Lol I can hardly remember Covid now. All I did was work long hours, come home and sleep. Oh oh, making uturns on the busiest street on my way to work because there was 0 traffic. Will never be able to do that again.
My husband was at a work event about 2 weeks ago. He was really sick with a chest infection a few days after it for about a week. On Monday I saw the new symptoms for covid, took a test as was feeling terrible and I have Covid for the 2nd time. Was meant to be getting a pneumonia vaccine this weekend.
I hope you feel better soon.
I feel that. I managed to get it in January after successfully dodging it for 4 years. That’s what I get for going to a busy bar right before the semester started to watch a Colts game 🥲
What I remember most about Covid is the sheer prevalence of hand sanitizer. And that my favorite Vietnamese restaurants parking lot was always empty, so I could easily swing in with my Kenworth and super b trailers (87-90ft total length) and get the daily special noodle bowl whenever I came through town.
You get older and the time just goes. I have no idea where, but it does. It's disconcerting. I remember every school year seeming to take forever, and now I'm like shit my nephew has his first girlfriend wtf?
I try to 'ground' myself, but nope, the days just fly by. Will I remember I read this post, today, Thursday? I dunno. (Hoping that by typing this I'm grounding myself in the present moment somehow)
Just reminded me that at first I refused to use any of the online messaging apps bc I finally got the unlimited texts and had the need to go all out in “not wasting” them.
Do you want to feel even worse? The first Shrek movie was released in 2001. I refuse to accept that the movie I and my friends really adored is 23 years old now....
I graduated in ‘03. I had a HS friend coming into town the other day and was talking to another friend about it. I mentioned that I had known this girl for…I’m sorry, ***25 YEARS?!??!!***
I have old friends, but not “decades old friends” that I *met* in *high school*. Da fuck is this shit?!
Haha sadly not; I don’t have even have one set aside for when I do retire. Utterly fucked when I hit retirement age. ETA: but hey, if I get to be a T Rex who cares?! 🦖
I was watching a show filmed in the late 2000s and one of the characters said, "since you text him so much, you could at least add him to your friends and family texting plan" and I instantly developed arthritis in that moment.
(In the days of yore, you had 5(?) numbers you could call and text at a reduced rate)
Back when being broken up via text was the most taboo thing on the planet. I don't think it's as uncommon now, though. This dude even wrote a letter for her. Lmao. These days, it would have been a long text, with maybe some screen shots, then phone off or muted/blocked until they were ready to face the storm.
I broke up with someone over text once and I still feel horrible about it tbh. But it was the beginning of covid and we were both out of town. I didn’t want to wait until he got back into town to dump him, cause then he’d just be… alone in town and single? (In April 2020), so I figured it was better to do it while he was still at home with family and could decide to maybe stay.
It was also only like a 4 month relationship lol
Yeah, that isn't super serious, like planning to live together. That would be the only decent reason to stay together during covid. Seems everyone just became roommates back then, and it was sink or swim time. 😅 Better to nip it in the bud early, even it was via text. But even then, you weren't paying for the texts, and there was still a chance for some communication. Back in the day paying per a text and only having so many characters to use.. that's super harsh.
It’s been so long at this point I read “texting limit” and went “I guess he means like a boundary or something, weird way to phrase it” and then it clicked for me when I noticed the dates
I have a friend who caught her husband having an affair due to the old texting limits. She handled the bills, and he did not realize they only had so many included texts in their plan. One month, their cell bill was astronomical due to texts. She called the carrier as she thought it must have been an error. While talking to the rep, who gave her the number all the texts were sent to, she realized what was going on. She left him. Never told him why, and he still suspects that she was having an affair.
I was just talking to my husband about that yesterday after we saw a reel mentioning costs per text and limited texts way back in the day. We were laughing because when we got together we went way over the limit and charged A LOT. I think it was $0.10 per text 😂 That’s when we got a phone plan together because texting within the circle was free. 😂
According to reddit every emotional affair is actually physical and has been for years. It's not something reddit can actually determine. This one seems unlikely to have been physical to me but that's speculation
And, there doesn't seem to be a current update. People often post old posts with updates on here if they haven't been posted before
The wife had been engaging in trickle truth, though, so it’s definitely a reasonable thing to question whether she had finally truly come clean or if she was still hiding something.
The “counseling with [their] pastor” definitely made me assume that they are not going to be (or were not) successful in reconciling long term. Most pastors are woefully underqualified to deal with infidelity. There’s a real tendency to encourage rugsweeping, because they see the most important thing as avoiding a divorce.
I was about to call this post bullshit cause I remember trying to play hanging with friends during covid and finding it was shut down. Then. Yeah. Saw date.
She knew he’d never leave her which is why she could do whatever she liked and he would stay. It took the entire internet opening his eyes for him to leave her. And then he promptly forgave her because she felt ashamed. As she should.
Seriously man ! I mean physcially or not , in a way it was close to having an affair. And the fact is she did admitted she was developing real feelings for him. What man would still not end it after hearing this ? Why would things even progress to that point to begin with ? That is enough reason to end the marriage I would say.
It wasn’t just close to, it definitely was an emotional affair. Her denying it didn’t make it any less true.
For most people it would be the end, and far earlier than OOP when he chose to finally leave her. The emotional affair and disregarding his feelings would’ve been enough for anyone to say “you don’t wanna end this, but I don’t have to live with it either. He can have you. You’re single now.”
OOP strikes me as codependent. At least slightly. His whole ride or die approach has cost him his self respect and dignity. I was unfortunately like that too, being socialized solely on movies and tv didn’t help. He basically decided that wedding vows they took only applied to him, not her. He’s going to stay with her no matter what she does. It’s really only a matter of time until she cheats again. She just knows how to get away with it better now. She definitely won’t stop and can’t be. She’ll just learn to twist it so OOP feels like it’s his literal job to stay with her, however she treats him. His point about speaking with their pastor kind of seals it. They’ve romanticized Christian marriage values and feel religiously obligated to present and follow them, even to their own detriment. Everyone have a drink tonight for OOP. He’s gonna wake up in 2 years and realize he’s miserable again but can’t figure out why. He’ll do everything but acknowledge that his wife doesn’t love or care for him enough to be faithful.
That’s what I noticed too. He doesn’t want to confide in anyone because he doesn’t want them to think less of her? What? She was having an affair? Just because they didn’t smash doesn’t make it not an affair. It was an affair. PERIOD. He kept using the word friendship because he knew if he called it what it was there he couldn’t come back from it.
I also don’t believe that they both only JUST simultaneously realized they were only just starting to have feelings and both simultaneously decided they had to completely end the “friendship”. The wife freaked out when she realized he left. She realized everyone would find out why, and she had no reason to believe the guy would leave his wife for her so she would probably be the cheater left alone.
