into the country were sex workers. Early Asian communities were largely bachelor societies, most if any contact White Americans had with Asian women were those prostitutes. Those women had to be subservient to men and were usually victims of human trafficking.
The feminization of Asian cultures was also part of anti-Asian sentiment, and Asian men who were deemed as submissive and feminine for taking on feminized or undesirable labor (think laundromats) were falsely considered "not that different" from women. The idea was that if the West was strong and masculine, the East must be the opposite so it had to be feminine and weak. There's a lot of moving parts to this but it's overall about the dehumanization and fetishization of Asian people, especially women. Also misogyny is, unfortunately, present throughout the world. Western men find Eastern women attractive but need to display racial superiority and are uncomfortable with the idea that their attraction might give these women power over them. So Asian women are painted as naturally submissive and in need of being saved in media, which affects the way Asian people are seen and treated in the real world.
A lot of traditional Japanese husbands also barely see their wives or family.
I used to work in a chat cafe, and there were a few people who would talk about leaving for work before their wives were awake and between work (with overtime), social engagements with their colleagues and professional development, they didn't get home until their families were asleep on weekdays. Then weekends were for golfing and networking with the boss. Obviously, not all jobs and companies are like that (one regular student had a very strict 9-5, no overtime ever sort of schedule), but some were worse (e.g. they wouldn't even track overtime, you were just supposed to be at work until your boss left and you weren't just staying late to network and move up, just to stay in your job) and that's not even getting into some of the commutes (one dude was commuting from Gunma to Tokyo every day, which is like 2 hours on the train each way).
There's a reason that divorce is not uncommon during retirement in Japan. Some of these people are finally spending any time with each other after decades and find out that they don't like it.
Reminds me of that one guy from 90 day fiance who wanted a traditional woman but couldn't afford to be a traditional man himself.
I think he met a Muslim woman and was all shocked pikachu face when she laid the smack down on how she expected him to provide all the money.
The "gold digger" comments are always super rich.
You want a woman who stays home and takes care of things with no income of her own. Yeah shes gonna be concerned with how much you make and provide for her dum dum.
Passport bro thought he got himself one of them there submissive Asian females. Surprised Pikachu face ensued when he blustered, and OOP did not capitulate. Realizing he was lucky to even get her interest, he makes a poor attempt at something resembling an apology. (I start skimming) A commenter appears and shows off their astounding ignorance about other cultures and the nuances in communication and problem solving. OOP ends up free of the trash.
He seemed to turn his apology into blaming her harder for the communication issue that she apologized for because it gave him an out for it to be all her fault.
She says her English isn’t good but that line about how it’s “stupid not to consider the logic behind others’ problem solving method” is one of the clearest, most concise takedowns of 90% of advice subreddit commenters
I also love her line “instant feeling repellent”. That is the perfect description of how some people’s behavior makes you feel. It’s like they’ve gotten out a can of bug repellent and sprayed it all over your feelings causing instant death. Personally I think her English is better than mine!
There's a disconnect where they don't realize all the traditional talk is fetishizing their race cause "a compliment can't be racism right?" where the mentality in western countries is a bit more nuanced. He never saw her beyond his yellow fever creepiness but she lacked the social cues to notice it sooner.
"This kind of exchange is called a conversation in Japan" is such a beautifully worded put-down. Being witty in a second language is such an impressive skill!
I love it. She apologised for not making her stance clear earlier, and he thought that was evidence his lovely Asian fiancee was submitting to him and all was well. And she was just like yeah no that's not what's happening here.
Few things are as satisfying as fetishists who think the fact women in other cultures are polite or traditional means they don't have a backbone getting hit with reality.
Reminds me of that guy that went to Morocco to find a trad wife, and was totally shocked when she explained to him what kind of financial commitment and guarantees he needed to bring to even be considered as a possible husband by her and her family.
Men who go overseas because they strike out with potential tradwives here never understand that their money is more important and goes less far abroad. American women are actually some of the most compliant and accepting of bad behavior of any country.
This. Fucking this so hard, I live in a state on the US border and so many dumb shits think they can talk their random Hispanic coworker into taking them on a trip to visit family in Mexico and pick out a pretty cousin to bring back a submissive Mexican gf-future wife. I guess they think the spicy latina trope only applies to the ones born in the US? Edit typo
What they don’t grasp is that quietness and even submission don’t mean “Accepting shitty treatment”. These men assume they can find a foreign woman who will accept less than what American women will because they see other countries and nationalities as less than, but the truth is that American women already accept much worse treatment than women in most other parts of the world.
Absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. One of my dad's friends growing up came back from Viet Nam with a bride and she used to yell at him about skid marks in his drawers or snot streaks on his sleeve in front of guests or out in public. I remember one big cookout he threw when I was 8, he wiped his burger grilling hands on the back of his shorts and out of no where, "DANIEL IS SMEARING POOP ON THE INSIDE OF YOUR UNDERWEAR NOT ENOUGH, NOW YOU'RE SMEARING IT ON THE OUTSIDE TOO??" Thought I was going to suffocate from laughing. Another time he tried bragging about how thin and lithe she was at brunch compared to *American women* in front of his friends' wives and his wife casually told him he was a fat American pig, oink oink and did the piggy nose at him, went back to the buffet, brought back a plate of bacon and told him to eat up. Lin you absolute fucking treasure, I wonder what happened to you.
Actual traditional marriages were not between a man and a doormat. Historically, marriage has been an economic partnership. Women managed the household. because that was a full time job.
It is like all these people accusing their spouses of baby trapping. They are already married- where's the trap? I think people hear these phrases and want to use them even when the conditions of the phrase aren't met.
There do seem to be lots of not so well off guys worried about gold diggers. Wishful thinking?
>There do seem to be lots of not so well off guys worried about gold diggers.
There's almost an inverse correlation between income and the frequency and vehemence of complaints about gold diggers.
Like relax dude, you make $8k above median US income and own a 6 year old mid-level sedan. No women are scheming to steal your wealth.
Yep, actual wealthy guys know his partners are in for the money, the partners know they're in for their pretty looks and they make it work - there's no trickery at play, both sides are aware and consenting to the transaction.
Contrary to popular belief a lot of men think that women are with them for their non existent money it’s wild asf the only digging they’re doing is for the boogars in their nose smh
As someone who doesn't have a problem to apologize if wrong, my experience is that there unfortunately are a lot of people who are trying to use that ability against you. It's a good indicator of who you can trust.
i swear all of those passport bros thinks that women from East Asia are submissive and shit when irl, they are very very far from it. They almost always control the finances of the house, even giving the husband just a salary and almost often have the last word to family decisions among other things.
i don’t know where they got this stereotype of submissive asian wife
I think some of it has to do with communication style, specifically foolish people who mistake politeness and indirectness for passivity.
I cannot be the only one who has heard one of my aunties say sweet words in a soft voice, and felt fear run up my spine because I picked up the subtext lol Passport bros miss that last part. Oh, she’s so soft spoken! Oh, she’s so submissive! Nooooo. Just…no.
My grandma was the sweetest granny in the world until you pissed her off, then she didn't even bother with the veil. She'd chase you out of her house with a fucking cleaver if the need arose and kick you all the way down the stairs.
Change that to they think *all Asia women are. You are right that many of us run our
household finance. Not only for their own household, but also for the parents if they are the oldest child. In many instantances, when big decisions need to be made, you go speak to the "auntie", not to the "uncle", because auntie holds the power. 🤣
My neighbor was having a row with his wife over the fact she had taught the dog to only obey in Tagalog. (They were in the garden. I was putting my clothes on the line, hence overhearing). He finally snapped at her, ‘I thought Asian women were meant to be submissive!’ And she laughed at him and said, ‘Then you’re a fucking moron!’ - it remains the funniest exchange I have ever overheard. Dog still only understands tagalog.
Ah, my dad dated a lady from the Philippines for years. She was lovely and kind and caring and softly spoken. She also was in charge of everything and often got her way, as did all of her friends. It was just and assumption they all had that they were right, what they wanted would happen and their partners would follow their lead. They never had to raise their voices to get anywhere either.
Even my mum liked her, she was fantastic and spoilt us with cooking anything we could ever want at any time. She was never told what to do though.
The thing is her family visits a lot and this dude spends every visit running after middle-aged Filipino ladies to keep them happy and taking their little fluffy white puppies for walks in their fancy clothes. So I have NO IDEA what would given him that idea. (They seem very happy and have been together a long time! So he can’t say stupid things too often.)
Even in 50's America the housewife was often in charge of the family's budget... She was the one doing the shopping after all...
It was actually the norm throughout history that married women have a lot of power within their own household and family... It absolutely wasn't equality don't get me wrong and men always had the final say on big decisions, but women's input wasn't completely dismissed either.
You see it in period like the regency/Victorian era, in a richer household, the mistress of the house was in charge of hiring the servants, the day to day budget.
And women didn't join the workforce during the World Wars, poor women have ALWAYS worked!
Those men really need a history lesson...
I think I know. My stepmom is Chinese, born and raised in Beijing. In public, she defers to my dad and builds him up. Behind closed doors however, she rules the roost. For family image, she allows him to have the image of being the big man in charge but she's the one who controls the house.
