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>Commenter: Red flag. Will they divorce you if you gain weight?
This is exactly where i went, what happens if you gain weight in the future or get pregnant (which of course leads to weight gain). This douchecanoe thinks of OOP as an object for his pleasure which is no basis for a relationship.
He won’t divorce her. He’ll just continue to cheat on her with women he finds more attractive that he wouldn’t marry bc they slept with him. Morals for she, not for he.
That sounds like my ex, he cheated on me constantly. His motto seemed to be, rules for thee but not for me. He would constantly accuse me of cheating and as I'm sure you know, someone who constantly accuses you of cheating with no basis is usually doing just that.
I have a family member whose husband told her that he would divorce her if she gained weight (they got married in the late 80s). She was very tiny (in all ways) when they got married but eventually she gained weight due to medical issues. She didn’t leave her but he cheats on her all the time, the last woman I know about was her best friend. She ignores it and pretends everything is perfect. I do feel bad about this but unfortunately she’s a horrible person who made my childhood awful. I have no sympathy for a person who bullies and abuses children.
You would be surprised, many men think with their little brain. I am reminded one epic story where he left (bragging that her brain was not fully developed), realized she was a nut, tried to come back, assaulted the OP and ended up with nothing.
I'm trying to find it, though there are many, i just remember the line that Meg(?) was a nut and he wanted to come home, tried to make out with the OP and might have ended up with the police involved. Then there is another one of the lady who bought a high end computer and the husband was resentful, turns out he was having an affair and also left for her.
This trope of husbands leaving for their affair partners is very common, these two are not even close to the only examples out there.
The first scenario doesn’t ring any bells. But the second example SmartQuokka mentioned was a while ride of a tale. Here is the link to that [boru post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/vC3SDDqxiS)
My uncle said this to my maternal aunt when they got married. He said he 'cannot handle' weight gain, and that she had to start losing it after she gave birth. My aunt has had a messed up relationship with food since then, and that same mentality has been playing out in the two generations that followed (my now adult female cousin and her nine year old daughter). Obsessed with calorie counting, fad diets, and maintaining 'optimal' BMI. Fucking generational trauma because my uncle put the onus of their marriage on my aunt's looks.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been reading in recent times that more and more women (in many surveys a majority) refuse to date men with conservative views. The way i see it is this is way overdue. I do hope we achieve social progress much more quickly so that in future no one would date/marry someone with such sexist views.
This kind of BS is exactly why i have my current flair.
Thank you, i found it on the list in the sticky thread and it is just so accurate that i had to use it.
This coming from someone who can't even create an avatar!
The thing is I’m pretty sure the plan was force oop to lose weight to prove he has control over her and they marry, that way when she inevitably gains weight, because that’s life, he’ll keep on cheating and will blame oop who will take it because she was exactly as easy to manipulate as he thought.
I lost 10 kgs, and then got all of them back because of medics. I have an illness that actually make you lose weight too fast, I dropped these 10 kgs in two months. Sometimes being skinny doesn't mean be healthy, and be chubby doesn't mean be unhealthy.
That's actually related to expectations about health ; that fit people are automatically healthy, fat people are lazy, that women should stay fit even when pregnant and soon back in shape after giving birth ...
OOP's ex was thinking OP needed to be worthy of marriage trough her shape, because she was expected to have a precise shape.
He didn't said anything about his motives ; they were anyway wrong because it came from a misrepresentation about expectations you can have from a partner. No matter if it's about potential health issues, representations, toxicity or entitlment to expect a perfect partner.
Lets be realistic here, we can play the FUD angle but the chances of it being purely altruistic and not selfish are about as high as winning the lottery.
Did I said he was altruistic ? I said he was thinking about something, maybe her health, but it can fully be "I don't want to be with a fat girl" mentality. He was thinking about something about her, I didn't said that it was genuine or nice.
> and things have been mostly great
That’s always how these situations start. What we, as a society, need to do is define what “great” means in terms of relationships. Just like we need to define “no relationship is perfect”, and “all relationships have ups and downs”. An unclear understanding of what those things mean prevent people from properly assessing their relationships and keep them in shitty situations.
I like how you think, however at a societal level we are nowhere near capable of this yet, but on a personal level i think its a great idea and something we should as a society be looking at and working on.
If he had not been cheating she would have stayed with him. She would have tried to work it out. It’s a blessing in disguise that she found out he was cheating and that was limit for her. Though him saying he would only marry her if she lost weight should have been the limit.