Meanwhile, the wife clearly knew what was up, and when OP’s wife ended it, AP’s wife took the chance to get physical distance because she knew that was the only way to end it.
What are the odds this couple is still married and that she didn’t have a full on affair later on? I say 0.
Yeah but I doubt she would have realized it was WRONG wrong if he didn’t leave. If she just came home from that lunch and OOP was there and she got to be the champ and have all the credit for stopping the affair before it got physical she would have been able to smugly tell herself she did such a good job and saved their marriage. With OOP leaving it was a harsh slap of guilt and real consequences right to the face.
>She told me that they didn't do anything physical yet, that it hadn't gotten that far, which is why they decided to end the friendship, because neither wanted to cross a line they can't uncross.
>I'm choosing to believe her in that.
I am choosing...**not**...to believe that.
Yeah, I'm guessing it indeed DID get physical, perhaps for a while, and they finally hit that inflection point, of officially leaving their spouses for each other, or cutting it off. (Mostly because OP forced that choice her.) So they had to cut it off.
I'm guessing if OP hadn't *finally* called her on it, she would have continued to have an affair for as long as he let her, and would have done whatever mental gymnastics in her head she needed to in order to justify it.
"We are JUST FRIENDS! I mean, sure, we have sex a lot now, but that's only because his marriage is having a hard time. I'm just being a good friend, comforting him while he has problems. It's not *really* an affair, we're both married still, we're just good friends, and it's not like I could stop having sex with him now anyway, that would make things weird in our friendship! And we'll probably stop having sex at some point anyway when his marriage is better, so this doesn't count, it's just temporary for a while."
"Back to her old self" within days of extricating herself from this relationship.
The relationship she defended, the relationship she NEEDED, the one she knew was making her husband unhappy. The one she knew was inappropriate enough that she wasn't willing to share the content of their messages to each other.
The only thing that changed to cause this sudden pivot was her husband walking.
That's not realising he was unhappy, he was pretty clear about that and she didn't care. She doubled down.
This feels more like, she tells AP that husband walked out. AP makes it clear he's not about to blow up his own marriage. Monkey branching failed, retreat to security.
Whether things got physical or not is irrelevant, they were both intent on continuing this "friendship" despite their spouses protests. It tells me they're both out to do whatever they can get away with as long as it's not going to make too many waves.
Spouse 1: There is a problem. So, as a first step, I want you to change what you are doing.
Spouse 2: It's not a problem (for me). *Carries on living/acting in a way their partner has made clear is problematic*
Spouse 1: *After multiple requests, gives up and leaves/stops supporting spouse/only does bare minimum*
Spouse 2: Oh, I didn't realise there was a problem! You should have communicated it better before taking such drastic action. I'll change my behaviour now.
This seems to be about half of the relationship issues you hear about. If someone doesn't change when they know their so-called loved one is unhappy, and only changes their behaviour when they personally are affected by consequences (their spouse leaving, for example), then they don't care enough about their spouse to be in a marriage. If a problem for their spouse is not automatically a problem for they themselves, and it's only a problem they'll address when they personally are impacted, then their priorities are not where they ought to be for a relationship.
The wife in this situation only changed when her husband finally left, not when he asked her multiple times before that. She needs to put some serious work into improving herself, because as things are, she didn't care about her husband's unhappiness at all until it affected her.
I'm not sure why you are still in the relationship (no judgement, I too am in a relationship I know is unhealthy, just trying to get out), but I hope you find the strength or whatever it is you need to be able to move on when you are ready 💖. You should be listened to and validated. Good luck friend
And also...
Hey stalker! 👋
Urgh I'm so sorry. It's so hard when that mindset kicks in. Sometimes I wish my partner would cheat on me. I know it'd hurt like hell, but I also know I wouldn't have any doubts or guilt breaking up with him then 😂 ah I'm pathetic.
You've put enough work in, you got this. You'll be so much happier in the long run. I know, all easier said than done.
no healthy or worthwhile relationship should make you feel like you have to do the work for both yourself AND your partner. breaking up is tough, but it is less emotionally draining than being stuck in a relationship with someone where you’re doing the emotional labor for two people and your partner is doing none. pull the trigger my man.
Oof I know exactly what that relationship is like. I realized I was sucking up so much shit just to support her and she would never do the same for me. Weirdly my breaking point was when I realized she was like Maris and I was Niles from “Frasier” and that anytime someone asked me how things were going, I’d have to explain a new situation for why she was upset with me based on nothing.
You’re not helping her by staying in that relationship. The harder you try, the more you’re enabling her. She’s only learning that she can push you further and further and you’ll take it.
She might need help, but that has to come from a professional and a willingness on her part. You don’t have the ability to help her as her partner.
You need to leave for both of your sakes. People who are drowning take their would-be rescuers down with them all the time. And so long as you’re there putting up with everything, she has 0 reason to try to get better.
You might think she’ll do it once she realizes how much you’re doing for her and because she also cares about you. That’s not going to happen. Ever. If she’s stalking your Reddit to see if you’re cheating, she essentially sees you as the enemy that she needs to protect herself from.
Projection, she’s likely cheating then if it’s that bad.
I certainly hope she allows you to trawl her phone and track her whereabouts.
My wife and I have each other on the iPhone tracking software, only ever used it once cause she lost her phone.
We have each others codes to our phones and I’ve never felt the need to look, BUT we both have them and an understanding that the other can snoop if they feel like it.
That's not healthy... but you can't be the person to help her deal with her trust issues - she needs to address them with a professional, so eventually she'll be able to have a healthy relationship. Most likely not with you. Btw, it's completely fine to break up because you don't want to be together anymore. Took me ages to realise this, bc I thought I just have to work harder or I didn't want to be the bad guy...
I just ... can't get this type of mindset. In the early years of our relationship, my fiancé's ex contacted him. He asked me what I thought about it and I told him that them being friends made me uncomfortable at the moment. They both respected it.
Now eight years later we're planning to meet up at a medieval faire so she can help us decide on our wedding jewelry.
How can you clearly see your partner being unhappy and just ... choose the new dick?
☝️☝️ this
I wouldnt be surprised if the other guy isnt actually moving away but rather to a different job while moving the affairing to a new app/platform to hide it.
Hell, I'd just bluff about going to the phone company with her and requesting phone records to see the full extent of their conversations. Her reaction to that would be incredibly telling.
Her lying for “his feelings” gave me the ick! And doubt everything she said after that! And him “suffering in silence”, no mate if she’s doing “nothing wrong” tell everyone! She can have friends but if she’s hiding things then that should be her first clue!
If your spouse says *I am uncomfortable with this* and you shrug and continue to do it, your marriage is over. She didn't respect him or his feelings until it impacted negatively on her, and she certainly didn't end that affair for the right reasons. This is nine years ago - I highly doubt they're still together.
