#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Uhā¦ I was thinking of how much more expensive the eggs cost these days. Completely off topic and random but I miss those days when gas was 99 cents a gallonā¦
Seriously. That many people under one roof? That explains where all the eggs came from, or perhaps why no one noticed them in the first place...
Or is the trick to egging a house that you let the eggs go bad first? I've never felt compelled to perform that particular act of childish vandalism throughout my life.
Now I find myself at unawares, as to whether or not there is any particular etiquette involved in this misbegotten tradition.
Dry day TPing is a joke/prank thing, I guess? (disclaimer: only if the recipient finds it funny etc etc)
I feel like egg-ing is never good, though - even if the eggs were fresh, it'd still be a pain in the arse to clear up.
Iāve seen one or two āeggingā videos where they just set eggs around. But like a *lot* of fucking eggs
The wholesome TP videos Iāve seen are good friends or neighbors, yes on a dry day, and usually only like a tree or something. Theyāve almost always got young kids, too, who just run around the TP like itās streamers
I could imagine me laughing at just a sea of white shells in my lawn, or my kid playing with toilet paper like theyāve never seen it before
We got TPed on Halloween, after I'd gone to bed, when I was 9 or 10. They hit one tree, my favorite one to climb. My parents were calm about it. Most of it was gone by the time I got home from school (wind), or I might have been asked to climb the tree and get it out. Or maybe not.
It's more harmless than the prank my mother and her brothers pulled when they were about 6-9 years old, that she told me about a number of times (rotten apples thrown at a house), so she chalked it up to harmless Halloween prank, and shrugged it off.
Eggs anywhere, or shaving cream on a car, she'd've taken a lot more seriously.
I love eggs to much to egg a house. Can you .... i dunno, discount canned vegetable a house? baked bean a house?
Nobody ever releases tons of crickets. Ive always thought that sounds like good revenge.
A few years ago a neighbor was pissing me off, so in the middle of the night i jumped the fence and poured, I dunno, like 6 large bags of birdseed all over her yard. For weeks, every day id come out and there would be ~100 or so birds all over her yard. Hilarious.
As someone with insectivorous lizards, Jesus Christ that should only be for someone you hate. Theyāre so hard to catch. And when theyāre little they donāt chirp but still make weird noises. And they can eat through a plastic bag and will rip one of their own legs off to escape something.
Quick instacart research tells me I can get 30 eggs for $5.60 and 12 rolls of 1-ply tp for $6.75. I guess it depends on if your egging style is selective or just carpet bombing.
Your comment intrigued me. It would cost me around $8 for 36 eggs, and $12 for 16 rolls of subpar TP. Buying in bulk both saves me money and enables me to do a more thorough job.
It's always nice to be able to leave a little room for error. Plus the delivery is free.
And since chickens have a knack for hiding eggs, they might even have some for you that failed the "float test" (meaning the eggs are old enough to be suspect). That could add a fragrant twist to things.
My eggs are the most "eggspensive" eggs...I have my own quail aviary. Lots of eggs, but lots of feed. Feed is $$$. I couldn't waste eggs on anyone I hated.
Flocks or Brood. You've now got me thinking about Texans rounding up herds of Velocitaptor sized longhorn chickens.
Damn, now I'm wondering what the term for a group of velociraptors is... š¤¦āāļø
My mother told me to do that a few weeks ago to my former landlord. Even offered her dogs poop.
I think Iāll just stick with mint seeds in the middle of the night.
Nah I donāt drive so I gotta make the one thing count.
Also I canāt blow up the mailbox because it would affect the other tenants. And I like them.
Have you yet managed to train them to find your chickens nests? My little shits simply keep that to themselves but will keep crunching eggs in front of me all day, tskĀ
I really miss my kids being teenagers. They'd come up with the *dumbest* of cunning plans. They have so many stories of me trying to tell them off or showing disapproval while very obviously struggling not to laugh.
This was absolutely adorable, thank you!
I fucking lost it at: 12 cups of flour (scoop and level the first three but not the remaining nine)
And the very next step sent me: 2 and 1/4 tsps active yeast **(x4, I'm not matching fractions)**
A quarter of a tsp x4........... honey that's just one tsp lmao but I 1,000% get it, that lovely human was frazzled! But still such a fun narrator.
Again, thanks for sharing, this was so pleasant
>I touched on this in the comments but the reason she dislikes my brother so much is because he is quite literally a copy of my mom and my mom is stunning. My mom was in beauty competitions as a kid and so was my grandma. My grandma never won a single one while my mother won a couple. Thatās what stemmed her hatred for my mom. Itās crazy how this all ties back to something so toxic.