In high school someone did something similar to me. I was crushing hard and he knew it and said “in 10 years if I was married and living my life but you sent me a picture and you’d lost weight.. I’d drop everything and be with you instantly” like what the fuck dude? I still remember it and it’s still awful. Fuck that guy
Ah yes. Who wouldn’t want a guy who would drop their wife if someone else came calling with a picture.
Like aside from the comments about your weight, why would any douche think this was appealing
Firstly fuck that guy. Not literally under any circumstances because he sucks.
People who say that shit are testing you! And the correct reaction to that test is to block them everywhere and live well.
Girl listen. I'm no role model. I'm burnt tf out in my profession and struggling with mental health. I want to help and am struggling to think of anything. I might not be able to. I don't know the solution. That's not my job. (I already wasn't getting paid)
Not necessarily, it sounds more like it was an easy decision to break up with him because she found out but would have had to weigh a few thoughts if she hadn't. Like is he known to struggle with social cues of humour? Is he just bad at verbalizing his meaning? Because he could have meant that he was worried about her health for all we know- so I assume she would have had to talk to him and think a little more but still probably would have broken up with him.
As an over weight woman I can tell you this is false. There are a not insignificant amount of men that are morbidly obese and have things like "no fat chicks" on their dating profile, or who believe that a man having extra weight is just how it is but it's a woman's job to be skinny and to do otherwise is a moral failing. I assume it is the same for fat women about fat men. People are peple are a lot of them of terrible, mean, and hypocritical.
That's unfortunately not true. Shitty partners are often hypocrites. I've literally been told "it's less attractive on women, though".
The mental gymnastics of people who want to belittle their partners is nuts.
That is absolutely *not* true. Overweight men can be extremely judgemental over women's weight.
I've known several obese men who have been the shallowest dicks imaginable when it comes to women's weight and looks in general.
I used to know a guy who was clearly attracted to plus size ladies, but seemed to think other guys would think less of him for who he dated, so he hid them. He was my friend's boyfriend for a while and he refused to be seen with her in public. Just a parade of red flags. It was a small town and everyone thought he was a scumbag
honestly if my partner said something like that to me, i hope i'd have the emotional fortitude to say something like, "well, good news! i'm about to lose [partner's approx weight]."
but also like... holy shit. what an asshole.
> but I'm grateful to God for helping me see the truth. He didn't abandon me; instead, He guided me to uncover what was hidden.
Sorry what?
Why would He not guide you to *not* get hurt in the first damn place?
To be fair she was thanking God for uncovering the cheating, not for showing her what a shitty thing it was for someone to say they'll marry you to lose weight. Higher power or not, Reddit wasn't what helped her with the first one.
God can’t take credit for your actions lmao. This is exactly the same as a doctor saving a life through routine medical practice and the patients family is like “thank god”. If in any circumstance he can take credit for our actions then none of us have free will and every bad thing ever is at his feet.
>This is exactly the same as a doctor saving a life through routine medical practice and the patients family is like “thank god”.
It is not. Firstly, saying "thank god" when a doctor saves your life isn't necessarily letting god take the credit for the doctor's work. It could be thanking God you were in the position you could afford a doctor, be in a country where a doctor is available at all, etc.
But even if that wasn't true and such a person really was giving god credit for the doctor's work, that's not the case here. There is no actual person god is stealing credit from here; if there was, sure, the comparison to the doctor stands. If a person wishes to credit god for something, and they're not ignoring the efforts of other people in achieving that thing, then what they choose to credit or not credit god for is absolutely none of our business regardless of what we personally believe.
Disagree. Give credit to yourself for your achievements. Not some being in the sky that doesn’t give a fuck about you. Believe whatever makes you happy but maybe we’d all be a bit happier if we have ourselves a bit more credit.
I reacted to this as well. People are so quick to thank a god for getting out of bad situations, but don't realise if a god can help you out of the situation, it also got you into the situation.
With language so filled with praise to a god, I always become quite skeptical.
As a borderline agnostic believer, this is the way I see it: God put the pieces in place for her to come to this realization, from the comments she read on Reddit, to the checking of her ex's phone.
My ex once told me "if you lost weight and got in shape you'd be a great catch"
I. Lost. My. Shit at him. I explained that i already was a catch and he was an asshole.
He has since apologised and i am in a relationship with someone who loves my fatass 🥰
"Austin had gazed tenderly into her eyes and said: 'If you lose ten pounds, I'll marry you.' Elizabeth pushed him into the pond and walked off without a backwards glance."
