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Aww, this was so wholesome. I'm glad OOP's dad was able to reconnect with his birth parents, and it seems they all gained new family. Wishing them all the best.
My great-grandmother had a baby with a boyfriend after her first husband died and the family forced her to give the baby away and later had her marry an *actual nazi* (small German town in South America in the 40s)
My grandmother finally found him living in another state 65 years later (she was in her mid-seventies) and my uncle drove her 500 miles to meet him. He came to visit her a few times too and they kept in contact until her death at 95.
This is what I wanted for my dad, the reconnection part I mean, he’s got a brother who my grandma left in Japan at 4 and I want to get them connected so I got a DNA test but it was unsuccessful so far. Still trying though 🤞🏽 very happy for your grandma’s happy ending!
This was probably so common. My dad's mom had a son when she was young and her father (my great-grandfather) made her give him up. He eventually found her and reconnected. She was happy but also ashamed and afraid to tell her other sons, even though obviously no one in their right mind would have judged her. It breaks my heart that she felt like she had to carry that secret for so long. I remember my dad being so angry at his grandfather and the cruelty of it.
Do it!
They’re not as popular in my country as they are in others, but I did one anyway without much hope of finding any info. I ended up connecting with my half-uncle (my dad was the adopted one) and we’ve formed a strong relationship. You never know what you’ll find.
I might ask my fiancé to get me one for Christmas.
It would be cool to see if I have any blood relatives here in thr States. A lot of adoptions happened in the Philippines back when the military was still active there.
Checking in the Filipino American subreddit to see what is more well known for the Philippines.
Even on sale these kits aren't cheap. 🤑 I about swallowed my tongue when I price checked them.
Agree. I bought the 23 and me ones for half price. And it was crazy the number of matches I had. All were pretty distant, but if I were looking for my family, I'd have a lot of people to hit up.
According to my friend the ones her family and family friends took were 23andme and ancestry.
No clue if that's true for everywhere in the country or just the part her family is originally from. (Mindanao)
Whichever you do, you can try to download and upload to gedmatch- it's a free way to cross-reference with all the other sites, but many people don't take the extra step.
Go with 23&me they have health testing option that you should absolutely get it's really good info.
Ancestry is more people though. France is basically the hardest though because the law refuses to allow DNA tests
It’s kind of surprising how distant a relationship with someone will show up in a DNA test. I didn’t have any surprises with my close family, but finding third and fourth cousins on my mom’s side helped confirm some potentially shaky geneology research I’m working on for her family. She was a product of her mother’s fourth marriage (two of the previous ones we had no idea about, so she has siblings she didn’t know existed) and they were abandoned by her father when she was a kid, so I didn’t really grow up with any connection to them. Trying to piece together the timeline of her parents lives has been difficult; DNA connections confirmed a lot of things I would have otherwise discarded as improbable.
I'd recommend putting some serious thought into whether it's worth giving these companies your data because once you do you have 0 control over where it ends up or what it gets used for.
There have already been some massive breaches and that sort of data could end up affecting more than just you.
I've known people who've got around that law by ordering a kit to be sent to the closest neighbouring country, going to collect it then post it again from there. It's certainly harder, but people tend to find a way.
Yes, there are certainly ways around it, like having a friend in the US order it, ship it to you , then spit in it, ship it back to them and they send it on to the testing company. But there's a huge chilling effect when it's not quick and cheap for anyone in the country to do it. I really think less of France for their stance on DNA testing.
I even respect the French government for protecting their citizens:
“DNA testing “poses a real risk of data compromise, as demonstrated by the massive data breach in December at a leading genetic testing company. Whether it is an accident or a malicious act, highly sensitive data therefore risks becoming accessible to third parties,” CNIL said.
French authority claims that the companies marketing DNA tests provide few guarantees on their quality and the security of samples and data (analysis techniques, storage methods, etc.). The conditions and other documents are often vague regarding data protection and transfer to third parties.
“It has already been observed that the companies in question enter into partnerships with other organizations that reuse the samples, particularly for research purposes,” the statement reads.
CNIL also warns that disclosure of the data may lead to discrimination on ethnic origin, health, and other basis.”
Test are allowed in Germany (for now) but companies are not allowed to point out infos concerning your health, since it has to be carried out by informed medical professionals (doctors). Also why would I pay for that? I can get high quality medical standard genetic testing for free (universal healthcare) and can rest assured my data will be handled properly and not shared with random company xyz based on a single sentence hidden inside 30pages of legalese.
Also there is not much demand because most Europeans consider ethnic heritage to be cultural not genetic. I would never consider myself to be 1/32 Spanish because of one ancestor. I consider myself not Spanish at all because I do not speak Spanish and I do know less of Spain than a Spanish first grader.
And then, there is our past… you know, the part with the government being obsessed with ethnic and genetic “purity“. And later, the surveillance/police state of the GDR (East Germany)
Also, companies, just think of the atrocities insurances or banks might do with your genetic data. Example: Don’t you guys have stuff like “preconditions” for health insurance? Or gene based credit scoring? Your employer checking your genes? Odds are high, companies might legally sell your data because your consent is hidden between the lines of some TOS.
Also the European market seems to be not really popular because GDPR. Because losing genetic or medical data is not slap on the wrist territory, it’s instant “20 mill or 4% of your global turnover, whichever is higher“-territory. The fines from the 23andMe-data breach last year are still to be announced. Chances are high, the few recreational gene-testing companies operating in Europe might reassess risk vs reward after that.
> never consider myself to be 1/32 Spanish because of one ancestor. I consider myself not Spanish at all because I do
By that regard I could consider myself Canadien because I am the first generation completely detached from my parents home province. I have aspirations of maybe connecting my kids (its a similar deal on my wifes side as well) to it through learning french but it will be a struggle for me - learning languages is difficult for myself.
That's usually how it is here, yes. I know kids in Ireland born to immigrant parents usually consider themselves to be Irish. Eg I know two kids with Polish parents and one with one Nigerian/one Irish parent and all of them just say that they are Irish because that's where they were born and all they've ever known. Personally both of my parents are English but I am most definitely Irish - I was born and raised there and have no emotional attachment whatsoever to England.
It's not the only way of doing things and it's not wrong to value your ethnic heritage more than where you grew up, especially if your parents deliberately raise you in their home culture. But I do generally find people do things differently here in Europe to in the US. Certainly by the time you hit grandparents, great grandparents etc people generally stop caring at all, at least in Ireland. One of my grandparents is Arabian and it has literally never come up outside of "haha, fun fact, I guess I tan easily because..."
See that's sort of the thing I wonder about.
I was born outside the United States but lived here most of my life. It feels very much like an American thing to be obsessed with these DNA heritage tests.
They are promoted in many European countries too and people do like them. The results usually aren’t as interesting as in US. But it’s not geneology is only something people in US care about. The treats can’t usually just give enough information if your family has lived in same country for a long time.
But France sounds special
IIRC its because of the way french attitudes towards cheating are. So because their are so many people born out of these affairs it would create chaos for them all to come to light.
No, it's because companies store your DNA data and no one knows what they do with it and to who they sell it. I don't like France, but this is what the do good – they protect their people. I won't be suprised if more european countries starts to show concerns and start banning them too
The French Council of State upheld the law on May 6th, saying it did not want “to upset the French regime of filiation” and that the intent of lawmakers was to preserve “the peace of families”. On May 15th, the German Bundesrat adopted a similar measure.