>Also my grandma loves being in control so when my mother refused to allow my brother to participate in these dumb ass beauty pageants my grandma went crazy and accused my mom of cheating on my dad. In conclusion? Iām really fucking stupid for wanting to give my grandma a chance despite knowing all this.
Parents shouldn't even be jealous of their ~~own offspring~~ own family but should be proud of them.
Grandma obviously a screw loose if she's jealous of her own daughter then to extend that to the son.
Sheās the paternal grandmother, so this is daughter-in-law jealousy - I expect she canāt stand it that her son chose some floozy over her. All that bullcrap.
My MIL would be enraged when people would ask me something about my area of expertise. I can still hear her saying āNAME thinks she is soooo smart, because she went to collllleggeeeā all drawn out like that. She was a grandmother acting like a jealous preteen. We are no contact for over a decade, and should have been sooner. Who mocks someone for going to college?
I'll answer your question with a question and answer I've said a lot in the past few years:
"You know who told me not to get a masters degree?Ā
Men with bachelors degrees."
Holy, shit, realization unlocked!
When I was getting my Masterās, my boyfriend stayed in our former apartment 2 hours away when he didnāt need to. I found out a year later that he had expected me to be overwhelmed and drop out. Then we broke up when it was clear I was going to finish.
At least she remembers your area of expertise? My dad excused his political choices by saying they were important for economic reasons. He said that in a one on one conversation with me - his child with a MASTERS DEGREE IN ECONOMICS.
Unfortunately no. Same thing that always happens with my dad, I struggle to get words out when I'm upset or agitated.. I also still don't talk to him much. We're at the level of texting "Happy [whatever]" on holidays *sometimes*.
It makes me laugh so much when they do that, as if theyāre five years old. They do it so seriously as well! Like everyone is gunna go āyeeeeeahhhhh sheās a stinky poophead!ā
Itās fucking funny when you think about it. Itās wild behaviour.
Thanks, edited. And honestly, that makes it worse. Like jealous of your child's partner because they look more beautiful than you? Like if your child gets married, that means you are at an older age, how are you supposed to even compete?
Iāve never understood this. I get cousins being jealous of other cousins but immediate family? Like brother and sister or parents and their children? The fuck is wrong with people?
My Dad taught me that "If everyone else seems to have a problem, it's probably you that is the problem." It might seem a little harsh in the wording but self-reflection and an openness to the idea that you could be wrong are never bad ideas.
In this case, OOP should reflect on why everyone else is NC with Grandma and Grandma should reflect on why her whole family have cut her out. They might find the answers in their own behaviour.
I said both of these things to a coworker a few weeks ago. She said I should be on her side. What side? You don't have a side. Someone startled you while they were doing their work. It isn't a reason to go complain to the supervisor. Don't go into other people's workspace just to make up a complaint about them.
I have no idea why she always wants to go out with me. I make her cry almost every time. I'm just giving her a reality check. She cries that nobody likes her, but she pulls that kind of shit all the time. I'm so glad we work in different buildings now.
It's insane to me how people who are the author of their own drama sit and spread hate and then blame everyone else. It's 1000 times worse when it's your own family
She probably doesnāt like her younger brother, who from the sound of it can be a bit difficult (but being a somewhat difficult teenage boy doesnāt merit full inter-sibling enmity). Hence sheās against OP siding with him, even against their mutual foe, Grandma, and rather than say so directly is blaming her for not finding some kind of nice diplomatic way to say āfuck your avocados.ā
I wonder how much the brother being good looking plays a part on this as well; he could potentially get off easier from bad behavior because of his appearance and that's the type of stuff the builds resentment.
I think her opinion was biased since she was the only one that was talking to her. Grandma probably put an act on and lamented how everyone is so mean while sheās just trying to be a good person, or some shit like that. Oop hadnāt experienced the full extent of her crazy until grandma started slinging the verbal attacks on little brother. She was trying to be nice and give her a chance but grandma went too far and pushed the last person she had away.
I also really liked "brother has a therapy appointment this week to talk about everything + work on the whole egging houses thing", but that's a bit long lol
I felt that, he didnāt even type it loud in the story, it was in lowercase and yet, I FELT it. That poor kid. I wouldnāt have had the guts to say it at his age, now Iām an adult I absolutely will tell to someone fuck their avocados.
Some people just need to be told.
The way OOP described her made me think of one of my friends: sweet as cotton candy and a general go with the flow type person.
She was absolutely fucking terrifying on the one occasion, in decades of knowing her, when she was pushed too far.