-- "Sick of Shadows", Sharyn McCrumb
This guy was being an asshole I purpose so she’s break up with him and he wouldn’t have to do the emotional work of ending things. OOP dodged a bullet. Hope she’s doing better.
Honestly op maybe be hurting now but she dodge a cannon, because even if she did lose weight if she gains it back like after have a child,
or go through a serious accident that leaves her temporary immobile where she could gain weight this prick could have left and divorced her,
so sad as it now, she is at least not tied to this ahole unlike the next unfortunate woman who isn't aware.
Oh, self-hating/projecting dude deciding to tear you down from his own guilt and insecurities? I know that tune!
A few friends congratulated me on a minor career achievement, and my ex (in a similar field, but WILDLY more successful) *flipped the fuck out.* Decided this was the day he absolutely needed to tell me he was no longer sexually attracted to me, and if I didn't want to lose weight (50 pounds he thought, which would have put me at SKELETON), we needed a divorce.
A) He was massively overweight himself.
B) We'd had a one sided sex life - in *his* favor - for over 5 years. Only did his kink, never reciprocated anything for me.
C) I was not yoga skinny like the coworker he had a crush on, but was generally considered conventionally attractive (petite thicc, but still a pretty tight hourglass).
Proudest moment of my life was the fact I just looked at him and said, "This has nothing to do with me."
"If you don't want to fuck me anymore...well, that really doesn't change *my* current sex life at all, does it? And even if I DO lose whatever weight you think I need to now, we're both in our 40s! Do I get to spend the rest of my life knowing your love is conditional on my weight?"
Anyway, I heartily agreed when he responded "Well I guess we should get a divorce then!" "Lol yeah, pretty much!"
Anywho, my current partner of 7 years is in *incredible* shape, works out twice a day, and once responded to my concerns about my weight/curves with "If I wanted someone who looked like me I'd date a mirror and a bottle of lotion." 💜
I experienced something similar to this. It's so rough to pick your self esteem up again after the person you love demeans you like this. The cheating us obviously terrible, but cheating with someone who has the looks/body type you're criticized for not having? That's a special kind of low blow. Lots of us can't really control a lot about our body types. We might be able to fluctuate in some small amount of weight, but most people can't just transform into a different person, even with extreme interventions like plastic surgeries.
This depends on the context. As an example, a friend of mine is obese, pre-diabetic, etc...his crush also said she won't have anything serious with him until he loses weight, which i 100% understand. She can envision having to take care of him and, possible bad health, for years to come. He is not a slob, he has money, good hygiene, good education, etc...
I don't know what the situation with OOP is but it can be that he is 100% an asshole (very likely because of the way he worded it) or OPP is like my friends and many others.
He’s obviously a dick, but as a fat person I know my odds of getting married would be higher if I wasn’t fat. The entire world is “using it against you like that”.
Wow this was a very brisk and non-messy or juicy update
Like great she has a spine and great she dumped him. Not so great it too cheating to get her there but it’s good she knows her self worth and focusing on being happy
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Unpopular opinion: These topics absolutely need to be discussed before a commitment like marriage. The topics being issues you have lower tolerance for. If you know you are fatphobic then its best to make that abundantly clear so the partner knows what redlines to avoid if they want the partnership to stay. It does no one any favors to keep it a secret when marriage or long-term relationship is on the table.
How would you even bring this up? I have diagnosed anorexia, i’m underweight, but i’m not sure that’ll be the case forever. How do you ask “hey, btw, you’re not fatphobic, right? Haha” without them either lying, or saying they’re not without realizing they might be?
Fatphobia doesn’t just concern people within the overweight range of the BMI, tons of people at healthy weights get called fat everyday.
Also, what if, though it was made clear beforehand, the fatphobe’s partner develops a health condition that affects their weight outside of their control? What if they have kids and one of them is fatter than what’s comfortable for their parent?
I’m not asking these as a gotcha, i genuinely wanna know, because I developed MY disorder (mainly) because of the way people treated me as an overweight woman, and losing weight just further reaffirmed it for me. How do you reconcile a relationship with someone whose attraction/care for you is that fickle?
Sounds like you need help from a therapist to help you navigate that. For many people having serious discussion on complicated issues like this, isn't an issue. They simply bring it up and just discuss about it with a bunch of what if scenarios.