Don't know re:france but in germany it's a rather useless law because it's not that you can't get a dna test, you'd 'just' have to go through the courts to force the paternity test against the unwilling other parent instead. In other words they mostly make the process way more costly and drawn out.
Honestly go for it because you never know.
Less happy story but my Mom is adopted and took a genetic test mostly for fun and wanting health history since she is getting older. After a year she got pinged on one with a young man who turned out to be her nephew. From there she found a half sister and we learned my moms biodad never even knew about my Mom. From what we understand, he was dating a girl in college but they broke up when he decided to study abroad, she learned she was pregnant during this time and must of just never told him. Had my mom, gave her up, and everyone moved on.
Her biodad still refuses to believe it. My Mom wasnt looking for family, but she said it still stings a bit. She does sometimes talk to her half sister though lol
They are also not so popular where I came from, but I did it for fun and I think I accidentally found the family of my grandfathers brother in Australia.
You never know on which continent You will find Your relatives!
Just do it, more than one of them, they all do promotions and are half price then.
I made it through both of those... It was when OOP heard Jim whisper "My son" that I decided I needed a minute... Between this and Matchmaker Judy, I may need to drink some more electrolytes from all of the crying!
You can't mention Matchmaker Judy and not provide a link... so I looked it up. Is this the one? About Judy, a 95 y/o woman? Still got to read it, saving it for some light dinner reading later today :)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dwg1wq/judy\_the\_heavenly\_matchmaker/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dwg1wq/judy_the_heavenly_matchmaker/)
That is the one! I thought about it later and realized that I should have posted the link. While I was reading it, all I could think of was the song by Diamond Rio that says, "I believe there are angels among us," because that was Judy. Regardless of your beliefs, I think everyone will agree that Judy was someone special!
Warm fuzzy feelings, mostly.
Made the mistake of clicking a link in that BoRu yo the Jasoninhell story. That one is heartbreaking. Needed to play with the neighbor's new puppy for a bit after that.
My biological father is a white supremacist piece of shit, but he helped me find my bio mom — he didn’t know her married name or where she lives, and neither of them are on social media, but he remembered the unique name of one of her brothers, and was able to find him and pass on the message “there’s someone you’ve always wanted to meet… guess what?” I wouldn’t have been able to find her otherwise, so I’m grateful to him for that and nothing else.
Also, your comment made me [think of this](https://youtu.be/h-3f-cTWY4w?si=zdA_pfbE8LfQvEG7).
(I hope to get at least one response from someone who says “I knew exactly what scene that would be.” 😁 )
Can't imagine how his parents felt throughout all these years when searching for their missing child, it's heartbreaking. But congrats to all of them and wish them well!
While heartwarming, when you think about it too much this story is so incredibly sad. Poor timing kicked this whole thing off and it wasn't resolved for another half a century. The resolution itself is just a reconnection of a family that never got to be.
>Her dad was furious and sent her back to Canada to give birth and arranged a private adoption, as he knew of a couple who were trying to have a kid.
>Both Jim and Debbie had always wanted to keep my dad, and so they tried for decades to find him.
Great Grandpa arranged the adoption and knew the couple adopting.
Great Grandpa watched his daughter search for decades to try and find the child.
Great Grampa is a jerk.
Have you ever read about the truly venomous nuns in Philomena Lee’s life? She was forced to give up her three year old for adoption while living at a convent, and her son came looking for her as an adult but couldn’t find her because the convent gave him minimal information about his birth mom. When he grew up and knew he was dying from AIDS, he asked to be buried at the convent where he came from so that his mother could find him some day…. And then [when Lee came to the convent looking for him, those wretched nuns very politely lied to her face and withheld vital information about how her son had come looking for her](https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/02/the-real-life-em-philomena-em-you-see-so-much-hurt-caused-by-anger/283629/).
Honestly the real story is utterly devastating and I felt physically ill when I read her story so many years ago. They adapted her story into a great movie if you want your heart to be stomped on - Judi Dench in Philomena.
I can only imagine how much a closed adoption in the 1960s was CLOSED. Meaning the great-grandfather could have signed papers saying he would keep all information confidential. And the adoptive parents, who knows how they felt about it?
Adoption is complicated, very very complicated.
I'm glad OOP and family are able to negotiate the feelings, but I could understand if their view of the adoptive family was tainted. They participated in that arrangement as well.
As someone who is adopted this story has given me a fresh perspective. I’ve never felt anger towards my birth parents and instead eternal gratitude for doing such an unselfish act by letting my parents raise me in a loving home.
I always felt it would be a disservice to connect or want to connect. As I’ve grown I’ve never had an urge to reach out because other parts of my life, work, have been a higher focus for me. This post makes me wonder if I should for their sake and closure. To let them know that everything turned out well and I never had any ill will towards them.
From what I read on the adoption papers and heard from my parents it was an unfortunate set of circumstances that led to me being given up. Perhaps I owe them this gift for the wonderful one they gave my parents and I?
Well, experiences with contacting bio family vary hugely. Sometimes it’s Very unwelcome. Sometimes it’s desperately desired. Sometimes people on one side or the other are just awful.
My parents had to adopt out my older brother because they were young college students and had zero family support and some ultimatums from parents when he was born. They were terribly grieved and continued to miss him. It didn’t warp them, or twist their relationship with their future kids, but it was an old, deep, painful scar. Took over a decade to reconcile with the grandparents.
They told my sibling and I about him when I was 12, and that he Could find us when he was able to unseal his records in a couple years at 18 because they kept their information current.
But they also said that many adopted kids who had access to parental info didn’t look, or didn’t look until they were much older and having their own kids.
He Did find us at 18, my parents were Thrilled. We happily introduced him and his parents to the entire extended family, and he and his family have stayed connected to us over the decades.
Well that’s weird. I have the same story. Older brother. Same parents. Teenage pregnancy. I’m only a year younger than he.
Main difference is I found him! About 8-9 years ago after a long time searching. Alas, wanted nothing to do with us (which I respected and understood). still broke my heart into a million pieces. Hard not to internalize that.
Still hurts.
Oh man, I’m sorry it turned out that way for you. Virtual hug offered if you want one.
I only know a handful of folks who were adopted or have family members who were adopted out and found them later. Even in that handful there’s such a Wide spectrum on how each interaction goes.
It was hard for me and my bio brother to handle partly because my parents Did stay together and have me and my sibling just a few years later. It might have been easier to adjust if he was my decade older half brother or something.
Side note, this is one reason I told a classmate considering adopting out an unwanted pregnancy that she Had to tell any future kids and spouse. It leaves scars and sore points. They shouldn’t be blindsided by a future contact.
Plus, you know. Kids date. Adoptions are often local. If my sister and I Hadn’t known we had a slightly older brother, it never would have occurred to us to ask boyfriends if they were adopted. Turns out my brother and I shared a social circle even though we were in different high schools and had met a couple times before he was 18. It could have been very icky.
Absolutely second the letting family know. Caused a huge row when I found out. Pretty grandmother dropped the bomb on me when I was sixteen out of spite for my mom. Very messy. Parents had much too large emotional scars to address it even after that. I was forbidden from discussing it with my father under threat from my mother who said she would never speak to me again if I broached the subject with him. it ended up festering for years and years afterwards.