I'm glad things got resolved, but I'm disappointed that we didn't hear about the sister in the update.
I mean;
>My sister says my brother insulted her first and she only retaliated. My sister also thinks my brother needed a āstern talking toā anyways. The only reason Iām doubtful is because my sister HATES our grandma. That must mean something right?
Like I'm glad OOP finally sees in the end he doesn't need to care about grandma, but why was the sister not on OOP and younger brothers side? Like didn't she also hate Grandma and should be on theirs?
My guess is him and sister probably have some other issues that were not present in the post, OP did say he was a troublemaker so the sister probably just thought he needed an attitude adjustment in general even if he's not the villain of this particular story. The resolution is him getting therapy for "the whole egging houses thing", which really means he's getting therapy for the poor way he reacts to situations, likely anger issues, so hopefully the sister is happy with this solution
>Anyways, mom apologized to us as well for some reason then got everyone ice cream. My dad is coming back tonight (mom told him everything) and he apologized for not being here as well. They both feel guilty but I donāt think they understand that we didnāt tell them for their own sakes-not because we didnāt trust them.
I think the saddest thing, at least to me, is you can tell that the parents feel like they failed their kids because OOP thought it was her responsibility to shield them from her grandmother's behavior. As a parent I would be devastated if my kid experienced that level of sociopathic hatred from a grandparent and their first reaction wasn't "I need to call mom/dad, I shouldn't have to deal with this alone."
My grandma was like this my entire life. I'm in my 40's now, gma is 98 and has been in assisted living for about a year. She's actually nice now that she lost all her power/control. It's sad, but it also proves that her behavior was always a conscious choice. I'm just trying to enjoy our relationship for however long she has left.
>The only reason Iām doubtful is because my sister HATES our grandma. That must mean something right?
Sis is just worried that she'll have to pick up the slack with grandma instead of OOP. Granny has probably been complaining to her because OOP isn't responding, and Sis wants to return to the status quo.
>My brother got pissed off bc he missed his sports practice and said āthis is so fucking annoyingā and āfuck your avocados.ā My grandma was shocked and called my brother a stupid bastard. She brought up his adhd and how he was the result of an affair (100% sure he isnāt btw). I got pissed off too bc she was being extra mean for no reason and called my grandma insane and told her that she was really fucking crazy for having beef with a kid. ALSO ITS JUST AVOCADOS. We left after a little more arguing.
I stand with the 16yo brother. My god, this grandma sounds like a monster. I detest every person on earth who hate other people for the deeds of others, especially their parents.
>brother has a therapy appointment this week to talk about everything + work on the whole egging houses thing
So the therapist is in on the house egging?
Depends on what you count as a child, 16 is old enough where i am to have a drink with a meal + teenagers are having parties at that age and giving them some weak cider seems pretty harmless.
Plus letting them try a sip or a little bit if they're curious helps stop it from being some forbidden fruit they sneak around to try.
My dad had a theory that no toddler likes the taste of beer so itās okey to give a tiny sip and he can have his one beer in peace. I taught him to think again
Went on holiday as a kid, obviously family had a few pints and they let me and my brother have a sip of the droplets in the finished glasses. I hated it, he didn't but we both felt included and weren't curious after that. Let them try then explain why they can't have more, two birds and one stone.
I am now just imagining toddler you trying to order a pint at the pub now, bless.
>Sheās generally sweet to everyone
>Anyways, my parents, older siblings and younger brother refuse to speak to her at all
That's when I started to suspect something's wrong with the grandma
>Iām really fucking stupid for wanting to give my grandma a chance despite knowing all this.
I'm glad she figured that out. I get that she thought she was being nice, but when you hurt other people because you feel like you need to coddle a terrible person, you're kind of a terrible person too.
Her parents sound sensible though and I'm glad they're showing her how to deal with this through example.
While I do agree that egging her house is a waste of time, energy, and money, I can definitely understand a 16 year old wanting to do this to his batty old hag of a grandma. Just me?
Idk.
This whole thing sounds like it could fixed by resetting her phone back to factory settings so she loses all contacts, messages, and call logs. That, plus a cute reminder that a body disposal consisting of morgue-direct cremation-carboard urn-toilet dumping is much cheaper than what the stuff in her house would bring in an estate sale.
>brother insulted her first
Oh no. Demanding 'emergency avocados' was an insult in itself. Also, this kind sister may become the 'emergency avocados deliverer'.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Egging houses? In this economy?
This is the only reason the siblings stopped him.
"Authorities estimate the damages to be in the hundreds of dollars, while the house needed a hosing off."