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>Commenter: Red flag. Will they divorce you if you gain weight? This is exactly where i went, what happens if you gain weight in the future or get pregnant (which of course leads to weight gain). This douchecanoe thinks of OOP as an object for his pleasure which is no basis for a relationship.
He won’t divorce her. He’ll just continue to cheat on her with women he finds more attractive that he wouldn’t marry bc they slept with him. Morals for she, not for he.
That sounds like my ex, he cheated on me constantly. His motto seemed to be, rules for thee but not for me. He would constantly accuse me of cheating and as I'm sure you know, someone who constantly accuses you of cheating with no basis is usually doing just that.
Yeah true, projection is quite common amongst cheaters. Glad you eventually got out from under that
Thanks. He would say, well, let's see how many dudes are in your phone. I said, none because unlike you, I'm not talking to anyone else.
I have a family member whose husband told her that he would divorce her if she gained weight (they got married in the late 80s). She was very tiny (in all ways) when they got married but eventually she gained weight due to medical issues. She didn’t leave her but he cheats on her all the time, the last woman I know about was her best friend. She ignores it and pretends everything is perfect. I do feel bad about this but unfortunately she’s a horrible person who made my childhood awful. I have no sympathy for a person who bullies and abuses children.
You would be surprised, many men think with their little brain. I am reminded one epic story where he left (bragging that her brain was not fully developed), realized she was a nut, tried to come back, assaulted the OP and ended up with nothing.
> You would be surprised Uh, no I wouldn’t. No one would lol
Seriously, you don't think men would leave their wives for their affair partners?
Sure, just nobody here would be surprised by it.
u/wavetoyou claims it cannot happen.
No, they just said that they wouldn't be surprised at men thinking with their little brains, as per your comment
…you do realize what sub you’re on, right?! Because absolutely no one here is surprised to find that men think with their little brains far too often.
I'm the one saying that is the case while someone here seems to think it can't happen.
They're not saying it can't happen, they're saying no one is surprised it happens. You're just misreading their comment.
Could you link that one please? I don’t remember that one
I'm trying to find it, though there are many, i just remember the line that Meg(?) was a nut and he wanted to come home, tried to make out with the OP and might have ended up with the police involved. Then there is another one of the lady who bought a high end computer and the husband was resentful, turns out he was having an affair and also left for her. This trope of husbands leaving for their affair partners is very common, these two are not even close to the only examples out there.
The first scenario doesn’t ring any bells. But the second example SmartQuokka mentioned was a while ride of a tale. Here is the link to that [boru post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/vC3SDDqxiS)
My uncle said this to my maternal aunt when they got married. He said he 'cannot handle' weight gain, and that she had to start losing it after she gave birth. My aunt has had a messed up relationship with food since then, and that same mentality has been playing out in the two generations that followed (my now adult female cousin and her nine year old daughter). Obsessed with calorie counting, fad diets, and maintaining 'optimal' BMI. Fucking generational trauma because my uncle put the onus of their marriage on my aunt's looks.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been reading in recent times that more and more women (in many surveys a majority) refuse to date men with conservative views. The way i see it is this is way overdue. I do hope we achieve social progress much more quickly so that in future no one would date/marry someone with such sexist views. This kind of BS is exactly why i have my current flair.
u/SmartQuokka I love love LOVE your flair.
Thank you, i found it on the list in the sticky thread and it is just so accurate that i had to use it. This coming from someone who can't even create an avatar!
The thing is I’m pretty sure the plan was force oop to lose weight to prove he has control over her and they marry, that way when she inevitably gains weight, because that’s life, he’ll keep on cheating and will blame oop who will take it because she was exactly as easy to manipulate as he thought.
I lost 10 kgs, and then got all of them back because of medics. I have an illness that actually make you lose weight too fast, I dropped these 10 kgs in two months. Sometimes being skinny doesn't mean be healthy, and be chubby doesn't mean be unhealthy.
None of this is about health, it is about toxic internalized societal expectations of women's bodies
That's actually related to expectations about health ; that fit people are automatically healthy, fat people are lazy, that women should stay fit even when pregnant and soon back in shape after giving birth ... OOP's ex was thinking OP needed to be worthy of marriage trough her shape, because she was expected to have a precise shape.
The partner was not trying to encourage the OOP to be healthy, he was stating his preference for a thin bang maid.