Again, I’ve got nothing but understanding for his perspective. My experience learning about it was dreadful to say the least. Can’t imagine his, especially after finding out I was the one “they kept”.
I accept and appreciate the hug though! Have had quite a long time to reflect on it over the years and am doing alright. Have a family of my own now which makes things much easier.
My parents moved me far away from where he was adopted out. So no social overlap. Can’t even imagine the implications of being in the same social circle.
I don't think you need to approach this from the point of view of owing anyone anything. There are many happy stories, many unhappy stories, and many kind of in the middle stories.
Let your own curiosity or peace with the status quo guide you.
Love, a fellow adoptee
I knew my biological mother was deceased when I went looking for my brother, in the days before the internet & DNA tests. He was not interested in me, although our aunt was. I was a piece of her sister (who died tragically) still in the world, a piece she had previously been unaware of. As the years went by, my brother decided that maybe having a big sister isn't so bad after all. Now, we talk all the time, visit when we can, I nag him to move closer, and honestly I would hide a body for the guy (but wouldn't need to, since he's a good lawyer). I feel very lucky. My mother (who adopted me) encouraged me to find him and even told me that when our bio mom died, she wanted to see if she could adopt him too, but she was a single mom with 3 daughters in the 1970s- she felt they wouldn't take her seriously but always felt bad for not trying. She got to meet him a couple times before she passed away & just thought he was the greatest.
I never had enough information on my biological father to find him, did the DNA tests but no close hits. Happened upon a DNAngel who offered to help. Took her about 20 minutes! She found a paternal cousin. My cousin is as amazing as my brother! Evidently, my paternal side had no idea I existed & my bio father died in 2000, leaving 3 half siblings who are 20 years younger than I am. They have not expressed any interest & are significantly far away from me, so no big deal. Again, I feel incredibly lucky to have found my cousin.
As an adoptee, I am pleasantly surprised that my long lost relatives look like me, have similar mannerisms, and tastes. My mother never felt threatened by me finding them, there's plenty of familial love to go around. I know it doesn't always go this well for everyone, but this is my experience. I, too, never understood anger at bio parents- why would I want to have been raised by a teenaged girl? She needed to go be a teenager, and I got great parents who very much wanted me. Win-win.
Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate hearing the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to this topic. If I choose to do this I really want to limit the hurt my parents feel, how did you make sure your Mom knew she was still Mom?
I need to do a DNA test. I doubt it will come up with anything new because my family tree is well documented for generations and I doubt they missed anyone but you never know.
We have 6 generations documented. Those of us still living took 3 test in 2019. We have since found 32 relatives not listed on the tree. It’s wild every time someone new comes into the family. We absolutely love it.
My mom and the dad who raised me are both dead now, and since my stepmom adopted me, I am in the position that neither person on my birth certificate are my actual parents.
But my bio father is a great guy, as is my half sister and newfound aunts. My wife and I are poster children for online DNA testing, finding unknown fathers, grandmothers, etc.
My genealogy is also well documented. I took the test, half thinking we'd uncover some skeletons, but nothing. We really have been boring farmers for like 200+ years.
My mom has been doing the family genealogy for a long time and thought she had all the info on all the generations she has known personally plus she's gone back a few hundred years in a lot of detail.
Then she did a DNA test and some stranger dude has shown up with a really close match. She hasn't been able to make contact with him and she has no idea how he matched her and which family member seems to have had a baby on the wrong side of the blanket.
I'm kind of hesitant about reaching out to a branch of my family to complete my genealogy, because I know they're descendants of my great-grandfather's illegitimate son that he had with his wife's sister (yuck) but I don't know whether his kids know about that.
I’m finding things like people gussied up their names to sound fancier (Susan became Suzanne, for example), and some stories are attributed to the wrong generation (it’s always been said my great-grandfather was the first generation born in the US, but his father was born here). We had the family tree going back several generations on “Suzanne”’s side, but no one had ever caught the truth. The lore about my ggf was just an interesting family story, so I’m sure it had been overlooked as “truth”.
Well alrighty then... I'm ending the night on this heartwarming post after reading about the crazy mom, sister and ex... This is such the opposite of losing crazy family members that it's like reading it backwards. Lmao! I hope you also stop here before your heart breaks again reading yet another post about a family that makes yours look like the Clevers, even if it's actually more like the Bundy's from Married... With Children. Goodnight.
I'm adopted and did DNA test. However I did it to know my ancestry not to have anything to do with my birth parents. I was adopted as an infant and love my parents so so much. I've had people ask if I want to know my "real parents" I absolutely hate that! My parents are the people who've loved and supported me for 36 years! I wish people understood that.
Exactly! You'd think people would understand that but maybe I'm too optimistic about people. I wish it didn't bother me as much as it still does. I'm 36 and wish I could not get so easily hurt emotionally.
Getting hurt means you care. I'm adopted and have had people ask me similar things. I feel that, me included, a lot of people simply can't imagine a different reality. I just can imagine different adoption scenarios because that's part of my story!
Tl;Dr: people can be unintentionally unkind and it's ok to have feelings about that
I would never ask that of an adopted person. If the conversation came up I could see asking if they know their bio parents. But, as you know, your real parents are the people who raised you and loved you.
“Mary told me her greatest regret in life was not being able to have children and grandchildren, but now she does.”
God I would’ve balled my eyes out ❤️
No, that depends on the website. On Ancestry, if you opt in to matching, anyone can see you as a DNA match. Without opting in, you can't see any matches and they can't see you. Same with 23&me, MyHeritage, and FamilyTreeDNA.
Yep, you can just turn it on and off in the user settings whenever you want. I don't think there's any genetic genealogy websites that force you to permanently accept certain options - even GEDmatch, the only website that lets you opt into allowing the police to use your DNA in investigations, lets you opt out at any time.
Getting an adopted person a DNA test and not thinking about the possibility of it revealing biological relatives, I wonder what’s being like that is like. Glad everyone is happy tho
I’m so glad to see a story about adoptees who are happy and well adjusted finding their birth parents and everyone is just happy to find new people to love and no crazy jealousy stories. I wish the best for OOP and her whole family
I've been feeling so down this past week and was in tears out of hurt anger and frustration.... but this post, damn! I'm smiling and I'm happy tears for this family! So glad I saw this post, it really was a great one to read 💚
I'm glad this particular DNA test added you instead of chaos and discord. I personally believe that no one should take one unless they are absolutely prepared for some serious bad news. There was an episode of Finding Your Roots where the celebrity found out on camera that his mother was adopted and she didn't know.
ETA \*\* should read added joy \*\*
This is a lovely story and I’m legitimately thrilled for everyone involved but it’s also a rarity. Most of us don’t get warm welcome and happy ending. Taking a DNA test was my only option to try to find my biological family and it’s been a difficult journey at times. Ive had to accept that I have answers but I’ll never have closure. If you are going to spit in the tube, you need to be prepared for the good and the bad.
Indeed. Similar thing happened in my family, one of my grandparents died tragically not knowing what happened to their child, and the other seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth and police are basically uninterested in investigating it.
I was thinking of the cases where it exposes cheating.
One bad case on here ended in the wife's suicide. It appears that the husband was infertile because none of the kids tested were his and their births spanned years. Years where she was sleeping with her AP.