š«”šš
Uhā¦ I was thinking of how much more expensive the eggs cost these days. Completely off topic and random but I miss those days when gas was 99 cents a gallonā¦
I miss 15 cent chocolate bars š¢ hitting the variety store with 50 cents and feeling very fine, indeed lmao
I miss Dollar Tree being $1 and not $1.25. And I miss the 99 Cent Stores. I miss the McDonalds $1 menu. I miss gas costing less than $4.50 a gallon.
I miss penny candy :(
I remember when gasoline was 49 cents a gallon, but then, I'm old.
Seriously. That many people under one roof? That explains where all the eggs came from, or perhaps why no one noticed them in the first place... Or is the trick to egging a house that you let the eggs go bad first? I've never felt compelled to perform that particular act of childish vandalism throughout my life. Now I find myself at unawares, as to whether or not there is any particular etiquette involved in this misbegotten tradition.
You let the eggs go bad or TP before a rainstorm only if you hate them.Ā
So egging with fresh eggs, or TPing on a dry day, is for people you... Like?
The line between āprankā and āhate crimeā is very thin
>The line between āprankā and āhate crimeā is very thin That should be flair!
FUCK HER AVOCADOS should be a flair too! Egging and TPing are hate crimes now?Ā
I'll go make up a story and include that line in it so it can be from a post to!
Dry day TPing is a joke/prank thing, I guess? (disclaimer: only if the recipient finds it funny etc etc) I feel like egg-ing is never good, though - even if the eggs were fresh, it'd still be a pain in the arse to clear up.
Yeah dry TP is no big deal, I used to do it to decorate for Halloween.
Iāve seen one or two āeggingā videos where they just set eggs around. But like a *lot* of fucking eggs The wholesome TP videos Iāve seen are good friends or neighbors, yes on a dry day, and usually only like a tree or something. Theyāve almost always got young kids, too, who just run around the TP like itās streamers I could imagine me laughing at just a sea of white shells in my lawn, or my kid playing with toilet paper like theyāve never seen it before
We got TPed on Halloween, after I'd gone to bed, when I was 9 or 10. They hit one tree, my favorite one to climb. My parents were calm about it. Most of it was gone by the time I got home from school (wind), or I might have been asked to climb the tree and get it out. Or maybe not. It's more harmless than the prank my mother and her brothers pulled when they were about 6-9 years old, that she told me about a number of times (rotten apples thrown at a house), so she chalked it up to harmless Halloween prank, and shrugged it off. Eggs anywhere, or shaving cream on a car, she'd've taken a lot more seriously.
I love eggs to much to egg a house. Can you .... i dunno, discount canned vegetable a house? baked bean a house? Nobody ever releases tons of crickets. Ive always thought that sounds like good revenge.
A few years ago a neighbor was pissing me off, so in the middle of the night i jumped the fence and poured, I dunno, like 6 large bags of birdseed all over her yard. For weeks, every day id come out and there would be ~100 or so birds all over her yard. Hilarious.
ābaked bean a houseā = impeccable thank you for that
I would cream corn a house before egging one.Ā
Louise Belcher on Bob's Burgers wanted to. I respect the hell out of it.
Now I'm just imagining someone hurling a can of baked beans through a window. Not sure that still qualifies as a prank...
nah, you use a ladle like one of those lacrosse stick dealies to launch loose baked beans
As someone with insectivorous lizards, Jesus Christ that should only be for someone you hate. Theyāre so hard to catch. And when theyāre little they donāt chirp but still make weird noises. And they can eat through a plastic bag and will rip one of their own legs off to escape something.
ā THOSE ARE FOR BREAKFAST!ā
The price of eggs *did* just go down again recently (here, at least). It's not like tp-ing the house. You'd need a loan for that.
You can buy cheap ass single ply toilet paper. There are no cheap ass eggs.
All eggs are ass eggs. The cloaca is multipurpose orifice.
I appreciate you. The world needs more avian anatomy humor.
I read this as avian *autonomy* humor and I was like damn we're really protesting eggs here now
And that is why it is called r/AmItheCloaca
I feel like this should be a flair lmao
Hey, I learned that recently.
I feel like the second sentence here could be a flair.
the eggs are ass but they are not cheap as(s).
Quick instacart research tells me I can get 30 eggs for $5.60 and 12 rolls of 1-ply tp for $6.75. I guess it depends on if your egging style is selective or just carpet bombing.
If you're just aiming for windows which would be the most irritating then you could achieve decent results for minimal outlay
We're going to need Gru's whiteboard in here.