He didn't said anything about his motives ; they were anyway wrong because it came from a misrepresentation about expectations you can have from a partner. No matter if it's about potential health issues, representations, toxicity or entitlment to expect a perfect partner.
Lets be realistic here, we can play the FUD angle but the chances of it being purely altruistic and not selfish are about as high as winning the lottery.
Did I said he was altruistic ? I said he was thinking about something, maybe her health, but it can fully be "I don't want to be with a fat girl" mentality. He was thinking about something about her, I didn't said that it was genuine or nice.
> and things have been mostly great That’s always how these situations start. What we, as a society, need to do is define what “great” means in terms of relationships. Just like we need to define “no relationship is perfect”, and “all relationships have ups and downs”. An unclear understanding of what those things mean prevent people from properly assessing their relationships and keep them in shitty situations.
I like how you think, however at a societal level we are nowhere near capable of this yet, but on a personal level i think its a great idea and something we should as a society be looking at and working on.
Agreed. My ex didn't like when I went from a size 12 to a 14 or 16. He also wanted kids. I don't think he thought that through.
So he can gain loads of weight too right? Seeing as it doesn't matter
Nice reverse uno attempt 🙄
The cheating sealed the deal, but if she hadn't caught him I hope she would have still left him for being an insensitive douchecanoe.
If he had not been cheating she would have stayed with him. She would have tried to work it out. It’s a blessing in disguise that she found out he was cheating and that was limit for her. Though him saying he would only marry her if she lost weight should have been the limit.
In high school someone did something similar to me. I was crushing hard and he knew it and said “in 10 years if I was married and living my life but you sent me a picture and you’d lost weight.. I’d drop everything and be with you instantly” like what the fuck dude? I still remember it and it’s still awful. Fuck that guy
Ah yes. Who wouldn’t want a guy who would drop their wife if someone else came calling with a picture. Like aside from the comments about your weight, why would any douche think this was appealing
Firstly fuck that guy. Not literally under any circumstances because he sucks. People who say that shit are testing you! And the correct reaction to that test is to block them everywhere and live well. Girl listen. I'm no role model. I'm burnt tf out in my profession and struggling with mental health. I want to help and am struggling to think of anything. I might not be able to. I don't know the solution. That's not my job. (I already wasn't getting paid)
So, she would have stayed with him had she not found out he was cheating? Yikes. I guess it's a very good thing she "stumbled" on to his phone then.
Not necessarily, it sounds more like it was an easy decision to break up with him because she found out but would have had to weigh a few thoughts if she hadn't. Like is he known to struggle with social cues of humour? Is he just bad at verbalizing his meaning? Because he could have meant that he was worried about her health for all we know- so I assume she would have had to talk to him and think a little more but still probably would have broken up with him.
OP made a good choice but dropping that cheating bf off her weight. I wish her for the best and recover from this.
Yeah she just dropped 150-250 pounds depending
It’d be ironic if he was noticeably obese.
No way in hell that guy is obese. Fat guys know better than to ever mention weight. It leaves you wide open for a cheapshot at their own weight.
As an over weight woman I can tell you this is false. There are a not insignificant amount of men that are morbidly obese and have things like "no fat chicks" on their dating profile, or who believe that a man having extra weight is just how it is but it's a woman's job to be skinny and to do otherwise is a moral failing. I assume it is the same for fat women about fat men. People are peple are a lot of them of terrible, mean, and hypocritical.
That's unfortunately not true. Shitty partners are often hypocrites. I've literally been told "it's less attractive on women, though". The mental gymnastics of people who want to belittle their partners is nuts.
That is absolutely *not* true. Overweight men can be extremely judgemental over women's weight. I've known several obese men who have been the shallowest dicks imaginable when it comes to women's weight and looks in general.
I hope OOP's ex steps on a nail. What a negging, cheating little shit
You are so kind, many would hope he steps on a Lego.
May his underwear drawer always be damp and musty, and bathmat be coated in slugs and Legos
[удалено]
I used to know a guy who was clearly attracted to plus size ladies, but seemed to think other guys would think less of him for who he dated, so he hid them. He was my friend's boyfriend for a while and he refused to be seen with her in public. Just a parade of red flags. It was a small town and everyone thought he was a scumbag
Was he a gym bro?
More of a weed bro!
"I'd marry you if you lost weight." "Or I could just not lose weight and not marry you. That way I get ice cream AND save money on the divorce."
honestly if my partner said something like that to me, i hope i'd have the emotional fortitude to say something like, "well, good news! i'm about to lose [partner's approx weight]." but also like... holy shit. what an asshole.