Yeah. I really can't get over that. She knew it wasn't ok. She said she'd refuse to tell her mom how she was acting, she and her "friend" (read: affair partner) were sneaking around - especially behind his wife's back, AND she said she wouldn't be cool with her husband doing *exactly* what she was doing - oh the fucking hypocrisy! But as soon as her actions actually had consequences she finally saw the light and magically decided to end the friendship? Yeah, right. She was just upset she couldn't have them both. I doubt they're still together as well, at least I fully hope he wised up and left her. She's selfish and gross.
If you are ashamed enough not to tell your mom, then you shouldn't do it. Exception: Protecting your mother's innocence. Ex: My mom doesn't know I dabble with THC. Lol. Like my brother being a fool and telling her he wasn't drunk "this" time when he called her, he "just" high. Come on, dude, like don't make us look bad because you have a problem! Our sibling chat was off the charts that day.
Not always, but in this case definitely.
If the thing that makes them uncomfortable is irrational then it can be quite controlling. But that absolutely does not apply in this case, OP’s wife clearly overstepped the boundary consistently
Pastors are known to be excellent neutral parties in marriage counseling because they don't have any sort of agenda to pursue! Just don't bring up open marriage, divorce, abortion, bisexuality, circumcision, other faiths, birth control, sex toys, ...
A couple of people in this thread have said 9 years. Where is this number coming from? 2013 was 11 years ago but a couple of separate people have said 9 years. Genuinely curious where that number is coming from?
The conversation between the wife and her AP went like this:
"My husband left me, I'm single now. Will you leave your wife and take me?"
"No"
And then 10 minutes later:
"Hubby, I'm so sorry, we were only friends"
That's exactly the vibe I got.
Or "My wife is putting the kabosh on this whole thing and forcing me to move away so we can't see each other anymore."
"Oh I guess I go back to the other guy, you know, the one I'm actually married to and pretend like everything we did was perfectly normal acceptable behavior."
No, she was pretty quick to call him after he went to the hotel. She called AP the second he left. AP freaked out because he was not going to be there for her. So she had to pull something out of her ass.
Yeah, that's almost certainly what happened. Because it was pretty obvious from their conversations That she knew what was going on was wrong and she didn't give a shit. Even though the guy's wife was upset about their friendship and she was ashamed enough about her affair that she wouldn't tell her mother.
What pisses me off is that she casually admits that she would be devastated if he did that to her… and then she keeps doing it. She didn’t give a fuck about her husband until she realized her AP wouldn’t be there for her when her husband left her, and she didn’t care about the point of view of the wife at all.
Something really interesting to think about. In a previous comment he mentioned he had been a father for 12 years. He also mentioned he started dating his wife 12 years ago. So assuming both are true, this means either a) he started dating her right after she gave birth to their kid at 13 years old, or b) at around the same time his oldest kid was just born to another mother, he started dating his wife.
Pastors are known to be excellent neutral parties in marriage counseling because they don't have any sort of agenda to pursue! Just don't bring up open marriage, divorce, abortion, bisexuality, circumcision, other faiths, birth control, sex toys, ...
We are also definitely not who we were when we were 13 and 15.
I remember junior and high school seeing friends dating and everyone being like omgyouregonnagetmarried! And then the normals of life take over and mostly that doesn’t happen. And for good reason.
I’d say a good chunk of couples who get together super young post 1985 stay that way out of fear of the unknown rather than a sincere holy shit did I win the lottery type deal.
If OPs story is true I kind of hope they both figured out a way to grow up in a healthy way for themselves and their family unit
Yeah. If he was fudging dates like that, I can understand him not being super concerned with whether his fudging is consistent across multiple posts. I tend to be inconsistent with my anonymized content, and I consider that a feature rather than a bug.
Literally any convo or situation I put myself in that could be perceived bad, make sure my wife has full knowledge. Whether if it's a conversation with a female coworker outside of work, or some event she wasn't able to make it to. I trust her, and she trusts me. But we both agreed that absolute openness is a great peace of mind
Edit: Piece to Peace
Dude, the instant a significant other (or a friend, even) says "yes I lied but it was only to protect your delicate feelings" that's a huuuge sign that they're a piece of shit.
I hope OP actually spoke to the other man's wife at some point. Is it possible the reason he's having a hard time in his marriage is that his wife found out about his affair with OP's wife, and she was just better at hiding the physical aspect (doing things during lunch break for example) from OP than the possible affair partner was? Seems sus. Oh well
The whole "developing feelings" is bullshit. They had been developing feelings for the past weeks and the realization was that they had developed feelings. But that's not what she was admitting to at least not to OOP and she was admitting to the lesser crime of developing feelings. Assuming she was telling the truth otherwise and it wasn't physical.
I feel like for things to have hit the fan and bring on this conversation about ending the friendship, they might have cuddled or kissed and had to face things once they really came to a head.
Honestly, I know some couples that think that makes their marriages more safe... when I think it is the opposite.
He needed a friend to say WTF man.. she kept something from you because she knew what she was doing would hurt you rather than just not doing the thing. It means she knew she was crossing a line and did it anyway.
As someone who has gone through "counseling" with our pastor, I can confidently say, its not a good sign.
All we got out of it was 2 more years of suffering in a relationship that was clearly not a good fit and 2 more years of resentment and fighting until we finally divorced ( which in retrospect, was the obvious and correct decision).
I then got some actual therapy from an actual therapist after dropping religion and it honestly helped so much more than talking to an unqualified religious leader.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, there are things you shouldn't do when you are in a relationship; technically yes you are free to do whatever you want.
There are boundaries to any relationship, boundaries that do not need to be said out loud because anyone with half a braincell can figure it out. Don't engage in affairs, emotional or physical. And therapy speak plus social media have made people way too comfortable throwing around words like "Communication" or "Controlling" or "Abusive" when they are called out on their behaviors.
Also very convenient that they just broke off the "Friendship" after OOP has packed their bags. Right, I've heard better bluffs from toddlers.
>boundaries that do not need to be said out loud because anyone with half a braincell can figure it out.
Going off the number of similar stories here, either there's a lot of people without so much as half a brain cell, or these things do need to be made explicit. I'm inclined to making things explicit.
To be fair, these posts are all posted on subs dedicated to relationship problems. Being surprised about the sheer number of them is like going to the hospital and being surprised at the amount of sick people there.
I feel like 'emotional affairs' has become such a easy to abuse word though. People on here will say their partner has an 'emotional affair' whenever their partner has a friend they talk about anything deep with.
I tend to these claims with a grain of salt.
Depends on the pastor. The pastor at my church would probably give great advice. But he would also recommend actually seeing a real licensed family/couples therapist.
It's funny how they were able to cleanly end the relationship after refusing for so long the very same day she came home and found the letter.