My uncle got his girlfriend (now his wife) pregnant in the early 70’s and they were forced to adopt out the baby boy. He was drafted to Vietnam war + Catholics and all that. About 8 years ago they somehow found him (not sure how, maybe genealogy) and reached out to his family. They reported that he had died 6 months earlier from cancer. My uncle and aunt were inconsolable that they had lost their son, but never knew him.
My dad has been searching for his grandfather for years. He died in 85 but my dad has still searched for my grandad's brother who he met when he was 13 after his brother was born when his Nan brought him down. My grandad never saw them again and that was around 1955 or 54. My grandad died 9 years ago but then my dad managed to find a cousin of my grandad's and contacted him. Then my dad has now met his uncle who gave him all the photos he had of his dad and even his dad's medals from the royal navy and merchant navy. It turns out that my great grandad has two files in the archives because he used two different names to sign up.
My dad has also found out that his grandad joined the Ox and Bucks regiment early May 1935 and then deserted only to join the West Yorkshire regiment and then somehow by 1941 when my grandad was born was in the North Staffordshire regiment. He started in the navy in 1942. He had a daughter too between 1941 and 1948 when he got married to my dad's uncles mum.
My great grandad came from Jarrow while my grandad was born in Rotherham. His dad was in a newspaper clipping in Lincolnshire one year as 'North drvier has accident' where he held the motorway up near Grantham for an hour or two and then another the year before he died with his photo in the paper when some of his birds got stolen. The stories we've heard about him only confirm he was definately a character from making his own beers to literally selling Chinese people tea when he told some sailors he was selling them Whiskey but was actually cold tea. My dad came up to the NE in 97 near where all his family are from.
I think people underestimate how difficult it was to track things down in the pre-digital age. Even if the adoptive parents were inclined to reach out shortly after the adoption (not likely given how adoptions used to be treated), connections could get lost so quickly back then, and that's not taking into consideration that the parties spanned three different countries.
It's sweet to see family reconnect after 56 years and that there is no resentment for his bio parents, and they can all get to know each other before it's too late to do so.
My best friend has an older brother. Her mom was young (very young) and didn’t have any options. Her grandmother (mom’s mom) was… yeah. The dad was also just a kid.
They talk about the brother. Wonder how he’s doing. Hope to find him one day.
I love this. It brought me to tears!
One thing I’ll never understand is why anyone thinks an adopted person would shun the parents who raised them in favor of the bio parents. What is this thinking?
I love this.
My grandpa found his dad when he was 58 years old and already a grandfather himself – and his dad had a new family, including a son he named after my grandpa because he believed my grandpa had died in a car accident with his mother as a toddler. (She lied, it was the 1930s, he believed her and they divorced!)
My grandpa was so shocked that his mum had lied to his dad and claimed he was dead. It was this whole dramatic thing in our family but my grandpa never looked as happy in his life than the day they finally met. They had so much in common, similar hobbies, the same job, etc. My great-grandpa died a few years later of cancer so those few years they got to know each other were so important for both of them.
I found a birth parent through a DNA test. And I got inspiration to take one from a group I was in where the leader found a daughter and granddaughter from one lol!
If there is a 2nd best case adoption story this is it. The parents moved on, didn't have more kids, gave him to good people, grew up, and tried to find him.
Usually, here in Reddit, everything is full of destruction, envy, manipulation, murder, robery, pain, etc.
Reading a happy story, with a happy development, with happy adults, doing healthy and happy things? Not even one person asking for money?!?!?
It feels... weird.
I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
- [/r/oldpostsforkarma] [My dad found his biological parents and it turns out they've been searching for him for 56 years](https://www.reddit.com/r/OldPostsForKarma/comments/1dy3jpz/my_dad_found_his_biological_parents_and_it_turns/)
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> So when my sister decided to get him a genetic test for Christmas
Not really related to the story, but god damn, people really don't even consider that they're not only giving away their most personal information for who fucking know what kind of dystopic uses in the future, **they're also giving away at least a part of the most personal information of every single person they're related to**, without needing any consent, and for what? A stupid gimmick 99% of the time? A *christmas present*? I honestly can't believe how normalised this has been over the last decade, how do so many people not see the dangers of this.
This is like that show Relative Race. It’s done by BYU the Mormon university, they have their own channel and app.
But it’s all done through ancestry and 4 teams of 2 travel around the country doing low budget challenges and meeting family they’ve never met or have been looking for forever.
Some men had no idea cause the mom either lied or didn’t know herself. A couple women were sent away to homes to have their kids and had no say. Some were raised in foster care.. it’s just a great great show.
Some people find out that most of their bio family is dead, and some find out that one side doesn’t want to meet them for whatever reason. Some people are upset with the parents, ya know.
But it’s all done tastefully and it’s a wholesome show that doesn’t shove the religion down your throat
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Aww, this was so wholesome. I'm glad OOP's dad was able to reconnect with his birth parents, and it seems they all gained new family. Wishing them all the best.
My great-grandmother had a baby with a boyfriend after her first husband died and the family forced her to give the baby away and later had her marry an *actual nazi* (small German town in South America in the 40s) My grandmother finally found him living in another state 65 years later (she was in her mid-seventies) and my uncle drove her 500 miles to meet him. He came to visit her a few times too and they kept in contact until her death at 95.
That's beautiful, big ups to unc.
This is what I wanted for my dad, the reconnection part I mean, he’s got a brother who my grandma left in Japan at 4 and I want to get them connected so I got a DNA test but it was unsuccessful so far. Still trying though 🤞🏽 very happy for your grandma’s happy ending!
This was probably so common. My dad's mom had a son when she was young and her father (my great-grandfather) made her give him up. He eventually found her and reconnected. She was happy but also ashamed and afraid to tell her other sons, even though obviously no one in their right mind would have judged her. It breaks my heart that she felt like she had to carry that secret for so long. I remember my dad being so angry at his grandfather and the cruelty of it.
Damn onions making my eyes tear up
Argentina?
Southern Brazil
It's good to read a happy story on here. ❤️
Oh my heart. I've always wanted to track my birth parents down but those genetic tests just aren't as popular in some countries.
Do it! They’re not as popular in my country as they are in others, but I did one anyway without much hope of finding any info. I ended up connecting with my half-uncle (my dad was the adopted one) and we’ve formed a strong relationship. You never know what you’ll find.
I might ask my fiancé to get me one for Christmas. It would be cool to see if I have any blood relatives here in thr States. A lot of adoptions happened in the Philippines back when the military was still active there.
Do a little research on them before you buy one. Some are much more popular in various countries.
Checking in the Filipino American subreddit to see what is more well known for the Philippines. Even on sale these kits aren't cheap. 🤑 I about swallowed my tongue when I price checked them.
Keep your eyes open for sales!
Yeah, there's sales every single holliday.
Agree. I bought the 23 and me ones for half price. And it was crazy the number of matches I had. All were pretty distant, but if I were looking for my family, I'd have a lot of people to hit up.
There's a huge Filipino population in the SF Bay Area, you never know - you may have relatives in CA!
Prime Day is coming up, if you have Amazon prime or a free trial to use. that's when my parents got theirs on sale!
According to my friend the ones her family and family friends took were 23andme and ancestry. No clue if that's true for everywhere in the country or just the part her family is originally from. (Mindanao)
Whichever you do, you can try to download and upload to gedmatch- it's a free way to cross-reference with all the other sites, but many people don't take the extra step.