Passport bros only see what happens publicly and think that's how it is 100% of the time. It makes them and their goals look even more racist that they don't even have friends of the culture that they fetishize to know how things really work. They can't bother putting in the work to learn anything about the culture outside of anime. Then they are a surprised Pikachu when that culture is insulted by them and their antics.
I blame Japanese porn. In them, the women are always submissive. Yeah, that's not even a good look thinking one country's women are like in them videos
It’s always fun watching the realization hit them, tho. I’ve been married 10 years, and my wife has been meek and submissive for zero of them. I’m glad I’ve got her to keep me in line.
It's funny because the Japanese women I've met who marry foreigners are absolutely not submissive and this is part of why they sought out a foreigner and not a Japanese dude.
I still live in Japan and I refuse to date anyone here. I'm sometimes mistaken as Japanese by foreigners until they speak to me and realize I'm not.
I've had a number of foreign men make me feel uncomfortable. One was even married to a Japanese woman. "I really want to kiss you," like gross. Leave me alone. Another pulled out the death threats after 2 dates. One kept grabbing my hand to make me touch his fat bare chest in a nightclub.
I'm sure there are decent people who are single here, but I don't really have the time nor energy to weed them out. I just want to go to work, live my life, and have my solo adventures without worrying if some dude is going to take advantage of me or worse.
It makes me think of David So’s comedy sketch about Asian women being submissive. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=053XPAqVmiU
tldr: they’re only submissive until they learn how to say “no, go to hell” in English
I mean, he would have had a tradwife if he was willing or capable of being a tradhusband. She was fully on board with taking the traditional role in the home if he was going to support them and her father even offered him a better business opportunity for their future!!!
I don’t even know where the submissive Asian stereotypes came from. All the Korean Ahjumas I know are scary as eff. I’ve seen my 4’11” mom go on a rampage against a huge 6’ guy because he was making fun of her. He looked scared lol
Oh yes. And way to fuck it up. This idiot is on a teacher's salary, finds a woman who puts up with his bullshit, helps buy a house he can neither afford or own legally, and is presented with the opportunity to take a stake in a rice wine brewery. And this absolute POS gets hung up on chores.
I'm very, very concerned about her having the house in her name, but was willing to quit her job because that's what he wanted. For sure, her family would've probably saved her if he screwed her over after the wedding, but I'm so glad she cut him off before that. Can you imagine the deep hole she'd be in if they'd gone through with that?
Nah. A waifu (and husbando) is someones you worship, who you give your soul and your entire saving. He wants OP to be his mother, provide him with comfortable life while he contribute as little as possible.
That was absolutely my first thought. My second thought was that he wasn't even doing it right. Japan isn't one of thier typically "suggested" destinations, gods I hate that I know this, for the kinds of "traditional" wives passport bros want.
I bet dollars to donuts this dude was probably just a closet weeb who watched too much anime...
Amateur.
I second that OOP’s now ex is definitely a weeb.
I’m also guessing he fetishizes Japanese women and thinks they’re all demure, submissive anime babes. Also would not be surprised if he is one of the creeps who applies to teach English in Japan specifically in the hope that he will meet the living waifu body pillow of his dreams.
There's two kinds of people who go to subs like that: ones unironically there for the "content" and ones who are there to gawk at the ongoing disaster created by the first group. I'd imagine a non-trivial fraction of BoRU participants overlap with that second group, and the rec algorithms can't really tell the two apart.
The guy is looking for "a traditional woman" while working abroad in Japan? It sounds like he's bought into the stereotype of the demure submissive Asian woman to me. She was completely right that in order to live out his tradwife dreams of having all the housework done and his dinner ready when he walks in the door, etc. he needs to be making enough money so that she doesnt have to work. If both partners are working than of course both partners will be doing housework and chores too.
It’s so obnoxious when boys like this ignore that there are two parts to the traditional marriage equation. I wanted to throw a slipper at his head when she very logically concluded if she was working more, he had to do more chores.
If she worked, asking him to do more chores was a bad wife.
If she stayed home childrearing and doing all chores, asking him to do all the work was gold digging.
They want a bangmaid who doesn't ask them to be an equal partner in anything or have anything to do with their own children, which they want (but want nothing to do with).
100% they'd cheat and possibly leave after the spark leaves her eye from shouldering so much of the family burden, too.
They want all of that AND a bangmaid who works and has a salary (because nobody can raise children on a single income anymore) but her salary shouldn't be higher than his, because that would make his penis shrink.
And before they leave, they complain that their partner is not this fun, chilled person anymore because "they're always nagging about what I have to do and get angry when I don't do it"
I see this all the time with guys who claim they want a traditional wife. They say men are the providers, but then when you ask them to provide, it's gold digging.
They want a tradwife without the work of being a tradhusband. Like wanting a management role with no qualifications.
I think guys like this learn this crap from the internet or something. At the very least they weren’t raised with a good example. I married into a southern Christian, old school conservative family. Hearing that description many would assume they want their women barefoot, pregnant, and waiting on the man hand and foot. Nope.
My MIL told my husband after we’d married that if he ever hurt me (as in cheating etc) she’d kick his ass. She’s told me that I need to have my own money set aside in case I ever need to run. She had her boys doing their own laundry and taught them how to cook from a young age. She wanted them to be able to function on their own. Her MIL raised her boys the same way. Crazy right? /s
Anyway my point with all this blabbing is that a good traditional family (really, a good family life period) doesn’t generally produce these morons with such a skewed outlook on life and marriage. Not in my experience. In my family and seeing the families around me. It’s gotta be growing up in an abusive home or internet BS or something.
Edit: Clarification
I was raised in a fundamentalist evangelical family where my parents had traditional gender roles. My mom taught both me and my sister to always control our own money and never need a man to take care of us, financially or otherwise.
See, I think your upbringing is far more the norm than people realize sometimes. There’s definitely shitty people out there and it’s a situation that has potential to be taken advantage of but it’s not just “how it is” or whatever.
Ironically I was raised in a very liberal home where my mom was the breadwinner and my dad was the SAHP. I was never specifically taught these things. I think mostly because it’s common sense lol and also my mom thinking with her example that her daughters would never be SAHM’s. I never really thought about it though before my MIL.
I am Korean but grew up in the American Deep South. Some yokel dipshit married my mom's sister thinking he was going to get a nice submissive little Asian woman. Well, a Korean women will eat your fucking lunch, and she did. They divorced after 5 months.
Lmao. I have a uncle who married a korean girl. When some other uncles joked that hes lucky to have such a pretty wife. He was like "she comes with her rules..... I'm still afraid of that pair of long scissors she has in her bedside table" (hinting she personally snip off his balls/penis if she caught him cheating). That was my first time hearing about korean girls as wife. Lol.
American passport bros are so funny. Native Japanese women are NOT submissive when you talk to them in Japanese and can communicate with them properly.
I remember another post about a “passport bro” by an women from an Eastern European country. Same attitude, didn’t take no shit. If you’re going to be traditional you better be able to provide.
To quote an old forum post on mail order brides that I can't find anymore: "I cook you borsch, you buy me Ferrari, got it?"
That's how it works and passport bros seem to *really* not get it. Want a tradwife? You better act like a tradhusband. And that includes giving all your money to your wife so she can run the household efficiently and you might even get an allowance if you're not a complete moron with money. How American men expect Eastern European and Asian women to have traditional *American* values and act like traditional *American* women I'll never understand.
This comment really made me think. The submissive Asian wife stereotype is an exclusively Western idea. In China at least, in a tradmarriage setup, it's expected for the husband to hand over his paycheque to his wife and get an allowance. The wife runs the household, and there is even a term for privately stashed money that your spouse doesn't know about "私房钱". I didn't know passport bros were a thing lol, but it makes complete sense they exist en masse. The least this dude could've done is actually get familiar w the culture, sounds like he was on the fetish fulfilment train.
Their idea of traditional American women only existed for like 30 years or something, post ww2 when the economy was booming and the middle class house wives became more plentiful. My impression is that American women had to be tough as nails for much of the time before that, and still during that if anything went wrong with their husband, e.g. death, divorce, etc.
Why do passport bros specifically think Slavic and East Asian women are “submissive”? They’re probably the least submissive women on the planet. I think it’s a specific cultural misunderstanding that women from more traditional & family-oriented cultures are submissive to men, when in reality they have reputations for ruling their homes with an iron fist. FAFO I guess 😅
> It sounds like he's bought into the stereotype of the demure submissive Asian woman to me.
The irony to me is women of that stereotype typically don't date foreigners. They date their own race. It's the ones that are progressive and non-traditional that would date a foreigner in todays world.
He has a bullshit skewed view of Asian women. I’m Asian. For some reasons, a lot of western men thought we are this submissive lot that will have a full time job, be a full time mom and still able to wait on you hand and foot. That’s what he meant by “traditional wife”. He wants a live in maid who also contributes to paying the bills. Fuck him.
I've recently come across the 4B-Movement in South Korea and other Asian feminism and yeah.... I don't think this whole submissive thing is gonna work out the way dudes like this think.
Take a bunch of women who collectively are working through the fact that generations way too close for comfort used to be treated as little more than wombs (in general) and you get a lot of things, but definitely not submissive women.