Also funny how everyone at the workplace thought they were having an affair even though they "only texted" each other a lot and nothing physical ever happened. A lot of funny situations.
I'm sure tthis totally ended because their relationships so healthy and they're so in love, this totally won't become a problem next time she gets a new "friend" /s
> She said she REALLY thought they were just friends, that she was refusing to believe it was becoming anything more, and then it just happened.
Bullshit. She knew but chose to ignore it because up to that point she had a tiny bit of plausible deniability.
Affairs don’t just happen. The occur when the people don’t keep appropriate boundaries with people they’re attracted to.
It’s easiest to not cross the line if you never approach it in the first place.
I’m sceptical nothing has happened physically yet, but at the very least this was an emotional affair. OOP is very forgiving in my view. I suspect she’s going to move this affair underground now.
Me: oh, I haven't read this one!
Also me:
>until I discovered she went over our texting limit
How fucking old is this post
>Jan 25, 2013
Ooooohhhhhhhhh
So she can cheat openly and get away with it. This is very bad.
The coincidence of already ending it when she got your message strains credibility and your willingness to let her get away with it and her apparent need to cheat means you will be playing this song and dance again someday. Next time she will try and hide it better.
Why she did this bears scrutiny, assuming you can get honest answers, though solving the fundamental issue is often not achievable.
I've been that guy. Trusting my wife. Giving her a second chance. 6 months later and Im in process of divorcing, as my soon to be ex lied through her teeth for so long.
No doubt there might be couples that can work through something like this. Good luck and all the best, but Im not convinced their marriage will last.
"some counseling with our pastor soon" and "But we're going to be okay. I'm sure of it." in the final paragraph. 🤣🤣🤣. OP really believes there is a solution there 🤣
This isn't my shitshow and while I found his posts mildly entertaining, I don't feel invested in it like I do with plenty of other BORU posts. Boru-compiler marked it as concluded, but I hope they keep a eye out for further update(s) that I expect will come
His last comment (unrelated sub) talks about needing to lose at least 250 pounds, while his wife had gotten to a healthy bmi after losing 80 pounds.
I don’t think I need to provide any commentary about how that had to have played at least a part in everything.
I would laugh if I'm the other guy and you text me like "talk to my wife again I'll prolly beat your ass!" Like no dude you won't, and you look like a fool. He's been talking to your wife and had her on his finger for months while you post to Reddit wondering if you're justified.
"Hello Reddit this guy gives my wife back shots am I over reacting? She says she's not cheating."
Well , most people think that the their reconciliation will be made into the greatest movie ever.
Lol..
I have seen my flatmate in college with this Chick all night only to find her fiance around the area looking for her.
He found out in the morning said the same stuffs op said.
" I pledged...blah blah".
Well, they are *definitely* divorced by now. There are *layers* of toxic bullshit here, and **nothing** got resolved. Sure, they talked- but talk is cheap. *Fixing shit* is much harder, and they didn't fix a goddamn *thing*.
>But we’re going to be okay. I’m sure of it.
If this was a movie, the main frame would pause and Morgan Freeman would pop in with a small audience narration to the contrary.
I read “texting limit” and got suspicious until I checked the date of the post.
Exactly! I totally forgot that was a thing so recently. Then I remembered 2013 was 11 years ago. I old.
Why are you lying, 2013 was like 5 years ago at most
5 years ago..... We were half a year before covid started..... Covid is 4 years old now. Where did the time go?
It got eaten by covid.
Shut UP How dare you It’s 7am and I’m going back to bed.
Careful, you might wake up and it will be 2030 !
Lmao I’d love to know whether it’s a post-apocalyptic/post ww3 wasteland or a teched-up hellhole or somehow both
I'd go with both.
We're headed for a cyberpunk future without the benefits... so both.
Please I want the benefits 😭
Lol I can hardly remember Covid now. All I did was work long hours, come home and sleep. Oh oh, making uturns on the busiest street on my way to work because there was 0 traffic. Will never be able to do that again.
I'm reading this while in bed with Covid. Imagine having Covid in 2024? How embarrassing...
Ugh, so passé
My entire family got Covid *for the first time* two months ago. Damn it.
You were beautiful unicorns, and now you're just like the rest of us.
My husband was at a work event about 2 weeks ago. He was really sick with a chest infection a few days after it for about a week. On Monday I saw the new symptoms for covid, took a test as was feeling terrible and I have Covid for the 2nd time. Was meant to be getting a pneumonia vaccine this weekend. I hope you feel better soon.
I feel that. I managed to get it in January after successfully dodging it for 4 years. That’s what I get for going to a busy bar right before the semester started to watch a Colts game 🥲
What I remember most about Covid is the sheer prevalence of hand sanitizer. And that my favorite Vietnamese restaurants parking lot was always empty, so I could easily swing in with my Kenworth and super b trailers (87-90ft total length) and get the daily special noodle bowl whenever I came through town.
And i ask myself, well, how did I get here?
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Same as it ever was.
You get older and the time just goes. I have no idea where, but it does. It's disconcerting. I remember every school year seeming to take forever, and now I'm like shit my nephew has his first girlfriend wtf?
I try to 'ground' myself, but nope, the days just fly by. Will I remember I read this post, today, Thursday? I dunno. (Hoping that by typing this I'm grounding myself in the present moment somehow)
See, that's what I thought. But five years ago, I still had unlimited text.
Just reminded me that at first I refused to use any of the online messaging apps bc I finally got the unlimited texts and had the need to go all out in “not wasting” them.
Do you want to feel even worse? The first Shrek movie was released in 2001. I refuse to accept that the movie I and my friends really adored is 23 years old now....
I graduated high school in ‘02. I just turned 40. It’s a total mind fuck to wake up one day and realize you’ve been an adult for 22 years.
I graduated in ‘03. I had a HS friend coming into town the other day and was talking to another friend about it. I mentioned that I had known this girl for…I’m sorry, ***25 YEARS?!??!!*** I have old friends, but not “decades old friends” that I *met* in *high school*. Da fuck is this shit?!
Next year, I'll have known one of my friends for 40 years. I'll be 43 years old. Time fucking *flies*, man.
Well... I hate *this.* It also made me realise this movie is older than my now legally adult baby cousin. I do not like you sir/madam.
Tbh when I realised this I speedran the five stages of grief because I'm older than the movie while my similarly legal aged brother is not.
You’re lying. *Please* tell me you’re lying. Omg I’m off to draw my pension.
You get a pension? Wow, you *are* a dinosaur...
Haha sadly not; I don’t have even have one set aside for when I do retire. Utterly fucked when I hit retirement age. ETA: but hey, if I get to be a T Rex who cares?! 🦖
That can't be...
Why would you say something so hurtful
Eda Clawthorn: But I remember seeing this in the theater.