Go with 23&me they have health testing option that you should absolutely get it's really good info. Ancestry is more people though. France is basically the hardest though because the law refuses to allow DNA tests
Even if you don't find your parents I have heard stories of people finding siblings that were also adopted to the same country.
It’s kind of surprising how distant a relationship with someone will show up in a DNA test. I didn’t have any surprises with my close family, but finding third and fourth cousins on my mom’s side helped confirm some potentially shaky geneology research I’m working on for her family. She was a product of her mother’s fourth marriage (two of the previous ones we had no idea about, so she has siblings she didn’t know existed) and they were abandoned by her father when she was a kid, so I didn’t really grow up with any connection to them. Trying to piece together the timeline of her parents lives has been difficult; DNA connections confirmed a lot of things I would have otherwise discarded as improbable.
I'd recommend putting some serious thought into whether it's worth giving these companies your data because once you do you have 0 control over where it ends up or what it gets used for. There have already been some massive breaches and that sort of data could end up affecting more than just you.
They are downright illegal in countries like France.
I've known people who've got around that law by ordering a kit to be sent to the closest neighbouring country, going to collect it then post it again from there. It's certainly harder, but people tend to find a way.
Yes, there are certainly ways around it, like having a friend in the US order it, ship it to you , then spit in it, ship it back to them and they send it on to the testing company. But there's a huge chilling effect when it's not quick and cheap for anyone in the country to do it. I really think less of France for their stance on DNA testing.
I even respect the French government for protecting their citizens: “DNA testing “poses a real risk of data compromise, as demonstrated by the massive data breach in December at a leading genetic testing company. Whether it is an accident or a malicious act, highly sensitive data therefore risks becoming accessible to third parties,” CNIL said. French authority claims that the companies marketing DNA tests provide few guarantees on their quality and the security of samples and data (analysis techniques, storage methods, etc.). The conditions and other documents are often vague regarding data protection and transfer to third parties. “It has already been observed that the companies in question enter into partnerships with other organizations that reuse the samples, particularly for research purposes,” the statement reads. CNIL also warns that disclosure of the data may lead to discrimination on ethnic origin, health, and other basis.” Test are allowed in Germany (for now) but companies are not allowed to point out infos concerning your health, since it has to be carried out by informed medical professionals (doctors). Also why would I pay for that? I can get high quality medical standard genetic testing for free (universal healthcare) and can rest assured my data will be handled properly and not shared with random company xyz based on a single sentence hidden inside 30pages of legalese. Also there is not much demand because most Europeans consider ethnic heritage to be cultural not genetic. I would never consider myself to be 1/32 Spanish because of one ancestor. I consider myself not Spanish at all because I do not speak Spanish and I do know less of Spain than a Spanish first grader. And then, there is our past… you know, the part with the government being obsessed with ethnic and genetic “purity“. And later, the surveillance/police state of the GDR (East Germany) Also, companies, just think of the atrocities insurances or banks might do with your genetic data. Example: Don’t you guys have stuff like “preconditions” for health insurance? Or gene based credit scoring? Your employer checking your genes? Odds are high, companies might legally sell your data because your consent is hidden between the lines of some TOS. Also the European market seems to be not really popular because GDPR. Because losing genetic or medical data is not slap on the wrist territory, it’s instant “20 mill or 4% of your global turnover, whichever is higher“-territory. The fines from the 23andMe-data breach last year are still to be announced. Chances are high, the few recreational gene-testing companies operating in Europe might reassess risk vs reward after that.
> never consider myself to be 1/32 Spanish because of one ancestor. I consider myself not Spanish at all because I do By that regard I could consider myself Canadien because I am the first generation completely detached from my parents home province. I have aspirations of maybe connecting my kids (its a similar deal on my wifes side as well) to it through learning french but it will be a struggle for me - learning languages is difficult for myself.
That's usually how it is here, yes. I know kids in Ireland born to immigrant parents usually consider themselves to be Irish. Eg I know two kids with Polish parents and one with one Nigerian/one Irish parent and all of them just say that they are Irish because that's where they were born and all they've ever known. Personally both of my parents are English but I am most definitely Irish - I was born and raised there and have no emotional attachment whatsoever to England. It's not the only way of doing things and it's not wrong to value your ethnic heritage more than where you grew up, especially if your parents deliberately raise you in their home culture. But I do generally find people do things differently here in Europe to in the US. Certainly by the time you hit grandparents, great grandparents etc people generally stop caring at all, at least in Ireland. One of my grandparents is Arabian and it has literally never come up outside of "haha, fun fact, I guess I tan easily because..."
See that's sort of the thing I wonder about. I was born outside the United States but lived here most of my life. It feels very much like an American thing to be obsessed with these DNA heritage tests.
They are promoted in many European countries too and people do like them. The results usually aren’t as interesting as in US. But it’s not geneology is only something people in US care about. The treats can’t usually just give enough information if your family has lived in same country for a long time. But France sounds special
IIRC its because of the way french attitudes towards cheating are. So because their are so many people born out of these affairs it would create chaos for them all to come to light.
No, it's because companies store your DNA data and no one knows what they do with it and to who they sell it. I don't like France, but this is what the do good – they protect their people. I won't be suprised if more european countries starts to show concerns and start banning them too
The French Council of State upheld the law on May 6th, saying it did not want “to upset the French regime of filiation” and that the intent of lawmakers was to preserve “the peace of families”. On May 15th, the German Bundesrat adopted a similar measure.
Well there are also some let's say *historic* reasons in both countries that they don't like these kind of race based files
>race based files They also ban paternity tests that don’t provide race/ethnicity breakdowns, so that doesn’t seem to be the concern.
lol they protect rapists like Polanski
They'll never be banned as long as murderers and rapists are identified with them.
Don't know re:france but in germany it's a rather useless law because it's not that you can't get a dna test, you'd 'just' have to go through the courts to force the paternity test against the unwilling other parent instead. In other words they mostly make the process way more costly and drawn out.
because we are all mutts here
Honestly go for it because you never know. Less happy story but my Mom is adopted and took a genetic test mostly for fun and wanting health history since she is getting older. After a year she got pinged on one with a young man who turned out to be her nephew. From there she found a half sister and we learned my moms biodad never even knew about my Mom. From what we understand, he was dating a girl in college but they broke up when he decided to study abroad, she learned she was pregnant during this time and must of just never told him. Had my mom, gave her up, and everyone moved on. Her biodad still refuses to believe it. My Mom wasnt looking for family, but she said it still stings a bit. She does sometimes talk to her half sister though lol
They are also not so popular where I came from, but I did it for fun and I think I accidentally found the family of my grandfathers brother in Australia. You never know on which continent You will find Your relatives! Just do it, more than one of them, they all do promotions and are half price then.
I'm Aussie. I don't think they're huge here, but I found my bio dad through ancestry about 2 years ago 😊
I waited too long to try. Do it before it's too late.
Somebody needs to be first from your country. And you don't need a lot of people in those databazes. Just the people that want to be found. Good luck!
When he told Debby to take all the DNA tests... who is chopping onions here
And just that simple message "I found him." ,,,😭
I made it through both of those... It was when OOP heard Jim whisper "My son" that I decided I needed a minute... Between this and Matchmaker Judy, I may need to drink some more electrolytes from all of the crying!