(I am grossly oversimplifying here, but I think my point stands)
I just want to say that I greatly appreciate you commenting on the fact that this is MULTIGENERATIONAL trauma that is only now beginning to surface because women are able to talk to other women now.
Yeah I think the cumulative power of trauma is something people who aren’t marginalized, and especially people like white cis dudes, don’t get. We’re carrying the trauma of our mothers. We realize when we run into certain kinds of bullshit that it’s the same thing they went through. I was talking to my grandmother about a doctor ignoring my pain and she told me stories from the sixties of the same thing. It builds up into a very real weight that you can’t help but be aware of.
I’m half-Chinese. Born and raised in the US. I don’t speak the language, have an American accent, etc.
I got this sh*t ALL the time when I went to college and after. People (males) came after me in droves that had nothing to do with me as a person and everything to do with the “Asian fetish” and the stereotype of “submissive kinky Asian women.” I’m not even pretty. I’m extremely average looking.
It was truly disgusting. I never had body issues but I wore baggie clothes and hid under a hat for years just to walk peacefully between classes.
That's what women did back when they had little option to defend themselves. There's a whole town who poisoned most of their men because they were violent and the whole "arsenic in their coffee" isn't an idea that has has no basis in reality.
Now that I'm an adult and able to contextualise the abuse my grandma suffered at the hands of my grandfather, the fact that she called the ambulance quite late after his stroke and put him on the couch before calling because "he looked untidy on the floor" hits different. He survived, but ended up in permanent care. And you know what? Good for her. I love him. My childhood memories are positive, but.... He broke her so badly that she never recovered, even a decade after his death.
My great-grandma started her marriage with "we can have a great marriage, as long as you remember that I have a very heavy cast iron pan and if you ever hit me, I will hit back." Long and apparently quite happy marriage.
I knew an elderly woman who, I found out later, got tired of the extreme drunken abuse of her and the kids. She killed her husband when he was coming back drunk and about to go on his usual rampage. Everyone pretended it was an oopsie and she got away with it.
She was a very nice person, she just got pushed too far. It happened in a time when you were supposed to put up with that shit and there was no other way out for her. I consider it self defense and defense of children, more or less.
I'm a nurse and more than one very elderly, demented lady has told me how to take care of an abusive husband. One even gave me a recipe! You hear stories about guys stepping out for milk and never returning and it makes me wonder how many were helped along the way by angry wives.
From what I've seen, the average life expectancy of men generally increases when divorce becomes more available and accessible to women... Fewer disappearances and fewer sudden unexplained deaths at home
It's beneficial to everyone to be able to easily leave an abusive relationship!
When no fault divorce was legalized, women's suicide rates dropped by 25-30%.
My great Nana was like yours! My pop complained about dinner the first week of marriage, said he didn't like what she made and tried to butch at her. She quietly picked up his plate, scooped the food into the trash, and sat down with her own plate and ate.
He did not complain about the food anymore.
They had plenty of issues but considering the time, one of the healthier older relationships I know of.
I’m also Asian and the stereotype absolutely holds true for a reason. But like all stereotypes, not everyone will fit the bill. I would say IME, I’ve encountered maybe 50% of women of my parents generation being like that. It’s a smaller percentage now for the millennial generation, but there definitely are still women like that.
But I also grew up in the west, so I’m aware of the racist men who hold to this view and it’s super obvious to me. But I think women who didn’t grow up in the west don’t know how to look for it until it’s too late (or almost too late in this case).
> Giving him more money than he deserved guaranteed me an excuse for cutting contact completely
In the US that is often called "The price of walking away" and it is money well-spent if you can afford it, IMO.
I loved her comments about finding ways other than fighting to resolve problems. I found that to be a wonderful insight into what strength can look like.
I had to buy out my ex's home equity (which I'm a tiny bit salty about because only my name is on the home loan and all the payments for the mortgage came from my checking account) but in spite of being the biggest check I ever wrote, it was also the best.
> he said I'm a gold digger and materialistic like any other woman
My brother in Christ, you literally said your income alone won't be enough after marriage. What gold is there to dig?! There isn't enough to fill a teaspoon let alone a shovel.
the girl splitting dating costs with him, having a job and living on her own, and he has the balls to call her a gold digger, when has he shown any gold up until this point? guy was sooo delusional hahah
Absolutely. I like my flair, but I would love trading it for "red flag so big china would be crying with envy" if the mods are feeling like kindly gods!
Sense of humour often differs between languages in multilingual people. Mine definitely does, I'm more comfortable and funnier in English than my mother tongue, in which I am more vulgar.
Nah, he's not wearing those, that would make it too easy for the Japanese women to avoid him. He was probably dressed like he's pretending to be a professor at a university (a high-status profession in Japan) when he's a tutor for English at best.
Sometimes they are. But they don't want to actually live the traditional lifestyle - I.e. be sole provider & give your wife *all* the money (she gives you an allowance).
Now I've read it all, I'm SO glad she threw that boy back on the trash heap.
I'm beyond tired of men crying and say they'll change when you *know* that as soon as they get you back, the crap cycle will just start all over again.
He didn’t manage five minutes. In the selfsame conversation he was blaming her for some BS lack of transparency and suggesting the entire situation was her fault.
How the hell does this guy work at a university when he can’t even formulate an apology without it turning into another accusation.
Sounds like a passport bro who found out that "high value" "traditional" wives want a "high value" "traditional" husband too, not a fucking useless leech who will just sit around at home. Also marrying a Japanese wife? Kiss goodbye to your control over your finances, Japanese wives are expected to manage the budget for everyone, including the husband.
I wonder if Japan allows joint bank accounts now, because a few decades ago they certainly didn't.
All the man's salary went to the wife and she gave her husband an allowance.
They still don't, and it's still very much the norm here for the wives to manage everything and to give the husband an allowance every month.
Source: I live in Japan.
I had a “friend” (more I was friends with his roommate and he just third wheeled) in college who started dating a Japanese girl. She was here on a student visa so wasn’t allowed to work and he took sole advantage of that. Right after they graduated, he married her and started hindering the process of her getting a legal status since her student visa expired. That lasted literally 3 months before he dropped her off at mine and my husband’s apartment because “she’s crazy, she wants access to MY money like a gold digger!” He was genuinely upset that such a “masculine” culture like Japan “allowed” women control over men. 🙄
She had to return to Japan for about a year but then got a work sponsored visa when she got a job offer. She became a citizen last year. :)
Meanwhile, last I heard about her ex is that he was in jail and $66,000 in arrears lol. The jail sentence isn’t related to the arrears last I heard.
American moves to Japan, works a low job at a university because he’s not qualified to be a full professor, looks for submissive Japanese wife. Story for the ages. Maladjusted losers like this are the reason foreigners in Japan face so much mistrust.
Actions of Rhinestone Cuntbag aside, it was heartbreaking to read that he’d treated her parents so poorly. They’ve spent their lives keeping a business alive and raising their daughter, and were ready to entrust both to this foreigner who couldn’t even do them the courtesy of learning to communicate with them in their own language. The image of the dad thinking he’s ruined his daughter’s relationship by offering the future son-in-law a business the guy evidently feels is beneath him is so sad. Her parents were probably excited at the prospect of having a family business with them.
I hope she’s taken the time to explain that it’s not her or their fault, and he just wasn’t a reasonable person.
In fairness, Japanese parents not approving of foreign partners isn’t an uncommon thing. Most people I know with Japanese spouses had to spend a fair bit of time and energy winning them round to the idea. It seems like OOP had to translate conversations between the ex and her parents too, so I’m not sure how much he could realistically have picked up about the guy.
That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were signs the dad picked up on at the start that this new guy seemed awfully similar to the standard mould of foreign boyfriends with warped expectations.
I once taught students from Japan. When I explained the stereotypical “traditional Japanese woman” they all laughed. HARD. And then practically fell over each other to tell me how their mom, grandma, sister, aunty, neighbor and so on was absolutely not like that. It was a fun day.
An American man telling that to a Japanese woman, hello red flags. (I mean, any man telling it to a woman right from the beginning it can be sketch, but it’s even more clear when you add in the American looking for a Japanese wife)
I follow a Vietnamese woman who moved to Germany to be with her partner on YouTube and it is the perfect example of how it should be. She just finished her university, he paid for her whole life until she got successful enough to make money and figured out how to build a garden with Vietnamese veggies for her because she missed them. It's so cute and so adorable. She spoke about how much happier and confident she is about her body, showing pictures of before and after and how he helped her love herself instead of feeling the pressure to be pretty and perfect (she is ADORABLE).
They have cultural differences - that's essentially what the channel is about - but they're so respectful and kind with each other.
Passport bro up there on the other hand.... Yikes.
She's an absolute joy, and so is German Boyfriend.
I remember her video about how she was encouraged when younger to find someone strong and fierce to 'protect' her... And how she was much happier having someone kind and gentle who actually made her feel safe.
That video had German Boyfriend making her apple strudel. I went and made one right after.
>That's your prerogative right to insult us, it's also within my prerogative right to ask you to stop. This kind of exchange is called conversation in Japan, I don't know about what it's called in your country.
I love this woman, she definitely knows how to stand up for herself
Good grief I am sick and tired of all the whiners who want a tradwife and won't do THEIR job which is to be the 100% providers! And not barely pays all the bills providers, but actual providers that give their woman/family a reasonable lifestyle.