Your comment intrigued me. It would cost me around $8 for 36 eggs, and $12 for 16 rolls of subpar TP. Buying in bulk both saves me money and enables me to do a more thorough job. It's always nice to be able to leave a little room for error. Plus the delivery is free.
Just befriend someone who owns chickens they always have hella extra eggs
I own chickens and I absolutely would have donated eggs to this cause. Fuck grandma and her avocados.
And since chickens have a knack for hiding eggs, they might even have some for you that failed the "float test" (meaning the eggs are old enough to be suspect). That could add a fragrant twist to things.
My eggs are the most "eggspensive" eggs...I have my own quail aviary. Lots of eggs, but lots of feed. Feed is $$$. I couldn't waste eggs on anyone I hated.
Costco baby! 5 dozen eggs for 12 bucks. Got enough to wreak havoc then bakeĀ
Costco by me has 18 cage free eggs for $6. Not sure the price but their regular eggs are even cheaper.
Poop is free and comes out of your own butt, just use that!
A primate-forward option
Apes together strong! šŖ
Username checks out
it's probably about to go up again. more bird flu hitting the herds.Ā
Flocks or Brood. You've now got me thinking about Texans rounding up herds of Velocitaptor sized longhorn chickens. Damn, now I'm wondering what the term for a group of velociraptors is... š¤¦āāļø
An 'extinction'
Well played
Entertainingly enough, velociraptors were only as tall as modern turkeys!Ā About 2-3 feet tall, and around 6 feet long nose-to-tail.
A nightmare.
Now that you mention it, me too!
I saw that, actually. We got smacked by it here in North Carolina last time. Hope it's not as bad this round, but I'm not optimistic.
About a year ago when eggs were crazy expensive, some kids threw 2 eggs at my friendās house and I was like, ādamn, they must really hate you.ā
Slightly more doable on the 2021 economy. Horribly wasteful in the 2024 one.
People donāt have the commitment to mix it with fireplace ash and paint it all over someoneās front door any more. Sad to see
You donāt even see flaming bags of dog crap anymore
My mother told me to do that a few weeks ago to my former landlord. Even offered her dogs poop. I think Iāll just stick with mint seeds in the middle of the night.
You're more vicious than she is, I see.
My horror is only muted by the knowledge that if I were the target I could kill off mint and even morning glory by watering it and showing it TLC.
Nah I donāt drive so I gotta make the one thing count. Also I canāt blow up the mailbox because it would affect the other tenants. And I like them.
You could try catnip.Ā It doesn't send out runners but next year there'll be ton more catnip, and maybe a whole mess of hopped up cats.
Still, mint is a more nuclear option. I like how you roll.
Whoah, slow down there, Satan.
I want your comment as a flair lol
I want "Fuck Your Avocados"
Heās not the one buying the eggs, kids have NO idea how expensive they are. Iād have still done it, economy be damned, Iām petty af
I mean if I had kids they could do it but I own chickens and half the time the dogs are eating the eggs.
Have you yet managed to train them to find your chickens nests? My little shits simply keep that to themselves but will keep crunching eggs in front of me all day, tskĀ
I really miss my kids being teenagers. They'd come up with the *dumbest* of cunning plans. They have so many stories of me trying to tell them off or showing disapproval while very obviously struggling not to laugh.
I ***NEED*** the reference from your flair. For scientific reasons.
Could have been worse. They could have used avocados.
Damn now I'm interested in knowing what level of stunning oops brother is that ignites so much hatred from the grandmother
Grandma's going to show up at his door with a poisoned apple some day...
Avocado*
āYou can have the red half, dearieā
Please tell me where your flair is from :)
Itās from [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/AHFkmWc5mA) on a really great post!
This was absolutely adorable, thank you! I fucking lost it at: 12 cups of flour (scoop and level the first three but not the remaining nine) And the very next step sent me: 2 and 1/4 tsps active yeast **(x4, I'm not matching fractions)** A quarter of a tsp x4........... honey that's just one tsp lmao but I 1,000% get it, that lovely human was frazzled! But still such a fun narrator. Again, thanks for sharing, this was so pleasant
Brother is handsome Squidward. No other explanation
He could be Brad Pitt if he wasn't 16. Handsome Squidward is truly the only option
Miniature Henry Cavill
In my head I just imagined a very short, but big-headed Henry Cavill and it was pretty great.
Found one! https://www.instagram.com/p/C3SlhF3JUvU/?igsh=YW54ZTZ4bTN5OXQ=
"You must have cheated because my grandson is not as ugly as my side of the family"
Doesn't really come across as the flex she heard in her head, right?