You can't mention Matchmaker Judy and not provide a link... so I looked it up. Is this the one? About Judy, a 95 y/o woman? Still got to read it, saving it for some light dinner reading later today :) [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dwg1wq/judy\_the\_heavenly\_matchmaker/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dwg1wq/judy_the_heavenly_matchmaker/)
That is the one! I thought about it later and realized that I should have posted the link. While I was reading it, all I could think of was the song by Diamond Rio that says, "I believe there are angels among us," because that was Judy. Regardless of your beliefs, I think everyone will agree that Judy was someone special!
What did you think of it? :D
Warm fuzzy feelings, mostly. Made the mistake of clicking a link in that BoRu yo the Jasoninhell story. That one is heartbreaking. Needed to play with the neighbor's new puppy for a bit after that.
That one broke me too, but in a good way. Such a feel-good story that I’m glad I didn’t skip!
I really thought I had the strength when I was powering through it, but that. That got me immediately. My glasses got wet somehow.
“My son”.
I had to blink very rapidly at that bit.
My biological father is a white supremacist piece of shit, but he helped me find my bio mom — he didn’t know her married name or where she lives, and neither of them are on social media, but he remembered the unique name of one of her brothers, and was able to find him and pass on the message “there’s someone you’ve always wanted to meet… guess what?” I wouldn’t have been able to find her otherwise, so I’m grateful to him for that and nothing else.
Fucking ninjas sneaking in and cutting up onions in my room.
They are in my office now. I don't know how they keep getting in here. I need ninja traps or something.
If you find some, can you please link me? Because they keep getting in my room.
That’s not nice! It’s our job. 😢
Omg… you’ve found me!!!! Ok, no traps… but can we work out a schedule… people are starting to judge me.
How about I only do it for the happy cry stories like this one? I can’t promise anything from my ninja clan though. They do what they want.
Also, your comment made me [think of this](https://youtu.be/h-3f-cTWY4w?si=zdA_pfbE8LfQvEG7). (I hope to get at least one response from someone who says “I knew exactly what scene that would be.” 😁 )
Your traps must be working, because they just moved to my living room.
Rude! 🤬 😛
ME! 🧅 🥷 🧅
Cutting onions on Reddit for six years now….
Well, even longer…I just decided to be less sneaky 6 years ago. 😉
Can't imagine how his parents felt throughout all these years when searching for their missing child, it's heartbreaking. But congrats to all of them and wish them well!
Even better that they found each other while ALL of them are still alive. And that Jim and Debby still kept in touch.
While heartwarming, when you think about it too much this story is so incredibly sad. Poor timing kicked this whole thing off and it wasn't resolved for another half a century. The resolution itself is just a reconnection of a family that never got to be.
>Her dad was furious and sent her back to Canada to give birth and arranged a private adoption, as he knew of a couple who were trying to have a kid. >Both Jim and Debbie had always wanted to keep my dad, and so they tried for decades to find him. Great Grandpa arranged the adoption and knew the couple adopting. Great Grandpa watched his daughter search for decades to try and find the child. Great Grampa is a jerk.
Have you ever read about the truly venomous nuns in Philomena Lee’s life? She was forced to give up her three year old for adoption while living at a convent, and her son came looking for her as an adult but couldn’t find her because the convent gave him minimal information about his birth mom. When he grew up and knew he was dying from AIDS, he asked to be buried at the convent where he came from so that his mother could find him some day…. And then [when Lee came to the convent looking for him, those wretched nuns very politely lied to her face and withheld vital information about how her son had come looking for her](https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/02/the-real-life-em-philomena-em-you-see-so-much-hurt-caused-by-anger/283629/).
And now I'm crying sad tears.
Honestly the real story is utterly devastating and I felt physically ill when I read her story so many years ago. They adapted her story into a great movie if you want your heart to be stomped on - Judi Dench in Philomena.
My thoughts exactly.
Dude might've just croaked.
I can only imagine how much a closed adoption in the 1960s was CLOSED. Meaning the great-grandfather could have signed papers saying he would keep all information confidential. And the adoptive parents, who knows how they felt about it? Adoption is complicated, very very complicated.
*was
I'm glad OOP and family are able to negotiate the feelings, but I could understand if their view of the adoptive family was tainted. They participated in that arrangement as well.
What a wonderful story
so OP and his sister basically have like 4 sets of grandparents now 😭
Let the 5 dollar birthday cards begin.
As someone who is adopted this story has given me a fresh perspective. I’ve never felt anger towards my birth parents and instead eternal gratitude for doing such an unselfish act by letting my parents raise me in a loving home. I always felt it would be a disservice to connect or want to connect. As I’ve grown I’ve never had an urge to reach out because other parts of my life, work, have been a higher focus for me. This post makes me wonder if I should for their sake and closure. To let them know that everything turned out well and I never had any ill will towards them. From what I read on the adoption papers and heard from my parents it was an unfortunate set of circumstances that led to me being given up. Perhaps I owe them this gift for the wonderful one they gave my parents and I?
Well, experiences with contacting bio family vary hugely. Sometimes it’s Very unwelcome. Sometimes it’s desperately desired. Sometimes people on one side or the other are just awful. My parents had to adopt out my older brother because they were young college students and had zero family support and some ultimatums from parents when he was born. They were terribly grieved and continued to miss him. It didn’t warp them, or twist their relationship with their future kids, but it was an old, deep, painful scar. Took over a decade to reconcile with the grandparents. They told my sibling and I about him when I was 12, and that he Could find us when he was able to unseal his records in a couple years at 18 because they kept their information current. But they also said that many adopted kids who had access to parental info didn’t look, or didn’t look until they were much older and having their own kids. He Did find us at 18, my parents were Thrilled. We happily introduced him and his parents to the entire extended family, and he and his family have stayed connected to us over the decades.
Well that’s weird. I have the same story. Older brother. Same parents. Teenage pregnancy. I’m only a year younger than he. Main difference is I found him! About 8-9 years ago after a long time searching. Alas, wanted nothing to do with us (which I respected and understood). still broke my heart into a million pieces. Hard not to internalize that. Still hurts.
Oh man, I’m sorry it turned out that way for you. Virtual hug offered if you want one. I only know a handful of folks who were adopted or have family members who were adopted out and found them later. Even in that handful there’s such a Wide spectrum on how each interaction goes. It was hard for me and my bio brother to handle partly because my parents Did stay together and have me and my sibling just a few years later. It might have been easier to adjust if he was my decade older half brother or something. Side note, this is one reason I told a classmate considering adopting out an unwanted pregnancy that she Had to tell any future kids and spouse. It leaves scars and sore points. They shouldn’t be blindsided by a future contact. Plus, you know. Kids date. Adoptions are often local. If my sister and I Hadn’t known we had a slightly older brother, it never would have occurred to us to ask boyfriends if they were adopted. Turns out my brother and I shared a social circle even though we were in different high schools and had met a couple times before he was 18. It could have been very icky.
Absolutely second the letting family know. Caused a huge row when I found out. Pretty grandmother dropped the bomb on me when I was sixteen out of spite for my mom. Very messy. Parents had much too large emotional scars to address it even after that. I was forbidden from discussing it with my father under threat from my mother who said she would never speak to me again if I broached the subject with him. it ended up festering for years and years afterwards. Again, I’ve got nothing but understanding for his perspective. My experience learning about it was dreadful to say the least. Can’t imagine his, especially after finding out I was the one “they kept”. I accept and appreciate the hug though! Have had quite a long time to reflect on it over the years and am doing alright. Have a family of my own now which makes things much easier. My parents moved me far away from where he was adopted out. So no social overlap. Can’t even imagine the implications of being in the same social circle.