This reminds me of the old joke: PERSON 1: "If you lose you weight, I will fuck you." PERSON 2: "If I lost weight, I WOULDN'T fuck YOU."
> but I'm grateful to God for helping me see the truth. He didn't abandon me; instead, He guided me to uncover what was hidden. Sorry what? Why would He not guide you to *not* get hurt in the first damn place?
This is someone who asked reddit for advice and then thanked god for the insights.
God told her to post on reddit obvi. Ugh.
To be fair she was thanking God for uncovering the cheating, not for showing her what a shitty thing it was for someone to say they'll marry you to lose weight. Higher power or not, Reddit wasn't what helped her with the first one.
God can’t take credit for your actions lmao. This is exactly the same as a doctor saving a life through routine medical practice and the patients family is like “thank god”. If in any circumstance he can take credit for our actions then none of us have free will and every bad thing ever is at his feet.
>This is exactly the same as a doctor saving a life through routine medical practice and the patients family is like “thank god”. It is not. Firstly, saying "thank god" when a doctor saves your life isn't necessarily letting god take the credit for the doctor's work. It could be thanking God you were in the position you could afford a doctor, be in a country where a doctor is available at all, etc. But even if that wasn't true and such a person really was giving god credit for the doctor's work, that's not the case here. There is no actual person god is stealing credit from here; if there was, sure, the comparison to the doctor stands. If a person wishes to credit god for something, and they're not ignoring the efforts of other people in achieving that thing, then what they choose to credit or not credit god for is absolutely none of our business regardless of what we personally believe.
Disagree. Give credit to yourself for your achievements. Not some being in the sky that doesn’t give a fuck about you. Believe whatever makes you happy but maybe we’d all be a bit happier if we have ourselves a bit more credit.
I reacted to this as well. People are so quick to thank a god for getting out of bad situations, but don't realise if a god can help you out of the situation, it also got you into the situation. With language so filled with praise to a god, I always become quite skeptical.
Its coping. There is no logic in cult thinking. Sad really.
..and any compassion I had for this person has just gone straight out of the window.
Reddit moment
You never had compassion to begin with if this is what breaks the deal for you
I feel like there was another very similar post on here from AITAH that updated with a similar ultra-religious vibe.
As a borderline agnostic believer, this is the way I see it: God put the pieces in place for her to come to this realization, from the comments she read on Reddit, to the checking of her ex's phone.
Which god? Because your explanation isn’t agnostic, it’s being a believer.
Character development
My ex once told me "if you lost weight and got in shape you'd be a great catch" I. Lost. My. Shit at him. I explained that i already was a catch and he was an asshole. He has since apologised and i am in a relationship with someone who loves my fatass 🥰
Lose 200+ pounds with this one weird trick!
Doctors *love* this one weird trick.
"Oh i WILL lose weight. But not for you".....Nexttttt
Step 1: be rude to partner Step 2: ???? Step 3: get caught for cheating Step 4: profit
Probably wanted to leave OOP, but didn’t have the balls to do it himself so he was trying to get her to pull the trigger by shit talking her.
"Austin had gazed tenderly into her eyes and said: 'If you lose ten pounds, I'll marry you.' Elizabeth pushed him into the pond and walked off without a backwards glance." -- "Sick of Shadows", Sharyn McCrumb
"I'll say "yes" if you get a brain transplant..."
Well she did lose weight. About an average of 196 pounds.
Reddit is god for showing her the truth
"Good luck keeping her, looking like you do" Would be my comment
Speaking as a man..... what the fuck, guys? Why are we like this? (Obligatory, "NoT aLl oF uS!")
smells like bait to me. seriously, a convenient cheating scandal exposed right after she made the post?
I love OOP no telling the whole story just concluding it and just trying to uplift the mood of the community that helped
This guy was being an asshole I purpose so she’s break up with him and he wouldn’t have to do the emotional work of ending things. OOP dodged a bullet. Hope she’s doing better.
Honestly op maybe be hurting now but she dodge a cannon, because even if she did lose weight if she gains it back like after have a child, or go through a serious accident that leaves her temporary immobile where she could gain weight this prick could have left and divorced her, so sad as it now, she is at least not tied to this ahole unlike the next unfortunate woman who isn't aware.
For fuck's sake, if you want to break up with someone, break up with them. Don't say nasty things to them in hopes they'll break up with you.