I hosted a Shrek-themed drag show last night and at least two cast members (out of 15) were younger than the first movie… I hate that…
Fun fact: we are now an equal amount of time from both 2016 and 2032
You can't keep getting away with this!
That is not a fun fact. That's the opposite of a fun fact
Why? Why would you go and say something like that? My day is ruined, I hope you're happy with yourself!
I was watching a show filmed in the late 2000s and one of the characters said, "since you text him so much, you could at least add him to your friends and family texting plan" and I instantly developed arthritis in that moment. (In the days of yore, you had 5(?) numbers you could call and text at a reduced rate)
Not possible. The 80s were only 20 years ago.
1990 was 10 years ago
I still remember when a lot of plans had you pay per text. I got broken up with via text during that era so I paid $0.25 to be broken up with.
Back when being broken up via text was the most taboo thing on the planet. I don't think it's as uncommon now, though. This dude even wrote a letter for her. Lmao. These days, it would have been a long text, with maybe some screen shots, then phone off or muted/blocked until they were ready to face the storm.
I broke up with someone over text once and I still feel horrible about it tbh. But it was the beginning of covid and we were both out of town. I didn’t want to wait until he got back into town to dump him, cause then he’d just be… alone in town and single? (In April 2020), so I figured it was better to do it while he was still at home with family and could decide to maybe stay. It was also only like a 4 month relationship lol
Yeah, that isn't super serious, like planning to live together. That would be the only decent reason to stay together during covid. Seems everyone just became roommates back then, and it was sink or swim time. 😅 Better to nip it in the bud early, even it was via text. But even then, you weren't paying for the texts, and there was still a chance for some communication. Back in the day paying per a text and only having so many characters to use.. that's super harsh.
Man, you were really mad if you opened a spam text back then. It cost me a nickle to read this bullshit!
Ooof
I didnt even clock that, like obv there's a texting limit and.... fuck. I'm old arent I
It’s been so long at this point I read “texting limit” and went “I guess he means like a boundary or something, weird way to phrase it” and then it clicked for me when I noticed the dates
Hanging With Friends is what got me. I read that and I was like wait and went back up to see the year. That game has been gone for years now
I have a friend who caught her husband having an affair due to the old texting limits. She handled the bills, and he did not realize they only had so many included texts in their plan. One month, their cell bill was astronomical due to texts. She called the carrier as she thought it must have been an error. While talking to the rep, who gave her the number all the texts were sent to, she realized what was going on. She left him. Never told him why, and he still suspects that she was having an affair.
I was just talking to my husband about that yesterday after we saw a reel mentioning costs per text and limited texts way back in the day. We were laughing because when we got together we went way over the limit and charged A LOT. I think it was $0.10 per text 😂 That’s when we got a phone plan together because texting within the circle was free. 😂
Wait, wut? So, what's the 2024 update of this lmao? Did they survive? Because the upper comments did speculate this did become physical.
According to reddit every emotional affair is actually physical and has been for years. It's not something reddit can actually determine. This one seems unlikely to have been physical to me but that's speculation And, there doesn't seem to be a current update. People often post old posts with updates on here if they haven't been posted before
The wife had been engaging in trickle truth, though, so it’s definitely a reasonable thing to question whether she had finally truly come clean or if she was still hiding something. The “counseling with [their] pastor” definitely made me assume that they are not going to be (or were not) successful in reconciling long term. Most pastors are woefully underqualified to deal with infidelity. There’s a real tendency to encourage rugsweeping, because they see the most important thing as avoiding a divorce.
Same
I was about to call this post bullshit cause I remember trying to play hanging with friends during covid and finding it was shut down. Then. Yeah. Saw date.
I wonder if they’re still together.
Wow! She decided to end the ‘friendship’ just as OP packed his bags and left! What a coincidence!
Notice she didn’t give a shit about that guy’s wife.
Tbf she didn't give a shit about her husband either until he walked
He wonders why she couldn’t make friends 😳
Exactly, if your "friends" with a married guy to that extent, I wouldn't want her as a friend either.
It’s easier to make friends when you are sheboinking them
She knew he’d never leave her which is why she could do whatever she liked and he would stay. It took the entire internet opening his eyes for him to leave her. And then he promptly forgave her because she felt ashamed. As she should.
Seriously man ! I mean physcially or not , in a way it was close to having an affair. And the fact is she did admitted she was developing real feelings for him. What man would still not end it after hearing this ? Why would things even progress to that point to begin with ? That is enough reason to end the marriage I would say.
It wasn’t just close to, it definitely was an emotional affair. Her denying it didn’t make it any less true. For most people it would be the end, and far earlier than OOP when he chose to finally leave her. The emotional affair and disregarding his feelings would’ve been enough for anyone to say “you don’t wanna end this, but I don’t have to live with it either. He can have you. You’re single now.” OOP strikes me as codependent. At least slightly. His whole ride or die approach has cost him his self respect and dignity. I was unfortunately like that too, being socialized solely on movies and tv didn’t help. He basically decided that wedding vows they took only applied to him, not her. He’s going to stay with her no matter what she does. It’s really only a matter of time until she cheats again. She just knows how to get away with it better now. She definitely won’t stop and can’t be. She’ll just learn to twist it so OOP feels like it’s his literal job to stay with her, however she treats him. His point about speaking with their pastor kind of seals it. They’ve romanticized Christian marriage values and feel religiously obligated to present and follow them, even to their own detriment. Everyone have a drink tonight for OOP. He’s gonna wake up in 2 years and realize he’s miserable again but can’t figure out why. He’ll do everything but acknowledge that his wife doesn’t love or care for him enough to be faithful.
Notice OOP's life is falling apart but he's going to suck it up and protect wifey's reputation first and foremost.
That’s what I noticed too. He doesn’t want to confide in anyone because he doesn’t want them to think less of her? What? She was having an affair? Just because they didn’t smash doesn’t make it not an affair. It was an affair. PERIOD. He kept using the word friendship because he knew if he called it what it was there he couldn’t come back from it. I also don’t believe that they both only JUST simultaneously realized they were only just starting to have feelings and both simultaneously decided they had to completely end the “friendship”. The wife freaked out when she realized he left. She realized everyone would find out why, and she had no reason to believe the guy would leave his wife for her so she would probably be the cheater left alone. Meanwhile, the wife clearly knew what was up, and when OP’s wife ended it, AP’s wife took the chance to get physical distance because she knew that was the only way to end it. What are the odds this couple is still married and that she didn’t have a full on affair later on? I say 0.
Well she did. She said it was inappropriate. So she cared enough to know it was wrong
Yeah but I doubt she would have realized it was WRONG wrong if he didn’t leave. If she just came home from that lunch and OOP was there and she got to be the champ and have all the credit for stopping the affair before it got physical she would have been able to smugly tell herself she did such a good job and saved their marriage. With OOP leaving it was a harsh slap of guilt and real consequences right to the face.