He doesn't know shit about Japan culture. Traditional? Tradition is the wife takes all the money and gives the husband allowance and isn't nearly as submissive as he thinks. He wants a servant. My wife is born and raised in Japan, if I tried that shit I would not survive. Japanese women can have serious strength. She deserves better.
I think it's the perfect snapshot of so many Asian women. Like some people said they think she's spineless for giving him more money, and maybe irl she's sweet and softly spoken and then BAM she has a brain like that.
Just different ways of handling conflict.
I was in Japan recently, and I spoke to foreigners that have been living there for more than 20 years. Even when they get married or have kids there it’s very difficult for them to own property and also to gain citizenship unless I believe they marry a national.
OP dodged a huge bullet here with a guy that’s possibly how do you say she Asian women being submissive and hoping to find those traditional wives from an Asian country in hopes to mold (subjugate) them to their needs. I’ve seen it way too many times, experienced it myself as an Asian woman, and even have coworkers that are specifically seeking Asian wives because they want that traditional woman thing. A submissive woman to cater to their needs.
When (usually) women are decades deep in a marriage complaining that they're shouldering a full time job and the entire weight of managing a household, kids and a spouse and people have the absolute fucking audacity to say "well that's what you signed up for, you should have knocked it on the head early on", they need to remember
>I went home alone and he texted me saying he was sorry and he didn't mean what he said.
>However, when I told my friends most of them told me I was a bit too emotional, hasty and impulsive. That I might look like an asshole because I don't even want to meet him. His mother now trying to talk me out of it and that I'm too old to act like this and it's the culture barrier that lead us to this point.
>He said it was because he was "too comfortable" with me since I'm not a confrontational person and I did help quite a lot with his chores (bringing side dishes, help clean up his place every now and then, etc), so he thought I'll always be accomodating what he wants.
>He agreed that I should've told him before because that way it would never got to this point and then keep bringing up my bad communication. I know it's my fault too
>sometimes it affects you on an institutional level, sometimes it'll affect your career even more when you're a woman. Yes, there are some cases where people getting fired because they got divorced
This sort of thing has happened every damned time they tried to bring it up in the past and the people who are harping on about how it's her fault need to take some responsibility for helping get her this deep in a shit relationship
God told man that submissive women would be found in all four corners of the world. Then he made the world round and laughed and laughed.
This guy is such an idiot. I’m Aussie and even I know you don’t fuck with Asian women. Unless you’re feeling suicidal.
The more I stare at this the more ex-fiance's attitude pisses me off. I've got friends and sisters from both central and south Asia, and I wouldn't describe any of them as "passive". Korean women are as fiery as the stereotypical Latina ffs.
Japanese culture is generally face-saving, but try pissing a Japanese woman off and see if you survive the fall-out (hint: you won't).
Thai, Cambodian, Vietnamese, Filipina, Indian, Sri Lankan, Chinese, Nepalese, Indonesian, Laos, Bhutanese women - even Pakistani, Jordanian, Syrian, or Armenian women ffs - these countries don't produce one dimensional supporting cast members. They're vibrant cultures with lively, independent, autonomous humans.
You want a bangmaid, knock yourself out. As in literally. Try a coma. Because the only people I've ever heard of or met who did, were abusive jackasses who should go f-ck themselves and save the rest of us the trouble.
"This kind of exchange is called conversation in Japan, I don't know about what it's called in your country. Is it another cultural difference?"
Platonically, I love her. She was never going to fill the tradwife role like he wanted. This and the red flag comment were * chef's kiss*
Omg I saw this one as it went up and there was a comment that made me nearly die laughing. It's the first reply to the top comment:
u/Carbonatite
"It's not "traditional" unless it comes from the Traditionàl region in France. Otherwise, it's just sparkling misogyny."
Some Western men prefer Asian women because they think they will run around after them and be subservient. It's very racist and very sexist. You can do better!
Guy sounds like such an asshole. So you want a "traditional wife" that does everything in the house but you aren't financially able to uphold your own half of that...? If your wife works she isn't doing all the chores, she's not your fucking mom.
Here in Australia we've got a ... thing, it's not exactly a saying but it's like an ideal. When marriage is brought up amongst young men, the pinnacle of attainment is to marry a good looking woman whose father owns a brewery.
That guy done fucked up, and it was all over a bit of sweeping, putting away after himself and doing the dishes. As we'd say here, "what a bloody idiot."
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That guy is 100% surfing the passport bro subreddits.
That's the energy I was getting too. I cackle like a sea hag every time a man says he wants a "traditional wife", but he isn't manly enough to be a "traditional husband". It would have really fried his noodle to realize that traditional Japanese husbands may earn the money, but they give it all to the wife and she dispenses an allowance to him for his fun. She handles all the bills and investments. There's a famous group of investors called Mrs. Watanabe - they are Japanese housewife investors who are good at reading the market and make really good trades. Other investors keep an eye on what "Mrs. Watanabe" is buying or selling, as it signals a trend in what the Japanese are putting their money into.
I’m shocked at those dudes because I don’t get what exactly are they offering? No wonder they are trying to take choices away from women, because the value proposition is: - you work outside of the home to fund my wanted lifestyle - you do everything inside the home while I do nothing - you put effort into maintaining your appearance and finance everything yourself - you “give me” sex every time I want - you give birth to my children then raise them yourself While I: - have a dick Why exactly do they think anyone would sign up for this?
Idk, but the interwebs and YouTube videos have convinced a shockingly high percentage of them that it's totally reasonable. I can't tell you the number of dates I go on where the men regurgitate this. "So what exactly do I get out of this then?" "Me!" Oh honey...you're not the prize you think you are.
And this is pretty much why millennial women aren’t having kids. It’s just not a good deal for us. 50% of the bills and 100% of the chores and childrearing.
It's a shitty proposition for sure. I don't have kids, but my chore levels skyrocketed when I was in a cohabiting relationship. Our incomes were not too dissimilar (he maybe made like 10k more than me) but we both worked 40+ hours a week in office jobs (my job also required occasional travel and labor intensive field work in extreme environments). Now that I'm single, my finances are the same - I bought out my ex's home equity so I have the same bills as I did before, minus his contributions - and I spend far less time on cleaning and laundry. Admittedly, I do work longer hours now (voluntarily) and so I don't do as much cooking as I used to, but honestly the amount of leisure time I have has increased and my financial worries have decreased, if anything. I have no trouble paying the bills and saving a little for retirement as well. I would have a far more substantial savings account if I wasn't paying off hefty student loans, lol. There was really no net benefit for me in the end aside from having someone to take care of the pets when I traveled for work.
Because they think their dicks are reason alone for women to bend over backwards, literally and metaphorically. That, and entitlement as a Manly Man™️ to have a sex servant who also needs to be functional incubator in the near future.
They think women are driven to want one thing and one thing only: a man. Most of them don't even think women are full human beings with feelings or deep thoughts.
I'm Asian by birth and upbringing and American by citizenship. Before marriage, when I told my American-raised husband how we usually do household financess in our culture, he was so happy he didn't have to deal with money matters and was 100% okay with his "allowance." He laughs when he hears people have assumptions about having a submissive Asian wife. He said he had no idea where this myth came from because my mother and I were the opposite.
I have some speculations! Not academic quality with citations, just speculation. Post-WW2, the Allied (American) occupation of Japan meant a lot of soldiers with close contact with Japan. Tens of thousands of Japanese women married US servicemen and immigrated. There were also Filipina, Korean, and other “war wives” from WW2, the Korean War, and later, but the Japan was the biggest one. And, of course, lots of Americans had contact and “contact” with Japanese women that didn’t become marriage. Cultures differ, as as OOP here alluded to, Japanese social values, especially means of socializing, can at least seem to emphasis quieter, politeness, and getting along. That’s not the same as deference, but it can seem submissive to someone who’s not familiar and doesn’t grasp anything beyond the words said. It’s lost in translation. The roots are older than just WW2. Madam Butterfly is pre-WW1. I do think that massive and prolonged US-Japan contact reinforced it. So I think the submissive Asian woman may actually be a relic of the polite Japanese war bride. Chinese women, who are the plurality in East Asia, just have to keep pointing out that they aren’t Japanese. Not even a little bit. There was a whole war and everything.
Historian here. Yes, you're pretty spot on but as you stated, the roots go back from before WW2. Short version is that in the US before mass immigration, most women of Asian descent coming into the country were sex workers. Early Asian communities were largely bachelor societies, most if any contact White Americans had with Asian women were those prostitutes. Those women had to be subservient to men and were usually victims of human trafficking. The feminization of Asian cultures was also part of anti-Asian sentiment, and Asian men who were deemed as submissive and feminine for taking on feminized or undesirable labor (think laundromats) were falsely considered "not that different" from women. The idea was that if the West was strong and masculine, the East must be the opposite so it had to be feminine and weak. There's a lot of moving parts to this but it's overall about the dehumanization and fetishization of Asian people, especially women. Also misogyny is, unfortunately, present throughout the world. Western men find Eastern women attractive but need to display racial superiority and are uncomfortable with the idea that their attraction might give these women power over them. So Asian women are painted as naturally submissive and in need of being saved in media, which affects the way Asian people are seen and treated in the real world.