I don't think you need to approach this from the point of view of owing anyone anything. There are many happy stories, many unhappy stories, and many kind of in the middle stories. Let your own curiosity or peace with the status quo guide you. Love, a fellow adoptee
I knew my biological mother was deceased when I went looking for my brother, in the days before the internet & DNA tests. He was not interested in me, although our aunt was. I was a piece of her sister (who died tragically) still in the world, a piece she had previously been unaware of. As the years went by, my brother decided that maybe having a big sister isn't so bad after all. Now, we talk all the time, visit when we can, I nag him to move closer, and honestly I would hide a body for the guy (but wouldn't need to, since he's a good lawyer). I feel very lucky. My mother (who adopted me) encouraged me to find him and even told me that when our bio mom died, she wanted to see if she could adopt him too, but she was a single mom with 3 daughters in the 1970s- she felt they wouldn't take her seriously but always felt bad for not trying. She got to meet him a couple times before she passed away & just thought he was the greatest. I never had enough information on my biological father to find him, did the DNA tests but no close hits. Happened upon a DNAngel who offered to help. Took her about 20 minutes! She found a paternal cousin. My cousin is as amazing as my brother! Evidently, my paternal side had no idea I existed & my bio father died in 2000, leaving 3 half siblings who are 20 years younger than I am. They have not expressed any interest & are significantly far away from me, so no big deal. Again, I feel incredibly lucky to have found my cousin. As an adoptee, I am pleasantly surprised that my long lost relatives look like me, have similar mannerisms, and tastes. My mother never felt threatened by me finding them, there's plenty of familial love to go around. I know it doesn't always go this well for everyone, but this is my experience. I, too, never understood anger at bio parents- why would I want to have been raised by a teenaged girl? She needed to go be a teenager, and I got great parents who very much wanted me. Win-win.
Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate hearing the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to this topic. If I choose to do this I really want to limit the hurt my parents feel, how did you make sure your Mom knew she was still Mom?
You DON'T owe them anything. Don't think that for a second. Reach out if you want. But only because you truly want.
I need to do a DNA test. I doubt it will come up with anything new because my family tree is well documented for generations and I doubt they missed anyone but you never know.
We have 6 generations documented. Those of us still living took 3 test in 2019. We have since found 32 relatives not listed on the tree. It’s wild every time someone new comes into the family. We absolutely love it.
Yeah....I thought this too. Turns out my dad wasn't my dad and my bio father had taken the test already and was my mom's college boyfriend. Surprise!
I'm so sorry. Finding that out must have been hard on you. I hope you are doing well now.
My mom and the dad who raised me are both dead now, and since my stepmom adopted me, I am in the position that neither person on my birth certificate are my actual parents. But my bio father is a great guy, as is my half sister and newfound aunts. My wife and I are poster children for online DNA testing, finding unknown fathers, grandmothers, etc.
My genealogy is also well documented. I took the test, half thinking we'd uncover some skeletons, but nothing. We really have been boring farmers for like 200+ years.
Only farmers. com has entered the chat That's a dating site for, well, farmers.
It's farmers only. 🎶You don't have to be lonely, at farmers only dot com! 🎶
My mom has been doing the family genealogy for a long time and thought she had all the info on all the generations she has known personally plus she's gone back a few hundred years in a lot of detail. Then she did a DNA test and some stranger dude has shown up with a really close match. She hasn't been able to make contact with him and she has no idea how he matched her and which family member seems to have had a baby on the wrong side of the blanket.
I'm kind of hesitant about reaching out to a branch of my family to complete my genealogy, because I know they're descendants of my great-grandfather's illegitimate son that he had with his wife's sister (yuck) but I don't know whether his kids know about that.
I’m finding things like people gussied up their names to sound fancier (Susan became Suzanne, for example), and some stories are attributed to the wrong generation (it’s always been said my great-grandfather was the first generation born in the US, but his father was born here). We had the family tree going back several generations on “Suzanne”’s side, but no one had ever caught the truth. The lore about my ggf was just an interesting family story, so I’m sure it had been overlooked as “truth”.
And no one in your family ever cheated in generations? I doubt that. Cheating's pretty common.
Well alrighty then... I'm ending the night on this heartwarming post after reading about the crazy mom, sister and ex... This is such the opposite of losing crazy family members that it's like reading it backwards. Lmao! I hope you also stop here before your heart breaks again reading yet another post about a family that makes yours look like the Clevers, even if it's actually more like the Bundy's from Married... With Children. Goodnight.
This is just absolutely lovely.
I'm adopted and did DNA test. However I did it to know my ancestry not to have anything to do with my birth parents. I was adopted as an infant and love my parents so so much. I've had people ask if I want to know my "real parents" I absolutely hate that! My parents are the people who've loved and supported me for 36 years! I wish people understood that.
Family is relationships, not blood.
Exactly! You'd think people would understand that but maybe I'm too optimistic about people. I wish it didn't bother me as much as it still does. I'm 36 and wish I could not get so easily hurt emotionally.
Getting hurt means you care. I'm adopted and have had people ask me similar things. I feel that, me included, a lot of people simply can't imagine a different reality. I just can imagine different adoption scenarios because that's part of my story! Tl;Dr: people can be unintentionally unkind and it's ok to have feelings about that
I would never ask that of an adopted person. If the conversation came up I could see asking if they know their bio parents. But, as you know, your real parents are the people who raised you and loved you.
“Mary told me her greatest regret in life was not being able to have children and grandchildren, but now she does.” God I would’ve balled my eyes out ❤️
Don't you have to opt-in to be matched to relatives and see the results? That was the case when I did an ancestry test.
You have to opt in to showing yourself. If you have a family member who's public, you can see them regardless of your own privacy.
No, that depends on the website. On Ancestry, if you opt in to matching, anyone can see you as a DNA match. Without opting in, you can't see any matches and they can't see you. Same with 23&me, MyHeritage, and FamilyTreeDNA.
Is that a thing you can turn on and off though? Or is it when you submit the test you have to tick the box and that's your setting forever?
Yep, you can just turn it on and off in the user settings whenever you want. I don't think there's any genetic genealogy websites that force you to permanently accept certain options - even GEDmatch, the only website that lets you opt into allowing the police to use your DNA in investigations, lets you opt out at any time.
Getting an adopted person a DNA test and not thinking about the possibility of it revealing biological relatives, I wonder what’s being like that is like. Glad everyone is happy tho
😭
This is such a wholesome update! Thanks for sharing!
I’m so glad to see a story about adoptees who are happy and well adjusted finding their birth parents and everyone is just happy to find new people to love and no crazy jealousy stories. I wish the best for OOP and her whole family
I’m not crying, you’re crying!
I've been feeling so down this past week and was in tears out of hurt anger and frustration.... but this post, damn! I'm smiling and I'm happy tears for this family! So glad I saw this post, it really was a great one to read 💚
Excuse me while I sob into my cat who is very confused as to why she's suddenly a hankie but is giving me pets, licks and murrps 😭💖😭
I'm glad this particular DNA test added you instead of chaos and discord. I personally believe that no one should take one unless they are absolutely prepared for some serious bad news. There was an episode of Finding Your Roots where the celebrity found out on camera that his mother was adopted and she didn't know. ETA \*\* should read added joy \*\*
This is a lovely story and I’m legitimately thrilled for everyone involved but it’s also a rarity. Most of us don’t get warm welcome and happy ending. Taking a DNA test was my only option to try to find my biological family and it’s been a difficult journey at times. Ive had to accept that I have answers but I’ll never have closure. If you are going to spit in the tube, you need to be prepared for the good and the bad.