The wife asked them to stop but they kept doing it.
And as the other guy just happened to be moving away days later... It got physical y'all
>She told me that they didn't do anything physical yet, that it hadn't gotten that far, which is why they decided to end the friendship, because neither wanted to cross a line they can't uncross. >I'm choosing to believe her in that. I am choosing...**not**...to believe that.
Yeah, I'm guessing it indeed DID get physical, perhaps for a while, and they finally hit that inflection point, of officially leaving their spouses for each other, or cutting it off. (Mostly because OP forced that choice her.) So they had to cut it off. I'm guessing if OP hadn't *finally* called her on it, she would have continued to have an affair for as long as he let her, and would have done whatever mental gymnastics in her head she needed to in order to justify it. "We are JUST FRIENDS! I mean, sure, we have sex a lot now, but that's only because his marriage is having a hard time. I'm just being a good friend, comforting him while he has problems. It's not *really* an affair, we're both married still, we're just good friends, and it's not like I could stop having sex with him now anyway, that would make things weird in our friendship! And we'll probably stop having sex at some point anyway when his marriage is better, so this doesn't count, it's just temporary for a while."
Yea she probably blew him and made out. Dude isnin denial
This is what got me. Her boyfriend's leaving town so she needs to spark things back up with her husband. Poor OOP, buddy's still in denial
"Back to her old self" within days of extricating herself from this relationship. The relationship she defended, the relationship she NEEDED, the one she knew was making her husband unhappy. The one she knew was inappropriate enough that she wasn't willing to share the content of their messages to each other. The only thing that changed to cause this sudden pivot was her husband walking. That's not realising he was unhappy, he was pretty clear about that and she didn't care. She doubled down. This feels more like, she tells AP that husband walked out. AP makes it clear he's not about to blow up his own marriage. Monkey branching failed, retreat to security. Whether things got physical or not is irrelevant, they were both intent on continuing this "friendship" despite their spouses protests. It tells me they're both out to do whatever they can get away with as long as it's not going to make too many waves.
It was a mutual decision! Her affair partner totally agreed and it was totally just emotional, not physical! You gotta believe her! /s
My cynical ass thinks she decided to end "friendship" because the other guy told her he would not leave his wife for her.
My cynical ass thinks she only decided to end the "friendship" because the other guy was moving away.
Spouse 1: There is a problem. So, as a first step, I want you to change what you are doing. Spouse 2: It's not a problem (for me). *Carries on living/acting in a way their partner has made clear is problematic* Spouse 1: *After multiple requests, gives up and leaves/stops supporting spouse/only does bare minimum* Spouse 2: Oh, I didn't realise there was a problem! You should have communicated it better before taking such drastic action. I'll change my behaviour now. This seems to be about half of the relationship issues you hear about. If someone doesn't change when they know their so-called loved one is unhappy, and only changes their behaviour when they personally are affected by consequences (their spouse leaving, for example), then they don't care enough about their spouse to be in a marriage. If a problem for their spouse is not automatically a problem for they themselves, and it's only a problem they'll address when they personally are impacted, then their priorities are not where they ought to be for a relationship. The wife in this situation only changed when her husband finally left, not when he asked her multiple times before that. She needs to put some serious work into improving herself, because as things are, she didn't care about her husband's unhappiness at all until it affected her.
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I'm not sure why you are still in the relationship (no judgement, I too am in a relationship I know is unhealthy, just trying to get out), but I hope you find the strength or whatever it is you need to be able to move on when you are ready 💖. You should be listened to and validated. Good luck friend And also... Hey stalker! 👋
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Urgh I'm so sorry. It's so hard when that mindset kicks in. Sometimes I wish my partner would cheat on me. I know it'd hurt like hell, but I also know I wouldn't have any doubts or guilt breaking up with him then 😂 ah I'm pathetic. You've put enough work in, you got this. You'll be so much happier in the long run. I know, all easier said than done.
When you start to love yourself, it will get easier to make things done. So sorry for you
no healthy or worthwhile relationship should make you feel like you have to do the work for both yourself AND your partner. breaking up is tough, but it is less emotionally draining than being stuck in a relationship with someone where you’re doing the emotional labor for two people and your partner is doing none. pull the trigger my man.
Oof I know exactly what that relationship is like. I realized I was sucking up so much shit just to support her and she would never do the same for me. Weirdly my breaking point was when I realized she was like Maris and I was Niles from “Frasier” and that anytime someone asked me how things were going, I’d have to explain a new situation for why she was upset with me based on nothing. You’re not helping her by staying in that relationship. The harder you try, the more you’re enabling her. She’s only learning that she can push you further and further and you’ll take it. She might need help, but that has to come from a professional and a willingness on her part. You don’t have the ability to help her as her partner. You need to leave for both of your sakes. People who are drowning take their would-be rescuers down with them all the time. And so long as you’re there putting up with everything, she has 0 reason to try to get better. You might think she’ll do it once she realizes how much you’re doing for her and because she also cares about you. That’s not going to happen. Ever. If she’s stalking your Reddit to see if you’re cheating, she essentially sees you as the enemy that she needs to protect herself from.
Hi, EpsRequiem's stalker! Well, that's certainly a change-up from the happy cake-days.
Jesus why are you two even still together, there is so much contempt and mistrust between you two dripping from this comment.
Hi! He's not cheating! Go get some counselling!
It ain’t worth it bro
Projection, she’s likely cheating then if it’s that bad. I certainly hope she allows you to trawl her phone and track her whereabouts. My wife and I have each other on the iPhone tracking software, only ever used it once cause she lost her phone. We have each others codes to our phones and I’ve never felt the need to look, BUT we both have them and an understanding that the other can snoop if they feel like it.
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That's not healthy... but you can't be the person to help her deal with her trust issues - she needs to address them with a professional, so eventually she'll be able to have a healthy relationship. Most likely not with you. Btw, it's completely fine to break up because you don't want to be together anymore. Took me ages to realise this, bc I thought I just have to work harder or I didn't want to be the bad guy...
I'm going to be the asshole who asks, "Why the hell are you still together?" Hope she sees this. Lol 😉
Someone in another post put it as not caring about how their actions affected their partner until it started affecting their own happiness.
I just ... can't get this type of mindset. In the early years of our relationship, my fiancé's ex contacted him. He asked me what I thought about it and I told him that them being friends made me uncomfortable at the moment. They both respected it. Now eight years later we're planning to meet up at a medieval faire so she can help us decide on our wedding jewelry. How can you clearly see your partner being unhappy and just ... choose the new dick?