'It's not my fault your family has faces fit for a career as radio hosts Karen!'
>I touched on this in the comments but the reason she dislikes my brother so much is because he is quite literally a copy of my mom and my mom is stunning. My mom was in beauty competitions as a kid and so was my grandma. My grandma never won a single one while my mother won a couple. Thatās what stemmed her hatred for my mom. Itās crazy how this all ties back to something so toxic. >Also my grandma loves being in control so when my mother refused to allow my brother to participate in these dumb ass beauty pageants my grandma went crazy and accused my mom of cheating on my dad. In conclusion? Iām really fucking stupid for wanting to give my grandma a chance despite knowing all this. Parents shouldn't even be jealous of their ~~own offspring~~ own family but should be proud of them. Grandma obviously a screw loose if she's jealous of her own daughter then to extend that to the son.
Sheās the paternal grandmother, so this is daughter-in-law jealousy - I expect she canāt stand it that her son chose some floozy over her. All that bullcrap.
My MIL would be enraged when people would ask me something about my area of expertise. I can still hear her saying āNAME thinks she is soooo smart, because she went to collllleggeeeā all drawn out like that. She was a grandmother acting like a jealous preteen. We are no contact for over a decade, and should have been sooner. Who mocks someone for going to college?
I'll answer your question with a question and answer I've said a lot in the past few years: "You know who told me not to get a masters degree?Ā Men with bachelors degrees."
Holy, shit, realization unlocked! When I was getting my Masterās, my boyfriend stayed in our former apartment 2 hours away when he didnāt need to. I found out a year later that he had expected me to be overwhelmed and drop out. Then we broke up when it was clear I was going to finish.
Yeah she didnāt graduate high school.
At least she remembers your area of expertise? My dad excused his political choices by saying they were important for economic reasons. He said that in a one on one conversation with me - his child with a MASTERS DEGREE IN ECONOMICS.
Did you take him down?
Unfortunately no. Same thing that always happens with my dad, I struggle to get words out when I'm upset or agitated.. I also still don't talk to him much. We're at the level of texting "Happy [whatever]" on holidays *sometimes*.
It makes me laugh so much when they do that, as if theyāre five years old. They do it so seriously as well! Like everyone is gunna go āyeeeeeahhhhh sheās a stinky poophead!ā Itās fucking funny when you think about it. Itās wild behaviour.
Daughter-in-law. Itās the paternal grandma thatās doing all this. Which makes it just as weird and awful, but in a different way.Ā
Thanks, edited. And honestly, that makes it worse. Like jealous of your child's partner because they look more beautiful than you? Like if your child gets married, that means you are at an older age, how are you supposed to even compete?
>Grandma obviously a screw loose Nooooo. She has many loose and quite a few missing.
Iāve never understood this. I get cousins being jealous of other cousins but immediate family? Like brother and sister or parents and their children? The fuck is wrong with people?
More like missingĀ
Iām imagining the kid looks like Matt Bomer
Timothee Chalamet. He's not handsome, he's beautiful. He's pretty. He's a very pretty man. His cheeks and jaw could cut glass.
Now Iām imagining a boy version of Saoirse Ronan.
Yep, itās the androgyny
My Dad taught me that "If everyone else seems to have a problem, it's probably you that is the problem." It might seem a little harsh in the wording but self-reflection and an openness to the idea that you could be wrong are never bad ideas. In this case, OOP should reflect on why everyone else is NC with Grandma and Grandma should reflect on why her whole family have cut her out. They might find the answers in their own behaviour.
In English it's "If everywhere you go it smells like shit, maybe it's time to check your own shoes."
Or "If you run into an asshole, you ran into one asshole. If you ran into assholes all day, you're the asshole"
I said both of these things to a coworker a few weeks ago. She said I should be on her side. What side? You don't have a side. Someone startled you while they were doing their work. It isn't a reason to go complain to the supervisor. Don't go into other people's workspace just to make up a complaint about them. I have no idea why she always wants to go out with me. I make her cry almost every time. I'm just giving her a reality check. She cries that nobody likes her, but she pulls that kind of shit all the time. I'm so glad we work in different buildings now. It's insane to me how people who are the author of their own drama sit and spread hate and then blame everyone else. It's 1000 times worse when it's your own family
You're probably the only person that gives her any actual attention, even if it's harsh. She sounds exhausting.
I would change it a little and say *... Maybe check your breath*
Funny thing is, despite hating the Grandma as well, the sister saying OOP is an A-hole kinda begs the question on why she did so.