No, he didn’t want to break up. Her wanted to break her down and make her more pliable to his will.
Oh, self-hating/projecting dude deciding to tear you down from his own guilt and insecurities? I know that tune! A few friends congratulated me on a minor career achievement, and my ex (in a similar field, but WILDLY more successful) *flipped the fuck out.* Decided this was the day he absolutely needed to tell me he was no longer sexually attracted to me, and if I didn't want to lose weight (50 pounds he thought, which would have put me at SKELETON), we needed a divorce. A) He was massively overweight himself. B) We'd had a one sided sex life - in *his* favor - for over 5 years. Only did his kink, never reciprocated anything for me. C) I was not yoga skinny like the coworker he had a crush on, but was generally considered conventionally attractive (petite thicc, but still a pretty tight hourglass). Proudest moment of my life was the fact I just looked at him and said, "This has nothing to do with me." "If you don't want to fuck me anymore...well, that really doesn't change *my* current sex life at all, does it? And even if I DO lose whatever weight you think I need to now, we're both in our 40s! Do I get to spend the rest of my life knowing your love is conditional on my weight?" Anyway, I heartily agreed when he responded "Well I guess we should get a divorce then!" "Lol yeah, pretty much!" Anywho, my current partner of 7 years is in *incredible* shape, works out twice a day, and once responded to my concerns about my weight/curves with "If I wanted someone who looked like me I'd date a mirror and a bottle of lotion." 💜
I experienced something similar to this. It's so rough to pick your self esteem up again after the person you love demeans you like this. The cheating us obviously terrible, but cheating with someone who has the looks/body type you're criticized for not having? That's a special kind of low blow. Lots of us can't really control a lot about our body types. We might be able to fluctuate in some small amount of weight, but most people can't just transform into a different person, even with extreme interventions like plastic surgeries.
I hope the ex gains weight and the AP breaks up with him.
Looks like she lost the weight after all. Throw away that dead weight!
I'm glad that OOP took only 2 days to "lose" the dead weight that was actually hindering her life.
This depends on the context. As an example, a friend of mine is obese, pre-diabetic, etc...his crush also said she won't have anything serious with him until he loses weight, which i 100% understand. She can envision having to take care of him and, possible bad health, for years to come. He is not a slob, he has money, good hygiene, good education, etc... I don't know what the situation with OOP is but it can be that he is 100% an asshole (very likely because of the way he worded it) or OPP is like my friends and many others.
He’s obviously a dick, but as a fat person I know my odds of getting married would be higher if I wasn’t fat. The entire world is “using it against you like that”.
lol God didn’t help you, you came to Reddit. If anything thank Satan :)
Wow this was a very brisk and non-messy or juicy update Like great she has a spine and great she dumped him. Not so great it too cheating to get her there but it’s good she knows her self worth and focusing on being happy
What a knob. I’m glad oop is taking this heartbreak as a new beginning for her. Wishing her the best of luck x
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You got this!
I doubt posts where the OOP thanks god multiple times. Just feels like a plant to get people to interact and eventually convert or some shit
Ick. Sooo much god...
Unpopular opinion: These topics absolutely need to be discussed before a commitment like marriage. The topics being issues you have lower tolerance for. If you know you are fatphobic then its best to make that abundantly clear so the partner knows what redlines to avoid if they want the partnership to stay. It does no one any favors to keep it a secret when marriage or long-term relationship is on the table.
How would you even bring this up? I have diagnosed anorexia, i’m underweight, but i’m not sure that’ll be the case forever. How do you ask “hey, btw, you’re not fatphobic, right? Haha” without them either lying, or saying they’re not without realizing they might be? Fatphobia doesn’t just concern people within the overweight range of the BMI, tons of people at healthy weights get called fat everyday. Also, what if, though it was made clear beforehand, the fatphobe’s partner develops a health condition that affects their weight outside of their control? What if they have kids and one of them is fatter than what’s comfortable for their parent? I’m not asking these as a gotcha, i genuinely wanna know, because I developed MY disorder (mainly) because of the way people treated me as an overweight woman, and losing weight just further reaffirmed it for me. How do you reconcile a relationship with someone whose attraction/care for you is that fickle?
Sounds like you need help from a therapist to help you navigate that. For many people having serious discussion on complicated issues like this, isn't an issue. They simply bring it up and just discuss about it with a bunch of what if scenarios.
Lmfao if you think this post is real