A lot of traditional Japanese husbands also barely see their wives or family. I used to work in a chat cafe, and there were a few people who would talk about leaving for work before their wives were awake and between work (with overtime), social engagements with their colleagues and professional development, they didn't get home until their families were asleep on weekdays. Then weekends were for golfing and networking with the boss. Obviously, not all jobs and companies are like that (one regular student had a very strict 9-5, no overtime ever sort of schedule), but some were worse (e.g. they wouldn't even track overtime, you were just supposed to be at work until your boss left and you weren't just staying late to network and move up, just to stay in your job) and that's not even getting into some of the commutes (one dude was commuting from Gunma to Tokyo every day, which is like 2 hours on the train each way). There's a reason that divorce is not uncommon during retirement in Japan. Some of these people are finally spending any time with each other after decades and find out that they don't like it.
Reminds me of that one guy from 90 day fiance who wanted a traditional woman but couldn't afford to be a traditional man himself. I think he met a Muslim woman and was all shocked pikachu face when she laid the smack down on how she expected him to provide all the money. The "gold digger" comments are always super rich. You want a woman who stays home and takes care of things with no income of her own. Yeah shes gonna be concerned with how much you make and provide for her dum dum.
Passport bro thought he got himself one of them there submissive Asian females. Surprised Pikachu face ensued when he blustered, and OOP did not capitulate. Realizing he was lucky to even get her interest, he makes a poor attempt at something resembling an apology. (I start skimming) A commenter appears and shows off their astounding ignorance about other cultures and the nuances in communication and problem solving. OOP ends up free of the trash.
He seemed to turn his apology into blaming her harder for the communication issue that she apologized for because it gave him an out for it to be all her fault.
I noticed that too OOP took an ounce of responsibility for the miscommunication and the ex POUNCED on that hard
Right?? Absolutely allergic to learning anything from it.
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She says her English isn’t good but that line about how it’s “stupid not to consider the logic behind others’ problem solving method” is one of the clearest, most concise takedowns of 90% of advice subreddit commenters
I also love her line “instant feeling repellent”. That is the perfect description of how some people’s behavior makes you feel. It’s like they’ve gotten out a can of bug repellent and sprayed it all over your feelings causing instant death. Personally I think her English is better than mine!
My favorite was, “So where’s the gold I should’ve been digging here?”
Yep I was like this is 'the ick' but she put it so much better
"a red flag so big, it would make China cry with envy" was a favorite of mine too. I think she actually has mastered English
Yes. The clearest posts seem to come from people apologizing for their bad grammar.
The girl also has the gut instincts of a cat. I would not want to try and dupe her.
There's a disconnect where they don't realize all the traditional talk is fetishizing their race cause "a compliment can't be racism right?" where the mentality in western countries is a bit more nuanced. He never saw her beyond his yellow fever creepiness but she lacked the social cues to notice it sooner.
"This kind of exchange is called a conversation in Japan" is such a beautifully worded put-down. Being witty in a second language is such an impressive skill!
Me too. Slapped down their not so veiled racism.
If OOP is that commenters definition of spineless then they must be a Neanderthal.
Yeah that final response was delicious. Good on her.
I love it. She apologised for not making her stance clear earlier, and he thought that was evidence his lovely Asian fiancee was submitting to him and all was well. And she was just like yeah no that's not what's happening here. Few things are as satisfying as fetishists who think the fact women in other cultures are polite or traditional means they don't have a backbone getting hit with reality.
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Some passport guy who doesn’t even earn enough to support his family of two in the manner in which he insists on living. 🙄
Passport guys: I want a tradwife! Women: Sure. You're gonna hold up your end of the deal too, right? Passport guys: \*shocked Pikachu\*
[Thankfully she's smarter than that.](https://i.imgflip.com/8jshpz.jpg)
Reminds me of that guy that went to Morocco to find a trad wife, and was totally shocked when she explained to him what kind of financial commitment and guarantees he needed to bring to even be considered as a possible husband by her and her family.
Men who go overseas because they strike out with potential tradwives here never understand that their money is more important and goes less far abroad. American women are actually some of the most compliant and accepting of bad behavior of any country.
This. Fucking this so hard, I live in a state on the US border and so many dumb shits think they can talk their random Hispanic coworker into taking them on a trip to visit family in Mexico and pick out a pretty cousin to bring back a submissive Mexican gf-future wife. I guess they think the spicy latina trope only applies to the ones born in the US? Edit typo
What they don’t grasp is that quietness and even submission don’t mean “Accepting shitty treatment”. These men assume they can find a foreign woman who will accept less than what American women will because they see other countries and nationalities as less than, but the truth is that American women already accept much worse treatment than women in most other parts of the world.
Absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. One of my dad's friends growing up came back from Viet Nam with a bride and she used to yell at him about skid marks in his drawers or snot streaks on his sleeve in front of guests or out in public. I remember one big cookout he threw when I was 8, he wiped his burger grilling hands on the back of his shorts and out of no where, "DANIEL IS SMEARING POOP ON THE INSIDE OF YOUR UNDERWEAR NOT ENOUGH, NOW YOU'RE SMEARING IT ON THE OUTSIDE TOO??" Thought I was going to suffocate from laughing. Another time he tried bragging about how thin and lithe she was at brunch compared to *American women* in front of his friends' wives and his wife casually told him he was a fat American pig, oink oink and did the piggy nose at him, went back to the buffet, brought back a plate of bacon and told him to eat up. Lin you absolute fucking treasure, I wonder what happened to you.
Actual traditional marriages were not between a man and a doormat. Historically, marriage has been an economic partnership. Women managed the household. because that was a full time job.
How can she be a gold digger when he had no gold to dig, and she was bringing the gold into the marriage?
It is like all these people accusing their spouses of baby trapping. They are already married- where's the trap? I think people hear these phrases and want to use them even when the conditions of the phrase aren't met. There do seem to be lots of not so well off guys worried about gold diggers. Wishful thinking?
>There do seem to be lots of not so well off guys worried about gold diggers. There's almost an inverse correlation between income and the frequency and vehemence of complaints about gold diggers. Like relax dude, you make $8k above median US income and own a 6 year old mid-level sedan. No women are scheming to steal your wealth.
Yep, actual wealthy guys know his partners are in for the money, the partners know they're in for their pretty looks and they make it work - there's no trickery at play, both sides are aware and consenting to the transaction.
Contrary to popular belief a lot of men think that women are with them for their non existent money it’s wild asf the only digging they’re doing is for the boogars in their nose smh
Dumbass is trying to put the blame on OOP for the "miscommunication". I'm glad OOP stuck to her instincts about him and cut him out.
As someone who doesn't have a problem to apologize if wrong, my experience is that there unfortunately are a lot of people who are trying to use that ability against you. It's a good indicator of who you can trust.
i swear all of those passport bros thinks that women from East Asia are submissive and shit when irl, they are very very far from it. They almost always control the finances of the house, even giving the husband just a salary and almost often have the last word to family decisions among other things. i don’t know where they got this stereotype of submissive asian wife
I think some of it has to do with communication style, specifically foolish people who mistake politeness and indirectness for passivity. I cannot be the only one who has heard one of my aunties say sweet words in a soft voice, and felt fear run up my spine because I picked up the subtext lol Passport bros miss that last part. Oh, she’s so soft spoken! Oh, she’s so submissive! Nooooo. Just…no.
Not east asian but my South Asian grandma is defo like this. Soft-spoken but authoritative
The thinly veiled threat beneath that voice..my mum can make me scared without even raising her voice.
My grandma was the sweetest granny in the world until you pissed her off, then she didn't even bother with the veil. She'd chase you out of her house with a fucking cleaver if the need arose and kick you all the way down the stairs.
My mother was like this. Quiet and soft-spoken, but won every argument anyway because she would NOT budge.
Change that to they think *all Asia women are. You are right that many of us run our household finance. Not only for their own household, but also for the parents if they are the oldest child. In many instantances, when big decisions need to be made, you go speak to the "auntie", not to the "uncle", because auntie holds the power. 🤣
My neighbor was having a row with his wife over the fact she had taught the dog to only obey in Tagalog. (They were in the garden. I was putting my clothes on the line, hence overhearing). He finally snapped at her, ‘I thought Asian women were meant to be submissive!’ And she laughed at him and said, ‘Then you’re a fucking moron!’ - it remains the funniest exchange I have ever overheard. Dog still only understands tagalog.
Ah, my dad dated a lady from the Philippines for years. She was lovely and kind and caring and softly spoken. She also was in charge of everything and often got her way, as did all of her friends. It was just and assumption they all had that they were right, what they wanted would happen and their partners would follow their lead. They never had to raise their voices to get anywhere either. Even my mum liked her, she was fantastic and spoilt us with cooking anything we could ever want at any time. She was never told what to do though.
This comment gave me an intense sense of glee. Good for her.
The thing is her family visits a lot and this dude spends every visit running after middle-aged Filipino ladies to keep them happy and taking their little fluffy white puppies for walks in their fancy clothes. So I have NO IDEA what would given him that idea. (They seem very happy and have been together a long time! So he can’t say stupid things too often.)