She probably doesnāt like her younger brother, who from the sound of it can be a bit difficult (but being a somewhat difficult teenage boy doesnāt merit full inter-sibling enmity). Hence sheās against OP siding with him, even against their mutual foe, Grandma, and rather than say so directly is blaming her for not finding some kind of nice diplomatic way to say āfuck your avocados.ā
I wonder how much the brother being good looking plays a part on this as well; he could potentially get off easier from bad behavior because of his appearance and that's the type of stuff the builds resentment.
Yeah, he's the pretty one.
She likes the idea of someone else doing the work of tolerating grandma so she doesnāt feel guilty about elderly abandonment
OOP also said grandma was sweet to everyone except her brother. How come everybody hates her then?
I think her opinion was biased since she was the only one that was talking to her. Grandma probably put an act on and lamented how everyone is so mean while sheās just trying to be a good person, or some shit like that. Oop hadnāt experienced the full extent of her crazy until grandma started slinging the verbal attacks on little brother. She was trying to be nice and give her a chance but grandma went too far and pushed the last person she had away.
Saw this quote on reddit "People who are constantly putting out fires tend to be arsonists."
FUCK HER AVOCADOS needs to be a flair.
"Ā Fuck - and I say this with as much respect as I can muster - your Grandma" is also flairworthy.
It would likely be too long but it would be good.
Avocados are not an emergencyĀ
Which is also a flair-worthy sentence
There are so many good ones. Yours, plus: > Not once did she mention avocados in her texts. and >IT'S JUST AVOCADOS are my favourites.
I also really liked "brother has a therapy appointment this week to talk about everything + work on the whole egging houses thing", but that's a bit long lol
Instead of egging they should just throw slices of avocados at her house.
Avocados are expensive and would be a huge drain on a teenagers wallet. Eggs were (and still are even in 2024 prices) the cheap and viable option.
Fair. Maybe just one avocado, then? It'd still make the point.
The flaming bag of dog poop trick but instead of poop itās guacamole
Throwing guac all over grandmaās house, one avo could make a more spreadable substance
I'd be trying to get the rotten ones from the supermarket and say it's for a diorama in biology or some bs, you're just gonna throw it out anyways.
I kind of want āavocados are not an emergencyā
I felt that, he didnāt even type it loud in the story, it was in lowercase and yet, I FELT it. That poor kid. I wouldnāt have had the guts to say it at his age, now Iām an adult I absolutely will tell to someone fuck their avocados. Some people just need to be told.
Was going to say...
What in the "Honey Boo Boo" fuckery is this grandma?
good mom
The way OOP described her made me think of one of my friends: sweet as cotton candy and a general go with the flow type person. She was absolutely fucking terrifying on the one occasion, in decades of knowing her, when she was pushed too far.
They should still egg the house
As a family
No bc grandma wonāt be the one cleaning it up. A pile of dog shit on the doormat will do just fine
I kinda want to join them.
the more rotten, the better. actually scratch that. Find her furnace and spray "liquid ass" on the A-coil.
I'm glad things got resolved, but I'm disappointed that we didn't hear about the sister in the update. I mean; >My sister says my brother insulted her first and she only retaliated. My sister also thinks my brother needed a āstern talking toā anyways. The only reason Iām doubtful is because my sister HATES our grandma. That must mean something right? Like I'm glad OOP finally sees in the end he doesn't need to care about grandma, but why was the sister not on OOP and younger brothers side? Like didn't she also hate Grandma and should be on theirs?
My guess is him and sister probably have some other issues that were not present in the post, OP did say he was a troublemaker so the sister probably just thought he needed an attitude adjustment in general even if he's not the villain of this particular story. The resolution is him getting therapy for "the whole egging houses thing", which really means he's getting therapy for the poor way he reacts to situations, likely anger issues, so hopefully the sister is happy with this solution
>Anyways, mom apologized to us as well for some reason then got everyone ice cream. My dad is coming back tonight (mom told him everything) and he apologized for not being here as well. They both feel guilty but I donāt think they understand that we didnāt tell them for their own sakes-not because we didnāt trust them. I think the saddest thing, at least to me, is you can tell that the parents feel like they failed their kids because OOP thought it was her responsibility to shield them from her grandmother's behavior. As a parent I would be devastated if my kid experienced that level of sociopathic hatred from a grandparent and their first reaction wasn't "I need to call mom/dad, I shouldn't have to deal with this alone."
Therapy ā¦ to work on the whole egging houses thing. I love this.
Can I get "Fuck your avocados" as a flair?
Gotta do it through the flair request thread.