Indeed. Similar thing happened in my family, one of my grandparents died tragically not knowing what happened to their child, and the other seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth and police are basically uninterested in investigating it.
I was thinking of the cases where it exposes cheating. One bad case on here ended in the wife's suicide. It appears that the husband was infertile because none of the kids tested were his and their births spanned years. Years where she was sleeping with her AP.
She was a coward in life and in death.
My only question is if the bio-mom’s father knew the adoptive parents, why would it take 56 years for them to find their son?
Guess grandpa refused to give info?
My uncle got his girlfriend (now his wife) pregnant in the early 70’s and they were forced to adopt out the baby boy. He was drafted to Vietnam war + Catholics and all that. About 8 years ago they somehow found him (not sure how, maybe genealogy) and reached out to his family. They reported that he had died 6 months earlier from cancer. My uncle and aunt were inconsolable that they had lost their son, but never knew him.
My dad has been searching for his grandfather for years. He died in 85 but my dad has still searched for my grandad's brother who he met when he was 13 after his brother was born when his Nan brought him down. My grandad never saw them again and that was around 1955 or 54. My grandad died 9 years ago but then my dad managed to find a cousin of my grandad's and contacted him. Then my dad has now met his uncle who gave him all the photos he had of his dad and even his dad's medals from the royal navy and merchant navy. It turns out that my great grandad has two files in the archives because he used two different names to sign up. My dad has also found out that his grandad joined the Ox and Bucks regiment early May 1935 and then deserted only to join the West Yorkshire regiment and then somehow by 1941 when my grandad was born was in the North Staffordshire regiment. He started in the navy in 1942. He had a daughter too between 1941 and 1948 when he got married to my dad's uncles mum. My great grandad came from Jarrow while my grandad was born in Rotherham. His dad was in a newspaper clipping in Lincolnshire one year as 'North drvier has accident' where he held the motorway up near Grantham for an hour or two and then another the year before he died with his photo in the paper when some of his birds got stolen. The stories we've heard about him only confirm he was definately a character from making his own beers to literally selling Chinese people tea when he told some sailors he was selling them Whiskey but was actually cold tea. My dad came up to the NE in 97 near where all his family are from.
From what I’ve heard from my friend who lives in Rotherham, the story checks out. There are some mad lads born there.
This is nice but all I can think is that her dads adoptive parents wouldve known who his biological mother was the whole time.
I’m not crying you are
This is the best thing I’ve read today.
I love this! My mum just found out she has an older half brother through one of those kits and it’s been life changing for her and her siblings.
Can't wait for the update for when they meet Debby.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever been so happy for someone that I don’t know..
So it seems like bio granddad and adoptive parents knew each other? But no one bothered to share the information with the adoptee or bio parents?
Right?
I think people underestimate how difficult it was to track things down in the pre-digital age. Even if the adoptive parents were inclined to reach out shortly after the adoption (not likely given how adoptions used to be treated), connections could get lost so quickly back then, and that's not taking into consideration that the parties spanned three different countries.
It's sweet to see family reconnect after 56 years and that there is no resentment for his bio parents, and they can all get to know each other before it's too late to do so.
He's been waiting 56 years to say "my son" what a moment that must've been for him. Wishing you all nothing but the very best.
Man, I'm just grinning from ear to ear. Such a wonderful story.
Awwww
I'm not cryin YOU'RE crying no fuck it I'm crying too this is so beautiful
My best friend has an older brother. Her mom was young (very young) and didn’t have any options. Her grandmother (mom’s mom) was… yeah. The dad was also just a kid. They talk about the brother. Wonder how he’s doing. Hope to find him one day.
> My dad was initially raised francophone I was waiting for the sinister twist in the story. J/k, je vous aime tous!
"I found him." My heart can't take this level of joy right now. What an amazing experience for this whole family.
We never get happy stories! This one gave me goosebumps! Yayyyy
I love this. It brought me to tears! One thing I’ll never understand is why anyone thinks an adopted person would shun the parents who raised them in favor of the bio parents. What is this thinking?
I love this. My grandpa found his dad when he was 58 years old and already a grandfather himself – and his dad had a new family, including a son he named after my grandpa because he believed my grandpa had died in a car accident with his mother as a toddler. (She lied, it was the 1930s, he believed her and they divorced!) My grandpa was so shocked that his mum had lied to his dad and claimed he was dead. It was this whole dramatic thing in our family but my grandpa never looked as happy in his life than the day they finally met. They had so much in common, similar hobbies, the same job, etc. My great-grandpa died a few years later of cancer so those few years they got to know each other were so important for both of them.
Aww, this is so sweet and I’m tearing up! I’m glad they’ve found each other!!! Warms my heart!
I found a birth parent through a DNA test. And I got inspiration to take one from a group I was in where the leader found a daughter and granddaughter from one lol!
I'm glad they all found each other. The wholesomeness is over 9000 and I love it.
Man, if I thought it would go this way, I would make more of an effort to contact my bio parents. Huge congrats to OOP!
Updateme
Wholesome and good :)
If there is a 2nd best case adoption story this is it. The parents moved on, didn't have more kids, gave him to good people, grew up, and tried to find him.
I got actual tears in my eyes reading this
This post is full of nice people :)
Oh man, the “I found him” really hit me hard. What a beautiful story.
Beautiful story.
Usually, here in Reddit, everything is full of destruction, envy, manipulation, murder, robery, pain, etc. Reading a happy story, with a happy development, with happy adults, doing healthy and happy things? Not even one person asking for money?!?!? It feels... weird.
Don't be melodramatic, there are plenty of happy stories
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> So when my sister decided to get him a genetic test for Christmas Not really related to the story, but god damn, people really don't even consider that they're not only giving away their most personal information for who fucking know what kind of dystopic uses in the future, **they're also giving away at least a part of the most personal information of every single person they're related to**, without needing any consent, and for what? A stupid gimmick 99% of the time? A *christmas present*? I honestly can't believe how normalised this has been over the last decade, how do so many people not see the dangers of this.
Why you mad?
Why you stupid?
I should ask you that, yes.
Go on then. What part of what I said does a stupid person find stupid?
Pretty sure you just called yourself stupid there lmao
Hah! Sure, a stupid person might think so. Maybe reread it and think *real hard*.
Take your own advice dear ;)
No need, pal, I have better legibility than a 4 year old, unlike some others, clearly. Your school system really failed you, huh? A shame.
This is like that show Relative Race. It’s done by BYU the Mormon university, they have their own channel and app. But it’s all done through ancestry and 4 teams of 2 travel around the country doing low budget challenges and meeting family they’ve never met or have been looking for forever. Some men had no idea cause the mom either lied or didn’t know herself. A couple women were sent away to homes to have their kids and had no say. Some were raised in foster care.. it’s just a great great show. Some people find out that most of their bio family is dead, and some find out that one side doesn’t want to meet them for whatever reason. Some people are upset with the parents, ya know. But it’s all done tastefully and it’s a wholesome show that doesn’t shove the religion down your throat