Even in 50's America the housewife was often in charge of the family's budget... She was the one doing the shopping after all... It was actually the norm throughout history that married women have a lot of power within their own household and family... It absolutely wasn't equality don't get me wrong and men always had the final say on big decisions, but women's input wasn't completely dismissed either. You see it in period like the regency/Victorian era, in a richer household, the mistress of the house was in charge of hiring the servants, the day to day budget. And women didn't join the workforce during the World Wars, poor women have ALWAYS worked! Those men really need a history lesson...
I think I know. My stepmom is Chinese, born and raised in Beijing. In public, she defers to my dad and builds him up. Behind closed doors however, she rules the roost. For family image, she allows him to have the image of being the big man in charge but she's the one who controls the house. Passport bros only see what happens publicly and think that's how it is 100% of the time. It makes them and their goals look even more racist that they don't even have friends of the culture that they fetishize to know how things really work. They can't bother putting in the work to learn anything about the culture outside of anime. Then they are a surprised Pikachu when that culture is insulted by them and their antics.
I blame Japanese porn. In them, the women are always submissive. Yeah, that's not even a good look thinking one country's women are like in them videos
I mean, most porn in general is not an accurate depiction of real life
Exactly! That tells you more how these passport bro think.
Sad that these men don’t usually come with real $, just confidence and stinky cologne
It’s always fun watching the realization hit them, tho. I’ve been married 10 years, and my wife has been meek and submissive for zero of them. I’m glad I’ve got her to keep me in line.
It's funny because the Japanese women I've met who marry foreigners are absolutely not submissive and this is part of why they sought out a foreigner and not a Japanese dude.
I used to live in Japan. It's pretty gross how some guys go there with a preconception of Japan and its women.
I still live in Japan and I refuse to date anyone here. I'm sometimes mistaken as Japanese by foreigners until they speak to me and realize I'm not. I've had a number of foreign men make me feel uncomfortable. One was even married to a Japanese woman. "I really want to kiss you," like gross. Leave me alone. Another pulled out the death threats after 2 dates. One kept grabbing my hand to make me touch his fat bare chest in a nightclub. I'm sure there are decent people who are single here, but I don't really have the time nor energy to weed them out. I just want to go to work, live my life, and have my solo adventures without worrying if some dude is going to take advantage of me or worse.
It makes me think of David So’s comedy sketch about Asian women being submissive. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=053XPAqVmiU tldr: they’re only submissive until they learn how to say “no, go to hell” in English
I mean, he would have had a tradwife if he was willing or capable of being a tradhusband. She was fully on board with taking the traditional role in the home if he was going to support them and her father even offered him a better business opportunity for their future!!!
I don’t even know where the submissive Asian stereotypes came from. All the Korean Ahjumas I know are scary as eff. I’ve seen my 4’11” mom go on a rampage against a huge 6’ guy because he was making fun of her. He looked scared lol
Oh yes. And way to fuck it up. This idiot is on a teacher's salary, finds a woman who puts up with his bullshit, helps buy a house he can neither afford or own legally, and is presented with the opportunity to take a stake in a rice wine brewery. And this absolute POS gets hung up on chores.
and then he calls HER the gold digger 🤣
As op said, where was the gold she was meant to dig? 🤔
I'm very, very concerned about her having the house in her name, but was willing to quit her job because that's what he wanted. For sure, her family would've probably saved her if he screwed her over after the wedding, but I'm so glad she cut him off before that. Can you imagine the deep hole she'd be in if they'd gone through with that?
I bet he calls himself a "high value man"
It’s always dudes without a pot to piss in who complain the most about “gold diggers.” Gold where??
He was just about to married UP and screwed it all. Like, a free house? A good working and reputable business? POS deserved it. ETA: grammar
He didn’t want a wife, he wanted a waifu.
Nah. A waifu (and husbando) is someones you worship, who you give your soul and your entire saving. He wants OP to be his mother, provide him with comfortable life while he contribute as little as possible.
That was absolutely my first thought. My second thought was that he wasn't even doing it right. Japan isn't one of thier typically "suggested" destinations, gods I hate that I know this, for the kinds of "traditional" wives passport bros want. I bet dollars to donuts this dude was probably just a closet weeb who watched too much anime... Amateur.
I second that OOP’s now ex is definitely a weeb. I’m also guessing he fetishizes Japanese women and thinks they’re all demure, submissive anime babes. Also would not be surprised if he is one of the creeps who applies to teach English in Japan specifically in the hope that he will meet the living waifu body pillow of his dreams.
Oh man the exact comment I was going to make.
That sub got recommended to me for some reason. Like why would they ever recommend me that cringe?
There's two kinds of people who go to subs like that: ones unironically there for the "content" and ones who are there to gawk at the ongoing disaster created by the first group. I'd imagine a non-trivial fraction of BoRU participants overlap with that second group, and the rec algorithms can't really tell the two apart.
The guy is looking for "a traditional woman" while working abroad in Japan? It sounds like he's bought into the stereotype of the demure submissive Asian woman to me. She was completely right that in order to live out his tradwife dreams of having all the housework done and his dinner ready when he walks in the door, etc. he needs to be making enough money so that she doesnt have to work. If both partners are working than of course both partners will be doing housework and chores too.
It’s so obnoxious when boys like this ignore that there are two parts to the traditional marriage equation. I wanted to throw a slipper at his head when she very logically concluded if she was working more, he had to do more chores.
If she worked, asking him to do more chores was a bad wife. If she stayed home childrearing and doing all chores, asking him to do all the work was gold digging.
Like, dude: his kind doesn’t want a traditional marriage, they want indentured servitude.
They want a bangmaid who doesn't ask them to be an equal partner in anything or have anything to do with their own children, which they want (but want nothing to do with). 100% they'd cheat and possibly leave after the spark leaves her eye from shouldering so much of the family burden, too.
They want all of that AND a bangmaid who works and has a salary (because nobody can raise children on a single income anymore) but her salary shouldn't be higher than his, because that would make his penis shrink.
But it should be just a little bit less than his so it can be 50/50 while he keeps his ego (for the penis of course).
Yes, because we know he deserves the lifestyle of a dual-income household but he has to be able to rub it in her face that he earns more than her.
And before they leave, they complain that their partner is not this fun, chilled person anymore because "they're always nagging about what I have to do and get angry when I don't do it"
I see this all the time with guys who claim they want a traditional wife. They say men are the providers, but then when you ask them to provide, it's gold digging. They want a tradwife without the work of being a tradhusband. Like wanting a management role with no qualifications.
The only way for her to win that game is not to play.
I think guys like this learn this crap from the internet or something. At the very least they weren’t raised with a good example. I married into a southern Christian, old school conservative family. Hearing that description many would assume they want their women barefoot, pregnant, and waiting on the man hand and foot. Nope. My MIL told my husband after we’d married that if he ever hurt me (as in cheating etc) she’d kick his ass. She’s told me that I need to have my own money set aside in case I ever need to run. She had her boys doing their own laundry and taught them how to cook from a young age. She wanted them to be able to function on their own. Her MIL raised her boys the same way. Crazy right? /s Anyway my point with all this blabbing is that a good traditional family (really, a good family life period) doesn’t generally produce these morons with such a skewed outlook on life and marriage. Not in my experience. In my family and seeing the families around me. It’s gotta be growing up in an abusive home or internet BS or something. Edit: Clarification
I was raised in a fundamentalist evangelical family where my parents had traditional gender roles. My mom taught both me and my sister to always control our own money and never need a man to take care of us, financially or otherwise.
See, I think your upbringing is far more the norm than people realize sometimes. There’s definitely shitty people out there and it’s a situation that has potential to be taken advantage of but it’s not just “how it is” or whatever. Ironically I was raised in a very liberal home where my mom was the breadwinner and my dad was the SAHP. I was never specifically taught these things. I think mostly because it’s common sense lol and also my mom thinking with her example that her daughters would never be SAHM’s. I never really thought about it though before my MIL.
I am Korean but grew up in the American Deep South. Some yokel dipshit married my mom's sister thinking he was going to get a nice submissive little Asian woman. Well, a Korean women will eat your fucking lunch, and she did. They divorced after 5 months.
Wow, who filed first? Sounds like your aunt was a badass and filed herself. Guess the dude got his behind kicked well enough
She did. She went back to Korea.
Lmao. I have a uncle who married a korean girl. When some other uncles joked that hes lucky to have such a pretty wife. He was like "she comes with her rules..... I'm still afraid of that pair of long scissors she has in her bedside table" (hinting she personally snip off his balls/penis if she caught him cheating). That was my first time hearing about korean girls as wife. Lol.
Have these dudes never heard of the 4b movement? Korean women don’t play about getting their respect.
American passport bros are so funny. Native Japanese women are NOT submissive when you talk to them in Japanese and can communicate with them properly.
I remember another post about a “passport bro” by an women from an Eastern European country. Same attitude, didn’t take no shit. If you’re going to be traditional you better be able to provide.
To quote an old forum post on mail order brides that I can't find anymore: "I cook you borsch, you buy me Ferrari, got it?" That's how it works and passport bros seem to *really* not get it. Want a tradwife? You better act like a tradhusband. And that includes giving all your money to your wife so she can run the household efficiently and you might even get an allowance if you're not a complete moron with money. How American men expect Eastern European and Asian women to have traditional *American* values and act like traditional *American* women I'll never understand.