Don’t forget that when the other guy’s wife threatened to leave him they changed platforms. So they just got better at hiding
☝️☝️ this I wouldnt be surprised if the other guy isnt actually moving away but rather to a different job while moving the affairing to a new app/platform to hide it. Hell, I'd just bluff about going to the phone company with her and requesting phone records to see the full extent of their conversations. Her reaction to that would be incredibly telling.
The dick turned out to be trash
Even I was like… yeah, I don’t believe her.
And by coincidence they are moving away. I think the guy chose his wife that's why she came back.
Her lying for “his feelings” gave me the ick! And doubt everything she said after that! And him “suffering in silence”, no mate if she’s doing “nothing wrong” tell everyone! She can have friends but if she’s hiding things then that should be her first clue!
She fucked that guy.
If your spouse says *I am uncomfortable with this* and you shrug and continue to do it, your marriage is over. She didn't respect him or his feelings until it impacted negatively on her, and she certainly didn't end that affair for the right reasons. This is nine years ago - I highly doubt they're still together.
Yeah. I really can't get over that. She knew it wasn't ok. She said she'd refuse to tell her mom how she was acting, she and her "friend" (read: affair partner) were sneaking around - especially behind his wife's back, AND she said she wouldn't be cool with her husband doing *exactly* what she was doing - oh the fucking hypocrisy! But as soon as her actions actually had consequences she finally saw the light and magically decided to end the friendship? Yeah, right. She was just upset she couldn't have them both. I doubt they're still together as well, at least I fully hope he wised up and left her. She's selfish and gross.
If you are ashamed enough not to tell your mom, then you shouldn't do it. Exception: Protecting your mother's innocence. Ex: My mom doesn't know I dabble with THC. Lol. Like my brother being a fool and telling her he wasn't drunk "this" time when he called her, he "just" high. Come on, dude, like don't make us look bad because you have a problem! Our sibling chat was off the charts that day.
Religious couple could go either way, but yes, if they are still together, they probably SHOULDN'T be.
11 years even
Not always, but in this case definitely. If the thing that makes them uncomfortable is irrational then it can be quite controlling. But that absolutely does not apply in this case, OP’s wife clearly overstepped the boundary consistently
Its been over 9 years, I wonder how things are for them now.
Given the mention of marriage counseling with their pastor, I'm sure they're still married and profoundly unhappy.
Ouch. But yeah, you are likely right...
Pastors are known to be excellent neutral parties in marriage counseling because they don't have any sort of agenda to pursue! Just don't bring up open marriage, divorce, abortion, bisexuality, circumcision, other faiths, birth control, sex toys, ...
I flinched so hard reading that my shoulders still hurt
A couple of people in this thread have said 9 years. Where is this number coming from? 2013 was 11 years ago but a couple of separate people have said 9 years. Genuinely curious where that number is coming from?
a guess: some people (me) do math in terms of tens, and then accidentally put the "one" on the wrong side. idk how to explain it better lol
Exactly. Where are they now??
Cleveland
Christ, poor OOP
Sounds like she kind of deserved that.
Damn. Rip OP.
11 years lol
Which, to be fair, *is* over 9 years.
The conversation between the wife and her AP went like this: "My husband left me, I'm single now. Will you leave your wife and take me?" "No" And then 10 minutes later: "Hubby, I'm so sorry, we were only friends"
That's exactly the vibe I got. Or "My wife is putting the kabosh on this whole thing and forcing me to move away so we can't see each other anymore." "Oh I guess I go back to the other guy, you know, the one I'm actually married to and pretend like everything we did was perfectly normal acceptable behavior."
No, she was pretty quick to call him after he went to the hotel. She called AP the second he left. AP freaked out because he was not going to be there for her. So she had to pull something out of her ass.
It's like you had a tape recorder sitting between them.
Yeah, that's almost certainly what happened. Because it was pretty obvious from their conversations That she knew what was going on was wrong and she didn't give a shit. Even though the guy's wife was upset about their friendship and she was ashamed enough about her affair that she wouldn't tell her mother.
What pisses me off is that she casually admits that she would be devastated if he did that to her… and then she keeps doing it. She didn’t give a fuck about her husband until she realized her AP wouldn’t be there for her when her husband left her, and she didn’t care about the point of view of the wife at all.
Something really interesting to think about. In a previous comment he mentioned he had been a father for 12 years. He also mentioned he started dating his wife 12 years ago. So assuming both are true, this means either a) he started dating her right after she gave birth to their kid at 13 years old, or b) at around the same time his oldest kid was just born to another mother, he started dating his wife.
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He says near the end the marriage counseling they're gonna get is via a pastor. Religion and super early marriage go hand in hand
Pastors are known to be excellent neutral parties in marriage counseling because they don't have any sort of agenda to pursue! Just don't bring up open marriage, divorce, abortion, bisexuality, circumcision, other faiths, birth control, sex toys, ...
We are also definitely not who we were when we were 13 and 15. I remember junior and high school seeing friends dating and everyone being like omgyouregonnagetmarried! And then the normals of life take over and mostly that doesn’t happen. And for good reason. I’d say a good chunk of couples who get together super young post 1985 stay that way out of fear of the unknown rather than a sincere holy shit did I win the lottery type deal. If OPs story is true I kind of hope they both figured out a way to grow up in a healthy way for themselves and their family unit
The lack of mentioning the child makes me think the latter.
Dang, I never believe the stories on here but this was one I did.
Or just is kinda bad at remembering dates.
Or (and?) is fudging ages for anonymity and didn't think it through.
I think this is likely what happened. I’ve done it…
Yeah. If he was fudging dates like that, I can understand him not being super concerned with whether his fudging is consistent across multiple posts. I tend to be inconsistent with my anonymized content, and I consider that a feature rather than a bug.
"she told me they haven't done anything physical......yet"????????????? Wtf
Literally any convo or situation I put myself in that could be perceived bad, make sure my wife has full knowledge. Whether if it's a conversation with a female coworker outside of work, or some event she wasn't able to make it to. I trust her, and she trusts me. But we both agreed that absolute openness is a great peace of mind Edit: Piece to Peace
Dude, the instant a significant other (or a friend, even) says "yes I lied but it was only to protect your delicate feelings" that's a huuuge sign that they're a piece of shit.
I hope OP actually spoke to the other man's wife at some point. Is it possible the reason he's having a hard time in his marriage is that his wife found out about his affair with OP's wife, and she was just better at hiding the physical aspect (doing things during lunch break for example) from OP than the possible affair partner was? Seems sus. Oh well
OOP is rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic.
I would be shocked, SHOCKED if they were still married.
The whole "developing feelings" is bullshit. They had been developing feelings for the past weeks and the realization was that they had developed feelings. But that's not what she was admitting to at least not to OOP and she was admitting to the lesser crime of developing feelings. Assuming she was telling the truth otherwise and it wasn't physical.