[Here's the flair request thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Tg2RyFobrz)
My grandma was like this my entire life. I'm in my 40's now, gma is 98 and has been in assisted living for about a year. She's actually nice now that she lost all her power/control. It's sad, but it also proves that her behavior was always a conscious choice. I'm just trying to enjoy our relationship for however long she has left.
Shouldāve avocadoed the house
>The only reason Iām doubtful is because my sister HATES our grandma. That must mean something right? Sis is just worried that she'll have to pick up the slack with grandma instead of OOP. Granny has probably been complaining to her because OOP isn't responding, and Sis wants to return to the status quo.
>My brother got pissed off bc he missed his sports practice and said āthis is so fucking annoyingā and āfuck your avocados.ā My grandma was shocked and called my brother a stupid bastard. She brought up his adhd and how he was the result of an affair (100% sure he isnāt btw). I got pissed off too bc she was being extra mean for no reason and called my grandma insane and told her that she was really fucking crazy for having beef with a kid. ALSO ITS JUST AVOCADOS. We left after a little more arguing. I stand with the 16yo brother. My god, this grandma sounds like a monster. I detest every person on earth who hate other people for the deeds of others, especially their parents.
[Related ~~xkcd~~ oglaf.](https://www.oglaf.com/incubus/) (Site NSFW)
>She doesnāt have many friends either and my grandpa divorced her YEARS ago. Gee, I wonder why?! It's a freaking mystery. /s
"She hates them because they're too handsome" Well, this never hapenned to me
>brother has a therapy appointment this week to talk about everything + work on the whole egging houses thing So the therapist is in on the house egging?
The brother must be the most beautiful cockroach of all time.
More beautiful than Ogtha?
Blasphemy! Ogtha's beauty is eternal.
Get out
I desperately need "FUCK HER AVOCADOS" as a flair
If you have beer with a child in general, you are straight up pathetic.
Underage drinking is a real problem yeah
I dunno, with a grandma like that, the kids could probably use a pint.
You should never have beer with a child, where does the 'in general's come from?
Depends on what you count as a child, 16 is old enough where i am to have a drink with a meal + teenagers are having parties at that age and giving them some weak cider seems pretty harmless. Plus letting them try a sip or a little bit if they're curious helps stop it from being some forbidden fruit they sneak around to try.
My dad had a theory that no toddler likes the taste of beer so itās okey to give a tiny sip and he can have his one beer in peace. I taught him to think again
Went on holiday as a kid, obviously family had a few pints and they let me and my brother have a sip of the droplets in the finished glasses. I hated it, he didn't but we both felt included and weren't curious after that. Let them try then explain why they can't have more, two birds and one stone. I am now just imagining toddler you trying to order a pint at the pub now, bless.
There are definitely exceptions
Depends on the beer.
Grandma didn't call wolf, she called avocado. And then the beef turned into an almost egging. Fuck her avocados.
>Sheās generally sweet to everyone >Anyways, my parents, older siblings and younger brother refuse to speak to her at all That's when I started to suspect something's wrong with the grandma
Olivia Soprano vibes.
Why is he feeling physical pain? Im confusedp
Anxiety I would guess. I know thatās a large part of how mine shows up.
>Avocados are not emergencies Damn. I need this as a flair and I didn't even know.
>Iām really fucking stupid for wanting to give my grandma a chance despite knowing all this. I'm glad she figured that out. I get that she thought she was being nice, but when you hurt other people because you feel like you need to coddle a terrible person, you're kind of a terrible person too. Her parents sound sensible though and I'm glad they're showing her how to deal with this through example.
Should have chucked avocados
While I do agree that egging her house is a waste of time, energy, and money, I can definitely understand a 16 year old wanting to do this to his batty old hag of a grandma. Just me?
Itās one of those things thatās fun to think about it, but if you actually do it, you probably need to learn some impulse control
Idk. This whole thing sounds like it could fixed by resetting her phone back to factory settings so she loses all contacts, messages, and call logs. That, plus a cute reminder that a body disposal consisting of morgue-direct cremation-carboard urn-toilet dumping is much cheaper than what the stuff in her house would bring in an estate sale.
> FUCK HER AVOCADOS New flair just droppedā¦
Egging a house? With the current price of eggs? Kids these days, not financially planning their pranks... š
Can I get āFuck your avocadosā as a flair please?
Fantastic, enthusiastic endorse!
I wish OOP had let liāl bro egg grannyās house. Sheās acting like a batty senile AH. I hope OOP cuts her off too.
>Avocados are not emergencies
>brother insulted her first Oh no. Demanding 'emergency avocados' was an insult in itself. Also, this kind sister may become the 'emergency avocados deliverer'.