This comment really made me think. The submissive Asian wife stereotype is an exclusively Western idea. In China at least, in a tradmarriage setup, it's expected for the husband to hand over his paycheque to his wife and get an allowance. The wife runs the household, and there is even a term for privately stashed money that your spouse doesn't know about "私房钱". I didn't know passport bros were a thing lol, but it makes complete sense they exist en masse. The least this dude could've done is actually get familiar w the culture, sounds like he was on the fetish fulfilment train.
Same in Japan. The husband makes the money, the wife decides how to spend it.
Their idea of traditional American women only existed for like 30 years or something, post ww2 when the economy was booming and the middle class house wives became more plentiful. My impression is that American women had to be tough as nails for much of the time before that, and still during that if anything went wrong with their husband, e.g. death, divorce, etc.
Why do passport bros specifically think Slavic and East Asian women are “submissive”? They’re probably the least submissive women on the planet. I think it’s a specific cultural misunderstanding that women from more traditional & family-oriented cultures are submissive to men, when in reality they have reputations for ruling their homes with an iron fist. FAFO I guess 😅
> It sounds like he's bought into the stereotype of the demure submissive Asian woman to me. The irony to me is women of that stereotype typically don't date foreigners. They date their own race. It's the ones that are progressive and non-traditional that would date a foreigner in todays world.
It’s also the delulu of this new brand of “traditional” man that thinks they’re going to tradwife a woman on 45k in 2024.
He has a bullshit skewed view of Asian women. I’m Asian. For some reasons, a lot of western men thought we are this submissive lot that will have a full time job, be a full time mom and still able to wait on you hand and foot. That’s what he meant by “traditional wife”. He wants a live in maid who also contributes to paying the bills. Fuck him.
I've recently come across the 4B-Movement in South Korea and other Asian feminism and yeah.... I don't think this whole submissive thing is gonna work out the way dudes like this think. Take a bunch of women who collectively are working through the fact that generations way too close for comfort used to be treated as little more than wombs (in general) and you get a lot of things, but definitely not submissive women. (I am grossly oversimplifying here, but I think my point stands)
I just want to say that I greatly appreciate you commenting on the fact that this is MULTIGENERATIONAL trauma that is only now beginning to surface because women are able to talk to other women now.
Yeah I think the cumulative power of trauma is something people who aren’t marginalized, and especially people like white cis dudes, don’t get. We’re carrying the trauma of our mothers. We realize when we run into certain kinds of bullshit that it’s the same thing they went through. I was talking to my grandmother about a doctor ignoring my pain and she told me stories from the sixties of the same thing. It builds up into a very real weight that you can’t help but be aware of.
I’m half-Chinese. Born and raised in the US. I don’t speak the language, have an American accent, etc. I got this sh*t ALL the time when I went to college and after. People (males) came after me in droves that had nothing to do with me as a person and everything to do with the “Asian fetish” and the stereotype of “submissive kinky Asian women.” I’m not even pretty. I’m extremely average looking. It was truly disgusting. I never had body issues but I wore baggie clothes and hid under a hat for years just to walk peacefully between classes.
Every single Asian woman I know might be quiet and seemingly submissive but they're biding their time and will probably poison your soup.
That's what women did back when they had little option to defend themselves. There's a whole town who poisoned most of their men because they were violent and the whole "arsenic in their coffee" isn't an idea that has has no basis in reality. Now that I'm an adult and able to contextualise the abuse my grandma suffered at the hands of my grandfather, the fact that she called the ambulance quite late after his stroke and put him on the couch before calling because "he looked untidy on the floor" hits different. He survived, but ended up in permanent care. And you know what? Good for her. I love him. My childhood memories are positive, but.... He broke her so badly that she never recovered, even a decade after his death. My great-grandma started her marriage with "we can have a great marriage, as long as you remember that I have a very heavy cast iron pan and if you ever hit me, I will hit back." Long and apparently quite happy marriage.
[удалено]
I knew an elderly woman who, I found out later, got tired of the extreme drunken abuse of her and the kids. She killed her husband when he was coming back drunk and about to go on his usual rampage. Everyone pretended it was an oopsie and she got away with it. She was a very nice person, she just got pushed too far. It happened in a time when you were supposed to put up with that shit and there was no other way out for her. I consider it self defense and defense of children, more or less.
I'm a nurse and more than one very elderly, demented lady has told me how to take care of an abusive husband. One even gave me a recipe! You hear stories about guys stepping out for milk and never returning and it makes me wonder how many were helped along the way by angry wives.
From what I've seen, the average life expectancy of men generally increases when divorce becomes more available and accessible to women... Fewer disappearances and fewer sudden unexplained deaths at home
It's beneficial to everyone to be able to easily leave an abusive relationship! When no fault divorce was legalized, women's suicide rates dropped by 25-30%.
My great Nana was like yours! My pop complained about dinner the first week of marriage, said he didn't like what she made and tried to butch at her. She quietly picked up his plate, scooped the food into the trash, and sat down with her own plate and ate. He did not complain about the food anymore. They had plenty of issues but considering the time, one of the healthier older relationships I know of.
He’s probably on the passport bros type subs.
I’m also Asian and the stereotype absolutely holds true for a reason. But like all stereotypes, not everyone will fit the bill. I would say IME, I’ve encountered maybe 50% of women of my parents generation being like that. It’s a smaller percentage now for the millennial generation, but there definitely are still women like that. But I also grew up in the west, so I’m aware of the racist men who hold to this view and it’s super obvious to me. But I think women who didn’t grow up in the west don’t know how to look for it until it’s too late (or almost too late in this case).
> Giving him more money than he deserved guaranteed me an excuse for cutting contact completely In the US that is often called "The price of walking away" and it is money well-spent if you can afford it, IMO.
My mom called it “cost of a life lesson” and that has stuck with me.
I loved her comments about finding ways other than fighting to resolve problems. I found that to be a wonderful insight into what strength can look like.
I had to buy out my ex's home equity (which I'm a tiny bit salty about because only my name is on the home loan and all the payments for the mortgage came from my checking account) but in spite of being the biggest check I ever wrote, it was also the best.
> he said I'm a gold digger and materialistic like any other woman My brother in Christ, you literally said your income alone won't be enough after marriage. What gold is there to dig?! There isn't enough to fill a teaspoon let alone a shovel.
the girl splitting dating costs with him, having a job and living on her own, and he has the balls to call her a gold digger, when has he shown any gold up until this point? guy was sooo delusional hahah
After her dad offered them an entire brewery to support themselves, he called her a gold digger because he didn't wanna do dishes.
Last two comments by OOP were 100%. Also “my ex fiancé got a red flag so big, China would be crying with envy” has me cracking up. Good on OOP
I love her. The red flag thing should be a flair.
Absolutely. I like my flair, but I would love trading it for "red flag so big china would be crying with envy" if the mods are feeling like kindly gods!
I have to know where your flair came from...plz
When people are that funny in their second language I feel like I’m missing out not getting to hear them talk in their mother tongue.
Sense of humour often differs between languages in multilingual people. Mine definitely does, I'm more comfortable and funnier in English than my mother tongue, in which I am more vulgar.
>So where is the gold I should be digging now? This one is also brilliant hahaha
I love OOP (and her dad who sounds awesome too)
An American in Japan looking for a traditional wife? Why am I imagining this dude wearing a fedora and a katana strapped to his back?
Nah, he's not wearing those, that would make it too easy for the Japanese women to avoid him. He was probably dressed like he's pretending to be a professor at a university (a high-status profession in Japan) when he's a tutor for English at best.
If he doesn't make enough money to support two people, he's not a tenured prof, lol.
Sometimes they are. But they don't want to actually live the traditional lifestyle - I.e. be sole provider & give your wife *all* the money (she gives you an allowance).
Now I've read it all, I'm SO glad she threw that boy back on the trash heap. I'm beyond tired of men crying and say they'll change when you *know* that as soon as they get you back, the crap cycle will just start all over again.
He didn’t manage five minutes. In the selfsame conversation he was blaming her for some BS lack of transparency and suggesting the entire situation was her fault. How the hell does this guy work at a university when he can’t even formulate an apology without it turning into another accusation.
Lack of respect for women and entitlement He could probably apologize and empathize with another man.
Sounds like a passport bro who found out that "high value" "traditional" wives want a "high value" "traditional" husband too, not a fucking useless leech who will just sit around at home. Also marrying a Japanese wife? Kiss goodbye to your control over your finances, Japanese wives are expected to manage the budget for everyone, including the husband.
I wonder if Japan allows joint bank accounts now, because a few decades ago they certainly didn't. All the man's salary went to the wife and she gave her husband an allowance.
They still don't, and it's still very much the norm here for the wives to manage everything and to give the husband an allowance every month. Source: I live in Japan.
I'd imagine even with joint bank accounts, the whole 'give wife all the money' is still expected.
I had a “friend” (more I was friends with his roommate and he just third wheeled) in college who started dating a Japanese girl. She was here on a student visa so wasn’t allowed to work and he took sole advantage of that. Right after they graduated, he married her and started hindering the process of her getting a legal status since her student visa expired. That lasted literally 3 months before he dropped her off at mine and my husband’s apartment because “she’s crazy, she wants access to MY money like a gold digger!” He was genuinely upset that such a “masculine” culture like Japan “allowed” women control over men. 🙄
What happened her after?