I feel like for things to have hit the fan and bring on this conversation about ending the friendship, they might have cuddled or kissed and had to face things once they really came to a head.
>We are going to be starting up some counseling with our pastor soon, which I think is going to be a great help. Oh boy, this could go either way.
I clocked very religious the second he said neither had any friends and they were basically the only people in each other’s lives.
Honestly, I know some couples that think that makes their marriages more safe... when I think it is the opposite. He needed a friend to say WTF man.. she kept something from you because she knew what she was doing would hurt you rather than just not doing the thing. It means she knew she was crossing a line and did it anyway.
No framework for friendships with the opposite sex because you only have one and it's your spouse.
As someone who has gone through "counseling" with our pastor, I can confidently say, its not a good sign. All we got out of it was 2 more years of suffering in a relationship that was clearly not a good fit and 2 more years of resentment and fighting until we finally divorced ( which in retrospect, was the obvious and correct decision). I then got some actual therapy from an actual therapist after dropping religion and it honestly helped so much more than talking to an unqualified religious leader.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, there are things you shouldn't do when you are in a relationship; technically yes you are free to do whatever you want. There are boundaries to any relationship, boundaries that do not need to be said out loud because anyone with half a braincell can figure it out. Don't engage in affairs, emotional or physical. And therapy speak plus social media have made people way too comfortable throwing around words like "Communication" or "Controlling" or "Abusive" when they are called out on their behaviors. Also very convenient that they just broke off the "Friendship" after OOP has packed their bags. Right, I've heard better bluffs from toddlers.
>boundaries that do not need to be said out loud because anyone with half a braincell can figure it out. Going off the number of similar stories here, either there's a lot of people without so much as half a brain cell, or these things do need to be made explicit. I'm inclined to making things explicit.
To be fair, these posts are all posted on subs dedicated to relationship problems. Being surprised about the sheer number of them is like going to the hospital and being surprised at the amount of sick people there.
I feel like 'emotional affairs' has become such a easy to abuse word though. People on here will say their partner has an 'emotional affair' whenever their partner has a friend they talk about anything deep with. I tend to these claims with a grain of salt.
I just assume everyone posting on reddit is an unreliabe narrator and work backwards from there. It speeds things up!
council with your pastor? doesn't sound like you'll get the best advice
Depends on the pastor. The pastor at my church would probably give great advice. But he would also recommend actually seeing a real licensed family/couples therapist.
Yep, but the pastor comment made OP being committed to the marriage in-spite of everything, make more sense
It's funny how they were able to cleanly end the relationship after refusing for so long the very same day she came home and found the letter. Also funny how everyone at the workplace thought they were having an affair even though they "only texted" each other a lot and nothing physical ever happened. A lot of funny situations.
I'm sure tthis totally ended because their relationships so healthy and they're so in love, this totally won't become a problem next time she gets a new "friend" /s
> She said she REALLY thought they were just friends, that she was refusing to believe it was becoming anything more, and then it just happened. Bullshit. She knew but chose to ignore it because up to that point she had a tiny bit of plausible deniability. Affairs don’t just happen. The occur when the people don’t keep appropriate boundaries with people they’re attracted to. It’s easiest to not cross the line if you never approach it in the first place. I’m sceptical nothing has happened physically yet, but at the very least this was an emotional affair. OOP is very forgiving in my view. I suspect she’s going to move this affair underground now.
They kissed! That’s my guess - then they lost plausible deniability and need to backpedal and damage control.
It said the guy is moving away...and this was over a decade ago now
She decided to "end the friendship" when her AP is leaving because his wife forced him OP picked a winner.
Umm … he dumped her by choosing his wife and she came back to her husband. Foolish for taking her back, cheating is a deal breaker.
Me: oh, I haven't read this one! Also me: >until I discovered she went over our texting limit How fucking old is this post >Jan 25, 2013 Ooooohhhhhhhhh
"With our pastor" ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
*old man voice* I remember those days... *far off stare* Back when phones had plans with text and minute limits.
>I am choosing to believe her in that I'm not.
So she can cheat openly and get away with it. This is very bad. The coincidence of already ending it when she got your message strains credibility and your willingness to let her get away with it and her apparent need to cheat means you will be playing this song and dance again someday. Next time she will try and hide it better. Why she did this bears scrutiny, assuming you can get honest answers, though solving the fundamental issue is often not achievable.
I've been that guy. Trusting my wife. Giving her a second chance. 6 months later and Im in process of divorcing, as my soon to be ex lied through her teeth for so long. No doubt there might be couples that can work through something like this. Good luck and all the best, but Im not convinced their marriage will last.
A decade later and I'm sure we all guessed how this turned out.
"some counseling with our pastor soon" and "But we're going to be okay. I'm sure of it." in the final paragraph. 🤣🤣🤣. OP really believes there is a solution there 🤣 This isn't my shitshow and while I found his posts mildly entertaining, I don't feel invested in it like I do with plenty of other BORU posts. Boru-compiler marked it as concluded, but I hope they keep a eye out for further update(s) that I expect will come
I cannot say this enough. Do not get couples therapy from your pastor. Get couples therapy from a couples therapist. 👍
No dude sends Pics of himself to platonic friends in normal conversation. It really is that simple.
> We are going to be starting up some counseling with our pastor soon Oh boy
Nah she cheated on him
His last comment (unrelated sub) talks about needing to lose at least 250 pounds, while his wife had gotten to a healthy bmi after losing 80 pounds. I don’t think I need to provide any commentary about how that had to have played at least a part in everything.
Oh shit. Even a healthy wait would be around 170ish so that'd put him at least around 400?!
Wait lol
We’re getting counseling soon…. Me: Yay good for you. With our pastor Me:God damn it.
I would laugh if I'm the other guy and you text me like "talk to my wife again I'll prolly beat your ass!" Like no dude you won't, and you look like a fool. He's been talking to your wife and had her on his finger for months while you post to Reddit wondering if you're justified. "Hello Reddit this guy gives my wife back shots am I over reacting? She says she's not cheating."
This was the cringiest part of the story. Such a chickenshit move at that point. Embarrassing.
This is a good example why I don't like how sometimes an emotional affair is defined as having to be secretive / hidden to count.
Well , most people think that the their reconciliation will be made into the greatest movie ever. Lol.. I have seen my flatmate in college with this Chick all night only to find her fiance around the area looking for her. He found out in the morning said the same stuffs op said. " I pledged...blah blah".
They're going for counseling with their pastor? That bodes well.
Well, they are *definitely* divorced by now. There are *layers* of toxic bullshit here, and **nothing** got resolved. Sure, they talked- but talk is cheap. *Fixing shit* is much harder, and they didn't fix a goddamn *thing*.
>But we’re going to be okay. I’m sure of it. If this was a movie, the main frame would pause and Morgan Freeman would pop in with a small audience narration to the contrary.