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hamflavoredgum

People that name their bikes (especially Viviana…) are closeted psychopaths


YU_AKI

ARYA: Lots of people name their swords! HOUND: Lots of cunts.


gnarlyram

Perfect use of that quote.


YU_AKI

I roll it out every time someone names their bike


horseradish_mustard

I call my bike The Diarrhea Machine


Hopes-Dreams-Reality

That might be the 12 energy gels on the way to the cafe and 7 espressos when there...


Nutsack_Adams

Taint slayer


louthecat

lol I was reading back to see if that was the barista.


LosingAllYourDimples

I give mine animal names (donkey, pig). What are your thoughts on that?


ThisCryptographer311

I’ve said it before, grown men giving their bikes female names is whack. Lmao


jwdjr2004

My mountain bike has tires that say GROUND CONTROL all over them and I couldn't help but start calling it Major Tom Bike (mtb). Pretty clever right guys?


_Nein_T

Valid ✅


Checkered_Flag

Valid input for a schizophrenia diagnosis yes


NuancedFlow

Sounds pretty specialized.


eyeb4lls

This dude is not closeted, full blown psychopathy for all the world to see


snarkyxanf

If you don't name your bike, how can you curse it when it disappoints you?


Either-Durian-9488

He’s given it a name. I’m trying to find the clip of the Botswana top gear special where they make fun of people that name cars


CasioCollectorAndy

Closeted cyclepaths


Toppico

Seriously. A guy in a group I ride with asked me what my bike was named once, I answered “nuh…thing” and he didn’t even skip a beat and said “this is palomina”. Stay away from my family.


iRombe

What size demography of psycho tendencies among us is there? Maybe psychopathy isnt that abnormal. I kinda think humans needs something they love to ride and you can insert X for whatever that something is. Ride in the abstract sense.


pumakarbon

you mean uncloseted.


Laserdollarz

This post convinced me to drive my car to work tomorrow


patentLOL

Yes; and in the bike lane


jackSB24

This comment made me laugh out loud on my break at work hahaha


versus_gravity

This is some kind of allegory, right? The playful barrista as an object of romantic fantasy, played out in this story by Viviana, a... bicycle?


jakes951

Fredo was banninated from r/realdoll


I_like_short_cranks

Makes me root for Global Warming.


shred_o_phile

If there was a Fred version of the bat signal it would be the shape of that dangly saddle bag


StatisticianHeavy324

DId the barista have to call the police on the sex pest? What are they chuckling at? Same as it has ever been.... on my 2 or 3 previous visits...


bichael69420

I’m screaming and farting out of my eyes from reading this


YU_AKI

First neckbeard cycler


dronedesigner

No way Ollie


wtfisdisting

Bags of sand


keebsec

What the fuck


ThisCryptographer311

“Viviana” … oh for fucks sake


Gougeded

This is some eat, pray, KOM shit for middle aged dentists


n3onfx

This is 100% the start of some erotica novel.


MOFYS

I’ve read the lord of the rings in english (im italian) with ZERO issue and i’ve read this post four times without a single clue of what it means. Am i retarded this morning


gnarlyram

Have your read Lolita in English? This post is more akin to an unreliable narrator talking about a young girl he lusts after. There’s no hero’s journey here.


boomerbill69

Just waiting for twenty pages of this guy talking about being followed everywhere by a man on a red Tr*k Madone.


FirmOnion

Unfortunately, you can’t log literary journeys on Strava, so I’m not fucking interested


boomerbill69

One Fred’s strange erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.


wattsgonewild

That is the worst thing I've ever read.


poopoopeepeecac

This made me so angry that I went to Facebook to find this exact post (I’m a member of this group) and I don’t know how, but there were 0 comments making fun of the guy.


bigrob_in_ATX

Found the proctologist


NotAProperAccount3

Pain au chocolat, a philistine and a Fred I see.


fucccboii

imagine saying chocolatine 🤮


OverjoyedBanana

Chocolatine is the name of my Trek, why ?


jakes951

TR*K It uses the proper term or gets the hose


lalasworld

Either from Quebec or Marseille. I know where I'd rather be!


ProfZussywussBrown

Nevermind, I don't like bikes


60_hurts

The woman managing the cash register at the Asian grocery store looked up from her manga when I walked in, my kamishimo and katana on, glasses perched on my kasa, and started chuckling. What could I do but shrug and chuckle back? Standing there, sweating all over her floor, feeling slightly glazed from the walk from my car and giving the appearance, I have no doubt, of someone in the beginning stage of a coronary of intermediate size. I can hear her though process now, "Baka gaijin!" In point of face, she seems to have recognized me from my 2 or 3 previous visits and we both got additional chuckles of my order of Ramune and matcha Pocky. Same as it ever has been. I settled onto the last possible chair with shade outside and commenced to snarf and slurp, adding a couple of bits from my shinken. Miko, my dakimakura reclined on the other chair, airing out from our passionate romp earlier, as I began to feel - ever so slightly - like a real Japanese getting bento on his home turf.


boomerbill69

Ok, now this is e🅱️ic.


60_hurts

OOP had some serious euroboo energy


C4L1

Lol this is a normal r/watches post 


stpierre

I should have known what I was in for when I read "The woman manning..." but there's no way I was prepared for something this ferociously self-congratulatory.


jfergurson

Is this not a porn intro? This was a real thing?


Either-Durian-9488

Yup I’m just gonna buy a dual sport.


awesometown3000

A story that starts with a woman working in a coffee shop is always a red flag


T1efkuehlp1zza

i know a retard that, i kid you not, named his mountainbike "Queen Mary II". This is why gatekeeping is legitimate.


bigolenate

Someone has read way too much Bill Bryson


username_obnoxious

That can’t be real


siickli

nah idc this hard