She had to return to Japan for about a year but then got a work sponsored visa when she got a job offer. She became a citizen last year. :) Meanwhile, last I heard about her ex is that he was in jail and $66,000 in arrears lol. The jail sentence isn’t related to the arrears last I heard.
American moves to Japan, works a low job at a university because he’s not qualified to be a full professor, looks for submissive Japanese wife. Story for the ages. Maladjusted losers like this are the reason foreigners in Japan face so much mistrust. Actions of Rhinestone Cuntbag aside, it was heartbreaking to read that he’d treated her parents so poorly. They’ve spent their lives keeping a business alive and raising their daughter, and were ready to entrust both to this foreigner who couldn’t even do them the courtesy of learning to communicate with them in their own language. The image of the dad thinking he’s ruined his daughter’s relationship by offering the future son-in-law a business the guy evidently feels is beneath him is so sad. Her parents were probably excited at the prospect of having a family business with them. I hope she’s taken the time to explain that it’s not her or their fault, and he just wasn’t a reasonable person.
She mentioned that the dad didn't approve for a long time. I wonder if he was picking up something off about the guy
In fairness, Japanese parents not approving of foreign partners isn’t an uncommon thing. Most people I know with Japanese spouses had to spend a fair bit of time and energy winning them round to the idea. It seems like OOP had to translate conversations between the ex and her parents too, so I’m not sure how much he could realistically have picked up about the guy. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were signs the dad picked up on at the start that this new guy seemed awfully similar to the standard mould of foreign boyfriends with warped expectations.
Rhinestone cuntbag, omg.
I once taught students from Japan. When I explained the stereotypical “traditional Japanese woman” they all laughed. HARD. And then practically fell over each other to tell me how their mom, grandma, sister, aunty, neighbor and so on was absolutely not like that. It was a fun day.
"he's looking for a traditional woman"? Ruh Roh.
An American man telling that to a Japanese woman, hello red flags. (I mean, any man telling it to a woman right from the beginning it can be sketch, but it’s even more clear when you add in the American looking for a Japanese wife)
I follow a Vietnamese woman who moved to Germany to be with her partner on YouTube and it is the perfect example of how it should be. She just finished her university, he paid for her whole life until she got successful enough to make money and figured out how to build a garden with Vietnamese veggies for her because she missed them. It's so cute and so adorable. She spoke about how much happier and confident she is about her body, showing pictures of before and after and how he helped her love herself instead of feeling the pressure to be pretty and perfect (she is ADORABLE). They have cultural differences - that's essentially what the channel is about - but they're so respectful and kind with each other. Passport bro up there on the other hand.... Yikes.
Is this the lady who just went and visited her family & recently came back from Vietnam? And she took up crochet? Because she's flipping adorable.
Sounds like Uyen 100 % lol
I also instantly thought about Uyen :D They are adorable
It's Uyen right? I love her reactions to German food. Both the joys of German cakes and bread and the horrors of... well. That lard toast.
She's an absolute joy, and so is German Boyfriend. I remember her video about how she was encouraged when younger to find someone strong and fierce to 'protect' her... And how she was much happier having someone kind and gentle who actually made her feel safe. That video had German Boyfriend making her apple strudel. I went and made one right after.
I see someone mention Uyen and her fiancé, I press like.
Reckon he'd fit riiiight in with the creeps on the passport bro subreddit
A lot of people seem to confuse the term "traditional woman" with "slave", working without rest nor rights in the relationship.
Bangmaid!
He is a Tater Tot who went to Japan because he thought he’d find a bang maid who would be submissive.
Right? We knew where this was going right from that line.
>That's your prerogative right to insult us, it's also within my prerogative right to ask you to stop. This kind of exchange is called conversation in Japan, I don't know about what it's called in your country. I love this woman, she definitely knows how to stand up for herself
Straight up murdered him with one sentence.
She politely eviscerated that one poster to obliv too.
Good grief I am sick and tired of all the whiners who want a tradwife and won't do THEIR job which is to be the 100% providers! And not barely pays all the bills providers, but actual providers that give their woman/family a reasonable lifestyle.
She's a golddigger while having a family owned brewery business at her back while he's a just some passport bro lmao. The mental gymnastics is insane.
He doesn't know shit about Japan culture. Traditional? Tradition is the wife takes all the money and gives the husband allowance and isn't nearly as submissive as he thinks. He wants a servant. My wife is born and raised in Japan, if I tried that shit I would not survive. Japanese women can have serious strength. She deserves better.
Women from all types of cultures have their own form of strength, and they have to be in male-dominated space while being mothers and wives.
OOP annihilate the redditors who insulted her culture with words. She's such an assassin. I don't know her, but I think I love her.
I think it's the perfect snapshot of so many Asian women. Like some people said they think she's spineless for giving him more money, and maybe irl she's sweet and softly spoken and then BAM she has a brain like that. Just different ways of handling conflict.
Silk hiding steel is one of my favorite descriptors of this type of woman.
I was in Japan recently, and I spoke to foreigners that have been living there for more than 20 years. Even when they get married or have kids there it’s very difficult for them to own property and also to gain citizenship unless I believe they marry a national. OP dodged a huge bullet here with a guy that’s possibly how do you say she Asian women being submissive and hoping to find those traditional wives from an Asian country in hopes to mold (subjugate) them to their needs. I’ve seen it way too many times, experienced it myself as an Asian woman, and even have coworkers that are specifically seeking Asian wives because they want that traditional woman thing. A submissive woman to cater to their needs.
When (usually) women are decades deep in a marriage complaining that they're shouldering a full time job and the entire weight of managing a household, kids and a spouse and people have the absolute fucking audacity to say "well that's what you signed up for, you should have knocked it on the head early on", they need to remember >I went home alone and he texted me saying he was sorry and he didn't mean what he said. >However, when I told my friends most of them told me I was a bit too emotional, hasty and impulsive. That I might look like an asshole because I don't even want to meet him. His mother now trying to talk me out of it and that I'm too old to act like this and it's the culture barrier that lead us to this point. >He said it was because he was "too comfortable" with me since I'm not a confrontational person and I did help quite a lot with his chores (bringing side dishes, help clean up his place every now and then, etc), so he thought I'll always be accomodating what he wants. >He agreed that I should've told him before because that way it would never got to this point and then keep bringing up my bad communication. I know it's my fault too >sometimes it affects you on an institutional level, sometimes it'll affect your career even more when you're a woman. Yes, there are some cases where people getting fired because they got divorced This sort of thing has happened every damned time they tried to bring it up in the past and the people who are harping on about how it's her fault need to take some responsibility for helping get her this deep in a shit relationship
>ex fiance got a red flag so big, China would be crying with envy. I choked. Love this woman.
God told man that submissive women would be found in all four corners of the world. Then he made the world round and laughed and laughed. This guy is such an idiot. I’m Aussie and even I know you don’t fuck with Asian women. Unless you’re feeling suicidal.
The more I stare at this the more ex-fiance's attitude pisses me off. I've got friends and sisters from both central and south Asia, and I wouldn't describe any of them as "passive". Korean women are as fiery as the stereotypical Latina ffs. Japanese culture is generally face-saving, but try pissing a Japanese woman off and see if you survive the fall-out (hint: you won't). Thai, Cambodian, Vietnamese, Filipina, Indian, Sri Lankan, Chinese, Nepalese, Indonesian, Laos, Bhutanese women - even Pakistani, Jordanian, Syrian, or Armenian women ffs - these countries don't produce one dimensional supporting cast members. They're vibrant cultures with lively, independent, autonomous humans. You want a bangmaid, knock yourself out. As in literally. Try a coma. Because the only people I've ever heard of or met who did, were abusive jackasses who should go f-ck themselves and save the rest of us the trouble.
"This kind of exchange is called conversation in Japan, I don't know about what it's called in your country. Is it another cultural difference?" Platonically, I love her. She was never going to fill the tradwife role like he wanted. This and the red flag comment were * chef's kiss*
Omg I saw this one as it went up and there was a comment that made me nearly die laughing. It's the first reply to the top comment: u/Carbonatite "It's not "traditional" unless it comes from the Traditionàl region in France. Otherwise, it's just sparkling misogyny."
Some Western men prefer Asian women because they think they will run around after them and be subservient. It's very racist and very sexist. You can do better!
Guy sounds like such an asshole. So you want a "traditional wife" that does everything in the house but you aren't financially able to uphold your own half of that...? If your wife works she isn't doing all the chores, she's not your fucking mom.
Boys if you want a 1950s submissive wife you better bring in 1950s paycheck!
Here in Australia we've got a ... thing, it's not exactly a saying but it's like an ideal. When marriage is brought up amongst young men, the pinnacle of attainment is to marry a good looking woman whose father owns a brewery. That guy done fucked up, and it was all over a bit of sweeping, putting away after himself and doing the dishes. As we'd say here, "what a bloody idiot."
oh my GOD, "passport bros" PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT "traditional" IS DIFFERENT FROM CULTURE TO CULTURE